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      Warning: Repeated exposure to the Red Ring of Death may cause permanent psychological scarring and deep psychosis. Just don't blame Bill Gates afterwards.

Xbox 360

Xbox 360 is Microsoft's second attempt at a gaming console. The term "360" used in its title is suggestive that its development, based on improving the design of its predecessor, the Xbox, went around in a circle and changed nothing at all. A prominent feature of the Xbox 360 is its integrated Xbox Live service that allows players to abuse each other online and download content such as arcade games, game demos, viruses, trailers, TV shows, pornography and movies.

The powerful Xbox 360 is capable of millions of calculations, including the ability to count to four for example.

Other major features of the console include its Windows Media Center multimedia capabilities (encouraging you to buy Microsoft computers), mandatory support of high definition in all games (making standard definition appear obsolete, encouraging you to buy a new TV), movie rentals (encouraging you to buy from Microsoft's Xbox Live system), game downloads from its online marketplace (encouraging you to buy Microsoft's video games) and the ability to watch movies on the (now discontinued) HD DVD format via an add-on drive (although Sony have since proved Microsoft backed the wrong horse, Microsoft still encourages you to buy HD add-on drives and HD-Disc formats). People who use more than one of these services are approximately $2,300 in debt.

A typical Xbox 360 game. Originally a football simulator, this is one of the many games on which Microsoft made last-minute adjustments with Microsoft Word (and MS Paint for major texture editing) to market it as a TPS.

The Xbox 360 was officially unveiled on MTV on May 12, 2005, with detailed launch and game information divulged later that month at the Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3), receiving lukewarm response and a compulsory 5-second applause from the audience. Surprisingly to many game analysts and developers, the console sold out completely upon release in all regions except in Japan, and, as of October, 2009, over 34 million units have been sold worldwide. The Xbox 360 is currently available in two configurations—the "Arkade" and the "E-l33t"—and each has its own selection of useless but highly customizable accessories.

Is this real or just for fun? Codenamed during development as Xenubox, Xbox 2, Xbox FS (Fat Station), Xbox Episode 2: Microsoft Strikes Back, Xbox Next, and NextBox, the Xbox 360 was conceived in early 2003. Gates originally conceived simply just selling the original Xbox again, but with a different cardboard box packaging to fool consumers into thinking they were buying something new. However, his market-research team warned him that if this genius idea was exposed, the consequences could be disastrous for Microsoft. Gates then pursued a new direction, and strived to create a console that would be able to justify its inclusion in the league of next-generation gaming by having one thing: Better Graphics.

During development, Bill Gates got slightly carried away with himself and integrated even more new features than the aforementioned graphics improvement. The Xbox 360 is powered by a 3.2 GHz PowerPC Tri-Core Xenu processor which are more commonly used in 347 Jet airliners, subsequently making the noise from the console's fan system similar to an aircraft taking off. Rather than acknowledge this as the complete irritation that it is, Gates kept the feature, as he felt the extra noise made the the console powering up sound more grand, more exciting, more powerful... and more expensive! Bill Gates also did extensive market research by observing small focus groups of families and friends playing on the Xbox 360 together. Through this, he came up with the idea of using wireless controllers to solve the problem of gamers trying to strangle each other with the controller cables.

The Xbox 360 can also act as central heating system to ensure you room stays at a constant 50 degrees C all year round. Adding some coals and water can convert the Xbox 360 into your very own Swedish style sauna, or an be used to make fantastic boiled eggs. Included in the console is a complex algorithm that ensures 1 in every 6 disc loads will result in a disk scratched beyond repair, meaning the user has an excuse to treat themselves to a replacement game, making sure their collection never gathers dust for long. Gates also implemented the same idea with the Xbox itself, giving it a built-in lifespan of 6 months.

Feeling highly experimental, Bill Gates also tried to introduce different social classes to gaming by releasing alternate versions of the Xbox 360.

Red Ring of Death

Red Ring of Death: One of the greatest stimulants of aggression know to humanity.

Red Ring Of Death is the condition all Xbox 360 gamers dread. It shows the Xbox has been infected by ghosts via a miscellaneous game update or random Microsoft Blue Screen of Death moment. The Red Ring of Death was actually created by Playstation 3 fanboys so that they could have something to flame Xbox 360 users with in online forums. This however, was a moot point as everyone in the gaming community soon realized, as the 360 has so many weak points. Before the Red Ring of Death, Playstation users would point out "The PS3 has better graphics", or "PS3 network is free", citing the plentiful evidence supporting those facts. Now, PS3 users prefer to point out -correctly - "The 360 has crap reliability" "RRoD is still at 30%+" or "The 360 doesn't even work". Therefore, it will refuse to play any game because the 360 will scratch the game disc. It is shown by 3 red lights where there should be green. In all communities, the Red Ring is more evil than Satan, the Anti-Christ and Khan (from Star Trek) combined. Other cults have been formed that worship the Red Ring, like those Satanists, but are persecuted on every imaginable forum on the net. You know you're reeeeaaaalllllyyyy sad when you get bagged out by nerds. The Red Ring also means that your X-Box 360 has acquired AIDS and transmitted it to everybody you've ever seen, including that prick in the mirror!

When you get "Red Ringed"

The Red Ring of Death is the most traumatizing time of your life if you are a hardcore nerd i.e twat. If you have a real life, you can cope because, if you're clever, you still have the receipt and can get it fixed. However, you own a console that relies entirely on multi-format games a 4th rate "exclusives", so when RROD strikes, you're fucked. The only cure for being "Red Ringed" is to Immerse you head in a bucket of water for 30 minutes or so. That way you will never have to suffer the indignity of RROD ever again and the rest of civilization will gain from you being removed from the gene pool.

In nerd communities, these people are laughed at mercilessly. This has created the "Curse of the Red Ring of Death", where those who laughed at a "Red Ringed-ee" get the dreaded ring when the original Red Ringed Xbox receive repairs.

Who gets "Red Ringed"

File:Hal-9000.jpg
You never know when it's gonna strike...

All Xboxes will be Red Ringed, especially those that try to play crapbox games. Bill Gates is smarter than the average bear. The statistical probability of Red Ring occurring breaks down as the following;

  • Any Xbox 360 console = 100% chance of occurring

The red ring was invented in North Korea as a plot to force all xbox obsessed kids to yell at their systems and kill themselves. Luckily now they have nukes but the red ring is still hungry for your child's soul hahahahahaha.

  • Elite (pronounced "L33t") Xbox 360 console = 25%+ chance
  • Note: The likelihood of Red Ring of Death occurring is directly proportional to:
    • The number of games owned (and hence $$$ spent)
    • The number of hours spent playing games.
    • The number of hours spent on Xbox Live.
    • The amount of purchased content you own.
    • The amount of child/bestial porn you do not have on your hard drive.

Upon hearing about the phenomenon of the Red Ring of Death (RROD) the Xbox 360 owner instantly becomes in danger of it occuring. Rumors exist that n00bs don't experience RROD. This is untrue, because in their n00bish state, they think they've connected 3 red controllers and reckon it's cool. If they're gangsta, they say "shizzle my nizzle" a few times, ring up their homies and bros and say it's "fully sick". Then they find out they can't play Saints Row and someone breaks it to them that they're not gangsta. Real gangstas play crapboxes.

n00bs and Gamers alike will instantly research everything they can about RROD using the unholy Google. Approximately 1.32 minutes later they will discover that there is no hope. They bought a complete turd of a console and there is nothing they can do about it.