One If by Clam, Two If by Sea

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"One If by Clam, Two If by Sea"
Family Guy episode
Episode no.Season 3
Episode 4
Directed byDan Povenmire
Written byJim Bernstein and Michael Shipley
Production code2ACX19
Original air dateAugust 1, 2001 (2001-08-01)
Guest appearance(s)
Episode chronology
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Family Guy (season 3)
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"One If by Clam, Two If by Sea" is the fourth episode of the third season of the animated comedy series Family Guy, another episode produced for Season 2. It originally aired on Fox on August 1, 2001. The plot features The Drunken Clam, a bar, being destroyed by a hurricane, and then refurbished by a group of wealthy Englishmen who turn the bar into a dignified drinking venue. Peter, Joe, Cleveland and Quagmire then attempt to bring back the Drunken Clam, and send the new owner back to the United Kingdom.

The episode was written by Jim Bernstein and Michael Shipley and directed by Dan Povenmire. The episode featured guest performances by Ed Asner, Tara Strong, Hugh Laurie and Alan Shearman, along with several recurring guest voice actors for the series.


A hurricane strikes Quahog. Though The Drunken Clam survived the storm, Horace, the owner sells up and leaves for Florida. An English man named Nigel Pinchley turns it into a stereotypically British pub. Upset over the loss of their favorite bar and failing to find a replacement, Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland, and Joe try to start their own American revolution at the pub by harassing its staff and patrons. However, the English are blessed with the gift of the gab, and successfully convince them to leave. Peter and his friends storm a ship from the UK, and throw the beer cargo into the sea.

That night, the pub mysteriously burns down and Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland, and Joe are thrown in jail due to an anonymous tip-off. Steve Bellows, a criminal Joe arrested, plans to kill him and the others at midnight on Saturday. Lois, Loretta, and Bonnie are unable to believe their husbands and Quagmire would burn down the pub. They subsequently discover that Nigel had taken out a large insurance policy the day before the pub burned down and immediately become suspicious. Knowing Nigel is strongly attracted to her, Lois plans to trick Nigel into confessing. Although it was not witnessed by Bonnie and Loretta, Nigel's insurance agent was in his closet and overheard everything.

Meanwhile, Stewie tries to teach Eliza, Nigel's daughter, to overcome her "common" Cockney accent and speak "proper" English. He bets Brian that she will be a proper lady at her birthday party. After several sessions, Stewie manages to teach Eliza how to speak "properly". At the party, Eliza does, until she wets herself in front of everybody, slipping back to her Cockney accent and making Stewie lose the bet.

On the night Peter, Joe, Quagmire, and Cleveland are supposed to be killed by Steve, they are freed by Lois, Bonnie and Loretta before he could arrive. The men and their wives celebrate their success at The Drunken Clam, which Horace bought back and returned to normal. Lois states that she hopes that Nigel is punished, and he is hanged at the Tower of London while Eliza gets sent to an orphanage. She sends Stewie a letter threatening to kill Lois if she gets out, much to his amusement.


Dan Povenmire directed the episode.

The episode was written by Jim Bernstein and Michael Shipley, and directed by series regular Dan Povenmire before the conclusion of the third production season.

In addition to the regular cast, actor Ed Asner, actress Tara Strong, actor Hugh Laurie and actor Alan Shearman guest starred in the episode. Recurring guest voice actress Lori Alan, voice actor Johnny Brennan, writer Danny Smith and actress Jennifer Tilly also made minor appearances.

Cultural references[edit]

Stewie's giving lessons to Eliza to combat her Cockney accent is a direct reference to the musical and film My Fair Lady, in which the girl in question is also named Eliza. Also, Seth MacFarlane based Stewie's voice on that of Rex Harrison in the musical.[1][2]


  1. ^ Dean, John (November 1, 2008). "Seth MacFarlane's $2 Billion Family Guy Empire". Fox Business. Archived from the original on 2010-09-23. Retrieved August 24, 2009.
  2. ^ Franklin, Nancy (January 16, 2006). "American Idiots". The New Yorker.
  • S. Callaghan, “One If by Clam, Two If by Sea.” Family Guy: The Official Episode Guide Seasons 1–3. New York: HarperCollins, 2005. 140–143.

External links[edit]