Talk:The First Cathedral

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Article improvement

I was directed here by SuggestBot's recommendation to my talk page, so I thought I'd make a few recommendations on how to improve the article.

The long list in the article distracts from reading. I would recommend that it either be shortened to include just the most notable issues or that it be incorporated into the prose text of the article. It also needs to be properly sourced.
The section "Changes brought by LeRoy Bailey" is written both in an informal tone and in a pro-Bailey tone (e.g. "LeRoy allowed the people to contribute to his vision" and "LeRoy's arrival brought new revolutionary teaching"). A formal, neutral tone is preferable for articles.
There seems to be either too much and too little information about the edifice. On the one hand, a section about the doors that merely mentions that they are energy-efficient and follow the theme of the rest of the church is unnecessary. On the other hand, if there really is something special about the doors, that should be described in enough detail that we understand why they are special. I suspect the problem is that there's too much information, but having never visited the church, of course I don't know.

Anyway, these are a few of my thoughts, hope there's something useful in them for you. Happy editing! --Philosopher ^{Let us reason together.} 04:46, 23 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]

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