|Episode no.||Season 6
|Directed by||Andy Ackerman|
|Written by||Gregg Kavet & Andy Robin|
|Original air date||March 16, 1995|
|Season 6 episodes|
|List of Seinfeld episodes|
Jerry, George and Kramer finished playing a game of basketball with Jimmy (Anthony Starke), a man who always refers to himself in the third person. Jimmy is wearing special training shoes which supposedly improve vertical leap, and George wants a pair so they can be matching twins. George says he shouldn't have exercised because, even though he took a shower, "it wouldn't take"—he's a "human heat pump" and will be sweating later at an important meeting which ruins his career. Jerry and Kramer are scheduled to see Dr. Tim Whatley, the dentist ("The Mom & Pop Store").
At the New York Yankees meeting Mr. Wilhelm informs there have been a series of escalating burglaries of shoes and batting doughnuts and that he thinks it's an "inside job." Meanwhile, George is sweating heavily as a result of exercising, causing him to look suspicious. While Jerry waits to see Tim Whatley he notices there are Penthouse magazines in the waiting room.
Back at the apartment, Elaine has tickets to a benefit for the Able Mentally Challenged Adults (AMCA) featuring famous crooner Mel Tormé. Elaine also says she wants to meet a handsome blond guy from the health club, but Jerry and George claim to have no idea who she is talking about because they "can't find beauty in a man". Jerry is disgusted about the magazines he found in Whatley's dental office, although he did take a peek. Kramer on the other hand can't wait for his appointment. George says he and Jimmy will make good money by selling the special shoes. Kramer tastes some Kung Pao chicken and finds it too spicy.
At the health club Elaine tries to get the attention of the blond man but ends up talking with Jimmy, mistaking his own declarations of interest in her for that of the blonde man because of Jimmy's peculiar way of talking about himself in the third person. Elaine thus agrees to a date with Jimmy.
Kramer visits Tim Whatley's office. Later at the health club, because of the Novocaine, Kramer is drooling water all over the floor and speaking awkwardly. Kramer tells Jerry that Whatley has a new "adults-only policy" for his office. Then, because of the puddle of water, Jimmy slips while demonstrating some "rustling positions" and severely injures his leg—"Jimmy's got a compound fracture!"—and promises revenge—"Jimmy's gonna get you, Kramer! Jimmy holds grudges!"
On the street, Kramer is still wearing the silly-looking training shoes and, still suffering from the effects of the Novocaine, is mistaken for an "Able Mentally Challenged Adult". Kramer shares a taxicab with an executive at the AMCA, who mistakes his Novocaine-induced condition, paired with his problems entering the cab due to the shoes, for that of an MCA and invites him to the event.
Without Jimmy, George fails to demonstrate the value of the training shoes to employees at a sneaker store, as his vertical leap is embarrassingly short. At the apartment, Kramer says he is invited to the benefit as the guest of honor; Jerry and Elaine realize the confusion because of the Novocaine and the shoes.
At a second appointment with Dr. Whatley, Jerry is put to sleep with nitrous oxide. Jerry notices that his regular assistant Jennifer has been replaced by Cheryl (Alison Armitage); Whatley, with a knowing grin, tells Jerry she's at Dr. Sussman's office because "we find it fun to swap now and then." George eats Kung Pao chicken for lunch and is again sweating when individually questioned by Mr. Wilhelm about the stolen goods—who has walked in while George is on the phone with Sports Wholesalers talking about lots of shoes... "beautiful athletic gear." Wilhelm accuses George of being a terrible liar, thinking the sweat is an unmistakable indication of guilt. George, in response, replies in the third person: "George likes his chicken spicy."
When Jerry wakes up he has blurred vision but sees Whatley and his nurse putting their clothes back on. At Monk's, Jerry discusses with Elaine that he fears he may have been violated while asleep. Elaine says she has a date with Jimmy; after Jerry's description of his way of talking she realizes she is going with the wrong guy. George enters, talking again in the third person saying he must answer to the team owner, George Steinbrenner for the stolen equipment.
Elaine meets Jimmy again at the health club. She learns that Hank, the man she liked, is gay, begins to find Jimmy's manner of speech interesting, and decides to remain with him, declaring that she once tried to "convert" a gay man ("The Beard") but will not try that again. At the benefit, Kramer is no longer under the effect of drugs. However, Jimmy arrives and starts fighting with him, slugging him in the face before being dragged out by security, all the while yelling "Jimmy's gonna get you, Kramer! Hands off Jimmy! DON'T TOUCH JIMMY!"; Kramer's lip becomes swollen and he once again looks and speaks as if he is mentally challenged. While facing Steinbrenner, George starts talking in the third person; this confuses Steinbrenner who ends up talking about his lunch and completely forgetting about the stolen equipment. At the benefit, Mel Tormé dedicates his old standby song, "When You're Smiling", to a beaming Kramer.
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- Jerry: Is this guy a dentist—or Caligula?
- Elaine: Okay, so you were violated by two people while you were under the gas. So what? You're single.
- Jerry: But I'm damaged goods now.
- Elaine: Join the club.
- Elaine: I'm gonna go see Mel Tormé with him?
- Jerry: Jimmy's gonna put the moves on Elaine.
- Jerry: I don't know how you can eat that spicy chicken.
- George: George likes spicy chicken.
- Jerry: What's that?
- George: I like spicy chicken.
- Jerry: No, no. You said "GEORGE likes spicy chicken."
- George: No, I didn't!
- Elaine: Yes, you did. You said "George likes spicy chicken."
- Jerry: You're turning into Jimmy!
- George: (irritated) George is getting upset!
- George: You wanted to see me, Mr. Steinbrenner?
- Mr. Steinbrenner: Yes, George, come in, come in. You know, George, I've been your biggest supporter around here and that's why I was so disappointed to hear that you've been pilfering the equipment.
- George: George would never do anything like that.
- Mr. Steinbrenner: No, why would I? I own it.
- George: Right.
- Mr. Steinbrenner: So what are you saying?
- George: Why would George steal from the Yankees?
- Mr. Steinbrenner: He wouldn't.
- George: Of course not.
- Mr. Steinbrenner: Exactly.
(George gestures: so there you are.)
- Mr. Steinbrenner: (mumbles to himself) I don't know what the hell's going on here.
- George: Sir?
- Mr. Steinbrenner: Nothing.
- George: Well, I say it's about time for George's lunch!
- Mr. Steinbrenner: Yes, it is. (picks up brown bag) All right, let's see what I have today. Darn it, it's ham and cheese again--and she forgot the fancy mustard. I told her I like that fancy mustard, you know? You could put that fancy mustard on a shoe and it would taste pretty good to me. Oh, she made up for it with a cupcake, though. Hey, look at this. You know I got a new system for eating these things, George. I used to peel off the chocolate. Now I turn it upside down. I eat the cake first and save the frosting for the end. It's almost a dessert dessert...
- George: (After eating Kung Pao, he sits up slightly) Whoo! (he pounds the table three times, takes a sip of Diet Coke, then the phone rings) (to the caller) Oh, man! (pauses) It's George.
- Kramer: (slurring) He's got a new policy: Adults only.
- Jerry: Adults Only? What the hell's going on over there?
- Kramer: It's better. No kids around, you don't have to watch your language.
- Jerry: You find the need to use obscenities around the dentist?
- Kramer: (still slurring) When they pull that needle out, I let the expletives fly.
- Jimmy: (After slipping on Kramer's drool) JIMMY'S DOWN!
- Jerry: (After Elaine Invites him to see Mel Tormé, "The Velvet Fog" with her) What the hell's a Velvet Fog?
- Jerry: (After hearing Jimmy and George are working on Jimmy's special shoes) Jimmy's got a backer. Jimmy's jumping for dollars. Jimmy and George are going to get rich.
- George: Would you stop with the "Jimmys"?
- Elaine: (Speaking to George and Kramer) Do either of you know that blond guy who's always on that show, the really handsome guy?
- George: I, uh...I wouldn't know.
- Elaine: You know, just admitting that a guy is handsome doesn't make you a homosexual.
- George: It doesn't help.
"Seinfeld Scripts - The Jimmy". seinfeldscripts.com. Retrieved April 26, 2012.