The Caddy (Seinfeld)
|Episode no.||Season 7
|Directed by||Andy Ackerman|
|Written by||Gregg Kavet & Andy Robin|
|Original air date||January 25, 1996|
|Season 7 episodes|
|List of Seinfeld episodes|
Kramer befriends a caddy, Stan, who helps him improve his golf game and offers him other advice. George leaves his car at work, and Mr. Wilhelm and George Steinbrenner think he's been working extra hard. Elaine encounters Sue Ellen Mischke (played by Brenda Strong), an old high school friend-turned-nemesis who is now an heiress to the Oh Henry! candy bar fortune and a "braless wonder". After Elaine gives Sue Ellen a bra as a gift, Sue Ellen starts wearing it only without a top.
Having to take George's car to a car wash since it was covered by bird droppings, which would indicate that George is not working, Kramer and Jerry get into an accident when they are both distracted by bra-clad Sue Ellen; Jerry still manages to return the destroyed car. Finding the car in this state, with blood from the accident, all of George's coworkers think that George got into a bad accident. Mr. Wilhelm tells Steinbrenner, and they begin an immediate search for George. When they can't find him, Steinbrenner declares him dead. He then goes to George's parents and tells them the news, which makes them distraught. Jerry gets a call from them and he immediately gets a call from George; he tells him what happened to the car. George decides to do something about situation, but not tell his parents that he is alive ("They could use a break"). When George later returns to work, with fake injuries, he finds out he didn't get the position of assistant manager, which he was trying achieve since he left his car in the parking lot.
Kramer, under Elaine's advice, takes Sue Ellen to court for damages after the accident with Jackie Chiles representing them both, and only Jerry may stand in the way, for he earlier took a fancy at Sue Ellen following the accident. At the trial, he nevertheless admits (albeit reluctantly) that it was indeed Sue Ellen the cause of the accident. Just as the trial is about to end, with Kramer and Elaine as apparent victors, Stan tells Kramer to get Sue Ellen to try on the bra. Chiles refuses this idea, but Kramer insists that he (Chiles) ask the judge for her to wear the bra to see if it fits. She tries, but the bra doesn't fit, thus costing Kramer and Elaine the trial and greatly upsetting Chiles', who insists (and compares) that it was futile for Sue Ellen to wear a bra over her clothes ("A bra's gotta fit right up a person's skin, like a glove!")
Following the trial, Elaine's female coworkers are starting to wear their bras with no tops, making Elaine all the more miserable.
- Jerry refers to Sue Ellen as Elaine's Lex Luthor; Luthor is Superman's nemesis.
- Jackie Chiles's remark that a bra has to fit "like a glove" is a reference to the O.J. Simpson trial.
- George's father confronts George Steinbrenner about trading Jay Buhner. Steinbrenner responds that Buhner was a good prospect, but his scouts told him he "needed Ken Phelps's bat." The Yankees traded Buhner (along with career minor leaguers Rich Balabon and Troy Evers) for Phelps in 1988. Buhner went on to become an all-star and play fourteen years for the Mariners while Phelps was never particularly good again and retired two years later.
- Armin Shimerman (Stan the Caddy) and Phil Morris (Jackie Chiles) would later fight against each other as Quark and Thopok (respectively) in the Star Trek: Deep Space Nine episode Looking for par'Mach in All the Wrong Places, which aired later in the year.
- A Windows 95 retail box is on Jerry's computer desk.
- George's car is a Mercury Mystique.
- Ironically, the Yankees won the pennant that year and went on to win four out of five of the next World Series.
- When Jerry is flipping through magazines in his apartment, there is a Golf Week magazine with Tiger Woods on the cover.
- (George's Office)
Mr. Wilhelm (To George): I'm sorry to interrupt you, but Mr Steinbrenner and I really want you to know we appreciate all the hours you've been putting in (mentioning the car in the parking lot)...and, uh, confidentially, Sozonkel, our Assistant to the General Manager, hasn't really been working out, and the boss thinks you're the man for the job! So keep it under your hat!
(Jumps to Jerry's Apartment)
George: Assistant to the General Manager! You know what that means? He could be askin' my advice on trades! Trades, Jerry! I'm a heartbeat away!
Jerry: That's a hell of an organization they're running up there. I can't understand why they haven't won a pennant in 15 years.
George: And, it's all because of that car. You see, Steinbrenner is like the first guy in, at the crack of dawn. He sees my car, he figures I'm the first guy in. Then, the last person to leave is Wilhelm. He sees my car, he figures I'm burning the midnight oil. Between the two of them, they think I'm working an 18-hour day!
Jerry: Locking your keys in your car is the best career move you ever made.
- (Jerry's Apartment)
Elaine (Talking about her braless friend): Her birthday's comin' up, so I decided to get her a little present.
Jerry: What's that?
Elaine: A very traditional, a very supportive, brassiere.
Jerry: There's nothing subtle about that.
George: No, no, she might just think it's a gift.
Jerry: Have I ever bought you a jock strap as a gift?
- (Jerry's apartment after the accident)
Elaine: My God, are you okay?
Kramer: I got a cut on my head and I banged my shoulder.
Jerry: I guess I have to bring his car back up to the stadium, if it can make it.
Elaine: So how did this happen?
Jerry: He was starin' at some woman!
Kramer: I couldn't help it. You saw what she was wearing.
Elaine: What woman?
Jerry: There was this beautiful woman walking down the street wearing just a bra. I can't get that image out of my mind.
Elaine: Oh...my God.
Elaine: Was it a tall woman, in a black blazer?
Elaine: Ohhh! That's Sue Ellen Mischke!
Jerry: Sue Ellen Mischke?
Elaine: That's the bra I gave her; she's wearing it as a top! A woman is walking around in broad daylight with nothing but a bra on?! She's a menace to society!
Kramer: You know, my arm really hurts. I wonder if it's gonna affect my golf swing. (Kramer makes a golf swing motion and collapses in pain as Stan enters.)
Stan (Out of breath): I got your message; how's the shoulder?
Kramer: Yeah, it's my left arm. I can't swing it!
Stan: Oh, no. Not the left arm!
Kramer: What happens if I can't play like I was? What about the tour, and all my dreams?
Elaine: Oh! I got it! Let's sue her!
Kramer: Sue her?
Elaine: Yeah, she's loaded. She's the heiress to the Oh Henry! candy bar fortune.
Kramer: No, no, no, I can't. I learned my lesson from that coffee company.
Elaine: Kramer, listen to me. Listen! This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Your dreams have been shattered, somebody's got to be held accountable. Come on, we'll take her for every penny she's got!
Kramer: What do you think, Stan?
Stan: Let's go for the green. You know a good lawyer?
- (Jackie Chiles' Office)
Jackie: So you're driving in the car, you're with your friend, minding your own business?
Jackie: Then what happened?
Kramer: Well, then we saw this woman, and she was wearing a bra with no top.
Jackie: No top? She didn't have a top on?
Kramer: Yeah. So I got distracted and I crashed the car.
Jackie: Well how would you describe this woman? Would you say she was an attractive woman?
Kramer: Oh, yeah.
Jackie: So we got an attractive woman, wearing a bra, no top, walkin' around in broad daylight. She's flouting society's conventions!
Kramer: She was flouting.
Jackie: That's totally inappropriate. It's lewd, lascivious, salacious, outrageous!
Kramer: It was outrageous. And she's the heir to the Oh Henry! candy bar fortune.
Jackie: Could you repeat that?
Kramer: I said, she's the heir to the Oh Henry! candy bar fortune.
Jackie: Oh Henry!? That's one of our top-selling candy bars. It's got chocolate, peanuts, nougat. It's delicious, scrumptious, outstanding! Have you been to a doctor?
Jackie (speaking on the intercom): Suzy, call Dr. Bison. Set up an appointment for Mr. Kramer. Tell him it's for me.
Kramer: So what do you think, Jackie? I mean, we got a case?
Jackie: Like taking candy from a baby.