Talk:Amador Valley High School

Wikipedia:WPSCH/AG

Try to remember that this is not a webpage about the current school year, but rather an overview of the entire history for an encyclopedia. Pairadox 03:18, 31 August 2007 (UTC)

Assessment

I am assessing this article for WikiProject Schools following a request. This is an impressive article, and hence I am granting it B-class, there are areas that could be improved but it still passes Wikipedia:Version 1.0 Editorial Team/Assessment/B-Class criteria. The illustration of the article is very good, there are a few suggestions I can give though. First, the image in the infobox should generally be the logo, rather than it being in bedded deep into the article. Second, the images (except the logo, as it is non-free) should probably be moved to Wikimedia Commons, there they can be used on any Wikimedia project and you can create a dedicated gallery page and link to it from this article. If you need any help, ask me. Third, having the text squashed between the image and the info box looks a bit awkward, I would move stuff around a bit to avoid this if possible. The standard of referencing is pretty good, though not all refs use templates such as {{cite web}}, which I recommend they do so so to help all needed information be given for each ref and to improve the look of the article. The lead should possibly be expanded a bit more to fully summarise the entire article. There is also one reference missing with the alumni. For importance I am upping this article to mid importance given the schools history, awards, and alumni. Following this assessment I am listing it at WP:WPSCH as a potential good article candidate. Camaron · Christopher · talk 18:59, 28 June 2009 (UTC)

I have been asked to re-assess this article. It is coming on nicely, the picture arrangement looks a lot better now and it is good to have all the pictures on Commons. The lead and referencing also look better, though a few refs are still bare URLs and should be converted to {{Cite web}}. This article is already B-class which is the highest rating on the WP:ASSESS scale I can give it outside Wikipedia processes. For the next grade, GA, the article needs to go through the Wikipedia:Good articles process. To do this go to Wikipedia:Good article nominations and follow the instructions. For an article to pass GA it needs to meet the Wikipedia:Good article criteria, which are a stricter than that for B-class. Camaron · Christopher · talk 12:36, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

Thank you for your assessment and reassessment of this article. I've gone through your suggestions and changed the article appropriately, and now have gone through the process of nominating this article for Good article class. All of the refs should now be properly cited. Deltawk (talk) 18:13, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Amador Valley High School/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Looking good at first glance. Will review. -shirulashem^(talk) 19:56, 10 July 2009 (UTC) Some things to work on:

• There's some subtle non-NPOV content. I've removed some, but there's still a little more. -shirulashem^(talk) 20:26, 10 July 2009 (UTC)

• I have addressed some of this issue by removing some additional non-NPOV content.Deltawk (talk) 03:52, 12 July 2009 (UTC)

• There's no mention of any sports. -shirulashem^(talk) 20:26, 10 July 2009 (UTC)

• This has been addressed. -shirulashem^(talk) 19:37, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

• The lead paragraph seems a little too long. Might want to tighten it up a little. -shirulashem^(talk) 20:26, 10 July 2009 (UTC)

• I've tightened up the lead a bit by removing some of the sentences summarizing academics and extracurriculars. I was able to shrink the lead from 4 paragraphs to 3. Deltawk (talk) 21:51, 10 July 2009 (UTC)

• Well done. The article is well-written, the sources have been verified, the coverage spans the important points, the minor WP:NPOV issues have been corrected, it has a stable edit history, and there are some nice pretty pictures. -shirulashem^(talk) 19:37, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

Peer review

Amador Valley High School

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for July 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'm bringing this article through the GAN process and potentially preparing this article for FAC. Looking for comments from editors to see what I can do to pass GAN and possibly even FAC Is the article comprehensive enough? What details are missing? There have been some concerns about NPOV in the article, are there still some remains of non-NPOV statements (especially in the Math Team and Speech and Debate sections)? Transitions are a bit rough - I would appreciate some suggestions on how to make the prose of the article flow better. Is the last paragraph of the lead an appropriate summary of the article's content? I would greatly appreciate your help in reviewing this article and judging how far away it is from Good Article and Featured Article Criteria. Thanks for your time, Deltawk (talk) 06:18, 12 July 2009 (UTC)

Note: Because of its length, this peer review is not transcluded. It is still open and located at Wikipedia:Peer review/Amador Valley High School/archive1.

Lines removed due to lack of citation

I have removed the following lines from the article due to difficulty in finding appropriate up-to-date citations or further details.

• "many new building structures were built, and the school grounds were refurbished."

• A better source has been founded and the information has been expanded and re-added. Deltawk (talk) 22:08, 27 July 2009 (UTC)

• "AP Music Theory is offered as an independent program, catering mostly to the students in Amador Valley's concert bands."
• "The marching band staff includes several members of the Blue Devils, as well as Riverside Community College (RCC) Marching Tigers, Sacramento Freelancers, and the Santa Clara Vanguard."

If new information is found, please re-add this information onto the article. --Deltawk (talk) 17:45, 24 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments from Scartol

First of all: Kudos on all your hard work! You've clearly put a lot of time and effort into this article. It is very well-documented and reads smoothly for the most part. If you plan to take this article to FAC, I advise you (if you haven't done so already) to peruse current FAs about schools such as Stuyvesant High School and Plano Senior High School. See if they include any areas of information that you may have missed.

Below are some comments and questions I had while I was reading the article. Feel free to address them (or not) at your leisure. These are suggestions for you to consider; there is no need to provide green tick marks or get my approval for repairs.

Lead

• Having three nicknames is a bit much. I recommend: "(commonly Amador or AVHS)".

•  Done I feel that Amador Valley is an assumed common name. That nickname has been removed. Deltawk (talk) 21:59, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

• I think it makes the most sense to organize all the info in the lead about competitions together. (Move the sentence beginning "Student groups..." to the final lead paragraph.)

•  Done The sentence has been so moved. Deltawk (talk) 04:47, 18 August 2009 (UTC)

• I wonder how important the final sentence of the lead is. ("Amador Valley's Junior 8 (J8) team also met...") It feels like padding.

•  Done Sentence removed. It felt like padding to me too. Deltawk (talk) 21:59, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

• Pleasanton Unified School District redirects to Pleasanton, California — the link should be removed. (Prior to going to FAC, you should go through the article and make sure all the other links go where they're supposed to go.)

•  Done link removed. Deltawk (talk) 21:59, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

History

• If you tell us that the school and valley are named for Jose Maria Amador, we need a one-word or short-phrase description of who he is/was.

•  Done Amador was a wealthy California rancher. Deltawk (talk) 07:06, 16 August 2009 (UTC)

• I did some reorganizing of this section. Generally speaking, we don't want any one- or two-sentence paragraphs. Also be sure to group all info that is related in the same paragraph.

• Originally this district would also include students from Dublin. During the school's early years, most of the City of Pleasanton was a rural community. It's not clear to the casual reader (ie, me) what these two sentences have to do with AVHS. (I assume Dublin and Pleasanton are nearby communities served by the school? If so, this info needs to be worked into the paragraph.)

•  Done The sentence is changed to Originally this district also taught students from nearby Dublin and served the local rural community. Deltawk (talk) 07:06, 16 August 2009 (UTC)

• Are CASK and MASK acronyms? If so, we should know what for.

•  Done I found the name used uncapitalized in other sources, so I will replace CASK and MASK with Cask and Mask. Deltawk (talk) 06:46, 16 August 2009 (UTC)

• The increase in student enrollment numbers needs to be contextualized — did this require more buildings? Did the school expand dramatically? If so, how much and over what period of time? (The connection between this and the following paragraph can be guessed at, but we should make it explicit.)

•  Done Hopefully I've smoothed out the transition to make sure readers realize that the increase in enrollment led to the need for more buildings/another school. Deltawk (talk) 06:46, 16 August 2009 (UTC)

• If we give some info about Amador Valley Joint Union High School District v. State Board of Equalization, we should give more — before we get to what the judges distinguished, we should explain what case the district was trying to make. On the other hand, I'm inclined to say we should get rid of this paragraph altogether — what does it really add to the article, and is it needed here, or would it fit better in the district's article page? (I cleaned it up a bit, but if we keep it, it needs more work.)

• Because the district was called Amador Valley Joint Union High School District, it's risky to refer to the school as simply "Amador Valley". I recommend AVHS until we're out of the chronology section before the district changes its name.

•  Done I would really prefer using "Amador Valley" instead of "AVHS." To clear up the confusion with the old school district, I've referred to the district as "AVJUHSD" every time after its first usage. Hopefully this will accomplish the same goal of clearing up confusion. Deltawk (talk) 06:15, 22 August 2009 (UTC)

• The two-sentence paragraph about the teachers' strike is valid, but it could use more info — are the teachers unionized with the NEA or AFT? When did they first unionize? In other words, we need some more context to go with the bit about the strike. (Some info about contracts after the strike would be good as well — what percentage of the faculty and staff are currently unionized?)

• Is the quote from Amador Valley librarian Ellen Bell really necessary? Feels like padding. A quote from a local newspaper (not the school paper) would be better.

•  Done I've moved the quote to the image caption and smoothed out the diction in the containing paragraph. The quote is from the local newspaper. Deltawk (talk) 06:15, 22 August 2009 (UTC)

• We could use one more sentence about the school grounds in the paragraph which starts "The school grounds...". Perhaps something about the parade or Hometown Holidays?

•  Done I've added a sentence about the Fall Festival Parade that starts on the Amador Valley parking lot. Deltawk (talk) 06:15, 22 August 2009 (UTC)

Academics

• I recommend making "Enrollment" the first subsection of this section.

•  Done Since the section is short, it looks better in academics. Moved. Deltawk (talk) 21:59, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

• It's good to give a general overview of the racial makeup of the school, or the official statistics — but not both.

•  Done I've removed the statistics and kept the overview. Deltawk (talk) 21:59, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

• I changed "8:48 a.m to 2:55 p.m. on the Wednesday collaboration schedule" to more specifically indicate the purpose of this schedule. If I've made the text inaccurate, please fix it.

• Looks good Deltawk (talk) 21:59, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

• I recommend removing the "Expected Schoolwide Learning Results" section. These are almost exactly identical in every school I've ever seen. (What is a school going to say? "Our goal is to humiliate our students and make them feel like idiots.") As written, this section reads like boilerplate text copied verbatim from a school website. (Most of it is quotes.)

•  Done I've removed it for now, and may add a very brief summary of the ESLR instead later. Deltawk (talk) 21:59, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

• Amador Valley students participate in the American Invitational Mathematics Examination (AIME) and the examinations for placement on the USA Physics Olympiad Team. Do they participate in these events annually? If so, please add that.

•  Done Added. Deltawk (talk) 21:59, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

• A student of Amador Valley has won the prestigious Presidential Scholar award. We should get more specific here. When was it? Who was it? And what is required to win it?

•  Done Sentence updated with a lot more information. Deltawk (talk) 06:15, 22 August 2009 (UTC)

• The paragraph on Advanced Placement should be mixed into the main Academics section (before the subsections), just after (or just before) the info about votech classes.

•  Done The paragraph is now combined with the paragraph on vocational training. Deltawk (talk) 21:59, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

Extracurricular activities

• Given the numerous references to the theatre department and facilities earlier in the article, it's surprising that there's no mention of them in this section.

• If there's no additional info about the newspaper, I recommend removing that section — most of it is very basic info. ("Individuals writing for the paper are students of the Journalism class.") From what I can tell, content on the My High School Journalism is simply submitted by students/advisers — does this really merit mention in the article?

•  Done Section removed. I do believe that the newspaper merits mention, but I had trouble finding coverage of the paper by more outside sources. I may summarize the removed section somewhere else in the article, perhaps under Academics. Deltawk (talk) 21:59, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

• I recommend removing the first sentence of "Athletics". ("Athletics have been provided at Amador Valley since its inception in 1923.) It would be notable if athletics had not been part of the school since its inception.

•  Done Removed. Deltawk (talk) 21:59, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

• The school provides facilities free of charge for three sports... Provides them to whom? I assume this refers to people outside the school? Please specify.

•  Done The school provides facilities for the Special Olympics events. Clarified. Deltawk (talk) 07:06, 16 August 2009 (UTC)

• If we're going to get all this info about the boys' water polo team, we should find out how they placed overall in the North Coast Section/Les Schwab Tires Boys' Water Polo Championship.

•  Done Sadly, they didn't do as well as I had hoped and placed 12/20. Information added. Deltawk (talk) 07:06, 16 August 2009 (UTC)

• If the "sweepstakes" won by the Marching Dons are anything more than names drawn from a hat, we should specify how they're won. Otherwise, I recommend removing that bit of info.

•  Done I specified that they are the top score in the combined 4A and 5A sections Deltawk (talk) 21:59, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

• How urgent is the final score received at the WBA Championship?

• Unfortunately, I couldn't find a source that said that 90.33 was the highest score that the band had ever received. I'll remove it for now. Deltawk (talk) 21:59, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

• It's not necessary to list every year that the Math Team won top 20 in the Fall Startup Events. Just say something like: "... and placed in the top 20 nationwide between 2005 and 2008." The same is true about the activities of the Speech and Debate teams later in the article.

•  Done I've condensed the long list of years in both the Math Team and Speech and Debate sections. Deltawk (talk) 04:47, 18 August 2009 (UTC)

• The phrase "finished fifth in the championship among many Midwestern teams" is confusing. Clarify?

•  Done Changed to Amador Valley High School, the first to represent California at the Midwestern event, finished fifth in the championship.

• I recommend removing the sentence beginning "The bee covers a variety of Geometry questions..." since it's not especially notable. Then you can combine the following very short paragraph into this one.

•  Done removed. I had to move the image to the right to fit within the section. Deltawk (talk) 21:59, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

• Speaking of which, why is it notable to mention that "a middle school student won the Geometry Bee"? Was this unprecedented? Was in due in part to the format change? Readers will assume they're related unless told otherwise.

•  Done The same year, the Bee was for the first time not won by a high school student but a middle school student. Hope that can help close up some confusion. Deltawk (talk) 04:47, 18 August 2009 (UTC)

• The phrase "weighed less than 220.4 pounds" is odd — the first part suggests a rough estimate, but the figure that follows is quite precise. One or the other should be changed.

•  Done I've switched around the metric and old english measurements to clear up the confusion. The Robotic's club primarily uses metric. Deltawk (talk) 04:47, 18 August 2009 (UTC)

• In general, it's best to avoid statements that are subject to change quickly over time, such as "Amador Valley Robotics Club's current AUV line". (You've avoided this well through most of the article.) Instead, try something like "The AVHS Robotics Club's Barracuda line, started in 200X...".

•  Done Changed. Deltawk (talk) 04:47, 18 August 2009 (UTC)

• The paragraph beginning "In 2008, the team made several..." (as well as the one which follows it) feels like boilerplate again. These paragraphs read like promo materials from the robotics club. (Readers will surely note that all three paragraphs are referenced to the club's newsletter — hardly an objective source. At most we should have one paragraph referenced to this internal document.)

•  Done I've changed the paragraph to focus more on the changes to the bot instead of the actions of the team. I've also reduced the length and number of paragraphs that reference to the club's activity report.Deltawk (talk) 02:40, 4 September 2009 (UTC)

• I recommend making the Speech and Debate section just two paragraphs: One about the Mock Trial team, and one about the "We the People" team. (Again, revise the wording to remove long lists of years.)
•  Done They are two paragraphs now and the long list of years have been removed. Deltawk (talk) 04:47, 18 August 2009 (UTC)

Notable people

• Either give graduation years for every notable alumnus/a (and specify that it's the year of graduation), or don't bother. I also recommend using a colon after each name, rather than the current spaced-dash method.

•  Done Graduation dates removed due to difficulty in finding the rest of the graduation years. Colons added. Deltawk (talk) 21:59, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

• You'll need to provide some more info about the Immortal 21 if you want to include the info about Jim Trimingham. (Personally, I would remove that paragraph and just call the section "Notable alumni".)

•  Done More information about the Immortal 21 has been added. Deltawk (talk) 02:40, 4 September 2009 (UTC)

Other

• Since the Long book is referenced in a footnote, it's not necessary to include it as "Further reading".

•  Done Removed. Deltawk (talk) 21:59, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

Good luck with this article. Please feel free to ask if you have any questions. Scartol • Tok 13:32, 12 August 2009 (UTC)

Response from Deltawk

Thank you for your help and time in copyediting the article. I am in the process of making your suggested changes, and will still be leaving green checkmarks to help me see what I still have to do. Deltawk (talk) 21:59, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

Removed Sections

The following sections, paragraphs, lines, have been removed from an earlier version of the article for various reasons. They may still be of use so I will include them here.

• The Amadon

Amador Valley's student newspaper is titled The Amadon. Individuals writing for the paper are students of the Journalism class. The Amadon is generally published once a month. The paper has won individual awards from programs such as the Scholastic Art & Writing Awards, and articles on the online edition of the Amadon have been featured by My High School Journalism's national edition.

• Expected Schoolwide Learning Results

The overall goal of Amador Valley High School is "...to promote and enhance the intellectual and personal growth of our students." In order to fulfill this mission statement, the school implemented three Expected Schoolwide Learning Results (ESLRs): Critical Thinking, Curricular Achievement, and Civic Responsability.

• Critical Thinking - "Students demonstrate critical thinking skills across the curriculum."
• Curricular Achievement - "Students achieve proficiency using a foundation based on core academic standards. Students meet or exceed academic standards in reading, writing, listening, speaking, mathematics, science, and social science."
• Civic Responsibility - "Students contribute to the care of the community through personal responsibility and service learning. Students demonstrate citizenship through responsibility, compassion, self-discipline, honesty, respect, and integrity."

• According to the California Department of Education, the school is 68.5% White, 19.9% Asian American (including 2.2% Filipino American), 6.9% Hispanic and Latino Americans, 2.3% African American, 0.9% American Indian or Alaskan Native, 0.2% Pacific Islander, and 1.4% Other.

• and the examinations for placement on the USA Physics Olympiad Team. A student of Amador Valley, Corinne Tu, is one of eight Californians to win the prestigious Presidential Scholar award in 2008 for her "academic excellence, artistic accomplishments, and civic contributions." Tu was invited to apply for the award contingent on her achievement on standardized tests and was further evaluated based on her school reports, transcripts, and contributions to the community. Congressman Jerry McNerney congratulated the Amador Valley student.

• The Amador Valley boys' water polo team was founded in 2002. After leadership of a new varsity coach (Chris Tofanelli) and guidance from former University of California, Santa Barbara water polo captain Neal Sorensen in 2008, the boys' team was able to advance to North Coast Section for the first time, finishing twelfth out of 153 qualifying schools. This led to a first round bye in their next round, the 2008 North Coast Section/Les Schwab Tires Boys' Water Polo Championship. The team placed 12th.

• The Math Team combines teams with neighboring schools from Pleasanton, San Ramon, and Danville to compete as the Pleasanton Math League at events such as the Stanford Math Tournament and the Stanford High School Puzzle Hunt. The Pleasanton Math League filled five Stanford Math Tournament teams and part of a sixth.

• Individuals from the school's Journalism class edit the school newspaper titled The Amadon, generally published once each month.

Comment

I read through this in prepartion for its FA promotion, and I have one minor suggestion. I would include a note to specify that a 3 is generally the passing score for AP tests - many people may not know the grading scheme. Karanacs (talk) 17:46, 24 November 2009 (UTC)

• Hi Karanacs - This is how the sentence is worded - "The average participant takes 4.3 exams per year and 87.5 percent of students receive at least one score of 3 or greater" - how is it? - Deltawk (talk) 02:33, 25 November 2009 (UTC)

Enrollment by ethnicity

There is a discrepancy in this section: the article claims that "the student population at Amador Valley is predominantly Asian, with a large White minority," whereas the table right next to it shows the reverse (17% Asian, 68% white). Brutannica (talk) 02:26, 19 June 2012 (UTC)

Wikipedia's standards are AMAZING

Really - a walking advertisement for a high school nobody's ever heard of makes front page, and of course Wikipedia's War on Webcomics continues - Hats off to your priorities! 82.8.52.22 (talk) 17:47, 19 June 2012 (UTC)