Wikipedia:WikiProject LGBT studies/Peer review

The LGBT WikiProject peer review articles on request. This is to encourage better articles by having contributors who may not have worked on articles to examine them and provide ideas for further improvement. It is intended for high-quality articles that have already undergone extensive work, often as a way of preparing a featured article candidate - however, the process is highly flexible and can deal with articles of any quality though requesting reviews on very short articles may not be productive as there is little for readers to comment on. This process is not an academic peer review by a group of experts in a particular subject, and articles that undergo this process should not be assumed to have greater authority than any other.

Many articles which are supported by the LGBT Wikiproject are also within the scope of other WikiProjects, many of which have peer reviews departments are well. The peer review chosen is entirely at the discretion of the editor concerned.

Active Peer reviewers

If you are having trouble getting reviews, please contact any of the editors below and they will be happy to help you if they can.

1. Ashlux (talk · contribs)
2. Raystorm (talk · contribs)
3. neagley (talk · contribs)

Instructions

Requesting a review

1. Add |peer-review=yes to the {{LGBTProject}} project banner at the top of the article's talk page.
2. From there, click on the word "currently" that appears in the template. This will open a page to discuss the review of your article.
3. Place === [[Name of nominated article]] === at the top.
4. Below it, write your reason for nominating the article, whether you're interested in a general review or are intending to nominate for GA/FA, and then sign by using four tildes (~~~~).
5. Add {{Wikipedia:WikiProject LGBT studies/Peer review/Name of nominated article}} at the top of the list of requests on this page.

If an article has already had a peer review:

1. Move the existing subpage (Wikipedia:WikiProject LGBT studies/Peer review/Name of nominated article) to an archive (Wikipedia:WikiProject LGBT studies/Peer review/Name of nominated article/Archive 1).
2. Follow the instructions for making a request above using the redirect left behind.
3. Be sure to provide a link to the last archive at the top of the request (e.g. "Previously peer reviewed here.").

Reviewing

Everyone, not just WikiProject members, is encouraged to comment on any request listed here. To comment on an article, please add a new section (using ==== [[User:Your name|Your name]] ====) for your comments. This helps to organise responses.

Archiving

Reviews should be archived after they have been inactive for some time, or when the article is nominated as a Good Article or a featured article candidate. To archive a review:

1. Replace |peer-review=yes with |old-peer-review=yes in the {{LGBTProject}} project banner template at the top of the article's talk page
2. Move {{Wikipedia:WikiProject LGBT studies/Peer review/Name of nominated article}} from this page to the current archive page.

Requests

Charles J. O'Byrne

I made a stub and then flushed it out in a day, and I think it has potential to go to GA or higher. It has been through a copy edit and proofreading by the League of Copyeditors, now I would like to get feedback and collaboration on what needs to be done to further improve this to FA (aside from getting it from 20k to 50k). MrPrada (talk) 00:43, 4 April 2008 (UTC)

Comments by Panyd^{The muffin is not subtle} 20:38, 4 September 2010 (UTC) All in all I think this is a really good article. There are a few things which need to be changed though (most of them are very very minor). I've listed them below in the order that they appear in the article. Hope it helps and good luck!

• Lead sentence could be split into two sentences to make it a little clearer. Second sentence could also be rephrased (maybe with the quote at the beginning?), just to make it sound less wordy.

• The sentence about the book release being withheld really needs a source.

• More lead up to the priesthood part. Why did he leave litigation? It seems to be an utterly random change in careers. There must be sources on his 'conversion' (if you will). The sentence "The Kennedys have also come to rely on him for matters other than spiritual guidance." should either be explained and sourced or removed. I know he gives them money but that doesn't mean that they are relying on him. $1000 is a very small amount.

• The sentence: "School officials, wary perhaps, in O'Byrne's words, of his Ivy League pedigree," should be rewritten to make absolutely clear that it is a quote from O'Byrne rather than an opinion. At the moment it reads a little bit like an op-ed.

• The part about the children being sexually active doesn't appear to have any context in the article. It's certainly interesting but how is it pivotal to the man's career? The next paragraph doesn't actually make reference to him doing that or how it affected anything. It could be rewritten in the context of the contrast between that attitude and his later stance at Harvard and then his attitude again in the playboy article.

• How did the man's superiors determine that he didn't wish to remain in the order? Did he ask to leave? This seems important.

• The sentence: "but his service with Dean had been so impressive that he received a call from State Senate Minority Leader David Paterson" could be written from a far more neutral point of view, whilst still showing that it was his outstanding work that got him the call.

• "As Secretary to the Governor, he is seen as the "tough guy" to counterbalance the more casual Paterson" - Even if this is in the article that is used as a source, it is too much like an op-ed peice rather than an encyclopedic fact.

• "The position of O'Byrne, and his openly gay deputy secretary Sean Patrick Maloney in the Paterson administration, signals strong support of civil rights for the LBGT community" - does it? How? Just because they hired a gay person? How is this relevant to the article's subject? The quote afterwards seems as though it might be more relevant. You may want to add a sub-section on LGBT issues and go into more depth in how he supports LGBT rights. The first sentence just isn't enough to support the assertion.

• The last paragraph may need its own section. The article as a whole is not particularly neutral, and this particular part of his story seems to act as a counter-balance to the positive parts in the rest of the article. It doesn't need to be a long section, but a little more information seems appropriate.

Matthew Shepard

I think there is some room for improvement to reach FA with this article, but I would like to see what everyone else thinks needs to be done to improve it. --Pinkkeith (talk) 18:46, 1 February 2008 (UTC)

• Looks good so far - near to GA status in my opinion. It would be more readable with more images to break up the text - no pictures of the protests or vigils or charity logo or trial etc available.?Yobmod (talk) 11:12, 28 August 2008 (UTC)

Barbara Gittings

Hot women with picket signs! I'd like to submit for GA and I've not written an article about a political activist so I'm looking for feedback that I've covered as many bases as I can. Please let me know if there are glaring omissions. Thanks! --Moni3 (talk) 17:42, 27 January 2008 (UTC)

Belovedfreak

Great article, Moni, I really enjoyed reading it. Here's a few thoughts:

• I would maybe (not sure myself) state what DOB is in that 1st sentence. I say maybe because you've just stated that she was a gay rights activist, so it might be clear enough, but I don't know if it would be better to say something like "She organized the New York chapter of the lesbian rights group Daughters of Bilitis ...".
• There are some names of people who are not immediately obvious to the casual reader. (Frank Kameny, Matt Foreman, Jack Nichols)... could do with saying who they are, and wikilinking them at the very least. (Kameny & Foreman are not linked.)
• The sentence "She was a part of the movement to get the American Psychiatric Association to drop homosexuality as a mental illness in 1972" ... "drop" sounds a little informal to me - don't know how I'd change it though.
• In the Education section, "Despite being an excellent student..." - who said she was an excellent student? Were that her own description of herself? If so, may be a little POV, if not, you might need to clarify who said it.
• In the same section, "While majoring in drama..." the concept of an academic major may not be immediately obvious to a non-US reader.
• I can see why you've added refs to IMDb for films that don't have articles yet. Bear in mind - FAC reviewers don't like any references to IMDb.
• MOS doesn't like flags in infobox.

That's all I can really see for now. --BelovedFreak 22:16, 27 January 2008 (UTC)

BDSM

This is the translation of the featured German article de:BDSM. It has been copy edited by User:Jeffpw.
The missing content from the older :en version was mostly integrated, additional references have been added. Further references might be usefull, please feel free to add. ;-)
Since the article's content has already passed 2 peer reviews on :de and was awarded the equivalents to Good article and FA-Class on :de, I hope this review will help to move it to an higher level. --Nemissimo (talk) 11:45, 22 November 2007 (UTC)

Reel Affirmations

I am requesting peer review for this article because 1) It is comprehensive in nature; 2) contains inline citations; 3) contains practically every citation I can find; 3) contains quality images which relate specifically to the content of the article; and 4) I think it'll be a Good Article candidate fairly soon. This is the first step toward that. Thanks! - Tim1965 20:42, 1 November 2007 (UTC)

Teodoro Maniaci

I just finished copying and posting this article from my sandbox. I would like an honest review and to find more cites, preferably better reviews than I found for some of his films! I also desperately need proof that he has a partner -- somebody may consider this libel! Can you all please read, copy-edit, and find cites? Thanks in advance. Bearian 23:30, 30 August 2007 (UTC)

Níð

I've noticed my article Níð has been found good enough to be tagged by your project since last December, being rated B-Class. However, I've found no information such as a held discussion under which criteria my article had been assessed so, and curiously enough, Wikipedia:WikiProject Mythology tagged and rated my article in the same class half a year ago, so I'd like to know where it's still lacking (and what qualified it to not score lower than B-Class either). In this regard, I've been pondering these issues:

1. I realize the first problem readers, editors, and reviewers might come across is that most of the sources are German which many readers and editors of the English-language Wikipedia might not be able to verify, however I don't think that qualifies them as ultimately un-verifiable by WP standards.

1. I have the suspicion that many of the tags (note even though the "give more sources" tag is right at the top, they don't even specify what it is that they want even further sourced, and I wonder how many more articles Wikipedia has with a number of 80+ references and sources as this one) currently found in the article stem from a problem editors with a neo-Pagan (be it Asatru or Wiccan) agenda seem to have with legitimate and authoritative scientific research and original saga accounts of the contemporary moral assessment and numerous associations of seid magic among Norse people as you can see in a dispute here[1]. These self-professed neo-Pagan editors obviously absolutely arbitrarily mix up the Galdr practice of the Vanir component of Norse religion, neolithic shamanism, and a lot of other ancient as well as modern occult and esoteric material in order to create some completely random "seid" label they intend to practice today as part of their recreational neo-Pagan lifestyles. They vehemently oppose any association of "their" modern-day "seid" with those things historical seid was, as a matter of fact, originally regarded as or equated with in contemporary Norse culture, and don't seem to give a darn about original or scientific sources.

1. Lastly, as related to the first of these three issues, I realize that Anglophone studies and research are at a rather basic level when analyzing assessment of same-sex behavior or even homophobic tendencies in ancient or proto-historic Germanic culture, and as a result they completely ignore at this point the whole religious context and background, while on the other hand quite a lot of modern English-language homophobia studies blame it all on monotheism or even just Christianity while it's clearly a common Indo-European concept (I know there might be some problems to fit in the Hellenic culture but that issue had been solved by Schmoeckel 1982 and Bleibtreu-Ehrenberg 1990 by reviewing the archeological evidences of the process of Indo-European invasion in Greece within a more proper timeline than previously) even more archaic than Judaism, it's just that the Norse and Germanic culture preserved its original, un-rationalized archaic form even longer than the classical mediterrean polytheisms. Even at an international level, the only three sources I can find that extensively and comprehensively cover the issue of Norse homophobia exhaustively along with its religious and cultural background, partly even with its complete Indo-European context, happen to be German (Klein 1930, Grönbech 1954, Bleibtreu-Ehrenberg 1978, plus several more recent German scholarly sources relying on Bleibtreu-Ehrenberg), and all three identify the nithing as the core concept of Germanic homophobia. --Tlatosmd 12:19, 22 August 2007 (UTC)

Article appears to be well-sourced, but all in German. If English-language references exist, they should be added. I suspect that whoever tagged it as needing additional sources wanted English references. I have no idea if such are available, nor am I capable of evaluating the German sources. Perhaps we have a German scholar who can comment? Aleta (Sing) 03:29, 21 January 2008 (UTC)

With a little work this might be ready for WP:GA... ??? Aleta (Sing) 04:19, 21 January 2008 (UTC)

the sources seem fine from the titles, and could be requested at any library i suspect, so are ok imo (although english language is preffered, it is not required, certainly not for GA). The lead needs a prnunciation guide, essential for a non-english word, that uses an foreign letter. Any pictures available? For something so old, i would expect a copyright free woodcut /lithograph to be available (of a witch trial at least).

Apart from that, it already looks like a good article to me. Does the origianl poster know that the projects can only give B class? It needs to be submitted as a GA candidate to go higher. (ah, he's indef blocked!) Yobmod (talk) 16:03, 6 August 2008 (UTC)

North American Man/Boy Love Association

I have questions about the extent to which NAMBLA played apart in the gay rights movement and also I think there are POV issues with this article. Jmm6f488 22:28, 10 August 2007 (UTC)

Content issues should go to requests for comments. Peer review is better after such issues are solved.Yobmod (talk) 17:16, 6 August 2008 (UTC)

National Gay and Lesbian Task Force

Considering this article for B class and ultimately would like to nominate it for GA class. Varnent

Wafulz

I guess I'll review this in accordance with WP:WIAGA

• Writing

• Grammar, prose, and tone are pretty bad

• It is written in first person. It should be written in third.
• "The first national LGBT rights organization, they remained relatively uncontested" should start with "As the first..."
• Decades should be written without apostrophes (ie "1980s" vs "1980's"). Relevant decades can be wikilinked.
• The lead is too short. See WP:LEAD
• It is not properly wikified. It needs more relevant wikilinks
• It reads like an advertisement
• The headers are poorly formatted. Only the first word should have a capital letter (with exceptions for proper nouns)
• There are too many short sections consisting of just one paragraph or one sentence. They should be merged together or fleshed out with relevant detail.

• Factual accuracy

• There are only six inline citations. There should be far more. They also need proper formatting- see WP:CITE.
• Five of the six citations are from the organization itself- this presents clear issues with regards to neutrality and a notability standpoint
• I suggest you start from independent sources and rewrite the article

• Broad coverage

• There's a lot said about the organization's goals, mission, and function, but very little about perception and reaction. I'm sure that as a 1973 homosexual establishment it has had some sort of problems or media coverage. The article is only about 10kb in length- 20kb is the barebones floor minimum for most articles to be considered "comprehensive"
• It needs a history section. Articles on organizations should examine them from an historical perspective, with a fully encyclopedic tone.

• Neutrality

• Written entirely from the perspective of the organization, and written like a brochure, this article is definitely nowhere near neutral

• Stable

• Seems fine.

• Images.

• Needs more images- does the organization have a headquarters? Posters of any sort? Free images are preferred. The organization logo lacks fair use rationale.

This article isn't really close to good article status. It's definitely still start-class, and will probably require a full rewrite with more, better sources.-Wafulz 22:07, 2 August 2007 (UTC)

SatyrTN

I've added some references of criticism, but that section could be expanded quite a bit. Another criticism I didn't include is that the organization is "too mainstream". I also organized it a bit. -- SatyrTN (talk | contribs) 18:40, 17 October 2007 (UTC)

Triangle Foundation

Also considering this article for B class and ultimately would like to nominate it for GA class. Varnent

• Comment The citations need formatting - I have formatted citation 12 as an example. LuciferMorgan 18:18, 31 July 2007 (UTC)

Belovedfreak

This is looking pretty good so far. A couple of things:

• I agree with LuciferMorgan's comment. See WP:CITE.
• The lead could be expanded somewhat, to better summarise the article. It should be able to act as a stand-alone summary. See WP:LEAD.
• Everything in the lead section should be in the main article, (expanded) and as a result youshouldn't need citations in the lead, because they'll be in the main article.
• In the "Community Building Program" it says "our events" which makes it sound a bit like advertising / promo.
• Following on from that, statements like "...this program attempts to instill a sense of activism and need for community involvement..." without citations, well how do we know? It sounds like it's written by the organisation.
• The four events mentioned in that section could do with being expanded.
• I think in general it needs more third party references. Maybe the same ones already being used, but used more often so there aren't as many unsourced statements, especially about goals / intentions.
• Maybe a little more about the history, who founded it, the circumstances etc?
• The logo needs a Fair use rationale.
• I don't know if it would be possible to get any pictures, maybe of the events. That would be a great addition.
• I added "American" to the lead sentence. I hope you don't mind. Otherwise it is not immediately obvious to non-Americans where this organisation is. There are too many articles that don't explicitly state that the topic is American, or British or whatever.

Hope some of this helps! --Belovedfreak 11:31, 2 August 2007 (UTC)

• Yes that all helps a great deal. I'll be out of town for a couple of weeks. However, I'll be sure to implement those suggestions when I return - thank you! -Varnent 02:19, 4 August 2007 (UTC)

Oscar Wilde

I am shortly to be doing a Jumpaclass for Robbie Ross, and because his life is most often written about through the context of Oscar's life, I'm going to be wading through every Oscar biography I can get my hands on. Which means I may as well get some work done on Oscar's article as well while I have the material in front of me (after I've finished the Jumpaclass). Immediate issues I can see are the short unhelpful lead and a lack of inline citations, but I haven't given the article that close an inspection. Reviews with an eye to an eventual FAC would be appreciated. Dev920 (Have a nice day!) 16:34, 27 July 2007 (UTC)

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

• Please expand the lead to conform with guidelines at Wikipedia:Lead. The article should have an appropriate number of paragraphs as is shown on WP:LEAD, and should adequately summarize the article.^[?]
• Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (numbers), there should be a non-breaking space -   between a number and the unit of measurement. For example, instead of 30 miles, use 30 miles, which when you are editing the page, should look like: 30 miles.^[?]
• Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Build the web, years with full dates should be linked; for example, link January 15, 2006.^[?]
• Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), headings generally do not start with articles ('the', 'a(n)'). For example, if there was a section called ==The Biography==, it should be changed to ==Biography==.^[?]
• Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), headings generally should not repeat the title of the article. For example, if the article was Ferdinand Magellan, instead of using the heading ==Magellan's journey==, use ==Journey==.^[?]
• Please make the spelling of English words consistent with either American or British spelling, depending upon the subject of the article. Examples include: behaviour (B) (American: behavior), meter (A) (British: metre), defence (B) (American: defense), offence (B) (American: offense), recognise (B) (American: recognize), realize (A) (British: realise), criticize (A) (British: criticise), isation (B) (American: ization), travelled (B) (American: traveled), aging (A) (British: ageing).
• Watch for redundancies that make the article too wordy instead of being crisp and concise. (You may wish to try Tony1's redundancy exercises.)
  • Vague terms of size often are unnecessary and redundant - “some”, “a variety/number/majority of”, “several”, “a few”, “many”, “any”, and “all”. For example, “All pigs are pink, so we thought of a number of ways to turn them green.”
  • Avoid misplaced formality: “in order to/for” (-> to/for), “thereupon”, “notwithstanding”, etc.
• As done in WP:FOOTNOTE, footnotes usually are located right after a punctuation mark (as recommended by the CMS, but not mandatory), such that there is no space in between. For example, the sun is larger than the moon [2]. is usually written as the sun is larger than the moon.[2]^[?]
• Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.^[?]

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas.

The suggestions above are automatically generated so I don't know how many are generated from quotes rather than your actual article, anyway, I would suggest expanding the lead. Thanks, DrKiernan 09:08, 30 July 2007 (UTC)

Review by Awadewit

This article has some good parts, but many of the lists need to be changed into prose and whole sections on Wilde's writings need to be included. Here are my suggestions for improvement:

Missing sections:

• There should be entire sections on Wilde's writings that explain their major themes and reception. These can either be integrated into the biography (see Sarah Trimmer) or separated out (see Anna Laetitia Barbauld, whichever you think works best for Wilde).

Content and organization:

• I would delete the "Influences" and "Influenced" lists from the infobox. These lists are arbitrary, subjective and massive. Any important influences should be discussed in the article.
• When you introduce people, you have to mention who they are in a brief phrase. Not all readers are going to know the names you are mentioning.

• EX: Here, Lady Wilde held a regular Saturday afternoon salon with guests including Sheridan le Fanu, Samuel Lever, George Petrie, Isaac Butt and Samuel Ferguson.
• EX: as it was in keeping with the doctrine of Art for art's sake, coined by the philosopher Victor Cousin, promoted by Theophile Gautier and brought into prominence by James McNeill Whistler

• Wilde's address in the 1881 British Census is given as 1 Tite Street, London. The head of the household is listed as Frank Miles with whom Wilde shared rooms at this address. - This seems extraneous unless you can give more context.
• Legends persist that his behaviour cost him a dunking in the River Cherwell in addition to having his rooms (which still survive as student accommodation at his old college) trashed, but the cult spread among certain segments of society to such an extent that languishing attitudes, "too-too" costumes and aestheticism generally became a recognised pose. - You might think about explaining "too-too" costumes and other topics readers might not be familiar with.
• Wilde's mode of dress also came under attack by critics such as Higginson, who wrote in his paper Unmanly Manhood, at his general concern that Wildes' effeminacy would influence the behaviour of men and women, arguing that his poetry "eclipses masculine ideals [..that..] under such influence men would become effeminate dandies'. - Who is Higginson? awkward sentence - keeps going and going
• Though he was sometimes ridiculed for them, his paradoxes and witty sayings were quoted on all sides. - Can we get a quote?
• The section on Wilde's arrest is a little disorganized. Also, why not a quote from the famous poem?
• Can you expand on De Profundis? What are differences between the versions? What does it actually say?
• The "Biographies" section should either be rewritten in prose or made part of a "Bibliography" (by the way, novels are not biographies - the novelizations of Wilde's life should be separated out).
• "Biographical films" should be written in prose, perhaps part of a "Legacy" section.

Prose:

• The article needs a copy editor. There are quite a few awkward sentences:

• EX: He was granted a scholarship to Magdalen College, Oxford, where he continued his studies from 1874 to 1878 and where he became a part of the Aesthetic movement, one of its tenets being to make an art of life.
• EX: He also scrutinises the link that Oscar Wildes' writing, personal image and homosexuality may have, resulting in calling his work and lifestyle 'Immoral'.

Images:

• Can we get a better picture of the Wilde statue in Merrion Square?
• The "offending inscription" should be written out in the caption - the writing is hard to read.

Other:

• The lead problem you have already recognized (see WP:LEAD for helpful hints on writing the lead).
• The inline citation problem you have already noted (see WP:CITE for rules on this).

Let me know if you have any questions regarding this review. I look forward to reading the improved article. Wilde is an important figure and I'm glad someone has taken on the project of writing this article. Awadewit | talk 11:53, 30 July 2007 (UTC)

That's excellent, thank you. I've been having library card troubles but I should be fully booksed up in the next days and I look forward to dealing with your suggestions. Dev920 (Have a nice day!) 22:39, 31 July 2007 (UTC)

Not entirely certain where the hell a week went, but I do now have the books. It must because it's the holidays or something... Dev920 (Have a nice day!) 08:53, 8 August 2007 (UTC)

The following discussion is an archived debate of the proposed deletion of the article below. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as the article's talk page or in a deletion review). No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was not followed up on. -- SatyrTN (talk | contribs) 17:19, 14 August 2007 (UTC)

Heteronormativity

I am nominating this article for review because the defense of section is problematic in several ways:

• it has NPOV issues
• it does not explain the reasoning, references, or thinkers who defend heteronormativity
• it requires prior knowledge about a celebrity "scandal" in order to be understood
• it does not engage the material in an academic manner, which is important, being that heteronormativity is an academic construct
• it does not cite appropriate sources

In addition, the section is poorly written. Jmsast 20:50, 20 June 2007 (UTC)

Your nomination appears to imply you will not be working on the article. Do you yourself intend to address concerns, or someone on the article? Dev920 (Have a nice day!) 17:47, 24 June 2007 (UTC)