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Parental alienation

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Parental alienation is the process, and the result, of the psychological manipulation of a child into showing unwarranted fear, disrespect or hostility towards a parent and/or other family members.[1][2] It is a distinctive and widespread form of psychological abuse and family violence—towards both the child and the rejected family members—that occurs almost exclusively in association with family separation or divorce (particularly where legal action is involved)[3] and that undermines core principles of both the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child. Most commonly, the primary cause is a parent wishing to exclude another parent from the life of their child, but other family members or friends, as well as professionals involved with the family (including psychologists, lawyers and judges), may contribute significantly to the process.[1][4] It often leads to the long-term, or even permanent, estrangement of a child from one parent and other family members[5] and, as a particularly adverse childhood experience, results in significantly increased risks of both mental and physical illness for children.

Overview

First described in 1976 as "pathological alignment", the dynamic refers to a situation in which a child unreasonably rejects a non-custodial parent.[6] Richard A. Gardner proposed parental alienation syndrome in the 1980s based on his clinical experience with the children of divorcing parents. Since then, researchers have suggested focusing less on diagnosing a syndrome and more on what has been described as the "alienated child", and the dynamics of the situation that contributed to the alienation.[7][8] In this view, alienation is seen as a breakdown of attachment between parent and child and may be caused by multiple factors. The behaviors of all family members, including those of the alienated parent, may lead to family dysfunction and the rejection of a parent.[9][10] The evaluation of all contributing factors and all possible remedies are recommended in evaluating cases where children have become estranged from a parent.[7][11]

Parental alienation lacks a single definition and its existence, etiology, characteristics, and in particular the concept of parental alienation syndrome have been the subject of debate. Some formulations of the concept have emphasized the role of an alienating parent, termed variously the "programming" parent or "embittered-chaotic parent".[6] Recent descriptions, influenced by the research of Kelly and Johnston, have proposed a more complex analysis, in which all family members may play a role. This "systems-based" view acknowledges that a child may be alienated from one parent with no alienation programming from the other parent.[6][7] The results of an empirical study also suggest that alienating behaviors by both parents are the norm in high-conflict divorces. Rejected parents, tend to lose a sense of warmth and empathy with the child. Instead, the rejected parent is often passive, depressed, anxious, and withdrawn - characteristics which may encourage further rejection. The parent that the child aligns with (the aligned parent) may engage in alienating behaviors, including undermining the other parent. These behaviors may be conscious and deliberate or may reflect a lack of awareness on the effect of the actions on the children. Direct alienating behaviors occur when one parent actively undermines the other parent, such as making derogatory remarks about the other parent, telling the child that the other parent is responsible for the separation, or telling the child that the other parent is the cause of financial difficulties. Indirect alienation behaviors occur when one parent fails to support access or contact with the other parent or tacitly accepts the child's negative behaviour and comments towards the other parent.[6][7]

Most of the peer-reviewed publications on the subject have been in the form of descriptions and definitions. Some empirical research has been done, though the quality of the studies vary widely and research in the area is still developing.[12] One significant longitudinal study of 1000 cases has been completed by Dr. Clawar and Ms. Rivkin.[13] Sample selection bias is an obvious problem in many of the studies. For example, when alienated children have been interviewed, it is likely that the children selected for study have been among the most severely alienated and suffering children. The beliefs of judges, lawyers, and mental health professionals have been cited extensively in peer reviewed literature.[6]

Professional acceptance

Superior courts worldwide recognize parental alienation as a form of child abuse with long-term effects and serious outcomes for the child. Some jurisdictions have enacted parental alienation as a criminal offense, the latest being Brazil and Mexico.[14] Other jurisdictions may suspend child support in cases where parental alienation occurs. For example, in New York, in Matter of Robert Coull v. Pamela Rottman, No. 2014-01516, 2015 N.Y. App. Div. LEXIS 6611 (September 2, 2015), where the father was prevented from seeing his son by the child's mother through a "pattern of alienation", child support was suspended.[15] Some United States courts have also tried to address the issue through mandated reunification therapy; but no federal or state laws regulating parental alienation currently exist in the United States[16] As a result of mistrust of psychological expert witnesses,[17] many courts now require professional accreditation and registration of any person invoking the term parental alienation.

The history of parental alienation shows a developing recognition of its medical status. In 1996, the American Psychological Association (APA) Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family noted the lack of data to support parental alienation syndrome (PAS), and raised concern about the term's use. However, the APA issued a position statement on 1 January 2008, stating that the organization has no official position in relation to PAS.[18] A 2009 survey of mental health and legal professionals indicated that there is moderate support for the existence of parental alienation. However, there still remained a reluctance to accept the existence of PAS.[6] William Bernet argued for the inclusion of parental alienation disorder, a diagnosis related to parental alienation, in the fifth version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, which was released in 2013. His conception makes reference to parental alienation and a variety of other descriptions of behaviors he believes represent the underlying concept of parental alienation disorder.[19] Despite lobbying by proponents,[20] in December 2012, the proposal was rejected.[21] Some have suggested that the general idea of PAS is covered in the DSM-5 under a closely related diagnosis: "Parent-Child Relational Problem." For example, the child's perception of an alienated parent "may include negative attributions of the other's intentions, hostility toward or scapegoating of the other (parent), and unwarranted feelings of estrangement."[22][23]

In a survey at the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts in 2010, 98% of the 300 respondents agreed with the question, "Do you think that some children are manipulated by one parent to irrationally and unjustifiably reject the other parent?".[2] However, Parental Alienation refers not to this manipulation, but rather to the child's rejection of a parent. The American Psychiatric Association and American Psychological Association hold a neutral view of Parental Alienation as a distinct Syndrome[24] and in 28 States of the US PAS does not meet the Frye test for admissibility in court.[25] However, since the Frye Acceptance Test has been superseded by 'Federal Rules of Evidence' in a US Supreme Court decision,[26] a number of attorneys and expert witnesses specialized in diagnosing a range of pathologies (including mental trauma, and personality & attachment disorders) claim that a parent sometimes destroys the child's relationship with the other parent via inducing DSM-5 pathologies in the child.

Differentiation

Realistic estrangement is a different phenomenon from "pathological alienation". The former is an understandable refusal by a child to see an abusive parent, while the latter is emotionally harmful and unjustified.[7]

Other approaches

Some[27][28][29][30][31][32] have discussed a different approach for severe cases that defines a set of psychological symptoms in a child and proposes a psychological explanation for how those symptoms were caused by harmful parenting practices and why a parent would employ those parenting practices.[27][28][29] In this approach, the phenomenon is seen simply as a combination of psychological problems, each of which psychologists understand and recognize.[33] According to this theoretical formulation, "the pathology traditionally called ‘parental alienation' are manifestations of well-established forms of existing pathologies.”[30][33]

Symptoms

The child lacks attachment to a parent.[27]

In relationship to that parent, the child displays "grandiosity, entitlement, absence of empathy, haughty, arrogant behavior and delusional belief systems"[27][29][34] about a parent being inadequate or abusive.

The child engages in splitting, believing that one parent is entirely good and the other parent is entirely bad.[28][30][32]

Except for the symptoms of attachment and delusional belief, each of these is a criterion in DSM 5 for either narcissistic personality disorder or borderline personality disorder.[35][36]

False narrative

A parent who experienced feelings of inadequacy or abandonment in their childhood can have those feelings re-triggered by a divorce or breakup. In response, that parent can reenact[28][30][37][38][39][40][41][42][43][44] a false narrative related to their own childhood, where the child's other parent symbolizes an inadequate or abusive parent, the child symbolizes a victim of the other parent, and the parent using harmful parenting practices symbolizes a good parent ostensibly trying to protect their child.[45] The role of the bystander such as friends, therapists, and judges is to confirm the delusion for the parent, which was already partially confirmed for them by the child acting like a victim[28][33][34][37] However, in reality, the other parent is neither inadequate nor abusive; rather, the parent using the harmful parenting practices is abusive.[28][30][33] In effect, the parent who fears inadequacy or abandonment is able to project their fears onto the other parent[28] because "all can plainly see" that it is the other parent who is rejected and abandoned by the child and who is "inadequate".[29]

Cause

The parent using harmful parenting practices suffers from borderline personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder,[27][28][29][32][33][45] related to an experience of feeling inadequate or abandoned while growing up. This feeling can be re-triggered by a divorce or breakup, causing them to decompensate into persecutory delusions.[30][32][45][46][47] These parents may believe that they do not need to follow social norms of fairness,[27][29] and they may "parentify their own children",[48] "excessively bind their children to themselves",[49] "demand absolute, unlimited control over their children while threatening rejection",[50] project their own fears onto the other parent,[51] abandon their spouse in favor of their children,[52] and revive their own childhood attachment trauma after a difficult experience.[53]

Mechanism

The techniques of harmful parenting may be subtle and "genuine".[27][28][45] A parent can triangulate the child into the marital conflict[54] by encouraging the child to make even minor complaints about the other parent and then "enthusiastically validating" them. This signals to the child that the other parent is dangerous[29][55] and insensitive.[29][55] This encouragement to complain manipulates the child into the role of victim without the child's awareness,[32][55] allowing the parent to move into the protector role, forcing the other parent into the "inadequate" parent role, and leaving no trace of what happened for bystanders who only see the child acting as a "victim".[29][33][34] Over time, the combined effects of growing closer to the alienating parent through this complaining process[29] and growing further from the rejected parent as the result of focusing on negative things about the other parent cause the child to reject their other parent as being inadequate. A parent may also mix in lies,[29] partial lies,[55] and exaggerations,[29] particularly ones that the child may not be able to verify or where only the true part of the partial lie is easy to verify.[56] As the result of being encouraged to act as judge of their rejected parent,[29] the child then feels superior to their rejected parent, leading to the symptoms of grandiosity, entitlement, and haughty arrogance. This feeds the delusion of the parent, that they are protecting the child from an inadequate parent.[33] The child then begins to adopt this delusion also.[28][29][34] Because the child and parent are from different generations, this qualifies as a perverse triangle,[57][58] further complicated by enmeshment,[31][59][60][61][62] and made even worse because a member of the perverse triangle has a personality disorder,[27][28][29][33] climaxed by the splitting dynamic of the parent with the personality disorder that requires the ex-spouse to also become the ex-parent of the child.[30] Finally, the child may be led to misinterpret the grief they experience from the loss of a parent as pain that means the rejected parent is abusive, since they mainly experience it in the presence of the rejected parent.[32]

Loss of attachment seen as rare for children

The loss of attachment to the rejected parent is seen as rare[28][32][63][64] though it could happen as the result of sexual abuse, physical abuse, or parental substance abuse.[28] However, in the latter cases, the other symptoms would not be present, for example, delusional beliefs about the rejected parent being abusive or inadequate.[30]

Treatment

The success of restoring the child's attachment to their parent hinges on first protecting the child from harmful parenting.[28][33] A study suggests that the child does not experience this protection as being traumatic.[33][65]

According to a report,[31] when these symptoms present, structured intervention is more effective than traditional counseling. Structured intervention involves:

  • developing critical thinking to overcome rejection and enmeshment dynamics
  • resetting the child's place in the family hierarchy
  • addressing the family system
  • temporarily protecting the child from the bad parenting practices of the enmeshed parent.

Traditional counseling, based on the therapeutic alliance, is susceptible to:

  • delays from a lack of milestones and schedules
  • sabotage by a parent with an interest in making it fail
  • exclusive focus on a child's feelings and complaints to the exclusion of addressing the family system
  • the ineffectiveness of a parent apologizing for fabricated, exaggerated, or distorted complaints.

Differentiation

This type of harmful parenting is different from Parental Alienation Syndrome, which is a proposed syndrome defined by a cluster of 8 indicators that are different than the symptoms listed above.[66]

Implications

If this theoretical formulation is correct, that if a child has this symptom set, it comes from harmful parenting practices, and if no other theoretical formulations for the symptom set are proposed, then for a child displaying these symptoms, it suggests there is a child protection issue and that a relevant DSM-5 diagnostic code is V995.51, Child Psychological Abuse, invoking a duty to protect.[27][28][29][30][33][34][67][68][69][70][71][72][73][74][75][76][77]

See also

References

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Further reading

  • Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex: What to Do When Your Ex-Spouse Tries to Turn the Kids Against You (2014) by Amy J. L. Baker and Paul R Fine
  • Divorce Poison: How to Protect Your Family from Bad-mouthing and Brainwashing, by Richard Warshak (2010, updated edition)
  • Parental Alienation, DSM-5, and ICD-11, by William Bernet (Author, Editor) (2010)
  • Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome: Breaking the Ties That Bind by Amy J. L. Baker
  • Brainwashing Children by John Thomas Steinbeck (2011)
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