Talk:Hassan Tehrani Moghaddam

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Grammatically correct[edit]

please, help to improve the article for grammar. Thanks AliAkar (talk) 14:14, 30 December 2014 (UTC)

A link to to some links![edit]

@AliAkar: This source, which is used in the article, is just a link to some other links. Fix it please! Mhhossein (talk) 03:44, 19 January 2015 (UTC)

Help for edit[edit]

@Salman mahdi: Can you help me for editing this article according to grammatically and native language? Because the article was nominated for DYK. AliAkar (talk) 07:42, 19 January 2015 (UTC)

AliAkar: I have copy-edited the article at your request, and my apologies for not responding earlier. I could not understand the sentence on where he was born, so that will need correcting, and the last sentence in "Death" from "and called them ..." is unclear and will need clarifying. ~ P-123 (talk) 14:06, 19 January 2015 (UTC)!
Mhhossein: I had an edit conflict when copy-editing, and now see that it was with you. Could you check, please, and see exactly where your edits should go? I would do it myself, but I cannot understand the diffs! ~ P-123 (talk) 15:01, 19 January 2015 (UTC)
Hey P-123. No problem, I'll take care of that. Mhhossein (talk) 17:14, 19 January 2015 (UTC)

Queries[edit]

The article refers to "firing cannonball" in the "Brief history" section. Is this "cannonball" or "cannonballs"? In the "Death" section there are several quotations with no citation, which they will need. Who or what is "Soroori" mentioned there? In the sentence beginning "Other reports mentioned the involvement ...", what does "that were attributed to western intelligence services" mean? There is a quotation from Qasemi, which needs a citation. ~ P-123 (talk) 09:13, 20 January 2015 (UTC)

  • Firing cannonballs is correct.
  • Parviz Soroori was a member of parliament of Iran and the deputy of Rey, Shemiran, and Tehran.
  • Intelligence services means information part in Israel.
  • These quotations are from the guardian website and many other websites.AliAkar (talk) 10:27, 20 January 2015 (UTC)
Thank you.
  1. Please will editors note that quotations in citations need to be copied exactly and not paraphrased.
  2. Please note that all quotations need to be backed up by clear citations. (I have checked and corrected all quotations now and added a missing citation.)
  3. Naze'at missiles are mentioned in the list in "Brief history", but they are not mentioned anywhere else in the article. This will puzzled readers.
  4. The sentence beginning "However, Time magazine cited ..." has now been rewritten, to accurately reflect the report in the citation given for it. ~ P-123 (talk) 12:11, 20 January 2015 (UTC)
Thanks for your editing.
Naze'at is a missile that was developed in Iran-Iraq war and this missile is for that time.AliAkar (talk) 12:50, 20 January 2015 (UTC)

──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────── AliAkar: Thank you. On the Naze'at, I still think readers might overlook this as I did.

  1. There is some confusion over "AGRI" and "AGIR" in one section. Which should it be? There is a footnote which mentions "AGRI".
  2. The IGRC is mentioned several times in the article, as are the Army of the Guardians of the Islamic Revolution and the Revolutionary Guard. It is not clear how these two and the acronym are related, but from the wiki information on the Revolutionary Guard disambiguation page they seem to be the same thing. If they are, I think there needs to be some indication in the article that they are the same, or uninformed readers will think they are two separate bodies (as I did).
  3. The "Zionist entity" will not be understood by en.wiki readers. The wikilink shows that it is a pejorative name for Israel, but most readers will not be aware of this. I think either it should be called "Israel", or the name Israel should be added in brackets after "Zionist entity".
  4. Where did the English title for footnote 12 come from? There is no title like this in the English translation of the footnote. All titles are for January 2015 articles, not November 2012 as the footnote says. Is this the right footnote for this citation?
  5. In section 2, what is "interior knowledge"? Does this just mean knowledge of how Scuds were built, from stripping them down to see how they were built (which enabled the reverse-engineering)? Have assumed this is correct (see bold copy-edit).
  6. What is the "self-sufficiency" unit mentioned in the Lead? The footnote does not help. This will puzzle readers. Is this reference really needed? ~ P-123 (talk) 17:59, 20 January 2015 (UTC)
@P-123:
1. AGIR is correct and all of them were replaced with correct abbreviation.
2. Army of the Guardians of the Islamic Revolution is universal name for this military force and Revolutionary Guard is informal name. So, Army of the Guardians of the Islamic Revolution and its abbreviation was replaced with Revolutionary Guard.
3. I bring the name of Israel in brackets after "Zionist entity".
4. This title were translated to English and original source is Persian. For this reason, I translated its title. Is it wrong in en Wiki? Also, the data of news converted to the Cristian era.
6. It means that Name of an organization in the Army of the Guardians of the Islamic Revolution that its task is development of a state of not requiring any aid, support, or interaction, for defensive and military science with other countries. I added this note in the text.AliAkar (talk) 07:25, 21 January 2015 (UTC)
AliAkar: 4. The source in footnote 12 has no article dated November 2012, which is the date given in the footnote. So that source cannot be used to back up the text, I'm afraid. Can you find another citation to back up the text? ~ P-123 (talk) 09:53, 21 January 2015 (UTC)
AliAkar: I have changed "Zionist entity" to "Israel" after seeing this message posted on your Talk page. Israel cannot be called "Zionist entity" here as this goes against Wikipedia's policy on neutrality. This name can only be used in quotations, as the message says, and here "Zionist entity" was in the text, not in a quotation. ~ P-123 (talk) 22:32, 21 January 2015 (UTC)
@P-123: Footnote 12 refers to an article dated 2012, as the article says. Mhhossein (talk) 04:30, 22 January 2015 (UTC)
Mhhossein: When I click on footnote 12, it brings up a page in Farsi. If I click on "English" at the top right-hand corner, it shows a list of articles all dated 20 and 21 January. I cannot see any article there dated 11 November 2012. That is the problem. Where is this article dated 11 November 2012 that the wiki article mentions? ~ P-123 (talk) 05:04, 22 January 2015 (UTC)
@P-123: I understand what you mean now. Clicking on "English", does not bring up the English translation of that article, unfortunately. You'll see the English "Home page" of the website, instead. However, if you want to verify this, just pay attention to the text just below the bold title which reads:"شناسهٔ خبر: 1458126 شنبه ۲۱ آبان ۱۳۹۰ - ۱۴:۰۳". Part of this text is the date of article (based on solar calendar); Year: 1390 (Persian: ۱۳۹۰‎), Month: Aban (Persian: آبان‎), Day: 21th. Mhhossein (talk) 13:05, 22 January 2015 (UTC)
@Mhhossein: I wasn't concerned about verifying the date. I was concerned about the English-speaking reader of this en.wiki article being able to find and read the footnote citation in English. I mentioned the November date because if that could be found in the English translation, the article could perhaps be located, but you say the English translation is only of the website's home page. I am not sure how important this is anyway; some of the other footnotes don't have an English translation either. I presume those footnotes are from Reliable Sources. ~ P-123 (talk) 13:30, 22 January 2015 (UTC)

Consistent Copy edition[edit]

Now that P-123 is carrying the burden of copy edition, we'd better let him do the job by him self in order for the consistency of the article. This way, we won't have repeated editions. Thanks Mhhossein (talk) 18:41, 20 January 2015 (UTC)

I have now finished copy-editing the article. ~ P-123 (talk) 17:55, 22 January 2015 (UTC)

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