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Problems with tone and content

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I appreciate the hard effort being put into this article. However, it has some real problems with tone. Do we need to describe his tenure as "short"? Given that we've just described it's exact length, we don't need to input an opinion that that was short. "For an undefined period of time"? Undefined by whom? The fact that the author doesn't know what the time was does not mean that it wasn't a specific period of time; there's no reason to call it "undefined". "one can assume" -- one could, but choosing to assume is against the Wikipedia rules -- it's original research. "What other responsibilities (if any, though most athletic directors at that time were coaches as well) Pixlee held at Westminster is, at this time, unknown." Unknown by whom? If the writer doesn't know it, it should not be in the article - this is not a sports column, which would be meant to reflect the author. "the team struggled for wins" - did they? Or were they perfectly happy being losers? What information does this give that giving their win-loss record wouldn't? "Pixlee sought to redeem his coaching career"? How do we know that - it's unsourced. If we just mean he took another coaching job, then we can say that. "According to the David Holt article" - if the David Holt article is a reliable source for facts, then we shouldn't be stating that the truth is dependent on the article, but using it for reference (although it's reasonable to cite him for the opinion that someone was the "greatest athlete").

I tried putting in these edits, but they were reverted by the original article writer without stated reason. --Nat Gertler (talk) 05:06, 15 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

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Cheers.—InternetArchiveBot (Report bug) 01:30, 10 June 2017 (UTC)[reply]