User:Improv/Quotes/storytelling

Featured story of the year: 2006 Arab-Israeli Conflict

Angela looked up at the pale blue sky and felt the cool morning chill on her skin. It was 6:30 in the morning, and she stood on the bow of the Norwegian destroyer Aruka Svenson as it cruised toward the Island of Cyprus. Below her, in the heart of the ship, over 2500 American, British, and French refugees slept in their rooms, ate in the mess hall, or talked quietly amongst themselves. The ship was quiet, save for the sound of the waves as it crashed gently on the hull as the destroyer slid smoothly through the see at 5 knots. She looked around her at the deck of the destroyer. Sailors and refugees alike even littered the top of the ship, some walking about, while others carefully guarded their possessions from possible thieves. The 125-foot destroyer was only designed to hold 1500 passengers, and Angela had felt so claustrophobic down below that she could not have stayed their for another minute longer without getting a breath of fresh air.

Angela prayed to God that no fighter planes would spot their ship and mistake them for a Lebanese or Israeli naval vessel. They were enough of a target, with their 16-inch cannons and anti-aircraft guns displayed conspicuously on the port and starboard sides of the ship. There was no telling what could happen to KAAAAAZAAAAAHHHHHHHH! them during the eight hour trip, and deep down, she felt a growing fear that there was something out there, a force that meant to do them harm.

'You're just nervous' she told herself and closed her eyes, trying to soothe her agitated mind. She breathed deeply, savoring the crisp, cold air. 'Nothing is going to happen to you. God will protect you.'

This thought made Angela slide into an existential quandry, because she had no idea which God might protect her. It seemed possible that Yehweh might keep her safe from Hezbollah rockets, and Allah protect her from Israeli missiles; but how could she be safe from both? If she prayed to both deities, mightn't whichever one truely existed be offended by her opportunism?

Deciding finally that the Christian God might just possibly be neutral, Angela muttered a quick improcation to Him, and turned her mind to other matters.

It was then that she remembered her 12 year old daughter, Kitty, in the compartments below. She would be wondering where her mother had went. As she turned to go down below, Angela heard a faint, persistent buzz somewhere around her. At first, she thought it was the sailors in another part of the ship, making repairs to the machinery. But the sailors standing on the deck were not working on anything, only standing around and inspecting the passengers. Then she looked slowly up at the sky WHOOOOAAA, and to her horror, saw a glint of metal moving slowly and steadily across the sky. Then she saw another one, and another! 5 Hezbolla missles flew straight at the Aruka Svenson.

"Look!" she cried and a few of the people on the deck also looked up to see what she was pointing at.

"I'm going to die," she thought, with almost a chuckle in regards to the absurdity. "I'm going to die in just a few seconds."

The missles(manufactured by the Iranians) were very large and very fast.

"Oh, shit," somebody nearby sighed.

The missles flew straight and true and struck the ship in the port side, gouging an enormous hole in the hull of the ship.

There were screams on deck as the ship lurched to one side, spilling refugees on deck over the side. Fire gushed out from igniting fuel, causing severe burns to the passengers on the foredeck.

Angela woke from her nightmare. It was the second one she had that night. In the first one she saw Israeli warplanes dropping bombs on the ship. Now it was Hezbollah. Her dreams, like the analysis of the war she saw from the left and right, showed ignorance and bias. She decided then and there that when she got up in the morning, she would put more effort in understanding the events around her.

Then she remembered where she was. The dingy smell of the tiny ship's cabin was unmistakable, and even if she did not know this, the rocking of the ship would have been unmistakable.

Suddenly a Klaxon sounded.

"All hands report to battle stations, I repeat, ALL HANDS REPORT TO BATTLE STATIONS!!" someone screamed over the public microphone.

Whoosh!

Bob.

One day there was guy named bob. Bob never liked his life. He was a temp, and he often lit his trash cans on fire at work. Bob had never had a girlfriend before--hell, he was so shy of them he would never even smell one! Not having a mother or sister, the closest he had ever been to a woman was when he accidentally bumped into his boss at his old job and knocked coffee all over her. Bob hoped she would say something powerful like "You're fired! But thats not all! You're coming with me to my office!" She would grab him by the neck and drag into her office and humiliate him. Yes that is how Bob liked it. It got him sexually aroused to stand in the shadow of a 7-foot-tall woman clearly overpowering him with her massive figure and large muscles. After all, Bob wasn't the biggest guy. At the current age of 35 our virgin was 5-1 and had no athletic ability in him whatsoever. He was even begining to grow grey! (His was extremely attractive for that matter.)

But of course this wasn't one of Bob's fantasies--it was life. And in life, you don't get what you want. Bob, of course, was just fired, for he had been slacking at his job anyway. So now Bob works as a temp, going from office building to office building filling positions of the sick or people on vacation.

War of Wikipedia

The War of Wikipedia was a civil war between Jimbo Wales and the Wikimedia Foundation and the Vandals of Wikipedia in the country of Wiki-PEDIA. Over 1.2 million Wikipedians were involved in this war, though the vandal forces outnumbered the Wikipedia coalition by a factor of 3 to 1. A hero, Wikipedus Verdius, rose during the time of turmoil, trying to save the Wikipedians. On the other side, a young boy, by the name of Communistis Vandalis, rose and led the vandal forces. Casualties were gloriously high on both sides.

Dumb

• Jimbo Wales soon found the location of the Vandals of Wikipedia's secret base. He was about ready to fire a nuclear missle at them, when a bunch of bandwith errors came up. He was about to die when....

• Sokka declared himself Tsar of Ukraine which caused the Northern Europeans, Southern Europeans, Scandinavians, Uralics, Middle Easterners and Afganistanis a big pain.

• Then the vandals launched an offensive on Jimbo Wales birthday and took out the Counter-Vandalism Unit with their elite MARMOT shock troops.

4-Leaf Clover

• She caught herself searching for a 4-leaf: eyes to the ground, skimming over the plain blade grass, concentrating instead on the smooth patches of clover. It was an unconscious habit she had picked up as a young browniescout, but at that moment it was the only thing she could to do quiet her mind. "We are both too young to be tied down," he explained.

• Her eyes froze to a spot barren of grass, the news sinking in. Brett wanted to leave her. Brett. Who had always stuck by her and had had a crush on her since the 1st grade. Who understood her, knew her soul, had helped her to find herself in the crazy world of adolescense. Suddenly she couldn't breathe. Even out here, in the immense field behind her parents' summer country home, it felt like someone was crushing her ribs together, expelling the last precious bit of oxygen she had left. She was gasping for air, trying frantically to figure out what had happened to her life these past weeks. First Jamie and Cade abruptly ignoring her at school for no apparent reason, and now Brett, who had been her last lifeline, was tossing her away like he would get rid of rotten cabbage.

• "Tied down?" she thought, afraid to look up from the grass and back at home, to look further up to the sky, to see beyond the ground, to let time pass, to allow this become her reality. "The only time I feel free is when I'm with you."

• So Barrette jumped out of her hair...

Dragon Hill and the Manger, from the White Horse

• No he didn't.

• She felt a wave of sad dead-ends consume the entirety of her earth. There was no solution -- no happiness in the world. She could feel the grass weep, and the trees wail, and the sky cry lementations of love lost -- and a thin film of saltwater form upon her own eyes.

She dived desperately into the clover patch, sifting through the plants: searching for some symbol of hope. She wanted just one anchor. She wanted something to hold on to.

But she realized soon that there was no anchor. They were entirely homogeneous clovers. There was to be no icon in her three-leaved universe. She was lost within a field of mundane, banal greeeeeeeeeeeeennnnn.

"What's going to happen now?" she wondered. "Am I going to fall into a pit of weeds and die, because nobody is holding me up? I loved you so much. I gave you so much of me. What's left?"

She arose and wandered about the field, still avoiding visual contact with her domesile. She waited for the earth to fissure below her, so that she might fall into her emerald hell and be done with suffering. She waited and cried for the better part of the hour, but nothing happened. With a muffled ruffling, she kneeled hard on the foliage, dizzily attempting to comprehend her cruel fate.

She sighed, and plucked a clover head in deep contemplation. "There is only one answer," she soliloquized, as she tore one of the clover's three cruel leaves in half.

She had made a four leaf clover herself. She gave a cursory smile at the thought, turned around, and slowly trudged back home.

• Sorry, I got carried away.

Carlos the Monkey

=Part Infinity

• Once upon a time there was a little monkey named Carlos.

who believed that everyone here told stupid stories.

• I don't believe you.

• Oh yeah? Well I do, so go suck an egg.

• Then... once upon a time there was a little donkey named Henry.

• Actually his name was willifard, you are just a lier.

• The little donkey's birth was marked by a meteor shower, earthquakes all over the world, and the clouds all forming letters of the word "HENRY"; sadly, the only person (or donkey) to confirm this was Henry himself.

• And then he died suddenly, which is why this story is about Carlos the monkey...

• Carlos was a happy monkey who lived in the middle of a park.

• A park which was on the back of a turtle, which was, in turn, on the back of an infinite chain of turtles.

• Yeah, right.

• Hey, this is no way to get a story told, wait yes it is! No, its not. Hey subconcience? What? Why don't you have a nice big hot cup of
• SHUT THE FUCK UP, and let me finish the story. What about some suspension of disbelief!?

• OwNeD by Falcon and Frogger60

• N.B. Plz do not try and edit my stuff or i will be forced to DELETE everything on this story.

Part 2

• One day, all of the turtles died and the end of the world came and the earth blew up.

• But far away, another monkey named Carlos was being born.

• And then Carlos died.

• And there was also a donkey called Henry.

• Henry went on a quest for baked beans.

• But alas, he was not to find them.

• He had to settle for a nice hearty bowl of pasta neapolitan.

• Sadly, he was allergic to the pasta neapolitan, so he traded it for baked beans, which the neighbor had recently acquired through great time and effort.

• Once he had the beans, he decided he did not like beans, so he gave them back to his neighbor.

• His neighbor, Carlos, planted the beans, hoping they would be magical.

• However, the beans grew to be too large, and the township forced him to cut down the stalks.

• But the bean plant grew back, and Carlos got very upset.

• Carlos' mother feared he was suffering from depression, so she sent him to the psychiatrist, called Dr. Juan Ito.

• Dr. Ito was a vicious little man who took delight in "curing" the ills of others. His idea of a cure, however, was much the same as most people's idea of a curse.

• Dr. Ito cursed Carlos with a new thumb growing anywhere on his body every third day.

• And Carlos cried like a big baby. He went to his shrink for advice. He told him to cut off his thumbs, so thats what he did. But it hurt. So he cried more.

• Then Carlos lived sadly in pain ever after.

• THE END.

• That would be what I'd say if nothing else happened.

• But something else did happen!

• He was attacked by a group of hippies.

• They tried to force him into a cage, because they thought he was cute.

• Alas, the hippies did not succeed. As they opened the cage door, Carlos threw termites in their eyes and scampered off back to his home town of Glasgow, Scotland.

• When Jimbo the Brochiosaurus heard about the hippie's attempt at kidnapping Carlos, he became enraged and screamed at the moon for thirteen days and thirteen nights. He calls this period of time, "Ramadan."

• Again, I don't believe you.

• Then... once upon a time there was a little donkey named Henry... =)

• Then Boregard the turtle woke up from his dream.

• Then he found a donkey named Henry in front of him. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!

• Then the little Henry donkey and little Carlos monkey died.

• Or did they? No one will ever know, because they started dancing wildly and yelling in Chinese. That would have been fine, because Chinese is a very nice language. But they also yelled "BOOGA BOOGA!!" which ended a Chinese curse that doesn't exist, but it did in this story. And everyone turned into mongooses.

• Why did a donkey have thumbs?

• It had to be able to turn off the rat faucet. Dummy!

• Rats don't come out of faucets. Anyways... then there was a little donkey named Henry. Then he died.

• Then zombies came out of the ground and started eating Henry.

• Then zombie Henry started beating the crud out of them with jujitsu.

• Speaking of jujitsu, let's talk about Royce Gracie!

• What about Xavier Gracie????????

• Yes, what about Xavier Gracie????????

• Xavier Gracie instantaneously exploded after J.Lo became ambassador of the U.N.

• OK, then zombie Carlos came out and started throwing rabid killer Pop-Tarts

Tucker the Platypus

• Once there was a platypus named Tucker. He was very hot.

• He had a hot friend named Haku. Yes, the one from Spirited Away.

• Haku had green eyes. Tucker loved those eyes. But he was not gay.

• Tucker was very hot, though.

• He was only hot because he lived in Australia, where the sun never goes down. So everyone in Australia is therefore hot, all the time.

• Tucker decided to go eat some pie.

• Sometimes these stories get very stupid!

• Of course, considering his constant high temperature, all he had to do was get an uncooked one and hold it for a second.

• And thus the pie was cooked...... mmmmm Blueberry, his favorite.

• Then he chased it with a giant jug of coconut juice.

• And he was glad

• Then, he slipped and spilt all his coconut juice

• But, he was ok

• Because he also had orange juice

• So he became happy again

• But then Haku drank his orange juice

• Yes, the one from Samurai Jack.. (Samurai Bill) (dont forget samurai bill clinton)

• Then there was a little donkey named Henry. =)

• Who is apparently writing this story.

• And thus, the pie was un-cooked.

• The uncooked pie caused a nuclear explosion, destroying half of Austrailia.

• But thats ok, 'cause I don't really like Austrailia because thats where Yani comes from and noone likes Yani.

• And luckily the uncooked pie destroyed the half of Australia that Yani was returning home to, and all the people who were annoyed by Yani rejoiced with much glee.

Warcraft

• There was once a man who roamed the forests of Kalimdor searching for a man with a crystal eye. He came to a lake filled with gold and riches beyond his greatest dreams.

• He jumped into the lake and swam gazing apon the treasure until he awoke and noticed that many days had past.

• He then looked at his clothes and it seemed as if he swam through a wave of algea. He soon left the lake and went to town to see if he had missed something. As he was walking the path, he came across many bones and even armour.

• He climbed a hill and saw many old farms and mills and they seemed burned and weathered.

• He went to the fields and felt the soil but it seemed that even the very life in the dirt was drained out of it as if it was only ash.

• He started back on his way to town thinking of a possible explaination of the current events. As he arrived to the gates of Storm Wind he felt a slight chill down his spine. It felt as if a great shadow loomed over his soul. As he entered, there was lots of ash and a smell of decay. A horrible amount of shock over came him as he searched for someone. As he looked into the great halls, his eyes came across a familar sight — it was the same treasure he saw in the lake.

• There were many bodies laying on the treasure — decaying disfigured bodies — but he no longered cared. All he saw was the treasure.

• As the mage awoke, his eyes opened to his instructor — a man with a crystal eye. As he recovered from his restless sleep the instructor said to him, "Many dreams have many symbols, but in you I see the future of the common man. People with greed will have a horrible future. I hope you relize this so one day you will not share this fate."

• The mage wondered bitterly if this story had all been written by one person.

• He decided that he would go ask his wife

• But the author did not give him a wife

• So he blew up because he could not figure out if this story had all been written by one person

• One thing is for sure--wife or no wife, author or no author, one person or all of us: the Memorial Day barbeque that the mage has been planning is still on. The beers are cold, and the fire is hot. We're bringing limes, jicama, and a spiked watermelon--who else is in?

• Im in, my name is Kirk Hammett, Yes, the one from Metallica.

• Then mutant zombie latchkey kids attacked the town of Rumesford, causing mass panic.

• Hey, Kirk, you rock!!!!!!!!!

• Please respond, Kirk.

• This is Captian James T. Kirk of the United Star Ship Enterprise. What can I do for you?

• We need three heaters, a tribble, and a crystal eye.

• Kirk, deciding that he is in the wrong story, makes an exit. Spinning his spacecraft 180 degrees to face up into space, he fires the engines which accidentally burn and completely fry a village, causing ash, decay and mangled bodies. And so the mystery of the burnt villages were solved. Unfortunately for the man with a crystal eye and that mage dude, they were burnt too. Oh, and I took the treasure.

• You DID?! You FIEND! I shall engage you in hand-to-hand combat! Oh, BTW, I am actually Homer Simpson. I love donuts!

• But it's ok, because there's nobody left to care.

Undead Woe

You quickly surmise from the tricky title here that this is either a kungfu story or a boring tale of love. Please just give me a minute, and you will be pleasantly surprised.

First things first, let's pour you a drink. You don't seem the Jack Daniels/Slim Jim type to me, so let me dig further back into my pantry here...

A-ha, a fine chianti and some biscuits! There, there, let me set those out, and we can begin.

Oh, Jeez, you're thinking--this guy is going Calvino on me--next he'll be taking off my socks and losing subsequent chapters, but I promise, "Undead Woe" is about to begin. Just a little mood-setting is all...

Mood-setting? Chianti? BISCUITS!!?? How about we do one last thing...

{{Htitle:In other words, THE! END!|Let's start this damn thing!}}

Apology to Aaedien

• There was once an obnoxious smoker who flicked his cigarette a little too far and unknowingly (until it was too late of course) started a blaze that burnt his next-door neighbor's house to the ground. "I am SO SORRY!!' said the sojourner, but nothing could replace Aaedien's stories.

• On the same note, said neighbor decided, upon further reflection, that he should sue the smoker; the grand sum of $3.42 was soon paid to the owner of the grand bard's stories that were burnt to ashes in the flame.

• Ohnoes?

• Oh, yes, and quite neighborly way to end it, thought Tu-kay the smoker, but is that that? Would Aaedien seek further revenge? I mean, just paying a pittance for some prose seemed a bit too easy...

• hissssssssss

• Then Aaedien got super pissed off and decided to go on a rampage using his grenade launcher/super soaker combo he bought with the $3.42.

The Eternal Stories

Please don't end this story! -tinlv7

On a normal day in a normal town, an extraordinary child was born.

• And this child's name was John. His father's name was Bob and was the CEO of world famous PLC, Bob's Lethal Electronics

• He had a friend called Hugo. Hugo was a penguin from Swaziland, which is a bit odd since you don't normally get penguins in Swaziland.

• One day Hugo was unfortunately killed.

• John was devastated by this loss, and decided to get revenge on whoever killed Hugo.

• He grabbed his Hi-Tops and his Gat from the armoir in the corner and decided that vengence was due.

• First, he had to go and see Xzibit because his ride had recently been primped on a certain TV show called "Primp my Buggymobile".

• Upon returning with his newly tricked out Ford Cortina, John decided to resurrect Hugo using VooDoo magiks, so as to find out who it was that killed him.

• Suddenly, after 2 or 3 hours, in a flash of light, Hugo was resurrected. This made John happy, so he did his happy dance to the music of "Under Pressure" by Queen.

• "Now it is time for vengence!" exclaimed John as he loaded Hugo's animated penguin corpse into his low-rider. "Surely, Lenin can answer some questions, right Hugo?" questioned John inquisitively. "Grrr... Arrrggg... Umm.... yea sure, why not?" mumbled Hugo's animated corpse.

• Just outside Lenin's castle of fear, there was a working men's club so John stopped for a drink and a packet of his favourite KP pork scratchings, but Hugo was prevented from entry as the wicked landlord decided corpses were only permitted inside after 9 p.m.

• Morning came and John felt rested but hungover, as he discovered he had agreed to some kind of wager with the landlord's dog, which he lost. Speaking of Lost, Jack and Lock decided to go down the Hatch, only to find some mad Scot who had lots of chocolate, needless to say Kate was so astounded that she kissed Saied. Anywho, Lenin was just about waking up from his weekly nap in the wax museum when there was a terrifying ring of the doorbell.

• "I guess no one is home," crowed Jeremima, the wooden pidgeon who had been stalking Hugo and John for some time now. "Be quiet or I'll blast you with my Gat, kk?" replied John politely. This made the crow very happy and he decided to take acting lessons and turn his life around.

• Meanwhile on Lost, Sawyer, Jin, and Michael had been captured by the passengers from the tail of the flight, who weren't very happy about the fact that they had not been the main focus of the show so far.

• Gregory House didn't like this show so he went back to reading the story which apparently never ends. He had gotten to the part where John used his seismic kick of might to bust down the wall of Lenin's castle and storm the place with only his dead friend Hugo and a handfull of grapes for energy, not to mention he was still packing a Gat in the small of his back.

• Lenin awoke with a shock, believing that it had all been some elaborate dream of which he was a puppet. He wiped the dripping wax sweat from his forehead and sighed for the loss of his sweet Elisa, the name he gave to his television remote.

• John and Hugo slowly ascended the escalator, tactically placed outside the window of Lenin's master bedroom. They paused for a second before gathering what little grapes they had left and eating them.

• John knew that time was of the essence, as Prison Break started in less than half an hour. Hugo was personally much more of a fan of Jack Bauer, from 24. He had seen all 5 series and couldn't wait for the real-time 24-hour film to be released.

• John slapped Hugo, as he was having impure thoughts about Jack Bauer and it was getting in the way of the mission. Hugo probably wasn't sorry.

• Lenin was still attempting to email his mother about the fact that he was covered in wax, to no avail. Coffee poured from the coffee maker like water from a waterfall in summer. Lenin knew something was wrong.

• Hugo gave the "go" command and began to break dance as a diversion. Lenin immediately fell for this ploy and a dance-off quickly persued. "Best 2 out of 3 falls?" questioned Lenin, who was already warming up for the wax robot. Hugo attempted to nod, but then was worried his head might fall off and gave a thumbs up, even though he had no thumbs.

• And his thumbs lay right in front of him! He tried to grab them and a monkey stole them and put them in a witches' stew.

• As the witches were boiling his thumbs, the boy came by and they noticed him! So, they threw him into the stew.

• As they were boiling him, they went out for hunting. The three little bears were walking normally until the three ugly witches shot the three *ahem* now-dead bears. They took their carcasses to the stew...and the boy was gone! They searched everywhere for him.

• And then a watermelon with a monkey head came by and said, "Dee dee dee duh dee!" And then he exploded. And a dinosaur came by. It was somehow Hugo. John didn't know what in the world was going on.

• He went back to his house and missed 3 hours, 43 minutes, and 56 seconds of the 24 hour movie. He got mad, went into the chimney for some random reason, and flew out of the chimney.

• And then, the Pigaloo Tribe came by and burned his house by setting milk cartons on fire and throwing them onto his house.

• His mum and pop died.

• Then he watched all the bad stuff he could find that they had. All of it was was eductaional movies. He jumped out the window.

• Hugo became a Tryannosarus Rex and ate his head off. Quite odd...

• Hugo turned back into a penguin.

• Hugo thought this continent stinked and he went to the North Pole by accident.

• It was quite strange rather for the polar bears to adapt to a penguin, due to the fact polar bears live near the North Pole and penguins live near the South Pole, but, what the heck.

• The polar bears shot him and they all turned into a pink flying nerd potato and flew to Madagascar.

• And then all the characters from the movie Madagascar ate the potato.

• And the tree ate them.

• The tree's name was Bob.

• Bob went underwater and met the pink flying nerd potato.

• The PFNP (Pink Flying Nerd Potato) said he lost his stuffed bear, Mr. Snuffles.

• The tree grew five boar heads and three TVs, all on his posterior, and said, "Wigglysniffsnum."

• And everyone ate pie.

• And everyone got shot by Billy the Pie. Billy the pie set out to explore the world, with everything out of his way. Then, he got bored.

• How to proceed without the yang of conflict to balance Billy's yin of yen to explore? Warmed up with some melted butter and nowhere to go, thought Billy. Anyone got any cinnamon? Spice things up? Shot everyone with what, you may be thinking--a Sig, H-n-K, but no--got shot up on H. Open the door. Billy is languishing, languishing.

• "Who shot JR? Discuss," said he.

• "Your mom," said she.

• Then his mom went and shot him

• But he turned into a brain-eating zombie whose IQ is 42.218466

• Meanwhile the witches were still searching for the boy. Their hunt brought them to the Museum of Modern Art, where the paintings started trying to gobble them.

• "Argentinians in the 1970s were really trippy," commented one of the witches.

• Little did they know, however, that, back in the North Pole, a penguin named Tux had defeated their evil flying window.

• Meanwhile, Tux was at the East Pole eating pie.

• Mmm, pie.

• Pie is good.

• Wait a minute, what does pie have to do with this story?!

• "Nothing," replied the Grand Master of Pie. "It's just yummy in the tummy!"

• "Speaking of which," replied Tux, "Allow me to call in Whinny the Pooh!" Pooh entered, inquiring whether the pie was honey pie.

• "That honey pie looks miiiiighty good!" said Pooh Bear. Before anyone realized what was going on the Grand master of Pie was half eaten and dead.

• The bear felt yellow pricks all across his back as he lowered his head in fear. "Oh Cornpaste!" cursed Tux. "We'd better ditch this thing before the pie cops get here!"

• But just then the pie cops came and pulled out their uzi submachine guns, blasting pooh bear and his over-filled belly into hell.

• Tux grimaced for an imperceptable instant. "I'll kill you all for this," he thought. "But not now." Tux could slay any one of them with merely a thought -- being a bullet proof, level seven psychic penguin, but he decided to wait, and savor.

• Then suddenly, a team of Oprah Winfrey, Dr. Phil and Kelly Clarkson appeared.

• And suddenly, Tux, the pie cops, Kelly Clarkson, and Dr. Phil were all on Oprah's talk show.

• Then the PFNP gave Oprah a Brown Tree Snake.

• Which tasted a little bland.

• Meanwhile, John awoke in a dark tunnel. He heard a strange voice, "You are in a dark tunnel. You are likely to be eaten by a grue." The man proceeded to wonder what in this strange tunnel a grue was.

• That is, he wondered what a grue was until a grue ate him. And then, for seven terrifying seconds he knew exactly what a grue was. A grue was fear. A grue was hatred. A grue was the savage brutality locked up in every human being that only escapes in dark tunnels when a person playing Zork tries to explore rooms in the wrong order order. And then John died.

• Yes, John died to this plane, but it was only the beginning of a fantastic new adventure in a brand new dimension, as the dark tunnels were wormholes which transported John towards the frightfully immense (and densely packed) all-consuming grue, which loosely translated in Japanese means Pikachu, and Pikachu densely translated into Norwegian actually refers to the city of Grue, Norway wherein there lived a terrifying earthbound black hole named Alan.

Richard III

• Once upon a time there lived a programmer called Sean Waldron

• His father was called Jacques Santini.

• His brother was the well-known skirtologist Hermann Hreidarsson.

• Their sister was Botanica from Beast Machines, and together the siblings formed the Scheissfress Trio. They sang be-bop tunes at night and fought crimes during the day (when the bad guys are still nursing their hangovers).

• Actually, Botanica was only a half-sister. Though her father was Jaques Santini, her mother was Vesper Fairchild, once-fiancee to multi-millionaire playboy Bruce Wayne. Mother to Sean and Hermann was, as we all know Richard III (played in this story by Sir Ian McKellen).

• So one night they were bickering over whether or not to start the show with a kitschy cover of "Sweet Jane" or one of Hermann's old songs, "A-Line In Wool." Hermann had a nasty tendency to foul up shows when he wasn't getting his way, so Boti and Sean agreed to save the VU for the encore instead. "Don't want you dropping your drumsticks," they said to Hermann in unison.

• "It's a good starter song! We always start with 'A-Line,'" argued Hermann.

• "Exactly," said the pair in response, all 4 eyes in a synchronized roll from right to the smoky cieling to the left and back.

The Epic Of Future Conan

• Once upon a time, there was a talk show host named Conan O'Brian.

• He was mildly popular in the United States, but this wasn't enough to feed his lust for power.

• He soon gathered a military junta and seized control of Finland, enslaving the population to build his war machine.

• But this was only the begining of his diabolical plan.

The Story of How Stories Were Born

• Once upon a time, there was a great pit of fire.

• And there arose out of this pit a creature.

• The creature looked like a dinosaur, but it did not have sharp teeth.

• But all of its teeth could destroy and consume places like ..., well, dinosaurs.

• One day, the dinosaur started to speak English, when suddenly a bomb exploded.

• "Oh dear," the dinosaur said. "You're not playing it in the right key."

• Then, he found a mushrooom and decided to give it a name.

• He called the name of the mushroom Catherine.

• The mushroom grew into a giant mushroom and finally consumed with the dinosaur.

• But, the dinosaur didn't taste good to the mushroom, so he spit out the little dinosaur and said, "Steoria!"

• When the dinosaur heard this, he said, "What you say?"

• The mushroom said, "Steoria!"

• Poof! The dinosaur vanished.

• Then the mushroom recited a very long epic of the great king of America, called Mrs. Froglike King.

• And, that is how the story was born. The End.

• JUST KIDDING!!!

• The dinosaur suddenly appeared and ate the mushroom.

• But it was a poisonous mushroom.

• So the mushroom and the dinosaur both died.

• And now there are no more characters in this story.

• So. The End.

• Is just the beginning. Luke and Leia are separated and hidden, and their Dark Father has no sense for where they are.

• Suddenly, a baby dinosaur crawled out of the dinosaur, for it was a girl dinosaur.

• A girl dinosaur, impregnated by the mushroom (after all the eating each other back and forth), giving easy birth to a baby dinosaur.*"What a wonderful surprise!" she exclaimed. "Mmmmmmchhwaaahh!" she emoted while kissing her sweet little baby.

• "Oooohhh. I feel dizzy," thought the momma dino. "Suppose this baby is a dino-mushro mutant, and its skin is poisonous just like that bad ol' fungus?"

• A dino named Jimbo Wales fell down and was consumed by another dino.

• Suddenly England wins the 2006 World Cup.

• Only to see David Beckham consumed by yet ANOTHER dino.

• I remember a fiery pit, said Beckham from the dinosaur's belly.

• To his girlfriend :"Lovey, have a milkshake or two--your bloody bony body is bruising me when we embrace, will you please put on a pound?"

• And then his girlfriend made stories. That is how stories were born.

• THE END!

• Or is it?

• What if I am lying and his girlfriend DID NOT make stories.

• That's true. I actually am lying. His girlfriend did not make stories.

• He was not satisfied because his girlfriend didn'y make stories so he ate her.

• To fill that emptly void in his heart the dinosuar made the first television.

• Then he made The Colbert Report and The Daily Show and watch the T.V. all day.

• THE END!

• And by THE END, I mean HE TND! Or something like that. Anyway, the TV exploded and the wires came alive and tried to strangle him.

• Then he tried to rewire it so that he could watch some tv, but that didn't work and his lungs were crushed

• "Bwahahaha!" cried Darth Mushroom as the Imperial March played on his Death TV's speakers.

• Then suddenly, Dora the Explorer comes to Darth Mushroom and kills him with her asking of rhetorical questions and all that stupid stuff she does.

• Dora became Darth Dora and enslaved all other characters on Nick Jr.

• Blue, Joe, the Wonder Pets, and Little Bill tried to stop Darth Dora.

• Whoa, why is this starting to sound a lot like Star Wars?

• Then suddenly, we were all transported to the Forest Maze, and the author was forced to contemplate why this was starting to sound like Star Wars, then, Bowser hopped out of the bushes, and agreed to have his army help Blue, Joe, the Wonder Pets, and Little Bill to stop Darth Dora's enslavement of Nick Jr.

• So they all marched to the Estrella de la muerta to confront her

The Psychotic Ameoba

• Once upon a time, there was a psychotic ameoba that ate all solid forms of Matter
• Her name was Umami, and she swam around Flatlake wondering if she was the only REAL ameoba left; perhaps these "fellow ameobas" are simply Government Agents sent to torture her with false friendship, she thought. Her primary focus these days was to prepare for the ultimate betrayal, which Umami suspected would happen any day now. All that is solid melts into air.
• Part of her preparation was to stockpile tiny salty particles, which in the right environment can be deadly for her comrades. They think she's just a stupid little ameoba, but it won't be as easy as they think. NOT EVEN CLOSE!!!!! IT'S GOING TO BE REALLY DAMN HARD FOR THE GOVERNMENT AGENT AMEOBAS TO GET ONE OVER ON UMAMI!!!! DO YOU HEAR ME???!!!???!!! The salty bits will sting even harder and longer than any pathetic little betrayal endgame they may have planned. No, ma'am. Sticks and stones, salt and lime, but these proto-jellyfish ain't gonna hurt Umami.
• She does catch herself, though. Whoa, Umami. Calm down. These amoebas are real, and they are really your friends. You are the one stockpiling poison, you are the one plotting and scheming, not them. Okay.

• One of her buddies, Palenque, although aware of the psychotic elements of Umami's personality, thinks that with the right water balance, she would feel a lot better. Palenque is trying to think of a way to accomplish this.

• Umami's boyfriend, Brom, thinks she's just another crazy bee--atch.

• The piemaker, on the other hand, has been watching what she does at night and is therefore well aware that Umami has several pockets of salty bits stored away.

This is the cast of characters in Flatlake. What happens next?

• The piemaker (notable, among other things, for having a wikilink as a part of his actual name) begins to get concerned.
• When the pH changes next week, Umami could do some damage to the 2D community with those bits.

• What he didn't know, however, was that Umami had a secret reserve of salt, in a vesicle within her own cytoplasm.

• She tried to use the salt to rule the world.

Once in a While, My Father Visits

• There are many years between my father and me
• He grew up in the decades after the second world war, a child of the occupation, so much so that
• when asked what his ambition was, he answers, to die at home
• I left my country to pursue a miscreant wife....only to find that those who do not want to be found..will not be
• now I am trapped here in a far away place, without hope, without life
• now, my father visits me, once in a while, in my dreams
• here he is always doing what he does, ever since I was a child
• it doesn't matter that I am older, wiser, stronger
• in my dreams, he has me by the hand
• and he is leading me home.
• All of a sudden he started talking about barlow
• and the way she would run with a limp.

Ryan and the Jungle Gym

(a tale of love and loss)

• One day, Ryan broke his leg. lol.
• It was nothing complicated, he just fell and his leg snapped in 2.
• He went to the Doctor, got a castaway dvd, and was ready to go back to school the next year.
• It was a little akward, getting up the stairs and everything, but his other 6th former girlfriends helped him ;/
• At recess, Ryan decided he wanted to go on the jungle gym.
• Not a good idea. lol.
• He made it proudly to the top, but could not figure out how to get down. lmao.
• Finally, his friends called the teacher a twat.
• Mrs. Cock carried him off of the swingset, his friends rolling on the ground, crying, with laughter.
• MORAL: It is wicked funny when ppl do stupid things, as I was one of Ryan's friends.
• I am thankful for the blessing of Ryan in my life; may God open the gates and let him in! I love you, Ryan! I will always, always!

Hlui

• Once upon a time, there was an insane Clostridium botulinum called Hlui that destroyed and/or killed everything in its path.
• Hlui's path was quite limited, though, since she was just a little bottie spore. She started to think that collective action on the part of her fellow bacterium was the only way that she could acheive the level of destruction that could be detected by satellite.
• So she began to raise an Army of her own spore-lings, ready to take over her natural pond habitat.
• Hlui had and had, raised and raised, had and had, and raised and raised for hours on end.

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Decedance and lust

One day there was a young goat by the name of Jimmy Stevenson O'Toole, who worked at the local goat bank except for on sunday evenings as its the day of goats rest. and its the weekly rank beefox general meeting.

But the meeting was adjourned.

So, he went to his farm to speak to the personal manager to complain, he said "I pay my national insurance and income tax and I expect to get value for my money, by this meeting being adjourned, I was NOT getting value for money. Therefore, I demand satisfaction by having tax relief for the rest of my life as a villa in Manilla playing Milli Vanilli with sweet chilli.

The personal manager looked at him with a cold stare, then without hesitation screeched "you ain't gettin' nothin' outta me sonny"- he said this in a Scottish acent, which was curious as he was in fact Ghanian with Irish ancestors. The goat then proceeded to make his way out of the office to complain to head office, which so happened to be the exact same office he was just in. On the way there, he stumbled across the Girls football academy which reminded him that he needed to sign up. He then did this and made his way back to head office. On the way back he had a phone call on his mobile meaning he had to pull over to the side of the path, it turned out to be head office saying that they can guarantee satisfaction by giving him his villa in Manilla and tax relief for the next 50 years.

He accepted the deal with glee on his face before jumping back on his bike and cycling back to the farm.

• Hence decadence, but what about the lust? Milli Vanilli certainly can pose as a buzzkill for the wrong goat-female, but O'Toole was none the wiser. He just blasted his villa with the silly lipsynching antics of the dreadlocked duo. "Blame it on the rain! Yeah, yeah," sang Jimmy.

• but what about the lust?

Never have truer words been spoken, the lust was lacking throughout the day for Mr O'toole until he spotted the man of his dreams. He spotted this fella approximately 250 metres away in the nearby field, grazing and enjoying the beautiful sunlight. O'toole felt weak at the knees; this was such a handsome rabbit he felt instantly attracted to it. So he went over and introduced himself "Why Hallo Thar"- the rabbit didnt answer and then it hesitantly pulled out his wang and uttered "sprechen ze deutsch, ya?" O'tool, instantly attracted by the sight of the schlong and the exotic language, legged it back to the farm for a quick tommy tank and cheese w/ biscuits. Then he proceeded to walk back to the farm with his Spanish translatin book. On the way he was approached by the Spanish inquisition (Nobody expected them) who demanded sodomy from Jose Antonio Reyes, the spanish boy wonder at Arsenal. O'toole immediately whipped out his cell phone and speed dialed Reyes who turned out to be MORE than pleased to satisfy the inquisitions request.

Following that, O'toole made his way up the the Sexay rabbit to the tune of Barry white- he was in the mood for some serious bum play. The rabbit said "alright mate, hows it hanging?"

"well from the looks of things, its reaching rather than hanging ;/" exclaimed O'toole.

Seeing this head office burst into tears of laughter and joy and told the two love birds to get a room. He said they could use the personnel office but they would have to be quick because David Hasselhoff would be arriving shortly for the annual health and safety check- and nobody hassles the hoff.

So, O'tool gave the rabbit a good rogering, a bit of hows yer father, before eating some "take with" and going to bed.

The end....or is it?

0

Seamus the Goat Screwer

One day the old man Seamus was considering the lot of his life. He sat at the pub nursing his fifteenth Guinness of the evening and proudly proclaimed for all to hear, "Look at the lot of you! Do you know who built this pub? I did! I laid the foundation down with my own bare hands, cut the wood, laid the floor, built the walls, made the door, nailed it all together I did. It took time, but I got the roof and put the roof over this here building! But do they call me Seamus the Pub Builder? Ach, no..."

The others would've stirred at such a speech, but all knew where the tirade was headed.

Seamus continued, "You know the bridge you crossed to get over the river so you could get to the pub! Do you know who built that bridge? I did! I gathered all the stones together from miles around, organizing them by size and shape until I could the the basic shaped of the bridge in place. I mortared and plastered the stones in place until the bridge was set to cross that river! But do they call me Seamus the Bridge Builder? Ach, no..."

Seamus started again, "The fighting clans! Do you know who brought them together and got them to stop fighting, until peace was had? I did! But do they call me Seamus the Peace Maker? Ach, no..."

"Not the pub builder, not the bridge maker, and not the peace maker am I... But you screw ONE little goat!"

asdef

Once upon a time in a far away land there was a bear. o.O, the bear loved to eat berries that grew on ASDEF trees. The bear thought that the red berries were good, but the green and purple berries tasted like jkl;. After years of eating the berries he grew fatter and fatter. One day the bear was so fat he couldn't eat any more berries. Luckily it was wintertime so he went to sleep. Three months later he was as skinny as a stickbug, and decided to eat more ASDEF berries. But they have all vanished! :O the only berries left were the jkl; berries! And we know how much he hated those. The bear waddled over to the river and starving, nearly to death. Then he saw lil fishies in the river. They looked alot like ASDEF berries so he swiped one. And ate it. It tasted goood! Almost as good as the berries, the bear ate and ate lots of these fishies (later known as samon) and was satisfied. And this is why today, bears eat samon... xD

---

==The bubble-gum minions==

Amid the Minion Factory’s cluttered main room Subsequent to fierce pondering Among a cheering crowd, unaware of doom Till the genius idea’s unveiling Beyond non-bubble-gum minions and gloom

By means of grand squooshing and gooshing and quickness and hastiness In spite of the known weakness, and pinkness, and tastiness With a tempting smell and a glue-worthy stick Up to fame and evil glory, the minions’ shtick

Aboard all the trains, and gun-boats, and armed planes After the factory’s faraway land Throughout the smelly monsters, mountains, and pains Onto the factory’s tooth-rotting brand

Next to the old, boring Classic Unto spruced-up Bazookas and Tape Into sharp Double Mint-iness and Spearmint-astic Yet into such quality to cause all to gape

Because of the famous badness Within the unleashed new fadness According to George Bush, the Pope, and Bill Gates To their labs and their nuclear-waste-filled crates On account of their furious madness

Off with the old boss’s honorable medals Toward the oft-used whipping-dude Until cheers, the good, old, but mostly shiny, metals Owing to that, “No more minions of food!”

Nerve-ending memories, part 1: The island of jam

One day, there was a man named Phil who decided to take a walk in the park. As he was walking, he saw a nerve. The nerve wasn't moving, so he asked what was wrong. "What is wrong, nerve?" he said. "I am damaged, which could lead to paralysis!" the nerve cried out. "That's too bad." Phil replied. "I'll fix it with duct tape." So he got out his trusty duct tape gun and fixed the nerve. "Why were you damaged?" Phil asked the nerve. "I was pinched by pressure." it said. "My friends wanted me to eat a frog, but I couldn't." "Why not?" Phil asked. "I have no mouth!" the nerve replied.

"How's that working out for you?" asked Phil.

Lukos Bassai

One day there was a person known as Voriki. He got pushed around a lot. Then he changed his name to Lukos Bassai, and became a feared wolf of the Wild, and got respect. After a while, he realized that he didn't need it, so he left forever.

The end~

Epilogue:

Lukos Bassai helped run an organization that fought "hackers" or script kiddies on InvisionFree. He and his comrades were very succesful and today there is little evidence that the "hacker" groups even existed. He is now an admin on the LEGO Fansite iBricks.

She was aleep

There once was a young boy, who went on trip with his family. When they stopped a for gas the young boy noticed the attendent, who happened to be an attractive women. The young boy decide to do what all young boys do..masturbate. The problem was, the boy was in the back seat of the family car, the others were inside but his aunt was asleep in the front seat. "well, she is asleep" thought the young boy, "if im quick she wont wake up." and so the boy started masturbating, but then, his family started back, so the boy quickly ran into the bathroom and finished. Years later he told the story to his friends.."She had boobs out to here*hand gesture*.." who made fun of him relentlessly. The boy tried to justify himself by saying "she was alseep", however his friends only laughed harder and from then on, whenever they saw him they said "SHE WAS ASLEEP!". Years later he decided to tell his story on wikipedia

The end. jkewqhfjheqwfuheqiohfuhfjnkKHWDIUHWNHAjkhdauihuHUHQ

The Legend of The Street fAMILY

John Mac Street, one whose ship was neat. He had the hand of an upright man to sail to the seas. As Irish as he may be, a man who set to flee. He sailed to Virginia in sixteen O nine as a man And had the righteous mind. He had strife and wisdom beyond belief And he went to the reef. He was a man of experience and a man of honor A man whose people thought, “He is a goner”.

Jonathan begot Anthony Streate

Anthony begot John whose life was quite long. As he died in seventeen eleven he came forth and went to Heaven.

John begot William Street; a surveyor, as he built tools his mind was layered. 1680-1752, Virginia.

William begot Anthony, a cop. As he saw wrongness he said “just stop!” As the people see, they go the bop.

Kyle Street

The End of All Things To Come

This is a random story which I make up as I go along.

BOOM. BOOM. BOOM. Shla'kion watched as the mech stomped along the plain, right underneath his place on the ledge. His anime-ish black hair flowed in the wind generated by its steps. As it passed, he felt a deep curiosity to follow it and see where it was going. He got up out of his lying position and turned around. "Yikes!" he cried in surprise at the character standing in front of him. It was his mentor Khash'Din, who looks remarkably like Sephiroth. Now I'm bored, so the story gets random.

"HAY U!" KD cried.

"OHNOES ITS KD" SK said.

"LOLOLOL U BUSTED"

"MAEK ME"

"WAFFLES"

"JOIN THE LUNATICS WITH SHOTGUNS SOCIETY"

"WAFFLES"

"MUFFIN"

• deep breath*

End of Randomness Chapter.

Now begins the seriousness.

Khash narrowed his eyes at the young black-haired boy in front of him. "Shla'kion...what did I say about coming out here? You know it's dangerous."

"I...I'm sorry sir. I just had to have another look..."

"Sigh...never mind boy. I suppose the hint of danger would only enhance your spirit. Come now, L'Arc-En-Ciel is waiting."

Wait, what? L'Arc-En-Ciel? Are you crazy, referencing a Japanese band like that?

"...Yes sir."

Unbenownst to our two characters a third was watching...one that wasn't very nice. An-Gang floated out of view, the LEDs of which its eyes consisted flickering with angst. Wait, what? An Gang? Chinese for black metal?! You're crazy. A series of binary flickered through its transmitters, translating to something like I have found the infidel. He must be captured at all costs for immediate study. All units report.

Yes sir. We have the target on our radar and are monitoring him now.

Reading you loud and clear sir. Shall I incapacitate him with the laser shurikens or the ballistic missiles?

Shut up Tau. This is not an assassination mission.

...Damn.

TBC when I can be bothered.

"Sorry, Tau, but the binary said to capture."

The Joke

The Relationship:

They integrated from the very point of origin. Her curves were continuous, and even though he was odd, he was a real number. They both wanted to get skewed. The day their lines first intersected, they became an ordered pair.

From then on it was a continuous function. They were both in their prime, so in next to no time they were horizontal and parallel.

She was awed by the magnitude of his perpendicular line, and he was amazed by her conical projections. "Bisect my angle!" she postulated each time she reached her local maximum. He taught her the chain rule as she implicitly defined the amplitude of his simple harmonic motion. They underwent multiple rotations of their axes, until at last they reached the vertex, the critical point, their finite limit. After that they slept like Logs. Later she found him taking a right-handed limit, that was a problem, it was improper form. He meanwhile had realized that she was irrational, not to mention square.

They diverged.

She's currently reaching the limit in a relationship that is somewhat undefined. He is currently unable to afford dating because he cosined a loan for his son, tan.

How Canada will (NOT) win the 2006 World Cup

• Brazil is playing Germany in the final.

• Alas, all of the players forget when the final is.

• With no one on the field and thousands of fans beginning to become irate, the World Cup Officiators get desperate.

• So they call up the first two soccer teams they can find, which happen to be Canada and Iceland.

• When the teams arrive by supersonic jets, the officiators quickly don them with Brazil and Germany kits.

• Luckily, no one in the stands can tell the difference.

• After one of the most exciting games in World Cup history, Canada (playing as Brazil) beats Iceland (playing as Germany) 5 to 4.

• FIFA awards the World Cup to Canada, while being disguised as Brazil (surprisingly,the rest of the world never figures this out until 6 months later, at which point nobody really cares).

• FIFA also gives a World Cup to both Brazil and Germany (in a secret conference, of course) for consolation.

• Four years later, Iceland qualified for the World Cup and was bent on beating Canada. Both teams were strong, and won their group.
• And that is how Canada will win the 2006 World Cup. The End.

no they wont. haha Bailie Mann Jansen was here

Canada will win. Natas347 22:24, 26 June 2006 (UTC)

But Canada was asploded because a 3-year-old Dora/Blue's Clue's-watching girl "played" with an atomic bomb.

Random stories

A boy called Jane

• A boy was called Jane.
• He lived on a lane.
• His dad was insane,
• His mum was a pain.

• So Jane went away,
• Down to Paraguay.
• He went there to stay,
• With a friend called Jay.

• Jay said "Hey Janey!
• Why stay here with me?"
• "I don't want to be,
• Stuck in old Blighty!"

• So a boy called Jane,
• Who lived on a lane,
• Went on a plane,
• Isn't that insane?

Dwarf guy

• Yohoho! I'm a dwarf!

BORF!

• Yohoho! He's a dwarf!

BORF!

• Yohoho! They're all dwarfs!

BORF!

• Yohoho! You're a dwarf!

BORF!

• Yohoho! I'm the janitor.
• Down in these mines, it smells so UUGH!
• Yohoho! I'm the janitor.
• Down in these mines, it smells so-
• BLEUUGH!!!

The next day...

AAAAAAAGH!!!

==The mines are overloaded with puke! Get the Puke-o-vac!==

• Yohoho im a puke o vac, i vacuum up puke

• Yohoho, he's a Puke-o-vac AND a bad writer, he vacuums up poop AND writes bad!

The Tale of Ray Charles and Worf

• One day, Ray Charles was taking his starship, the USS... umm... Ray Charles. Yeah, the USS Ray Charles. That's right. He was taking his starship out for a casual bit of space piracy. Suddenly, a million trillion light years away, on the USS Enterprise, Worf picked something up on his long-range sensors. "Moo," he bellowed, in his Klingonishianese voice. "My pie-crust forehead sense is tingling." Captain Picard (who is BALD) was, understandably, very worried by Worf's announcement, as he had never previously known that Worf had such a sense. To appease this strange man, he said, as was his wont, "Make it so, Liutenant." So Worf obeyed the voices in his head and locked phasers on the USS Ray Charles, which was a million trillion light years away. Unfortunately, as everyone else had predicted, the phasers were not powerful enough to reach the USS Ray Charles. However, Ray Charles' ship did have powerful enough space badger cannons to reach the USS Enterprise, and Ray Charles had sensed the Enterprise's attack attempt upon his starship, so he was very angry. So Ray Charles sent his giant, nuclear badgers to destroy the Enterprise. And so they did. However, Beverly, the ship's counselor on board the Enterprise, had sensed this attack and had ordered Picard to raise shields, so the nuclear badgers bounced harmlessly off of the shields.

• THE END
• --Master Harpuia 18:51, 27 June 2006 (UTC)

• Wait! it isn't the end!

• Then the nuclear badgers died.

• Now it's the end.

• THE END

• Or, at least, so the intrepid crew of the Enterprise believed. Data tried to point out that, since the story was still ongoing, the end could not have come yet, but everyone was too busy eating ranch dressing, cookies, and fudge. Lots and lots of fudge.

• But then comes little Richard in his Big Space ship and also Wtevie Wonder would have come but he was blind so he hit a Space Goat.-true story

To Wear The Hat of Straw

I see a hat of straw in the floor once in called a K'anata earth distant I found once a straw hat and I put it in my head. Since she was Californian, you happen and the plum trees and you happen great they walked until me and they began to dance. The sun began to go under which it indicated that the night soon approached. I walked dull, taking my friends from happens with me. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I went to the local depot of the hamburger and bought a hamburger and a refreshment to eat. After eating my hamburger and refreshment I walked towards it go and I did not pay to retailer, but he did not take care of. I went to house and I went to sleep because he was dark. The next morning I woke up and I was in the site of the glasses. Then in the encyclopedia. It was a day of the diversion.

I went to the bakery to buy a cake for my birthday, that was the day after tomorrow. I bought a great square cake in the blue icing-up that read happy birthday to you “, Miguel” with the flowers in him. I walked towards outside with the cake in a plastic case, feeling happy.

Laura's secret

Short version

In a land far away there lived a strange but sexy female called Laura. She seduced men with her charms before luring them to her castle retreat where she forced them to work in gigantic underground mines where it was rumoured that a great fortune of unimaginable value was located.

Laurence 1 13:24, 29 June 2006 (UTC)

File:SchapelleCorbyInCell.jpg

Laura

Extended version

Late at nigh there was a loud bang which caught the attention of a young man named John. John went to investigate and came across a young woman standing outside his front door. John was immediately turned on as the woman seamed to emit a raw sexual power he had never felt before. She wore all black, her red hair flowing about her in the nights breeze. She was holding a long, curved sward. But John was enchanted by her and failed to notice her strange but sexy appearance. 'Can I help you?' John said, trying to keep his voice from going high pitched and awarkward. The woman was slow to respond, regarding him for a moment. Finally she answered. 'I need a man', she said plainly, a strong man.' Oh boy, this is my lucky night, thought John, who’s trousers were already becoming a confined space. 'Yes, I can help', John said. 'Good', the woman replied, and with that great bat-like wings arose from her back and flapped behind her. She grabbed John and suddenly they were shooting up towards the stars. John, however, didn't seamed concerned by this, his only thought at the time being 'I'm gona get laid tonight!' They flew over the mountainous landscape until they touched down at a dark and deserted castle atop a tall and shapeless hill. The woman released John and held eachothers gaze for a while. 'I don’t even know your name', John said. 'My name', the woman said, seaming to have to search for it in her mind. 'My name is Laura', she said seductively. She took John's hand and led him over a wooden bridge to the castle's grand doors which opened as they approached. Once inside she led him to a small room with a bed inside. 'I really want you to do something for me', Laura said suggestively. This is it, thought John, but no sooner had that thought crossed his mind, Laura rose up into the air and the floor below John seamed to give way to nothingness. He fell down into a pit, the floor closing him in from above.

He awoke face down. His whole body was flat on the ground. 'Where am I?' John said, more to himself than anyone else. 'Another one of Laura's victims', a voice said. 'Your in the mines below the castle. She makes thousands of us work looking for some great fortune of unimaginable value which is rumoured to be located hear.' 'What are you talking about?' replied John, who was starting to regain his senses. 'Look around you if you don’t believe me.' All around John was stone walls rose high up for what seamed like forever. Fires burned in the distance across great chasms of darkness.

'Welcome to hell', the voice said.

Laurence 1 20:17, 29 June 2006 (UTC) and thats when they started doin it.

Operation Summer Rain

The Israeli tanks charged into the Gaza strip, blasting apart Palestinian villages with mortar fire. The Palestinians, running for their life, posed no resistance and fled in all directions. Many Palestinian women were captured by Israelis and raped, then tied to stakes and shot by firing squad. Some ran into the woods, only to be chased down and gnawed to pieces by Israeli blood hounds. However, MC Hammer saved the day by telling the hounds that they "can't touch this" and all was well and peaceful (outside Hammer's parachute pants, anyway).

DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR

Then it all got a bit mysterious. What happened after that was never to be replicated again in the history of mankind. It was so spectacular, MC Hammer couldn't believe it. Neither could I, but that's beside the point. It was...

Text adventure game - At War with a Crossword Puzzle

The basic idea here is that the text will read as one or more playings of a specific (non-existing) work of interactive fiction, called "At War with a Crossword Puzzle". It should, I think, be imaginable that the game text is produced by an actual computer program, the logic of which we will be able to guess at but never exactly know. Player input lines should begin with ">".

"At War with a Crossword Puzzle" Copyright (c) 2006 Gnuworks, Inc. All rights reserved.
Version 0.9 (beta)
Type "help" for instructions.

Office supplies shop - at desk
Without really thinking of why, you have wandered into a small office supplies shop at the intersection of Meriadoc and Third and up to the register... or rather, maybe there was something specific you wanted to do here, but with your best efforts you can't recall what. Maybe the clerk (who's rather cute, by the way - but of course beauty is in the eye of the beholder) has an idea?

>examine mailbox

Hey, now... You know what game you are playing, right?

> eat a chicken pot pie

"Yum!"

> dance, dance, dance

You begin to do the Macarena.

> talk to clerk

"Hello! Salud. I like doughnuts."

> give clerk a doughnut

The clerk takes the doughnut, eats it, and then begins chanting "TOUCHDOWN!" over and over and over.

> shout "TOUCHDOWN!"

The clerk gives you seven diamond rings.

> inventory

You have seven diamond rings and seventeen chicken pot pies.

> delete wikipedia.com

You have destroyed Wikipedia. Good riddance.

> look left

You see the remains of Wikipedia.

> look right

You see a bear! Lookout!

> dodge

The bear has missed and fallen into a pit of lava.

> eat a chicken pot pie

"Yum!"

> wash spoon

You try wash your spoon, only to find that the sink is out of water!!!

> call plumber

You call the plumber. He fixes your sink

> try washing spoon again

You succeed at washing your spoon.

> exit

You exit the building.

Street
You are at Rocky Rd.

> enter that pretty blue house with the yellow roof shingles

You have entered a murderer's house. He kills you.

> come back to life

You come back to life.

> kill the murderer before he shoots that machine gun at you

You kill the murderer.

> realise you have murdered a murderer and tell the police

Bad idea! The police put you in prison for life.

> tell me how to escape

I can't tell you! You are supposed to find out!

> look left

You see a wall.

> look right

You see a wall.

> look behind

You see a wall and the keys to the door.

> unlock door

You do not have the keys.

> grab keys

You grabbed the keys.

> unlock door

Did you get the keys? I wasn't listening.

> YES!!!

Okay. You have unlocked the door.

> pause

Game paused.

> exit

You have exited prison.

> pause

Game unpaused.

> notice that alien coming towards me

Oh no! An alien!

> talk to alien

"Hello, alien."

"MUST DESTROY EARTH"

"Huh?"

"MUST DESTROY HUMANS TOO"

"Oh no!"

> pause

Game paused.

> throw alien into lava

Yay!

> pause

Game unpaused.

Oh no! The alien is unharmed by the lava! You have no choice but to battle the crossword puzzle you have been working on for seventeen years!

> Read 1 down

"The god of Wikipedia is"

>Print JIMBO WALES

Daniel Brandt enters. He looks angry, like he might not let you finish the puzzle.

>Give Daniel Brandt to alien

The alien eats Brandt's brain and appears satiated.

>Feed a pot pie to the alien.

The alien eats a pot pie. Then he says, "Mmmm, tryptophan!"

>Read 1 across

"You're likely to be eaten by a ____"

>Print BLUE BUNNY

You find a blue bunny with cute little eyes, like it just wants you to hug it. It then shows it's razor-sharp fangs.

>Shoot it

It spews out rabid butterflies.

>Shoot them

You killed the butterflies.

> read 2 across

"You escaped from jail by using a ___"

> print KEY

Correct!

You notice that in the time it's taken you to read and complete 2 across, the blue bunny has gotten behind you, and is about to clamp its large, predatorial teeth around your neck. (Wouldn't that ruin your day!)

> Make rabbit stew with the infernal rabbit

Mmm. Blueberry flavored.

> examine puzzle

Your crossword puzzle; it is evil incarnate. You became aware of the latter fact when you noticed that it was made by Microsoft.

>Burn it!

The puzzle takes 0 damage and turns into an Ekolid!

>Call Tux

Tux appears and puts on his robe and wizard hat.

>Find the rabbit stew and put it in front of him

He will start eating the stew. He gets food poisoning from the bunny and dies.

>Pick up his remains

You pick up his remains.

>Shove them up a Microsoft employee's nose

He gets angry and starts talking funny.

>Laugh at him and shake your freakin' butt at him

He gets mad. REAL mad. He gets so mad that he turns into The Hulk!

>Run like a scared rabbit

You get the hell outta there.

>Get a car and get away from the Microsoft Employee Hulk

You get a car and hotwire it and drive over the speed limit. Cops start speeding for you.

>Get a gun and shoot them

Cops get shot and crash and die.

>Get out of the car

You get out of the car.

>Look up

A flamethrower instantaneously falls from the sky.

>BURN THE POLICE!

You don't have to. the police spontaneously combust.

>But I wanted to burn them

ERROR: Can't understand ya.

>Stop ignoring me

ERROR

>Bash computer with chicken pot pies

OUCH! I'll stop! I'll stop!

>OK, now I'm out of chicken pot pies because of you

give me a command maybe

>9 more chicken pot pies

sure

>inventory

9 chicken pot pies

14 venezualuen llamas

5 bird feathers

>Something seems strange

Hey! I'm supposed to say that! Have you discovered my weakness?

>Yup. I say what you're supposed to say. NOOOOO!

NOOOOO! I'll destroy you!

>Destroy computer first

Too bad. You died. The end.

>HEY! You can't do that! *computers turns off* *user turns back on* *off* *on* *off* *on*

alright, I give up. Whaddya wanna do now?

>Watch Blue's Clues

NO! Blue's Clues is from BABIES!!! STOP WATCHING IT, YOU FREAKIN' IDIOT!

>Oooooohhhhhh....you just swooooooore

...ugh...

>Turn off TV

GOOD JOB, you DAMN child!

>Oooooooooohhhhhhh...you just swore agaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiin

WILL YOU SHUT UP ALREADY AND GET BACK TO THE STORY, PLEASE! I'M GETTING SO FREAKIN' ANNOYED WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

>Ok, ok...

Thank you...

>Get back to the computer game

You got back to the computer game.

>Look up

An atomic bomb falls out of the sky as if on cue.

>Make a snowman near the U.N. and put the atomic bomb for the head

You destroy the U.N. building. Everything 200 miles radius was killed, including you.

>Reproduce

You get your child to do the rest of this for you, who, conveniently, looks exactly like you and has the same name as you.

>Get a stick and start poking at the remains of the U.N.

Found a genuine gold among the remains.

>Wondered what to do with the gold.

You use the gold to make your own tortilla factory.

>Have a tortilla.

Air Theory

There came one day to a small rural village the Great One, who at the time was not so great. In fact, he was at this point a convict known as Bob. With Bob came two other convicts, John and Bill.

They were orignaly imprisioned for the henious crime of proposing the 'air theory.' We all know now that air is a fictional substance, but Bob, John, Bill and there group of air theorists believed that air filled the space within about 6 miles of the surface of the Earth. This air theory was used to explain various phenomena that are now understood in different ways.

For example, a burning candle placed in a bell jar would eventually go out. According to air theory, this was because the air inside the jar had been used up by a chemical reaction involved in burning. Obviously, this was a very implausible theory. The real explanation is that phlogiston given off by the burning fills up the jar so that there is no room for the flame.

Air theorists also believed that prolonged contact with air promoted breathing, a deadly and incurable addictive condition. Leading biologists believed it would only take 1 breath to become addicted.

Air was also supposed to be the medium in which waves such as light and sound travel. But even then it was known that there were exceptions, as light waves travel through interplanetary space (between the Earth and the Sun for example). The air theory held that there was no air in most of interplanetary space, so the theory condradicked itself from the very begining.

In 1543 an attempted to prove the air theory was conducted by observing rock music fans play the air guitar at a concert. Of course, this was eventually proved wrong and the scientists involved shamefully admitted that air was in fact nonexistant.

Air theory was dealt a further blow in 1617 by physicist Gene Roddenberry in his famous Star Trek experiments. These experiments proved without doubt that sound waves from a starship explosion could travle through interstellar space. He also showed that even in space, objects can explode in flames, disproving the hypothesis that air was essential for burning.

But in 1692 the air theroy started to gain support again. There were still a few phenomena that could not be explained without it. The most important of these were the effects of "wind", which air theorists had supposed to be due to moving bodies of air pushing on objects. It was at this time that Albert Einstein published his general theory of relativity which showed that the motions of objects blown about by the "wind" were not due to any kind of external force, but are simply natural motions of objects in curved space-time.

The air theory, at last refuted, joined the gene, the atom, and Antarctica in a long list of scientific red herrings.

Laurence 1 - I forget why I started this

The Starship Enterprise vaporize everything. "Why," asked an angry Admiral Shatner, "did you destroy that primitave planet, Jim?"

You slept with my girlfriend

• “That’s right, John! You slept with my girlfriend, you fucking punk!” Bill moved the gun to a more comfortable posisition in his hand. He was afraid John would make a run for it. “Bill, mate, what are you talking about? I didn’t sleep with your girlfriend!” John tried to pretend that Bill wasn’t holding a gun up to him. “I saw you,” Bill continued, getting even more tence. “You were going at it in the car! My car! You fucked MY girlfriend in MY car!” Bill was now waving the gun around the room wildly. “You couldn’t wait to have your way with her, ever since I started going out with her. I saw the way you looked at her!” Bill moved closer to John. --> (please continue)

• He sniffed at John and then took a deep inhale. "I've smelled your cologne and her before, too, you mother fucker."

• John Responded, "Man, You've got it all wrong! Jill and I are just friends! We hang out a lot, but we've never gone there. However, I think I know what you saw." John slowly sits down on the floor looking exhausted. "Jill and I both know that you would freak out if anything happened to your car, so when I slipped on my cheesy nachos last night, we were scrambling to get it cleaned up a quick as possible before you got home." He puts his head down in his hands and continues, "I do have something I need to admit, however. Jill and I get along great because we have something in common." He looks like he could cry any moment, but he held it back. "We're both obsessed with you. It started as just a crush a few years ago, but now I don't know how I could ever live without you Bill." John's very flush face looks up at Bill to gage his reaction. Bill's eyes harden he looks at John wondering if it's true or a lie to prolong his life. "What did you say?"

• "I...", John stammered, trying to get the words out. "I..I..love you." Bill's expression remains unchanged.

• Bill pulls the trigger and watches as John's head flicks back. Life was now simpler for Bill.

• Or was it? Just as Bill was about to turn away, John's head rasied up again, a bloody hole in one side and what looked like wires and computer chips inside. "I love you", came a mechanical voice from John as a arm shot out and grabbed Bill. "Oh God! No!", cried Bill as he forght with the unbeliveable strong John. "Whats going on in hear?", came a voice from the front door. Bill and John both stopped and looked up; it was Bill's girlfriend...

justice and the grape

Charles was standing out by the mail box when he heard it. A sound which resonated through his head and dissolved all thought he had been thinking. It sounded as if a metal bar was being smashed through the concrete. The sound was there and it never left. Charles was baffled by this strange noise, he wasn’t sure whether he should get in his 1945 deuce coupe and skedaddle or if he should investigate. Hesitantly Charles looked around, there were large maple trees growing in pairs down the road which seemed to go for ever, this cold February morning. A car drives by, Charles watches the driver as he stares out his window while passing by. The driver had an odd shaped head Charles though, very odd. It seemed to be shaped like a grape fruit, almost perfectly round. His eyes were like ones of a porcupine, and his hair was slicked back with palmade or chicken grease. Feeling defiled by the stare of this old man, Charles becomes enraged and starts running towards the sound. Night descends and light disappears, as if absorbed by a vast black sponge. Charles falls in a gigantic hold and plummets to his death. NO REGRETS

rube's ending

• charles decided not to worry about the driver, he went to investigate the continuous sound. Soon he came to a pereson. The person held a metal bar. The metal bar was smashing through concrete. It kept smashing and smashing and smashing. Oh well. Charles decided to go home and watch TV.

• uh, that isn't your ending, i made that ending

• I know, and what a wonderful ending it is.

The Hotel

It was 2:30 AM. Emily sighed as she climbed from her Honda Civic and walked up the old cobblestone pavement to the Serme Inn. The night was cold.

QuizQuick 14:42, 14 July 2006 (UTC)

Cold, like the desperate eyes of the old man who had politely asked, floating amongst his ragged clothing, for some bus money. She had shrugged without a word, and walked away.

The Nonsense Story

When Bigfoot inexplicably vaporized his pet monkey, iPods flew like chipmunks being thrown. Glaring, Mr. Pickles hummed a sonata that Beethoven abhored because his fat wife buried a can of moss-covered mustard flavored ice cream which combusted into pure sodium and precipitated as a pink cow-shaped lump with heart-shaped diamond-studded banana engagement cowbell that dinged and donged to Mozart's "The Marriage of Figaro" where Mozart’s daughter was rejected by Beethoven’s son who was rejected from Stanford before Stanford even existed. So instead, Beethoven Jr. decided to travel overseas and visit Cambridge which had no girls and only very few itsy-bitsy men who would walk and gawk and talk like the rocks had flocks of birds. Therefore, Butterworth Wilkins smoked a pack of salty eels, and Miss Mozart lied about her affair with Mr. Lord-of-Logistics, her favorite person to have never kissed her in the light of the moon. Consequently, the girl who always sulked behind the Hulk decided to invoke her personal bulwark of fake robust Horcrux which resembled golden orbs that hummed to the tune of Vivaldi’s "Spring"...Suddenly, through the mists she saw a rainbow colored parrot stricken with AIDS that it contracted from Logistics. The parrot flopped onto Miss Mozart’s teahouse and turned into a spider that maimed the house cat that was trying to take a quick look at purrli's pregnancy test and found it positive. Now the gale blew through the house and the question is who bumped purrli? The answer was provided by Dr. kman1456's analysis, which proved that QuizQuick was the culprit, except that the analysis was flawed. What it did prove, however, was that Logistics was impotent and that kman1456, who was the real culprit. ANNNNNNYWAYS, purrli decided to seek revenge against Logistics for ruining her perfect fairytale story which would have gone to hell had he not stepped in. One night, purrli flew up to Logistic’s mansion in the clouds and left him a note, stating that she was going to cut him open and eat his slimy heart and sever all his aortic arteries and shave off all his leg hair and dissect his urea smelling kidney and marry him off to a drag queen in Sydney who had fists that could break a 5-foot steel door. So......... one day, while kman1456 was cooking tomatoes for brunch and baking sauerkraut three girls came up and asked him three riddles. The first girl, who had black hair that reached to the floor, asked "What is green, furry, and if it falls out of a tree could kill you?" kman1456 answers: a durian fruit. which is a kind of swimming pool. "FALSE!" She roared, baring her fangs. "The correct answer is - a pool table." The second girl, a grim Wildcat, asked "What wears overalls, is black, and dangerous?" Little Kim and her gang, kman1456 replied. "FALSE!!!" Yelled the girl. "The answer is - da dum dum - a scarecrow with a machine gun." That's 0 for 2, yelled the third girl. "Third riddle: what is black, white, and plum?" "A PUMPKIN" Kman yelled "Try my dead body after recieving gun shots"... Wrong! The third girl shouted. She then turned into purrli for enlightenment. "The answer," she said in a majestic voice, 'is - Martin Luther with a sun burn." Kman thought it was so funny that he rolled on the carpet gaffawing at the way Quiz Quick was sitting on the chair. Then Kman was turned into a wooly mammoth as punishment for him, and the Lord of Log was sent to the Chinese communists and was forced to sing the Internationale while laying red eggs with a yellow scythe on them. Then he became Hu Jintao’s pet and was rewarded for mounting his horse, who was named purrli. purrli overthrew the chinese government, and then became the new Chinese premieress who decided to make new communes for discombobulated veterans of CC who are having trouble doing homework and who ought to be studying for APs. In the Great Leap Backward, purrli ordered a plate of ham that were green that came with matching set of eggs that gave purrli diarrhea and then she walked out without paying, then the waiter pulled out a pair of uzis and pursued Bush into Camp David where lablondie decided to maim Condoleeza Rice with her massive round spiky bat with poison tips. Then purrli showed up, screaming bloody murder and took out her wand and cast a spell over me, myself, and I, making me a pikachu. Then she pointed her wand at Logistics and yelled ""Hippopatamus creatus!" And lo and behold, there materialized a certain purple and green creature by the name of Barney who danced and pranced and put everyone in a trance while shooting a glance at a girl named Nance who by chance had a fence named the Duke of York which no one could climb over. And then I found $10 and lost it, and I turned agnostic, following the Jainist order. Then I became disillusioned with the Jains's sexual preference and said that purple cows had ate fowls, and stood up and bowed while the cat meowed and vowed never to howl. All too familiarly, someone entered the room named Dame who ate maimed game that isn't quite tame or had the same last name or fame, so she blamed and framed someone else for this shame and claimed that the whole damn thing was pretty lame. Her aim was for much more than fame with everything being the same and she missed her old flame who's pen name played word games. "STOP!," Ellaboudy pantomimed, and his shouted exploded from the pressure buildup. Suddenly, he stopped and danced to accordion music that was really loud. Then he took out a basket and made it into a moldy casket which leaked like a gasket although it seemed elastic; so I rowed my boat to Nantucket and saw this shell in bucket that sang like an ugly Muppet. Isn't it suprising that those things are puppets? Made out of furry carpet? "NO MORE RHYMES," bellowed Senorita, whipping out a margarita, and my name is Rita Repulsa from the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, who eats pitas because I am a Gothic Lolita who raped Harry Potter and Mickey Mouse on the same day because they are imaginary and oh so revolutionary and fluffy. I wonder why QuizQuick decided to excrete air and go to the county fair to glare and fell into despair because the sooth sayer predicted that he'll marry Jane Eyre and everyone can burn copies of The Eyre Affair by Fforde's mere qui a perdu son pere who soon realized speaking French was not his forte and started learning Yiddish. I wanted a pet kangaroo who purred while its eyes blurred and it’s fur would choke people I don't like and make them slur while speaking Yiddish to me. Horrified, I decreed that logisticslord got a C+ on his calc test. So logisticslord decided to defect to Mongolia, and plucked a magnolia, ate it, and fell into a coma, and that is a cause for enigma. Angelina Jolie tried to wake him but he had died!!! He was buried in a deep dungeon keep and forced to eat moss and sleep on rats and was awakened by brats who owned giant cats that ate them all and became fat and were bitten by gnats that they got from the frats and by sitting on mats, they meditated under an olive tree, contemplating the trivialities and questions of the thetan that dwelled within the great spire of the mansion of Methuselah.

So it rained and poured and flooded and deluged and rained pigs and cows; it was a disaster! To find the angle bisector, it was seen as imperative that the old elephant die and let the new elephant eat him so that he would grow limp in the pants. Then I heard Bigfoot, who was quite upset because he felt like he had been forgotten in this story, start to lick the snow only to find out that it was yellow and smelled peculiar like sulfur, and gave him an allergy and he had a convulsion. Phillip swore that he was too anarchist to become a monarchist so he turned fascist and became racist and pluralist, and became polygamous with poltergeists that came from Polaris and polarized his glens and monopolized his mother and whispered to each other. Then purrli came back to Bigfootland and saw that Logisticland had been ruling for too long so she hatched a great plan to bring about his downfall. She was inspired by the works of Sun Tzu and the tactics of Zhu Ge Liang and the laziness of the Dowager Empress and the beauty of Xi Shi and the mercilessness of Mao Zedong and the genius of Sun Wukong and the skills of Jet Li, all combined to make a superb heroine who easily defeated Logistics and baked his minions and minced his onions and cut his bunions and jet him off to Orion while infecting him with a prion at the Priory of the Sion while being bitten by a lion, oi, for 'tis the lion of Zion, who became the scion of Orion and deposited his anions by his cations as he listened to Celine Dion while vacationing in Lyon and collided with an ion that released a positron and antimatter spewed into the lake contaminating it indefinitely and destroying whoever starts the next sentence with "Then". Then, ziggy was destroyed and we all got annoyed because of his masochist attitude. So I swear Logistics has a fixation for QQ because that's the only time he'd ever post on this thread. “Ah-ha!” Logistics exclaimed, spotting purrli swimming in the lake and fixated on her...so Logistics sank into a depression about his orientation and committed seppuku. On one rainy day Logistics fell down a ravine and landed as a bovine that munched babies for lunch and gave milk to Harvard admissions officers so they accepted him to the class of 2011 because he is so amazingly milky in complexion and was mistaken for a female ghost in the likeness of the wonderful, sensous, brilliant, smooth-talking, suave, clean-shaven porcupine with pointed beards and pointy ears and spoke in an accent that reminisced of gays. Hugh Hefner and other morons who smelled like Boron swam through a sea of oxymorons and was caught by Sauron in a proton shot forth from Princeton and hit the Andes Mountains and splashed over the Fountain of Youth and turned Ponce de Leon into the Emperor's New Groove and turned his armor into a silk dress and his steed into a llama and his men into mice and his den to dice and his logs into lice and his virtues into vice and his rowboats into rice University and his swords into scythes and his eyes into ice and his pies into pith and his senses into Sith and his mistresses (ie purrli) into myth who was lady-like and lithe and wore many beaded pearls extracted from urns that burned and turned and churned and became taciturn ferns that earned a thousand yens which dropped into a thousand dens became a thousand Big Bens that turned into a thousand hens that clucked in their thousand pens who looked like a thousand men with a thousand hydrogens which bonded to a thousand cyanides and made a thousand mols of poison which were fed to helpless mice in Nice with a price of the sacrifice of lice and rice and spice until it will suffice to twice make me italian ice thrice, which doesn't make sense because logistics said so. The giant squid maliciously seized the helpless, hapless, handless, headless, hipless, heartless, hypothalamusless hippopotamus and chewed him to bits and spit out his bones and smeard his flesh until he experienced a thrilling, galvanizing, arousing, electrifying euphoria that oxidized his post count. Feeling down, he decided to write a novel. Inadvertenly, he reduced his Reimann sum, but forgot his teacher didn't teach him the right way to do so. He figured smoking a cigarette would be suffice. Then he found out how important calculating Riemann Sums were to his success in Calculus class, where he had an A and had to snag an A+ and thus win the hand of Miss Harvard 2006. However, being with Miss Harvard 2006 made him very important, and Miss Princeton began to get jealous, and she began to conspire with the very legally blonde Miss Stanford to pit the all too naïve Miss Yale against the dumpy Miss Cornell who cried and was replaced with the Nordic looking Miss Dartmouth in the eye, and screaming to Mrs. Community College (because she was green with envy) to stay away from her man! So Miss Upenn, who was very snotty, decided to get in on the action. She converted to a Quaker and came to Shaker Heights and beat up Julia Shatten. Mrs. Johns Hopkins then decided to dote on his as well and asked her friend, Miss Columbia to set plain Miss Brown up with a handsome Duke, who isn't from the Imperial Ivy Dynasty and therefore dumped plain Miss Brown. Then, Miss University of Chicago got on top of the Sears Tower and shouted that she was ghetto and jumped off. No one cared, so finally the beautiful Miss Northwestern is the sole ruler of Illinois and invited the other Misses to a grand ball where they recited the anthem of Soka University, aka the Four Noble Truths. They then had a feast which lasted until the end of time, which in reality was only two days. After that, they retreated to Logistic's residence and danced to tango the jango, salsa, waltz, and polka. Soon the troop was whisked to sarorah's house 40 years back in time sand everyone saw sarorah’s mom and had a picnic in Central Park. They then went shopping at Bergdorf Goodman and bought even more pretty dresses for the lil tramp who came back from the dead to destroy the living fake people and take everyone else to paradise where they enjoyed long walks on the beach. Soon, they had to come back to the present and face the truth *dun dun dun*: in 24 hours they were all going to receive a ransom note threatening the life of Miss Northwestern who caught hypothermia and went up to her bedroom to warm up some meatloaf when suddenly glass rained down on her bed and two ninjas yelled "Banzai!!!!" Swinging their samurai swords, they proceeded to take all the Misses hostage and would have succeeded if it weren't for the timely entrance of another shady, by the name of slim, who loooooves sushi and pork fried rice and dumplings and chowmein sided with even more chowmein and who was also a good cook because the food she cooked was magical and could transform into laser and burn a hole through the medulla oblongata, the cerebellum, thus causing chaos in A minor. The Misses were safe again and proceeded to hold a tea party in Wonderland with the Mad Hatter, Alice scrambled to make the tea, but she was turned into a short and stout teapot by a jealous, short dwarf that suffered from a case of reverse-gigantism which alienated his half fairy godmother who croaked "The Music of the Night" in an excellent bass voice that made everyone shimmy while playing Brahm's Hungarian Dances and made everyone have a little too much to hope for the Holy Carp whom the dwarves all prayed to threatened to unleash the curse of the nutcracker who'd pirouette with the beautiful girl who always carried a lotus and riding on a golden fish and wearing this (http://www.davidsbridal.com/bridesm...0&prodgroup=110) So the beautiful girl appeared and turned into a Siren, singing the aria from La Boheme and causing shipwrecks that sank the Titanic and drove men mad and donkeys wild with love. So it came to be that the donkeys fell in love with big feet and red lips and a pet donkey named Max, who sat on a tack. Max had jealousy issues, and the donkeys all decided to trample him to death and leave the body in a state of uncomfortable decay that smelled like strawberry tater tots with butter and cream and sprinkles of perfumed sesame that tasted delicious with fried tofu and golden chopsticks engraved with 'wangba' on them as a warning. While debunking the Justinian Affair, lil' Max read A Day in the Life of Africa. Somehow, his socks turned into a cactus that sang Olive_Tree Is My God(dess). Olive_Tree was stupified and turned into an Olive Tree (just like the legend of Apollo and the laurel tree). Justinian the cactus begged the Devil to be his pollen and decided to scatter candy which was poison that was quickly neutralized with olive oil. Suddenly kman1456 took a shotgun and fired it into the air as an enemy was coming towards him. The enemy turned out to be quite gregarious, and it was none other than the darkly handsome, man named Lorenzo, who came from the exotic island of Lollipopland. Inevitably, the candy man got banned and canned and spammed until he was choked by a malicious molecule that manifested into a mutiny that mutated out of the mayhem and munched like manakins that looked like fashionable mannequins that marched stupidly. They randomed all the bacon that the deacon made and flamed it onto this game with the Free-Response section and gutted the Multiple-Choice section and chose essays #2 and #7 to be graded by blind readers who gave scores that befit everybody's nightmares and turned Santa's test that's used to measure Justinian's shoe size, which unfortunately stank so much that the readers thought that a dungbumb had combusted in their lungs, producing phlegm and mercury droplets which caused severe mental retardation and itching in the navel and shriveled his ovaries and destroyed his white blood cells and caused him to grow a thick layer of fur that smelled of Titan Arum and belladonna, which soon attracted killer goldfishes who have quirky and creative ways of eating escargot and drinking sake and chasing swift-footed lioness up stone wall jackson and Robert E. Lee at Appomattox and got tried for trying to trick the trapezoid-shaped polygon into believing that it could add a perpendicular bisector to conical projections and turn it into this quacked up calculus joke someone posted in the HS forum on valentine's day because someone had too much free time and too much imagination and too much bodily stimulation and too fascinated by calculus and too good with words. So Someone decided to send his story to Stanford, hoping to woo the dean who coincidentally had the hobby of writing stories about certain applicants whom he finds fairly good-looking and very willing to do football, much to the dismay of his disapproving daughters who were told they must choose a suitable suitor from amongst the acceptees and dump the rejectees, whom they admired much more. Especially some genius socialite who raises pure-breed Physics Olympiad kids who also play piano like Chopin and Mozart and run as fast as the wind and leap like a flea and solve physics problems like Einstein and invent things like Edison and suave as James Bond. This bloke dazzled and wowed Dean Shaw, who automatically rejected him for being too perfect, because he himself is green with jealousy of his skills at attracting other beta particles to mix with his positively pudgy positrons to form new nutty neutrons, which desintegrated and shot out eleven eclectic eletrons and annihilated themselves on little lusterous leptons and gave birth to 6 children who were up, down, top, bottom, strange, and charm and they made up a happy family who wore polka-dotted yellow bowties and overalls and played sousaphones while marching to Pomp and Circumstance - the original full version at 140 bpm and rushing wildly and tripping over the easy parts and having a heart failure over the sixteenth note runs and having tourettes over the quarter notes and hyperventilation from the ten whole notes tied together and muscular dystrophy from holding his sousaphone up too long. "What a day", he exclaimed while blowing the final measure of the piece. But then everyone had to play "Stars and Stripes Forever" with the piccolos in 8va and the flutes in 16va which destroyed everyones' eardrums within the fifty mile radius but didn't harm the audience, who were miraculously protected by an enormous bass drum which reflected the sound waves toward the offensive upper winds, but the heroic bass drummer was marching so fast to the rescue that he created the Doppler's Effect and compressed the sound waves so much that it created a sonic boom that crushed the string players' G strings exposing the musician's bodies to all of the audience, provoking a riot that only subsided when they were squeezed through a tuning pipe by the Squeeze Property and thus improved their ductility and made them almost frictionless on a massless pulley that exerted no force against their oversized surface perpendicular to the longitudinal axis at the prime meridian which crossed the Tropic of Capricorn in Brazil right at a soccer stadium during the World Cup and suffered a concussion when an Argentinian player kicked the ball at his head that was made out of lead and was stuffed with bread that smelled like dead, red Feds with heads so egoistical so they couldn't wed a woman in bed unless they've been led with a thread that said "Ted got laid and started to fade in the arcade until a raid of precious ivory and jade made him wade and cascade down a river of Kool-aid that bade his maid to braid without getting paid and prayed that today she would fall prey to the harmful ray that sprayed across the cay and upset the bay which allayed the troubled fears of those who knew not of the hemlock tree. For only the mystic gnome of the Far East could trump Justinian I into believing he is Celebrian while still possessing the looks of Mesuthelah, thus causing a deja vu and a temporal paradox after tumbling through a wormhole and causing major temporal discontinuities in his temporal lobe and having temporal amnesia at a prestissimo tempo and syncopated rhythm that says 'time to close this gigantic quotation, methinks.'" So Justinian closed the quotation and nearly perished due to the exertion on his bow-legged legs and begged Prepkid, who turned red as beet, to dance with Jimi at the middle school prom where they danced to the Charleston until QuizQuick who was mighty and constipated after receiving the very shocking news that the moon was inhabited by green, greasy, grumpy, groggy, god-forsaken guys. He sent Justinian up in a starship to investigate and discovered that their colony was in dire shortage of eukaryotes so the colonists had to resort to using prokaryotes as a source but failed. Prepkid, however, with her great creativity, created a scheme to harvest the euglena and stentor organisms in a local pond. Then she caught Justinian I trying to pilfer a cell culture taken from the bladder of yet another CCer, KMK, who had accidentally taken too many diuretics and consequently... created the aforementioned "local pond." This was an odd case of effect preceding cause and was the result of the (again) aforementioned "temporal paradox," so Eternal Mistress of the Universe Purrli got mad and banned all time traveling and banished all the aforementioned adventurers to a temporal-resistant prison, where they were confined and tormented nightly by the dragons that guarded Mordor until they turned into Ringwraiths and gave birth to Horcruxes, one of which is Harry ate. Then, he woke up from this horrible dream- all this story was simply a crazy dream! But when he walked out of his abode, his saw, to his horror, that Justinian had brought his army and had laid fortifications around his garden. The army was comprised of thousands of beefy and rednecked Bible-thumpers the likes of him, all armed with kitanas, and copies of the "Origin of Species" on fire! They sat in a circle and recited the Mein Kampf and other passages from the Communist Manifesto and Das Kapital until their heads were filled with Nazi and Communist sayings that they entered a state of philosophical paradox and ended up believing that democracy was a mild form of dictatorship, and that a 1600 was still the best SAT score on the new SAT, or Harvard was the best college in Okinawa. One gloomy day, a very colorful and talkative toad sat on a poisonous toadstool who declared,"The atheist onslaught possesses chariots of iron and steel with a terrible resolve; but fear not, for behold, I am the archangel Michael bringing you tidings of the presence of the Lord." Justinian, knowing of Gods mercy and presence, knew that victory was certain. However, as it turned out, it was not be since the tabloids revealed that justinian's god wasn't really a god... but a false diety who's really a devil that liked to paint swastikas on their heads and terrorized CC younglings until they were perfect at drawing their integral signs and could gain admission to Duke with ease, and eventually it became a Duke requirement that all freshman must achieve competency at their mathematical penmanship or accept a minus on their letter grade and be burned at a stake made of natural logs. So eventually Justinian's army became the incoming class at Duke, all 1600 strong, establishng their base at Duke and most of the other Ivy League Schools such as Harvard, Yale, Brown, Princeton, and Dartmouth. Finally, the atheists and theists met at the Field of Armaggedon where the theists were finally victorious with the Lord Gods help and guidance. May God Bless the People of the United States and other countries in the world! Amen!

~The End!

But, meanwhile, Bob ate the quacking planet. Then suddenly, a Pop-Tart ate him, giving him indigestion, making Jesse McCartney become ambassador of Pluto. Then the Starship Enterprise annihilated Nick Jr., causing Blue from Blue's Clues to become "The Armageddon Pup" and killed 56% of the population with a small McDonald's toy. This made Jesse McCartney explode. Then, a few minutes later, JoJo and Avril Lavigne's heads asploded, and their fans were suddenly sad and they started throwing their iPod shuffles at their remains. This caused J.Lo to call Ghostbusters, only to realize that they were busy dealing with ghouls and that 3/10 were already geezers. So she got the Men in Black, only to find out they were vaporized by their own neuralizers. Suddenly, a huge iPod nano (what an oxymoron!) fell from the sky. Citizens were terrified because it belted out 50's disco music and old school rap 24/7. Someone tried to shoot it with a .5 caliber slugger, only to have it filled with M&Ms and Skittle. This caused the very

Chocoding

Once upon a time there was a man called Bruce. He was a very clever man, and had a degree in Astro-physics by the time he was thirteen. But he got bored of Astro-physics and ran away to become chocoder. For those who don't know what a chocoder is, it's the secret term for a top secret government employee who does something that's so secret nobody knows what it is . . . sometimes even the chocoder himself.

Prologue

Our World

Our world is better known as Earth. The third planet from the Sun, (the big shiny thing.) But from 'Their World' or planet is a shit-hole. We don't have enough wars, drugs, women, spoons or monkeys.

Public transport is crap, I'd rather feed my penis to a bay lama than go on another bus, the last time I went on one, the bus driver just happened to be an ex-convict and have a strange love for vodka, so the whole story unfolds. We have nowhere to put rubbish, when we take out the bin and the bin men collect it, the council thinks, 'Erm... let's dig a big hole.' The cinema is another downfall of society, it is always interrupted by phones, kissing, bomb scares, talking, power cuts, terrorists, followed by counter-terrorists (which makes it into a big game of Counter Strike), giggly little girls or the most common the person in front has a largely obese head.

Money is metal and pieces of paper, why is the queen on the paper anyway? The queen is worth the number on the note, 5. And my Grandma could rob a bank with her eyes shut and using my fourth birthday presents, playdoh and a really nice pen. However art can be interesting but only one good artist comes maybe every century and my, 2 year old, nephew can do better than the ones who aren't good and he just chews the crayons.

Shops get all the money in modern society. They have everything in their category because if it wasn't their category it wouldn't work e.g. you don't but condoms in Fish & chip shops or you don't buy lingerie in Game.

Television, or more commonly known as TV, controls are live. A average man's TV play list is sport; football, rugby, tennis, boxing etc. etc. followed by cars, motorbike racing, Top gear, Pimp my ride etc. etc. then to top the day off at 22:00 half an hour of pornography. He could do all these things with his friends, himself and his wife (in order, coz if it's not that's just sick, you don't do porn with your friends) but he's 41 and just can't be arsed, the lazy git. A woman's play list is soaps; chosen DIY shows like Changing rooms, one hour dramas etc. The soaps were designed by 5 three years olds in 5 minutes with the red, blue, green, yellow and purple Crayola crayons one time in playgroup. They were killed due to angry men who can't watch the FA cup final because the East Enders omnibus is on a.k.a. three hours of complete shit.

East Enders is the worst adaptation of the East End of London ever known to man. Toyland, the place where Noddy lives, looks more gangster than that. The real east end is full of; drugs, hookers, money, alcohol, fights, sex, street racing, guns, gangs, gang wars and general crime. East Enders is more like The Telletubies with more characters.

Toddlers TV is actually better than a woman's TV play list because the characters are more deeper and you have to work out the characters backgrounds and hidden secret past e.g. 'the Telletubies' they live in a hill, in the middle of nowhere with no other civilisation except a baby for a sun, rabbits, flowers and a moving vacuum cleaner. Maybe they're hiding, running from something (Michael Jackson?) or were they put their by WPU (Witness Protection Unit.) Another example is Bob the Builder is not like any normal builder, when he bends over his arse doesn’t wave in your face, he doesn’t sit on the scaffolding, eat his lunch and shout obscene phrases at passers by. His vehicles talk, hallucination or what? He doesn’t actually get paid, so how does he pay council tax, maybe it’s something to do with what he does at night, maybe he deals drugs in the East End (not East Enders.) So as you see Children’s TV is very interesting and a bit too brightly coloured like Balamory,

(not finished yet.)User:boggon

The Power Of The Stones

Before Stonehenge and other such sites were subject to scientific study, it was widely believed that stone circles were created by giants; for only giants would have been able to move such heavy objects. But of course, it couldn't have been giants because they had become extinct way before the formation of the stone circles. So, what power did create these magnificent monuments? Recent research points towards the theory that the stones were carried or dragged to their positions by people with a superior level of awareness.

But whoever created them will probably remain a mystery, and at any rate won't be revealed in this story as it has nothing to do with Stonehenge.

Years ago, in a land now lost due to soil erosion, there lived a sporadic population of hunter-gatherer type people. Operating in close groups or clans, they travelled the land looking for food and shelter. Life for them was a constant battle for survival; from the cold and wet weather to the short supply of food or encounters with wild animals. One group of these people, who, for the purpose of relating to them and a lack of imagination by the author we will call 'humans', were reaching the end of their supplies. With the intending winter drawing ever closer and a distinct lack food due to a cold summer, they had a real problem. "What are we going to do?" asked the youngest of the group, Sara, a child of no more that ten summers old. No one answered her. Everyone knew that they probably wouldn't survive the winter. "I don't know, Sara", said Sam. "Lets ask the Elders", said another voice from behind. It was that of Sam's closest and most trusted friend, Tom. "We can't go about questing the Elders! They say that the Goddess of the fields will provide for us soon, we just have to wait a little longer," replied Sam.

It should be said at this point that the Elders were the leaders. They consisted of several of the wisest and most revered members of the clan. They were the ones who performed rituals, healed the injured and brought about the new year at the Solstice. "The Elders need to wake up and smell the absence of anything edible!" said Tom, slightly hushed. "You doubt the existence of the Goddess?" "No, I'm not saying that", Tom replied, sounding slightly offended, "I just think that if She was going to provide for us She would have already. This year we're on our own." "I think your right, Tom," Sam said, exhaling slowly. Something needs to be done, something practical." "So you'll come with me and confront the Elders?" Tom said, a little to eagerly for Sam's liking. "Lets just ask them what’s to be done about the clan's situation," replied Sam. "No confronting, ok. I don't want to turn this into an incident.

So Tom and Sam went to the Elders. But this proved to be somewhat difficult, as the clan consisted of many people, stretched across the land in a long travelling line; scouts up ahead looking for danger, hunters out looking for food, fighters at the rear and families, the weak and the old in the middle for protection. The Elders were most likely to be found in the middle of the line, as they were considered to be some of the most important people in the clan. At last Tom and Sam arrived, and as it was nearing nightfall, the whole line had stopped for the night. The tent of the Elders was the largest and most lavish tent, with a warm fire at its centre. Tom and Sam came closer to the doorway; a partly covered portal constructed of wood and branches. "Enter", came a voice from within. Sam causally parted the material that hung down covering the doorway and looked in. "Go in then", said Tom as he gave Sam a push. Sam stumbled into a large open space with high walls bathed in a yellow glow from the fire. He had never been in hear before. For that matter very few had been in hear before. The regular folk were not usually allowed in the sacred places. Sam was speechless. An old man slowly lifted himself up from a chair at the far end of the room. He seamed to have great difficulty in getting up, but dispite this he slowly shuffled his was across at room towards Sam and Tom. Even Tom, who had always been one to disagree with authority, seamed to be intimidated by the old man. Finally he reached them. He seamed not to know what to say and just regarded them for a moment. Silence followed. Sam began to get even more nervous at this awarkward silence. "I..", stammered Sam, "I am Sam Bramble. And, and this is my friend Tom Sorbitol." The old man looked at each of them again and smiled. "Come and sit down", he said as he began to shuffle back to his seat. "You have something on your minds, I see." "Well, nothing too important", said Tom, who seamed to want to leave all of a sudden. They followed the man to a some chairs beside the central fire. They were very comfortable compared to what Tom and Sam were used to sitting on, which was usually rocks or the ground. "Now then, what can I do for you?" the old man said. Tom and Sam both looked at each other before Sam began. "We're worried about our situation; we have little food and winter is setting in." "Of this we are all too aware", the old man replied. "We need to do something a remedy the problem", Tom said. "And you have a suggestion?" the old man said, somewhat sceptically. "Perhaps we should start rationing our remaining supplies, to make them last longer", Sam said. "And maybe", Tom continued, "we could eat the animals instead of giving them up as scarifies." The old man did not look pleased with this suggestion. "What would we offer to the Gods?" "The Gods!", Tom exploded, "The Gods have forsaken us!" Sam head fell into his hands. Tom continued his rant obiliovus. "If they were going to provide for us they would have already! Don't you get it? There are no Gods! There never have been!" Tom stopped and silence followed. Only now did he realise what he had done; to question the core beliefs. The old man began to speak very softly, but his voice laced with anger. "Leave", he said. "I'm...I'm sorry, I didn't mean what I said", Tom stuttered. The old man looked at them both, his stair like a spear through their souls. The warm glow of the fire gave him a devilish look as he slowly raised himself to full height. "You dare to question the existence of the Gods?", he said, his voice now booming all around the small room. "Leave! You are no longer welcome. From this time forward you are outcasts!" Tom and Sam just stood, quivering below the wrath of the old man. "I didn't mean it!" Tom began, tears streaming down his face. "Leave!" the old man screamed, and at that moment two guards grabbed Tom and Sam and dragged them outside. "Don't take Sam!" Tom wailed, "He didn't do anything!" "You will both face your punishment for you disobedience." the old man said, somewhat calmer now, but still with full resolve. "We need to appease the Gods, not anger them."

Beaten and dumped in a ditch the next morning, after being humiliated in front of the entire clan, Tom and Sam awoke. "This year we really are on our own", Sam said. Laurence 1

Inside the Computer

Mary and Sam loved their computer. They had only had it a few months. They loved computer games and going on the Internet and visiting web sites. One night they stayed up late surfing the web after they had done their homework. After a while they started getting tired and were almost falling asleep. Suddenly they felt a strong suction coming from the computer screen. It felt like a huge vacuum cleaner trying to drag them in! By now, they were fully awake. Suddenly, they saw the word RuneScape, they're favourite website. They jumped on and suddenly went through it and found themselves in the game. They had swords out and thousands of other players were there. "This is wierd" said Mary "its so relistic in here." They were dresed in costumes as part of the green team; Sam, wering a green tee-shirt and black pants, while Mary in a kind of Kim Posible outfit, a green tank top and blue hipster jeans. "Just - keep - dodging - the - other - players," said Sam sweating. "Take that, and that" said Mary, waving her sword in the air. "These players are good," said Sam, "not many people stay up this late to play on the computer." "Wait..." Mary said thinking, "the only people who stay up late to do this are nerds...INTERNET NERDS!" They still kept going. "This is harder than it looks," said Sam. He was trugling to keep fighting. "You can't give up now, you just can't!" said Mary. It was too late. They had lost. A huge game over sign came up in frount of them in bright red. The screen was black. Tom and Mary felt themselves falling. "Nooooooooooo," they cried. They suddenly hit the ground. "Where are we?" said Mary. They were in a room, painted bright green, filled with other players who had lost. Some of them were injered and some just resting. "We have to get out of here," said Sam "its where all the loosers are. I can't be a looser! I've never lost a game!" "Well you just did," said Mary, wiping her forhead. Just then there was a flash of light and a person who looked extremely muscular appeared. They had many weapons and a winning smile. They even had the laser that you can only win on the second to last level of the game. They unzipped their back and it turned nsideout: the guy was a common internet nerd! "You lost?" Mary asked. He nodded. "I almost defeated the moster at the last level. If I could have lasted one more second, I would've won the entire game," the guy said with a sigh. "Jimmy, by the way." "Wait, isn't the highest anyone has ever gotten was the second to last level? That's what it said on the high score charts last time," Sam said. Jimmy said, "I think so," and then sat down next to Mary." Mary said, "I think you are a winner, much better than we did. We lost the first level." "Well, most people aren't used to playing INSIDE the computer. It's much higher risks, much harder. For one, it's very hard to get out of this room. The only way to get back home is to win," Jimmy said, sweat dripping off his forehead. "What?! We can't get out of here!" screamed Sam. "Nope...not until you win. I've seen people spend their lives here. I was five when I first came in. I'm fifteen now. I really want to get out. I'm a winner though. I'll make it." "What if you get stuck in here?" asked Mary. "The only way to be permanently stuck in here, with no chance to escape, is if you lose on level 1 more than 3 times. Then you are stuck in this room forever," Jimmy explained. Then a red bell began inging, dinging, and dinging. The people in the room began panicking, except for Mary and Tom, who didn't know that the bell meant...

Laurence 1

Sandbox 2

Instructions

Welcome to the Add-a-Word-Story section. This is a variation of the Storytelling game, except everyone adds a word or phrase to help 'write' a story. After a person adds something, add onto the end of that part with a word or phrase to continue the story. Please do not add a phrase that is longer than one line and do not skip lines (just write it as if you were writing a story).

Please do not vandalise any of the stories or add non-story related content. If you're stumped, try making something up from a result of Special:Random. If possible, please try and use correct grammar at all times.

_______________________________

Once upon a time there was a chicken e-i-e-i-o and that chicken was on a bed, e-i-e-i-o!!! The dead hen came back to life and cooked a cow. Next, there was a pretty girl. She had a boyfriend who was Emo. He wanted beef but couldn't since he was vegan. That had been left at his house by a Tiergesicht schurk, one of the most horrid creatures alive. Then very soon after he and his girlfriend consumated. Meanwhile Shamash had been lurking 10,000 miles away, and he, dispite what they say, doesn't control the entire planet, he only controls the sun. But what Shamash didn't know was up in the clouds. So he started a banana. He ate the banana. Then an owl came and vaporized all of the poop lash tofers(which, my friends, ment trees) and the whole land was set a flame. The goldfish chronicles stated that Shamash was destined to become the master of the universe. but with his broken knee... Shamash couldn't wield the Ax of denial. Therefore, he started doing the hokey pokey, causing Ice Cube to come & lay the smack down and recite ridiculous rhymes about Mao Zedong and the Soviet Republic of China which collapsed when the Chinese Nationalist Party decided to besiege Ruijin and kick Mao Zedong and the Chinese Communists out of Formosa, this eventually killed Harry Potter so Voldemort ruled the world untill Sauron came and killed him because he found the Ring of the Lord. But then a herd of llamas came along and saved the day and gave everybody free cheese. The cheese was

Alien Horror

This started on March 20, 1997. At that time, I was a Arizona DPS Officer, a State Trooper, on patrol in the Maricopa County jurisdiction and the Phoenix, Arizona area as well. My partner and I had seen a really brilliant white light. We thought it was a plane. then, five minutes later, while patrolling just north of Phoenix, the light then rapidly approached the patrol car, parked itself over it, killing the power, engine, the radio, computer unit we use to track things , like stolen cars, personnel, like the recent snipers. Suddenly, the car is engulfed in this brilliant light, which was about like that of the sun in brilliance. Seconds later, four Grays appeared. I tried shooting at one, only to find myself paralysed. They take both my partner,who was female, and I, a male, strip us down, just as we perform a strip search on "new arrivals", then they place us on what appeared to be operating tables. Then they examine us, then perform all manner of experiments, which were extremely painful, then take tissue samples, incl. sperm from me, ova from my partner, then throw this really UGLY THING on top of me, to have sex with me. Then they shove a BB sized implant up my nose, and that of my partner, while we were screaming, cursing the aliens, the whole time all of this was going on. A gray then tells me that the people of this planet is being evaluated to determine if we're to be food, troops, eliminated as Galactic Vermin. They attempt to "mindwipe" us, only that has failed. Then they eject us out of the ship and take off skyward at a extremely rapid speed. Later on, we file a report, only to be summoned to the Colonel's Office (C.O. of the precinct). We arrive, and see her and three (3) black "suits" in the office. They tell us that we can't report these things, and that the Robertson Panel, other govt. protocol exists to prevent the aliens' agenda from being widely known, or that the Joe Six-Packs, Soccer-Moms, idiots will panic. We later got fired from the force, since they can't have "UFO Nuts" on it. Since then, my partner has joined a Private Army, and I'm in a Hospice, dying of cancer that was caused by radiation emitted by the UFO that night. If there is alien contact, I know the people will revolt, some, due to religious reasons ( Have met some fundamentalists.), some, out of revenge for being made a fool of by the govt.

The Angry Goat

Wonce opon a time their was a vengefull goat who was angry because someone had got his goat if you know what i mean. You dont? Oh, well i guess i'll have to explain it to you... long, long ago in a land of fire and pain there lived a small but very powerfull goat. Someone milked the goat and made some cheese. But disaster struck because goats cheese is horrible, and when the goats girlfriend eat the cheese she became ill. "I only like the other cheese you make", she said, and she wasn't takling about gone off milk, oh no! So anyway the goat's girlfriend left him for a donkey, because the donkey was far more adventerous in bed. The End. Or is it? Yeah, it is. Or is it? I said yes

damnit! Or is it.....

There was once

There once was a traceur, James was his name.

There once was a *edit from here*

Play here too!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Sandbox/Add_a_Word_Story

The Amazing Adventures of Door-to-Door Salesperson.

Off in some unexistant but real-sounding country that claimed its independence from the U.S. after a certain fiasco concerning free cable, Kilgore the Door-to-Door Salesperson tried his best selling..... DrWho42 01:22, 21 August 2006 (UTC)

suicide poison. But in a demonstration he drank it and instantly fell to the ground, dead. 'FLaRN' (talk) 21:57, 26 August 2006 (UTC) THE END.

but not really, because that is the gayest story i have ever heard in my life.

And so Kilgore tried to continue on despite the lousy direction the storey has been going (especially with DrWho42's beginning bit..). DrWho42 19:31, 27 August 2006 (UTC)

and thats when linda, the travaling panomime, asked Kilgore what he was selling. FUCK JIMBO WALES! Slimvirgin said.

The horrid Blob!!!!

One stormy night in a cold dark lunch room, old Mrs.McBumbles was busy stirring the thick mass of tapioca pudding. It bubbled and spewed toxic fumes onto the rubber hot dogs which delicatley prepared for tomarrow. But Mrs.mcbumble did not mind, for she wore her Biohazard suit. The she sliped a bannana and got sucked up by the pudding, the end...Zharta 16:12, 23 August 2006 (UTC)

The Amazing Battle

It was cold and dark but Sauron did not this was the day he met his match.. BHHEEEEOOOWW, Darth Vader extended his light saber infront of lord voldemort. Lord Voldemort faced Sauron and said "now you die, Avauda Ca...." He was cut short when his head was chopped off by Darth Vader who then faced Sauron, "hold on I can't my ring on," he said as he withdrew his staff "Sauron," he said "I am your father!!!!" "Nonsense Vader, I am 9 million years older than you and..." "SIKE" said vader as he swung his Light Saber. Sauron killed instantly...

D:D:D:D::D:D:D:D:D::D:D:D:D:D:D::D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

I LIKE TO PEE PEE...that is all...good dayZharta 16:21, 23 August 2006 (UTC)