Single parent
This article's lead section may be too short to adequately summarize the key points. (November 2011) |
Single parent is a term that is mostly used to suggest that one parent has most of the day to day responsibilities in the raising of the child or children, which would categorize them as the dominant caregiver. The dominant caregiver is the parent in which the children have residency with majority of the time,[1] if the parents are separated or divorced children live with their custodial parent and have visitation with their noncustodial parent.[2] In western society in general, following separation, a child will end up with the 'primary caregiver' (the main carer, e.g. in UK over 90% of the time the mother and a 'secondary caregiver,' normally the father.[3] There are many facts involving single parenting in the social spectrum of our world today. Single parenting has become an accepted norm in the United States and is an accepted trend found in multiple countries outside of the United States. Single parenting is a result of divorce in which children exist in a relationship. Custody battles, awarded by the court or rationalized in other terms determines who the child will spend majority of their time with, known as the primary caregiver, this effects children in many ways and there are many suggestions to counsel them. A mother is typically the primary caregiver in a single parent family structure as a result of divorce, unplanned pregnancy, or other factors like death of a partner. Fathers are less commonly seen as primary caregiver but they are growing in recent years. Single parent adoption is an option for adults who want children but are not currently in a relationship or seeking a partner. The demographics of single parenting show a general increase worldwide in children living in single parent homes. Statistics from the United States, North Korea, and the United Kingdom all fall in line with this trend. Multiple debates concerning single parenthood have come about over time. Debates concerning not only the single parents themselves, but also the children involved, support for the families in single parent households, and more have risen to the surface. Divorce is one of the main events that leads to single parenting. Divorce can have many different effects on the children involved, and there are many ways to deal with it to try to make everything go smoothly. Media is a very important resource for people all over the world. Men and women of all ages are portrayed in the media, mostly on television or in movies, as great parents, showing that this can situation can result in a successful family environment.
Demographics
There has been a marked increase in the trend of children living with a single parent which is seen from changes observed in the U.S. Census report from years 1960 to 2000 when children dependent on a single parent jumped from 9% to 28% respectively. Two main reasons for this rise can be attributed to the increase of pregnancy in unmarried women, which 36% of all births were to unmarried women, and to the rise in divorces among couples at this time. In 2000, 11% of children were living with parents who had never been married, 15.6% of children lived with a divorced parent, and 1.2% lived with a parent who was widowed.[4][5]
In the entire world, data suggests that about 16% of children live in a home with only one of their parents. [6] The most recent information for 2011 from the U.S. Census Bureau states that 27% of children live with one parent, which is consistent with the trend 10 years ago in year 2000.[7] In 2006, 12.9 million families in the US were headed by a single parent, 80% of which were headed by a female.[8][9] In 2003, 14% of all Australian households were single-parent families. Since 2001, 31% of babies born in Australia have been born to unmarried mothers.[10]
In the United Kingdom, about 1 out of 4 families with dependent children are single-parent families, 8 to 11 percent of which have a male single-parent.[3][11][12] - General Household Survey; see table 3.6. UK poverty figures show that 52% of single parent families are below the Government-defined poverty line (after housing costs).[13]
Countries located in Asia and the Middle East are the least likely to have children raised in single parent households. On the other hand, the 3 areas of the world that are most likely to have non-marital childbearing are Latin America, South Africa, and Sweden. Along with this, the areas where there are an extremely high number of children living in single parent homes include Africa, Europe, Latin America, North America, and Oceania. It has also been shown that children living in areas of South Africa are the very most likely to live with a single parent.[14]
Debates
A focal point in public policy debate recently has been about whether or not government should be involved with giving aid to single parent households. Some believe it will reduce poverty and make situations better for these families, while others think that the government should just focus on more employment being available.[15]
Also, there is a debate about what sorts of family structures are good for children. The two sides question whether it is the effect of a whole family being together (including mother and father), or if all that is needed is the love and affection from one parent that considerably affects children involved. Also, a part of this, is whether or not these single parent families can be considered an actual family or not.[16]
Another issue brought up is juvenile delinquency and if it results from kids being in single parent households. The background ideas for this debate is that if children don't live with the parent that is the same sex as them, they may not have anyone to model appropriate behavior.[16] In addition, there is a debate on the behavioral effects of children with incarcerated parents and how losing one or both parents to incarceration effects their academic performance and social well-being with others.[17]
A variety of viewpoints do exist, with different readings of the research possible: The Institute for the Study of Civil Society reports that children of single parents, after controlling for other variables like family income, are more likely to have problems. There are impacts of sole parenting on children, however the weight of the evidence it is suggested, do not appear to support a view that sole parents are a major cause of societal ills and are doing irreparable damage to their children. It is a debatable practice that it is in a child's best interest to have both parents involvement in their life. It's encouraged that each parent respect the other parent in the child's presence and to provide financial help through child support for the parent whose role is primary caregiver, when parents are not married or separated.[18] [19] The civil behavior among separated parents may have a direct effect on the child's coping ability, this is especially seen in younger children who might not understand the separation of their family, which stresses the importance of the involvement of both parents in a child's life; consequently, this requires both parent's to respect one another and possibly establish a limited friendship on behalf of the upbringing of their child.[19]
Mother as the primary caregiver
There are multiple factors that contribute to single motherhood; divorce, desertion, death, imprisonment, and unmarried women with children which may have resulted from accidental pregnancy all are leading factors that contribute to single motherhood.[20] There are also a few options for women who want to mother on their own by choice. Some choices for them would be adoption, artificial insemination, or in vitro fertilization.[21]
The prevalence of single mothers as primary caregiver goes into traditional parenting trends we see between mothers and fathers. In her work Marriages & Families Benokraitis defines mothers as being generally viewed as the expressive role players who provide emotional support and nurturing qualities that sustain the family unit. Because of these nurturing aspects of a mother's role as caregiver, they outshine those of the father which tend to be more strict and distant. She goes on to express that one of a woman's expressive roles is that of kin-keeper which is defined as an important communication link among family members. Because of these nurturing aspects of a mother's role as caregiver, they outshine those of the father which tend to be more strict and distant. Children tend to drift towards preference of parent depending on how involved a particular parent is and a common problem in society today are absentee fathers; therefore, children are more likely to show preference for their mothers as they are more involved than the fathers who are not as involved in the daily activities of their offspring.[22]
Another contributing factor in the prevalence of seeing mothers as the primary caregiver is preference according to the cultural definition of a mother's role. Children will lean more towards mothers because of their protective, nurturing characteristics which could perhaps have been a long established mother-child relationship from early on attachment beginning at birth and continuing as the child grows up.[23]
In addition to their traditional protective and nurturing role, single mothers will have to play an excessive role of family provider as well. The nurturing support and socialization of parenting is primarily directed at women whether single or married. Since men are generally the bread winners of a traditional family, in the absence of the father the mother must fulfill this role being able to provide nurturing parenting while also providing for the financial needs. This can be difficult for single mothers to do in which it is common for single mothers to rely on childcare facilities to provide the nurturing care for their children while they are working. Good quality childcare has developed in recent years as the trend of single parenting has risen, and some wonder whether such childcare programs are beneficial, however, there have been findings of positive developmental effects that childcare has on children. Because of a single mother's increased need to work, it's not common that a single mother will become actively involved with the childcare program anyway, reducing the possible guilt that a single mother may feel leaving the children with the care of others.[1][24] Working single mothers may also rely on the help from fictive kin who assist in caregiving while the mother is working to provide for her children.[22]
Single mothers represent a dominant aspect of poverty levels in society as many single mothers who are the primary caregiver for their children lack the financial resources to support their children when the birth father does not provide helpful support to the mother. Although there is public support for low-wage single mothers, it does not make much difference because the benefits are so few. Poverty stricken single mothers seek assistance through living with another adult--perhaps a relative, fictive kin, or significant other--when single mothers who are divorced often re-marry and have less financial struggles than unmarried single mothers, who otherwise can not make up for their economic situation by working long hours when they are responsible for primary caregiving of their children, which explains why unmarried mothers are more likely to cohabitate with another supportive adult.[25]
Father as the primary caregiver
In the United States today, there are nearly 13.6 million single parents raising over 21 million children.[26] While single-parenting as a father is far less common than a mother, 16% versus 84% respectively, it is not uncommon or unheard of.[27] Single Parent Magazine tells us that a father as the primary caregiver has increased by 60% in the last ten years and is easily the fastest growing type of family situation in the United States.[26] Single parenthood may come about in several different ways mentioned above (see Mother as primary caregiver); however, a single father is usually the result of divorce with nearly 60% of all single fathers falling into this category. While fathers are not normally seen as the primary caregiver in a single-parenting situation, statistics show that 90% of single-fathers are employed, with 72% of these men having a full-time job.[28]
Defining "father" may give us such words as provider, dad, and even sire[29], leading one to believe that father may be demanding, disciplinary, and even cruel in some circumstances. However, while fathers have been seen in this light, in this ever growing and ever changing world, we see males taking on both the responsibility of the mother and father. "...every father must take the time to be a dad as well as a friend, disciplinarian, shoulder to cry on, dance partner, coach, audience, adviseer, listener, and so much more." Armstrong Williams, the writer quoted above, goes on to say that he viewed his father as the driving force in his family and also someone who brought strength and compassion to his family.[30] In addition to these qualities, the single father must take on the role of the mother. A mother's role in the typical American family normally extends past household chores and cooking, extending deep into morality, devotion, and the ability to set up an educational yet nurturing play environment.[31] Thus, while difficult, it is the father's role to not only to be a source of resilience and strength, but also of love and compassion.[30]
Little research has been done to suggest the hardships of the "single father as a caretaker" relationship; however, a great deal has been done on the hardships of a single-parent household. Single-parent households tend to find difficulty with the lack of help they receive. More often than not a single parent finds it difficult to find help because there is a lack of support, whether it be a second parent or other family members. This tends to put a strain on not only the parent but also the relationship between the parent and their child. Furthermore, dependency is a hardship that many parents find difficult to overcome. As the single parent becomes closer to their child, the child grows more and more dependent upon that parent. This dependency, while common, may reach far past childhood, damaging the child due to their lack of independence from their parent. "Social isolation of single parents might be a stress factor that they transmit to children. Another explanation may be that the parents do not have the time needed to support and supervise their children. This can have a negative impact on the child."[32]
Single parent adoption
There is a controversy that many believe kids should be adopted by a family: husband and wife, instead of by a single person. However, it must be noted that single parents are thought to be better for kids than divorced parents. The reason, being that single parents usually have a higher education and a higher income in comparison to the country's average and divorced parents cause an unnecessary stress on the family.[33] In one study, the interviewers asked children questions about their new lifestyle in a single-parent home. The interviewer found that when asked about fears, a high proportion of children feared illness or injury to the parent. When asked about happiness, half of the children talked about outings with their single adoptive parent.[34] A single person choosing to adopt has to be mindful of the challenges he or she may face (if he or she is approved as a single adoptive parent and completes a Home Study): there are certain agencies that will not work with single adoptive parents. As a single parent there is often no relief/break. As a single parent he or she will typically only have their own income to live off of, and thus might not have a backup plan.[35] Traveling can be more complex.[36]
Adoption in the United States
The examples and perspective in this article may not represent a worldwide view of the subject. (November 2011) |
Every state in the US currently allows single parents to adopt, and they were mainly deemed rare until the 1960's when the California State Department of Social Welfare first permitted it. Adoption as a single parent can be hard, and even next to impossible through some agencies.[33] When the process begins it is important that the adopter know what lays ahead; adoption agencies have strict rules about what type of people they let adopt, and they have been known to be "invasive, intrusive, and downright rude" in finding out information about the adopter.[37] An estimated 5-10% of all adoptions in the U.S. are by a single man or woman.[35]
Adoption process
It might be harder to adopt as a single parent due to the fact that some agencies may not approve it:[38]
- Decide if you want to adopt a child domestically or internationally.
- Decide the age of the child you want to adopt.
- Decide if you are looking to adopt a healthy child or a child with special needs.
- You then need to find an adoption agency that will help you with three things:
- a Home Study.
- an adoptive placement.
- post-placement services.
It is important to note that many countries only allow women to adopt as a single parent; oftentimes when men are allowed to be single adoptives they are only allowed to adopt boys[39] .
History of single parent adoptions
Statistically, single parent adoptions have existed since the mid 19th century. Men were rarely considered as adoptive parents, and if they were considered then they were far less desired. Oftentimes, children adopted by a single person were raised in pairs rather than alone, illustrating that many adoptions by lesbians and gay men were arranged as single parent adoptions, whether they were or not. During the mid 19th century many state welfare officials made it very hard, if not impossible for single people to adopt. Agencies were looking for "normal" families: families of married men and women; men who provided for the family and women who took care of the home. In 1965 the Los Angeles Bureau of Adoptions in the United States sought out single African-Americans for African-American orphans for whom married families couldn't be found. In 1968 the Child Welfare League of America stated that married couples were preferred, but there were "exceptional circumstances" where single parent adoptions were permissible.[40]
Divorce
Divorce statistics
In 2009, the overall divorce rate was around 9/1000 in the United States. It was also found that more influence came from the south, with the rates there being about 10.5/1000, as opposed to the north where it was around 7/1000.[41] This resulted in about 1.5% (around 1 million) children living in the house of a recently divorced parent in the same year.[42] Along with this, it has been shown that for the past 10 years or so, first marriages have a 50% chance of ending in divorce. And, for other marriages after a first divorce, the chance of another divorce increases.[43] In 2003 a study showed that about 69% of kids in American living in a household that was a different structure than the typical nuclear family. This was broken down into about 30 percent living with a stepparent, 23 percent living with a biological mother, 6 percent with grandparents as caregivers, 4 percent with a biological father, 4 percent with someone who was not a direct relative, and a small one percent living with a foster family.[44]
Children and divorce
This article contains instructions, advice, or how-to content. (November 2011) |
Legal custody in reference to divorce refers to which parent is allowed to make important decisions about the children involved. Physical custody refers to which parent the child lives with. Among divorced parents parallel parenting refers to the parenting style after divorce in which each parent uses their own very separate style of parenting; this is most common. In comparison, cooperative parenting occurs when the parents involved in the child’s life work together around all involved party’s schedules and activities; this is less common and can be quite difficult. Not all divorce is a bad divorce. It has been found that adult children of divorce tend to be more resilient in coping with change when their parents divorce at a young age.After a certain "crisis period" most children resume development almost normally though future relationships can be affected. They may not have a model upon which to base a healthy long term relationship. Certain divorces can leave a child hurt. This depends on the age of the child, and the coping mechanisms of all people involved in the incident. [45] [46] [47]
Around the middle of the 1990's there was a significant amount of parents raising their children on their own. The amount of single fathers raising children was around 1.3 million. The amount of single mothers was much higher at around 7.6 million. However, many parents desire, or attempt to get sole custody, which would make them a single parent, but are unsuccessful in the court process. Also, there are many parents who may single parent, but do so without official custody, therefore not being represented in statistics. [48]
Children are affected by divorce in many different ways. Every situation has different circumstances that produce different outcomes. It is important to consider the age of children when talking about how they will be affected by divorce. There have been three age groups studied, each with different outcomes after a divorce. And, there are also differences between initial outcomes and things that occur later. The first age group is young children, around ages two to six. At first, this group is the most likely to be fearful. They are the ones that might think a parent will abandon them, or that it was their fault the divorce happened. Also, confusion is something parents need to particularly watch for with this group, they might not understand everything, or not accept that the parents will never live together again. More recently it has also been shown that both boys and girls have the same amount of problems adjusting to divorce, but may show this in different ways. Later, while these children may be somewhat angry at the parent they don't live with, they generally do well with whoever they are living with, even when a step-parent is involved. It is most likely that they do so well because they don't have vivid memories of the divorce taking place. The next age group is children ages seven to twelve. This group is much better at expressing emotions at first. Also, they can understand that it isn't their fault, that it's just something that happened. Even though they have this better understanding, they still experience some difficulties involving loyalty to parents. They may rely, more so than younger children, on people outside of the family for support. Sometimes these kids do better with the parent who is the same sex as them, but not always. Later, kids in this age group show some more difficulties than the younger group. This can consist of problems in school, socially, and with step-parents. The last group consists of adolescents, ages 13-18. This group seems to have the most difficulties, both initially and later on. At first, there is a struggle to cope with the situation. Sometimes, if it is a real problem, they might turn away from the family and not seek any support from them, trying to deal with things on their own. This group also regresses back to the way the youngest group is later, being unable to express feelings. Also, they may have adjustment issues and problems developing long-term relationships due to these feelings.[49]
- Some other findings include that by age 30, boys who come from single parent households, as a result of divorce, are twice as likely to have been in prison at some point for a serious crime. [50]
There are a few things that it has been suggested for good custody lawyers to inform the parents of. These tips are intended to help make everything be the best it can for the children. Leaving discussion of conflicts to the court only is an important factor. It is suggested to not talk about these things involving the other parent in front of the children. Another thing is that parents still need to work together, regarding decisions and discipline. It's important to involve both parents equally, even when the children may only be living with one because of custody. It's also said that it's good for parents to stay involved with their children, even if they only get to see them for a little. Communication is a key factor in these situations. It's told to parents to make sure that they never ignore what a child is saying, because they might be saying something that is very important to them.[51] Some other resources list other suggestions that may make the situation easier. Parents really need to consider who will make which decisions, and how much they need to discuss things with each other. There are things such as food, clothing, school, friends, dating, extracurricular activities, doctor visits, and religion, that will need to be talked about. Parents need to make sure they communicate with each other, and the children involved, about all of these things listed and who to talk to about them. When parents don't agree on these topics, first, they should try to have a civilized conversation with each other. However, if this isn't working, then they could consider revising the custody over the children, and coming up with some new ground rules.[52]
Tips for Single parents
Having a single parent can be hard on children and teens, who often wish they could have more of their parents' attention and may have emotional issues to work through. Though every situation is unique, here are some tips that might help a single parent whose child or teen is struggling:
- Tell your children every day that you love them.
- Encourage your children to express their feelings.
- Be open and honest with your children
- Don't say negative things about the other spouse who is not present.
- Make time for your children, to do special activities.
- Make sure when you are working, your children are involved in positive activities and groups for after school programs, etc.
- Have clear rules to have your child withhold and you as a single parent uphold.
- Reinforce the importance of school, under stress a child may perform poor in school.
- Support your child and their positive activities
- Be courteous with children when it comes to dating and or marriage again.
- Seek support.
- Be aware of signs of depression.[53]
Single parents in the Media
Top single mothers:
- Lorelai Gilmore in Gilmore Girls[54]
- Joyce Summers in Buffy the Vampire Slayer[54]
- Nancy Botwin in Weeds[54]
- Susan Meyer in Desperate Housewives[54]
- Miranda Hobbs in Sex and the City[54]
- Miranda Bailey in Grey's Anatomy[54]
- Kelly Taylor in 90210[54]
- Amy Juergens in The Secret Life of the American Teenager[54]
- Kate Austen in Lost[54]
Top single fathers:
- Danny Tanner in Full House (Widower)[55]
- Richard Castle in Castle[55]
- Robby Ray Stewart in Hannah Montana (Widower)[55]
- Marlin in Finding Nemo (Widower)[55]
- Seely Booth in Bones[55]
- Darkwing Duck/Drake Mallard in Darkwing Duck
See also
- Cinderella effect
- Cost of raising a child
- Marriage gap
- McD v. L
- Morris Finer Report on One Parent Families
- Only child
- Single (relationship)
- Teenage pregnancy
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Further reading
- Bankston, Carl L. and Caldas, Stephen J., Family Structure, Schoolmates, and Racial Inequalities in School Achievement, Journal of Marriage and the Family 60:3 (1998), 715-723.
- Dependent Children: 1 in 4 in lone-parent families," National Statistics Online, National Statistics, United Kingdom (July 7, 2005) . Accessed at: http://www.statistics.gov.uk/cci/nugget.asp?id=1163 on July 17, 2006.
- Geographic Distribution: London has most lone-parent families," National Statistics Online, National Statistics, United Kingdom (July 7, 2005). Accessed at: http://www.statistics.gov.uk/cci/nugget.asp?id=1166 on July 17, 2006.
- Hilton, J., Desrochers, S.,Devall, E. Comparison of Role Demands, Relationships, and Child Functioning is Single-Mother, Single-Father, and Intact Families. Journal of Divorce and Remarriage ,35(?) 29-56.
- Mulkey, L.; Crain, R; Harrington, A.M. One-Parent Households and Achievement: Economic and Behavioral Explanations of a Small Effect. Sociology of Education, 1992, 65, 1, Jan, 48-65
- Pong, Suet-ling The School Compositional Effect of Single Parenthood on 10th Grade Achievement, Sociology of Education 71:1 (1998), 23-42.
- Quinlan, Robert J. Father absence, parental care, and female reproductive development. Evolution and Human Behavior, Volume 24, Issue 6, November 2003, Pages 376-390
- Richards, Leslie N.; Schmiege, Cynthia J. Family Relations, Vol. 42, No. 3, Family Diversity. (Jul., 1993), pp. 277–285.
- Risman, Barbara J., and Park, Kyung. (1988). Just The Two of Us: Parent-Child Relationships in Single-Parent Homes. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 1988, 50, 4, Nov, 1049.
- Sacks, G. (September 4, 2005) “Boys without fathers is not a logical new idea.” Arkansas Democrat-Gazette (Little Rock, Arkansas)
- States News Service. (2005 July 20). “America’s Children: Family Structure and Children’s Well-Being
External links
- Single Parents Action Network, UK Empowering single parents and their families
- [1] - the parenting site for single parents. Offering support, information and advice on all aspects of raising children alone.
- Parenting Corner Q+A: Single Parenting in the US
- [2] - International Family Magazine
- ^ "Tips for Parenting". Retrieved 11/30/11.
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