Fast Times at Buddy Cianci Jr. High
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|"Fast Times at Buddy Cianci Jr. High"|
|Family Guy episode|
Promo Image, featuring Chris and his new teacher Mrs. Lockheart (played by Drew Barrymore in the episode)
|Episode no.||Season 4
|Directed by||Pete Michels|
|Written by||Ken Goin|
|Original air date||May 8, 2005|
The Griffin family attend an open house at Chris's school, and Chris's English teacher, Mrs. Clifton, wins the lottery. Due to Mrs. Clifton's resignation, Lois suggests Brian to fill in as a substitute teacher. He enjoys the job, but is moved to a remedial class, which consists of nothing but inner city youth (a la Dangerous Minds). When he finds the techniques used in his previous class inadequate, he does not know how to help them since society is giving up on them. Stewie suggests that he should act like them, and he dances to the robot. He takes Stewie's advice and tries "talking their language", but appears racist. After an angry morning, he unintentionally teaches them to aspire to low-level jobs, the students noting that Brian is the first person who ever told them that they could amount to anything.
Meanwhile, Chris is instantly smitten with his new teacher, the voluptuous Mrs. Lana Lockhart, who is voiced by actress Drew Barrymore. Chris asks his parents for advice on how to get a girl to like him, and Stewie gives him a condom, since he has heard about his relationship with his teacher. Lois tells him that he should be romantic, and Peter suggests that he should dress up as a naked spaceman to be spontaneous. When Chris shows up to class, Mrs. Lockhart is shocked and thinks he's being too impulsive. Lois is not pleased with this. She and Peter talk to Mrs. Lockhart, in which Peter tactfully tells Mrs. Lockhart "our son Chris, would like to plow you", and requests a picture of Mrs. Lockhart with an intent to affix it to the back of Lois's head. Afterwards, she goes to Chris's house confesses her love for him and finds out that Chris is in love with her; she promises Chris to be with him if he kills her husband, Ronald, though he does not do it. When Lois finds the teacher's written instructions in Chris' laundry, she runs to Mrs. Lockhart's home and finds the mauled body of her husband. Believing Chris is the killer, Lois and Stewie conspire to cover up the plot by dumping the body in the lake and bluffing a policeman. Back at home, the rest of the family treats Chris differently because they believe he actually killed Mrs. Lockhart's husband, until it is shown on the news that it was really Mrs. Lockhart and a bear. In the last scene, Mrs. Lockhart and the bear are found in a motel, with Mrs. Lockhart all dressed up for a nice evening dinner while the bear is lying on the bed watching television. After engaging in stereotypical passive-aggressive behavior with Mrs. Lockhart, the bear concludes that he is not in the mood to go out for the night. He then attempts to ameliorate Mrs. Lockhart's disappointment by rubbing her back with his foot and saying "Love you...", and with that the episode concludes.
The Episode opening, parodies the opening of the police procedural and legal drama television series, Law & Order.
About 9.71 million viewers watched this episode.
- Aurthur, Kate (2005-05-10). "Arts, Briefly; Is 'Elvis' Really Dead?". The New York Times. Retrieved 2009-03-26.