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GA Review

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This review is transcluded from Talk:Bintulu/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: TerribleTy27 (talk · contribs) 17:16, 4 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]


Hello, TerribleTy here, I will be reviewing this article, Everyday, I will update this page with recommendations, then its either pass or fail! TerribleTy27 (talk) 17:16, 4 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Comment

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TerribleTy27, Cerevisae, I just read the lead section of the article, and I do not see how it can possibly qualify under the good article criteria. There are significant prose and grammatical issues throughout, and it does not meet the lead section criteria, all of which are required in the "Well Written" section. For example:

  • the location information is only in the lead; the lead should be a summary of the rest of the article, Done and not include significant information that isn't in the rest of the article. Some further comments on the lead text:
  • It is located at 610 kilometres northeast of Kuching. The "at" should be deleted. Done
  • Bintulu is also located between Miri and Sibu which is 216 kilometres northeast of Sibu and 200 km southwest of Miri. This is an ungainly and unclear sentence. Better would be "Bintulu is also located 216 kilometres northeast of Sibu and 200 km southwest of Miri, between the two [towns/cities/whatever]." Even better might be to combine the two location sentences, or just have one here and the other in the body of the article. If all of these towns are on the coastline, as Bintulu is, that might also help to clarify matters. Done
  • Bintulu was founded by Rajah James Brooke when he built a fort in the town. This doesn't make sense. If the town was there already, how could Brooke found it by building a fort in a pre-existing town? Was this when he named the place, perhaps? (The fort had a completely different name.) Done
  • The construction of earliest airstrip in Bintulu began in 1934 but only completed in 1955 due to Japanese occupation. This is a confusing sentence: was it completed thanks to the Japanese during their occupation after remaining incomplete for 21 years? (Since the occupation ended by 1945, it's hard to see how.) Based on the Japanese occupation section, it would seem that the airstrip construction was still incomplete in 1938 when it was discontinued, yet the "Japanese made full use of the airport for military purposes" during the occupation, which would seem to indicate it was either complete enough or made complete enough by the Japanese so it could be used fully for their war effort. An eventual reconstruction in 1955 would seem to be something else entirely.
  • Bintulu remains as a fishing village until 1969 when oil and gas reserves were discovered offshore Bintulu. Past tense should be used here—"remained a fishing village" rather than "remains as a"—and I'd recommend rephrasing "offshore Bintulu". Done
  • Is there a reason that neither the article nor the lead mention that Bintulu is on the island of Borneo? Having the information inferred from the infobox is not sufficient. Done
  • Articles such as "the" and "a" are frequently omitted from the text, and need to be added throughout. For example, the final sentence of the lead, Borneo International Kite Festival is held annually in the town. should start with "The". Done for this sentence. I will try to check for errors in the remaining part of the article. Cerevisae (talk) 11:16, 16 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

There are certainly similar issues with the body of the article, and there may be others; I haven't had time to check. TerribleTy27, given your short time here at Wikipedia, and especially given what Good Articles are and how to judge the criteria, I would advise you to gain much more experience writing and editing articles before taking on such a demanding task as reviewing good articles. Thank you for your attempt, but in the meantime, given the issues with your review and this article, I would strongly recommend that you reverse your passage of the article, since it clearly doesn't qualify at present, and let someone with more experience take over reviewing duties and determine how much actually needs to be done before it can qualify. BlueMoonset (talk) 07:13, 16 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your comment, BlueMoonset. I try to check the remaining part of the article for prose and grammatical errors before I submit it to Guild of copy editors. Cerevisae (talk) 11:16, 16 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
I'm starting to think that reviewing this in the middle of the night was a bad idea. Thanks for the comment, i'll get to it ASAP. TerribleTy27 (talk) 13:47, 16 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

GA Review

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This review is transcluded from Talk:Bintulu/GA2. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: FunkMonk (talk · contribs) 00:39, 22 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks FunkMonk for reviewing this article. All the issues mentioned above have been addressed. Guild of copy-editors has done their job on this article. You are welcomed to point out any further issues regarding the article. Cheers! Cerevisae (talk) 07:27, 22 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
FunkMonk, sorry for late reply, I shall start correcting these soon. Cerevisae (talk) 13:06, 24 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • Photos should not be size forced, but simply have the standard thumb size, according to the manual of style.  Done
  • In some places, the images seem a bit crammed. Could they perhaps be spread out or some trimmed?  Done Images spread out. Cerevisae (talk) 13:06, 24 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • "During the Brooke era," You need to explain what this is outside the intro as well. All info in the intro should also be present in the article body.  Done changed "Brooke era" to "Brooke administration". Added more info in the lead section. Cerevisae (talk) 13:06, 24 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • "There is another story where" Could perhaps be worded differently, "another story relates" or some such.  Done Used "another story relates" Cerevisae (talk) 00:16, 25 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • "carried out head preservation (menyalai kepala) activities" What is this?  Done changed to "preservation of severed heads". Cerevisae (talk) 00:16, 25 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • This image[1] states it was taken in 1868, but this seems to be based on a sign in the photo, which rather seems to show when the fort was built...  Done. Yes, it was built in 1868 and the photo was also taken in 1868 as stated in this blog post: Thus, my earlier post, mentioning the photograph of the fort taken in 1868. and even if he is wrong about the dates, the fort only survived until World War II: There used to be a Fort Keppel in Bintulu, but it was destroyed by bombs during World War II.. Citations added on the Wikicommons page. Cerevisae (talk) 00:16, 25 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • You need to introduce Brooke, outsiders have no idea who he was, why he was suddenly a rajah, etc.  Done Introduced him in the first sentence of the subsection "Brooke administration". Cerevisae (talk) 00:16, 25 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • " and Charles Brooke." Which is who? Always present persons at first mention, nationality, occupation, significance.  Done Introduced him as: "Charles Brooke was a nephew of James Brooke and would later became the successor of James Brooke as the second Rajah of Sarawak." Cerevisae (talk) 00:16, 25 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • " for crushing Dayak piracy" The Dayak piracy.  Done
  • "in Saribas " The Saribas.  Done
  • "being made to the Rajah of Sarawak " Name?  Done Replaced the word with James Brooke. Cerevisae (talk) 00:16, 25 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • "These Melanaus used to lived" Does the quoted text really say this? "used to lived" is grammatically wrong.  Done Sorry, my mistake. I have copied it wrongly. changed to "used to live" Cerevisae (talk) 05:54, 25 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The Melanau houses" What is a Melanau? Need explanation.  Done It is a racial group in Sarawak. Linked in the quoted text. Cerevisae (talk) 05:54, 25 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • You should only link a word at first occurrence outside the intro, you have a lot of duplicate links.  Done Done with delinking Cerevisae (talk) 05:54, 25 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • " the production of sago." Which is what? Link?  Done processing of Sago palms. Sago linked in previous sentence. Cerevisae (talk) 05:54, 25 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • "During World War II, the Brooke government under the leadership of Charles Vyner Brooke" The Brooke government? You haven't explained this seems to have been some kind of dynasty (White Rajahs?).  Done changed to "During World War II, Rajah Charles Vyner Brooke ordered the construction of airstrips" Cerevisae (talk) 05:54, 25 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • "During the Japanese occupation" What Japanese occupation? You need to explain when this happened and other circumstances (Japanese occupation of British Borneo). What happened to the rajahs?  Done The Japanese invaded only Miri and Kuching. Since Bintulu was only a small village, the Japanese just bypassed the area. Basically, when Kuching has fallen, the whole Sarawak was under the Japanese occupation. Charles Vyner Brooke already left for Australia before the attack began. Cerevisae (talk) 05:54, 25 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • "was the cousin of the Japanese emperor" Link and name him.  Done Removed the sentence regarding his connection with the Japanese emperor. Historical records of his death in Sarawak may be accurate but his relations with the emperor may be an error. Chinese sources of Ref 28 and 29 does not mention any of his royal connections. Meanwhile, the Sarawak Gazette, (Ref 30) published by the Brookes, mentioned he was the cousin of the Japanese emperor. A Bintulu historian named Mahmud Yussop (in Ref 31) mentioned that Maeda was the brother of the emperor of Japan. Cerevisae (talk) 05:54, 25 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • Iban is not linked at first occurrence in the article.  Done It is already linked here in the etymology section: "There are several legends surrounding the name Bintulu. During the Brooke administration, the indigenous Iban people practiced headhunting". "Iban" and "Iban people" are the same. Cerevisae (talk) 05:05, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • "and several villagers had resorted to hunting" I think you can remove "had".  Done
  • "After the formation of Malaysia" Which was when? You already mention Malaysian federal government earlier, so you should perhaps also mention earlier when the country was formed earlier in the section.  Done Removed "After the formation of Malaysia" Cerevisae (talk) 05:05, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • "these new residents have started several squatter areas", "To address the issue". When? You write it in present tense, but that might be "recentism".  Done It is an ongoing problem for more than 10 years. The state government planned to eradicate the squatters only by 2020. Cerevisae (talk) 05:05, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The coastal area is a geological formation from the Pleistocene", "A geological formation from the Oligocene period ". What are these formations called? Are fossils found there?  Done changed both the sentences to: "Geology of the coastal area was formed during the Pleistocene period; silt, clay, and gravel can be found here. Geological formation from the Oligocene period is found in the inland area, which contains limestone, siltstone, and sandstone." Of course there are no fossils here. :-) Cerevisae (talk) 05:05, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • " since the Bruneian Empire era." Which was when?  Done changed to "The Chinese have been living in the town of Tatau since the era of Bruneian Empire." Cerevisae (talk) 05:05, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • Why is there no history information about the town from before the Brooke administration? Seems it could go way back...  Not done There is very little historical records on this village during the era of Bruneian Empire. Cerevisae (talk) 05:05, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • "There is also a large number of foreigners working here." There.  Done
  • "English is widely spoken here." Likewise.  Done
  • "Bintulu is spoken by communities" What ethnic group speaks this language?  Not done It is very difficult to find out the original data of this ethnic group because official data already classified them into "Melananu" ethnic group as described in the second sentence. Cerevisae (talk) 05:05, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The majority of the Bintulu population are adherents of Christian denominations" Anything to do with the former British rulers?  Done Yes, it is due to Brooke's policy of allowing Christian missionaries into the state. Cerevisae (talk) 05:05, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • It seems there has been a huge (economical and demographic) transformation of the town in relatively short time, but it is almost glossed over. Nothing on the building of new residential areas etc. (apart from those that will take care of the squatter problem)? If the original inhabitants were mainly fishermen and so on, didn't they have trouble adapting to the new circumstances?  Done Added info on residential and commercial properties in Bintulu and the capital appreciation on these properties. The Melanau fishing village still exists to this day, as shown in the culture and leisure section. The older generation still pursue their traditional activities while the educated younger generation would pursue higher paying jobs in industrial areas. Cerevisae (talk) 05:05, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • Anything on general social issues that could be added under demographics?  Done added gangster and illegal immigrants problem. Cerevisae (talk) 07:37, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • For some reason, I can't click on the two first photos under Demographics...  Done
  • "The complex is built by the Malaysian national oil and gas company, Petronas" Why present tense if it is already built?  Done use "was" Cerevisae (talk) 07:37, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the others section of economics, you have two prallel images, could these be offset?  Done
  • What happened to the Japanese airport? I can only see an explanation in the intro, but should also be in the article body.  Done Fate of the old airport is described under the "Transportation" subsection "Air". Cerevisae (talk) 07:37, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • Anything on he animal life of the area?  Done You can find it at the Leisure and Conservation area. The national parks are quite far away from Bintulu, and there is a Tumbina park at 4 km from the town centre with a mini-zoo. Cerevisae (talk) 07:37, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Assyakirin mosque, whose name means" Not sure if "whose" can be sued for buildings...  Done changed to: "Assyakirin mosque, meaning "Gratefulness to God",..." Cerevisae (talk) 07:37, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • "idurong Tower is the observation tower located at Tanjung Kidurong." Is an observation tower?  Done changed to "an". Cerevisae (talk) 07:37, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • ""houses both wet market and fish market" A wet market and a fish market?  Done wet and dry market Cerevisae (talk) 07:37, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • "food such as Laksa, Kolok Mee, Jawa Mee, pulut panggang" Why is the last one in italics?  Done non-italicised the word Cerevisae (talk) 07:37, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • " It is located 610 kilometres (380 mi) northeast of Kuching[10] 216 kilometres (134 mi) northeast of Sibu,[11] and 200 kilometres (120 mi) southwest of Miri." Shouldn't this info be mentioned in the article body as well? The intro should not have unique info.  Done Introduced it for the second time in the "Geography" section. Cerevisae (talk) 07:37, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The Brooke later built a" Brooke administration?  Done changed to "Brooke dynasty" Cerevisae (talk) 07:37, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The town was visited by an Italian botanist in 1867." Is this significant enough to mention in the intro? I'm sure many botanists have visited the area...  Done Sentence removed. Cerevisae (talk) 07:37, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • Changes look good, two last points:
  • "Sarawak was fallen to the Japanese hands when they" Sarawak fell into Japanese hands.  Done
  • "cracking down gangsters activities" Cracking down on gangster activities.  Done
Nice, doesn't seem the last point was actually changed in the article, but I'm sure it will be, so will now pass this. FunkMonk (talk) 16:07, 28 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Sorry, I forgot to remove the letter "s" from the word "gangsters". Thank you for promoting this article to GA status! Regards. Cerevisae (talk) 06:31, 29 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
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Hi

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Hi 86.17.243.191 (talk) 15:37, 24 December 2021 (UTC)[reply]

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