Talk:Johnnie Boden

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Article review

The are a number of areas where the article closely paraphrases the references included in the citiation for example

"the firm is known for its bright prints" and "Boden is known for its bright colours"
"spending some time at wall street he was" and "while on wall street he was"
"it took at least 10 years" and "it was at least 10 years"

The article itself doesn't flow well either:

"His father was a lieutenant colonel who changed careers to become a farmer. He was educated at Eton College, and read philosophy, politics, and economics (PPE) at Oriel College, Oxford." which almost sounds as though the writer is still talking about the father.
the section, "At 16, he edited the menswear section of the 1977 Harpers & Queen Teenage Edition." is disjointed as it is followed by "After leaving university, Boden became a stockbroker with Barclays Merchant Banking" where the information about his attending university is contained in the preceeding section. It is therefore not very sequential and would be more encyclopedic if it was ordered chronologically. Dan arndt (talk) 01:32, 28 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Paraphrasing:

Fixed
In what way can this be close paraphrasing, the same words are "Wall Street he was", half of which is a name which cannot be changed, and you can hardly call saying "he was" paraphrasing
In quotes already, no issue

Flow

Changed
University is typically up to early 20s, so I guess the job at 16 was work experience or somesuch

Dan arndt: attempted fix of all issues. Thanks, Mat ty.007 18:25, 28 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Fortune

"A personal fortune of £215" seems rather meagre. Should that be millions? 82.31.154.124 (talk) 12:16, 16 September 2014 (UTC)Moriarty[reply]

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