Talk:Jonathon Blum

Jonathon Blum was one of the Sports and recreation good articles, but it has been removed from the list. There are suggestions below for improving the article to meet the good article criteria. Once these issues have been addressed, the article can be renominated. Editors may also seek a reassessment of the decision if they believe there was a mistake.

Article milestones
Date	Process	Result
January 21, 2010	Good article nominee	Listed
February 3, 2024	Good article reassessment	Delisted

Current status: Delisted good article

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Ice Hockey

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Draft Distinction

He is not the first player from California to be taken in the first round of the NHL draft. Scott Parker was selected in the 1998 NHL draft in the first round and he is from Hanford. Travismills (talk) 01:15, 13 March 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Birthplace

Looks like NHL.com probably has Blum's birthplace wrong. The WHL, Vancouver Giants, the TSN draft broadcast, newspapers [1], USA Hockey [2] all say Santa Margarita. NHL.com's the only source I can find that says Long Beach instead. -→Buchanan-Hermit™/?! 04:09, 23 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]

I think Rancho Santa Margarita is his hometown. I notice that the WHL site says hometown, it doesn't say anything about him born there. I don't know what the other sites say, but I know that some sites will list the players' hometown as their birthplace if they don't know where that player was born. Canuck85 04:25, 23 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]

I know the kid lives in southern OC, not Long Beach. I played with him recently at the Aliso Viejo Ice Palace which is about 10 minutes from rancho santa margarita. I wouldn't be surprised if his birthplace is Long Beach, though the new article on nhl.com says things like "growing up on the streets of Long Beach." Then again, you can't believe everything you read. Maybe his family moved to southern OC or that's where he grew up. Either way, it's safe to say that's where he is right now. JHMM13^(Disc) 20:31, 14 July 2007 (UTC)[reply]

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Jonathon Blum/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: -- Big Dom 17:32, 20 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

Lead

The prose is fine, but the lead should summarise the whole article and it contains nothing from the "Early life" or "International play" sections
"During his major junior career in the Western Hockey League (WHL) Blum won a President's Cup as WHL champions in 2006 and a Memorial Cup in 2007 with the Vancouver Giants." --> "During his major junior career in the Western Hockey League (WHL) with the Vancouver Giants, Blum won a President's Cup as WHL champions in 2006 and a Memorial Cup in 2007."

Early life

"a couple years" --> "a couple of years"
"NHLer" isn't a word, maybe something like "NHL player" would be better
I don't think it's necessary to go into such detail about his mother's cancer. Just saying that she had cancer, was treated and then recovered in May 2006 is enough.

Playing career

The first paragraph could do with a couple more references, such as citing the sentence about the plus-minus award.
"plus/minus" --> "plus-minus"
In the second paragraph, the part about him finishing second among league defensemen should be cited since it's a pretty strong claim.
In the next sentence "would also set" --> "also set". This could do with a reference as well.
Why are there three very short paragraphs at the end of this section. Can they not be merged together?

International play

"but failed to medal once more" --> "but once again failed to win a medal"

Career statistics

This section looks OK

Awards

The awards without cites need references.

Records

Same as the awards, they need refs

A pretty well-written article overall, once the few comments are addressed I'd be happy to pass this. Message me if you have any questions about the review. Thanks, -- Big Dom 18:07, 20 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Reply

First of all, thanks for taking the time to review. I addressed all the above issues as best I could. I think they're all properly taken care of, but I was unsure what from the "Early life" section I should include in the lead. I simply mentioned his birth place and where he was raised. Let me know if there's anything else I need to take care of. Thanks again! Orlandkurtenbach (talk) 07:23, 21 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Article looks fine now those comments have been dealt with. Just done a couple of minor fixes myself but I'll gladly pass this now. -- Big Dom 17:28, 21 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

You should mention his early childhood as playing street hockey with the neighbors. Played every week and loved it! Miss you Ashley!!! — Preceding unsigned comment added by 98.189.161.8 (talk) 23:00, 9 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Criteria check

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

Is it reasonably well written?
A. Prose quality:

B. MoS compliance:
Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
A. References to sources:

B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:

C. No original research:
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. Major aspects:

B. Focused:
Is it neutral?
Fair representation without bias:
Is it stable?
No edit wars, etc:
Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:

B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
Overall:
Pass or Fail:

Awesome! Thanks. Orlandkurtenbach (talk) 01:03, 22 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

External links modified

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Added archive https://web.archive.org/web/20110708113719/http://communities.canada.com/theprovince/blogs/dubhub/archive/2010/04/28/connauton-old-oiler-fan-turned-canuck-prospect.aspx to http://communities.canada.com/theprovince/blogs/dubhub/archive/2010/04/28/connauton-old-oiler-fan-turned-canuck-prospect.aspx
Added archive https://web.archive.org/web/20110613120650/http://news.bostonherald.com/sports/hockey/bruins/view/2009_04_05_Tim_Thomas_deal_puts_cap_pressure_on_Chiarelli/srvc%3Dhome%26position%3Drecent to http://news.bostonherald.com/sports/hockey/bruins/view/2009_04_05_Tim_Thomas_deal_puts_cap_pressure_on_Chiarelli/srvc%3Dhome%26position%3Drecent

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External links modified

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GA Reassessment

Jonathon Blum

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch article reassessment page • Most recent review

Result: Delisted. ~~ AirshipJungleman29 (talk) 20:46, 3 February 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Article is slanted towards pre-2012 career. Later career needs to be expanded in order to comprehensively cover this topic. Z1720 (talk) 20:00, 25 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.