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Use bullet points instead of hlist in the infobox Done
Sure you can't find a source for recording date? ✗Not done I'm not sure exactly what you mean. The release date is sourced in the release history section.
"and considers it to be her" → "and considered it to be her" Done
"most emotionally robust record to date" → "most emotionally robust record" as "to date" is not needed, especially when she may later release more Done Removed "to date".
"in support of the album" → "in support of Lucid" and mention the tour year in this sentence Done added the month and year the tour commenced at the beginning of the sentence
"draining 5-year relationship" → "draining relationship of five years" Done
"the strength she endured after the emotional turmoil she's been through" → "the strength that she endured, after having been through emotional turmoil" Done
"The closing track "My Dear" is" → "The closing track to Lucid, "My Dear", is" Done
How is this various when the ref only sources a US release? Response: It was released in other regions other than the U.S. Do you want me to clutter the article with multiple iTunes links? I can do that if that's what is required.
Use the proper column for ref; see Jesus Is King for example. Done
✗ Fail will have to be given to this article unfortunately, due to it having the construction template planked on while the nominator has yet to respond to certain issues, meaning that the article comes under the immediate failure criteria. --Kyle Peake (talk) 11:06, 13 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Hello Versace1608. After completing my preliminary copyedit I always ask questions about the article to ensure that my edit reflects the intended meaning and is clear in doing so. Please reply to each point by indenting below each one like you would a conversation; items will be struck out once they have been answered. Please ping me with {{U}}, {{ping}}, or {{re}} as I have a lot of items on my watchlist.
My copyediting process can be found here. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 20:16, 13 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Lucid utilizes piano-led ballads, strings and soft brass to tell a tale of the brokenhearted. Emphasis in original. Does the album tell one continuous story or does each track have its own?
On France 24, she recalled spending time away from the spotlight in an attempt to "live normal". Slightly edited. "Spotlight" is more of a colloquialism. Perhaps we can use something more neutral and formal? It'd be helpful if it were more narrowed down: something like "social media" or "publicity events".
She also stated to have written the album like a diary and poured all of her joy, heartbreak, laughter and longing on it. This might be better off as a direct quote or re-written; it does not fit the Wikipedia's tone as it is.
Prior to unveiling plans for the release of Lucid [...] Is it plans about the album or the album itself? I don't understand the importance of the plans to promote something rather than the thing itself.
Lucid utilizes piano-led ballads, strings and soft brass to tell a tale of the brokenhearted. Emphasis in original. Same question as the first one.
In "The Beginning", Aṣa implores her love interest to restart with her. As in start the relationship again, or just reconcile as friends?
"Makes No Sense" provides a dose of self-awareness and portrays Aṣa as someone who has been hurt, neglected and rejected by her love interest. This sounds too casual. Going to come back to this later to reword it.
"365" documents the end of a five-year emotionally-draining relationship; the song features violin and guitar strings. Why are "strings" mentioned here? Can we refer to them as just "violins" and "guitars"?
"9 Lives" is a message to Aṣa's former lover on the strength that she endured, after having been through emotional turmoil. Awkward wording. Will come back to this later.
The accompanying music video was directed by Sesan and released two months later; it is entirely a combination of subplots. Subplots need a plot to be compared to in order to exist. Are they connected? If not I suggest using the word "vignettes".
Music critic Dami Ajayi criticized Aṣa for toying familiar lines, while failing to take new in-roads. I'm not sure what you mean by this; could you please clarify?
@Tenryuu: Thanks for performing copyedits to the page. While I appreciate your efforts, I must point out that your comments look more like a review than a copyedit. This is my first time seeing a copyedit request transform into a full-length review. Having said that, I am going to address some of your concerns. Versace1608Wanna Talk?01:38, 14 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
Infobox seems good; image has a valid non-free use rationale
I think the general structure of the lead can be improved, since it doesn't read very good in my opinion. Right now, it has too many separated, short sentences that start the same. Taking the first paragraph, "It was [...] It is [...] It is [...] The [...] The [...]", and in the second paragraph, apart from the very first word, all sentences start with "The". I recommend merging some of the sentences and doing some different structures to allow for a more dynamic reading. For example, "It was released" could be merged with the previous sentence.
"The production was primarily handled by drummer Marlon B and contains additional elements of jazz, reggae and neo-soul." — I don't think the "and contains additional elements of jazz, reggae and neo-soul" fits here. This should be merged with the "It is a soul, folk, and rock album [...]" sentence (will also be noted below).
"The album's title depicts the place where she is currently at in her life." — temporal words like "currently" should be avoided, especially since 2019 was a long time ago. This should be reworded to something like "The album's title depicts the place where she was at the time of the album's release." (will also be noted below)
"The album received generally positive reviews from music critics, who commended the symbolic nature of Aṣa's songwriting and considered it to be her deepest and most emotionally robust record." This part in italics doesn't seem to be cited in the article.
"The album was supported by a Lucid album tour" — feels a little too repetitive, could just be "The album was supported by a tour"
"Aṣa took a five-year hiatus from music before revealing plans to release Lucid." — should mention her previous release here (like "After releasing Bed of Stone in 2014, [sentence])
"[...] the title Lucid depicts the place where she is currently at in her life." — remove "currently"; same suggestion I made in the section above
"Prior to releasing Lucid, Aṣa released the singles [...]". — could just be replaced with the Singles section since singles it's part of promotion, Singles isn't a big section and it doesn't fit well after the music and lyrics section. (Will also be noted below)
"Aṣa was scheduled to headline the Asa Live in Lagos concert" — just want to confirm, shouldn't it be Aṣa Live in Lagos?
"[...] due to the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic" — remove ongoing to avoid temporal words
If you added Bed of Stone in "Background and promotion", remove "and is a follow-up [...]". I think it fits better there
"and contains additional elements of jazz, reggae, and neo-soul." — merge with the previous sentence mentioning the genres; same suggestion I made in "Infobox and lead"
In the 3rd paragraph there are three sentences in sequence starting with "In"
The album is always cited either as "the album" or "Lucid", can try other words like "the work" for variation
Music critic Michael Kolawole -> Culture Custodian's Michael Kolawole (or similar)
Same thing for Dami Ajayi. Write the publisher's name.
"In a review for The Lagos Review" — unfortunately not the best place to use "in a review" since the website also has review in the name, so could do another variation like "Writing for The Lagos Review" for less repetitiveness
The "all_writing" also including the producer won't work because the template adds a dot at the end, creating a .[4]. I recommend just writing "All tracks are written by Bukola Elemide [...]" at the start of the section
Not really "Motolani Alake of Pulse Nigeria commended the album for showing Aṣa documenting three different thematic perspectives, though he criticized it for having 'no sonic uniqueness.'" — [1] Writer said here that "Although documenting different scenarios, the album can be summed up in three perspectives", and later says "This writer also feels that while the album is still excellent with new themes, there is no sonic uniqueness to it." This doesn't really confirm that the writer "commended the album for showing Aṣa documenting three different thematic perspectives". He just said the album could be summarized in three perspectives and that the album is "still excellent with new themes". Could be reworded.
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.