Talk:Adventure Time (pilot)
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- This review is transcluded from Talk:Adventure Time (pilot)/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
""Adventure Time" is the name of an animated short created by Pendleton Ward, as well as the pilot to the Cartoon Network series Adventure Time." => ""Adventure Time" is an animated short created by Pendleton Ward, as well as the pilot to Cartoon Network series of the same name."--Khanassassin ☪ 13:17, 27 August 2013 (UTC) "as of April 2008 the pilot had almost 3,000,000 views." Perhaps I'm wrong, but can "as of" and "had" really go together? Doesn't sound right to me.--Khanassassin ☪ 13:17, 27 August 2013 (UTC)
"...giving Pen a kiss, which he enjoys but greatly embarrasses him." => "...giving Pen a kiss; he enjoys, but is also greatly embarrassed." Something like that reads better, I think.--Khanassassin ☪ 13:17, 27 August 2013 (UTC)
One of the main protagonists of the short." Not a big issue, but since there's only two protagonists in the short/series, Pen/Finn and Jake, shouldn't you write "one of two main protagonists"?--Khanassassin ☪ 13:17, 27 August 2013 (UTC)
- "The other main protagonists of the short." "Protagonists" should be singular, it's one dog. --Khanassassin ☪ 13:17, 27 August 2013 (UTC)
- Not a single issue, just a personal preference: "Supervising producer of Adventure Time" instead of "Adventure Time's supervising producer". Just think it sounds better. :) --Khanassassin ☪ 13:17, 27 August 2013 (UTC)
Release and reception
The "as of April 2008" thing again, like I said, maybe not an issue, just doesn't sound right to me.--Khanassassin ☪ 13:17, 27 August 2013 (UTC) "...if Ward could prove that the series "could prove the seven-minute short..."" "Prove" used twice. Reads a bit akward.:) --Khanassassin ☪ 13:17, 27 August 2013 (UTC) "However, the network was not happy with this story, and specifically asked for an episode that contained the same elements..." "Elements" sort of doesn't fit in the "what made it so special" sentence, lol. Just write "things" or something. Or don't, again, it's just a personal preference. :)--Khanassassin ☪ 13:17, 27 August 2013 (UTC)
- Either capitalize both "blogs", or keep both lowcap. :) --Khanassassin ☪ 13:17, 27 August 2013 (UTC)
- I think I got everything. Thanks for reviewing this. BTW, I'll try to get your article reviewed tonight.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 14:42, 27 August 2013 (UTC)
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