The Slicer

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"The Slicer"
Seinfeld episode
Episode no.Season 9
Episode 7
Directed byAndy Ackerman
Story byGregg Kavet & Andy Robin & Darin Henry
Teleplay byGregg Kavet & Andy Robin
Production code907
Original air dateNovember 13, 1997
Guest appearance(s)
Episode chronology
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"The Merv Griffin Show"
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"The Betrayal"
Seinfeld (season 9)
List of Seinfeld episodes

"The Slicer" is the 163rd episode of the NBC sitcom Seinfeld. This was the seventh episode of the ninth and final season. It first aired on November 13, 1997.[1]


George applies for an interview with Kruger Industrial Smoothing and gets the job, but notices a picture of Kruger (Daniel von Bargen) and his family at the beach with a not-so-bald George in the background in Kruger's office.

Later George tells Kramer and Jerry at Monk's Café about the "boombox incident" that occurred in the summer of 1989: George was at the beach and a family sat down next to him. After returning from swimming in the surf, George found all his things gone. After screaming at the kids, he became so angry he threw their boombox into the ocean. Moments later, he found his things in the water and realized that the tide, not the kids, had taken them out. The father (Kruger) demanded George pay for the boombox, so George evaded it by giving him a fake address.

Now, George is worried that he may get fired once Kruger recognizes him from the picture. Kramer suggests sneaking the picture out and getting George's image airbrushed out. George takes to the idea and leaves. Meanwhile, Kramer is annoyed at the "misshaped, shoddy meats" in the sandwiches he eats, stating that he "hasn't had a decent sandwich in 13 years." He solves his problem by getting a meat slicer.

Elaine can't sleep because her neighbor forgot to turn off the alarm clock before leaving for Paris. Kramer tells her that the same thing happened to his friend Lomez, so he (Lomez) blew his neighbor's circuit. He and Elaine then set off to do just that. Meanwhile, Jerry begins dating a doctor, Sara Sitarides (Marcia Cross).

The next day, George goes to pick up the picture, but finds out Kruger was airbrushed out instead of him (due to Kruger's baldness, the clerk mistook him for George, since George in the picture still had hair. He also points this out to George, annoying him further). Elaine realizes her neighbor's cat (whose meowing is worse than the alarm clock) now can't eat because shutting off the power also shut off its automatic feeder. Jerry tells Elaine his date with Dr. Sitarides didn't go well because she kept making him feel like "if I don't save lives, I'm worthless." Elaine then reveals that Sitarides is a dermatologist and Jerry gets annoyed at this, not considering a dermatologist to be a "life-saver", and noting that their advice to patients is simply to "put some Aloe on it." George convinces him to go on a "revenge date" to tell her off.

Elaine and Kramer go back to Elaine's apartment with the meat slicer and feed the cat under the door. Elaine borrows Kramer's slicer, but uses it for slicing other things, including an uneven pair of heels. She eventually gets a piece of her heel stuck in it. Jerry's revenge date doesn't go well when a former patient of Sitarides' comes up and thanks her for saving his life. The reason: he had skin cancer. George goes back to the Foto Hut, and finds himself airbrushed out, and only a drawing of Kruger back in. He then realizes he has to get a photo of his boss without his shirt on (as he was in the picture) to put back in.

When Elaine drops by to pick up pliers to remove the heel from Kramer's slicer, she drops a helpful tip about how Sitarides goes by offices screening people for skin cancer (that's how they met). George then realizes all he has to do is set up a screening at Kruger's and he can get his picture (after Jerry apologizes to Sitarides). Kramer goes to Elaine's to pick up his slicer. She manages to get the heel out just in time, but dings up the blade in the process. When trying to get back into Elaine's apartment, he accidentally pulls off her doorknob, trapping her inside.

Jerry starts getting an allergic reaction. Kramer thinks Sitarides gave it to him when he went down to apologize to her. He decides to go down to Kruger's - where Sitarides is doing the cancer screening - and ask her. Kramer comes along to pick up his blade. Jerry insults Sitarides and causes her to leave. As Kruger comes in for his screening, Kramer (with his white butcher's coat on) takes Sitarides's place as the doctor (Dr. Van Nostrand). Kramer then checks Kruger for moles ("the freckle's ugly cousin," as Kramer puts it). He takes a picture of Kruger for George, but finds a mole on Kruger's right shoulder.

George gets the picture fixed and Kramer starts getting into dermatology. While flipping through one of Kramer's medical books, Jerry finds a section on his condition and figures out that his hives came from an allergic reaction to Benzene, commonly used as a metal cleaner. Kramer had been using Jerry's hand towel with metal cleaner to clean his slicer blade, and gave him hives. George returns to work and suggests Kruger go see another dermatologist about his mole, but finds Kruger isn't worried about it. Because the mole is visible in the picture (which he thinks was taken in 1989), he thinks it hasn't grown. Kruger then reveals to George about that day when he and his kids took this "pear-shaped loser[s]" clothes and threw it all in the ocean. Finally learning the truth, George gets mad and informs him that the pear-shaped loser was him and that he went to great lengths to remove himself from Kruger's family picture; Kruger replies, "Well I'll be - you have lost a lot of hair." George answers, "That's what they tell me!"

At the end of the episode, Kramer, George and Jerry camp outside Elaine's apartment, feeding her under the door until the locksmith arrives to fix the doorknob Kramer had broken earlier. Jerry sees another dermatologist who prescribed him Aloe to treat his hives and George ends up not getting fired anyway because Kruger "didn't care."


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