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== Introductory Paragraph Grammar/Language ==

The introductory paragraph language should be adjusted as it is not well structured and as it maybe be construed as politically biased from the tone of the sentence. I dont want to take sides and am writing this as a neutral observer.

"Despite multiple life sentences for the deaths she caused, she is free as a result of a prisoner exchange, and hosts a television show about Palestinians in Israeli prisons. She is known for her participation in the Sbarro restaurant suicide bombing."

maybe restructured to:

"She is known for her participation in the Sbarro restaurant suicide bombing for which she was serving multiple life sentences until her release as part of the Gilad-Shalit prisoner exchange. Ahlam now hosts a television show about Palestinians in Israeli prisons."


Considering the rules on editing here and that I have currently forgotten my user id/password combination for wikipedia I am not doing an edit but just mentioning my concerns here.

[[Special:Contributions/75.49.251.113|75.49.251.113]] ([[User talk:75.49.251.113|talk]]) 19:25, 14 August 2013 (UTC)

Revision as of 19:25, 14 August 2013


Introductory Paragraph Grammar/Language

The introductory paragraph language should be adjusted as it is not well structured and as it maybe be construed as politically biased from the tone of the sentence. I dont want to take sides and am writing this as a neutral observer.

"Despite multiple life sentences for the deaths she caused, she is free as a result of a prisoner exchange, and hosts a television show about Palestinians in Israeli prisons. She is known for her participation in the Sbarro restaurant suicide bombing."

maybe restructured to:

"She is known for her participation in the Sbarro restaurant suicide bombing for which she was serving multiple life sentences until her release as part of the Gilad-Shalit prisoner exchange. Ahlam now hosts a television show about Palestinians in Israeli prisons."


Considering the rules on editing here and that I have currently forgotten my user id/password combination for wikipedia I am not doing an edit but just mentioning my concerns here.

75.49.251.113 (talk) 19:25, 14 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]