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Andy Dick

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This is an old revision of this page, as edited by DonnieNova (talk | contribs) at 20:36, 2 October 2023 (Based on the citation given, this is an alleged accusation rather than a fact.). The present address (URL) is a permanent link to this revision, which may differ significantly from the current revision.

For other uses, see Andrew Dick (disambiguation).

Andy Dick
A smiling Andy Dick with glasses, wearing black and white clothes with an American Express logo behind him
Dick at the 2012 Tribeca Film Festival premiere of Freaky Deaky
Birth nameAndrew Thomlinson
Born (1965-12-21) December 21, 1965 (age 58)
Charleston, South Carolina, U.S.[1]
Medium
  • Stand-up
  • television
  • film
  • radio
Years active1986–present
Subject(s)Recreational drug use,
drinking culture
Spouse
Ivone Kowalczyk
​
​
(m. 1986; div. 1990)​
Children3

Andrew Roane Dick (born Andrew Thomlinson; December 21, 1965) is an American comedian.[2][3] Dick's first regular television role was on the short-lived but influential, Fox's The Ben Stiller Show. In the mid-1990s, he had a long-running stint on NBC's NewsRadio and was a supporting character on Less than Perfect. He briefly had his own program, The Andy Dick Show, on MTV. He is noted for his outlandish behavior on a number of Comedy Central Roasts and other appearances. He is also known for his eccentric behavior, struggles with drug addiction, and numerous sexual misconduct allegations and arrests.[4][5]

Early life and education

Dick was born on December 21, 1965, in Charleston, South Carolina, as Andrew Thomlinson. He was adopted at birth by Allen and Sue Dick, and named Andrew Roane Dick. He was brought up Presbyterian.[6] His father was in the Navy.[7]

As a child, he spent time living with his family in Connecticut, Pennsylvania, New York, and Yugoslavia before moving to Chicago in 1979.[1] He attended George Walton Comprehensive High School in Cobb County, Georgia. Dick appeared in numerous theater productions during his high school years. He was elected homecoming king his senior year in 1983.[8] He graduated from Joliet West High School in Joliet, Illinois in 1984.

While in high school, he tended to use his surname as a joke; and one day, he dressed in a homemade superhero costume and presented himself at school as "Super Dick".[9] Dick has been a friend of actor Anthony Rapp since childhood.[10]

After high school, Dick joined Chicago's Second City, attended Illinois Wesleyan University for a semester before attending Columbia College Chicago, where he performed most of his university studies,[11][7] and took improv comedy classes at iO Theater.

Career

Television

Dick holding a piñata with a cutout of Tom Green for The 1 Second Film in December 2004

Dick started his TV comedy career as a cast member on the sketch comedy program The Ben Stiller Show, which aired on the Fox Network from September 1992 to January 1993. In 1993, on the third night of David Letterman's new CBS show, Dick appeared as "Donnie the CBS Page Who Likes to Suck Up", during which he gave a watch to Letterman. The host then handed him a pencil, prompting Dick to cry and then walk backstage to much applause.

In 1994, Dick played the part of Pepé the stylist in the episode "Maggie the Model" on The Nanny. He also starred as Zachary Smart, the son of Maxwell Smart and Agent 99, in the Get Smart Fox television remake (a role he reportedly tried to escape in order to go into work with NewsRadio).[12] In 2001, Dick starred along with Kieran Culkin on the short lived NBC summer television series Go Fish.

Dick has been a series regular on several sitcoms for their entire duration, including NewsRadio on NBC (1995–1999), portraying accident-prone reporter Matthew Brock, and on the ABC sitcom Less than Perfect as Owen Kronsky.

In 2001, he, along with colleagues and producers, developed a show on MTV called The Andy Dick Show. The series ended in 2003 after three seasons. In 2004, he starred in a satirical reality television show, also on MTV, called The Assistant. The show spoofed themes and scenes from The Apprentice, The Bachelor, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, and Survivor, among others.

Dick had also had a guest shot on Star Trek: Voyager as the Emergency Medical Hologram Mark II in "Message in a Bottle". He competed in the eighth season of Celebrity Poker Showdown. He finished in last place, behind Robin Tunney, Christopher Meloni, Macy Gray, and Joy Behar.

On May 16, 2007, Dick was roasted on The Howard Stern Show by Artie Lange, Lisa Lampanelli, Reverend Bob Levy, Sal Governale, Shuli, Colin Quinn, Benjy Bronk, Dave Attell, Greg Fitzsimmons, and Yucko the Clown.

In 2008, Dick appeared on episode No. 3 of The Real World: Hollywood to tell cast members that they would be taking improv classes.[13][14]

Dick was a contestant on Season 16 of Dancing With the Stars in 2013.[15] He was partnered with former troupe member, Sharna Burgess, and placed seventh in the competition. Dick was on ABC's Celebrity Wife Swap on July 14, 2013.[16]

Films

One of his earliest film roles was a fictional version of himself in the film adaptation of video game Double Dragon. In 1993, Dick played himself in the mockumentary The Making of... And God Spoke. He also starred alongside MTV comedian Pauly Shore in the 1994 war comedy film In the Army Now.

In 1997, Dick had a supporting role alongside Luke Wilson and Jack Black in Bongwater, as Luke Wilson's gay friend who gives him a place to stay after his house burns to the ground.[17] In 1999, Dick played one of Dr. Claw's henchmen in the movie Inspector Gadget.

In 2000, he made a cameo role in the motion picture Dude, Where's My Car?. That same year, he also appeared in the teenage comedy film Road Trip, playing a motel clerk. In 2001, Dick made a cameo in Ben Stiller's comedy Zoolander as Olga the Masseuse (Dick also made a cameo in Stiller's directorial debut, Reality Bites, in 1994).

In 2002, he was featured in the band Ash's music video "Envy" as a taxi cab driver. In 2003, he appeared in Will Ferrell's Old School as a gay sex education teacher, and as a villainous Santa in the movie The Hebrew Hammer. In 2005, Dick was featured in the documentary The Aristocrats. In 2006, he appeared in the film Employee of the Month as Lon, a nearsighted optician.[18] He also provided the voice of Mambo in 2007's Happily N'Ever After and the voice of Boingo in Hoodwinked! in 2005.

His feature film directing debut was the 2006 film Danny Roane: First Time Director. In late December 2008, Dick announced on his official website that he had finished writing a script for a film starring his alter-ego Daphne Aguilera titled, Daphne Aguilera: Get into It.[19]

Voiceover work

In 1998, he lent his voice to the villain Nuka in the Disney direct-to-video animated film The Lion King II: Simba's Pride and provided the voice of Boingo for the Hoodwinked! movies. In November 2016, Dick reprised his role as Nuka for The Lion Guard TV series.

In 1999, he featured as the voice of Dilbert's assistant in the Dilbert animated series. He also was the voice of recurring character "Monkey Man" on the Nickelodeon TV series Hey Arnold!.

In 2002, Dick provided the voice of Mr. Sheepman and various other characters in the short-lived animated series Clone High.

Dick provides the voice of Maurice from the radio station WCTR's segment "Gardening with Maurice" in the video game Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas and he provided the voice of Aunt Beth in the 2006 video game Marc Eckō's Getting Up: Contents Under Pressure. He also was the voice of Dylan in 'The Reef'.

As of October 2006, Dick has hosted his own radio program, The Shit Show, on Howard Stern's Sirius channel Howard 101 every Thursday night at midnight eastern.

On August 19, 2009, Dick became a downloadable character in the PlayStation Network's video game Pain.[20] In 2010, Dick voiced Jesus Christ in an episode of Mary Shelley's Frankenhole on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim.[21]

Web series

While under house arrest in 2009, Dick created and starred in the five-episode web series House Arrest with Andy Dick. The series features Dick's interviews with celebrity guests including Greg Grunberg, Drew Pinsky, Mo Collins, Joey Greco, and Jennifer Coolidge.[22]

In 2012, Dick hosted Andy Dick Live! Dick and Pauly Shore discussed the possibility of a sequel to In the Army Now during his appearance on the show.[23]

On September 19, 2013, Dick appeared in the first episode of the web series All Growz Up with Melinda Hill to talk about his early career and give advice to aspiring performers.[24]

Personal life

Family

Dick was married to Ivone Kowalczyk from 1986 to 1990, with whom he has a son born in 1988.[25] He also has a son and a daughter with Lena Sved.[26]

In a 2006 interview with The Washington Post, he said he is bisexual.[27]

Drug and alcohol use disorders

Dick states that he has struggled with drug and alcohol use disorders over the years and has entered into rehab programs 20 times in an effort to become sober.[28]

In 1999, Dick was questioned in the suicide of actor David Strickland and identified his body. On Saturday, March 20, the pair flew from Los Angeles to Las Vegas and spent three days partying in strip clubs.[29] Strickland hanged himself with a bed sheet over the ceiling beam, and died during the morning hours of March 22, 1999.[30] He was 29 years old.

On May 15, 1999, Dick drove his car into a utility pole in Hollywood. He was charged with the possession of cocaine, cannabis, and drug paraphernalia, driving under the influence of alcohol/drugs, and hit-and-run driving.[31] He later pled guilty to felony cocaine possession, and misdemeanor cannabis possession and possession of a "smoking device". After Dick completed an 18-month drug diversion program the charges were dismissed.[32]

On December 4, 2004, Dick was arrested for indecent exposure after he exposed his buttocks at a local McDonald's.[33]

On July 16, 2008, Dick was arrested in Murrieta, California, on suspicion of drug possession and sexual battery. He exposed the breasts of a 17-year-old girl when he allegedly grabbed and pulled down her tank top and brassiere. During a search of his person, police reported finding a small quantity of cannabis and one alprazolam (Xanax) tablet for which Dick did not have a prescription.[34][35] He was released from jail after posting $5,000 bail. Dick eventually plead guilty to misdemeanor battery and marijuana possession. He was sentenced to three years probation, around $700 in fines, and was ordered to wear an alcohol-monitoring bracelet for one year.[36]

On January 23, 2010, Dick was arrested about 4 a.m. at a bar in Huntington, West Virginia, on charges of sexual abuse after reportedly groping a bartender and a patron.[37][38] He was released from jail after pleading not guilty and posting $60,000 bail.[39][40] On June 29, 2011, Dick was formally indicted by a Cabell County Grand Jury for two counts of first degree sexual abuse. Dick plead not guilty during a formal arraignment in Cabell County Circuit Court in Huntington on July 29, 2011. After receiving the not guilty plea, Judge Paul Ferrell set a trial date of January 17, 2012.[41] After several delays, on May 21, 2012, Dick was given a six-month pre-trial diversion. An assistant prosecutor said that the agreement stated that if Dick would stay out of legal trouble for six months, the criminal charges would be dismissed.[42] Criminal charges were dismissed after Dick completed the pretrial diversion program.[43] In January 2012, the two alleged victims filed a civil suit against Dick for unspecified damages.[44][needs update]

In June 2018, he was charged with misdemeanor sexual battery and battery charges for allegedly groping a woman in April that year.[45] Dick plead not guilty in October 2019 to charges he grabbed an Uber driver by the genitals.[46] He was convicted and sentenced to 90 days in jail in November of 2022 and required to register as a sex offender.[47]

On June 29, 2021, Dick was arrested for felony assault with a deadly weapon. Dick was released from jail on June 30, 2021, after posting the $50,000 bond.[48]

On May 10, 2022, Dick was arrested for felony sexual battery of a man in Orange County, California.[49] However, the case was later dropped when the accuser refused to cooperate with the local police.[citation needed]

In October 2022, Dick was arrested for felony burglary, allegedly of power tools.[50]

On January 13, 2023, Dick was arrested for public intoxication and failure to register as a sex offender in Lake Elsinore, California.[51]

Other behavior

In 2005, Dick dropped his pants and exposed his genitals to the audience at Yuk Yuk's comedy club in Edmonton, Alberta. He was ushered off the stage, and the second night was cancelled.[52]

Dick groped Pamela Anderson during her 2005 Comedy Central roast. He joked that he was her plastic surgeon and used the premise to repeatedly grab her breasts. During the roast, Dick also attempted to grope Courtney Love, who proceeded to slap him across the face. Dick also mimed performing oral sex on Anderson's husband at the time, Tommy Lee.[53]

At William Shatner's 2006 Comedy Central roast, Dick (performing as the lovechild of James T. Kirk and Spock) allegedly licked Farrah Fawcett, Carrie Fisher and Patton Oswalt before biting New York Post reporter Mandy Stadtmiller.[54]

In December 2006, Dick upset an audience at The Improv in Los Angeles by shouting "You're all a bunch of niggers!" following an improvised set with comedian Ian Bagg. This was a direct reference to Michael Richards' use of the same epithet to insult hecklers two weeks earlier.[55] He later issued an apology via his publicist:

I chose to make a joke about a subject that is not funny, in an attempt to make light of a serious subject. I have offended a lot of people, and I am sorry for my insensitivity. I wish to apologize to Ian, to the club and its patrons and to anyone who was hurt or offended by my remark.

— Andy Dick

In February 2007, Dick was forcibly removed from the stage during an appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live!, after repeatedly touching guest Ivanka Trump. Jimmy Kimmel called in his security guards, Uncle Frank and Veatrice Rice, who assisted as Kimmel dragged Dick off by his legs.[56] Kimmel later said "Andy did a segment, he was a little out of it. [When Ivanka] came out, he wanted a big, wet kiss. It was time for Andy to go, so I escorted him out by his feet." Kimmel added, "He always makes me a little uncomfortable, you have no idea what he's going to do next." Kimmel also said he had spoken to Dick afterwards and that Dick was not upset about the incident.[57]

In October 2010, Dick was seen exposing himself and making a commotion at Café Audrey in Hollywood.[58]

In January 2011, Dick was thrown out of the AVN Awards, a pornographic movie awards ceremony, after repeatedly groping and stalking adult film actress Tera Patrick and drag queen Chi Chi LaRue.[59]

In April 2011, Dick was at a party connected with the Newport Beach Film Festival. He appeared intoxicated, exposed himself, urinated on a backdrop and afterwards destroyed it by pulling it down. The organizers claimed that this caused thousands of dollars of damage and considered suing Dick over the incident.[60]

In August 2011, Dick was a guest on Greg Fitzsimmons' radio show and made antisemitic statements about Howard Stern. Dick said Stern was a "money-grubbing Jew" and repeatedly called him a "hook-nosed Jew".[61]

In October 2017, Dick was fired from a role in the independent film Raising Buchanan due to allegations of inappropriate behavior that, according to The Hollywood Reporter, "included groping people's genitals, unwanted kissing/licking and sexual propositions of at least four members of the production". While he denied most of the allegations, he said "I might have kissed somebody on the cheek to say goodbye and then licked them. That's my thing – I licked Carrie Fisher at a roast. It's me being funny."[62] It would later be revealed that in the same month he had also been fired and escorted off the set from another film, Vampire Dad, due to what was referred to as "multiple, flagrant acts of improper conduct and inappropriate contact with several crew members".[63] He later said "I overtook my medication and took too many Xanax and I was a bit loopy". He said "I won't do it anymore. I won't lick anyone's face anymore. We have an agreement."[63]

In 2019, a man knocked Dick out with a punch to the head, causing him to be sent to the hospital to be monitored for brain bleed. The man accused Dick of groping him, and punched Dick in retaliation.[64][65]

In April 2022, Dick alleged he was mugged in Las Vegas, presenting severe facial injuries.[66]

Feud with Jon Lovitz

Dick has had a long rivalry with former NewsRadio costar Jon Lovitz concerning the death of their mutual friend Phil Hartman. According to Lovitz, Dick had given Hartman's wife Brynn cocaine at a Christmas party at Hartman's house in 1997; Brynn, a recovering addict, began using drugs again, culminating in her killing Hartman and herself on May 28, 1998. When Lovitz joined the cast of NewsRadio as Hartman's replacement, he and Dick got into a heated argument in which Lovitz reportedly shouted "I wouldn't be here if you hadn't given Brynn coke in the first place." Lovitz later apologized to Dick for the remark.[67]

In early 2007, Dick allegedly approached Lovitz at a restaurant and said "I put the Phil Hartman hex on you—you're the next to die."[68] On July 10, 2007, Dick got into a physical altercation with Lovitz at the Laugh Factory in Los Angeles. Lovitz demanded an apology from Dick, who refused and accused Lovitz of blaming him for Hartman's death. Lovitz then grabbed Dick by his shirt and slammed him backwards into the bar, after which the doorman separated the two.[68]

Discography

Albums

  • Andy Dick & the Bitches of the Century (2002)
  • Do Your Shows Always Suck? (2007)
  • The Darkest Day of the Year (2009)

Singles

  • Happy B-Day JC (w/ Willie Wisely) (2006)
  • Addiction: Andy Dick Counsels the Dark Bob (w/ the Dark Bob) (2012)

Collaborations

  • The Dark Bob: Stoked! (2006) – song: Father

Compilation appearances

  • The Aristocrats (Original Soundtrack) (2005)
  • Hoodwinked! (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) (2005)
  • Live Nude Comedy Vol. 2 (2010)
  • The Adam Carolla Show 2009, Vol. 1 (2014)
  • The Adam Carolla Show 2009, Vol. 2 (2014)
  • The Adam Carolla Show 2009, Vol. 3 (2014)
  • The Adam Carolla Show 2010, Vol.1 (2014)
  • The Un & Only (2015)
  • The Good, The Bad, And the Drugly (2015)

Filmography

Film

Year Title Role Notes
1989 Elvis Stories Allen Short film
1993 The Making of '...And God Spoke' Abel
1994 Reality Bites Rock
1994 In the Army Now Jack Kaufman
1994 Double Dragon Smogcaster
1995 Hotel Oasis Nick Short film
1996 The Cable Guy Medieval Times Host
1997 Who's the Caboose? Jason Reemer
1997 Best Men Teddy
1998 Bongwater Teddy
1998 The Lion King II: Simba's Pride Nuka Voice, direct-to-video
1998 Permanent Midnight Damian Uncredited
1999 Inspector Gadget Kramer
1999 Advice from a Caterpillar Spaz
1999 Laputa: Castle in the Sky Henri Voice, English dub
2000 The Independent Maitre d'
2000 Loser Another City Worker
2000 Road Trip Motel Clerk
2000 Picking Up the Pieces Father Buñuel
2000 Dude, Where's My Car? Mark Uncredited
2001 Zoolander Olga, The Masseuse
2001 Scotland, PA Jesse (Hippie #3)
2001 Dr. Dolittle 2 Lennie the Weasel Voice
2003 Old School Barry Uncredited
2003 The Hebrew Hammer Damian Claus
2003 Scorched Archie
2004 Larceny Chris
2005 Hoodwinked! Boingo Voice
2006 The Bondage Stewart
2006 The Reef Dylan, Curious Shark Voice
2006 Employee of the Month Lon
2006 Danny Roane: First Time Director Danny Roane Also writer and director
2006 High Hopes Patrick
2006 Queer Duck: The Movie Elizabeth Taylor, Rex Voice, direct-to-video
2006 Love Hollywood Style Bobby Ireland
2007 Blonde Ambition Freddy
2007 Happily N'Ever After Mambo Voice
2007 The Comebacks Toilet Bowl Referee
2007 Chasing Robert The Wire
2009 Rock Slyde Bart
2009 Funny People Himself
2010 Fudgy Wudgy Fudge Face Greasy Guy
2011 Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil Boingo the Bunny Voice
2011 Division III: Football's Finest Rick Vice Also writer and producer
2012 Freaky Deaky Mark Ricks
2012 The Reef 2: High Tide Dylan Voice, direct-to-video
2014 Deadly Punkettes Victor
2014 Live Nude Girls Eddie
2015 L.A. Slasher The Slasher Voice
2016 Zoolander 2 Don Atari's Posse Member
2016 A Winter Rose Billy Joe

Television

Year Title Role Notes
1989 Anything but Love Trell Episode: "Woman on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown"
1990 Sydney The Waiter Episode: "Sydney's Mom"
1991 Earth Angel Brownnoser Television film
1992–1995 The Ben Stiller Show Various characters 13 episodes
1993 Flying Blind Film Student Episode: "The Bride of Marsh Man 2: The Spawning"
1993 The Building Joe 2 episodes
1994 The Nanny Pepé, Bernie Episode: "Maggie the Model"
1995 Get Smart Zach Smart 7 episodes
1995–1999 NewsRadio Matthew Brock 97 episodes
1997 Johnny Bravo Melon Head, Surfer Dude Voice, episode: "Beach Blanket Bravo"
1997 Space Ghost Coast to Coast Himself Episode: "Boatshow"
1998 Star Trek: Voyager EMH-2 Dr. Bradley Episode: "Message in a Bottle"
1999 Just Shoot Me! Kyle Episode: "Finch Gets Dick"
2000 Dilbert The Assistant Voice, episode: "The Assistant"
2000 King of the Hill Griffin Voice, episode: "Movin' on Up"
2000 Caitlin's Way William 2 episodes
2000 Hey Arnold! Monkeyman Voice, episode: "Monkeyman!"
2000 Batman Beyond Slim Voice, episode: "The Eggbaby"
2000 Sammy Mark Jacobs Voice
2000 Special Delivery Lloyd Steadman Television film
2001 Go Fish Ernie Hopkins 5 episodes
2001–2002 The Andy Dick Show Various characters 21 episodes; also writer and executive producer
2002, 2008 Family Guy Himself Episodes: "Road to Europe" and "Tales of a Third Grade Nothing"
2002–2003 Clone High Mr. Sheepman Voice, 6 episodes
2002–2006 Less Than Perfect Owen Kronsky 81 episodes
2004 Stripperella Larry Talbot / Werebeaver Voice, episode: "The Curse of the WereBeaver"
2004 The Assistant Presenter Also executive producer
2005 The Comedy Central Roast of Pamela Anderson Himself Television special
2006 Arrested Development Himself Episode: "S.O.B.s"
2006 The Comedy Central Roast of William Shatner Himself Television special
2007 Jimmy Kimmel Live! Himself Season 5, Episode 20
2007 ER Tommy Brewer Episode: "Crisis of Conscience"
2008 Rick & Steve: The Happiest Gay Couple in All the World Protestor Voice, episode: "Death of a Lesbian Bed"
2009 Head Case Himself Episode: "Tying the Not"
2010 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Armory Dealer Episode: "Blood Moon"
2010, 2011 Community Tiny Man, Helicopter Pilot 2 episodes
2010, 2012 Mary Shelley's Frankenhole Jesus Christ Voice, 2 episodes
2012 Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja Jerry Driscoll Voice, episode: "Dawn of the Driscoll"
2013 Legit Andy Episode: "Health"
2013 Bad Samaritans Floyd Episode: "Middle School Detention"
2013, 2016 2 Broke Girls J. Petto 3 episodes
2014 Sharknado 2: The Second One Officer Doyle Television film
2015 Maron Himself Episode: "Marc's Niece"
2015 Comedy Bang! Bang! Andy Battlecorridor Episode: "David Krumholtz Wears a Blue Zip-Up Jacket and Grey Sneakers"
2016 Workaholics Mr. Buckley Episode: "Meth Head Actor"
2016 Great Minds with Dan Harmon John Wilkes Booth Episode: "John Wilkes Booth"
2016 The Lion Guard Nuka Voice, episode: "Lions of the Outlands"
2016–2017 Love Himself 2 episodes
2017–2018 Animals. Andy Voice, episode: "Rats"
2017 Sense8 Kit Wrangler Episode: "If All the World's a Stage, Identity Is Nothing But a Costume"
2019 Valley Junk TV Jared Levine Episode: "The Crazy Agent"
2021 The Game Shoppe Walter Molly Animation Series
2022 That Moon Show Himself Animation Series

Video games

Year Title Role Notes
2004 Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas Maurice, Talk Radio Uncredited
2005 Marc Eckō's Getting Up: Contents Under Pressure Aunt Beth
2007 Pain Himself

Music video appearances

Year Title Artist(s)
2006 A Public Affair Jessica Simpson
2015 Just Like You Falling in Reverse

References

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  44. ^ "Boyd County Men Sue Andy Dick Over Alleged Assault". WSAZ-TV. January 24, 2012. Archived from the original on January 27, 2012. Retrieved March 16, 2012. Two Boyd County men who say they were sexually assaulted by comedian Andy Dick at a West Virginia nightclub in 2010 have filed a civil lawsuit seeking unspecified damages.
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  58. ^ "PHOTOS: Deja Vu! Andy Dick Makes His Privates Public Again". Radar Online. October 26, 2010. Archived from the original on December 8, 2011. Retrieved September 2, 2012. Dick was sitting with a group of about four people and kissed one of the guys on the lips before whipping out his privates and fleeing the scene. "He stood up, took out his d*ck and said something like, 'This is me!'"
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