List of South Park Elementary staff

This page is a list of staff at South Park Elementary from the characters on the animated television show, South Park.

Staff

Mr. Adler

Mr. Richard Adler is the shop-class teacher at South Park Elementary. During "Tweek vs. Craig," he is plagued by memories of his fiance's death and chews copious amounts of nicotine gum to deal with them. When he runs out of gum, he plans to commit suicide. After writing his suicide note, he lies on a large table saw with a moving feed, but is interrupted by a fight between Tweek and Craig entering his classroom, killing Kenny in the process. Afterward, he communicates with his fiance's spirit through Kenny's corpse, and she helps him move on from his mourning. Now it seems he has relaxed a bit and put his past behind him, and has not featured prominently in an episode since "Tweek vs. Craig," although he has appeared in the background of many scenes and was one of the teachers supporting the move to teach sex education to the younger students in "Proper Condom Use", and also spoke his views on 9/11 in "Mystery of the Urinal Deuce." He also commented on the country's inevitable doom in "About Last Night." His teaching method consists primarily of telling the children to "quit screwing around," and "don't screw around, you screw around too much!" In the episode "Mysterion Rises" reveals Adler to be a member of the Cult of Cthulhu. Mr. Adler was based on an old shop teacher who taught co-creator Matt Stone. His name was referenced in DVD commentary, but was bleeped because the real teacher did not give permission to say what he is called. Mr. Adler's speech is often warped by the flapping of his very flabby cheeks.

Mr. Mackey

Mr. Mackey, voiced by Trey Parker, is the school counsellor. He has a disproportionately large head and mumbles "M'kay" into most sentences. He speaks with a Southern accent, and he is believed to be from Louisiana. It is assumed he is at least 40 years old (he once said he had sex at 19 and that it has been about 21 years since). He is based on Trey Parker's junior high school counselor, Stan Lackey. He has occasionally taught classes at the school, and taught sex education with Ms. Choksondik. During this time he had a sexual relationship with Ms. Choksondik until her death. His semen was found in her stomach upon autopsy but this did not contribute to her death. After her death, he took over the fourth grade class until Mr. Garrison returned. In the episode "Erection Day" he is shown to be left-handed.

Despite his slightly odd appearance and catchphrase, Mr. Mackey seems to be an able counselor who actually cares about the children, much unlike Mr. Garrison. He sometimes appears with Principal Victoria when punishing a student or announcing an important message. His methods as a counselor reflect real-life controversy in education, for example, when Kyle talks about seeing Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo, he places Kyle on a heavy dose prescription of Prozac. In an early episode, the children feign having Attention Deficit Disorder, and he prescribes them all Ritalin.

During a drug-education class in the episode "Ike's Wee Wee," he passes some marijuana around the classroom, and it is stolen (apparently by one of the children, though it is later revealed that the actual thief was Mr. Garrison). For this, Mr. Mackey is fired by the school, evicted by his landlord, and, feeling depressed, he ends up taking alcohol, marijuana and LSD. It is also revealed that his large head is caused by the tightness of his tie around his neck, although his parents have the same trait (this has also been an inconsistency in the series). He becomes a hippie and travels to India with a like-minded woman. Mr. Mackey is captured by The A-Team, and his former employers, along with Jimbo, say that they should have helped him with his drug problem rather than firing him. Mr. Mackey protests, saying that he likes his new life and that he actually has not done drugs since his first experimentations back in South Park. Nobody listens and in rehab at the Betty Ford Clinic, he is "cured" of his addiction to drugs. Mr. Mackey's social worker then re-ties his tie, which makes his head swell back to its original size. In the episode "Something You Can Do with Your Finger" he is shown to have a bondage scene with Liane Cartman. In Rainforest Schmainforest, it is revealed that he can speak Spanish fluently, but still says the Spanish equivalent of "Mmkay," "Mmbien," at the end of each sentence. In "Trapped in the Closet", Mr. Mackey is seen at the Church of Scientology Org where Stan is having an auditing session. However, it is not known whether or not he continues having sessions with the Org from that point on. From Major Boobage onward, Mackey's sweater and jeans were re-designed, much like Mr. Garrison's two episodes later in "Eek, a Penis!" He is a level 5 hoarder.

In the Season 1 DVD, Trey Parker stated that Mr. Mackey was based on his school counselor, who, when he saw Trey in the halls during class, would simply say, "Okay, Trey, get back to class now, mmm-kay?"

Nurse Gollum

Nurse Gollum (called Nurse McSchwartz in the original pilot of "Cartman Gets an Anal Probe") is the school nurse at South Park Elementary, notable primarily for the fact that she has a dead fetus attached to the side of her head, which terrifies the children (she lacks this in the original pilot). Nurse Gollum is described in her first appearance on the show as suffering from the (fictional) condition "conjoined twin myslexia." Principal Victoria asked her if she could have it removed, Nurse Gollum stated yes but that it would cost her life.

In Nurse Gollum's first appearance, "Conjoined Fetus Lady," Kyle is sent to see her and shocked at her appearance. The rest of the children are soon terrified, leading to Sheila and Mayor McDaniels to arrange a special week for Conjoined Twin Myslexia awareness. However, this leads to Nurse Gollum becoming angered, saying that she just wants to live her life normally.

Despite having a dead fetus on her head, she is one of the most normal and intelligent adult characters on the show. Despite not wanting to be singled out for being different, she appeared in the episode "Freak Strike" where she is one of the freaks in the infomercial that is promoting awareness of 'freaks' through daytime talkshows.

Nurse Gollum shares her last name with Sméagol, the deformed creature from J. R. R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings series.

Principal Victoria

Principal Victoria is the principal of South Park Elementary. She is always seen with curly hair, glasses and usually appears with Mr. Mackey. Her name is a play on Victoria Principal. She speaks with a heavy Minnesotan accent.

In "Helen Keller! The Musical," she reveals that she does recreational drugs. In the episode "Sexual Harassment Panda," when she was put on the witness stand during Cartman's second trial over the school allowing him to be sexually harassed, Principal Victoria hysterically confessed that she murdered a man, cut up his body, and hid his remains (though the court was only interested in whether or not the school did anything to stop Cartman from being sexually harassed). In "Breast Cancer Show Ever," it's revealed that Principal Victoria has been a breast cancer survivor for seven years, which inspires Wendy to fight back against Cartman (who, according to Principal Victoria, is Wendy's "cancer").

Principal Victoria appears to be very able to run the school, despite its strange crew. In "Go God Go" she is shown telling Mrs. Garrison he has to teach evolution in class, which he refuses. When pushed, he makes a complete mess of the subject, so Principal Victoria asks (Richard Dawkins) to teach it. Her husband is shown for the first time on the episode "About Last Night...." In "Cartman's Mom Is a Dirty Slut," when Garrison asks "who here hasn't had sex with Mrs. Cartman," she and Mayor McDaniels exchange uncomfortable glances, implying that she, like almost everyone else in South Park, has at some point slept with Mrs. Cartman.

Mr. Garrison

Main article: Herbert Garrison

Mr. Garrison has been the children's teacher throughout the series. In the beginning, Mr. Garrison was in denial of his homosexuality to the point of homophobia, and was always seen with either of his hand puppets that he claimed were gay. Later he went missing, hiding on a mountain, living in isolation. He eventually "came out of the closet" and returned with the intention to teach again. He was denied the job (in the episode entitled "4th Grade") by Principal Victoria, who said, "Oh, we don't hire gay people." He was eventually allowed back as the Kindergarten teacher. Then a change in laws allowed Mr. Garrison to be promoted to teach the 4th grade, receiving his old 3rd grade students who have now advanced a grade. In season 9, in the episode titled Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina, Garrison got a sex reassignment operation, after which he came to be known as Janet Garrison. Then, in season 11, in the episode called D-Yikes!, Garrison turned to lesbianism. Finally, in season 12, in the episode titled Eek, a Penis!, he got reassigned back to being male again.

Ms. Claridge

Ms. Claridge is a South Park Elementary preschool teacher. Her first appearance was in "Pre-School." Ms. Claridge was disabled and covered in burns after a fire broke out in the pre-school classroom at South Park Elementary. The fire was started when Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny wanted to play "fireman" and asked the "baddest kid in pre-school," Trent Boyett, to start a fire for them. In spite of the boys' efforts to extinguish the fire (by urinating on it), the fire grew out of control and nearly killed Ms. Claridge. Ms. Claridge survived, but was badly injured and placed in an electric wheelchair which very much resembles that of Captain Christopher Pike in the original Star Trek episode "The Menagerie". Ms. Claridge communicates by 'beeping' once for yes and twice for no. It is not clear how she can function as a teacher if she can only communicate "yes" and "no," yet her students appear to understand her.

The boys denied all culpability for the fire and Trent Boyett was sent to Juvenile Hall for five years. While trying to escape the newly released Trent, Cartman fires a taser gun, which accidentally powers Ms. Calridge's wheelchair, sending her crashing into a propane shop, exploding and setting her alight once again. The police arrive and ask if Trent started the fire. She replies "no" with two beeps but the police mistake it for "yes yes" and arrest Trent.

Ms. Claridge appears briefly in two other episodes, "The Death of Eric Cartman," where Cartman, in his efforts to atone for his life's misdeeds, gives her a fruit basket, and also again at the talent show in "Erection Day."

Ms. Pearl

Ms. Pearl is the name of the Home Economics teacher. She speaks with a soft, gentle voice and does her job well. She adds to the curriculum by teaching her class ways to find, manipulate and marry rich men. She is good with chat up lines (as seen in "Tweek vs. Craig"). She also dates Richard Adler, and mentioned she wanted to sleep with him. He refused because he was still mourning the death of his fiancée.

Mr. Meryl

Mr. Meryl is the Extracurricular AV Class teacher, who appeared in "Quest for Ratings." He is notorious for resorting to extreme measures in order to teach children "how important ratings are." He was about to fail Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Butters, Token, and Jimmy in AV simply because their self-made show was not as popular as Craig's. When the boys finally managed to beat Craig in ratings, Mr. Meryl suspended Craig from school and requested that his testicles were removed surgically, so that he knew the importance of ratings.

Mrs. Dreibel

Mrs. Dreibel appeared in "Toilet Paper". She is the art teacher and gave Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny detention for making a penis sculpture out of clay. They decided to get revenge by TPing her house. She is married and has two daughters.

Mr. Venezuela

Mr. Venezuela is the janitor. He appeared in "Mystery of the Urinal Deuce" and is a stereotypical poor Latin American immigrant. He has three children. He makes 6 dollars an hour, at best. Also in this episode, his first name is revealed to be José. He's currently also the new school bus driver.

Mr. Derp

Mr. Derp is most prominent as Chef's substitute in "The Succubus." Voiced by Trey Parker, the character commonly displays slapstick and physical camp humor, much to the chagrin of the boys. He tends to hit himself in the head with a claw hammer in attempts to make the boys laugh. In the season three commentary, Matt and Trey reveal that his namesake, "Derp," is the sound commonly made in a klutzy situation when things go horribly wrong, literally and comically, like a joke that can be "seen from a mile away." The word "derp" has become an internet meme.

He has also since appeared in the background in "Eek! A Penis!," possibly indicating that he has since replaced Chef. He also appeared before Chef's death briefly in "Professor Chaos" and "Timmy 2000" (as the lemonade stand clerk at Lalapalalapaza). He also had a brief cameo in "The Biggest Douche in the Universe." In the original commercial for the episode, Mrs. Crabtree was shown as the new chef.

The word derp is commonly known across Salamanza County as Jono Birchall.Upon entering the Birchall household one must say derp or some variation of the word ie: dorp, herp, morp.It shows how you accept that they are mentally deficient but agree not to mock them about it.

Groundskeeper

The Groundskeeper appears very briefly in the episodes "Damien" and "Butters' Bottom Bitch." She appears to be in charge of watching the students during recess and is of old age and mean, telling the students that "Five minutes until recess is over, you little bastards!"

Mr. Garrett

Mr. Garrett is the coach of the South Park Elementary basketball team. He appears very briefly in the episode 'Elementary School Musical.'

Past staff

Chef

Main article: Chef (South Park)

Jerome 'Chef' McElroy was one of few black characters in 'South Park,' and the chef at the South Park Elementary School. In the initial season, his gimmick line, as the four boys come into the cafeteria was, "Hello there, children!" They would respond with, "Hey, Chef." This was usually followed by Chef asking "How's it going?" and the boys would reply "Bad." A stereotypical character, Chef is obsessed with sex (especially with white women). In "Chef Aid," it's revealed that he committed bestiality with a goat. He is a talented singer, and has a tendency to sing wildly inappropriate songs when his muse strikes him. The children often seek him out when in need of guidance or information. Sometimes the advice given by Chef is inappropriate, such as in South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut, Stan asks Chef how he can get Wendy to like him and he replies, "You have to find the clitoris." He was voiced by Isaac Hayes. He refers to the boys as 'children' even if there is only one of them present. He once almost married a succubus, but the boys saved him. He has not been seen since "Return of Chef" because of the departure of Hayes. In this episode, he is "killed," but is then seen being remade with a body similar to that of Darth Vader and was voiced by Peter Serafinowicz who voices Darth Maul from Star Wars.

Mr. Dawkins

Richard Dawkins is a well-known British academic and popular science writer in evolution, who made an appearance in season 10 of the series. He is shown in the episode Go God Go, being employed as a replacement evolution teacher for Mrs. Garrison. It later transpires (when Cartman goes into the future) that he was responsible for the end of religion and the worldwide popularity of Atheism.

Ms. Choksondik

Ms. Diane Choksondik became the boys' new teacher after they entered fourth grade and was voiced by Trey Parker. Her surname is a play on the phrase "chokes on dick." Ms. Choksondik was famous for her distinctive appearance: she had extremely exaggerated saggy breasts, was overweight, wore glasses, and had a lazy eye. She also did not wear a bra, and when she lifted her arms, it showed the bottom few inches of her breasts. One of the early jokes about Ms. Choksondik is that the children did not get the pun of her name, and tried to create other names for her (such as makesmesick, chokesonbricks and chokesonrocks). She corrected them in full seriousness. In the episode Proper Condom Use, it is strongly implied that her contemptuous attitude towards sexual activity stems from the fact that no man before Mr. Mackey had any sexual interest in her.

The episode "Professor Chaos" ended on a cliffhanger saying someone would die, in a parody of cliffhanger endings, and it was revealed during this gag that Ms. Choksondik had died. In the episode "Simpsons Already Did It", the boys revealed they put some of their Sea People in her coffee. When she died soon after, they became horrified when they thought that their prank had killed her. Later, the news said that large amounts of semen (or, as the boys took it, "sea men") had been found in her stomach, and they went to great lengths to hide their apparent role in her death, until Chef explained that Ms. Choksondik must have died from something else. After her death the boys got off from school for two weeks to "deal with" her death, and then were taught for a short time by Mr. Mackey before Mr. Garrison was allowed to return to teach.

Mr. Connors

Mr. Connors (Trey Parker) was the wrestling teacher at the school. He made his debut in "W.T.F.," where he is fired due to some of his wrestling pictures being mistaken for gay pornography, and eventually joins the WWE.

Ms. Crabtree

Ms. Veronica Lee Crabtree, known in the series as Mrs. Crabtree, was voiced by Mary Kay Bergman in seasons 1-3 and Eliza Schneider in seasons 4-8, when she was officially "killed off" in "Cartman's Incredible Gift." She was the school bus driver. She often screamed at the children, with little to no provocation. They would swear back, mostly not being understood. Many times, a bird is nesting in her hair.

In one episode, a kid from the drug rehabilitation center (across from Cartman's fat camp) is forced to climb into Ms. Crabtree's body vaginally while pretending to be Kenny (who was arrested for prostitution), but was rebirthed stillborn. Moments later she squeezed out another kid, who resembled Harry Potter.

In the episode "Chef Aid," Chef resorts to prostitution to get needed money, and Ms. Crabtree, over whose head he puts a bag, first, is one of his "customers."

Ms. Crabtree - as well as the bird nesting on her head - was murdered by a serial killer in the 2004 episode "Cartman's Incredible Gift." Detectives investigating the crime in the episodes noted she was a "an ancillary character the fans wouldn't miss much". The school janitor Mr. Venezuela is currently the new school bus driver.

Ms. Ellen

Ms. Ellen (appeared only in "Tom's Rhinoplasty" and voiced by a celebrity guest star, Natasha Henstridge) substituted for Mr. Garrison in South Park Elementary as a third-grade teacher when he was away for a few days undergoing a plastic surgery on his nose. She was promoted to a permanent teaching position after Mr. Garrison, enjoying his new 'David Hasselhoff' look, quit to do what he "always wanted to do: hang out and screw hot chicks." Chef went out on a date with Ms. Ellen and only to find out that she is a lesbian. When the boys found out that she was a lesbian, they tried every effort to become one themselves. Ms. Ellen's attractive looks and kind nature caused the boys in the class to develop deep amorous feelings towards her, which also caused Wendy to become very jealous. Wendy frames her in a way that causes Iraqi soldiers to send her on a rocket into the sun.

Mr. Slave

Mr. Slave, voiced by John 'Nancy' Hansen, is the homosexual lover of Mr. Garrison up until the episode "Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina" when he broke up with Mr. Garrison due to Garrison's sex change. Mr. Slave is a masochist -- his name refers to his membership in the BDSM subculture. His catchphrase is an excited exclamation of "Jesus Christ!" spoken with a lisp.

Mr. Slave's first appearance is during the 14th episode of season 6 "The Death Camp of Tolerance" (although you can hear him talking to Butters in the 14th episode of season 5's Butters Very Own Episode when Butters was looking for his father in a bath house). Despite Mr. Slave's occupation, he is shown to be wise and knowledgeable, offering characters advice. One of his most prominent moments was in "Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset", when he gave Wendy Testaburger and most of the town advice; that Paris Hilton is not to be admired. He explains that he himself is a whore, and that it is not a good thing. He then shoves Paris up his own anus where she meets the same creatures Lemmiwinks did in "The Death Camp of Tolerance," before the Lemmiwinks theme is played but with 'Lemmiwinks' replaced by 'Paris Hilton' and 'gerbil king' by 'stupid whore.'

In the episode "Follow That Egg!", Garrison decides that she wants him back, but learns that she is too late, as Mr. Slave had moved on with Big Gay Al, to whom he had become engaged. Mr. Slave and Big Gay Al are later married.

Ms. Stephenson

Ms. Stephenson appeared as the Kindergarten teacher for South Park Elementary in "Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy". She falls in love and has sex with Ike Broflovski. They run away together after Kyle's strenuous attempts leads to their persecution. Ms. Stephenson eventually commits suicide because of the ordeal.

Mr. Wyland

Mr. Wyland was a substitute teacher for Mr. Garrison in two episodes as the 3rd grade teacher after Mr. Garrison was caught attempting to molest a child (Cartman) in "Cartman Joins NAMBLA." Wyland wears a blue top with a red bow tie. He was first shown in "Cherokee Hair Tampons" and made the class make a get well card for Kyle, who needed a kidney transplant. As a joke, the children make Butters into a get well card by gluing glitter and a sign that says "Get Well Kyle" on him and making him sing a song for Kyle. He was then shown in the next episode, "Chef Goes Nanners," and organized a debate on whether or not to change the South Park Flag, which depicted four white men hanging a black man.