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Do we have to use the term "blue chip" when the next few sentences state his credentials?
I don't understand the issue with this link. This is the type of player it is quite appropriate for. It would be like saying a player is an all-star or a hall of famer and in subequent sentences describing his record and statistics.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 04:17, 13 March 2012 (UTC)
Sorry for not explaining my objection. I wished to avoid using the term because as it stands right now, its definition is provided by the (unreliable) editors of the blue chip (sports) article. If that article's claims were backed by reliable sources, it would be okay. (Also, assuming the blue chip article accurately describes the term, is it appropriate to describe McGary as one since he's already signed his NLI?) Two Hearted River(paddle / fish) 16:27, 13 March 2012 (UTC)
I don't think link usage should be dictated by the quality of the destination article. I link to redlinks at times.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 20:04, 13 March 2012 (UTC)
Okay, but that doesn't help readers of this article. I am sufficiently familiar with basketball to recognize "big man" is jargon, but I don't know what it means. It probably warrants inclusion in Glossary of basketball terms, and you would probably do it better justice than I would, but I'll try if you don't want to. Then we can link to it. Here's a good reference. Two Hearted River(paddle / fish) 16:27, 13 March 2012 (UTC)
I have added the entry. I am not sure the article that you point to really presents a definition though.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 19:08, 13 March 2012 (UTC)
"McGary's father, Tim, coached him until 4th grade." – I would start the first section as if the lead did not exist, as the lead is supposed to stand alone. So use his full name here, and do we know when he started playing basketball? Where is he from? Etc.
How is it now? P.S. don't know anything about his pre-4th grade career. Also, not sure about comma issue as it relates the the new location of Chesterton, Indiana.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 15:09, 14 March 2012 (UTC)
What is happening with this? His birthdate and specific hometown need to be mentioned outside of the summaries (lead and infobox). Two Hearted River(paddle / fish) 16:27, 13 March 2012 (UTC)
Typically, a birthdate is one of the few things only mentioned in the WP:LEAD.
Okay, I see that in the guideline now. Doesn't hurt to repeat it here for the sake of starting the paragraph at a logical point of the story. To that end, I've rearranged the contents of the first paragraph. If you approve, we're done here. Two Hearted River(paddle / fish) 15:32, 14 March 2012 (UTC)
...while Michigan recruit and future 2009–10, 2010–11 and 2011–12 Michigan Wolverines men's basketball team captain, Zack Novak..." – I think including the specific seasons here is more distracting than illuminating. Also, the comma before Zack doesn't belong.
I am not sure I understand what issues are still outstanding. Here are dates followed by nouns: 2007–08 Chesterton High School junior varsity team, 2011 summer camps, 2012 NBA Draft, 2012 NEPSAC Class AAA Boys' Basketball Tournament, 2011–12 Brewster team, 2012 National Prep Championship MVP, April 1, 2012 All-American Championship, April 7 Nike Hoops Summit and 2012 USA Junior National Select Team. Which of these are problems?--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 19:56, 13 March 2012 (UTC)
The two that begin with "April". Let me know if you don't approve of the copy edit I just made. Two Hearted River(paddle / fish) 00:23, 14 March 2012 (UTC)
"That summer, he was invited to participate in the August 2011 5th annual Nike Global Challenge." – "Summer" depends on your hemisphere. Try, "He was invited to participate in the 5th annual NGC the following month".
"On October 4, 2011, USA Today noted that McGary had completed his official campus visits..." – Let's reword so as not to make the reporting the focus of the sentence. How about, "McGary completed official campus visits to ... by October 4"?
"On November 3, 2011, McGary announced his verbal commitment..." – I recommend reordering this to, "In a November 3, 2011, press conference broadcast on ESPNU, McGary announced his verbal commitment ... over ..."
"He was not sure..." – How about replacing this sentence and the next with, "He waited until November 9 to sign his NLI so that his parents could be present"? Oh, and that abbreviation reminds me, how about writing "National Letter of Intent (NLI)" in its first instance so you can use the abbreviation in future instances?
"After several other schools announced their commitments, the signing of McGary moved Michigan from outside the top 25 at the end of October to the number 7 class in the nation, according to ESPN." – Michigan didn't have to wait for other schools to move into the top 25, right? I suggest moving their initial placement to the place where you mention they moved up to 5th, so that this sentence can just say they dropped from 5th to 7th after other schools announced commitments.
Only remaining concern at this point is the one that starts with "McGary's father, Tim". I'm also going to do a few more spotchecks. Then I'll have another decal for you to add to the fuselage of your fighter plane. Two Hearted River(paddle / fish) 01:11, 14 March 2012 (UTC)
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