User:KGV/Great Leader

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search
The Great Leader

Jonathan Wan
The World
Monarch Himself
Preceded by Himself
Personal details
Born Jonathan Wan Chuen Kit
March 24
Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Died February 30th
In the arms of The Great Wife
Nationality Canadian
Spouse(s) The Great Wife (偉大生育機器,伟大生育机器)
Children 6+
Residence He Lives everywhere
Alma mater He is Omniscient and needs no Education
Occupation Great Leader

Jonathan Wan, GNT, TGL, also known as The Great Leader, The Impotent One, The Omniscient One, The Omnipotent One, The Great One (The Great Wan) The All Knowing One, Gifted and Talented, Project Manager or Wan Cheun Kit Is the One and Only Great Leader. Renown to all for His Leadership Qualities and desire to Lead, His Omniscience, His Great Disgust and Irritation towards lesser beings, and His Severe Punishments (such as the dreaded 顶你个肺), The Great Leader Has been Leading the lives of all forms of living things in the Universe since the Dawn of the Time. He has Established a massive Cult following, with devoted underlings obeying His every Command. Notable Achievements: Leading, Leading and Leading. Basically everything He Does Is Notable. Project Manager of the highly Great Corporation of Flor-mart, He Lead them to Great Success.

Greatness in Personal Life[edit]

Since The Great Leader Has Existed before the Dawn of Time, no one but Himself knows exactly What happened in The Great Leader's early Life. But Great Things must have Occurred, for the Events surrounding the existence of the The Great Leader are all always Great. Rumour has it that The Great Leader was Created through an accumulation of Greatness. It is said that He Caused the formation of Earth, the Destruction of the Dinosaurs, among other Great Deeds. The Great Leader Is greatly distinct from Sushi, as He Is Not Reincarnated, for He never Dies.

One Day, having Had Enough of Mankind's failures, The Great Leader decided to grace Kowloon Junior School with his presence and met a person (name not specified from request of the Great Friend who wants to keep great anonymity to who he/she is) who later became his Greatest Friend (who is still not as superior as the Great Leader himself but merely a faded reflection of His Greatness), and with Great Condescension and Humour Attended it for Primary School. After Many Years of Great Achievement, The Great Leader Arrived at King George V School, Took His Rightful Mantle as The Great Leader, and Has Been Leading the world ever since.

Early Greatness[edit]

Greatness in the Start of the Universe[edit]

One day, The Great Leader Emitted a Great Fart, the resulting Bang caused the formation of the Universe. With this fart, the gas also formulated into giant balls of gas. Thus, planets and star systems were formed, and with the formation of the Earth. This had led to speculations that hydrogen was not the first particle, but Methane. It has also recently been confirmed that Methane contrary to common sense and scientific proof actually consists of 666 fagatrons and 69 homotrons. And as all physicists taught by The Mars Bar Monster knows that elements with a high number of fagatrons or homotrons are unstable and undergo radioactive decay leading to the discovery of the fagsion process which requires large amounts of methane.

Greatness at the Start of Mankind[edit]

At first, The Great Leader did not know of Earth's existence. Upon He Landing on Earth during His Travels, His Great Mass Generated a Great Impact, Generating Great dust while His Great Size Blocked the Sun, Causing the extinction of Dinosaurs. So it is due to The Great Leader's Direct Influences that humanity lives on today. However it has been speculated confirmed that there actually is no such thing as the Evolutionary Theory by Charles Darwin, in fact, there is only a list of lesser beings the Great Leader allowed to remain living (He is benevolent, you see).

Greatness in the Baroque Era[edit]

The Great Leader is said to have Met the 1st Sushi in Germany, 1740, and Provided him with His Great Compositional Techniques, which inspired Sushi to compose The Art of Fugue.

Greatness in World War II[edit]

The Great Leader Played a pivotal Role in the Defeat of Hentai'n'sushitopia. As a Leader of the Cult of Faggotry AKA T3H 1337 F4G, he developed the fagsion reactor process. By weaponising this discovery the Ununited Villages of Inbreeders (UVI) was able to unleash a EFP (Electronic Fagnectic Pulse), wiping Sony, Nintendo, Mitsubishi, Toshiba, stopping the brainwashing of Allied Troops through Hentai and Final Fantasy. (Although Final Fantasy 7 is still the best game of all time...)

2005-2006[edit]

The Great Leader was a Great Little Year 7

2006-2007[edit]

The Great Leader was a Great Little Y8

2007-2008[edit]

The Great Leader was a Great Little Y9. Ofcourse, He was not so little anymore. Having met the Great Wife,He Grew up.

2008-2009[edit]

Greatness in ISLC[edit]

Greatly disappointed by the quality of leadership in the school, The Great Leader decided to Join the International Student Leadership Conference to Show the World the correct way to Lead, and to Dissuade others to Attempt to Lead like Him.

Greatness in Flor-Mart[edit]

Follow the success of ISLC, The Great Leader Decided to Show that He Is Omnipotent, and thus Flor-Mart began. The Great Leader became the Project Manager, and the rest, as they all say, was Great Leader History.

Greatness in Mini World Cup Part I[edit]

In the 2009 Mini World Cup, the Great Leader decided to step aside and let a certain person named "Ho" take over the captaincy of the team, in replacement of the literally ineffective Black Rock. In this edition of he competition "Al-qwerty", were drawn with two older teams, in terms of age in the group stages, but as young as a zygote in terms of wisdom compared with the Great Leader. During those two matches, the Great Leader, along with "Ho" for most periods of the game, was under constant pressure, threatening the goal of <insertnamehere/>. However, the Great Leader, with his football intellect and charismatic performance, prevented the ball from entering the goal. It is also worth noting, that <insertnamehere/> was asleep for large periods of the matches, and had the Great Leader not send him a psychic signal with his brainwaves to make a save, "Al-qwerty" would not have survived the onslaught.

Repentance of ET[edit]

ET after receiving Great Forgiveness for his hedonistic and neo-nazi lifestyle vows to aid The Great Leader in His creation of greatness around the world.

2009-2010[edit]

Greatness in ShiJiaZhuang[edit]

During the Great leader's trip to enrich the lives of children in Shijiazhuang, China with his greatness, he met a girl and there they decided to breed a new legion of little greats, in fact a total of six.

On the Great Wall, The Great Leader also Decided to Demonstrate His Great Dancing Skills, in order to further Amaze the world of His Great Talent. His Great Rendition of Fire Burning by Sean Kingston Was greatly applauded by the audience, whom come in Great numbers from as far as Kazahstan to see His Great Performance. The show generated such publicity that Fire Burning shot up to first place in the Billboard 100, staying there for a Great Duration of Time. Kingston was highly honoured by The Great Leader's use of His song, and now hangs a Great Portrait of The Great Leader in his house. Kingston had also begun to play The Great Leader's Compositions in His Concerts, which are now fully booked until the next century. Kingston will also appear in The Great Leader's next album, Even Greater Hits from The Great Leader Vol.2.

Whilst in Shijizhuang, the Great Leader Was also Able To Safeguard the whole tour groups safety, amidst what appeared to be Armageddon.

Greatness in re-collecting lost followers[edit]

In early 2010, the Great Leader Sought out many of His underlings who had lost their way. To show appreciation for The Great Leader's Benevolent actions, the Great Leader's portrait was hung onto each underling's living room and bowed to every morning and night. The Great Leader Commanded the underlings to undertake Punishments such as self-slapping, 顶你个肺 (Poke oneself in the Lungs) should the Underlings disobeys The Great Leader's Orders.

Great Leader's underlings must punish themselves for:

  • Questioning the Great Leader,
  • Asking the Great Leader a question (He will share His knowledge whenever suits Him),
  • Not addressing the Great Leader with a capital H when saying 'him',
  • Being corrected by the Great Leader,
  • Disobeying an order from the Great Leader,

Underlings have now developed a sandwich slap which involved one to slap one's face with both hands.

Greatness in Mini World Cup Part II[edit]

In the 2010 Mini World Cup, the Great Leader decided to be merciful to other competitors and mask his presence. Thus, calling his team the 'FC HO' instead of 'FC WAN'. This action gave the other football teams A New Hope making the tournament more competitive and interesting.

However, this New Hope was short lived as when the Great Leader Strode onto the pitch... everyone within a 10 kilometer radius save his own team, lost control of their bowels due to His sheer Greatness. Their legs suddenly felt weak and one by one they fell upon their knees. Seeing this, the Great Leader looked upon the people with a pitiful look and was merciful once again. After a mock attempt to try His best, the Great Leader allowed the other teams to win as the Great Leader is Benevolent.

Greatness in The Great Flame War of 2010[edit]

The Great Leader demonstrated Great Negotiation skills against the Great Troll when a victim was caught in his flam bait. The troll was then rendered impotent by his Great Speech.

NBA All Star 2010[edit]

In the Dallas 2010 NBA All-Star game, The Great Leader felt sympathetic to the event due to its shortage of audience for the previous years. Thus, The Great Leader appeared and was requested to demonstrate His Greatly developed skills. The Great Leader’s Dunk Competition routine is simply too complicated to describe. A 10276 degree spin with 7 crossovers in mid-air with a minimum of sixty back-flips is just a mere fraction of what the Great Leader demonstrated.

In the All Star Game itself, NBA all-stars such as Dirk Nowitzki and Dwight Howard were unable to stop the Great Leader. One mere glance from The Great Leader brought all of his opponents to their knees and thus, they lost complete control of their bowels. Seeing Alicia Keys perform in the All Star Game, The Great Leader felt that the occasion should deserve something greater and Greatly honoured the commissioner David Stern by just standing on the stage. The Great Leader even perfomed His Great Masterpiece, The Great Flute, during half time. The Greatness of the music was so Great that the number of people watching the All Star Game immediately increased and reports showed that all flights to Dallas were full. Thus, secondary airlines such as American Airlines's profit grew greatly. As a Great gesture of gratitude the airlines adopted the Great Portrait of the Great Leader by replacing the televisions with His Portrait on every seat.

Challenge Week Burma[edit]

The Great Leader is in charge of photography and creation of the survival guide. No surprises there...

King George V School[edit]

The Great Leader has been named The Great Head Boy for 2011-2012 (eternally for his followers) as he aims to bring KGV into an era of his true greatness and ran for the Student Council Vice President, however decided to pardon himself from election to hand the position over to the Ex-Great Wife as his Great display of farewell. Note: Look up "Head" in Urban Dictionary.

Bombardment of Yeonpyeong[edit]

On the 23rd of November 2010, The Great Leader following advice from a certain Mr Yau decided to masturbate. Unfortunately Mr Yau had not accounted for his greatness and The Great Leader's semen landed on the South Korean island of Yeonpyeong. This led to widespread destruction and impregnation of numerous south Korean women.

Fortunately one of The Great Leader's friends: The not-so great leader of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea Kim il Wan(named after The Great Leader) accepted the honor of taking the blame for Him.

However since Kim il Wan was nowhere near as handsome and intelligent as The Great Leader and lacked His foresight due to his Cold War era Soviet reverse-engineered spectacles and created an international incident that surpassed the last time The Great Leader took a dump.

Fortunately their eyes are only good for playing Counter Strike, Star Craft and watching Hentai and were harmless so no one except one insignificant country led by Obama Bin Laden gave a shit.

In the end The Great Leader told everything to "play COD"

Aftermath

Pregnant Korean Lady: "I ring great honror to ry famry!"

Kim il Wan on The Great Leader's actions: "I also rikey big rat korean rooman with the griant ritties!"

Other Careers[edit]

As a Great Musician[edit]

As a Great Composer[edit]

The Great Leader's Great Composition, The Great Flute, was so Great that people have discovered that one of Chopin's compositions synchronizes exactly with It. This led to speculation that The Great Leader Had also Met Chopin and taught him some of His Great Compositional Techniques.

Through further studies conducted by prominent researchers ET, RH and RY, it has been proven that the all of the Great Leader's Great Compositions are capable of the "Great Wan Effect". This has led to much positive feedback from crowds, all flocking to their nearest CD retailing outlet to purchase one of Great Leader's Great CDs, Great Leader's Greatest Hits Vol.1 to experience such musical bliss. This has led to competition within the musical industry, with many prominent artists dropping out. All that remains on the shelves are that of Sushi's album, Cheese.

As a Great Photographer[edit]

All art pieces are in reality pictures taken with The Great Leader's Great Nikon SLR Camera and implanted with The Great Lobotomy in the the artists of the world. No further information is needed. That is how great he is.

Future Greatness[edit]

The End of The World[edit]

The Mayan’s predicted that the end of the world will occur on December 21, 2012 (that’s when their calendar ends... but in truth, it’s because the Mayan’s cannot afford more paper to make more calendars). This prediction was soon to be declared as blasphemy as the world will only end when the Great Leader himself dies. Obviously, this will never happen and the world will continue to develop as long as the Great Leader does not seek special interest in alien species and abandons Earth. Such films like Armageddon (Bruce Willis) are little more than creations from a troubled director. If the world is indeed going to be hit by a meteor, a nuclear blast from petty humans can do nothing to stop it. Therefore, all trust must be placed onto the Great Leader and not in the Mayans (The Great Leader wiped them out anyway).

Legacy[edit]

The Great Leaders legacy continues in His faithful underlings

Criticism and Controversy[edit]