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Stay-at-home dad

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A stay-at-home dad with his children.

A stay-at-home dad (alternatively, stay at home father, house dad, SAHD or househusband) is a term used to describe a father who is the main caregiver of the children and is the homemaker of the household. As families have evolved, the practice of being a stay-at-home dad has become more common.

In colonial American families, the family worked together as a unit and were self-sufficient.[1] Due to the Industrial Revolution, large-scale production replaced home manufacturing; thus, the father became the breadwinner and the mother the caregiver.[2] When affection-based marriages emerged in the 1830s, parents began devoting more attention to children and family relationships became more open.[3] World War II forced many women into the work force; women reassumed the caregiver position after the war, but their new-found sense of independence changed the traditional family structure.[4] This eventually led to the establishment of the role of stay-at-home dad.

The number of stay-at-home dads has been gradually increasing, especially in developed Western nations. Though the role is still subject to many stereotypes it is becoming more socially acceptable. The role offers economic benefits to the family, and enables strong emotional development for the child. Increasingly, the stay-at-home dad is being portrayed in the media, especially in the United States. However, in some regions of the world the stay-at-home dad remains culturally unacceptable.

Evolution of family roles

Colonial American families

In the colonial United States the nuclear family was the most common family form.[1] Typical families consisted of five or more children initially; due to high infant mortality rates, only a few children survived adolescence.[1] Colonial families existed to serve six main functions: self-sufficient business, school, vocational institute, church, house of correction, and welfare institution.[5]

The first African-Americans to reach America were initially brought over as indentured servants, but instead became slaves. By the nineteenth century, slave trading was a thriving business.[6] Typical slave families consisted of one or two children. Women were primarily the head of the families, either because the fathers had died or had been separated from the family.[6] African-American women experienced what came to be known as the "double day," a full day of domestic chores plus a full day of work outside the home.[7]

Industrialization (1800-1900)

The Industrial Revolution led to extensive mechanization, resulting in a shift from home manufacturing to large-scale factory production. As this rapid transition took place, families lost many of their production functions. Instead, family members had to work outside the home to support their families.[2] As a result, husbands and wives began operating in separate spheres of activity. The husband became the "breadwinner" by going out and working, while the wife stayed home and took care of the family.[2]

Transition to modern family (1900-present)

The modern family is commonly thought to have originated in the 1830s: courtship became more open, marriages were often based on affection, and parents devoted more attention to children.[3] At the beginning of the twentieth century, married couples began to emphasize the importance of sexual attraction and compatibility in their relationships. This lead to more intimate and open relationships along with more adolescent freedom.[3] The transition of the family was influenced by the Great Depression, which forced many women into the workplace in order to compensate for lack of financial stability.[3] In 1932, a federal executive order stated that only one spouse could work for the federal government. This resulted in many women being forced to resign allowing their husbands to continue working.[8]

World War II had the biggest impact on changing family roles. Due to the draft, workers were scarce in many industries and employers began to fill jobs with women, mainly in nontraditional positions. This increase in working women became one of the few times in history where women were praised for work outside the home.[9] Divorce rates also reached a new high after the war because many women had a new found sense of independence. This independence caused some women to decide to end their unhappy marriages.[4]

The 1950s saw a "baby boom" in America. This period was also called the "Golden '50s" .This was credited to families trying to make up lost time after the war. As a result, many families moved to the suburbs instead of residing in the city, the number of two-income families began to increase, and grown children began to remain at home longer because of financial difficulties.[10] Gradually, women began re-entering the workforce. This progression away from the traditional view of the woman as the homemaker led to the creation of the role of the stay-at-home dad.

Increase in popularity

Stay-at-home dads have been seen in increasing numbers in Western culture (especially Canada and the northern U.S.) since the late 20th century. In developed East Asian nations such as Japan and South Korea, this practice is less common.[11]

There are several reasons why some families feel that it would be more beneficial for the father to be the primary caregiver while the mother works outside of the home. The decision to use a stay-at-home dad arrangement is most commonly due to economic reasons. There has been a disappearance of the types of white-collar jobs that men have traditionally filled. Many middle-aged men have become essentially unemployable, thereby causing a role reversal for economic reasons.[12] At the same time, women are progressing into higher-paying jobs. There are now financial ramifications in deciding whether the mother or father should become the stay-at-home parent. In cases where the woman is the higher-paid parent, it makes more economic sense for her to continue to work while the man takes on the caregiver role.[12] At times the mother's job offers health benefits for the family whereas the father's does not.[12]

With the growth of telecommuting, many men are also able to work from home.[12] In this regard, he is contributing financially to the family while also acting as the primary caregiver of the family's children.[12] Differences in parent's schedules can also account for some of the stay-at-home dads. Sometimes the father works odd work shifts while the mother has a typical nine-to-five work schedule.[12]

Fixed gender roles have become less prominent in the Western world in recent years, allowing men to make their own choice of career without regard to traditional gender-based roles.[11] Some men who choose this role may do so because they enjoy being an active part of their children's lives, while in other families, the mother wants to pursue her career.[12] For example, of the 187 participants at Fortune Magazine's Most Powerful Women in the Business Summit, 1/3 of the women's husbands were stay-at-home dads.[13] Families vary widely in terms of how household chores are divided.[12] Some retired males who marry a younger woman decide to become stay-at-home dads while their wives works because they want a "second chance" to watch a child grow up in a second or third marriage.[13] Additionally, more career and lifestyle options are accepted and prevalent in Western society.[12] There are also fewer restrictions on what constitutes a family.[12] The rising number of single fathers and gay couples raising children means that there there may not be a potential stay-at-home mother.

Disadvantages

Depending on the country or region, a stay-at-home dad might find more or less social support for his decision. In regions where traditional roles prevail, a stay-at-home dad might be shunned by stay-at-home mom's peer group.[14] In order to find support for their choice, these men have created and joined many support networks.[14]

Still, many men struggle to find acceptance within the role of stay-at-home dad despite the many gains that have been made. Many worry about losing business skills and their "professional place in line".[13] There is a common misconception that stay-at-home dads cannot get a job and therefore must rewrite the typical family roles, forcing the wife into the workforce.[12] Carrying the financial burden and dealing with children's attachment to the dad can be difficult on a working mother.[15]

One 2002 study suggested stay-at-home dads may face a higher risk of heart disease.[16] The reasons for the health risk are not specified.

The role of stay-at-home dad is difficult for men who feel as though they had no option. It is hard for these men to adapt from being a financial provider in the family to being a homemaker.[13] The men who willingly choose to become a stay-at-home dad are much more satisfied with their role in the family.[13]

Advantages

For the child

The bond between father and child is just as, if not more, important as the mother's in the overall social and emotional development of a child. There have been many studies done which suggest the importance of the paternal role in a child's life and benefits of the stay-at-home dad.[11]

A study conducted by Dr. Kyle D. Pruett found that infants between 7 and 30 months respond more favorably to being picked up by their fathers.[12] Pruett also found that a father's parenting style is beneficial for a child's physical, cognitive, emotional and behavioral development.[17] Mothers reassure toddlers when they become frustrated while fathers encourage them to manage their frustration. This helps the children learn to deal with stress and frustration.[17] A long-term study Pruett conducted proved that a father's active involvement with his children, from birth to adolescence, promotes greater emotional balance, stronger curiosity and a stronger sense of self-assurance in the child.[17]

Additional studies show that during the first five years of a child's life, the father's role is more influential than the mother's in how the child learns to manage his or her body, navigate social circumstances, and play.[11] Furthermore, a 1996 study by McGill University found that the "single most important childhood factor in developing empathy is paternal involvement in childcare".[12] The study further concluded that fathers who spent time alone bonding with their children more than twice a week brought up the most compassionate adults.[12]

Robert Frank, a professor of child development at Oakton Community College in Illinois, conducted a study comparing households with a stay-at-home dad and households with a stay-at-home mom. His study concluded that women were still able to form a strong bond with their children despite working full-time outside of the home.[18] Also, women working full time were often more engaged with their children on a day-to-day basis than their male counterparts.[18] His study concluded that in a family with a stay-at-home dad arrangement, the maternal and paternal influences are equally strong.[18] This contrasts with the more traditional family structure where the father works outside of the home and the mother stays home with the children. In this type of arrangement, the mother's influence is extremely strong, whereas the father's is relatively insignificant. The study found that both parents play an equal role in a child's development, but the stay-at-home dad arrangement is the most beneficial for the child.[18]

For the mother

The stay-at-home dad arrangement allows the mother to work without having to use a daycare or a nanny. This arrangement prevents the mother from having to deal with the stress of finding acceptable childcare, checking backgrounds, and paying for care.[12] This arrangement also ensures that the families' values are being upheld and instilled in the children. Free from the stress of childcare, working mothers are able to actively pursue their career. This allows for a more relaxed working environment for the mother and allows her to focus on her career. Thus, she can advance her career and provide more money for the family.[12]

For the father

It is becoming more important and more advantageous for men to establish fulfilling relationships with their children. They are beginning to value these relationships over financial gains. A survey conducted by Minnesota's Department for Families and Children's Services shows that men consider child care to be far more important than a paycheck. Of 600 dads surveyed, a majority said their most important role was to "show love and affection" to kids. "Safety and protection" came next, "moral guidance," "taking time to play" and "teaching and encouraging." "Financial care" finished last. [19]

Prevalence

United States
In 2008, an estimated 140,000 married fathers worked in the home as their children's primary caregivers while their wives worked outside of the home to provide for the family. This number is less than the previous two years.[20] In 2007, stay-at-home dads made up approximately 2.7 % of the nation's stay-at-home parents. This is triple the percentage from 1997, and has been consistently higher each year since 2005.[21] In 2006, stay-at-home dads were caring for approximately 245,000 children; 63% of stay-at-home dads had two or more children.[20] These statistics only account for married stay-at-home dads; there are other children being cared for by single fathers or gay couples.[20]
Canada
Over a 20-year period there has been a rise in the number of women in the workforce in Canada.[22] This shift has increased father participation in family tasks that used to primarily be the responsibility of the mother.[22] Parental roles are becoming less traditional, and the stay-at-home dad arrangement is becoming more common.[22] The number of stay-at-home dads has increased by three percent between 1976 and 1998.[22] The average age of a stay-at-home dad in Canada is forty-two.[22]A bill was passed in by the Canadian government in October 1990 which granted paid leave for fathers for the purpose of primary caregiving.[22].
The United Kingdom
The number of stay-at-home dads has increased by eighty-three percent since 1993.[23] There are more than 200,000 fathers who choose to stay home and be the primary caregiver for their children.[23] The main problem these stay-at-home dads are experiencing is that their wives are having trouble adapting to the role reversal. Not only do the wives feel like they are being outcast from their children's lives, but that also the father is stealing "motherhood" from the mother.[23] Thus, many of the stay-at-home dad arrangements result in divorce.[23]
Australia
Stay-at-home dads make up a very small portion of the Australian population. The Australian Bureau of Statistics estimates that less than one percent of fathers are stay-at-home dads, even though women make up forty-five percent of the workforce.[24] Because of this, Australian fathers have few role models or resources to help them in the stay-at-home dad role.[24]
China
The stay-at-home dad is an emerging role in China, but some are not comfortable with the way the role changes traditional family dynamics.[25] Stereotyping is an issue for these men, who sometimes prefer not to tell others about their family arrangement.[25] Traditional ideas promote criticism of "woman-like" men, and many feel that they would be made fun of for being stay-at-home dads. Others suppose they would be looked at as having a wife that is "too strong".[25]
East Asia
Stay-at-home dads are not prevalent in East Asian countries, which generally have strict traditional gender roles. However, a survey in Japan suggests that nearly a third of married men would accept the role.[26] The Japanese government passed a law in April 1992 allowing time off following the birth of a child for both male and female employees.[27] In 1996, 0.16 percent of Japanese fathers took time off of work to raise children.[27] In South Korea, about 5,000 men were stay-at-home dads in 2007.[28] Even so, these men face discrimination from stay-at-home mothers, and are often ostracized.[28]
India
The role of the stay-at-home dad is not traditional in India, but it is socially accepted in urban areas. Three percent of all urban working fathers in India are stay-at-home dads,[29] and twelve percent of unmarried Indian men would consider being a stay-at-home dad.[30] Sociologist Sushma Tulzhapurkar called this a shift in Indian society, saying that a decade ago, "it was an unheard concept and not to mention socially unacceptable for men to give up their jobs and remain at home."[29] However, only 22.7 percent of Indian women are part of the labor force, compared to 51.6 percent of men; thus, women are more likely to be caregivers because most do not work outside the home.[31]
Muslim nations
Stay-at-home dads are generally not accepted by Muslim societies, which have strict rules regarding the place of women. Some prominent clerics say that stay-at-home dads are un-Islamic.[32] Cleric Noh Gadut argues that the practice "is against sharia which has allocated responsibilities to man and wife".[32] However, the practice is becoming "trendy" among young couples, especially those educated in Western nations.[32]

Appearances in entertainment

The most important way for the role of the stay-at-home dad to become more socially acceptable is to see it communicated through media and role models. Over the years increasing numbers of media have addressed this lifestyle. This is especially important in the United States, largely considered a culture driven by the media.[33] These movies teach children, as well as adults, that the stay-at-home dad is socially acceptable, and helps them to understand the role. It also serves as a useful tool to reinforce or negate stereotypes. By portraying the stay-at-home dad in the media, society may be more likely to embrace these individuals and the shift in parental roles.

Movies

Mr. Mom
The Michael Keaton movie Mr. Mom (1983) is one of the more famous portrayals of a stay-at-home dad. Many stay-at-home dads dislike being labeled Mr. Mom largely due to the bumbling nature of the title character, the implication that stay-at-home dads are maternal rather than paternal, and the general emasculating tone of such terminology; they feel that their contributions as fathers are equal yet distinct from those of mothers.[19][34]
Daddy Day Care
The 2003 movie Daddy Day Care starring Eddie Murphy, Jeff Garlin, and Steve Zahn, humorously chronicles the lives of two men who get laid off, cannot find new jobs and are forced to become stay-at-home dads. With no future employment presenting itself, they decide to begin a daycare business, using unconventional child care techniques.[35]
Mighty Ducks
This film does not portray a conventional stay-at-home dad; however, the underlying message represents the role well. Gordon Bombay (Emilio Estevez) loses his job and is forced into community service, where he ends up coaching a peewee hockey team. Though not the father of any of the children on the team, he becomes a father figure to many of the players, most notably the character Charlie Conway (Joshua Jackson). Conway's father is no longer involved in his life and his mother works full-time. Bombay becomes Conway's stay-at-home dad. As he is not working (he does not get paid for coaching), he spends his spare time helping Charlie with the daily obstacles that occur in a young boy's life. Bombay's character demonstrates ways in which one can still be seen as a man in society without being the breadwinner.[36] The clearest example is through coaching and being involved in the child's athletic life. This shows how a father can be the caregiver without performing housekeeping tasks or conforming to stereotypes of the role. This is briefly touched upon in the Blu-ray commentary of the movie.[37]

Music

Lonestar
In 2004 country music group Lonestar released a song titled "Mr. Mom", a humorous take on the duties of a stay-at-home dad. Initially, the father was excited to live the "life of luxury," taking long naps, and watching TV. He soon learns that when he is not caring for the infant, watching Barney episodes and getting up early for feedings, he is responsible for rides to and from practices, attending Boy Scouts and PTA meetings, and cooking dinner. By the end of his first week at home, the dad is in bed, looking for another job in the classifieds.[38]

Novels

Diary of a Hapless Househusband
Published by Arrow Books Ltd. in London in August 2007, the Diary of a Hapless Househusband by Sam Holden is a comedic account of the trials of a stay-at-home dad.[39] Allison Pearson described it as "a very very funny and often touching account of one man's struggle to run Planet Home."[39] It was followed in September 2008 by a second novel, titled Growing Pains of a Hapless Househusband,[40] which was also published by Arrow Books Ltd. As stated on his bibliographical note: "Sam Holden is the pen name of an author and journalist. He lives in Wiltshire with his wife and two children. His Hapless Househusband novels are partially based on his experience of (briefly) swapping roles with his wife."[39]
Housebroken: Confessions of a Stay-at-Home Dad
This novel by David Eddie recounts his evolution from bachelor to stay-at-home dad.[41]
How Tough Could It Be?
This novel, written by Austin Murphy, describes his transformation from writer for Sports Illustrated to stay-at-home dad. After evaluating the role he was playing in his children's lives as a result of his demanding career, he decided to switch jobs with his homemaker wife, allowing her to pursue her career and making him the primary caregiver for their two young children.[42]

Books

Stay-at-Home Dad's: The Essential Guide to Creating the New Family
Libby Gill evaluates how a family should make use of the stay-at-home dad arrangement. The book discusses issues such as finances, stereotypes, mother and father parenting styles, and sexual issues, as well as tips for successful role reversal.[12]
The Daddy Shift: How Stay at Home Dads, Breadwinning Moms and Shared Parenting are Transforming the American Family
This book by Jeremy Adam Smith was published in 2009 and looks at the way the American family has changed as a result of the parenting "shift". The book reveals how taking up the mother’s traditional role affects a father’s relationship with his partner, children, and extended family, and what stay-at-home fatherhood means for society. The book explores stay-at-home dads from every part of the country, from various socioeconomic levels and different races.[43]
Fatherneed: Why Father Care is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child
This book by Kyle D. Pruett was published in 2000. It examines the role a father's care has on a child's development, dismissing the notion that only mothers can be nurturers.[17]

Television

Full House
Full House is an example of a family with three men, two of which can be considered stay-at-home dads. Daniel "Danny" Tanner (played by Bob Saget), the consistent worker of the three, enlists his friend and brother-in-law to help raise his three daughters after his wife's death. Jesse Katsopolis (played by John Stamos) and Joseph "Joey" Gladstone (played by Dave Coulier) are the stay-at-home dads. They are never consistently employed at a regular nine-to-five job, instead devoting time to temporary projects. This is primarily because their job is to raise the girls and help with the challenges that the girls face on a daily basis from early childhood through adolescence.[44]
Daddio
Daddio was a short-lived television series that aired in March 2000 on ABC. It chronicled the life of a stay-at-home dad, his lawyer wife, and their two kids.[12]

See also

References

  1. ^ a b c Goode, W.J. (1963). World revolution and family patterns. New York: Free Press. p. 60.
  2. ^ a b c Skolnick, A. (1991). Embattled paradise: The American family in an age of uncertainty. New York: Basic Books. p. 93.
  3. ^ a b c d Burgess, E. (1963). The family from institution to companionship. New York: American Book Company. p. 38.
  4. ^ a b Tuttle, W. (1993). Daddy's gone to war: The Second World War in the lives of America's children. New York: Oxford University Press. p. 144.
  5. ^ Demos, J. (1970). A little commonwealth: Family life in Plymouth colony. New York: Oxford University Press. p. 24.
  6. ^ a b Gutman, H. (1983). Persistent myths about the Afro-American family. New York: St. Martin's. p. 460.
  7. ^ Jones, J. (1985). Labor of love, labor of sorrow: Black women, work and the family from slavery to the present. New York: Basic Books. p. 67.
  8. ^ Milkman, R. (1976). Women's work and the economic crisis: Some lessons from the Great Depression. p. 73.
  9. ^ Banner, L. (1984). Women in modern America: a brief history. New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich. p. 77.
  10. ^ Coontz, S. (2005). Marriage a history: How love conquered marriage. New York: Penguin. p. 201.
  11. ^ a b c d "Connect for Kids". Retrieved 2009-07-29.
  12. ^ a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r Gill, Libby (2001). Stay-At-Home Dads: The Essential Guide to Creating the New Family. New York: Penguin Group. Cite error: The named reference "Gill" was defined multiple times with different content (see the help page).
  13. ^ a b c d e Benokraitis, Nijole V. Marriages & Families: Changes, Choices and Constraints. New Jersey: Pearson Educations Inc., 2008
  14. ^ a b "The Stay At Home Dad Oasis - Resources, Information, Connections, and Community for involved dads". AtHomeDad.org. Retrieved 2009-01-20.
  15. ^ Horsburgh, Susan. "More men ditch the office for full-time fatherhood." People 23 June 2003: 79.
  16. ^ Rhonda Rowland CNN Medical Unit (2002-04-25). "Beyond tantrum control: Stay-at-home dads face health risks". CNN. Retrieved 2009-01-20. {{cite web}}: |author= has generic name (help)
  17. ^ a b c d Pruett, Kyle D. Fatherneed. Michigan: Free Press, 2000.
  18. ^ a b c d Tucker, Patrick. "Stay At Home Dad's." The Futurist Sept. 2005: 12-13.
  19. ^ a b Braiker, B., Kuchment, A., & Dy, C. (2007, October 8). Just Don't Call Me Mr. Mom. Newsweek, 150(15), 52-55. Retrieved July 28, 2009, from Academic Search Premier database.
  20. ^ a b c "US Census Press Releases". Census.gov. Retrieved 2009-07-19.
  21. ^ "Stay-at-Home Dads Forge New Identities, Roles". washingtonpost.com. Retrieved 2009-07-19.
  22. ^ a b c d e f Marshall, Katherine. "Stay-at-Home Dads"=Perspectives Spring,1999: 9-15.
  23. ^ a b c d Appleyard, Diana. "Househusband backlash as high-flying wives ditch men they wanted to stay at home"=Mail Online 10 July 2007.
  24. ^ a b Vernon, David. "Stay at Home Dad Struggles with Empathy. Naturalparenting.com 29 July 2009.
  25. ^ a b c Full-time Househusband Challenges China's Traditional Family Dynamics. 21 July 2006. People's Daily Online. 29 July 2009
  26. ^ Kato, Mariko (Jan 14 2009). "Househusband not a bad gig, one-third of men say". Japan Times. Retrieved 2009-07-30. {{cite web}}: Check date values in: |date= (help)
  27. ^ a b Mutsumi, Ota (1999). "Dad Takes Child-care Leave". Japan Quarterly. 46 (1): 83–89.
  28. ^ a b "She brings home bacon, he cooks it". JoongAng Daily. Nov 2007. Retrieved 2009-07-30.
  29. ^ a b Dias, Raul (June 26 2006). "Now papas do what mamas did best!". Times of India. Retrieved 2009-07-30. {{cite web}}: Check date values in: |date= (help)
  30. ^ "Life & Times of Indian Men". Business Today. July 29 2009. Retrieved 2009-07-30. {{cite web}}: Check date values in: |date= (help)
  31. ^ "Asia's women in agriculture, environment and rural production". Retrieved 2009-07-30.
  32. ^ a b c "Fatwa against "house husbands"". AsiaNews/SCMP. May 16 2006. Retrieved 2009-07-30. {{cite web}}: Check date values in: |date= (help)
  33. ^ Globalissues.org. 2 Jan 2009. Media in the United States. 26 July 2009.
  34. ^ Mr. Mom,Dir. Stan Dragoti. Aaron Spelling Productions, 1983. DVD MGM Home Entertainment
  35. ^ Daddy Day Care,Dir. Stephen Carr. Revolution Studios, 2003. DVD Sony Pictures Entertainment (SPE)
  36. ^ Mighty Ducks,Dir. Stephen Herek. Avnet/Kerner Productions,1992. DVD Walt Disney Home Video
  37. ^ Mighty Ducks,Dir. Stephen Herek. Avnet/Kerner Productions,1992. DVD Walt Disney Home Video
  38. ^ Lonestar. "Mr. Mom." Let's Be Us Again. BNA Entertainment, 2004.}
  39. ^ a b c Holden, Sam (2007). Diary of a Hapless Househusband. London: Arrow Books Ltd.
  40. ^ Holden, Sam (2008). Growing Pains of a Hapless Househusband. London: Arrow Books Ltd.
  41. ^ Eddie, David (1999). Housebroken. New York: The Berkley Publishing Group.
  42. ^ Murphy, Austin (2004). How Tough Could It Be?: The Trials and Errors of a Sportswriter Turned Stay-at-Home Dad. New York: Henry Holt and Company, LLC.
  43. ^ Smith, Jeremy Adam. The Daddy Shift. Boston: Beacon Press, 2009.
  44. ^ Full House,Dir. Joel Zwick. Jeff Franklin Productions, 1987. DVD Warner Brothers Studios
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