Top Gear series 12
The 12th series of Top Gear contained eight episodes,[1] and premiered on 2nd November 2008,[2] with the usual presenting team of Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, James May and The Stig. Clarkson was injured while filming this series, after crashing a lorry through a brick wall at 56 mph in the first episode's HGV challenge.[3]
The running joke regarding the Dacia Sandero continues from series 11, with the alteration that Clarkson is now the one making the announcement with feigned enthusiasm, to utter indifference from May (instead of vice versa). Each news segment also features one of the hosts wearing something unusual, like slippers or a garishly patterned shirt. The only reference to this is that one of the other hosts will, at some point in the segment, ask if they're wearing it for a bet. The Stig, instead of listening to music during power laps, now listens to morse code.
The final episode, the Top Gear: Vietnam Special, aired two weeks after the rest of the series as part of the BBC's Christmas lineup.[4]
Four 'Best Of' specials covering series eleven and twelve were broadcast between the first of January and the first of February 2009.
Episodes
| # | Episode | Airdate | Guests |
|---|---|---|---|
| 96 | Series 12 Episode 1 | 2 November 2008 | Michael Parkinson |
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Main Review: Clarkson tests the Porsche 911 GT2 and Lamborghini Gallardo LP560-4 on the Top Gear track. Clarkson described the Porsche as 'terrifying' and favoured the Gallardo, which went around the Top Gear test track at 1:19.5, because it was easier to drive and faster in a straight line. However, Clarkson didn't reveal the lap time of the Porsche until a later episode, in which he revealed a time of 1:19.5 also, tying the Lamborghini. The Gallardo was faster than its big brother, the Murcielago LP640 which did 1:19.8 in Series 9. The GT2 was also the fastest Porsche, beating the Porsche Carrera GT, which also did 1:19.8. Whilst driving the Lamborghini, the Stig was shown listening to morse code. The morse coded messages in the two shots were "MELIKECHEESE" (I like cheese) and "STRICTLYISCRAP" (strictly is crap). Challenge: The Top Gear team each buy a second hand truck and travel to "Top Gear's Secret Alpine Test Location" in Bedfordshire to test how easy it is to be a HGV driver. With their 5000 pound budget May buys a Scania 94D, Clarkson buys a Renault Magnum and Hammond an ERF EC11. Challenge 1: The three had to decorate and personalize their trucks as drivers in "less developed countries like Australia and America" would. Richard made his ERF look like an American lorry with a bonnet which was actually a dog kennel, James decorated his with an Indian look and Jeremy gave his lorry a "stealth" look, which drastically reduced visibility. Challenge 2: Jeremy, Richard and James would have to powerslide their lorries. Protesting that it was not possible, they watched a demonstration done by Rig Stig, The Stig's lorry driving cousin, "whose favorite song is Forever Autumn by Justin Hayward" and who has the "world's largest collection of pornographical material" who did the slide in a modified MAN truck. All three tried their best but the lorries did not slide, although Jeremy slid off the chair in his lorry due to the "huge G-force" and since he did not fasten the seat belt, he injured himself. Challenge 3: The next challenge was to go to the High Speed Bowl in Millbrook, but before that the three would have to hitch up a trailer with valuable cargo and drive around the Alpine course under three minutes. Richard had a car which was not fastened down properly as his 'valuable' cargo, James had a wedding cake and Jeremy had a stack of straw at one end of the trailer and an electric heater at the other. James finished first and completed the course in just over three minutes, although his cargo was damaged (made worse by his attempt to fix it); Richard's car fell off the trailer while he was still on the course (though he later said was 'stolen'); Jeremy finished last with the trailer on fire. Challenge 4: The three would drive around the Millbrook High speed bowl, with the limiters deactivated (Trucks are limited to 56mph - 90kph) to discover the maximum speed of their lorries. James' lorry reached a maximum speed of 64.6mph, Jeremy's lorry reached 80mph, and Richard's reached a quick 90mph. Challenge 5: Each presenter is required to do a hill start in their lorries, with something close to their hearts behind the trailer to keep them focused. The winner would receive a years worth of 'gentleman's literature'. Jeremy had his beloved drum kit behind his lorry, and was successful in the hill start, but Richard and James destroyed his drums regardless. Richard had Oliver (the Opel Kadett from the African Challenge, which has a new coat of paint and personalized number plate "OLIV3R") behind his lorry, and chickened out of the challenge. James had his grand piano placed behind his lorry. When his piano was being lowered down to the ground one of the piano legs fell off and was hoisted up to rest on a stack of porn magazines. James failed that challenge when he rolled back into the piano; much to the relief of Clarkson and Hammond, who didn't have to explain the previously mentioned broken leg. Challenge 6: At the Top Gear test track the presenters were given their final challenge, which was to drive their lorries at the highest speed into an "obstacle" and brake quickly. Richard crashed into a demountable building, James into a stack of office cooler bottles and Jeremy into a brick wall. Jeremy was injured in this challenge. At the end, James declares himself the winner. News: The team discuss how the economic crisis of 2008 has affected cars, particularly Clarkson's Aston Martin V8 Vantage, which has depreciated by £44,000 in 1 year. Clarkson breaks the news that the Dacia Sandero (a running gag in series 11) will not be released in the UK. Star in a Reasonably-Priced Car: Chat show legend Michael Parkinson kicks off the start of the series, managing a respectable 1:49:4 around the track. | |||
| 97 | Series 12 Episode 2 | 9 November 2008[2] | Will Young |
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Review: Jeremy Clarkson takes Fiat Nuova 500 Abarth through the test track. Despite being a small family car with a relatively small engine, Jeremy claims that he "loves" it. The Stig clocks a 1:35.5 on the test track. The morse coded messages in the two shots were "IVOTEDROSSPEROT" (I voted Ross Perot) and "MESMELLCATS" (I smell cats) Challenge: The team head to America to test drive the new generation of American muscle cars all the way from San Francisco to the Bonneville Salt Flats at the heart of Utah. Hammond takes the trip in the new Dodge Challenger, Clarkson in the new Chevrolet Corvette C6 ZR1 and May in the Cadillac CTS-V. As usual, the trip is plagued with difficulties. The team only has visas that allow them to be factual rather than entertaining, which encourages the presenters to try and remove all 'entertaining' aspects to the trip. Chrysler refuses, at the last minute, to provide them with a Challenger, which forced Hammond to buy one at a $10,000 premium from a local dealership. May hates his Cadillac, so while the team visit Reno, he spends all night at the casino trying to win a BRP Can-Am Spyder Roadster to replace his CTS-V. Clarkson and Hammond are stopped by the police twice for speeding, racing between the lights and using the V8 revs to trigger car alarms, and Clarkson uses the keyless entry on Hammond's Challenger to park in the middle of a public road while Hammond was busy eating. After getting bored of the straight-line highway, they turn off onto twisty back roads. May immediately changes his opinion of the Cadillac due to its handling, and Clarkson's Corvette is even better. Hammond's Dodge, however, handles poorly due to its muscle car origins. Arriving at the Salt Flats, the trio must take part in a one mile straight drive to see who can take their cars to a high speed with Clarkson's, May's and Hammond's goals being 170mph, 160mph and 150mph respectively. After trying numerous ways to increase speed, such as pumping up tires, all three presenters finally hit their targets. They claim that all three vehicles have exceeded their expectations, closing by saying that they were fantastic fun though perhaps not as well-made as possible. News: Clarkson apologises for not posting the lap time of the Porsche 911 GT2 the previous week (a joke made in reference to his being criticised for his quip regarding lorry drivers murdering prostitutes in the previous episode). He reveals it to be 1:19.5, because the score had 'spontaneously combusted', exactly the same as the Lamborghini Gallardo LP560-4, despite the handling difficulties. It is also faster than the Porsche Carrera GT, which did 1:19.8. Hammond then attempts to place the GT2 time next to the Gallardo's. He jumps to try to reach the top of the lap board, but fails (due to his height), knocking the board down. Star in a Reasonably-Priced Car: The original winner of Pop Idol, Will Young, talks about his own Top Gear race, how Minis are similar to Lego and drives a 1:48.9 damp lap. | |||
| 98 | Series 12 Episode 3 | 16 November 2008 | Mark Wahlberg |
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Review: Hammond goes to Toyota City in Japan to test the i-REAL, a chair that is "drivable" and can tell your friends when you're going for coffee. Main Challenge: The team attempted to make an ordinary second hand car (a Renault Avantime, which posted a reference time of 1:42.5) lap the test track as fast as a Mitsubishi Evolution X, which managed 1:28.2. They were given half the cost of an Evo (£15,000) minus the cost of the Avantime (£5,200) leaving them £9,800 to spend on improving the car. The modifications included fitting new brakes - which were too big for the wheels to fit on - forcing the team to spend more on bigger wheels and track tires; an adjustable suspension kit and swapping out the front seats for lighter racing ones. May spent the entire first night attempting to tune and restore the engine to its former glory of 210bhp, he almost succeeded, getting it up to a respectable 206bhp. The next day, Hammond fixed a large spoiler to the rear of the car, to which Clarkson commented would be useless as it was a front wheel drive car and the spoiler would push the rear of the vehicle down. Clarkson also fitted a wooden splitter, which he fashioned himself, to the front of the vehicle, which promptly caught fire. During the Stig's lap, the wooden splitter also helped ruining the car's handling by popping the rear out and causing tires to lock. After several attempts the car finally managed a time of 1:35.4 on the track in the hands of The Stig, which resulted in the team pointing out how much money is wasted on trying to improve cars and how little it does to improve the overall quality and performance of the vehicle – most of the improvement that they did manage came from May's retuning of the engine, which cost nothing beyond the time and effort he put in. Challenge: As training for his first supercar review the following week, James goes to learn about "The Finnish Way of Car Control" from Mika Häkkinen and enters a Jokamiesluokka, a rallycross race primarily using scrapped cars. He finishes in the middle against a pack of locals. Feature: Clarkson commented on how V8 engines seem to be disappearing, so he extracted one from a Chevrolet Corvette for use in a food blender. He, May & Hammond drank a smoothie consisting of 'manly ingredients', such as raw beef, Bovril, a handful of chillies, a bottle of tabasco sauce and a brick. Hammond suggested calling the resulting drink "Desperate Shag in a Skip," while May dubbed it "The Bloody Awful." Star in a Reasonably-Priced Car: Mark Wahlberg managed 1:48.7 even though he wasn't used to the manual gearbox and the right-handed seating position of the car. | |||
| 99 | Series 12 Episode 4 | 23 November 2008 | Harry Enfield |
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Main Review: James tackles his first ever power test in the Pagani Zonda F Roadster and, after a two year wait, the Stig takes the Bugatti Veyron around the track, clocking in at 1:18.3. Its inability to top the board is attributed by May and Clarkson to the heavy weight of the car. The Zonda also laps the track in 1:17.8. Challenge: The trio raced each other from Basel in Switzerland to Blackpool in North-West England, a 750 mile journey, on a single tank of fuel, with the winner being given the reward of switching on the Blackpool Lights. Each presenter was allowed to use the unmodified production car of their choice; May selecting a Subaru Legacy diesel, Clarkson a Jaguar XJ diesel, and Hammond a Volkswagen Polo BlueMotion, to the scorn of his compatriots. They were also allowed to select their own route. Clarkson immediately deemed the race pointless, as the raw figures of fuel efficiency showed that none of the cars chosen could make it to Blackpool on time with one tank of fuel, so he tried to lose just enough fuel so that his car would run out near his house in Chipping Norton. With this in mind, he used his air conditioning, radio, heated seats, charged his mobile phone and drove at 80mph in France in order to burn fuel from his twin-turbo Jaguar. Due to his speed, Clarkson remained miles ahead of the other two presenters for most of the race, managing to catch a Eurotunnel train thirty minutes before both Hammond and May. However, in England, after passing his home with a considerable amount of fuel remaining, he slowed up, thinking that he could still win. However, as he travelled along the M6 Toll road, Hammond overtook him. Clarkson could not retaliate, due to his need to conserve the little fuel that remained. Hammond remained ahead for the rest of the race. May, meanwhile, took a longer route via Leeds to avoid the notoriously congested M6 and, despite overtaking Hammond in France and boarding the same train, he did not catch up. Despite his fuel wasting actions in France, Clarkson still managed to finish the race, finishing second to Hammond, only a minute ahead. Hammond was therefore given the chance to turn on the lights but The Stig, whom the producers sent to Blackpool just in case none of the trio managed to make it in time, switched them on himself. May arrived over forty minutes late, missing the ceremony completely, later admitting he sacrificed his speed too much for greater fuel efficiency. Surprised at both the results and Jeremy's fuel wasting actions, a latter inspection of the Jaguar's fuel tank claimed that Jeremy had enough fuel to do another 120 miles. Star in a Reasonably-Priced Car: Harry Enfield makes a second appearance to set a time in the Lacetti. Enfield discussed his 'Clarkson Island' sketch, alongside the bullying had received from his son after the time set on his first visit to the Top Gear studio. Harry Enfield posted a lap time of 1:49.6, making himself the most improved star. | |||
| 100 | Series 12 Episode 5 | 30 November 2008 | Kevin McCloud |
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Main Review: Jeremy Clarkson tested the Lexus IS-F against the king of high-powered saloons, the four door BMW M3. Both were entered in a drag race, with the Lexus leading at the start before the BMW quickly overtook. The drag race ended with a very close win for the BMW, but Jeremy points out that the Lexus will eventually win as its top speed, 168 MPH, is vastly larger than the BMW's 155 MPH. Later, Tom Chilton was put in the BMW M3 to see whether the Lexus' understeer would affect the time. Both were taken round the track and the Lexus went around the track in 1:26.9 whereas the BMW did it in 1:25.3, making it substantially quicker than the model it replaces. While driving the Lexus, Stig listened to morse code, the translations reading "TOOMANYGEARS" (Too many gears) and "ILIKEMRSULU" (I like Mr Sulu). News: Richard Hammond introduced the Infiniti G37 convertible which he described as looking almost exactly like the Lexus SC 430, therefore describing it as the "most vile and hideous car ever made". Jeremy Clarkson criticised the 4-door sedan Porsche Panamera describing it as looking 'sick' and resembling the Austin Maxi. Jeremy Clarkson announces his theory that, by using toy cars as an example, placing a magnet on the bonnet of cars would prevent head-on collisions, due to the repulsion between same poles. However, Hammond points that if the poles are different, such as in the event of two cars waiting at traffic lights, the attraction would cause more rear-collisions. Main Challenge: May, in a 1.25 million pound power boat, races Hammond in a Ferrari Daytona from Portofino to Saint-Tropez. For May, the journey was rough, damaging the in-vehicle camera. Both Hammond and May are pulled over by the police. May wins, but Hammond explains that the boat might have been the fastest way to complete the journey, but the car would always be the best method. Challenge: Hammond sets out to find the best type of bus for London's streets by having a rally-race at Lydden Hill Race Circuit. The double decker was represented by a 1987 Leyland Olympian. The single decker was represented by a 1993 Dennis Dart. Two bendy buses are used. The first one being the Mercedes-Benz O305G (a rear-engined articulated bus), and the second one is unidentified, but is mentioned by Hammond as a mid-engined puller type during the race. The compact hopper bus was represented by a 1997 Optare MetroRider. Similar to a previous segment in motor home racing, a field of touring car legends were picked to drive the buses. These were Anthony Reid, Matt Neal, Gordon Shedden, Tom Chilton and Hammond again rounds out the drivers list. The race ends with the compact bus being squashed, Hammond's bendy being disabled by the single-deck and the double-deck overturning on the home stretch while trying to take an inside line on the single-decker. The single deck bus was declared the winner because of its speed. Star in a Reasonably-Priced Car: Kevin McCloud made an appearance to set a time in the Lacetti of 1:45.9, making him the second fastest around the track after Jay Kay. Jeremy reveals that his time was in fact 1:45.87, making McCloud five hundredths of a second slower than the top ranker. | |||
| 101 | Series 12 Episode 6 | 7 December 2008 | Boris Johnson |
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Introduction: This was the first episode when Clarkson didn't take part in the introduction, as he lost his voice, so for the first time ever, Hammond announced what was going on in the show instead. Main Review: After receiving a complaint from a member of the public that they no longer do proper road tests like in the old days, Jeremy reviews the Ford Fiesta in a "serious" road test. He tests practicality, fuel economy, quality, and driving enjoyment. The verdict is that it looks good, is fairly practical, easy to park, very special to drive, and built as well as a Volkswagen. Throughout these sections Jeremy, in a dead pan manner, states points like it goes 70 mph which the fastest you can go by law. The tests then become more bizarre including a race in the tight quarters of a shopping center against 'baddies' in a Corvette. The Ford gets out the shopping centre but the Corvette crashes, not making it out. The last test features the Ford accompanying an amphibious assault on a beach alongside Royal Marines. The Fiesta manages to pass the test with flying colours. News: James announces Jeremy has lost his voice, much to the amusement of Richard and James who proceed to mock Jeremy. They reveal he has won Heat's Wierdest Crush award, and that he is in the same magazine as his "boyfriend", Will Young. At this point, Jeremy interrupts and reveals that James is in no position to mock him, as he has an eye infection himself. They then proceed to do the proper news. Challenge: Jeremy Clarkson and James May can't decide if imported Chinese-made cars would be any good, so they made their way to Greenham Common airbase to see if the Communists ever historically built a good car. They begin with Russian cars (Lada Riva, Moskvitch 408, Lada Niva, ZAZ-968), East German Wartburg. Both Clarkson and May declare all of those cars to be "truly terrible" and Clarkson declares the Lada Riva as "simply the worst car in the world" and May then disagrees with him, declaring the Moskvitch 408 to be the worst car in the world. They also look at an FSO Polonez (and destroy it in a homage to the Toyota Hilux that they abused), a East German Trabant, and Czechoslovak Velorex to look at the whole Eastern bloc. Their favorites are the Niva and the GAZ Chaika, but neither are found to be good because they fail to run. Their test includes a race between a British "Communist" car, the Morris Marina, and a Lada Riva. The Marina wins, though they find it to be more effective as a brazier for striking workers, than as a car. Overall, none of the cars that are tested in this challenge are liked by Clarkson or May. Richard Hammond later reminds them that Ferrari, Maserati, and Lamborghini cars have been made in an Italian communist-run locality for decades. Review: Richard Hammond tests the new Veritas RS III, a German supercar built by Veritas. It achieved a time of 1:24.2. Richard also tests the Caterham Seven R500, which achieved a time of 1:17.9. Star in a Reasonably-Priced Car: Boris Johnson, the Mayor of London, drove the Lacetti in very wet conditions, and achieved a 1:57.4. | |||
| 102 | Series 12 Episode 7 | 14 December 2008 | Tom Jones |
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Main Review: James May takes a look at the future of motoring in California in the hydrogen powered Honda FCX Clarity. This segment features a cameo appearance by Jay Leno. Leno makes reference to American Toyota Prius drivers and comments, "In America we like everyone to know about the good work we are doing anonymously." During the segment May describes the Clarity as "the most important car in a hundred years" due to it being the first electric car that fits a modern, car-dependent lifestyle. The morse coded messages in the two shots were "ILIKEGARYNEWMAN" (I like Gary Newman) and "THATPORKTASTEDFUNNY" (That pork tasted funny). Review: Jeremy Clarkson tested the battery powered Tesla Roadster on the track. Pitting it against a Lotus Elise in a drag race, the Roadster beating the Elise. However, upon more strenuous testing, both Roadsters provided to Top Gear broke down, leading Jeremy to question Tesla's claims. The Stig achieved a time of 1:27.2 on mildly moist conditions. Challenge: Richard Hammond takes a look at 50 years of Touring Cars racing history, with crashing being a pervasive theme. Stunt: Top Gear Stuntman returns as he joins Richard Hammond in an attempt to beat a distance record set by their Fifth Gear rivals: jumping off a ramp in a 1992 Jaguar XJ6 saloon car while towing a caravan. Stuntman falls just short of the mark set by Fifth Gear. Feature: Jeremy decided that the effort required for elderly people to change TV channel was too much, so he attached a V8 engine to a rocking chair. For safety reasons they sat a dummy in the chair when they carried out the test, which resulted in both the chair and the dummy breaking apart, although Clarkson felt a greater flaw was that the TV would be inaudible over the noise of the V8. News: The three discuss how enraged fans of the Morris Marina had become, thanks to the previous episode. They "attempt" to make amends by purchasing another Marina, which then has a piano "accidentally" fall on it. Following a two-year-old tradition on Top Gear, the boys discuss car-themed Christmas presents. They also present their annual year-end awards:
Star in a Reasonably-priced Car: Tom Jones, the singer, drove the Lacetti and achieved a 1:52.2. | |||
| 103 | Series 12 Episode 8 | 28 December 2008 | None |
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Main Challenge: The Vietnam Challenge. | |||
| The Best Of Top Gear 2008 No. 1 | 1 January 2009 | Mark Wahlberg | |
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Review: Nissan GT-R From Series 11, Episode 5 Challenge: Ferrari Daytona vs Powerboat From Series 12, Episode 5 Review: Gumpert Apollo From Series 11, Episode 6 Skit: V8 Powered Food Blender From Series 12, Episode 3 Star In A Reasonably Priced Car: Mark Wahlberg From Series 12, Episode 3 Review: Ford Fiesta Road Test From Series 12, Episode 6 | |||
| The Best Of Top Gear 2008 No.2 | 4 January 2009 | Will Young | |
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Review: Toyota i-REAL From Series 12, Episode 3 Challenge: Less Than £1000 Alfa Romeos Part 1 From Series 11, Episode 3 Star In A Reasonably Priced Car: Will Young From Series 12, Episode 2 Review: Pagani Zonda F Roadster vs Bugatti Veyron From Series 12, Episode 4 Challenge: Less Than £1000 Alfa Romeos Part 2 From Series 11, Episode 3 | |||
| The Best Of Top Gear 2008 No. 3 | 25 January 2009 | Boris Johnson | |
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Challenge: Foxhunting In Daihatsu Terios From Series 11, Episode 5 Review: Audi RS6 From Series 11, Episode 2 Challenge: Audi RS6 vs Speed Skiers From Series 11, Episode 2 Star In A Reasonably Priced Car: Boris Johnson From Series 12, Episode 6 Challenge: Top Gear vs D-Motor From Series 11, Episode 6 | |||
| The Best Of Top Gear 2008 No. 4 | 1 February 2009 | Jay Kay | |
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Review: Mercedes AMG CLK Black In Wales From Series 11, Episode 2 Challenge: Nissan GT-R vs Bullet Train Part 1 From Series 11, Episode 4 Star In A Reasonably Priced Car: Jay Kay From Series 11, Episode 6 Review: FCX Honda Clarity From Series 12, Episode 7 Challenge: Nissan GT-R vs Bullet Train Part 2 From Series 11, Episode 4 | |||