Jewish Community Memory Garden

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

This is an old revision of this page, as edited by Oughtta Be Otters (talk | contribs) at 23:26, 27 March 2024 (took off orphan template, as no longer orphaned). The present address (URL) is a permanent link to this revision, which may differ significantly from the current revision.

The Jewish Community Memory Garden is the first sacred Jewish space in the United States where individuals and families can go to recognize and express grief over infertility, a loss of pregnancy such as a miscarriage or stillbirth, or death of a newborn.[1] Given Judaism's definition of the beginning of life, there is not a traditional ritual for mourning fetuses or newborns prior to the age of thirty days.[2][3][4][5] The Memory Garden builds on existing traditions, following halakah (Jewish law) and acknowledging the contemporary need to recognize the emotional toll these losses take on expectant parents and other family members.[1]

The Jewish Community Memory Garden is located in Colma, California, USA on the grounds of the Sinai Memorial Chapel Jewish funeral home's Eternal Home Cemetery, one of the few Jewish cemeteries serving the city of San Francisco and the San Francisco Peninsula.[1] The Memory Garden was founded by Abigail Porth and Debbie Findling, two Jewish women who experienced fertility losses.[6][7]

Start of life and bereavement practices

Jewish tradition encompasses many textual debates about when life begins, but rabbinic tradition suggests that a fetus is part of the mother's body, rather than an independent life.[8][9] The baby must indepdentently draw breath after birth to be considered an independent life.[10] Furthermore, Talmud indicates a newborn is not considered fully viable until it has survived thirty days of age.[3][5][2][4][11] This is likely due to the thousands of years of high rates of miscarriage and infant mortality.[4][12] [13] Commentator Rashi wrote that a stillborn child does not have a soul and Mainmonedes stated that ritual mourning is not performed for stillborn infants.[1][14] Thus, many Jewish traditions dictate that mourning rituals such as sitting shiva, holding a public burial, and recognizing the yartzeit (anniversary of a death) do not apply until a baby is more than thirty days old and parents and other family members do not sit shiva or attend a burial for younger newborns, stillborn children, aborted children, or miscarried children.[4][5]

Development

Abigail Porth and Debbie Findling began discussing the idea for the Memory Garden in 2009.[7][15] Porth experienced a miscarriage and found that there were no practices within the Jewish community to help her mourn and recover.[7] She reached out to Findling, who had also experienced the stillborn birth of her first child and multiple subsequent miscarriages, with the idea of creating a space similar to the AIDS Memorial Grove.[7] They felt there was a strong community need for an externalized, visible space to mourn infertility or loss of a child through miscarriage, still birth, abortion, or infant mortality in the first month after birth.[15]

They also hoped to create educational and support materials for the larger Jewish community. When delivering her stillborn child, Findling had experienced a nurse saying a Chirstian prayer over her baby; upon filing a complaint with the hospital she was told that the Jewish community had not provided the hospital with guidelines for supporting Jewish parents experiencing fertility loss.[16][1] Based on Findling's experiences, they also planned outreach trainings for therapists, preschools, social and medical care providers for supporting individuals experiencing infertility and fertility loss.[1][7][16][17]

The two women began working with Bay Area Jewish Healing Center and some others who worked professionally with fertility and pregnancy loss in the Jewish community of the San Francisco Bay Area.[15] [6][13] Together, they approached a local Jewish cemetary, Sinai Memorial Chapel. They hoped to purchase some land at the cemetery for their project.[15] The Board of the funeral home instead voted unanimously to cemetery provide the space for the garden at no cost.[15] [7]

The organizers ran focus groups, both of people who had personally experienced losses and of rabbis from different levels of observance.[7][6] Spiritual leaders from many denominations of Judaism signed on to bring the project to fruition, including rabbis from the Reform, Conservative, and Orthodox movements.[7]

The $1.2 million project was supported by donors from across the Jewish community.[1] The Jewish Community Federation of San Francisco oversaw a fund to which the Jewish community could donate in support of the project, and the Taube Foundation for Jewish Life & Culture provided two matching grants.[7][17]

While Porth and Findling originally aimed to be completed in 2016,[7] the project was stalled by some legal matters including right-of-way for the Bay Area Rapid Transit subway system and the need to move some electrical utility infrastructure.[6] Then, the COVID-19 pandemic delayed its official opening.[1] The Memory Garden was dedicated November 13, 2022, with participation from accross the local Jewish community, including speeches from rabbis representing the Orthodox and Reform movements.[6]

Design

The Memory Garden inhabits an open space adjoining children's section of the cemetery.[15] In order to align with halakhah , the garden will be a place of commemoration, but not hold any graves or markers.[15] Designed by San Francisco landscape architecture firm MPA Design,[6] the space is surrounded by a grove of redwood trees and features plants native to California.[1] In the center is a circular path around a water feature, 55 feet in diameter,[7] that is lined with stones. Within the water feature is a round grassy area.[1] The outer edge of the circle is engraved with the months of the year in both English and Hebrew.[6][7][12][1] This circular center space symbolizes a womb and recalls the ciclycial nature of Jewish traditon.[6] The water feature is lined with loose stones which visitors can remove and place on any month of the year that they wish to commemorate, in accordance with the Jewish tradition of leaving visitation stones on grave markers to demonstrate mourning and bereavement.[6][1]

Programs in the community

Beyond the physical Memory garden itself, the San Francisco branch of the Jewish Family and Children's Services and the Bay Area Healing Center developed a range of services and educational materials related to infertility and fertility loss.[17][18][15]

References

  1. ^ a b c d e f g h i j k l "A Jewish Way to Remember". Tablet Magazine. 2020-07-22. Retrieved 2022-12-18.
  2. ^ a b Lamm, M. (2000). The Jewish Way in Death and Mourning. United Kingdom: Jonathan David Publishers.
  3. ^ a b Rosner, F. (2001). Biomedical ethics and Jewish law. United States: KTAV Publishing House.
  4. ^ a b c d Shurpin, Yehuda. "Why Are Stillborns' Graves Unmarked?". Chabad. Retrieved 2022-12-22.
  5. ^ a b c Lieber, Chavie (2013-03-05). "When a Jewish infant dies". Jewish Telegraphic Agency. Retrieved 2022-12-23.
  6. ^ a b c d e f g h i Mirsky, Maya (2022-11-15). "Memory Garden is first Jewish place in U.S. to mourn pregnancy loss". J. Retrieved 2022-12-18.
  7. ^ a b c d e f g h i j k l Zimmer, Jessica (2016-05-21). "Memory Garden to Provide a Place to Mourn Infertility and Fertility Loss". Potrero View. Retrieved 2022-12-18.
  8. ^ Mikva, Rachel. "When does life begin? There's more than one religious view". The Conversation. Retrieved 2022-12-23.
  9. ^ Schenker, Joseph G. (June 2008). "The beginning of human life". Journal of Assisted Reproduction and Genetics. 25 (6): 271–276. doi:10.1007/s10815-008-9221-6. ISSN 1058-0468. PMC 2582082. PMID 18551364 – via PubMed.
  10. ^ National Council of Jewish Women. "Judaism and Abortion" (PDF). National Council of Jewish Women. Retrieved 2022-12-22.
  11. ^ Wolfson, R. (2005). A Time to Mourn, a Time to Comfort: A Guide to Jewish Bereavement. United States: Jewish Lights Pub. p. 35-36.
  12. ^ a b "San Francisco Memory Garden". Hasidah. Retrieved 2022-12-23.
  13. ^ a b "How Jewish Rituals Helped Me Mourn My Miscarriage". The Forward. 2019-10-25. Retrieved 2022-12-23.
  14. ^ "Mishneh Torah, Mourning 1:9". www.sefaria.org. Retrieved 2022-12-23.
  15. ^ a b c d e f g h Silvers, Emma (2012-11-09). "Memory Garden: Soon, a place for mourning parents to reflect and meditate". J. Retrieved 2022-12-23.
  16. ^ a b "Debbie Findling and Abby Porth—JFCS' Healing Services and the World's First Memory Garden". JFCS. 2019-04-01. Retrieved 2022-12-23.
  17. ^ a b c Taube, Tad (2019-04-23). "Memory Garden will be a place of healing for grieving parents". J. Retrieved 2022-12-23.
  18. ^ "Memory Garden Services for Pregnancy and Infant Loss". JFCS. 2019-02-28. Retrieved 2022-12-23.

External links

Federation