Etiquette in North America

As expectations regarding good manners differ from person to person and vary according to each situation, no treatise on the rules of etiquette nor any list of faux pas can ever be complete. As the perception of behaviors and actions vary, intercultural competence is essential. However, a lack of knowledge about the customs and expectations of people in Canadacan make even the best intentioned person seem rude, foolish, or worse.

Shared culture

• Canada is a heterogeneous societies containing a multitude of subcultures. Nevertheless, many expectations regarding good and bad behavior apply to both. Canadians are especially familiar with the expectations of American society, having not only been privy to American movies for generations (like the rest of the world) but to American television as well.

Distinct identities

• While Canada and the United States are similar in some respects, each is a separate country with its own distinct national identity. Insinuating otherwise is disrespectful to both. Given that Canada has about 270 million fewer people than its neighbor, Canadians are more often subject to this indignity than those in the USA.

European traditions

• Besides similarities based on proximity, both Canada and the United States share cultural and linguistic heritage originating in Europe, and as such some generalizations regarding points of etiquette in Europe are applicable in Canada and the United States as well, especially in more formal settings and wherever European traditions are strongest.
• This means that points of etiquette listed in conjunction with France are often relevant in regards to French Canadians, points of etiquette applicable in Spain are often relevant in regards to America’s Spanish-speaking community and so on.

Changing expectations

• The exceptions regarding etiquette mentioned in this article have never been universal in Canada and the United States, and many points of etiquette are less observed than they were in the past.
• Certain issues discussed below them will be unfamiliar to many people who have lived in Canada or the United States their entire lives, especially if they weren't raised in a family environment where these issues were considered important.
• Even points of etiquette that are ignored by many people can be useful to know, particularly when the person one hopes to impress (or at least not offend) is one who does not ignore that particular point of etiquette.

Consideration

• Etiquette begins with some sensitivity to the perceptions and feelings of others and the intention not to offend. Lighting a cigarette in the home of a non-smoker, calling someone too late at night, failing to thank and compliment a host, using a mobile phone in a theater, taking the last bite of a dish without offering it to others and many other examples of bad manners fall into this category.
• While the idea of consideration is universal, expectations regarding it vary greatly among different people in different situations. For example, behavior aptly regarded as boisterous in an elegant restaurant might seem oddly restrained in an eatery next to a stadium after the home team has won a big game.

Generalizations

The following generalizations about etiquette hold true for many segments of society in both Canada and the United States:

Age and appearance

• It is often impolite to ask either a man or a woman their age or weight. Asking someone's age is more acceptable when they are apparently younger than about 30. Asking someone their weight is more acceptable when the person is obviously physically fit, especially while commenting on that fact.
• Complimenting someone on lost weight can be very flattering if made honestly. Unwittingly complimenting someone upon weight lost due to illness is a faux pas.
• Complimenting someone positively on, for example, clothing worn to a party or a new hair cut is usually gracious. However, one should take care so as not to seem flirtatious, perhaps by giving the compliment in front of a third party.
• Pointing out that one has gained weight (unless he or she has been trying to gain weight, which is uncommon) is considered rude.

Direction

• Walking in situations such as a supermarket or shopping mall, Canadians generally follow the same general rules as drivers and will keep to their right, effectively creating two "lanes" of pedestrian traffic.
• Americans follow this pattern more loosely except when they have no choice (such on a congested city street) and are more apt to deviate from it. Still, even two people passing one another on otherwise empty sidewalk will usually each keep to the right.
• On crowded escalators (such as at subway stations) it is expected that one stands on the right side to allow people to walk on the left side. In leisure areas (such as shopping malls) this is not expected.
• People pushing strollers are expected to yield the way to others.

Distinctions

• As elsewhere, many people in Canada and the United States are proud of their distinct ethnic, national, religious, linguistic or cultural identity and may be insulted by those who fail to make the distinction.
• For example, a Cuban American person may be offended if confused with a Mexican American person and vice versa. Likewise, there are many clear (and some less than clear) distinctions made among the Aboriginal peoples of Canada and failing to show sensitivity to these is likely to offend.
• When in doubt, avoid characterizing people according to a cultural identity. Make inquiries regarding identity carefully (if at all).

Driving

• It is polite to thank a driver who stops or slows for you, using either a wave or a raised palm. Most other gestures may be seen as rude if made while driving.

Eye contact

• Not looking someone directly in the eye when speaking can be seen as evasive, especially when emphasizing a specific point that might otherwise be in doubt. Prolonged eye contact, however, might be construed as either flirtatious or aggressive (or in some circumstances, a sign that the person in question is lying). Of course, in some American Indian cultures, it is considered disrespectful for a young person to maintain eye contact with an elder.

Flowers

• Certain flowers (particularly chrysanthemums or white lilies) are given only at funerals and most florists will advise against them. As red roses typically connote romantic feeling, they are inappropriate for other circumstances.

Handshakes

• Hand shaking can signal a greeting, farewell, agreement, acknowledgment, respect, or closure of an arrangement.
• Many men (in the United States especially) shake hands with other men in a particularly robust fashion. They may be uncomfortable with or make a poor appraisal of a man who does not press the other's palm firmly .
• In many regions, it is considered best practice for a man to shake the hand of a woman only if she offers her hand first. This 'rule' sometimes causes awkwardness, especially in business interactions where a handshake is a sign of respect, and not offering a handshake can be a sign of disrespect. However, it is becoming increasingly common for both genders to shake hands, especially among younger generations.
• The initiation, duration, strength and level of enthusiasm in a handshake is often set by the person of higher social status , or the initiator if no clear status distinction is made.
• A very brief and unenthusiastic handshake often indicates dislike or anger. On the other hand, vigorous shaking of the other person's hand, extended duration of the handshake and the slapping of a hand on the other person's back are all hallmarks of friendliness and enthusiasm and are almost never meant to be taken as aggressive or domineering. However, depending on the situation, too vigorous or long handshakes or back slaps can be considered annoying.
• Use of an excessively tight grip usually indicates friendliness or enthusiasm as well, even when this accidentally causes pain to the other person's hand. When this grip is done on purpose as an indicator of aggression, it is invariably accompanied by a grim demeanor and piercing eye contact intended to intimidate.
• Among the Québécois and other French-speaking Canadians, shaking hands in a casual context is considered slightly unfriendly, especially between genders. Embracing loosely while lightly kissing each other's cheeks is often more appropriate for friends and family. This holds true between women and between men and women. It is not the ordinary custom for greetings between men.
• Some people, especially younger people, consider traditional handshaking overly formal and stiff, and prefer slapping, gripping, or otherwise knocking hands casually with a closed fist (giving "props" or "daps") as an indication of respect, greeting or acceptance. This can be viewed as immature, however.
• Omitting or avoiding a 'proper' handshake may be considered as an indication of a lack of interpersonal skills by some.
• If a person's right hand is missing or if the right arm is injured or unusable, then it is proper to shake left hands. Right hands are used otherwise.
• If a person's hand has become soiled or is sweaty, that person should disclose this to the other party prior to shaking hands, and handshaking may be dispensed with at the other party's option. The sick or those recovering from a contagious illness should not shake hands under any circumstance.
• Since handshaking is a potential vector for disease, the custom has been waning in certain groups: the medical profession, some sales professions, among members of fitness/health clubs, and the affluent.

Hats

• Some people consider it impolite for men to wear hats or other head coverings indoors. It is generally accepted to wear a hat in the corridors and elevator of a public building, but the hat should be removed upon entering a room. Hats should always be removed in churches, when sitting at a table for a meal, and when the national anthem is playing. This generally does not apply when someone wears a head covering due to religious beliefs where it is considered offensive to their faith to have their heads uncovered. Another exception would be for an illness (e.g. a person suffering from hair loss due to chemotherapy).

Honorifics and names

• People in Canada and the United States will often use first names immediately upon meeting someone ("Hi, are you John?") in a way which would seem impolite and presumptuous elsewhere. Rather than being indicative of a callous attitude, addressing someone in this way (sometimes repeatedly during a single conversation) is often an attempt to be particularly kind, friendly or welcoming.

• The use of honorifics such as "Mr." and "Mrs." are still used in some situations. In some workplaces, the owners or managers are referred to by such honorifics, especially when there tends to be a generation gap between them and most employees. On the other hand, some owners of multi-billion dollar American companies have made it a point of pride to insist all employees call them by first name. It is generally acceptable and even a sign of respect to refer to anyone in a position of authority or from an older generation by Mr. or Mrs. until the speaker is explicitly told differently.
• Some people in the Southern United States and in families closely connected to the United States Military make more frequent use of honorifics, especially "sir" and "ma'am", as a show of respect towards people whom they do not know or those who are older. These are also in wide use in customer service. In other sectors of society, these are used much more rarely and their use may be facetious or even sarcastic.
• It is sometimes rude for children to refer to adults by first names, sometimes not. Honorifics are most common when the adults in question are much older than the children's parents. In the Middle Atlantic region of the United States, it is common for children to speak to adults with honorifics and then their first name.
• Except in Canada, "Madam" is almost always used sarcastically. When used as a noun rather than an honorific, it means a female pimp. In Francophone Canada, Madam and Mrs. are interchangeable.
• "Ms." is widely used regardless of a woman's marital status. Although use of this relatively new term frequently led to sharp correction of the speaker in the past ("that's Ms. Smith, not Mrs.!"), it is now widely understood (even by the elderly) as an attempt to be as polite as possible.
• When a person's surname is unknown, the honorifics "sir" and "miss" (for younger women) or "ma'am" are sometimes used. "Mr." on its own ("hey mister") can sound rude, silly or foreign depending on the circumstances, as can the archaic epithet "pal", which is rarely used today except in a sarcastic or hostile tone.

Hygiene

Americans and Canadians are sometimes offended when their hygienic standards are not met. The sight of unrefrigerated meat hanging in a butcher shop (as seen here in Morocco) would rarely, if ever, be seen in Canada or the US.

• High standards surround the handling, storage and transportation of food and the prevention of foodborne illness. Meat and dishes containing meat are allowed to go without refrigeration only briefly, cooked and uncooked foods are kept strictly separated, and hand washing is frequent. Many people will throw away any food they suspect has been compromised.
• Blowing one's nose into anything but a tissue or handkerchief, nose and ear picking, and burping or sneezing without covering one's mouth are all considered disgusting and very rude.
• Spitting on the ground is usually viewed as offensive, or at least immature. Perhaps because it is usually considered churlish, it remains a popular habit among some boys and young men.
• Chewing with one's mouth open, slurping or making excessive noise while eating, yawning without covering one's mouth and saying "excuse me" or burping without attempting to muffle the sound are all impolite.
• When someone else sneezes, it is customary to say "Bless you" (or "Gesundheit"). The person who sneezes may say "excuse me", especially if the sneeze was especially loud or they were unprepared and need to reach for tissue. If the sneeze was messy or food is being handled, it is typical to wash the hands immediately.
• Most Americans and Canadians shower daily and use a variety of products such as antiperspirant sprays, deodorant soaps, mouthwash, and foot powders. North Americans tend to be extremely intolerant of body odors and strong odors in general. Perfume, aftershave and other scents should be used in moderation.

Masculinity

• Many men avoid body contact with other males beyond a handshake, a slap on the back or (in the case of younger men) rough-housing. When enough seats are available (such as a movie theater or uncrowded bus), they may prefer to sit at least one seat apart.
• This does not necessarily imply a homophobic attitude, but it is in sharp contrast to places where men exchange embraces and polite kisses on the cheek (such as some countries in Europe) or expectations surrounding etiquette in the Middle East where men walk while holding hands and it has no romantic connotation.
• Men often avoid conversation and eye contact in a public restroom, and might only nod to a coworker with whom they would typically start a conversation. However, a conversation started outside the restroom might continue when the two men go inside and this restraint is less pronounced among close friends or when people are in high spirits, for instance at a wedding or large sporting event.
• Likewise, men typically avoid adjacent or closely-situated urinals and toilets when others are available, except when cruising for sex. Ubiquitously, it is impolite to glance at your neighbour when using the urinals.

Meals

• It is often impolite to begin eating before others are ready to begin, or to eat in front of another person without offering to share. Typically all wait for the host, eldest person present or guest of honor to say "let's begin" in some way.
• In a situation such as a large banquet table or a restaurant where the waiter has failed to bring all food to the table at the same time, it is gracious to insist that others begin eating first while their meals are still warm.
• Resting one's hands on the table or one's elbow on it are inappropriate for formal settings.
• Depending on the formality of situation, people often ask the host to be excused from the table, or excuse themselves, or offer explanation. In all but the least formal situations, some communication about leaving is expected, for example at least to indicate whether one will be returning.
• Once used, cloth napkins are left on the chair seat, while silverware and cutlery are left on the dinner plate with the handle resting on the edge of the plate.
• Silverware left in an "Open" position lets wait staff know you are not finished with a meal. Silverware in "closed" position, typically pointing toward the diner's right hand, lets the wait staff know they are finished with the plate. Also, sometimes crossing the fork and knife across a plate in an X is used to indicate a person will return to finish their meal.
• Although not necessary, North Americans can thank and speak to their wait and bus staff, but need not if engaged in conversation.
• During meals, conversations are usually restricted to less controversial and more inoffensive topics. Politics and religion are generally not discussed during meals, as these may lead to violent disagreements and cause not only the participants, but also the observers, to lose their appetites. Similarly, description of gory, disgusting, or shocking scenes or events is considered impolite (e.g., discussing one's gallbladder operation over a meal is generally taboo). Within younger groups, although speaking of gory or disgusting things is still considered inappropriate, teenagers and young adults will sometimes speak of shocking events, politics and religion without restraint.

Money

Cash (or a check) is an inappropriate gift in most situations.

• Some people in Canada and the United States may discuss personal wealth, possessions or success in business in a way that is widely viewed as vulgar in certain other societies. It is still taboo to ask people about their salary and in some places of work it is forbidden.
• In financial transactions, it is usual to place money neatly in the hand of the receiver and it may be rude to do otherwise. In banks, tellers count out money while setting it on the counter instead. Payment to a bartender is another exception, customarily being done by placing payment (and receiving change) on the bar. A notable exception is when giving someone a gratuity for quality of services rendered; in this case it is considered 'showy' to do anything other than give them the money in the most discreet manner the situation allows.
• Cash or a check (cheque) is an inappropriate gift in most situations. Exceptions include baptisms, confirmations, birthdays (if the gift giver is a relative), graduation parties, bar mitzvahs and bat mitzvahs. Cash is appropriate for weddings when there is a close friendship or family relationship, but such gifts are usually of $50, $100 or more.
• Cash gifts should almost always be placed in a greeting card. One exception involves cash gifts to relatives who are of high school age or younger as such gifts may be relatively covert and may be intended to give the young person some spending money that their parents do not know about.
• The handling of bank and debit cards should be governed by the fact that the card is a valuable item to its holder and should be treated as such. Specifically, it is polite to hand it to the clerk, and when done with it, for the clerk to hand it back directly to the customer.

Multiculturalism

• Expecting a Jew to remove his hat when visiting a Church or encouraging anyone to accept food that violates his or her dietary laws is considered insensitive by many.
• An insinuation that someone is a "foreigner", "immigrant" or "alien" rather than a true American or a true Canadian may be considered rude if directed at such a person.
• References to someone's ethnic or racial identity are considered by many inappropriate in a variety of circumstances. In particular, mentioning somebody's minority status when criticizing that person (sometimes praising) is perceived as discrimination.
• Whether they are Aboriginal people in Canada, Jews, African-Americans or others, people may use self-disparaging humor or make jokes based upon the stereotypes or realities of their own ethnic group. However, it is widely considered inappropriate for people not of that race or faith to engage in this sort of humor, particularly in the presence of the subject of the joke.

Parents

• In most families, children do not address their parents or grandparents by first name. This holds true even after the children themselves grow elderly.
• Young children usually call parents "mommy" and "daddy." Once they get older, "mom" (or "ma") and "dad" (or "pa") become more common. "Mother" is also heard, but "Father" would be very Victorian-sounding or even sarcastic (unless speaking of the parent in the third person such as "My father is at the store").
• Once children approach adolescence, they may occasionally call parents by their first names to be humorous or to show anger. More frequently, children refer to their parents by first names, especially when expressing exasperation and sometimes even when speaking to the other parent ("Ugh...Renée took away my cellphone for a week!")
• People in Canada and the United States with ties to French-speaking, Spanish-speaking and other linguistic communities often use non-English words for family members, especially grandparents.
• Many stepchildren call their stepparents by their first name, unless they became a blended family early in the child's life.
• Sometimes it is more appropriate for a child to refer to his or her parent by the parent's first name if there are multiple parents in close proximity. This is done to avoid many heads simultaneously turning at the mention of "mom" or "dad". On the other hand, though sometimes yelling "mom" or "dad" in this kind of situation may be done to produce humorous results.

Pointing

• Although "you shouldn't point" is still a phrase in some people's consciousness, pointing is not always taboo when combined with kind words ("Excuse me, are you next in line?") by people who are obviously of a considerate nature. Pointing is also a commonly accepted form of non-verbal greeting among friends, usually accompanied with a smile. Pointing is generally considered acceptable if a person is pointing to an object.
• Use of the middle finger in pointing is sometimes considered offensive, but is more often considered awkward, because the receiver doesn't know if it's meant to be offensive.

Pregnancy

• It is considered invasive and rude to touch the belly of a pregnant woman without first asking her if she minds.

Profanity

• Some forms of profanity or vulgarity are not allowed on broadcast television or radio and such language is widely discouraged in formal and business settings, as well as when children are present. Canadian television is more permissive than in the United States, ever more so in Quebec. However, pay services such as cable television or satellite radio will use varying levels of profanity/vulgarity.
• Many people use vulgarity regularly in informal settings, and, among these people, at times using these words in a person's presence can signal inclusiveness and familiarity. Generally, this is disapproved of in professional settings, although it may be tolerated in the culture of some businesses (generally male-dominated businesses that do not deal with general public / general customers).
• One should be extremely careful about choosing words which may be profane or vulgar. Beware of words learned in informal settings and from movies and music, especially if one's first language is not English. Using even one inappropriate word in the wrong setting can completely change the character of a dialog and how the speaker's personality is perceived.
• There are several forms of gestural profanity, from the mild (sticking out one's tongue or placing the thumbs of one's open hands in one's ears) to the crude ("shooting the bird" by extending the middle finger while clenching the others). Ethnic subcultures may have imported other gestures (e.g., brushing the bottom of the chin with one's hand in the direction of the intended target, or raising a fist with the elbow bent while slapping the inside of the elbow with the other hand). These are most often meant to indicate disrespect, though the milder forms may be used in a teasing manner in very informal situations. Inadvertent use of one of these gestures (e.g., adjusting one's glasses on the nose using the middle finger) may be awkward or considered crudely humorous.
• In Quebec one must be particularily cautious when speaking about the church, as many curse words are church related, this is especially true for older generations, but less so for younger ones.

Public Places

• It is generally considered polite to hold a door open (or give it an extra push open) rather than let it slam in the face of someone following you. If someone opens or holds a door open, it is polite to thank them.

• It is also polite to wait and step aside for people exiting an elevator before getting on an elevator. The same holds true for subways, trains, and buses.

Reserve

• As a guideline, on first meeting it may be impolite to ask someone if they are married or dating. During this first meeting it may also be impolite to ask a person's political views or religion.
• People typically like to have about an arm's length of personal space and may be very uncomfortable otherwise. In crowded situations less space is tolerated, but this makes some people uneasy and some avoid crowded situations when possible.

Restaurants

• In a restaurant, simply making eye contact with a server, perhaps with a nod of the head, is usually enough to get their attention. In a place that is crowded or with a server who is less attentive or perhaps very busy, "excuse me..." is appropriate if said politely. Also in wide use is a subtle lifting of the index finger (palm facing the viewer) combined with an equally subtle raising of the chin, or even just the eyebrows.
• At the conclusion of a meal, it may not be necessary to call the wait staff over to the table to request the check (depending on the formality of the dining establishment) and instead merely signal for the attention of the server (as above) and then make a "check mark" motion with one's hand (sometimes while mouthing the word "check") which is commonly used to indicate the desire of the diner to receive the bill.
• Unless the service is below expectations, tips should be left for food servers in any establishment where orders are taken and food is brought to the table by an employee. US Tax Code assumes that food servers receive 8% tips on average. In practice, 15% is standard, with more or less given to reflect excellent or poor service. It should be noted that in the United States, many servers in restaurants earn an amount below the minimum wage, assuming tips will be given to make up the difference, and tips must also be shared with cooks, bus boys, and other staff.
• Unless in a restaurant or bar that sells them, it is considered rude to smoke cigars even in the smoking section of an establishment, as many find their odor offensive.
• In the case of receiving very poor service at a restaurant, it is customary to leave as a tip one penny ($.01). This indicates that the customer did not forget to tip, but was very unhappy.

Seating

• Good manners dictate that in most situations, people in apparent good health surrender their seats to the elderly, young (toddlers and infants), handicapped people and pregnant women.
• The practice of men surrendering their seats to women has changed somewhat. A man should still offer to do this for his wife, older female relatives, female friends of his wife, female relatives of his or his wife's, female co-workers, and also pregnant women. However, making this offer to a woman with whom one is unacquainted, especially if the woman is close in age to the man or is younger, may be seen as either sexist or flirtatious, but is still not uncommon.

Shoes

• In Canada, the practice of removing one's shoes upon entering a home is quite common and may be assumed.
• Upon entering a home in the US, it is polite to ask whether one should remove one's shoes as many people observe this habit. When footwear is muddy, snowy, wet or otherwise dirty, it is especially important to ask if they should be removed and a mention should be made that they are muddy or whatever the case may be that may somehow soil the host's home.
• In the US state of Hawaii, it is viewed as rude by most to bring one's shoes into a home. Shoes are removed before entering one's home, and are left outside by the door, never inside.
• In the US, unless one arrives at the home at the same time as the host and sees them removing their shoes, or one has been to the home before and knows that a "no shoes" rule is in effect, it can be more rude to remove one's shoes without asking than it is to wear them. Removing one's shoes without asking can be construed as a sign that one is "making one's self at home" or plans to stay longer than the host desires. The question should be "should I remove my shoes?" rather than "can I remove my shoes?"
• One consideration regarding the shoe-removal issue is whether the climate of the region you are in is a cold, snowy place or a warm, sunny one. Some families may appreciate the removal of one's shoes for cultural reasons or family tradition, but the normalization of the practice can be largely attributed to the prevention of tracking black snow-sludge through people's homes. Snow and winter grime is less common in California, the Southeast and other Sunbelt states. If your shoes are relatively clean (i.e., not muddy or otherwise leaving footprints), it's likely okay to leave one's shoes on. If someone prefers you to remove your shoes, they generally will politely ask you to do so and not be offended at your mistake.
• Another consideration, even in Sun Belt regions, is the nature of the flooring. White or light colored carpets stain easily, and people with these floor coverings are more apt to request that shoes be removed before walking on them.

Toasting

• Most people will lightly touch glasses when giving a toast, often saying "toast", "cheers" or a short phrase such as "to us" or "bon appetit". Toasting without touching glasses is increasingly popular and is regarded by some as a slightly more sophisticated mode of behavior.
• Except during formal occasions such as a wedding or an anniversary party for which a function hall has been rented, it is not very common to "propose a toast" in the more formal sense, such as to congratulate a celebrant on her birthday or to thank a host for his hospitality. However, when someone does make such a gesture, it is almost invariably met with approval regardless of the setting or the occasion.
• During a wedding, the "Best Man's speech," very common and according to many social mores in countries such as the UK, is a relatively unstructured and complimentary topic, usually singing the praises of the groom and sometimes bride. A full "roast" such as is common in the UK, would be seen as inappropriate and not respectful.
• If someone wants to "propose a toast as well", this second toast should have a different focus than the first, such as acknowledging the impending college graduation of a person in the room when the first toast congratulated someone on a new job. Ideally, this toast is more brief than the first so as not upstage it. Subsequent toasts, if any, should be even more succinct (e.g. "..and to Bill's new house").
• Americans and Canadians typically do a formal toast only once per gathering, if at all. Even lifting one's glass and saying "cheers" each time a new drink is poured isn't in line with local etiquette and, while not impolite, may be seen as a bit tedious.
• Americans tend to be less rigid than some Western Europeans regarding direct eye contact during toasts. Americans may be more prone to look toward the center and direct eye contact to the crowd or glasses generally, whereas in some European countries it can be seen as a sign of dishonesty or ill-will not to make direct eye contact when making a toast.
• It is considered impolite (or insulting) to not drink from a glass after a toast has been made.

Visiting

• When visiting someone's home it is polite to bring a token gift such as sweets, a small toy for the host's child, a beverage to be shared, a book they know the host will enjoy, flowers for the table, etc. Even young people who observe this custom less stringently enjoy being on the receiving end.
• It is sometimes polite to announce that "you are here" when you arrive through the entrance.
• This custom holds true whether answering an invitation or dropping by unexpectedly, although the latter is almost certainly a faux pas unless the host has previously indicated that such surprise visits are welcome.
• When a guest is speaking to a host about visiting in the future, especially for a party or meal, it is polite for the guest to ask "Should I bring anything?" The host will usually politely refuse, but the guest should bring something small anyway. When a host asks for "no gifts" at a birthday party or other celebration, it is polite to bring a bottle of wine, a dessert, flowers, or another small gift anyway. However, bringing an ostentatious gift in this case would create an awkward situation.
• An alcoholic beverage, usually a bottle of wine, is considered a particularly appropriate and festive gift for a host unless the host does not drink alcohol, which is not uncommon.
• However, many people who do drink alcohol have a specific preference and rarely enjoy anything else. Unless preferences are known it is gracious to ask "want me to bring along wine or beer or...?" Asking "any specific brand?" is gracious but asking "what brand?" puts the impolite onus of a decision on the host.
• Bringing a dinner item, such as beef, is impolite when it is understood that the group will be sitting down together for a meal. It implies worry about the host not providing anything the visitor will enjoy and a contingency plan about not going hungry. However, such a dish would likely be a welcome surprise for a larger party (unless the hosts do not eat certain foods for religious or ethical reasons).
• When in doubt, a dessert item such as a coffee cake or pie is a very safe choice as long as it is of quality (or at least not cheaply-packaged and obviously the most inexpensive one that could be found).

Waiting

• Waiting in line is appropriate in many situations and "cutting" the line or otherwise trying to bypass the waiting order is extremely rude.
• If it is unclear whether a person is in line or not, it is appropriate to ask, with a simple "Excuse me, are you in line?"
• Even in situations where some people may be aggressively struggling to get past one another (such as when boarding a city bus), there may be a considerable number of people present who are trying to proceed in an orderly fashion and regarding those who are not as rude and uncouth.
• Polite people usually allow people to disembark transportation such as a bus or train before trying to board. Those who fail in this respect may be reprimanded by a transportation worker or fellow passenger.
• In a waiting area at a medical center, hair salon, or other situation, expressing impatience in such ways as loudly complaining to friends about the wait or asking the receptionist, "What's taking so long?", will rarely expedite the affair and may have the opposite effect. It is acceptable to ask for an estimate of how long the wait will be, but this should be done in a polite tone.

Weddings

• Wearing white is reserved for the bride. Women especially should avoid dressing in white or colors that could be mistaken for white in a dimly lit banquet hall. White combined with other colors (such as a white blouse with an outfit) is fine. Avoid wearing a dress more elegant or ostentatious than the bride's own.
• Black used to be considered inappropriate for weddings. Now, however, with more and more people are choosing black as a wedding color, it has lost some of its taboo status. Dark blues and dark browns are also fine. Men in black suits should balance that with something like a brightly colored neck tie to avoid looking like one is dressed for a funeral. Wearing red is considered offensive; if worn by a woman, it usually means that she objects to the marriage in some way.

Workers

• Getting the attention of workers such as store employees and serving staff with most gestures (such as waving someone towards you) or calling loudly for assistance is impolite. Snapping of the fingers is completely unacceptable. It is better to move toward an employee and say something along the lines of "excuse me..." Waving (as if saying hello) may also be appropriate when one has made eye contact with a worker and will usually prompt them to ask if assistance is needed.
• When dealing with workers such as waiters, store employees, receptionists, and government employees, civilities such as "please" and "thank you" are appropriate. An arrogant attitude, such as one used in dealing with servants generations ago, is not.
• Most people in Canada and the United States have these sorts of jobs during at least some stage of their lifetime. Even when the worker in question has less than perfect manners, dealing with such people graciously is more indicative of "high class" than the amount of money one spends.
• Effusive over-familiarity, such as is somewhat common in American customer service, is not prevalent in Canada and may interpreted as disrespectful, insincere, or gauche.
• In some areas, it is seen as acceptable for a female customer (usually over the age of 30; the age of the clerk doesn't matter) to address a female clerk or store attendant with the title "hon," especially in situations where the clerk may have made an innocent mistake.

Special issues

Like most countries, Canada and the United States each have issues that are germane to their particular society. Etiquette demands some understanding and sensitivity to these issues. Compared to insulting someone's ethnic identity, a faux pas like forgetting to bring wine to dinner pales in comparison.

Issues in Canada

The following issues are of special concern to the people of Canada:

Aboriginal people

Lack of respect for Aboriginal peoples in Canada is likely to offend people of other ethnic backgrounds as well. This is a vintage photograph of an Inuit woman.

• There are three distinct groups of Aboriginal peoples in Canada: First Nations people (often referred to by specific tribe names), Inuit and Métis. These are official classifications in Canada and care should be taken to distinguish between them. Native Americans or the less popular Indians are used to describe aboriginals in the lower 48 United States. Aboriginal Hawaiians are simply called Hawaiian, aboriginal Alaskans are usually called Native Alaskans, or the name of their specific tribe; Aleut, Eskimo, Alutiiq, etc.
• Etiquette demands respect for the lifestyles of Aboriginal people. Although traditional spiritual, cultural, and lifestyle practices thrive in Canadian aboriginal communities, these have evolved and incorporate modern elements, from snowmobiles and state-of-the-art fishing boats to websites through which First Nations groups celebrate their heritage. What's more, 42% of aboriginal people in the Canadian province of Ontario, for example, have post-secondary education, and 78% live off-reserve; the most common occupation for Aboriginal people in Canada as a whole is in sales/service, followed closely by business/finance/administration and transportation/equipment operation. This presents a very different picture from the stereotypes seen around the world in movies and literature featuring Aboriginal peoples of North America.As a result, expecting an Aboriginal person to be "just like in the movies" may make one seem ignorant or rude to aboriginal and non-aboriginal people alike.
• Respect for aboriginal culture is especially important in such situations as a First Nation's pow wow. For example, it is extremely rude to touch a dancer's regalia or to take a photograph of a dancer without asking for and clearly receiving permission. It is also taboo to bring alcohol or narcotics to a pow-wow.
• Interruptions are seen as quite rude among First Nations cultures in general. Particular respect should be paid to elders (people who are older or people well-respected in the community). When they speak on an issue, it is unacceptable to interrupt or speak until they say they have finished or until they invite others to speak or ask questions.
• Speakers of the Yupik languages self-identify as "Eskimo" but the majority of the Native population in the Canadian Arctic and Greenland prefer to be called "Inuit" (or "Inuvialuit"), and most find the term "Eskimo" highly offensive.
• The term "Eskimo" is sometimes used in other contexts, such as by sports teams like the Abitibi Eskimos or the Edmonton Eskimos. Be aware that they use these names to the chagrin of some Inuit and people who advocate political correctness. Treat this sensitive issue accordingly.

Francophone relations

In some cases, French Canadians have expectations regarding etiquette which differ from their Anglophone neighbors. Shown here is the flag of Quebec, also known as the Fleurdelisé.

• Expecting an English-speaking Canadian to know French well, or vice versa, can create awkward situations. However, it is more common for Francophone Canadians to be fluently bilingual than Anglophone Canadians (in the western regions of Montreal, or outside of Québec).
• While both English and French are official languages, English is more widely used in areas outside of Quebec.
• When initiating a discussion, it is polite to use the native language of one's interlocutor. However, if one does not speak that language, it is good form to inform the other person of that fact and asking if they speak one's own.
• In areas which are primarily French-speaking, when being served (in restaurants, hotels, etc.) it is considered rude to automatically expect service in English, even in urban areas such as Montreal. Do not expect English to be known by people in suburbs and smaller towns (although in some cases, it will be). A polite demeanor, including excusing one's self when asking for assistance in English, is much-appreciated and will facilitate social interaction.
• Non-Canadians are not advised to initiate discussion on Anglophone-Francophone relations. Avoid faux pas by respecting it as one would a private matter. Offering even well-intentioned commentary about issues such as Quebec separatism risks offending Anglophone and Francophone Canadians alike.

File:EIIR-Chretien.jpg

Elizabeth II, Queen of Canada, and her former Prime Minister, Jean Chrétien, appear at Canada Day celebrations in Ottawa.

Politics

• Although many Canadians are fiercely proud of their country, they tend to shun nationalist rhetoric and patriotic fervor as not being appropriate for public display. Canadians do celebrate a patriotic holiday called Canada Day.

Canada Flag

• It is considered a great dis-honor to allow a Canadian flag to touch the ground (similar to rules involving the U.S. flag). It is also considered dis-respectful to mark or alter a Canadian flag. Wearing apparel featuring the flag is generally accepted. A Canadian flag that is unfit for display (such as a ripped flag) is not to be flown and is to be destroyed in a dignified manner.

Issues in the United States

The United States is a diverse, multicultural country with over 300 million people with diverse backgrounds and beliefs. Working through these differences is a major concern for people in the US in many area areas including the following:

African Americans

• The subject of race relations in the United States is a sensitive one, especially in regards to the situation of African-American people in the USA both past and present.
• Despite (or perhaps because of) the fact that this is an emotionally-charged subject, many people often want to discuss it, especially in private. Be aware that such conversations may be tricky for the unwary or uninformed. It is easy to offend people in this area, no matter what their race or creed.
• Although many Black comedians base their acts on stereotypes about the Black community, in 21st century USA differences in lifestyle, values and the realities of life are more often made along economic lines than racial lines. Failing to recognize this fact can be insensitive, but stating this point directly may also invite argument.
• In opposition to one of the notes discussed above in relation to "multiculturalism", Black people in the USA do make jokes about White people openly and without censure on television, in nightclubs, and so on. Given the more concrete and important imbalances between Black people and White people throughout most of the history of the United States, complaints about this particular point are less often made.
• The terms "Black" and "African American" are sometimes used interchangeably. The first is more casual and the second is more politically correct.
• Terms such as "Colored" or "Negro" are sometimes taboo in American society but are still used in two specific instances. The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) founded in 1909 and the United Negro College Fund (UNCF) founded 1944 are both American institutions whose names are artifacts of particular periods of history when these terms were regarded as the most polite options.
• Although the word "nigger" may be heard in a variety of music and movies originating in the US, these are still considered extremely vulgar and offensive in most of American culture. Discussion and controversy regarding the word is far more complex than "Black people can use it, White people can't." Although use of the word may seem casual or friendly in some contexts, both Black people and White people may be offended by this word, even when a Black person uses it. Even when discussing the controversy around use of the word, it is impolite to actually say it out loud. Generally the phrase "N-word" is substituted when such discussions take place.

US Flag

Laying the flag on the ground or worse still, walking on it, is considered disrespectful, as is burning it in protest. However, wearing the flag, even as intimate apparel is considered acceptable by society but is prohibited by the flag code. Leaving a flag outside until it is faded and torn seems to be a matter of personal preference. See United States Flag Code.

Language politics

• Be sensitive to language politics. The USA has no declared official language or languages until recently. Among those who believe it should declare one, supporters of the English-only (or Official English) movement feel that it should be English. They argue that immigrants who came from other countries in previous generations learned English.
• Others note that places such as Florida and Texas were colonized by Spain and had Spanish-speaking communities before being encompassed within the United States. German was also widely spoken until the advent of World War I.
• A similar point is brought up by Cajuns in Louisiana, proponents of the Hawaiian language in the state of Hawaii and those Native Americans who have preserved their linguistic traditions. The position of these ethnic groups is often stated as "We didn't come to America, America came to us."

Latinos

Latinos are a large and visible part of American society. This photograph by Danny Lyon shows a Chicano teenager in El Paso, Texas during the 1970s.

• Latino (which is both a noun and an adjective) and the feminine form "Latina" are widely-accepted terms used to refer to people of Latin American descent or Hispanic American heritage. It includes such dissimilar people as blonde-haired ethnically German people from the South of Brazil, Chile and Argentina, an Afro-Brazilian who physically resembles the inhabitants of West Africa, and a person born in the USA who speaks no language other than English but who traces her genealogy to a Portuguese or Spanish-speaking country.
• Other terms used in relation to Latinos are "Chicano" (used primarily by people in the Southwestern United States who are of Mexican descent) and "Hispanic". "Latin" is used as a more succinct form of Latino and rarely seems impolite unless one is seemingly confusing this term with the Latin language.
• The term "Spanish" is also used, primarily in the Northeastern United States in regards to the sizeable population of Latinos of Caribbean origin, most of whom are Puerto Rican. While this invites confusion with the people of Spain and is considered too informal for many uses, it is still often used self-referentially in informal settings when Latino people speak English.
• Although Puerto Rico is not one of "the 50 states", it is a United States territory with Commonwealth status and is part of the USA. Persons born in Puerto Rico are U.S. citizens, and its inhabitants generally need no special documentation such as passports or visas to come to (for example) Boston or New York City. Although the phrase "Puerto Rican immigrants" is neither assuredly incorrect nor essentially insulting, in some cases it may offend Puerto Ricans to suggest that they "come from another country" (especially since some have been in the continental United States for many generations).

Native Americans

• Etiquette demands respect for the lifestyles of Native American people. Although traditional spiritual, cultural, and lifestyle practices exist in many Native American communities, these incorporate such modern elements as owning modern electronic equipment, obtaining doctorate-level education, or (in some cases) the operation of multi-billion dollar Indian casinos. Expecting a Native American person to be "just like in the movies" may make one seem ignorant or rude.
• The term "Native American" is widely viewed as more politically-correct than the term "American Indian." However, many indigenous American tribal groups and individuals use "Indian" instead.
• The indigenous populations of Alaska are normally considered and labeled as a separate group by most Americans and are referred to as "Alaska Natives." Some (but not all) groups of Native Alaskans are ethnically related to Native Americans and are considered as such by some government offices; however, common usage within the state of Alaska is to refer to all indigenous Alaskans as Alaska Natives. The noun or adjective "Native" (with a capital N, as in "a Native corporation") is an acceptable shortened form of this designation, although it can be considered mildly offensive in certain contexts or when used with certain vocal inflections.
• The term "Native Alaskan" has no official designation or meaning, and the term can apply equally to Alaska Natives and people of other ethnic descent who were born or raised in the state.
• Speakers of the Yupik and Inupiaq languages self-identify as "Eskimo"; however, the more technically appropriate terms are "Inupiat" or "Yupik," depending on the group referenced. Unlike in Canada or Greenland, however, the term "Eskimo" is normally not considered offensive but may be considered uneducated, especially if used by people unfamiliar with Yupik or Inupiat culture or Alaskan affairs. It also serves as a single-word designation when referring to the collective Inupiat and Yupik peoples.
• Aleut peoples are considered as Alaska Natives but not part of the American Indian or Eskimo groups.

Yankees

• Although "Yankee" is synonymous with "American" in many countries beyond United States borders, within the USA this term has specific meanings depending upon the context and may be impolite if misused.
• In the Southern United States, "Yankee" refers to inhabitants of the Northern United States and is generally used when discussing perceived differences in culture between the regions, such as when saying "Let's show our new Yankee in-laws some Southern hospitality," or in the derogatory term "Dam[n] yankees." Likewise, referring to a Southerner as a "Yankee" can be very offensive.
• In the rest of the United States, "Yankee" is understood in the Southern sense but may also refer to New England specifically. For example, issues surrounding an election in Connecticut or Rhode Island might be described as "Yankee politics."
• Among people in New England and scholars such as historians and genealogists, "Yankee" refers specifically to the relatively homogenous ethnocultural group who trace their descent from such early Americans as the Mayflower Pilgrims. This definition excludes anyone who is (for example) Catholic.
• Using the term "Yankee" or especially "Yank" by foreigners is sometimes seen as offensive. It generally should not be used to address Americans because it is seen as a hostile label, and is very rarely used self-referentially.
• Finally, the New York Yankees are a baseball team whose rivals, the Boston Red Sox, are in New England. Therefore, a term such as "Yankee pride" has a variety of meanings.

See also

• Etiquette in Africa
• Etiquette in Asia
• Etiquette in Australia and New Zealand
• Etiquette in Europe
• Etiquette in Latin America
• Etiquette in the Middle East
• Worldwide etiquette