1000 Ways to Die (season 4)

The TV show 1000 Ways to Die aired on the cable channel Spike, New episodes were supposed to air on Monday nights at 10/9C, beginning on March 12, 2012, with the Season 4 premiere.

Season	Episodes	Premiere date	Finale date
1	12	May 14, 2008 (2008-05-14)	April 5, 2009 (2009-04-05)
2	12	December 6, 2009 (2009-12-06)	February 24, 2010 (2010-02-24)
3 (2010)	42	August 3, 2010 (2010-08-03)	February 29, 2012 (2012-02-29)
3 (2011)	–	–	–
3 (2012)	–	–	–
4	8	March 12, 2012 (2012-03-12)	July 15, 2012 (2012-07-15)

Episode 67: Enter the Ferret

Aired March 12, 2012

From this episode on, deaths are redisplayed in the 2-2-2-1 format with commercial breaks, and the informational segments during commercials were removed.

Title reference: A spoof of the popular 1973 film Enter the Dragon that ties in a ferret-related event in this episode (See "Way to Die #780).

Death #	"Event" Name	Date of Death	Location	Circumstances of Death
780	Critter In The S****er	January 18, 2004	Richmond, VA	A Scottish man in a ferret legging contest attempts to break the world record for the longest time a ferret has been in his pants. However, one of the ferrets finds its way into the man's rectum and feasts on his hemorrhoids, causing death from excessive bleeding.
141	Fat Man in a Little Swing	October 5, 2002	Omaha, NE	A drunk, obese man bets his buddies that he can get into a baby swing at a playground. After he strips naked and lubes himself up, he squeezes into the swing, but gets stuck and his friends decide to leave him in the swing for the night. The man screams for help, but no one comes to his aid. Due to how extremely tight the baby swing is around his waist, the man later dies from sepsis due to a ruptured appendix.
128	TK Uh-O	September 5, 2009	Racine, WI	A female boxer uses diuretics to dehydrate herself so she can make bantamweight. When she is disqualified for using an illegal move, she hits herself in the head from frustration and ends up dying due to her dehydration shrinking her brain and the force of the punch causing it to rattle and bleed.
216	Out To Launch	March 15, 2010	Tarzana, CA	A group of stoned teenagers in a park decide to mess around by putting one of the back tire of one of the teen's motorcycles against the base of the carousel, getting on, and revving the bike up to create a large centrifugal force on the merry-go-round. With the carousel rotating at an extreme speed, one of the teens flies off and his brain stem is impaled orally on a horseshoes pole sticking out from the sandbox nearby.
613	Vat's All Folks	June 19, 2001	Chicago, IL	A cemetery owner digs up his corpses and dissolves them in hydrofluoric acid to make room in the plots and coffins to put them up for resale. After his coworkers refuse to go along with his plan, the cemetery owner decides to do it himself and ends up falling into the acid tub, burning himself to death from the inside out.
99	Tunnel Vision	May 30, 2002	Philadelphia, PA	A philly cheesesteak stand owner is rivaled by another cheesesteak owner. The two attempt to steal customers at a street art fair by lowering prices, and then the battle escalates to a food fight. When that gets out of hand, the first one creates a Molotov cocktail to use against the rival stand. The man accidentally sets his arm on fire and runs into what he thinks is a tunnel, but is actually a brick wall decorated in 3D chalk art. The force cracks his skull and kills him.
985	A Chainus Runs Through It	August 2, 2001	Denver, CO	A conceited tattoo artist attempting to outdo his coworkers' spiked tongue gets an extreme piercing known as "The Chainus" in which a chain goes into his mouth and out his rectum. While the other coworkers crow over the new piercing, an angry biker gang leader bursts in pursuing of the tattoo artist for tattooing Chinese language symbols on his arm that translate to "douche bag". The tattoo artist manages to escape the wrath of the biker, but ends up getting his piercing caught in a forklift. The forklift operator lifts the boxes, which causes the chain to straighten and tighten within the man's body and causes internal bleeding, killing him within seconds.

Episode 68: Think Globally, Die Locally

Aired March 19, 2012. This is the final episode to have Ron Perlman as narrator. From the next episode to the finale, Joe Irwin is credited as the narrator.

Title reference: A pun on the saying "Think globally, act locally".

Death #	"Event" Name	Date of Death	Location	Circumstances of Death
407	Grilled	February 26, 2006	Shanghai, China	A Chinese jewelry sweatshop owner obsessed with gangsta rap bullies his workers into creating jewelry made with rosary peas (which contain a poisonous material called abrin). The workers get their revenge on him by making a gold grill lined with rosary peas, which poison the owner when he begins wearing it.
279	Hole N' Done	October 1, 2002	Flagstaff, AZ	A professional wannabe golfer who now plays mini golf enters a tournament against a kindly old woman whom the crowd adores. In a rage after losing, the golfer hurls his putter at a scoreboard. The putter breaks and the sharp end impales the man in his heart, killing him.
144	Cross Bown'd	January 15, 2007	Pittsburgh, PA	A man who just won $78 million from a lottery ticket becomes delusional and paranoid. Along with the butler and the $1000-a-day hookers, the man also buys a crossbow to use against his alleged enemies. In his paranoia, he shoots an arrow at a self-portrait on the wall. When he tries to yank it off the wall, the man is electrocuted by a power line that was located inside the wall where his picture hung.
183	Stench of Death	June 16, 2010	Taos, NM	A strict yoga instructor (Bria Roberts) bullies and repulses her students with her constant flatulence. After a particularly disgusting session, the entire class decides to leave. In a frenzy, and still stuck with her leg behind her head from one of her yoga positions, she scuttles across the yoga studio, but falls down a flight of stairs and lands facedown in a meditation pool, knocking herself out. While unconscious, she inhales enough water to drown.
355 (This is the second death to have this number)	Bowl Over	January 23, 2008	East L.A.	A group of hipster filmmakers are out one day recording themselves on a high-speed camera in the hopes of creating popular viral videos, when one gets the idea to film things being dropped from 80 ft. above them. With the cameraman on the ground, they drop a bowling ball, which shatters, sending a large shard in through the eye of the cameraman. The shard severs his medulla oblongata and he dies of organ failure.
371	Hack Attack	November 23, 2011	Mill Valley, CA	A computer hacker hacks into his own pacemaker to manually control his own heartbeat. His kid gamer neighbor is using a wireless video game controller. With the pacemaker vulnerable to any and all wireless waves, the hacker ends up dead when his neighbor stops playing the game, sending the man into cardiac arrest.
253	War-Done	March 10, 2009	Ohio Women's Prison	A heartless prison warden who just banned all forms of communication with the outside world to all the female convicts confiscates a box of cupcakes meant for one of the inmates. The warden eats one with blue frosting, which, unbeknownst to the warden, is laced with PCP. The drug takes effect and the warden flies into a delusional rage, acting like his German Shepherd guard dog, marching like a soldier, angrily attacking the other guards (who check up on him), and diving off his desk. One of the guards rolls in a flash grenade to distract the warden so they can capture him, but the flash grenade rolls too close to the warden's head and explodes, blowing the warden's skull open and frying his face.

Episode 69: Tweets From the Dead

Aired March 26, 2012. Joe Irwin replaced Ron Perlman as narrator beginning with this episode. Note: This is the seventh and final episode not to feature the death of a female.

Title references: Twitter messages.

Death #	"Event" Name	Date of Death	Location	Circumstances of Death
680	Pretty Fly for a Dead Guy	March 5, 2010	Old Lyme, CT	A nerdy man with an extreme hatred for bugs covers a wall of his home with homemade flypaper coated with cyanoacrylate. When swatting a mosquito, he falls onto the wall and gets stuck. After a few days, the man soils himself from loss of bladder and bowel control, and dies from dehydration and starvation in another couple of days, and becoming a buffet for all the bugs he collected for torture.
397	Bucky Boned	June 26, 2008	New York, NY	A crooked stockbroker about to be searched by federal agents for running a Ponzi scheme nervously shreds all his papers, then falls dead from an extremely painful stomachache that leads to his death. Prior to his frantic shredding, the stockbroker squeezed his Bucky Ball office stress toy and slammed it on his desk during a phone call. The neodymium magnets from the office toy landed in his cup of boba tea and the man drank the tea with the magnets inside of it. The "extremely painful stomachache" was actually the magnets tearing through his small intestine and attracting each other, causing fatal internal bleeding.
595	Wedding Crasher	May 12, 2002	Ramsey, NJ	A jilted, bitter man humiliates his ex-girlfriend (who is marrying an older, richer man) at her wedding by objecting to the marriage and stripping naked. As he's being chased by the congregation, the man runs into a glass window (mistaking it for an open door) and dies from glass shards cutting through his exposed flesh.
372	Hooked On A Feeling	June 16, 2010	Fort Wayne, IN	Two unrelated thieves attempt to loot a meat truck. The first gets in the back to loot the meat, but is locked in by the driver. The second hijacks the truck, unaware that another thief is in the back. When the hijacker is tipped off to the cops, he makes a getaway on the truck, swerving constantly. While swerving, the thief in the back is rattled around until he gets impaled in the throat by a meat hook.
252	Well Chung	February 3, 2011	Los Angeles, CA	A black market owner in Chinatown is selling poached animal parts, infringing DVDs and illegal fireworks. He finds out that he is about to be busted by the FBI and hides in his trailer. An hour later, he lights a cigarette, but drops it on the wick of one of the fireworks, setting them all off and causing the fireworks to explode, killing him.
754	Hi-Jack Offed	June 16, 2010	Orlando, FL	A hijacker looking to hijack a car hitchhikes on the road. When a truck driver and his boss, a former female boxer, stop to help him, he pulls out a gun. Threatening to shoot them, the hitchhiker demands them to let him have the truck. The unscared woman shoves him and he falls backward into the air brake hose, which enters his rectum, pumping him up with air and causing him to explode.
134	Ghost Busted	July 19, 2011	Ann Arbor, MI	Two men sneak into a haunted former brothel in order to find the spirits of prostitutes and have sex with them. The owner of the building is annoyed by the numerous break-ins, and scares them off by chasing them while wearing a creepy costume. The men run away, with one descending to the ground off the ladder, and the other making a dash for the car. Once the first man descends the ladder, in a panic, he knocks a wrench off the roof which falls and hit him in the head. He is then run over by his friend escaping with the car.

Episode 70: A New App Called Death

Aired April 2, 2012

Title reference: Smartphone mobile applications (known as "apps" for short).

Death #	"Event" Name	Date of Death	Location	Circumstances of Death
349	Electro-Cutie	December 21, 2005	Madison, WI	A female intern gets drunk at an office Christmas party and does strip teases for her male co-workers, much to the disgust of her female coworkers. In a plan to land a full-time position, she decides to photocopy her rear end for the boss. Once she sits on the glass of the copy machine, the glass breaks and her butt and genitals come in contact with the exposed electrical wires, which cause ventricular fibrillation and stop her heart.
184	World War I & Done	June 2, 1916	The Western Front	A German deserter during World War I prowls through battlefields to steal valuables from dead soldiers. When he gets to the body of a British soldier, he pushes it aside and finds a Jam Tin Grenade, which explodes in his hands and decapitates him.
248	F.U.V'd	April 20, 2007	Santa Cruz, CA	A steroid-abusing, SUV-driving doctor enjoys harassing bicycle riders on the road. With his wife in the passenger seat yelling at him, he gets distracted, loses control of the vehicle, and rear-ends a flatbed truck carrying several rods of rebars. The rods go through the windshield and impale the doctor's skull.
351	Pulled Pork	October 26, 2010	Shepherdsville, KY	A crooked farmer breaks into his neighbor's pigpen and masturbates the neighbor's pig in the hopes of selling its sperm on the black market. When he hears the neighbor wake up from the squeals of the pig, the farmer runs, but he trips on the bucket and knocks himself unconscious on a metal fence. While unconscious, the pig bites into the farmer's stomach. The farmer wakes up as the pig continues eating him.
336	The Day The Magic Died	June 16, 2007	W. Springfield, MA	Two drug addicts rob an elderly former-magician-turned-magic store owner for drugs. The two tie up the old magician, find a vial of cocaine, and begin to snort it. What the two didn't realize is that what they thought was cocaine is actually G4, also known as slush powder, which is used in magic tricks to make water disappear. The powder absorbs water in their noses and expands in their tracheas, suffocating them.
897	American Died'Ol	October 7, 2010	Montclair, NJ	A brash and annoying woman cuts in line during a talent search for the next big music star in a park. After being forced to go to the end of the line, the woman still sings and dances with her umbrella and complains about being in the back of the line, much to the dismay of the other people auditioning. But, a freak gust of wind blows her umbrella out of her hands and sends it crashing down, wedging into her spinal cord and causing her death from neurogenic shock.
250	Mastur-Bitten	March 15, 2009	Lamy, NM	A scam artist posing as a state health inspector targets a sleazy motel. Using his own semen from a furious masturbation session, the scam artist is able to extort some money as well as blackmail the motel owner into staying the night at the hotel for free by revealing the semen stains with an ultraviolet light. While sleeping on the bed he soiled, some Arizona Bark Scorpions crawl on the man's bed and sting him to death.

Episode 71: Death Certificates

Aired July 15, 2012

Death #	"Event" Name	Date of Death	Location	Circumstances of Death
514	Heim-Licked	June 16, 2010	Orlando, FL	A fitness camp instructor partial to attractive women tries to intimidate an overweight client and make her quit (since he can't legally tell her to leave, or he'll get sued for discrimination). When she finally leaves in frustration, he mockingly eats some of the junk food she leaves behind but begins to choke. He tries to bounce on a yoga ball to perform a Heimlich maneuver, but then falls on a lawn sprinkler and impales himself through the mouth and breaks his neck.
265	This Bird Has Flu	September 18, 2008	Lima, Peru	A Peruvian man smuggles birds over international borders by sedating them and taping them to his ankles under his pant legs. Not realizing that the birds are infected with avian flu, he contracts it from them and soon asphyxiates to death due to fluid accumulation in his lungs.
360	Keester Sunday	February 11, 2009	Portland, OR	Two cocaine smuggler brothers get caught and put in the back of a transport vehicle. While the cop searches their car, one of the smugglers has the other pull a hidden water balloon filled with cocaine out of his rectum to hide the evidence, the cop told them that he would search their bodies. After popping it, they then proceed to ingest all the loose cocaine, but this causes them both to die of heart attacks.
249	Kill Bill & Billie	May 12, 2010	Altoona, PA	Suspecting his wife of adultery, an argumentative husband hires a hitman to follow her and, if he finds her with a man, kill them both. Meanwhile, the husband goes to a motel and hires several prostitutes, one who turns out to be his wife. As they begin arguing again, the hitman (who followed the husband's orders to the letter) comes in and shoots both the wife and the husband.
519	In-Sin-Erator	December 20, 2008	Boston, MA	A former CIA agent, now working in industrial espionage, breaks into an office to steal information. When a security guard catches him, he locks himself in a closet and dives through a hatch in the wall, falling down a garbage chute and into an incinerator. The unit switches on and quickly incinerates the man, leaving nothing but his skeleton.
187	Eye So Horny	August 8, 2001	Clayton, GA	Two brothers get drunk on their own moonshine and pretend they are in a bullfight. One brother grabs a moose head from the fireplace and charges, but he trips and impales himself through the eye on the antlers of a stuffed deer head.
411	North By Northwaste	July 22, 2009	Lompoc, CA	A director is trying to recreate the airplane scene from the film North by Northwest, using little people as actors and a remote-controlled plane. The actor in Cary Grant's role jumps out of the way of the plane, which flies past the director and slashes his carotid artery with its wing.

Episode 72: Crying Over Spilled Blood

Aired July 15, 2012

Title reference: A play-on of the phrase "Crying Over Spilled Milk".

Death #	"Event" Name	Date of Death	Location	Circumstances of Death
425	Ten-Ass Anyone?	May 16, 2003	San Diego, CA	Two inept tennis players who idolize 1970s stars John McEnroe and Björn Borg hire their own personal referee. When the referee awards the game point, the loser of the point (the McEnroe wannabe) snaps his racket in half and furiously climbs on the referee chair as the ref jumps out of it. The chair tips and the shaft of the racket impales the player's colon, causing blood loss.
596	Sky Scraped	October 20, 2009	Chicago, IL	An unforgiving, cruel loan officer enjoys foreclosing on customers in her office on the top of a high-rise building. When she looks out the large window one day, a freak gust of wind causes it to shatter and impale her with hundreds of shards of glass.
153	Rife-Ill	April 19, 2010	Khost Province, Afghanistan	A hitman sent to kill a Taliban leader is now the target of a Taliban assassin after the plot was discovered. Armed with a McMillan TAC-50 rifle, the assassin fires, misses, and dies when the bullet ricochets back to hit him.
233	Chili Today, Dead Tomorrow	October 4, 2007	Pyramid Lake Reservation, NV	At a Native American gift shop with his wife, an idiotic tourist helps himself to a basket of hot peppers, not realizing that they are intensely hot ghost chili peppers. He fumbles in the refrigerator for a drink, but gulps down a jar of snake venom that the shopkeeper had saved for a university professor by mistake. The venom enters his bloodstream through sores in his mouth, caused by eating the peppers, and kills him from organ failure.
185	Info-Pain-Ment	June 6, 2006	Riverside, CA	A fitness instructor has built a home gym set out of bamboo and is filming a commercial for it. He storms off after the barbell breaks during filming, and the cameramen mock him while playing with the exercise bench. The tension causes one piece to snap, launching a bamboo shard that impales the instructor through the ear and brain.
477	Mexi-Can't	August 15, 2005	El Cabong, Mexico	A man tries to break his friend (who was arrested for hitting on the mayor's 13-year-old daughter) out of jail in a small Mexican town by using his car to rip the window bars out. He hooks a steel cable from his bumper to the bars and drives forward, but the cable snaps and decapitates him.
80	Neander Fall	1,500,000 B.C.	Encino, CA	After a long day of hunting, a caveman comes home and tries to get his unappreciative mate to have sex with him. She declines and leaves him, and he angrily throws stones on the ground, igniting a fire. When he tries to cook some meat, the small cave quickly fills with smoke and he dies of carbon monoxide poisoning.

Episode 73: It's a Dead, Dead, Dead World

Aired July 15, 2012

Title reference: Spoofs the title of the 1963 comedy film It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World.

Death #	"Event" Name	Date of Death	Location	Circumstances of Death
522	Long Day's Gurney	June 19, 2006	Columbus, OH	When a lazy man's wife announces that she is divorcing him, he repeatedly injures himself to make it look like he was abused by her. Paramedics arrive and put him on a gurney as police confront his wife, but it rolls down a hill until it hits a rock. The man is launched off the gurney and lands on top of a curved road sign, impaling himself through the stomach.
267	Hummus Among Us	October 21, 2011	Bengahzi, Libya	A black-market arms dealer offers to sell a cache of weapons to a terrorist group. While firing a rifle as a demonstration, he hits a barrel of sarin and mustard gas (mislabeled as containing hummus), and the contents spew out and kill everyone in the room.
160	Tire Straits	March 5, 2006	Vernal, UT	An outlaw is pulled over by a cop for D.U.I, but wrestles the cop's gun away and prepares to shoot him. Up the road, a junk scavenger finds a truck tire and tries to pull it onto the bed of his pickup. He drops it, and it rolls down the road and knocks the outlaw away; the man dies from multiple injuries sustained during both this hit and his impact with the ground.
90	Whiz Bang	January 21, 2003	Keystone, CO	A ski instructor with a urine fetish seduces his students and persuades one of them to urinate on him during sex. The bed's worn out electric blanket shorts out as a result and electrocutes them both.
135	Plank Spanked	September 10, 2010	North Pekin, IL	A stripper and her planking-obsessed midget boyfriend stumble upon a playground, which is the perfect place for him to plank. While he poses on one end of the seesaw, a block of blue ice that was dropped from a passing plane lands on the other end and catapults the midget up into the air. He lands on the top crossbar of the swing set with enough force to cause fatal internal bleeding in his chest.
431	Alcohol Bath	July 12, 2002	Great Falls, VA	After being sneezed on by a homeless man who rummaged through his trash and drank his discarded cup of coffee, a germaphobe gives himself a bath in a tub filled with isopropyl alcohol. Enough of it absorbs through his skin and into his bloodstream to induce lethal alcohol poisoning.
263	Killer Tan	August 15, 2009	Ocean City, NJ	A pair of obnoxious 20-something New Jerseyites are at a salon in their quest to get the perfect tan. After spraying themselves by hand with DHA, they climb into a stand-up spray tanning booth and light a cigarette. The spark from the lighter ignites the DHA fumes in the booth. It explodes, killing them both.

Episode 74: Death, The Final Frontier

Aired July 15, 2012

Title reference: A spoof of the Star Trek quote "Space, The Final Frontier." Note: This is the series finale.

Death #	"Event" Name	Date of Death	Location	Circumstances of Death
509	Pebble Bitched	July 16, 2010	Williston, ND	Two redneck brothers at a barbecue are attempting to pick up the same girl. They decide to settle the conflict by using their trucks to play tug-of-war. As they rev their engines, their tires kick up gravel toward the girl and one rock strikes her in the temple, causing a skull fracture and brain hemorrhage.
661	No Fun-Gus	October 5, 2005	St. Louis, MO	A recovering alcoholic brings his callous, alcoholic wife to his sobriety party. She humiliates herself, devours several homemade pizzas, pours liquor into the punch bowl, and guzzles the mixture. The woman dies from a reaction caused by the ink cap mushrooms in the pizza and the alcohol she consumed, as ink cap mushrooms become poisonous when mixed with alcohol.
161	Pain Saw	May 28, 2003	Pratt, KS	A man tries to get the attention of his attractive neighbor by tying a rope to his chainsaw and swinging it over his head. The rope gets tangled and pulls the chainsaw into his neck, partially beheading him.
408	Ring-A-Ding Dead	June 13, 2008	Portland, OR	A hipster with a habit of crashing and stealing from yard sales finds a ring in a box and puts it on, not realizing that it's a ring-sized gun. When the homeowner tries to take the ring back (which belonged to his grandfather), a scuffle breaks out and the weapon fires, hitting the thief in the face.
830	Strongman's Sad Day	January 4, 2001	Del Mar, CA	A Scottish bodybuilder successfully eliminates his opponents in a Strongest Man competition by cheating. When he has to lift a large rock, the pressure caused by his body expels his intestines out his rectum and he dies from a massive heart attack caused by the shock of seeing his own organs.
399	Lac-Toasted	August 15, 2006	Waterloo, IA	A flasher harasses a group of mothers feeding their babies in the park, and drinks one of the baby bottles. The mothers—who are revealed to be members of an underground fight club called "M.I.L.F" ["Moms I'd Like To Fight"] -- are incensed and beat up the man. The man doesn't die from getting pummelled by the mothers, but from a fatal allergic reaction to peanuts (the breast milk he drank earlier came from a mother who had been eating peanuts before nursing her child).
656	Neti Say Goodbye	November 17, 2007	Elmira, NY	A couple are on their first date after meeting over the Internet. The male is a complete germaphobe, spraying everything with disinfectant and even using a neti pot to cleanse his sinuses before meeting the woman. However, by using tap water in the pot instead of distilled, he contracts a Naegleria fowleri infection that attacks his brain and kills him.