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There is no Cabal

For pages that should be dead or deleted but walk, see WP:Zombie page.

WikiZombiez on zeir way to keeping a konsensus from being reached.

A consensus zombie (or "tea drinker") is a person who doesn't actually work towards building consensus, but stands in the way of building consensus by invoking policy and past consensus, as an appeal to tradition, and supports an irrational false compromise in content disputes rather than working towards a rational consensus.


Several years ago, researchers at the Umbrella Corporation were researching weapons of mass destruction, with an emphasis on viruses. The result of their experiments was the Tea-virus. Unfortunately, the Tea-virus got out of hand and eventually rippled across Wikipedia, creating vast mobs of brain-hungry zombies. In response to this chaos, an elite team of admins was created to fight the infection and they are supported by WikiFauna with clue.

Brainy editors, beware![edit]

If you have a large brain and are capable of thinking critically, beware! You are particularly at risk. Consensus zombies survive on a daily diet of neural tissue and the larger, healthier brains are more delicious and nutritious (see Brain food). They have slaughtered some of the most intelligent editors on Wikipedia.

They will eat you alive. Or dead. They will eat you no matter what.

How to kill a consensus zombie[edit]

There are three levels of zombies: Level 1: act and look like humans, and those ones we protect. Level 2: Look and act like humans, but have no conscience or soul. They are very violent. Level 3: Try to look and act like us, but can't. They are the most dangerous among the zombies. They tend to have disgusting looking teeth, and lots of dead skin....

Consensus zombies have only one weak spot: The brain. You must attack the brain. There is no other way to bring them down.

Editors must load their weapons with the best ammunition they can find and fire as quickly and accurately as they can, directly towards the brain of the consensus zombie. Because they are the undead, it may take several volleys for you to be successful and you might even be unsuccessful, whereby they will continue to chant, "Consensus... Ungh... Consensus... Ungh..." as they rip you to pieces and you can do nothing but howl in pain.

A word of caution, however: While it may be tempting to do so and seem like an easy way out, don't use explosive munitions. When zombies explode, they give off a noxious, poisonous gas that is extremely lethal. (See also Wikipedia is not a battleground and No angry mastodons)

Editors who wish to fight the Wikipedian undead should also work together as much as possible and seek shelter at the Reliable sources noticeboard, Fringe theories noticeboard, and especially the Village pump for policy discussion. If we all scramble and try to take them on here and there, we won't get anywhere. We have to work together.

Good luck!


Zombie.gifThis editor is a WikiZombie.
(admin: Put one in the Brain)

See also[edit]