List of The Colbert Report episodes (2005–06)
| The Colbert Report 2005–06 episodes | |
|---|---|
| No. of episodes | 32 (2005) 161 (2006) |
| Release | |
| Original network | Comedy Central |
| Season chronology | |
This is a list of episodes for The Colbert Report in 2005 and 2006.
Development
In 2005, The Daily Show had won Emmy Awards, and Comedy Central wanted to expand the franchise.[1] Producers were also looking for a way to hold on to Colbert, Daily Show correspondent and co-writer for six seasons, after the show's other breakout star, Steve Carell, left the program to pursue a successful career in film and network television. Jon Stewart and Ben Karlin (The Daily Show's executive producer) supposedly came up with the idea for The Colbert Report after watching coverage of the sexual harassment lawsuit filed against Bill O'Reilly. Jon Stewart's production company, Busboy Productions, developed The Report. Colbert, Stewart, and Karlin pitched the idea of the show (reportedly with one phrase: "our version of The O'Reilly Factor with Stephen Colbert") to Comedy Central chief Doug Herzog, who agreed to run the show for eight weeks without creating a pilot.[2]
The Colbert Report first appeared in the form of three television commercials for itself which aired several times on The Daily Show, although the themes that form the basis for The Report can be seen in the reports of Colbert's correspondent character on The Daily Show. The show debuted on October 17, 2005, with an initial contract for an eight-week run. On November 2, 2005, based on the strong ratings for the show's first two weeks, Comedy Central and Colbert announced they had signed for an additional year, until the end of 2006.
2005
October
| No. | "The Wørd" | Guest(s) | Introductory phrase | Original air date | Production code |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | "Truthiness[1]" | Stone Phillips | "Open wide, baby bird, because mama's got a big, fat nightcrawler of Truth." | October 17 | 101 |
| 2 | "Bacchanalia" | Lesley Stahl | "Put some pants on, America. The Truth is knocking at the door." | October 18 | 102 |
| 3 | "Disappointed" | Fareed Zakaria | "Strap yourself in and flip the switch, 'cause you're about to get a Truthocution." | October 19 | 103 |
| 4 | "Love Handles" | Jim Cramer | "Stop operating heavy machinery, because you're about to take two maximum strength tablets of Truth." | October 20 | 104 |
| 5 | "Pussy" | Lou Dobbs | "It's time to jump down, turn around and pick a bale of Truth." | October 24 | 105 |
| 6 | "Overrated[2]" | Greg Behrendt | "I swallowed 20 condoms full of Truth and I'm about to smuggle them across the border." | October 25 | 106 |
| 7 | "Perspective" | Neil deGrasse Tyson | "Strike up the klezmer and start acting like a man. You're about to have a Truth Mitzvah." | October 26 | 107 |
| 8 | "Quitter[3]" | Jeff Daniels | "Put on the Sade and spritz on some Musk. I'm gonna Truth you all night long." | October 27 | 108 |
| 9 | "Alito" | Monica Crowley | "Shave off your body hair and put on your bike shorts. You just grabbed the yellow jersey in the Tour de Truth." | October 31 | 109 |
November
| No. | "The Wørd" | Guest(s) | Introductory phrase | Original air date | Production code |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 10 | "Camilla-Mania" | Ken Burns | "Is that Truth in my pocket, or am I just happy to see you?" | November 1 | 110 |
| 11 | "Cat[4]" | Bruce Feiler | "A wop bop a loo bop a wop bam Truth." | November 2 | 111 |
| 12 | "Shhhh!..." | Bradley Whitford | "Get on your tippy toes America. You must be this tall to ride the TruthCoaster." | November 3 | 112 |
| 13 | "Hoser[5]" | Eliot Spitzer | "Somebody get a bucket, I think I'm gonna Truth!" | November 7 | 113 |
| 14 | "T.O.[6]" | Catherine Crier | "You want the Truth? You can't handle the Truth! But, I've got oven mitts!" | November 8 | 114 |
| 15 | "Willy Loman" | Mary Roach | "Everyone put your keys in the bowl, it's time for a swinging Truth party!" | November 9 | 115 |
| 16 | "Armistice" | Cokie Roberts | "Hey Moondoggie, wax your board and catch a wave. The Truth's up." | November 10 | 116 |
| 17 | "Testosterone" | Bob Kerrey | "I'm fully dilated and effaced and I'm squeezing out a bouncing bundle of Truth." | November 14 | 117 |
| 18 | "The Orient[7]" | Al Sharpton | "Break out some vodka, some lime juice, and the facts. You're about to do an upside down Truthikaze." | November 15 | 118 |
| 19 | "Information" | Matt Taibbi | "Get ready for authenticity, veracity, and verity. Someone's been reading a thesaurus." (first intro without the word "truth") | November 16 | 119 |
| 20 | "McConaughey" | Tim Robbins | "Sharpen your carving knife and loosen your belt. You're coming over to my house for ThanksTruthing." | November 17 | 120 |
| 21 | "Never[8]" | Brian Greene | "Go out ten yards then button hook to the left. I'm gonna hit you with a perfect spiral of Truth." | November 28 | 121 |
| 22 | "Confidence" | Richard Preston | "And they say the Truth still roams these very woods." (delivered with the studio lights off, lighting his face with a flashlight, using a creepy voice) | November 29 | 122 |
| 23 | "Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay" | Katrina vanden Heuvel | "Knock knock. Who's there? The Truth. No joke." | November 30 | 123 |
December
| No. | "The Wørd" | Guest(s) | Introductory phrase | Original air date | Production code |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 24 | "Spectacle[9]" | Richard Clarke | "Apply Truth liberally to the inflamed area." | December 1 | 124 |
| 25 | "XMas" | Maureen Dowd | "Get ready to make a difference... by watching TV." | December 5 | 125 |
| 26 | "Backsies" | Anderson Cooper | "Move over Oprah, tonight, every member of my audience receives a priceless gift: The Truth!" | December 6 | 126 |
| 27 | "Hell, No![10]" | Craig Crawford | "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free... but just for the next half-hour." | December 7 | 127 |
| 28 | "Satisfied?" | Peggy Noonan | "Don't touch that dial, and if your TV has a dial... go get a new TV." | December 8 | 128 |
| 29 | "Belly Achin'" | Harry Smith | "Forgive me, Father, for I have Truthed." | December 12 | 129 |
| 30 | "Lombardi" | Bob Costas | "Get some ice; I've pulled my groin... my enormous groin." | December 13 | 130 |
| 31 | "Travolta[11]" | Dermot Mulroney | "Let's make this quick, our Christmas party is tonight." | December 14 | 131 |
| 32 | "Jetpack" | Mark Cuban | "Children, get nestled all snug in your beds, while visions of Truth dance in your heads." | December 15 | 132 |
2006
January
| No. | "The Wørd" | Guest(s) | Introductory phrase | Original air date | Production code |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 33 | "[12]" | Nancy Grace | "If beauty Truth and Truth beauty, then I look fabulous tonight." | January 9 | 2001 |
| 34 | "Sleeper cell" | Carl Bernstein | "The Truth hurts; fortunately for America, I'm a masochist." | January 10 | 2002 |
| 35 | "Whatever" | John Stossel | "I got 99 problems, but the Truth ain't one." | January 11 | 2003 |
| 36 | "Double-Stick Tape" | Kenneth Miller | "I scream, you scream, we all scream for the Truth." | January 12 | 2004 |
| 37 | "¡Cerrado![13]" | George Stephanopoulos | "Call me Fraulein Maria because the hills are alive with the sound of Truth." | January 16 | 2005 |
| 38 | "Old School[14]" | Andrew Sullivan | "Hey America, Nice Ass!" | January 17 | 2006 |
| 39 | "Smarterer[15]" | Frank McCourt | "I hope you brought a well-sharpened number Truth pencil." | January 18 | 2007 |
| 40 | "Public-See[16]" | Nina Totenberg | "Stephen Colbert is Cool." | January 19 | 2008 |
| 41 | "Charlie Daniels" | David Gregory | "I'm only going to say this once. (Lucky for you it will be rerun four times tomorrow.)" | January 23 | 2009 |
| 42 | "Chernobyl" | Robin Givhan | "Pucker up America, because I'm going to kiss and tell... the Truth." | January 24 | 2010 |
| 43 | "Remote Control" | Norah Vincent | "There's a hole in every man the size of the Truth and I'm gonna jam it in there." | January 25 | 2011 |
| 44 | "Wham-O" | Paul Begala | "Let's change the world! But not the channel!" | January 26 | 2012 |
| 45 | "Abortion/Unscripted" | Annie Duke | "I got my mojo working—mojo, of course, is what I call my assistant Monica Johnson." | January 30 | 2013 |
| 46 | "Jesi[17]" | Dave Marash | "America, be amazed as I bend this spoon by using the power of my hand." | January 31 | 2014 |
February
| No. | "The Wørd" | Guest(s) | Introductory phrase | Original air date | Production code |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 47 | "You're Welcome" | Emily Yoffe | "We've done forty-six episodes without a lost time accident." | February 1 | 2015 |
| 48 | "Aggravated assault" | Christine Todd Whitman | "I just saw my shadow — that means six more weeks of Truth!" | February 2 | 2016 |
| 49 | "Metaphorically" | Senator Barbara Boxer | "Sometimes it takes a crazy person to see the Truth; if that's true, then I'm a freaking lunatic." | February 6 | 2017 |
| 50 | "Kidding" | James Woolsey | "How many roads must a man walk down before he's hit with an eighteen-wheeler of Truth?" | February 7 | 2018 |
| 51 | "Eureka" | Alan Dershowitz | "Please turn your cellphones and pagers to silent or vibrate; no joke, it's just inconsiderate." | February 8 | 2019 |
| 52 | "U.S.A.! U.S.A.!" | George Packer | "Hope you haven't eaten in the last thirty minutes America, because you're about to go swimming in the deep end of the Truth." | February 9 | 2020 |
| 53 | "U.S.A.? U.S.A.?[18]" | Lama Surya Das | "Mark your calendars America, I'm turning February twenty-one into February twenty-wow!" | February 21 | 2021 |
| 54 | "Absolutely Maybe" | Michael Eric Dyson | "It's George Washington's birthday, and I cannot tell a lie. The previous statement was false." | February 22 | 2022 |
| 55 | "Hippocratical" | David Brooks | "Side effects of tonight's show may include euphoria, patriotism and painful urination." | February 23 | 2023 |
| 56 | "Trial Separation" | Tony Campolo | "Demon of facts, begone!" | February 27 | 2024 |
| 57 | "Laissez Les Bons Temps Roulez[19]" | Brett O'Donnell | "Wanna prepare the perfect Truthtini? That's two parts vodka, no part fact." | February 28 | 2025 |
March
| No. | "The Wørd" | Guest(s) | Introductory phrase | Original air date | Production code |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 58 | "Faith" | Arianna Huffington | "America, bend over and relax, you're about to get a Truthoscopic examination." | March 1 | 2026 |
| 59 | "Homo Sapien Agenda" | Jeffrey Sachs | "And the Truth goes to... America!" | March 2 | 2027 |
| 60 | "Spoiler Alert" | Bob Schieffer | "What you're about to see contains graphic violence, adult situations and scenes of full frontal Truth." | March 6 | 2028 |
| 61 | "The Long War" | Norman Ornstein | "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, come one, come all, step right up and marvel at the exotic and the mysterious freak show. It walks, it talks, it crawls on its belly like a reptile. No photographs, no paper maché; it is... the Truth." | March 7 | 2029 |
| 62 | "Monopoly" | James H. Webb, Jr. | "Focus on the spot on the wall and breath over the contractions. This truth's coming out head first." | March 8 | 2030 |
| 63 | "D.I.Y." | Lorraine Bracco | "You're about to enter another dimension - a dimension not only of sight and sound, but of Truth. There's a signpost up ahead. Next stop, The Colbert Report." | March 9 | 2031 |
| 64 | "Sidney Poitier" | Christopher Buckley | "Never mind the bollocks, this is The Colbert Report!" | March 13 | 2032 |
| 65 | "Scapegoat" | Keith Olbermann | "Light the lamp and put the biscuit in the basket, this is SportsCenter... Nope, this is The Colbert Report!" | March 14 | 2033 |
| 66 | "None of the Above" | Al Franken | "Warmth is to sun as Truth is to me." | March 15 | 2034 |
| 67 | "Sweet Dreams" | Frank Vincent | "I'm here to fight for justice and the American way. My weapon? The Truth!" | March 16 | 2035 |
| 68 | "Stop It" | Connie Chung | "From the creators of The Colbert Report, this is The Colbert Report." | March 20 | 2036 |
| 69 | "Eat It" | Steve Kroft | "In Vino Veritas, and I am hammered!" | March 21 | 2037 |
| 70 | "I am the Great and Powerful Oz" | Dan Senor | "Truth hurts, and this is gonna be agonizing." | March 22 | 2038 |
| 71 | "None" | John Kasich | "Mr. Stephen Colbert requests the pleasure of your company on the occasion of his latest television program." | March 23 | 2039 |
| 72 | "Tense" | Gary Hart | "In the future you will be able to inject this program directly into your eyeballs; the future is now!" | March 27 | 2040 |
| 73 | "Marketing" | Michael D. Brown | "The world is a dirty place, and I'm America's lemon-scented wet nap." | March 28 | 2041 |
| 74 | "Merrier" | Bruce Bartlett | "This isn't a bald spot, it's a solar panel on a Truth machine." | March 29 | 2042 |
| 75 | "F#@k" | Robert Greenwald | "It's the last show of March. I came in like a lion and I'm going out like a lamb-fed lion." | March 30 | 2043 |
April
| No. | "The Wørd" | Guest(s) | Introductory phrase | Original air date | Production code |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 76 | "Stay the Course" | Michael Smerconish | "It's baseball's opening day - any rebroadcast or reproduction of this telecast without the express written consent of Major League Baseball is prohibited." | April 3 | 2044 |
| 77 | "Birdie" | Rev. Jesse Jackson | "Viewers of this show unite! We have nothing to lose but the facts." | April 4 | 2045 |
| 78 | "Martyr[20]" | Harvey Mansfield | "Let's see... Five letter word, "Proven to be accurate"... Hmm, you got me." | April 5 | 2046 |
| 79 | "Nazis" | Markos Moulitsas | "In thirty minutes, I'll be on a helicopter to Barbados. This is The Colbert Report." | April 6 | 2047 |
| 80 | "None" | Reza Aslan | "I've been yelling this in the mirror all week: this is The Colbert Report!" | April 17 | 2048 |
| 81 | "Sir, Yes, Sir" | Anthony Romero | "Do you really exist or are you merely a figure in one of my dreams? Either way, this is The Colbert Report!" | April 18 | 2049 |
| 82 | "Save It[21]" | Caitlin Flanagan | "Don't have a cow man, dyn-o-myte, aaaay, I'm the Fonz, what'choo talkin' 'bout, Willis? This is The Colbert Report!"[22] | April 19 | 2050 |
| 83 | "Bard[23]" | Ralph Nader | "Is this The Colbert Report? The answer may surprise you. This is The Colbert Report!" | April 20 | 2051 |
| 84 | "None" | Hugh Hewitt | "This weekend, Hippies celebrated Earth Day; maybe one day they'll celebrate Jobs Day." | April 24 | 2052 |
| 85 | "Panama" | Sam Harris | "How many pundits does it take to cover the news? Three: Me, Myself and I!" | April 25 | 2053 |
| 86 | "English" | Sebastian Junger | "To make tonight's show more memorable, I've composed the following jingle: This is The Colbert Report!" | April 26 | 2054 |
| 87 | "White Gloves (the "real word": "Sit, Scratch")" | William Kristol | "I've got truth fever... Seriously, I've been throwing up all day." | April 27 | 2055 |
May
| No. | "The Wørd" | Guest(s) | Introductory phrase | Original air date | Production code |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 88 | "Drug-Fueled Sex Crime[24]" | Jon Meacham | "It's May-Day, and I'm wrapping ribbons of truth around America's pole." | May 1 | 2056 |
| 89 | "Healthy Appetite" | Mike Huckabee | "I bring you the unvarnished truth, though it's lightly stained and buffed with a Danish oil." | May 2 | 2057 |
| 90 | "Name Game" | Paul Rieckhoff | "When life gets you down, don't get mad... Get Stephen." | May 3 | 2058 |
| 91 | "Indulgence" | Rick Reilly | "We're holding our spring formal and my date is the truth. Tonight, we're going all the way." | May 4 | 2059 |
| 92 | "Not" | Shere Hite | "Due to my unauthorized spreading of the truth, I've been forced into the Witness Protection Program. This is the Silverman Report." | May 8 | 2060 |
| 93 | "Superegomaniac" | Frank Rich | "There are three doors; behind one is a tiger, another is the truth, and the last is a closet. Choose wisely." | May 9 | 2061 |
| 94 | "Athletes Are Above The Law" | William Bastone | "I'm a steamroller of truth, repaving the highway of the future. Expect delays." | May 10 | 2062 |
| 95 | "Fill 'Er Up" | Madeleine Albright | (Inhales helium from a balloon) "This is The Colbert Report." | May 11 | 2063 |
| 96 | "Lunchables[25]" | Kevin Phillips | "When I think about the truth, I touch myself. This is The Colbert Report!"[26] | May 15 | 2064 |
| 97 | "Inoculation" | Tyson Slocum | "Males aged 18–34 with disposable income, prepare to have your purchasing habits swayed." | May 16 | 2065 |
| 98 | "Democrats" | Jonathan Alter | "I'm America's Dairy Queen, giving you the soft serve news in a crunchy coating of opinion. Would you like Truth with that?" | May 17 | 2066 |
| 99 | "Libya" | Ted Daeschler | "I am The Walrus, Goo goo ka Truth." | May 18 | 2067 |
June
| No. | "The Wørd" | Guest(s) | Introductory phrase | Original air date | Production code |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 100 | "Me" | Stone Phillips | None | June 5 | 2068 |
| 101 | "Military" | Christiane Amanpour | "It's 6-6-6, and this show contains many Satanic backmasked messages. tropeR trebloC ehT si sihT." ("This is The Colbert Report" spoken backwards) | June 6 | 2069 |
| 102 | "Big Deal" | Steve Squyres | "When the world tries to shake us up, I'm America's bubble wrap." | June 7 | 2070 |
| 103 | "Gooooaaaaal!" | Steven Johnson | "Life is a crap shoot, and I'm your loaded dice." | June 8 | 2071 |
| 104 | "Tom DeLay's Farewell Speech" | Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. | "By the power of Grayskull, this is The Colbert Report." | June 12 | 2072 |
| 105 | "Great F**king Idea" | Tim Flannery | "This show may be recorded for quality assurance. This... is The Colbert Report." | June 13 | 2073 |
| 106 | "License Renewal" | David Sirota | "Loosen your belts, America, I'm gonna force feed you truth like grain down a goose's gullet." | June 14 | 2074 |
| 107 | "Lock & Load" | Michael Pollan | "There's a vicious rumor going around that this is not The Colbert Report, but let me assure you, this is The Colbert Report." | June 15 | 2075 |
| 108 | "Risky Business" | Gustavo Arellano | "I'm going through America's trash separating the white glass of truth from the green glass of facts." | June 19 | 2076 |
| 109 | "Everything Must Go" | Bart Ehrman | "And now, the ten-time winner of the Stephen Colbert Award for Journalistic Excellence, this is The Colbert Ro... Oh shit!" | June 20 | 2077 |
| 110 | "None" | Bay Buchanan | "Today is the summer solstice, the longest day of the year. But what really matters is... how thick is it?" | June 21 | 2078 |
| 111 | "Cut and Run" | Doug Brinkley | "This is The Colbert Report, or for our foreign viewers: THIS IS THE COLBERT REPORT!" | June 22 | 2079 |
| 112 | "Class Warfare" | Mark Bowden | "Still waiting for my invitation, Nicole and Keith. This is The Colbert Report." | June 26 | 2080 |
| 113 | "Cold, Dead Fingers" | Chris Matthews | "We now return you to The Colbert Report, already in progress." | June 27 | 2081 |
| 114 | "Superman" | Robert Baer | "I had an acting class this week, and it's really paid off: this is The Colbert Report." | June 28 | 2082 |
| 115 | "Monkey Butter" | Christopher Noxon | "Happy Birthday, America. You may be 230, but if you were a dog, you'd only be 32... but you'd be dead 'cause dogs don't live that long. This is The Colbert Report." | June 29 | 2083 |
July
| No. | "The Wørd" | Guest(s) | Introductory phrase | Original air date | Production code |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 116 | "Silver Foxes" | Amy Sedaris | "I don't think Barry Manilow looks this good in a suit. This is The Colbert Report!" | July 10 | 2084 |
| 117 | "Psychopharmaparenting" | Tony Hawk | "Now zip it and cop a squat, little mister, or you are grounded for a week. This is The Colbert Report!" | July 11 | 2085 |
| 118 | "The America Conventions" | Mort Zuckerman | "They say only drunks and children tell the truth. Guess which one I am." | July 12 | 2086 |
| 119 | "Inquisition" | Ron Suskind | "Spoiler Alert. This is The Colbert Report!" | July 13 | 2087 |
| 120 | "T&A" | Lee Silver | "You're in for a real treat tonight... if you are watching this show from an ice cream parlor. This is The Colbert Report!" | July 17 | 2088 |
| 121 | "Solidarity" | Dhani Jones | "We've got a coast to coast heatwave, but luckily I'm America's biggest fan... This is The Colbert Report!" | July 18 | 2089 |
| 122 | "R-E-S-P-E-C-T" | Joe Scarborough | "I don't have a truth problem. I tell the truth, I fall down, no problem. This is The Colbert Report." | July 19 | 2090 |
| 123 | "None" | Tom Brokaw | "The special ingredient in tonight's show? It's love, this is The Colbert Report." | July 20 | 2091 |
| 124 | "Moral Minority" | Howell Raines | "I'm America's watchdog: I'm vigilant, I see the world in black and white, and I eat liver and bacon. This is The Colbert Report." | July 24 | 2092 |
| 125 | "Opposite Day" | William A. Donohue | "I regret that I have but one half-hour to shout at my country. This is The Colbert Report." | July 25 | 2093 |
| 126 | "Democrazy" | Neal Katyal | "On my show, it's always Shark Week. Enemies of America, you are the chum. This is The Colbert Report." | July 26 | 2094 |
| 127 | "Secretary-General Bolton" | Joe Quesada | "I'm packing America's lunch box with a truth roll-up. This is The Colbert Report" | July 27 | 2095 |
| 128 | "Wikiality" | Ned Lamont | (while ringing a bell) "By now you should be trained to salivate whenever you hear... This is The Colbert Report." | July 31 | 2096 |
August
| No. | "The Wørd" | Guest(s) | Introductory phrase | Original air date | Production code |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 129 | "Uncool" | Peter Beinart | "The following program is rated 'T' for... This is The Colbert Report." | August 1 | 2097 |
| 130 | "Single Serving" | Linda Hirshman | "Hey Mom, check it out! I'm on TV! This is The Colbert Report." | August 2 | 2098 |
| 131 | "None" | Paul Hackett | None | August 3 | 2099 |
| 132 | "Ten-Hut!" | William Rhoden | "We're reaching America's youth, nation! Check it out!" (a child then says from his high chair, "This is The Colbert Report!") | August 8 | 2100 |
| 133 | "Pencils Down" | Alexandra Robbins | "Take the Colbert challenge, America! Sing the National Anthem to the tune of my theme song! This is The Colbert Report!" | August 9 | 2101 |
| 134 | "Cappuccino" | Eli Pariser | "The Colbert Report's terror level has been elevated to brown - someone spilled coffee on the chart. This is The Colbert Report!" | August 10 | 2102 |
| 135 | "None" | Ramesh Ponnuru | "This message is for my homies back in the hood: We're on for squash tomorrow morning at the club at 8:30. This is The Colbert Report!" | August 14 | 2103 |
| 136 | "Dumb-ocracy" | David Gergen | "America, I'm throwing my arms in the air and waving them like I just don't care. I'm sorry, I just can't do it - I do care! This is The Colbert Report!" | August 15 | 2104 |
| 137 | "El Comandante[27]" | Morgan Spurlock | "[quietly] If you can hear this you're too close to your television. [yelling] This is The Colbert Report!" | August 16 | 2105 |
| 138 | "None" | Neil Young | "Time to take a half-hour break from rockin' in the free world. This is The Colbert Report!" | August 17 | 2106 |
| 139 | "Side Effects" | Geoffrey Nunberg | "Could being a Nielsen family kill you? Watch the entire show to find out. This is The Colbert Report!" | August 21 | 2107 |
| 140 | "99 Problems" | Paul Krugman | "I've got the truth on my side - it's one of the advantages of getting to pick first. This is The Colbert Report!" | August 22 | 2108 |
| 141 | "None" | Gideon Yago | None ("Oh hi, I didn't see you there" after the credits) | August 23 | 2109 |
| 142 | "Bad Boys / HELP![28]" | Janna Levin | "I still can't get enough of this (sound clip of last night's theme, 'It's crumbelievable!' plays) - This is The Colbert Report!" | August 24 | 2110 |
September
| No. | "The Wørd" | Guest(s) | Introductory phrase | Original air date | Production code |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 143 | "Shall" | Martin Short | "I've been gone two weeks and I think the kids have had a party in the studio. Smells like weed in here. This is The Colbert Report!" | September 11 | 2111 |
| 144 | "Missed Opportunity" | Toby Keith | None. "Stephen Jedi" video intro | September 12 | 2112 |
| 145 | "Caveat Emptor" | Ken Jennings | "America, I'm about to raise your minimum rage. This is The Colbert Report!" | September 13 | 2113 |
| 146 | "None" | Bill Simmons | "If you watch only one Comedy Central show in the next half-hour, make it this one. This is The Colbert Report!" | September 14 | 2114 |
| 147 | "Wiper Fluid" | Will Power | "There's an old saying where I come from: This is The Colbert Report!" | September 18 | 2115 |
| 148 | "Tribalism" | Frank Rich | "Some pronounce it 'yee-roh.' Some pronounce it 'gyro.' I pronounce it 'lamb sandwich.' This is America! Speak English! This is The Colbert Report!" | September 19 | 2116 |
| 149 | "Lose" | James Carville | None (a Green Screen Challenge entry was shown instead) | September 20 | 2117 |
| 150 | "None" | Daniel Ellsberg | "This is the church, this is the steeple, open the doors, ATTACKED BY AN EAGLE! AW! This is The Colbert Report!" | September 21 | 2118 |
| 151 | "Opposition Party" | Arianna Huffington | "The leaves may be changing, but my opinions never will. This is The Colbert Report!" | September 25 | 2119 |
| 152 | "Good Morning" | Ted Danson | "Facts should be like Sansabelt pants, adjustable to fit your needs. This is The Colbert Report!" | September 26 | 2120 |
| 153 | "Iraq" | Lowell Bergman | "America, remember the most important gun safety tip: if you have a gun, you'll be safe. This is The Colbert Report!" | September 27 | 2121 |
| 154 | "None" | Steve Wozniak | "Just a reminder, the Colbert Report original cast recording is available on sale in the lobby. This is The Colbert Report!" | September 28 | 2122 |
October
| No. | "The Wørd" | Guest(s) | Introductory phrase | Original air date | Production code |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 155 | "Copycat" | Michael Lewis | "America, I'm not your normal pundit. I'm fully krausened. This is The Colbert Report." | October 2 | 2123 |
| 156 | "Experience" | Andy Stern | "America, I'm auctioning off this part of the show. Your ad could be here. This is The Colbert Report." | October 3 | 2124 |
| 157 | "Must-Not-See TV" | Byron Dorgan | "Apply directly to the forehead, Apply directly to the forehead, Apply directly to the forehead. This is The Colbert Report." | October 4 | 2125 |
| 158 | "None" | Amy Goodman | "Here's the truth you ordered. Watch out, the plate's very hot! This is The Colbert Report!" | October 5 | 2126 |
| 159 | "Safety" | Randy Newman | "I'm like Wonder Woman, I've got a lasso of truth and a killer bod. This is The Colbert Report." | October 9 | 2127 |
| 160 | "None" | Ariel Levy | None. | October 10 | 2128 |
| 161 | "None" | George Lucas | "America, the culture war is like a bar fight, and I'm your broken pool cue. This is The Colbert Report." | October 11 | 2129 |
| 162 | "None" | Brian Schweitzer | "You don't have to be crazy to work here, but it helps me fire you. This is The Colbert Report." | October 12 | 2130 |
| 163 | "Russian Dolls" | Barry Scheck | "It's a dog-eat-dog world, and I'm a dog. This is The Colbert Report." | October 16 | 2131 |
| 164 | "Irreconcilable Differences" | Richard Dawkins | "I know we've been together for a year now, Nation, but I would still so do you. This is The Colbert Report." | October 17 | 2132 |
| 165 | "Sherlock" | David Kuo | "It's ladies night here on the report... My suit... Half off! This is The Colbert Report." | October 18 | 2133 |
| 166 | "None" | Peter Agre | "The pen is mightier than the sword... if you shoot that pen out of a gun. This is The Colbert Report." | October 19 | 2134 |
| 167 | "Shameless" | Barry Manilow | "See you tomorrow night, trick or treaters! Hope you like stationery. This is The Colbert Report!" | October 30 | 2135 |
| 168 | "Thanks, Gays!" | Tim Robbins | "I'm giving America something better than candy; my opinions. But be careful! Some of them are filled with razor blades. This is The Colbert Report" | October 31 | 2136 |
November
| No. | "The Wørd" | Guest(s) | Introductory phrase | Original air date | Production code |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 169 | "Rip-off" | Penn Jillette | "It's the first day of November sweeps, and I'm pregnant!" | November 1 | 2137 |
| 170 | "None" | Ron Reagan | "Call me, Reese Witherspoon. This is The Colbert Report!" | November 2 | 2138 |
| 171 | "Happy Ending" | Mark Halperin | "I'm Stephen Colbert, and I approve this message. This is The Colbert Report!" | November 6 | 2139 |
| 172 | "None" | TBA | None | November 7 | 2140 |
| 173 | "Sigh" | Jeff Greenfield | "I told you America, a hard rain's gonna fall. This is The Colbert Report!" | November 8 | 2141 |
| 174 | "Putin 08" | Dean Kamen | "Sorry Cookie Monster, 'C' is for Colbert. This is the eponymous report!" | November 9 | 2142 |
| 175 | "Back off, old man!" | Dan Rather | "I'm going to drop the truth on you like Denise Richards' laptop on an old lady's head!" | November 13 | 2143 |
| 176 | "Expecting" | Jeff Swartz | "I just finished my resume. If anyone asks, this show has been on for 30 years. This is The Colbert Report!" | November 14 | 2144 |
| 177 | "None" | Al Franken, Mike Novacek | "The days are getting shorter and shorter, and the Democrats have only been in power for a week. This is The Colbert Report!" | November 15 | 2145 |
| 178 | "Play Ball!" | Richard Linklater | "I'm off next week, so savor me like the last rose of summer. This is The Colbert Report." | November 16 | 2146 |
| 179 | "Jacksquat" | Jim Lehrer | "I'm rested, well-fed and looking for a fight. Are you listening, yet-to-be-named-chairman of the House's intelligence committee? This is the Colbert Report." | November 27 | 2147 |
| 180 | "Ecu-Menace!" | Harry Shearer | "Alright stoners, start your copy of "The Dark Side of the Moon"...now! This is the Colbert Report!" | November 28 | 2148 |
| 181 | "Killing two birds" | Nora Ephron | "Tonight, the show is in...3D! Unless you are watching on a television. This is the Colbert Report!" | November 29 | 2149 |
| 182 | "None" | Mike Lupica | "Hey, TV Land catchphrase contest, try this one on for size: This is the Colbert Report!" | November 30 | 2150 |
December
| No. | "The Wørd" | Guest(s) | Introductory phrase | Original air date | Production code |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 183 | "American Orthodox" | Will Wright | "When it comes to mental gymnastics, I'm a 14-year-old Romanian girl. And I'm gonna stick the landing. This is the Colbert Report!" | December 04 | 2151 |
| 184 | "Honest Injun" | Steven Levitt | "The truth is contagious - and I haven't washed my hands in days. This is the Colbert Report!" | December 05 | 2152 |
| 185 | "Words" | John Sexton | "No animals were harmed in the filming of this episode. We tried, but that damn monkey was just too fast. This is the Colbert Report!" | December 06 | 2153 |
| 186 | "Case Closed" | Elizabeth de la Vega, Francis S. Collins | "Hey Partridge in that pear tree - stop eating all those pears! This is the Colbert Report!" | December 07 | 2154 |
| 187 | "None" | Peter Singer | "Genius is 10% inspiration and 90% respiration. You'd be surprised how many geniuses forget to breathe. This is the Colbert Report!" | December 11 | 2155 |
| 188 | "Casualty of War" | Dan Savage | "America, take off your thinking caps and put on your feeling shoes. This is the Colbert Report!" | December 12 | 2156 |
| 189 | "It's A Small World" | Doris Kearns Goodwin | "Space shuttle astronauts, look down: you can see this from space [points at his abnormally protruding right ear]. This is the Colbert Report!" | December 13 | 2157 |
| 190 | "Clarity" | Daniel Pinchbeck | *tosses coin* "America has won the coin-toss and has elected to receive...the truth! This is the Colbert Report!" | December 14 | 2158 |
| 191 | "The Draft" | Jack Welch | "It's the season of giving. Only 7 more days for giving people hell for saying Happy Holidays! This is the Colbert Report!" | December 18 | 2159 |
| 192 | "Tit For Tat" | Deepak Chopra | "Six days left to get your Christmas shopping done America. Fifteen-and-a-half (touching his collar), thirty-four (touching his jacket sleeve), This is the Colbert Report!" | December 19 | 2160 |
| 193 | "None" | Chris Funk, Robert Schneider of The Apples in Stereo | Morley Safer replaces Stephen in a parody of the opening of 60 Minutes to announce this episode's main event: the guitar-solo challenge between Stephen and The Decemberists' guitarist Chris Funk. | December 20 | 2161 |
Notes
- ^ "Truthiness," the first "Wørd of the day" on The Colbert Report, was voted the 2005 Word of the Year by the American Dialect Society, which credited The Colbert Report for introducing it into the popular vernacular. For more information, see truthiness.
- ^ The word "overrated; color:#ffffff; was used in reference to the late Rosa Parks.
- ^ The word "quitter; color:#ffffff; was used in reference to Harriet Miers withdrawing her nomination to the U.S. Supreme Court.
- ^ The word "cat; color:#ffffff; was used in reference to The New York Times misreporting Colbert's first wørd, "Truthiness," as "Trustiness." He explained that the Times should have an easier time with this word.
- ^ The word "hoser; color:#ffffff; was used in reference to Canada.
- ^ The word "TO; color:#ffffff; was used in reference to Terrell Owens and/or "totally obnoxious" — "same difference."
- ^ This Wørd of the day, "The Orient,; color:#ffffff; was changed to "Asia" for political correctness.
- ^ The word "Never; color:#ffffff; was used to answer the question of when to withdraw from Iraq.
- ^ The word "Spectacle; color:#ffffff; was used in regards to capital punishment.
- ^ Although Colbert originally said "Hell, no!; color:#ffffff; when giving the Wørd of the day, it appeared on the screen initially as "Hell, Yes!" It then quickly switched to "Hell, No!" after this intentional "error."
- ^ The word "Travolta; color:#ffffff; was used in reference to John Travolta's role in The Boy in the Plastic Bubble.
- ^ On the January 9, 2006, episode, there was no Wørd of the day because Jack Abramoff pleading guilty to a number of felony criminal charges was said to present no issue, and thus no story. However, the segment still proceeded as usual, just without any "theme; color:#ffffff; word; the lack of a word itself became the theme.
- ^ The word "¡Cerrado!; color:#ffffff; was in reference to the U.S. borders, with Colbert recommending a wall built not just along the Mexico–US border but also along the Canada–US border and the East and West coasts, and with a dome covering everything inside.
- ^ The word "Old School; color:#ffffff; was used in reference to the purportedly vengeful style of the God of the Old Testament.
- ^ The word "smarterer; color:#ffffff; was used to describe a condition better than being smarter, by being "smarter" at subjects like religion which Colbert identified as being more important than traditional school subjects like math and science; Colbert responded to reports of overseas students outscoring American students at core school subjects by seeking to become "smarterer", such as by learning that the answer to every question in science class is that "God did it."
- ^ The word Public-See was punned as a humorous antonym of Privacy.
- ^ Stephen follows a mistake by Carl Zimmer, who mistakenly gives the name "Edward Colbert" in his original article for The New York Times.
- ^ The word "Jesi; color:#ffffff; was used to refer to more than one Jesus.
- ^ The word "U.S.A.? U.S.A.?; color:#ffffff; was used to signify Colbert's disappointment with the U.S. Olympic team in contrast to his word "U.S.A.! U.S.A.!" on February 9, 2006.
- ^ The phrase translates into English as "Let the Good Times Roll", though Colbert declares that it translates to "Show us your tits."
- ^ The word "Martyr; color:#ffffff; was used to refer to "The death of Tom DeLay's political career."
- ^ The word "Save It; color:#ffffff; was used as in "Save your breath" in reference to arguments about Global warming.
- ^ Introductory phrase from Bart Simpson, Jimmie Walker, Henry Winkler as Fonzie, and Gary Coleman as Arnold Jackson.
- ^ The word "Bard; color:#ffffff; was used "As in, these kids should be bard up in jail", in reference to juvenile rehabilitation.
- ^ The phrase "Drug-Fueled Sex Crime; color:#ffffff; was a suggestion to politically active celebrities such as George Clooney to have one so they can "slink off" and "just say no to political action."
- ^ The word "Lunchables; color:#ffffff; was used to describe how "America should be, in hermetically sealed, individual spaces."
- ^ The opening line refers to the song "I Touch Myself" by Divinyls.
- ^ As the result, many people act upon his instructions and vandalize Wikipedia, with the result that certain articles, including "Elephant", "Oregon", "George Washington", "Latchkey kid", "Serial killer", "Hitler", "The Colbert Report" and "Stephen Colbert" are/were temporarily protected.
- ^ The WØRD segment on August 16, 2006, was done as La PALABRA (with the Ø slash through the second A) by Colbert's Mexican equivalent, Esteban.
- ^ An audience member transformed into a Colbert Report fanatic on 30 Days invoked several recurring elements. The WØRD "HELP!; color:#ffffff; was triggered as the man was being led out by security.
External links
Wikiquote has quotations related to Stephen Colbert.
Wikimedia Commons has media related to Stephen Colbert.
- Official website
- The Colbert Report at IMDb
- Template:Tv.com show
- The Colbert Report on Facebook
- {{Twitter}} template missing ID and not present in Wikidata.
References
- ^ Sternbergh, Adam. "Stephen Colbert Has America by the Ballots". New York Magazine. Retrieved October 10, 2006.
- ^ Levin, Gary (October 13, 2005). "First 'Stewart,' now 'Colbert'". USA Today. Retrieved September 2, 2008.
