Private Eye

For other uses, see Private Eye (disambiguation).

Private Eye

March 4 2005 cover of Private Eye; this is a typical example of the magazine's front cover. The caption refers to the wedding of Prince Charles and Camilla Parker-Bowles.
Type	fortnightly satirical magazine-newspaper
Format	magazine
Owner(s)	Pressdram Ltd
Editor	Ian Hislop
Founded	1961
Political alignment	none
Headquarters	6 Carlisle Street, London, W1D 3BN
Website	private-eye.co.uk

Private Eye is a fortnightly British satirical magazine-newspaper, edited by Ian Hislop.

History

File:Gnitty.gif

The magazine's mascot, "Gnitty", drawn by Willie Rushton and based on John Wells

The forerunner of Private Eye was a school magazine edited by Richard Ingrams, Willie Rushton, Christopher Booker and Paul Foot in the mid-1950s. They met at Shrewsbury School and after National Service Ingrams and Foot went to Oxford University, where they met their future collaborators Peter Usborne, Andrew Osmond, John Wells, and Danae Brook, among others.

The magazine proper began when Peter Usborne learned of a new printing process, offset lithography, which meant that anybody with a typewriter and Letraset could design a magazine. Although Private Eye was founded amid the British satire boom and the political and social upheavals of the 1960s, at first it was merely a vehicle for silly jokes – an extension of the school magazine and an alternative to other humorous magazines like Punch. However, according to Christopher Booker, its original editor, it simply got "caught up in the rage for satire".

The magazine was initially funded by Usborne and was launched in 1961. It was named when Andrew Osmond looked for ideas in the famous recruiting poster of Lord Kitchener (an image of Kitchener pointing with the caption "Wants You") and, in particular, the pointing finger. After the name "Finger" was rejected, Osmond suggested "Private Eye", in the sense of someone who "fingers" a suspect.

The magazine was initially edited by Christopher Booker and designed by Willie Rushton, who also drew cartoons for it. Its later editor Richard Ingrams was then pursuing a career as an actor, sharing the editorship with Booker on his return around issue 10 and taking over fully only on issue 40.

After the magazine's initial success, more funding was provided by Nicholas Luard and Peter Cook, who ran The Establishment satire club, and Private Eye became a fully professional publication.

Other people essential to the development of the magazine were Auberon Waugh, Claud Cockburn (who had run a pre-war scandal sheet, The Week,), Barry Fantoni, Gerald Scarfe, Tony Rushton, Patrick Marnham and Candida Betjeman. Christopher Logue was another long-time contributor, providing a fortnightly column of "True Stories" using cuttings from the national press. The gossip columnist Nigel Dempster wrote extensively for the magazine before he fell out with the editor and other writers, and Paul Foot wrote on politics, local government and corruption.

Nature of the magazine

Private Eye is often accused of specialising in scurrilous gossip and scandal about the misdeeds of the powerful and famous, and has been the recipient of numerous libel writs, notably three by the late Sir James Goldsmith. But its defenders point out that it frequently carries news that the mainstream press is frightened to use for fear of legal reprisals, or that is of minority interest. The Eye will often print a story when hard evidence is lacking but there is an overwhelming consensus that the story is true. It is also thought that the Eye avoids breaking stories of politicians' extramarital activities on moral grounds, but it will freely comment on such matters when they are unearthed elsewhere.

Many of the contributors to Private Eye are public figures, or specialists in their field. Many stories originate from writers for other mainstream publications who can't get their stories published by their employers. Many Private Eye contributors choose to write under humorous pseudonyms and often their identities are only revealed after their death, if at all. A financial column at the back of the magazine ("In the City", written by Michael Gillard) has contributed to a wide city and business readership as a large number of financial scandals and unethical business practices and personalities were first exposed there.

The magazine is also home to many of Britain's best humorous cartoonists and has published a series of independent one-offs dedicated solely to news reporting of particular current events, such as government inadequacy over the foot and mouth outbreak, or the conviction of Abdel Basset Ali al-Megrahi for the Lockerbie bombing (Lockerbie, the flight from justice, May/June 2001). Another special issue was published in September 2004 to mark the death of long-time staff member Paul Foot.

Sections

The magazine currently includes several regular sections:

• The cover, with its famous speech bubble, putting ironic or humorous comments into the mouths of the famous in response to topical events.
• News (previously called The Colour Section) – effectively the stories the magazine is most proud of that week or thinks most important, placed at its front.
• Street of Shame – covering journalism, newspapers and other press stories. The term "Street of Shame" refers to Fleet Street. Usually largely written by Francis Wheen and Adam Macqueen.
• Hackwatch – highlighting the recent writing of a journalist or newspaper, to highlight ironic inconsistencies or general poor quality.
• HP Sauce – covering politics and politicians. ("HP" refers to Houses of Parliament, as well as being an actual brand of sauce.)
• Down On The Farm – agricultural issues.
• Down On The Fishfarm – issues relating to fish-farming.
• Ad Nauseam – the excesses and faux-pas of the advertising industry.
• Court Circular – gossip supposedly from those working within royal family circles.
• Eye TV – analysis of television programmes and news/criticism of the UK television industry. (ITV is a widely watched British TV channel).
• Doing The Rounds – medical news and coverage of the National Health Service, written by the general practitioner (and sometime comedian) Dr Phil Hammond.
• Rotten Boroughs – highlighting local council activities. Written by a number of reporters, each covering different regional 'beats' and edited by Tim Minogue (none of whom are credited)

Featuring in Rotten Boroughs can be of great local interest

• Signal Failures – covering railway issues. The author name "Dr B. Ching" refers to Dr Richard Beeching who wielded the Beeching Axe, a report that led to widespread cuts to the British railway network in the 1960s.
• High Principals – examining further and higher education issues.
• Under The Microscope – looking at issues related to the scientific field.
• Nooks & Corners – architectural criticism. This is one of the magazine's most famous sections. It was originally titled Nooks & Corners of the New Barbarism, a reference to the architectural movement known as New Brutalism. The column was founded by John Betjeman, and is currently written by architectural historian Gavin Stamp using the name "Piloti".
• Letters – readers' letters section which frequently includes letters from the famous and powerful, often so that the Eye can print an apology and thereby avoid litigation. Some people use the page as a voice to express disgust at a recent Eye article and, infamously (or jokingly), end by saying they will cancel their subscription. This section also prints the lookalikes and occasionally prints the embarrassing picture of Andrew Neil described below.
• Funny Old World – supposedly genuine news stories from around the world; compiled by Victor Lewis-Smith. Continued an earlier column, Christopher Logue's True Stories.
• Letter From... – brief column written by a native person of a particular country highlighting the political or social situation there.
• Literary Review – book reviews and news from the world of publishing and bookselling. The masthead from the magazine, formerly edited by Auberon Waugh, is cheekily lifted for this section.
• Prime Minister parodies – a full page lampooning the prime minister of the day. The style of the page is always the same, and tries to sum up some fundamental characteristic of the person involved. Occasionally, formerly defunct columns of this type resurface (e.g. Dear Bill, on the death of Denis Thatcher). In reverse historical order:
  • St. Albion Parish News – the main focus of the magazine's satire against Tony Blair, who is characterised as a sanctimonious Church of England vicar and his government as various parish officials. Blair often receives updates from his transatlantic confidant, George Bush, from the "Church of the Latter-Day Morons".
  • The Secret Diary of John Major (aged 47¾) (defunct) – A spoof weekly diary entry based on The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole (aged 13¾) in which John Major was typically characterised as being hopelessly naïve and optimistic. The diary has recently reappeared: first when his affair with Edwina Currie was discovered, and more recently when Major was made a KG and after he attended the funeral of Edward Heath.
  • Dear Bill (defunct) – spoof letters from Denis Thatcher to Bill Deedes, about life in 10 Downing Street with Margaret. The series portrayed Denis as a sozzled alcoholic staggering between snifters.
  • (There was no parody aimed at James Callaghan)
  • Heathco Newsletter (defunct) – an internal missive purportedly from the managing director of a struggling small firm called Heathco, in which Edward Heath (managing director) keeps his staff up to date and in high spirits with the latest company news. Cabinet ministers would be recast as petty managers and clerks in this satire. The company's logo was a stylised yacht. The newsletters invariably ended with a request to staff which admonished them for stubbing their cigarettes out in the plastic cups in which the canteen served them with tea.
  • Mrs Wilson's Diary (defunct) – a chronicle of the events in Harold Wilson's life, from the more down-to-earth and homely perspective of his wife, Mrs Wilson. The series was later adapted to theatre and television. Based on a contemporary radio soap opera Mrs Dale's Diary.

Defunct sections

• Auberon Waugh's Diary; Waugh wrote a regular diary for the magazine, usually combining real events from his own life with fictional flights of fancy (i.e. pretending he had been to parties with the Queen), from the early 1970s until 1985. It was generally written in the persona of an ultra-right-wing country gentleman, a subtle exaggeration of his own personality. He described it as the world's first example of journalism specifically dedicated to telling lies.
• London Calling – a roundup of news, especially of the most barking loony left variety, during the days of the GLC. This column was retired with the abolition of the GLC and no manifestation of it has returned, despite the election of former GLC head Ken Livingstone as mayor of London.
• Sally Deedes – genuine consumer journalism column, often exposing spectacularly corrupt or improper goods, services and/or dealings. Sally Deedes (author unknown) was the origin of the Eye's first-ever libel victory in the mid-1990s; column was quietly ditched a few years later.
• Illustrated London News – a digest of news and scandal from the metropolis, parodying (and using the masthead of) the defunct gazette of the same name. Usually written by the radical pioneer journalist Claud Cockburn. Later replaced (c.1984) with -
• Grovel – a 'society' column, featuring gossip, scandal and scuttlebutt about the rich and famous, and probably the most-sued section in the whole magazine. The character and style of Grovel (a clearly tired and emotional man with a monocle, top hat and cigarette holder) was based on former GLE (Greatest Living Englishman), Nigel Pratt-Dumpster. Grovel was replaced in about 1996 with –
• Hallo! – the 'heartwarming column' purportedly written by The Marquesa, practically identical in content but with a new prose style parodying the breathless and gushing format established by magazines such as Hello, in which celebrities showed reporters around their lovely houses, etc. Hallo! itself disappeared in about 2000.

Newspaper parodies

The latter half of the magazine is taken up with parodies of newspapers; the layout and style of writing mirrors newspapers, which serve as vehicles for parody and satire of current events, plus spoof adverts. Where further content is implied, but omitted, this is said to continue on page 94.

• Glenda Slagg – brash, libidinous and self-contradictory female reporter based on the journalist Jean Rook.
• Sally Jockstrap – a fictional sports columnist who is incapable of correctly reporting any sporting facts.
• Dave Spart – ultra-left wing activist (always of a ridiculous-sounding collective or magazine - sometimes the New Spartsman or the Indescribably Sparty - frequently based in Neasden) who is given free rein to express his views. These always begin 'Once again ...', before attempting to lambast the subject of his anger for allegedly constant misconduct, prejudice or, er, general wrongdoing. This very rarely gets further than a few words before it breaks down into a fragmented litany of 'sickening ... totally sickening ... worse than Hitler ..." and so on, before being abruptly curtailed by the inevitable "continued on page 94". Since he must take the alternative view on any subject, he often ends up contradicting himself and getting stuck in logical circles, frequently stopping with "Er..." but continuing anyway.
• Poetry Corner – trite obituaries of the recently deceased in the form of poems from the fictional teenage poet E.J. Thribb (17 1/2). The poems (nearly) always have a heading "In Memoriam..." and usually begin "So. Farewell then".
• A Doctor Writes – the fictional "A. Doctor" or "Dr Thomas Utterfraud" parodies newspaper articles on topical medical conditions, particularly those by Dr Thomas Stuttaford.
• Polly Filler – a stunningly vapid and self-centred female "lifestyle" columnist, whose irrelevant personal escapades and gossip serve solely to cover column inches. She complains bitterly about the workload of the modern woman whilst passing all parental responsibility onto 'the au pair'. Her name is derived from Polyfilla, a DIY product used to fill holes and cracks in plaster. Polly's sister Penny Dreadful makes an occasional appearance.
• Toy-town News or Nursery Times – a newspaper based on the mythology of children's stories. For example, Paul Burrell was satirised as the "Knave of Hearts" who was "lent" tarts "for safe keeping", rather than stealing them as in the rhyme. Nigel Dempster is referred to as "Humpty Dumpster".
• Ye Daily Tudorgraph – a newspaper written in mock-Tudor language, set in that time-period. It usually suggests Bill Deedes was a young boy at the time.
• The Has-Beano – a pastiche of the Beano children's comic, used to satirise The Spectator and Boris Johnson (who features as the lead character, Boris the Menace).
• Obvious headline – the trite and banal stories about celebrities' antics that receive extensive reporting in the national press are often rewritten as an anonymous headline, such as "SHOCK NEWS: MAN HAS SEX WITH SECRETARY". This is usually "EXCLUSIVE TO ALL NEWSPAPERS".
• Official Apology or Product Recall – spoofs the official apologies and product recall notices that newspapers are mandated to print. For example, a product recall of the English national football team, a very faulty product.
• Gnomemart – the Christmas special edition of Private Eye includes a double page of spoof adverts for useless mail-order gadgets, usually endorsed by topical celebrities or capable of playing topical songs or TV theme tunes.
• Mary Ann Bighead – A satire of The Times columnist and assistant editor Mary Ann Sieghart. Bighead is lampooned as being pretentious, ignorant, and boastful of her two children Brainella (3) and Intelligencia (7), her high standard of living, her travels (mainly to developing countries where she patronises the locals) and the fact that she can speak so many languages (including Swahili, Tagalog and 13th Century Mongolian).
• Pop Scene by Maureen Cleavage – Originally a micky-take on press coverage of the music business and Maureen Cleave, who had a "pop" column on the Evening Standard. At the time (early to mid-Sixties), popular culture was starting to be taken more seriously by the heavier newspapers; some claim that the Eye gang considered this approach to be pretentious, and ripe for ridicule, although others counter-argue that the Eye was in fact covering popular culture before some of the more serious newspapers did. Maureen was supposedly a close friend of John Lennon, indeed she is often credited with bringing the notorious "more popular than Jesus" remark to public notice. Her style was similar to the gushing and uncritical content which now typifies "Bizarre" in The Sun and the "3am Girls" in the Daily Mirror. This section was a satirical comment on the activities of popular musicians of the time. Their antics were usually attributed to "'The Turds' pop group" (fictional) and their charismatic leader 'Spiggy Topes'. The 'Turds' and 'Topes' were originally based on The Beatles and a thinly disguised John Lennon, but the names became applied to any rock star or band whose excesses featured in the popular press (Johnny Rotten and the Sex Pistols, for example). It is believed that this section first appeared in issue no. 69 in August 1964.
• Neasden FC – A fictional lower league football club from Neasden often used to satirize the state of British football in general with the manager 'ashen-faced Ron Knee, 59' possibly from Ron Atkinson (although the character predates Atkinson's public downfall in 2004 by many years) and the two fans 'Sid and Doris Bonkers' playing on the idea of tiny devoted fanbases of unsuccessful football clubs. The reports were written by "E.I. Addio", which was a punning reference to popular football chanting.

Others

• Diary – a diary written in the style of the chosen celebrity (written by Craig Brown).
• Pseuds Corner – quotations from the media in which the pompous and pretentious point themselves out (based on reader submissions, which are rewarded with "the usual tenner"). At one point in the 1970's a wine columnist wrote to the magazine complaining that "every time I describe a wine as anything other than red or white, dry or wet, I wind up in Pseud's Corner". Now usually includes a sub-section – Pseuds Corporate.
• Ongoing situations, subtitled (with meaningful and viable scenarios at this moment in time) showcased the gobbledegook and doubletalk rampant in "on the spot" interviews beginning in the 1970's, as television news coverage went live outside the studio, leading to unrehearsed speeches which natually tended toward the currently fashionable cliches.
• In The Back – in-depth investigative journalism, often taking the side of the downtrodden. This section was until 2004 overseen by Paul Foot and is seen by many as the strongest element within the magazine. It often features stories on potential miscarriages of justice and stories on other embarrassing establishment misdeeds. It was known as Footnotes until 1999, when Paul Foot suffered an aortic aneurysm and had to spend six months in hospital.
• In The City – analysis of financial and city affairs and people.
• Crossword – a cryptic prize crossword, notable for its vulgarity, composed by 'Cyclops'.
• Classified – adverts from readers. Years ago people with odd sexual tastes would make contact with others via personal ads, using code words (using the names of motor cycles to describe various sexual acts, for example). However, nowadays it's usually more a case of people flogging wine or websites, or conspiracy theorists promoting their ideas, because sexual deviants have taken to using the internet instead. Includes the "Eye Need" adverts in which people beg for money and sometimes, it's claimed, have their prayers answered by wealthy readers. Spike Milligan once placed an ad that ran: "Spike Milligan would like to meet a rich, well-insured widow – intention: murder" and reported receiving several dozen replies.

Regular mini-sections

In addition, there are several mini-sections, mostly based on clippings from newspapers sent in by readers:

• Lookalikes – comparing two famous individuals who look alike; frequently the two have an ironic connection too which is pointed out by the reader who submits the piece. The captions relating to the two individuals are also swapped around, implying that even the magazine cannot tell which individual is which. The sender often finishes with the phrase "might they perhaps be related?" and/or "I think we should be told." This feature was copied by the American Spy magazine in its "Separated at Birth?" section
• Order Of The Brown Nose – highlighting those who toady to others (usually the famous and/or powerful)
• Number Crunching – comparing numerical figures relating to a current event with others that make the event seem comical/bizarre
• Dumb Britain – Bizarre or stupid answers to questions from British TV/radio quiz shows
  • Similarly Dumb America, Dumb Ireland, Dumb Australia, etc.
• Luvvies – quotations from thespians and other theatrical types, indicating they are "luvvies"
• The Neophiliacs – Examples of lazy journalists employing the snowclone "x is the new y", eg Black is the new brown, Basel is the new St Tropez and so forth. However, there has been a recent trend for lazy journalists to preface their remarks with "At the risk of appearing in Private Eye..."
• Colemanballs – infamous collection of quotes from radio and TV in which commentators and other professional speakers are inconsistent, mix metaphors, and more. It is named after British sports commentator David Coleman
• Warballs – quotations from the media in which people spuriously use the events of September 11, 2001 as justification for various actions, usually totally unrelated
  • Also Dianaballs – highlights the use in the media of invoking an emotional or sentimental response by referring to the death of Diana, Princess of Wales. The "-balls" construction is also used to refer to other events, for example Tsunamiballs
• Eye spy – pictures sent in by readers showing contradictory, ironic, amusing, scatological, or just plain daft images; for example, a temporary "Polling Station" sign situated next to a "Do not sit on the fence" notice; an Indonesian restaurant named "Caffe Bog" and so on.
• Solutions – instances of companies adopting an unimaginitive buzzword by claiming to provide 'solutions' where a simpler phrasing would seem more appropriate: for instance, describing cardboard boxes as "Christmas Ornament Storage Solutions cleverly designed so that you no longer have to painstakingly wrap each Christmas ornament in tissue paper in order to protect it".

Cartoons

As well as many one-off cartoons, the magazine features several comic strips:

• Bores – Michael Heath
• Yobs and Yobettes – Tony Husband Satirising yob (Chav) culture (or lack of)
• Supermodels – Neil Kerber satirising their lifestyle – the characters are unfeasably thin
• The Commuters – Grizelda - follows the efforts of two commuters to get a train to work.
• It's Grim Up North London – Knife & Packer satire about Islington trendies
• Young British Artists – Birch - a spoof of artists such as "Tracey" (Emin) and "Damien" (Hirst).
• Off Your Trolley – Reeve & Way - set in an NHS hospital
• Apparently – Mike Barfield
• The Premiersh*ts – Paul Wony - about the state of professional football and footballers
• Celeb – Charles Peattie and Mark Warren
• Snipcock & Tweed – Nick Newman - two book publishers
• The Directors – Dredge & Rigg – comments on the excesses of boardroom fat cats
• The Cloggies (defunct) – Bill Tidy – an everyday story of clog-dancing folk
• Hom Sap (defunct) – Austin
• Scenes you seldom see
• EUphemisms – Features a European Union (EU) official making a statement, with the caption giving what it means in real terms, generally depicting the EU in a negative light. An example:, a French Minister (indicated by the French Flag behind him) declaring "The Euro is not a failure" with the caption reading "I'm using the word "not" in its loosest possible sense".
• Barry McKenzie (defunct) – was a very popular strip in the mid-Sixties detailing the adventures of an expatriate Aussie at large in Earl's Court and elsewhere, written by Barry Humphries (aka Dame Edna Everage) and drawn by Nicholas Garland, later a political cartoonist in the heavyweight dailies.

Additionally, currently and in the past it has used the work of Ralph Steadman, Wally Fawkes, Timothy Birdsall, Martin Honeysett, Willie Rushton, Gerald Scarfe, Bill Tidy, Robert Thompson, Ken Pyne, Geoff Thompson, "Jerodo", Ed McLauchlan, "Pearsall", Brian Bagnall and Kathryn Lamb.

Frequent targets

While politicians were frequent and easy targets for the magazine, there were other often singled out for various kinds of treatment.

Prime Ministers

The early days

The magazine began publication when Harold Macmillan, aka Supermac, was Prime Minister. At that point Macmillan was almost beyond parody, having been mistreated by the newspapers for years. His successor, Alec Douglas-Home was equally lampooned, though the Baillie Vass episode gave the magazine an opening to exploit.

Wilson

Harold Wilson was the first PM to receive the Private Eye treatment from scratch, as it were. Calling him Wislon, presumably for its sinister sound, the Eye portrayed him as a relentless climber and self-promoter. In a retrospective for The Life and Times of Private Eye the editors compared him to David Frost, who similarly seemed bent on fame. Wilson's name tended to be preceded by expressions such as "sensitive, versatile", suggesting that he would keep changing his positions to please those around him.

In later years, afer the jailing of the fraudster Emil Savundra, he was referred to as Wilsundra.

One front cover parodied the horror movie Willard, with a Wilson-faced rat, and the title Wislard.

Heath

Edward Heath gained the nickname The Grocer from his role in negotiations over the EEC food policies under the Conservative administration before the Wilson government. When elected PM himself, he was portrayed as a hopeless waffler, mostly interested in sailing his yacht, Morning Cloud, ignoring the corruption of some of his colleagues, such as Reginald Maudling. Heath's unusual status as a bachelor inevitably gave rise to homosexual innuendo.

Callaghan

James Callaghan inherited the role of PM from Wilson in 1976. In some ways the times were too dark for a good lampooning, and in any case the man was quite unremarkable.

Thatcher

The Falklands war and high levels of unemployment in 1980s Britain made Margaret Thatcher an easy target for Private Eye. She was also the subject of an ironic piece where she was described as "bewitching... sexual and political power combine to create the perfect woman." It continues in a similar vein before ending with the inevitable "That's enough. Ed."

Other politicians

Reginald Maudling

Reginald Maudling, following news about his role in the Real Estate Fund of America, with its connections to shady Italian-Americans and even to friends of Richard Nixon, became the prime target of the Eye in the Heath administration. His fondness for fine dining led him to be caricatured as a "bloated voluptuary", usually dressed in a nightshirt and sleeping cap, waking only to eat. The constant sleeping symbolized his inaction over the Ulster situation, when he was Home Secretary. One item featured the spoof dictionary defintion of the verb maudle (to prevaricate, procrastinate etc.)

Lord (Jeffrey) Archer

Jeffrey Archer, the former Conservative MP who was Deputy Chairman of the party under Margaret Thatcher and who later served time in prison for perjury, is usually referred to as Lord Archhole.

The Reverend Ian Paisley

Dr. Paisley made the cover of Private Eye at least five times (the April 1992 edition featured his Spitting Image puppet). He usually appeared in connection with events in Northern Ireland.

Prominent figures

Lord Goodman

Solicitor-to-the-rich Arnold Goodman, or Lord Goodman, was a favourite target, and he was usually referred to as Lord Badman. The Eye saw him as a latterday Cardinal Richelieu, the power behind the throne, especially when the Conservatives held power. From the negotiations over the status of Rhodesia, to his central role in many sources of public money, such as the Arts Council, to the many high-profile lawsuits his firm filed, including those against the Eye itself (see Arkell v. Pressdram), it seemed he was the true ruler of the country. One cartoon showed him as a spider at the centre of a web of money and influence. Another demonstrated his apparent role in making sure that money always found its way to the Royal Opera House in Covent Garden, seen as an elite institution catering mainly to the upper crust, when the public money was intended to bring art to the masses.

Goodman's obesity and hangdog looks made him easy to ridicule. There was however, always the uneasy feeling that the Eye might be right about him.

Journalists

Nigel Dempster

A gossip columnist for the Daily Mail and The Mail on Sunday, Nigel Dempster received much attention, especially in the Grovel gossip section, including a picture of him in flagrante with an admirer. Later it was revealed that he was the major contributor to Grovel at the time. Referred to in the Eye as "Nigel Pratt-Dumpster", "Humpty Dumpster", or "Former GLE (Greatest Living Englishman) Nigel Dempster".

Entertainment and media

Antonia Fraser

Lady Antonia Fraser, a sometime actress but now a biographer and wife of Harold Pinter, her high-profile divorce brought her into the public eye, and her views on sex kept her there. She will always be Lady Magnesia Freelove to Eye aficionados.

====Paul McCartney==== makes occasional appearances as Sir Spigismond Topes, aka Spiggy Topes.

Fleet Street

The magazine has developed nicknames for most of Britain's leading newspapers:

• The Guardian is inevitably The Grauniad (for its reputation for typos). After a rebrand where the paper's logotype became lowercase, this became the grauniad (minus caps).
• The Daily Telegraph is either The Torygraph (for its support for the Conservative Party), The Hurleygraph (for regularly printing photos of Elizabeth Hurley on its front page), The Hello!graph (for an appearance of celebrity obsession), or as discussed below The Telavivagraph. The Eye has more recently coined the name the "Maily Telegraph" to mark the hiring of a number of ex-Daily Mail employees by the newspaper and also to suggest that the Telegraph is becoming like the Daily Mail.
• The Daily Express was called the Titsbychristmas in 1978; afterward it became the Daily Getsworse or the Daily Getsmuchworse, and recently the Daily Sexpress (its owner, Richard 'Dirty' Desmond, also owns or owned several pornographic magazines and satellite pornography channels). Currently the paper is lampooned as The Diana'y Express due to the perceived obsession of the paper with conspiracy theories regarding Diana, Princess of Wales and her death in 1997, and the volume of weekly, front-page coverage it has given to the dead royal.
• The Independent was described as the Indescribablyboring while its sister paper, The Independent on Sunday, is known as the Sindie.
• The News of the World is known as The Screws of the World, The News of the Screws, or simply The Screws.
• The Daily Mail is usually spoofed for an obsession with property prices e.g. the impact of Prince Harry dressing as a Nazi on property prices in London. Sometimes referred to as The Daily Lie in reference to the lack of accuracy of its journalism.
• The Daily Mirror is known as The Moron. This was more amusing before Piers "Moron" Morgan (or, as the Eye often puts it, Piers "Morgan" Moron) was sacked as its editor.

Examples of humour

The magazine has a number of running in jokes, often accessible only to those who have read the magazine for many years:

• The phrase "Ugandan relations" (or "Ugandan discussions" or "Ugandan affairs"), for example, is a Private Eye euphemism for illicit sex, usually while carrying out a supposedly official duty. According to Brewer's Dictionary of Modern Phrase and Fable (2000) the term is a reference to an incident at a party hosted by the journalist Neal Ascherson and his first wife, at which fellow journalist Mary Kenny had a "meaningful confrontation" with a former cabinet minister in the government of Milton Obote, later explaining that they were "upstairs discussing Uganda". The poet James Fenton apparently coined the term. In 1996, 'Getting Back to Basics' was suggested as a replacement euphemism after the disastrous policy of the same name adopted by John Major's government.
• Queen Elizabeth II is always referred to as "Brenda", and the Prince of Wales as "Brian". This is a result of the 1969 BBC documentary Royal Family, after which the magazine gave each member of the Royal Family working class nicknames, as though they were characters in a soap opera. The Duke of Edinburgh is "Keith", the late Princess Margaret was "Yvonne", and the late Diana, Princess of Wales was dubbed "Cheryl".
• (Shome mishtake, shurely? Ed) is a frequent comment supposedly scribbled into the copy by the editor and mistakenly printed as part of the article. The slurred 's'-sounds have been interpreted as representing drunkenness; however, they accurately reproduce the distinctive speech patterns of "Shir Bill Deedesh" (now Lord Deedes), former editor of The Daily Telegraph (and the eponymoush 'Bill' of the Dear Bill lettersh). Deedes was notable as an editor for his complete lack of awareness of contemporary slang, culture and mores. Other stock comments from the Ed include:
  • We've just had this
  • Who he?
  • Oh no you don't
  • What that?
  • Excellent stuff, keep going
  • That's enough [X] (where [X] is the subject or person under discussion)
  • Is this right?
  • You're fired
• "Tired and emotional" was a phrase used to describe 1960s Labour party Cabinet Minister George Brown, who had a drink problem. It first appeared in a 'fake' memo printed by the Eye supposedly informing civil servants how to describe Mr Brown's conduct and state of mind. The phrase – one of many that journalists use to avoid libel actions, due to the near-impossibility of proving intoxication without forensic evidence – has now entered common parlance. In 1957 a trio of Labour politicians, including Aneurin Bevan and Richard Crossman successfully sued The Spectator over just such an allegation, which Crossman admitted in his diary was true of one of the triumvirate. Brewer's Politics (1995) states that the phrase was first used by a BBC press officer of Brown in November 1963, as a description of his condition on a programme commemorating President Kennedy, which the Eye subsequently borrowed.
• ....Arkell v. Pressdram - a similar euphemism indicating that someone uttered an obscenity. See Litigation.
• Mohamed Al-Fayed is routinely referred to as "The Phoney Pharaoh" and much jest is made of his mispronunciation of the word "fuck" as "fugg". He is also referred to simply as Mohamed Fayed on the basis that the 'Al-' was added to his name by Fayed himself.
• The former Prime Minister Sir Alec Douglas-Home was referred to as 'Baillie Vass' after Scottish newspaper The Aberdeen Evening Express accidentally used a photograph of Home to illustrate a June 1964 story about a Scottish Baillie named Vass. Private Eye thereafter affected to believe that 'Home' had been unmasked as an impostor, a position it maintained until Home's death in 1995.
• On May Day 1965, the magazine held a "Mass for Vass" rally in Central London. Some 300 marchers under police supervision carried banners proclaiming "High-Speed Vass Gets Things Done", "The Baillie Will No Fail Ye", "Hands off the Rann of Kutch!" and (in reference to a former nickname, "Sir Alec Douglas-Who?") "Who's a Cretin?". The march processed from Parliament Square to Conservative Central Office, where, to the sound of a brass band, the participants sang rousing songs in 'support' of Home, to the occupants of the building from the street below. This incident went almost entirely unreported in the national media.
• Fictional quotations from the police are attributed to "Inspector Knacker of the Yard", a reference to knackers' yards, where old horses were sent to be turned into glue and dog food.
• People engaging in lawsuits (especially frivolous or pointless ones) are often said to be using the services of the law firm "Sue, Grabbitt and Runne". Danny La Rue, a well-known female impersonator, responded to a picture of him on the front cover by threatening to "go to the family solicitors, Rue, Grabbit and Son".
• Letters to newspapers such as the Daily Telegraph, from elderly, out-of-touch and reactionary people, are parodied by missives purportedly from 'Sir Herbert Gussett'. Sir Herbert's address varies: in the early 1980s, for example, it was the alleged village of Lymeswold, but as often as not it is a made-up place claimed to be in Wiltshire, Dorset or Oxfordshire. Sometimes the name of the place reflects the content of the letter; for example, when writing on cricket (as he often does) he may live in the Dorset village of Arlott St John, a reference to John Arlott. On many occasions, he will write from the saloon bar of the Lamb and Flag public house (which has a real-life counterpart in Oxford). It was once a popular joke among holidaying readers to send letters to English-language newspapers in their host country, which were allegedly from Sir Herbert Gussett. These would typically bemoan or praise the country in relation to a recent visit allegedly made by Sir Herbert. The culprit(s) would await publication, clip the printed letter, and send it straight to Private Eye, which usually printed them for 'the usual fiver'. This practice has died out somewhat in recent years.
• Old-fashioned Tory MPs are generally represented by the character of Sir Bufton Tufton (lampooning Sir Tufton Beamish), an old fashioned Tory MP. Sir Bufton's constituency varies (but it has been known to be Lymeswold on several occasions) but his greediness, laziness, bigotry and incompetence remain constant. He has only been pictured once, and the photo (of a real-life Tory MP) drew an immediate letter from the innocent victim.
• Capita – (a company allegedly responsible for delaying the start of the academic year 2002-3 at some schools by incompetent handling of the Criminal Records Bureau which was responsible for vetting teachers for convictions for child abuse and other offences) is frequently called "Crapita".
• The Serious Fraud Office is often the Serious Farce Office.
• The Department of Trade and Industry is often the "Department of Timidity and Inaction" for obvious reasons.
• The Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (DEFRA) may be called the "Department for the Elimination of Farming and Rural Affairs."
• The magazine itself is frequently referred to as an "organ", providing endless possibilities for sexual innuendo.
• A former editor of The Sunday Telegraph, Sir Peregrine Worsthorne, is consistently referred to as 'Sir Perishing Worthless'.
• The conservative polemicist Paul Johnson, once a regular target of deputy editor Francis Wheen, used to be persistently referred to as "loonybins". During the Sixties, the US President Lyndon Baines Johnson was dubbed Loony Bins Johnson.
• Grapefruit segments – once an infuriatingly-pervasive and out-of-place component of lists (such as features on new cars, etc), now seldom seen.
• The Sizzler – an alleged fried breakfast for sale at extortionate prices on any train journey mentioned. At the first mention of The Sizzler, the article in which it appeared would be sidelined into a recital of the glories and deliciousness of said item.
• (Takes out onion) – a stage-direction used when someone is allegedly faking sorrow (usually used to denote hypocrisy).
• The late Lord Clark, father of the late Alan Clark, was referred to as 'Lord Clark of Civilisation' after it became known that Mary Wilson, wife of Harold, had urged that Clark receive a peerage for his TV documentary series 'Civilisation'. 'Quotes' from Lord Clark still appear in the Eye, often beginning with the rhetorical catchphrase question: "What could be more agreeable than ..?"
• The Grand Old Duke of York, based on an children's nursery rhyme, is used to describe military decisions (such as cut backs). An example would be that the Duke's 10,000 men are being reduced to 100 and they won't be marching up any hills because they don't have any boots.

Running jokes in the magazine include such staples as St Cake's School (run by Mr Kipling, whose motto is Quis paget entrat (who pays gets in)), whose newsletters feature extraordinary and unlikely results and prizes. The notoriously underperforming football club Neasden F.C. is another favourite, run by "ashen faced supremo" Ron Knee and with constant mention of the team's devoted fans, Sid and Doris Bonkers. The club's latest misfortunes curiously echo, in a bathetic manner, the tribulations of major clubs in the national news.

Bulleted lists are usually shorter than stated and include two final entries of "Er..." and "That's it." The number 94 is used as a generic boringly large number, e.g. "the awards ceremony, in its 94th year" or a spoof newspaper cover story being cut off mid-sentence with "(continued page 94)"

Neasden

This suburb of North West London is also the setting for various other items and is often given as the origin of fictional letters. The magazine was initially printed in Neasden before being turned away by the printers, which might explain the origins of this joke, although in 1971, Richard Ingrams said simply that Neasden was used "to denote the contemporary urban environment".

Lord Gnome

Lord Gnome is purported to be the proprietor of the magazine and was originally modelled on an amalgam of newspaper magnates including Lord Beaverbrook and Lord Thomson of Fleet. As the likes of Rupert Murdoch emerged, Gnome accumulated other characteristics as time progressed.

Crossword

In the early 1970s its crossword was set by the Labour MP Tom Driberg, under the pseudonym of "Tiresias" (supposedly "a distinguished academic churchman"). It is currently set by Eddie James under the name "Cyclops". The crossword is frequently pornographic and, by all measures, usually intensely offensive. The prize for the first correct solution opened, £100, is unusually high for a crossword and attracts many entrants.

Andrew Neil image

Infamous image of Andrew Neill

A photograph of journalist, broadcaster and publisher Andrew Neil (nickname: "Brillo Pad") ran over several consecutive editions and still surfaces periodically on the flimsiest of excuses and usually on request from readers via the Letters section. It shows Neil dressed in a vest and baseball cap embracing an attractive young Asian woman previously assumed to be Pamella Bordes, a former beauty queen with whom he had had a relationship. The photograph is apparently of an American woman Neil was briefly involved with while in the United States.

The image often appears on the letters section, when a reader compares current events to a euphemistic reference to the image in an attempt to get the magazine (usually successfully) to print it. For example, during the outbreak of Asian bird flu, it was suggested that the Eye showed an image showing "correct procedure for handling an Asian bird". Another time, a reader (in response to the idea that the Eye needed to become more friendly to young people) asked for an example of a "juxtaposition of the old and the young brought together in reasonably harmonious union". It was not intended for the photograph to become a running gag, but it became so after it became known that Neil found it embarrassing. The Eye frequently refers to Neil as "Neill", inspired by the unusual spelling of Pamella Bordes' name.

Phil Space

Phil Space is a fictional writer. He usually writes articles that are there mainly to fill space on the page, hence his name (and similarly Phil Pages, Phil Airtime [a radio news correspondent], Philippa Page etc.). The articles are rarely informative or useful and are often completely irrelevant.

"Trebles all round" is a standard conclusion to stories of fat-cats doing deals and getting fatter.

Alongside jokes, the magazine frequently breaks news stories before any other outlet. It was the first outlet to name the Kray twins as the gang leaders terrorising the London underworld in the 1960s. This only occurred as the then editor Richard Ingrams was on holiday and proprietor Peter Cook covering for him saw it as too good an opportunity to miss.

Criticism

Overall, criticism of the Eye should perhaps be viewed in the light of a remark made to the editors by the director and satirist Jonathan Miller: "When are you lot going to develop a point of view?" Miller once described the Eye's editorial conference as like watching naked, anti-Semitic public schoolboys in a changing room, flicking wet towels at defenceless victims.

Critics of the magazine in the distant past have suggested that it had an antisemitic tone, perhaps because it refers to the Daily Telegraph newspaper as the Telavivagraph (but also as the Teheranagraph), and frequently lampoons events in the Middle East by writing them up into mock KJV Biblical verse ("And first they visited upon the city of Jen-in in a terrible plague of fire and brimstone, so that many of the Araf-ites and Hamas-ites were slain, even men, women and children"). The fact that the previous owner of the Telegraph, Conrad Black, and his wife and contributor Barbara Amiel, are both vocal supporters of Likud party policies is a possible explanation for the Telavivagraph jibe. The paper faithfully reflected the owner's prejudices, making it ripe for satire.

The magazine has also been claimed to have other racist attitudes which still occasionally surface, such as the 1971 cover showing Emperor Hirohito visiting Britain with the caption "A nasty nip in the air" (subhead: "Piss off, Bandy Knees"). Idi Amin also was characterised speaking in Pidgin English. In the 1960s and 1970s the magazine mocked the gay rights movement as "Poove Power". In recent years, some have accused the "Dumb Britain" section of being based around cultural snobbery and sneering at the working class.

However, (as per the remark by Jonathan Miller) the magazine is something of a moving target, which always maintains a fog of irony making it hard to discern if it is being serious in intent or just joking. This even applies to readers' letters, which might be published because they make a valid point or just so that other readers can be entertained by the naïve notions discussed. Many such letters are from irate readers who claim they are so disgusted with a particular article or cartoon in a previous issue that they announce the cancellation of their subscription.

The magazine's irreverence and occasional tastelessness can also offend some. Upon the death of Diana, Princess of Wales, it printed a cover headed "MEDIA TO BLAME". Under this headline was a picture of many hundreds of people outside the gates of Buckingham Palace with one person commenting he couldn't get hold of a newspaper, and another saying, "Borrow mine. It's got a picture of the car.".

The issue also featured a mock retraction of everything negative that they had said about Diana. This was enough to cause a flood of complaints, many cancelled subscriptions, and the temporary removal of the magazine from the shelves of many newsagents (including WH Smith – a.k.a. "WH Smugg" or "WH Smut", which had previously refused to stock the Eye until well into the 1970s).

Following the terrorist attacks on New York on September 11, 2001 the magazine's cover featured an aide briefing George W. Bush on the tragedy. The aide says, "It's Armageddon, sir"; to which the President replies, "Armageddon outta here".

Following the 7 July 2005 London bombings the magazine's cover featured Tony Blair saying to Ken Livingstone "We must track down the evil mastermind behind the bombers...", to which Mr. Livingstone replies ".. and invite him around for tea". A reference to Ken Livingstone's controversial invitation of Yusuf al-Qaradawi to London.

File:Private eye 1121.jpg

The "Nativity Scene" cover

The 2004 Christmas (issue 1122) issued received an unexpected amount of complaints and subscription cancellations after it featured Pieter Brueghel's painting of a nativity scene, in which one wise man was saying to another: "Apparently, it's David Blunkett's" (who at the time was involved in a scandal where he had got another married woman pregnant). Many readers sent letters accusing the magazine of blasphemy and anti-Christian attitudes, and one ironically stated that the "witless, gutless buggers wouldn't dare mock Islam", despite the Eye featuring cartoons and parodies on a regular basis that poke fun at various practices of Islam. However, many letters in the first issue of 2005 disagreed with the former readers' complaints, and some were even parodies of those letters, 'complaining' about issue 1123's cover - a cartoon depicting Santa's sleigh shredded to pieces by a wind farm: "To use a picture of Our Lord Father Christmas and his Holy Reindeer being torn limb from limb while flying over a windfarm is inappropriate and blasphemous."

It is easily claimed that the magazine is more interested in ridiculing people than being fair and kind – the magazine's editorship might well agree. Equally, the magazine is seen as opposed to those in power for the sake of being opposed – it has never been in the least bit content with politicians' actions.

Litigation

The magazine is sued for libel on a regular basis and maintains a large quantity of money as a "fighting fund" (although experience has taught those behind the magazine quick ways to defuse legal tensions, usually by printing a letter from those concerned). As editor, Ian Hislop has become the most-sued man in Britain.

Those who have sued the magazine include many famous names, though as the editors noted, while politicians are a prime target they "tend to take their medicine like men", and the largest number of lawsuits issue from journalists. For the tenth anniversary issue, the cover showed a cartoon headstone inscribed with a long list of well-known names, and the epitaph "They did not sue in vain".

An unlikely piece of British legal history occurred in the case Arkell v. Pressdram. The plaintiff was the subject of an article relating to illicit payments, and for a change the magazine had ample evidence to back up the article. Arkell's lawyers wrote a letter in which, unusually, they said: "Our client's attitude to damages will depend on the nature of your reply". The response consisted, in part, of the following: "We would be interested to know what your client's attitude to damages would be if the nature of our reply were as follows : Fuck off". This caused a stir in certain quarters. In the years following, the magazine would refer to this case as a way of indicating that someone uttered the obscenity, as in "His reply was similar to that given to the plaintiff in Arkell v. Pressdram (proceeding)". Like tired and emotional the euphemism has spread far beyond the magazine.

The most famous litigation case against the magazine was initiated by James Goldsmith (AKA Jammy Fishpaste), who managed to arrange for criminal libel charges to be brought (effectively meaning that, if found guilty, those behind the Eye could be imprisoned). He sued over allegations that members of the Clermont Set, including Goldsmith, had conspired to shelter Lord Lucan after Lucan had (allegedly) murdered his family nanny, Sandra Rivett. Goldsmith won a partial victory and eventually reached a settlement with the magazine. The case threatened to bankrupt the magazine, which turned to its readers for financial support in the form of the Goldenballs Fund. Goldsmith himself was referred to as Jaws. The solicitor involved in many litigation cases against Private Eye, including the Goldsmith case, was Peter Carter-Ruck (or "Carter-Fuck", as the Eye referred to him).

Robert Maxwell (Captain Bob) also sued, for the suggestion he looked like a criminal. He won a significant sum. The editor, Ian Hislop, summarised the case: "I've just given a fat cheque to a fat Czech." Sonia Sutcliffe also sued after allegations that she used her connection to her husband, the Yorkshire Ripper, Peter Sutcliffe, to make money. She won £600,000 which was later reduced to £60,000 on appeal. However, the initial award caused Hislop to quip outside the court: "If this is justice, I'm a banana.".

Ownership

The magazine is apparently owned by an odd and eclectic cartel of people, albeit officially published through the mechanism of a limited company called Pressdram Ltd [Registered No.00708923], which was bought as an "off the shelf" company by Peter Cook in November 1961.

Private Eye is not the kind of magazine to publish explicit details of individuals concerned with its upkeep (it notably doesn't even contain a "flannel panel" listing of who edits, writes and designs the magazine), but in 1981 the owners were quoted in the book The Private Eye Story as being Peter Cook, who owned most of the shareholding, with smaller shareholdings by the likes of Dirk Bogarde, Jane Asher, and several of those involved with the founding of the magazine. Most people on the list have since died, however, and it's not clear what happened to their shareholdings. Those concerned are reputedly contractually only able to sell their shareholdings at the price they originally paid for them.

Shareholders as at date of last annual return (ie as at 26 March 2005) are (note: many of the shareholders have inherited shares):

• Jane Asher
• Barbara Braden
• David Cash (also a director)
• Elizabeth Cook
• Lin Cook
• Barry Fantoni
• Tessa Fantoni
• Ian Hislop (also a director)
• Eileen Lewenstein
• Executor of Lord Farington
• Peter Cook (Productions) Ltd
• Private Eye (Productions) Ltd
• Anthony Rushton (also a director)
• Sarah Seymour
• Thomas Usbourne
• Brock van der Bogaerde.

The other directors are Sheila Molnar, who is also the company secretary, and Richard Ingrams.

Trivia

• News (previously called The Colour Section) – The logo for this section of the magazine is a donkey-riding naked Mr Punch caressing his erect and oversized penis, while hugging a female admirer. It is a detail from a frieze by "Dickie" Doyle that once formed the masthead of Punch magazine, which the editors of Private Eye had come to loathe for its perceived descent into complacency. The image, hidden away in the detail of the frieze, had appeared on the cover of Punch for nearly a century and was noticed by Malcolm Muggeridge ("Muggo" or "The Guru") during a guest-editing spot on the Eye. The 'Rabelaisian gnome' (as the character was called) was enlarged by Gerald Scarfe, and put on the front cover of issue 69 at full size. He was then formally adopted as a mascot on the inside pages, as a symbol of the old, radical incarnation of Punch magazine that the Eye admired.

• "The Eye lunch" (or "The Old Crappola") takes place upstairs in The Coach and Horses, a public house known for its association with deceased columnist Jeffrey Bernard. The lunch plays host to magazine staff and visitors who attend to share their inside information.

• Terry Major-Ball (brother of John Major) once complained to Ian Hislop on Have I Got News For You about the price rise of the Eye from 90p to £1. He then noted that it would be cheaper to photocopy the magazine. The price is now £1.40. Assuming that one page can be copied for five pence, the 40 page magazine can be copied for £2. With further price increases, the statement may become true in the near future.

See also

• Frank, a Canadian counterpart
• The Phoenix, an Irish counterpart
• Teacher's diary

External links

• Official website
• Media Guardian story
• Ugandan Discussions (Unofficial Front Covers Archive)

Further reading

• Ingrams, Richard (1993). Goldenballs!. Harriman House. ISBN 1897597037.
• Ingrams, Richard (1971). The Life and Times of Private Eye. Penguin. ISBN 0140033572.
• Hislop, Ian (1990). The Complete Gnome Mart Catalogue. Corgi. ISBN 0552137529.
• Carpenter, Humphrey (2002). That Was Satire That Was. Phoenix. ISBN 0753813939.

References

• The Private Eye Story by Patrick Marnham (ISBN 0233975098).