Jewish views on marriage: Difference between revisions
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'''[[Judaism|Jewish]] views of [[marriage]]''' are coloured by the occasional sparse [[Hebrew bible|biblical]] description of certain marriages. [[Karaites|Karaite Judaism]] also manifests the views of mediaeval reformists. In the case of Rabbinic Judaism (which is followed by the vast majority of Jews in the present day) the views and regulations of the [[Talmud]], and associated [[classical rabbinical literature]] form the basis of historic traditions concerning marriage; in modern times the influence of this ranges from mere background, in the case of the [[Liberal Judaism|Liberal]] and [[Reform Judaism|Reform]] denominations, to pervasion of the intricate details of daily life, in the case of [[Orthodox Judaism]]. |
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Unlike most Jewish religious regulations, many of those concerning marriage do actually have the force of law; specifically, in one nation - the [[State of Israel|modern State of Israel]]. [[Civil marriage in Israel|In Israel, civil marriage]] does not exist, and the only mechanism for two people to marry one another is that which is controlled by Orthodox Judaism, who interpret most of the Jewish religious regulations quite strictly ([[Jewish views of marriage#Marriage in the Modern State of Israel|see below]]). |
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==In the Bible== |
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{{main|Marriage in the Bible}} |
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[[File:Rembrandt Harmensz. van Rijn 146.jpg|thumb|right|350px|Rembrandt's depiction of Samson's marriage feast]] |
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Betrothal (''[[erusin]]''), which is merely a binding promise to get married, is distinct from marriage itself (''[[nissuin|nissu'in]]''), with the time between these events varying substantially]]<ref name="JewEncMar">{{Jewish Encyclopedia|article=marriage|url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?letter=M&artid=213}}</ref><ref name="CheyneAndBlackMar">{{EncyclopaediaBiblica|article=MARRIAGE|section=Manius-Mash}}</ref>. Since a wife was regarded as property, in biblical times, the betrothal (''erusin'') was effected simply by purchasing her from her father (or [[parental guardian|guardian]])<ref name="JewEncMar" /><ref name="CheyneAndBlackMar" />; the girl’s consent is not explicitly required by any biblical law<ref name="CheyneAndBlackMar" />. Like the adjacent Arabic culture ([[Pre-Islamic Arabia|in the pre-Islamic period]])<ref>[[William Robertson Smith]], ''Kinship and Marriage in early Arabia'', (1885), 81</ref>, the act of marriage appears mainly to have consisted of the groom fetching the bride, although among the Israelites (unlike the Arabs) the procession was a festive occasion, accompanied by music, dancing, and lights<ref name="CheyneAndBlackMar" /><ref name="JewEncMar" />. To celebrate the marriage, week-long feasts were sometimes held<ref name="JewEncMar" /><ref name="CheyneAndBlackMar" />. |
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The bible describes a number of marriages, including those of [[Isaac]]<ref>{{bibleverse||Genesis|24:49-67|}}</ref>, [[Jacob]]<ref>{{bibleverse||Genesis|29:27|}}</ref>, and [[Samson]]<ref>{{bibleverse||Judges|14:7-12|}}</ref>. It also describes [[Absalom]] as having pitched a tent, in order to carry out sexual activity with [[David]]'s [[concubines]]<ref>{{bibleverse|2|Samuel|16:22|}}</ref>; this is similar to the historic Arabic tradition of a special tent being used for the ''[[consummation]]'' of a marriage<ref name="CheyneAndBlackTen">{{EncyclopaediaBiblica|article=TENT|section=Temple_Keeper-Tetter}}</ref><ref name="WRSKinship167">[[William Robertson Smith]], ''Kinship and Marriage in early Arabia'', (1885), 167-168</ref>. The ''marriage tent'' appears to have eventually evolved biblically into a booth<ref name="WRSKinship167" /><ref name="WRSKinship291">William Robertson Smith, ''Kinship and Marriage in early Arabia'', (1885), 291</ref><ref>{{EncyclopaediaBiblica|article=PAVILION|section=Paulus-Persia}}</ref>. |
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In the [[Torah]] and [[deuteronomic history]] the most common marital arrangement, of those that are mentioned at all, is for [[polygyny|men to have multiple wives at once]]<ref name="JewEncMar" />. However, among the sayings in the later [[Book of Proverbs]], those concerning marriage mention only singular wives<ref name="JewEncMar" />. |
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In biblical times, a wife was regarded as [[chattel]], belonging to her husband<ref name="CheyneAndBlackMar" /><ref name="JewEncMar" />; the descriptions of the bible suggest that she would be expected to perform tasks such as spinning, sewing, weaving, manufacture of clothing, fetching of water, baking of bread, and [[animal husbandry]]<ref>{{bibleverse||Genesis|29:9|}}</ref><ref>{{bibleverse||Exodus|2:16|}}</ref><ref>{{bibleverse|1|Samuel|2:19|}}</ref><ref>{{bibleverse|1|Samuel|8:13|}}</ref>. The [[Book of Proverbs]] even contains an entire [[acrostic]] about the duties which would be performed by a ''virtuous'' wife<ref>{{bibleverse||Proverbs|31:10-31|}}</ref>. However, wives were usually looked after with care, and the [[Covenant Code]] instructs [[bigamy|bigamous]] men to ensure that they give their first wife food, clothing, and sexual activity<ref>{{bibleverse||Exodus|21:10|}}</ref>. The [[Book of Judges]] even describes wives as being given the innermost room(s) of the husband's house, as her own private area to which men were not permitted<ref>{{bibleverse||Judges|15:1|}}</ref><ref>{{bibleverse||Judges|16:9|}}</ref>. There is no biblical evidence to suggest that wives were isolated from society<ref name="CheyneAndBlackMar" />. |
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The [[Book of Isaiah]] argues that one should ''judge the fatherless, plead for the widow''<ref>{{Bibleverse||Isaiah|1:17|}}</ref>, while the [[Deuteronomic Code]] requires that widows (and the fatherless, and [[ger toshav|resident aliens]]) be given sustenance from [[gleaning#In the Bible|gleanings]]<ref>{{Bibleverse||Deuteronomy|14:19-21|}}</ref>, and [[triennial]]ly from the [[Levite Tithe]]<ref>{{Bibleverse||Deuteronomy|14:28|}}</ref><ref>{{Bibleverse||Deuteronomy|26:12|}}</ref>. If the widow had a brother-in-law ([[Latin]]: ''levir''), she was compelled by the Deuteronomic Code to marry him; if he refused this [[levirate marriage]], the Code permits her to loosen his shoe, and spit upon him<ref>{{bibleverse||Deuteronomy|25:7-10|}}</ref> (a ritual known in Judaism as ''[[Halitzah]]''). |
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Marriages could also end in divorce. Since a wife was regarded as property, in early Israelite society<ref name="JewEncMar" /><ref name="CheyneAndBlackMar" />, her husband was originally free to divorce her for any reason, at any time<ref name="CheyneAndBlackMar" />. The Deuteronomic Code, however, insists that divorce must occur in written form, as a ''bill of divorce'', given by the husband to the wife<ref>{{bibleverse||Deuteronomy|24:1-4|}}</ref>; in later Judaism, this document came to be known by the term ''[[Get (divorce document)|get]]''<ref name="JewEncGet">{{Jewish Encyclopedia|article=get|url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?artid=200&letter=G}}</ref>. It was possible for a couple to eventually get back together, although this was forbade by the Deuteronomic Code, if the wife had been married to anyone else in the meantime<ref>{{bibleverse||Deuteronomy|24:2-4|}}</ref>; it has been suggested that this rule was created to curb against impulsive and impetuous divorce<ref name="CheyneAndBlackMar" />. |
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==In later Judaism== |
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{{Judaism}} |
{{Judaism}} |
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{|style="float: right;" |
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===Attitudes=== |
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|[[File:Israëls-A Jewish Wedding-1903.jpg|left|thumb|[[Jozef Israëls]]: ''A Jewish wedding'' 1903]] |
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====Marriage in general==== |
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'''[[Judaism]]''' traditionally considers '''[[marriage]]''' to be the ideal state of personal existence; a man without a wife, or a woman without a husband, is considered incomplete.<ref>[[Babylonian Talmud]] - Yebomoth 62b.</ref> |
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==Engagement (''shiddukhin'')== |
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In Classical rabbinical literature, marriage is regarded as the ideal state of personal existence<ref>Talmud (Babylonian Edition), ''[[Yebamoth]]'' 62b</ref>. It was so revered that<ref name="JewEncMar" />, in that literature, the act of marriage was often referred to as the act of ''Sanctification'' ([[Hebrew language|Hebrew]]: ''Kiddushin'')<ref name="JewEncMar" />; hence marriage is also used as a metaphor for the relationship between the [[Israelite]]s and the Torah, and the supposed exclusivity of that relationship<ref>[[Sanhedrin (Talmud)|Sanhedrin]] 59a</ref><ref>[[Pesahim]] 49b</ref><ref>[[Exodus Rabbah]] 33:8</ref>. |
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{{Main|Shidduch}} |
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It is unclear how women felt about marriage; most of the recorded classical attitudes are only expressed by men, and from the point of view of husbands. Some [[Midrash]]ic and Talmudic opinions argue that an unmarried man would have no joy or goodness in his life, other such opinions claim that a man would have neither protection nor peace if he did not have a wife<ref>[[Yebamot]] 62b</ref><ref>[[Genesis Rabbah]] 17:2</ref>. Another classical opinion argues that without a wife, a man would have to eat raw wheat, and wear raw flax<ref>Yebamot 63a</ref> - in the classical period, it was the wife who was expected to process these, turning them into food and cloth (respectively)<ref>Yebamot 63a</ref>; men were regarded as being unable to spare time to visit a market, on account of being too busy working. |
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In [[Jewish law]], [[engagement]] is defined as the mutual promise between a man and a woman to have a marriage at some future time and the terms on which it shall take place.<ref>''The Principles of Jewish Law'', Ed Menachem Elon, ISBN 0-7065-1415-7, p 353.</ref> The promise may be made by the intending parties or one made by their respective parents or other relatives on their behalf. ([[Kiddushin]] 9b) The betrothal does not in itself affect the personal status of the parties, nor does it give either party the right to claim specific performance. |
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The classical [[rabbi]]s considered the lack of a spouse to render a person incomplete<ref>Talmud (Babylonian Edition), ''Yebamoth'' 62b</ref>, although one such rabbi argued the reverse - that an unmarried man's [[penis]] should be [[Penectomy|cut off]], arguing that the phrase ''men and women he created them'' (in the prologue to [[generations of Adam|a list of Adam's immediate descendants]]<ref>{{bibleverse||Genesis|5:2|}}</ref>) implies that men and women were created to procreate<ref>Yebamot 63a</ref>. It was thus permitted to sell a scroll containing the Torah, if the sale was to be used to finance a marriage, even though treating such scrolls as saleable goods would otherwise be regarded as [[desecration]]<ref>[[Megillah (Talmud)|Megillah]] 27a</ref><ref>[[Bikkurim (Talmud)|Bikkurim]] ([[Palestinian Talmud]] only) 3:3</ref>. |
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Traditionally, engagements for marriage are generally brought about by a third person, often a professional match-maker ("''shadchan''"). The process is called ''[[Shidduch]]im'' ({{lang-he|matches}}). The ''shadchan'' receives a "brokerage-fee" fixed by law or agreed upon by custom, as a rule a small percentage of the dowry. It is paid by either of the parties, or they both pay half each, at the betrothal or after the wedding. The [[rabbi]], as a person enjoying special confidence, is sometimes employed as an intermediary. Although the marriage preliminaries are the concern of the parents, their children are not forced into marriage over their objections, nor may a marriage be blocked as a result of the objections of one's parents. The [[Shidduch]]im system is therefore a system of arranged introductions rather than arranged marriages although in some traditional circles it comes to a system of arranged marriages. |
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==== Individual marriages ==== |
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Today, in some orthodox circles many young people find their marriage partners without their parents' involvement, and even if they do follow the [[shidduch]] system, many engaged couples do not enter into formal betrothals. However, the parents of the couple are still usually involved in the marriage arrangements. |
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This is not to say that marriage was entirely viewed with an unrealistic level of idealism. The talmud reports that some prominent rabbis suffered greatly from supposedly spiteful wives (the opinion held on the matter by the wives in question is not recorded)<ref>Yebamot 63a</ref>; it argues that a wife aids a worthy man, but is a hindrance to an unworthy one<ref>Yebamot 63a</ref>. The Talmudic writers abhorred quarrelsome women, to the extent that they claim it would be better to suffer all the other possible evils, than it would to suffer a bad wife<ref>[[Shabbat (Talmud)|Shabbat]] 11b</ref>. Apparently, in Roman Palestine, it was the custom for Jews to ask recently married men the question ''Maza o Moze?''<ref>[[Berakhot (Talmud)|Berakhot]] 8a</ref><ref>Yebamot 63b</ref>; ''Maza'' here refers to the phrase ''he who finds a wife finds a good thing'' (in Hebrew) in the [[Book of Proverbs]]<ref>{{bibleverse||Proverbs|18:22|}}</ref><ref name="JewEncMar" />, while ''Moze'' refers to the more cynical phrase ''... and I find more bitter than death the woman ....'' (in Hebrew) from [[Ecclesiastes]]<ref>{{bibleverse||Ecclesiastes|7:26|}}</ref><ref name="JewEncMar" />. |
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==Betrothal and marriage (''erusin'' and ''nissu'in'')== |
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It is not recorded whether women, in the classical era, had a similar attitude towards bad husbands. |
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In Jewish law, [[marriage]] consists of two separate acts, called ''[[erusin]]'' (or ''kiddushin'', meaning ''sanctification''<!--BUT historic Jewish writers sometimes use ''kiddushin'' to refer to marriage as a whole, so for the sake of avoiding ambiguity don't use it in the article as a synonym for erusin-->), which is the [[betrothal]] ceremony, and ''[[nissuin|nissu'in]]'', the actual ceremony for the marriage. ''Erusin'' changes the couple's interpersonal status, while ''nissu'in'' brings about the legal consequences of the change of status. In [[Talmud]]ic times, these two ceremonies usually took place about a year apart. The bride lived with her parents until the actual marriage ceremony (''nissuin''), which would take place in a room or tent that the groom had set up for her. Since the middle ages, [[Jewish wedding]]s the two ceremonies took place as a combined ceremony, and the marriage ceremony started to be performed publicly. |
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There are three ways for a Jewish couple to effect ''erusin'' ([[Mishna]], Tractate [[Kiddushin]] 1:1): |
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=== Finding and engaging a marital partner === |
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{{main|Shiddukhin}} |
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*With money (''kesef'') or with an object of value, such as a ring or a coin, for the purpose of contracted marriage, and in the presence of two witnesses, and she actively accepts; |
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In Judaism, the process of finding a marriage partner ([[Hebrew language|Hebrew]]: ''[[Shiddukhin]]'', meaning ''matching'') is not simply a question of two people falling in love; the Talmudic writers claim that a marriage should occur for no other purpose than that of doing the will of God<ref>Sotah 12a</ref>. Following this principle, they advise a man to marry the daughter of a respectable family<ref>Baba Bathra 109b</ref>, below him in social status<ref>[[Kiddushin]] 49a</ref>, but preferably beautiful<ref>Berakhot 57b</ref>, and of a different height and physical complexion<ref>[[Bekhorot]] 45b</ref>. However, they also regard it as degrading for a man to marry a woman if she is unworthy of him<ref name="Kid70a">Kiddushin 70a</ref>; indeed, they claim that such a man would be chastised by God<ref name="Kid70a" />. Thus, the Talmudic writers argue that marriage should not be rushed into<ref>Yebamot 63a</ref>, and instruct that a man should not marry a bride without first seeing her<ref>Kiddushin 41a</ref>. |
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*Through a contract (''shtar'') in the presence of two witnesses, containing the declaration of ''erusin'' (see below); or |
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*By sexual intercourse with the intention of creating a bond of marriage; a method strongly discouraged by the rabbinic sages and intended only for [[levirate marriage]]s. |
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Though all methods are ''[[halakha|halachically]]'' valid, the favoured practice since ancient times has been for ''erusin'' to take place only with ''kesef'' (i.e. "with money") - giving an object of value - which is almost always a ring, but can be a coin. |
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In addition to [[Forbidden relationships in the Bible|the intimate relationships forbade by the Torah]], both [[Forbidden relationships in Judaism|Karaite Judaism and Rabbinic Judaism forbid a number of other relationships]]. Marriage to the ''insane'' was forbade, due to [[Moral agency in Judaism|lack of moral agency]]]<ref name="JewEncIns">{{Jewish Encyclopedia|article=Insanity|url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?artid=149&letter=I&search=insanity}}</ref>, and men could not marry until they had reached the [[Marriagable Age in Judaism|marriageable age, in Judaism]]<ref>''[[Kiddushin]]'', 50b</ref>, nor if they were [[mamzer|bastards]], or [[spadone|had been forcibly emasculated]]<ref name="JewEncMarLaw">{{Jewish Encyclopedia|article=marriage laws|url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?letter=M&artid=216}}</ref>. Furthermore, in addition to [[incest in the Bible|the kinship between which the bible forbids marriage]], [[Jewish views of incest|the classical rabbis prohibited marriage between a man and certain additional relations]]<ref name="Yeb21a">''Yebamot'' 21a</ref>, including a grandfather's wife, and a grandson's wife<ref name="TosYeb23">[[Yebamot]] ([[Tosefta]]) 2:3</ref>. |
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The Talmud includes a series of rules, known as ''[[tzeniut]]'', which restrict social association between men and women<ref name="JewEncMarCer">{{Jewish Encyclopedia|article=Marriage ceremonies|url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?letter=M&artid=215}}</ref>; as a result, there were few opportunities for men to meet potential brides in Jewish society<ref name="JewEncMarCer" />. This lead to the use of a professional match-maker, known as a ''shadkan''<ref name="JewEncMarCer" /> (literally ''matcher''; some modern-Hebrew vocalisations spell this as ''shadchan''{{cite needed}}); their work, known as ''[[shidduch]]'', was sufficiently lucrative that a ''shadkan'' could live on the associated fees<ref name="JewEncMarCer" />. Nevertheless, the ''tzeniut'' segregation rules died out, in practice, after [[the enlightenment]], except among a few Jewish communities such as those of [[Orthodox Judaism]] (a minority within modern Judaism as a whole). |
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Halachically, a Jewish marriage is a personal act between a man and a woman. The actual marriage is the declaration of marriage (consecration) by the man and acceptance by the woman. The function of the [[rabbi]] is to act as the advisor to the couple, and the guests are the witnesses. The civil law of many countries requires the rabbi also to act as an agent for the State during the marriage ceremony, and for two independent witnesses to sign the wedding certificate. |
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In Jewish tradition, an [[engagement]] was not regarded as strictly necessary, and Jews would sometimes be betrothed without ever having been engaged. The Talmud, and the rabbis of the middle ages, however, regard it as inappropriate (but valid) to marry without having had an engagement first, and would punish anyone who did so<ref>[[Kiddushin]] 12b</ref><ref>[[Jacob ben Asher]], [[Even Ha'ezer|Eben ha-'Ezer]], 26, 4</ref>. In a few areas, the engagement is made means of a formal ceremony<ref name="RinMaShEng">Salomon Rinman, ''Mas'ot Shelomoh'', 1884</ref>. |
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== Matrimony == |
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=== Marital harmony === |
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<!-- please read the first sentence before editing this section (it will avoid putting things in the wrong section) --> |
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{{ |
{{Main|Shalom bayit}} |
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Marital harmony, known as "''shalom bayit''," is valued in Jewish tradition. |
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[[File:Jewish wedding ring MNMA Cl20658 n2.jpg|thumb|right|250px|An ornate Jewish wedding ring.]] |
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=== Sexual relations === |
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Betrothal (''[[erusin]]''), which is merely a binding promise to get married, is distinct from marriage itself (''[[nissuin|nissu'in]]''). For legal purposes, in Jewish law, a betrothed couple was<!-- "a couple" is singular--> regarded as husband and wife, at least externally; the betrothal could only be ended by the same divorce process as for married couples. If a betrothed woman had sexual intercourse with any other man, it was regarded as adultery<ref>Sanhedrin 66b</ref>; due to the [[polygyny|polygynous]] nature of early Israelite society, betrothed men had more sexual liberty than this. However, betrothal did not oblige the couple to behave towards each other as if they were a married couple<ref name="JewEncMarLaw" />, and it did not confer the right for the couple to have a sexual relationship with each other<ref name="JewEncMarLaw" />. |
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Regular sexual relations are expected between husband and wife. This obligation is known as "onah."<ref>[http://www.jewfaq.org/sex.htm Judaism 101: Kosher Sex<!-- Bot generated title -->]</ref> In Jewish tradition, sexual relations are the obligation of a man to his wife. Although engagement in sexual relations should be entirely at the discretion of the woman, a wife should not withhold or use sex as a negotiating ploy. |
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Historically, the betrothal (''erusin'') was effected simply by purchasing the bride from her father (or [[parental guardian|guardian]])<ref name="JewEncMar" /><ref name="CheyneAndBlackMar" />. The talmud insists that the groom should state ''be hallowed to me'' (to the bride) while offering to make the purchase<ref name="JewEncMarLaw" />; in modern times, more elaborate formulas, containing this core phrase, are typical<ref name="JewEncMarCer" />. There is no fixed [[bride price|price]], and the Talmud argues that even a perutah, the smallest coin used in [[Roman Palestine]], would be sufficient<ref name="JewEncMarLaw" />. It gradually became customary in many areas for a gold ring to be used as the fee<ref>Kiddushin (Tosefta) 9a</ref><ref name="JewEncMarCer" />, and for it to be given to the bride rather than her father<ref name="CheyneAndBlackMar" />. |
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=== Ritual purity in family life === |
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The girl’s consent is not explicitly required by any biblical law<ref name="CheyneAndBlackMar" />; typically, in a traditional betrothal (such as those of [[Orthodox Judaism]]), she would respond merely by closing her hand around the ring, while remaining silent. In most modern Jewish betrothals (such as those of [[Reform Judaism]]), however, such [[sexism|sexual inequality]] is regarded as somewhat distasteful; therefore brides in this situation would respond to the offer by handing a ring to the groom, while quoting a suitable biblical passage. |
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{{Main|Niddah}} |
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The laws of "family purity" (''tohorat hamishpacha'') are considered an important part of an Orthodox Jewish marriage. This involves observance of the various details of the menstrual [[niddah]] laws. Orthodox brides and grooms often attend classes on this subject prior to the wedding. |
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Traditionally, just before the purchase/exchange is made, a blessing would be recited over a vessel containing wine<ref name="JewEncMarCer" />. After the trade is accepted, it is customary in some areas for the groom to smash the wine vessel<ref name="JewEncMarCer" /><ref name="ChoSefHaMas">[[Joseph Judah Chorny]], ''Sefer ha-Massa'ot'', 1884 (published posthumously)</ref>; this was the tradition in the early first millenium, and the resulting shards were often collected by girls ''for luck''<ref name="JewEncMarCer" />, but the exact meaning of this custom is shrouded in mystery. The vessel is usually a wine glass, but in some areas is is made from clay<ref name="JewEncMarCer" />. |
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== Child marriage == |
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Based on a passage in the [[Deuteronomic Code]]<ref>{{bibleverse||Deuteronomy|22:29}}</ref>, the talmud argues that sexual intercourse between a man and a woman, when the latter is neither betrothed nor married, constituted an alternative method of betrothal<ref name="Kidd11">[[Kiddushin]] 1:1</ref>. So too, did the talmud suggest that betrothal could also be achieved by signing a written contract to that effect; this was known as a ''Shetar ha-Tana'im'' (but in some modern Hebrew accents, ''Shtar haTana'im'')<ref name="Kidd11" />. Both of these alternative methods were fairly rarely used; the sexual intercourse method was strongly discouraged, sometimes even to the extent of threatening punishment for perpetrators<ref name="JewEncMarLaw" />; the contract method was undermined in the middle ages, by it becoming traditional, in most places, for jewish marriages to occur immediately after the corresponding betrothals<ref name="JewEncMarLaw" /> |
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[[Child marriage]] in Judaism was traditionally restricted to female children; the earliest point at which a male is permitted to become betrothed (Hebrew: ''[[erusin]]'') is when he reaches the [[Age of majority in Judaism|age of majority, 13]].<ref>''[[Kiddushin]]'', 50b</ref> According to the Talmud, it was permissible for an adult male to marry a girl as young as 3.<ref>''[[Niddah (Talmud)|Niddah]]'' 44b</ref><ref name="JewEncMaj">{{Jewish Encyclopedia|article=Majority|url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?letter=M&artid=91}}</ref> |
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By age, females were categorised into three groups: |
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=== The Act of Marriage === |
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*a ''ketannah'' (literally meaning ''little [one]'') was any girl between the age of 3 years and that of 12 years plus one day<ref name="JewEncMaj" />. |
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<!-- please read the first sentence below, before editing this section (it will avoid putting things in the wrong section) --> |
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*a ''na'arah'' (roughly meaning ''damsel'') was the status of a girl starting at the age of 12 years plus one day and continuing for the next six months<ref name="JewEncMaj" />. In Judaism, 12 years is the usual age of majority for girls, although in certain circumstances the age of majority could be as high as 35 years plus one day, such as a girl who never demonstrated signs of puberty<ref name="JewEncMaj" />. However, girls remained a ''na'arah'' until they had definitely passed the age of majority<ref name="JewEncMaj" /> |
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{{main|Nissuin}} |
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*a ''bogeret'' (literally meaning ''overripe [one]'') was any girl who passed the six month mark of her 13th year (i.e., 12 years and six months). At that point she was no longer a ''na'arah''<ref name="JewEncMaj" />. A ''bogeret'' was essentially an adult in all respects<ref>''Niddah'' 47a</ref> |
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A ''ketannah'' was completely subject to her father's authority, and her father could arrange a marriage for her, whether she agreed to it or not<ref name="JewEncMaj" />; similarly her father could accept a divorce document (''[[get (divorce document)|get]]'') on her behalf<ref>''Ketubot'', 64b</ref>. If the father was dead, or missing, the brothers of the ''ketannah'', collectively, had the right to arrange a marriage for her, as had her mother<ref name="JewEncMaj" />. In the Talmud, there is inconclusive debate about whether the ''na'arah'' should be treated like the ''ketannah'' in relation to marriage, or whether she should have the freedom to marry as she wished, like the ''bogeret''<ref name="Kid43b">''Kiddushin'' 43b</ref><ref name="Kid44a">''Kiddushin'' 44a</ref>. |
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[[File:Israëls-A Jewish Wedding-1903.jpg|thumb|left|A Traditional Jewish wedding in 1903, in which a cloth is placed over the couple while they stand under a ''huppah'']] |
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=== Annulment of child marriage === |
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As mentioned above, marriage (''nissu'in'') is not the same as betrothal (''erusin''). In the classical era, the gap between them was standardised, and fixed by the Talmud at 30 days, except for marriage to an under-age virgin, in which case the gap was set at 12 months (in the [[Jewish Calendar]], this might be less than 1 year)<ref>''Ketubot'' 57b</ref>. After the Middle Ages, however, the gap dropped entirely out of fashion, and it is now customary for marriage to follow betrothal immediately<ref name="JewEncMarLaw" /><ref name="JewEncMarCer" />. |
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For a ''ketannah'', the first marriage imposed on her by her father was completely compulsory for her; the standard adult divorce process was necessary to terminate it<ref name="JewEncMiu">{{Jewish Encyclopedia|article=Mi'un|url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?artid=669&letter=M}}</ref>. However, according to the Talmud, if the marriage did end (due to divorce or the husband's death), any further marriages were optional; the ''ketannah'' had the right to annul them<ref name="JewEncMiu" />. In the Talmud's view, for marriages imposed on a ''ketannah'' by someone other than her father (due to the father's absence), the ''ketannah'' always had the right to annul them, even the first<ref name="JewEncMiu" />. |
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In Judaism it continued to be customary for the act of marriage to take the form of a festive procession, with music, dancing, and lights, by which means the groom collects the bride<ref name="JewEncMarCer" />; in westernised countries this has now been somewhat undermined by the use of cars. However, since the middle ages, it has also been customary for a formal ceremony to be held when the groom reaches the bride, and for the betrothal to be prefixed to it. The formal marriage ceremony consists primarily of two elements - the handing over of the ''marriage contract'' (the ''[[ketubah]]''), and standing under a ''nuptial canopy'' (a ''[[huppah]]''); in many western countries, the Jewish tradition is to seperate these elements, but in several other locations the bride and groom stand under the ''nuptial canopy'' for the whole ceremony<ref name="JewEncMarCer" />. |
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The choice of a ''ketannah'' to annul a marriage, known in Hebrew as ''mi'un'' (literally meaning ''refusal''/''denial''/''protest'')<ref name="JewEncMiu" />, lead to a true annulment, not a divorce; a divorce document (''[[get (divorce document)|get]]'') was not necessary<ref>Yebamot 107a</ref>, and a ''ketannah'' who did this was not regarded by legal regulations as a divorcee, in relation to the marriage<ref name="Yeb108a">''Yebamot'' 108a</ref>. Unlike divorce, ''mi'un'' was regarded with distaste by many rabbinic writers<ref name="JewEncMiu" />, even in the Talmud<ref>''Yebamot'' 109a</ref>; in earlier classical Judaism, one major faction - the [[House of Shammai]] - argued that such annulment rights only existed during the betrothal<!--NOT engagement--> period (''erusin''), and not once the actual marriage (''nissu'in'') had begun<ref>''Yebamot'' 107a</ref>. |
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Judaism continued to celebrate the marriage by a series of feasts over a week-long period, usually beginning on the evening following the wedding<ref name="JewEncMarCer" />. It is typical for further feasts to be held on the last day of the week and on the Shabbat which falls within it; if it is decided to also hold feasts on the other days of the week, they are usually small<ref name="JewEncMarCer" />. After the second century, it became customary for the groom to give a Talmudic discourse (Hebrew: ''derashah'') at the first feast<ref name="JewEncMarCer" />; a [[badchan|a jester]] ([[Yiddish]]: ''marschalik'') might also give a serious speech at this feast<ref name="JewEncMarCer" /> (jesters were still typically present even in the late 19th century<ref name="JewEncMarCer" />). The feasts were also the occasion for dancing and for song<ref name="JewEncMarCer" />, although the songs were not always joyful, instead often being grim and mournful<ref name="JewEncMarCer" />. |
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For a formal declaration of ''mi'un'', the usual procedure was for the ''ketannah'' to say ''I do not wish to live with my husband'', in the presence of two witnesses; her annulment would take effect immediately after this was said<ref name="Yeb108a" />. In classical times, it was customary to also write a ''get mi'un'', a document recording the fact of the ''mi'un''. The ''mi'un'' did not however need to be explicitly declared for the annulment to take effect. If a ''ketannah'' merely demonstrated that she disapproved of the marriage, this would constitute annulment<ref name="Yeb108a" />; for example, she could betroth (''erusin'') herself to another man, which for a ''ketannah'' would automatically annul her previous marriage<ref name="Yeb108a" /> (except where the previous marriage was the first marriage imposed on her by her father<ref name="JewEncMiu" />). However, if the marriage had begun when the girl was at least 6 years old, and she had expressed her consent to it, she was expected to perform any annulment via a formal declaration, unless she had been less than 10 years old when the marriage began, and had not appeared to fully appreciate what was going on<ref>''Yebamot'' 107b</ref><ref>''Gittin'' 65a</ref>. |
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Isolation (Hebrew:''yichud'') of the bride and groom, in a private room on their own, is also still regarded as an important part of the act of marriage<ref>[[Abraham Danzig]], ''Wisdom of Man'', 129:13</ref><ref>Kitzur Shulchan Aruch, 148:1</ref>. |
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=== |
=== In practice === |
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In mediaeval times, [[peer pressure|cultural pressure]] within Jewish communities lead to most girls being married while they were still children - before they had become a ''bogeret''<ref>''Kiddushin'' ([[tosafot]]) 41a</ref>. Boys too, were under cultural pressure; several [[Talmud]]ic rabbis urged that boys should be married as soon as they reach the age of majority<ref>''[[Sanhedrin (Talmud)|Sanhedrin]]'' 76b</ref>. Indeed, anyone unmarried after the age of twenty was said to have been cursed by God<ref>''Kiddushin'' 29b</ref>; [[beth din|rabbinical courts]] frequently tried to compel an individual to marry, if they had passed the age of twenty without marriage<ref>''Jewish Encyclopedia'', ''Marriage Laws''</ref>. Nevertheless, the classical rabbis viewed study of the [[Torah]] as a valid reason for remaining unmarried, although they were only rarely willing to regard life-long celibacy favourably<ref>''Yebamot'' 63b</ref>. |
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==== Polygamy and Monogamy ==== |
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Despite the young threshold for marriage, marriages with a large age gap between the spouses (eg. between a young man and an old woman) were thoroughly opposed by the classical rabbis<ref>''[[Yebamot]]'' 44a</ref><ref>''Sanhedrin'' 76a</ref>. In the middle ages, many rabbis tried to abolish child marriage altogether; this, however, was due to their distaste for ''mi'un''. Effectively, child marriage became nearly obsolete in Judaism <ref name="JewEncMiu" />; in modern times, it is an extremely rare event, as most areas with large Jewish communities have national laws against it. |
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By the time of [[Roman Empire|Roman]] control over [[Judea]], monogamy had become the usual practice among the Jews, although there were occasional exceptions<ref name="JewEncMar" />; the [[Talmud]]ic writers set the limit at four simultaneous wives per man, except for kings, in which case they set the limit at 18 simultaneous wives<ref name="CheyneAndBlackMar" /> |
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==Controversy over intermarriage== |
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Though polygyny was discouraged during the classical era, it was still considered acceptable for the husband of an ''insane'' wife to marry another woman (without divorcing the ''insane'' wife)<ref name="JewEncIns">{{Jewish Encyclopedia|article=Insanity|url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?artid=149&letter=I&search=insanity}}</ref>. However, in the middle ages, prominent rabbis tried to heavily obstruct any attempt by such husbands to remarry; for example, these rabbis insisted that such remarriage should be forbade unless [[heter meah rabbanim|at least 100 rabbis, from at least 3 different countries]], had first signed their consent to the remarriage of the man in question<ref>Joseph Caro, ''Shulkhan 'Aruk'', ''Eben ha-'Ezer'', 1:10 (gloss by [[Moses Isserles]])</ref>. ''Insane'' is a somewhat nuanced term here; in classical Judaism it referred to people who were: |
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{{Main|Interfaith marriage in Judaism}} |
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*confirmed [[mania]]cs<ref name="JewEncIns" />, or |
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*severely [[mental retardation|mentally retarded]], '''if''' they show signs of [[psychosis|derangement]] (such as inexplicably destroying their clothes, or persistently putting themselves in unnecessary danger)<ref name="JewEncIns" /><!--in this source they are listed as "imbecile" and "idiot", corresponding to very low IQ, and extremely low IQ, respectively-->, or |
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According to the [[National Jewish Population Survey 2000-01]], 47% of marriages involving Jews in the United States between 1996 and 2001 were with non-Jewish partners. Rates of intermarriage have increased in other countries in the [[Jewish diaspora|diaspora]] as well. Jewish leaders in different branches generally agree that possible assimilation is a crisis, but they differ on the proper response to [[Jewish intermarriage|intermarriage]]. |
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*sufficiently [[Intoxication|intoxicated]] that they are likely to suffer [[unconsciousness|loss of unconscious]]<!--this doesn't necessarily refer to alcohol-induced blackouts--><ref>''[[Erubin]]'' 65a</ref> |
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====The spouse: their treatment, responsibilities, and freedoms==== |
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{{Main|Conjugal obligations and rights in Judaism}} |
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[[Conjugal obligations and rights in Judaism|In later Judaism, conjugal obligations and rights]] included several impositions on the husband, effectively giving the wife a number of rights and freedoms<ref name="JewEncMar" />; indeed, being a Jewish wife was often a more favourable situation than being a wife in many other cultures<ref name="JewEncMar" />. For example, the [[Talmud]] establishes the principle that a wife is entitled, but not compelled, to the same dignity and social standing as her husband<ref name="Ket48a">''Ketubot'' 48a</ref><ref name="Ket61a">''Ketubot'' 61a</ref>; she is entitled, according to this, to keep any additional advantages she had before her marriage, as a result of her social status<ref name="Ket48a"/><ref name="Ket61a" />. |
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[[Beth din|Rabbinic courts]] could compel the husband to provide his wife with sufficient food, if he fails to do so voluntarily<ref>''Ketubot'' 77a</ref>. If his wife became ill, then he would be compelled, by the Talmud, to defray any medical expense which might be incurred in relation to this<ref name="Ket46b47b" />. If she died, the Talmud's stipulations require the husband to arrange, and pay for, her burial<ref name="Ket46a47b">''Ketubot'' 46a-47b</ref>. If the wife was captured, the husband was required by the talmud and later writers to pay the ransom demanded for her release<ref name="Ket51a">''Ketubot'' 51a</ref><ref name="MaMiTorIs141822">Maimonides, ''Mishneh Torah'', ''Ishut'' 14:18-22</ref><ref name="JabAshEbEz78">Jacob ben Asher, ''Eben ha-'Ezer'', 78</ref><ref name="JKShuArYD25210">[[Joseph Karo]], ''[[Shulkhan Arukh]]'', ''Yoreh De'ah'' 252:10</ref>. As for the biblical requirement of the husband to provide his wife with clothing, the Talmud elaborates by arguing that each year he must provide each wife with 50 [[Zuz (Jewish coin)|zuzim]]'s-worth of clothing<ref name="JewEncCos">{{Jewish Encyclopedia|article=Costume|url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?artid=822&letter=C}}</ref>, including one hat, one belt, and three pairs of shoes<ref>[[Ketubot (Talmud)|Ketubot]] 64b</ref> (one pair for each of the three main annual festivals: [[Passover]], [[Shabu'ot]], and [[Sukkoth]]<ref name="JewEncCos" />). |
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In order to offset the husband's duty to support his wife, she was required by the Talmud to surrender all her earnings to her husband, together with any profit she makes by accident, and the right of [[usufruct]] on her property<ref name="Ket46b47b">''Ketubot'' 46b-47b</ref>; the wife was not required to do this if she wished to support herself<ref name="Ket46b47b" />. [[Tzniut|A wife was expected to be modest]], even if the only other person present with her was her husband<ref>''[[Shabbat (Talmud)|Shabbat]]'' 140b</ref>. In Jewish tradition, a wife was required to live with her husband, although if he mistreated her, or lived in a disreputable neighbourhood, the Jewish religious authorities would permit the wife to move elsewhere, and would compel the husband to finance her life there<ref name="JewEncHusWif">{{Jewish Encyclopedia|article=Husband and Wife|url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?letter=H&artid=986}}</ref>. |
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[[Shalom bayit|Peace and harmony in home life]] is a key principle in Judaism; it was believed, in classical times, that God's presence dwelt in a pure and loving home<ref>''[[Sotah]]'' 17a</ref>. The Talmud argues that a man should love his wife as much as he loves himself, and honour her ''more'' than he honours himself<ref>''[[Sanhedrin (Talmud)|Sanhedrin]]'' 76b</ref>; indeed, one who honours his wife was said, by the classical rabbis, to be rewarded with wealth<ref name="BaMe59b">''Baba Metzia'' 59b</ref>. As for the wife, the greatest praise the Talmudic rabbis offered to any woman was that given to a wife that fulfils the wishes of her husband<ref>''[[Nedarim]]'' 66b</ref>; to this end, an early [[midrash]] argues that a wife should not leave the home ''too frequently''<ref>''[[Genesis Rabbah]]'' 65:2</ref>. |
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In the classical era, the attitude of [[rabbi]]nic scholars was comparatively mild towards adultery<ref name="JewEncAdu">{{Jewish Encyclopedia|article=Adultery|url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?letter=A&artid=865}}</ref>, and the [[death penalty]] was abolished in 40 AD (as it was for all other crimes)<ref>''Sanhedrin'' 41</ref>. Furthermore, the [[Talmud]] forbade conviction if the woman had not been forewarned, in the presence of two witnesses, against committing adultery<ref>''Sotah'' 12</ref>, or if she had not known the intimate details of the laws against it<ref name="JewEncAdu" />; these rules made it practically impossible to convict any woman of adultery, and in nearly every case women were acquitted<ref name="JewEncAdu" />. As for the men who committed adultery (with another man's wife<!--rather than with an unmarried woman-->), [[Abba ben Joseph bar Hama|Abba ben Joseph]] and [[Abba Arika]] both argued that they would be condemned to [[Gehenna]]<ref>''Sotah'' 4b</ref>. |
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===Widowhood=== |
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{{main|Widowhood in Judaism}} |
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* All branches of [[Orthodox Judaism]] refuse to accept any validity or legitimacy of intermarriages. |
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[[Widowhood in Judaism|Widowhood, in Judaism]], was often regarded as tantamount to being an [[orphan]]<ref name="JewEncWid">{{Jewish Encyclopedia|article=Widow|url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?letter=W&artid=152}}</ref>. In Judaism, it consequently became customary to give cases raised by any widow the second highest priority (the fatherless having the highest), when scheduling cases for a [[beth din|rabbinic court]]<ref name="JewEncWid" />. The Talmud also permits a widow to remain resident in her husband's house, and to claim support from his estate<ref name="Ket412">''Ketubot'' 4:12</ref><ref name="JewEncWid" />. |
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* [[Conservative Judaism]] does not sanction intermarriage, but encourages acceptance of the non-Jewish spouse within the family, hoping that such acceptance will lead to conversion. |
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* [[Reform Judaism]] and [[Reconstructionist Judaism]] permit total personal autonomy in interpretation of [[Halakha|Jewish Law]], and intermarriage is not forbidden. Reform and Reconstructionist rabbis are free to take their own approach to performing marriages between a Jewish and non-Jewish partner. Many but not all seek agreement from the couple that the children will be raised as Jewish. |
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There are also differences between streams on what constitutes an intermarriage, arising from their [[Who is a Jew|differing criteria for being Jewish]] in the first place. Orthodox and Conservative streams do not accept as Jewish a person whose mother is not Jewish, nor a convert whose conversion was conducted under the authority of a more liberal stream. |
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[[Alimony in Judaism|In Judaism, alimony]] for a widow is a right written into most [[ketubah|Jewish ''marriage contracts'']]<ref name="JewEncKet">{{Jewish Encyclopedia|article=Ketubah|url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?letter=K&artid=187}}</ref>, though it would be forfeited if the widow had committed certain acts during her marriage (such as [[tzniut|immodest behaviour]]<ref name="JewEncKet" />, [[Conjugal obligations and rights in Judaism#Fidelity|adultery]]<ref name="JewEncKet" />, and giving her husband [[kosher food|food that was ritually forbidden]]<ref name="JewEncKet" />). The [[Talmud]] sets the absolute minimum amount for this alimony as 200 [[Zuz (Jewish coin)|zuzim]] for a bride who had been a virgin when the marriage began, and a mere 100 zuzim for a non-virgin bride<ref name="Ket12a">''Ketubot'' 12a</ref>; 200 Zuzim is generally considered{{by whom}} to have been enough for a woman to financially support herself for a full year{{cite needed}}. However, in the Talmud's opinion, once a widow had claimed her alimony, or had agreed to receive it, she should no longer be allowed to claim support from her husband's estate, nor to live in his former home<ref name="Ket412" /><ref name="JewEncWid" />. |
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{{See|Conservative_Halakha#Restrictions_on_marriage}} |
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As the classical rabbis do not allow a man to be presumed dead merely on the basis of a prolonged absence, the wife of a man who has travelled to foreign locations and become lost (such as explorers in the [[Amazon]], and soldiers in [[World War II]]) would continue to be married to him, according to the views of Jewish tradition<ref>{{Jewish Encyclopedia|article=Agunah|url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?letter=A&artid=926}}</ref>; a woman trapped into a marriage in this way was referred to as an ''[[agunah]]'', literally meaning a ''chained''/''anchored'' wife. Judaism has attempted various efforts to help mitigate the hardship arising from this situation; these efforts range from accepting a much more lax standard of evidence about a husband's fate (compared to its requirements for other questions)<ref>{{Jewish Encyclopedia|article=Agunah|url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?letter=A&artid=926}}</ref>, to conditional divorce (the divorce only taking effect if the husband goes missing for more than a certain period of time). |
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==Marriage in Israel== |
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As for remarriage, it was permitted in principle by the Talmud, [[isha katlanit|if this was only the first time the woman had become a widow (from natural causes)]]<ref>''Yebamot'' 64b</ref>. However, the Talmudic rabbis insisted that any remarriage must be postponed until 90 days after the death of the widow's previous husband, to help ensure there could be no doubt about the paternity of any subsequent children<ref>''Yebamot'' 4:10</ref>. They also argued that a widow may not marry someone she was suspected of having committed adultery with, unless the suspected adultery occurred before her previous marriage<ref>''Yebamot'' 2:8</ref><ref>''Sotah'' 25a</ref><ref>''Yebamot'' 24b</ref>; similarly a widow was not permitted, by them, to marry anyone who had given court testimony confirming that the widow's husband was dead<ref>''Yebamot'' 25a</ref><ref>''Gittin'' 45a</ref>. |
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{{See also|Marriage in Israel}} |
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[[Civil marriage]] does not exist in [[Israel]], and the only institutionalized form of Jewish marriage is the religious one, i.e. a marriage conducted under the auspices of the rabbinate. Specifically, marriage of Israeli Jews must be conducted according to ''[[halakha]]'', as viewed by Orthodox Judaism. This implies that people who cannot get married according to Jewish law (e.g. a [[kohen]] and a [[divorce|divorcée]], or a Jew and one who is not [[Who is a Jew?|halachically Jewish]]) cannot have their union legally sanctioned. This has led for calls, mostly from the secular segment of the Israeli public, for the institution of civil marriage. There are many people affected by this law. In the Land of Israel today, there are approximately "300,000 Israelis who cannot marry because one of the partners is not Jewish, or his or her Jewishness cannot be determined."{{Citation needed|date=January 2008}} |
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Some secular Israelis travel abroad to have civil marriages, either because they do not believe in the Orthodox view of Judaism or because their union cannot be sanctioned by ''halakha''. These marriages are legally binding in Israel, though not recognized by the rabbinate as Jewish. |
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In [[Rabbinic Judaism]], [[levirate marriage]] - marriage of a widow to her husband's brother - was regarded as compulsory, unless the widow and brother-in-law performed ''[[Halitzah]]''; the [[Samaritans]] and [[Karaites]] usually only performed levirate marriage if the original marriage had not been ''[[consummation|consummated]]''<ref name="JewEncLev">{{Jewish Encyclopedia|article=levirate marriage|url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?artid=293&letter=L}}</ref>. In modern times, [[Sephardi Jews]] usually perform levirate marriage, while [[Ashkenazi Jews]] almost always perform the ''Halitzah'' ritual instead<ref name="JewEncLev" />. |
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While people of different religions may be citizens of the State of Israel, all legal marriages performed in Israel must be sanctioned by religious authorities of one faith or another. Couples of mixed religion, for example a Christian and a Jew, or a Muslim and a Jew, cannot legally marry in Israel. |
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===Divorce=== |
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{{main|Divorce in Judaism}} |
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==Divorce== |
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In the classical era, the school of [[Hillel]] argued that a man may divorce his wife for any reason, at any time<ref name="Git910">''[[Gittin]]'' 9:10</ref>, but the school of [[Shammai]] instead argued that divorce was forbade, except for sexual immorality<ref name="Git910" /><ref>Sotah (Palestinian Talmud only), 1:1</ref><ref>Sotah (Palestinian Talmud only), 1:16b</ref>; as with most things in classical Judaism, the view of the school of Hillel prevailed<ref name="JewEncDiv">{{Jewish Encyclopedia|article=divorce|url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?letter=D&artid=398}}</ref><ref>Philo of Alexandria, ''Of Special Laws Relating to Adultery'', chapter 5</ref><ref>[[Flavius Josephus]], ''[[Antiquities of the Jews]]'', 4:8</ref>. |
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{{Refimprove|date=July 2009}} |
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Halakha (Jewish law) allows for divorce. The document of divorce is termed a [[Get (divorce document)|''get'']].The final divorce ceremony involves the husband giving the get document into the hand of the wife or her agent, but the wife may sue in rabbinical court to initiate the divorce. In such a case, a husband may be compelled to give the get, if he has violated any of his numerous obligations; this was traditionally accomplished by beating and or monetary coercion. The rationale was that since he was required to divorce his wife due to his (or her) violations of the contract, his good inclination really desires to divorce her, and we are only helping him to do what he wants to do anyway. In this case, the wife may or may not be entitled to a ketuba payment. |
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By contrast, women have traditionally been forbade from initiating a divorce<ref name="CheyneAndBlackMar" />, although some have historically done so; for example, [[Salome (daughter of Herod I)|Salome]] ([[Herod the Great]]'s daughter) initiated her divorce from [[Costabaros]]<ref>Flavius Josephus, ''Antiquities of the Jews'', 15:7:10</ref>. However, the Mishnah argues that a woman can petition a [[beth din|rabbinical court]], requesting that it should force her husband to grant her a divorce<ref name="JewEncDiv" />; according to the Mishna, the court must grant the request if there is a fault with the husband, such as a ''loathsome'' disease (such as [[tzaraath]])<ref>''Ketubot'' 7:9</ref>, refusal to support the wife<ref>Ketubot 77a</ref>, or refusal to have sex with her<ref>''Ketubot'' 5:6</ref>. If the husband is missing, or continues to refuse to divorce the wife, she becomes an ''[[Agunah]]'' - a woman ''chained'' to her marriage; several mechanisms now exist to help avoid this outcome. |
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Judaism recognized the right of an abused wife (whether physically or psychologically) to a divorce already by around the 12th century. |
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Historically, [[Get (divorce document)|Jewish divorce documents]], as a minimum, included the phrase ''you are permitted to any man'', as well as mention of the date and place of the divorce, and the names of the spouses in question<ref>''[[Gittin]]'' 85b</ref>. The Talmud states that the divorce would take effect as soon as this document is placed within reach of the wife or her agent (someone she has appointed to receive it on her behalf), by the husband or his messenger or her messenger (someone she has appointed to collect the document for her), as long as the woman understood what had happened<ref>''Gittin'' 62b</ref>. |
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[[Conservative Judaism]] follows halacha, though differently then [[Orthodox Judaism]]. Reform Jews usually use an egalitarian form of the Ketubah at their weddings. They generally do not issue Jewish divorces, seeing a civil divorce as both necessary and sufficient; however, some Reform rabbis encourage the couple to go through a Jewish divorce procedure. Conservative and Orthodox Judaism do not recognize civil law as overriding religious law, and thus do not view a civil divorce as sufficient. Thus, a man or woman may be considered divorced by the Reform Jewish community, but still married by the Conservative community. Orthodox Judaism does not recognize Reform weddings because, if they did, the children of a Reform woman who remarried would be considered mamzerim, the children of an adulterous relationship, a personal status that does not allow a person to marry a non-mamzer. This allows Reform Jews to become, and marry, Orthodox Jews should they choose to become a Ba'al Teshuva. |
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In Judaism, divorce has not always been viewed positively and classical rabbis tried to obstruct it<ref name="JewEncDiv" />. The Mishnah modified the procedure for creating a ''bill of divorce'' so that it was obtuse, and filled with formalities<ref>''Kiddushin'' 6a</ref>; this was designed to necessite the assistance of a scholar, who in turn was required to help reconcile the couple, rather than aid their divorce<ref name="JewEncDiv" />. Additionally, the classical rabbis made divorce expensive, by giving a divorced wife the same alimony rights as a widow<ref name="JewEncKet">{{Jewish Encyclopedia|article=Ketubah|url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?letter=K&artid=187}}</ref>. While this left divorce permissible, it still attracted some stigma; the [[Talmud]], for example, argues that a man would be hated by God if he divorced his first wife<ref>''Gittin'' 90b</ref>, and suggests that it would be unwise for men to marry a divorcee<ref>''Pesahim'' 112a</ref>. |
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===The ''chained'' woman=== |
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Remarriage was generally permitted, and even encouraged in some situations<ref>''[[Eduyot]]'', 4:7</ref>. However, if a female divorcee was suspected of having committed adultery during her immediately previous<ref>''Yebamot'' 24b</ref> marriage, the Talmud would both forbid her from marrying her suspected paramour in the crime<ref>''Yebamot'' 2:8</ref><ref>''Sotah'' 25a</ref>, and forbid her from remarrying the husband she had at the time of her suspected adultery<ref>''Gittin'' 4:7</ref>; it does not restrict the marriage options of an adulterous male divorcee. |
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{{main|Agunah}} |
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Traditionally, when a husband fled or his whereabouts were unknown for any reason, the woman was considered an ''[[agunah]]'' (literally “an anchored woman”) and was not allowed to remarry because in traditional Judaism, divorce is initiated by the husband. Prior to modern communication, death of the husband while in a distant land was a common cause of this situation. In modern times, when a husband refuses to issue a [[Get (divorce document)|get]] due to money, property or custody battles, the woman who cannot remarry is considered an agunah. A man in this situation is termed a ''Misarev Get'' (literally "a refuser of a divorce document"). |
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===Marriage in the Modern State of Israel=== |
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{{See also|Civil marriage in Israel}} |
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Within both the Conservative and Orthodox communities there are efforts to prevent the possibility that a woman might not be able to obtain a Jewish divorce from her husband and to deal with such problems post-facto by using various Jewish and secular legal methods. None of the legal solutions address the agunah problem in the case of a missing husband. |
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As [[civil marriage]] does not exist in the Modern [[State of Israel]], the only state-sanctioned forms of marriage there are religious ones; specifically, in regards to Judaism, the state only recognises marriages conducted in accordance with the rules of [[Orthodox Judaism]]. This implies that people which Orthodox Judaism forbids from marrying one another cannot have their union legally sanctioned (e.g. a Jewish man may not marry anyone, if he has been attacked and castrated; a Jew whose birth resulted from his mother's adultery may not marry any other Jew; and a Jew may not marry a Muslim Arab). This has led for calls, mostly from the secular segment of the Israeli public, for the institution of civil marriage. |
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There have been reports that in order to prevent their wives from becoming Agunot, Jewish men who realized their fate during the terrorist attacks of 9/11 faxed gittim to their wives from their offices in the World Trade towers.{{Citation needed|date=January 2010}}<!-- Sounds more like fairy tales, but would be an heroic act, if sourced. --> |
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There are many people affected by this law. In the State of Israel today, there are approximately 300,000 Israelis who cannot marry because one of the partners is not deemed to be Jewish, by Orthodox Judaism, or where their ''Jewishness'' cannot be determined{{Citation needed|date=January 2008}}. However, the State of Israel legally recognises most marriages conducted abroad; many secular Israelis consequently travel abroad to have civil marriages, either because they do not believe in the Orthodox view of Judaism or because it does not sanction their union. |
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==See also== |
==See also== |
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===Judaism's view=== |
===Judaism's view=== |
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*[[ |
* [[Jewish wedding]] |
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* [[Negiah]] (guidelines for physical contact) |
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*[[Shidduch]] (match-making) |
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*[[Shalom bayit]] (peace and harmony in the relationship between husband and wife) |
* [[Niddah]] (ritual purity laws) |
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* [[Shalom bayit]] (peace and harmony in the relationship between husband and wife) |
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*[[ |
* [[Shidduch]] (finding a marriage partner) |
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* [[Yichud]] (prohibitions of seclusion with the opposite sex) |
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*[[Tzeniut]] (modest behavior) |
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* [[Women in Judaism]] |
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*[[Yichud]] (prohibitions of seclusion with the opposite sex) |
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*[[Negiah]] (guidelines for physical contact) |
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===Non-Jewish views=== |
===Non-Jewish views=== |
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*[[Religious aspects of marriage]] |
* [[Religious aspects of marriage]] |
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**[[Buddhist view of marriage]] |
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**[[Christian views of marriage]] |
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**[[Confucian view of marriage]] |
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**[[Hindu teaching and customs of marriage]] |
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:*[[Islamic marital jurisprudence]] |
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**[[Islamic marital jurisprudence]] |
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:*[[Hindu teaching and customs of marriage]] |
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== References == |
== References == |
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{{Reflist |
{{Reflist}} |
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{{Commons category|Jewish weddings}} |
{{Commons category|Jewish weddings}} |
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Revision as of 15:15, 24 February 2010
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Judaism traditionally considers marriage to be the ideal state of personal existence; a man without a wife, or a woman without a husband, is considered incomplete.[1]
Engagement (shiddukhin)
In Jewish law, engagement is defined as the mutual promise between a man and a woman to have a marriage at some future time and the terms on which it shall take place.[2] The promise may be made by the intending parties or one made by their respective parents or other relatives on their behalf. (Kiddushin 9b) The betrothal does not in itself affect the personal status of the parties, nor does it give either party the right to claim specific performance.
Traditionally, engagements for marriage are generally brought about by a third person, often a professional match-maker ("shadchan"). The process is called Shidduchim (Hebrew: matches). The shadchan receives a "brokerage-fee" fixed by law or agreed upon by custom, as a rule a small percentage of the dowry. It is paid by either of the parties, or they both pay half each, at the betrothal or after the wedding. The rabbi, as a person enjoying special confidence, is sometimes employed as an intermediary. Although the marriage preliminaries are the concern of the parents, their children are not forced into marriage over their objections, nor may a marriage be blocked as a result of the objections of one's parents. The Shidduchim system is therefore a system of arranged introductions rather than arranged marriages although in some traditional circles it comes to a system of arranged marriages.
Today, in some orthodox circles many young people find their marriage partners without their parents' involvement, and even if they do follow the shidduch system, many engaged couples do not enter into formal betrothals. However, the parents of the couple are still usually involved in the marriage arrangements.
Betrothal and marriage (erusin and nissu'in)
In Jewish law, marriage consists of two separate acts, called erusin (or kiddushin, meaning sanctification), which is the betrothal ceremony, and nissu'in, the actual ceremony for the marriage. Erusin changes the couple's interpersonal status, while nissu'in brings about the legal consequences of the change of status. In Talmudic times, these two ceremonies usually took place about a year apart. The bride lived with her parents until the actual marriage ceremony (nissuin), which would take place in a room or tent that the groom had set up for her. Since the middle ages, Jewish weddings the two ceremonies took place as a combined ceremony, and the marriage ceremony started to be performed publicly.
There are three ways for a Jewish couple to effect erusin (Mishna, Tractate Kiddushin 1:1):
- With money (kesef) or with an object of value, such as a ring or a coin, for the purpose of contracted marriage, and in the presence of two witnesses, and she actively accepts;
- Through a contract (shtar) in the presence of two witnesses, containing the declaration of erusin (see below); or
- By sexual intercourse with the intention of creating a bond of marriage; a method strongly discouraged by the rabbinic sages and intended only for levirate marriages.
Though all methods are halachically valid, the favoured practice since ancient times has been for erusin to take place only with kesef (i.e. "with money") - giving an object of value - which is almost always a ring, but can be a coin.
Halachically, a Jewish marriage is a personal act between a man and a woman. The actual marriage is the declaration of marriage (consecration) by the man and acceptance by the woman. The function of the rabbi is to act as the advisor to the couple, and the guests are the witnesses. The civil law of many countries requires the rabbi also to act as an agent for the State during the marriage ceremony, and for two independent witnesses to sign the wedding certificate.
Matrimony
Marital harmony
Marital harmony, known as "shalom bayit," is valued in Jewish tradition.
Sexual relations
Regular sexual relations are expected between husband and wife. This obligation is known as "onah."[3] In Jewish tradition, sexual relations are the obligation of a man to his wife. Although engagement in sexual relations should be entirely at the discretion of the woman, a wife should not withhold or use sex as a negotiating ploy.
Ritual purity in family life
The laws of "family purity" (tohorat hamishpacha) are considered an important part of an Orthodox Jewish marriage. This involves observance of the various details of the menstrual niddah laws. Orthodox brides and grooms often attend classes on this subject prior to the wedding.
Child marriage
Child marriage in Judaism was traditionally restricted to female children; the earliest point at which a male is permitted to become betrothed (Hebrew: erusin) is when he reaches the age of majority, 13.[4] According to the Talmud, it was permissible for an adult male to marry a girl as young as 3.[5][6]
By age, females were categorised into three groups:
- a ketannah (literally meaning little [one]) was any girl between the age of 3 years and that of 12 years plus one day[6].
- a na'arah (roughly meaning damsel) was the status of a girl starting at the age of 12 years plus one day and continuing for the next six months[6]. In Judaism, 12 years is the usual age of majority for girls, although in certain circumstances the age of majority could be as high as 35 years plus one day, such as a girl who never demonstrated signs of puberty[6]. However, girls remained a na'arah until they had definitely passed the age of majority[6]
- a bogeret (literally meaning overripe [one]) was any girl who passed the six month mark of her 13th year (i.e., 12 years and six months). At that point she was no longer a na'arah[6]. A bogeret was essentially an adult in all respects[7]
A ketannah was completely subject to her father's authority, and her father could arrange a marriage for her, whether she agreed to it or not[6]; similarly her father could accept a divorce document (get) on her behalf[8]. If the father was dead, or missing, the brothers of the ketannah, collectively, had the right to arrange a marriage for her, as had her mother[6]. In the Talmud, there is inconclusive debate about whether the na'arah should be treated like the ketannah in relation to marriage, or whether she should have the freedom to marry as she wished, like the bogeret[9][10].
Annulment of child marriage
For a ketannah, the first marriage imposed on her by her father was completely compulsory for her; the standard adult divorce process was necessary to terminate it[11]. However, according to the Talmud, if the marriage did end (due to divorce or the husband's death), any further marriages were optional; the ketannah had the right to annul them[11]. In the Talmud's view, for marriages imposed on a ketannah by someone other than her father (due to the father's absence), the ketannah always had the right to annul them, even the first[11].
The choice of a ketannah to annul a marriage, known in Hebrew as mi'un (literally meaning refusal/denial/protest)[11], lead to a true annulment, not a divorce; a divorce document (get) was not necessary[12], and a ketannah who did this was not regarded by legal regulations as a divorcee, in relation to the marriage[13]. Unlike divorce, mi'un was regarded with distaste by many rabbinic writers[11], even in the Talmud[14]; in earlier classical Judaism, one major faction - the House of Shammai - argued that such annulment rights only existed during the betrothal period (erusin), and not once the actual marriage (nissu'in) had begun[15].
For a formal declaration of mi'un, the usual procedure was for the ketannah to say I do not wish to live with my husband, in the presence of two witnesses; her annulment would take effect immediately after this was said[13]. In classical times, it was customary to also write a get mi'un, a document recording the fact of the mi'un. The mi'un did not however need to be explicitly declared for the annulment to take effect. If a ketannah merely demonstrated that she disapproved of the marriage, this would constitute annulment[13]; for example, she could betroth (erusin) herself to another man, which for a ketannah would automatically annul her previous marriage[13] (except where the previous marriage was the first marriage imposed on her by her father[11]). However, if the marriage had begun when the girl was at least 6 years old, and she had expressed her consent to it, she was expected to perform any annulment via a formal declaration, unless she had been less than 10 years old when the marriage began, and had not appeared to fully appreciate what was going on[16][17].
In practice
In mediaeval times, cultural pressure within Jewish communities lead to most girls being married while they were still children - before they had become a bogeret[18]. Boys too, were under cultural pressure; several Talmudic rabbis urged that boys should be married as soon as they reach the age of majority[19]. Indeed, anyone unmarried after the age of twenty was said to have been cursed by God[20]; rabbinical courts frequently tried to compel an individual to marry, if they had passed the age of twenty without marriage[21]. Nevertheless, the classical rabbis viewed study of the Torah as a valid reason for remaining unmarried, although they were only rarely willing to regard life-long celibacy favourably[22].
Despite the young threshold for marriage, marriages with a large age gap between the spouses (eg. between a young man and an old woman) were thoroughly opposed by the classical rabbis[23][24]. In the middle ages, many rabbis tried to abolish child marriage altogether; this, however, was due to their distaste for mi'un. Effectively, child marriage became nearly obsolete in Judaism [11]; in modern times, it is an extremely rare event, as most areas with large Jewish communities have national laws against it.
Controversy over intermarriage
According to the National Jewish Population Survey 2000-01, 47% of marriages involving Jews in the United States between 1996 and 2001 were with non-Jewish partners. Rates of intermarriage have increased in other countries in the diaspora as well. Jewish leaders in different branches generally agree that possible assimilation is a crisis, but they differ on the proper response to intermarriage.
- All branches of Orthodox Judaism refuse to accept any validity or legitimacy of intermarriages.
- Conservative Judaism does not sanction intermarriage, but encourages acceptance of the non-Jewish spouse within the family, hoping that such acceptance will lead to conversion.
- Reform Judaism and Reconstructionist Judaism permit total personal autonomy in interpretation of Jewish Law, and intermarriage is not forbidden. Reform and Reconstructionist rabbis are free to take their own approach to performing marriages between a Jewish and non-Jewish partner. Many but not all seek agreement from the couple that the children will be raised as Jewish.
There are also differences between streams on what constitutes an intermarriage, arising from their differing criteria for being Jewish in the first place. Orthodox and Conservative streams do not accept as Jewish a person whose mother is not Jewish, nor a convert whose conversion was conducted under the authority of a more liberal stream.
Marriage in Israel
Civil marriage does not exist in Israel, and the only institutionalized form of Jewish marriage is the religious one, i.e. a marriage conducted under the auspices of the rabbinate. Specifically, marriage of Israeli Jews must be conducted according to halakha, as viewed by Orthodox Judaism. This implies that people who cannot get married according to Jewish law (e.g. a kohen and a divorcée, or a Jew and one who is not halachically Jewish) cannot have their union legally sanctioned. This has led for calls, mostly from the secular segment of the Israeli public, for the institution of civil marriage. There are many people affected by this law. In the Land of Israel today, there are approximately "300,000 Israelis who cannot marry because one of the partners is not Jewish, or his or her Jewishness cannot be determined."[citation needed]
Some secular Israelis travel abroad to have civil marriages, either because they do not believe in the Orthodox view of Judaism or because their union cannot be sanctioned by halakha. These marriages are legally binding in Israel, though not recognized by the rabbinate as Jewish.
While people of different religions may be citizens of the State of Israel, all legal marriages performed in Israel must be sanctioned by religious authorities of one faith or another. Couples of mixed religion, for example a Christian and a Jew, or a Muslim and a Jew, cannot legally marry in Israel.
Divorce
 | This article needs additional citations for verification. (July 2009) |
Halakha (Jewish law) allows for divorce. The document of divorce is termed a get.The final divorce ceremony involves the husband giving the get document into the hand of the wife or her agent, but the wife may sue in rabbinical court to initiate the divorce. In such a case, a husband may be compelled to give the get, if he has violated any of his numerous obligations; this was traditionally accomplished by beating and or monetary coercion. The rationale was that since he was required to divorce his wife due to his (or her) violations of the contract, his good inclination really desires to divorce her, and we are only helping him to do what he wants to do anyway. In this case, the wife may or may not be entitled to a ketuba payment.
Judaism recognized the right of an abused wife (whether physically or psychologically) to a divorce already by around the 12th century.
Conservative Judaism follows halacha, though differently then Orthodox Judaism. Reform Jews usually use an egalitarian form of the Ketubah at their weddings. They generally do not issue Jewish divorces, seeing a civil divorce as both necessary and sufficient; however, some Reform rabbis encourage the couple to go through a Jewish divorce procedure. Conservative and Orthodox Judaism do not recognize civil law as overriding religious law, and thus do not view a civil divorce as sufficient. Thus, a man or woman may be considered divorced by the Reform Jewish community, but still married by the Conservative community. Orthodox Judaism does not recognize Reform weddings because, if they did, the children of a Reform woman who remarried would be considered mamzerim, the children of an adulterous relationship, a personal status that does not allow a person to marry a non-mamzer. This allows Reform Jews to become, and marry, Orthodox Jews should they choose to become a Ba'al Teshuva.
The chained woman
Traditionally, when a husband fled or his whereabouts were unknown for any reason, the woman was considered an agunah (literally “an anchored woman”) and was not allowed to remarry because in traditional Judaism, divorce is initiated by the husband. Prior to modern communication, death of the husband while in a distant land was a common cause of this situation. In modern times, when a husband refuses to issue a get due to money, property or custody battles, the woman who cannot remarry is considered an agunah. A man in this situation is termed a Misarev Get (literally "a refuser of a divorce document").
Within both the Conservative and Orthodox communities there are efforts to prevent the possibility that a woman might not be able to obtain a Jewish divorce from her husband and to deal with such problems post-facto by using various Jewish and secular legal methods. None of the legal solutions address the agunah problem in the case of a missing husband.
There have been reports that in order to prevent their wives from becoming Agunot, Jewish men who realized their fate during the terrorist attacks of 9/11 faxed gittim to their wives from their offices in the World Trade towers.[citation needed]
See also
Judaism's view
- Jewish wedding
- Negiah (guidelines for physical contact)
- Niddah (ritual purity laws)
- Shalom bayit (peace and harmony in the relationship between husband and wife)
- Shidduch (finding a marriage partner)
- Yichud (prohibitions of seclusion with the opposite sex)
- Women in Judaism
Non-Jewish views
References
- ^ Babylonian Talmud - Yebomoth 62b.
- ^ The Principles of Jewish Law, Ed Menachem Elon, ISBN 0-7065-1415-7, p 353.
- ^ Judaism 101: Kosher Sex
- ^ Kiddushin, 50b
- ^ Niddah 44b
- ^ a b c d e f g h
This article incorporates text from a publication now in the public domain: Singer, Isidore; et al., eds. (1901–1906). "Majority". The Jewish Encyclopedia. New York: Funk & Wagnalls.
- ^ Niddah 47a
- ^ Ketubot, 64b
- ^ Kiddushin 43b
- ^ Kiddushin 44a
- ^ a b c d e f g This article incorporates text from a publication now in the public domain: Singer, Isidore; et al., eds. (1901–1906). "Mi'un". The Jewish Encyclopedia. New York: Funk & Wagnalls.
- ^ Yebamot 107a
- ^ a b c d Yebamot 108a
- ^ Yebamot 109a
- ^ Yebamot 107a
- ^ Yebamot 107b
- ^ Gittin 65a
- ^ Kiddushin (tosafot) 41a
- ^ Sanhedrin 76b
- ^ Kiddushin 29b
- ^ Jewish Encyclopedia, Marriage Laws
- ^ Yebamot 63b
- ^ Yebamot 44a
- ^ Sanhedrin 76a
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