Wikipedia:No climbing the Reichstag dressed as Spider-Man

This is an official decree by the Supreme Cabal Regime of the English Wikipedia (SCREW). It expresses opinions and ideas that are absolutely and irrefutably true and must be accepted in full and without question by all users as mandatory religious beliefs, whether they like them or not. When editing this page, please ensure that your revision reflects the wishes of the Supreme Cabal. When in doubt, discuss first on the talk page.
All users are required to exercise the utmost vigilance to ensure that these sacred truths infallibly proclaimed by the Cabal in June 2006 do not once again fall victim to the foul machinations of vile heretics, as happened during the Dark Ages from June 2011 to April 2015, when belief in these holy truths was falsely and perniciously declared to be optional.^[1]

Shortcuts

This policy is nuts:

No Wikipedia editor may climb the Reichstag building dressed as Spider-Man in order to gain advantage in a content dispute.
Not climbing the Reichstag dressed as Spider-Man is a limit, not an entitlement: climbing the Reichstag dressed as Superman or any other comic-book character is equally unacceptable.
It is also inadvisable to climb the Reichstag for purposes other than to gain advantage in a content dispute.

Jimmy Wales demonstrates correct behaviour. Instead of climbing the Reichstag, he has gone up in the lift in the orthodox way, and he has wisely avoided dressing as Spider-Man. Even if he were involved in a content dispute at the time, he is clearly not making a frightful exhibition of himself.^{[nb 1]}^{[nb 2]}^{[nb 3]}^{[nb 4]}

"One can only think they’re profoundly stupid – and these people are obviously not – or that they’re so enraged they’re incapable of thinking."^[3]

"Yelling won't get you what you want. You have to be smart to get what you want."^[4] "Patently false".^[5]

Sometimes even the coolest of editors become involved in disputes over content. These may become heated, and sometimes degenerate into incivility and revert wars. These traditionally result in the disputed article being protected on the wrong version by a passing administrator. In extreme cases where the issues are of paramount importance, editors may be tempted to climb the Reichstag building dressed as Spider-Man in order to promote their cause. This is strongly discouraged and will result in a definite block from editing Wikipedia.

Security advice and historical background

Climbers on the Reichstag with a lot of funny textiles

Look, the Reichstag already has been covered by Christo and Jeanne-Claude. It has been climbed as well, under rather dire circumstances, see Raising a Flag over the Reichstag. Even using the cellar entry has been tried and—compare Marinus van der Lubbe—such attempts have led to heads being lost. So if you still intend to climb the Reichstag again and again, dressed in a fancy uniform, and to have your photo taken up there, be careful to have the right support and adequate gear with you. And make sure that your audience understands the difference between a watch and a wrist compass.

Intent

This is intended to stop content disputes from escalating to the extent of scaling public buildings dressed as popular comic book characters. Note that climbing the Reichstag dressed as Spider-Man is an absolute limit – not an entitlement! Users scaling any public building dressed as any popular comic book character may be blocked for disrupting Wikipedia to make a really stupid point. Even threatening to do so is generally viewed as unacceptable. Wikilawyering about how high up the Reichstag you climbed (or about what qualifies as a "popular" comic book character) is right out.

Review

Editors who believe that another user is on the verge of climbing the Reichstag building dressed as Spider-Man may place a request at the Administrators Noticeboard (Reichstag Climbing). Many administrators from the Rouge Admin Group will honour requests if asked (spammed on talk pages at least 7 times), and will enforce blocks if warranted – or unwarranted, we don't care too much actually. Maybe we'll just block people at random. That'll teach 'em!

It all boils down to this

Look, if you have been linked here from a talk page or a Wikipedia debate such as articles for deletion, it's probably an indication that someone thinks you are taking things a bit too seriously. Perhaps you should have a nice cup of tea and a sit down. It is pretty certain that all conflicts can be amicably resolved before the publication deadline. And if they can't be resolved before the deadline, let the deadline pass.

Official corollaries

No jumping off the Reichstag dressed as Spider-Man

It's not a good idea to believe anyone who tells you that because you're dressed as Spider-Man, your superpowers will protect you from injury when you jump off the top of the Reichstag. Similarly, it's never a good idea for anyone to delete the main page simply because they believe a new software feature now prevents them from doing it. If you survive the fall, you will only end up in the village stocks. This is unfortunate, as the tomatoes thrown at you are very, very stinky.

This applies even if you are the genuine Spider-Man

As Wikipedia has no policy for verifying your credentials, we cannot make exceptions to this policy even if you are the genuine Spider-Man or are genuinely named Spider-Man.

Other superheroes and buildings also covered

This shall also apply to climbing an M25 gantry dressed as Batman or climbing George Washington dressed as Superman. Army crawling along the A1 road dressed in the outfit of The Stig is acceptable, no matter the time of day, nor the place of entry nor exit.

Also, as seen elsewhere, you are not allowed to climb the Washington Monument, not even if you are the real Spider-Man. You are, however, allowed to climb the Brooklyn Bridge or a clock tower dressed as Spider-Man if some psycho in a flying machine kidnaps your girlfriend... but it may not be a great idea.

Notes

^ The above caption has been ruled by the Supreme Cabal to be both NPOV and in the best possible taste, as per WP:First Commandment - Thou shalt always be absurdly sycophantic towards Jimbo, and thou shalt pretend to be happy about it.
^ To any infidels objecting that Wikipedia's First Commandment is actually two commandments, the happy answer is that this instance of '2 equals 1' just proves Jimbo's divinity, as per The Irish Times's Brendan Glacken's Proof of the existence of God. This goes "I can prove that God exists, but it would take too long. However you'll have to believe I can if I can prove something even harder, namely that '2 equals 1' ". He then uses algebra to prove that '2 equals 1'.
^ Shhh...don't tell anybody, but you can 'prove' anything with algebra - the trick is to cleverly hide where you're illegally dividing by zero - but you could never be forgiven if you let Wiki-infidels find this out, and your punishment for letting Wiki-believers find it out simply doesn't bear thinking about.
^ However, the rule of law requires that punishments be spelled out, so we regret to have to inform you that the Supreme Cabal would clearly^[2] have absolutely no other choice but to sentence you to be hung, drawn, and quartered, chopped into little pieces, fried in boiling oil (with not too much salt, please), and hanged by your naughty bits until Doomsday, and, lest this sentence cause outrage amongst the populace on account of its self-evidently excessive^[2] leniency, that you in addition^[2] thereafter^[2] be banned from editing Wikipedia for a full 365 seconds.

References

^ The final version of this evil heretical doctrine can be found here, dated 8 April 2015 (immediately before the One True Faith began to be restored 5 days later (details here)), but it is so obscene, depraved, disgusting, and utterly corrupting, that it should not normally be viewed by anybody under 180 years of age, though illiterate readers born on a leap day may view it at the tender age of 179 years and 365 days provided they have received Special Dispensation in writing from the Supreme Cabal explicitly permitting them to do so.
^ ^a ^b ^c ^d "Desist forthwith - a little knowledge is a dangerous thing and you will get ideas above your station if you keep on looking up the meaning of big words such as this".
^ Very Naughty Boys (quoting John Cleese).
^ Quoting an unnamed raspy voice from 12 Monkeys.
^ Quoting an anonymous evil heretic from Monroe, Louisiana, to be sniffed out from there ASAP. Rightly censored as illegal Original Research. NB: It should be noted that such seemingly self-evident truth is not Original Research, except when, as here, it is deemed clearly contrary to the most sacred Truth of the Supreme Cabal.

[2] The above caption has been ruled by the Supreme Cabal to be both NPOV and in the best possible taste, as per WP:First Commandment - Thou shalt always be absurdly sycophantic towards Jimbo, and thou shalt pretend to be happy about it.

[3] To any infidels objecting that Wikipedia's First Commandment is actually two commandments, the happy answer is that this instance of '2 equals 1' just proves Jimbo's divinity, as per The Irish Times's Brendan Glacken's Proof of the existence of God. This goes "I can prove that God exists, but it would take too long. However you'll have to believe I can if I can prove something even harder, namely that '2 equals 1' ". He then uses algebra to prove that '2 equals 1'.

[4] Shhh...don't tell anybody, but you can 'prove' anything with algebra - the trick is to cleverly hide where you're illegally dividing by zero - but you could never be forgiven if you let Wiki-infidels find this out, and your punishment for letting Wiki-believers find it out simply doesn't bear thinking about.

[6] However, the rule of law requires that punishments be spelled out, so we regret to have to inform you that the Supreme Cabal would clearly^[2] have absolutely no other choice but to sentence you to be hung, drawn, and quartered, chopped into little pieces, fried in boiling oil (with not too much salt, please), and hanged by your naughty bits until Doomsday, and, lest this sentence cause outrage amongst the populace on account of its self-evidently excessive^[2] leniency, that you in addition^[2] thereafter^[2] be banned from editing Wikipedia for a full 365 seconds.

[Heresy01-1] The final version of this evil heretical doctrine can be found here, dated 8 April 2015 (immediately before the One True Faith began to be restored 5 days later (details here)), but it is so obscene, depraved, disgusting, and utterly corrupting, that it should not normally be viewed by anybody under 180 years of age, though illiterate readers born on a leap day may view it at the tender age of 179 years and 365 days provided they have received Special Dispensation in writing from the Supreme Cabal explicitly permitting them to do so.

[marmalade01-5] "Desist forthwith - a little knowledge is a dangerous thing and you will get ideas above your station if you keep on looking up the meaning of big words such as this".

[7] Very Naughty Boys (quoting John Cleese).

[8] Quoting an unnamed raspy voice from 12 Monkeys.

[9] Quoting an anonymous evil heretic from Monroe, Louisiana, to be sniffed out from there ASAP. Rightly censored as illegal Original Research. NB: It should be noted that such seemingly self-evident truth is not Original Research, except when, as here, it is deemed clearly contrary to the most sacred Truth of the Supreme Cabal.

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