User:BitterMan/Blast pit

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(In)famous (un)spoken wise words in and about computer- and video-games </sarcasm>[edit]

Final Fantasy[edit]

Disclaimer: The Final Fantasies are IMHO the greatest games in history, but some aspects are just plain silly.


Final Fantasy VII[edit]

"Er... folks, why didn't we just use a Phoenix Down on Aeris?!"

Bottom line: The greatest plot hole in CVG history...


Final Fantasy X[edit]

NEWSFLASH!!! Fragment of the true Teachings of Yevon discovered:

"The followers of Yevon must live only in coastal areas, so as to maximize the casualties caused by [Sin]'s attacks, for [Sin] is a marine entity and not able to levitate in the air for extended periods of time."
"To further 'enhance' the casualties of [Sin]'s attacks, the construction of bunkers, underground shelters, or any structures who would enable people of Spira to survive an attack is forbidden. The construction of barriers, obstacles or other means to hinder or stop [Sin]'s movement, or to confine [Sin] to unpopulated areas, including, but not limited to, the open ocean, the polar regions, outer space, the Farplane, other dimensions, rifts in time-space, is forbidden.
"The followers of Yevon must build their houses and dwellings as fragile as possible, so [Sin] can readily destroy lives and property."

Bottom line: The people of Spira, dumb people or dumbest people???


The Elder Scrolls[edit]

VI: Oblivion[edit]

"Sure, our physics system has the tendency to explode all movable content of a room in your face as soon as you touch the first item, our AI is screwy at best so we had to dumb it down considerably to avoid having every humanoid killed in a matter of days thanks to fucked up NPC jobs, our GFX engine runs like crap even on hardware that's been released years after the game came out, we have bugs, glitches and translation errors all over the place and don't bother fixing them, but zOMG LOOK AT TEH GORGEOUS THIRTEEN-THOUSAND-POLYGON SHIPMASTS!!!1one"

Bottom line: TES4, the dumb blonde of all CRPG's. Awesome look, no heart, no brain. And the best example to date of how even a stunning array of the best middlewares on the market can produce terrible results in the hands of incompetent programmers and world editors.


Jade Empire[edit]

JE combat in a nutshell:

The engine alone decides if and when it is time to fight. The split into explore- and fight-mode is - IMNSHO - one of the weakest bug^H^H^Hfeatures in the game. See those badguys kicking around innocent citizens? Wanna give'em a thorough beating? You CAN'T, if the game-script doesn't say so.

When it is time to fight, you MUST fight, and NOTHING else. Retreating from a fight is NOT possible, you'll hit BW's Magnificent Invisible Walls(TM) about as soon as you try. Also, ignore shrines and other placeables, you cannot use them while in fight-mode, they are just there to clutter the battlefield and block your view to make the fights more... I dunno, challenging? (see below)

Your most formidable enemy is... the camera. Being unable to see the scene while at 10% health, out of mana and about to get swarmed by half a dozen mobs. 'nuff said.

Do not look for a stealthy approach, there is none. Wanna snipe some badguys from behind a corner? You CAN'T, since you're still in explore-mode and unable to attack ANYTHING. To initiate a fight, you must step up to them, until the engine decides (see above) to switch to fight-mode. As soon as the fighting starts, each and every enemy will conveniently home in on you in a matter of seconds.

Bottom line: Jade Empire: a stunning array of missed opportunities.

Where Wikipedia is heading[edit]


"The sun rises in the east[citation needed] and sets in the west[citation needed]."

Here's a good read for when I get bored[edit]


The highest mountain ever[edit]

Mount Wiki
File:Aerogelbrick3.jpg
Mount Wiki
Highest point
Elevation 5,655,877x10-Googol ångström per square Parsec
Geography
Location Earth, Solar System, Milky Way, Local Group, Virgo Cluster, Universe
Parent range User
Topo map USGS Mount Wiki
Climbing
First ascent January_15 2001
Easiest route Wikipedia:Sandbox -> Help:Starting a new page and then slightly to the right