Wikipedia:Featured article candidates

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This star, with one point broken, indicates that an article is a candidate on this page.

Here, we determine which articles are to be featured articles (FAs). FAs exemplify Wikipedia's very best work and satisfy the FA criteria. All editors are welcome to review nominations; please see the review FAQ.

Before nominating an article, nominators may wish to receive feedback by listing it at peer review. Editors considering their first nomination, and any subsequent nomination before their first FA promotion, are strongly advised to seek the involvement of a mentor, to assist in the preparation and processing of the nomination. Nominators must be sufficiently familiar with the subject matter and sources to deal with objections during the featured article candidates (FAC) process. Nominators who are not significant contributors to the article should consult regular editors of the article before nominating it. Nominators are expected to respond positively to constructive criticism and to make efforts to address objections promptly. An article should not be on Featured article candidates and Peer review or Good article nominations at the same time.

The FAC coordinators—Ian Rose and Sarastro1—determine the timing of the process for each nomination. For a nomination to be promoted to FA status, consensus must be reached that it meets the criteria. Consensus is built among reviewers and nominators; the coordinators determine whether there is consensus. A nomination will be removed from the list and archived if, in the judgment of the coordinators:

  • actionable objections have not been resolved;
  • consensus for promotion has not been reached;
  • insufficient information has been provided by reviewers to judge whether the criteria have been met; or
  • a nomination is unprepared, after at least one reviewer has suggested it be withdrawn.

It is assumed that all nominations have good qualities; this is why the main thrust of the process is to generate and resolve critical comments in relation to the criteria, and why such resolution is given considerably more weight than declarations of support.

The use of graphics or templates on FAC nomination pages is discouraged, including graphics such as {{done}}, {{not done}} and {{xt}}: they slow down the page load time and lead to errors in the FAC archives.

An editor is allowed to be the sole nominator of only one article at a time; however, two nominations may be allowed if the editor is a co-nominator on at least one of them. If a nomination is archived, the nominator(s) should take adequate time to work on resolving issues before re-nominating. None of the nominators may nominate or co-nominate any article for two weeks unless given leave to do so by a coordinator; if such an article is nominated without asking for leave, a coordinator will decide whether to remove it. Nominators whose nominations are archived with no (or minimal) feedback will be given exemptions.

To contact the FAC coordinators, please leave a message on the FAC talk page, or use the {{@FAC}} notification template elsewhere.

A bot will update the article talk page after the article is promoted or the nomination archived; the delay in bot processing can range from minutes to several days, and the {{FAC}} template should remain on the talk page until the bot updates {{Article history}}.

Table of ContentsThis page: Purge cache, Checklinks, Check redirects, Dablinks

Featured content:

Today's featured article (TFA):

Featured article tools:


Nomination procedure

Toolbox
  1. Before nominating an article, ensure that it meets all of the FA criteria and that peer reviews are closed and archived. The featured article toolbox (at right) can help you check some of the criteria.
  2. Place {{subst:FAC}} at the top of the talk page of the nominated article and save the page.
  3. From the FAC template, click on the red "initiate the nomination" link or the blue "leave comments" link. You will see pre-loaded information; leave that text. If you are unsure how to complete a nomination, please post to the FAC talk page for assistance.
  4. Below the preloaded title, complete the nomination page, sign with ~~~~, and save the page.
  5. Copy this text: {{Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/name of nominated article/archiveNumber}} (substituting Number), and edit this page (i.e., the page you are reading at the moment), pasting the template at the top of the list of candidates. Replace "name of ..." with the name of your nomination. This will transclude the nomination into this page. In the event that the title of the nomination page differs from this format, use the page's title instead.

Supporting and opposing

  • To respond to a nomination, click the "Edit" link to the right of the article nomination (not the "Edit this page" link for the whole FAC page). All editors are welcome to review nominations; see the review FAQ for an overview of the review process.
  • To support a nomination, write *'''Support''', followed by your reason(s), which should be based on a full reading of the text. If you have been a significant contributor to the article before its nomination, please indicate this. A reviewer who specializes in certain areas of the FA criteria should indicate whether the support is applicable to all of the criteria.
  • To oppose a nomination, write *'''Object''' or *'''Oppose''', followed by your reason(s). Each objection must provide a specific rationale that can be addressed. If nothing can be done in principle to address the objection, the coordinators may ignore it. References on style and grammar do not always agree; if a contributor cites support for a certain style in a standard reference work or other authoritative source, reviewers should consider accepting it. Reviewers who object are strongly encouraged to return after a few days to check whether their objection has been addressed. To withdraw the objection, strike it out (with <s> ... </s>) rather than removing it. Alternatively, reviewers may transfer lengthy, resolved commentary to the FAC archive talk page, leaving a link in a note on the FAC archive.
  • To provide constructive input on a nomination without specifically supporting or objecting, write *'''Comment''' followed by your advice.
  • For ease of editing, a reviewer who enters lengthy commentary may want to create a neutral fourth-level subsection, named either ==== Review by EditorX ==== or ==== Comments by EditorX ==== (do not use third-level or higher section headers). Please do not create subsections for short statements of support or opposition—for these a simple *'''Support''',*'''Oppose''', or *'''Comment''' followed by your statement of opinion, is sufficient. Please do not use emboldened subheadings with semicolons, as these create accessibility problems.
  • If a nominator feels that an Oppose has been addressed, they should say so after the reviewer's signature rather than striking out or splitting up the reviewer's text. Per talk page guidelines, nominators should not cap, alter, strike, break up, or add graphics to comments from other editors; replies are added below the signature on the reviewer's commentary. If a nominator finds that an opposing reviewer is not returning to the nomination page to revisit improvements, this should be noted on the nomination page, with a diff to the reviewer's talk page showing the request to reconsider.

Contents

Nominations[edit]

Marcel Lihau[edit]

Nominator(s): Indy beetle (talk) 21:12, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

This article is about Marcel Lihau, a Congolese politician, jurist, and law professor who served as first president of the Supreme Court of Justice of the Congo and was involved in the creation of two functional constitutions for the Democratic Republic of the Congo. Lihau was the first Congolese to ever receive a law degree and began his career in the midst of the Congo Crisis, serving in the justice ministry and authoring the Luluabourg Constitution. In 1968 he was appointed to the Supreme Court of Justice but was removed seven years later by dictator Mobutu after refusing to enforce a harsh sentence upon student protesters. He helped organize the political opposition to Mobutu in his later years and advocated for democracy until his death. As such I think he's very important to Congolese history. This article is smaller than other FA biography nominations, but there's less info to go off of. I've done what I think I can with the available sources and I think this is ready for the FA process.-Indy beetle (talk) 21:12, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments by Wehwalt[edit]

Just a few things,

  • "In 1963 ... In 1965 ... In 1968" Mix it up.
  • I'm not doing an image review, but that lede image is going to give you trouble. If you don't know who the photographer is, how can it possibly have a CC license?
  • Why does the article use American style spelling (democratizing) and Commonwealth style dates?
  • "He was the eldest of eight children.[2] He received his secondary" ditto.
  • " the decision greatly reinforced their bargaining position with the Belgians." I might say "strengthened" for "reinforced"
  • "Lihau subsequently participated in the economic conference that took place from April until May that addressed the economic transition that the Congo was undergoing." I might change the last two words to "would undergo", if it's consistent with the source.
  • The first paragraph of the "Justice" paragraph could usefully be split.
  • "which party held the prerogative to make revisions" this is unclear as you have not mentioned parties yet.
  • " he added to the diversity of the organisation" I might toss a "geographic" before "diversity"
  • "at the Hotel InterContinental in Kinshasa" I don't think the italics are needed.
  • "in the view of the American delegation" I might say "in full view of the American delegation"
  • " "Conference Nationale Souveraine" " I don't think the quotes are needed. You might want to check the MOS on whether foreign proper names need italicization.
  • "In 1980 13 members of Parliament published a letter criticising Mobutu's regime. They were arrested and charged with "aggravated treason". Lihau testified on their behalf during the ensuing trial.[20] In 1982 he joined them" again, similar beginnings to consecutive sentences. Also consider commas.
  • "Due to his political activities and flight from persecution[22] they separated in the late 1970s." I would say "the couple" for "they" to clear up any ambiguity.
  • "A young politician named Jean-Pierre Kalokola claimed to be the illegitimate son of Lihau, who successfully filed a lawsuit against him." I might say after the comma, "and successfully filed a paternity suit against him." Assuming it was.
  • " Three of Lihau's and Kanza's daughters organized a mass of thanksgiving in their honor in Gombe on 28 March 2015. " Should "their" be "his"?
  • Can anything be said by way of a legacy?
Seems very well-written. I'm glad to see an article on African politics making it here.--Wehwalt (talk) 22:00, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

A Wizard of Earthsea[edit]

Nominator(s): Vanamonde (talk) 04:21, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

This article is about one of the most influential works of fantasy, compared frequently to the works of Tolkien and CS Lewis. I've dug quite deep with the sources, and I'd be surprised to see anything significant missing. All comments are welcome. As of this nomination, I am a participant in the Wikicup. Vanamonde (talk) 04:21, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

Image review by Wehwalt[edit]

  • Why is Map of Earthsea.jpg in the pubic domain? How does redrawing it make it less of a derivative work?
  • @Wehwalt: That's a good point; I guess I had assumed the Davis map was PD in the first place, but I'm actually unable to find much evidence for that; the best is this, which just baldly states the map is PD. And honestly if it was adapted from Le Guin's map I'm not even sure it could be PD...my apologies, images are not my strong suit. If that Guardian link is insufficient, I'm thinking it's best to remove the image. Vanamonde (talk) 09:06, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Also, if I'm forced to remove the map, I'm wondering if we can legitimately use Le Guin's original map from her website under NFCC; at least there the sourcing is clear, but I'm not certain if it would qualify. Likewise, for this image, for the adaptations section. Vanamonde (talk) 09:11, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • If this is based on a map in the book, I think it's not PD. Does the reader really need the map to understand the article? This would make three fair use images, and I think there should be strong justification for that.--Wehwalt (talk) 09:14, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Fair enough, I've removed the map. I guess that probably also means that the poster (which would also be fair use) should be avoided. Thanks for the review. Regards, Vanamonde (talk) 10:01, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • What I did with The Phantom Tollbooth was use quote boxes to supplement the (limited) images, quotes that I thought were particularly profound or funny.--Wehwalt (talk) 11:11, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • That's a good idea. I've already placed a couple of the best in the themes; I'll see if there's good ones for elsewhere. Vanamonde (talk) 11:18, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Alt text would be nice.--Wehwalt (talk) 08:36, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

Kaiman-class torpedo boat[edit]

Nominator(s): Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 23:34, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

This article is about a class of dinky torpedo boats that saw service with the Austro-Hungarian Navy. It was a very successful design, and all 24 boats saw extensive active service doing a range of tasks during World War I, mainly in the Adriatic. One was torpedoed and badly damaged by a French submarine, and two sank an Italian submarine. All suggestions for improvements gratefully received. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 23:34, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

Support Just a few comments:

  • Can anything be said about where the name Kaiman comes from?
  • The Kaiman or Caiman is a semi-aquatic lizard so I imagine that is what it came from, but none of the sources explicitly state that. Classes often take the name of the first ship.
  • That is what I was thinking, a very apt name for a small armed ship like this. I remember seeing a caiman scour the shoreline for prey ... pity there's no source. Oh well.--Wehwalt (talk) 09:17, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "was considered to be a very successful design, and all boats saw extensive active service during World War I" You have near identical text in the body, and in so short an article the duplication stood out.
  • Good point, tweaked the wording in the body.
  • That's it. Interesting. Good luck.--Wehwalt (talk) 00:07, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

Source review from Ealdgyth[edit]

  • I randomly googled three sentences and nothing showed up except mirrors. Earwig's tool shows no copyright violations.
Otherwise everything looks good. Ealdgyth - Talk 14:11, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

Mercy Point[edit]

Nominator(s): Aoba47 (talk) 23:13, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

Hello everyone. This is an article about an American science fiction medical drama that aired for one season on United Paramount Network (UPN) from October 6, 1998, to July 15, 1999. With an ensemble cast led by: Joe Morton, Maria del Mar, Alexandra Wilson, Brian McNamara, Salli Richardson, Julia Pennington, Gay Thomas, Jordan Lund, and Joe Spano, the series takes place in a 23rd-century hospital space station located in deep space and revolves around its doctors and nurses. Initially focused on ethical and medical cases, the storylines gradually shifted toward focusing on the characters' personal relationships to better fit UPN's primarily teen demographic.

This is my third nomination of an article on a UPN series, following the successful promotions of Love, Inc. (TV series) and Eve (2003 TV series). I have primarily used my experiences and feedback from those two prior FACs in preparing for this. I just find something about the network’s eclectic mix of genres and shows to be fascinating. I have actually never seen this series (as it was never officially released outside of its original broadcast and only clips of it are available online), but I greatly enjoyed working on this and found the production history to be very interesting. I believe that this fulfills all aspects of the featured article criteria. Hopefully, this nomination will inspire more people to put up television-related articles in the FAC process. I look forward to everyone’s feedback. Thank you in advance! Aoba47 (talk) 23:13, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

Alan Bush[edit]

Nominator(s): Brianboulton (talk) 14:05, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

After a ten-month gap, and an enforced temporary retirement, I'm returning to FAC with this composer biography. Bush, active through much of the 20th century, was an enigmatic figure who blighted his career by espousing a hardline Marxism. This turned off much of the music establishment, and the public too. Yet his music is often bright and generous, as a few visits to YouTube will quickly demonstrate. If perhaps not quite in the first ranks of modern British composers, he's surely worth an honourable place in the reserves. I'm most grateful to Tim Riley for breaking his retirement with a helpful talkpage review. Brianboulton (talk) 14:05, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments by Wehwalt[edit]

Good to see you back. A few comments:

  • "cold-shouldered" I'm wondering at the need for informality when "ignored" serves much the same purpose.
  • I might put an "honorary" before "doctorates"
  • "during the First World War," I advise cutting this. It slows the text and I would think few are going to be ignorant given the "Western Front" and 1917 ...
  • "in the Manchester Guardian" I believe a "The" was part of the title.
  • "He was not called up immediately, and meantime continued his musical life," "meantime" seems to be unnecessary.
  • "Oxford Dictionary of National Biography" italics, I think
"While in Prague in August 1947, he and the WMA performed his unaccompanied chorus Lidice at the site of the village of that name,[56][57]" as Lidice was not in Prague, I might change Prague to Czechoslovakia.
  • "This change was formalised as Bush responded to the 1948 decree issued by Stalin's director of cultural policy, Andrei Zhdanov, against formalism" I'd change "formalised" to "confirmed" or similar because of the "formalism" later on.
  • "In 1948 Bush accepted a commission from the Nottingham Co-operative Society for a symphony, as part of the city's quincentennial celebrations in 1949." I might lose the comma.
  • "yet following its Nottingham premiere on 27 June 1949 and its London debut on 11 December 1952 under Boult and the London Philharmonic,[59] the work has been rarely heard in Britain." consider "since" for "following". It may be an ENGVAR thing.
  • "The Daily Telegraph's" I believe again, there's a "The" as part of the title. Also should be linked as first usage.
  • "native African" I have an issue with this as regards British Guiana. They were immigrants, if not voluntary ones.
  • "real-life story" I might just say "life". Bush has worked from real life before.
  • "an American union activist and songwriter who was convicted of murder and executed in 1915" I might at least through a "controversially" before convicted.
  • "he produced the first of three late song cycles" "late" got my interest here as I don't recall hearing the phrase before.
  • "His first venture, Wat Tyler, was written in a form which Bush thought acceptable to the general British public;[119] it was not his choice, he wrote, that the opera and its successors all found their initial audiences in East Germany." I would split this at the semicolon.
  • "continued to show all the hallmarks of his postwar oeuvre: vigour, clarity of tone masterful use of counterpoint." Issue in the list.
  • "although there was a memorial concert at the Wigmore Hall on 1 November,[134] and a BBC broadcast of the Piano Concerto on 19 December.[135] Although quietly observed," Although/although.--Wehwalt (talk) 15:37, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

Sonic the Hedgehog (2006 video game)[edit]

Nominator(s): TheJoebro64 (talk) 10:40, 24 July 2017 (UTC)

The last FAC for this article was stalled, so it unfortunately had to be archived. However, out of the two comments posted, it did have one "support" and other comments which were addressed. I would like to thank those users, Aoba47 and Czar, for their comments. Now, two weeks later, I believe this article is ready for another FAC. ~ TheJoebro64 (talk) 10:40, 24 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments by Tom Morris[edit]

  • Numerous sources don't include a publication date, including #1, #10, #20, #71, #72, #73, #74, #77, #80 and #81.
  • In the Plot section, it might be sensible to include a reminder of what Soleanna is. The fact that it is the name of the world is mentioned in the lead but it's probably sensible to repeat it here. —Tom Morris (talk) 16:41, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
  • @Tom Morris: Fixed; clarified Soleanna and added dates for the refs you pointed out. I'll start looking for more sources that need the publication dates. ~ TheJoebro64 (talk) 17:11, 24 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments by David Fuchs[edit]

At present, I would oppose promotion. There are a bunch of issues throughout the article:

  • Prose (1a) is sub-par; there's awkward or necessarily convoluted wording, run-on sentences, repetitious phrasing, weasel words, and the like. I got reverted starting to make these changes, so I suggest the copyeditor find someone else who is willing to work on this.
  • References should include publisher info, not just work. Some references are missing archive urls.
  • What makes WWG, DidYouKnowGaming, and DSOG high-quality reliable sources?
    • Why is there a citation to the game at the end of the plot, but nowhere else in that section?
    • Spotchecks revealed there are accuracy issues with regards to citations throughout the article. Ex. Shadow's sections are similarly speedy albeit more combat oriented, though some segments see him riding vehicles, such as a motorcycle. is cited to [1] but no mention of a motorcycle is made. Likewise, the following bit of the paragraph specifically ties secondary characters to each of the hedgehogs, when that assignment is not made in any of the cited links. {[xt|as well as give the series a more realistic setting. For this reason, human characters are given a photorealistic design, while Sonic, Doctor Eggman, and the series' robot antagonists were redesigned to better suit the game's environment.}} is cited to [2], where no specific mention is made of human characters and the robots. There's also WP:SYNTH issues regarding cut features (saying features were cut without having a source for them.) The entire article needs to be run through and these issues need to be addressed.
  • File:EggmanRedesign06.png has a very weak fair use rationale, as the character's design covers only a few sentences and there's no major critical commentary about it in the reception section. Either more needs to be added to justify it, or it should be cut.

--11:28, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

@David Fuchs: Fixed most of your concerns. However, all the cut features were sourced, and the sources you're questioning weren't challenged during the GA review or the last FAC. DidYouKnowGaming was actually suggested during the last FAC, and WWG is a companion to ComicBook.com, which is considered reliable. Some of the URLs don't have archived versions, though. I'll start adding publishers to the refs. ~ TheJoebro64 (talk) 16:43, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
I'm questioning the sources now. That they weren't before doesn't mean they are immune from being critiqued. The onus is on the nominator to defend how the article meets criteria. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs(talk) 19:34, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
Alright, I've removed the DSOG source. DidYouKnowGaming has actually been cited by multiple third-party, reliable sources such as HuffPost and Nintendo Life, and they also have their own article. The sources lacking archives have also been remedied. ~ TheJoebro64 (talk) 19:52, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
@David Fuchs: I'm going to be stuck on mobile for around a week, so I'm not going to be able to add the publishers. Can I follow up on this by then? ~ TheJoebro64 (talk) 23:16, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

Benedetto Pistrucci[edit]

Nominator(s): Wehwalt (talk) 13:56, 23 July 2017 (UTC)

This article is about... a most talented but temperamental artist. In a way, Pistrucci's career can be divided into two periods, one as a rising star, the second as a bitter sinecurist. Still, his brilliance lives on and is familiar through his iconic design of Saint George and the Dragon. Enjoy.Wehwalt (talk) 13:56, 23 July 2017 (UTC)

Ceranthor Comments[edit]

  • Filippo satisfied his father with enough academic achievement that he was allowed to take a job with a painter named Mango, - Any idea of his first name, since you mention the brother Giuseppe? I assume not, but figured it was worth asking
Not known.--Wehwalt (talk) 20:28, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
  • With the Pope and French having made peace, - I assume you meant the French here?
I thought I would save a word here. Is it really necessary to say "the"?
  • stabbing him in the abdomen before Pistrucci repelled the attack - How can he repel the attack after being stabbed? Wouldn't repelling it imply that he prevented it?
The wound was apparently not serious enough to incapacitate him, and he fended off further attacks. Is there a term you prefer?
Well I feel like you should clarify that he fended off further attacks then.
A little late, but I've done that.--Wehwalt (talk) 23:21, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Pistrucci was willing, and after making provision for his family left Rome with Bonelli - Isn't it making provisions?
No, to make provision for someone is to see to their future needs, sometimes in a will or trust. It's properly used here.
  • the brothers refused to accompany Bonelli further, and after threats, the dealer departed. - Threats from whom?
  • but the allowance was stopped after 1830 as it had come to light that each resided aboard - Aboard? What does this mean?
Oops. Should be "abroad". They had not joined the Navy ...
  • References look solid.

Great work. ceranthor 19:45, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

Thank you. Except where noted, I've made those changes.--Wehwalt (talk) 20:28, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
Support Prose looks great and the references seem reliable. ceranthor 22:06, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
Much obliged, thank you very much.--Wehwalt (talk) 22:12, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

Pigeon guillemot[edit]

Nominator(s): RileyBugz and Sabine's Sunbird talk 19:39, 20 July 2017 (UTC)

I'm please to co-nom this with RileyBugz. A delightful little seabird from the north Pacific. It's had a picking over at GAN and covers all the relevant material. Sabine's Sunbird talk 19:39, 20 July 2017 (UTC)

Support Comments from Jim[edit]

I remember these from Vancouver. Two experienced editors, so just nit-picks and suggestions really Jimfbleak - talk to me? 09:22, 21 July 2017 (UTC)

  • Perhaps add a template specifying the variety of English to deter Americanisation of spelling
  • It probably should be in American English, but my own English is something of a mix. Sabine's Sunbird talk 10:20, 21 July 2017 (UTC)
  • There are five subspecies of the pigeon guillemot. Its breeding plumage…—bit clunky, perhaps There are five subspecies of the pigeon guillemot. All have a breeding plumage…
I actually merged the two sentences, as it would have appeared odd if I had done your wording. RileyBugz会話投稿記録 15:49, 21 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Perhaps link Invertebrates, monogamous, genetic, morphological, sister clade and moult
  • derived from the motto of the state of California, which itself is derived from the Greek heurēka—better perhaps the same as the motto of the state of California, and derived from the Greek heurēka
I actually just removed the "derived" and "itself", as I think that is much better and concise. RileyBugz会話投稿記録 15:51, 21 July 2017 (UTC)
  • The bill is long and black with a red mouth—the bill has a red mouth? Reads oddly
  • taking off in calm conditions without a runway—from water?
  • They have difficulty taking off in calm conditions… they are faster than the black guillemot… In the water it is a strong swimmer…—plural-singular change
  • Para beginning Usually arriving at its breeding range… overworks "usually"
Removed some instances of "usually". RileyBugz会話投稿記録 15:56, 21 July 2017 (UTC)
The spelling of eg "colour" and "grey" appears to be consistent, so I'll leave it with you whether you want to change the version of English, otherwise happy to support Jimfbleak - talk to me? 06:21, 22 July 2017 (UTC)
Cheers Jim. Sabine's Sunbird talk 07:12, 22 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments Support from Cas Liber[edit]

  • All future verbs - "x will x" - can be made present tense (i.e. remove all the "will"s)
Done. RileyBugz会話投稿記録 13:58, 22 July 2017 (UTC)
  • How can it be a superspecies with the black guillemot if the spectacled guillemot is its sister taxon?
A superspecies is a classification based on physical description, whereas the term sister taxon is a phylogenetic description. RileyBugz会話投稿記録 13:54, 22 July 2017 (UTC)
Worth putting that as a footnote. Even got me...but not a deal-breaker..Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 14:42, 23 July 2017 (UTC)
Just did that. RileyBugz会話投稿記録 00:30, 27 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Link monogamous, incubation.

Looks good otherwise. Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 13:45, 22 July 2017 (UTC)

Image review

  • File:Cepphus_columba5.jpg: source links are dead. Nikkimaria (talk) 18:17, 22 July 2017 (UTC)
I can't find the image on the USFWS site, so while I assume it's fine I have taken it down for now. Sabine's Sunbird talk 20:38, 22 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments by Wehwalt[edit]

Interesting read. A few comments.

  • "which Pallas noted was the derived from the common name of Greenland dove for the related black guillemot." I'm not sure this makes sense.
  • "They typically sleep in loose groups in sheltered water" I might say "waters".
  • "The pigeon guillemot is a very vocal bird, particularly during the breeding season,[6] and makes a number of calls, some of which are paired with displays, to communicate with others of their kind." "their" likely should be "its".
  • "One such display call pairing is the conspicuous hunch-whistle, where the tail is slightly raised, the wings held slightly out and the head thrown back 45-90° while whistling before snapping back to horizontal." not the clearest sentence. Possibly a comma after "whistling" might help.
  • " It forages at depths from 6 to 45 m (20 to 148 ft), but it prefers to forage at depths between 15 and 20 m (50 and 70 ft)." I might cut "to forage at" as unneeded.
Done RileyBugz会話投稿記録 19:11, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
  • " feeding on shoals of sandlance at the water surface." possibly "water's surface".
  • "Smaller prey items are probably consumed underwater, but larger prey items are brought to the surface to eat after capture." I would avoid the repetition of "prey items". Better yet, I would cut "items " both times and change the second "prey" to "organisms" or some such.
  • " The diet varies greatly, based on where the individual bird is, the season, for example invertebrates are more commonly taken in winter, and also from year to year, as ocean conditions change prey availability" I'm not sure this completely works, you seem to have abandoned a list midway leaving "the season" as something of an orphan.
  • I have moved the example out to allow the list to finish, as you note it does kind of break stuff up (was originally in parentheses) Sabine's Sunbird talk 04:54, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • " Specialization in a pigeon guillemot when foraging for its chicks generally results in greater reproductive success, with a high-lipid diet allowing for more growth." It's not clear what is meant by "specialization" in this context.
  • It looks like something was lost at some point, clarified. Sabine's Sunbird talk 18:53, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "Colonies are attended during the day and, except for birds incubating or brooding, adults do not remain in the colony at night. Birds usually arrive in the colony in the morning with counts decreasing as the day goes on." I don't know much about such things but it seems to me logical that it should be "increasing" as stragglers come in.
Reworded to prevent confusion. RileyBugz会話投稿記録 19:11, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "with eggs getting longer when laid later in the breeding season progresses" some difficulty here I think.
Fixed. RileyBugz会話投稿記録 19:13, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "and adults near oiled shores display symptoms of hepatocellular injury, a liver injury where elevated levels of aspartate aminotransferase can be found" I would avoid the second use of "injury".
Reworded. RileyBugz会話投稿記録 19:11, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Support all looks good.--Wehwalt (talk) 09:19, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

Source review from Ealdgyth[edit]

  • I randomly googled three sentences and nothing showed up except mirrors. Earwig's tool shows no copyright violations.
Otherwise everything looks good. Ealdgyth - Talk 14:14, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

Banksia serrata[edit]

Nominator(s): Gderrin (talk · contribs) & Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 15:07, 20 July 2017 (UTC)

We have been buffing this article over the years. It got a detailed GA review and we think it is the equal of other banksia FAs. Let us know what to fix. cheers, Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 15:07, 20 July 2017 (UTC)

Support Comments from Jim[edit]

Not much to say here just nit-picks and suggestions really Jimfbleak - talk to me? 09:40, 21 July 2017 (UTC)

  • "inflorescences"—Why quote marks here, and not in other Banksia article?
removed Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 23:16, 21 July 2017 (UTC)
  • 1 and 3 millimetres (1⁄16 and 1⁄8 in) —one of my many objections to using fractions instead of decimals is that it leads to nonsense like this, where the maximum length is thrice the minimum in international units, but only double in Imperial. Do they shrink in the US?
removed fractions Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 14:07, 22 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Note that the plant may take several years to flower—lose "Note that"
removed Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 23:16, 21 July 2017 (UTC)

Images are appropriately licensed. Nikkimaria (talk) 18:18, 22 July 2017 (UTC)

Changed to support above Jimfbleak - talk to me? 14:07, 24 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments from JennyOz[edit]

Hi, I've used question marks here as my understanding might be off, especially re conversions and hyphenation. If so, please ignore.

  • "The coyledons are linear to" - cotyledons
fixed Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 02:25, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "grey bark up to 3 cm thick" - needs conversion?
added Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 02:25, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "styles" - wlink?
linked Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 02:25, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "Old flower spikes develop into "cones" that consist of up to thirty follicles that develop from the flowers that were pollinated, and old withered flower parts that give the cones a hairy appearance." - hard to read (esp with 3 x flower/s), maybe split into two sentences?
sentence split Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 02:25, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "The obovate (egg-shaped) seed is..." - move (egg-shaped) to first use of obovate?
fixed Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 02:25, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "...and B. ornata as next closest relative." its next closest?
fixed Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 02:25, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "Kelgoola" - explain location or co-ords?
dammit, smallet most inclusive area is Central Tablelands...might make a stub somehow... Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 02:25, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "... are believed to be quite old." - put "quite old" in quotes as the lack of context comes from the ref?
fixed Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 02:25, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "dieback" - wlink?
the link is in the pathogen just further on. dieback is a disambig page leading to that anyway. Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 03:31, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "between 2 and 6 m high" - needs conversion?
added Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 03:31, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "...with stems with a DBH of under 1 cm..." (and following cm mentions) - need conversions?
added Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 03:31, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "free-draining seed raising mixture" - seed raising need hyphen?
added Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 03:31, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "well drained soil" - hyphen?
added Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 03:31, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "...in a well drained soil, preferably fairly sandy and a sunny aspect, with a pH from 5.5 to 7.5." - move the pH back before sunny aspect?
switched Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 03:31, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "...originally from Green Cape area..." - the?
added Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 03:31, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "... selection from large flowered (spikes to 27 centimetres (11 in) high) and large leaved population..." - large flowered and/or large leaved need hyphens?
added Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 03:31, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

Thanks. JennyOz (talk) 15:23, 24 July 2017 (UTC)

Source review from Ealdgyth[edit]

  • I randomly googled three sentences and nothing showed up except mirrors. Earwig's tool shows no copyright violations.
Otherwise everything looks good. Ealdgyth - Talk 14:18, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

John Glenn[edit]

Nominator(s): Kees08 (Talk) and Hawkeye7 (talk) 07:32, 20 July 2017 (UTC)

John Glenn is one of the most viewed spaceflight articles on the project. He died recently, which made me work towards making his article my (hopefully) first featured article. He was the first American to orbit the Earth, was a highly decorated marine, and served as Senator for much of his life. If you notice on the talk page that this article just failed A-class review, I wanted to note that was due to a lack of reviewers and not due to any opposes. Hopefully I can garner enough interest here that we can get this article the rest of the way to FA. Kees08 (Talk) 07:32, 20 July 2017 (UTC)

@Light show, JustinTime55, and Hawkeye7: Apologies for not asking pre-nom, but if any of you significant contributors would like to be co-noms just let me know (or add yourself). Thanks! Kees08 (Talk) 21:24, 22 July 2017 (UTC)

I'm happy to be a co-nominator. Face-smile.svg Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:59, 22 July 2017 (UTC)

Image review

  • File:John_Glenn_Signature.svg: source link is dead
    Now I just feel argumentative, I hope it is not seen that way :). For this one, is a live source required, since signatures are not copyrighted in the US unless they are artistic? Otherwise, I suppose I could use another PD image and extract the signature out of it, then link to that. What do you think of this case? Kees08 (Talk) 20:42, 22 July 2017 (UTC)
    If there were significant information to identify a source without the live link (eg. a Google Books link in a book citation) I'd be less inclined to push it, but in this case the URL doesn't really speak to either original source or credibility, and a source is required under the image use policy. Nikkimaria (talk) 21:02, 22 July 2017 (UTC)
    How about [3]? Hawkeye7 (talk) 23:10, 22 July 2017 (UTC)
  • File:Friendship_7_insignia.jpg: tag indicates that use of insignias is restricted - how does this affect this image? Same with File:STS-95_Patch.svg
    I do not think that it does, as the work was created by NASA, so as far as we are concerned in the US it is in the PD. I believe that notice is put there in case individuals in other countries want to use the image, they can see that it may not be in the PD in their country and that they should investigate that. Thoughts? Kees08 (Talk) 20:28, 22 July 2017 (UTC)
    I can't seem to find mention of the issue in the legal document linked from the tag, but this page suggests that at least some logos/insignia are not PD despite being created by NASA. Nikkimaria (talk) 20:41, 22 July 2017 (UTC)
    Do you mean this text specifically? "NASA images may be used as graphic "hot links" to NASA Web sites, provided they are used within the guidelines above. This permission does not extend to use of the NASA insignia, the retired NASA logotype or the NASA seal. NASA should be acknowledged as the source of the material." If so, I believe it is specifically discussing using them as hot links to NASA websites, so as long as we are not hotlinking to NASA with those images, we are fine. Did you mean another part of that page? Kees08 (Talk) 21:10, 22 July 2017 (UTC)
  • File:92OHSenateCounties.PNG: what's the source of the data presented in this image?
    I have a request in the Resource Exchange right now for the data. I replaced the image with one that looks better, but obviously that does not solve the data source issue. I will let you know when I hear back. Kees08 (Talk)
  • File:Annie_and_John_Glenn_1965.jpg: source link suggests the correct license would be PD. Nikkimaria (talk) 18:27, 22 July 2017 (UTC)
    I looked pretty hard at this one in the Commons, with this showing that photos donated by Nationaal Archief are PD, and this talking about it in English more. I think its just slightly incorrect information in the metadata of the photo. The National Archief template is where the CC license comes from, which is another reason I think that all of the photos they donated are with a commons license. What are your thoughts? I am open to being wrong about this. Kees08 (Talk)
    On the Nationaal Archief website, the image is clearly tagged as being CC0/PD - because that's a less restrictive license, I'd be more inclined to go with that. Nikkimaria (talk) 20:41, 22 July 2017 (UTC)
    Okay, that's fair, I'll use a PD tag. Kees08 (Talk)
    Replaced, let me know if that is good. Kees08 (Talk)

Black stork[edit]

Nominator(s): Adityavagarwal (talk · contribs) & Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 11:31, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

We have improved this article to the point where we invite others to let us know (hopefully) about any last fixes before it gets a shiny star. I feel it is the equal of some other bird FAs so have at it.. Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 11:31, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Riley[edit]

Some quick comments, like usual.

  • The last part of the sentence "This is because of the wide range, big population and low rate of decline, which are well beyond the threshold to consider them as vulnerable" makes them sound as if they are well below the threshold for being vulnerable. Maybe instead of saying "beyond", say "above"? Or reword it entirely so you don't have that confusion.
Tweaked. Adityavagarwal (talk) 02:24, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
  • What are you trying to convey about the bare skin around this bird's eyes? "The black stork has brown iris, and the bare skin around its eyes."
Oops. Nothing about the bare skin, but just that it surrounds the eye. Face-tongue.svg Tweaked. Adityavagarwal (talk) 02:24, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Which bird has the traits noted to differ in the sentence "Mostly similar to the Adbim's stork in appearance, it differs by having bright red bill, legs and feet, and black rump and lower back"?
Tweaked. Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 04:57, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
  • The first part of the sentence "The juvenile resembles the adult in plumage pattern, but the areas corresponding to the adult black feathers are browner and less glossy" might confuse some non-birders, as they might think that "plumage pattern" is a type of moult or something. Maybe just say plumage?
Tweaked. Adityavagarwal (talk) 02:24, 20 July 2017 (UTC)

That is all for now. More will come later. RileyBugz会話投稿記録 14:59, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

  • The last part of the sentence "The female lays two to five white shelled eggs having greyish hue" is confusing. RileyBugz会話投稿記録 19:42, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
Rephrased. Adityavagarwal (talk) 23:04, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
But how can a white shell have a greyish hue? That is a contradiction. Maybe say "The female [actually, that should be reworded too, as both sexes incubate the eggs] lays two to five greyish eggs." RileyBugz会話投稿記録 00:13, 22 July 2017 (UTC)
Rephrased again. Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 03:59, 22 July 2017 (UTC)
  • The sentence "It was moved to the new genus Ciconia by French zoologist Mathurin Jacques Brisson two years later" is a bit confusing, since it was originally assigned to the genus Ciconia, thus meaning that genus is not new. Maybe say "It was moved back to the genus Ciconia, which had just been formally established, by French zoologist [name] in [year]"? RileyBugz会話投稿記録 19:42, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Actually, it needs to be made clear that Francis Willughby wasn't formally describing it - his name was not a Linnaean binomial since he predated Linnaeus (so it was never assigned to Ciconia until Brisson did). Sabine's Sunbird talk 19:47, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
Yes, have been scratching my head over this bit. The Willughby material is fascinating as it shows that many of the binomial names used by Linnaeus had been in use 100 years earlier, though Linnaeus obviously marks the start of Linnaean taxonomy. I need to think how to note this. Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 05:19, 21 July 2017 (UTC)
A footnote? The pre-Linnean history of biological nomenclature is somewhat tangential to the subject at hand. Sabine's Sunbird talk 05:30, 21 July 2017 (UTC)
footnote added. Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 02:10, 22 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Sabine's Sunbird[edit]

Some observations:

  • large wading bird waders (which is linked to) typically means sandpipers, plovers and the like, not storks, herons and ibises and the like. It's slightly different in the US but this is supposed to be UK English right?
Agreed and delinked. I have left as "bird". I could call it Water bird but is a bit of a silly link. I don't know of a common name for Aequornithes, which might be another possibility Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 10:14, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Bit of overlinking in the lead
Removed some more major geographical regions, but left the ones which may not be known to few readers (like the straight of gibraltar, etc.). Adityavagarwal (talk) 02:21, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
  • big population - maybe large population?
tweaked Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 00:14, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
  • It is also covered under the what is this also-ing? No previous discussions of cover before.
removed Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 00:14, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
  • To a layperson it may be weird that conservation actions are being taken for a species not at risk. Rather than listing conventions that protect them, perhaps discuss localised declines and then provide global context of their status?
hopefully the moved material on local declines will help with flow Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 10:21, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
  • No, the lead is still an issue (and this comment was about the lead, sorry should have been more clear. The structure of the last paragraph is "not threatened IUCN/treaties protecting the species/conservation \actions underway". It should be "local declines/global context and IUCN status/ conservation actions" Sabine's Sunbird talk 19:34, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
I have added a sentence and rejigged it slightly Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 05:17, 21 July 2017 (UTC)
  • English naturalist Francis Willughby wrote about the white stork in the 17th century, having seen one in Frankfurt, naming it Ciconia nigra Is this in the right article?
whoops. fixed Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 04:59, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Do the "three major groups of storks" stand up cladistically?
Not sure, but the material possibly a bit off-topic for a species article, so trimmed Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 04:31, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
  • I would dispute that it most closely resembles the abdim's stork - the plumage patterns are the but the body shape is quite different
added re build. Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 04:57, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
  • The information in distribution about declines might be better in conservation?
Right, I have moved some material on declines to conservation. There is some more entwined but is hard to unravel. Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 10:21, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Why is a Old World species in American English in places (Behavior)?
good point, gonna UKize it think all UKized now... Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 00:14, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
  • A wary species, it avoids human contact and forms small flocks especially during winter. Is a bit of a non sequitur.
split Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 10:11, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
  • In feeding, why does the article suddenly start throwing in binomials after common names?
It is a good point, but in other bird FAs like white stork, such binomials are mentioned after the common names, too. However, if you think that it should be removed, I would remove it. Adityavagarwal (talk) 02:30, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
  • It's a consistency thing. Do it consistently or don't do it consistently. Personally, I would only use a scientific name if there is some ambiguity in the common name. Sabine's Sunbird talk 03:28, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
I've added rather than subtracted. It helps avoid a sea of bluelinks. Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 10:11, 20 July 2017 (UTC)

Okay more later. Sabine's Sunbird talk 20:14, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

  • Overlinking is still an issue, particularly in the distribution and migration section.
Oops! I hope it looks find now. Adityavagarwal (talk) 23:05, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
  • However it flees at the presence of dogs. I'm not sure why this is "however" or even what it adds.
..removed Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 22:01, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
I meant that the whole section adds nothing. It flees in the presence of large predators? That's pretty much the rule isn't it? Sabine's Sunbird talk 22:46, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
When I read it initially, it was the contrast between the storks following large ruminants but scared of dogs. But yes, I take your point that most animals can distinguish between herbivores and carnivores...so removed it Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 04:33, 21 July 2017 (UTC)
  • which had large side branches that allowed it to build the nest away from the trunk as well as black pine, (Pinus nigra) and to a lesser extent oak I think a comma is in the wrong place (it should be after trunk, not pine)
tweaked Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 22:02, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Considering the rarity of infanticide in this species has it been given undue weight in the lead? Sabine's Sunbird talk 19:34, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
yeah I think so..removed Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 22:01, 20 July 2017 (UTC)

Some more questions/comments:

  • Slightly smaller than the white stork, the black stork is a large bird, why does this start with a comparison to the white stork?
the former is more familiar...but agree not essential so removed Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 01:42, 22 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Like all storks, it has long legs, a long neck and a long, straight, pointed beak. I don't think all storks have straight bills (check out the [[openbill]s.
I just removed comparison to all sotrks Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 01:42, 22 July 2017 (UTC)
  • No mention of bill standard bill colour in the description section. Or the bare eye skin colour
added. Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 20:43, 22 July 2017 (UTC)
  • It may be confused with the juvenile yellow-billed stork, really?
  • The black stork walks slowly and steadily on the ground. Like all storks, it flies with its neck outstretched. Why is this on the paragraph about juveniles?
accident. moved. Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 20:43, 22 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Distribution and habitat - first paragraph lays out the European distribution of the summering birds - and nothing about its Asian summer distribution (except a line about Korea further down). This whole section needs work on weight (undue focus on extralimital distribution) and structure. Migration section heavily weighted towards Europe too.
have begun reorganising it. Unfortunately appears to have been much more studied in Europe than Asia...but I think there is some Asian material I can add. looking now..got some Asian material in but it's been a hard slog... Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 21:34, 22 July 2017 (UTC)
  • The black stork mainly eats fish, although it may feed on amphibians, insects, small reptiles, snails, crabs, mammals and birds.[39] Its insect diet primarily includes water beetles and their larvae, and earthworms.[40][41] It also forages on newts, shrews, small rodents and molluscs. Structure issues here. Earthworms aren't insects, and then the last sentence is basically repeating the first with a bit more detail but no clear logic.
reorganised. Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 20:43, 22 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Can anything be said about the significance of the statement also forages with both wings raised in an open canopy. Maybe linking it to the sentence on the following paragraph It has been observed shading the water with its wings while hunting.
removed - taken as a misunderstanding as I thought it meant canopy (foliage) but it just means its wings as shade...like what the other sentence already says. Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 14:31, 23 July 2017 (UTC)

Okay, more to come. Sabine's Sunbird talk 00:52, 22 July 2017 (UTC)

Support Comments from Jim[edit]

Just a quick read through, I'll look again later. In lead, "winter rather than summer." needs northern/southern to avoid ambiguity. Also some multiple refs are not in numerical order. I made a couple of minor tweaks as I read. Jimfbleak - talk to me? 10:35, 21 July 2017 (UTC)

changes look fine Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 01:42, 22 July 2017 (UTC)
Only one to add; The black stork nests solitarily, which are usually at least 1 km (0.6 mi) apart... uses nests as a noun and a verb simultaneously, perhaps The black stork's solitary nests are usually at least 1 km (0.6 mi) apart.... Changing to support anyway Jimfbleak - talk to me? 06:51, 22 July 2017 (UTC)
Tweaked. Adityavagarwal (talk) 12:12, 22 July 2017 (UTC)

Source review from Ealdgyth[edit]

  • Current citation 16 "MacKinnon" has OUP as an abbreviation - we don't generally use these sorts of abbreviations (and later with footnote 19, you don't use it there) Ref 27 also has OUP
Done. Adityavagarwal (talk) 15:56, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Current ref 22 "WAZA. "Black Stork Reintroduction"" ... what is this referring to?
I hope it looks better. I was unable to find the date for the source. Adityavagarwal (talk) 15:56, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • You abbreviate "RSA" (ref 15) but spell out "United Kingdom" ... either abbreviate all countries or spell them all out.
Spelled out. Adityavagarwal (talk) 15:40, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ref 32 (Elkins) does not have a location - you give locations for most other citations so it needs to have one also to be consistent.
Added. Adityavagarwal (talk) 15:40, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ref 35 (Juana) needs a location of publication per above
Added. Adityavagarwal (talk) 15:40, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ref 42 (Ciconia nigra) needs a publisher
Added. Adityavagarwal (talk) 15:30, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ref 43 (Sidorovich) needs a location of publication
Added. Adityavagarwal (talk) 15:30, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • What makes Dressler (published in 1881) a high quality reliable source?
  • ref 16 (MacKinnon) doesn't need a full year-month-day date - a year is fine.
Resolved. Adityavagarwal (talk) 15:30, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ref 19 (Ali) lacks a publication date
Added year of publication. Adityavagarwal (talk) 15:30, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ref 29 (Dymond) doesn't need a full year-month-day date.
Resolved. Adityavagarwal (talk) 15:30, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ref 35 (Junana) doesn't need a full year-month-day date
Resolved. Adityavagarwal (talk) 15:30, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ref 41 (DK) - what is DK standing for?
Written in full. Adityavagarwal (talk) 16:04, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ref 43 (Sidorovich) doesn't need a full year-month-day date.
Resolved. Adityavagarwal (talk) 15:30, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ref 44 (Pottetz) doesn't need a full year-month-day date
Resolved. Adityavagarwal (talk) 15:30, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • I randomly googled three sentences and nothing showed up except mirrors. Earwig's tool shows some flags that need to be checked out. The first "source" appears to be copying from Wikipedia, but the second (YouTube) doesn't have any disclaimer... it's quite likely they cribbed from Wikipedia also, but it should be checked out.
Otherwise everything looks good. Ealdgyth - Talk 14:40, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

Jesé[edit]

Nominator(s): Liam E. Bekker (talk) 08:55, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

This article is about Jesé, a Spanish footballer who currently plays for PSG. He previously played for Real Madrid, where he made nearly 100 appearances and won five titles. The article achieved GA status on 8 January this year, featured as a DYK on 17 January, and has been improved regularly since. I look forward to your feedback. Liam E. Bekker (talk) 08:55, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Aoba47
  • All of the images require ALT text.
  • The first two images in the body of the article should have the year in the caption.
  • These two sentences are awkwardly constructed and phrased and need to be revised (He became a father for the first time in the summer of 2012 at age 19, and named his son Jesé Jr. The boy lives with his mother, with whom Jesé is no longer in a relationship, in the Canary islands.). I would suggest completely rewriting these two sentences.
  • In what year, did he form Big Flow? Do you have any more information on the two singles (i.e. title, etc.)? It seems like this should be more developed.
  • I am not sure what is meant by "youth product".
  • The lead seems rather short and sparse compared to the what is presented in the body of the article.

Great work with the article. I am not familiar with these types of articles at all, but I just wanted to point out some areas that needed improvement (specifically the sentences on him being a father). Hopefully, you find my comments to be helpful. Aoba47 (talk) 15:22, 20 July 2017 (UTC)

Response

Hi Aoba47, thank you for the comments. Your feedback is appreciated.

  • I have included the year in each of the image captions.
  • The section on his son has been reworded to read "His son, Jesé Jr., was born in 2012 and currently lives with the mother, with whom Jesé is no longer in a relationship, in the Canary islands."
  • It is a slight improvement, though I do not believe the phrase "with whom Jesé is no longer in a relationship" is good as it does sound somewhat awkward. I make the fact that Jesé is not in a relationship with the mother into its own sentence. Also, is there any more information on the mother (i.e. name, when they first starting dating, etc.)? The phrase "the mother" just sounds a little weird, so it would better to use the mother's name if known. Aoba47 (talk) 18:15, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
  • I added more info on Big Flow - turns out the band has disbanded so it was good that you brought that up
  • Youth product is a commonly used football turn from someone who comes out of a club's youth academy - I have changed it to academy graduate which is clearer.
  • I've expanded the lead a little bit, added some elements from the body to the relevant sections and added a line on his musical career.

Let me know what you think. Thanks again, Liam E. Bekker (talk) 18:05, 20 July 2017 (UTC)

  • Thank you for your response. I just had a quick comment about the revisions to the part about this child, but otherwise, everything looks good. I am going to stay out of the support/oppose votes as I am not familiar enough with this subject matter to cast a decision either way. Good luck with this! Aoba47 (talk) 18:15, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Would you mind having a look at the Personal Life section one more time - I've added some new info that I think makes it flow better. Thank you very much for the feedback and assistance. It is appreciated. Liam E. Bekker (talk)
  • It looks a lot better; the only small comment that I have is that I do not believe you need the descriptive phrase in front of Instagram (i.e. social media platform) so I think you can safely remove that. Aoba47 (talk) 14:54, 21 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Lemonade51 – Been a while since I've edited here, let alone review an article. Doesn't look as though the criteria has changed dramatically.

  • It's always worth having a look at FA-related articles for inspiration, and to get the gist of what is required in terms of sourcing and structure. If you have a look at Theirry Henry and John Wark for instance, their articles start chronologically. Both satisfy 1(b) of the criteria because it doesn't neglect any major info and there is context. Now when skim reading Jese's entry you'll notice it starts with his football career; his early years are tucked away in the personal life section. Think you should separate them.
  • Any ideas on how Jese got into football?
  • In the lead, "Outside of football he is also a musician," also is superfluous here
  • "His form at youth level for the club saw him attract interest from La Liga sides Espanyol, Mallorca and Barcelona, but he elected to sign for Real Madrid's youth system," how about opted?
  • "Jesé made his senior debut with the Real Madrid Castilla side," replace with for
  • "...drew early comparisons to fellow Real Madrid teammate and multiple Ballon d'Or winner, Cristiano Ronaldo," again, superfluous
  • Not sure manager needs to be wikilinked
  • WP:WEIGHT could be an issue, how do you explain '2013–14' warranting one section?

My major concern is the article's stability, which is natural given Jesé's playing career is active. I think it could do with a copyedit and having a look at the reference section, some sources raise a red flag. Lemonade51 (talk) 18:23, 22 July 2017 (UTC)

The Blue Flame (play)[edit]

Nominator(s): RL0919 (talk) 21:31, 17 July 2017 (UTC)

The Blue Flame is a 1920 stage play with a distinction that most would not want: it may be the worst play ever performed on Broadway. Audiences laughed at supposedly serious lines; words like "abysmal" and "freakish" appeared in reviews. The article has been GA since February, so presumably it is better than its subject! I await your critical reviews. RL0919 (talk) 21:31, 17 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Aoba47[edit]

  • This is more of a clarification question, but does femme fatale need to be in italics as it has entered into the English language lexicon?
    • After checking a few guides, italics removed.
      • Thank you. Aoba47 (talk) 19:58, 18 July 2017 (UTC)
  • In the lead, I would attribute who described it as "one of the worst plays ever written".
    • Attribution added.
      • Thank you. Aoba47 (talk) 19:58, 18 July 2017 (UTC)
  • In the "Plot" section, I would add some context to identify who Ned Maddox is as he appears rather abruptly in the description.
    • Reworded, but there is a limit to how much context I can add. The full text of the play is not published, so I can only work from summaries in other sources.
      • Makes sense to me; thank you for the clarification. Aoba47 (talk) 19:58, 18 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Since you linked "dream" in the lead, should it also be linked in the body of the article for consistency?
    • Link added.
      • Thank you. Aoba47 (talk) 19:58, 18 July 2017 (UTC)
  • I would suggest organizing the paragraphs in the "Critical reception" subsection around topics with clear topic sentences, as suggested by this resource, as it is a little all-over-the-place. The second paragraph appears to be focused on the criticism of the dialogue and the fourth paragraph is about the retrospective reviews, but the first and third paragraph appear a little shapeless, and would benefit from some revision and focus.
    • Reworked to a first paragraph about negative reviews that were somewhat kinder to Bara, a second to those who condemned her equally with the rest of the play, and the third to retrospectives. Hopefully that makes sense, but I'm open to other ideas for how to organize the section.
      • Thank you. I think that it helped that particular section a lot to give more structure. Aoba47 (talk) 19:58, 18 July 2017 (UTC)

Great work with this article. It is a very interesting read. Once my comments are addressed, I will support this. Aoba47 (talk) 17:25, 18 July 2017 (UTC)

@Aoba47: Thanks for reviewing. Replies above about each of your suggestions, and let me know if you spot anything else that needs addressing. --RL0919 (talk) 19:55, 18 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Wonderful work with this article; it was an interesting read. I support this for promotion. Good luck with this, and I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day. Aoba47 (talk) 19:58, 18 July 2017 (UTC)

Support Comments by Finetooth on prose[edit]

Who could resist this? Just for laughs, I would go see the play if that were possible. The article is interesting, well-organized, and well-illustrated. It appears to be comprehensive. My suggestions below have to do mainly with prose and style, and none should involve much trouble. I made a few minor changes as I went. Please revert any you think are inappropriate.
Lede
  • ¶2 "The play received strongly negative reviews, with critics ridiculing the plot, dialog, and Bara's acting." – Replace "with plus -ing" construction? Suggestion: "Critics panned the play, ridiculing the plot, dialog, and Bara's acting."
  • ¶2 "Bara's movie fame drew large crowds to theaters, making the play a commercial success, with the production breaking attendance records at some of its venues." – Replace the "with plus -ing" in this one too? Suggestion: "Bara's movie fame drew large crowds to theaters, and the play, breaking attendance records at some venues, was a commercial success."
Plot
  • The "blue flame" claim is supported by a reliable source, but what about the rest of the plot? What is the source for this?
Plot summaries usually aren't cited, because in most cases the source is the work itself. But considering that The Blue Flame is unpublished and hasn't been performed in almost a century, that's not the case here, so you are correct that this should be cited. Started adding and should finish in the next few days.
Sounds fine. Finetooth (talk) 15:51, 19 July 2017 (UTC)
Background and development
  • ¶1 Note 1 ends with "These figures follow the figures as of 2015." Can this sentence be deleted? The main text already specifies 2015, and the repetition of "figures ... figures" seems a bit strange.
This text comes from a template that is used in many articles, so I am reluctant to remove the information entirely. However, I did update the wording to eliminate the repetition.
  • ¶1 "The first version of The Blue Flame was written by Leta Vance Nicholson, a movie scenario writer." – Flip to active voice? Suggestion: "Leta Vance Nicholson, a movie scenario writer, wrote the first version of The Blue Flame".
  • ¶2 "...a "vamp", playing femme fatale roles, with her characters seducing and ruining innocent men." – Replace "with plus -ing"? Suggestion: "a 'vamp' or femme fatale who seduced and ruined innocent men."
Productions and legacy
  • ¶1 Just as you already did for Boston, you might as well eliminate the state names for the equally well-known Pittsburg and Chicago.
  • ¶2 "settled with a cash payment to Davis..." – Do the sources say how much he got? I wondered.
I don't believe so. Settlement terms in this type of case are often kept confidential.
  • Critical reception
  • ¶1 "Variety said opinions in the daily press were united about how bad the play was, but expected Bara to draw audiences to the theater for at least a few weeks." – It's not quite clear whether this means that the magazine thought Bara would draw audiences or whether it was reporting that the daily press was saying so. Maybe "...but that reviewers expected..."?
  • ¶1 "Overall the play was a tremendous financial success, with the previews breaking attendance records." – Another "with plus -ing". Suggestion: "The play was a tremendous financial success, and its previews broke attendance records." Or something like that.
This is your only copy editing suggestion that I don't think is really an improvement.
My pouncing on "with plus -ing" might go too far now and then, I admit. Finetooth (talk) 15:45, 19 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ¶1 "In Boston, the show was sold out, even after adding extra matinees." – Since the show didn't add matinees, maybe recast to something like "In Boston, the show sold out even after the addition of extra matinees."
Works cited
  • I don't think you need to repeat the page numbers in this subsection since you've already got them embedded in the references. It's possible that someone will eventually want to add another citation to a different page of any of these works.
Removed a page number mistakenly included for a book. Page ranges for articles are normally provided in bibliographies, and there wouldn't be a way for anyone to cite the work outside those ranges, because it would be a different article.
  • You might want to convert the Golden book ISBN to its 13-digit form. A converter lives here.
Golden's book was published in 1996, before ISBN-13 was developed. My rule is to use the ISBN that appears in the edition actually used, so that someone looking at the physical copy can verify it. That is what I've done on my previous FAs and would prefer to continue unless there is a consensus to do it differently.
OK, and thank you. That is a good reason. Finetooth (talk) 15:21, 19 July 2017 (UTC)
Thank you for taking the time to review. I've made changes along the lines of most of your suggestions, and commented above only where there is something different/additional to say. I'm still working on one item and will update again when finished. --RL0919 (talk) 03:54, 19 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Switching to support on prose, as noted above. I leave it to you to add the source or sources for the rest of the plot summary. This is an entertaining article, nicely done Finetooth (talk) 15:57, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

Support from Parcly Taxel (with image and source review)[edit]

Images are appropriately licenced, alt-texted and used. Sources are also all reliable, drawing from both contemporary and modern reviews of the play, and are appropriately used in the article. I gave my own look at the prose too and it's OK (after the edits above). I completely support the article becoming featured. Parcly Taxel 02:54, 20 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments from JM[edit]

Note to delegates: I was the GA reviewer for this article.

  • "Theda Bara in The Blue Flame" Strictly speaking, that's a publicity photo; she's not really performing there. How about "Theda Bara as Ruth Gordon"?
  • Can I recommend putting the pictures of Dinehart and Jennings together using Template:Multiple images?

And that's about it. An engaging read, though it is quite short. Josh Milburn (talk) 00:48, 22 July 2017 (UTC)

Thanks for reviewing (again). Good point about the infobox image; caption changed. Regarding the suggestion of using {{Multiple images}} for the cast photos, I played around with it a bit and don't think it improves the display in this case. I think it was a good idea in The Demi-Virgin (where you previously suggested it and I used your suggestion), but that article had four cast images and this only has the two. --RL0919 (talk) 00:38, 24 July 2017 (UTC)

ZETA (fusion reactor)[edit]

Nominator(s): Maury Markowitz (talk) 20:35, 17 July 2017 (UTC)

This article is about the ZETA fusion reactor built in the UK in the 1950s, the largest and most powerful reactor of its era. ZETA is representative of the fusion field's history - a theoretical breakthrough suggests a new route to fusion power, a reactor is built to take advantage of the design, it proves not to work, and fixing it requires a larger and more expensive design. Unlike other examples, however, ZETA had the rather unfortunate problem of announcing it was successful in very public fashion in newspapers around the world and then having to retract the claim. In spite of this embarrassing event, ZETA went on to have a very productive career and provided several important advances in the field.

Maury Markowitz (talk) 20:35, 17 July 2017 (UTC)

Image review

Hawkeye7 (talk) 23:45, 24 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments
  • Which version of English is this written in? I'd expect British English, but we have "skeptical", "aluminum", "canceled", and "furor".
  • Frederick Lindemann was already Lord Cherwell in 1949.

Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:25, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

Louise Bryant[edit]

Nominator(s): Finetooth (talk) 02:21, 17 July 2017 (UTC)

This article is about Louise Bryant, an early 20th-century journalist, feminist, and political activist, who with her second husband John Reed reported on the Russian Revolution from Moscow. In the movie Reds, Diane Keaton plays the fictionalized role of Bryant during her life with Reed. After Reed's death in 1920, Bryant covered events in Russia, Central Asia, Europe, and the Middle East and interviewed such notables as Mustafa Kemal Atatürk and Benito Mussolini for the Hearst newspaper chain. Her life included a childhood in rural Nevada, a rise to fame in mid-life, and a bleak ending after the collapse of her career, her health, and her third marriage. Finetooth (talk) 02:21, 17 July 2017 (UTC)

  • Bryant is listed in Category:American anarchists, but on skim, I don't see such political beliefs elaborated in prose (more her husband's and that she wrote about radicals). If she didn't identify as an anarchist, the category should be removed as a non-defining trait czar 15:36, 18 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Quite right. I removed the anarchist category and the two Communist categories since, unlike Reed, she did not became a Communist party member. "Marxist feminist" seems more accurate. Finetooth (talk) 22:18, 18 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments by Hawkeye7[edit]

Lead
  • "Bryant, a feminist, married in 1916 to the more famous writer John Reed". I really don't like this at all. I suggest changing the WP:BEGINNING to "Louise Bryant (December 5, 1885 – January 6, 1936) was an American feminist, political activist, and journalist best known for..." (Note links)
Done. Finetooth (talk) 01:51, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Couldn't we just state that she married John Reed in 1916?
Done. Finetooth (talk) 01:51, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
  • And leave out the "more famous"? His article, after all, is only C class. (WP:PEACOCK)
Done. Finetooth (talk) 01:51, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Link "Bolshevik"
Done. Finetooth (talk) 01:51, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "to discourage armed U.S. intervention in Russia" But the US was already involved in intervention in Russia. Rethink the wording?
    I've had a go at this, linking to the article on Allied intervention in the Russian Civil War. I don't think this episode is well-known in the United States. Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:12, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
Thanks. I had put this one off for the very reason you mention. The details of the intervention were something I needed to study before attempting to change the wording. Your solution looks good to me. Finetooth (talk) 22:27, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "A rare and painful disorder" Let the reader know what it is. (MOS:DONTTEASE)
Done. Finetooth (talk) 01:51, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "10 years" -> "ten years"
Done. Finetooth (talk) 01:51, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "worked to restore it" -> "restored it"
Done. Finetooth (talk) 01:51, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
  • There is no need for the footnotes in the infobox; consider removing them
Moved to main text. Finetooth (talk) 19:39, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
Early life, Portland, Greenwich Village and Cape Cod
  • Did she legally change her surname to Bryant?
Gelb says she did not. Added this info. Finetooth (talk) 15:08, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
Not sure. Dearborn says that "the Mohan children had taken their stepfather's name...". However, when she married Reed, she gave her name as Ann Louise Mohan, according to Gardner. I will keep looking. Finetooth (talk) 22:56, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
Linked. Finetooth (talk) 15:59, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "which became the University of Nevada, Reno" In 1969. But it became the University of Nevada in 1906, while she was there. Suggest "(which became the University of Nevada in 1906)"
True, but that interim name is less important than the name by which people now recognize it. The University of Nevada system now has a campus in Las Vegas. Changed to "and college at Nevada State University (now known as the University of Nevada, Reno)" Finetooth (talk) 15:59, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
That's fine. No confusion there. Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:12, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
Linked. Finetooth (talk) 16:08, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Should "comaraderie" be "camaraderie"?
Good catch. My mistake, not Gelb's. Fixed. Finetooth (talk) 16:08, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Consider moving John Reed's image to the right. (Hmmm that sounds really odd...)
Moved. Finetooth (talk) 16:08, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
Linked. Finetooth (talk) 16:16, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
Linked. Finetooth (talk) 16:16, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
Croton-on-Hudson, Petrograd, New York
  • "Reed married her before leaving for surgery" Any idea exactly how, where or when?
Yes. Peekskill county clerk's office on November 9, 1916. Added. Finetooth (talk) 20:01, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
The man. He hung out with him in 1913–14, before the expedition. I added the dates. Finetooth (talk) 21:22, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Link "czar"
Linked. Finetooth (talk) 16:59, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "(the historic names of which also include Saint Petersburg and Leningrad)" Actually (1) that's the lot and (2) why are we using italics? It was formerly Saint Petersburg, and layter became Leningrad (and then Saint Petersburg again.) I'd drop the whole parenthetical phrase, but get rid of the italics at least.
Dropped the whole parenthetical. Finetooth (talk) 16:59, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "General Kornilov" -> "Major General Lvar Kornilov". (MOS:FULLNAME)
Added full name. Finetooth (talk) 16:59, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "huskings" "A meeting of neighbours or friends to assist in husking maize." What?
Ha, ha. The error this time was in the Gardner text, which I quoted correctly but mistook huskings for hustings. Fixed by rewriting to eliminate the need for a [sic], a link, or an explanation. Finetooth (talk) 16:59, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "during which she was arrested and jailed for three days" For any particular reason? (I realise that in the US you can be arrested without charge)
Interesting question. I added a fair bit about the burning of Wilson in effigy, a hunger strike, and the charges, including "attempting to make disorderly speeches." Gasp! Finetooth (talk) 22:23, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
Sounds like the Sedition Act of 1918 Hawkeye7 (talk) 21:35, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Consider moving note 2 into the text
Moved. Finetooth (talk) 17:18, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
Further reporting
Linked. Finetooth (talk) 17:23, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
Linked. Finetooth (talk) 17:23, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "(As quoted from the New York American, January 28, 1923, section 52, p. 1)' Move that into the footnote
Moved. Finetooth (talk) 18:42, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Link Constantinople (Why is this the only city where you don't mention its more common name?)
Linked. Since I removed the other names for Petrograd, I thought I'd leave this one alone as well. Finetooth (talk) 18:42, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "Turkish strongman". Ataturk is a national hero, and calling him a "strongman" violates WP:NPOV
Repaired. Added that he was the first president of the Republic of Turkey. Finetooth (talk) 19:34, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "Bryant gave birth to her only child, Anne, in February 1924" Link Anne Moen Bullitt, give her full name, and you can give her full date of birth as WP:BLP doesn't apply because she's dead.
Linked. Moved the supporting citation from the infobox to here. Made more clear that the birth came two months after the marriage. I don't think the exact day of the month is important enough to include. Finetooth (talk) 19:34, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
That's fine. I tend to use exact dates whenever possible, to help out people trying to paraphrase me. This comes from years of having to work with the Australian Dictionary of Biography which is frequently necessarily vague. No problem here though. Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:29, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "she was involved in a lesbian relationship with Gwen Le Gallienne". In view of this, should the article be tagged under WP:WikiProject LGBT studies?
Good idea. Done. Finetooth (talk) 19:39, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
External links
  • Remove this section heading. MOS:LAYOUT: Do not make a section whose sole content is box-type templates.
Removed. Finetooth (talk) 19:42, 24 July 2017 (UTC)

All looks pretty good. Hawkeye7 (talk) 00:50, 24 July 2017 (UTC)

  • Thanks Hawkeye7. I've started these, but it's getting late. I'll come back tomorrow when I'm fresh. Finetooth (talk) 02:57, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
  • I think I've responded to all of these, adopting your suggestions in almost every case. The open question about Bryant's legal name is unresolved; I'll try to resolve it, but off-wiki life is calling me away again, probably until tomorrow. Finetooth (talk) 23:15, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
Thank you for your insightful and helpful review and for your support. This morning I found and inserted the answer to the legal name-change question. Finetooth (talk) 15:08, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
Image review
The Underwood-PD tag covers that, I think. It says, "Images submitted for copyright by Underwood & Underwood are in the public domain in the United States due to expiration or lack of renewal." Finetooth (talk) 15:20, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
Thank you. A need for a tag there had not crossed my mind. Finetooth (talk) 15:20, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
All good. Hawkeye7 (talk) 00:49, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

Source review from Ealdgyth[edit]

  • I randomly googled three sentences and nothing showed up except mirrors. Earwig's tool shows a couple of spots where the prose is probably a little close and could be tweaked a bit.
Otherwise everything looks good. Ealdgyth - Talk 14:45, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Looks good. It wasn't a big problem, but better to avoid the issue of some drive-by person bringing it up later... Ealdgyth - Talk 19:16, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

Downtown Seattle Transit Tunnel[edit]

Nominator(s): SounderBruce 02:42, 16 July 2017 (UTC)

When waiting for the train in Seattle, you may find yourself heading underground and having to wait for buses that pull up at the very same platform (abutted by lovely pieces of art and architecture). This is a rather unique arrangement in the United States, only Pittsburgh does something similar (but without any stations), so the transit tunnel is treasured as an odd piece of our transportation system. It carries tens of thousands of train and bus commuters each day and forms the backbone of the regional train and bus network. This article has been the product of a few years of on-and-off writing, so hopefully it's as cohesive and consistent as I think it is. SounderBruce 02:42, 16 July 2017 (UTC)

Disclaimer: This article is being nominated as part of the ongoing WikiCup competition. SounderBruce 02:42, 16 July 2017 (UTC)
Comment: Sorry this is a bit OT for this page, but is this really unique? I seem to recall something similar if not identical in Boston (trams and metros at a minimumn), and there are several stations like this here in Toronto. Maury Markowitz (talk) 11:48, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
@Maury Markowitz: The Seattle tunnel is entirely unique because trains and buses share the same platforms and tracks/road in the tunnel. The Boston Silver Line tunnel is entirely bus-only, and I'm not sure if I've ever seen a similar situation in Toronto (granted, I've never visited either city and am going off information gleaned from the web). SounderBruce 02:58, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
This TTCs page shows the layout of St. Clair West. As you can see, busses and trams run on the same underground level, and they definitely run over the same tracks. This image shows a bus leaving the platform, while driving on the rails. This one shows a tram on the same ramp. At the bottom of the ramp the rails make a 90-degree left turn, run around a peninsular-shaped platform with stops along it. The trams and busses have alternate stops along the platform and the track is doubled to allow streetcars to bypass stalled ones. Similar situations exist at Union where the trams along Queen's Quay also alternate with busses on occasion. Maury Markowitz (talk) 11:26, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
The Seattle tunnel is somewhat different from your Toronto example, but it is still quite fascinating, so thanks for sharing. In the Seattle tunnel, buses and trains share the same raised platform, which allows for level boarding for both low-floor buses and low-floor light rail vehicles; since the buses aren't quite made for this kind of setup, the mirrors stick out at head level and have to have strobe lights attached so people aren't hit. The tunnel is also operated differently (I assume), with a central control center and signals that prevent buses and trains from getting too close to each other when traveling in the same direction; it's not uncommon to see buses and trains stopped in the tunnel approaching a station, waiting for the platform to clear. The tunnel has also been the driver of two unique bus technologies: dual-mode buses that switched to electric overhead wires back when it opened in 1990 (since converted to normal trolleybuses and retired); and hybrid electric buses that switch to electric batteries when operating in the tunnel, which lacks ventilation for diesel buses. SounderBruce 23:45, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
The Toronto buses are also hybrids on a route that formerly had trolley busses (briefly), the trams and buses stop at the same raised platform to allow direct low-floor entry (low-floor trams arrived in the last couple of years), and there is a control booth on the platform controlling signals at the bottom of the ramp that often lead to backups of buses and trams on the ramps. Maury Markowitz (talk) 10:30, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

Donald Hardman[edit]

Nominator(s): Ian Rose (talk) 23:57, 15 July 2017 (UTC)

Time for another RAAF chief, this one being the second and last RAF officer to run the service. That caused resentment, but it soon dissipated. Hardman had a good pedigree: fighter ace in World War I, foreign postings between the wars, and group command in World War II. He also seems to have been a likeable bloke, as well as an imaginative organiser. His main claim to fame is that he transformed the Air Force from its WWII-era geographically based command-and-control system into a functional command system, which essentially exists today. The article's post-military section is a bit thin, but I think he just lived a quiet life -- I've combed British newspaper archives for mentions and it pretty well amounts to a few letters he wrote to The Times... Thanks to all who participated at the MilHist A-Class Review a while back, and in advance to everyone who comments here! Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 23:58, 15 July 2017 (UTC)

  • Just a note on the caption to the image showing Hardman with Mountbatten in 1954. Mountbatten had long since ceased to be "Lord Louis" by then. That was his courtesy title as the son of a marquis. He was given a viscountcy in his own right in 1946, and an earldom in 1947. So the caption should correctly refer to "Earl Mountbatten", or "Lord Mountbatten" at a pinch. Trivial stuff I know, but still... Brianboulton (talk) 13:02, 16 July 2017 (UTC)
    • Tks Brian, I was following the caption at the source Australian War Memorial image, but they can get things wrong occasionally too -- the best compromise is probably "Lord Mountbatten" so will change accordingly. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 14:39, 16 July 2017 (UTC)

Support by Wehwalt[edit]

Support Interesting read. Really couldn't find much to complain about:

  • "Hardman shot down two German Fokker D.VIIs in flames." I'm not sure you can split the phrase like that, possibly "Hardman sent two German Fokker D.VIIs down in flames."
  • "India's North-West Frontier" a parenthetical that it's now Pakistan might be handy. Similarly, " Comilla, India." might mention it's Bangladesh.
  • "St George's Church in Hanover Square, London" This is usually referred to as "St George's, Hanover Square" and I would say "in London" so as to separate it.
  • You might want to mention how he got back from France in 1940, if it is known.
  • You have a mix of 10 and 13 digit ISBNs in the refs.
    I can't find anything in the MOS about this. Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:32, 23 July 2017 (UTC)
    I seem to recall being advised to always use 13 digits if available but can't recall if it was based on something in MOS or not -- the mix would be due to my earliest work on the article pre-dating that advice. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 22:44, 23 July 2017 (UTC)
Or the books you're using predate ISBN-13. Hawkeye7 (talk) 01:06, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
  • I agree it is short, but we can only reflect what the sources give us.
  • Well done.--Wehwalt (talk) 22:00, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Thanks very much for review/support -- nothing specific about how he returned to Britain in 1940 but made changes regarding your other points. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 06:32, 22 July 2017 (UTC)

SupportComments by Peacemaker67[edit]

This is the first time I've looked at this article, and it is in fine shape. I have a few comments/queries:

  • suggest "and appointed as one".
    • Done.
  • I'm personally not a fan of "kills", you might like to use victories? No biggie either way really.
    • I think I used it to reduce repetition of the term "victories" but fair enough -- done.
  • when mentioning the termination of his commission, you might mention that was a standard part of demobilisation, otherwise readers might wonder why, given his outstanding record
    • Yeah, perhaps I'm a bit conservative but I prefer not to embellish with details that aren't in the cited sources even when it's undoubtedly the case -- the alternative is "ceased to be employed" by the RAF, which is language used in the source, but not sure that's an improvement.
  • any hint of seeing action in India in the 1920s?
  • again, "bombing duties" in Egypt indicates there might have been action?
    • Not explicitly -- the best I've been able to do is give a flavour of the two units' duties at the time Hardman was posted to them.
  • any action in France in 1939–1940? or was he a staff officer?
    • Strongly suspect the latter but again this isn't made clear.

That's me done. Cheers, Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 06:57, 22 July 2017 (UTC)

Tks PM! Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 07:38, 22 July 2017 (UTC)
It's a little light on for detail in parts, but if that's what is available on him I think it meets the comprehensiveness criteria, and it easily meets all the other criteria, so happy to support. Regards, Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 08:15, 22 July 2017 (UTC)

Support by Hawkeye7[edit]

Looks fine. I have some comments.

  • "fatal crash" links to "Avro Vulcan", which I consider a bit strange. Wouldn't it be better to link to 1956 London Heathrow Avro Vulcan crash?
    • Indeed -- I'd added this bit to the Hardman article before the crash article was created.
  • "He was succeeded by Air Marshal McCauley" We don't need "Air Marshal"
    • Fair enough.
  • As an aside, I found it interesting that he was commissioned when he was 17 years old. If he had joined the AFC, he would have been held back in the UK until his 19th birthday, and would never have seen action at all.
  • You mention that Burnett's tenure at CAS was controversial. This article doesn't say why, but it was mainly because (a) he was a British officer appointed by Menzies when more qualified RAAF officers were available; (b) he put Britain first and oriented the RAAF towards European commitments; and (c) he wasn't highly regarded in the RAF and indeed was retired when he returned to the UK. Your article then notes that Hardman did the same. The concept of "attacking the enemy's vital centres, which included its means of producing fighters" which makes very little or no sense in the context of South East Asia or the Middle East, and really wouldn't have applied in the UK either, leaving the impression that his thinking was stalled in 1939. On return to the UK, he did assume another post, but one usually reserved for an officer on the brink of retirement (With the curious exception of Sir William Dickson).
    • Re. Burnett, I felt that details on his tenure would slow the Hardman narrative, especially as Burnett's linked WP article goes into it. Re. the Burnett parallels, and the "vital centres" question, I take your point but can only reflect how the sources put it, and none I've seen raise these issues.
  • Did he envisage the V-bombers being used in the conventional or nuclear role?
    • His ADB bio suggests it, so tweaked the article.
  • Like Peacemaker, I was a little disappointed with the coverage of World War II, particularly the Combined Cargo Task Force, but also the work of the Directorate of Military Co-operation. But you work with what you have.

Cheers. Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:27, 23 July 2017 (UTC)

Tks for review and suggestions Hawkeye. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 00:42, 24 July 2017 (UTC)

Source review from Ealdgyth[edit]

  • I randomly googled three sentences and nothing showed up except mirrors. Earwig's tool shows a couple of spots where the prose is probably a little close and could be tweaked a bit.
Otherwise everything looks good. Ealdgyth - Talk 14:50, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

Steve Biko[edit]

Nominator(s): Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:14, 11 July 2017 (UTC); Vanamonde

This GA-rated article is about one of the most famous South Africans in modern history, a man who is probably the second most prominent icon of the anti-apartheid movement (after Nelson Mandela, whom I successfully brought through the FAC process earlier this year). The fortieth anniversary of Biko's death (killed in police custody) is coming up on 12 September 2017 and it would be really good if we could get this to FA status well before then so that it can be listed as the TFA on that date. With that in mind it would be fantastic if we could have some comments from other editors. Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:14, 11 July 2017 (UTC)

Image review[edit]

  • This text is a simple commandment or warning; there is no reason (that I can determine) for it to be in copyright. Midnightblueowl (talk) 20:01, 11 July 2017 (UTC)
  • File:Fist.svg: Use seems fine, source information is missing however.
  • The upload date at Wikipedia predates the external website, suggesting that the other website took the image from Wikimedia/Wikipedia rather than vice versa. Midnightblueowl (talk) 20:01, 11 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Thinking about it further, so am I. South Africa still has a law dating from the 1970s banning any freedom of panorama for public artworks. That means that this sculpture, and any photographic representations of it, are restricted under copyright. I've removed the image from the article. Midnightblueowl (talk) 23:14, 11 July 2017 (UTC)

No ALT text as far as I can see. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk, contributions) 19:35, 11 July 2017 (UTC)

  • I have gone through and added alt-text to each of the images. Midnightblueowl (talk) 19:59, 11 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments and support by Gerda[edit]

Thank you for undertaking the topic!

Ibox

  • I think his common name should be above the image, I understand that's Steve Biko.
  • More organizations, fewer children?
  • I've left the children, but added an "Organizations" section listing SASO and the BPC. Midnightblueowl (talk) 22:43, 11 July 2017 (UTC)

Lead

  • I suggest to mention the pseudonym later, first say what he did.

Early life

  • How about more chronology, like letting the parents get married before having children? Could be called background, if needed.
  • Preferably I'd like to avoid the creation of a new "Background" section. Here I have followed the example that I have found successful with political biography articles like Nelson Mandela and Vladimir Lenin by adding a little bit of family background into the 'early life'. I'm open to moving the sentence about his siblings, but am unsure where to position it. Midnightblueowl (talk) 22:58, 11 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "Xhosa, Afrikaans, and English were all spoken", - can you turn it around, for people who don't know that Xhosa is a language?
  • I would personally rather see Xhosa mentioned first given that Biko was from a Xhosa family. What does Vanamonde93 think? Midnightblueowl (talk) 22:51, 11 July 2017 (UTC)
  • I'd agree: Xhosa being Biko's native tongue, leading with that makes sense to me. Vanamonde (talk) 04:26, 12 July 2017 (UTC)
Anything we can do about "The township housed both Bantu African and Coloured individuals, and Xhosa, Afrikaans, and English were all spoken." - I understand that "individual" sometimes is understood as a negative way to speak about a person, and don't like passive voice. --Gerda Arendt (talk) 16:16, 12 July 2017 (UTC)
I've changed "individuals" to "people"; and I've changed the structure of the sentence to the following; "Both Bantu African and Coloured people lived in the township, where Xhosa, Afrikaans, and English were all spoken". How does that work? Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:58, 12 July 2017 (UTC)
That works for me, thank you. --Gerda Arendt (talk) 22:04, 12 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "His family were Christians,[5] and he was brought up as an adherent of the Anglican denomination of Christianity." Sounds complicated. I'd say: "His family were Anglican Christians.
  • Mzingaye? Mzingayi?
  • "Alice's family was forced to live on the limited income that she earned." I'd say: "The family was forced to live on the limited income that Alice earned."
  • "Khaya" - perhaps remind us "his brother Khaya" - I had to look it up.
  • quote introduced by "he", switching to "I"
  • Used "He" within square brackets inside the quote. Vanamonde (talk) 04:45, 12 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "Biko developed a growing political consciousness" - developed and growing seem to rather say the same.

Developing SASO

  • "a meeting among themselves" - why not "a meeting"?
  • I believe that "Black is beautiful" is lead material.
  • I'm certainly open to this possibility but am not quite sure where to position it. The third paragraph is likely the most appropriate place, but it is eight sentences long already and if we add anything I think we need to remove something else. Midnightblueowl (talk) 23:03, 11 July 2017 (UTC)
  • I've given it a shot, by moving some other stuff as well. The third paragraph is a bit long, but now at least BC ideology is all within one paragraph. Vanamonde (talk) 05:30, 12 July 2017 (UTC)

More to come. Again thank you!

Many thanks, Gerda. Midnightblueowl (talk) 22:07, 11 July 2017 (UTC)
Thank you for adjusting, all but one fixed. It may take more time until I can read more, please be patient. --Gerda Arendt (talk) 16:16, 12 July 2017 (UTC)

The Black People's ...

  • Image caption: "Donald Woods, who wrote a book about Biko after the latter's death", - I think we can safely say "after his death" because Wood could hardly do it after his own?

Ideology

  • I wonder if that is a neutral header. In German, it has negative connotations, while Ideas sounds positive.
  • The term "ideology" does not have the same negative connotations in English (I once heard someone say that "ideology" has negative connotations in German because of the term's association with Nazism and Marxism-Leninism; I wonder if that is true...). I really do not think that "Ideas" would work. "Political thought" might be an alternative, but generally I think that "Ideology" is best; we use "Political ideology" in the FA-rated Vladimir Lenin and Nelson Mandela articles. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:29, 12 July 2017 (UTC)
Learning. In German, it means something extreme, which is often intolerant of any other view/idea/philosophy/concept. --Gerda Arendt (talk) 22:01, 12 July 2017 (UTC)
In English, "ideology" applies as equally to liberalism or conservatism as it does to more extreme world-views like Nazism. Perhaps that has something to do with the greater political stability that Britain has experienced in the past century or two? Midnightblueowl (talk) 22:08, 12 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "... and forms of Christianity, with black theology being described as Black Consciousness' "twin movement"." - Sorry, I don't understand it. Perhaps a bit more about black theology?
  • I've gone with this, how does this work: "Other movements that have been cited as influences on Black Consciousness include the United States-based Black Power movement and forms of Christianity; one form of Christianity, black theology, has been described as Black Consciousness' "twin movement".". Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:52, 12 July 2017 (UTC)
Makes me happy but for the repetition of the very general "forms of Christianity". Church? Ideas? Suggestion: "The Christian black theology ... --Gerda Arendt (talk) 21:58, 12 July 2017 (UTC)
I've restructured this whole sentence as the following: "Additional influences on Black Consciousness were the United States-based Black Power movement, and forms of Christianity like the activist-oriented black theology.". Midnightblueowl (talk) 22:04, 12 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "When he met Biko for the first time, Woods expressed his concern" - after a while of talking about Biko, the reader doesn't get that this "he" is someone else.
  • I've moved this sentence to the "The Black People's Convention and Biko's Banning: 1971–77" section, where the wording should not be a problem. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:47, 12 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Similarly: "Because they contained white individuals in dominant positions of control, Biko and his comrades regarded ..." - it's too late that we know who "they" means here, ... followed a bit later by a "he" that is not not clear.
  • I've restructured this sentence as follows: "Biko and his comrades regarded multi-racial anti-apartheid groups as unwittingly replicating the structure of apartheid because they contained white individuals in dominant positions of control." Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:50, 12 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "One of the ways that Biko and the Black Consciousness sought to achieve this was through community development." - not clear what "this" means here.
  • Replaced "this" to "psychological empowerment". Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:33, 12 July 2017 (UTC)

See also

  • I don't care much about (any) see also section, - mixed topics. ----Gerda Arendt (talk) 17:11, 12 July 2017 (UTC)
Happy with changes, support --Gerda Arendt (talk) 22:05, 12 July 2017 (UTC)
Gerda Arendt - many thanks for both the review and the statement of support. Midnightblueowl (talk) 22:10, 12 July 2017 (UTC)

Source review from Ealdgyth[edit]

  • I randomly googled three sentences and nothing showed up except mirrors. Earwig's tool shows no copyright violations.
Otherwise everything looks good. Ealdgyth - Talk 12:14, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments and support by Indy beetle[edit]

  • I think the further reading section should not be listed as a component of "References". It's slightly misleading and might be better if given its own section. -Indy beetle (talk) 00:22, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Indy beetle, that's a fair point, which I have addressed now. Vanamonde (talk) 04:27, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Indy beetle thanks for your comment. Did you have any other comments, and if not would you consider offering your support for this nomination? Midnightblueowl (talk) 14:17, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

Alright. Honestly I only made the comment as sort of a "drive-by" thing but this article deserves to be the best of the best so I'll make a few more. Prose only, really, as I have very limited technical knowledge in this area:

  • In the third paragraph in the lead it says, "The government was concerned by the movement". Generally, one is concerned about something, not by something. Perhaps a word like "disturbed" would be better?
  • I've replaced "by" with "about". Personally I think "concerned" works better with "disturbed", which I find might be a little strong. Certainly open to other possible alternatives though. Midnightblueowl (talk) 19:34, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
  • I'll leave this one up to you and the other reviewers, but I find "crèche" to be a rather obscure word for the lead. Would "healthcare facility and day care centre" not be a suitable alternative for that sentence?
  • When I see "day care" I immediately think of the United States. I'm not really sure if it is a term that has a great deal of acceptance outside of that country. The common British term would for instance be "nursery"; I do not know what the usual term in South Africa is, but the RS cited uses "crèche". Midnightblueowl (talk) 19:27, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
  • In the early life section it says "He later noted that after this experience, he "began to develop an attitude which was much more directed at authority than at anything else. [He] hated authority like hell."" If Biko's word really were "I began to develop an attitude which was much more directed at authority than at anything else. I hated authority like hell." if might be best to use the "I"s instead of the "he"s for better flow. When it says "He later noted that after this experience," it implies that he would be talking, and people generally speak in the first person about themselves. Hope this makes sense.
  • I get what you mean. I have reformulated the sentence so that "I" is now used in the appropriate junctures rather than "[he]". Midnightblueowl (talk) 19:37, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
  • In the Developing SASO section it says "Biko stood down from the presidency after a year". Shouldn't this say "stepped down"?
    That works better. Changed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 19:31, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
  • In the Response to death and investigation section it says, "Biko's death attracted far more attention worldwide than he had during his lifetime." I see what this means here, but perhaps it could be revised to say "Biko's death attracted far more attention worldwide than he had himself during his lifetime" or "In death, Biko attracted far more attention worldwide than he had during his lifetime." Once again I'll leave this up to you and the other reviewers.
  • I have made some amendments on the basis of your suggestions. Midnightblueowl (talk) 19:31, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

That's all I have to say. -Indy beetle (talk) 19:15, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

On that note I'm happy to support this article for FA status. -Indy beetle (talk) 19:48, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Sarah SV[edit]

Hi Midnightblueowl, I've just started reading this. A couple of observations.

First, there are a lot of caps. For example, I can see that Black Consciousness Movement is capitalized by most sources (although sometimes it's Black Consciousness movement), but should "black consciousness" as an ideology not be lower case? Why "the Protests of 1968"? "Students' Representative Council": was that its name? These are just examples.

Second, the writing is a bit laboured. Ideas are repeated and the writing isn't tight. For an example of the former, the second paragraph notes that he developed the idea of black consciousness, so there's no need for the final paragraph to repeat that he's the father of black consciousness. Similarly, the final lead sentence says he was an icon of resistance to apartheid, then repeats that he was an ideologically influential figure in fighting it. It would help if you could go through the article and remove anything else like that.

Example of wordiness: "There, the black African members had a meeting at which they decided to hold a further conference in December to discuss the issue of forming an independent black student group." That could be: "The black African members decided to hold a further conference in December to discuss forming an independent black student group." SarahSV (talk) 06:21, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

SlimVirgin: Thanks for your comments. When it comes to the capitalisation of words, my general approach has been to follow the RS. "Black Consciousness" is consistently capitalised in those sources, although I have ensured that "Movement" is consistently lower-case in the article. I believe that "Students' Representative Council" was the official name of the group, hence the use of capitalisation in this instance. The term "father of Black Consciousness" is an honorific (a bit like Mandela's "Father of the Nation"), hence why I think it important to include that in the lede alongside the mention of Biko's actions in establishing the Black Consciousness movement. I see your point regarding duplication in the final sentence of the lede and have removed it. Midnightblueowl (talk) 10:15, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
Hi Midnight, re: duplication and the need to tighten the writing, the above were just examples. Anything similar should be fixed too.
Re: caps, "father" and "students' representative council" should be lower case. As for "Black Consciousness Movement", most sources I've looked at capitalize all three. Hart's Rules says (p. 98): "Generic terms are capitalized in the names of cultural movements and schools derived from proper names", and offers Oxford Movement and Ashcan School as examples.
Articles about movements: anti-globalization movement, feminist movement, free culture movement, sex-positive movement, but African-American Civil Rights Movement (1954–1968), Black Power movement, Black Consciousness Movement, Landless Peoples Movement, Rural People's Movement, Sex Workers' Rights Movement, Umbrella Movement. SarahSV (talk) 21:55, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

Walt Disney World Railroad[edit]

Nominator(s): Jackdude101 (talk) 01:10, 7 July 2017 (UTC)

This article is about the steam railroad attraction located in the Magic Kingdom theme park of Walt Disney World in the outskirts of Orlando, Florida. This is the sister attraction of the Disneyland Railroad located in the original Disneyland theme park in Anaheim, California. The railroad opened on October 1, 1971, and since then it has become one of the busiest attractions of its kind on the planet with an estimated 3.7 million passengers served every year. I re-wrote the entire article last year and after doing so, I successfully campaigned to get it upgraded to good article status. I feel that it satisfies the criteria to be upgraded further to featured article status, which, of course, will ultimately be decided by the reviewers. I look forward to reading your opinions and working together to make the Walt Disney World Railroad article a new piece of featured content on Wikipedia. Jackdude101 01:10, 7 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments from epicgenius: Based on a cursory examination, the article looks well-researched. Some points:
  • General comments:
    • After mentioning US$32,500 in the "Discovery of Mexico" section, any prices in US$ could just be mentioned with the dollar symbol, e.g. $8,000  Done
    • The alt text seems good. It doesn't seem to correspond with the captions, however - and you may want to align the alt text more with the captions. This may be a problem for people with screen readers, since all they hear is a description of the image that otherwise has no relation to the article. E.g: [[Image:Walt Disney World Railroad train.jpg|thumb|left|The WDWRR's Mickey's Toontown Fair Station in 2008 prior to its transformation into Fantasyland Station in 2012|alt=A circus-themed train station]] is parsed by screen readers as "a circus-themed train station" without any other context whatsoever.  Done
    • If you know how to use {{Attached KML}}, you can also make a Google Maps KML file, upload it, and insert the template into the article. Then people will see the train's route on Google maps. I can help you with that.  Not done
      • The route diagram template already present in the article serves that purpose, and adding an additional map, I feel, would be redundant. There is a link at the bottom of the article to a map of the railroad in OpenStreetMap, as well. Furthermore, there isn't a good spot to put something like this without having to remove some of the other images already in the article. Jackdude101 13:50, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
        • Good point. I didn't see the OSM link earlier. However, the attached KML can be shown with no box at all, and allows the route to be shown on WikiMiniAtlas that is built into Wikipedia. But I respect your decision. epicgenius (talk) 16:49, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
          • I read the {{Attached KML}} instructions and it actually looks pretty simple to do, and given that it will only create a simple box in the External links section, it will be out-of-the-way, also. I'm open to adding this, but let's wait a few months for updated satellite imagery of the Disneyland Railroad to become available, so both railroads can get these at the same time. Right now, one quarter of that railroad's route is completely torn up and surrounded by a sprawling construction site. Jackdude101 19:33, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
  • In the "Discovery in Mexico" section:
    • was overseen by Mapo, Inc. (Retlaw Enterprises' research and manufacturing branch) Vice President and General Manager Roger E. Broggie.was overseen by Roger E. Broggie, Vice President and General Manager of Mapo, Inc., Retlaw Enterprises' research and manufacturing branch. Or something similar. The parenthetical breaks up the sentence awkwardly.  Done
    • The location was a railroad boneyard in Mérida, Yucatán, Mexico: add a comma after "Mexico"  Done
  • In "Restoration in Florida":
    • with the space and equipment needed to accommodate full-size railroad equipment: the word "equipment" is repeated consecutively. I suggest replacing one instance of the word with a synonym.  Done
    • Built in 1902, it was the oldest of the five locomotives purchased and after determining that it had too many problems to be rebuilt, the locomotive was stored out of use in California for a period before being sold to a locomotive broker.: This is a run on sentence and may be split. Additionally, "after determining that it had too many problems to be rebuilt" does not match the grammatical subject "the locomotive". Obviously you're saying that the restoration team determined the locomotive's problems, but the subject doesn't match.  Done
  • In "Opening day to present day":
    • You should describe the geographical locations of Main Street USA, Frontierland, and Toontown (or New Fantasyland, last time I went) in relation to the park itself. As any Disney visitor knows, Main Street is in the south, Frontierland in the northwest, and New Fantasyland in the northeast - but this would be helpful to describe anyway.  Done
  • In "Ride experience":
    • If the above comment in "Opening day to present day" is resolved, there's no need to put geographical compass directions here. Otherwise, relative directions should be placed.  Done
    • After going through a tunnel through the Splash Mountain log flume attraction, the train's next stop is at Frontierland Station: the subject for "After going...attraction" should be "the train", not "the train's next stop."  Done
    • close proximity is redundant. Just use "proximity". Interesting fact I just learned, BTW. I just assumed they launched the fireworks from Fantasyland behind the castle, near the carousel. In the same sentence, I suggest a change of "will not run" into "does not run" since this is a current service pattern.  Done
  • In "rolling stock":
    • Each Walt Disney World Railroad locomotive when working on the lineWhen working on the line, each Walt Disney World Railroad locomotive or something similar.  Done
    • I suggest you add a {{clear}} right before the table so you have a wider table. It may look weird on narrow devices, but the table could be wider.  Done
  • In "block signals": No issues.
    • Interesting why, when the signal is green & yellow, the train must stop when 2 trains are operating, but it may proceed when 3 trains are operating. I guess it's to space the two trains out more and pack the three trains in. But anyway, this note is not necessary. As an avid fan of subways, I personally believe that Disney should install communications-based train control so they can run 4 trains at a time.
      • The railroad runs most efficiently when the number of trains operating and the number of stations are equal. The other reason why they have four locomotives, but only use three max at once, is so the locomotives can be rotated out of service routinely for maintenance. Steam locomotives are a pain-in-the-neck in this area. Jackdude101 13:50, 7 July 2017 (UTC)

Overall, I think this is some very good work. I didn't check images or references, and being relatively new to commenting a featured article, I don't know if this is the right format to make my comments. epicgenius (talk) 03:58, 7 July 2017 (UTC)

  • @Epicgenius: All points addressed. Thank you for taking the time to go review the article's prose. Jackdude101 13:50, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Support epicgenius (talk) 16:08, 9 July 2017 (UTC)

Image review[edit]

All files seem to have good ALT text. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk, contributions) 15:11, 7 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments by Tintor2

I don't see many problems. There might be some people who need a wikilink but it seems I might be wrong since in one example there are three people with the same name. Anyways, good luck with this nomination. I'll support it.Tintor2 (talk) 20:19, 8 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Aoba47
  • I will have to echo Tintor2’s comments above, and say that I cannot find much that needs revision. My only note would be to add WDWRR in parenthesis after Walt Disney World Railroad to make sure the acronym is clarified and spelled out in the body of the article as well as the lead. Otherwise, I completely support this; wonderful work! Aoba47 (talk) 02:37, 10 July 2017 (UTC)

Coordinator comment: Have I missed a source review anywhere? If not, one can be requested at the top of WT:FAC. Also, I'd like a little more commentary on criteria 1a, 1b and 1c for this one. Sarastro1 (talk) 20:01, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

  • @Sarastro1: A source review was requested on July 7. Two weeks ago, I messaged Imzadi1979, the source reviewer during the successful featured article review for the Disneyland Railroad, but I have not yet received a response. Jackdude101 (Talk) 21:33, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

Older nominations[edit]

Baltimore railroad strike of 1877[edit]

Nominator(s): Timothyjosephwood 16:15, 5 July 2017 (UTC)

This article is part of a series on the events of the Great Railroad Strike of 1877 as they occurred in particular cities. This is my first FA nomination, so feel free to correct anything I haven't done correctly. TimothyJosephWood 16:15, 5 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Hchc2009: Some good work here, and a really interesting theme. A couple of quick thoughts:

  • Worth giving it a scrub for metric/imperial equivalents.
  • Also worth checking for abbreviations, e.g "when this wasn't feasible"
  • And for underlinking (e.g. "Springfield breech loading rifle" could be usefully linked)
  • And check that each reference is in a consistent style (e.g. do you give just publisher, or location and publisher etc.)
  • My main issue is the use of the newspapers of the period as reliable secondary sources. In some cases, you're carefully attributing the information to the newspaper, which makes clear that it's not a statement that's been reviewed by a modern historian, but a contemporary piece of press reporting ("On July 26, The Sun reported 3,000 draymen, 600 oil men, and 1,500 stevedores out of work as a result of the embargo.") We don't really know if this is accurate or not, but it is clear that it is a newspaper statement. In other cases, a newspaper account is listed as fact, e.g. "There was a general hope that owing to the imminent increase in traffic due to the transportation of harvested crops, the fireman would be able to make daily trips, and that the company could arrange for them to return home on passenger trains when this wasn't feasible, which would save them from the burden of long layovers away from home." I'd be strongly advising an article on labour disputes in the 19th century to be drawing whenever possible on reliable modern academic sources, and to be extremely scrupulous about attributing any press material to the newspaper concerned. (WP:PRIMARY would apply here).
  • Images look generally fine, but I note that :File:Great Railroad Strike plaque, Baltimore 01 (cropped).jpg is justified by "Marker placed by the Maryland Historical Trust, who retains neither copyright for the physical representation of the marker nor the text." - I can't see any explanation for why this should be the case. The uploader, Permstrump, implies that he/she is acting on behalf of the Trust in releasing the text in the image, but there is no evidence for this, and the licensing then conflicts with the justification, arguing that the Trust owns the copyright to the image. Hchc2009 (talk) 20:10, 6 July 2017 (UTC)
I will work to address the issues identified. As to the image, we went around with this for a couple of weeks, and in the end I just emailed them, and they were the ones who confirmed that they don't retain copyright on the markers. TimothyJosephWood 20:18, 6 July 2017 (UTC)
The email confirming that they've released the text under the license on the file needs to be registered on the OTRS system on Wikimedia. Hchc2009 (talk) 20:51, 6 July 2017 (UTC)
I think I've largely taken care of the issues above, except for emailing OTRS, which I will take care of tonight or this weekend as soon as I find the email. Just to clarify, the image was taken by the user, I requested it myself, but the copyright issue wasn't the image, but the likeness in the sense that it was a... sort of sculpture for copyright purposes and freedom of panorama only applies to inhabited/inhabitable buildings. TimothyJosephWood 19:42, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
As an update, the article currently contains 45 separate references to period newspaper articles. Nine of these have not been attributed, because the news article is used along side another secondary source for the claim supported. The remaining 36 citations have been attributed either to the paper by name, or referenced variously as new stories or news reports. TimothyJosephWood 15:22, 10 July 2017 (UTC)

comments from auntieruth I reviewed this at GA and thought it was interesting and well done at that level. I guess I assumed it would go through the MilHist A class review first, before here, but so be it.

I agree with HcHc2009 that that there is a great reliance on the newspapers, which in the nineteenth century were notoriously unreliable and likely to be owned by a local capitalist. Whether it's too great or not, I'm not sure. It would help to see a separate list of sources that segregates scholarly works from the newspapers. This way we could see where the weight actually lies.
There also needs to be greater explanation of the Long Depression, as a world-wide phenomenon and its impact on wages throughout the US and indeed the world, particularly iin areas of rapidly expanded industrialization. It doesn't need to be much, but we need some greater context other than the
There also needs to be greater clarity of how this strike fits into the broader strikes that spread across the country. I thought the day-by-day blows of what led to the strike could be condensed into paragraphs, instead of their own headings--again, for GA, it worked for me, but for Wikipedia's best work, it doesn't. You mention the Great Railroad strike 1877 in the lead but not in the body of the article, and this strike had a ripple effect across the country, beginning in Martinsburg and spreading outward.
It is underlinked. For example, I added link to Community_College_of_Baltimore_County. there are several others that need linking.
Re the Marker: I suggest you contact nancy.kurtz@maryland.gov and ask whether the marker is Fair Use. auntieruth (talk) 15:22, 8 July 2017 (UTC)
Nancy isn't who I contacted originally, but she was who I was eventually put into contact with. I have forwarded the email from September to OTRS for verification.
As to underlinking, I went through the whole thing and linked everything I could think of yesterday. If there's much more I'm afraid I'm missing it.
  • it's better now.
As to sources, the lions share of the article relies on McCabe, Dacus, and Meekins, all secondary overviews of the national riots in which Baltimore is a chapter or two, but all themselves 19th Century, and accounting for a combined 84 citations between them. Stover, Stowell, and Laurie feature most prominently among modern sources, with a combined 20 citations. The heaviest reliance on period news (where there is not also concurrent secondary citation) is in the sections following the end of open violence, because most of the sources start to drop off in detail at this point, and move on to the "exciting stuff" elsewhere, namely things like burning half of Pittsburgh to the ground (see Pittsburgh railway riots), and don't really concern themselves with things like the price of cabbage or how many idle ships are in the harbor.
Part of the problem with nineteenth century sources is their tendency to exaggerate. Such sentences as The first parade of the 5th Regiment through the city following the crisis was on October 15. They marched that day with 400 counted among their ranks could be adjusted with some judicious qualifications: "On 15 October, the 5th Regiment's first post-crisis parade included (according to contemporary accounts) 400 men of the regiment." This way you document what the contemporary sources say without giving them undue weight. auntieruth (talk) 21:34, 9 July 2017 (UTC)
To the content issues, I can try to work on those after the next few days, and maybe start digging back through the state archives and other sources. Right now I've wasted most of my morning on Commons, and I have to go adult for a while. TimothyJosephWood 16:32, 8 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Adulting does us all in, doesn't it!  :) You could use a phrase in the lead that refers to the Depression and economc woes of the late 1870s. auntieruth (talk) 15:52, 10 July 2017 (UTC)
Done. I also tried to address all of your concerns above, by adding more context in the first section, and redoing the headers throughout. As to the newspapers, as I indicate above, I have trimmed some that just wasn't central to the story, some I have left unattributed in cases where the newspaper is only one of multiple citations used for the content (often in cases where many sources are cited as giving estimates), and in 36 other cases the news should now be properly attributed in the prose. TimothyJosephWood 16:21, 10 July 2017 (UTC)
AuntieRuth, at the risk of being a little pedantic, the Commons can't accept fair use justifications; the questions have to be: a) who owns the copyright to the text on the sign?; and, b) if the Maryland Government does own the copyright, have they agreed to release it under the licence stated? Hchc2009 (talk) 17:08, 8 July 2017 (UTC)
To be even more pedantic (it just goes down hill from here), the issue wasn't necessarily the text itself, but the entire three dimensional presentation of the marker as a public sculpture. The picture itself was taken by the editor standing on the street corner (not taken from Maryland's archives), and so they own the copyright to the "image", but freedom of panorama doesn't apply to 3D works of non-human-inhabitable public "art" in the US, so if the "art" takes up a substantial portion of the image (see also Commons:De minimis), then the rights of Maryland to the "representation" or "likeness" of the marker still applies, except they claim no copyright for the representation, and they're the only ones who can, so the original copyright of the image, of which a portion is made up of the "likeness", should be retained by the editor who took the picture. TimothyJosephWood 18:53, 8 July 2017 (UTC)
Under US law, though, you have copyright over your text/work regardless of whether you "claim" it. You can explicitly release your work into the Public Domain, or under various other suitable licences, but that would need to be recorded using OTRS, using the email that you're lodging with the system. Hchc2009 (talk) 19:19, 8 July 2017 (UTC)
I have removed the image pending verification. TimothyJosephWood 16:31, 10 July 2017 (UTC)

Image review (in addition to the marker issues noted above)

  • Suggest scaling up the maps
  • File:Camden_Station_in_1865.jpg: reprint was published 1990 - when was this first published? Nikkimaria (talk) 22:39, 8 July 2017 (UTC)
I... fairly thought it was a settled issue since it was taken in the US, and in apparently 1865, meaning that if the author were literally born on the day they took the image, they would have needed to have lived to the age of 82, in order for 70 years to not have elapsed since their death. TimothyJosephWood 22:53, 8 July 2017 (UTC)
That depends on when it was first published - see this chart. Life+70 isn't a blanket rule in the US. Nikkimaria (talk) 03:30, 9 July 2017 (UTC)
Looks like I've hit a dead end on this one. It's originally credited to the B&O Museum but I was unable to find it on their digitized archives, and the 1990 book doesn't give any other indication about the history of it. It's available from dozens of other sites, but it's been on commons for almost ten years, so they may be taking their lead from us on the copyright status. I have contacted both the original uploader, who is an admin on commons and so hopefully more capable than I, as well as the museum itself via email. TimothyJosephWood 14:03, 9 July 2017 (UTC)
I have removed the image for now, pending verification. TimothyJosephWood 16:31, 10 July 2017 (UTC)
Comments by Tintor2

The article is in good shape but there are somethings bothering me:

  • Removing the Google Books links. I have been criticized about them in the past due to copyright violations.
  • Using the archive bot, I archived all references. This is needed for the source review, so don't worry about archiving them
  • Avoid one or two sentence paragraphs long. Imagine you are writing a formal letter.

Ping me when you solved the issues. Also, I would appreciate if you could comment on the FAC Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Naruto/archive3. Regards and good luck.Tintor2 (talk) 02:01, 9 July 2017 (UTC)

Hey Tintor2. I have also archived a few cite webs, and removed the google books urls from works not in the public domain. I have tweaked wording throughout the article, but if there are still places you think need adjustment, feel free to point them out and I will address the issues.
As to Naruto, I'm afraid I'm not much help. This is my first go at FA, and I'm not sure my opinion means very much, expecially given the number of things on this article that I've had to go back and fix thus far. TimothyJosephWood 16:35, 10 July 2017 (UTC)

Giving you my support. Good work with the article.Tintor2 (talk) 20:45, 10 July 2017 (UTC)

Double Dare (Nickelodeon game show)[edit]

Nominator(s): — Chad1m Email Talk Cont. 18:18, 4 July 2017 (UTC)

This article is about, arguably, the most popular American kids' TV game show ever, Double Dare. It helped jump-start the media behemoth known as Nickelodeon and, 30 years later, still has a long-lasting effect on a generation of young adults. I crafted this article from the bottom-up, practically by myself (with assists from Bcschneider53 and Twofingered Typist), taking a mess with very few citations six months ago and turning it into what I feel is a very well-crafted and cited article on how Double Dare worked, its history and current evolution, and the impact it has had on television and culture. The GA process went really well and I look forward to engaging in the FA process for the first time. Thank you! — Chad1m Email Talk Cont. 18:18, 4 July 2017 (UTC)

  • Oppose for now. There is a good start to an article here, but it feels like its still a little far from FA. There is so much history in the sources you cited about the creation of the show format, the transplanting of certain messy elements from other Nick shows, the hiring of Marc Summers and Harvey, etc. that has not made it into the article. Also, the "Personnel" sections are incredibly bare bones and should probably be integrated with other content and the "Other Media" section appears to consist of a couple of random lists rather than material written in summary style. Indrian (talk) 23:19, 5 July 2017 (UTC)
Thank you for your comments, Indrian. I've taken a lot of them into concern and adjusted the article thusly: I added more information about the hiring of Harvey, discussed why Philadelphia, an uncommon site to shoot national TV was chosen, integrated the personnel section into the production and broadcast section, added a paragraph on the origin and implementation of slime (As it was so early, Double Dare really didn't transplant anything from other Nick shows besides slime from You Can't Do That on Television), its impact on Nick and how it still is associated today, and turned the list of media into two cohesive paragraphs about realistic depictions and parodies. — Chad1m Email Talk Cont. 16:37, 6 July 2017 (UTC)
Just wanted you to know I have not forgotten about this; I have just been very busy. I'll look over what you have changed soon, and if it seems like the article is in much better shape, I will move on to a more formal review. Indrian (talk) 19:00, 13 July 2017 (UTC)

High Explosive Research[edit]

Nominator(s): Hawkeye7 (talk) 21:45, 3 July 2017 (UTC)

After Tube Alloys and the British contribution to the Manhattan Project comes the third article in the series, High Explosive Research. Jim, Bernard and Sir Humphrey decide build an atomic bomb. I'm afraid that aspects of the article may make no sense to a non-British reader. Although it is a new article, created in February, it has passed GA and A class reviews. Hawkeye7 (talk) 21:45, 3 July 2017 (UTC)

Image review

  • http://www.gahetna.nl/over-ons/open-data seems to say that some but not all of the collections are open - where did we get the licensing for File:John_Anderson,_1st_Viscount_Waverley_1947.jpg? Don't see it on the source page...
    Me neither. The Copyright box on the source page is empty. So I'm replacing it with another pic of Sir John Anderson. Hawkeye7 (talk) 00:25, 9 July 2017 (UTC)
  • In the case of File:John_Douglas_Cockcroft_1961.jpg, the source page actually says PD not CC. Nikkimaria (talk) 22:34, 8 July 2017 (UTC)
    Yes, but there is no PD tag on Commons. I don't know the rules over there. Hawkeye7 (talk) 00:25, 9 July 2017 (UTC)
    Failing all else I suppose you could use PD-because, but have you seen this cat? Nikkimaria (talk) 03:33, 9 July 2017 (UTC)
    Yes, and this one too, but none of them apply. Hawkeye7 (talk) 05:33, 9 July 2017 (UTC)

Support Comments on prose by Finetooth[edit]

Having reviewed the Hanford Site article many years ago at GAN, this sounds pretty familiar. Even so, I don't know enough to critique the claims involving complex science or engineering. Here are suggestions related to prose, style, and the MOS. Nothing big, but lots of little things caught my eye. The article seems to be in generally good shape.
Lede
  • ¶1 Link Quebec Agreement.
    Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 06:31, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ¶3 "Britain thereby became the third country to test nuclear weapons." – Mention the second for those who might not know?
    Added. Hawkeye7 (talk) 06:31, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
Tube alloys
  • ¶2 "who ironically could not work" – Maybe drop "ironically" if that is a Wikipedia judgment.
    Deleted. Another editor liked it. Hawkeye7 (talk) 06:31, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ¶3 "A new directorate known as Tube Alloys was created to coordinate this effort." – Insert, "a deliberately misleading name" after "Tube Alloys"?
    Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 06:31, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
Manhattan Project
  • ¶3 "but the project would need overwhelming priority" - For consistent verb tense, "would have needed"?
    Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 06:31, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ¶4 "the joint British-Canadian Montreal Laboratory" – En dash British–Canadian to indicate disjuncture?
    Changed to "Anglo-Canadian", which uses the hyphen. Hawkeye7 (talk) 06:31, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
End of American cooperation
  • ¶1 "Roosevelt's naval aide, apparently misfiled by someone unaware of what Tube Alloys was, who thought it had something to do with naval guns." – Does the "who" refer to the naval aide or to the "someone"?
    Changed "who" to "and". Hawkeye7 (talk) 06:31, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
Organisation
  • ¶3 "With Portal's appointment came consideration of splitting Anderson's committee, which functioned as both an advisory committee and as an interdepartmental committee." – Recast to avoid repeating "committee" three times followed by three more in the next two sentences.
    Re-worded. Hawkeye7 (talk) 06:31, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ¶3 "In March 1947, the dynamic Roger Makins...". – Delete "dynamic"?
    DEleted. Hawkeye7 (talk) 06:31, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
Decision
  • ¶2 "The meeting was about to decide against it on grounds of cost, when [Ernest] Bevin arrived late and said "We've got to have this thing. I don't mind it for myself, but I don't want any other Foreign Secretary of this country to be talked at or to by the Secretary of State of the United States as I have just been in my discussion with Mr Byrnes. We've got to have this thing over here, whatever it costs... We've got to have the bloody Union Jack flying on top of it." – Words within direct quotations should generally not be linked, per MOS:LINKSTYLE. Ditto for linked terms in the other block quotes in this section.
    Generally, but the words do not appear in the surrounbding text, and the user may not know what they mean.
  • ¶3 "in charge of the Ministry Of Supply's Armaments Research Department" – Lowercase "o" in "Of"?
    Typo. Corrected. Hawkeye7 (talk) 06:31, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ¶4 "officially requested an atomic bomb in 9 August 1946" – "on" rather than "in"?
    Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 06:31, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
Uranium
  • ¶1 "Sir John Anderson and US Ambassador John Winant hammered out a deal with the Belgian government and Edgar Sengier, the director of Union Minière, in May 1944 for the mine to be reopened and 1,720 long tons (1,750 t) of ore to be purchased at $1.45 a pound." – I'd prefer "negotiated" to "hammered out", and I think the sentence would flow better if you started with "In May 1944,".
    Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 06:31, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ¶3 "the principal reason the Americans reopened the negotiations resulting in the Modus Vivendi" – Should this be rendered as "a modus vivendi" or possibly more plainly as "a provisional accord"?
    No, this was a particular agreement. Hawkeye7 (talk) 06:31, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
Nuclear reactors
  • ¶1 "British staff at the Montreal Laboratory designed a larger reactor, known as BEPO, in 1945 and 1946..." – "British staff at the Montreal Laboratory had designed a larger reactor, known as BEPO, in 1945 and 1946..." since BEPO is explained in Uranium metal plant, and the action is in the past?
    Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 06:31, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ¶2 "Such an event that did indeed occur in the Chernobyl disaster in 1986." – Remove "that"?
    Deleted. Hawkeye7 (talk) 06:31, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
Plutonium-processing facilities
  • ¶3 "After 1946, the only source of plutonium was from the NRX reactor in Canada, and irradiated rods from there did arrive in Britain under mid-1948." – Should this say, "did not arrive until"?
    Yes. Added. Hawkeye7 (talk) 06:31, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
Gaseous diffusion plant
Bomb design
  • ¶2 "The first lenses were delivered in 1952, so and there were enough for two sets..." – "so and"?
    Deleted "so". Hawkeye7 (talk) 06:31, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ¶3 "which not until late 1951." – Missing word, "was"?
    Added. Hawkeye7 (talk) 06:31, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ¶3 "while they were spherical to within 0.75 thou..." – Link thou since it won't be familiar to most readers.
    Linked. There is a metric conversion for those who don't know imperial. Hawkeye7 (talk) 06:31, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
Testing
  • ¶2 "as there was unrest in Egypt" – "Unrest" seems too mild. Would something more direct like "as a revolution there was underway" be better?
    Perhaps in retrospect, but the revolution hadn't yet broken out. Hawkeye7 (talk) 06:31, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
Outcome
  • ¶3 "The was desired..." – "This was desired..."?
    Corrected. Hawkeye7 (talk) 06:31, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ¶3 "led to the United States Atomic Energy Act being amended in 1958..." – Slightly smoother as "led to amendment of the United States Atomic Energy Act in 1958..."?
  • That's all. Finetooth (talk) 02:54, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
    • THanks for your review. Much appreciated. Hawkeye7 (talk) 06:31, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • You are welcome. All looks good with the exception of the links within the blockquotes. I halfway agree with you. I wouldn't think it strictly necessary to link "great power", "isolationist", "Secretary of State", or "Foreign Secretary" within the quotes since I think most readers can suss out the meaning OK, but "Mr. Byrnes" is a different matter and possibly "Union Jack". Regardless, I'm happy to support on prose, as noted above. Finetooth (talk) 15:05, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

Battle of Leuthen[edit]

Nominator(s): auntieruth (talk) 15:34, 3 July 2017 (UTC)

This article is about one of Frederick's greatest victories (according to Napoleon) Previous 2 articles I've submitted have been about his greatest defeats. This one, and the one following Battle of Rossbach, are the other side of the coin. Both have been reviewed at MilHist A class. I forgot to put Rossbach on the GAlist, so it's getting it's GA nom done now. Enjoy! I'll appreciate your comments... auntieruth (talk) 15:34, 3 July 2017 (UTC)

Image review

  • Suggest including a legend in the maps caption
  • Sources links for the maps are dead. Nikkimaria (talk) 22:27, 8 July 2017 (UTC)

Support Comments by Finetooth on prose[edit]

Another really interesting account, well-written and well-illustrated. I have a few suggestions, none very complicated.
General
  • Images need alt text. all done except the one in the box--does that allow an alt text?
  • Yes. I added an alt parameter and the word "something" to the infobox. You can replace "something" with words of your choosing. The others look fine. Finetooth (talk) 22:51, 11 July 2017 (UTC)
Captions cleaned up
  • "At Borna, Frederick the Great and his staff develop their battle plan, by Hugo Ungewitter" – I'd add something to this to make it more clear that this is an illustration by Ungewitter and not a battle plan by Ungewitter.
  • Maybe Camphausen should be mentioned in the caption for the Choral von Leuthen.
  • The Schloss von Lissa caption is confusing. Maybe " Schloss von Lissa by Richard Knötel depicts Frederick's arrival at the castle, where he is greeted by Austrian officers (wearing white jackets)." Or something like that.
Seven Years' War
  • ¶1 "based on the recently concluded War of the Austrian Succession (1740–1748). The 1748 Treaty of Aix-la-Chapelle concluded the earlier war with Austria." – Repetition. Slight ambiguity. Maybe "based on the recently concluded War of the Austrian Succession (1740–1748) and the subsequent Treaty of Aix-la-Chapelle, which ended the war."? Or something like that. cleaned up
Terrain and dispositions
  • Yep, it sure is. I missed the first instance. Time for new eyeglasses. Finetooth (talk) 23:09, 11 July 2017 (UTC)
Hapsburg dispositions
  • ¶1 "He secured the Nippern..." – Delete "the"? done
  • ¶1 The link to abati looks like a mistake. Maybe a brief definition in parentheses would work if no other link makes sense. cleaned up
  • ¶1 "hastily erected redoubts" – Link redoubt? cleaned up
Oblique maneuver
  • ¶1 First sentence. Unspaced em dashes rather than spaced en dashes since you use em dashes in the Prussian dispositions section? I have no idea what this means....?
  • It's a truly minor matter. I went ahead and changed them just now. Please revert if you think this was a mistake. Finetooth (talk) 23:00, 11 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ¶1 "Similarly, Zieten's cavalry had traversed the entire Austrian front... " – I think this is the first mention of Zieten. The full name and link should come here rather than in the Attack section below. done
  • ¶1 "as if that was where any attack would occur" – I think this should be "as if that were" rather than "was". hmmm, ok....
Attack
  • ¶2 "more than two hours elapsed before his cavalry reached the center of battle" – "His" seems ambiguous. Perhaps "the Austrian" rather than "his"? clarified
  • ¶6 "40 squadrons of Hans Joachim von Zieten's cavalry awaited them Radaxdorf" – Something missing, perhaps "at" before "Radaxdorf"? Also, shorten to "Zieten's cavalry" and move the full name and link up to the "Oblique maneuver" section.
  • ¶6 Is the Schweidnitz river the same as the Schweinitz (river)? The latter might be another editor's misspelling, not sure. I don't think so. well out of the proper place.'
Aftermath i think I've addressed these...
  • ¶2 "not only because losing it would cost them control of Silesia and considerable loss in prestige" – To avoid repeating "losing ... loss", maybe "not only because losing it would cost them control of Silesia and considerable prestige..."? Or something like that.
  • ¶2 "the future of Austrian control of Breslau and the region looked grim" – Since the lede takes this one step further, better add a sentence here about the fall of Breslau.
Assessments i think I've addressed these...
  • ¶1 "he should have considered the possibility of an attack" – Attach attribution? "According to X, he should have..."? Otherwise it sounds as if Wikipedia were making the judgment. It's cited to Showalter and the others According to Showalter, Redman, Duffy, Blanning, Anderson, et al?
  • ¶3 "that even his most bitter of enemies maintained for the rest of the war." – "Maintained" doesn't seem quite right. Maybe "felt" or "entertained"? continued for the rest of the war and the subsequent peace
Memorials
  • ¶1 Flip the third, fourth, and fifth sentences from passive to active voice. Sentence three might say, "Berlin architect Friedrich August Stüler designed the monument, and Christian Daniel Rauch designed the goddess of victory." done
  • Looks good except a new question arises. Is "Victoria" the right word in "gilded the statue Victoria for better effect"? The voice flips (passive to active) look fine. Finetooth (talk) 23:21, 11 July 2017 (UTC)
  • all done {ping|Finetooth}} except for the one I didn't understand about Mdashes. auntieruth (talk) 20:58, 11 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Switching to support on prose, assuming you add the alt text to the infobox, which now has a place for it. Excellent article. Really good maps. Finetooth (talk) 00:00, 12 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Yep, done! I had no idea it was that simple to add alt text to a box! 21:34, 12 July 2017 (UTC)

Comment regarding "Nun danket alle Gott"[edit]

  • Modern German historians and musicologists have questioned whether the Prussian army really did sing "Nun danket alle Gott" in unison after the battle. I think that our article should reflect that this story might be more of a legend or a later propaganda invention, rather than something that actually happened. For more details please see:
Hofer, Achim. "Joseph Goldes (1802-1886) Fest-Reveille (1858) über den Choral 'Nun danket alle Gott' für Militärmusik
" in Peter Moormann, Albrecht Riethmüller,
 Rebecca Wolf eds., Paradestück Militärmusik: 
Beiträge zum Wandel staatlicher Repräsentation durch Musik, Transcript Verlag (2012), pp. 217–38. ISBN 978-3-8376-1655-2
Bernhard R. Kroener "'Nun danket alle Gott!': der Choral von Leuthen und Friedrich der Große als protestantischer Held; die Produktion politischer Mythen im 19. und 20. Jahrhundert" in Hartmut Lehmann, Gerd Krumeich eds. Gott mit uns : Religion, Nation und Gewalt im 19. und 20. Jahrhundert . Vandenhoeck & Ruprecht (2000)
Thanks! P. S. Burton (talk) 20:33, 11 July 2017 (UTC)
  • thanks. Added a Note to that effect. auntieruth (talk) 20:56, 11 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Thanks! I tweaked the wording a little bit further to align with the opinion of the sources . P. S. Burton (talk) 21:53, 11 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments by Parsecboy[edit]

Very nice work - just a few comments:

  • "Britain aligned herself with his nephew..." - whose nephew? fixed
  • "could fire at least four volleys a minute" - I know that's fast, but the average reader likely will not know what the typical rate of fire in those days was - might be worth a footnote added a phrase explaining.
  • "gave him almost (and only) 200 men." - similarly, for most readers, the question will be "is that a lot? not a lot? instead of the 1,000 that would normally have been in his battalion.
  • "Leuthen was not a big village: troops were so closely packed they stood 30 to 100 ranks deep. The killing was terrible: Lamoral commented..." - the structure here is repetitive
  • "Commanded by Joseph Count Lucchesi d’ Averna[Note 2] hurried to take them in the flank" - I think something is missing here fixed
  • "Solid red lines indicate Habsburg positions; dotted lines show movement. Solid blue lines indicate Prussian positions; dotted blue lines indicate Prussian movement." - I'd add an explanation of the cavalry icons fixed

Parsecboy (talk) 17:30, 18 July 2017 (UTC)

Source review from Ealdgyth[edit]

  • Okay, your reference system sorta makes sense but it it decidedly odd. You list the full bibliographic details twice - once on the first appearance in the footnotes and then again in the sourcess, but subsequent uses of the same source in the footnotes is a short footnote (which, I might add, is by last name, but you give the first fuller footnote with first name first, making it more difficult to figure out what is being referred to.) It works, but it really makes finding bibliographic details much more difficult than it probably should be. At the least, could we put the author's last names first in the footnotes? That would make checking to see whether every source listed in the References was actually used in the footnotes a bit easier.
  • Chicago Manual of Style. Unless I'm coerced into using one of those fancy templates, which I have bizillions of problems with, I do it this way, and have done so since I started writing articles anywhere. Footnotes have author's name first last. Bibliography has author's name last first. Easier to alphabetize. I'd be happy to call it "sources consulted", and combined the two sections, which I've done auntieruth (talk) 18:05, 19 July 2017 (UTC)
  • I"m not going to be opposing on the system used but ... ugh. It's really clunky. It'd make a lot more sense to only have one section but if Chicago requires both the footnotes with full information (except ISBN, as far as I can tell) and then a separate section for the full-full bibliographic details ... I can't make you change per WP:CITVAR. Not sure I'll be rushing to do more source reviews though as detangling which references were used and how took me about three times as long as a more usual referencing system. Ealdgyth - Talk 18:18, 19 July 2017 (UTC)
  • I'm not sure what a usual referencing system is??? I detest the one with last name (date), page number. Incredibly cumbersome. auntieruth (talk) 21:24, 23 July 2017 (UTC)
  • I'm not seeing Duffy used in the footnotes? I combined the bibliography, and no, he's not in the footnotes. He used to be.
  • I'm not seeing Latimer used in the footnotes? I combined the bibliography, and no, he's not in the footnotes. He used to be.
  • Why is "International History Review" in footnote 2 (D.B. Horn) underlined? it is a journal
  • What makes http://historian-at-large.blogspot.com/2014/12/the-forgotten-battlefield-at-leuthen.html a high quality reliable source? Roger Moorhouse makes it so. established and respected historian of Eastern and Central Europe
  • I see we're using Gaston Bodart for casualty figures - but his work is from 1916, surely there are more modern historians who give casualty figures? his work is still the authority, and the others rely on them for the basic. They then use other sources to augment his numbers, or to argue with them
  • So if later historians argue with his numbers, shouldn't we be covering their views also as they relate to this battle? Ealdgyth - Talk 18:18, 19 July 2017 (UTC)
  • I'm assuming in footnote 2 that all of the information is covered by both sources given - Horn and Black? If so, why not just cite to Black, the more modern work? If it's not all covered by both sources, we really need to have it made clearer what bits are from each source - given that both sources are 20 some pages. I disagree with that. Both sources cover it in detail over the 20 pages and it is hardly unreasonable to ask someone who wants to know more to read 40 pages to gain a deep understanding of the Diplomatic Revolution. Although Black is more recent, the consistency of sources reflects the continuity of historical understanding of the importance and causes of the diplomatic revolution.
  • You give a link for footnote 5 (New York Times) and put NYT in italics - but in the sources, you don't give a link and you underline NYT? Consistency. I generally don't link in references unless it's to a webpage.
  • World Cat shows the author of "War: From Ancient Egypt to Iraq" as Saul David. Idon't understand this.
  • It appears that the author is Saul David, not DK Publishing. Ealdgyth - Talk 18:18, 19 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Ah, I see. He's the editor. auntieruth (talk) 17:25, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
  • I randomly googled three sentences and nothing showed up except mirrors. Earwig's tool shows no copyright violations.
Otherwise everything looks good. Ealdgyth - Talk 12:43, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

SMS Deutschland (1904)[edit]

Nominator(s): Parsecboy (talk) 20:03, 3 July 2017 (UTC)

This ship was the flagship of the German fleet from 1906 to 1913, leading the fleet's training for much of the run-up to World War I. By the time of the war, Deutschland was obsolescent, but nevertheless took part in the Battle of Jutland, the largest naval action of the war. This article passed GA and Milhist A-class reviews all the way back in 2010, before being substantially overhauled with a new source a little over a month ago. It has since had a GOCE copyedit, so the prose should be in good shape. Thanks to all who take the time to review the article. Parsecboy (talk) 20:03, 3 July 2017 (UTC)

CommentsSupport from Peacemaker67[edit]

This article is in great shape. I have a few quibbles, comments:

  • the draft in the infobox doesn't march the body
    • Must've been a typo - good catch
  • link knots at first mention
    • Done
  • is there any info about the size of her bunker?
    • Added coal capacity
  • is there any info about where the torpedo tubes were actually located?
    • Will have to look tonight
  • the mention of Dreadnought seems out of place, perhaps slot it in to the narrative of the following section in the appropriate place?
    • Yeah, I'm not really happy with where it is, but I don't really think it fits in the narrative either - it seems like an odd tangent to jump from the narrative on training activities and the like to the line about Dreadnought, and then back to training, etc.
  • perhaps mention that Skagen is in Denmark?
    • Done
  • perhaps also mention Funchal is in Portugal, Santa Cruz is in the Canary Islands and Bilbao is in Spain?
    • All done
  • it says "another periodic overhaul", but I can't see where she had an earlier one?
    • Fixed
  • consider linking dry dock
    • It's linked in the second para of the Construction-1908 section
  • I suggest that where you first introduce a British ship, you use HMS for clarity
    • Good idea
  • the ordinal designations are a bit weird, 1st Battlecruiser Squadron, but V Battle Squadron?
  • move the link to Grand Fleet to first mention
    • Done
  • is there a link for 8-point turn? I'm not entirely sure what that is. Given degrees has been used previously, perhaps stick to that?
  • I think Nassau-class is linked twice
    • Fixed
  • Meuer is replaced, but I don't see him taking on the role earlier?
    • Will have to check HRS for the date Meur took command.
      • Have added a mention of (and link to) Meurer, not to mention fixing the spelling of his name

That's me done. Cheers, Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 07:03, 5 July 2017 (UTC)

Just waiting on the torpedo tubes, but happy to support at this point. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 00:05, 20 July 2017 (UTC)

Image review

  • Suggest scaling up the map
    • Done
  • File:SMS_Deutschland_with_steam_up.jpg: when/where was this first published? Nikkimaria (talk) 22:15, 8 July 2017 (UTC)
    • Unknown, but the photo was from the Office of Naval Intelligence, and they wouldn't have been interested in the ship post its 1920 scrapping, which demonstrates it was in circulation before 1921. Thanks Nikki. Parsecboy (talk) 11:48, 18 July 2017 (UTC)

Support Comments by Finetooth on prose[edit]

Interesting article, well-written and well-illustrated. I'm a landlubber with no particular knowledge of ships; however, I have several suggestions, mainly about prose.
General
  • The middle three images need alt text.
  • Added.
Lede
  • ¶1 "She was commissioned on 3 August 1906, only a few months before HMS Dreadnought was commissioned, the latter ship, armed with ten large-caliber guns, being the first of a revolutionary new standard of "all-big-gun" battleships that rendered Deutschland and the rest of her class obsolete." – Replace "with plus-ing construction" and trim by a few words? Maybe "She was commissioned on 3 August 1906, only a few months ahead of HMS Dreadnought was commissioned. The latter ship, armed with ten large-caliber guns, was the first of a revolutionary new standard of "all-big-gun" battleships that rendered Deutschland and the rest of her class obsolete."
  • Good idea.
  • ¶3 "After the battle, which highlighted the fact that pre-dreadnoughts were too vulnerable in the face of more modern battleships,..." – Tighten by a few words? Suggestion: "After the battle, in which pre-dreadnoughts proved too vulnerable against more modern battleships,"
  • Sounds good to me.
Design
  • ¶2 "Steam for the engines was provided by twelve coal-fired Scotch marine boilers that were trunked into three funnels." – This slowed me down a bit. First, I'm not used to seeing "trunked" as a verb; it might be a nautical term, though I'm not sure. I assume this means "connected to". Second, I wasn't sure if only the coal smoke goes up the funnels or if maybe excess steam goes up the funnels too. A brief note explaining the mechanics in a bit more detail would be helpful to ship neophytes like me. Third, active voice would be more direct; i.e., something like "Twelve coal-fired Scotch marine boilers linked to three funnels provided steam for the engines."
  • How about "Twelve coal-fired Scotch marine boilers provided steam for the engines; three funnels vented smoke from burning coal in the boilers."?
  • Done
  • Done
  • ¶4 "Her armored belt was 140 to 225 millimeters (5.5 to 8.9 in) thick, with the heavier armor amidships, protecting her magazines and machinery spaces, and the thinner plating at either end of the hull." – Replace "with plus -ing" construction? Maybe break up the sentence like this: "Her armored belt was 140 to 225 millimeters (5.5 to 8.9 in) thick. Heavy armor amidships protected her magazines and machinery spaces, while thinner plating covered the ends of the hull."
  • That works for me.
Construction through 1908
  • ¶1 "though he served aboard the ship for just a month, being replaced by..." – Modify the verb form slightly and delete the comma? Suggestion: "though he served aboard the ship for just a month and was replaced by"?
  • Done
  • ¶1 "Heinrich was new to the command..." – The first and third mentions of him call him Prince Heinrich. Should this one be the same especially since Heinrich is his first name?
  • Good catch
Battle of Jutland
  • ¶3 "Soon after, Pommern was struck by at least one torpedo and exploded." – Maybe more emphatic: "Soon after, Pommern exploded after being struck by at least one torpedo."
  • Good idea
Final operations
  • ¶2 "though on 10 September she was replaced by the cruiser Stettin." – Flip to active voice? "though on 10 September the cruiser Stettin replaced her."
  • Done
  • ¶2 "...struck from the naval register and sold to be scrapped, which was completed by 1922." – "Scrapped" and "which" don't match. "For scrapping" would be better.
  • Done
  • Happy to support on prose, as noted above. Finetooth (talk) 15:45, 18 July 2017 (UTC)

Source review from Ealdgyth[edit]

  • I randomly googled three sentences and nothing showed up except mirrors. Earwig's tool shows no copyright violations.
Otherwise everything looks good. Ealdgyth - Talk 12:47, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

Akira Kurosawa[edit]

Nominator(s): JohnWickTwo (talk) 00:17, 1 July 2017 (UTC)

This article is for the Akira Kurosawa biography which is currently listed as of top importance for Wikiproject:Japan. It has previously been nominated for FA status in 2010 though failed and is presently at GA status following recent updates and related article development. The article is comprehensive, up to date, and with an improved outline for the biography. It should be more readable and accessible for readers and editors of this article who appreciate the contributions made by this filmmaker. This is my first GA article here and first time to try to promote it through the FA nomination process. Comments from those experienced editors reading this article and participating in this assessment are welcome to help in refining it by constructive and critical comments. JohnWickTwo (talk) 00:17, 1 July 2017 (UTC)

Article review[edit]

Comments by Tintor2 (talk) 17:40, 1 July 2017 (UTC)

The article looks in good shape but there are somethings that could be fixed:
  • Avoid quotes in the lead.
The sentence making that quote has been rewritten. JohnWickTwo (talk) 20:03, 1 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Also, try to balance the lead. The first and last paragraphs are too small.
Lead section paragraphs should be more balanced now with some further short summary of Kurosawa's influence. JohnWickTwo (talk) 20:03, 1 July 2017 (UTC)
  • The references 33-37 seem like an overkill. I would reduce some of them. There are other similar cases, so I suggest separating them across the paragraphs.
Reducing down to three citations now to support that sequel's reception. JohnWickTwo (talk) 20:20, 1 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "However, it would be Kurosawa's second film of 1950, Rashomon, that would ultimately win him, and Japanese cinema, a whole new audience." is completely unsourced and small.
That sentence was meant to be part of the paragraph before it and has been merged there, with Rashomon elaborated in the subsequent section in chronological order of films. JohnWickTwo (talk) 20:03, 1 July 2017 (UTC)

Other than that I see no issues. Ping me or mention me when you think you fixed the issues. If you have free time, could you check Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Naruto/archive3? Regards.

All right, giving you my support. Good work.Tintor2 (talk) 20:27, 1 July 2017 (UTC)

Image review[edit]

Note: All images in this article are currently in good standing on Wikicommons and are shared by over a dozen other editors and articles in Wikipedia at present as being images in good standing. If you have reason to believe that there may be any issues with any of the images used in this article then add your comments in this section. JohnWickTwo (talk) 01:56, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
  • File:Akirakurosawa-onthesetof7samurai-1953-page88.jpg: when was this first published? Same with File:Kajiro_Yamamoto.jpg
The image in the infobox is used from the Japanese Wikipedia article, and was taken during film production of his film Seven Samurai from 1953. The Kajiro Yamamoto image is shared with his English Wikipedia biography page. If there is an issue with either of these images then they can be replaced with other public domain images. JohnWickTwo (talk) 05:11, 2 July 2017 (UTC)
  • File:Sugata_Sanshiro_poster.jpg: confused by this. The date field says 1943, but the description says 1952 and tagging suggests it was not PD in the US in 1996
This was the marketing poster for the film from 1943 and is shared with the English Wikipedia article for this film. Promotional material used in marketing films is usually public domain in terms of newspaper and magazine fair use. JohnWickTwo (talk) 05:11, 2 July 2017 (UTC)
Public domain and fair use are not the same thing. Which is it in this case? Nikkimaria (talk) 12:34, 2 July 2017 (UTC)
Promotional posters used to promote and market films are considered public domain. JohnWickTwo (talk) 14:17, 2 July 2017 (UTC)
Not by default, although some are for other reasons. Nikkimaria (talk) 14:34, 2 July 2017 (UTC)
Please clarify. Promotional poster art is used as public domain throughout Wikipedia and Interwiki usage even doubles that high usage. Presently, Kurosawa's film Drunken Angel uses the poster art on nearly two dozen Interwiki versions of the article, and his film Stray Dog uses it on another two dozen Interwiki versions. Kurosawa's film Seven Samurai uses promotional poster art on nearly four dozen Interwiki articles, including the « article de qualité » at French Wikipedia which is peer reviewed. Please clarify, or do all of these Wikipedia articles and Interwikipedia articles share the same image protection issue you raise for the use of promotional poster art. If you prefer, I could offer to help address this by using the peer reviewed promotional poster art from the French version of Seven Samurai if being extra careful is important here. JohnWickTwo (talk) 16:29, 2 July 2017 (UTC)
See WP:PD. In a nutshell, being made available to the public - as with any poster, news photo, art display, etc - is not synonymous with public domain, which has as a particular meaning of "copyright-free". Some promotional poster art is public domain due to its age - copyright expires after a period of time, which varies from country to country. In other cases Wikipedia uses poster art under fair use, which requires that all of the non-free content criteria apply. In this particular case, if the poster was published in 1943 it likely is in the public domain because the copyright would have expired; if it was published in 1952 that is likely not the case. Nikkimaria (talk) 16:46, 2 July 2017 (UTC)
Thanks for that link about copyright protection. I've just read the articles for the current Academy Award winning films Moonlight and La La Land both of which use promotional poster art prominently and I see no difficulty there with the use of promotional poster art in those articles which were released for the purpose of promoting and marketing those films. Possibly you could explain why the use of promotional poster art on the two current Oscar film articles is fine in the eyes of all the editors at those Wikipedia articles, but the use of promotional poster art for Kurosawa's films forms an issue for this article. If you need to see some special annotation for the use of this promotional poster art in this Kurosawa article, please indicate what you would like to see here on the basis of these two current Oscar winning film articles which prominently use promotional poster art. JohnWickTwo (talk) 17:50, 2 July 2017 (UTC)
First we need to clarify the publication date of this poster, to determine whether a fair-use claim is needed at all. If it is, take a look at the description provided at File:Moonlight_(2016_film).png: it includes a breakdown of how the use of the image meets each of the non-free content criteria, as well as a tag indicating the poster is under fair use. Nikkimaria (talk) 18:12, 2 July 2017 (UTC)
  • File:Drunken-Angel-1a.jpg: the given tag is meant for cases where there is critical discussion of the film, not for biographical images
This film was a breakthrough film for Kurosawa and Mifune, and is discussed in this article as to its harsh thematic content for the time of its production, as a controversial artistic choice of material by Kurosawa. JohnWickTwo (talk) 05:11, 2 July 2017 (UTC)
But the fair use rationale provided states that the purpose of the image is to show Mifune, not to discuss the film. Nikkimaria (talk) 12:34, 2 July 2017 (UTC)
Mifune in Drunken Angel (1948)
There are a large number of Mifune images from the film Drunken Angel used on many other pages in Wikipedia which could be used in the article based on preference and use of image standards. Here is one of many others. If you prefer this one, it can be used with the same caption presently being used in the current article's image or a modified caption can replace it as an enhancement to the article. The current image in the article was placed there by a previous editor. JohnWickTwo (talk) 14:17, 2 July 2017 (UTC)
  • File:Dostoevskij_1863.jpg: when/where was this first published?
This is image is shared with the Wikipedia page for Dostoevski. If there is an issue with the use of the image in the article there, then it can be removed or replaced in this Kurosawa article. JohnWickTwo (talk) 05:11, 2 July 2017 (UTC)
  • File:Badsleepwell.jpg is lacking a fair-use rationale for this article
This was the marketing poster for the film from the 1950s and is shared with the English Wikipedia article for this film. Promotional material used in marketing films is usually public domain in terms of fair use in articles. JohnWickTwo (talk) 05:11, 2 July 2017 (UTC)
  • File:DavidLean1965.jpg: what is the status of this work in the US?
This is image is shared with the Wikipedia page for David Lean. If there is an issue with the use of the image in the article there, then it can be removed or replaced in this Kurosawa article. JohnWickTwo (talk) 05:11, 2 July 2017 (UTC)
  • File:An'yo-in_Kamakura_Kurosawa_Akira's_Grave.jpg: what is the copyright status of the memorial?
This image is used from the Japanese Wikipedia article. If there is an issue with its use there, then it can be removed or replaced in this Kurosawa article. JohnWickTwo (talk) 05:11, 2 July 2017 (UTC)
  • File:Ingmar_86135a.jpg: source link is dead, date is missing, and what is the status of this work in the US?
This is image is shared with the Wikipedia page for Ingmar Bergman. If there is an issue with the use of the image in the article there, then it can be removed or replaced in this Kurosawa article. JohnWickTwo (talk) 05:11, 2 July 2017 (UTC)

Oppose pending fixes, and pending some attention to citation formatting which is at the moment rather inconsistent and incomplete. Nikkimaria (talk) 01:18, 2 July 2017 (UTC)

The cite templates you had left in the article earlier today I can try to address tomorrow or the next day and ought to be fairly straightforward to rewrite. Your images questions above appear mostly concerned with images shared with other Wikipedia articles. They can generally be removed or replaced as needed. My responses are interspersed with your comments. JohnWickTwo (talk) 05:11, 2 July 2017 (UTC)
So it really doesn't matter whether the images are shared with other articles. Nominations for featured status must meet the FA criteria, which includes a point about images. That means we need to be able to demonstrate that these images in this article are in accordance with the details of that point. Nikkimaria (talk) 12:34, 2 July 2017 (UTC)
Your citation templates from yesterday in the article are now taken care of with some added links I placed in the article this morning. My responses to your follow-up image comments are interspersed with your image comments above. Promotional posters used to promote and market films are considered public domain. The other images you have listed as needing attention can be replaced or removed based on your responses to my interspersed answers to your useful image comments above. I'll try to follow your indications of which images ought to be replaced and which to retain in order to further enhance this article. JohnWickTwo (talk) 14:17, 2 July 2017 (UTC)
After your last comments above I spent the afternoon reading through the copyright notices on the articles and think that I can summarize them succinctly for all the images you identified, though the reasoning applied to justify each image varies somewhat from image to image. For the first three photographs you list, the Kurosawa at Seven Samurai, Kurosawa's mentor, and still photo of Mifune, then the relevant date for Japanese copyright is 1958 which can be summarized as: This photograph is in the public domain in Japan because it was first published in Japan and its copyright has expired according to Article 23 of the 1899 Copyright Act of Japan and Article 2 of Supplemental Provisions of Copyright Act of 1970. Photographs prior to 1958 are in the public domain. All three of these photos are from before 1958 and therefore may be used. For the two posters you identify as a concern, the reasoning is from fair use which can be summarized as: This image is of a poster, and the copyright for it is most likely owned by either the publisher or the creator of the work depicted. It is believed that the use of scaled-down, low-resolution images of posters to provide critical commentary on the film, event, or associated activities in question or of the poster itself, not solely for illustration on the English-language Wikipedia, hosted on servers in the United States by the non-profit Wikimedia Foundation, qualifies as fair use under the copyright law of the United States. For the image you question of Dostoevski, the photo is from when he was alive in the 19th century and there is no claim to copyright for such old photographs which may be summarized as: This work is in the public domain in the United States because it was published (or registered with the U.S. Copyright Office) before January 1, 1923. The David Lean photo is public domain under the law of Finland where it was taken which states: This photograph is in the public domain in Finland, because either a period of 50 years has elapsed from the year of creation or the photograph was first published before 1966. The §49a of the Finnish copyright law of 2005 specifies that photographs not considered to be "works of art" become public domain 50 years after they were created. The high resolution image of his grave was donated for use as public domain by a Wikipedia user named Urashimataro on WikiCommons. Finally,the Bergman photo is under Swedish law prior to 1967 and therefore: This Swedish photograph is in the public domain in Sweden because one of the following applies: The work is non-artistic (journalistic, …) and has been created before 1969. The image use for each of these items placed in your list is justified for inclusion in this article. JohnWickTwo (talk) 02:56, 3 July 2017 (UTC)
the relevant date for Japanese copyright is 1958 in terms of publication - images published, not just created, before that date are in the public domain in Japan. Further, we need to consider whether it was in the public domain in Japan as of 1970, which determines whether it is in the public domain in the US. For the two posters you identify as a concern, the reasoning is from fair use - in which case you would need a fair-use rationale on the image page to address the non-free content criteria as they apply to this specific article. This work is in the public domain in the United States because it was published (or registered with the U.S. Copyright Office) before January 1, 1923. Can you demonstrate that this occurred? Not all old photographs have been published. Thr David Lean photo is public domain under the law of Finland but we also need to consider its status under the law of the US. The high resolution image of his grave was donated for use as public domain but what is the status of the grave itself, independent of the image? See freedom of panorama. the Bergman photo is under Swedish law prior to 1967 but again, what is it under US law? Nikkimaria (talk) 03:32, 3 July 2017 (UTC)
The full rationale is given on the WikiCommons page for each one of these images which I summarized above for ease of access. If there is a faulty rationale which previous editors have logged there for the multiple pages which share these various images used on English Wikipedia and Interwikipedia, then the previous editors need to be challenged on their rationale at WikiCommons. You can read these statements of rationale by clicking of the individual images and then clicking again on the detail tab which comes up at the bottom right of the screen to find the details of each of these rationale statements. If you are challenging them then please realize that some of these images have been in shared use on multiple Wikipedia pages for several years without issue by readers and editors. JohnWickTwo (talk) 04:19, 3 July 2017 (UTC)
...yes, I know how to find the image description on Wikimedia Commons. Since you are putting up this particular article for FA status, you need to ensure that those pages are correct and complete, in accordance with FA requirements around images. Nikkimaria (talk) 12:22, 3 July 2017 (UTC)
Thanks for that link and let me know if there are items which require attention on the images. The current images used look ok on WikiCommons and I have offered to change the Mifune image to the one in your discussion with me above if this is preferred or preferable to readers and editors. JohnWickTwo (talk) 14:53, 3 July 2017 (UTC).
See my initial comments for the items which require attention on the images. Nikkimaria (talk) 18:21, 3 July 2017 (UTC)
The rationale provided for each of those images on WikiCommons appears adequate to the many readers and editors who use those images daily at multiple pages on English Wikipedia and Interwiki for use on both regular articles and peer reviewed articles. If an image is not justified for use on a peer reviewed article then it is not justified for use anywhere else on Wikipedia. As you are in sysops, you may have some responsibility to move forward to challenge and remove those images at Wikicommons, with my support if it helps. If the rationale currently provided for those image is poorly formulated in your view, then they should not be used on either regular articles or peer reviewed articles. My own option is to change and replace the current images, and spend time finding peer review quality images, possibly including the ones used on the fine peer reviewed Seven Samurai article on French Wikipedia. I am assuming that you will allow the use of the Kurosawa gravestone image which was donated by a Wikipedia user at WikiCommons as being unencumbered as to copyright. The alternate Mifune image I presented above also looks like a good substitute for the one you pointed out as having suspicious rationale on WikiCommons. Thanks for alerting me to these issues with the suspicious rationale currently being used for those images which are presently being used throughout Wikipedia and Interwiki. JohnWickTwo (talk) 19:41, 3 July 2017 (UTC)
After two weeks, all images used in this article appear to be in good standing on Wikicommons and are shared with over a dozen other editors and articles in Wikipedia. All the images appear to have no challenges for their use in Wikipedia and in this article at this time. JohnWickTwo (talk) 01:56, 20 July 2017 (UTC)

Jill Valentine[edit]

Nominator(s): Freikorp (talk) 12:02, 28 June 2017 (UTC)

This article is about a popular character from the Resident Evil video games and films. Article is currently GA, and has received a peer review and a copy edit from the Guild of Copy Editors . Freikorp (talk) 12:02, 28 June 2017 (UTC)

Comments Support from Bluesphere[edit]

No complains about the prose after a thorough reading; it's well-written, neutral and hardly written in-universe, engaging and complete. Just a few concerns, however:

  • In the lead, the "i" in Internet memes should be in caps since this is observed accordingly below the article.
  • I think Jill was voiced by Catherine Disher in Resident Evil 3 and Marvel vs. Capcom 2. Heidi Anderson voiced her in the 2002 GameCube remake of the first game is unsourced.
  • I also notice that the YouTube video in ref #32 is no longer available, so this has to be changed with another one.
  • Can't find a replacement. I'll continue my search tomorrow, may end up just removing this entirely. Freikorp (talk) 15:56, 29 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Definitely can't find a replacement for that. I've removed everything that was attributed to that source and have added a new source to simply confirm the actress' roles. Freikorp (talk) 01:47, 30 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Guillory was set to appear in the sequel, Resident Evil: Extinction, but she had commitments to other work. Instead, producers Paul W. S. Anderson and Jeremy Bolt - You already mentioned Paul W. S. Anderson's complete name in the first sentence, so in this one it should just be "Anderson".
  • That note you left which talks about a mistake made by Guinness should be referenced for the sake of verifiability.
  • Somebody else made that astute observation and left the note accordingly. I can't find a source which specifically says Guiness is wrong, which is a shame since they clearly are. This source ([4]) explicitly states Clock Tower came out before Resident Evil (which itself is also obvious but still unreferenced). Do you think that will be good enough? Or do you think I should remove the note and add a sentence to the prose along the lines of " recognized by Guinness World Records 2013: Gamer's Edition as "the first female player character in a survival-horror game, though the character Jennifer Simpson appeared in the survival horror game Clock Tower the year before [new reference]"? It seems a shame to remove this information since it's easily verifiable by the simple fact that Clock Tower came out first. Freikorp (talk) 15:56, 29 June 2017 (UTC)
  • That source will do nicely; I'm afraid adding the sentence will just impede the flow of the prose. Bluesphere 16:09, 29 June 2017 (UTC)

Excellent work on this article! I am also a fan of the Resident Evil games, (at least the first three, and five) and this article about one of the protagonists brings back a lot of memories. I can support this once you're done with 'em. Bluesphere 05:03, 29 June 2017 (UTC)

Thanks for your review Bluesphere. I've now attempted to address all concerns. Freikorp (talk) 01:47, 30 June 2017 (UTC)
Good luck with the other editors, Freikorp. Bluesphere 04:28, 30 June 2017 (UTC)

Support from Cas Liber[edit]

  • Support on comprehensiveness and prose, which is good enough that I lulled into just reading the thing. No clangers jumped out at me. A nice read. Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 11:18, 30 June 2017 (UTC)

Comments Support from Adityavagarwal[edit]

Great work on the prose! It is very well written. There is a little point that I would mention:

  • "...though she did not end up featuring in the film." This could be cited.

That's it from me. It is a really nice article! Adityavagarwal (talk) 16:57, 30 June 2017 (UTC)

I've added a citation for that point. Thanks for your comments. :) Freikorp (talk) 03:17, 1 July 2017 (UTC)
Good work on the article, buddy! The prose is really cool, and interesting! Face-smile.svg Adityavagarwal (talk) 04:41, 1 July 2017 (UTC)

Source review by Homeostasis07[edit]

  • After spending most of the last two hours going through the entire article, I have to say it's one of the most immaculately sourced articles I've come across in quite a while. I tried my damnedest to find something I could complain about here, but couldn't for the life of me find any issues. Everything on the article is attributable to its cited source, and all sources seem to be reliable, have been archived, and have a consistent formatting style. Earwig's tool showed no copyright violation (two sources at slightly less than 25% - and those were quotes; everything else in the 5-15% range). Well done, Freikorp. Source review passed. Homeostasis07 (talk) 22:19, 12 July 2017 (UTC)

Support from ProtoDrake[edit]

Support - This is one of the best character articles I've seen in a while, and that's speaking as someone whose seen and edited the best and worst of the category. Congrats for this. --ProtoDrake (talk) 12:21, 6 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Famous Hobo[edit]

Looking good so far, just found a couple of nitpicks early on:

  • Demand from fans wishing to play as Jill led to two more downloadable content (DLC) scenarios (also included in the Gold Edition of Resident Evil 5): Lost in Nightmares, showing the events leading up to Jill's disappearance, and Desperate Escape, showing her fight to escape the facility she was being held in. Unsourced. This is especially important, as the statement about fans wanting to play as Jill is not in universe information, so there's no excuse there.
  • She is also one of the playable characters in Resident Evil: The Mercenaries 3D (2011), an action game based on "The Mercenaries" minigame from Resident Evil 4 and Resident Evil 5. While I do see Jill in one of the pictures, I think it would be better to have the source mention her name. I was able to find this article by Siliconera, which is considered a reliable source for video game articles.

That's all I've noticed so far. I'll come back in a bit with more comments. Famous Hobo (talk) 02:04, 7 July 2017 (UTC)

Thanks for your comments Famous Hobo. I've addressed both concerns, adding sources and removing the 'demand from fans' statement. Freikorp (talk) 12:50, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
Hi Famous Hobo, just following up if you have any further comments. :) Freikorp (talk) 00:29, 13 July 2017 (UTC)
Hi again Famous Hobo, just following this up one last time as comments on prose seem to be winding up. Do you have any further comments? No worries if you don't. Freikorp (talk) 01:44, 20 July 2017 (UTC)

Sorry, I've been following your discussions with SarahSV for a while, and wanted to wait for her issues to be resolved before writing more comments. Let's get back into the swing of things.

Appearances

  • Jill is a playable character in two more downloadable content (DLC) scenarios (also included in the Gold Edition of Resident Evil 5): Lost in Nightmares, showing the events leading up to Jill's disappearance, and Desperate Escape, showing her fight to escape the facility she was being held in. Downloadable content has just been introduced at this point, so you can't say "in two more DLC scenarios. Also, do we really need to know about the Gold Edition of RE5? This seems like random trivia, and may confuse some readers as to what a Gold Edition even is. My suggested rewrite: "Jill is a playable character in two downloadable content (DLC) scenarios for Resident Evil 5: Lost in Nightmares, showing the events leading up to Jill's disappearance, and Desperate Escape, showing her fight to escape the facility she was being held in."
 Done Freikorp (talk) 13:59, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Link Resident Evil 4 at the end of the third paragraph
 Done Freikorp (talk) 13:59, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
  • In Resident Evil: Revelations (2012),[19] set in 2005... You haven't mentioned the year any of the other games take place in, so why bother including the year for this game?
  • Because it's the only game not set in the present day, setting it apart from all the others. Freikorp (talk) 13:59, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
  • At the end of the fourth paragraph, Rely on Horror is not a reliable source. To be honest, do you even need to include her absence in RE6? I'm sure fans are displeased when any major character is not in a new game from the series. For example, I'm sure that fans were unhappy when she wasn't in RE4. After checking through the first 8 google pages, no reliable source even mentions Jill's absence in RE6, so it's probably not that big of a deal.
  • In January 2016, Voth released pictures of herself cosplaying as Jill, and stated her intention to appear at conventions as the character and Capcom producer Jun Takeuchi said Jill's unlockable "classic look" STARS uniform from the original game was his favorite extra costume in Resident Evil 5. I'll be completely blunt, why should I even care about these two statements. So Voth cosplays as Jill, okay. Cool I guess but ultimately not important. Same goes for Takeuchi's favorite extra costume, every developer and fan are bound to have their favorite costumes, why should I care? You should just remove these two statements since they don't add much.
  • I've removed the statement about Takeuchi's favorite costume. In retrospect that wasn't important. I do like the statement about Voth, mainly because it appears next to a public domain image of exactly what is being described. This is the only public domain image of 'Jill', and assuming this nomination passes it will be the image that it featured on the main page when this is Wikipedia's article of the day. I'd strongly prefer that the free image is given some context within the article. Also I do think it's extremely cool. Freikorp (talk) 13:59, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Link Clair Redfield in the In films section.
 Done Freikorp (talk) 13:59, 20 July 2017 (UTC)

Reception

  • Gamingbolt is not considered a reliable source. Both instances should be removed. For the Jill Sandwich meme, just source the specific scene in the game, although no reliable sources discuss this scene, so you may want to consider removing it entirely.
  • Removed both instances. Freikorp (talk) 09:20, 22 July 2017 (UTC)
  • I'll try to take a more in depth look at this section soon, but this section appears to suffer greatly from listicles. Why do I care that Complex ranked her as the 30th greatest video game heroine? I want to know why they thought she was a good heroine (as a side note, you might want to look at the Complex source again, since they straight up call her one of the many idiotic female characters in the game, and that the only reason she's endearing is that she was the original idiotic female character. I'm not saying remove it, I'm just saying build upon these statements and explain why Complex thought she was endearing.) Even though I don't personally agree with some of Sarkeesian's views, I at least appreciate that these paragraphs discuss the specific aspects of the character, and not just that she's a great heroine.

Alright, here's more comments. I'll take a closer look at the reception section hopefully tomorrow (though knowing me, I more than likely will forget about it. So just ping me, and if I don't respond, just keep pinging me. The little number above the bell icon is really the only way of getting my attention). Famous Hobo (talk) 04:52, 20 July 2017 (UTC)

@Famous Hobo: Thanks for your comments. I've responded to all your issues in the appearances section, looking forward to your full review of the reception section. Cheers. Freikorp (talk) 08:26, 22 July 2017 (UTC)
@Famous Hobo: I've now attempted to address your points so far for the reception section as well. Freikorp (talk) 03:06, 24 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments from SarahSV[edit]

  • @SlimVirgin: Why do we need to remove the words 'cock tease'? It's sourced. I've even added quote marks around it now to highlight this is the case. Freikorp (talk) 00:32, 13 July 2017 (UTC)
    • She's triggered, that's why... Bluesphere 00:42, 13 July 2017 (UTC)
      • I've added the information from those sources by Anita Sarkeesian; thanks for finding that it improves the article and was very interesting. Look, I'm going to assume you don't like the 'cock tease' comment because it would rightly be considered by a good chunk of the populace to be in poor taste. I wouldn't disagree with that assessment, but I'm not going to remove it unless consensus rules against me, and not just because I giggled like a schoolboy for an embarrassing amount of time when I stumbled across it. I think it's important to convey to the reader how feminists comment on the character, but also how chauvinistic male gamers talk about her as well. Freikorp (talk) 01:49, 13 July 2017 (UTC)

──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────── "Cock tease" is a misogynist insult and should be removed.

The article reflects the sources' sexism, rather than contextualizing it or simply not repeating it so much. I can find only two other FAs that focus on female characters in games. Characters of Final Fantasy VIII manages to avoid sexism almost entirely. Cortana (Halo) has problems, but fewer than in this article. Both have much shorter reception sections.

  • I'll trim down the repetition of sexualisation. Being somewhat of a subject matter expert on gaming, neither Cortana nor Characters of Final Fantasy are a good comparison to this article. My perception of the Final Fantasy series is that the female characters in it are designed to be cute, rather than sexual, and coverage on that article is spread out over several characters anyway. And Cortana isn't even human. Freikorp (talk) 01:09, 14 July 2017 (UTC)
  • The article uses the word "hottest" seven times (in one paragraph); "sexy/sexier/sexiest" seven times; "babe" five times; "attractive" four times; "beauty/beautiful" three times; "hottie" twice; "vixen" twice; "gorgeous" once; "cock teasing" once; "slutty" once; and "douche bag's girlfriend".
  • Another example of it speaking to a heterosexual male readership: "In the 2011 GameZone poll that asked 'who would you rather?', Jill was pitted against Tomb Raider's Lara and won." The source: "Every week we will put two lovely ladies against each other, and it will be up to you to vote on...well, Who would you rather obviously!"
  • Regarding the above two points, and the term 'cock tease', your issues seems to be less with this article and more with society in general. I don't disagree that it's a shame people focus more on Jill's attractiveness and less on her skill, but that's a reflection of society at large. Sure we can trim down coverage from the less notable sources, but the terms 'hottest', 'babe', 'vixen' etc appear multiple time's because that's how she is received within the gaming community. Are you suggesting we pretend that Jill wasn't pitted in a sexist 'who would you rather?' competition? If we remove all the terms that are perceived as sexist, this article will cease being an accurate reflection of how Jill is actually perceived within the gaming community. I am not going to pretend sexist things don't happen. Also Wikipedia is Not censored; I'm not going to remove the term "Cock tease" purely because it is misogynist. Freikorp (talk) 01:09, 14 July 2017 (UTC)
  • That Anita Sarkeesian was absent has made me wonder, given her prominence, whether there are other sources missing that could offer context.
  • When I work on an article on a video game character, I search for information on things inherently associated with video game characters. Design, appearances, reception among gaming websites etc. It didn't cross my mind to search for what feminist websites had to say about her. Quite frankly I was quite surprised to see any coverage at all, but thanks again for finding it. Freikorp (talk) 01:09, 14 July 2017 (UTC)
  • The reception section is too long.
  • I've trimmed several sentences out of it. Freikorp (talk) 12:13, 14 July 2017 (UTC)
  • The "acclaim" sub-section is 1,239 words, plus the long quote box; two of the paragraphs are c. 450 words each. It should be cut to one paragraph, focusing on the best sources. It's currently a quote farm, full of "me too", low-quality sources, including the Daily Record. "Bad ass" is used three times in one paragraph.
  • The "memes" sub-section seems long-winded.
  • I'm not seeing a problem here. Can you be more specific? Freikorp (talk) 12:13, 14 July 2017 (UTC)
  • The article mixes up logical quotation and aesthetic, e.g. "50 hottest game babes", but "babe in games,". Please check them all and make them consistent. The MoS favours LQ; see MOS:LQ.
  • Good find.  Done Freikorp (talk) 12:13, 14 July 2017 (UTC)

SarahSV (talk) 16:21, 13 July 2017 (UTC)

  • There are still a few, e.g. "hottest pics". but "fetishizing their lithe bodies." SarahSV (talk) 15:53, 15 July 2017 (UTC)
  • I'm pretty sure I've got all of them now. Freikorp (talk) 00:20, 16 July 2017 (UTC)
  • This article by Stephen Harper, Senior Lecturer in Media Studies at the University of Portsmouth, discusses the fetishization of Jill Valentine's body. It's cited in Nick Lacey, Introduction to Film, Palgrave Macmillan, 2016, p. 327, also mentioning Jill Valentine. I can see quite a few similar sources. These all need to be mined. SarahSV (talk) 18:27, 13 July 2017 (UTC)
  • I've added info from both of these sources. Freikorp (talk) 14:03, 15 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Looking at the history, the current version, including the problematic reception section, is very similar to this version of December 2014, before you began editing the article in January 2015 (see WikiHistory). That means you're trying to clean up someone else's writing and choice of sources, which is always difficult. In your shoes, I would rewrite the reception section from scratch, keeping it tight, using only the best sources and making full use of any scholarly sources. SarahSV (talk) 21:45, 13 July 2017 (UTC)
  • I adopted this article after the previous writer was permanently banned from editing (for something unrelated to this article), recognising the potential it had underneath all the chaff that had been added to it. If you think the article had a few lower quality sources in it when you first reviewed it, take a close look at how many it had before I started editing it :). It was pretty ridiculous. Anyway I think I did a pretty good job trimming it down before I nominated it for GA, let along FA, and after reading it over again and trimming a little more I am quite pleased with it, so I'm not seeing a need to start from scratch. I've removed several more sentences and sources today. Have a look over all my replies and the article as it stands now and let me know what you think. Freikorp (talk) 14:03, 15 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Thanks for adding Harper and Sarkeesian. You summarized them well.
The problem is that the article acts out the sexism, rather than contexualizing it. It's as if the last 10–20 years of scholarship on women in games doesn't exist.
The current FAs on video-game characters are: Arbiter (Halo)], Characters of Final Fantasy VIII, Cortana (Halo), Flood (Halo), Lightning (Final Fantasy), Master Chief (Halo), MissingNo., Tidus. None have quote farms in the reception/cultural impact sections. The argument that a source said something and therefore it must be included—because NOTCENSORED—is never valid, least of all at FAC. One 343-word paragraph consists entirely of things like she's 26th of the 50 hottest babes, 43rd hottest woman, 12th-hottest girl, etc.
The article contains 71 instances of deadurl=yes, 38 in the "cultural impact" section, which seems a lot. Does that suggest that the sources are low quality and out-of-date? Have you checked them all? Picking one at random (citation 68, supporting that GameDaily "used her as an example for the archetype of a 'smart and sexy heroine'"), I can't find her name in it.
Part of the reception section was in place by 2009, [5] and much of it by 2012. [6] It should be rewritten, and the acclaim/criticism division should go (calling someone a "vixen" and asking "who would you rather?" isn't really acclaim, by the way). Is "who would you rather?" addressed to female gamers too? How would the female zombies be "cock-teased to death"? The article seems to exclude a lot of readers.
The reception section should show familiarity with the scholarship on women in games, and ideally should be framed by it. What was the cultural impact of Jill Valentine? There's something about her in Grimes (from the 2003 DiGRA conference). The following doesn't mention her, but it's an interesting overview: "Sexy, Strong, and Secondary: A Content Analysis of Female Characters in Video Games across 31 Years". I got it from WP:RX and can send you a copy if you like. SarahSV (talk) 02:55, 16 July 2017 (UTC)
I archive all sources before nominating an article for GA, let alone FAC. I always use Archive.is. If you look at the version of the article you linked to before I first edited it, you'll see the current citation 68 is one of only seven archived sources at the time, and when you mentioned it, was the only source archived to webcitation.org. Somehow it must have slipped through the cracks while I was archiving everything else. I am very confident all the sources I archived myself (being well over 100) accurately back up what is attributed to them. You seem to have found the only exception at random. As indicated above this article has already received a rather thorough source review. I've removed citation 68 now.
I don't think any of the sources remaining in the article are low quality. I understand that a high number of them are dead. This may be because I simply found an archived version of the original page rather than where the URL was moved to. Also several formerly prominent video game website, such as 1UP.com, have since been closed down. In my experience video game sources are frequently going down or being moved. It's very frustrating. Does that suggest the sources are out-of-date? Probably. Does that suggest the information they once contained is no longer relevant to the subject? I don't think so. Granted a high percentage of sources are dead, but I've never heard anyone suggest dead urls (that are archived) present a problem before.
What is and isn't acclaim and what is and isn't sexist is completely open to interpretation. When I originally started trimming less-notable mentions I specifically left the 'who would you rather' source in because I think its a fantastic way to demonstrate Jill's overwhelming popularity to the reader. She was pitted against Lara Croft, arguably the biggest sex symbol in video gaming, and won. Incidentally the rather large 'Sex symbol' sub-section at the Lara Croft article is an interesting read. Is the 'who would you rather' question addressed at female gamers? It doesn't specifically say male voters only. Granted I believe responses would have been overwhelmingly from males, but I'm absolutely certain some women would have voted in it. One of my best friends happens to be a lesbian gamer and now I'm curious to ask her if she'd prefer Jill or Lara. As the reception section states, Sarah Warn and Lisa Foiles both rank Jill as one of the "hottest" characters. Is it still sexist for women to find women sexual? Would you prefer instances of women sexualising her to be removed also? That's not a rhetorical question, I'm actually honestly quite curious.
I was quite happy to trim the section down, but I'm going to have to wait for a third opinion before I consider completely re-writing an entire section that four other FAC reviewers effectively gave a tick of approval to. Same deal with the cock-tease comment. I might end up pinging all the other reviewers back here as none of them specifically commented on either. I'll probably do that once I finish looking at the sources you've provided and ones like them; I hope I find good information in there to further improve the article. Freikorp (talk) 06:28, 16 July 2017 (UTC)
Okeydokey. I've added information from the source you provided. If nothing else, the section on gender issues now rivals the size of the paragraph on her attractiveness. I've reorganised the 'Criticism' section, during which I removed the cock-tease comment, purely because it didn't fit well with how the paragraph is now structured. Can you suggest a new title for this section? I was thinking something along the lines of 'Gender role and sexualisation', but I'm sure there's something more appropriate and catchy. Thanks for offering to send me the other source, I have access to it via my university though. I downloaded a copy and have added it to my reading list:). Freikorp (talk) 12:23, 16 July 2017 (UTC)
Thank you for making those changes. It would help if you would mark your minor edits as minor; e.g. [7]. Lots of unmarked minor edits give a misleading impression of authorship when the page history is checked.
As you said, most of the article has been written by other editors over several years, and it hasn't changed that much for FAC. Here's the diff of the reception section on 18 Dec 2014 (before your first edit), and the version promoted to GA in January 2015; and the diff of GA and the version you brought to FAC. (I removed the quote boxes because they'd been moved and would have made the diffs unreadable.) The three versions are very similiar; most of the difference is related to citation style.
I would get rid of the acclaim/criticism headings and merge the sections under "reception". Remove the paragraph beginning "Jill has been often regarded as ...", which is unreadable, and summarize it in a couple of sentences in your own words rather than quoting, or highlight the most notable sources and leave it there.
Re: sources. It's unlikely that I randomly found the only problematic source. Have you checked all the offline sources? For example, 31, 34, 44, 62, 77. SarahSV (talk) 18:07, 16 July 2017 (UTC)
Re: sources. I don't think it's fair to assume other sources are 'problematic'. There's never been any accusation that the sources are misleading. The issue with the one you picked at random was that it was dead and the archival program used didn't appear to save the version properly. No I haven't checked the offline sources, I have assumed good faith of the editor who added them. He had a reputation for accuracy. Freikorp (talk) 23:35, 16 July 2017 (UTC)
Who did add the offline sources? SarahSV (talk) 23:47, 16 July 2017 (UTC)
User:SNAAAAKE!! was the previous 'custodian' of this article. Here is him adding one of the offline sources: [8]. I'm a bit concerned about why you're even looking into this. I mean, are you suggesting someone would add over 100 accurate online sources and then try and sneak in something maliciously via an offline source? The offline sources are not used for anything that is libelous, outrageous, or inconsistent with what other sources say. It strikes me as bad faith. Also just for the record I've never claimed to have written the reception section. I claim to have trimmed, tidied and formatted it consistently to a level I believed was FAC worthy. I don't take credit for other people's work. My userpage clearly states Jill Valentine was a B class article before I touched it.
Can you please explain why you removed the Dave Cook source? [9] I think it's relevant to convey to the reader how popular the memes were.
I'm also concerned you removed information from the 1UP.com source regarding the Resident Evil 3 outfit. You appear to be bowdlerizing the article of anything you perceive to be sexist, and I'm not sure how appropriate it would be considered to be making contested edits to an article as a reviewer. I think it's relevant to convey to the reader that while the male writer found the costume attractive, he still thought it was inappropriate. This shows that even the target audience for her sexualisation thinks she is being over-sexualised - not just feminists and academics. I think this offers unique insight into her reception that academic sources simply cannot provide. Also calling it a 'Slutty-cop' costume isn't putting the character down, if anything it's a badge of shame on the people who came up with it. Freikorp (talk) 02:06, 17 July 2017 (UTC)

──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────── I removed "14th-greatest video game meme in 2014" because it's silly, and the article is full of it: "'43rd-hottest' woman in video games"; "ninth on their list of top 'video game vixens'", on and on for whole paragraphs. But you're welcome to restore anything. I'm going to leave it there for now. Feel free to ping me if you make substantial changes and if you want me to look again. SarahSV (talk) 02:23, 17 July 2017 (UTC)

@SlimVirgin: What's your opinion on this kind of restructuring? [10] Freikorp (talk) 06:01, 17 July 2017 (UTC)
That's better, but it needs to be cut down further. Some of the sources seem odd choices, e.g. Daily Record, Thanh Niên, Wirtualna Polska, especially when it's so repetitive (hot, hotter, hottest). SarahSV (talk) 18:13, 18 July 2017 (UTC)
I did a very quick copy edit of the Reception section. That's roughly how I would do it if I had to copy edit that section (without being too radical) rather than rewrite it. I reverted the edit, but note that there are a few LQ errors in the text (LQ doesn't mean always outside), some other punctuation errors (e.g. video game needs a hyphen in "video game mascots"), and some awkward writing. And too many quotes. It's written as if for a tabloid newspaper or press release. SarahSV (talk) 19:05, 18 July 2017 (UTC)
I've reinstated your edit, with a couple minor tweaks. If the issue of sex appeal was oversized before, conversely I think it's undersized now, which undervalues the character's overwhelming reception in the area. I'll probably trawl through all the old sources later and pick the most relevant quote and source combo I can find and add it in there as well, maybe two at most. I've replaced a couple of the direct quotes with prose. Do you have any other concerns about this article? I'm not good at copy-editing, which is why I always run articles through the Guild of Copy Editors prior to FAC nomination; unless you explicitly point a copy-edit issue (or where you think the wording is awkward) out to me I probably won't find it. Freikorp (talk) 02:32, 19 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Freikorp, are you making progress reading the scholarly sources? Also, the first two paragraphs of the Reception section need to be merged and tightened considerably. There are still too many low-quality sources saying almost nothing, and too many "deadurl=yes" (50 in the whole article; 14 in Reception). SarahSV (talk) 03:35, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
You asked me about scholarly sources last week in the section below and I replied there.
I'm waiting on a review of the reception section from Famous Hobo. Four people gave this article support before you started commenting on it. Considering this I'd like the opinions of somebody else on the matter before the article is rewritten anymore to comply with the wishes of one person.
You're going to have to point out which sources you consider to be of low-quality. I'm not seeing a problem here, and the article has already received a source review.
You're also going to have to show me the official guideline that states I cannot use deadurls that are properly archived once they get to a certain number. I don't see what the problem is. You can still clearly access what the source said before the link went dead. Keep in mind you also said you couldn't see how the split image could be justified whereas our expert on the matter said the justification was sufficient. I really think this deadurl thing isn't a problem on any level whatsoever. Freikorp (talk) 05:00, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
I didn't see your response. The version brought to FAC made no mention of the scholarship or of Sarkeesian. You added some sources that I found during a 10-minute search, but I can't devote more time to researching this. The article has to be a thorough survey of the sources, per WP:FACR 1(c): "well-researched: it is a thorough and representative survey of the relevant literature. Claims are verifiable against high-quality reliable sources".
As for which ones are the low-quality sources, I've pointed out examples several times. It's also a problem that you haven't checked the offline sources. SarahSV (talk) 05:37, 24 July 2017 (UTC)

In case it helps, there may be more sources here:

Find video game sources: "Jill Valentine" video AND character AND gaming – news · newspapers · books · scholar · HighBeam · JSTOR · free images · free news sources · The Wikipedia Library · NYT · WP reference · VG/RS · VG/RL · WPVG/Talk

SarahSV (talk) 05:54, 24 July 2017 (UTC)

You keep bringing up the fact I didn't check what Sarkeesian had to say on the matter as if I've violated some kind of long-standing agreement that her opinions needs to appear in every video-gaming related article. Quite frankly, its insulting.
The sources you mentioned as being low quality were The Daily Record, Thanh Niên and Wirtualna Polska. The only one still remaining is Thanh Niên. What exactly is your problem with it? Is it because it's not in English? I deliberately left it in as its pretty much the only source from outside the Anglosphere. I think it subtly conveys to the reader Jill's popularity reaches other cultures. But if you absolutely insist, I'll remove the damn thing just to keep the peace.
As I've explained, there are only about a half dozen offline sources, and they are used sparingly. They are also not used to say anything that is controversial, libelous, or inconsistent with what the live sources say. It's not a problem that I adhere assume good faith of experienced editors.
Over a third of the reception section is now the opinions of feminists and academics. This is fine. I think it improves the article. I also think it is good coverage from said areas and I don't want to see this article turned into someones coatrack for perceived injustice regarding the sexualisation of female video game characters.
Look, we're going to have to agree to disagree. I'm going to ping the other editors back here to see what they have to say on the disputes. @Slightlymad: @Casliber: @Adityavagarwal: @Homeostasis07: @ProtoDrake: @Famous Hobo: I'm pinging you all as you've all commented on this nomination. The conversation here seems to be repeating itself, so I think we need fresh input. Commenting on any or all of the disputes is welcome.
  • In your opinion, is it a problem that only about 35% of the reception area is the opinion of feminists and academics? Have a look at the section. Do we need more coverage in this section from there types of people?
  • Are any of the online sources too low-quality to be used?
  • There are about half a dozen offline sources; I have not personally checked them. Is this a problem? I have assumed good faith of User:SNAAAAKE!!, who wrote the majority of the prose and added said sources. His online sources added all turned out to be accurate, and the offline sources are used sparingly and are not used to say anything that is controversial, libelous, or could be considered inconsistent with what the live sources say.
  • Is it a problem that so many of the online links are dead (keeping in mind that 100% of links that are no longer live are still completely accessible through archival websites like Archive.is and are formatted and tagged accordingly)? Freikorp (talk) 00:11, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

Image review[edit]

Three of the four images are fair use.

  • The free image, File:Julia Voth as Jill Valentine crop.jpg, is fine; it's from Flickr and is cc-by.
  • It's fine to claim fair use for the lead image, File:Jill Valentine.png, and the page has an appropriate fair-use rationale.
  • I can't see how File:Jill valentine battlesuit.png, a second fair-use image with a similar costume, would be justified, and the fair-use rationale doesn't explain.
  • File:Sienna and Jill.png are two fair-use images in one (Jill Valentine and an actor). The source for one is a YouTube video, but with no indication where the image is, so that should be fixed. The source for the other is a dead link, which should be fixed too. If reliable sources have discussed this clothing or this particular image, those sources should be added to the image page and the discussion should be made clear in the text around the image. Otherwise it isn't clear why fair use is being claimed for both images next to the paragraph that discusses the actor, or why these images were chosen and not some other.

SarahSV (talk) 00:12, 18 July 2017 (UTC)

Thanks for doing the image review. I've removed the battlesuit image. I've updated the dead sources for the fourth image (it wasn't actually sourcing a YouTube video, the old link was just redirecting there). I've also relocated said image to the discussion about the costume and added additional sources and text into the caption. Freikorp (talk) 01:07, 18 July 2017 (UTC)
Thanks for removing the battlesuit and updating the links. File:Sienna and Jill.png is now next to the quote-farm paragraph, which doesn't mention Sienna Guillory. To claim fair use you have to show either that the images (both of them) are the subject of commentary or that their "presence would significantly increase readers' understanding of the article topic, and [their] omission would be detrimental to that understanding". See WP:NFCI. For what to include in the rationale, see WP:FUR. SarahSV (talk) 18:05, 18 July 2017 (UTC)
Right, so considering that I've moved it back up to the 'Films' section, adding commentary on how it was a faithful adaptation of the original. I can add information back in on the costumes reception as well if you like. Freikorp (talk) 02:24, 19 July 2017 (UTC)
I'm not a fair-use hardliner by any means, but I'm having difficulty seeing how both images (her and the actor) could be justified, and I'm not sure even one could. The issue is that she was supposed to be a cop but was wearing a short skirt and tube top. That's easy to explain in words. Was this her regular uniform or was she going undercover or something? The article doesn't say.
If I were writing this, I would probably have a section called "Costumes", where I'd explain what she wore and when (including the alternative costumes Sarkeesian mentions), whether the outfits were controversial, and whether they differed from other female characters, using scholarly sources about the representation of women in games to frame the discussion. Also, whether they differed over time, and how that fits with the development of other female characters. How is your reading of the scholarly sources progressing, by the way, and do you intend to add more from them? SarahSV (talk) 01:16, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
The concept of a 'Costume' section is certainly interesting. I had a bit of a look around and I can't find any other video game character that has one. This does not to suggest in itself that it shouldn't be done, but I think it does suggest that such a section is not a priority for an article on this subject. I read through all the sources you provided. I thought I'd harvested enough out of each one to a point where any more might be considered undue weight. I wasn't planning on searching for any more. More may exist, but that's beside the point. There are well over 20 articles that sexualise Jill as one of the "hottest" or sexiest characters, that are now not being used in that manner. I think we can both agree an article should just have an adequate sampling of the sources available on a particular issue, and I think the article has good coverage from feminist and academic sources now. I've actually previously been criticised for adding too much coverage to feminist views in an article before.
Back to the issue at hand, I'm no expert on image licensing. Normally my image portion of FAC reviews just consists of me complying with whatever Nikkimaria says (Incidentally if you could weigh in on this Nikki that would be appreciated). Considering the amount of coverage in the article about both the costume, the costume reception, the live-action adaptation of it, and the response to the live-action adaptation, I certainly think the image improves the article. Freikorp (talk) 03:06, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
IMO there's sufficient commentary there to justify the inclusion of the comparative image. However, the lead image needs more detail in the FUR - "all OK" and "n.a" should definitely be replaced, and purpose expanded. It would also be far better to provide original source details for both parts of the comparison rather than a third-party site with no such details. Nikkimaria (talk) 03:55, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
Thanks for your comments. I've added better FUR for the lead image. I did some serious digging and actually found the original source for one of the images, archived from June 2004 [11]. I can't find the original source of the other one. Freikorp (talk) 14:44, 20 July 2017 (UTC)

1998 NFC Championship Game[edit]

Nominator(s): Helltopay-27 (talk) 19:23, 25 June 2017 (UTC)

Second attempt at a FA nomination, now with a new title. This article is about the championship game in 1998 NFL season to determine the NFC representative for the Super Bowl, a famous game in NFL lore due to the Falcons' upset victory. Helltopay-27 (talk) 19:23, 25 June 2017 (UTC)

Brianboulton comments (briefly)[edit]

I don't know anything about American football, but this nomination has waited a long time for its first comments, and I hope that these few remarks might kickstart some more general interest.

  • Despite my ignorance I found the article interesting, but I kind of got the impression I was reading a sports page, rather than an encyclopedia article. The essence of the encyclopedia is neutrality in tone; here, in the lead alone, we have an overdose of superlatives: "one of the best conference championship games in NFL history", "the proudest moment in Falcons history", and "devastating" twice in two lines. I'm not saying you should drain all life out of the prose, but care has to be taken not to go into overdrive.
  • There's quite a lot of verbatim quotes in the article, and here again one needs to take care to preserve a semblance of encyclopedic detachment. While some spontaneous reaction is OK, I question the need to include: "You fucked up, Gary! You fucking blew history, Gary!" – particularly as this comment came "years later".
  • Not knowing how football scoring works, I got rather tangled up when reading the match account. I wasn't helped by the frequent switchings of the teams' names – "Falcons" or "Atlanta", "Vikings" or "Minnesota" – and I found it difficult sometimes to relate the given scores to the play I was reading about. In particular I would like to have known what the points score was at the time of Anderson's kick, and also what the points score was at the end of regulation time.
  • Subject to these reservations, I think the article and its accompanying tables are well presented, and although I haven't checked the references in detail, there doesn't appear to be any obvious problem there. I'd be interested to hear what other reviewers have to say. Brianboulton (talk) 09:56, 15 July 2017 (UTC)
    • I've reworded the "best conference championship game" per Cas Liber's suggestion below, and removed the first instance of "devastating." (Also suggested by Cas.) Beyond that, I await more feedback on the issue; Wikipedia allows such superlatives as long as they are sourced, (which these are) and I believe that it properly contextualizes the sentiment of the game among NFL fans/writers. In the instances in the lead, these sentiments are expanded upon with direct sources later in the article.
    • I've removed the specific quote in question, as I agree, it doesn't really add to the article. As for other verbatim quotes, I again await more feedback. I modeled my article off of Heidi Game, a current featured article that uses a similar amount of verbatim quotes, which eliminates some subjectivity by providing the reader with the person's actual words.
    • I've added scores and consistency to the naming conventions. I fear that it may have made the prose clunky, so any feedback in that regard would be appreciated.
    • Much appreciated, thank you. Helltopay-27 (talk) 06:24, 16 July 2017 (UTC)
    • My plearure. I'll keep watching, to see what others make of it. Brianboulton (talk) 12:51, 16 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments Support from Cas Liber[edit]

Taking a look..

  • Try "most exciting" rather than "best" in the first sentence of 2nd para as more exact.
  • You use "devastating" twice in last segment of last para of lead. Just remove the first and meaning is preserved as second mention explains "effect" just before.
  • despite tremendous talent --> "despite his talent" explains context adequately
  • had initiated a complete roster overhaul - err, no, if it was then 53 of 53 players would be new. Just say "overhauled the roster"
  • All players should be linked at first instance in body of text and then not again. also use full name on first mention only then just surname (unless there are two of the same name such as Anderson)

Engaging read though and doesn't need too much work. Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 21:13, 15 July 2017 (UTC)

    • Done.
    • Removed.
    • Revised.
    • Revised.
    • I've edited the article to this guideline within reason; I've shortened "Gary Anderson" to "Anderson" in the paragraphs that established Gary Anderson is the subject. (Without referring to any other Andersons/sens.)Helltopay-27 (talk) 06:32, 16 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Okay cool. I can't see any other outstanding prose-clangers, and for mine it strikes a good balance between neutral encyclopedic dryness and enthusiastic effusiveness. A nice read. And looks comprehensive..Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 09:58, 16 July 2017 (UTC)

Ceranthor Comments[edit]

  • Part of the 1998–99 NFL playoffs, it was played between the Minnesota Vikings - Reads kind of awkwardly; think this might be better without passive voice
  • for the chance to play in Super Bowl XXXIII. - repeating play again after it was used within the same sentence
  • Due to the circumstances surrounding the kick, Anderson's missed field goal has since become the focal point of the loss.[9] - circumstances is kind of a vague choice for a noun here, could you tweak this a bit?
  • The Falcons went on to lose 34–19 to the Denver Broncos two weeks later in the Super Bowl - not a fan of the use of "went on to X"; might be better as The falcons subsequently lost or something along those lines
  • Although the game long stood as the proudest moment in Falcons history, - for the franchise or the team?
  • Randy Moss, who, despite his talent, was passed by several teams, - is passed the correct verb here? Not sure
  • Combined with a defense that finished fourth overall in points allowed, the Falcons won the - Not sure what's being combined here; I'd suggest a more precise verb than combined and clarification of what you're comparing
  • Cunningham drew on his religious faith to persevere through the loss, believing that God had a reason for everything to happen. - I don't think it's necessary to link faith or God
  • the 1998 Vikings would have been considered the best NFL team of their generation had they went on to win the Super Bowl,[10 - had they won the Super Bowl, not went on win
  • Falcons linebacker Jessie Tuggle agreed, noting that "Dan has really inspired us all. [...] He walked in the meeting room four days after having had surgery, and you could have heard a pin drop. We wanted to hear every last word he had to say." - citation?
  • Chandler was noted as the offensive hero of the game, despite the attention that the Vikings' offense received during the season. - citation?
  • Elway was quoted as saying, "These last three years have been hell. I know I would not have been back here if Dan Reeves had been here. It wasn't worth it to me. I didn't enjoy it. It wasn't any fun, and I got tired of working with him." - citation?
  • Reeves responded by saying, "Just tell him it wasn't exactly heaven for me either. One of these days I hope he grows up. Maybe he'll mature sometime." - citation?
  • General suggestion: maybe another image to break up the text?

Overall, good work, but the prose needs some fine-tuning. I may go over it again with more suggestions and perhaps do some more copyediting. ceranthor 02:12, 22 July 2017 (UTC)

    • The beginning of the first paragraph has been revised.
    • See above.
    • Revised.
    • Changed to simply "The Falcons lost"
    • The franchise. Revised.
    • Yes, it's terminology used in the context of a team not choosing a player in the draft.[12][13][14]
    • Revised.
    • Revised.
    • Revised.
    • Citation 50 at the end of the sentence.
    • Citation 6 at the end of the next sentence
    • End of the paragraph
    • End of the paragraph

Helltopay-27 (talk) 21:06, 22 July 2017 (UTC)

I'm of the opinion that direct quotations should be immediately cited when they're provided. There should be no confusion when someone else reads an article where your quotations came from. ceranthor 00:14, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
Eh... I think this might come down to personal preference. I couldn't find anything in the Wikipedia policies that specifically addresses the issue. Plus, I know there are users out there who prefer that a source is used to encompass all relevant information until another source is used. I was told as much during for my previous featured article nomination. Regardless, the sources are there; I hope that this won't hold up opinions to support promoting the article. Helltopay-27 (talk) 00:43, 27 July 2017 (UTC)

Appian Way Productions[edit]

Nominator(s): FrB.TG (talk) 15:48, 25 June 2017 (UTC)

This article is about Appian Way Productions founded by the actor-producer Leonardo DiCaprio in ca 2004. The company has produced a diverse slate of films. I tried hard to find about how the company was founded but did not find much to add, but other than that I believe the article is as comprehensive as it gets. Enjoy. – FrB.TG (talk) 15:48, 25 June 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Vedant
  • Is 2016 as recent as the activities of the production house get?
Added a 2017 telefilm.
  • You could say "screened at the 57th Cannes Film Festival", to avoid the repetition of 2004.
  • I believe that Public Enemies, Orphan and Shutter Island will need to be followed by their respective release years.
  • "The company had three releases in 2013, including the biopic The Wolf of Wall Street (2013) that was a critical and commercial success." to "The company had three releases in 2013, including the biopic The Wolf of Wall Street (2013), which was a critical and commercial success."
  • "Another highly successful film production followed, the western thriller The Revenant (2015)" - I don't believe this to be the best transition.
  • "assassinate president Richard Nixon in 1974." - US President.
  • Not sure how the mention of Kate Beckinsale being planned adds anything to the article, as she is never really mentioned otherwise.
  • Maybe rephrase the "lacks" bit from the Frank Scheck review to avoid the change of tense.
  • "A few months later, it released The 11th Hour," - "it" might not be the best choice here.
  • "a mob drama from Michael Mann" - from?
I suppose it would have been more clear with "from director Michael" but rephrased anyway.
  • You may want to use "Appian Way Productions" at place of "the company" at a few instances Some paragraph overuse the latter, and this could help.

The rest reads fine, good job. NumerounovedantTalk 18:20, 28 June 2017 (UTC)

Vedant, thanks for the comments - resolved/replied to where necessary. – FrB.TG (talk) 21:08, 28 June 2017 (UTC)
It's a small yet comprehensive article, well done. i can Support this. NumerounovedantTalk 13:38, 29 June 2017 (UTC)

Comments. As always, feel free to revert my copyediting. - Dank (push to talk)

  • "it performed modestly at the box-office": I don't know what that means. You could probably just say that it had a domestic box-office of $38 million.
  • "The film received positive reviews; one from Empire, wrote, "Entertaining while you're watching it but, as deceptive as a party's election promises, there's less to it than meets the eye".": That's not a positive review.
  • Support on prose per my standard disclaimer. Well done. I'm not weighing in on comprehensiveness. These are my edits. - Dank (push to talk) 00:15, 4 July 2017 (UTC)
Thanks, Dank - addressed both your comments. – FrB.TG (talk) 08:19, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
Comments from Aoba47
  • I believe that you should have ALT text for the infobox image. The Martin Scorsese image should also have ALT text.
  • In the phrase “box-office hits”, I would suggest using a different word than “hits” as it is a little too informal.
  • I am not sure what is meant by the phrase “none of which were particularly notable”. What makes them unnotable? Did they get negative/medicore reviews? Did they perform poorly or modestly in the box office? I think the meaning is unclear, and could use more context.
  • I think you should include a sentence about Greensburg and Under the Bed in the lead, as there are not any mentions to the television shows in the lead outside of the first sentence.
  • I would link Leonardo DiCaprio in the first mention in the body of the article as the lead and article should be treated separately.
  • In this part of the caption (Alongside producing many of the company's films he also played roles in a few of them), I believe that there should be a comma between “films” and “he”.
  • This is more of a clarification question, but is there any information on the reason behind naming the company “Appian Way Producions”? If not, then it is okay, but I was just wondering.
As I said in my opening statement, I did not find much about how the company came into being and such.

Wonderful work with the article as a whole. Once my comments are addressed, I will support this. I hope you are having a wonderful day. Aoba47 (talk) 16:23, 23 July 2017 (UTC)

Hi, Aoba47. Thanks for responding so quickly to my request on your talk page. I hope I have done justice to your concerns. Cheers – FrB.TG (talk) 19:49, 23 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Everything looks good to me; I will support this. Aoba47 (talk) 21:56, 23 July 2017 (UTC)
Lookover of images by Jo-Jo Eumerus
  • Again, on holiday so I won't do a point-by-point review. It seems like all licenses and uses are appropriate. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk, contributions) 19:46, 23 July 2017 (UTC)
Thanks, Jo-Jo. – FrB.TG (talk) 19:49, 23 July 2017 (UTC)
Comments from Pavanjandhyala

Appian way... (sounds like Happier way) is indeed a weird naming choice. Well, going into the comments.

  • "The Revenant (2015) followed, a highly successful western thriller about frontiersman Hugh Glass's experiences in 1823." -- experiences with whom/what? experiences at which place? please be clear about this.
Describing the whole thing would be a little too much. Simply tweaked to "the life of Hugh Glass".
  • Why is the History section a big, long paragraph? Can't it be broke into pre-2010, 2010-2014 and 2015-present? That would make it easy for the readers to go through.
  • The only existing note of the article needs to be sourced. Because, the claim is of such nature that it needs support.

Well, nothing beyond this. A short, simple and rather different choice which has the potential to be a FA. Let me know once you are done with these. Regards, Pavanjandhyala (talk) 14:24, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

It is indeed different from my previous FAs, a part of my FT, all of whose articles I wish to make of great quality. Thanks for your comments, Pavan. – FrB.TG (talk) 16:16, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
Support Good job. I appreciate your diversity for sure. But, on a lighter note, i would like to maintain that Appian Way is indeed a very weird naming choice. Good luck with the nomination. Pavanjandhyala (talk) 07:03, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

Oppose on 1b and 1c: I'm recusing as coordinator on this one as I have a few worries. The entire article, apart from the lists at the end, is about the history of the company, not the company itself. The actual content is almost entirely about the films, with little about Appian Way's role in the production of the film. I'm afraid simply discussing the plot, cast and reception of the films is not enough when the article should be about the production company. If we cut out everything that is not about the company, we would have a very short article at the moment. I'm afraid "the information is not out there" is not enough here; we would not have a stub of a few lines as a FA, and I would argue that if so little information is available, this cannot be a FA. On a similar point, we have nothing about how, when, where or with whom the company was founded. We have nothing about its structure or staffing, whether it is profitable, its reputation. Again, "I couldn't find anything" isn't enough for this to be FA. Not-too-strenuous research on my part found a little about some of these issues here; although I haven't read too deeply, there looks to be a bit that could be added . If I could find this so quickly, what else is out there? Have we consulted biographies with DiCaprio? There are several. What about newspapers from when the company was created? What about business news, or reports? I find it almost impossible to believe that the information does not exist somewhere, which makes me suspect we are also struggling on 1c: just because it doesn't show up immediately on Google does not mean that the information is not available. Sarastro1 (talk) 20:49, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

Hi, Sarastro. Thanks for the comments - that's a fairly valid point you have raised. As an editor with no experience with this kind of article (based it on FA/GAs of its kind), I did do some research (maybe not good enough) and consult some Google books about DiCaprio but unfortunately most of them were trivial info about the company and some were not accessible. Anyways, I will do some more in-depth research in a day or two and see if I find anything worth adding. If not, I'll happily withdraw this nomination. Cheers – FrB.TG (talk) 22:17, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

Unlocked (Alexandra Stan album)[edit]

Nominator(s): Cartoon network freak (talk) 20:25, 24 June 2017 (UTC)

This article is about the second studio album by Romanian singer Alexandra Stan. It was released following an alleged physical altercation with her former manager Marcel Prodan, thus lyrically delving on themes such as freedom, liberation and rediscovery. Commercially, Unlocked experienced success on Japanese charts.

Comments from Aoba47[edit]

Resolved comments from Aoba47
  • I would suggest splitting the second paragraph of the "Promotion and commercial performance" section as it is rather long. Maybe doing a new paragraph starting with the information on the fourth single?
  • I would suggest renaming the "Reception and composition" section to the "Composition and reception" section as the information on the album's composition comes before the information on the album's critical reception.
  • Do you think an audio sample in the "Composition and reception" section would be beneficial for the reader?

Wonderful work with this article. Once my comments are addressed, I will support this. Good luck with getting this promoted this time around. Aoba47 (talk) 23:32, 25 June 2017 (UTC)

@Aoba47: I done all your suggestions. Thank you VERY much for your time. Best, Cartoon network freak (talk) 05:00, 26 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Thank you for addressing my comments. You have done wonderful work with this, and I am happy that you kept working on this article and put it back up for FAC. I will support this nomination. Have a wonderful rest of your day. Aoba47 (talk) 14:19, 26 June 2017 (UTC)

Marjorie Cameron[edit]

Nominator(s): Midnightblueowl (talk) 22:16, 23 June 2017 (UTC)

This GA-rated article is about an American artist, actor, and occultist who was active in and around California in the period of the Beat Generation and the subsequent 60s counterculture. Cameron was a follower of the British occultist Aleister Crowley, the wife of the rocket scientist Jack Parsons, and a good friend of underground film-maker Kenneth Anger. She was involved in an array of sex magic rituals, experimented widely with hallucinogenic drugs, and made a wide range of apocalyptic predictions involving UFOs, comets, and Mexico conquering the US. The article is not particularly long but is (IMO) about a very interesting character, so if it tickles your fancy, please do give it a read and offer some comments. Midnightblueowl (talk) 22:16, 23 June 2017 (UTC)

Image review

  • Captions that aren't complete sentences shouldn't end in periods, and those that are should
  • Good point. I have removed the one instance where this appears. Midnightblueowl (talk) 19:11, 24 June 2017 (UTC)
  • File:Crowley_unicursal_hexagram.svg is probably not simple enough not to qualify for copyright. Nikkimaria (talk) 16:23, 24 June 2017 (UTC)

Thanks Nikkimaria! Midnightblueowl (talk) 19:11, 24 June 2017 (UTC)

  • Comments Support a fascinating read. Queries below: Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 08:34, 27 June 2017 (UTC)
Cameron briefly traveled to New York City to see a friend, there discovering that she was pregnant, and again decided to terminate the pregnancy - could write "have a termination" two avoid two pregnant/cies in one sentence. Also, change resulting in the termination of their friendship - as repetitive..."resulting in the demise/end of their friendship"
I have changed "termination of their friendship" into "end of their friendship". Saying "have a termination" may cause slight confusion for some readers as they may not be clear exactly what she was terminating; instead, I have gone with "decided to have an abortion". The use of that latter term makes it much clearer that it was the pregnancy that was being terminated while also ridding us of the overuse of the actual term "pregnancy". Midnightblueowl (talk) 18:05, 28 June 2017 (UTC)
I'd link typhoid mary and emphysema.
Done and done. Midnightblueowl (talk) 18:05, 28 June 2017 (UTC)
Cameron's reputation as an artist grew posthumously -> why not just write, "Cameron's reputation as an artist grew after her death" ?
I personally think "posthumously" works a little more smoothly (one word rather than three), but if you think that "after her death" will be more widely understood then I can certainly make the change, no problem. Midnightblueowl (talk) 18:05, 28 June 2017 (UTC)
I just think using shorter plainer words (as long as no meaning is lost) is always good. You and I know what "posthumously" means but maybe some folks don't. Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 00:12, 29 June 2017 (UTC)

Many thanks for he comment, Cas Liber - if there is anything else please don't hesitate to let me know. Midnightblueowl (talk) 18:05, 28 June 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Hmlarson[edit]

I've made some copyedits throughout and added alt text to some of the images. Feel free to modify any changes I have made. I think the article could use a little more copyediting for clarity, but is very close. Hmlarson (talk) 02:49, 28 June 2017 (UTC)

  • Hmlarson - given the further copyediting that has taken place, would you be willing to support this nomination at this stage? Midnightblueowl (talk) 16:47, 7 July 2017 (UTC)

Support on prose Comments by Finetooth[edit]

This is an interesting article about an unusual person. I have a fair number of suggestions about prose and style and a few questions or suggestions about other things. I made several minor copyediting changes as I went; please revert any you think are misguided.
General
  • The existing alt text for the images would not help someone depending on a screen reader that translates the text into sound. The image in the infobox has no alt text, and the other alts simply clone the caption text. Better would be something descriptive like "Half-length photo of a frowning man of about 30 with dark wavy hair, a moustache, and a neatly trimmed goatee" for the Jack Parsons' image. Could you spruce these up for readers who cannot see the images?
I've added alt-text to all of the images (the previous alt-text captions were just copies of the information included in the image descriptions - very odd). Midnightblueowl (talk) 16:10, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
Infobox
  • You could safely drop "U.S." from the "Died" entry.
Lede
  • ¶2 "Elemental woman" - Lowercase "elemental"?
Changed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 16:46, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
  • I moved the quotation marks here, but you might prefer "elemental woman" here as well as in ¶1 of the Jack Parsons' section. Finetooth (talk) 18:25, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
Early life (1922–1945)
  • ¶1 "She was their first child, followed by three further siblings..." – Delete "further" since "followed by" already says it?
  • ¶1 "and civic lessons" – I believe that should be civics lessons.
Changed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:37, 6 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ¶1 "Relating that one of her childhood friends had committed suicide, she characterized herself as a rebellious child..." – These two ideas, suicide and rebellion" don't seem logically connected. Did Cameron blame herself for her friend's suicide? Even if so, how was that connected to Cameron's rebellious nature?
I've looked at the source and changed the prose accordingly: "Relating that one of her childhood friends had committed suicide and that she too had contemplated it, she characterized herself as a rebellious child,". Do you think that this now works smoothly or would you rather see the sentence cut into two? Midnightblueowl (talk) 16:35, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
  • It now seems fine to me. Finetooth (talk) 18:27, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ¶1 "She enjoyed going to the cinema, and had sexual relationships with various men." – This implies that she had sex with them at the cinema. Is that what the source supports? Or does this simply mean that movies and sex were her two favorite things?
It just refers to the fact that these were activities that she took part in at the time. Do you think that there is a different wording that would make this meaning clearer? Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:56, 6 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Maybe just splitting them with a terminal period to make clear that they are not necessarily simultaneous. "She enjoyed going to the cinema. Another pursuit involved sex with a variety of men." Or something like that. Finetooth (talk) 16:02, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Thinking about it further, I think it best to just cut the mention of the cinema altogether. It wasn't really adding anything. Midnightblueowl (talk) 16:35, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ¶1 "After becoming pregnant, her mother performed... " – Her mother didn't become pregnant. Suggestion: recast as "After Cameron became pregnant, her mother performed...".
Good idea. Changed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:56, 6 July 2017 (UTC)
Another good idea. Added. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:56, 6 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ¶1 "experienced romantic relations" – Is this a euphemism for "had sex with"? If so, I'd use the more direct phrase.
I've trimmed this bit out. The information given in the book is very vague so I think it best to just be rid of this wording. Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:06, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ¶2 "For reasons unknown to her, she received an honorable discharge from the military in 1945, traveling to Pasadena, California, where her family had relocated, with both her father and brothers securing work there at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL)." – Too many clauses. Split"? Maybe "For reasons unknown to her, she received an honorable discharge from the military in 1945. To join her family, she traveled to Pasadena, California, where her father and brothers had found work at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL)."
Good idea. I've made the split.
Jack Parsons: 1946–1952
  • ¶1 "had just finished a series of rituals utilizing... " – "Using" rather than "utilizing" on grounds that the former is more plain.
Changed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 22:08, 6 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ¶1 "Lowercase "elemental" and put "elemental woman" in quotes to match the way you handle this in the lede?
Changed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 16:46, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ¶1 "spent the next two weeks in Parsons' bedroom together" – Not literally, I assume. They probably left the room for breakfast, for example. Maybe "much of the next two weeks"?
  • ¶2 "It nevertheless became apparent... " – No need for "nevertheless".
Removed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 22:08, 6 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ¶3 "Parsons decided to sell 1003..." – I think "The Parsonage" would be more clear than "1003".
Changed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 22:08, 6 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ¶3 "which was then demolished" – Why was it demolished? Is the fact relevant?
I think that it was just demolished for new development, but I do not think that it is particularly relevant to this article. Midnightblueowl (talk) 22:08, 6 July 2017 (UTC)
  • So maybe just delete the phrase about demolition? Finetooth (talk) 16:12, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
  • I think it worth retaining the mention of demolition (after all, there may be readers who decide to go and look for The Parsonage). However, I will add that it was demolished for redevelopment (which I checked was correct with the RS). Midnightblueowl (talk) 16:50, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ¶4 "with Cameron attending the jazz clubs of Central Avenue..." – Replace the "with plus -ing" construction with "and Cameron attended..."?
Changed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 22:08, 6 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ¶4 "with a number being purchased by her friend... " – Replace "with plus -ing" construction with "including some purchased by her friend..."?
Changed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 22:08, 6 July 2017 (UTC)
The Children, Kenneth Anger, and Curtis Harrington: 1952–1968
  • ¶1 "In the hope of communicating with Parsons' spirit, Cameron began performing blood rituals while in Mexico in which she cut her own wrist." – Slightly smoother might be " While in Mexico, in the hope of communicating with Parsons' spirit, Cameron began performing blood rituals in which she cut her own wrist."
Changed to "While in Mexico, Cameron began performing blood rituals in the hope of communicating with Parsons' spirit; during these, she cut her own wrists.". Midnightblueowl (talk) 22:23, 6 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ¶1 Is anything more known about the suicide attempt? What did she try? How did it not succeed?
Unfortunately not. Consulting the reliable source cited, all it states us that "Cameron's heartache reached critical mass and she made another unsuccessful attempt at suicide in a derelict house in Altadena. Once she recovered...". I don't think that there's much more that we can include here, Midnightblueowl (talk) 16:08, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
  • OK. The wrist-cutting in Mexico is self-injuring and perhaps suicidal. We have to assume that she took it one step further. Finetooth (talk) 16:20, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ¶3 "with she and her followers being rescued by a flying saucer that would take them to Mars" – Replace "with plus -ing" with "and that a flying saucer would rescue her and her followers and take them to Mars."?
Changed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 22:31, 6 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ¶3 "on the mind-expanding usages of hallucinogens" – Maybe "uses" which is more direct than "usages"?
Changed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 22:23, 6 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ¶3 "was in correspondence with... " – Tighten by two words to "corresponded with"?
Changed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 22:18, 6 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ¶4 "At the advice of..." – "On the advice of..."?
Changed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 22:18, 6 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ¶7 "Having based herself in the Los Angeles area of Venice,[68] it was here that an exhibit of her artwork was held at a local arts shop in August 1961." – Is this Venice different from Venice, California? If not, maybe "After Cameron moved to Venice, California, a local arts shop exhibited her work there in 1961."?
"Venice, California" is a redirect that takes us to Venice, Los Angeles, so I think it best to stick with "Los Angeles" over "California". However, I liked the rest of the suggested wording, which I have implemented. Midnightblueowl (talk) 22:26, 6 July 2017 (UTC)
  • ¶7 "He then launched a poster campaign against his former friend, The Cameron File, in which he labelled Cameron "Typhoid Mary of the Occult World"." – Since his friend isn't The Cameron File, I'd recast this. Perhaps "He then launched a poster campaign, The Cameron File, against his former friend, labelling her "Typhoid Mary of the Occult World".
That works. Changed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 22:18, 6 July 2017 (UTC)
Later life: 1969–1995
  • ¶2 "The claims regarding a prehistoric matriarchal society devoted to a Goddess which were made in the writings of archaeologist Marija Gimbutas also interested and influenced her." – Flip to active voice? Suggestion: "She was also influenced by claims made in the writings of archaeologist Marija Gimbutas about a prehistoric matriarchal society devoted to a goddess."
Good idea. Changed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 22:18, 6 July 2017 (UTC)
  • That's all for the moment. Finetooth (talk) 19:17, 5 July 2017 (UTC)
Thanks for the comments, Finetooth. I've made most of the changes but for the remaining ones I want to consult the reliable sources first before making certain alterations. Hopefully I'll be able to do it tomorrow. Midnightblueowl (talk) 22:39, 6 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Switching to support on prose, as noted above. Very interesting article, highly readable. Finetooth (talk) 20:11, 7 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments from JM[edit]

Pleased to see this here. I suspect the scrutiny over sourcing has only served to improve the article.

  • "The Parsonage" or "the Parsonage"?
  • I've standardised the prose to "The", although do not think it matters particularly which we use, so long as we are consistent. Midnightblueowl (talk) 15:55, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "with Hubbard and his girlfriend Sara Northrup" Ambiguous; whose girlfriend?
  • I've changed this to "Hubbard and Hubbard's girlfriend". Midnightblueowl (talk) 15:52, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "It became apparent that Hubbard was a confidence trickster, who tried to flee with Parsons' money, resulting in the end of their friendship." I note, given Hubbard's history, that this is potentially a highly contentious claim. Would it be worth saying "x saw Hubbard as a confidence trickster" or something?
  • While I appreciate that Hubbard and his followers may take issue with this assessment, it is something that is backed in the Reliable Sources. Does anyone else have a view on this issue? Midnightblueowl (talk) 16:00, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "of Sara with her legs severed below the knee" Northrup?
  • " began work at the Bermite Powder Company, constructing explosives for the film industry.[26] They began" Repetition
  • I've changed the latter "began" to "started". Midnightblueowl (talk) 15:52, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "coming to understand the purpose of his Babalon Working" Slightly too sympathetic to these occult practices, I'd say
  • "By the mid-1980s, Cameron was focusing to a greater extent on her family life, particularly in looking after her grandchildren, who were known to go joyriding in her jeep." It seems a little odd to first mention the grandchildren here.
  • I see what you mean, but I do not think that their births are actually dealt with in the reliable sources. Midnightblueowl (talk) 15:52, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "the Neo-shamanic practices" Why the capital?
  • I understand that "Neo-shamanism" is often regarded as a religion, in which case a capital letter at the start is probably warranted. Midnightblueowl (talk) 15:48, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
  • At what point in her life did she become open to Thelema? In the section on Parsons, we have "Although she still did not accept Thelema,", but by the later life section we have "she retained faith in the Thelemic ideas of Crowley".
  • I've added a bit about her embrace of Thelemic beliefs in the "coming to understand the purpose of his Babalon Working" sentence. Midnightblueowl (talk) 15:58, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "According to The Huffington Post" Why not credit author of the piece?
  • "a retrospective of her word" Odd phrasing
Ah, a spelling error. "Word" should be "work". Changed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 15:48, 7 July 2017 (UTC)

Very readable and engaging. If I was being very critical, I'd say that I wanted to hear a little more about her artwork. Please double-check my edits. Josh Milburn (talk) 23:16, 6 July 2017 (UTC)

I also think that more information on her artwork would improve the article, but thus far these discussions just do not seem to be provided in the reliable sources. Hopefully further work on the subject will be forthcoming in future. Midnightblueowl (talk) 15:48, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
Once again, many thanks for taking the time to read through this one Josh. Midnightblueowl (talk) 16:00, 7 July 2017 (UTC)

I had a Google around for potential scholarly sources on Cameron's painting. I didn't find anything, but I did come across Contextual Practice, by Stephen Freman. From page 108: "Berman's friend, the artist and hermeticist Cameron (Marjorie Cameron Parsons Kimmel, 1922-1995), took peyote for the first time in 1954 after hearing Huxley speak. Her peyote session resulted in the "allegorical" drawing of sex between two keeling nudes that was responsible for Berman's arrest and the closing of his Ferrus Gallery exhibition." Sounds like there may be an interesting story there? (The story is even how the author opens the book; p. 1 recounts it.) Josh Milburn (talk) 17:20, 8 July 2017 (UTC)

J Milburn: I've looked at the book. Unfortunately it does not go into any real depth on her work or life, but I've used it and the Kansa biography to add a few extra sentences on Semina and the exhibition which got shut down because of Cameron's Peyote Vision. Midnightblueowl (talk) 20:46, 15 July 2017 (UTC)
Thanks, looks good! Josh Milburn (talk) 18:38, 16 July 2017 (UTC)

Sorry to be a pain, but... I know there's already been an image review, but I note that the trailer for Night Tide pretty clearly does not contain a copyright notice, so it will be PD in the United States. The film itself is apparently PD; my only guess is that this is because copyright was not renewed, but I don't know how to go about checking that. This means that we can't really justify a non-free image for the lead; we should use a screen capture instead. I can't reliably identify Cameron, but I think there are at least two close-ups of her face in the trailer (one in a veil, one with maniacal laughter), and likely many more in the full film if its PD status can be confirmed. Josh Milburn (talk) 18:38, 16 July 2017 (UTC)

I've uploaded File:Marjorie Cameron in Night Tide.jpg and File:Marjorie Cameron in Night Tide (cropped).jpg, in case that's a shot you'd be happy to use. Josh Milburn (talk) 18:51, 16 July 2017 (UTC)
Hmm... the quality of the image is pretty low. Most of the face is shrouded in dark and it is difficult to identify her. To be honest, I do not think that it would be of the appropriate quality for the visual identification of the individual, as is required for the article. Midnightblueowl (talk) 19:48, 16 July 2017 (UTC)
There's the possibility of another screen capture. I strongly suspect that this image is in the public domain, as I suspect that it was published as a publicity photo without a copyright notice. It'd be hard to prove, though. By the way, there are some valuable-looking sources listed here. In particular, this article by Peter Lunenfeld was in Artforum; perhaps a nice way to expand on coverage of Cameron's work in the article. Josh Milburn (talk) 21:15, 16 July 2017 (UTC)
I've added several sentences from Lunenfeld, so thank you for bringing that source to my attention, Josh. I've also added citations from a number of the other sources listed in the Cameron-Parsons website that you link to. I'm still having some trouble with finding an image from Night Tide that can be used although I will keep looking. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:53, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

Source review by Wehwalt[edit]

All sources seem of encyclopedic quality and are consistently cited. I note the following:

  • I would add state names to the city where the publisher is located. You are inconsistent in this regard.
  • You are not consistent in whether you have the dashes between the groups of numbers in the ISBN.
  • Considerable linking the names of notable periodicals in the refs.

That's it.--Wehwalt (talk) 11:55, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

Thanks Wehwalt. I have standardised the use of state names (by removing rather than adding them, if that is okay), and also by ensuring that the ISBNs are all formatted in the same way (with the dashes). Midnightblueowl (talk) 20:42, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

Source review from Ealdgyth[edit]

  • I randomly googled three sentences and nothing showed up except mirrors. Earwig's tool shows a few spots where paraphrasing could be improved - I'll note that most of the issues are for titles/quotes, but there are a few spots that aren't.
Otherwise everything looks good. Ealdgyth - Talk 13:05, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

Final Destination 3[edit]

Nominator(s): PanagiotisZois (talk) 23:35, 22 June 2017 (UTC)

This article is about Final Destination 3, the third installment in the popular horror movie franchise. Released in 2006, it sees James Wong and Glen Morgan return as writers after having been absent during the second movie. Interestingly, unlike its predecessor, which was a direct sequel to the first film, FD3 was always intenteded to be a stand-alone sequel. The film focuses on Wendy Christensen as the film's visionary, played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead. Having foreseen the derailment of the Devil's Flight roller coaster, she manages to save some of her friends and realzes the pictures she took during the fair contain clues about their impending doom. (They never learn do they?)

I got the article to GA-status back in March and had it copyedited in April. Since then I've made a few changed / additions and fixed all of the references, ensuring that there are no duplicates and all of them contain their archive links; among other things. After all of that work I believe the article has finally reached the point where it meets the FA criteria. I look forward to people's feedback on further improving the article. PanagiotisZois (talk) 23:35, 22 June 2017 (UTC)

Resolved comments from Aoba47[edit]

Resolved comments from Aoba47
  • @PanagiotisZois: Just wanted to let you know that you are only allowed to have one FAC open at a time. Aoba47 (talk) 03:16, 23 June 2017 (UTC)
  • @Aoba47: But Aoba, I only have one FAC open xD. OK, I wasn't aware of this rule. I'll make sure to remember it for the future. PanagiotisZois (talk) 10:25, 25 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Thank you for your note. When I posted my comment, your Boogeyman 2 FAC was still open so that is why I put this up. Good luck with this nomination. Aoba47 (talk) 14:50, 25 June 2017 (UTC)


Comments from Aoba47
  • I am not sure if the quotes from the critics are really that necessary in the last paragraph of the lead. It may be better to condense this information into a paraphrased sentence, and keep these quotes in the "Reception" section.
  •  Done I tried fixing it. I hope its satisfactory. The main problem is that as I said during the GAN, the movie was praised / criticized for pretty much the same things; with reviewers simply having different opinions.
  • I do not think you need the references for the "losing control" sentence in the lead as the references and information should already be found in the body of the article. Same goes for the sentence on the "interactive movie" in the lead.
  •  Done I have included comments by reviewers on the film's them of control in the "Reception" section. As for the "interactive movie" section I believe it is notable enough to warrant a mention in the lead considering this is a threatically released movie that had an interactive DVD release.
  • In the sentence "The film was a financial success, the highest-grossing film in the franchise when it was released.", I would suggest revising to avoid the repetition of the word "film" twice in close proximity.
  •  Done
  • In the following sentences (Like the previous two installments, Final Destination 3 was filmed in Vancouver. Filming took place during a three-month period, during which, the first month was spent entirely on filming the roller coaster's derailment.), the word "filming" and variations are used three times in close proximity. Perhaps, revise this to avoid repetition?
  •  Done Though the word is still repeated twice.
  • For this sentence (According to Morgan, for Erin's death at the hardware store, he searched the aisles of a local store at Sunset Boulevard for days to get inspiration.) in the body of the article, it may be more beneficial to incorporate this into another paragraph as the one-sentence paragraph is rather awkward.
  •  Done As it refers to how Morgan was inspired for Erin's death, I included it with the paragraph that also discusses story concepts for the film.
  • Please use Wong's full name in the body of the article upon his first reference and link him.
  •  Done I also linked Morgan as well.
  • It may be helpful to add a topic sentence to the second and third paragraphs of the "Critical response" subsection.
  •  Done I tried briefly describing what it is critics found positive / negative about the film with one sentence. I'm not sure they're very good though.

Wonderful work with this article. Once my comments are addressed, I will support this. Good luck with getting this promoted. Aoba47 (talk) 00:10, 26 June 2017 (UTC)

@Aoba47: OK, I believe I've adressed all of your comments. Hopefully the changes I've implemented are satisfactory. PanagiotisZois (talk) 21:04, 30 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Thank you for addressing my comments. I support this nomination. Good luck with getting it promoted. Aoba47 (talk) 22:52, 30 June 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Bluesphere[edit]

Resolved comments from Bluesphere
  • Provide descriptive alts on images
  • I'm not really sure how to do them any better. I suck at ALT descriptions. :(
  • Just try your best on this. I believe alt texts in images are required for FA articles. Bluesphere 04:04, 5 July 2017 (UTC)
  •  Done I think. I'm not sure if they're much better now though I did try to be a bit more descriptive.
  • Substitute those <br> markups with the {{Plainlist}} template in infobox. Also, the "release date" parameter requires the earliest release date (which in this case, February 2, 2006); use the {{Film date}} template for this.
  •  Done
  • Its development began shortly after the release of Final Destination 2, Try this one instead, "Development of the film began shortly after the release of Final Destination 2.
  •  Done Should have picked up on that one.
  • ...Wong and Morgan placed control as a major theme in the movie, movie → film (might wanna observe this accordingly on the rest of article)
  •  Done Though I googled it and I think movie is AE, while film is BE.
  • Negative reviews stated that the film was formularic, did you mean "formulaic"? I notice similar typo under "critical reception" section
  •  Done Shit you're right. Honestly, I'd never even seen the word before.
  • ...Casting began in March, 2005... there's no need for that comma.
  •  Done
  • Attention was especially given to the tanning-bed and nailgun death scenes which were favourably received, needless dash for tanning-bed (I also notice this on the rest of the article), and it should be "favorably" since this is an article about an American film, thus should be written in the US English.
  •  Done
  • High-school student Wendy Christensen, needless dash in high-school
  •  Done
  • Like the previous two films, characters are named after horror-film directors, actors and producers. needless dash in "horror-film".
  •  Done
  • Dustin Milligan, Cory Monteith and Harris Allan had small roles in the film. I've already tagged this requesting for an alternate reliable source since IMDb is not considered one.
  •  Done I removed their names since their characters are pretty uniportant to begin with.
  • According to BBC.. the BBC
  •  Done
  • Needless dash in "roller-coaster". Do a spotcheck on this.
  •  Done
  • ...having interesting kills and delivering to audiences what they've come to enjoy from the franchise. Avoid use of contraction in "they've" per MOS:N'T
  •  Done
  • IGN gave Final Destination 3, and Den of Geek called the film need attributions. Also, don't pipelink Den of Geek to the Dennis Publishing article. Try rewording it to, "Den of Geek! (a publication of Dennis Publishing)..."
 Done If it's not satisfactory I can try to change it further.
  • Add a separate column for the references to make the table more presentable.
  • Aren't they already seperated, with the "|30em" addition?
  • I meant those refs by the table under Nominations subsection, not the footnotes. Bluesphere 04:04, 5 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Oh, OK.  Done

@Bluesphere: OK, I've responded to most of you comments. I still have a few problems / questions with some of them. PanagiotisZois (talk) 23:13, 4 July 2017 (UTC)

  • Much better, now Support. Bluesphere 03:37, 6 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Vedant[edit]

Comments from Vedant
  • Instead of using "Final Destination" in the lead, you could the first film of the series to avoid the repetition of Final Destination.
  •  Done
  • "in which characters are impaled and decapitated" - not sure how this adds anything to the article, it's rather irrelevant.
  •  Done Yeah, I'm not sure either. It had been there for years.
  • "Wong said that unlike the second film" - "he" would fit better.
  •  Done
  • "envisioned from the very beginning for both the film" - both the film?
  •  Done Don't know how I missed that.
  • "The Ring Two" will need the release year.
  •  Done
  • So would "Instant Star" and "It".
  •  Done I also reworked the wording slightly to indicate Johnson was still starring in Instant Star, as the show was still on air.
  • "the highest-grossing installment in the franchise" bit is not mentioned in the box-office section, you should substantiate the claim there.
  •  Done
  • Information like Chris G. Willingham being the editor of the film are never substantiated in the article's body.
  •  Done Added him in. He actually won an Emmy for 24. Had no idea. No wonder the film looks good. :P
  • Also, the production companies : Hard Eight Pictures, Practical Pictures, Matinee Pictures, and Zide/Perry Productions are never mention in the body of the article. You might have have to incorporate them in the body and source them as well.
  • I don't know if all four are worth mentioning. I did add that two of them had previously worked on either the first film or both. I'm probably gonna need some help rewording it. Also, could I reference IMDb as I haven't been able to find an article about any of these companies and the films they produced.
  • I think the mention of the major production houses associated with the project should suffice. NumerounovedantTalk 18:40, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
  •  Done
  • Can you also possibly mention Jeffrey Reddick somewhere in the article, to make sure that the reader is aware of the original source material?
  • Would it be alright if I just mentioned him in the lead section? Something along the lines of "FD3 is the first in the franchise to be written without the involvement of Jeffrey Reddick".?
  • Sounds good, you might need to source that though. NumerounovedantTalk 18:40, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
  •  Done

The rest look good, fine work. Let me know if you have any questions. NumerounovedantTalk 08:05, 7 July 2017 (UTC)

@Numerounovedant: OK, I've changed most of the things that you wanted. I hope you like the changes. But I need some help with the last two things on the list.
I can Support this nomination, good luck. NumerounovedantTalk 18:40, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
Thank you for the support. :D --PanagiotisZois (talk) 22:05, 7 July 2017 (UTC)

Image review[edit]

Good ALT text. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk, contributions) 21:45, 8 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments from JM[edit]

Happy to take a look. I don't think I've seen it, but I may have... I watch a lot of horror and they end up merging into one.

  • "The film is set in 2005, the line "six years ago" is a continuity error as the first film is set in 2000." This feels like OR.
  • I had a discussion with another user regarding this here. The third movie takes place in 2005 as shown with the various props to be found, Jason's grave and the McKinley Tricentenial. As for the first movie, it takes place in 2000, according to both Final Destination 2 (on Officer Burke's computer) and 5 (on Sam's plane ticket). My guess is, since the third movie was filmed in 2005 and the first one in 1999, which is indeed six real-life years apart, is the reason for this continuity error.
  • "roller coaster derailment" It'd be ugly, but that's a compound adjective, so it should be "roller-coaster derailment". Perhaps you could rephrase to "derailment of a roller coaster". ("opening scene disaster" is the same; in the article body, you have "opening-scene disaster", which is correct!)
  •  Done Compounded all of them where necessary.
  • "Casting began in March 2005 with Winstead and Merriman landing the leading roles and continued through April. As with the previous two installments, Final Destination 3 was filmed in Vancouver over a three-month period, during which, the first month was spent entirely on filming the roller coaster's derailment." This is not good writing.
  •  Done Tried fixing it.
  • "Thinking that Kevin is making fun of her, Wendy dismisses his theory and leaves" What theory?
  •  Done
  • "on the night of the accident." Which accident?
  •  Done
  • "by a panicky horse" Informal
  •  Done
  • "Craig Perry and Warren Zide's company Zide/Perry Productions, along with Wong and Morgan's own company Hard Eight Pictures, which co-produced the first film returned to produce Final Destination 3." This needs attention- there's too much going on in this sentence, I think.
  • Should I just remove it?
  • The information is probably important. How about (if I understand what you're trying to say): "The companies that co-produced 2000's Final Destination—Craig Perry and Warren Zide's Zide/Perry Productions, and Wong and Morgan's own Hard Eight Pictures—returned to produce Final Destination 3." Josh Milburn (talk) 21:47, 16 July 2017 (UTC)
  •  Done
  • "According to Wong, the idea of using a roller coaster derailment as the opening-scene disaster came from New Line Cinema executive Richard Bryant and dispelled rumors that it was inspired by a Big Thunder Mountain Railroad incident. Additionally, he said that unlike the second film, which was closely tied to the first, Final Destination 3 was always intended to be a stand-alone sequel with new characters.[5] Morgan revealed that for Erin's death at the hardware store, he searched the aisles of a local store at Sunset Boulevard for days to get inspiration." Again, this isn't good writing.
  •  Done I hope.
  • "further stating that one of the reasons people are afraid of them is because as according to psychologists, "[they] have no control"." Unclear. Who stated? What is the them referring to?
  •  Done
  • "Wong revealed that during casting of the film, they sought actors that were able to portray the main characters as heroic individuals with realistic qualities." Odd comma; unclear what the they refers to.
  •  Done
  • "This sentiment was also echoed by Perry, who stated that for the two lead characters they wanted actors who "had the charisma of movie stars, but weren't so ridiculously rarified that you couldn't feel like you might know them"; casting of the supporting characters was given equal weight, being considered as important as the main characters." I'm also struggling with this. How about "This sentiment was echoed by Perry, who stated that [someone] sought actors to play the two lead characters who "had the charisma of movie stars, but weren't so ridiculously rarified that you couldn't feel like you might know them". The casting of the supporting characters was given equal weight, being considered as important as the casting of the main characters."
  •  Done
  • "won the role because her character's emotion impressed Wong and Glen Morgan" her portrayal of?
  •  Done
  • "Lemche said that Ian "spouts some interesting facts that seem to be just right there on the tips of his fingers", and the actor researched most of Ian's information. During the read-throughs, he often asked Glen Morgan about Ian's facts; Morgan wrote him notes and gave him URLs to research Ian's random insertions of odd information."[12][13]" The speech marks are off, and this is tricky to follow because Ian's facts are yet to be introduced.
  • I changed the speech bubbles to make it flow better with the sentence. Not exactly sure however how to incorporate Ian's fact in another way.
  • "Winstead and Merriman said in an interview that the film required three months of shooting; the first two weeks were spent on filming the roller coaster scene, and the rest of the film was shot out of sequence." This does not mesh with what you write in the lead.
  •  Done
  • "The death scenes required varying degrees of 2D and 3D graphic enhancement, with the roller coaster scene made up of 144 visual-effect shots. The coaster was customized, based on events in the script. Most of the model was hand-built, with MEL scripts aiding specific elements. The coaster crash scenes were filmed on green screen with a CGI background where the actors performed. Several cars were suspended on bungee cords to film the crash, and the deaths required CGI onscreen effects; each actor had a corresponding CGI double.[21]" I'm struggling.
  • I rewrote the paragraph. I hope it's more understandable now.
  • "and Digital Dimension handled the death scenes" Not all of them, surely? You name two others who are involved in death scenes (Meteor Studios and Soho VFX).
  • Actually they did! Mostly though. Basically, three studios were involved. Meteor Studios worked on the roller coaster scene while Digital Dimension was responsible for all of the death scenes; the one exception being Ashley's and Ashlyn's death at the tanning bed which was done by Soho VFX. Should I rewrite it to say that "Digital DImension handled the individual characters death scenes"?
  • Who authored the novelisation? Who was the publisher? These seem like important pieces of information!
  •  Done
  • "The deleted scene is an extended version of Wendy and Kevin's discussion after they are questioned by the police." There's no mention of the questioning in the plot section
  •  Done
  • "James Berardinelli of ReelViews agreed, saying that for fans of the franchise "it's unlikely that #3 will disappoint"." Is ReelViews a publication like the others you mention? A quick glance at the article on the author suggests that it's a book series. (Also- I like Den of Geek, and I agree that it's above the reliability bar, but is this really the best source you have here? I'd imagine a high-budget film like this was reviewed all over the place.)
  • I checked and while James has published books called ReelViews, it's also the name of the website where he posts his film reviews. Regarding better sources, aren't IGN, Variety and The Chicago Sun-Times pretty high review sources?
  • Nail gun or nailgun? (You have a "nail-gun", but that's a compound adjective.)
  •  Done Put them all as nail gun.
  • The writing in the "Analysis" section could use some attention.
  • Is "Dreck Fiction" a reliable source?
  • They appear to have reviewed numerous films of various genres and years, having started in 2010. Would you consider them reliable?
  • On a similar note, have you had a look at the academic literature here? This and this jumped out at me. I may be able to help with access if you don't have access to a university library or similar.
  • Holy shit. These look really useful. Unfortunately I'm not able to view them. One of them is a book I'd have to buy so there's that. As for the article, I checked and apparently my college isn't listed there so I can login.
  • If you email me, I may be able to send you some relevant material. Josh Milburn (talk) 21:06, 17 July 2017 (UTC)
  • I tried but unfortunately your e-mail address doesn't appear to be recognised. It could be because I'm using Outlook.com.

I made some copyedits as I went. There's a lot to like about this article, but the writing feels a little sub-par for FA standards. Josh Milburn (talk) 20:39, 16 July 2017 (UTC)

@J Milburn: OK, I believe I've implemented or at least responded to all of your comments. And thank you for copy-editing the article, that was very helpful. PanagiotisZois (talk) 11:17, 17 July 2017 (UTC)
@J Milburn: I have a proposition to make. I got both PDFs and they're working just fine. Thank you very much for both of them. I'm sure they'll be very useful with the "Analysis" section. The thing however is, it's going to take some time to read through both of them and write about them in the section. In a few days I'm going off on vacation and won't have WiFi around. And I'd rather not half-ass an analysis paragraph just for the sake of getting a support with this nomination. For this reason, I suggest to either leave the section as it is or remove it until I am able to write a better one. PanagiotisZois (talk) 11:59, 18 July 2017 (UTC)
I think it's great that you're ready to spend the time to get it right. Perhaps the delegates would be willing to hold off on closing this nomination for a few weeks? I personally don't see the harm in pausing reviews like this for a time (I do it often with GA reviews). I would offer to do it myself, but I'm currently preparing for a move, next week is a complete write-off for me, and I'm not yet sure what the week after will look like! Josh Milburn (talk) 12:26, 18 July 2017 (UTC)
@J Milburn: I'm on mobile data so I'll jeep this short. I read through both books sources and was able to find some information regarding the film which I added in the analysis section. From this point on. All that remains are for corrections to be made. --PanagiotisZois (talk) 15:09, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

On hold[edit]

@WP:FAC coordinators: Hi, per J Milburn's suggestion, could it be possible to place this nomination on hold or something similar until I am able to read through the article/book for the film's "Analysis" section, in order to ensure it's of good quality? Not being near WiFi might make this take a little longer. PanagiotisZois (talk) 19:27, 18 July 2017 (UTC)

There is no "hold" process at FAC, and this one is not really in danger of archiving at the moment. But... If there is substantial work to be done, and nothing is going to happen for a time, it may be better to withdraw this for now and renominate it at a later date. Otherwise it could clog up the FAC list a little and might draw attention from other articles in the queue. I'm happy either way, but if nothing happens in the next week, it is probably better to archive. Sarastro1 (talk) 20:42, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
Ugh, I wrote a response to this a few days ago and thought it saved but then again it was on the mobile... ;-) Anyway, Sarastro's thoughts are pretty well identical to mine. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 21:40, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

The Getaway (1972 film)[edit]

Nominator(s): Bluesphere 05:23, 22 June 2017 (UTC)

This article is The Getaway, a crime movie which is about two lovers (and ruthless outlaws) on the run; a classic film! I am nominating this for the FA status because, having just passed the GA status fairly recently and copy edited from one of the experts at GOCE, I believe the article is now comprehensive, complete, free from grammar issues, and what I believe should be an interesting read for people who are curious to know about the movie. This is my first FA nomination so hopefully everything goes well. Any comments from regulars here will truly be appreciated, so have at it! Bluesphere 05:23, 22 June 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Aoba47[edit]

  • I am not certain if the screenshot in the "Critical reception" subsection is really that necessary. Only one reviewer made note of this scene so using an image that emphasize it may qualify as giving that review undue weight in comparison to the others in the same subsection. Also, the reviewer that discussed the scene seems to have referenced it more as a part of a joke than actual commentary/criticism. Fixed
  • In the same subsection, you start off with "During its premiere, The Getaway got a negative reception from critics", but the second paragraph contains positive reviews of the film. Would it be more fair to say that it received a "mixed" reception, or are you trying to say that the film received more positive attention during retrospective reviews? This needs to be clarified. Fixed
  • I am not certain about the placement of the images in the "Cast" section as it awkwardly cuts between multiple sections. Maybe it would be better to relocate this to the "Development" subsection or the "Casting" subsection instead. Fixed
  • When you include the name of another film (i.e. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, The Last Picture Show, Junior Bonner, What's Up, Doc?, etc.), make sure to include the year in which it was released. A majority of these titles appear in the "Development" subsection and the "Casting" subsection. Fixed
  • Please specify what you mean by "$30,000 ($171,800 today)". I am assuming you are talking about the adjustments according to inflation, but this should be specified. Fixed

Wonderful work with this article. Once my comments are addressed, I will support this. Aoba47 (talk) 14:53, 22 June 2017 (UTC)

@Aoba47: Thanks for responding to this nomination early. I believe I've addressed these concerns you raised. How do you reckon it looks now? Bluesphere 10:07, 23 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Thank you for addressing my comments. I support this nomination. Great work with the article. If possible, I would greatly appreciate any feedback on my current FAC? I understand if you do not have the time or energy to look at it though; hope you have a wonderful rest of your day. Good luck with this nomination. Aoba47 (talk) 14:18, 23 June 2017 (UTC)

Comments Support from Freikorp[edit]

  • "During production, McQueen and MacGraw began an affair." I think you should merge this with the following sentence for better reading flow. I.e "began an affair, and McQueen and Peckinpah were involved ..."
  • Done
  • The third paragraph of the lead is too short. Perhaps a specific review quote from a notable reviewer could be mentioned here. You should definitely mention that it was the second highest grossing film of the year, as a gross of $36 million in itself does not convey to the reader overwhelming success by today's standards. A brief mention of the reception of the remake would also be of interest.
  • Done
  • The terms 'minions' and 'thugs' in the plot strike me as a bit colloquial, but I won't oppose over this.
  • I changed 'minions' to 'henchmen'
  • 'Shifty' seems like a redundant way to describe a con man.
  • Removed
  • I've never seen references for the cast section in a featured article. I don't think it's necessary. Having the same reference used for each person is a bit of an eyesore to be honest.
  • Removed
  • Can you give a time frame for Steve McQueen being encouraging by his publicist to become a film producer?
  • Added
  • "He was recently separated and free" she said, "and I was scared of my overwhelming attraction to him." - Can you indicate when MacGraw made this statement? Same issue with "I looked at what I had done in it..." and "The director recalled one such incident". When did he recall it?
  • No time frame indicated from where I got that first MacGraw quote. But the others I was able to find.
  • I'm guessing you couldn't find any information on the film's budget? Such information would be very interesting to know.
  • I've added it in the infobox
  • "It grossed $36,734,619 in the US alone." This statement raises questions of where else the film was released. Was it released worldwide? Can you find any indication at all of its success internationally?
  • I think this was released exclusively in the US. I can't find reports that this was released in other territories.
  • Can you find any coverage of the reception of the home media releases or any special features these releases contained?
  • Added
  • "Baldwin has later referred to it as a "bomb"." Specifying what year he referred to it as such would be better than saying 'has later'.
  • Added

Well done overall. It shouldn't take too much effort before I am able to support this. Freikorp (talk) 13:07, 30 June 2017 (UTC)

  • Looks good. Supporting. Freikorp (talk) 07:53, 2 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments by Panagiotis Zois[edit]

Lead section
  • Maybe you could add that while the initial reviews were negative, contemporary ones have been more positive.
  • Added
Plot
  • Saying "in prison in Texas" doesn't sound that good. Could you replace it with an alternative like "in a Texas prison".
  • Fixed
  • Did Rudy and the veterinarian's wife have sex consentually or did he rape her?
  • Consensual (and adulterous)
  • Is "screaming Fran" really necessary?
  • Removed
Casting
  • Reepeating the word "or" twice in close proximity to one another. Write instead "with Angie Dickson and Dyan Cannon as".
  • Fixed
  • "Peckinpah got along famously with Bright and cast him as the train station con man instead" also needs to be rewritten. Maybe something along the lines of "Due to his friendship with Bright, Peckinpah cast him as the con man."
  • Fixed
Remake
  • This might just be my opinion but "its bland and equally contrived retreading of the original" feels kind of unprofessional. Could you rewrite it somehow?
  • Rewrote
*One thing I noticed, the way the "Plot" section begins. Does the film offer any more info on who Carter is and why he's in prison? PanagiotisZois (talk) 17:55, 3 July 2017 (UTC)
  • PanagiotisZois, the movie does not provide a backstory on who Doc is other than a robber, which I already mention in the lead. However, I've added in the plot that he is sentenced 10 years for armed robbery. Bluesphere 03:23, 4 July 2017 (UTC)
  • OK, now that my comments have been adressed I can support this article. PanagiotisZois (talk) 13:30, 4 July 2017 (UTC)

Source review by Homeostasis07 (talk) 17:52, 1 July 2017 (UTC)[edit]

  • Reference 1 has no access date. Not an issue, really, because it seems the AFI film template isn't compatible with the |accessdate= value. I'm not all that familiar with movie pages: is it usual to have the AFI film template instead of a simple cite web one?
  • There were two references – 39 and 40 – which had no archiveURL's; I sorted this out myself.
  • I've gone through each and every reference, and everything on the article is attributable to its cited source. All the sources seem reliable, and consistent formatting is used throughout.
  • Also, no copyright violation to be found: Earwig's tool flagged the movie's IMBD bio page for possible copyvio, but those are represented in the article as direct quotations, so no problem there.
Source review passed Homeostasis07 (talk) 22:20, 12 July 2017 (UTC)

Image review[edit]

  • File:The Getaway 1972 poster.jpg: License and use seem fine for me, has the edit war been settled?
  • File:Sam Peckinpah.JPG: Use seems fine for me, license probably as well. Imma note that the fact that it's derived from another file should probably be marked with the dedicated "extracted" template, rather than to use the "source" parameter.
  • File:Steve McQueen 1959.jpg: License and use seem fine for me. Imma note that the fact that it's derived from another file should probably be marked with the dedicated "extracted" template, rather than to use the "source" parameter.
  • File:Ali MacGraw - 1972.jpg: Use seems fine for me, license probably as well.

All images have ALT text. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk, contributions) 16:14, 16 July 2017 (UTC)

  • Jo-Jo Eumerus, I've added the extracted template where it's appropriate; and yea I believe the edit war in the poster had simmered down, considering the fact that that was two months ago. :) Bluesphere 04:16, 17 July 2017 (UTC)

Randall Flagg[edit]

Nominator(s): CyberGhostface (talk) 17:18, 19 June 2017 (UTC)

I guess this has been sort of my 'Moby Dick' on Wikipedia as I've been trying to get this to featured status for over a decade now. I believe that this article is as comprehensive as it's going to be, featuring in addition to the fictional character history Stephen King's own history in writing him as well as analysis from critics on the character. My hope is, if the article is good enough, to either get it as featured article for the day in time for the release of the Dark Tower film in August or on King's birthday in September.CyberGhostface (talk) 17:18, 19 June 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Midnightblueowl[edit]

I've only taken a very quick skim through, but there are a few things that jump out immediately:

  • The referencing seems a little all over the place. Some paragraphs have citations, yet others don't. There are only two in the lede; I would go with either no citations or full citations in the lede. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:21, 23 June 2017 (UTC)
  • There are still uncited paragraphs in the article. Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:03, 11 July 2017 (UTC)
  • In quite a few cases, citations are separated from the sentence with a space. That needs sorting. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:21, 23 June 2017 (UTC)
  • There are a number of instances of ” which should be ". Similarly, there are instances of ’ rather than '. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:21, 23 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "Characteristic of Randall Flagg is his embodiment of evil." - pretty subjective statement. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:21, 23 June 2017 (UTC)
I removed the subjective statement and I think I changed all of the quotation marks. I'll give a look at the references this weekend.--CyberGhostface (talk) 01:33, 24 June 2017 (UTC)
  • There are instances in which the citation comes after the period (correct) and before it (incorrect). Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:00, 11 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "created by Stephen King." - Who is Stephen King? We need to be more precise with these sorts of things. For instance, it would work better as "created by American horror writer Stephen King" or something of that nature. Midnightblueowl (talk) 17:00, 11 July 2017 (UTC)
Comments from Aoba47
  • This may be more of a stylistic preference, but would it be better to move the quote box from the "Novels" subsection to the "The Stand" subsection as the quote directly deals with The Stand and the current positioning causes a somewhat awkward indentation in the subsection headings.
  • The second paragraph of the "The Stand" subsection does not have any references. Same goes for a majority of the "The Eyes of the Dragon" subsection. I would also ask you to look through the "The Dark Tower series" subsection to make sure that everything is properly cited there as well.
  • The subtitle on the Stephen King image needs a reference (for the "came out of nowhere" quote). The quote as used in the lead also needs to be cited.
  • Would it be appropriate to rename the "Characterization" section as the "Characterization and critical reception" section as you do include information on critical reception/feedback of the character.
  • In the following sentence (It was confirmed in 2016 that Matthew McConaughey would be playing the role of Walter o'Dim, Flagg's alter-ego, in the film adaptation of The Dark Tower.), please include the link to the article on the 2017 film.
  • I would assume that you would need a more complete caption for the Matthew McConaughey other than just the actor's name.

Wonderful work with this article. It is a very interesting read. I will support this for promotion as soon as my comments are addressed. Aoba47 (talk) 17:55, 26 June 2017 (UTC)

Thank you I will try to go through the article and address those concerns when I am able to.--CyberGhostface (talk) 13:31, 27 June 2017 (UTC)
  • The following sentence (Randall Flagg, appearing as Marten Broadcloak and Walter o'Dim, plays a significant role in the series.) requires a citation.

The above comment is the only thing that I have noticed when reading through the article an additional time. Once a citation is added to that part, then I will support this. Great work on this article. Aoba47 (talk) 13:47, 29 June 2017 (UTC)

Thank you very much. I added the citation.--CyberGhostface (talk) 17:58, 29 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Thank you for addressing my comments. I support this nomination. Good luck with getting it promoted and great work on the article. Aoba47 (talk) 18:16, 1 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Cas Liber[edit]

Hi, there is something "choppy' about the prose and it comes across on first read as disjointed in places. I need to digest it some more. I will try to copyedit it (please revert me if I accidentally change the meaning). Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 14:34, 20 July 2017 (UTC)

  • I have reworked the lead like this to give it some flow.
  • Flagg attracts people drawn to destruction, power and draconian rule - not fond of the last...maybe "Flagg attracts people drawn to destruction, power and tyranny"..?
  • I'd use an mdash instead of brackets in the prose.
  • Does King ever explain his epilogue to the Stand?
  • The reviewers in Characterization and critical reception need identifiers

Overall, the article lacks in analysis - google scholar yields some items, such as this, this, this and this for starters. Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 15:03, 20 July 2017 (UTC)

    • King hasn't explained the ending of 'The Stand beyond the bit comparing Flagg to a rapidly deflating used car salesman. In terms of analysis, I honestly think the article is comprehensive as-is compared to other featured articles on fictional characters. I can try looking for more but I don't think the section is going to get much bigger than it already is (without adding a lot of overlap; when I was initially researching the article there was a lot of different people more or less saying the same thing). EDIT: Also can you clarify what you mean by identifier?--CyberGhostface (talk) 03:06, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
I mean what they do, such as "NY Times reviewer" or "American novelist" or whatever...Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 03:35, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
Ok thanks I'll take a look at the people mentioned.--CyberGhostface (talk) 22:33, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

Coord note[edit]

I haven't seen any activity by the nominator on WP, let alone this review, for a week -- unless something changes shortly I think we'll just have to archive it. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 08:21, 22 July 2017 (UTC)

I'm really not able to edit as much with my job at the moment but up until the comments a few days ago I thought I had addressed all the concerns on the article. --CyberGhostface (talk) 22:00, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
That's hard to tell when you haven't responded to all of Midnightblueowl's comments, or any of Casliber's -- if you've made changes to the article in response to comments, you should say so on the FAC page so the reviewers (and coordinators!) are clear on it. Tks/cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 23:26, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
Cas liber I haven't gotten around to yet but I left a message on midnightblueowl's talk page just so he would see it immediately. In the future I'll repost the messages here as well for the others.--CyberGhostface (talk) 02:34, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

Mia Hamm[edit]

Nominator(s): Hmlarson (talk) 17:11, 19 June 2017 (UTC)

This article is about American soccer icon Mia Hamm. It recently passed GAR and was suggested as a FAC. It is a level-4 vital article in People. Hmlarson (talk) 17:11, 19 June 2017 (UTC)

Comments. As always, feel free to revert my copyediting. - Dank (push to talk)

  • This edit is fine, as long as you put the "and" back before "Texas". Some copyeditors call this "cannabalism"; one necessary "and" has eaten the other necessary "and". Does that make sense? - Dank (push to talk) 22:50, 19 June 2017 (UTC)
  • I split it up into two sentences. Hmlarson (talk) 17:12, 21 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "In addition to the 34,148 fans in attendance being greater than any MLS game that weekend, the Turner Network Television (TNT) broadcast reached 393,087 households: more than two MLS games broadcast on ESPN and ESPN2.": ?
  • What is your question? Hmlarson (talk) 17:12, 21 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "that kept her out for the first half off the pitch": ?
  • "World Football Hall of Fame" (linked to es.wiki): Create a stub here on en.wiki, if there isn't one already, and link to that.
  • Is there a guideline you can provide to support this? Hmlarson (talk) 17:12, 21 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "<ref name="Today' ": ?
  • Support on prose per my standard disclaimer, with the caveat that I stopped near the end, at Personal life; my wrist is bothering me and I'd like to stop here. These are my edits. - Dank (push to talk) 14:53, 20 June 2017 (UTC)
  • {{u|Dank}} Thanks for your review and copyediting. I've added a few comments/questions above. Hmlarson (talk) 17:12, 21 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Thanks for you work. See my standard disclaimer, which is more relevant now that I've hurt my wrist. - Dank (push to talk) 19:07, 21 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Support I reviewed this at GAN and feel it satisfies FA criteria on comprehensiveness and prose. Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 14:31, 24 June 2017 (UTC)

Images are appropriately licensed. Nikkimaria (talk) 15:43, 24 June 2017 (UTC)

Thanks for reviewing. Hmlarson (talk) 16:29, 28 June 2017 (UTC)

Source review:

  • There were a few news articles that are now deadinks. I linked to the archived versions.
  • I don't know that you need that many citations in the lede if the information is cited in the main text. That said, it's not disqualifying to have them there.
  • Spotchecked fn 22, 85, and 107. Material cited was fine, but the title was off on 107 (I fixed it).
  • Everything else being in order, I think this is good as far as sources go. --Coemgenus (talk) 13:11, 28 June 2017 (UTC)
Thanks for reviewing. Hmlarson (talk) 16:29, 28 June 2017 (UTC)

Comments – This is from reading about halfway through the article.

  • From a grammar standpoint, I'm not sure "the" is helpful in "She is a co-owner of the Los Angeles FC."
  • In general, I find the lead section here to be a bit oddly constructed. Usually in FAs, authors see the lead as a summary of the article to come; some try to ensure that every section is represented in some way. Instead, this just feels like a listing of significant accomplishments and milestones. For example, a list of TV programs in which she appeared is probably too much detail for a lead section; it is enough to have a more general statement, with the details in the body of the article.
  • 1996 Atlantic Olympics: "The U.S. won their first-ever Olympic gold medal". Of course it was the first one; they couldn't have won it before, as the women's soccer event didn't exist before 1996. Maybe "The U.S. won the first-ever Olympic women's soccer gold medal" would work?
  • I do think we need to say something in the body about Hamm being iconic, since we make that claim in the lead. My expectation was that I would see something related to this in the section about the 1999 World Cup, since that's when the U.S. women's national team really became well-known to the general population. Instead, this is a straight retelling of what happened in the tournament. For an FA on this player in particular, I feel like we need to have some mention of her popularity/the team capturing the attention of the country. That team became cultural icons for a time, and she was the leader.
  • Added to end of 1999 section. This is also reinforced in the In Popular Culture section. Hmlarson (talk) 02:01, 19 July 2017 (UTC)
  • To further the point about how the 1999 section was a straight retelling of events, this book has the interesting point that Hamm was initially unsure about taking a penalty in the China shootout. Perhaps that's worthy of a sentence. That excerpt also had some details that might fit in the playing style section, on her emotions and leadership qualities.
  • Added dehydration element + aftermath. Feel free to add specifics as you see fit. Hmlarson (talk) 02:01, 19 July 2017 (UTC)
  • I understand why you based the USWNT sections around the various major tournaments, as they are when women's international soccer players like Hamm get the most coverage, but there are a few gaps that result from this structure. The 108th international goal is tucked in the Honors and awards section, when it isn't really an honor or award, but a notable statistical record. The third paragraph of this section also includes statistical accomplishments, and her 100th career goal (which strikes me as significant) isn't mentioned at all. Also not mentioned is her competition-winning extra time goal in the 2002 CONCACAF Women's Gold Cup, which is probably worth mentioning somewhere even if it wasn't a World Cup or Olympics. Giants2008 (Talk) 22:48, 1 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Moved 108th + 150th goals; added 100th. Hmlarson (talk) 23:59, 1 July 2017 (UTC)
  • A couple of quick sourcing comments from the last part of the article. First, reference 139 is to a book by Lulu Press, a self-publishing company that would only be considered a high-quality reliable source if the author was considered an expert on the subject (if he had previously published books, for example). I don't know anything about the qualifications of Tim Nash, but if he doesn't have any you'll probably have to replace this cite. Second, IMDB (ref 145) isn't a reliable source for much of anything, much less an FA. You should try to find other sources for her TV appearances; if any can't be sourced by higher-quality references, then they likely aren't notable enough to warrant mention anyway. Giants2008 (Talk) 02:33, 5 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Tim Nash bio. I own the It's Not the Glory book - it's pretty good, though I most often recommend Beyond Bend It Like Beckham: The Global Phenomenon of Women's Soccer by Tim Grainey. Hmlarson (talk) 02:01, 19 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Refs added to shows. Hmlarson (talk) 02:29, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

Oppose: I'm recusing as coordinator for this one, and I'm afraid I don't think the prose is up to FA standard as we have a lot of redundancy and other prose issues. Sarastro1 (talk) 19:48, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

  • Why do we have references in the lead? They are usually not required as everything should be cited in the main body. The only exception is usually for direct quotations, and when we have a statement "Hailed as a soccer icon" which requires 4 references in the lead, alarm bells should start ringing.
  • There are references in the lead per the fourth paragraph of WP:LEAD and previous GA reviews of this and other articles where they were requested. Hmlarson (talk) 22:47, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "Hamm held the record for international goals, more than any other player, male or female, in the history of soccer until 2013, when she was passed by Abby Wambach (the current recordholder, as of 2017).[5][6] Her 275 international caps rank third on the U.S. national team, behind former teammates Kristine Lilly (354) and Christie Pearce (311). Her 144 international career assists rank first in the national team record books.[7]": This could be cut right back. "Hamm held the record for most international goals—for both men and women's soccer— until 2013, and she remains in second place as of 2017. She has the third most international caps for the U.S. national team, and the most international career assists (144)."
  • "Twice named FIFA World Player of the Year in 2001 and 2002 (the first two years that the award was given to women players)": Could be simply "Named FIFA World Player of the Year in 2001 and 2002 (the first times that a woman received the award)". Also, this has no connection to the rest of the sentence.
  • The connection is FIFA. I removed the references to women players completely. Hmlarson (talk) 22:47, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "Hamm and her teammate Michelle Akers were hailed by Pelé as two of FIFA's 125 greatest living players when he included them in the FIFA 100 to celebrate the organization's 100th anniversary": Aside from needing to say a word or two about who Akers and Pele are, there is just too much going on here. The only relevant information is that Pele chose her as one of the 125 best living players. The rest is not relevant for the lead.
  • Connection is FIFA. Hmlarson (talk) 22:47, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "In 2005, The Washington Post columnist Michael Wilbon called her "perhaps the most important athlete of the last 15 years"": Why is this important? Some context is needed; is he a renowned expert, or just some chap with no real standing in sport?
  • See Dank's comments above about "icon" Hmlarson (talk) 22:47, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "She was the first woman player inducted into the World Football Hall of Fame." Redundancy
  • Removed "player". Hmlarson (talk) 22:47, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • I would expect the lead to summarise her career much more than we do here. The lead should summarise all the main content, but we learn nothing other than her records and awards.
  • See fourth paragraph of WP:LEAD. I don't agree. We learned who she played for, what she won (a lot), about her status in sports history, etc. Is there something specific you want to mention? Hmlarson (talk) 22:47, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "The family moved many times and resided in several places including San Antonio, Texas, and Italy.": Why chose these specific places? Why not "The family moved several times, including overseas".
  • "Florence, Italy, is where Hamm was first introduced to soccer. Soon her entire family became involved in the sport": Sounds a little too like a magazine article and not an encyclopaedia. Could just be "Hamm first played soccer in Florence, Italy, and her entire family quickly became involved in the sport."

I'm stopping there for now, and these are samples only from the lead and first section. I suspect the whole article may need a going over, and just correcting these issues would not necessarily lead to me striking my oppose. If the nominator has no objections, I may be able to tackle the copyedit myself in the next few days, but in any case I hope to switch to support once the article has had a bit of a polish. Sarastro1 (talk) 19:48, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

  • Thanks for taking a look. Comments inline above. Hmlarson (talk) 22:47, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

Loev (film)[edit]

Nominator(s): NumerounovedantTalk 16:37, 18 June 2017 (UTC)

This article is about an Indian film that was released on Netflix. I am looking for construvtive comments to improve the article. It recently went through a GAR conducted by Aoba47. I would also like to thank Kailash29792 and Ssven2 for their help with the article. NumerounovedantTalk 16:37, 18 June 2017 (UTC)

Comments. As always, feel free to revert my copyediting. - Dank (push to talk)

  • Can you tell me (here, not by editing the article) a little bit about the tuberculosis? Although it's probably the leading cause of death in the world among respiratory diseases, it still strikes me as unusual in this case ... depending on what happened, it might need some explaining. - Dank (push to talk) 17:05, 18 June 2017 (UTC)
Thanks for taking a look Dank. Well, there aren't many details on it, this is the most detailed discussion oh Ganesh's death. I hope this helps. NumerounovedantTalk 17:26, 18 June 2017 (UTC)
Okay thanks ... I've read all the links I can find and they don't talk about it, so I guess we can't in the article. Other than that, I don't have any comments to offer yet. Nice work. - Dank (push to talk) 17:30, 18 June 2017 (UTC)
Thank you, looking forward to further comments. NumerounovedantTalk 17:34, 18 June 2017 (UTC)
Comments from Aoba47
  • Not to be too nitpicky, but the ALT text for the infobox image (Pandit and Ganesh embracing in a bed on the film's poster.) reads a little awkwardly, specifically the "on the film's poster" part as it can read like the bed is literally on the poster. I would just remove that part and maybe add in the front of the text something along the lines of "An image of..." to get the same point across.
  • I would clarify in this part from the lead "who share a complicated relationship that takes center stage during a weekend getaway to" what you mean by "a complicated relationship" as that sounds a little too vague for my liking.
  • I still support this, but I am not certain that "complex" is needed in the description as it sounds a little off to me. I will leave this for other reviewers to discuss, but I just wanted to leave a note about this. Aoba47 (talk) 17:32, 19 June 2017 (UTC)
@Aoba47: One last thing, I have rephrased the sentence, do you like this version better? NumerounovedantTalk 18:05, 19 June 2017 (UTC)
  • I think that works better. Thank you for addressing this point. Aoba47 (talk) 18:10, 19 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Do we have any information on how exactly Saria drew from his personal experiences for this film? It is fine if there is not anything out there, but it just seems like a really broad claim without any specific example with it.
Not really.
  • That is what I thought, but I just wanted to make sure with you. It is fine as it stands then. Aoba47 (talk) 17:31, 19 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Again this is very nitpicky but in the following phrase from the lead (Upon initial release), I would say (Upon its initial release) would be more appropriate.
  • I would break up the following sentence into two (The major praise was directed towards the script and the performances of Pandit and Ganesh, and the unconventional and fresh treatment of a taboo subject matter in India.), with a separate sentence for the treatment of the taboo subject matter. Also, this sentence is a little confusing as it never made clear what "taboo subject matter" you are discussing as it is not spelled out in the lead clearly (it can be clearly seen in the infobox image, but the lead skirts around the topic; this goes back to my point about the "complicated relationship" statement).
  • The part about the rape in the "Plot" section still reads very awkwardly to me, and I would suggest looking at that further and revise it more. This part in particular (He violently pressed him beside a wall and starts kissing him, to which Sahil responds initially, but later asks him to stop by saying that "this isn't what he (Jai) wants".) needs work.
  • In this sentence (who brings along his friend (Rishabh Chaddha) to the hotel), does the friend have a name?
I am not sure, I'll have to check, but he was never a significant character.
  • Makes sense, I just wanted to double-check. Aoba47 (talk) 17:31, 19 June 2017 (UTC)
  • I have a clarification question for the following sentence (As he is walking away into the airport, Jai sends a text message to Sahil saying that he loves him.). How does Sahil respond to the text? Following this sentence, it appears that this is the final mention/part featuring Sahil in the film so I was a little confused by the jump.
Actually, I think he's never really shown reading his text. It's more for closure sake (more for the audience I believe).
  • Makes sense, I just wanted to double-check. Aoba47 (talk) 17:31, 19 June 2017 (UTC)
  • It would be beneficial to add a date/year to the following sentence rather than "eventually" for clarity (The worldwide rights of the film were eventually acquired by Netflix).
  • There is a citation error for Reference 26.
  • Just wanted to point out that "Scroll.in." was a red link in the References section. It is more than okay to have a red link, but I just wanted to let you know that it was there.

Wonderful job with this article. Once my comments are addressed, I will be more than happy to support this. Good luck with this nomination. Aoba47 (talk) 15:13, 19 June 2017 (UTC)

Fixed everything/left comments. Thanks, so really appreciate you going through this again. Also, thank you for all the previous help with the article. NumerounovedantTalk 16:46, 19 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Thank you for addressing my comments. I support this; good luck with getting this promoted. Aoba47 (talk) 17:31, 19 June 2017 (UTC)
Image review

Wonderful work with this article. This passes all of the requirements for the image review. The minor issue with the infobox image's ALT text should be covered in my above review. Aoba47 (talk) 16:06, 19 June 2017 (UTC)

Thanks for this too. NumerounovedantTalk 16:46, 19 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Anytime! Aoba47 (talk) 17:34, 19 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Support on prose after these changes (pls review it and see if I have messed anything up or altered meaning). Sorry for taking so long to get to this (I caught a terrible cold, which lasted about two weeks). This looks well written, although I feel the article could do better without some quotes present in production. But other than that I believe it is a nice piece of work. Well done. – FrB.TG (talk) 16:50, 11 July 2017 (UTC)
Thanks FrB.TG, I'll see what i can do about the quotes. I'll try and incorporate them into the text more naturally. Also, I hope you are doing better now? NumerounovedantTalk 15:33, 15 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments from IndianBio

  • I find it a bit strange that we have a picture of Pandit in two sections of the article but no picture of Dhruv Ganesh? Surely Bollywood Hungama has a free image we can use? They are the principal cast so if we include Pandit's image, I believe Ganesh's image is also equally indicative. Please mind that the poster does not give a clear impression of who is who, being a painted imagery.
  • Can you please replace the normal dashses in the reference titles and in the article with the en-dash?
  • I have removed the track list from the Soundtrack section. I am even not sure that the section can be named as soundtrack when no album per definition was released. It was just a single with video.
  • I have made a left-right arrangement of the images as that breaks the monotony of the flow and is recommended.
  • File:Shiv Pandit at the special screening of Loev (cropped).jpg, who is Danish Aslam in relation to this film? I find this image to be completely unnecessary. What does it portray? He's not even mentioned anywhere in the text among the Bollywood personalities attending the premiere.

That's all for now currently. I would very much like to see a spotcheck review for this. —IB [ Poke ] 06:19, 14 July 2017 (UTC)

Fixed everything IndianBio, hopefully. NumerounovedantTalk 16:01, 18 July 2017 (UTC)
Comments from Kailash
  • Actors need not be linked in the plot as it will border on WP:OVERLINK.
  • Make sure there are sources for all actors in the film so that it complies with WP:FILMCAST.
  • Link UNESCO World Heritage in production section.
  • "In an interview with Manoj Sharma of Pandolin" - what is Pandolin? Anything without a Wiki article must be defined when first mentioned.
  • You could link "road trip film" to "road movie" (I wonder why the article on the genre uses "movie", not "film").
  • "The film's final cut ran for a total of 92 minutes" - you already mentioned early in the article, "With a total runtime of 92 minutes, the film was pitched under the labels of Bombay Berlin Film Productions, and Four Line Films". Omit at least one mention.
  • "another editorial in Rediff.com called it the least bit political" - the author of the article is Aseem Chhabra. Try avoiding cryptic mentions.
  • "While working in the US" - spell it out: United States.
  • "Film critic Subhash K. Jha gave the film four stars" - he has already been introduced and linked in "Themes", so you may de-link him here.
  • "DeepalI Singh of Daily News and Analysis also praised the movie" - say film.

That'll be all from me. Proof-reading and examining the reliability of sources may be done by any other editors. Kailash29792 (talk) 17:59, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

Fixed everything Kailash, hopefully. NumerounovedantTalk 06:45, 20 July 2017 (UTC)

Thanks Vedant. Upon a second examination, I decided to say a few more things:

  • I think the film is better described in the lead as a romantic drama (that is the genre listed at IMDb and Rotten Tomatoes). Even Brokeback Mountain is described as such.
  • There is a sentence, "only a core group were aware of the details of the plot, and to the rest of the crew it was a road trip film". It was here that I suggested linking "road trip film" to "road movie".
  • "it stars Shiv Pandit and Dhruv Ganesh". I believe Ganesh comes first in the credits, right? Then his name must come first here too.
  • Is Jasleen Marwah a producer on the film? I don't find that name mentioned anywhere apart from the infobox.
  • Scroll.in's Wiki article has (unfortunately) been deleted, so it may be de-linked. I don't know if it yet passes WP:RS completely, but on the basis of WP:ATTRIBUTEPOV it does. Since Nandini Ramnath (a veteran journalist) has previously written for reliable sources like Livemint and Indian Express, I think this Scroll source should pass RS.
  • I tried accessing the official website, but it redirects to this where it says "This Account Has Been Suspended". Is it the same way for you? If the link really doesn't work, best remove it from the "external links" section.
  • Regarding the addition of "English" in the infobox, Template:Infobox film says, "Only in rare cases of clearly bilingual or multilingual films, enter separate entries with {{unbulleted list}}". I think you can mention in the body of the article that the film, while primarily Hindi, features abundant English dialogue. Nandini Ramnath says the film has "Hindi-infused English dialogue", while IFFK lists its' language as "Hindi-English". In this source (which you have already added), he mentions something about the film's language(s), which you could write about here.
  • Add more categories, including "Indian independent films" (unless you feel it isn't exactly an indie).

That's all for now. If there's anything else, you'll know. --Kailash29792 (talk) 08:17, 20 July 2017 (UTC)

I have addressed all your comments Kailash. Let me know if there any more concerns. Also, does romantic drama Road from sound too weird? Thanks for your comments, they have helped improve the article a great deal. NumerounovedantTalk 09:40, 21 July 2017 (UTC)

Here are my final comments. Once they are solved, I will support this FAC:

  • Please consult any admin regarding the usage of "Hinglish" in the infobox. That's not the only language spoken in the film though, right? The characters speak both English and Hindi, don't they? Then the film should have the category "English-language Indian films".
  • There is no article on "overhanging cliff". Please delink or find what you mean to link to.
  • "Rajeev Masand hosted Saria on his talk show" - what is the show's name?
  • Did the film win only one award? Then not only is a table unnecessary, but the "awards and nominations" section could be merged with the "release" section. --Kailash29792 (talk) 15:28, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
Fixed everything, as for the language Kailash, I believe it was mostly hinglish as the characters never truly spoke either of the two. NumerounovedantTalk 17:38, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
Comments by 1989
  • There was an error I found that I fixed myself. I couldn't find many errors in the article, so I support its promotion. – 1989 20:17, 23 July 2017 (UTC)
Thank you 1989, I appreciate the help. NumerounovedantTalk 07:15, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
Prose Comments from Cerantho
  • Produced by Saria under the label Four Line Films, Arfi Lamba, Katharina Suckale, and Jasleen Marwah, under their company Bombay Berlin Film Productions, - This sentence is very clunky.
  • The programme coincides with the latter's business trip to Mumbai - Not sure program is the word I'd use here
  • The latter resists half–heartedly - I'd just keep out the half-heartedly per WP:EDITORIAL
  • Sahil decides to stay and sits back in the bed unamusingly. - same as above
  • They head back to the hotel room to collect Sahil's belongings - Who is they?
  • Sahil leans on to Jai, but the two do not talk about anything that had happened. - Do you mean leans on? I've never heard of leaning on to someone.
  • Saria said that the screenplay was written out of "deep shame and fear", and on completion was not pitched to any investors, but instead put away into a drawer. - There should be a citation after a direct quote
  • The film stars Shiv Pandit and Dhruv Ganesh; the former came across the film's idea during a casual meeting with Saria, and on much persuasion from Pandit, the latter revealed the script. - Very clunky
  • . However, Ganesh was apprehensive about playing the character, but after initial scepticism he agreed to play the role.[5] Ganesh died of tuberculosis in January 2015, while the film was in post-production.[4] The opening credits in the film's final cut honour his memory.[12] Siddharth Menon and Rishabh J. Chaddha play supporting roles in the film.[13] - The transition from his skepticism to his death to the supporting roles is very, very abrupt and doesn't read smoothly
The prose is quite clunky at times, and I think it could use a good copyedit to improve its flow and organization. I will continue to provide some suggestions and copyedits here and there in the meantime, but it may help to make some of the paragraphs have more flow, particularly in the production and plot sections. ceranthor 14:21, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
Fixed everything, as a matter for fact, it took me less than 5 minutes to fix all of these concerns. Let me know how you feel, and I'd appreciate if you pinpoint what your exact concerns​ are (if you have any more regarding the "clunky" text or flow.) Honestly, they seem very easy to fix and I can assure you there won't be many (there aren't as many paragraph many as suggested). Thanks for that, but again it's not as bulky as you make it sound.
Also, do yourself and the world a favour and if you have such great concerns about an article, please don't wait as long as more than fourty odd days to comment. The article (at any FAC) undergoes a lot of traffic in that long a period. (One might have to things over and over again just because A wants it one way and B the other.) I really think that the editors around at FAC would appreciate timer comments a lot more. NumerounovedantTalk 17:24, 26 July 2017 (UTC)
Hi, numerounovedant, I don't think it's particularly polite to criticize me for taking time out of my day to offer you comments on an article that hasn't gotten a ton of feedback in the past week. Provided that I nearly opposed the article on the basis of prose, I think there is a clear issue with some of the writing, though I didn't provide every single instance. ceranthor 23:44, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

More Comments from Ceranthor[edit]

  • Produced by Saria and the Bombay Berlin Film Productions, it stars Dhruv Ganesh and Shiv Pandit. The film focuses on the homosexual relationship between two friends (played by Ganesh and Pandit) - The repetition of Ganesh and Pandit is redundant; this should be combined into one sentence
  • The film focuses on the homosexual relationship between two friends (played by Ganesh and Pandit) that takes center stage - Colloquial; should replace takes center stage per WP:IDIOM
  • Saria conceived Loev's script while he was working on another project, - should explicitly mention who
  • The script and the performances of Pandit and Ganesh were particularly praised. Commentators were also appreciative of the unconventional and fresh treatment of the taboo subject matter of same-sex relationships in India. The film won the Audience Award for Best Feature Film at the 2016 Tel Aviv International Film Festival. The distribution rights for Loev were acquired by Netflix and it was released on the platform on May 1, 2017. - Three consecutive sentences start with "The..."
  • Jai (Pandit), a successful New York based businessman - New York-based should be hyphenated
  • The trip coincides with the latter's business meeting Mumbai. - Grammar
  • Sahil plans a weekend getaway to the Western Ghats, - repeating what was said in a previous sentence
  • arrives at the airport to receive Jai - You can't receive a person
  • Sahil in turn derives that Jai is struggling with his mother adjusting to a foreign environment. - this is vague; is she adjusting to the US? Should be more specifically described
  • Jai is amazed by Sahil's skill as a guitarist and suggests that he pursue a career as a full–time musician - This is the sort of abrupt thing I noted... there's no mention of him playing a guitar, you just write that he's amazed by Sahil's skill as a guitarist
  • Later, he gifts him a guitar during lunch - I think gift is usually too colloquial to be used in an encyclopedia article
  • The two engage in several arguments and bicker about their plans throughout the trip, while enjoying each other's company nonetheless. - arguments about what?
  • Sahil is irked by Jai's indifferent behaviour - what indifferent behavior? Be concrete; the earlier sentence suggested that Jai was showing appreciation for Sahil's guitar skills
  • One night, the two get into a heated argument over their differences. - Is it more heated than their previous arguments? There's not much to specifically suggest that
  • Sahil interrupts Jai and his clients and embarrasses the latter with a romantic gesture in front of everyone - Abrupt transition again; you don't say that Sahil goes to the meeting so he's just suddenly there according to this summary
  • On the contrary, Jai blames him for not reciprocating his affection from the beginning - On the contrary seems like editorializing
  • The two go ahead with their plans to meet Alex - Were these previously mentioned?
  • Alex dances with Jai, who looks even more impressed with Sahil's artistry - more impressed than Alex? Or more impressed than he was before?
  • The script was picked up by Suckale and Lamba; the duo agreed to co–produce Saria's directorial debut under the working title of Loev, a take on the word "love" itself.[4] - picked up by... who agreed to co-produce - no need for the semicolon
  • The film was set in the director's hometown Mumbai, Maharashtra.[2] Saria said that the film's production team "needed local cooperation" and as the director he "needed locations [...] to be able to use their streets".[5] - The first sentence here doesn't fit well into the paragraph as is; these two should be combined for flow purposes
  • Major parts of the script were written during the Supreme Court of India's ongoing hearing of the Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code, criminalising same–sex relationships in India.[7] - Grammar; criminalising doesn't make sense; you should also mention when this was time-wise
  • With a total runtime of 92 minutes, the film was pitched under the labels of Bombay Berlin Film Productions, and Four Line Films.[1][10] - what does this have to do with the rest of the paragraph?
  • The film stars Shiv Pandit and Dhruv Ganesh; - You shouldn't keep re-linking Pandit or Mumbai or any other articles throughout the body of the text excluding the lead; see WP:REPEATLINK
  • The dialogue was written in Hinglish, as described by Saria to be "the language I hear around me [in Mumbai]". - This quotation doesn't make sense in the context of the article to me, since you mention that he wrote it while in the US. Might be best to remove the quotation part
  • However, Ganesh was apprehensive about playing the character, but after initial scepticism he agreed to play the role. - I'd remove however here
  • Siddharth Menon and Rishabh J. Chaddha play supporting roles in the film.[12] - abrupt sentence that breaks up the flow of the rest of the paragraph
  • in the peninsular India.[2][4][14] - Grammar; "the" shouldn't be there
  • A crowdfunding campaign was started at the funding portal Indiegogo - This should read "on" the portal Indiegogo
  • Among the crew members, only a core group were aware of the details of the plot, and to the rest of the crew it was a road trip film, one identical to Dil Chahta Hai (2001). - This should probably be directly cited
  • The filming was done rather discreetly, fearing opposition against the film's underlying subject matter of homosexuality.[18] - From whom? The community? The crew?
  • and as noted by such commentators as Aseem Chhabra, Zack Ford, and Subhash K. Jha the theme of sexuality takes a backseat to the aforementioned subjects. - Very verbose; this could be copyedited to avoid the necessity of using aforementioned
  • Also, as expressed by Saria himself, the film was intended as a "universal story about attraction". - Direct citation for quote?
  • While Vox's Siddharth Naidu thought of the film as politically radical and emotionally raw, Aseem Chhabra - why are you reintroducing Chhabra's first name a second time?
  • Freelance journalist Steven Borowiec agreed with the latter idea, - Why the use of latter idea? That's such a clunky way of saying he agreed with Chhabra
  • Writing for ThinkProgress Ford made note of the fact that although the socio-political backdrop, "is never explicitly mentioned, it’s alluded to throughout".[27] - Why made note of the fact instead of observed or noted?
  • Saria familiarised himself with the independent American cinema, - no "the" necessary here
  • Critics and commentators drew similarities between Loev and Ang Lee's Brokeback Mountain (2005), as explained by Jha that the similarity "in the way the rocky terrain is used to define the theme of forbidden love is palpable".[28] - Grammar errors
  • The film was thought to be visually and structurally similar to Andrew Haigh’s Weekend (2011), and Wong Kar Wai’s Happy Together (1997), - By whom?
  • Loev initially premiered at the Tallinn Black Nights Film Festival, Estonia on 19 November 2015.[1] - Isn't it redundant to say it initially premiered?
  • The film then travelled to various other film festivals all across Europe and Asia - Did the film "travel"? That doesn't seem an appropriate verb choice here
  • Transilvania International Film Festival, Italy. - Is it in Romania or Italy?
  • Loev premiered at the LGBTQ film festivals across the world including the Tel Aviv International LGBT Film Festival, the BFI Flare: London LGBT Film Festival, and the Frameline Film Festival.[32] - Was it really premiering if it had already had its premiere elsewhere?
  • The film won the Audience Award for Best Feature Film at the 2016 Tel Aviv International Film Festival.[34] - Doesn't really flow with the rest of the paragraph
  • The release section overrelies on the verb was; introduce a lot more active voice to keep the text engaging.
  • Shortly after the film's release, Rajeev Masand hosted Saria on CNN-News18, - Which is?
  • organised a roundtable discussion for the lead actors, Saria and the film's producers.[37] - If you're using the serial comma elsewhere, you must stay consistent throughout the article
  • The Hindu critic Namrata Joshi, remarked, - grammar
  • adding that the endeavour was, "a deceptively simple yet nuanced and heartfelt take on the eternal relationship conundrum".[6] - no need for the comma before the quote
  • A reviewer at the International Film Festival of Kerala, writing for The New Indian Express - no need for the comma
  • Film critic Subhash K. Jha gave the film four stars, - out of four? out of five?
  • Highlighting the cinematography, direction and the performances from Ganesh and Pandit, - as good? What did he highlight them as?
  • She thought that there were several scenes in the film that the viewers will "think about long after the movie is over". - citation for this direct quote?
  • Loev garnered praise from critics at film festivals all across the world - such as?
  • In a 4/5 star review - previously you spelled out four stars; this should stay consistent
  • with Brooke Corso of The Macguffin stating that the beautiful and heartbreaking film shines when, "it focuses on what is said when the characters aren't speaking, and what is avoided when they do".[45] - no comma needed before the quote
  • Matt Shiverdecker of Austin American-Statesman was largely laudatory of the film at the same event as well, dubbing it as a "small miracle". - direct quote citation?
  • He praised the added realism, unlike the clichéd storybook romance - grammar... this sentence doesn't make sense as is

Sorry, but I don't feel the prose is up to FA standards, and therefore I have to oppose at this time. I think a thorough copyedit could improve the article to where it needs to be, but as it stands, I think there are too many issues with the writing quality. ceranthor 00:34, 27 July 2017 (UTC)

True Detective (season 1)[edit]

Nominator(s): DAP 💅 & Mike Christie 17:35, 11 June 2017 (UTC)

This article is about the first season of HBO's True Detective, the anthology crime drama created by Nic Pizzolatto and starring Matthew McConaughey, Woody Harrelson, Michelle Monaghan, Tory Kittles, and Michael Potts. Its story follows McConaughey (as detective Rustin Cohle) and Harrelson (as Martin Hart) and their seventeen year pursuit of a serial killer, during which they must recount the histories of several unsolved cases related to said perpetrator. Since the failed nominations in the past year and after a lengthy hiatus, I've worked with Mike Christie on addressing the issues in previous FACs. He will thus be a conominator as he has made substantial improvements in the reception section, which was the main concern going forward. I believe this piece satisfies the FA criteria and hope for it to be a template for other media articles. DAP 💅 17:35, 11 June 2017 (UTC)

Pinging reviewers from the last three or four FACs: Aoba47, Brandt Luke Zorn, Tintor2, Jfhutson; would you mind taking another look? Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 02:30, 22 June 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Aoba47
  • Please link the show name (True Detective) on its first appearance in the body of the article.
Done . DAP 💅 13:17, 23 June 2017 (UTC)
  • For the sentence (The Sydney Morning Herald included the opening sequence in a list of ten of the best title sequences on television), wouldn't it be more correct to put the writer's name rather than attributing the publication as a whole as putting the opening sequence on this list? The same comment applies to the reviews in the "Reviews" subsection as they primarily attribute the reviews to the publication without naming the writer/reviewer directly.
I don't believe so. This was a subject of concern working with Mike and we believe declarative statements are more organized and heighten the reader experience rather than a summary of reviewer comments. DAP 💅 13:17, 23 June 2017 (UTC)

These are the only two questions/comments I had about the article. Once my comments are addressed, I will support this. Great work with this article; it is a very interesting read. Good luck with getting it promoted this time around. Aoba47 (talk) 14:16, 22 June 2017 (UTC)

  • Thank you for addressing my comments. I support this nomination. I am still a little confused about the treatment of the reviews as I have received notes in the past that the quotes/content should be attributed to the writer/reviewer rather than the publication as a whole, but if you both feel that is best, then I will not push the issue. If possible, I would greatly appreciate any feedback on my current FAC? I understand if you do not have the time or energy to look at it though; hope you have a wonderful rest of your day. Good luck with getting this promoted. Aoba47 (talk) 14:21, 23 June 2017 (UTC)
    I'd be happy to give feedback for your nom. I'll glimpse through the article and comment sometime next week. Cheers! DAP 💅 20:34, 23 June 2017 (UTC)
    Aoba47, thanks for the review and support. Re the attribution of the content: I think the point of an inline attribution is to let the reader know the source, but if the source is a reviewer they'll never have heard of, the reader is none the wiser. Naming the publication gives the reader a better chance of evaluating the authority of the reviewer -- the New York Times is likely to carry more weight than Uproxx, for example. In some cases it might be worth giving the reviewer's name as well as the publication, for example if the reviewer is very well known -- Pauline Kael would be an example -- but I think this is rarely worth it. Eliminating the name makes the text a lot easier to read. The reader can still see the name by going to the footnotes, after all. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 10:09, 24 June 2017 (UTC)
    Thank you for the explanation. Aoba47 (talk) 15:37, 24 June 2017 (UTC)

It looks a lot better than the first time I saw. I can't find a single by having a big look so I support. Good work.Tintor2 (talk) 13:56, 23 June 2017 (UTC)

Awesome. Thanks for the feedback! DAP 💅 20:34, 23 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Support Awesome plot, and a very interesting read. Prose is great too! Good work! Face-smile.svg Adityavagarwal (talk) 19:27, 30 June 2017 (UTC)
Thank you very much! store. DAP 💅 14:43, 21 July 2017 (UTC)

Image review[edit]

Seems like not all images have ALT text. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk, contributions) 21:02, 16 July 2017 (UTC)

Thanks for the review, Jo-Jo; I've added more details as requested. I checked every image and I think there is alt text for all of them; did you spot one that was missing? Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 22:56, 19 July 2017 (UTC)
File:TrueDetectivedigitaldouble.jpg: Which is the preferred size? Regarding ALT text, it seems like I miscounted the number of images... Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk, contributions) 14:52, 20 July 2017 (UTC)
The smallest size is fine for that file. store. DAP 💅 14:43, 21 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments by Wehwalt[edit]

  • "Hart tracks down an associate of Ledoux's and forces him to name the Iron Crusaders, a biker gang out of East Texas for which Ledoux is now cooking meth." It isn't quite clear what you mean by "name". For what?
  • Revised for clarification. DAP 💅 14:41, 21 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "an abandoned lightbulb warehouse near Elmwood." I would suggest "light bulb".
    Done. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 23:03, 19 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "and Fort Macomb, a nineteenth-century fort outside New Orleans" I'd like to get you to get rid of the duplication of "Fort". Maybe "and nineteenth-century Fort Macomb, located outside New Orleans.
    That works; done. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 23:03, 19 July 2017 (UTC)
  • " disposable children's clothing" most children's clothing isn't disposable, disregarding the obvious. Do you mean secondhand?
  • That works, done. I had used "disposable" moreso to describe the quality of the clothing used, which Walsh said was pretty worn and ragged when he bought it from a thrift store. DAP 💅 14:41, 21 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "many of which are never reported or investigated by authorities." Possibly a "to" after "reported"
  • "insanity, decadence, and mental illness" sounds a bit duplicative.
    I made it just "insanity and decadence". Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 23:03, 19 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "both formats contain bonus content including interviews with McConaughey and Harrelson, Pizzolatto, and composer Burnett on the show's development; "Inside the Episode" featurettes; two audio commentaries; and deleted scenes from the season." I'm not a big fan of using semicolons in a list, especially on an American-themed article.
    I hadn't realized this was a UK punctuation habit. I do it when the list contains commas that are not list separators -- in "Harrelson, Pizzolatto, and" for example. How would this be done in US style? Wouldn't it make it harder to parse if they were all commas? Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 23:03, 19 July 2017 (UTC)
I would use commas. The usual rule in AmEng is one semicolon to a sentence.--Wehwalt (talk) 17:39, 22 July 2017 (UTC)
OK, done. I'll try to bear that in mind for future AmEng articles. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 20:47, 25 July 2017 (UTC)
I won't pretend to be a fan, but very well done.--Wehwalt (talk) 12:58, 19 July 2017 (UTC)
Thanks for the review. I've responded to most points above; pinging DAP388 (talk · contribs) for the two points that require some knowledge of the show itself. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 23:03, 19 July 2017 (UTC)
Done. Wehwalt (talk · contribs) let me know what you think. DAP 💅 14:43, 21 July 2017 (UTC)
Support All looks good. Well done.--Wehwalt (talk) 17:39, 22 July 2017 (UTC)

Coordinator comment: Have I missed a source review anywhere? If not, one can be requested at the top of WT:FAC. Sarastro1 (talk) 19:49, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

Sarastro1: yes, we requested one; just waiting now. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 20:44, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

Hurricane Andrew[edit]

Nominator(s): 12george1 (talk) 01:42, 4 June 2017 (UTC)

This article is about one of the most devastating hurricanes in U.S. history. Since the failed nominations in 2012 and 2013, I have worked on addressing the issues brought up during those FACs. Additionally, practically every section has been revised to provide a better and more comprehensive summary of preparations, meteorological aspects, impacts, and aftermath related to the hurricane. I have also garnered information from a wider variety of sources, including several academic journal articles (a major issue raised in a previous FAC). The aftermath now includes info on topics barely or not at all mentioned previously. These are just a few examples of many improvements I've made to the article. I hope to have this article as TFA on August 24, the 25th anniversary of Hurricane Andrew's landfall in Florida.12george1 (talk) 01:42, 4 June 2017 (UTC)

Support

  • The watches and warnings could be summarized for the Gulf Coast. Also, given that the preps mention Alabama first and progress westward, shouldn't the other preps do the same? After mentioning watches/warnings, you could have Mississippi, then the Louisiana paragraph, then Texas.
  • "In New Orleans, Mayor Sidney Barthelemy ordered evacuation" - missing [the]?
  • You mention/link both "Eleuthera" and "North Eleuthera" in the Bahamas section. Given the hurricane-force winds reported at the latter, I'm guessing it was also the location of landfall?
  • Yes. The TCR does specify that it was North Eleuthera--12george1 (talk) 02:05, 8 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "Harbour Island, also located near Eleuthera"
  • "Much of the northwestern Bahamas received damage,[46] with estimates reaching $250 million." - the $ figure is explained weirdly, and should be something like: "with estimated monetary losses of $250 million"
  • Poor intro to the Florida impact section. Move the 4th paragraph to be the first, as it feels like more of an intro.
    • Done. I wasn't sure if I should put it at the beginning or end, but at least it wasn't awkwardly in the middle like before--12george1 (talk) 02:05, 8 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "Tides were generally between only 4 to 6 ft (1.2 to 1.8 m) above normal in the Biscayne Bay area" - this feels odd. There is no justification for the "only"
  • "Storm surge on the west coast was widespread, but mostly light, with a peak height of 6 ft (1.8 m), measured at both Everglades City and Goodland. The storm surge was reported as far north as Homosassa. " - feels like this could be condensed a bit.
    • Done. I left you a message on FB about why I'm removing the Homosassa part--12george1 (talk) 02:05, 8 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "At some locations, the instruments measuring wind speeds failed before the highest winds occurred." - since this follows the peak wind gust, perhaps this should be "At other locations" instead?
  • Actually, that instrument failed too (destroyed). So I'll have to come up with something else--12george1 (talk) 02:05, 8 June 2017 (UTC)
  • When you mention "National Hurricane Center", it is the first time that it is implied that the agency is in Florida. Perhaps "At the National Hurricane Center building in Miami"?
  • "On the west coast of Florida, sustained winds did not exceed 39 mph (63 km/h) at Marco Island" - well did it not exceed 29 mph either?
  • "Additionally, 90% of mobile homes in the county were destroyed, while the destruction of 99% of mobile homes occurred in Homestead." - you should rewrite for active voice so you can trim it a bit.
  • At the Homestead Air Force Base, re-opened two years later as Homestead Air Reserve Base, most of the 2,000 buildings on the base became "severely damaged or unusable" - why the quotes? And you should make it clearer that the hurricane basically destroyed the base. The article for the base says as much.
  • Removed the quotes. I guess I could add more but I detailed rebuilding the base in the aftermath--12george1 (talk) 02:05, 8 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "Nearby, the small town of Florida City suffered also heavily. Over 120 homes were demolished, while 700 others were damaged. City hall was damaged beyond repairs, with the roof being torn off and some walls collapsing." - three sentences for a small town? Make it one and summarize, since there is already a sub-article. And isn't "hall" usually capitalized?
  • "Due to poor construction, damage to homes in communities such as Country Walk and Saga Bay resembled that of an F3 tornado" - this implies the locations were part of Florida City. And find a different way of saying "poor construction" and better explain the F3 bit.
  • Rewrote. There's not much more specific details on the bit about the F3-level damage, though than that those communities likely didn't experience winds of that intensity (158-206 mph). Then again, the report could also be basing it on Andrew having been classified as a Category 4 at the time it was written--12george1 (talk) 02:05, 8 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "Crop damage in the county totaled about $509 million." - you don't mention "county" once here.
  • What do you mean? I mentioned the county in the second sentence of the paragraph. I'll just switch with the sentence after that.--12george1 (talk) 02:05, 8 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "About 500 trees were downed in Deerfield Beach, while several roofs were damaged during the storm." - not sure this is needed, given the sentence two prior. Also, is this needed in this article? "Waves inflicted structural impacts on an incomplete fishing pier. "
  • You should specify whether counties were north of south of the storm, for better flow. Like, "In Collier County to the north of the path"
  • I fixed that. But technically, everywhere but Miami-Dade and Monroe (the hurricane crossed the mainland part) were north of the storm's path--12george1 (talk) 02:05, 8 June 2017 (UTC)

That's it through the end of Florida section. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 20:55, 7 June 2017 (UTC)

  • Thanks for the review (so far?).--12george1 (talk) 02:05, 8 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Looks better already!
  • Throughout the parish, 477 homes and 890 mobile homes were demolished; 1,394 homes and 634 mobile homes were severely damaged; and 3,970 homes, 652 mobile homes, and 148 apartments were impacted to a minor degree. - seems just like a lot of statistics. I feel like the distinction between home and mobile home isn't terribly necessary, especially since you have the same breakdown a few sentences later, and you have a state breakdown in the next paragraph. It's just a lot of text without giving a lot of information.
  • I'm guessing you just want me to say like "...1,367 dwellings were destroyed, 2,028 others were severely damaged,..."--12george1 (talk) 23:46, 10 June 2017 (UTC)
  • One company reported 13 platforms destroyed, 104 structures damaged, and 5 drilling wells blown off course. - which company?
  • At the Columbus Metropolitan Airport in Muscogee County, a building and several billboards and signs sustained moderate damage. - feels like the writing could be stronger.
  • A tornado in Howard County damaged several homes, some extensively; tossed and demolished a recreational vehicle and its trailer; downed numerous trees; and flattened some cornfields. - bit of a run-on
  • Despite swift structural rebuilding in some areas and Bahamas Director General of Tourism Baltron Bethel stating "the physical devastation affected about 2 percent of our rooms, cottages and apartments.", officials expected a 10%–20% decline in tourism. - poor sentence format. I'd split this into two sentence. First have the quote from Bethel, and the 2nd sentence could start with "Despite..."
  • I made a minor adjustment before adding Bethel's quote. I hope you're ok with it--12george1 (talk) 23:46, 10 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "After the United States House of Representatives appropriated aid to victims of Hurricane Iniki in Hawaii and Typhoon Omar in Guam, the cost was later increased to $11.1 billion. " - was $11.1 billion just for Andrew?
  • No. Unfortunately I cannot find the specifics allotted for each storm, but Florida alone received $9 billion--12george1 (talk) 01:23, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "Governor Chiles considered asking the Florida State Legislature to raise taxes, stating that "No matter how much Congress appropriates to repair damage from Hurricane Andrew, the state will face a substantial cleanup bill"." - did he?
  • It appears he did not. There was reserve fund set up instead--12george1 (talk) 23:46, 10 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "set up six tent cities, five in Florida City and Homestead, with an additional one later opened at the Miccosukee Indian Reservation." - so why not just say "set up seven tent cities"? Or was it 5 between Florida City and Homestead and the 6th was Miccosukee?
  • There were six. Five combined in Florida City and Homestead and the other at Miccosukee. I'll see if I can find a better way to write that--12george1 (talk) 23:46, 10 June 2017 (UTC)
  • the United States Department of Defense eventually expended an initial amount of over $100 million for repairs. - weird wording
  • "Due to damage to the Homestead Sports Complex and fearing the relocation of their middle-class and affluent fans, the Cleveland Indians moved their spring training location to Chain of Lakes Park in Winter Haven." - this is different than most of the preceding paragraph. Maybe find elsewhere to put it?
  • I think I'll put it with the rebuilding stuff, because the Indians left even though the sports complex was being repaired--12george1 (talk) 23:46, 10 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Check references 30 and 32.

All in all, a really good article, and I'm close to supporting. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 15:32, 10 June 2017 (UTC)

Much better all around. I support! ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:12, 11 June 2017 (UTC)

Support Comments. YE Pacific Hurricane 04:54, 11 June 2017 (UTC)

  • "Andrew began as a tropical depression over the eastern Atlantic Ocean on August 16. " why is such a major body of water linked? YE Pacific Hurricane 04:54, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • ". A barometric pressure of 922 mbar (27.23 inHg) in the mainland Florida landfall made Andrew the fourth most intense hurricane to strike the United States." this reads as if the pressure itself made landfall. Could "With a barometric pressure of 922 mbar (27.23 inHg) at the time of landfall in Florida, Andrew is the fourth most intense hurricane to strike the United States." work? YE Pacific Hurricane 04:54, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "Several hours later, the hurricane emerged over the Gulf of Mexico at Category 4 strength, with the Gulf Coast of the United States in its path. After additional weakening, Andrew moved ashore near Morgan City, Louisiana, as a low-end Category 3 storm." mind noting the storm turned north somewhere. In general, I feel direction changes should be noted in the lead. YE Pacific Hurricane 04:54, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "it is currently the fifth costliest hurricane in Atlantic hurricane history, behind only hurricanes Katrina, Sandy, Ike, and Wilma, and the fourth costliest hurricane in the United States, behind Katrina, Sandy, and Ike." link to List of costliest Atlantic hurricanes. YE Pacific Hurricane 04:54, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "and on August 15, meteorologists began classifying the system with the Dvorak technique. " link meteorologists. YE Pacific Hurricane 04:54, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "which was upgraded to 155 mph (250 km/h) in a post-analysis after the season ended.[1]" "post-analysis"? so it was randomly upgraded after an analysis? Generally the term used here is "post-storm analysis". YE Pacific Hurricane 04:54, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "Major airports such as the Fort Lauderdale–Hollywood,[25] Key West,[26] Miami,[15] and Palm Beach international airports closed.[25]" a little nitpicky but is there a way you could avoid saying "airports" twice in a sentence; it's kinda annoying given that there a. YE Pacific Hurricane 04:54, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • I'm not sure if I should do that. Actually I set up that sentence to avoid saying "airport" like five times (and "international airport" three times, might I add)--12george1 (talk) 06:28, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "The Red Cross assisted with opening a shelter " which Red Cross? YE Pacific Hurricane 04:54, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Forgot to switch it after Hink suggested reordering the states--12george1 (talk) 05:34, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Why is Port Arthur linked on first useage and not second? YE Pacific Hurricane 04:54, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • I think you meant the other way around?--12george1 (talk) 05:34, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • The template page suggested cubic meters, so I went with that instead--12george1 (talk) 05:34, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "The storm damaged 241 oil and gas facilities and toppled 33 platform off the coast of Louisiana,[75] causing significant disrutions in production." "platform" to "platforms". YE Pacific Hurricane
  • " Much of Mississippi reported 3 to 5 in (76 to 127 mm) of rain, while areas near the southwest corner of the state observed over 7 in (180 mm) of precipitation,[80] " a state doesn't "report" rain? Maybe try "received?" YE Pacific Hurricane 04:54, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Any foreign aid given to the USA? YE Pacific Hurricane 04:54, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • I found a little bit from Canada, but not much else--12george1 (talk) 06:28, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Add stuff from ReliefWeb. I didn't use Relief Web in my older articles back in the day so I didn't bring this up in past FAC's. YE Pacific Hurricane 04:54, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Add a see also section. YE Pacific Hurricane 04:54, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
Image review:
File:Andrew 23 aug 1992 1231Z.jpg: Good use, source temporarily offline.
File:Andrew 1992 track.png: License and use seem fine.
File:Hurricane Andrew sequence.jpg: Use is fine, source link broken.
File:Andrew-Floyd.jpg: Use is fine, source link broken.
File:HurricaneAndrew.jpg: License and use are fine.
File:Hurricaneandrewlouisiana.JPG: Use fine, source broken.
File:Destruction following hurricane andrew.jpg: License and use seem fine.
File:Dadeland Mobile Home Park after Andrew - Flickr - NOAA Photo Library.jpg neé File:Wea00566 - Flickr - NOAA Photo Library.jpg: License and use seem fine, I've renamed the file on Commons to a clearer name however.
File:Andrewlaplacetornado.png: License and use seem fine.
File:Andrew 1992 rainfall.gif: License and use OK, but the file would profit from being linked to an explanation page rather than directly.
File:Hurricane andrew fema 2563.jpg: License and use seem fine.
File:FEMA - 1926 - Photograph by Bob Epstein taken on 08-24-1992 in Florida.jpg: License and use are fine.
File:FEMA - 2378 - Photograph by Bob Epstein taken on 08-24-1992 in Florida.jpg: License and use are fine.
File:FEMA - 2399 - Photograph by Bob Epstein taken on 08-24-1992 in Florida.jpg: License and use are fine.
File:FEMA - 2599 - Photograph by Bob Epstein taken on 08-24-1992 in Florida.jpg: License and use are fine.
Good ALT text. As it appears to be typical for such articles, many images come from the US government. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk, contributions) 16:07, 28 June 2017 (UTC)
  • I have taken action on all of the images requiring changes. Thank you for reviewing the images!--12george1 (talk) 16:39, 28 June 2017 (UTC)
    Seems like everything checks out. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk, contributions) 18:52, 28 June 2017 (UTC)

Source review—no issues with the reliability of the sources used. Turning toward formatting and consistency:

  • A few footnotes are using "Month DD, YYYY" formatting for dates while most of the rest are using "YYYY-MM-DD" where appropriate. They should be harmonized. (Personally, I prefer using the former format instead of the ISO-style latter format because you can't properly handle a publication date of "November 2004" in the ISO-style.)
    • Fixed with the former--12george1 (talk) 04:28, 29 June 2017 (UTC)
  • In n. 10, you have separate authors listed as "National Hurricane Center; Hurricane Research Division". Is the latter a subunit of the former? If so, the semicolon should not be there. You could either have |publisher= National Hurricane Center |author=Hurricane Research Division or just |author= National Hurricane Center Hurricane Research Division and use |publisher= National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. (United States is really superfluous unless there is another "National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration" in another country.)
    • That and n. 11 are both part of a template. Should I still fix both of them?--12george1 (talk) 02:47, 29 June 2017 (UTC)
      • Yes, if the situation needs to be fixed. Reiterating, if they're separate authors, nothing needs to be changed. If, however, the one is a subunit of the other, then you need to fix this to avoid implying they're completely separate. Imzadi 1979  21:37, 2 July 2017 (UTC)
  • In n. 15, UPI is a publisher, not a published work. It should not be rendered in italics. This would also apply to Knight-Ridder and the Associated Press, which are other wire services.
  • In n. 17, The Washington Post is not the publisher of The Tech, a separate newspaper/online publication several states away.
    • I have it as the agency. If that's not acceptable, how else can I include both?--12george1 (talk) 02:47, 29 June 2017 (UTC)
      • You really don't need to include both. It's not needed for a reader to locate the article, and it's not really needed for attribution. Imzadi 1979  21:37, 2 July 2017 (UTC)
  • In n. 20, "Post, Buckley, Schuh & Jernigan, Inc." is the author of that source, not the published work.
  • In n. 23, the Detroit Free Press is not published in Miami, Florida, unless there is a different paper with that same title. Miami may be the dateline for the article, but it is not the place of publication. Please audit other footnotes for similar misuse of the |location= parameter.
  • In n. 24, The Palm Beach Post should be in italics as a published long-form work, not in roman (plain) text as a publisher.
  • In n. 25, where is the Sun-Sentinel published? When a newspaper name omits its city of publication, it's traditional to give that city separately. That's the purpose of |location= in the citation template. (It's a form of disambiguation because there are multiple papers in the world named just The Times, for example.)
  • In n. 26, you don't need to include Miami as the location of The Miami Herald; that is a given based on the name of the paper.
  • In n. 89, you've included an access date for a source lacking a URL. That flags an error message, so either a URL needs to be added, or the access date needs to be commented out or removed. Ditto n. 103.
  • In n. 113, it appears that all of the authors were placed in the same |author= parameter, which actually corrupts the metadata generated by the citation template. They should be placed in separate |author1=, |author2=, etc parameters.
  • You only need to wikilink the first mention of Newspapers.com in any footnote. Ditto the first mention of any newspaper name or publisher.
  • You should also audit the citations for the distinction between a publisher and a published work.
    • A publisher is the name of an organization, company or government agency. This would also be the call letters of a radio or TV station or the name of a TV network. (TV stations/networks publish individual TV series as works, such as 60 Minutes broadcast by CBS; an individual segment on that show would be analogous to an article in a magazine.) This is what goes in |publisher= and is rendered in roman text.
    • A published work is the name of a newspaper, a magazine, a news website (when not the same as the publisher), etc. This is what goes in |work= (or an alias like |newspaper=) and is rendered in italics. Not all websites have distinct names; Upper Michigan's Source is published by WLUC-TV, yet its competitor WBUP-TV lacks a distinct name for its local news website.
    • A republisher, like an archive site or Newspapers.com, goes in |via= to indicate that you consulted a republished copy.
    • Just to single out one, look at n. 45. I'm reading the original publisher's name rendered in italics while the website that is republishing the source is listed where I expect to see the original publisher. Also, I disagree with using {{cite report}} and how it handles formatting the names of reports that should, as long-form documents of their own analogous to books, be rendered in italics. If you were to switch up the template and parameters, you could have:
      • Bahamas and U.S.A. – Hurricane Andrew Aug 1992 UN DHA Information Reports 1-3 (Report). New York: United Nations Department of Humanitarian Affairs. 1992-08-26. Retrieved 2012-06-20 – via ReliefWeb. 
      • {{cite book |url = http://reliefweb.int/node/34555 |title = Bahamas and U.S.A. – Hurricane Andrew Aug 1992 UN DHA Information Reports 1-3 |publisher = United Nations Department of Humanitarian Affairs |type = Report |location= New York |via = ReliefWeb |date = 1992-08-26 |access-date = 2012-06-20}}

        It's up to you if you want to repeat the UN agency name as the author of the report in the absence of a specific person or subunit of the agency credited as the author.

  • You can simplify some of these publishers, but you need to fix how some are named to eliminate the possessive case. "United States National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration's National Weather Service" is not proper. That can be either "United States National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration National Weather Service" or just "National Weather Service" because the agency is known well enough on its own. (Especially if you wikilink the first mention in a footnote.)
    • I'm gonna do the former without the United States part because earlier you suggested omitting that. The remaining two are part of a template--12george1 (talk) 02:47, 29 June 2017 (UTC)
  • If you're going to credit Newspapers.com for republishing content, why are you not crediting Google News?
  • Please audit for consistency regarding newspaper names that start with "The". You have dropped it from The New York Times and included it in The Washington Post, among others. Not every paper has it, so you'll need to check if you aren't sure.
  • If you're only citing Provenzo once, why not just list the full citation in the footnote instead of listing it separately below? It looks like all four of those sources listed below are cited just once, so I'd merge them into the footnotes for simplicity.
  • One last suggestion: it would give the overall citations an extra bit of polish if you were to harmonize the capitalization of the various titles. If one were to consult the APA style guide, he'd note that it says to render all article titles in sentence case (only the first first and proper names capitalized) regardless of how the source capitalized its own titles. Other style guides would say to render them all in title case (first word, last word, all nouns and verbs, etc capitalized but not shorter prepositions and articles under 5 letters, etc).

Overall, I'm not faulting the sources used, just the formatting for their presentation. I would not support promotion of the article until things are handled more consistently, and more importantly, more correctly. Imzadi 1979  21:10, 28 June 2017 (UTC)

  • I've fixed or responded to everything except for the first two bulletins under "You should also audit the citations...". Are you just putting that information there or are there specific examples of what I need to fix in regards to those comments?--12george1 (talk) 04:28, 29 June 2017 (UTC)
    • You still have work to do yet. If I noted above that you should audit the article for something, it's because the issue is prevalent in multiple locations. I highlighted the first example and asked you to look through the rest for that same issue. Otherwise, I can list several dozen citations that need the same fixes, but that would make this source review rather lengthy and tedious.

      Looking at just the last 6 footnotes, "New Haven, Connecticut" does not need to be listed; it's implied by the name of the paper (n. 128). FEMA is the name of the author, not the published work in n. 129, so it should not be in italics. The archive could be the published work, and FEMA would again be the publisher (no need to use DHS there). In n. 130, I'm sure the residents of a notable town in Pennsylvania would be shocked to learn that The Gettysburg Times is actually published in Louisiana, although the paper may have run an article with Morgan City as the dateline. Likewise, I'm sure Kansas residents will be glad to know that The Salina Journal is really published in New Orleans (n. 131). As for the last two, you knew you needed to list a city for the Telegraph Herald, but that' published in Dubuque, Iowa, but you left out the city for The Daily News. Imzadi 1979  21:37, 2 July 2017 (UTC)

      • I fixed the locations and the FEMA references. But I'm still quite not sure what you're asking me to do with those two comments I didn't reply to. Correct me if I'm wrong, but in the first comment, I think you're asking me to reformat the references if my source is a TV segment, but I'm not citing a segment. As for the second comment, you're asking me to find the distinct website name for news website (e.g. Upper Michigan's Source and WLUC-TV), right? I think you're going to have to show me a few examples in the article because I can't find the references to news websites where the names differ--12george1 (talk) 01:07, 3 July 2017 (UTC)

Smiley Smile[edit]

Nominator(s): Ilovetopaint (talk) 13:06, 2 June 2017 (UTC)

This article is about the lo-fi stoner album by the Beach Boys, which celebrates its 50th anniversary later this year.

Smiley Smile was recorded at a difficult time in the band's history, with songwriter/leader Brian Wilson in the throes of paranoia and mental illness following the cancellation of the much-hyped album Smile. Famously described by brother Carl as "a bunt instead of a grand slam", Smiley Smile was produced DIY-style at Brian's makeshift home studio with the core set-up of a detuned piano, bass guitar, and theatre organ. The songs range from drugged-out singalongs to creepy dissonance and far-off background noise.

Coinciding with highly ambitious efforts like the Beatles' Sgt. Pepper and Pink Floyd's Piper at the Gates of Dawn, the majority of critics and fans who were promised another masterwork on the level of "Good Vibrations" didn't know what to make of the album's goofy doo-wop chants and marijuana ambiance. The record came and went, and the Beach Boys were soon rejected by the maturing youth market as washed-up surf-pop relics. As the legend goes, Wilson retreated to his bed and spent the ensuing years snorting cocaine. Smiley Smile has since earned a considerable cult following, particularly among enthusiasts of indie/outsider music. --Ilovetopaint (talk) 13:06, 2 June 2017 (UTC)

Comments by Bruce1ee[edit]

I've made several minor edits to the article here, here and here; these are my comments:

Lead

  • No mention is made in the lead of Brian's creative role in the Beach Boys' music, and in particular the Smile project; statements like "Following Brian Wilson's declaration that most of the Smile tapes were off-limits" and "Its production was unusually credited to "the Beach Boys" rather than Brian alone" will puzzle the uninitiated.

Background

  • Carl Wilson's quote explains how Smiley Smile came about (a homespun version of Smile) – it comes across to me as an afterthought; I feel there should be a direct statement in this section explaining what led to Smiley Smile.
The paragraphs before kinda already serve that function ("I decided not to try any more, and not try and do such great things, such big musical things. And we had so much fun. The Smiley Smile era was so great, it was unbelievable. Personally, spiritually, everything, it was great. I didn't have any paranoia feelings.").--Ilovetopaint (talk) 06:11, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
  • I don't understand what the boxed quote ("Around '64 ...") has to do with this section; I can't relate it to anything in the text.

Style and content

  • The opening paragraph and blockquote: are those retrospective comments about the album or comments soon after it was released? I think that needs to be stated.

Differences from Smile

  • campfire song links to a disambiguation page – I think it should link elsewhere or the link removed.

Release

  • "You heard the last of surfing music..." in Note 9: Of interest, Hendrix also said "And you'll never hear surf music again" in his song "Third Stone from the Sun" from earlier that year, although in a different context.

Initial reception

  • There's no link for Cheetah magazine – a little on what the magazine is and where it's from would help.
I'm not sure what's to be said--Ilovetopaint (talk) 06:11, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
I see you've created an article for it – thanks. —Bruce1eetalk 10:15, 6 June 2017 (UTC)

Track listing

  • Should the writing credits not say "B. Wilson" to be clear which Wilson it is?
He's the only Wilson with writing credits so it seems superfluous.--Ilovetopaint (talk) 06:11, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
Fair enough. —Bruce1eetalk 10:15, 6 June 2017 (UTC)

Personnel

  • Is there nothing on each Beach Boy's contribution to the album?
    • ... and what about Paul McCartney on "Vegetables" (mentioned in the cited source)? Also, where any session musicians used? —Bruce1eetalk 15:36, 3 June 2017 (UTC)
I'm not aware of a comprehensive list of musicians that played on the album. There's a few sources for bit parts like Dennis playing Hammond on "Good Vibrations" and Jardine blowing a water bottle on "Vegetables", but the GA reviewer suggested that I remove the {{incomplete-list}} acknowledgement, so I did, and only included what the 1990 liner notes say. As for McCartney's contribution, it was unquestionably on the Smile version of "Vegetables", but I can't find an RS that makes that distinction.--Ilovetopaint (talk) 06:11, 4 June 2017 (UTC)

References

General

  • There are several quotes in the article of over 40 words – they need to be blocked quoted.

Bruce1eetalk 13:57, 3 June 2017 (UTC)

  • I've addressed most of these issues for now and will try to trim some excessive quotations later.--Ilovetopaint (talk) 06:11, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
    • Thanks. I see you've also done some quite substantial rewrites of some of the sections. One question about the picture caption of the group in Central Park: how do you know they're performing "Heroes and Villains"? I've looked at the picture source and nowhere is there any mention of what song they're performing. —Bruce1eetalk 10:15, 6 June 2017 (UTC)
They only played six songs at Central Park: "Heroes and Villains", "Okie from Muskogee", "Forever", "It's About Time", "I Get Around", and "Good Vibrations". All of these are on YouTube. "Heroes" is the only performance that matches the photo, with Al, Mike, and Carl each singing at the same time, Mike standing still with the tambourine at his side, the positions of the backup players, and so forth. They couldn't be playing "Good Vibrations" because Mike was on theremin for that, and on "I Get Around" he didn't have a tambourine, etc. --Ilovetopaint (talk) 11:03, 6 June 2017 (UTC)
Then that caption should have a source – as it stands it comes across as original research. Considering all the changes that have been made to the article since my last review, I'm going to do a second pass through it. —Bruce1eetalk 11:59, 6 June 2017 (UTC)
OK, I've gone through the prose again, and I think it's looking good. Just a few more comments:
  • Lead: "Discounting the inclusion of standalone single..." – should that not be "Discounting the inclusion of the standalone single..."?
  • The two pictures are missing alt texts.
  • There are still a couple of quotes over 40 words that should be reduced or blockquoted.
  • I've made some edits here. —Bruce1eetalk 12:54, 6 June 2017 (UTC)
Done--Ilovetopaint (talk) 17:46, 6 June 2017 (UTC)
Support the prose. Thanks for your contribution to this article, and for all your hard work on Beach Boys related articles. —Bruce1eetalk 06:02, 7 June 2017 (UTC)

Support Comments from Cas Liber[edit]

Discounting the inclusion of the standalone single "Good Vibrations" and the solo-credited "Gettin' Hungry", only one single was issued from Smiley Smile: "Heroes and Villains". - I'd flip this sentence and put the second part first. Emphasis is a bit wrong as is.
Brian declared to his bandmates that most of the material recorded for Smile was now distinctly off-limits - why "distinctly" - suggest removing...
Smiley Smile possesses a distinct signature sound - I know what you mean but it sounds puffy/advertorial...

Otherwise reads well. Nice work. Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 14:19, 24 June 2017 (UTC)

I've addressed those issues --Ilovetopaint (talk) 08:43, 4 July 2017 (UTC)
You didn't do the first one but not a deal-breaker. Looks good on comprehensiveness and prose. Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 15:15, 4 July 2017 (UTC)
Sorry, I missed the first part... somehow.--Ilovetopaint (talk) 14:35, 7 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments by Ian[edit]

Recusing coord duties, not a big Beach Boys fan (the only track I know is "Heroes and Villains", which I don't mind actually) so I think I can be severely objective...

  • I copyedited so pls let me know if I misinterpreted anything or if you simply disagree with my wording. Other than that, happy with prose except for:
    • "...Smiley Smile was recorded in a modular approach..." -- sorry but what is a "modular approach"?
  • Overall structure looks reasonable to me, as does the level of detail.
  • I haven't gone through referencing or image licensing.

Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 15:48, 16 July 2017 (UTC)

I changed "modular" to "fragmented" and added a note explaining what the process was.--Ilovetopaint (talk) 07:36, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
Okay, tks -- that helps a lot. I expect to support assuming image and source checks come back clean. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 07:55, 24 July 2017 (UTC)

Coordinator comment: On that note... Have I missed an image or source review anywhere? If not, one can be requested at the top of WT:FAC. Sarastro1 (talk) 19:47, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

John C. Breckinridge[edit]

Nominator(s): Display name 99 (talk) 01:22, 2 June 2017 (UTC)

John Cabell Breckinridge was an American statesman who served as vice president in the administration of James Buchanan. Though he had previously taken a moderate view on slavery, Breckinridge eventually came to believe that the Kansas Territory should legalize it before becoming a state. He was nominated by the Southern wing of the Democratic Party for president in 1860. He lost to Lincoln. He eventually ended up serving as a Confederate major general and as the Confederacy's final secretary of war. Display name 99 (talk) 01:22, 2 June 2017 (UTC)

Image review

  • File:John_C_Breckinridge-04775-restored.jpg: when/where was this first published?
According to the LOC, it was "created/published" between 1865 and 1880. Display name 99 (talk) 15:43, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
Yes. The problem with that is, if it was only created and not published at that time, the current tag does not apply. Nikkimaria (talk) 16:07, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
Nikkimaria, wouldn't the slash indicate that both took place during that time period? Also, this is a Brady/Handy portrait. I think that most of Brady's photographs were published during his lifetime. Display name 99 (talk) 16:50, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
Unfortunately, having looked at LOC images before, I can say that the slash means "and/or" not "and". If you can find a publication during his lifetime, that would support the use of the tag. Nikkimaria (talk) 17:33, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
Nikkimaria, Brady's biography on Civil War Trust includes the following sentence: "In 1850 he published "The Gallery of Illustrious Americans," which sold for $15, equivalent to about $400 today." It also states that in 1875 he sold his collection of photographs to the U.S. Government. Display name 99 (talk) 17:58, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
If this image was "created/published" between 1865 and 1880, it can't have been included in the 1850 publication, and may or may not have been sold in 1875. Any way to narrow this down a bit? And do we know whether the rights were included in the 1875 sale, or just the physical photos (or negatives?)? Nikkimaria (talk) 18:39, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
Nikkimaria, it seemed to me that, in your previous response, you said that if I could prove that if some of Brady's photographs were published at any point in his life, there would be some justification for using that tag. Per the Library of Congress [15], Brady photographs are considered to be in the public domain. Also, the source of the Breckinridge photograph is the Library of Congress. That, along with the fact that all sources that I've seen referring to the 1875 sale indicate that Brady sold all of his major works, makes it practically certain that the Breckinridge photograph was among those sold to the U.S. Congress in 1875. Display name 99 (talk) 19:57, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
  • File:Confederate_States_of_America_General-collar.svg should include an explicit tag indicating that the design is out of copyright
I added a PD-1923 tag. Display name 99 (talk) 15:43, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
  • File:John-C.-Breckinridge-bust-by-James-Paxton-Voorhees.jpg: since the Licensing section is split, the tag in the Permissions field should be moved to the appropriate section. This was done but apparently incorrectly for File:John_C._Breckinridge_statue_Lexington_KY.jpg, and for that image to use the life+100 tag we need an author date of death
I've done the first part. However, the Wikipedia article for the Breckinridge statue in Lexington does not provide the name of a specific author. It merely states that the work was done by the "Henry-Bonnard Bronze Company" and that it was built in 1887. Display name 99 (talk) 15:43, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
I've rearranged this. Nikkimaria (talk) 16:07, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
  • File:John_C._Breckinridge_by_Nicola_Marschall.jpg has a life+100 tag, but the given death date for the author is less than 100 years ago
Done. I've removed it. Display name 99 (talk) 15:43, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
  • File:JDavis.png (in template) needs US PD tag. Nikkimaria (talk) 18:13, 3 June 2017 (UTC)
Done. But I couldn't find that image in the article anywhere. Display name 99 (talk) 15:43, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
It's in {{CSCabinet}}, and to use the tag you've added we need a pre-1923 publication. Nikkimaria (talk) 16:07, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
I removed the tag. In my search to find a publication date using the URLS given in the file I eventually ended up here. Display name 99 (talk) 16:50, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
...which unfortunately doesn't tell us much in regards to whether we can use it! Again, if we can find an early publication we're good. Nikkimaria (talk) 17:33, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
I couldn't find anything, and thus replaced it with a cropped version of a Brady portrait, which appears to include the appropriate tags. Display name 99 (talk) 17:58, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
Nikkimaria, I'm sorry for the delay. Please check my work above. Display name 99 (talk) 15:43, 4 June 2017 (UTC)

Comments by Wehwalt[edit]

I'll be reviewing this article. Preliminarily, I'm not sure that you can say he was convicted of treason by the Senate. The Senate's only significant right of trial that I'm aware of is impeachment. Looking ahead in the article, I see he was expelled by a resolution that called him a traitor, but that's not a conviction of treason. I would say "found to have committed treason".--Wehwalt (talk) 06:07, 6 June 2017 (UTC)

The source, Breckinridge's "Dictionary of America Biography" claims that he was indicted for treason in a Federal court. But it was not by the Senate, so I removed that sentence from the lead. Display name 99 (talk) 13:31, 6 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Infobox: Princeton University was Princeton College throughout his life.--Wehwalt (talk) 06:10, 6 June 2017 (UTC)
Changed to "College of New Jersey." Display name 99 (talk) 13:31, 6 June 2017 (UTC)
On second thought, you might want to put Princeton in parens or something. I fear my being pedantic conceals info from the reader.--Wehwalt (talk) 04:22, 7 June 2017 (UTC)
Done. Display name 99 (talk) 19:45, 7 June 2017 (UTC)
  • The lede is five paragraphs, and the limit is four. Just reading the lede, I see a number of sentences that are probably information that does not need to be in the lede. Consider some cutting. Examples of matters that do not need to be in the lede are who he was the son and grandson of (they are more obscure than he), what the sectional wings of the Democratic Party favored. That's not intended as a complete list. The description of the nominations of Breckinridge and Douglas could probably be boiled down to a long sentence. For the lede, it's generally sufficient to say what he did, and leave the context for the body of the article.
I knew it was a bit too long, but didn't want to shorten it without having first received proper advice. I took some of the advice that you gave, but decided to combine the last two paragraphs. Breckinridge's term as vice president and his presidential candidacy are both more historically significant than anything that he did after joining the Confederacy, so I felt it was best to leave that part in tact and shorten the aftermath. Display name 99 (talk) 13:31, 6 June 2017 (UTC)
  • I would use "doughface" as a noun, rather than an adjective.
Here are sources in which it used as an adjective: [16] [17] Display name 99 (talk) 13:31, 6 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "which supported popular sovereignty for determining slave-holding status" I might say "which supported allowing local residents to decide if a new state should be slave or free". It's the "slave-holding status" that's getting me, as it seems an indirect way of putting it.
I added something similar to this. Display name 99 (talk) 13:31, 6 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "while anti-slavery Republican Abraham Lincoln" I don't think Lincoln was actually anti-slavery in 1860. He was certainly against its spread, but he had not publicly called for slavery's immediate end.
I added the word "more." He was definitely anti-slavery as far as southerners were concerned. But compared to some northerners, not quite so much. Display name 99 (talk) 13:31, 6 June 2017 (UTC)
  • " Kentucky's neutrality was breached." I might tell the reader a bit more, and so substitute "Confederate forces moved into Kentucky"
Done. Display name 99 (talk) 13:31, 6 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "The fourth of six children born to Joseph "Cabell" and Mary Clay (Smith) Breckinridge, he was their only son." I would add another Breckinridge after "Cabell".
Done. Display name 99 (talk) 13:31, 6 June 2017 (UTC)
More soon.--Wehwalt (talk) 12:58, 6 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "In February, the family moved with Governor John Adair to the Governor's Mansion in Frankfort, Kentucky." Since it's long since you mentioned the year in question, I would either add it or say it happened the month after JCB's birth. It's also a bit obscure why they moved into the governor's mansion with the governor. Also, you could lose the word "Kentucky" here, it occurs three times in two sentences, and the other two seem needed to avoid ambiguity.
Done. I added that the move was done "so that his father could better attend to his duties as Secretary of State." Display name 99 (talk) 19:45, 7 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "While in Lexington, Breckinridge attended Pisgah Academy in Woodford County.[7] His grandmother also taught him the political philosophies of her late husband, John Breckinridge, who served in the U.S. Senate ..." I'd lose the word "also" as not really needed.
Done. Display name 99 (talk) 19:45, 7 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "Breckinridge's uncle, William Breckinridge, was also on the faculty there, prompting him to enroll in November 1834." Was this the "decider" as it sounds? I mean, he's living in the house of the college president and doesn't have money to go away to school, wouldn't he have already been planning to attend Centre?
The sentence uses the word "also," indicating that more than one thing prompted him to attend. Display name 99 (talk) 19:45, 7 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "After earning a Bachelor of Arts degree in September 1838, he spent the winter of 1838–1839 as a "resident graduate" ..." to avoid the repetition, I would change, "winter of 1838–1839" to "following winter".
Done. Display name 99 (talk) 19:45, 7 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "he and former classmate Thomas W. Bullock resolved to relocate to Iowa Territory in October 1841." Ambiguous. Did the resolution take place then or did they plan the move for then? And when did they actually leave?
Fixed. Display name 99 (talk) 19:45, 7 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "he decided to remain for the summer rather than returning to Iowa's colder climate" This sort of sounds like you are saying Iowa has cold summers.
That's what the source says. I think that the summers are at least colder than those in Kentucky. Display name 99 (talk) 19:45, 7 June 2017 (UTC)
More soon.--Wehwalt (talk) 04:22, 7 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "In July 1847, he delivered an address" I would name Breckinridge here to avoid the possibility of ambiguity.
Done. Display name 99 (talk) 23:12, 10 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "to write The Bivouac of the Dead." why is the "The" capped and italicized if it's not part of the titie?
Done. I removed the word altogether. I don't think we need it. Display name 99 (talk) 23:12, 10 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "William Owsley, then Governor of Kentucky" I would substitute "the" for "then"
Done. Display name 99 (talk) 23:12, 10 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "John J. Crittenden " I would mention that he was a senator, and also a Whig.
Done. Display name 99 (talk) 23:12, 10 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "After several men became ill at Vera Cruz," this may not make clear enough that disease was as deadly as the Mexicans, if not more so, in that campaign. The reader may not get the sense of alarm.
Done. I also added that the disease was yellow fever. Display name 99 (talk) 23:12, 10 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "they participated in no military action" I would boil down to "they saw no fighting"
Done. Display name 99 (talk) 23:12, 10 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "Breckinridge's nominal military service" I'm not sure that does him enough credit for a difficult and dangerous task. I would rephrase as "Although he saw no combat, Breckinridge's military service"
Done. Display name 99 (talk) 23:12, 10 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "Breckinridge campaigned for Democratic presidential nominee James K. Polk during the 1844 campaign." I would change "campaigned" to "made speeches" or some such, to avoid the near repetition.
Done. Display name 99 (talk) 23:12, 10 June 2017 (UTC)

"Some local Democrats encouraged him to seek the Eighth District's congressional seat in 1845," The "in 1845" feels tacked on, I would move the phrase to the front of the sentence if I am interpreting the year correctly as saying when the encouragement (rather than the election) took place.

Done. Display name 99 (talk) 23:12, 10 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "In August 1849, Kentuckians elected delegates to a state constitutional convention in addition to representatives and senators.[40]" I imagine that this is a reference to state legislators, as they wouldn't have elected a US senator.
Added the word "state" before representatives. Display name 99 (talk) 23:12, 10 June 2017 (UTC)
  • " Frank H. Heck wrote that Breckinridge was the leader of the House Democratic caucus during the session, but most of the measures considered were "local or personal ... and in any case, petty"." I don't see where there is a contrast justifying the "but".
Replaced with "during which time." Display name 99 (talk) 23:12, 10 June 2017 (UTC)
  • " a traditionally Whig stance" I might phrase this "a core Whig position" or similar. They agreed on this as much as Whigs ever agreed on anything.
I think that the word "traditionally" better conveys the irony of Breckinridge supporting it. The main purpose of this article is, of course, to discuss Breckinridge. Using the word "core" could even momentarily confuse the reader into thinking Breckinridge was a Whig. Display name 99 (talk) 23:12, 10 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "Three days before the end of the session, Breckinridge took a leave of absence to care for his son, John Milton, who had become ill; he died on March 18, 1850." You may want to supply a couple of dates in the discussion of the session here and previously.
Done. Display name 99 (talk) 23:12, 10 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "The attacks came from the pages of George Nicholas Sanders's Democratic Review, and on the House floor from Florida's Edward Carrington Cabell, fellow Kentuckian Humphrey Marshall, Illinois' William A. Richardson, and California's Edward C. Marshall, who was Breckinridge's cousin, nearly all of whom supported Stephen Douglas for the nomination.[63] Their attacks, however, ultimately hurt Douglas's chances for the nomination and Breckinridge's defense of Butler enhanced his own reputation." is the list of conspirators necessary? This seems of importance only because it boosted Breckenridge.
I removed all mention of them specifically except for Marshall, because he was Breckinridge's cousin. Display name 99 (talk) 23:12, 10 June 2017 (UTC)
  • At one of the mentions of Henry Clay, I would mention he was a senator. You don't seem to quite get there.
Done. Display name 99 (talk) 23:12, 10 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "During its debate on the House floor," I think "the" for "its". The subject is not in doubt.
Done. Display name 99 (talk) 22:19, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • I would mention somewhere around the time that Breckinridge's second house term expired in March 1855.
Done. Display name 99 (talk) 23:12, 10 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "any misdemeanors" maybe "any wrongdoing"
Done. Display name 99 (talk) 23:12, 10 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "Even with this additional support, Douglas was also unable to garner a majority of the delegates' votes," Probably "still" for "also".
Done. Display name 99 (talk) 23:12, 10 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "suggested that nominating Breckinridge for vice-president would balance Buchanan's ticket and placate disgruntled supporters of Douglas or Pierce." I would substitute "the" for "Buchanan's" and "and" for "or".
Done. Display name 99 (talk) 23:12, 10 June 2017 (UTC)
More soon, continuing with vice presidency. Sorry to be so segmented.--Wehwalt (talk) 06:34, 10 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "they managed to alienate most Northern Democrats, including Douglas.[91][48]" refs in wrong order
Done. Display name 99 (talk) 22:19, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Possibly something could be said about the limited role of 19th century vice presidents, with specific reference to Breckinridge.
I couldn't find anything. Breckinridge isn't considered one of the most notable VPs in history, for better or worse, based on what he did in office. I did, however, expand the paragraph on the speech that he gave in the Old Senate Chamber on January 4, 1859. Display name 99 (talk) 22:19, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "Breckinridge endorsed the Supreme Court's decision in Dred Scott v. Sandford – which upheld the legality of slavery" That wasn't really the holding of Dred Scott, more that Congress couldn't restrict it in the territories.
Fixed. Display name 99 (talk) 22:19, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • I might toss a "recent" into the description of the Brown raid.
Done. Display name 99 (talk) 22:19, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "Among Breckinridge's supporters ... " since all of the gentlemen listed were Kentuckians, I see no need to use the name of the state twice. Also, by this time Powell was a senator. (you later mention his becoming a senator in the 1861 description, so you could cut that)
Done. Display name 99 (talk) 22:19, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "Douglas maintained a wide plurality, but failed to gain a majority;" Didn't he need two-thirds?
Yes. Fixed. Display name 99 (talk) 22:19, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "To avoid detainment, " I might use the more common "detention".
To "detain" is a fairly widely-used word. I see no real advantage here. Display name 99 (talk) 22:19, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "capturing several Union prisoners, destroying their supplies, and driving them from the city." this can be read he did all this to the Union prisoners.
Fixed. Display name 99 (talk) 22:19, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "if [the attack] should result in disaster and I be among the killed, I want you to justice to my memory" It seems like there should be a word "do" before justice. If it's not in the quote, a bracketed word might be worth it.
I added "do" without the brackets. I couldn't access the source for this, but it definitely seemed left out. Display name 99 (talk) 22:19, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "arguing that Kentucky's decision to stay in the Union denied Breckinridge the notion of states' rights to justify his siding with the Confederacy." maybe "suggesting that Breckinridge had been a hypocrite for supporting states' rights, then abandoning his home state when it chose to remain in the Union." Some such, anyway. As it is, it's a bit opaque.
Done. Display name 99 (talk) 22:19, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "Since then, many in the South viewed him as a "worthy successor" of the late Stonewall Jackson." This appears to need a "have" before "viewed".
Done. Display name 99 (talk) 22:19, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "Breckinridge would later set another example of this" maybe "Breckenridge would also show these skills"
Changed to "Breckinridge would draw more comparisons..." Display name 99 (talk) 22:19, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • " Lee ordered them to clear the Union forces from the Shenandoah Valley, then cross into Maryland and probed the defenses of Washington, D.C." likely "probe" for "probed".
Done. Display name 99 (talk) 22:19, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "In the process, he ensured that the Confederate archives, both government and military, were captured intact by the Union forces.[130] By so doing, he ensured that a full account of the Confederate war effort would be preserved for history." I'm not sure you should use such introductory phrases, commenting on the same thing, in two consecutive sentences.
Fixed. Display name 99 (talk) 22:19, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • It might be worthwhile to mention how Breckinridge traveled as he fled in April 1865. Horseback?
Added that he rode into Abbeville on April 28. That was all I could find. Display name 99 (talk) 22:19, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • " Sherman later praised Breckinridge's negotiating skills, and the surrender terms agreed to were later criticized by Sherman's colleagues as too generous." They were actually refused by Washington, who ordered the surrender done without all the political trimmings, as I recall.
Fixed. Display name 99 (talk) 22:19, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "Learning of Davis's capture, which left him as the highest-ranking former Confederate official still at large" Benjamin outranked him, so to speak, I believe.
Fixed. Display name 99 (talk) 22:19, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • What were Breckenridge's means of support while in exile?
Davis (2010) doesn't say much. I did add that he lived in hotels and a rented house. People gave him stuff for free in Cuba, as the article mentions. That could have been the case elsewhere. Display name 99 (talk) 22:19, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • "Washington College (now Washington and Lee University) offered him a professorship, but he declined." Was this offered through Lee's influence?
Probably. But I could only find that he was urged to accept it by former Confederate Colonel William Preston Johnston, and added that into the article. Display name 99 (talk) 22:19, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Can anything be said about how Breckenridge is viewed by history? Being Buchanan's VP and a Confederate probably doesn't get you rave reviews.
I had difficulty finding sources on this. As I said before, nothing that Breckinridge did through his office of vice president stands out very much, in either a good or bad way. He's most famous for running for president in 1860. But people discussing the election seldom focus on Breckinridge the man. Instead they talk about the breakup of the Democratic Party and Lincoln and Douglas. Breckinridge had a very respectable career in the Confederacy, but he didn't become a legend the same way that Lee or Jackson did. The best I could do was insert a brief laudatory assessment of Breckinridge as a military commander, and another brief quote assessing his impact on the war.Display name 99 (talk) 22:19, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
That's all I have. Very nicely done.--Wehwalt (talk) 17:10, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
Wehwalt, I have finished responding to the review. Thank you for your assistance. As always, it is appreciated. Display name 99 (talk) 22:19, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
Support you're welcome. I have no objection if you collapse addressed comments, or move them to talk.--Wehwalt (talk) 01:36, 12 June 2017 (UTC)

Source review[edit]

All references appear of encyclopedic quality and are consistently cited with the following notes:

  • Ref 7, the Congressional Biographical The reader should be led to a link in some manner there. It is linked both in biblio and as an EL, which I think is a no-no.
Fixed. Display name 99 (talk) 02:19, 22 June 2017 (UTC)
  • You are not consistent on the use of title case for online resources, compare 32 and 120.
Fixed. Display name 99 (talk) 02:19, 22 June 2017 (UTC)
  • I don't think we reproduce the all caps in newspaper headlines.
Most of today's newspapers don't use all caps, but ones back then did quite frequently. Newspapers from the 19th century don't seem to be cited too often on WP. Personally I do it in order to be as accurate as possible. I don't see it as a big deal. If you can point to any specific policy I would have no problem changing it. Display name 99 (talk) 02:19, 22 June 2017 (UTC)
MOS:ALLCAPS--Wehwalt (talk) 02:48, 22 June 2017 (UTC)
Fixed. Display name 99 (talk) 11:28, 22 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Ref 18 has the wrong dash. Also 153. And 187.
Fixed. Display name 99 (talk) 02:19, 22 June 2017 (UTC)
  • There is a typo in Ref 40 that should either be corrected or marked by sic.
Added "[sic]. Display name 99 (talk) 02:19, 22 June 2017 (UTC)
  • 125 could use an ISBN.
Done. Display name 99 (talk) 02:19, 22 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Ref 131 needs fuller detail.
Done. Display name 99 (talk) 02:19, 22 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Ref 162 has a format problem. 174 has one too, but different.
Fixed. Display name 99 (talk) 02:19, 22 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Ref 178 the publisher is likely the Library of Congress
Fixed. Display name 99 (talk) 02:19, 22 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Refs 207 to 210 appear to use a different formatting scheme.
Fixed. Display name 99 (talk) 02:19, 22 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Why is Trails-R-Us a reliable source?
It doesn't look too good. I replaced it with a Maysville newspaper from 1887. Display name 99 (talk) 02:19, 22 June 2017 (UTC)
  • In the biblio, the place name for the location of Eicher's publisher appears incorrect.
Stanford University Press does apparently publish in California. I added "California" to the citation for clarification. Display name 99 (talk) 02:19, 22 June 2017 (UTC)
No such place as "Standord".--Wehwalt (talk) 02:48, 22 June 2017 (UTC)
Fixed spelling error. Display name 99 (talk) 11:28, 22 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Current's book needs an ISBN.
Whose? Display name 99 (talk) 02:19, 22 June 2017 (UTC)
Beats me. But Eaton's needs an OCLC.--Wehwalt (talk) 02:48, 22 June 2017 (UTC)
I added a location and ISBN for Eaton. Display name 99 (talk) 11:28, 22 June 2017 (UTC)
  • McKnight's book title needs italics and a publisher location. Also, this is the only one where you use a 13 digit ISBN, all others use 10.
Done. Display name 99 (talk) 02:19, 22 June 2017 (UTC)
  • The identical footnote in the succession boxes is given twice.--Wehwalt (talk) 11:30, 20 June 2017 (UTC)
Wehwalt, thanks for the review. Please see above. Display name 99 (talk) 02:19, 22 June 2017 (UTC)
No trouble.--Wehwalt (talk) 08:38, 23 June 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Midnightblueowl[edit]

  • "was a lawyer, politician, and soldier from the U.S. state of Kentucky". Surely better to say "was an American laywer was a lawyer, politician, and soldier", with Kentucky then being introduced in the second paragraph? That would be in keeping with most FAs, in my experience. Midnightblueowl (talk) 16:17, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
  • I hope that you don't mind, but I've made some tweaks to the lede paragraphs to this effect. Midnightblueowl (talk) 16:39, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
OK. That's fine. Display name 99 (talk) 12:21, 10 July 2017 (UTC)
  • The lede is a little lengthy. Do you think it could be pruned here and then? It is for instance a few lines longer than FAs on other senior politicians, like Vladimir Lenin or Nelson Mandela. For instance "In 1859, he was elected to succeed U.S. Senator John J. Crittenden at the end of Crittenden's term in 1861." could easily be trimmed into "In 1861, he succeeded U.S. Senator John J. Crittenden." "As vice president, Breckinridge joined with Buchanan" could easily be "As vice president, Breckinridge joined Buchanan" etc. Midnightblueowl (talk) 16:17, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
The fact that Breckinridge was elected to succeed Crittenden two years before the term is significant. I left that alone. I have, however, tried to shorten the lead by implementing other suggestions that you have made. Display name 99 (talk) 12:21, 10 July 2017 (UTC)
  • "and he died on May 17, 1875." - we already have that date elsewhere in the lede, I do not think that we really need it again. Midnightblueowl (talk) 16:18, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
Changed to "he died in 1875." He did die without reaching old age, so I think that it's worth mentioning his death. However, I agree that we don't need to give the exact date. Display name 99 (talk) 12:21, 10 July 2017 (UTC)
  • We have nothing on Breckinridge's reception or legacy in the lede. Midnightblueowl (talk) 16:27, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
I added a sentence to the end. Display name 99 (talk) 12:21, 10 July 2017 (UTC)
  • " after Breckinridge had previously supported both President Franklin Pierce and Douglas for the nomination" probably is unnecessary in the lede. Midnightblueowl (talk) 16:41, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
Done. I removed that part. Display name 99 (talk) 12:21, 10 July 2017 (UTC)
  • " doughfaced Northerner Buchanan," - I would scrap "doughfaced". We do not need to describe the personality of figures other than Brechinridge himself in the lede. Midnightblueowl (talk) 16:41, 7 July 2017 (UTC)
Done. Display name 99 (talk) 12:21, 10 July 2017 (UTC)
Midnightblueowl, I have made several changes based on your suggestions. Display name 99 (talk) 12:21, 10 July 2017 (UTC)
Midnightblueowl, hello? Display name 99 (talk) 18:07, 18 July 2017 (UTC)
Apologies for the delay. I hope to take a closer look later in the week. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:34, 23 July 2017 (UTC)

Holy Wood (In the Shadow of the Valley of Death)[edit]

Nominator(s): Homeostasis07 (talk) 17:34, 22 May 2017 (UTC)

This article is about the fourth studio album by American rock group Marilyn Manson. I've edited the article significantly since it was last nominated here (it's been nominated a total of 6 times since 2011). I've gone through every archive with a fine tooth comb and dealt with everything that was ever raised—except the issue in archive3 about converting the Mercury logo from *.jpg format to *.svg (I have no idea what an svg is, and none of my image editing software has the ability to create svg's). Aside from this, I believe the article meets the FA criteria. This would be my second FA, after The Pale Emperor. Homeostasis07 (talk) 17:34, 22 May 2017 (UTC)

Comments Support from Freikorp.

Done. Homeostasis07 (talk)
  • Does "declaration of war" have to be wikilinked? Its strikes me as a bit inappropriate. Suggest you put it in quotes also.
Done. Homeostasis07 (talk)
  • "citing rumors that they contained animal sacrifices, bestiality and rape" - strongly suggest you add a comma and then add information that these rumours were completely false. Snopes has a article you might find handy for this: [18]
Changed to "Numerous politicians lobbied to have their performances banned, citing false and exaggerated claims that they contained animal sacrifices, bestiality and rape." Homeostasis07 (talk)
  • "alleged that the shooters were fans, and were wearing the group's T-shirts during the massacre" - again, can you find a source that states this was incorrect then add that information to the sentence?
added ", although these reports were later proven to be false." with new source.
  • "Gigwise ranked it at number ten on their list" - What year did this happen?
2008. Added.
  • "Drowned in Sound rated the album 10 out of 10, highlighting the band's performances." 'highlighting the band's performances' is rather vague and seems to raise more questions than it answers regarding why it got 10 out of 10. Can you be a little more specific?
Added quote from review.
  • "was seen by music critics and fans alike as the best album of the band's discography, as well as one of the greatest rock albums of all time" - I think you're going to need direct inline citations for that claim.
This was sourced by The Needle Drop's review of The Pale Emperor, but apparently he's not WP:RS. Whoever removed the review neglected to remove this comment. I couldn't find another source to match the exact wording, so I've removed this completely and expanded the entire paragraph with some more features/articles discussing the album's impact. Homeostasis07 (talk)

Well done on the article overall. Very close to supporting. If this nomination doesn't pass, notify me the next time it gets nominated and I'll be happy to comment on it again. Freikorp (talk) 01:08, 4 June 2017 (UTC)

Thanks for the review. I believe I've addressed everything raised above. Let me know if you're not happy with any of the changes I've made, and I'll try again. Homeostasis07 (talk) 17:35, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
Looks great. Supporting. Freikorp (talk) 05:10, 5 June 2017 (UTC)

Comments Support from Retrohead.

  • There's a recommendation from the manual of style that the lead should not contain exclusive information (information that's not part of the article's body). Therefore the two references in the lead about the citations are not needed if the quoted sentences are present in the body, which in this case they are.
Done.
  • "British rock magazine Kerrang! went on to include it on their list" Shouldn't be its list because Kerrang is singular?
Done.
  • "Three singles were released to promote the record" Why not just "Three singles were released from the record"? After all, singles are meant to promote an LP.
Done.
  • I'm not sure about this, but I think it's incorrect to have two punctuation marks next to each other as in "Edgar Bronfman Jr.," (from 'Background and development').
Done.
  • "The record was also released on 2×LP and Cassette formats". You can drop formats from the sentence. "Cassette" should be with small letter too.
Done.
  • "Manson and W.I.Z.," drop the comma (as mentioned in the fourth note)
Done.
  • The article is well written, well researched, and has a very interesting background. I'll wait for the minor corrections to be made, but I expect it to easily pass.
Thanks for the review Retrohead. I've fixed everything you've mentioned above. Let me know if there's anything else I can do. Homeostasis07 (talk) 16:53, 28 June 2017 (UTC)
Support from me then. Good luck with the nomination.--Retrohead (talk) 06:15, 2 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Image/media review - the fair use images and audio files are generally fine (low res, short), but there are a few issue. FunkMonk (talk) 21:06, 6 July 2017 (UTC)
  • The two concert photos look suspiciously like screengrabs from videos (due to the aspect ratio, border, and blur). Are we sure these are usermade? What are their sources?
  • The alchemy symbol seems generic enough to maybe not be copyrightable, but this is just a note for further investigation if anyone wants to.
Thanks for the review, FunkMonk. Regarding the two live images, I went to a fansite and specifically asked for fan-taken pictures from the Guns, God and Government Tour which I could upload here under a CC license. Those images were offered to me, and I was told they were from the band's show on January 22, 2001 at the Evening News Arena in Manchester, England—which wasn't filmed for broadcast. It appears as though I was lied to. The reason I went to a fansite was because I had already checked the likes of Flickr, Google Images, Pixabay, etc. for CC images, and couldn't find a single one. I'll remove them and tag them for speedy deletion. I hope the article not being illustrated by a live image would get in the way of it being promoted to FA status. Homeostasis07 (talk) 22:32, 6 July 2017 (UTC)
Good move, though we can't of course rule out that whoever provided the images filmed it themselves or some such. But in that case, it should have been made clear in the image description that you as the uploader did not create the photos. Anyhow, lack of such photos doesn't hinder promotion. But a photo of the artist may be appropriate somewhere, even if it isn't contemporary. FunkMonk (talk) 23:25, 6 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Source review
  • I'm not going to harp on it, especially as I can't find the hard rule about it I dimly remember, but as per Template:Cite web#Publisher and MOS:INITIALS corporate marks such as LLC should generally not be included in the name of companies e.g. Wenner Media LLC or Turner Broadcasting System, Inc. without a good reason
Removed every instance of LLC or Inc. from the article, with the exception of Time Inc. UK, since Time UK just links to a disambiguation page. Homeostasis07 (talk)
  • Also per Template:Cite web#Publisher, you should skip the publisher if it's basically the same thing as the work- the example given is the New York Times Company... which you do on ref 6. (There's also others, such as ref 2)
Removed all of these (as well as Village Voice Media; Washington Post Company, etc.) Homeostasis07 (talk)
  • You're mixing linking styles- at first you're linking every instance of the publisher/work/author, but then sometimes you only link the first instance (e.g. refs 16-22 drop the links, but then it starts up again intermittently after that). You should pick one; I personally go with linking all instances because finding the "first" is a pain.
Yeah, this has always confused me. People keep saying you shouldn't overlink in references, but it's annoying when you have to go trolling through an entire article to find the one that's been linked. Fixed this. Homeostasis07 (talk)
  • Props for both the archiving and for the instructions on 127!
  • {{Cite journal}} is meant for scientific/academic journals; you should be using its cousin, {{cite magazine}}
Changed. Homeostasis07 (talk)
  • You don't seem to be using ISSNs in all cases for magazines, which is fine, I guess? NME is 0028-6362, for example.
Nice catch. Never occurred to me look up the ISSN or IBSN or the journals. Fixed. Homeostasis07 (talk)
  • Spotchecks: 14, 58, 67, 85, 105, 115 (though what's the point of the second ref for that sentence?), 130, 149. No issues found. --PresN 01:58, 11 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Right, also, to be clear, I didn't see any questionable sources either. --PresN 02:17, 11 July 2017 (UTC)
Thanks for the review, PresN. I've taken care of all your points. Let me know if there's anything else I can do. Homeostasis07 (talk) 23:46, 11 July 2017 (UTC)
Source review: passed. --PresN 01:36, 12 July 2017 (UTC)

Support due to engaging prose, comprehensiveness, and drastic improvements made in the wake of multiple FA attempts. I believe this should be the last time this article be in this pool awaiting evaluation against the FA criteria as all improvements have been exhausted and some leeway should finally be given. Slightlymad (talk) 07:17, 24 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Aoba47
  • I am not entirely sure about the use of the Kerrang quote in the last paragraph of the lead as it is rather lengthy. It is appropriate for use in the body of the article, but I feel that this part could be paraphrased. If the quote is absolutely needed, then it will have to be cited in the lead with the appropriate referenced, but again, I think paraphrasing here would be better suited for the context of the lead.
I tried paraphrasing, but the quote itself is so loaded that I found it impossible to paraphrase without that sentence sounding undue or fancruft-ish. So I just put the reference beside the quote. Homeostasis07 (talk)
  • In the "Background and development" section, Rock is Dead Tour should not be in quotations as it is the title of a tour.
Fixed. Homeostasis07 (talk)
  • This is more of a clarification question, but sometimes you use the album's full title and sometime you only use the first part (Holy Wood). Does this particularly matter/should this be consistent through the article and lead?
This was pretty much done just to save space. Holy Wood (In the Shadow of the Valley of Death) is a bit of a mouth-full, and I thought it'd be overkill to use it every time. I tried using "the album" or "the record", or "film" or "novel" as much as possible - since these projects all had the same title, at one point or another. I replaced one instance of using the full title in Release and artwork; the only remaining time the full title is used in the body is in Recording and production: "... it was announced that their upcoming album had been re-titled Holy Wood (In the Shadow of the Valley of Death). I think it's necessary to give the full title there, since its previous title was just Holy Wood. Homeostasis07 (talk)
  • In the "Tour" subsection, do you think that you should put the tour as a further information bit as done in previous sections?
Done. Homeostasis07 (talk)
  • I am not sure of the value of the Robert Christgau review, especially since the meaning of the bomb icon is not made clear in the context of the sentence.
I left that there because Christgau seemed like a distinguished journalist, but was always dubious about it since his "review" consisted of nothing more than a symbol. I've removed it now. Homeostasis07 (talk)

Wonderful work with the article as a whole. Once my above comments are addressed, I will support this. Good luck with getting it promoted, and have a wonderful rest of your day. Aoba47 (talk) 15:00, 24 July 2017 (UTC)

Thanks for the reviews, Slightlymad and Aoba47. Let me know if there's anything else I can do. Homeostasis07 (talk) 22:37, 24 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Everything looks good; great work with it. I will support it. Aoba47 (talk) 23:02, 24 July 2017 (UTC)

Coordinator comment: Have I missed an image review anywhere? Sarastro1 (talk) 19:44, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

@Sarastro1: FunkMonk provided one, about halfway down the page, on 21:06, 6 July 2017 (UTC). Homeostasis07 (talk) 20:30, 25 July 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Vanamonde[edit]

I know very little about Marilyn Manson, so please forgive me if I miss the obvious. With that in mind, a few quibbles. I've also made some minor copy-edits for flow and clarity, let me know if you disagree with any of them. Vanamonde (talk) 07:49, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

  • The lead paragraph references a trilogy, but it's unclear whether the three names albums are the ones which constitute it.
I've rearranged the opening paragraph to make this clearer.
  • "the band's T-shirts" is odd unless they actually belonged to the band, which I doubt they did: "commemorating the band"?
    and the same again in paragraph 2 of background
Officially merchandised T-shirts featuring emblazoned images of the band on them. I don't really know if this could be made this clearer.
  • "The band found they could accomplish more there than in the limited environment of Manson's home studio" This sentence doesn't appear to add very much.
Removed.
  • "and the iconography of his crucifixion as the origin of celebrity." I am not certain what this means.
The paragraph goes on to explain this: he's arguing that the image of Jesus being crucified can be considered the first piece of officially-sanctioned merchandise, exploited for financial gain by the Vatican.
  • "for the purpose of Holy Wood, he accepted the story" of what? religion?
The story of the crucifixion of Jesus, as told in the bible. I've re-worded to make this clearer.
  • More general comment; there are places in which Manson's statements are presented in a fashion that almost gives them editorial backing. The use of "noted" for instance, is questionable, unless this is a perspective that the secondary source reporting this agrees upon.
Could you be a bit more specific here? There were two instances of the article using the word "noted": one was a Manson quote, which I've removed; the other is "CMJ noted that ["The Nobodies"] could be interpreted as a tribute to the Columbine shooters..., which is a secondary source giving their perspective.
  • Also, Manson's statements themselves are used rather a lot. I'm not well-versed enough with the topic to say whether this is inappropriate; I know that if I were writing about a book, using the author's statements as frequently as here would not be appropriate.
Even though I don't believe this to be the case, I do get your point. There are a few quotes in Recording and production and Concept and themes, then one or two more in the first paragraph of Composition and style, but those are really just there to elaborate on what's being said, and I don't think they're being used to give undue weight, or to back up any exceptional claims. After all, who else could converse in any amount of decent detail about the specifics of the album's recording or concept, other than Manson or band members?
  • "record was also released on 2×LP" To people unfamiliar with LPs, ie most people, this is confusing.
Changed to "double-LP"
  • You use "the band's vocalist" a few too many times, I think. Manson is a central figure in this story, using his name frequently is not necessarily a problem.
This was changed because others reviewers had previously complained that they weren't sure if "Manson" was referring to the vocalist or the band. They found it confusing, because they both use the same name.
  • I'm confused as to the structure of the accolades section, which begins with a list of accolades, but in the second paragraph turns into a mixture of accolades and reviews.
I've re-arranged this.
  • Link or explain white trash with respect to Eminem.
Linked.
  • The lead sentence of "track listing" needs a source.
Done.
  • Is it usual to have a "Marilyn Manson" subtitle for the credits section, rather than a "music" or "performance", which would complement "production" better? Not familiar with this, so your call.
Yeah, it's fairly typical to have the band separated like that, where appropriate. The left column is Marilyn Manson, as its existed as a band at that time; the right one consists of recording and mix engineers, artwork creators, additional musical contributors, etc. It wouldn't be right to rename Marilyn Manson to Musicians without also adding the additional musicians to the left column: which would confuse the casual reader about the band's lineup, if they weren't all that familiar.
  • Another general comment; the article does not appear to discuss the instrumentation used for the album; is that commonplace? It may also be worth mentioning whether or not all the lyrics are in English: it's a fact English articles often overlook, but is not actually obvious.
Are you referring to the actual brands of instruments used? What's on the article is what could be sourced: Twiggy's credit for performing Leslie speaker-amplified guitar on "Lamb of God" is the closest anyone could likely get to detailed instrument credits. I doubt you'd ever find a detailed, reliable reference which specifically states: "Twiggy used a Gibson Les Paul Deluxe on track X", or "John 5 used an Ovation acoustic model on track X". And all of the lyrics are in English. They're an American band. Aside from some German double entendre's on The Golden Age of Grotesque, everything Manson's ever written has been in English.

Otherwise, this looks decent. The prose is good. I cannot comment in detail about comprehensiveness or neutrality, though I have raised a couple of points above. Ideally, I would also like to see more than two images. I can understand if none are available, but surely there must be something; of the recording studio? Of performances? Of the instruments? Of the band members during this period? Vanamonde (talk) 07:49, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

Cheers for the review. I think I've dealt with all your points, but let me know if you're not satisfied with anything, and I'll try again. Regarding some more images, I looked everywhere, but there are no Creative Commons images of the band performing - or even of the band generally during this era - online. I did find this, which does say "Editorial use", but I can't see any specific Creative Commons license. I'll have to ask Commons for help to see if I could use those. Update: Nope. Never thought of looking up a CC image of The Mansion (recording studio) (where the album was recorded). I can't see any at a glance, but will have a more thorough look around later. Update: Again, can't find any. Homeostasis07 (talk) 17:04, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

Canadian Indian residential school system[edit]

Nominator(s): Dnllnd (talk) 01:38, 23 April 2017 (UTC)

This article is about the Canadian Indian residential school system which involved the active removal of Indigenous children from their families and communities with the aim of assimilating them into Canadian culture. The 2015 Executive Summary of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission (TRC) concluded that the system and it's legacy amounted to cultural genocide. The final reports of the TRC included calls to action with a focus on education and awareness about the system - this page is a step toward that goal. With Canada's 150 anniversary taking place this July, all aspects of the country's history should be highlighted including this one.Dnllnd (talk) 01:38, 23 April 2017 (UTC)

Support Comments by Finetooth on prose and comprehensiveness

This is most interesting; the prose is of professional quality, and the topic worthy. I began to fade a bit in the lowermost sections, where I think some abbreviating and some minor revisions would make the going a bit easier. Here are my questions and suggestions:
Subheads
  • Section heads and subheads should not refer redundantly to the article title or echo one another. My suggestion would be to remove "residential schools" from the section heads 2 and 7 and to remove the word "apologies" or "apology" from subheads 5.1, 5.2, and 5.3.
Done. --Dnllnd (talk) 22:45, 26 April 2017 (UTC)
  • Not quite. You removed the first two but not the second group of three. Finetooth (talk) 16:13, 29 April 2017 (UTC)
Done. (For real this time!)--Dnllnd (talk) 17:46, 30 April 2017 (UTC)
Images
  • Although two of the images have alt text, the rest will need it too.
Done. --Dnllnd (talk) 22:45, 26 April 2017 (UTC)
General
  • Indigenous and aboriginal are usually lowercase, but in this article they begin with an uppercase letter. I would recommend lowercase unless there is some special reason for uppercase.
In Canada Indigenous is, today, most commonly capitalized. The Government of Canada style guide is a good point of reference. Generally, the word is capitalized when discussing peoples, cultures or communities in the same way we use European or Canadian.--Dnllnd (talk) 22:45, 26 April 2017 (UTC)
  • That's a perfectly good special reason. Might I suggest adding a note about these preferences that includes a link to the style guide, as above. The Canadian style guide on these matters is interesting and relevant, and referring to it might head off future "fixes" of things that don't need fixing. Finetooth (talk) 16:28, 29 April 2017 (UTC)
Good idea. I have added in a Notes section and a note next to the first instance of 'Indigenous' explaining the capitalization. Rephrasing suggestions, if required, would be appreciated. --Dnllnd (talk) 18:58, 30 April 2017 (UTC)
  • I struck this one but trimmed the data in the source ref for Note 1. Please re-add anything you think is really needed. Finetooth (talk) 15:35, 1 May 2017 (UTC)
Looks good. The trimming was very much needed - thank you for taking care of it!--Dnllnd (talk) 01:36, 2 May 2017 (UTC)
  • The article includes many direct quotations. Each needs a citation placed in the text directly after the quotation; in some cases that means that the paragraph containing the direct quotation will have more than one citation even if the whole paragraph relies on the same source; i.e., citation for direct quote and somewhere later, citation or citations for the other stuff. For example, the third paragraph of Financial compensation has three direct quotations. Each needs its own citation; you should add two more, one for Fontaine and one for Cotler even though all three share the same source.
I have gone through and added refs immediately after direct quotes. Quotation adherence was flagged by another editor, below, which I have also tried to address. Since there are so many quotes through out the page I expect I likely missed some, so let me know if any outstanding instances jump out.--Dnllnd (talk) 20:43, 30 April 2017 (UTC)
  • Looks like you got most of them. I saw only one more on my most recent pass-through. It is in the Mortality rates section: At Sarcee Boarding School near Calgary, all 33 students were "much below even a passable standard of health" and "[a]ll but four were infected with tuberculosis." I would add a citation with a page number after "tuberculosis." Finetooth (talk) 17:06, 1 May 2017 (UTC)
Yes, thank you. Got it. Curly "JFC" Turkey helpfully flagged other quotations that were in need of (clearer) attribution or citations. --Dnllnd (talk) 01:43, 2 May 2017 (UTC)
  • It might be helpful to spell out and abbreviate Truth and Reconciliation Commission on first use in the main text and then use TRC from then on. It appears often in the lower sections, which seem a bit more populated by government-speak and less lucid to me than the early sections. Truth and Reconciliation Commission is a big mouthful each time.
I have replaced all full references to the Truth and Reconciliation Commission with TRC after the first mention in the lead.--Dnllnd (talk) 20:17, 30 April 2017 (UTC)
  • Was there any organized non-indigenous resistance in Canada to the TRC or, more generally, to do anything at all to make amends? If so, it should be mentioned somewhere if only in a note.
Not that I know of. The most recent news event that may speak to your question is Senator Lynn Beyak insisting that a focus on the negative aspects of the system (like deaths, forced removal of children, and inter-generational trauma) has overshadowed the 'good' of the system. I don't believe that including her views adds substantive value to the page as it serves only to undermine what has been legally recognized as systematically abusive and harmful legacy. I am, though, open to other views on this point.--Dnllnd (talk) 19:55, 30 April 2017 (UTC)
  • I agree that the issue, since it revolves around only one person, does not deserve much weight. Since she's a Senator, and since the controversy forms part of the Lynn Beyak article in Wikipedia, might a good compromise involve a brief note attached to the end of the first paragraph of the Truth and Reconciliation Committee section? It might say, "Lynn Beyak, a Conservative member of the Senate Committee of Aboriginal Peoples, voiced disapproval of the TRC report, saying that it had omitted anything positive that could be said about the schools. In response, the Conservative Party leadership removed her from the Senate committee." This is just a suggestion, not a mandate. Finetooth (talk) 16:07, 2 May 2017 (UTC)
I have added a section about Beyak. Thanks for suggesting it. --Dnllnd (talk) 14:33, 7 May 2017 (UTC)
  • Interesting and nicely done. Finetooth (talk) 15:59, 7 May 2017 (UTC)

Lede

Yep! Done. --Dnllnd (talk) 22:53, 26 April 2017 (UTC)
History
  • "is the result of Imperial colonialism" – Lowercase "i"?
  • "resisted by Indigenous communities who were unwilling to leave their children for extended periods of time" – Delete "of time" since "periods" already says it?
Done.--Dnllnd (talk) 23:14, 26 April 2017 (UTC)
  • "and foundling colonial children limited Church resources..." – Lowercase "church"?
Government involvement
  • The direct quotation at the end of the first paragraph of this section is supported by a citation to a PDF file that is more than 1,000 pages long. To be useful, the citation needs to include a specific page number. Ditto for any other long works cited in the article.
Agreed. Done. --Dnllnd (talk) 22:55, 26 April 2017 (UTC)
Parental resistance and compulsory attendance
  • Should the "baby bonus" be explained either in the main text or a brief note?
I've added a wiki link to a page explaining the term wrt Canada.--Dnllnd (talk) 23:02, 26 April 2017 (UTC)
Conditions in residential schools
  • "The Executive Summary of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission..." – Better as "executive summary of the TRC"?
This is the official name of the document, so using the capitalization is most appropriate. I will, though, clean up how often it appears by making use of the TRC acronym, as you suggested in another comment.--Dnllnd (talk) 23:02, 26 April 2017 (UTC)
  • "would imply a difficult to prove legal responsibility" – Perhaps hyphenate "difficult-to-prove"?
Mortality rates
  • "Indian population of Canada has a mortality rate of more than double that of the whole population, and in some provinces more than three times." – Generally, the supporting citation for a direct quote should be inserted immediately after the end of the quotation.
Done. --Dnllnd (talk) 23:14, 26 April 2017 (UTC)
  • "In 1920 and 1922, Dr. A. Corbett was commissioned..." – It's preferable to use a brief description than an academic title like "Dr.". Something like "A. Corbett, professor of otolaryngology at the University of X Medical School" if you have the information necessary.
Agreed. Unfortunately there isn't much info about Corbett, but I have added text indicating that he was a physician from Regina. --Dnllnd (talk) 20:38, 30 April 2017 (UTC)
I have gone through and added similar text to others named without any context.--Dnllnd (talk) 20:48, 30 April 2017 (UTC)
Missing children and unmarked graves
  • "later 'razed' by priests or built over" – Is "priests" the right word? It seems to point to a subset of the church schools.
Text revised and refs cleaned up. --Dnllnd (talk) 17:59, 30 April 2017 (UTC)
Self-governance and school closure
  • "after being run by the Oblates" – Should "Oblates" be linked to something?
Done.--Dnllnd (talk) 22:53, 26 April 2017 (UTC)
  • It's still unlinked and unexplained. Am I missing something? Finetooth (talk) 18:05, 29 April 2017 (UTC)
The first reference to oblates, which appears in the Government involvement section, is linked to the Oblate page in keeping with WP:BTW. Do you think it's necessary to link all occurrences? --Dnllnd (talk) 17:54, 30 April 2017 (UTC)
  • Ah, no. My mistake. I missed the first instance. Finetooth (talk) 17:32, 1 May 2017 (UTC)
Reconciliation attempts
  • "Coined by media outlets as the Oka Crisis..." – "Coined" seems not quite right. Would "Called 'the Okra Crisis' by media outlets,"?
Revised to "Referred to by media outlets as the Oka Crisis.." --Dnllnd (talk) 23:18, 26 April 2017 (UTC)
  • "Coined by media outlets as the Oka Crisis, the land dispute sparked a critical discussion about the Canadian government's complacency regarding relations with Indigenous communities and responses to their concerns prompting then Prime Minister Brian Mulroney to underscore four government responsibilities: 'resolving land claims; improving the economic and social conditions on reserves; defining a new relationship between aboriginal peoples and governments; and addressing the concerns of Canada's aboriginal peoples in contemporary Canadian life.' " – Too complex. Suggestion: break it in two with a terminal period after "communities". Delete "and" and proceed with "Responses to their concerns prompted...".
Done. --Dnllnd (talk) 23:18, 26 April 2017 (UTC)
Financial compensation
  • Lowercase "settlement agreement" throughout? Too many things with big letters reduce the overall effect of big letters.
It's a diminutive of the official name, but it was also given an acronym (which was inconsistently used!), so I've subbed that in as much of the refs happen within one section.--Dnllnd (talk) 22:53, 26 April 2017 (UTC)
  • "Former AHF executive director Mike DeGagne has identified the Indigenous-led mental health and healing infrastructure provided by the AHF as a gap in how current mental health crises being experienced by Indigenous communities, like the suicides occurring in the Attawapiskat First Nation, are being addressed." – The infrastructure isn't the gap. Suggestion: "Former AHF executive director Mike DeGagne has said that the loss of AHF support has created a gap in dealing with mental health crises such as suicides in the Attawapiskat First Nation."
  • I took liberties with this one and made the change. Please revert if you disagree. Finetooth (talk) 21:59, 1 May 2017 (UTC)
  • "Following an illegal process, including an examination of the Settlement Agreement by the courts of the provinces and territories of Canada, an "opt-out" period occurred." – I don't understand this. Should "illegal" here be "legal"?
Typo! Fixed. --Dnllnd (talk) 23:06, 26 April 2017 (UTC)
Reconciliation projects
  • The first two paragraphs repeat the word "healing" six times. How about substituting "services that assist former residential school students and their families in recovering" in the first paragraph and "to sustain their active participation in these recovery efforts" in the second?
Paragraph has been removed and remaining text in section has been collapsed into other sections of the article. --Dnllnd (talk) 20:17, 30 April 2017 (UTC)
  • "with the publication of a multi-volume, 4,000-plus-page report..." – Do we need to mention the length again since it's in the lede and once more in the text already?
I changed the text in the lead so that the 4,000 info only appears once, withing the section dedicated to the TRC later in the article.--Dnllnd (talk) 20:17, 30 April 2017 (UTC)


Healing
  • I would consider deleting the first paragraph of this section since it seems to echo what's already been said in the Reconciliation projects section, and I would prefer "Recovery" to "Healing", which is overused.
I removed the first paragraph and merged the remaining section into TRC section that appeared in what was formally the Reconciliation attempts section. Reconciliation attempts has been revised and restructured with edits to text and sub-headings in an attempt to cut down on the repetitive nature of the last third of the page. The TRC now appears within it's own section. --Dnllnd (talk) 19:31, 30 April 2017 (UTC)
  • Switching to support on prose and comprehensiveness, as noted above. Your decision about the Beyak matter will have no bearing on my support. Impressive article on a difficult subject. Finetooth (talk) 16:14, 2 May 2017 (UTC)

Driveby comments[edit]

  • Many quotations violate MOS:LQ.
Thanks for flagging this. I believe that I have addressed most of the instances that failed to meet the MOS guidelines. Specific instances of any I may have missed would be appreciated.--Dnllnd (talk) 20:17, 30 April 2017 (UTC)
I see now that I missed several. I should have employed a Find all search! Thanks for taking care of what I missed.--Dnllnd (talk) 01:33, 2 May 2017 (UTC)
  • I hope you'll reconsider the use of {{rp}}—they're such an eyesore and disrupt the text. Curly "JFC" Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 11:26, 29 April 2017 (UTC)
Given the contentious nature of this topic, acknowledgement of which has been a hard fought battle for Indigenous communities impacted by the system, the rp references are an important part of the page as they facilitate the location of information that people have made a habit of dismissing. This is particularly relevant in regards to the TRC reports - they each span several hundred pages.--Dnllnd (talk) 17:58, 30 April 2017 (UTC)
Most articles specify page numbers, but do so in the reflist, not inline. For example:
<ref>Turkey (2017) pp. 23–24</ref>
or
{{sfn|Turkey|2017|pp=23–24}}
and there are other formats. Take a peak at some other FAs and see how they're handled, so as to make the article more reader-friendly. Curly "JFC" Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 23:03, 1 May 2017 (UTC)
It's a valid approach for referencing the same resource multiple times. I'm not clear on why the citation format for the entire article needs to be redone when this one is applied clearly and consistently throughout the article. Is this really a deal breaker for FA status or a personal preference? --Dnllnd (talk) 01:17, 2 May 2017 (UTC)
"I'm not clear on why the citation format for the entire article needs to be redone"—it doesn't. I'm offering advice to make the article more readable and accessible. Curly "JFC" Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 01:28, 2 May 2017 (UTC)
Noted. Thank you! --Dnllnd (talk) 01:33, 2 May 2017 (UTC)
  • Keep in mind that when you provide a quotation, it must be given attribution in the text itself and not just a citation—"has been described"-type wordings are not acceptable.
Rephrased. --Dnllnd (talk) 01:17, 2 May 2017 (UTC)
  • "and paid $3,100,000,000 in compensation"—this is probably more readable as "$3.1 billion", which is the format you use elsewhere. If the number is so long that readers have to count the zeros to figure out how to read it, chances are it'd be best to spell it out. Curly "JFC" Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 23:17, 1 May 2017 (UTC)
Agreed. Done. --Dnllnd (talk) 01:17, 2 May 2017 (UTC)
  • "The assimilation of Indigenous peoples is the result of imperial colonialism"—this makes it sound as if assimilation were a done deal. All Indigenous people have been assimiliated? Curly "JFC" Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 23:20, 1 May 2017 (UTC)
Rephrased. --Dnllnd (talk) 01:17, 2 May 2017 (UTC)
  • "In Canada, the Indian (Aboriginal) residential schools"—I assume (Aboriginal) is a gloss of "Indian", but by presenting it this way, it appears that "Indian (Aboriginal) residential schools" is what they were called. Curly "JFC" Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 00:09, 7 May 2017 (UTC)
Yep. Removed. This is another hold over from a much earlier version of the page. --Dnllnd (talk) 00:27, 7 May 2017 (UTC)
  • I'm not sure the French is needed in the lead here; we would add it for something that was originally in French, or in Canada's case for official names or whatever, but the French are not official names in that sense—they're merely two ways of referring to the system in French. The doesn't even give an English gloss. I'd drop it, or at least move it to an endnote or something, as it only clutters up the lead. Curly "JFC" Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 00:09, 7 May 2017 (UTC)
Agreed! This is a hold over from a much earlier version of the page. I've removed it. --Dnllnd (talk) 00:25, 7 May 2017 (UTC)
  • counteracting the "civilizing" of Indigenous children, to convert Indigenous children to Christianity and to "civilize" themMOS:SCAREQUOTES should be considered carefully, as it's not always clear what they should mean: an actual quotation? Referring to a word-as-a-word? Ironic distancing? You should consider a more straightforward, unambiguous wording that avoids scarequotes. Curly "JFC" Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 00:09, 7 May 2017 (UTC)
This language gets used repeatedly my multiple people, but I completely agree that the inconsistent and unclear presence of "" throughout the article is confusing. I've removed unnecessary quotation marks and have revised text in the Family visitation section to introduce more logical use of both terms. Thanks for flagging it.--Dnllnd (talk) 00:54, 7 May 2017 (UTC)
  • statements from residential school survivors—"survivors" is a loaded, emotional term. Is there nothing more clearly neutral? Curly "JFC" Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 00:09, 7 May 2017 (UTC)
Survivor is accurate terminology used in the reports of the TRC (where it is capitalized), government publications and media outlets. It is also a term used by Indigenous peoples to self-identify as school attendees. Would a foot note like the one used for the capitalization of Indigenous address your concern? --Dnllnd (talk) 00:23, 7 May 2017 (UTC)
Those are not encyclopaedic contexts; the media and the government have different goals than an encyclopaedia. It's not a matter I'm going to push, but if any term is open to debate, then it's not an ideal term for an encycloaedia. Curly "JFC" Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 03:38, 7 May 2017 (UTC)
The school system was found to amount to cultural genocide in which sexual and physical abuse was both rampant and, since that time, extensively documented. The system was, as outlined in multiple TRC, legal and government documents, designed to eradicate Indigenous culture, peoples and communities. When considered in reference to the definition for survive, the term is apt. While I appreciate the point regarding encyclopaedic contexts, I disagree that this is a case in which it is being undermined. The term will remain. I have added a note too the first instance making reference to its use in TRC outputs and official government of Canada apology.--Dnllnd (talk) 13:51, 7 May 2017 (UTC)
Like I said, I'm not going to push it, but the fact that you so vigorously won't even consider another, more clearly neutral term more or less makes my point. Curly "JFC" Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 23:15, 7 May 2017 (UTC)
I'll assume you have no additional comment about the note that was added as a compromise. Thanks.--Dnllnd (talk) 00:53, 8 May 2017 (UTC)
  • As explained in the executive summary of the TRC's final report—this is the firrst time the TRC is mentioned in the body, so it should be spellt out and contextualized. Remember, the lead is supposed to be a summary of the body, and the two should be thought of as somewhat independent—the reader shouldn't be expected to have gotten this stuff from the lead. Curly "JFC" Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 04:08, 7 May 2017 (UTC)
It appears for the first time in the lead, where it is spelled out and accompanied by the acronym.--Dnllnd (talk) 12:48, 7 May 2017 (UTC)
You respond to "the reader shouldn't be expected to have gotten this stuff from the lead" with "It appears for the first time in the lead"? Please re-read what I've written—the lead is based on the content of the body, not vice-versa. Curly "JFC" Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 23:15, 7 May 2017 (UTC)
Yes, I missed the distinction you were making between the lead and rest of the article. DIA and TRC have both been spelled out in full when they first appear in the body of the page.--Dnllnd (talk) 01:23, 8 May 2017 (UTC)
  • There is a mix of -ize and -ise spellings throughout the article. Both are acceptable in Canadian WP:ENGVAR, but you'll have to choose one consistently for the article. Curly "JFC" Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 04:20, 7 May 2017 (UTC)
Can you point me to a specific example? I a did a find all search and found no instances of -ise.--Dnllnd (talk) 12:48, 7 May 2017 (UTC)
"With no requirement for specialised training"
Changed to -ized.--Dnllnd (talk) 00:53, 8 May 2017 (UTC)
"and loss of privileges that characterised" Curly "JFC" Turkey 🍁 ¡gobble! 23:15, 7 May 2017 (UTC)
Changed to -ized.--Dnllnd (talk) 00:53, 8 May 2017 (UTC)
Support My extensive review is located here. Thrilled to support now. Ribbet32 (talk) 01:54, 3 May 2017 (UTC)
Source review from Ealdgyth (talk · contribs)
  • Current ref 56 is throwing up a BIG RED error... needs fixing
Fixed. --Dnllnd (talk) 15:21, 5 May 2017 (UTC)
Replaced/removed. --Dnllnd (talk) 19:14, 5 May 2017 (UTC)
Given that there are 131 footnotes in the article - and I've already done a good bit of time checking them all, could you kindly tell me what it was replaced with? Ealdgyth - Talk 13:10, 6 May 2017 (UTC)
  • It was removed as a ref from the sentence: "Responsible for separating children from their families and communities, this process was found by the TRC to be cultural genocide because its aim was "killing the Indian in the child." It was the third ref for an already supported sentence.
  • It previously appeared in the Religious involvement section wrt to the Mohawk Institute. That particular section has been reworked and relies predominantly on refs that were already being used (TRC reports, Milloy book, CBC article, etc.)
  • It was removed as a ref from the sentence: "Approximately 150,000 children are believed to have attended a residential school over the course of their existence." It was the third ref for an already supported sentence.
  • It was removed as a ref from the sentence: "Students in residential school systems were faced with a multitude of abuses from teachers and administrators." The statement is supported by the remained for the paragraph/section.--Dnllnd (talk) 21:20, 6 May 2017 (UTC)
  • Current ref 2 - why is the umanitoba.ca there when it's not for any other university publication?
Not entirely clear on what the issue being flagged, but I believe it should now be addressed. I've done a ref review to add an entry to the website field, where appropriate, where one was missing. --Dnllnd (talk) 19:25, 5 May 2017 (UTC)
The issue is consistentcy in the references - if similar type references don't use the same format, the references aren't consistent. Yes, it's picky. Yes, it's a bit anal-retentive, but it's all part of being "finest work". Ealdgyth - Talk 13:10, 6 May 2017 (UTC)
I've done another pass on of the cite web templates with the aim of ensuring consistency. Please let me know if any issues jump out.--Dnllnd (talk) 22:33, 6 May 2017 (UTC)
  • Be consistent on whether you link to publishers in the references - mostly you don't but occasionally you do - for example - why is "University of Manitoba" linked in ref 20 (Milloy) but none of the other universities before ref 20 are linked?
Unlinked. --Dnllnd (talk) 15:29, 5 May 2017 (UTC)
  • Ref 24 - the publisher isn't the National Centre - it's the original publisher
Revised.--Dnllnd (talk) 18:10, 5 May 2017 (UTC)
  • Ref 27 "Davin" - the publisher isn't the Internet Archive, it's the original publisher
Revised.--Dnllnd (talk) 18:10, 5 May 2017 (UTC)
Removed. Section reworked. --Dnllnd (talk) 22:25, 5 May 2017 (UTC)
  • Be consistent in either using or not using "Truth and Reconciliation Commission of Canada" as the author for things published by it. Currently refs 4 doesn't have it as the author, but ref 29 does. There are probably others
Cleaned up.--Dnllnd (talk) 18:10, 5 May 2017 (UTC)
  • Current ref 38 "Carmucks" needs a publisher
Added. --Dnllnd (talk) 15:25, 5 May 2017 (UTC)
  • Current ref 43 (Titley) needs a publisher
Added. --Dnllnd (talk) 15:25, 5 May 2017 (UTC)
Although Breach is an independent journal, this particular article was adapted from an MA thesis and includes a list of fully cited references ranging from scholarly publications to major Canadian news publications. The section where it appears has been cleaned up to improve clarity and citation alignment.--Dnllnd (talk) 16:12, 5 May 2017 (UTC)
As a follow up, I add that this ref also centers Indigenous action regarding, and reclamation of, residential school system history. Centering Indigenous peoples, their work, and their experiences is a central part of the reconciliation process and it makes sense to have that type of narrative included, where appropriate, in the page.--Dnllnd (talk) 22:38, 6 May 2017 (UTC)
  • Earwig's tool shows a few concerns:
    • Wikipedia article: "On Friday, August 6, 1993, at the National Native Convocation in Minaki, Ontario, Archbishop Michael Peers offered an apology to all the survivors of the Indian residential schools on behalf of the Anglican Church of Canada." Source: "On Friday, August 6, 1993 at the National Native Convocation in Minaki, Ontario, Archbishop Michael Peers offered an apology to all the survivors of the Indian residential schools."
Reworked.--Dnllnd (talk) 21:16, 5 May 2017 (UTC)
    • Wikipedia article: "the Holy Father expressed his sorrow at the anguish caused by the deplorable conduct of some members of the Church and he offered his sympathy and prayerful solidarity" source: "the Vatican issued a press release stating that “the Holy Father expressed his sorrow at the anguish caused by the deplorable conduct of some members of the Church and he offered his sympathy and prayerful solidarity.”"
The first is a direct quotation from a Vatican communique, which is appropriately cited. The second is a quote from that same communique. Red herring.--Dnllnd (talk) 21:16, 5 May 2017 (UTC)
    • Wikipedia article: "compensation and psychological support for former students of residential schools who were physically or sexually abused" source: "compensation and psychological support for former students, who were physically or sexually abused"
Reworked.--Dnllnd (talk) 21:16, 5 May 2017 (UTC)
    • Other possibles need checking from Earwig's report.
      • Sorry about missing that quotation - but the other possibles probably need checking from someone else. Ealdgyth - Talk 13:10, 6 May 2017 (UTC)
I've reviewed anything with a rating higher than 25% and almost all of them amount to the use of official titles, organization names or direct quotations from official apologies or reports. Those not falling under that umbrella are common turns of phrase or legalese that can only be restated so many ways before the intention of specific words is lost or watered down. I spotted checked the remaining entries and the same applies. I do, though, welcome another set of eyes. --Dnllnd (talk) 22:33, 6 May 2017 (UTC)
Otherwise everything looks okay. Ealdgyth - Talk 15:03, 5 May 2017 (UTC)

Comments Edwininlondon[edit]

Shocking article. Topic worthy of FA quality article. But it’s not quite there yet in my humble opinion. Some structural issues I think. My comments:

  • Lead: Over the course of the system's existence, -> would be good to say here how long this practice was in existence for
Added 'more than hundred year existence'. Government run schools began in the early 1880s, but some of the schools, including the Mohawk institute, were opened earlier, leaving the exact number of years up for debate. --Dnllnd (talk) 16:30, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Lead: The last federally operated residential school closed in 1996. -> Bit odd: we go from 1876 to 1996 to 1884. Better to move the sentence about last one closing further down I think
Moved to end of paragraph. --Dnllnd (talk) 16:30, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Lead: were intentionally located at distances -> great distances perhaps?
Changed to substantial distances, since 'greater distances' is used in in the next sentence. --Dnllnd (talk) 16:30, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Lead: he thought counteracted the school's -> maybe plural schools’ ? Or maybe just remove schools altogether: he thought counteracted the efforts
Dropped schools altogether. --Dnllnd (talk) 16:30, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
  • In the 19th and 20th centuries, the Canadian -> this whole paragraph seems really out of place
This section, as a whole, is meant to give a a high-level overview of the how settlers and Indigenous relations. Can you expand on why this particular paragraph seems out of place? Would it be more appropriate in another section of the page? Is the information presented not relevant? Getting more info will help me address your concerns. --Dnllnd (talk) 16:30, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
Sorry for not being clear. I meant to say that the last 3 paragraphs in this section go from 17th to 19th and 20th to 19th. Would it not be better chronologically, that is, swap the last 2 paragraphs? Edwininlondon (talk) 17:10, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
Yep, thank you for the clarification. I have flipped the paragraphs, which definitely improves things and have rephrased references to the turn of the century to '1800s', etc. I've also linked to the wiki page for the 17th century to clarify intended era. --Dnllnd (talk) 17:32, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
  • particularly after the War of 1812 -> 1812 and turn of the 19th century are generations apart. Seems odd.
The turn of the 19th century would have been 1800. Can you expand on what you think is odd? --Dnllnd (talk) 16:30, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
Aha, it seems turn of the century is a rather ambiguous phrase. Perhaps better to rephrase. Edwininlondon (talk) 17:10, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
  • With the threat of invasion minimized, -> Who is threatening to invade whom? You lost me in this sentence
Agreed, this is a clarity issue. Added 'American forces' - link to War of 1812 provides additional context. --Dnllnd (talk) 16:42, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
  • 25.25% seems unnecessarily accurate. No need for any decimals I’d say
These are numbers taken directly from the report. I'm open to dropping the decimals but wonder if doing so would open the sentence up to critique about not accurately reflecting source material? What do you think? --Dnllnd (talk) 16:42, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
The guideline says "The number of decimal places should be consistent within a list or context " and "Precise values (often given in sources for formal or matter-of-record reasons) should be used only where stable and appropriate to the context, or significant in themselves for some special reason."Edwininlondon (talk) 17:10, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
Great, thank you! I'm less fluent in the numerical style guide points than others. I've kicked out the percentages altogether - the number counts convey things adequately. --Dnllnd (talk) 17:27, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
  • After a failure to assimilate Indigenous children by early .. -> This makes much more sense as the 2nd paragraph in the previous section
I collapsed the Religious involvement section into the History section and rearranged the paragraphs/photos accordingly. Please let me know if you have any additional suggestions regarding the flow of information. --Dnllnd (talk) 18:55, 8 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Residential schools were funded under the Indian Act -> link Indian Act
Done. --Dnllnd (talk) 16:42, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Affairs asserting -> Affairs, asserting
Done. --Dnllnd (talk) 16:42, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
  • By the 1930s government officials -> seems to skip things? We get reports and then what? Did the government act upon these recommendations? When? How? How much money? How many? Etc.
Text revisions made to indicate support of report findings by church official and when government funding was first approved. --Dnllnd (talk) 20:16, 24 June 2017 (UTC)
Added additional info about the 1920s and acquisition of schools by the government from church officials. --Dnllnd (talk) 14:16, 2 July 2017 (UTC)
  • By the 1950s the expansion of the residential school system had plateaued, -> how many? And when did numbers start going down? All we have is plateau and 1996 last one. And why?
I've referred back to the TRC reports and other related publications and it seems to be either be a hold over from text revisions or a conflation with enrollment numbers and/or the shift from residential to day schools. Reference to a plateau has been removed as a result - not necessary for set up to remainder of paragraph. Thanks for flagging it. --Dnllnd (talk) 17:59, 8 June 2017 (UTC)
  • that roughly 11,132 -> that looks like a very precise number, not rough at all. I think you can drop roughly, given that the verb is estimated
Dropped 'roughly'. --Dnllnd (talk) 16:42, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
  • reached its peak in the early 1930s -> but expansion plateaued in 1950s? How can that be?
Reference to 1950s plateau has been removed - see above. --Dnllnd (talk) 18:01, 8 June 2017 (UTC)
  • 80 schools -> Would it be possible to have a graph with either number of schools over the decades, and/or number of students? In addition, showing the schools on the map would be very good
I'm not able to make a graph myself and don't know of any public domain options that could be pulled in. Do you have any experience with creating graphs for use on Wikipedia pages? Or perhaps able to point me to information about how they should can can be incorporated? --Dnllnd (talk) 16:42, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
I don't either. Do you have at least the data? A table would be okay too.Edwininlondon (talk) 17:10, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
@Edwininlondon:The data I'm most familiar with appears in the TRC report or government produced documents and it's often a synopsis as opposed to hard numbers. So, for example, there may be a list of schools along with their location, but there aren't student enrollment numbers included - my understanding is that this is in part due to poor reporting from school administrators. I have to admit that I'm stumped about how to integrate a table. I could attempt to replicate a table that appears in one of the reports, but the nuance of schools/enrollments over time is beyond what my basic table skills are capable of and the summarization of available data makes it difficult to do something unique. More importantly, working with numbers isn't one of my strengths..! Here are some examples of what's available for your reference: [19],[20],[21](p.67) and List of Indian residential schools in Canada. Page 682 of this report has the text and table I used to clean up the number of schools by religious order. Does anything stand out as a possible way forward? --Dnllnd (talk) 18:37, 8 June 2017 (UTC)
  • a multitude of abuses -> Previous paragraph also about abuse. Merge?
Merged. --Dnllnd (talk) 16:52, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
  • The executive summary of the TRC concluded that the assimilation amounted to cultural genocide -> This is way more important than you make it look structurally in the article. It deserves its own paragraph at least. It does not sit well under the header Conditions.
Fair point. I've moved it down the page to sit within the Truth and Reconciliation Commission. --Dnllnd (talk) 16:52, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
  • Many graduates were unable to easily return home -> But returning home to the reserve wasn’t the goal. Better would be something along the lines of: many were unable to land a job … Such employment he can get at home." But even going back home was not easy, as many graduates were unfamiliar …
Revised. --Dnllnd (talk) 18:15, 8 June 2017 (UTC)
  • until 1922, when Bryce, -> Somehow I think, maybe, this info should live in the earlier section of the rise and fall. When did critical voices start? 1922 is earlier than I expected, given what I’ve read so far
  • For most communities, though, the existence of buildings that formerly housed residential schools are a traumatic reminder, and there is much discussion about demolition, heritage status, and how to incorporate sites into the healing process -> I don’t really get why this sentence is in this paragraph
Agreed, it's a poor fit. I've removed the sentence and have integrated a revised version into the first paragragh of the Educational initiatives section.
  • Although encouragement to keep Indigenous languages alive was present in some schools, -> Seems better as a modifier of the opening sentence of this paragraph
Revised. --Dnllnd (talk) 17:09, 8 June 2017 (UTC)
  • The stigma created … the list of endangered languages in Canada. -> Sorry,don’t get this one. Stigma? Does this refer to the ugly and dirty? But that is mentioned only by some
In this case stigma is was used to reproach - the system resulted in the transmission of Indigenous culture being a bad and frowned upon act. As a result, traditional languages weren't spoke or passed on to children. Would it help to rephrase that first sentence? I'm not sure what your "But that is only mentioned by some" is in reference to. --Dnllnd (talk) 17:02, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
  • RCMP Commissioner Zaccardelli veered -> spell out what acronym stands for. And poor Zaccardelli is the only person not mentioned by full name
Yep! Section cleaned up, additional ref added, Zaccardelli named in full with link to Wiki page. --Dnllnd (talk) 17:02, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
  • he intended to issue a formal apology -> and did he?
Removed paragraph altogether. To date nothing has been issued and it doesn't immediately address the section topic. Thanks for flagging it. --Dnllnd (talk) 17:10, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
  • caption: Mohawk Institute Residential School should be a link
Done. --Dnllnd (talk) 17:10, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
  • caption: Egerton Ryerson should be a link
Done. --Dnllnd (talk) 17:10, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
  • caption: Peter Bryce should be a link
Done. --Dnllnd (talk) 17:10, 4 June 2017 (UTC)
  • caption: Fort Albany, Ontario should be a link
Done. --Dnllnd (talk) 17:10, 4 June 2017 (UTC)

Edwininlondon (talk) 16:29, 3 June 2017 (UTC)

Opposed Comment: There is no history of those who worked to bring the whole issue to the public. Or, tried to bring the issue forward. For example, there is no mention of the signficant cover story in MacLeans magazine <http://www.macleans.ca/society/the-lonely-death-of-chanie-wenjack/> in 1967. From the '60s to the '90s in the settler community, church community, and in the Indigenous community there were numerous 'heads up' in various media about the problem. The article mentions none of this. Wassupwestcoast (talk) 21:38, 7 June 2017 (UTC)

@Wassupwestcoast: The final paragraph in the Conditions section that begins with "Details of the mistreatment.." makes reference to abuse reporting and Indigenous led activism to have it publicly recognized. There are also references to Indigenous led resistance worked into the remainder of the page - two examples are resistance from parents as in regards to forced attendance and another is the passage regarding the protests in Oka. There is also coverage dedicated to self-government of schools and reconciliation efforts involving Indigenous communities. Is your concern that there is not a dedicated section on the topic? Or, perhaps, that this specific article hasn't been included? --Dnllnd (talk) 17:01, 8 June 2017 (UTC)
@Dnllnd: A bit of both. In part, it wasn't just Indigenous activism. And, in part, the example I give of the Macleans cover story in 1967 was very significant in getting the story out to the settler community. From late 1950s onwards, there was growing discomfort in the church communities regarding residential schools. By the '60s, some church communities had relinquished the residential schools to the sole care of the federal government. My point is that there was activism on a number of fronts and over a period of about two generations. The article doesn't reflect this. Wassupwestcoast (talk) 17:18, 8 June 2017 (UTC)
For example:
a) A CBC TV report from 01 May 1969: "Government takes over residential schools from churches" (http://www.cbc.ca/archives/entry/government-takes-over-residential-schools-from-churches).
b) A CBC TV report from 04 Aug 1967: "Expodition: Expo 67’s Indians of Canada" (http://www.cbc.ca/archives/entry/expodition-expo-67s-indians-of-canada) ....'But inside, the Indians of Canada pavilion at Expo 67 tells a different story: one of poverty, unfulfilled treaties, forced religion and the unhappy experiences of children in residential schools. As a young hostess conducts a tour, a reporter from Expodition remarks on a tone of bitterness in the pavilion's exhibits. "
c) the former United Church of Canada Reverend Kevin D. Annett who in 1995 brought to public attention the deaths in residential schools from research he had conducted over years.
Anyway, there were many voices against the residential schools...even at Expo 67! Wassupwestcoast (talk) 18:12, 8 June 2017 (UTC)
Of course, the whole thing is nuanced. I'm completely aware that churches still had involvement in the some schools after '69. For example, ... "By 1969 the Government of Canada took over all other church-run residential schools and the Anglican Church was no longer officially involved in the school system. That said, in practice, Anglican clergy continued to be appointed as principals of the school until it closed in 1979."(http://vancouver.anglican.ca/diocesan-ministries/indigenous-justice/pages/indian-residential-schools-full-article) So my point is that there was this long term muddle about what to with the 'legacy of systemic racism and damage to First Nations peoples.' Wassupwestcoast (talk) 18:22, 8 June 2017 (UTC)
@Wassupwestcoast:Okay, thank you for the clarification (and the links!). I'll have a closer look at what you've provided, along with the references that have already been used, and see where some of this can be worked into the page.--Dnllnd (talk) 18:41, 8 June 2017 (UTC)
Added mention of Maclean's article and Indians of Canada Pavilion to page.--Dnllnd (talk) 20:32, 24 June 2017 (UTC)

Coordinator comment: Wassupwestcoast, do you have anything further to add; I'd like to clarify that your oppose stands. Also, Edwininlondon, do you plan to revisit this? Sarastro1 (talk) 20:17, 23 June 2017 (UTC)

I support on prose. I am not really able to judge comprehensiveness, I'm afraid. Edwininlondon (talk) 20:37, 23 June 2017 (UTC)
I'm still opposed. While it sounds picky, I'd really like to see the MacLean's article appear. Way too often, I hear people say something like "I knew nothing until a couple of years ago." And, yet the serious problems with the residential school system made it to the cover of a major news magazine in the 1960s. And, that is just one example of many. The info was in the media main stream. The settler population really can't say that they knew nothing. And, it's also not true that nothing was done. Part of the article captures this, but not enough. The TRC was and is neither the beginning nor the end of the issue. Wassupwestcoast (talk) 21:35, 29 June 2017 (UTC)à
@Wassupwestcoast:The Maclean's article and a reference to the Expo 67 exhibit were both added based on your feedback - see my comment above. --Dnllnd (talk) 20:11, 1 July 2017 (UTC)
@Wassupwestcoast: Given that these comments may have been addressed, are there any other grounds on which you oppose? If not, the oppose will be considered unactionable. Sarastro1 (talk) 22:13, 5 July 2017 (UTC)
I do *not* oppose. Wassupwestcoast (talk) 16:26, 19 July 2017 (UTC)


Further request: Before this is promoted, I'd like someone other than the nominator to go through the issues raised by Ealdgyth about the Earwig tool. She also raised a few other points about sourcing that the nominator responded to that would be worth rechecking. Also, as this is would be the nominator's first FA, I'd like the usual spot-check of the sources for accurate use and close paraphrasing (unless I missed one earlier; the Earwig tool check would not count as a full spot check). All these things can be requested at the top of WT:FAC. Sarastro1 (talk) 22:13, 5 July 2017 (UTC)

Thanks for the feedback. To be clear, is the additional resource review something I should request myself at the top of WT:FAC? --Dnllnd (talk) 11:39, 6 July 2017 (UTC)
That's probably the best way, yes. Sarastro1 (talk) 21:14, 7 July 2017 (UTC)

Featured article reviews[edit]

Featured article review (FAR)

This section is for the review and improvement of current featured articles that may no longer meet the featured article criteria.
To contact the FAR coordinators for further questions, please leave a message on the FAR talk page, or use the {{@FAR}} notification template elsewhere.

Assata Shakur[edit]

Notified: User talk:Savidan, Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Biography

I am nominating this featured article for review because:

While it is obviously the product of a great deal of work, I found a number of areas where it did not live up to FA standards. It seems likely that there are more problems, as I didn't look very hard.

1) Accusing a BLP of perjury in wikipedia's voice, with flimsy sourcing. 2) Sourcing information to assatashakur.org and then repeating it in wikipedia's voice. 3) SYNTHing "police authorities" and "prosecution" - may seem small but should have been picked up.

More detail on talk. NPalgan2 (talk) 22:40, 20 July 2017 (UTC)

Tahirih Justice Center[edit]

Notified: DrFleischman, Finnusertop, UberCryxic, Jeff3000, PumpkinSky, Kirill Lokshin, WikiProject Human rights

I am nominating this featured article for review because the issues raised at Talk:Tahirih Justice Center#Featured article review do not appear to have been resolved, and maintenance banners have been in place since September 2014. This is not an appropriate situation for a featured article to be in. TheDragonFire (talk) 12:27, 19 July 2017 (UTC)

Mangalore[edit]

I've been gone more than 5 years, and wasn't around to check the vandalism and edits. I shall be keeping an eye on certain sensitive articles from now on. I just want to clarify. Does this article still satisfy FA criteria, or should it be delisted? Do let me know what issues are there, and I'll do my best to make necessary corrections. Thanks! Liberal Humanist (talk) 10:42, 3 July 2017 (UTC)

West Bengal[edit]

Notified: Dwaipayanc, Noticeboard for India-related topics

I am nominating this featured article for review because it is suffused with unsourced weasel words like "prominent", "prefer", "major", "well-known", "rare", "finest", "dominated", etc. and requires extensive copyediting. On just a quick scan, I can see spaces missing after punctuation, use of ampersands in flowing text, and short stubby paragraphs. DrKay (talk) 16:05, 13 April 2017 (UTC)

  • I'll try to check/address the issues mentioned here. Regards. --Tito Dutta (talk) 17:37, 14 April 2017 (UTC)
  • Comment Hello! Thanks for bringing this article to FARC. I was the nominator of FAC of this article, and thereafter did try to maintain its quality, of course with the help of other editors. However, the article has been neglected for quite a while now. It will be excellent if this FARC process is continued beyond May 15 (I am hoping for some free time in real life after that date). With the help of other editors, we can surely save this FA! Thanks, --Dwaipayan (talk) 23:32, 18 April 2017 (UTC)
    Comments This page does need some work but here are a few suggestions:
  • "91 million inhabitants"... as of when?
  • "making it similar in size to Serbia" is this a good comparison? Wouldn't it be better to compare it to other states in India?
  • " has borders with five Indian states" should be "borders five Indian states"
  • "West Bengal is the sixth-largest contributor" ... largest contributing state?
  • "It is noted for its cultural activities and the presence of cultural and educational institutions"... I don't know what this means specifically.
  • "stalwarts in literature"... I'm not sure that is the correct use of that word.
  • "to scores of musicians, film-makers and artists"... can't this be said for any state? What makes this state unique in this respect?
  • "playing association football besides cricket, the national favourite sport." This sentence is needlessly passive and can be rewritten to be more readable.
  • That's just my comments on the lead, have not had time to delve into the article itself. Mattximus (talk) 22:07, 24 April 2017 (UTC)
  • @Dwaipayanc: It's now after May 15 - where are we at with addressing the concerns that have been raised? Nikkimaria (talk) 15:36, 3 June 2017 (UTC)
    • Hi! Unfortunately I am very busy in real life and short of time for addressing the concerns. Still I am trying... I have covered only the history part. However I am not up to date with copy edit benchmarks, so there are problems even after I go through sections. Please let us have some more time. I'll try to get more people involved. Thanks a lot. --Dwaipayan (talk) 03:26, 18 June 2017 (UTC)
    • I am interested in trying .Even though I am a relative newbie after all West Bengal is my 'matribhoomi' .I will certainly try my best. Please give at least a month or two to do the work FORCE RADICAL (talk) 11:09, 3 July 2017 (UTC)
  • Update: Copyediting has been started in the article. --Dwaipayan (talk) 17:17, 26 July 2017 (UTC)

Featured article removal candidates[edit]

Miranda Otto[edit]

Notified: Underneath-it-All, WikiProject Actors and Filmmakers

Review section[edit]

I am nominating this featured article for review because I think it no longer meets FA criteria 1(b)comprehensive and 1(c) well-researched.

The article passed for FA in 2007 when the process was fairly lenient. It was far from comprehensive and got almost no updates since 2007. I raised this issue on its talk page last week, but apparently no work has been done to address the problem. Artoasis (talk) 02:01, 26 June 2017 (UTC)

FARC section[edit]

Moving to hopefully get further opinions. Nikkimaria (talk) 16:25, 22 July 2017 (UTC)

Firefly (TV series)[edit]

Notified: TenTonParasol, Finnusertop, Fnlayson, AlexTheWhovian, Jclemens, WikiProject Television, WikiProject Science Fiction

Review section[edit]

More than ten years after the article was promoted to Featured Article status, I think now is the time to re-evaluate the quality of this article. Several years ago, the List of Firefly episodes was merged into this article. Currently, the episode summaries are not comprehensive, and I expect most readers to look through the whole episode list. However, the series itself lasted just one season, yet it achieved the cult status. It even spanned the film Serenity. Also, there has been additional content over the years, such as "Media franchise". The sources should be re-evaluated, including dead links. While there have been edits, most of them this year were just housekeeping cleanups. The issues were discussed at the article talk page early this year, and they should be re-discussed here. Therefore, I hope people interested can improve this article. --George Ho (talk) 21:55, 6 June 2017 (UTC)

Also, those who promoted the article and contributed to the article at the time of the 2006 nomination may be inactive at this time, so I notified ones who recently contributed to the article instead. I also notified two WikiProjects, including semi-active one. George Ho (talk) 22:04, 6 June 2017 (UTC)

The available literature needs to be reviewed and incorporated. I have found some that look like they could be of interest, but I don't doubt that there's more out there.
  • Amy-Chinn, Dee (June 2006). "‘Tis Pity She's A Whore: Feminist prostitution in Joss Whedon's Firefly?". Feminist Media Studies. 6 (2): 175–189. doi:10.1080/14680770600645143. 
  • Canavan, Gerry (January 2011). "Fighting a war you've already lost: Zombies and Zombis in Firefly/Serenity and Dollhouse". Science Fiction Film & Television. 4 (2): 173–203. doi:10.3828/sfftv.2011.12. 
  • Erisman, Fred (2006). "Stagecoach in Space: The Legacy of Firefly". Extrapolation. 47 (2): 249–258. ISSN 0014-5483 – via ProQuest. 
  • Granade, S. Andrew (December 2011). "“So Here's Us, On the Raggedy Edge”: Exoticism and Identification in Joss Whedon's Firefly". Popular Music and Society. 34 (5): 621–637. doi:10.1080/03007766.2010.537858. 
  • Hill, Matthew B. (2009). ""I Am a Leaf on the Wind": Cultural Trauma and Mobility in Joss Whedon's Firefly". Extrapolation. 50 (3): 484–511. ISSN 0014-5483 – via ProQuest. 
  • Wilcox, Rhonda; Cochran, Tanya R.; Masson, Cynthea; Lavery, David, eds. (2014). Reading Joss Whedon. Syracuse: Syracuse University Press. ISBN 9780815652830.  - at least three chapters in this book discuss Firefly.
Surveying the literature would help the article to meet the requirement for comprehensiveness that is expected of Wikipedia's best work. --122.108.141.214 (talk) 07:30, 7 June 2017 (UTC)

FARC section[edit]

Comments in the review section mostly concerned sourcing. Nikkimaria (talk) 15:33, 24 June 2017 (UTC)
  • I have no access to any of these sources. Does anyone have a recommended way of seeking Wikipedians who might? The relevant Wikiprojects all seem inactive. Jclemens (talk) 00:12, 28 June 2017 (UTC)
I have access to some of them. I'll get around and look at them, hopefully soon. Is there any other issues with the article as it stands? ~Cheers, TenTonParasol 00:29, 28 June 2017 (UTC)
The episode list still has incomprehensive episode summaries, TenTonParasol. I recently reorganized pop culture references of Firefly and separated them into separate section "In popular culture". I think that "Cult status" subheader... is renaming it necessary? Also, besides the title card, three more non-free images are used. Is merging Firefly (franchise) into the article possible? I'm uncertain about the franchise's notability. The series lasted just one season, yet there's a franchise page. --George Ho (talk) 04:36, 28 June 2017 (UTC)
To comment on the fair use images, I personally am not well-versed in images, but I definitely believe the one with the horse in synopsis can definitely go. Frontier environment is not a thing that particularly needs to be illustrated. The marketing image at the bottom and the Serenity image may have cases because they're specifically commented on in the article. ~Cheers, TenTonParasol 15:11, 4 July 2017 (UTC)
I expanded a few episode summaries further after the comprehension done by TenTolParasol, to whom I thank. I also tagged File:Fireflyserenityhorses.jpg with PROD and then added the "deletable-image caption". --George Ho (talk) 16:51, 4 July 2017 (UTC)

@Jclemens:, if you're referring to the sources I found above, maybe WP:LIBRARY might help. --122.108.141.214 (talk) 07:11, 28 June 2017 (UTC)

Casablanca (film)[edit]

Notified: Wikipedia:WikiProject Film

Review section[edit]

I am nominating this featured article for review because it contains unreferenced content and the structure seems problematic - some sections could be merged ("Rumors", "Errors and inaccuracies", both sound like renamed trivia sections), while the expected 'significance and impact' section is entirely missing. Further, while prose quality is not my forte, I detect editorializing (ex. "Particularly notable is the "duel of the songs" between Strasser and Laszlo at Rick's cafe" - particularly notable according to whom?), and 'Quotations' section seems like a wikiquote-artifact. There are also expected minor problems with inconsistent citation styles and at least two books donn't cite page range (Eco (1986) and Eco (1994)). Last week I reported those problems to Talk:Casablanca_(film)#Not_up_to_modern_FA_standards, pinging editors who are still active and who formerly participated at FA-related discussions for this article. Since nobody even so much as replied there, I am forced to escalate to here, since it seems unlikely anyone is interested in fixing those problems. Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here 03:20, 25 April 2017 (UTC)

FARC section[edit]

Issues raised in the review section include structure, prose, and referencing. Nikkimaria (talk) 15:36, 3 June 2017 (UTC)

Frank Zappa[edit]

Notified: Frank Zappa

Review section[edit]

I am nominating this featured article for review because I believe it subverts several points in the criteria for featured articles (and because an attempt to address these issues was swiftly reverted)

  • Inappropriate structure Similar articles like Paul McCartney and Brian Wilson follow a logical structure which applies a division between "Biographical" and "Analytical" content. The bulk of the first sections ("Biographical") focuses on specific biographical detail, going from childhood to major career developments. The next sections ("Analytical") elaborate on the subject's personal beliefs, music style, legacy, etc. which are more general and apply to the subject's output, philosophy, and historical standing, not really the events of the subject's life.
Not only does Frank Zappa clutter these two aspects together in a very unfocused "oh by the way" fashion, it does so in spite of two already-existing "Personal views" and "Musical style" sections. Here are several excerpts that should be moved out to those sections:
  • (Religious views)

    Zappa recalled his parents being "pretty religious" and trying to make him go to Catholic school despite his resentment. He felt disgust towards organized religion (Christianity in particular) because he believed that it promoted ignorance and anti-intellectualism.

  • (Musical ethos)

    Zappa grew up influenced by avant-garde composers such as Varèse, Igor Stravinsky, and Anton Webern; 1950's blues artists Guitar Slim, Johnny Guitar Watson, and B.B. King;[22] R&B and doo-wop groups (particularly local pachuco groups); and modern jazz. His own heterogeneous ethnic background, and the diverse social and cultural mix in and around greater Los Angeles, were crucial in the formation of Zappa as a practitioner of underground music and of his later distrustful and openly critical attitude towards "mainstream" social, political and musical movements. He frequently lampooned musical fads like psychedelia, rock opera and disco. Television also exerted a strong influence, as demonstrated by quotations from show themes and advertising jingles found in his later works. ... Examples are "Plastic People" and "Brown Shoes Don't Make It", which contained lyrics critical of the hypocrisy and conformity of American society, but also of the counterculture of the 1960s. ... Nasal imagery and references appear in his music and lyrics, as well as in the collage album covers created by his long-time collaborator Cal Schenkel. ... [he] later acknowledged two of his music teachers on the sleeve of the 1966 album Freak Out! ...

Among reliable sources, there is so much detail regarding the themes, motifs, and idiosyncrasies of Zappa's work and philosophy that it would not be out of the question to have a separate article devoted to it, a la Musicianship of Brian Wilson. Although I'm not sure such action has to be taken, it should definitely be considered somewhere down the line.
  • Inconsistent citations Article has a mixture of {{cite book}}, {{sfn}} and manual harv cites, which I believe should all be converted to {{sfn}}, per its superior functionality.
  • Improperly placed non-free media Too many arbitrary sound clips with unclear significance.
  • Length of section headers The way it assigns yearly periods within yearly periods is overkill. "1973–75: Top 10 album" should be simplified to "Top 10 album", or better yet, "Apostrophe (')", the name of that top 10 album.

Ilovetopaint (talk) 17:32, 13 March 2017 (UTC)

@DVdm, Ilovetopaint, Herostratus, Mrmoustache14, Friginator, Doc2234, A13ean, BenStein69, Kingflurkel, and The Gnome: Pinging members of the WikiProject and active users of the article's talk page. The FAR coordinators would appreciate more opinions on whether the article meets the featured article criteria. It would be useful for users to either declare "Move to FARC" if the article does not meet the criteria in their opinion or "Close without FARC" if it does, with a brief comment explaining their declaration. Many thanks, DrKay (talk) 16:53, 8 April 2017 (UTC)

FARC section[edit]

Since there have been no further comments in the Review section, I have opened the FARC section. DrKay (talk) 07:46, 7 May 2017 (UTC)

@DVdm, Ilovetopaint, Herostratus, Mrmoustache14, Friginator, Doc2234, A13ean, BenStein69, Kingflurkel, and The Gnome: can you please give a thumbs up or thumbs down as to whether this article keeps its shiny star? Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 06:10, 25 June 2017 (UTC)

Western Front (World War I)[edit]

Notified: WikiProject Military history; nominator and main editor retired

WP:URFA nom

Review section[edit]

I am nominating this featured article for review because it's been 11 years since its promotion, and it is currently tagged as needing citation. DrKay (talk) 20:34, 27 February 2017 (UTC)

I concur
  • The Schlieffen Plan section is obsolete.
  • The use of Mustard gas has it that it was fired in the first gas shells, rather than it was fired in gas shells for the first time on 10 July at Nieuport. Operation Strandfest Done
  • Most of the battle sections are too big now that so many more have decent articles.
  • The consequences section lacks nuance.
  • The prose is too bitty in places with paragraphs of inconsistent length.
  • Some of the pics, maps, etc could do with moving to avoid cluttering.

I don't think that it's a bad article but perhaps needs a spring-clean to take in later accounts and analyses. Keith-264 (talk) 20:55, 27 February 2017 (UTC)

I note that it lacks a 'Prelude' to put this in context. Cinderella157 (talk) 11:01, 28 February 2017 (UTC)

Ha! I missed that. Why are the footnotes and references mixed together? Keith-264 (talk) 15:08, 28 February 2017 (UTC) Done
I left a note with User talk:Woogie10w about the casualties statistics citations and references.Keith-264 (talk) 09:26, 3 March 2017 (UTC)
Added Woogie's table and citations, changed most non sfn to sfn as there was a mixture of citations styles. Changed some citations from web and newspapers to books. Keith-264 (talk) 13:34, 4 March 2017 (UTC)
The review isn't attracting much attention and the easy bits are done, I wonder if the review is going to get much further? Keith-264 (talk) 14:06, 5 March 2017 (UTC)
G'day, I've tried to tidy it up a little, and added some refs where I could find things in my (sadly limited) home library. Unfortunately, there are still quite a few citation needed tags. These are my edits: [22] I probably can't help much more, sorry. Please feel free to adjust as desired. Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 01:16, 11 June 2017 (UTC)
thank you. We are indeed trying to find proper sourcing auntieruth (talk) 01:30, 3 July 2017 (UTC)

FARC section[edit]

Issues raised in the review section include comprehensiveness, prose, and referencing. Nikkimaria (talk) 20:48, 1 April 2017 (UTC)
  • Delist. Thank you for the work done so far; still tagged as needing citation. DrKay (talk) 20:59, 7 April 2017 (UTC)
  • Keep I think we have the sources to fix referencing, and we'll get someone else to deal with prose. auntieruth (talk) 19:11, 10 June 2017 (UTC)
ok, @Auntieruth55: and @AustralianRupert: (and whoever else is working on this), I can see some recent activity and am happy to keep open while it's being worked on. Agree it is a broad/important article that'd be good to keep featured if possible. I'll nag again in a fortnight. Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 06:08, 25 June 2017 (UTC)