Wikipedia:Requests for feedback

"WP:FEED" redirects here. For the essay on vandalism, see Wikipedia:Deny recognition. For RSS and Atom feeds, see Wikipedia:Syndication. For the page rating system, see Wikipedia:Article Feedback Tool.

Requests for Feedback

This page provides comments and constructive criticism about articles that you have drafted, created, or substantially changed. This is not a general help page. To seek assistance or ask a question, see Wikipedia:Questions. If you are seeking an outside opinion about a dispute, please follow the steps in Wikipedia:Dispute resolution. Please note that this page is patrolled by volunteer editors just like you and it may take several days to review your request.

Before you request feedback

There are certain things which come up again and again so it may help if you deal with them before requesting feedback: Does your article have reliable sources? These are important in terms of both verifiability and notability. Do you have a conflict of interest that may harm your ability to produce a neutral article? If you would like a beginner's guide to these sorts of issues, take a look at the article wizard. If you are unsure about how to edit Wikipedia articles, take a look at this tutorial. For a more general discussion of writing your first article, see "Your first article".

How to post a request

Place a Wikilink, with the title of the page inside [[ and ]] - for example, [[User:Example/Lipsum]] or [[Cats]] - in the box below. Click Click To Add Request In the new article, Write a brief summary of your work or what in particular you need help with, but do not post the whole article here. If you have rewritten an existing article, you may wish to provide a diff link from that article's history that shows your changes. Check regularly for responses to your request; they will most often be made here. ↓ Post your request using the box below. Replace "Untitled" with a wikilink to your article - e.g. [[User:Example/Lipsum]] or [[Cats]] ↓

After Receiving Feedback

Check back here often, as you will receive a response here. Respond to the feedback, either with a simple thank you, to ask for help with anything mentioned, or, after you've made some of the improvements, what they think of them. Consider helping out here in the future - anyone can read up on what articles should be like and provide constructive criticism.

Are you providing feedback?

Please consider notifying the user whose article you are providing feedback for by placing a message on their talk page, so they will be able to read it in a timely manner and reply if necessary. You can use.. {{Feedbackreply-sm}} A template asking the user to check back here and consider responding {{Feedbackreply-alt}} A more personal version of the first offering your help with developing, moving to mainspace, etc.

(For help, see Wikipedia:Purge)

The previous few days of requests are transcluded below. The pages for the past 20 days are: ()

• August 17
• August 18
• August 19
• August 20
• August 21
• August 22
• August 23
• August 24
• August 25
• August 26
• August 27
• August 28
• August 29
• August 30
• August 31
• September 1
• September 2
• September 3
• September 4
• September 5

Index of all requests for feedback

Archives (Index)

19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28

This page is archived by ClueBot III.

Joey Allcorn

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Dr._Magnifico/Joey_Allcorn

Page for indie alt-country artist Joey Allcorn, singer/songwriter from Columbus, GA who's collaborators include Hank III, Don Helms, Lloyd Green and Johnny Hiland. This is my first attempt at Wikipedia authoring; let me know what you think. Thanks,

Dr. Magnifico (talk) 21:54, 14 March 2010 (UTC)

 Possible Needs some things:

• Only refer to something with a link once
• Remove the redlinks
• Use the {{cite web}} function to make proper references.

A good start though.  A p3rson ‽ 14:49, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

Claire Buchar

I would appreciate any feedback on the following article

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Claire_Buchar

Many thanks —Preceding unsigned comment added by TinaEPO (talk • contribs) 15:09, 1 March 2010 (UTC)

A couple of things to consider:

• You need to have a lede.
• The first paragraph is not a paragraph, just a series of sentences. You should try to rework that into a narrative paragraph. Have a go at that and drop me a note on my talk page if you need some help.
• You refer to the subject of the article by her first name, this comes across as familiar and that suggests a particular point of view. My suggestion would be to use her surname.
• The article really needs a better set of references, I've put a few for consideration below (using google's news search in the archives is a good way to find references). You need a reference, for example, for her marriage.
• I think if you could both provide some more general biographical data and also try to place her in her professional context (rather than just listed races she's won), that would also help.

http://www.torontosun.com/sports/othersports/2009/09/07/10775296-sun.html

http://www.cyclingnews.com/races/australian-mountain-bike-national-championships-cn/downhill-elite-women/results

I realize this may seem like a long list of things to work on, so please contact me on my talk page if you feel daunted or need help. You have made a good start, and this can be a very good article if you keep at it. Nuujinn (talk) 15:56, 6 March 2010 (UTC)

Many thanks Nuujinn, I have made some edits and would appreciate additional feedback TinaEPO (talk) 17:41, 22 March 2010 (UTC)TinaEPOTinaEPO (talk) 17:41, 22 March 2010 (UTC)

I dropped by and made some edits, added a reference and cleaned up the prose a bit. It still needs work tho. Take a look at how I changed the references--if you name them, you don't have to repeat them and the list is cleaner. Let me know if you have any questions. --Nuujinn (talk) 13:19, 30 April 2010 (UTC)

Abraham Lincoln Institute

I am working on my first article, an entry on an organization I am a part of named the User:Gleidner/Abraham Lincoln Institute. It is in my userspace and I believe it is close to ready (although I would like to make the institute's website a little more prominent than it is now--as a reference) but would appreciate feedback. I received some kind help from Wifione a few hours ago. Many thanks.

Gleidner (talk) 08:45, 8 March 2010 (UTC)

I have not looked at your potential new article, but your comment of "an organization I am a part of" immediately brings to mind Wikipedia:Conflict of interest. You may already be aware of this guidance, but if not, it is well worth a look.

Derek R Bullamore (talk) 09:07, 8 March 2010 (UTC)

In addition to the above, please take a look at the notability guidelines for organizations set out at WP:ORG. To demonstrate the notability of the subject, you will have to cite significant coverage in reliable sources - the organization's website is not considered reliable for establishing notability. – ukexpat (talk) 17:55, 8 March 2010 (UTC)

Since nothing has happened to your draft after the posts above, I suppose you have been effectively discouraged from editing it. For my part, I find the draft useful and would regret if your effort was in vain. It appears NPOV and uncontroversial; the problem is that notability isn't demonstrated. Maybe a solution could be that you correct these faults and then somebody uninvolved creates the article based on your draft (and other material, if they see fit)? --Jonund (talk) 17:33, 2 April 2010 (UTC)

In response to Jonund and others, I have revised the article, adding 9 or 10 web references that I believe will verify notability and references, as suggested. I would be glad for someone else to write the article based on my draft. What is the best link to submit this draft to? Thank you. Gleidner (talk) 13:46, 20 April 2010 (UTC) Gleidner

SAA Architecure, LLC

SAA Architecture, LLC

Please review my article that was posted on Thursday March 4, 2010. Thanks!!

Wendyfables (talk) 20:02, 11 March 2010 (UTC) Wendyfables

I moved it to SAA Architecture in accordance with Wikipedia's naming conventions for companies. There are some issues as the tag indicates. I think it's a little promotional in tone - in particular the list of major projects is too long - I would list just a handful, preferably those that already have Wikipedia articles, if any (and link to them). Similarly for the awards section - trim it down to just major awards that the firm has won. Hope this helps. – ukexpat (talk) 21:46, 11 March 2010 (UTC)

Wendyfables (talk) 11:26, 15 march 2010 (UTC) Wendyfables Thankyou for the feedback - i will make the suggested changes!

(Wendyfables (talk) 17:40, 16 March 2010 (UTC))I made more changes that were suggested. Can you please review again and consider removing the flags? Thank you! (Wendyfables (talk) 17:40, 16 March 2010 (UTC))

(Wendyfables (talk) 16:59, 29 March 2010 (UTC) I've made additional changes to the document (cleaned up the LEED link issue) and removed several lists - please remove the flags or explain where the neutrality is compromised. Thank you in advance. Wendyfables (talk) 21:00, 29 March 2010 (UTC)

The main issue I see is that the article purports to be about the firm, but the bulk of the text is about the owner of the firm, so this appears to be more a biography. And the references are flawed:

• The first is a link to Stephens bio on the firm's web site.
• The second is ok, but insufficient to establish notability of Stephens, and doesn't mention the firm (which the article is about).
• Third and Fourth are articles written by Stephens, but not about the firm--so these do not establish notability of either the author or the firm.
• Fifth is ok, but very promotional in tone akin to a press release.
• Sixth is a brochure for the award event, but doesn't mention SAA.
• Seventh is ok, but just a website, and has limited weight
• Eighth is a page listing years of Tilt Up Assc. awards, but SAA isn't listed there, it should be a more specific. Also, I note that Stephens is on the TCA board of directors, and that the awards are pretty narrow in scope.

What is needed here are some references that establish notability of the firm such as newspaper or magazine articles, and text about the firm's activities, rather than text about Stephens. Hope that helps. --Nuujinn (talk) 15:13, 30 April 2010 (UTC)

Anna Margaret from Starstruck

Hi, I'd like some help on writing an article about Anna Margaret from the Disney original movie Starstruck. I need more info and sources so if you can please check out my userspace draft and if there's anything you think I should add, let me know.

Here is the link: User:JRsingersongwriter/Anna Margaret

JRsingersongwriter —Preceding unsigned comment added by JRsingersongwriter (talk • contribs) 02:40, 17 March 2010 (UTC)

First of all, sorry to take so long to get back to you. The main problem you have is a lack of good references. Myspace pages and promotional material are not really reliable sources. What you need are newspaper or magazine articles, such as [|these]. Unfortunately, these are not enough, they only mention her in passing, and I think fail to establish her as a notable musician. Take a look at WP:NM for guidance on how to establish notability. Let me know on my talk page if you have any questions. --Nuujinn (talk) 13:39, 30 April 2010 (UTC)

User:AgRince/Social Science Research on Greatness

Hello

I posted a request for feedback over a week ago (14:36, 16 March 2010 (UTC)). Since most of the requests posted after mine have been responded to, i can only assume that mine somehow got inadvertantly buried in the pile... so i am reposted my request here.. but leaving out the short bit of old comments which may have been mistaken for a response..

i would really appreciate some feedback...

User:AgRince/Social Science Research on Greatness is my first wiki article.

i've rewritten it in my user space as per suggestion of one of your editors (ukexpat) who moved much longer initial version of it out of Afd back to my userspace, suggesting that i "...take a look at the tone, construction and flow of articles on similar topics to see how they are written and structure this article similarly..."

I looked at several articles on related topics, and then settled on one which most closely paralleled what i am trying to achieve re giving useful information in my article.

the model article i used is the wiki article on Multiple Intelligences

my article is now virtually the same length as the M Int article, and this despite the M Int article covering ~25 years of soc sci research while mine re Greatness covers over 100 years. I collapsed my summaries of major books into a few short paragraphs each. (eg Cox's book is over 800 pages, Eysenck's is 350 and virtually inaccessible to the lay reader).

I also referenced everything. (except the one specific lulu ref – Dorris (2009) – which I need to get an ok to use as lulu in general is black listed…)

Can you tell me if the current version is ok to resubmit for consideration as wiki article? if not, any suggestions very much appreciated.

AgRince (talk) 16:09, 25 March 2010 (UTC)

DePaul University's Coleman Entrepreneurship Center

User:Becca Berkenstadt/DePaul University's Coleman Entrepreneurship Center —Preceding unsigned comment added by Becca Berkenstadt (talk • contribs) 22:30, 30 March 2010 (UTC)

Well, a good start, but as you no doubt know, the article is too promotional. Some suggestions:

• The first reference, for DePaul, doesn't need to be a reference. Generally speaking, a wikilink is quite sufficient.
• The tone is very promotional, it really should be toned down. For example, I don't think the "become a member" link is a good reference. Phrases such as "Blueprint provides current DePaul students the support and encouragement they need to successfully launch and grow" sound as if they are from a promotion brochure, and wikipedia is not intended as advertising space.
• Rather than putting in external links such as the one to the Coleman center and Dr. Welsch, can you instead find an online reference that verifies the grant or the founder, and provide a citation to that?
• I suggest looking at the Wikipedia:Citation_templates#Examples for samples of better ways to format citations from newspapers and magazines.

Hope this helps, --Nuujinn (talk) 18:15, 4 April 2010 (UTC)

Dear Nuujinn,

Thank you for your insights. I will be sure to take them into account. You are very helpful.

Becca Berkenstadt (talk) 19:21, 13 April 2010 (UTC)

Wales Live

Wales Live

Hi there,

Just looking any feedback on Wales Live wiki page....

Thanks a mil, Sarah

(1 April 2010). —Preceding unsigned comment added by Sarah McCaffrey (talk • contribs) 16:00, 1 April 2010 (UTC)

At the moment it is an advertisement masquerading as an article in breach of WP:SPAM, and I have tagged it for speedy deletion as such. The fact that it is written in the first person is a bit of a giveaway of its promotional intent. Are you by any chance connected with the company? If so please read WP:COI. Even if the promotional stuff can be edited out, it is unlikely (at the moment at least) to meet Wikipedia's notability guidelines at WP:CORP -- most things that are "...soon to be the..." are unlikely to have had the required non-trivial coverage in multiple reliable sources to meet the inclusion criteria. Hope this helps. – ukexpat (talk) 17:43, 1 April 2010 (UTC)

Speedily deleted: ‎ (G11: Unambiguous advertising or promotion). – ukexpat (talk) 20:50, 1 April 2010 (UTC)

The article is back up and a speedy delete was declined. I have put it up for deletion at WP:AFD ~~ GB fan ~~ ^talk 23:39, 2 May 2010 (UTC)

I withdrew the nomination after another editor found extensive coverage and expanded the article. ~~ GB fan ~~ ^talk 10:54, 4 May 2010 (UTC)

Antonin Raymond Architect

I have substantially expanded this article on Antonin Raymond and would be grateful if someone could read it through and rate it. On the discussion page the previous author had added a Biography template, and I added Japan and Architecture one because I thought they were appropriate. Kenchikuben (talk) 13:20, 2 April 2010 (UTC)

This page has now had a peer review and no longer needs feedback here. Thanks Kenchikuben (talk) 05:47, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

Adeyer Sportif

The Adeyer Sportif is a rare Australian car that many have heard of but few know details about. This article will be, as far as i am able to determine, pretty much the only online information available at this time. Too many forums have misinformation from unreliable sources regarding this vehicle. Ignatzmax (talk) 14:13, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

It is a bit of a rough start. The tone is very conversational and needs to be reworked to a more neutral tone. But you need to work first on the references. I realize it may be counter-intuitive, but the car in your driveway does not count as a reference. The Wheels magazine you mention would be a good start, but you'll need to fill out the citation with the author, name of article, page numbers, etc. See the article on inline citations for a simple example. If you need more help, ask here or on my talk page, hope that helps, --Nuujinn (talk) 19:58, 8 April 2010 (UTC)

User:Ignatzmax/Adeyer Sportif Too much like hard work so Im not going to bother with it then. The ONLY information i have EVER found in the last 5 or so years of looking, is in the one copy of wheels magazine that i found by accident. Since there is no more info anywhere else, the subject and car will die and fade into obscurity. I dont have time or the inclination to make information about a rare car sound more like a checklist. The info i posted was reworked from the magazine and what they did was suitable for the general public, so delete, erase, dispose of or do whatever to this information cos its fine to me. I dont really care. Ignatzmax (talk) 13:44, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

Modulor

Although I have kept most of the original text, I have expanded this article on Modulor to include inline citations and references. I have amended the examples given, replacing those that did not include citations with those that do. I would be grateful if someone could read the article through and rate it. Kenchikuben (talk) 15:19, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

I think it looks good, but this isn't really a venue for getting an article rated. You might take a look at WP:RGA --Nuujinn (talk) 01:01, 11 May 2010 (UTC)

I wasn't really nominating it as a GA, it was more that I had added to an article that hadn't yet been rated and I thought that it should be. I didn't think that it was at a stage that I could ask for a peer review at WikiProject Architecture and previously I've had articles in a similar situation rated by volunteers on this page. Your guidance on this would be appreciated.Thanks Kenchikuben (talk) 13:26, 13 May 2010 (UTC). I've added this entry instead to Wikipedia:WikiProject Architecture/Assessment. Kenchikuben (talk) 13:48, 13 May 2010 (UTC)

Elena Miscodan

Elena Miscodan User:DianaTocu/Elena_Miscodan DianaTocu (talk) 17:07, 7 April 2010 (UTC)

Please take a look at the notability guidelines for living people set out at WP:BIO. You will have to cite non-trivial coverage in multiple reliable sources independent of the subject. Also take a look at WP:BLP1E, it's going to be hard to argue that this anything other than one event. – ukexpat (talk) 18:45, 8 April 2010 (UTC)

User:Mikemahalo/Human Design

This is my first attempt at an article. There was a previous article named Human Design System that was deleted, I have since found out that was sponsored by the originator and had problems with bias and commercial interest, and possibly copyright. http://deletionpedia.dbatley.com/w/index.php?title=Human_Design_System And this is WHY it was deleted http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Articles_for_deletion/Human_Design_System

I wrote my first version here on my own blog www.humandesignblog.com - http://mikemahalo.vox.com/library/post/ideas-for-wikipedia-article-on-human-design.html

however clearly wikipedia needs a different style so I started again with references, and left out most of the content.

The most obvious reference is not allowed, the personal Facebook of Ra Uru Hu, so I had to think, what references are verifiable, and the remaining facts were just that this exists, over here, you can look, it claims this and that, and there are so many websites and online communities, and now an independent book.

I would like to include more details of WHAT Human Design says, but these are not within wiki style, as far as I can see, and most of my first attempt and that of the deleted entry are not suitable, perhaps. Mikemahalo (talk) 09:52, 8 April 2010 (UTC)

Well, I think the biggest problem you have at this point is a lack of verifiable and reliable sources. The BBC page is the closest, but I believe that's essentially a forum (since it seems that anyone can sign up and start a conversation). Without good sources, I do not think this article would remain in mainspace for very long. --Nuujinn (talk) 19:48, 8 April 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for your comment Nuujinn. I believe the fact that Harper Collins have published the first independent book on Human Design is the new key that establishes Human Design on the wikipedia map. I just realised, it is not only the birth day, but the solar birth hour of the originator of Human Design, Ra Uru Hu. By coincidence, the moon is in a place that gives me unusual confidence and energy, to succeed where others fail, and my mood, you understand, is carpe diem. I am posting in mainspace and ready with my water pistol to defend my baby..

Mikemahalo (talk) 02:15, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

Best of luck, but do keep in mind that once in mainspace, she's not your baby any more. My motto is carpe carp, and it's rather wet out tonight, so perhaps fortune smiles upon you! —Preceding unsigned comment added by Nuujinn (talk • contribs) 03:22, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

thanks - thank you - merci .... mercy!! Mikemahalo (talk) 12:04, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

Hungary-Slovakia relations

Hungary–Slovakia_relations

There seems to be a disagreement over which version of the article is better. The new one is significantly shorter, but that is due to a large amount of unnecessary info included in the previous version. Any opinions welcome.

A vote section I created [1].

The versions in question

1. - longer version [2]

2. - the new, shortened one [3]

diff: [4]

Wladthemlat (talk) 13:52, 8 April 2010 (UTC)

This is not the place for content disputes, you should probably take this to WP:THIRD. Thanks. -Reconsider! 04:08, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

Feedback - European Educational Exchanges-Youth for Understanding

Hi,

A few weeks ago I created a new page on Wikipedia for the organisation that I work for. It still has not been reviewd and as such still has the tag at the top of the page. Please can someone review it so that the tag can be removed. The name of the page is: European Educational Exchanges-Youth for Understanding (EEE-YFU).

Many thanks,

EEE-YFU —Preceding unsigned comment added by 217.136.253.131 (talk) 16:35, 8 April 2010 (UTC)

Please make sure you are logged-in when you edit! First, please read WP:COI - you are strongly discouraged from creating or editing articles where you have a conflict of interest. Second, the article contains no references to demonstrate how or why the organization is notable per the guidelines at WP:ORG - you need to cite non-trivial coverage in multiple sources independent of the subject. Third, the article is very promotional in tone and will have to be toned down. Hope this helps. – ukexpat (talk) 16:55, 8 April 2010 (UTC)

Jamie McCartney

User:Vitaled/Jamie McCartney

Jamie McCartney is sn artist and sculptor living and working in Brighton. He has achieved notoriety through his sculptures created form casts of the human body. His latest work 'The Great Wall of Vagina' is due to be finished this month.

Vitaled (talk) 20:38, 8 April 2010 (UTC)

The subject appears to meet the notability guidelines at WP:BIO and WP:ARTIST. However, the article is rather promotional in tone and full of peacock terms and other hyperbole that will have to be toned down, in particular the "recognition" section is unnecessary. There are also some formatting issues: you should use the {{Cite web}} and {{Cite news}} templates for your references rather than bare URLs; the lists should be formatted as bulleted lists by putting a * at the beginning of each line; you only need one empty line between paragraphs; you should not link to any page on his website except the main page and generally the list of external links is way too long, see WP:ELNO. Hope this helps. – ukexpat (talk) 20:51, 8 April 2010 (UTC)

Himalayan Cataract Project

I could use your help in making this labor of love Himalayan Cataract Project a more compliant Wikipedia article. I need help with links, style, edits, and general flow. We hope that this article will not be removed for minor technicalities. Your input is greatly appreciated. Sincerely, Salwa and Anya Kayguarnay (talk) 21:53, 10 April 2010 (UTC)

Sorry to take so long to get to this. I think the thing to focus on with this article would be to get additional reliable sources to establish notability. As it stands the article has only the project's web site as a source, and that won't do. What you need are sources like books and articles in magazines or newspapers. Foreign sources are ok if you can provide translations on request. This might help. See also WP:CITE for guidance. Drop me a note on my talk page when you have incorporated more sources and I'll take another look. --Nuujinn (talk) 01:08, 11 May 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Sergiosbox/Stockholm_Lisboa_Project

Hello,

I just created my first article about a Swedeish/Portuguese music group. Because I'm not used to Wiki I would apreciate some input before I think about submiting it as a mainspace article.

Thank you for any help! Sérgio Crisóstomo —Preceding unsigned comment added by Sergiosbox (talk • contribs) 07:45, 11 April 2010 (UTC)

Hi Sergio, thanks for contributing to Wikipedia. This is not a bad start, however it is important that you provide reliable third party references to substantiate the content of the article. If you're unsure, please take a look at this and WP:RS for more details. All the best, -Reconsider! 11:47, 11 April 2010 (UTC)

Thank you for the input! I added 3 references that are "factual" and give a proof of what I wrote. They don't add new information, just add detail/proof to it. I supose that was your suggestion. Am I far from "safely" suggesting it to the mainspace?

Meanwhile how do I answer to your comment? like I did, just add ":" on the page and "write"?

Thank you again!, Sergiosbox (talk) 19:50, 11 April 2010 (UTC)

References

which results in:

Wikipedia was created by Jimbo Wales.

== References ==

• Also, please be careful about using non-neutral language. For example, He is recognized as a versatile guard who has the skills to play both the point and the wing and is excellent defender - whilst these 'facts' may be supported by the reference, it is important to write in a neutral, encyclopaedic manner. I am not sure if the 'georgia tech' site would qualify as a reliable source - assuming for a moment that it was, then perhaps it could be phrased as e.g. Georgia tech declare him a "versatile guard who has the skills to play both the point and the wing [...an] Excellent defender"<ref>[http://ramblinwreck.cstv.com/sports/m-baskbl/mtt/shumpert_iman00.html Official website of Georgia Tech Athletics]</ref>

 Chzz  ►  12:36, 22 March 2010 (UTC)

There is already an article about this player. --Orange Mike | Talk 14:44, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

The Silver Star Families of America

The Silver Star Families of America

Would like a little help and reviews on the Silver STar Families of America

I have had lots of help but the page still seems to have too many open spaces I cannot delete out.

Anyway, thank you all and God bless.

And thanks to all who have helped.

Steven1969 (talk) 21:55, 24 March 2010 (UTC)

I took the liberty of removing some of the blank lines. If you like, I can do some copy editing of it. --Nuujinn (talk) 23:17, 24 March 2010 (UTC)

THANK you Nuujinn!

Steven1969 (talk) 00:42, 25 March 2010 (UTC)

And by all means edit away!

Steven1969 (talk) 00:46, 25 March 2010 (UTC)

New Article - Eyes in the Dark film

I started an article for a 2010 movie Eyes in the Dark.User:Anakin 99/Eyes in the Dark I believe it is almost ready to be made public and that I have good reference web links, but I am not sure if I did the references properly. I would appreciate some review and feedback since it is the first article I have started myself.

Thank you.

Anakin 99 (talk) 20:17, 7 April 2010 (UTC)

Please take a look at WP:NFILMS - despite the references, the subject does not meet the notability guidelines for films. – ukexpat (talk) 18:37, 8 April 2010 (UTC)

Ultimate Software

I kindly ask for your review of Ultimate Software User:Dporcaro/Ultimate_Software. It is a public company with many sources of notability that should be added to Wikipedia.

Your time and thoughts are greatly appreciated.

Thank you, Dporcaro (talk) 21:31, 9 April 2010 (UTC)Desiree Porcaro April 9, 2010

First please read WP:COI - in your position as "SEO/Social Media Specialist at Ultimate Software", you clearly have a conflict of interest and are strongly advised not to create or edit articles where you have a conflict. Second, as a NASDAQ listed company the subject almost certainly meets the notability criteria set out at WP:CORP, however the article is rather spammy (referring to the company's products as "solutions",and using the circle-R are Marketing 101) and the list of "Recognition" is too long and should be limited to nationally recognised awards from major publications or institutions. Please take a look at articles for other major companies to see how they balance the good and bad. There are other outlets such as WikiCompany. Hope this helps. – ukexpat (talk) 14:50, 12 April 2010 (UTC)

Thyroid cancer

Would like an expert editor to review and possibly improve this new article I created. Immunize (talk) 17:59, 10 April 2010 (UTC)

Hi Immunize, you might be better off asking at Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Medicine where there are likely to be editors familiar with the subject. Regards, --BelovedFreak 13:51, 11 April 2010 (UTC)

Did you look at the article, or do you feel that only a medical expert should review the article? Immunize (talk) (talk) 17:52, 11 April 2010 (UTC)

Yes, I looked at the article. With respect to the manual of style, it looks fine (other than the format of the citation, which is a bare url at the moment). It has a reference. I'm not sure what other feedback you're looking for, since it's only three lines long. I suggested the Wikiproject because if you're looking for collaboration, you're more likely to find someone there with a specific interest in the subject. And, I don't know enough about this to be sure, but since the first sentence of Thyroid neoplasm says "Thyroid neoplasm or thyroid cancer usually refers to...", is this other article necessary? I see it was previously a redirect to Thyroid neoplasm. Is there any reason in particular you thought it warranted a separate article?--BelovedFreak 18:06, 11 April 2010 (UTC)

A thyroid neoplasm can be benign or malignant, thyroid cancer is malignant by definition. Furthermore, the treatment for benign thyroid neoplasm (such as thyroid adenoma) differs completely from that of a malignant thyroid neoplasm. Immunize (talk) (talk) 18:15, 11 April 2010 (UTC)

Ok, as I say I don't know too much about it. However, the article at Thyroid neoplasm looks like it covers this too. As well as the Wikiproject, it might be worth starting a discussion at Talk:Thyroid neoplasm, perhaps also saying what you think ought to be expanded, and what expert help you need. --BelovedFreak 18:26, 11 April 2010 (UTC)

User:Sngha2/Midmac

Summary of the MIDMAC bridge bidding system, including Complete Hand Valuation. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Sngha2 (talk • contribs) 14:24, 11 April 2010 (UTC)

I think there is the basis of a worthwhile article here but it needs work in a couple of areas. First it reads like a how-to, which is explicitly what Wikipedia is not. Take a look at articles on other bidding systems such as Acol and model you draft on those. The Acol article will also give you some hints about appropriate layout. The second area is notability. The draft may just barely reach the threshold with the citation of two books, but you really need more references if you can find them, coverage in Bridge magazines, websites etc, and citations should use one of the appropriate templates such as {{Cite book}} or {{Cite journal}}. Hope this helps. – ukexpat (talk) 14:12, 12 April 2010 (UTC)

The Latimer Group

User:SlatersGarage/The Latimer Group

Looking for feedback on an article I'm working on about The Latimer Group, a communications coaching firm in Wallingford Connecticut. Subheads include info on its founder, as well as company history...

This is my first Wikipedia article, so I'm hoping I got it pretty close... Feedback would be much appreciated.

Thanks SlatersGarage (talk) 13:24, 12 April 2010 (UTC)SlatersGarage 04-12-10

At the moment it reads like a promotional piece for the company and its founder, which is a violation of WP:Spam. Also, it does not demonstrate how or why the company is notable per the guidelines at WP:CORP, although it is possible that Brenner may be notable enough per WP:BIO for his sailing activities. In either case you will need to WP:CITE non-trivial coverage in multiple sources independent of the subject to show notability. Hope this helps. – ukexpat (talk) 14:03, 12 April 2010 (UTC)

TV Specialists, Inc page

I found a page about a local Appliance/Electronic store in Utah called R.C. Willey and decided to create a page about a local Electronic/Custom Installation store called TV Specialists, Inc. I would like to get it reviewed and posted and I believe this is the next step? TV_Specialists,_Inc

User:Since1953/TV Specialists, Inc

Thank you!

Sorry about the link - couldn't get it to work right.

Since1953 (talk) 16:21, 12 April 2010 (UTC)

At the moment the draft is very spammy and would almost certainly be speedily deleted if moved to mainspace in this form. Also, there is nothing in the article text or sources to demonstrate how or why this particular company is notable per the guidelines at WP:CORP. There are other outlets such as WikiCompany. Hope this helps. – ukexpat (talk) 16:30, 12 April 2010 (UTC)

User:Bengomori/George_Gomori_(poet,_writer,_scholar)

Hi there

Added a page for my father who is a celebrated Hungarian poet and writer - there's already a George Gomori listed on here so have pt the differentiation in brackets.

only the second thing I've added so not sure if I've done everything right to get it submitted and reviewed— Preceding unsigned comment added by Bengomori (talk • contribs)

Few points: You are related to the subject and therefore have a conflict of interest, so you edits will be heavily scrutinised for a neutral point of view. Having said that, your father is almost certainly notable per the guidelines at WP:BIO and WP:PROF, but that notability must be supported by citing non-trivial coverage in multiple reliable sources (note that other Wikipedia articles cannot be used as references). So you will have to find some sources that can be cited. Your father is clearly a very prolific writer, but long lists of publications are not necessarily encyclopedic(and could at worst be considered promotional), so you should probably reduce that list to his major publications, those that have won awards for example. I have made a start Wikifying the article with links to other articles, and I am sure more could be done. When the article is moved the title should probably be George Gomori (writer). I hope this helps. – ukexpat (talk) 20:50, 13 April 2010 (UTC)

Feedback on the Mwananchi Communications Ltd page

I have just created a page stil under the userspace draft on here (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Bbiswalo/Mwananchi_Communications_Ltd) and would like your feedback before I move it to be a peoper Wikipedia article.

The company Mwananchi Communicatrions Ltd is one of the leading media houses in Tanzania but it has been hard to find info about it on the net while its a huge company that many Tanzanians and others people have interest in it for the role it plays as an independent media in Tanzania . So I decided to find info as much as I could and found some resources on-line to share with fellows like me who would be interested in this company and its products.

Mwananchi Communications Ltd feedback

Please help me review this article by giving me feedback so that we make it a great resource for all. Thanks!

The article is at http: Mwananchi Communications Ltd. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Bbiswalo (talk • contribs)

At the moment the article is very promotional in tone and most of the references are not material enough to demonstrate the notability of the subject - for example regurgitation of press releases and passing mentions are not sufficient. The coverage has to be non-trivial. Please take a look at WP:RS for additional guidance on sources. – ukexpat (talk) 20:16, 13 April 2010 (UTC)

Digital Creative Agency

The Digital Creative Agency page is a brief description of the services of a digital creative agency. With today's growing technology, digital creative agencies are in competition with or compliment traditional advertising agencies. This page states the differences between the two and provides some examples of digital creative agencies.

Thank you so much for taking the time to review this article.

-Sami — Preceding unsigned comment added by Playgroundsami (talk • contribs)

At first blush this doesn't look like a notable enough subject for an encyclopedia article and looks rather like an attempt to advertise some of these agencies on Wikipedia. In any event, you will have to cite non-trivial coverage in multiple independent sources to demonstrate notability. – ukexpat (talk) 20:03, 13 April 2010 (UTC)

Organizational Immaturity

Organizational Immaturity User:Mklubeck/Organizational Immaturity

This article attempts to explain the concept of Organizational Immaturity which organizations may suffer from.

Mklubeck 18:39, 13 April 2010 (UTC)MKlubeck, April 13, 2010

I am not convinced that the subject meets the general notability guideline for inclusion in Wikipedia. Most of the references are to a book of which you appear to be a co-author, so you have a conflict of interest with the subject. The concept appears (from the publication year of your book - 2010) to be new, and most "new" things will not have received the non-trivial coverage in reliable sources required to demonstrate notability. Hope this helps. – ukexpat (talk) 20:26, 13 April 2010 (UTC)

Thanks! I think it does help. I did co-author the book, but I would have tried to put this into Wikipedia years ago (before writing the book) if I was more aware. You are right it is a new concept and understand if it requires more time. Don't know what to do about the "conflict of interest" since we (the authors) are probably the most knowledgable at this time - until (hopefully) our readership grows. Thanks again!

Mklubeck (talk) 18:37, 14 April 2010 (UTC)Mklubeck

Christopher T. Gonzalez

I created an article on Christopher T. Gonzalez and it is ready to be reviewed by others.Michelle D. Dartis 18:41, 13 April 2010 (UTC)Michelle Dartis — Preceding unsigned comment added by Michelle Dartis (talk • contribs)

The tone of the article is very non-neutral and very "peacocky" and I have tagged it accordingly. Expressions like "Gonzalez was a trailblazer..." are not encyclopedic or neutral. So the tone needs some work. Hope this helps. – ukexpat (talk) 19:55, 13 April 2010 (UTC)

Bay View Garden and Yard Society

I've just completed an article on a non-profit community organization at User:VitusKonter/Bay View Garden and Yard Society. I've included as many references as I could find, so I hope this helps to meet the notablility guidelines. Thank you for your time and consideration. VitusKonter (talk) 06:44, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

I have taken a quick look and made some formatting changes, in particular I changed the thumbnail size to the default so that the images do not overpower and distort the text flow. I think it's ready to move to the mainspace. Let me know if you need help with that. – ukexpat (talk) 19:31, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

Thank you for fixing the images. That is one area of wiki that I seem to be having problems. It does look better now, and I'll probably wait to move it to mainspace next week, to see if there's any more feedback. VitusKonter (talk) 05:54, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

Community Mobilization

Hi friends,
Recently, I have added this page to Wikipedia and tired to make the content of this article lucid. In order to make this article beautiful, I request you for your feedback and suggestions.
Your help will be deeply appreciated.--Alok Mishra (talk) 09:11, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

I am not convinced that this is an encyclopedic subject in the narrow way that you have defined it - communities mobilise for many more reasons than "to achieve sustainable development". Isn't this just a subset of community building, maybe your content could be more usefully merged into that article? – ukexpat (talk) 18:23, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

Thank you for your feedback. Though there is close interface between community building and community mobilization but there is a sharp contrast also exist between these two terms. I wrote this article as a separate from community building because of several reasons. 1) Community mobilization is emerging as a powerful tool for community development and it contrast from development development in many methodological and conceptual aspects at micro level. (I agree there is close interface exist). 2) I Felt there should be an article on Community mobilization which should cover detailed and comprehensive description with online resource materials. In the light of above reasons and keeping a good faith in Wiki spirit, I tried to add the page. Your further help will be deeply appreciated. --Alok Mishra (talk) 04:40, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

Behavior Change Communication

Hi friends,
Recently, I have added this page to Wikipedia and tired to make this article lucid and informative. In order to make this article beautiful, I request you for your feedback and suggestions. Please let me know how it looks and developmental need.
Your help will be deeply appreciated.--Alok Mishra (talk) 09:35, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

I think it's a pretty good start. The tone needs work, try to avoid passive voice. "It has been noticed..." is an example, a better way to express it would be to say who noticed and what they did when they noticed. Some of the sentences are unnecessary or don't say aynthing, for example, "A society consists of many sub-groups and this is evidence of further stratification" is meaningless, as sub-groups are not evidence of further stratification. I would suggest recasting the language in simple and direct phrases to make your meaning clear, and avoid the use of terms. --Nuujinn (talk) 23:10, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

Sandford Pre School

User:Remawa/Sandford Pre School

14/04/2010 Remawa (talk) 11:15, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

The Wikikpedia consensus is that schools below secondary level are not de facto notable, so to get over this hurdle you will need to demonstrate notability with cited references to non-trivial coverage in multiple reliable sources independent of the subject. I think it will be a fruitless exercise. – ukexpat (talk) 17:12, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

Kanchan Armour

This article is about the Kanchan Armour indigeneously developed in India. Please comment on this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Lohiyagaurav/Kanchan_armour —Preceding unsigned comment added by 193.113.57.161 (talk) 12:31, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

Well, the first thing I'd suggest is adding some references from reliable sources, in order to establish notability. Google news is a good place to start, please take a look at [this], and for citation format see WP:CITE. The prose is pretty good, but could use some cleanup. One thing to avoid is use of phrases expressing an opinion, such as "It played havoc on enemy tanks in 1971 war", unless you can provide a reference showing that a reliable source described the event as such. --Nuujinn (talk) 14:05, 30 April 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for the response. I have added some refences, please check and let me know. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Lohiyagaurav (talk • contribs) 11:05, 4 May 2010 (UTC) \

Looks pretty good, I removed the review template. One of the references is to a wikipedia article, and that's not really a reference, just use a wikilink for that one. Let me know on my talk page if you need/want help moving it to mainspace. --Nuujinn (talk) 01:14, 11 May 2010 (UTC)

Jammu & Kashmir Issue

[[5]] My article on the above subject, I am told, needs a feedback. Please let me know if there is anything concerning this article that I have missed out? This is an historical account of the State of jammu & Kashmir backed by references whereever required and even referenced comparable articles with the same context or subject. Still I will appreciate if I am corrected to make this article meaningful. Thanks --Mrathore 13:56, 14 April 2010 (UTC) Mrathore 14.42 —Preceding unsigned comment added by Mrathore (talk • contribs) 13:48, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

There are already extensive articles on this topic at Kashmir and Jammu (princely state) and Kashmir conflict. Please do any work which needs doing on those articles, rather than "re-inventing the wheel". --Orange Mike | Talk 14:22, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

Thanks Mike I wrote this article in context with the prevailing situation in Jammu & Kashmir and wanted to apprise the interested parties with a version a common man in J & K wants the international community to be aware of. To understand the imbroglio an impartial analysis can be made getting the story from horses mouth. Please advise further. Thanks 86.21.13.87 (talk) 08:09, 15 April 2010 (UTC)[[6]]

Frankly, your draft fails badly to maintain the necessary neutral point of view we require here. I would strongly advise you to abandon this draft, concentrating instead on improving the existing articles. --Orange Mike | Talk 15:47, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

H.R. Gray

H.R. Gray We have edited this page to make sure it it neutral. Can you please review again and remove the flags if you agree? If not, can you be specific about what it is you would like to see changed? Amynumbers (talk) 14:08, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

Who is "we"? --Orange Mike | Talk 14:14, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

AETC Collaboration Portal

AETC Collaboration Portal User:Afeducationuser/AETC Collaboration Portal

Please review my article. Afeducationuser (talk) 14:45, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

User:Steverance/Flying Pig Productions

Could I have some feedback about the article please. Many thanks —Preceding unsigned comment added by Steverance (talk • contribs) 15:24, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

Self defense pressure points

User:SuKristie/Self defense pressure points

This is my first article. It is about using pressure points of your attackers body to defend yourself and discusses which of your body parts to use on these pressure points. Are the lists a problem, or anything else?

--SuKristie (talk) 19:23, 15 April 2010 (UTC)SuKristie 4/15/10

Well, we already have an article Pressure point, which seems to cover the subject already but in greater detail. Your article at the moment is not encyclopaedic and neutral in tone - it reads like a personal essay or an instruction manual (referring to your own experience and opinions in an encyclopaedia article is unacceptable, for example). It might be a better idea to see if you can use your source material to help improve an existing article on the subject. Karenjc 19:04, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

User:Kevin.dubienski

User:Kevin.dubienski is for a Calgary, AB, Canada member of the Conservative party, Donna Kennedy-Glans. The article includes a brief synopsis, summary of her career, and information on the books she has written. I think the article is close to ready but could really use anyone's advice on what I can do to make it 100% good to go.

I have read most of the available resources on properly writing and formatting for wikipedia so hopefully I'm on track. Thank you for your kind help and I look forward to learning more!

Kevin.dubienski (talk) 22:33, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

Moved it to User:Kevin.dubienski/Donna Kennedy-Glans. User:Kevin.dubienski is for information about you, not for draft articles! Now as to the draft article: there is nothing here to indicate that she is notable enough to have an encyclopedia article about her. Just another Tory corporate lawyer in Alberta. --Orange Mike | Talk 01:20, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

User:Kevin.dubienski/Donna Kennedy-Glans thanks for the moving the article for me, I was a little unclear about the workings of my user page. So as you noted there is nothing here to indicate she is "notable enough to have an encyclopedia article about her" does that mean I have no chance of this article getting accepted? I was recommended previously recommended by User:JohnCD to revise much of the article (you can see these comments on my talk page) and am quite let down to hear that it looks like it won't work now. Is there anything I can do to make this better work? Thank you for your time User:Orangemike. Kevin.dubienski (talk) 18:23, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

MEET - Middle East Education through Technology

Greetings!

My non-profit organization just set up our own page, located at MEET - Middle East Education through Technology

In a nutshell, the mission of MEET is to be a bridge facilitating healthy interaction and dialogue between Israeli and Palestinian high-school students, through a shared goal of education and cross-cultural learning.

However we realize this topic may be a bit sensitive (even though our organization is neutral), therefore would like to seek feedback from the Wiki community on your thoughts about our page (too political? sensitive?) and any advice on improving it.

Thanks so much!!

Lbeana, 4/15 Lbeana (talk) 23:28, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

I took the liberty of making some quick edits to bring it more in line with normal article structure. What you need, however, are more citations from reliable sources. See if you can't incorporate some of the external links as inline citations, that will help. The tone is a bit too promotional, also, see if you can make it more neutral. --Nuujinn (talk) 00:25, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

Fidel Roig Matons

I need feedback on this article: User:Fvroig/Fidel Roig Matons Thanks.

Fvroig (talk) 00:05, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

Once the article is cleaned up (see WP:MOS, WP:CITE, and WP:EL), I believe you've made a good preliminary case for his notability. You should, however, disclose your own conflict of interest on the talk page of the article. --Orange Mike | Talk 01:25, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

MadeinLocal

User:Ifranchino/MadeinLocal A second version of my article on MadeinLocal! I improved references, and I hope there are enough! All feedback is welcome, as it is my first article.

Thank you! Ifranchino (talk) 08:49, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

Corinne Malvern

Corinne Malvern -- I'd appreciate someone reviewing this for me. Dfoy (talk) 14:56, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

I've removed the unreviewed tag, and taken the liberty of doing a little formatting. In particular I've unWikilinked the titles of Corinne Malvern's Little Golden Books as you had them, because the links went to articles about other versions of the story by other authors (and in one case, to a film to which I'm sure Ms Malvern had no connection!), and I've done some formatting of the external links at the end. This is a good short article, with good references and links. I think your inference about the date of birth is fair, given the photographic evidence, and have put an approx birth date in the lead section. Nice work. Karenjc 17:09, 18 April 2010 (UTC)

William A Edelstein

User:Hannahralston/William A. Edelstein

Hello! This is my first article and I'd be grateful for feedback on whether it is ready for publication. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Hannahralston (talk • contribs) 16:31, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

It looks pretty good to me. The refs seem fine. You may want to wikilink a few of the topics that people reading the article may want to know more about, such as Nuclear Magnetic Resonance Imaging or the names of universities. You do that by enclosing them in double square brackets. Also, headers should look like == Aberdeen == instead of '''Aberdeen''', and you can just delete the External Links section since it's not used. Otherwise a great start! Station1 (talk) 23:07, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

Ecometrica

Article name: Ecometrica Ecometrica

New page regarding Ecometrica company background information. Please provide comment on whether article is ready for publication on Wikipedia, and if not, how to improve it. thanks,

BRELCO (talk) 16:34, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

It's a decent stub as far as it goes, although you need to fix the link to University of Edinburgh (and unlink the second one), but it needs multiple independent sources to establish the company's notability. The Times Online article is an excellent source, but the Scotsman one is just a press release in a couple of short lines - a couple more good-quality sources would put the article on much firmer ground. Karenjc 19:14, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

User:BRELCO/Ecometrica Hi, I have made the identified changes and added some more sources now - would appreciate more feedback, thanks. BRELCO (talk) 14:19, 19 April 2010 (UTC)

Energy Policy of the Obama Administration

Hello,

I'd love to receive feedback on my draft post: User:AllisonShapira/Energy_Policy_of_the_Obama_Administration. This is my first time writing a page on Wikipedia.

Thank you very much for your time.

AllisonShapira (talk) 17:06, 16 April 2010 (UTC) Allison Shapira April 16, 2010

1. This is mostly original research and synthesis, which is not what Wikipedia is for.

2. This is full of external links rather than wikilinks to relevant articles. --Orange Mike | Talk 18:41, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

Thanks, Orangemike, for your feedback. Is a website of the US Government considered a reliable source? Allison —Preceding unsigned comment added by AllisonShapira (talk • contribs) 13:24, 18 April 2010 (UTC)

For basic facts yes, but for establishing notablity, no, because it is a self-reference. See WP:RS for guidance on reliable sources. – ukexpat (talk) 19:46, 19 April 2010 (UTC)

Information Strategist

Information Strategist

I request a review of this page. It is still inwork and your input would be valued.

Information Strategist is an emerging discipline in the field of information management. Having information is not enough. The information strategisit is a master of content whose challenge is to get the right information to the right people at the right time and at the right place when it is needed. He does so by organizing around processes and structuring the operations to deliver the right information.

GeoBub (talk) 17:46, 16 April 2010 (UTC)Jim Bogden

ING Life Insurance

This is a very simple article about ING Life India as an organization and its origin and growth. The Article is:

ING Life Insurance

I would appreciate any feedback to this article. Thanks!

Vikas Chandak 09:13, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

Well, the article as it stands is promotional and lacks reliable sources, can you find some to support the article? --Nuujinn (talk) 21:08, 17 April 2010 (UTC)

The Special Law of Curvilinear Disparity: Feedback Request

Curvilinear Disparity

It is a political theory that posits that party activists tend to be more radical than either party leaders or normal voters - if somebody gets a chance, a review would be very much appreciated. Sorry for reposting down here but I think it got a bit lost in the traffic over the last few days. Cheers. Eoinjones (talk) 10:33, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

Lela and Raymond Howard

I just wrote the article Lela and Raymond Howard. This the first article I have ever written on Wikipedia so I would appreciate it if someone could look at it. I read all of the articles on how to create a page and am sure the subject is noteable. I posted it on the drawing board and received an ok to make the page.

What concerns me is that I have only one reference that can be directly verified. Several of my sources are newpapers articles that are not posted online. A couple articles were mailed to me from the refence department of a library in Texas. Also, all of the Austin American Statesman articles can be viewed online, but only if you have an online account with the newspaper.

I don't know what the protocol is in this case. The whole reason I wanted to create this Wikipedia article is that there is so little information on the subjects online. I had to do quite a bit of digging to find out the information I did. Please let me know if this is adequate or what I need to do to correct it if it's not.

Also I created 2 redirects. One on the Raymond Howard page and this one: Lela Howard. I am not sure I did the Lela Howard one correctly as it does not immediately redirect me back to the main article. I don't know if I did something wrong or if this is because the main article is under review.

Thanks for you help! Saintlouieb (talk) 00:06, 17 April 2010 (UTC)

I just fixed all the disambiguated links! Saintlouieb (talk) 00:23, 17 April 2010 (UTC)

I fixed the Lela Howard redirect. It was not working because of the line above "#REDIRECT...". Station1 (talk) 00:42, 17 April 2010 (UTC)

Do I show sufficient notability? I have been reading the notability guidlines extensively the past couple weeks to see if this article meets that criteria. Can someone tell me if this meets the criteria for WP:BIO1E? I think it's right on the edge.

These people disappeared which made national headlines. If that were the end of it then they would not be notable. However, several times since then (I found three different newspaper articles), the issue has arisen of senior citizens and driving cars; should there be restrictions, additional testing, etc., and Lela and Raymond Howard's name comes up in those articles. Does that constitute ongoing coverage? Obviously they are never going to be in the news again for doing anything different.

Someone please help! Saintlouieb (talk) 17:29, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

User:Ɯ/Alpha algorithm

Hi,

this is going to be my first article: User:Ɯ/Alpha algorithm it's about an algorithm which is mentioned on the Process mining, though not linked nor explained there.

It's far from being finished, but I'd like to make it available to everyone at this stage to avoid duplication. [Ɯ:] (talk) 14:43, 17 April 2010 (UTC)

• You put some spaces at the beginning of some lists, presumably for indenting. That caused the blue dotted line box to be placed around the material. Unless you wanted the blue box, which I don't think looks nice, I made some minor edits.
• I changed the first list from bullet points to numbers, because of the reference to three items. If you prefer bullet points, you can change it back.
• You wanted on list of bullet indented in some places - I have done so, while eliminating the blue dotted line box.
• You wikilinked "workflow net" twice. Wikilinking a term, creating a red link is acceptable, but the convention is to do it only the first time, not each time. (In a long article, there may be reason to do it more than once.) I removed the second wikilink.
• I wikilinked "petri net"
• If you want the bulleted items indented more, change "*" to ":*"
• Nice start, obviously needs a little more work before moving to article space.--SPhilbrickT 18:01, 17 April 2010 (UTC)

Thanks a lot for reviewing! I'm happy with the changes. The bullet points were intentional, though, so I changed the "#"'s back to "*". [Ɯ:] (talk) 16:37, 18 April 2010 (UTC)

susan gardner

I am requesting review of this article before it is made public. Any advice would be appreciated, thank you.

Tonyremo (talk) 20:37, 17 April 2010 (UTC)

DR. DAN IVANKOVICH

Dr. Dan Ivankovich. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Doinggooddaily/Dr._Dan_Ivankovich

Doinggooddaily (talk) 21:51, 17 April 2010 (UTC)

Respectfully request feedback on this article to prepare it for publication.

Thank you.

It's a good start. Some suggestions:

• Break out a two-three sentence WP:lead.
• Work on incorporating the external references into the article as inline citations, see WP:cite.
• Section titles should be not be all caps.
• You should probably add a Template:Infobox_person.
• The prose needs some work, it needs to be more neutral.
• You might go through MOS:BIO for some additional guidelines.

Hope that helps, --Nuujinn (talk) 20:14, 18 April 2010 (UTC)

It needs to be purged of cutesiness: no "Dr. Dan" or use of first names, honorifics; no "Windy City" instead of Chicago. --Orange Mike | Talk 21:26, 19 April 2010 (UTC)

United States Cyber Command

Request review for improvement and a fair rating based on current assessment standards. Sephiroth storm (talk) 04:21, 18 April 2010 (UTC)

Ratings are generally done by Wikiprojects, rather than help desks. The one that looks most promising is Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/United States military history task force. You might post a message on one or more of the coordinators listed on that page - I'd guess they can either arrange for the review, or tell you what to do.

A few comments on the article itself:

• I don't know what a "subordinate unified command" is. I can hazard a guess, but I presume it has a precise meaning. I see it is used elsewhere in WP, but I didn't find an explanation. I assume most military people know what it means, but remember the audience may not - is there a way to explain it (perhaps in a footnote?
• I note you used the emblem of the US Strategic Command, which I assume is a much larger group than the subject of this article. Is there not an emblem for the United States Cyber Command? In view of my previous point, it may be that this is standard, but I just want to make sure it is appropriate.
• Most of your refs are raw html. If you are looking to get rated, having better formed refs is often part of the criteria. I changed the second reference to show an example, I find it easy to add properly formed references using a citation tool; you can add one by going to your preferences, selecting "Gadgets" and clicking the box next to "reftools". It will add a "cite" button to your toolbar - which is easy to use. --SPhilbrickT 18:46, 18 April 2010 (UTC)

Thank you, I will take a look at the other note tomorrow, however I can answer the first two, US Cyber Command is currently slated to be a unit under the "control" of US Strategic Command, which is why it is a sub unified command. There currently is no (known) emblem for the unit as it will not be operational until a unit Commander is officially in charge, I will attempt to explain in the article. Once the unit activates, then a unit Distinctive unit insignia and Shoulder sleeve insignia will be created, and hopefully published for public viewing. Thanks for the help. Sephiroth storm (talk) 11:28, 18 April 2010 (UTC) —Preceding unsigned comment added by 12.239.95.6 (talk)

Two new categories I would like reviewed

I would like Category:Adrenal gland disorder and Category:Thyroid neoplasm, 2 new categories I created recently, reviewed by a wikipedian with experience on categorization. Immunize (talk) 19:32, 18 April 2010 (UTC)

Unless there's a good reason not to, I'd rename Category:Thyroid neoplasm to Category:Thyroid cancer. AFAIK the terms are equivalent, and most readers will know what "cancer" means but won't have a clue about "neoplasm". – iridescent 19:42, 18 April 2010 (UTC)

The issue is that Thyroid adenoma, which is included in the category, is a benign thyroid tumor and thus would not fit into the category:thyroid cancer. Otherwise I would fully support renaming the category. Immunize (talk) 19:59, 18 April 2010 (UTC)

Fair enough – although it may (emphasis on "may") – be better to remove Thyroid adenoma from the category, and rename it. That way, the category can fit neatly as a subcategory of Category:Types of cancer, where I suspect are most likely to look for it. – iridescent 20:05, 18 April 2010 (UTC)

How do you rename a category? I do not see a move tab at the top of the category page. Immunize (talk) 15:59, 19 April 2010 (UTC)

Categories for discussion (Cfd) is where deletion, merging, and renaming of categories is discussed. ~~ GB fan ~~ ^talk 16:05, 19 April 2010 (UTC)

And technical issues like this would also benefit from assistance from the folks at WP:MEDICINE. – ukexpat (talk) 19:43, 19 April 2010 (UTC)

I have proposed renaming the category to thyroid cancer, however, there has been an error, and my nomination somehow did not reach the CfD page. Immunize (talk) 15:04, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

John Wall (electronic composer)

Any feedback on my second article would be appreciated! John Wall (electronic composer) Many thanks! --PressedBack (talk) 19:51, 18 April 2010 (UTC)

I think it's very good, pulled the unreviewed template, --Nuujinn (talk) 01:12, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

Many thanks! At what stage does an article get reviewed/rated? --PressedBack (talk) 20:58, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

When you first created the article using the article Wizard, it added a template noting that the article was unreviewed. That process is complete, although I caution you that it is an informal review - meaning that if some other editor decided the article should be proposed for deletion, the fact that it was reviewed will carry no weight. However, I don't think that's an issue.

If by rating, you mean the quality and importance ratings - those are generally done by members of a Wikiproject. I think the one most relevant to this article is WikiProject Electronic music. You may be interested in joining it yourself - but if you are looking for a rating, you should contact someone on that page, simply by clicking the word "talk" next to their name, and asking at their talk page. (If this isn't clear, just say so, and I'll give more details.)--SPhilbrickT 01:30, 22 April 2010 (UTC)

Seeker Wireless

Hi - would appreciate any advice you guys might have as to the validity of this article with regards to notability, citations etc.

The subject is a company but it's intended to be as objective as possible.

Any tips much appreciated.

Thanks

Elliot Sumner (talk) 07:11, 19 April 2010 (UTC)

My biggest concern is the lack of references from reliable sources indicating that the company is notable. While you have included three references - the first is (IMO) reliable, but does not mention Seeker. The second mentions Seeker, but may not qualify as a Reliable Source. The third is a Press Release, which can be used, but does not count in terms of reliable sources. Which means you have either zero or one source - more are needed.--SPhilbrickT 14:19, 23 April 2010 (UTC)

Thanks very much Sphilbrick - I've updated the refs (added 2 new ones, and swapped the last for a Straits Times article) - do you think this is enough? Elliot Sumner (talk) 03:53, 27 April 2010 (UTC)

Dudley Allen Buck

First time author here. I have created an article on computer pioneer Dudley Allen Buck. User:AlanDewey/Enter your new article name here

AlanDewey (talk) 14:57, 19 April 2010 (UTC)Alan Dewey 19 April 2010

Also, I seem to have screwed up when creating the title for the article. I have not yet figured out how to change it. Maybe it will be easy to change after it is approved. One important point is that this article is about the Electrical Engineer / Inventor Dudley Allen Buck, not the composer Dudley Buck.

AlanDewey (talk) 17:30, 19 April 2010 (UTC)

I moved it for you to User:AlanDewey/Dudley_Allen_Buck. It's a good start, but you should break out a short wp:lead section, and use section heading to break it up a bit. Also, you've got two references, but adding some additional ones would be a good idea. Have you looked in Google News in the archives to search for articles? Here's one to get you started:

Life Magazine Article with Picture

If you want some help with editing just let me know, --Nuujinn (talk) 00:01, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

Is this how we are supposed to communicate? Someone send the "the missing manual". That was very helpful. Also the unfindable link WP:lead .. very helpful and I would have NEVER found it on my own. I have edited the page a lot based on this input. I am not going to claim it is 'ready' yet. However, I have made significant improvement. Hopefully enough that I am ready for more suggestions. I still don't understand this wikipaedia thing much. But if you have the ability to help edit the article, then go ahead.

I have much more material that can be cited. However, much of it is only recently being declassified. Since most people will not have access to it, is it proper to cite it? AlanDewey (talk) 19:15, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

I don't see why not, so long as these are official documents that others could get access to, for guidance on that see WP:RS. You do want to be careful not to do original research, however. I'm pretty new here, too, dunno if I'll ever figure it all out. --Nuujinn (talk) 00:23, 26 April 2010 (UTC)

Shushybye

User:Shushyfan513/Shushybye

I believe this article has proper notability, however several of the external articles for Shushybye come from the Shushybye homepage (articles are downloaded and open in a Word document -- however, they are complete scans of the original article).

Thanks for checking it out! Shushybye is my child's favorite show on BabyFirst TV Shushyfan513 (talk) 16:02, 19 April 2010 (UTC) Shushyfan513 4/19/2010

Links to scans of articles are not suitable, both because scans can be tampered with and because scans of articles are often (as in this case) blatant violations of the copyrights of the initial article's creators. If the articles actually existed, they should be verifiable in the original publications. Likewise, the websites of publishers and others with a conflict of interest are not generally reliable sources of impartial information. --Orange Mike | Talk 23:31, 19 April 2010 (UTC)

Amitabh Mitra

I have created an article on Indian born South African Poet, Artist and an Orthopaedic Surgeon, Amitabh Mitra. Please give any advice to make the article look better. Thanks

Shubhoshreemitra (talk) 16:20, 19 April 2010 (UTC)

Nimsoft

Hello, I'd be interested in getting an article reviewed. Nimsoft was posted back in February, and still has the "This is New/Unreviewed Article" notice at the top. If we could have reviewed, it would be much appreciated. Best, Rbudde (talk) 19:19, 19 April 2010 (UTC)

 Denied Lots of reasons

• Mainly written like an advertisement. Wikipedia is not a product listing.
• Too many redlinks. Do a search, and link to related pages, don't include redlinks in a draft
• Infobox needs work

IMHO, this is  Unlikely. A lot of work is needed.  A p3rson ‽ 22:40, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

Double JJ Resort

User:Froggieskc/Double JJ Resort

Resort in Rothbury, MI, where the Rothbury Music Festival has been held. Went bankrupt and re-opened. Opened originally in 1937.

Froggieskc (talk) 20:42, 19 April 2010 (UTC)

The article lacks verifiable and reliable sources establishing notability, without those it will surely be deleted. Writing's not bad, but it is a bit too promotional. --Nuujinn (talk) 23:54, 19 April 2010 (UTC)

More references have been added. The history is largely from a local historian, making it difficult to cite from the internet. There's a few different news sources now, along with reputable websites for the festival & golf course. Think it looks better now? Thanks Froggieskc (talk) 13:48, 23 April 2010 (UTC)

The references are better (not good, but better). The tone still needs a lot of work--I'd suggest just dropping the first two paragraphs. You need a lead, and rework the prose to be more neutral. Use of the local historian is tricky, as it seems to me that you're engaging in original research. Have you tried searching Google new archives? --Nuujinn (talk) 00:16, 26 April 2010 (UTC)

Mohamed Sanu

User:Fuddrutgers/Mohamed Sanu

My article is about Rutgers University wide receiver Mohamed Sanu. He is one of the top underclassmen in American college football and is a future NFL draft pick.

Signed, Fuddrutgers —Preceding unsigned comment added by Fuddrutgers (talk • contribs) 22:55, 19 April 2010 (UTC)

 Not fixed Still needs work:

• Does not follow NPOV policy. Words like "very versatile" and "impressive" cause this.
• Use links less often, and with the current links, use the [[PAGE NAME|DISPLAY TEXT]] format to include more text.
• With external links, use the format [http://www.example.com Example Page] to format them.

I do like the rest of the article, grammar, and use of refs, so it is  Possible, but it need work.  A p3rson ‽ 14:48, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

The Shield of Athena Montréal

I wrote up a profile on a women`s organization that supports women in minority groups dealing with issues of conjugal violence. Please let me know what you think.

User:Taejah33/The_Shield_of_Athena_Montréal

--Taejah33 (talk) 00:34, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

You have included much more detail than is necessary. Wikipedia isn't a how-to guide. Also, you should rely more on the independent sources that you have, and less on the website of the organisation itself. Look at the Manual of Style for use of capital letters. Itsmejudith (talk) 11:11, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

User:Eddiebod/Kenny Rice

I have created a page for American Sportscaster Kenny Rice. User:Eddiebod/Kenny Rice I've included many 3rd party sources and I believe he is notable enough. I would appreciate any feedback on the article as this is my first attempt at a complete WIKI article. The subject is linked to from several other wiki pages, but has no entry of his own yet. Special:WhatLinksHere/Kenny_Rice Eddiebod (talk) 03:29, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

Approved Looks good to me. Pulling draft template. Also, removing userspace redirect.  A p3rson ‽ 14:39, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

Thanks! Eddiebod (talk) 17:49, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

Oregon LNG

I've written an article about the company Oregon LNG and I've been waiting several weeks for it to be moved from New, Unreviewed Article. Can someone help? Collander123 (talk) 04:23, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

I have reviewed, made some minor formatting changes and removed the tag. – ukexpat (talk) 14:52, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

Neurochem

Neurochem

It is my first wikipedia article and some comments would be helpful to improve the quality of the article.

In this article, an European research project in the area of artificial olfaction is presented.

Jfonollosa (talk) 09:35, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

Looks good to me, I pulled the unreviewed template. --Nuujinn (talk) 01:04, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

Intelligent Manufacturing Systems (IMS) - Global Research and Innovation in Manufacturing

Intelligent Manufacturing Systems (IMS) - Global Research and Innovation in Manufacturing Intelligent_Manufacturing_Systems_(IMS)_-_Global_Research_and_Innovation_in_Manufacturing This is a global multi-lateral, non-profit, and government supported program for manufacturing research. We hope to raise awareness to provide our free services to researchers. Thanks kindly for your review. MfgGlobalResearch (talk) 10:57, 20 April 2010 (UTC) Dan Nagy, Program Director, 20 April, 2010

This looks like an important organisation worthy of an encyclopedia article. I have a few comments:

• The name is very long. Perhaps Intelligent Manufacturing Systems will do. The fact that it is capitalised will indicate that it is the name of something, not just a topic.
• Can you find mentions of the organisation in independent sources? This would help to show that other people think that IMS is worthy of mention and give some balance. At the moment you only have the IMS website.
• Use <ref> tags more to build up the reference section at the bottom of the page. It would also be helpful to format the citations and add additional information using {{cite url}}, {{cite journal}} or {{cite book}}
• Is the Journal of Intelligent Manufacturing related to IMS? If it is you should probably mention it. If not, it may provide some useful independent sources.

Yaris678 (talk) 12:14, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

Article speedily deleted as spam. – ukexpat (talk) 14:44, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

local food plus

Greetings Editors,

I have create a userpage draft of a new entry Local Food Plus: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Vj_stokes/Local_Food_Plus

Could someone please review this page and let me know if it suits?

COI disclosure: I am a freelance writer and editor. Local Food Plus is one of my clients. They have asked me to create this for them. I am interested in this area (sustainable food policy/action), and feel it appropriate for LFP to have an entry here.

Thanks so much. Please advise,

Vj stokes (talk) 14:34, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

 Not fixed Lots of things wrong:

• The entire article is exactly 2 sentences.  Additional information needed
• Don't use return on the lines, Wikipedia will break lines for you.
• Highly biased. Read the NPOV policy.
• Use an organization template, to give it body.
• When making references, use template:cite to format them, and use <ref> and <ref/> tags to include them in a {{references}} section.
• It is generally suggested on Wikipedia for new editors not to do articles about anything affiliated to them, including companies/organization. This is a prime example of that.

Overall, needs work.  A p3rson ‽ 03:15, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

However, I think the topic is notable and it is worth having an article on it. There is at least one newspaper report used. Perhaps more can be found; these are appropriate sources and can be used more fully than they have been so far. Itsmejudith (talk) 11:07, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

Fix it first.  A p3rson ‽ 14:27, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

User:TBGF/S'Quarrels

Posting information about a new card game with sources from BoardGameGeek, BoardgameNews, and the Publisher's website.

--TBGF (talk) 21:54, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

 Possible Added my changes to the page

• Minor gramatical errors.
• Removed ex. links.
• Too much capitalization - use bold text
• Some parts do not follow NPOV policy. Removed.

Overall, pretty good.  A p3rson ‽ 03:01, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

Jamie Geller

Jamie Geller

I would appreciate any feedback on this article about a popular cookbook author.

Soflo1800 (talk) 22:51, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

The article is very promotional, and will required cleanup to make it more neutral in tone. I also noticed that you're creating a number of articles related to kosher.com and people who work there. I assume you are doing so in good faith, but do please be careful to avoid conflicts of interest. In terms of this article, you may want to start by reviewing the information at WP:BLP, a set of guidelines for biographies. If you have questions, please feel free to post them here or on my talk page. --Nuujinn (talk) 00:58, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

Eastside Heritage Center

Please review this page on the Eastside Heritage Center, a nonprofit organization in Bellevue, Washington: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Sustainablejackie/Eastside_Heritage_Center Sustainablejackie (talk) 07:15, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

World Surfing Reserves

World Surfing Reserves

Thanks for any help.

199.4.18.2 (talk) 17:49, 21 April 2010 (UTC)ljameskelly

Chris_Duke

Please take a look at Chris_Duke, a host of a national American television show called Motorz TV.

We have been working on it for a few months in our personal sandbox, which is why you probably don't see a history on this one. Thank you for your time.

--Dukenetworks (talk) 20:00, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

You don't have any references--please take a look at WP:BLP, what you need are some verifiable and reliable to establish notability. You also appear to have a potential conflict of interest, but I'm assuming you are editing in good faith. --Nuujinn (talk) 00:05, 26 April 2010 (UTC)

Nope; it's a total spamvertisement account with a bad COI record. The account has been spamusername blocked. --Orange Mike | Talk 04:19, 26 April 2010 (UTC)

I have prodded the article as an unsourced BLP. – ukexpat (talk) 14:59, 6 May 2010 (UTC)

New York Food Tours

I would appreciate feedback from the following article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Superdeed/New_York_Food_Tours

This is an article about the culinary tourism company of New York Food Tours. The article was nominated for speedy deletion, under section section G11 of the criteria for speedy deletion. I have edited the article and asked for advice from my peers, as well as re-read the Business policy of Wikipedia. Please provide me feedback and criticism on things you believe I should edit, add, or delete. Thanks!

Superdeed (talk) 04:39, 22 April 2010 (UTC)

My biggest concern is the paucity of references from reliable sources indicating that the company is notable. The Boston Globe does mention the company, but it is a relatively minor mention - one paragraph out of a longer article. I wasn't able to read the other two references, but, based upon the context, it appears they talk generically about food tours rather than this company. One paragraph of coverage is far short of the standard.--SPhilbrickT 15:26, 23 April 2010 (UTC)

FWIW in my opinion it still reads like an advert and notabilty per WP:CORP is marginal at best. – ukexpat (talk) 15:01, 6 May 2010 (UTC)

Marcus Grant

Marcus_T_Grant

Wanted to get some advice and see what you thought of this page, are there changes i can make to prevent it from deletion or does it look good? please let me know, my email is <redacted> —Preceding unsigned comment added by 76.218.244.79 (talk) 07:41, 22 April 2010 (UTC)

I don't think you have sufficient references--the link to wikipedia doesn't count, you should use an internal wikilink instead. What you really need are 2-3 instances of magazine or newspaper articles covering this person. --Nuujinn (talk) 00:02, 26 April 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simi_Valley,_California

This statement is incorrect.

The Playtronics Toy company and its car park scenes from Sneakers were filmed at the Countrywide Loans Data Processing - Admin Plant at 400 Countrywide Way.

Sneakers was filmed in the building referred to but the company in the building at the time was Gibraltar Savings. Countrywide took over the biudling after Gibraltar was closed by the RTC.

I worked at Gibralter while Sneakers was Being filmed and saw Robert Redford. Please correct this satement someone. I would just mess it up.

4/21/2010. onipa'a —Preceding unsigned comment added by Onipa'a (talk • contribs) 04:48, 23 April 2010 (UTC)

Be bold! If you're unsure, then test it first at the WP:SB. -Reconsider! 07:06, 23 April 2010 (UTC)

Truman's Beer

Hello,

This is the first time I have created a Wikipedia page and would like to check that it meets all the necessary conventions.

I have been researching Truman's for the last few months as part of a personal interest in east London history. Despite the fact that they were once the world's largest brewery there are not man books on them. The London Metropolitan archives, where almost all the source material was found, has many photos and original letters and recipes. I intend to add photos later, but am waiting for the opportunity to photograph some of the images held by the archive.

I have also been looking into how to move this article onto the main site, but do not meet the criteria of having made 10 edits. I have tried to read the section about what to do in this situation, but am frankly a bit confused. If anybody could help with this it would be much appreciated.

Many Thanks

User:Mghemus/Truman's Beer

Mghemus (talk) 15:30, 23 April 2010 (UTC)

• The draft version is here Truman's_Beer
• A good start, but could use a bit more work before moving into main space. I'll be happy to do it for you, but let's make sure it is insufficient shape to fend off the deletionists.
• I made a couple minor editorial changes.
• If you are poking around the London Library, you might check to see if they have "A history of beer and brewing" By Ian Spencer Hornsey Among other things, it notes that the Truman family was involved in brewing in 1381, and probably has other material worth referencing. Here is an online link to the Hornsey book
• Plus you'll want to check out this if you haven't already.
• Many reader won't know what "PLC" means. (I made a change - see if it is OK)
• I don't like how the quote is incorporated in the Growth Years section, but I need to figure out why, and come up with a suggestion.--SPhilbrickT 16:02, 23 April 2010 (UTC)

BTW, you mention that Truman's became a plc. Isn't "Truman's" the name of the beer, rather than the company name? Isn't the company name the Black Eagle or Truman, Hanbury, Buxton & Co. Ltd?--SPhilbrickT 16:10, 23 April 2010 (UTC)

You might also look for "The curiosities of ale & beer: an entertaining history" By John Bickerdyke (page 356)--SPhilbrickT 16:21, 23 April 2010 (UTC)

Hello

Thank you very much for your feedback, obviously it's extremely helpful.

- If you would be happy to do a bit more work at the start before the main space that would be great - I think you have a better idea of what needs doing to get that section right. - Thanks for the editorial changes - I have been trying to find the Hornsey book, unfortunately it is about $75 to buy and none of the libraries I have visited currently has it. What I have read on the google extracts seems very good. The reason I omitted the mention of a Truman family being involved in brewing in 1381 is because there is no definite proof that they are from the same family. There is then no mention of any Truman's in brewing until the 17th century. However, I could add this in if you think it is valid information. - I looked for survey 27 but the London Metropolitan Archive has unfortunately 'misplaced it' - I spent quite a long time with them trying to track it down, but it is the one survey in their collection that is not there. Apparently there might be a copy in another library, but I have yet to make down there. - Thanks for making the PLC change - Let me know about the quote in the Growth section, if you think it is inappropriate then I can take it out. - The original name of the company was Truman but it was known as and referred to itself as 'Truman's Beer', which is why I selected this name. As time progress it became Truman & Hanbury Co. Ltd. and then Truman, Hanbury and Buxton Co. Ltd. but it was still referred to by the public as Truman's Beer. Prior to being shut down, Grand Metropolitan shortened the name to just Truman's (which was the name that remained in use when shut down in 1989). Perhaps the entry should be called 'Truman, Hanbury & Buxton Co. Ltd. with the term 'Truman's Beer' also linking to the page? - The name of the main London brewery was 'Black Eagle Brewery', named after the street on which it was built (Black Eagle Street) - I will include a reference to John Bickerdyke with regards to the creation of Porter. Not a source I had seen before.

Lastly, I have rephotographed many of the hundreds of photos that they have of the old brewery, pubs and vehicles. I also have the necessary permission to re-publish them. Do you think it would help the entry to add photos? They are all black and white and from the turn of the 20th Century.

Thanks again for your help

M-G

Thanks for your response. I enjoyed the article very much. I would like to add some further comments, but I will do so directly on your talk page - I will try to get to it in the next few days, time permitting.SPhilbrickT 15:15, 26 April 2010 (UTC)

Betty Hyatt - Community Development and Housing Pioneer

Betty Hyatt: Community Development and Housing Pioneer

Looking for help with article to refine it.

Thyatt (talk) 15:37, 23 April 2010 (UTC)Thomas Hyatt 4/23/2010

To begin with the article does not appear to be written from a neutral point of view. There are glowing references to her and her work, a couple are: "continued to work tirelessly", "the neighborhood that she loved and to which she dedicated most of life". Your username and the tone of the article makes me think you might have a conflict of interest. It appears you have the same last name, if I am wrong my apologies. This article needs a lot of cleanup before it would be ready for the mainspace. ~~ GB fan ~~ ^talk 23:07, 2 May 2010 (UTC)

Jewel Kid

I am creating a page about a person and would like to upload an image or two. How can I do that? I cant understand the copyrights etc. These pictures arent copyrighted - do they have to be? I got these images from a shotoshoot that was taken of the person. How can i upload them, without getting them deleted? Thanks!

Xer014 (talk) 00:35, 24 April 2010 (UTC) Cheryl Falzon

Please check to see if Wikipedia:Uploading images answers your questions. If you still have specific questions after reading that, please come back and ask. As an aside, the pictures do have a copyright, as copyright exists without having to be explicitly asserted. The copyright is usually held by the person who took the picture.--SPhilbrickT 15:42, 24 April 2010 (UTC)

Frances Koons

Frances Koons Frances Koons FansofFrances (talk) 01:13, 24 April 2010 (UTC)

I have added a couple of references. The article is a good start, it looks like there is more to add about her yet. ~~ GB fan ~~ ^talk 22:53, 2 May 2010 (UTC)

Please review my page The Dragon's Journey

Re article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Donchats/The_Dragon%27s_Journey

I would appreciate if someone could give me some feed back on my first attempt at the Dragon's Journey. When time permits I propose to examine in more detail each chapter. Can you tell me what might be required to go live?

Thank you --Donchats (talk) 03:02, 24 April 2010 (UTC) DonChats

Jimbo Wales argued that a plot summary (alone) does not make for an acceptable article. here

So far, that's all you have. See if you can find reviews or other discussions of the book in reliable sources.--SPhilbrickT 13:23, 24 April 2010 (UTC)

Thank you for requesting feedback on your draft before creating an article.

• The length of the plot summary is fine. You may make the summary more detailed if you wish, but please do not create a chapter-by-chapter retelling. The purpose of an encyclopedia entry is to inform readers about the book as a product rather than the story it contains.
• The article does not yet demonstrate the book's "notability". If a subject meets notability guidelines, it is kept; if it does not, it is considered non-notable and should be deleted. The notability guideline
• To make the article encyclopedic, try to find information about how the author wrote it, popular , and critical reception.
• For examples, please see Make Way for Ducklings, The Time Traveler's Wife, or other books listed here. These articles are called "featured articles" and are considered Wikipedia's best articles.

I hope these comments help. If you have questions regarding these comments, please contact me by leaving me a message. I will reply on your talk page. Thank you, liquidluck✽talk 23:00, 25 April 2010 (UTC)

Category:Head and neck cancer and Category:Brain tumor

I would like Category:Head and neck cancer and Category:Brain tumor reviewed. Best wishes, Immunize (talk) 14:41, 24 April 2010 (UTC)

Immunize, this page is for requests for feedback on new articles. For technical matters such as suitability of categories etc, the best place to ask is the talk page of the relevant Wikiproject, in this case Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Medicine. – ukexpat (talk) 14:50, 6 May 2010 (UTC)

So this page is not for review of any categories? Immunize (talk) 17:11, 6 May 2010 (UTC)

Not really, see the first bullet point in the box at the top of the page: This page is intended to provide comments and constructive criticism about articles that you have created or substantially changed. – ukexpat (talk) 17:25, 6 May 2010 (UTC)

So feedback on templates, images, or pages in the Wikipedia or help namespace are not accepted here either? Immunize (talk) 21:43, 6 May 2010 (UTC)

In my view such requests would be outside the scope of this page, as per my comment above. – ukexpat (talk) 15:44, 7 May 2010 (UTC)

Freedom Deep

Freedom Deep Freedom Deep a feature film by Aaron Stevenson (Me) John Ranko (talk) 02:58, 25 April 2010 (UTC)

Thank you for asking for reviews before submitting this article. I've gone over it and compiled a list of comments:

• As you have a major conflict of interest with this subject, Wikipedia advises that you refrain from editing this article. If you choose to continue, please exercise great caution and abide by Wikipedia's neutral point of view policy.
• In addition to the conflict of interest issue, the film does not yet meet Wikipedia's "notability" criteria. If a subject is deemed non-notable, it is subject to deletion. If a film is notable by Wikipedia's standards, it should meet the guidelines outlined here.

• The article says the film has "attained a strong cult following", that "much has been documented about its troubled low budget production history", and that there is a "great deal of debate and discussion about Freedom Deep". If these claims can be backed up by reliable sources such as newspaper/magazine articles, the film will meet the guidelines. Press releases are not considered.

• If the film does not meet the above linked outlines, it may be notable if it meets the general notability guideline. The GNG basically states that if the film has been covered by multiple reliable sources, it may be notable. Filmint and Encore may add to the film's potential notability, but do not satisfy the requirement by themselves.
• I have gone through the article and formatted it without changing any words. I've also tagged several s, where references should be provided.

I hope these comments help. Again, Wikipedia strongly encourages you not to edit the article due to your conflict of interest. If you are increasing awareness for the film as you stated in the Encore interview, someone will likely create the article for you sooner or later. If you have questions about these comments, please contact me by leaving me a message. I will respond on your talk page. Thanks, liquidluck✽talk 22:38, 25 April 2010 (UTC)

Night of the Grizzlies

After User:Imgahn2u created a page Night of the Grizzlies a few days back, I put together the above. Not sure now that it is done, as it seems to be less about the book and more like a description of the events in the book.

I do agree with Imgahn2u in that I feel it is probably an important book, even if only from the point of view of recording a part of the history of the national park service, and Glacier in particular.

My frustration lies in not being able to find anything which provides support in the way of notability for the book itself - no reviews, no indication of sales (other than hearsay "best seller among backpacking community").

Maybe it shouldn't be about the book, and I should rewrite it as an article about that night? Or should I just slap it in the book article and let it develop as it will from there?

Thoughts, input, guidance, structural changes and recommendations? All welcome :-). Best wishes. --Haruth (talk) 14:18, 25 April 2010 (UTC)

I think you have a good article there. From [[7]], I think it's safe to call the incident "Night of the Grizzlies" since there is some news coverage of the event using that name. It might be worth having an article about the book and the event, I think there's enough sources to do that. --Nuujinn (talk) 23:47, 26 April 2010 (UTC)

Thanks Nuujinn. I'll make an attempt at splitting it out. Thanks too for the pointer to that resource - gives much more focussed results than standard google search. I think I'll be using that often! Best wishes. --Haruth (talk) 01:55, 27 April 2010 (UTC)

Glad to be of help. --Nuujinn (talk) 03:01, 28 April 2010 (UTC)

Daniel Lubetzky

Daniel Lubetzky Daniel Lubetzky http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Zevzigler/Daniel_Lubetzky 4/21 Hi, Thank you for your help! Please let me know what you feel is needed to have this page go live? If it is ready - please let me know.

Reading Wood Black

Almost two weeks ago, I created Reading Wood Black, who was a notable person in Texas history - he was the founder of Uvalde County, Texas and Uvalde, Texas. It was initially tagged as an orphan which I immediately cleared up. Since then, it still has the tag as New Unreviewed Article. Just wondering how long it takes before somebody reviews it and removes that tag. Maile66 (talk) 01:57, 26 April 2010 (UTC)

I glanced over it; it looks great! I removed the unreviewed tag. Jminthorne (talk) 02:32, 26 April 2010 (UTC)

Alex Day article by User:Wmoran9550

A question has been raised about the notability of this article's subject.
I have explored this issue in detail on the article's Discussion Page.
I'd appreciate it if anyone had the time to look through this Discussion and offer further ideas for resolving this issue.
Thanks.
Bill Moran
Wmoran9550 (talk) 16:58, 28 April 2010 (UTC)

XER014/Jewel Kid

Can someone please review my page and let me know what changes need to be done? I still need to upload pictures Thanks! Xer014 (talk) 08:28, 26 April 2010 (UTC)

Doc to Dock

Doc to Dock

Hi - Would anyone like to review this article? It's the first one I've written, and I'm eager for any advice I can get.

This article is about Doc to Dock, a nonprofit organization that sends unused medical supplies and equipment to needy hospitals and clinics in Africa.

I'm not sure how to sign this request, as I don't have tildes on my keyboard. However, this is Michael Schulze, writing on 4/26/10.

THANKS,

-Michael

I've never seen a keyboard without a tilde. Is there a key to the left of the key with the "1" and the "!" symbol?SPhilbrickT 19:28, 26 April 2010 (UTC)

Hilliard P. Jenkins

Hilliard P. Jenkins

(You don't want to copy the article here, just add a link, so i replaced it with a link)SPhilbrickT 19:26, 26 April 2010 (UTC)

I have reviewed your page and left comments on its talk section. Thanks! Optiguy54 (talk) 23:22, 26 April 2010 (UTC)

Black Octopus Ring

A ring shaped like an octopus. Please write feedback so I can improve my article. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Eyelovepink (talk • contribs) 19:34, April 26, 2010. Signed by liquidluck✽talk 05:30, 27 April 2010 (UTC)

Where is the article? You need to include a link to it. (I am very new here also) AlanDewey (talk) 19:04, 4 May 2010 (UTC)

Black Octopus Ring has been speedily deleted as spam. – ukexpat (talk) 14:45, 6 May 2010 (UTC)

Die defect (coin)

I have created an article about two general types of error dies and there respective coins. Could someone provide a source for publicly available pictures of examples of these coins? I am a coin collector myself and have many examples of each, but I do not have a scanner or digital microscope with which I can upload my own work. Also, if anyone is also an expert on the subject and would be willing to contribute further sub-sections with varieties and examples of each, that would be great. General feedback would also be much appreciated. Thanks! Optiguy54 (talk) 22:48, 26 April 2010 (UTC)

Elaine Szymoniak

The Wikipedia page Elaine Szymoniak was recently created. This woman was a politician in the US State of Iowa. The article has "gone live" and I was hoping to have some help/suggestions and a review of the article for credibility and quality. In addition, I am currently having trouble posting an image of Szymoniak, but I am working with the linked tutorials to hopefully alleviate the issue. Thanks. MattSzymoniak (talk) 00:07, 27 April 2010 (UTC)

Not a bad start, there aren't any immediate concerns. I've gone ahead and made some minor structural changes. -Reconsider! 07:21, 27 April 2010 (UTC)

Goals Soccer Centers, Inc.

Please review and edit/comment

Goals Soccer Centers, Inc.

David Raether 4/26/2010 Davidraether (talk) 01:21, 27 April 2010 (UTC)

Right now there are sources that discuss one venue that the company has worked on. Looking at searches there appears to be more and that needs to be incorporated into the article. I had changed it to a Scottish company based on the two sources that are currently in the article, but then I noticed that the Scottish company is also linked from within the article. This needs to be expanded on what the relationship is between these two companies with sources. The last section reads more like an advertisement for the center rather than an encyclopedia article about the company. It is a good start but still needs some work. ~~ GB fan ~~ ^talk 22:36, 2 May 2010 (UTC)

InZero Systems

{{source=ArticleWizard|date=April 2010}} hello

Preferred Hotel Group

I would appreciate any feedback on the following article: Preferred Hotel Group

This is a work in progress and more updates and information will follow.

Kpmtk19 (talk) 16:23, 27 April 2010 (UTC)

Sorry but it comes across as a promotional puff piece. Organizations are notable when they are the subject of multiple articles in reliable sources. While you have included four references, three appear to be internal industry material, very possibly not qualifying as a reliable source. The Conde Nast ref is probably OK, but it barely references the article subject if at all. It reads more like a PR summary than an encyclopedia article.--SPhilbrickT 21:12, 30 April 2010 (UTC)

I have tagged it (and the user page draft) for speedy deletion as spam. – ukexpat (talk) 17:28, 6 May 2010 (UTC)

This article is written in the same tone as Marriott International and Intercontinental Hotels Group and is far from spam. Instead of making suggestions or allowing time to add additional references (which there are MANY) speedy deletion is not the answer. I have seen many articles that have been sited for lack of references or notability since 2008 - why has this article been deleted so hastily and without opportunity to improve? Kpmtk19 (talk) 13:20, 7 May 2010 (UTC)

It was speedily deleted because that's what we do with blatant spam. If it was just a question of tweaking the tone, the reviewing admin would not have deleted it. I suggest that you ask the admin (User:Athaenara) to undelete the article to a user subpage so that you can work on it further before it is moved to the mainspace. – ukexpat (talk) 13:59, 7 May 2010 (UTC)

I did that last week (see log) but it has not been edited since then. I'll delete the userspace version after two weeks have passed unless there's a strong argument here for keeping it around. – Athaenara ✉ 10:17, 13 May 2010 (UTC)

User:superldm/Miroamer

Hello! I've made some correction of my page which is User:Superldm/Miroamer. Could somebody please help me to check if it is okay to publish the page in Wikipedia? If okay, I will put it in the mainspace. If not okay, could you please tell me what should I alter to make it available please? I appreciate any of your recommendation of what things I need to improve.

Superldm (talk) 01:33, 28 April 2010 (UTC)

Sorry, it reads like an advertising brochure, not an encyclopedia article. For example, it is full of peacock terms. --SPhilbrickT 20:48, 1 May 2010 (UTC)

Thank you for your reply! Could I just put it in the main space with the {{Advert}} tag? If I do so, will Wikipedia editors help me rewrite my article in a neutral point of view? Thank you very much for your attention! Superldm (talk) 00:22, 4 May 2010 (UTC)

The Wi-Fire by hField

This article is about a product called the Wi-Fire. It is made by a company called hField Technologies Inc. This article details its specifications and other usability statistics and information.

The page also gives an overview of the Wi-Fire's uses (where it can be used, as well as many other examples of use) and gives a description of how to install the product.— Preceding unsigned comment added by Krg210 (talk • contribs)

I have tagged it for speedy deletion as spam - to me it looks like nothing more than an advertisement masquerading as an article. – ukexpat (talk) 17:34, 6 May 2010 (UTC)

Grave Disorder (novel)

Grave Disorder (novel): User:Techeric46052/Grave_Disorder

Page looks good and cites several sources from the media.

One of my concerns is how to publish it, since Grave Disorder already exists. Is there any assistance for making a disambiguation page?

Thanks!  :)

Techeric46052 (talk) 14:14, 28 April 2010 (UTC)

I do not believe the article is ready for the mainspace at this time. There is a strong possibility that if the article is put into the mainspace as it currently exists it will be tagged for speedy deletion under the unambiguous advertising criteria. Even if rewritten to remove the advertising laguage it still probably wouldn't survive. There is indication in the article that it meets any of the criteria in the proposed notability guideline for fiction. The notability guideline is the best place to find some ways to establish notability. If you need any clarification let me know. ~~ GB fan ~~ ^talk 16:09, 28 April 2010 (UTC)

If you can address the concerns mentioned by User:GB fan, there won't be a need for a disambiguation page, it can be addressed with a hatnote. A disambiguation page generally is needed when there are three or more items.--SPhilbrickT 20:40, 1 May 2010 (UTC)

Magnificent Baby

Magnificent Baby Magnificent Baby

<http://www.magnificentbaby.com>

Luvlab2 (talk) 15:25, 28 April 2010 (UTC)

Link to article User:Luvlab2/Magnificent Baby ~~ GB fan ~~ ^talk 16:11, 28 April 2010 (UTC)

The article is not ready for the mainspace. There are no sources at all in the article and no indication as to what makes this company notable. To get the article ready for the mainspace you would need to add reliable sources to the article that provide significant coverage of the company. This article as it currently stands would be quickly tagged for speedy deletion if it were moved into the mainspace. ~~ GB fan ~~ ^talk 16:15, 28 April 2010 (UTC)

Whitianga Festival of Speed

Whitianga Festival of Speed. This is my first article. The Whitianga Festival Of Speed is a motorsport event in New Zealand that has been running for two years. I would appreciated any feedback on this article, thanks.

Brendanshanahan (talk) 14:06, 11 May 2010 (UTC)

Taedeat

Taedeat (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:IgnyteZero/Taedeat) IgnyteZero (talk) 18:06, 28 April 2010 (UTC)

A short article on the swedish blackened death metal band Taedeat.

The band doesn't seem to meet the notability requirements of WP:MUSIC. -Reconsider! 09:46, 29 April 2010 (UTC)

Barbara Kellerman (Acdaemic)

Dear Wikipedia editors:

Would it possible to have the following page for Professor Barbara Kellerman http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barbara_Kellerman_(Academic) show up under the "Kellermann" surname category (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kellerman)?

Professor Kellerman is a Professor at the Harvard Kennedy School and this page is about her career and work.

Currently only Barbara Kellerman the actress is shown. I would like to have Barbara Kellerman (Academic) also show up. Moreover, is it possible to have Barbara Kellerman (Academic) automatically appear when typing in the search field?

Please tell me if there is anything I can do to help in this process.

Your help is greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Best, Mike

I have added Barbara Kellerman (Academic) to the Kellerman page. I have also added a hatnote to the Barbara Kellerman article to direct people to the Barbara Kellerman (Academic) if that is who they are looking for. The Barbara Kellerman (Academic) article need to have refernces added to it. As a biography of a living person it will be under increased scrutiny to ensure all the information is corrent in it. ~~ GB fan ~~ ^talk 20:42, 28 April 2010 (UTC)

35H00060 Battery Series

User:Bobh00000/35H00060_Battery_Series Bobh00000 (talk) 01:56, 29 April 2010 (UTC)

I find it hard to believe we would want a separate article on each and every model of battery in existence - I doubt there are sufficient discussions of individual models in reliable sources to justify individual articles. (You have one reference, but I don't believe an online catalog qualifies as an acceptable reference.)

However, I can imagine that it might make sense to include information on specific models either within an article about the specific kind of battery, or as an organized list article. See List of battery types to help identify where it might better belong.

I also suspect other editors have thoughts on how best to accomplish your goal, I urge you to poke your head in at Wikipedia:WikiProject_Energy and see what they think.--SPhilbrickT 20:36, 1 May 2010 (UTC)

Frazer-Nash Consultancy

I'm putting together an article about Frazer-Nash Consultancy and would appreciate some feedback, the articles currently at User:Stephenpenndb7/Draft of article. Thanks Stephenpenndb7 (talk) 15:34, 29 April 2010 (UTC)

Frankly, I see no evidence of notability for this firm, and would suggest that such an article be speedily deleted under speedy deletion category A7: no evidence or credible assertion of notability. --Orange Mike | Talk 21:00, 29 April 2010 (UTC)

Dakota Jackson, Furniture Designer

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dakota_Jackson,_Furniture_Designer

I have recently researched and written a new entry about American furniture designer Dakota Jackson. I just moved it to go live and I would like some feedback about the article. Thanks!

It's very promotional in tone, reads like an advertisement. The prose should present the subject from a neutral point of view. I've tagged it as such. It's well referenced, tho, and I think you have established notibility. The references could use some work in terms of formatting, see WP:CITE for guidance, and feel free to drop any questions on my talk page. Hope that helps, --Nuujinn (talk) 20:26, 30 April 2010 (UTC)

Thank you for your feedback. I will give it another go to make it more neutral. In regards to neutrality, I will adjust the prose, but I was wondering if maybe there is too much detail, that may be unnecessary a (i.e. early life when I go into his performance background, and career when I discuss his 'design philosophy/aesthetic'). Should I just be more clear cut/get to the point? Co you think that will help? I will also review my formatting for my references. This is my first article, so I am trying to find my footing, I suppose. Thanks again for your feedback. Strohlnco (talk) 17:26, 4 May 2010 (UTC)

Well, one thing to think about would be whether the article is about the person or the person's company--right now the article is a little about both, and that seems to be the case for many articles about designers and architects. I'd suggest pruning the text. I took the liberty of trimming the lead, and the early life section. I suggest avoiding phrases such as "He first emerged", "one-of-a-kind", as puffery, what you should strive for is a neutral tone. Also, you have references, but sometimes it's not clear how much is referenced. For example, in the career section each paragraph makes a number of claims, but has only one reference. It's easy to reference more often if you use a named reference, see WP:REFNAME. Hope that helps, --Nuujinn (talk) 11:14, 19 May 2010 (UTC)

new article

Could someone please look at [[8]] and give me some feedback. It's been waiting to be reviewed for quite some time now. Many thanks Bowl4u (talk) 23:50, 29 April 2010 (UTC)

Most of the reference links are bad, page not found. There are a few articles [here], you might work them in. It's written pretty well, I think it's a good start, but you need more secondary sources. --Nuujinn (talk) 20:18, 30 April 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I will check the links again. Not sure what you mean by page not found? It does come up as an unreviewed page and not sure how to get it reviewed so that this is no longer the case? Any advice would be appreciated. Will also take your advice of finding more sources. thanks Bowl4u (talk) 23:57, 30 April 2010 (UTC)

file not found is the standard http error number 404, it means that the web address you asked for isn't there. Take another pass at it and drop me a note here or on my talk back and I'll take another look. Any other editor can take off the unreviewed tag. --Nuujinn (talk) 00:10, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

I think I fixed all the file problems. There were extra = at the end of the urls. ~~ GB fan ~~ ^talk 00:32, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

Linzi Wilson-Wilde

Linzi Wilson-Wilde Jimwhiskey (talk) 09:44, 30 April 2010 (UTC)

Link to the article, User:120.147.36.15/Linzi Wilson-Wilde ~~ GB fan ~~ ^talk 13:06, 30 April 2010 (UTC)

I don't know about this one--the external links do not appear to establish notability, and [this google news search does not appear promising. You might take a look at WP:BLP before proceeding, this will probably be deleted unless significantly improved. --Nuujinn (talk) 20:11, 30 April 2010 (UTC)

Milton Reynolds

Milton Reynolds http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=User:Lppgeraldj/Enter_your_new_article_name_here&oldid=359308593

Feedback, please.

Lppgeraldj (talk) 19:38, 30 April 2010 (UTC)

Seems like an interesting subject. It's a good start, but you need more references. Take a look at these]. Also, the prose needs to be toned down some, the goal is a neutral point of view. Phrases like "Smart sloganeering would prove to be a Reynolds hallmark" are peacock terms and matters of opinion--if a reliable source made the claim, provide a citation. Hope that helps, --Nuujinn (talk) 20:05, 30 April 2010 (UTC)

PickUp Podcast

Would love to see your feedback on the article. Thank you. LyoP 14:04, 1 May 2010 (UTC)

Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

- Article Title: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

- Carpal tunnel syndrome

Mfestejo (talk) 08:49, 2 May 2010 (UTC)

Generally, editors ask here about new articles, or major overhauls, such as expansions from stubs to full article. This article has been around for years, and while you have made some nice additions to it recently, I'd suggest that feedback would be best provided by the Wikiproject - for example, perhaps you feel that the article now deserves to be moved up on the quality scale. This article is within WikiProject Medicine. You might also check with members of the Neurology task force. (Obviously, any other editor reading is free to comment here, but my experience is that the editors who hang out here are more apt to help with basic needs, and this article requires the review of specialists.)--SPhilbrickT 14:00, 2 May 2010 (UTC)

Wajdi Mallat

Wajdi Mallat is an influential Lebanese political figure who has recently passed away. I have finished editing the entry and believe that it is complete and up to standard. Cross links and references included. I would appreciate feedback. Thank you. Shaque (talk) 12:09, 2 May 2010 (UTC)

Not bad at all, I can't see any immediate problems with it. -Reconsider! 12:34, 2 May 2010 (UTC)

It looks quite good, very impressive for someone with only 32 edits. As you know, we require references, you have supplied references, and those references do not have to be online references. However, I would feel much better if I could see some online reference supporting some of the claims - is it really the case that there are no online references to this distinguished person?

I have removed the unreviewed template. I left the orphan template, but perhaps you can address that (It appears this person is not currently mentioned in any other articles, but you could remedy that, if you can do so appropriately.)--SPhilbrickT 12:45, 2 May 2010 (UTC)

I was able to find an online reference supporting many of the points, so I have added it to the article, and added references where appropriate.--SPhilbrickT 12:59, 2 May 2010 (UTC)

I removed the orphan template, after providing an incoming link form the article on his son. I looked at Abderrahmane Youssoufi, but that article doesn't mention his role in the Arab Organization for Human Rights, and I couldn't easily find the right material, perhaps you can do better.--SPhilbrickT 13:38, 2 May 2010 (UTC)

inclusion of President's classical Tamil Awards

KINDLY INCLUDE THE DETAILS AND THE LIST OF PRESIDENT'S CLASSICAL TAMIL AWARDEES IN YOUR DICTONARY.

THANKS.

Chip Mabry

[[9]]

Submitting for review by first time wikiuser. I also need to change the title to two names.

Jenntuerk (talk) 05:22, 3 May 2010 (UTC)jenn tuerk 5/2/10

Thematic Learning

Hi friends,
Recently, I have added this page to Wikipedia. Keeping a good faith in Wikipedia, I have tried to make this article lucid and informative and in Encyclopedic style. In order to make this article beautiful, I request you for your feedback and suggestions. Please let me know how it looks and its developmental need.
Your help will be deeply appreciated.
--Alok Mishra (talk) 11:34, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

I think it's very nice. The only suggestion I have would be to see if you can find some additional sources and expand it a bit. Looks good! --Nuujinn (talk) 00:06, 4 May 2010 (UTC)

I agree with Nuujinn, good start. A couple specific comments:

• The sentence that starts "Thematic learning is based on the idea..." is quite important, should be referenced. If it comes from the reference at the end of the paragraph, I'd move the footnote to this sentence. (Practice varies, and not everyone agrees, but I like to see the footnote immediately after important claims. If the footnote supports only the second sentence, you should add a reference for this central point.)
• It's a bit heavy on the bold. In your list of main steps, consider bolding only the action word
• Lack of parallelism - the main word in your list of main steps is a verb for the first two (good) and a noun in the second two. Can you find a verb for all four?
• You talk about "Macro or Micro theme", apparently important because it is in bold, but you don't define or use either concept (or maybe you did use it, but I missed it because it wasn't defined).
• "Rote" should not be capitalized (I fixed it)
• "Learning with Understanding" is bold and capitalized. Is it a term of art? If so, it needs a definition and a reference. Or if you simply meant "learning with understanding", drop the caps and the bold.--SPhilbrickT 19:33, 5 May 2010 (UTC)

Thank you User:Sphilbrick for your suggestions. Indeed these are very useful. I have tried to implement many of them but some more references and material yet to find. I am searching in my books and library and soon will expend it. --Alok Mishra (talk) 09:17, 7 May 2010 (UTC)

Staffan Göthe

Hi! I would be grateful for feedback on the article I created on Swedish playwright and actor Staffan Göthe. Perhaps it's worth mentioning that my private motivation for creating it was largely wanting to try creating a new article on en-wp, and thus I came to write about a subject where I don't really have previous knowledge after browsing Sweden-related articles for redlinks. (The one I actually found, I think, was to his play En uppstoppad hund/A Stuffed Dog, but it seemed to me at least in this case that the author was more obviously notable than the work.) Göthes article on Swedish Wikipedia provided a good ground to start from, and largely this is still based on that, adding inline references, information about Göthe as a screen actor, information on what works have been translated into English and rough translations of Swedish-only titles, and one or two things more. I have some ideas myself on what to work on when I find the time/get around to it, but I feel that at this point I can benefit a lot from someone else taking a look at what I've done so far and commenting. And of course, it's nice to see only that someone has actually read it... While working on the Göthe article I also created the stub Gothenburg Theatre Academy, corresponding to sv:Teaterhögskolan i Göteborg. If you (whoever replies to this, that is) feel ambitious, of course I appreciate if you look at that also. (There I think sources are a very obvious problem. The article title might be another - how established is this English name?) Ever wonder (talk) 13:25, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

User:CBehringer/Pneumococcal Awareness Council of Experts

I would like feedback for my article, User:CBehringer/Pneumococcal Awareness Council of Experts. Also, would someone be able to recommend how I can embed photos? Thank you,

CBehringer (talk) 17:20, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

There's a lot of information explaining how to include photos at Wikipedia:Images.--SPhilbrickT 11:36, 4 May 2010 (UTC)

The article is a nice start. As you note, it could be improved with photos. My main concern is the number of embedded links you have used. Embedded links are not encouraged, and the style you have used is not allowed. You have included a number of proper references, so it is clear you know how to do that (many new editors find that challenging.) For more information, see Embedded citations.--SPhilbrickT 12:09, 4 May 2010 (UTC)

University of south alabama honors program

This is a page for our honors program. It has lots of history and should be recognized. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Sdoober (talk • contribs) 21:24, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

The article is completely unsourced to reliable sources that are independent of the subject. The sources on the article are all from the school. You should also read comflict of interest since you are a member of the group. So in summary the article is not ready for the mainspace. ~~ GB fan ~~ ^talk 21:56, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

Link to the article User:Sdoober/University of South Alabama Honors Program ~~ GB fan ~~ ^talk 21:59, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

Cherry Bekaert & Holland

Request for feedback/article move for Cherry Bekaert & Holland. This article reviews the certified public accounting firm, Cherry, Bekaert & Holland, located in the Southeast US. Mnewman.cbh (talk) 15:56, 4 May 2010 (UTC)

Well, it's very promotional and needs extensive cleanup to meet WP guildelines. The firm's web site should not be used as sources, generally speaking, and there are little other sources listed in the article that establish the firm's notability. I think that could be established, but the references as they stand are weak. Also, from your user name it appears you may have a conflict of interest. --Nuujinn (talk) 14:24, 8 May 2010 (UTC)

Net Price Calculators/Request for feedback

Net Price Calculators I'd appreciate some feedback on this article. I'm a subject expert however I think a review by a more experienced Wikipedia contributor would be very helpful.

Thanks M Fallon 17:26, 4 May 2010 (UTC) MAC Fallon May 3, 2010 —Preceding unsigned comment added by MAC Fallon (talk • contribs)

Caucasian Lapwing

User: FranklinArizona

((Caucasian Lapwing))

This is just a simple entry referring to a fictional "character" in a novel. I am making this entry because some "rare bird alert" sites have had postings--whimsical, presumably--citing the appearance of the Caucasian Lapwing at popular birdwatching sites. There have been subsequent attempts by birders to identify this species, which of course they have never heard of. Wikipedia seems like the perfect resource to slake their curiosity.

I tried to upload an image of the cover of the book, which features a painted portrait of the bird, but alas I do not qualify under the 'autoconfirm' policy. Can you help with that? I am happy for forward the jpg image...

Thanks,

F. Arizona —Preceding unsigned comment added by FranklinArizona (talk • contribs) 17:31, 4 May 2010 (UTC)

Milton_Reynolds

I had previously sought feedback on an early draft, now extensively linked and annotated, made language more objective.

I saw a help item on changing the userspace tag but can't find it now, so one question is what if anything to do with the page tag.

Thanks for your help. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Lppgeraldj (talk • contribs) 19:04, 4 May 2010 (UTC)

A few comments:

• I will remove the tag
• This phrase "As with many if not most speculative business promoters, Reynolds’ fortunes rose and fell numerous times during his career." says almost nothing. Consider removing it. If it is important, it should be referenced.
• This statement "Reynolds later bragged he’d triggered the biggest shopping riot in history" could use a reference.
• In your aviator section, you make reference to K-2. However, K-2 is nowhere near the Amne Machin range in Tibet, it isn't even in Tibet. Oddly, there was a claim that K-2 was higher than Everest, but I don't think it came from Reynolds. The reference you include mentions Amne Machin, but not K-2. This needs to be cleaned up.--SPhilbrickT 20:00, 8 May 2010 (UTC)

Request feedback on Multi-Image

Before moving the Multi-Image Multi-image - User:Tranquitas/Multi-image article to the Wikipedia, I would appreciate a review of the content and any feedback that can be provided. I am new to the processes here and while working on this article I can see how I might be able contribute elsewhere but want to make sure that any contribution will be correctly managed by me and that this article is suitable as well.

Thanks

Tranquitas 22:14, 4 May 2010 (UTC)

Still waiting for feedback, I have made several changes and the article is ready for a review.

Tranquitas 13:30, 14 May 2010 (UTC) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Tranquitas (talk • contribs)

Arthur_De_Vany

Arthur_De_Vany is about a pioneer in entertainment economics, a specialized sub-field which I think will gain increasing attention as general economics and finance begin to focus more on behavioral economics and intellectual property.

Allenwlee (talk) 00:09, 5 May 2010 (UTC)allen lee may 4, 2010

• Links to other parts of wikipedia should be done with wikilinks not external links. I fixed the first few so you can see how to do it. It's easier to do wikilinks than external links.
• Generally speaking, if a term is used multiple times, it is wikilinked only the first time (there are exceptions, e.g. infoboxes and long articles)
• You have a number of references, which is good, but you have quite a number of factual claims begging for a reference.
• There are standard styles for citing books and references - you might look at WP:CITE and footnotes for help.
• None of your references contain links to online material. This is acceptable, but it is easier for readers to access material if it can be found online - is it really the case that none of the material you reference can be found online? If some is online, and you don't know how to reference it, let me know.
• Overall, looks like a good start. It should become a fine article soon.--SPhilbrickT 12:34, 5 May 2010 (UTC)

One more thing - I personally find it very helpful to use the optional citation gadget. To install, go to "My preferences", select the rightmost tab "Gadgets", the check the box next to refTools (in the Editing gadgets section). Once installed, it will add a new button "Cite" to your editing toolbar. Click on it to add a citation. Makes it much easier.--SPhilbrickT 12:37, 5 May 2010 (UTC)

As an example of proper citation style, I converted the first book "Arthur De Vany, Hollywood Economics: How Extreme Uncertainty Shapes the Film Industry, Routledge (October 2003)" and added it, so you can see both.--SPhilbrickT 12:59, 5 May 2010 (UTC)

thanks for your help! Allenwlee (talk) 23:51, 7 May 2010 (UTC)allen

Ham and Petersham Cricket Club

Ham and Petersham Cricket Club

This a relatively brief starter article about Ham and Petersham Cricket Club. In 2015 the club will 200 years old. This wikipedia entry will provide a short history of the club along and some historic facts which may be of interest to some readers. Will Cowling Willcowling (talk) 08:52, 5 May 2010 (UTC)

Will, please take a look at WP:CRIN and WP:ORG - you will need a lot more than one reference to establish the notability of the subject. – ukexpat (talk) 13:53, 6 May 2010 (UTC)

International Victimology Institute Tilburg (INTERVICT)

International Victimology Institute Tilburg (INTERVICT)

I don't quite understand if I have posted the article to the main Wikipedia section. Tried to follow the guidelines, but am afraid I don't quite get them...
Also I would appreciate some feedback on the content. I'm new at the process, so if I can do anything to improve the page or the way to manage the content, I would be very grateful for any advice.

--PRcor (talk) 17:14, 5 May 2010 (UTC)

• It is in the main area, which is unfortunate, as it isn't ready.
• You've done a nice job with wikilinks and categories, but you haven't established Notability with references to reliable sources.
• Your format needs work, see Article Layout; the good news is that can be fixed relatively easily.
• Check out WP:CITE and footnotes; while references which are not online are perfectly acceptable, if they are online it is better for all if they are linked.
• You don't need all the line break tags.
• I see that you have some relevant material in the External links section; external links are helpful to the reader but they don't "count" in terms of establishing notability.--SPhilbrickT 18:53, 5 May 2010 (UTC)

User:Emma.roach/Professional systems associates

This is my first wiki article, I have read all of the help topics on Wikipedia and I think the article ready to go live. Please review the article and make any suggestions so the article does not get deleted.

User:Emma.roach/Professional systems associates Thank you,

Emma.roach (talk) 21:04, 5 May 2010 (UTC)

You've provided some references, but not the way they need to be presented in Wikipedia. See WP:CITE and footnotes for specific information on how to do references, and see Article Layout, which will help with the placement of references, and explain why I removed your first section head.

You need to establish Notability with references to reliable sources, and those references should immediately followed the assertions of notability. You have some references, and I looked at a couple, but I didn't see any support for notability.--SPhilbrickT 00:22, 6 May 2010 (UTC)

I took your recommendations: I added references and sentences that will support the notability and I cited the references with footnotes. Please look at it again and tell me if I need anything else. Thanks! Emma.roach (talk) 16:48, 6 May 2010 (UTC)

Couple of Manual of Style and other points: section headings should not contain Wikilinks; external links in the the body of the article should be kept to an absolute mininum - so there is no need to link to the company's website in the lead paragraph, the External links section is the place for that link. The second paragraph is written a bullet-list, albeit with leading dashes instead of bullets - this should be turned into prose rather than a list. The draft is also a little promotional in tone - "solution" is a Marketing 101 term used in press releases and always raises a red flag when used on Wikipedia. – ukexpat (talk) 17:06, 6 May 2010 (UTC)

The word "solution" should only occur in discussions of solutes dissolved in solvents! --Orange Mike | Talk 19:13, 6 May 2010 (UTC)

I made all of the changes recommended including taking any mention of "solution" out of the article. Is there anything else that I should change or that has a "marketing tone"? Emma.roach (talk) 18:35, 6 May 2010 (UTC)

I noticed that the article has the "Move" tab on it now. Do you think it is ready for the main space? Emma.roach (talk) 18:04, 7 May 2010 (UTC)

The draft is quite improved, but a few things to note:

• "PSA’s growth is rooted in: a customer focused approach to service and support" sounds more like a PR release than an encyclopedia article.
• "CMPRO is currently being assessed by the Institute of Configuration Management..." is not technically a violation of WP:FUTURE, but it isn't what one expects in an encyclopedia - consider removing it and adding when it is accomplished.
• I made some minor copy edit changes
• You had one remaining embedded cite, I converted it
• The three items in the Boeing section all have factual claims begging for a reference.
• If you address these, I'd say you are good to go - be aware that we are all volunteers and my say-so does not insulate you against a possible Notability concern from another editor - I see it as a close call.--SPhilbrickT 18:44, 8 May 2010 (UTC)

Thank you for all of the time that you have contributed and the feedback. I have moved the page to the mainspace. Emma.roach (talk) 15:06, 10 May 2010 (UTC)

User:Strippedman/doublethink_(band)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Strippedman/doublethink_%28band%29

This is a page for the band doublethink. Want some feedback before going live so it doesn't get deleted!

Strippedman (talk) 21:12, 5 May 2010 (UTC)

Jordan Harbinger's bio & AJ Harbinger

User:Olgpa/Jordan_harbinger_sandbox and User:Olgpa/AJ Harbinger

I have written the bio on Jordan Harbinger, but would like to get feedback before I upload it here Jordan Harbinger. Please also provide feedback on AJ Harbinger. Thanks. LyoP (talk) 06:53, 6 May 2010 (UTC)

Kronid Lyubarsky

Kronid Lyubarsky: Leader of the Moscow Helsinki Group from 1993 to 1996 and one of the editors of the samizdat publication Chronicle of Current Events.

I am not sure how much of the article should be sourced; I could add more info on his trial using the Amnesty International translations of the "Chronicle" itself; but this seems redunant, as he was its editor.

Most of the information is taken from the book on him published in Russia; sourcing individual paragraphs seems superfluous.

Also, I am not sure if the chronological structure of the article is OK and how much, if anything, should be mentioned in the first sentence of the article.

Nkrita (talk) 16:00, 6 May 2010 (UTC)

I think it looks pretty good. You might check out WP:CITE for guidance in citing sources, but I think you have the general idea down well. If you use a named reference, it's easy to tag multiple parts of an article to the same reference. I think the structure looks pretty good, but you might see if you can find a public domain picture and add a biographical infobox.

As for sources, Google new archives is generally pretty good, but in this case, there are only a couple of references, see here. --Nuujinn (talk) 00:50, 11 May 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for the feedback and links. I will try and find an appropriate image & infobox. Nkrita (talk) 22:59, 14 May 2010 (UTC)

User:Benpatient/Democracy,_Vol._1

An article for an "unconventional" album by an established artist, which is being released 1 track per month each month of 2010.

My first new article.

Benpatient (talk) 16:16, 6 May 2010 (UTC)

CA Sports

User:Pakisalm/Ca_Sports My first article, Thanks for your help. Pakisalm (talk) 21:07, 6 May 2010 (UTC) pakisal Ca sports —Preceding unsigned comment added by Pakisalm (talk • contribs) 21:06, 6 May 2010 (UTC)

KIND Healthy Snacks

I am having a really hard time moving this article. I have gone through everything many times. Can someone please guide me in the right direction? KIND Healthy Snacks http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Zevzigler/KIND_Healthy_Snacks

Thanks, Zev —Preceding unsigned comment added by Zziegler129 (talk • contribs) 00:06, 7 May 2010 (UTC)

You won't have the move button until you have four more edits. However, the current version is very promotional in tone, and it would be in danger of being deleted if moved in its current form.--SPhilbrickT 11:51, 7 May 2010 (UTC)

Yes, you may want to work on the tone of the article to make it more neutral-sounding, and then move it. Otherwise, as Sphilbrick says, it may get deleted. Chevymontecarlo. 18:59, 8 May 2010 (UTC)

User:Skyyates/Chandler massey

I am a new user seeking assistance on feedback on my user page. I am attempting to make a new live page eventually for Chandler Massey. Thank you for any assistance. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Skyyates (talk • contribs) 12:25, 7 May 2010 (UTC)

I have cleaned up the formatting for you per WP:MOS and WP:LAYOUT. You will need to find and cite significant coverage in multiple reliable sources to demonstrate the subject's notability per WP:BIO. Note that if it is moved to mainspace without at least one cited source, it will be tagged for deletion per WP:BLPPROD. – ukexpat (talk) 16:02, 7 May 2010 (UTC)

Thank you very much for your assistance. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Skyyates (talk • contribs) 10:53, 11 May 2010 (UTC)

One more quick question-- I am trying to get a picture into the Infobox but don't understand how to do it. I have uploaded a picture and have put it on Wikicommons and then put | image = chandlermassey.jpg but the picture does not come up. Thank you. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Skyyates (talk • contribs) 14:16, 11 May 2010 (UTC)

Toshl

I just written the first attempt of an article, about a software called Toshl, Toshl . The article will stay in my userspace until I am sure its good enough to try to go public. I am not 100 % sure how to link it via wikilink since its not live yet, therefore I will just allow myself to publish direct html link to it: User:Andraz3d/Toshl.

Since this is my first try of writing an article (I did edit one many months ago and around 30 % of my text was accepted in the now live version of the article), please, be gentle. I am also not a native eng speaker, so my flow could be very cumbersome.

Andraz3d (talk) 16:32, 7 May 2010 (UTC)

You may want to review Wikipedia's guidelines on linking, you have duplicate links in the article, as well as links to reviews and external cites while simultaneously having a large amount of writing that is unsourced. You might want to change some of the reviews/external links into sources and use them to support the article. Also, the article reads a bit like an advertisement rather than an encyclopedia article and might need some rewriting. ialsoagree (talk) 12:35, 10 May 2010 (UTC)

Anti Cancer Diet

I created an article on the Anti Cancer Diet, which I presented in school. I am ready to post it live but wanted final feedback. Let me know what you think. Thank you, LoHeHa77 (talk) 00:22, 8 May 2010 (UTC)LoHeHa77 May 7, 2010

I don't think you are going to like my feedback, but here it is. You mentioned that you presented it in school—when you work on an essay in school, you are applauded for original research and synthesis, but neither are appropriate for a Wikipedia article. The ideal article presents material in an organized way, but the material must all be supportable by reliable sources, and you must take care to avoid presenting results that are not supported by reliable sources.

Your article is more of an essay on a topic, but it isn't entirely clear how to identify the subject matter. The title implies a discussion of the general concept of anti-cancer diets, but then it goes on to discuss a specific diet. You next discuss four specific foods but not in the context of a specific diet.

As an aside, I happen to be having dinner with a health care professional, who agreed that green tea, olive oil and tumeric are all anti-cancer, but she claims soy is not anti-cancer, perhaps even contributing to cancer. Obviously, the word of my dinner companion doesn't satisfy verifiability, but it does cast doubt on the list.

The Servan-Schreiber book may or may not be notable in itself, but this isn't a review of the book, so it doesn't really matter. You've obviously done some work pulling this together, and I'm struggling to find a way to recommend how to organize the material so it would be an acceptable article, but I'm not finding a good solution. You might visit the respective articles on the four foods, and see if some of the material you gathered can enrich those articles, but that won't help you if your goal is turning this into an article in this form. --SPhilbrickT 23:49, 8 May 2010 (UTC)

Pocket LOOX PDAs

Hey, I would really appreciate some feedback on my article about line of PDAs Pocket LOOX by Fujitsu-Siemens.

Thanks! —Preceding unsigned comment added by Hurk87 (talk • contribs) 01:16, 8 May 2010 (UTC)

Just a tip - on talk pages, you should sign your posts by typing four tildes (~). You can also click on the tildes next to the 'Sign your posts on talk pages' section at the bottom of the edit window. :) Chevymontecarlo. 19:04, 8 May 2010 (UTC)

Well, it looks pretty good. But you need some additional references, searching google's new archives often helps, take a look here for some possibilities. The issue is you need some good secondary sources to establish notability (see WP:N for more information. --Nuujinn (talk) 16:53, 16 May 2010 (UTC)

User:Ellyrobi/Australian Institute of Family Studies

Hi, this is my first article and I'm keen to get some feedback, thanks. User:Ellyrobi/Australian Institute of Family Studies Thanks Ellyrobi (talk) 07:52, 8 May 2010 (UTC)

Good start, well-written and organized. The major concern I have is with Notability, which I suspect can be addressed. The organization has been in existence for some time and has published a number of studies, but there's no evidence in the article that these studies have been used in any way. I'm sure they have, but you should include some references to reliable sources showing discussion of the reports, ideally showing that conclusions have influenced policy.--SPhilbrickT 16:04, 9 May 2010 (UTC)

Thanks very much, great ideas. I'll address these issues, which shouldn't be too hard. Should I then gain feedback here again? Or can I go on to publish the article? Ellyrobi (talk) 03:37, 10 May 2010 (UTC)

PineApp

The article, PineApp, is a new article on the firm PineApp. It has been up for two weeks and still no comments/changes. Requesting feedback. Also, when can the tag "new unreviewed article" be removed? Thanks.LindseyEKerr (talk) 12:05, 8 May 2010 (UTC)

I'll put what I think in a minute, but the tag is removed after someone's reviewed the article - they can remove it themselves. Let me just read the article... Chevymontecarlo. 18:51, 8 May 2010 (UTC)

Well, with articles on businesses you have to be careful with the tone. Articles aren't supposed to sound like adverts. That said, the tone in your article seems to be OK. There's a nice amount of references and links, although I am concerned about the notability of the article's subject (Basically, is the article's subject been featured in something independent and major). I will remove the tag for you, as I have reviewed it. Chevymontecarlo. 18:56, 8 May 2010 (UTC)

David Pearl (Businessman)

Please could this page be reviewed, many thanks - its David Pearl (businessman), here's the Wikilink as directed in feedback instructions David Pearl (businessman)

Kurt K Hahn (talk) 16:23, 8 May 2010 (UTC)

Where on earth did you get that reference style? I've never seen anything like it. To be honest, I don't like it, and it is making it difficult to look at the content itself.--SPhilbrickT 00:39, 9 May 2010 (UTC)

Yes, in my opinion I think you should use the normal reference style, the one with the brackets, instead - just for more comfortable reading really. Apart from that I think you have a good article structurally, it's nicely organised. Chevymontecarlo. 04:51, 9 May 2010 (UTC)

Persecution of Ottoman Muslims and Turks 1821-1922

Hello, I am currently working on an article Persecution of Ottoman Muslims and Turks 1821-1922 I would appreciate some advice on the article structure and use of references. The article covers the historical exodus of the Ottoman Muslim Millet until the final days of the Empire. These are historically cohesive and interlinked events with significant notability, I would also appreciate your editing opinion if it would be correct to just redirect the article topic to Persecution of Muslims as this seems constantly happening to the article. --Hittit (talk) 07:26, 9 May 2010 (UTC)

This is probably not the best forum for feedback on an article such as this one. Obviously, anyone reading is welcome to chime in if they have something to say, but editors writing their first article are directed here, as well as editors working on expanding a stub. For that reason, many of the editors that patrol this forum are used to addressing more basic issues. The article you link has been around for seven years, with over 1000 edits.

Normally, an article with this much history is best reviewed by the experts hanging around the relevant Wikiproject; in this case WikiProject Religion, and/or specialized noticeboards or talk pages of, say Wikipedia:Citing sources for intricate issues regarding references. Issues such as titling are also best handled within the project or with an RfC. --SPhilbrickT 22:45, 9 May 2010 (UTC)

I noticed that a redirect has been inserted to the article leading to the wrong page, here is a link to a version: http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Persecution_of_Ottoman_Muslims_and_Turks_1821-1922&oldid=360959487 Thank you for your replies --Hittit (talk) 04:17, 10 May 2010 (UTC)

List of Google Doodles

I created the article List of Google Doodles and I want to know how I can find information on Google Doodles or if anyone else can find information on Google Doodles. I also want to know if the article is any good, or if it seems like it was written by an 8th Grader. Any help would be appreciated.--RayqayzaDialgaWeird2210Please respond on my talkpage, i will respond on your talkpage.    11:11, 9 May 2010 (UTC)

Maybe Google itself? If you're looking for more information on a subject, you should ask at the WP:RD instead. Hope this helps. Chevymontecarlo. 05:45, 10 May 2010 (UTC)

I have made some formatting improvements to the part of the article that's like a timeline. I hope you don't mind, but I think it improves readability. Chevymontecarlo. 05:49, 10 May 2010 (UTC)

You could use something like {{find sources|Google doodles}}: Find sources: Google (books · news · scholar · free images · WP refs) · FENS · JSTOR · TWL. Killiondude (talk) 23:29, 12 May 2010 (UTC)

Hsu Dau-lin

Hello, I am drafting an article on the Chinese scholar of law, history, and semantics, Hsu Dau-lin (Xu Daolin). The link to my page draft is below. This is my first attempt at Wikipedia. I would appreciate some feedback to tell me (1) if I have formatting correct, (2) whether external links should be more directly related (3) whether external links should all be English webpages. (There is little online information about this scholar in English, although he moved to the US and taught in American universities for the last decade of his career.)

For the title, I have used the spelling of his name that was used by western colleagues and that he used when corresponding in German and English. I put the pinyin in parentheses. Is this acceptable? Or is pinyin the preferred Romanization on wikipedia, even to refer to those who died before its use was common?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:CHrabbit/Draft_Hsu_Dau-lin

Of course I would appreciate other suggestions as well.

Thank you so much! CHrabbit (talk) 15:43, 9 May 2010 (UTC)

Carcharocles chubutensis

I have created my first article on wikipedia and would appreciate some feedback on it. Link is: Carcharocles chubutensis. --LeGenD (talk) 12:22, 10 May 2010 (UTC)

Excellent. I removed the "unreviewed template". --SPhilbrickT 22:16, 9 May 2010 (UTC)

Girls of Riyadh

I edited your article about the book "Girls of Riyadh" because it was not appropriate to the story of this book. <redacted> You immediately deleted my changes which have cost me some work trying to improve your site. All Information I have entered I got from Rajaa Alsanea' s book itself which I have read and which, at least in the German version, also displays the story behind the book, how it became a book at all and how her blog was discussed before it became a book and for how much it was sold under the counter. It is interesting that you classified that all as "vandalism". Just two minutes ago I visited her website www.rajaa.net where I read (I know that she received many insults anyhow) that she got even death threats because of her blog and her book. I would like to ask you to add that as well as everything else which I have edited to your article "Girls of Riyadh".

and : if you don' t want to display correct information and don' t want anybody to help you, just stop asking for "entries". I have to say I am angry.

took me : only several hours only to be told I do "vandalism". How about correcting that and leaving me a note or an excuse why your system works as bad as that ?

Read the book yourself, visit her website yourself, talk to her if nobody can do it better than you yourself. —Preceding unsigned comment added by 80.187.106.182 (talk) 00:22, 10 May 2010 (UTC)

Can I just say no one person creates any article, hundreds or even thousands of users are involved in improving the article. Just because another user reverted your edits doesn't mean that they have a grudge against you. You can post why you think your edits are important on that particular article's talk page. Thank you. Chevymontecarlo. 05:36, 10 May 2010 (UTC)

I would also like to add that a better place to discuss this kind of information is on the article talk page. This page is for feedback on new articles not for content disputes. ~~ GB fan ~~ ^talk 23:20, 10 May 2010 (UTC)

Adelaide Benevolent Society

I've just created the page 'Adelaide Benevolent Society', at the request of this longstanding Adelaide charity. I've done a lot of reading on Wikipedia, but I'm still unsure about References. All information has been gained from the Adelaide Benevolent Society itself. Appreciate any input. Page is here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adelaide_Benevolent_Society

Michelle Prak, 10 May 2010, Michelle JP (talk) 04:24, 10 May 2010 (UTC)

You will need some references because as soon as it is moved into the public area of Wikipedia it is likely to just be speedily deleted. You can visit WP:CITE or this page for more information about putting references into an article.

Many articles use the 'footnote' method. If you are unsure you can ask on the WP:HD. I hope you understand. Chevymontecarlo. 05:42, 10 May 2010 (UTC)

I think the society is notable, but the article needs a lot of work. You need to add references from reliable sources so that the information can be verified. The article right now is closer to a website for the society rather than an article about it. I also think the article is almost to close of a paraphrase of history section of their website. If you need clarification let me know. ~~ GB fan ~~ ^talk 23:07, 10 May 2010 (UTC)

The Nelson Touch

I would be grateful if you could review User:Ykraps/The Nelson Touch. The 'Nelson Touch' is already mentioned in the main article about Lord Nelson but I felt it needed some elaboration as it doesn't give the whole story. There is also some debate about the phrase on the discussion page and there is no definitive answer within Wikipedia. I have already considered editing the article but thought it would make it far too messy, also I feel the phrase is sufficiently well known to warrant its own section; whether that is within another article under a sub-heading or on its own, I'm not certain. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on this. Many thanks for your time --Ykraps (talk) 08:54, 10 May 2010 (UTC)

The article needs work. The article needs inline citations to associate the different references listed to specific points within the article. It also needs to be wikified with links to relevant articles added. The last thing I have right now is that there are some peacockish words one of the phrases is: "Nelson's genius for leadership . . ." I will try to come back and look again. Hope this helps. ~~ GB fan ~~ ^talk 22:52, 10 May 2010 (UTC)

I have added the citations, wiki links and replaced the word 'genius' with the word 'talent' which I hope you will find more acceptable. I would appreciate a second look :) Regards --Ykraps (talk) 07:14, 14 May 2010 (UTC)

Robert Turnbull Macpherson (photographer)

Greetings! As this is my first Wikipedia article, I'd appreciate some feedback. The article has had 2 minor edits by others, but after more than a month still retains its "new unreviewed article" status. I'd be very interested in opinions about what other information would be interesting to readers. Thanks for your time!

GoldenDaze (talk) 15:56, 10 May 2010 (UTC)

Nice article! I moved it to Robert Turnbull Macpherson (there is no need for disambiguation), cleaned up the formatting a little and added some project templates to the talk page. I think it's definitely worth a nomination for a "Did you know?" spot on the main page - I'll see if I can come up with a good hook to use. – ukexpat (talk) 16:32, 10 May 2010 (UTC)

Dang, I just checked the history and the article is a little too old for DYK - has to be 5 days or less. Anything else you are working on? – ukexpat (talk) 16:35, 10 May 2010 (UTC)

Thanks Ukexpat for the comments and updates. I'm planning to expand the article, in particular with information about what makes Macpherson's photography both technically and historically significant, but I have a bit more source reading to do first. Any thoughts on other areas for expansion would be appreciated! GoldenDaze (talk) 16:56, 10 May 2010 (UTC)

1907–08 Southern Football League

New article, final standings for the 1907-08 Southern Football League season. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Halldw (talk • contribs) 16:50, 10 May 2010 (UTC)

Hey, please sign your posts on talk pages by typing the four tildes (~ ~ ~ ~) without the spaces. This is so everyone knows who said what. Thank you! Chevymontecarlo. 11:52, 11 May 2010 (UTC)

GOProud

GOProud is an American conservative gay political group. It achieved notoriety in February 2010 by being the first gay group to cosponsor the Conservative Political Action Conference.

I would appreciate feedback of the article currently in my userspace at User:Praxidike/GOProud Praxidike (talk) 19:47, 10 May 2010 (UTC)

Looks very nice. I took the liberty of converting the washington post reference to cite news and made it a named reference (easier to use that way). --Nuujinn (talk) 17:05, 16 May 2010 (UTC)

Daniel Owen Stolpe

Hi,

This is the first article I've written on Wikipedia:

https://secure.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/wiki/Daniel_Owen_Stolpe

If someone has time to review it I will make the necessary change before I submit it. Thanks. Have a great Day.

Wikifoo2u$9c —Preceding unsigned comment added by Wikifoo2u$9c (talk • contribs) 01:53, 11 May 2010 (UTC)

One issue I have with the article - it could do with more links to other articles. This helps with readibility (if the reader is unsure of a particular word or term, they can click on it and visit the article which will tell them more about it. I suggest that you add links to the places in the articles, such as US, California, etc. Hope this helps! Chevymontecarlo. 11:50, 11 May 2010 (UTC)

Ian Villafana

Ian Villafana

Ian Villafana

72.207.237.93 (talk) 04:09, 11 May 2010 (UTC) 5/10/10

You have a good article in the making there. It's got plenty of links and references, which is always nice and keeps it out of deletion territory. One issue I have with your article is the style. On Wikipedia you have to try and be neutral, the text cannot be opinionated or biased towards or away from the article's subject, otherwise it is not encyclopedic. Your article does not have a point of view, but some of it maybe could do with some rewriting. Hope my thoughts help you and good luck with improving your article. Chevymontecarlo. 11:47, 11 May 2010 (UTC)

Javier Cabada (artist)

I would appreciate any feedback and constructive criticism regarding an article I wrote on contemporary artist Javier Cabada. Thank you!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Javier_Cabada —Preceding unsigned comment added by Aaron Gallery (talk • contribs) 16:51, 11 May 2010 (UTC)

Qube Condos

Qube_Condos My new article has been in place for a month or two and nobody's removed the "this is still new" tag.

The building really needs a photo here, but I'm not local to it to make my own photo, and I don't know how to obtain public permission to any ot the many photos of this building on the web. I suspect I'm stuck with no picture, but would appreciate someone confirming that.

My writing style looks choppy with many very short paragraphs. But if I combine paragraphs it is worse.

Gossg (talk) 00:08, 12 May 2010 (UTC)

I removed the template – looks OK for a start. I agree, a picture would be helpful, a picture partway through construction would be ideal.--SPhilbrickT 12:04, 12 May 2010 (UTC)

Once Sphilbrick took out the "new item" tag, is it my responsibility to remove the request for comment from this list? Gossg (talk) 05:04, 19 May 2010 (UTC)

Lewis Machine and Tool Company

My article is about Lewis Machine and Tool Company Lewis machine and tool company

Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks --Iskor12 (talk) 13:09, 12 May 2010 (UTC)

The article is not ready for the mainspace. It needs to be completely rewritten in your own words. The article borders on a copyright violation of http://www.lmtdefense.com/about.php

From the article

Lewis Machine & Tool Company (LMT) was founded in 1980 to provide the US military, law enforcement and government agencies with weapons, components, and modular weapon systems.

From http://www.lmtdefense.com/about.php

Lewis Machine & Tool Company (LMT) was founded in 1980 to provide the US military, law enforcement and government agencies with high quality weapons, components, and modular weapon systems.

From the article

The MRP is a one-piece lightweight upper receiver with an integral forend.

From http://www.lmtdefense.com/about.php

The MRP is a one-piece lightweight upper receiver with an integral forend.

These are a couple of examples of the close paraphrasing or complete copy from this one source. It would be better to start from scratch and write the article in your own words. The company appears to be notable and I think it should have an article, just not this one. If you need any assistance let me know. ~~ GB fan ~~ ^talk 15:13, 12 May 2010 (UTC)

I will rewrite the Company Information section completely in my own words. Give me a couple of hours. "The company appears to be notable and I think it should have an article, just not this one." This made me chuckle a little. I appreciate your incite and I will work on making improvements upon my article. I will post a update on here after I am done. Thanks --Iskor12 (talk) 15:52, 12 May 2010 (UTC)

GB Fan--- I have rewritten my article and I was wondering if you or someone else could take a look at it again. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated. Lewis Machine & Tool Company Thanks--Iskor12 (talk) 17:11, 12 May 2010 (UTC)

I looked at it again. I have added a tag to it asking for more inline citations. Instead of having the list of sources, add the information as references with inline citations such as the one to the company website that is already in the article. Once you use one as a citation remove it from the Sources section. The article should also have relevant wikilinks from this article to other articles as well as links from other articles to this one. Overall the article is much better than it was last time. ~~ GB fan ~~ ^talk 18:18, 13 May 2010 (UTC)

GB Fan: I have looked over my article and have changed my sources into references, just as you said. I believe that I have done this properly, but just in case I didn't, could you please take a look at it again. Thanks for the suggestions, for they are much appreciated.--Iskor12 (talk) 19:56, 13 May 2010 (UTC)

The article looks a lot better, good job. I have removed the tag about the references because it does not apply anymore. There are ways of making the references better using the {{Cite}} template, but I am not the person to ask as to how to use it. I use the format you used. If you need any more assistance let me know. ~~ GB fan ~~ ^talk 18:20, 15 May 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for the help. I greatly appreciated it.--Iskor12 (talk) 18:32, 15 May 2010 (UTC)

Bob Dutko

My article is about radio talk show host Bob Dutko who hosts a local and nationally syndicated talk show. [10]

This is a beginning article, there is a lot of biographical information out there but there almost all quote from the same two sources, the biography page on WMUZ.com and the bio section on the Top Ten Proofs web site. There was some unique information in the Modern Disciple article but I think this needs to be gleaned and added to the short article. Any comments are appreciated. Thanks --Jimhill10 (talk) 16:09, 12 May 2010 (UTC)

Gay Apostolic Pentecostals

Gay Apostolic Pentecostals

New unreviewed article. (more than 24 hours old) Would appreciate it if someone could review it and offer feedback. Thanks!

This article is a brief history of the Apostolic Pentecostal movement in the LGBT community since 1980. Also briefly explains the theology.

BroWCarey (talk) 18:09, 12 May 2010 (UTC)

The article had been reviewed, and the tag removed, by the time I got to see it.

I looked briefly at the history, and it had many issues early on, but is getting better fast. Nice work.

I don't see that there are neutrality concerns mentioned on the talk page, nor do I see (in a cursory review) blatant problems in the article, so I'm removing the remaining tag. I will post a note to the editor that left it in case the concerns are not yet alleviated.--SPhilbrickT 12:35, 13 May 2010 (UTC)

heritage commodification

I would very much appreciate feedback for my article heritage_commodification. This article looks at the way that heritage and cultural expressions become commodified within the context of cultural tourism, and the ways that local populations mitigate threats to their individual culture in the face of capitalist expansion and the Western tourist desire for an "authentic" experience.

Thanks so much! Justintyrell (talk) 08:05, 13 May 2010 (UTC)

It's an interesting and meaningful topic, but I fear the "article" reads like original research and synthesis, which is not what we do here. --Orange Mike | Talk 17:11, 13 May 2010 (UTC)

Raghunath Thakur

There is no details of great Madhesi Martyr Raghunath Thakur, he deserves to be in wikipedia. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Sujthr (talk • contribs) 13:01, 13 May 2010 (UTC)

You can request an article be started at Requested articles--SPhilbrickT 13:57, 13 May 2010 (UTC)

Cyril Parfitt

Cyril Parfit

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Fryder/Cyril_Parfitt

Hi, this is my first article. I would like my new article on this British artist to be reviewed. Thanks.

talk 13:05, 13 May 2010 (UTC)

Toshl article update

Hi all

I would appreciate very much if you can take a look at my contribution and provide me with some critique, so I can modify it, upgrade it or, if its that bad, delete the article.

Article can be found here: Andraz3d/Toshl

thank you all.

One Montgomery

Article on citizen diversity group in Montgomery, Alabama. Needs review by another editor. —Preceding unsigned comment added by AlaDon68 (talk • contribs) 14:35, 13 May 2010 (UTC)

• Check out Article Layout, in particular, the discussion of sections. A lede section, followed by two or three sections would be nice.
• The Notability is sketchy - I personally have a lower hurdle than some, but some others might feel it needs far more.
• I was unable to open any of the three online links. Is there a problem with them?
• There's a number of factual claims begging for references, e.g. the description of the organization as not an "activist" organization but rather a forum for networking and education--SPhilbrickT 21:38, 15 May 2010 (UTC)

Jonathan Goldman

This is my first article and I'm not sure how long to wait before someone checks it out and verifies it. I'd appreciate any feedback! —Preceding unsigned comment added by Cda3001 (talk • contribs) 18:14, 13 May 2010 (UTC)

Link to the article, Jonathan Goldman ~~ GB fan ~~ ^talk 18:19, 13 May 2010 (UTC)

I did an initial read of the article. At first glance it looks good, but after looking at just the sources provided the notability is questionable. I have not looked to see if there are additional sources available.

References:

1. The NY Times article mentions him in passing, this is not significant coverage.
2. His association's website, this is not a reliable source for information.
3. I have never heard of Perfect Sound Forever online music magazine, so I can not comment on the reliability of the source.
4. I do not have access to the book written by Goldman.
5. I do not have access to the book.
6. Passing mention that he produced the the album.
7. Once again passing mention of him in an article.
8. There does not appear to be any mention of him or his association in the article at all.
9. A review of one of his albums.

There needs to be significant coverage of him in reliable sources to establish notability, right now the coverage is not shown in the article. ~~ GB fan ~~ ^talk 18:55, 13 May 2010 (UTC)

Port of New York and New Jersey

Port of New York and New Jersey= Floated this awhile ago, and believe it's pretty comprehenisve, though missing stuff on current drydocks and tugboat operations which remain a mystery and insider secret it seems. Might be other blind spots....Fresh eyes would be nice. ThanksDjflem (talk) 19:23, 13 May 2010 (UTC)

I think it looks pretty good. The layout of the beginning is a bit awkward (although it will look different for different people.) I thought the picture of the harbor on the right was nice, but the ToC and the Statue of Liberty on the left made the flow a bit disjointed. Consider moving the picture of the Statue further down, or possibly remove (not unimportant, but you have another one lower in the article.

Consider expanding the lede to three or four paragraphs. See Wikipedia:Lead, especially Length. --SPhilbrickT 17:20, 15 May 2010 (UTC)

User:Msaarima/Monolith_Software

Hi,

Just created a page describing a software company. I'd like some constructive feedback!

The article is User:Msaarima/Monolith_Software. I will add a Logo once my user profile has become a man.

Thanks! Msaarima (talk) 21:37, 13 May 2010 (UTC)

I think it looks fine, although you should add some categories (after it is moved). Would you like me to move it into article space?--SPhilbrickT 17:07, 15 May 2010 (UTC)

SWASH (Clothing product)

SWASH (clothing product)

216.115.176.7 (talk) 21:54, 13 May 2010 (UTC)

Your article needs to be more neutral in it's tone - it sounds like an advertisement at the minute. Please consider making changes to it's tone. Thank you. Chevymontecarlo. 12:15, 14 May 2010 (UTC)

Clayton Doley

Could you please give me some feedback on the article I have created for Clayton Doley

Missmusicgirl (talk) 02:46, 14 May 2010 (UTC)

• You have some items labeled as references, they are not formed as they should be. As a guide to including references properly, please see Citing sources and footnotes.
• Presumably, the links you provided support the claims in the "Song Writer" section? If not, you need to add references.
• Your "Musical Director/Television" Starts with a poorly formed sentence- not sure what you intended to say. The claim in that sentence should be supported by references.--SPhilbrickT 19:03, 14 May 2010 (UTC)

1972 Sennichi Department Store fire article

Hi, I have removed the whole article that you posted here. In future please just add the link to the article rather than copying and pasting the whole thing onto here. It just saves cluttering up the forum area. Please send your link again in a new request to avoid confusion. Thanks. Chevymontecarlo. 12:13, 14 May 2010 (UTC)

How to post a request

• Use a wikilink to the article as your subject heading.
• Write a brief summary of your work, but please do not post the text of the article here.
• If you have rewritten an existing article, you may wish to provide a diff link from the article's history that shows your changes.
• Sign your comment.--64.22.204.94 (talk) 12:17, 14 May 2010 (UTC)

Earthdance

Earthdance This is my first wikipedia article on Earthdance, the global festival for peace. I look forward to your feedback! Brettdarrens (talk) 06:04, 14 May 2010 (UTC)

I started reading the opening paragraph and the first thing that came to my mind was the Point Of View of the article. 'The world's largest' seems a bit biased in style - Wikipedia articles are supposed to be neutral in tone. Your article has a good structure with a useful amount of links and references, but I think the neutrality of the article is something that maybe you should think about making improvements to. Chevymontecarlo. 11:10, 15 May 2010 (UTC)

Adelaide_Benevolent_Society

Hello

The page I've contributed is: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adelaide_Benevolent_Society

I've been asked to provide References, but I'm finding it really hard to learn how to do this. Everything I look up leads to more and more info. And what's a reputable reference? And how the heck does the code for the Reference page work?

The article has been proposed for deletion. I'm unsure why Adelaide Benevolent Society isn't a charity of note, if it's South Australia's first charity, still in existence, still building homes for people in need. It's a not for profit and is only sharing factual information on Wikipedia which may help it reach more people in need.

Potential reference I was going to cite: http://www.samemory.sa.gov.au/site/page.cfm?u=530&c=1727

Appreciate any input. Thank you. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Michelle JP (talk • contribs) 06:48, 14 May 2010 (UTC)

As a guide to adding references, please see Citing sources and Referencing for beginners. --SPhilbrickT 19:10, 14 May 2010 (UTC)

United States Court System

I have been searching for "Block Diagrams" of the various Court Systems in the United States. Virtually at a glance, when properly labeled and defined, Block Diagrams can help convey a rather symplified version of somewhat volumnous and complicated subject matter information, increasing retention of the subject matter in a relatively shorter period of time, while a relatively small space is used to convey such information. —Preceding unsigned comment added by 76.217.200.139 (talk) 07:34, 14 May 2010 (UTC)

This is a forum to help people who are writing articles for Wikipeadia. It looks like you are trying to ask a question about something else; you might try The humanities reference desk--SPhilbrickT 19:15, 14 May 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia_talk:Articles_for_creation/Audio_Secrecy

I have a created an album page for post-grunge band Stone Sour's latest album. Any feedback and/or tips would be good. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Richard.darren (talk • contribs) 09:00, 14 May 2010 (UTC)

You have a nice well-written article there, but the references are something that you should maybe take a look at - the whole article relies on one other Internet page. Chevymontecarlo. 11:05, 15 May 2010 (UTC)

Webb Mountain Discovery Zone

Webb Mountain Discovery Zone

16:02, 14 May 2010 (UTC)Alexandra Mack, May 14, 2010 —Preceding unsigned comment added by Lxmack (talk • contribs)

I have a few ideas for improvements:

• Add some more links - Links help with readability. Although there are a few links in the article already, you could link to a few more articles.
• Write an opening paragraph - An opening paragraph which provides a brief overview of the article's subject is always useful. I think you should move some of the sentences from the 'Overview' section into a paragraph at the start.
• Add a few more references - You have made a good start adding references to the article, but there could be more. Try looking around the Internet for more information and you could also add useful sites to an 'External links' section. Remember that there are also many valuable references and sources that are not on the Internet. You can use those for your article too.

I hope I've given you some decent feedback. Good luck with your article! Chevymontecarlo. 11:03, 15 May 2010 (UTC)

Alternatively, as the section called "overview" is really a lede, you could remove the section heading and make it the lede. See WP:LEAD for more info.--SPhilbrickT 21:29, 15 May 2010 (UTC)

The Sure Thing

I have taken a first swipe at expanding the page for the movie The Sure Thing. Please give me your feedback and any suggestions for improving it further. Thanks. Dohhh22 (talk) 03:44, 15 May 2010 (UTC)

Nice work. I personally think that one shouldn't use two column references when there are this few, but that may just be personal taste.

Are there any reviews of this movie? Including them would be nice.--SPhilbrickT 21:25, 15 May 2010 (UTC)

My System Security (Rogue Antivirus) article

I would like my artile checked. It is called System Security (Rogue Antivirus) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Napeyga (talk • contribs) 14:02, 15 May 2010 (UTC)

System Security (Rogue Antivirus) Link to your article. The main problem that I see with your article is that you don't have any references at all. References/sources are necessary to back up the information that is in your article. --Iskor12 (talk) 15:36, 15 May 2010 (UTC)

Additionally, one of the important requirements of an article in Wikipedia is that it demonstrate the Notability of the topic. (While this is a guideline, not an absolute requirement and exceptions can occur, they are rare.) I don't feel this article has demonstrated the notability of the topic. This can be accomplished by adding references to reliable sources which support the notability of the topic.--SPhilbrickT 21:22, 15 May 2010 (UTC)

tales of pirates 2

Come check it out —Preceding unsigned comment added by Rockshell (talk • contribs) 21:50, 15 May 2010 (UTC)

Immediate issue I found with this article - it needs some more references and links. Although you have done a good job, there needs to be more references and links to help the reader out and to keep it from being deleted. Hope this helped. Chevymontecarlo. 15:56, 17 May 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_John_%22Tym%22_Tymczyszyn

I have tried to source this article the best I can on the web without having access to a lot of 1960's and 1970's magazines but it seems that someone or a automated system keeps trying to delete the article. This person's name was listed in various other wikipedia articles and his name did not have a wikipedia page, so I tried to make one but this doesnt seem to be going well???

What can I do?

I really appriciate your feedback.

Thank You —Preceding unsigned comment added by JohnTym1 (talk • contribs) 22:21, 16 May 2010 (UTC)

The article itself looks fine, although it would be nice to reference the induction, but I'd like to know what you mean regarding the picture, where you say you created it yourself. Isn't is a copy from here? If so, that's a copyright violation.--SPhilbrickT 23:01, 16 May 2010 (UTC)

However, now having looked at the text, it looks like a copy from the same source. Unless you can convince me that the City of Lancaster copied the wording from you, this is a copyright violation.--SPhilbrickT 23:06, 16 May 2010 (UTC)

The wording is virtually identical, so I have identified it as a copyright issue, which Wikipedia takes very seriously. Sometimes there are acceptable reasons for identical wording, in some cases, we've found that some other site has copied the Wikipedia wording, sometimes the wording has come form another place but you've obtained permission, or both sites may have copied from a public domain site. The first doesn't appear to be likely, if it is one of the other two examples, permission must be provided. Or perhaps there's another explanation.--SPhilbrickT 23:20, 16 May 2010 (UTC)

Abdulrahman al-Ansary

I'm requesting feedback on the new article: Abdulrahman al-Ansary. Any constructive comments would be greatly appreciated. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Arabiandesert (talk • contribs) 00:16, 17 May 2010 (UTC)

Nice work, I can't see any immediate issues with it. I've gone ahead and made some minor changes. -Reconsider! 13:27, 17 May 2010 (UTC)

Thank you! Arabiandesert (talk) 18:23, 17 May 2010 (UTC)

Roger Enoka

potential article
bg
Roger M. Enoka is a professor and chair of the Department of Integrative Physiology at the University of Colorado at Boulder. He is also the director of the Neurophysiology of Movement Laboratory. Dr. Enoka earned his M.S. and Ph.D. degrees from the University of Washington in Seattle, WA. His current research interests include the neuromuscular mechanisms that mediate the acute adjustments and chronic adaptations experienced by humans in response to physical activity. Specifically, his laboratory has studied muscle fatigue and the consequences of healthy aging. Dr. Enoka's textbook for undergraduate and graduate studies titled "Neuromechanics of Human Movement" was revised in 2008 and is in its 4th edition of publication with pulisher Human Kinetics. References External links Roger Enoka's Curriculum Vitae Enoka Lab Webpage Enoka's Textbook - The Neuromechanics of HUman Movement

Redbnr22 (talk) 14:02, 17 May 2010 (UTC)

Looks like you are tyingtrying to write an article here. It is better to start a draft in a user subpage, check out Article wizard for help in starting an article, which you have used, but see the option to move your work to a user subpage.--SPhilbrickT 14:29, 17 May 2010 (UTC)

Yes, this forum is for getting feedback and reviews that you have already written. Chevymontecarlo. 15:54, 17 May 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Hilton_III

Hi -- I'm not sure if this is the right place to post -- i'm just trying to avoid COI.

I noticed a couple years ago that somebody had created a wikipedia page about me, and updated a couple of things. I noticed again today that it hadn't been updated with a few key facts (e.g. I'm not a PHD candidate any longer, I graduated.)

So I made some small changes, but I'm happy to roll those changes back if you feel that there is a COI problem.

Thanks.

Johnhiltoniii (talk) 16:43, 17 May 2010 (UTC)

The ideal situation is to post suggestions on the talk page, with links to sources for verification, then let some uninvolved editor check out the source and make the change.

However, from WP:AUTO:

In clear-cut cases, it is permissible to edit pages connected to yourself. So, you can revert vandalism; but of course it has to be simple, obvious vandalism and not a content dispute. Similarly, you should feel free to correct mistaken or out-of-date facts about yourself, such as marital status, current employer, place of birth, and so on. :(Note it on the talk page.) Be prepared that if the fact has different interpretations, others will edit it.--SPhilbrickT 19:25, 17 May 2010 (UTC)

Ben Wynter

Requesting feedback on an article I have writen on UK Record Executive Ben Wynter.

(----) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Icecold1704 (talk • contribs) 16:56, 17 May 2010 (UTC)

This is almost word-for-word identical to the last deleted version, and like that has been deleted as hopelessly promotional. --Orange Mike | Talk 16:09, 18 May 2010 (UTC)

Camila Alves

Feedback for Camila Alves I'd like to know if now the article is right done. Cause, I've been working in the sources, references, links and it keeps going to the first version. I'm working on trying to explain whos is Camila Alves. Since, we have 3 models with the same name at this moment and we want to explain who is each one. Felixrob (talk) 22:08, 17 May 2010 (UTC)

I think the opening paragraph needs a bit more work. At the moment it's a bit brief. Maybe you could add the DOB in there or something? The article is nicely organised into sections, which is great, and the references and sources are good and there's just enough of them, but I think a few more references/sources need to be found. Hope this helps. Chevymontecarlo. 11:51, 19 May 2010 (UTC)

Margaret Hope Bacon

Hello,

I wrote the article Margaret Hope Bacon and followed the suggestions and instructions for adding sources, references, links and categories. I was wondering if someone could take a look at it now to see if I've covered everything that is requires.

Thank you. Pamela Moore May 17, 2010 Pamela Moore 01:43, 18 May 2010 (UTC) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Pamelamaggie (talk • contribs)

Roos Instruments

Looking for someone to review my post on Roos Instruments. A semiconductor ATE manufacturer that has many inbound references... Filled large hole in the semiconductor test industry.--Rbenech (talk) 02:17, 18 May 2010 (UTC)

Nicely organize, but I do have a couple concerns. Some of the language comes across as a bit promotional, more like a sales brochure than an encyclopedia. Not blatant, but phrases such as:

• ATE capabilities at costs normally associated with bench top test equipment
• easily upgraded in the field
• increases the flexibility
• unique

aren’t quite in keeping with the goal of neutrality.

In addition, it is important to establish the notability via references to reliable sources. You do have a couple references, but you should find discussion of this company in other media, ideally general media, such a newspapers.SPhilbrickT 12:41, 18 May 2010 (UTC)

Loch_Long

User:Penfold77/Loch_Long This is my write up for a class of wooden sailing boat. Looking for feedback as to whether it's ready for going live, it's my first wiki page. Cheers. I have reposted this; the first seems to have been lunched by the archive bot or something.Penfold77 (talk) 02:23, 18 May 2010 (UTC)

Very nice start. One of the important aspects of any article is the establishment of notability via references to reliable sources. While you do have several entries in a reference section, there is a particular way references are done in Wikipedia. Please checkout out WP:CITE and footnotes for more info.SPhilbrickT 11:56, 18 May 2010 (UTC)

SecMsg

SecMsg
I have just completed my first article on SecMsg. Requesting feedback for the same.Constructive comments are welcome.
Divya1006 (talk) 05:00, 18 May 2010 (UTC)

Hi. In case you don't know already, the article you have linked to is proposed for deletion because the concern is that it is not notable enough. Sorry about that. Please try improving the article by adding more links and categories to make it more notable.

Other than that deletion proposal, it's actually quite a nice article. Plenty of links, got some categories, sections...it's only the references/sources that I'm concerned about. I think there should be a few more. Remember that there are many valuable references and sources that are not online. Chevymontecarlo. 12:04, 19 May 2010 (UTC)

User:Hansonbe "Swanson Health Products"

Hello, I'm looking for feedback on my user draft about Swanson Health Products. I've had some help along the way from one editor, you can see our dialogues in my user talk page. So as not to catch you by surprise and for full transparency's sake, yes I am a Swanson employee and am aware of the potential COI issue. Please take a look at my draft User:Hansonbe and let me know what you think. Thank you in advance for any criticism you provide. Hansonbe (talk) 13:41, 18 May 2010 (UTC)

Sorry, while I can tell you are trying for neutrality, it reads like it was written by an employee.

There’s a reason this approach is discouraged.

The anecdote about a golf game hampered by arthritis – not referenced, presumably known about by word of mouth. If this had been part of a newspaper story about the founding of the company, perhaps OK, but as an unsourced personal anecdote, not appropriate.

I’m guessing the FDA incident is an attempt as balance, and that’s a good sign, but while the incident is sourced, the claimed remedy “To ensure compliance with the regulations of the FDA, SHP adjusted the ingredients in their red yeast rice supplements to fall within the acceptable range” is unsourced.

You have a number of references, but I see zero examples of discussion of this company in general media sources, or even trade publications beyond minor entries.

I wish I could be more positive, but I don’t feel it is suitable in the current state.SPhilbrickT 14:04, 18 May 2010 (UTC)

It shouldn't have been a userpage; I moved it to User:Hansonbe/Swanson Health Products where it belonged. --Orange Mike | Talk 16:30, 18 May 2010 (UTC)

Don Yaeger

User:Nolegirl27/Don_Yaeger

Nolegirl27 (talk) 14:32, 18 May 2010 (UTC)

I concur with the tags added to this article. Too promotional in tone, among other problems.SPhilbrickT 17:00, 18 May 2010 (UTC)

Ella Chi

Ella Chi Claire Paxton-Rider (talk) 14:39, 18 May 2010 (UTC)

If you mean User:Claire Paxton-Rider/EllaChi, it's a horrifying mess. It reads like some cloying style-magazine writeup written by her press agent, and completely lacks the proper detached and impartial tone. I've done my best to clean it up, but I'm not at all sure it's salvageable. --Orange Mike | Talk 16:28, 18 May 2010 (UTC)

It should be noted that Paxton-Rider has just admitted on my talk page that she is a publicist for the subject of this article. --Orange Mike | Talk 17:03, 18 May 2010 (UTC)

Maybe they should stay away from writing articles like that because of their obvious bias. It ruins the article. Chevymontecarlo. 12:01, 19 May 2010 (UTC)

House 2 Home Network

House 2 Home Network

(Hust18 (talk) 23:36, 18 May 2010 (UTC))

Hello, Hust18! I think that your article is pretty good - it is encyclopedic and has a neutral tone. It does have some problems, such as grammar, things like the headings (they aren't really like standard headings), and it could be slightly longer, but those things can be worked out by the community if it gets put up on the main space - try reading this to help familiarize yourself with the codes and stuff used for things. But, I like it! I hope it gets onto the mainspace! PS: To make section headings, put two equal signs around the title like this - "== Your Section Title Here ==". ~ QwerpQwertus |_User Page_| |_Talk_| Help Me Improve WikipediaThanks! 00:12, 19 May 2010 (UTC)

Harold W. Jones

Request feedback on draft article name User:Cliffewiki/Harold W. Jones 01:09, 19 May 2010 (UTC)

One thing I found - an infobox would something useful to include in the article. The template for this is here. You can also include the picture that you have there at the moment in the infobox too. Please ask if you have any more questions concerning the infobox. :) Chevymontecarlo. 11:56, 19 May 2010 (UTC)

The article could also do with some categories - you can add these to the bottom of the article after the External links section. Try searching around for categories like 'American Colonels' or ask for sutiable categories at the Wikipedia Help Desk. Categories list your article with similar articles and increases the number of views it gets from readers. I hope my thoughts help you. Chevymontecarlo. 11:59, 19 May 2010 (UTC)

Behavioral Geovector

Hello,

I am new in Wikipedia and I request some help. I have written an article in Wikipedia : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Behavioral_Geovector. I need some review on the article because it doesn't respect some rules of Wikipedia : peacock items, advertisement and conflict of interest.

Please help me find out how can I correct those mistakes.

Thank you.

Regisdub (talk) 08:09, 19 May 2010 (UTC)

Sorry to report this, but I don’t see an easy fix for this article. It is written like an advertising brochure, not an encyclopedia article. It actually sounds like a wonderful device, but the article sounds like it was written by an employee of the company trying to sell the concept, not a neutral description of the device supported by independent reliable sources. SPhilbrickT 11:40, 19 May 2010 (UTC)

I suspect that you used the brochure or website of the company to help writing the article :) you have to be careful when you are using those sources as it can end up sounding like it's an advertisement. Chevymontecarlo. 11:57, 19 May 2010 (UTC)

User:Adrianvintu/Comparison_of_DEX_software

Hi all,

I translated a nice software comparison here User:Adrianvintu/Comparison_of_DEX_software for the Dicţionarul_explicativ_al_limbii_române and I would like to hear your opinion if I can publish it and what changes do I need to make.

Thank you, Best regards, Adrian Vintu

Adrianvintu (talk) 10:02, 19 May 2010 (UTC)

First issue I came across - it needs an opening section. You may understand the article's subject, but the average reader probably won't. Maybe you could add something like 'this article provides a comparison of DEX software' or something like that. The table is nicely done but the references and sources are a bit thin on the ground. I understand it's been translated from elsewhere but you need the references in there. Chevymontecarlo. 11:53, 19 May 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=User:Omsjaryan/SmartSignal&oldid=362885936

I am on a third revision with this article and would sure appreciate feedback. Any comments/edits would be welcome. Thanks so much! Omsjaryan (talk) 17:45, 19 May 2010 (UTC)

Size of this page

Forgive this breach of protocol please, but I know helpers here are much more likely to read a message here than on the talk.

Helpers, please see the discussion about how many threads we should keep on this page, and when we should archive them. I think it's a bit long, but before we change it, we could do with more opinions.

See Wikipedia talk:Requests for feedback#Archiving the page - keep the replies there. I'll remove this in a bit. Thank you.  Chzz  ►  18:32, 19 May 2010 (UTC)

 No action

North Island Credit Union

North Island Credit Union [[11]]

I am an employee at this business, so want to disclose that up front. I've endeavored to provide information that is "publically accessible" and appropriate. I've done my best to present it in a neutral fashion and tried to reference whenever possible.

This is my first wiki, so be kind. There is more to be said about the credit union, but I felt that a good introductory presence is fair and proper for this business. Thanks so much.

JAMES62-1 (talk) 19:30, 19 May 2010 (UTC)

Thank you for being up-front; that's great, and we'll try and help.

• The use of primary sources is OK, for simple factual statements, however all articles need to demonstrate "significant coverage in reliable sources that are independent of the source". The awards helps, but more would be better. I'd like to see some information coming from newspaper articles about the company.

• Your links to other Wikipedia articles are done incorrectly. For example, you put;

...defined in its credit union [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charter charter].

...which displays as: ...defined in its credit union charter.

Instead, you should put...

...defined in its credit union [[Charter]].

which displays as: ...defined in its credit union Charter.

You can also link from one thing to another, called a 'piped link'. For example, I am a [[dentistry|dentist]]. displays as: I am a dentist.

See WP:LINKING.

Please address those issues, and ask again, so that we may be able to move it to the live area. Always ask for help if you need it; the quickest option is to talk to us live, with this or this.

Best,  Chzz  ►  20:15, 19 May 2010 (UTC)

User:Sunset99

User:Sunet99 User:Sunset99 Name will be Construction Imaging Systems when posted.

This article provides information about a company, Construction Imaging Systems. This company supplies document imaging software and hardware to primarily the construction industry.

Feedback requested.

Sunset99 (talk) 20:00, 19 May 2010 (UTC)

• Articles require significant coverage in reliable sources that are independent of the subject - WP:VRS, WP:GNG. Apart from the sentence about the mag, the article is either primary-sourced, or unreferenced. Please use facts from independent, reliable sources such as newspapers.

• External links should not appear within the main body of the article - see WP:EL.

• Use wikilinks to explain things like dba, and document retention - the 'code' I used there was, [[Database administrator|dba]], and [[Retention period|document retention]]

(As an aside here, the article Retention period is a bit rubbish; perhaps you could help improve it? Please?)

• Present neutral, factual information. For example, you wrote a diverse group of public and private companies - this is opinion, not fact; who says that they are diverse? And so on.

• Please avoid the corporate jargon; it is a viable solution that has been sold to other verticals - I have no idea what this means.

Most importantly: Stick to cold, hard facts supported by independent, reliable sources. And ask for more help as you need. You can get rapid help with this or this.  Chzz  ►  20:30, 19 May 2010 (UTC)

Request review of Schoep's Ice Cream

I am requesting that the article Schoep's Ice Cream be reviewed. This is the first article I have written without guidance and I would like some input on how I did. I know it needs additional content, but I am not sure where it is lacking. Feel free to be honest, I won't be offended. Thank you. --Alpha Quadrant (talk) 00:12, 20 May 2010 (UTC)

weekly comic book review

Looking for feedback. I want to make sure the blog's notability is apparent. Weekly Comic Book Review User:Bestbeast/Weekly_Comic_Book_Review Bestbeast (talk) 00:35, 20 May 2010 (UTC)

The notability is not apparent from the information in the article. Only one of the references in the article are from a reliable source and that source does not mention Weekly Comic Book Review. The other sources in the article are either to Weekly Comic Book Review itself or to Wikipedia neither of which is a reliable source. To establish notability you will need to include references that are independent of Weekly Comic Book Review and provide significant coverage. I hope this helps you improve the article, if you need anything else let me know. ~~ GB fan ~~ ^talk 00:58, 20 May 2010 (UTC)

33 Beer

33 Beer I created this article because I noticed there was none for it. The notability of this beer is that it is an iconic part of the Vietnam War experience for hundreds of thousands of American GIs (now veterans). Jsarvey (talk) 13:56, 20 May 2010 (UTC)