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== April 2010 ==
== April 2010 ==
{{Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/South Jordan, Utah/archive1}}
{{Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Battle of Naktong Bulge/archive1}}
{{Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/July 2009 Ürümqi riots/archive2}}
{{Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Singin' and Swingin' and Gettin' Merry Like Christmas/archive1}}
{{Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Dubai/archive1}}
{{Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Dubai/archive1}}
{{Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Bert T. Combs/archive2}}
{{Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Bert T. Combs/archive2}}

Latest revision as of 14:32, 27 April 2010

April 2010

[edit]
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 14:32, 27 April 2010 [1].

South Jordan, Utah

[edit]
Nominator(s): Bgwhite (talk) 02:21, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


Spring has sprung. My wife is gone for a week. I'm happy and joyful. Therefore, I am nominating this for featured article to bring misery upon myself. This is my first nomination of what I hope is many more (I have good mental health insurance), so please be extra critical so I can learn from my mistakes. Bgwhite (talk) 02:21, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Sorry, I added that sentence a few days ago... after the two proofreadings the article has been through. Bgwhite (talk) 05:06, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Reluctant OpposeComments: I hate to be the one who spoils your happy week, but there are significant problems here, all sortable however:-

  • Lead
    • At present the lead is not acting as a summary of the whole article, but rather as a fairly random collection of facts about the city.
    • The initial prose reads very jerkily, with two short sentences that should be run together.
    • The third sentence begins: "Currently estimated at 51,131 people,..." To what does "currently" relate? You need some time specificity (e.g. "As of 2010..."). Also, the number doesn't look like an "estimate", rather like an exact tally. The phrasing is wrong anyway; it needs to be reworded along the lines "With a 2010 population of 51,131..."
    • However, you probably need to rewrite the first paragraph anyway, to give a stronger introduction to the article and to "draw the reader in". The opening sentences of the lead should (a) define the subject and (b) summarise its chief notability. I doubt that being the 11th largest city in Utah and being 13 miles south of Salt Lake City are the most notable facts about South Jordan.
    • The second paragraph of the lead uses the word "community" four times in three lines. It should be possible to find some alternatives, e.g. "dormitory town" for bedroom community.
      • Done Removed two "community". Kept "bedroom community" as that is the proper terminology and its a wikilink. Kept "daybreak community" as that is the name of the development Bgwhite (talk) 16:47, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • Last paragraph "It is also..." "It" needs specifying
  • Further down: I've not had chance yet to read much more of the article, but here are a few more points:-
    • "The changing climatic conditions, combined with ancestors to the Ute, Paiute, and Shoshone pushing them out of the area,..." There is no "combination" here, these are two quite separate factors. Also, "pushing them out" doesn't read as encyclopedic language.
      • changed "pushing them out". However, while they are two separate factors, together it was the cause of moving them out.... both factors and not just one was the cause Bgwhite (talk) 16:42, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
        • I still don't think the sentence is right. First, what were these "changing climatic conditions"? Was it suddenly getting hotter, colder, wetter or what? My main point, however, is still that whatever these climatic changes were, they didn't "combine", i.e. act in concert with, the movement into the area of the people you mention. I suggest a rephrasing along these lines: "Changes in climatic conditions [brief explanation], and the movement into the area of ancestors of the Ute, Paiute, and Shoshone, led to the disappearance of the Fremont people." Brianboulton (talk) 12:57, 16 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • The Provost story should have a date.
    • Tragic though it was, does the bush crash story warrant an entire section to itself? Also, to say that the accident was "eclipsed" by another, 15 years later, seems inappropriate; I see no reason to mention the Kentucky incident here.

In general I can see a lot that's good here, but more work is needed to bring it to featured level. You have a few days of freedom left to you, so all should be well. Brianboulton (talk) 10:41, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Further comments: Here are some comments on the Early Mormon settlements section.

    • "...began to irrigate land and explore the area for new settlements." That sounds as though the new settlments already existed. I think you mean "explore the area with a view to establishing new settlements".
    • You need to introduce Alexander Beckstead at first mention, so that we know who he was. For example, "Alexander Becksmith, a blacksmith from Somewhere in Someplace, moved his family to the West Jordan area in 1849, and became the first of his trade in the south Salt Lake Valley."
    • Using modern grid references to describe the location of Beckstead's land, or other places, is not particularly useful to the general reader, or to anyone who doesn't know the layout of Salt Lake City. I would simply leave out this information, and also the grid information relevan to the ditch. Thus: "Beckstead became the first settler of South Jordan by moving his family along the Jordan River, where theylived in a dugout cut into the west bluffs above the river. The flood plain of the Jordan was level, and could be cleared for farming if a ditch was constructed to divert river water along the base of the west bluff. Beckstead and others created the 2.5-mile (4.0 km) "Beckstead Ditch", parts of the ditch are still in use today."
    • I would alter "are still in use today" to "were still in use as of 2010".
    • "...constructed on the east side of the current cemetery site in 1873." By current" do you mean "present-day"? Also, suggest rearrange to: "...constructed in 1873 on the east side of the cite of the present-day cemetery."
    • Maybe a little too much detailed information (size of bricks, interior curtaining etc.)?
    • "It came to be known as the "Mud Temple".[17] The building was used until 1908 when South Jordan Ward moved into a new building." Run these sentences together, and delete the redundant wording to get: "It came to be known as the "Mud Temple",[17] and was in use until 1908."
    • "bought it above" should be "brought it above"
    • "As a result, most of the families moved..." As a result of what?

Unfortunately I don't have the time to go through all the remaining sections at this level of detail. I have struck the oppose on the basis of your obvious willingness to address the issues, which has already led to significant improvements in the article. I hope that another reviewer will point out what else needs attention, and that the article will continue to improve. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Brianboulton (talk • contribs) 12:57, April 16, 2010


Comments

  • "In 1859, Beckstead became the first settler of South Jordan by moving his family along the Jordan River where lived in a dugout cut into the west bluffs above the river.": There's a word missing between "where" and "lived".
  • Why is the American Civil War not mentioned? There are certain historical touchstones – such as civil and world wars – which need to be mentioned as they greatly affected a country. Even if the direct effect on South Jordan was minimal, this needs to be mentioned.
    • I'll have to disagree with the Civil War. South Jordan was just founded and had 9 families at the start of the war. Also, Utah was really not involved in the Civil War. Utah was under federal occupation up until the war with troops leaving because of the civil war. I will check into the world wars. Bgwhite (talk) 23:01, 26 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Acronyms such as LDS need to be expanded on their first occurrence.
  • "…greater acreage could be farmed, thus increasing the area's population": This implies that the population increased as a direct result of farming, as if they were growing people. It was indirect (more land for farming meant more food, which meant it was possible to support more people) so it should be phrased "…could be farmed, which led to the area's population increasing".
  • "In 2009, the LDS Oquirrh Mountain Utah Temple was completed and became the second temple to be built in South Jordan following the Jordan River Utah Temple": This sentence is a bit ambiguous. Was the Oquirrh Mountain the second temple to built after the Utah temple, or was it the second built in South Jordan, with the Utah temple being the first? Also, why mention the Oquirrh temple but not the Utah one when it was first built?
  • The demography section lacks context. It's detailed enough for a Good Article, but at the moment stats such as "There were 7,507 households out of which 58.7% had children under the age of 18 living with them, 83.3% were married couples living together, 5.0% had a female householder with no husband present, and 9.8% were non-families" means almost nothing to the reader. To understand what these figures mean, you need to include comparative figures, perhaps from the sate or Salt Lake City metropolitan area. The crime section does this well.
  • "…with only the trout being able to keep": I assume this means that of the fish they catch, anglers can only keep trout, but this is a little clumsy and could be explained better.
  • Regarding the notable residents, is the only qualification that the person lived in the town (and are in some sense notable of course)? Can such a section be truly comprehensive? As it's so short, one option may be to integrate mention of those four people into the rest of the article. That way you wouldn't have a list (which is generally discouraged) and would have the opportunity to write a sentence or two a bout each one.

I've made some copy edits that you'll want to check over to make sure I haven't changed the meaning of anything. This is a good article and quite detailed, although in some places could use a little more. There's some occasional odd phrasing, but for the most part the article reads well enough. All in all, a good effort for your first FAC. Nev1 (talk) 12:30, 21 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 14:32, 27 April 2010 [2].

Battle of Naktong Bulge

[edit]
Nominator(s): —Ed!(talk) 01:13, 13 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


I am nominating this for featured article. —Ed!(talk) 01:13, 13 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Done. —Ed!(talk) 23:55, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks. The tails of the g's are still visible, which looks odd; your call whether you want to further crop to get rid of that or to preserve the extra bit of sky at the top. Ucucha 01:46, 15 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose A solid and detailed article, but it could do with some work on the prose and putting some information in context. There's a slight imbalance in the content of the article as well, with more detail on the US troops.

  • Any particular reason why U.S. has full stops in between while KPA and UN don't? It looks a bit untidy and inconsistent.
  • "…attempting to cut U.S. supply lines to the north as well as gaining a bridgehead": If they gained the bridgehead, that means it already existed; do you mean the KPA attempted to establish one?
  • It's a small point and easily fixed, but there's no date given for the start of the war in the outbreak section. This would open up the possibility of splitting up the first sentence of that section, which is a bit long. Eg: "The Korean War broke out on 25 June 1950 when the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (North Korea) invaded it neighbor, the Republic of Korea (South Korea). The United Nations decided to commit troops to the conflict on behalf of the south."
  • I'm not particularly familiar with the Korean War, but wasn't the US part of the UN? The impression given is that the US independently decided to send troops. On the same note, I think the US relationship with UN forces (and who exactly made up the UN forces) should be explained. Did the US take the lead, because the article mentions UN forces only three times.
  • "…to allow follow on forces to arrive": Wouldn't "to allow reinforcements to arrive" be better?
  • "For the first month after the defeat of Task Force Smith…": This is the first time we hear of the task force, who were they and where were they defeated?
  • "…but delaying North Korean forces until July 20": Delaying NK forces from doing what until July 20? Also, it doesn't really mean much if you don't say when the battle started.
  • "By that time, the Eighth Army's force of combat troops were roughly equal to North Korean forces attacking the region": Repetition of forced can be avoided by rephrasing the sentence, eg: "By that time, the Eighth Army's combat troops were roughly equal in number to the North Korean forces attacking the region"
  • In the first paragraph of the North Korean advance section, the phrase "attempt to envelop" is used twice in short succession. Could one be changed to something like surround?
  • "They advanced on UN positions with armor and superior numbers, repeatedly pushing back U.S. and South Korean forces": This goes back to the earlier point of not explaining the relationship between the UN and US force; here the two are conflated (it sounds like the UN positions were held only by US forces). Same problem in the next paragraph: "American forces were pushed back repeatedly". The UN forces are left out of the narrative.
  • The following sentence needs to be rearranged so that its subject (the Naktong River) is specified early on: "About 7 miles (11 km) north of the point where it turns east and is joined by the Nam River, the Naktong River curves westward opposite Yongsan in a wide semicircular loop." That would mean that the next sentence has to start "For most of the loop…"
  • "Forces in reserve would counterattack…": "Reserves would counterattack…" is simpler and avoids "forces", which is used rather a lot in the article.
  • "Artillery and mortar fire units were also deployed so large amounts of fire could be delivered on any one spot": Repetition of "fire" there, is the first one necessary?
  • The article feels a little imbalanced: there's a lot of information about US troop positions, but less for the North Koreans, which gives the impression that the article is written from a US point of view. "Advance elements of the 24th Infantry were badly defeated in the Battle of Osan on July 5, the first encounter between American and North Korean forces": who defeated the 24th? And in the first bit of the battle section, the reader is told the position of the US units, but not that of NK. The reader is told which US regiments are present, but not which NK regiments are. In the US counterattack section, we know who the US troops were and how they were equipped, but cannot say the same about NK Those are just four examples, but this imbalance runs throughout the article and needs to be addressed.
  • "…the 19th Infantry trapped about 300 North Koreans in a village and killed most of them": It would be good to specify that the 300 were soldiers (assuming they were).

I've made a few minor copy edits, but you'll want to double check them to make sure I haven't inadvertently changed the meaning of anything. Nev1 (talk) 18:17, 19 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

  • You mention the T-34 tanks at the start and at the end, but they are missing in between. How about a whole section about tactics and equipment?
  • How about a section on command? Some description of the forces in Japan?
  • How about section on logistics? You mention that it was very important, but do not describe US or KPA logistics in any detail.
  • How about a bit more on air operations?
  • How many times do I have to tell you that Walker was not promoted to General until after he died?
  • "Of its original 7,000 men, the regiment now had a strength of only 3,500, having suffered over 1,200 killed." Which regiment?

Hawkeye7 (talk) 22:01, 19 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments Nice article, but needs a little globalising as at the moment it is rather dominated by the US perspective. Apart from "Attempted crossings that night were repulsed to the south by South Korean forces" one would think that the US was fighting alone rather than as part of a UN force. Also the earlier "The division was consequently alone for several weeks" implies that the 24th was the only force fighting the communists in the peninsula rather than the only US force in theatre. ϢereSpielChequers 17:00, 26 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

"Task Force Hull" or "Task Force Hill"? ϢereSpielChequers 22:01, 26 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comment by Doncram Interesting article, about a battle i knew nothing about. There is one map in the article which could/should be improved or supplemented by another map. A map should show Naktong, the Naktong River, and the "Naktong Bulge" of the article name. I presume that the "Naktong Bulge" is either a bulging shape on a map that comes in from the North Korean positions, i.e. their invasion formed a bulge like the German invasion at Battle of the Bulge formed, or it is the other way around, that there was a protruding bulge of the American and allies' position that the North Koreans attempted to reduce. Which is it? Note, there is a "Naktong-ni" located on the map; i don't know if that is Naktong. If the Naktong River is in fact labelled on the map, then i don't see it. But the article starts out saying the American forces were along the Naktong River, and i would like to know on the map where that is referring to. Hope this helps! --doncram (talk) 17:36, 26 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 14:32, 27 April 2010 [3].

July 2009 Ürümqi riots

[edit]
Nominator(s): User:Rjanag, User:Colipon, User:Seb az86556, User:Jim101, User:Benlisquare and User:Ohconfucius 14:45, 11 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

This article is once again being nominated for FAC because we believe the article meets those criteria. It has been worked on carefully by us, and others, since last July; we have made our best efforts to maintaining a NPOV on this difficult and polarised topic. We've been careful about POV, weight, referencing, and the reliability of sources. It was much improved by going through the last nomination, but failed because of a comment by an editor who we feel made an unfair criticism but which we perhaps failed to resolve in a convincing and decisive fashion. Ultimately it would be nice to get this to FA status in time for July 5, 2010 (the first anniversary of the riots). 14:45, 11 April 2010 (UTC)

Comments. This is a very interesting, and generally well-written article. Congrats to all. A quick scan suggests that good sources have been used. I have a few prose niggles to start with:

  • that three people were killed and 26 were injured -> had been killed and 26 injured
  • 129 people had been killed -> another word for killed
  • at 197 dead,[1][2] 1,721 injured[3][4] on 18 July -> put "on 18 July" earlier in the sentence.
  • bursting through doors and pulling men and boys from their beds, and rounded up 100 suspects -> be consistent with past tense here: burst...pulled... and rounded.
  • said the United States regrets the loss of life -> regretted
  • "put the brakes on" like -> .....on" as
  • the riots the previous day -> the previous day's riots
  • 94 "fugitives" were arrested in early December; 14,000 security personnel ; I don't think you are supposed to start sentences with digits, are you?
  • Nine of the individuals sentenced were executed in November -> November 2009, I presume, but not clear from context, or at least it won't be in November 2010!!!
  • still inaccessible (two in two sentences)-> one of these needs changing.
  • uninhibited -> unrestrained or something similar

Other issues

  • I am uncomfortable with the way quotation marks are being used. Often it is fine but sometimes it is unclear who is being quoted or if these are "scare quotes" of some sort. eg. "thousands" of people; "harmonised", "for public safety"; "incident"; "to prevent the incident from spreading further" , and there are others. Scare quotes should be avoided obviously, and if they are quotes then they should be attributed more clearly.
  • I also don't like the use of the word "Some" (Uyghur/Han) at the start. It seems weaselly to me, and I'm also not sure how accurate it is, either. For example, I happened to note in one of the sources you use elsewhere that the BBC says "Many Uyghurs feel economic growth has bypassed them and complain of discrimination and diminished opportunities." Can you find a way around using this problem?
  • Consider switching the "Later unrest" and "Arrest and trials" sections. The timeline would seem to work better that way.
  • I realize that neutrality is a major challenge to achieve in an article like this. I generally think you have done a good job with a difficult subject. Since I have a friend who is very knowledgeable in this area, I asked her to read the article and comment on balance and neutrality. She felt it was somewhat tilted towards the Chinese govt perspective, and when I asked her for specific examples, she mentioned two things:
  • The Chinese government's accusations that the riots were organized by Rebiya Kadeer is mentioned (several times) but there is no mention her denials of this.[4][5][6] [7]
  • The second will take some more detective work. My friend mentioned that there was also considerable tension and volatility because Uyghur girls had been sent away as migrant labourers, and that some had been rumoured to have been raped. The source she gave me [8] deals with the issue well before the riots, so does not make the required connection and of course does not mention the rape issue. Do you know of sources that make these points as catalysts for the riots? --Slp1 (talk) 03:49, 21 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • There is no deliberate use of "scare quotes". Quote marks all denote words taken 'verbatim' from the source, in lieu of the full cited text; some can no doubt be removed without unbalancing the article. Now that we are aware of the problem, I will try and do something about it. Rebiya Kadeer's rhetoric and comments were unfortunately too unrefined, even by the standards of the PRC propaganda; there was much hyperbole and most were unfortunately soundbytes. Again, I'll see what we can dig up. As to the rape stories, I understand you may want to see more details broken out of the Shaoguan incident. Ohconfucius ¡digame! 07:04, 21 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for your response and work to address things. I thought that the quotes were probably from sources, but it needs to be clear who is doing the saying. BTW, a sentence like this "A government statement called the riots "a pre-empted, organised violent crime [...] instigated and directed from abroad, and carried out by outlaws in the country" which you changed, is fine. It is clear that it is government statement that is being cited.
I think you are right, and it is the Shaoguan incident that my friend was referring to, and since I note that article has reliable sources suggesting it was a trigger event for the riots in Urumqui, it should be included here. I am somewhat confused by your dismissal of Kadeer's comments as worthy of inclusion. The original comments may be unrefined or hyperbolic, but her repeated strong denials of PRC allegations were widely reported and need to be included in one form or another.--Slp1 (talk) 13:39, 21 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • As for the "scare quotes": other than "harmonised" (from which I have now removed the quotes), all the quoted words/phrases you mentioned are taken word-for-word from the sources immediately following them.
  • As for Kadeer's view: we've been careful for months to make sure that every paragraph or section discussing the two opposing views gives about 50% of its space to each one. Earlier versions of the article presented the Kadeer/WUC view first, then the PRC view, and then had another sentence (something like "Kadeer denied all that") essentially giving her the "last word". Even though her view is the one I believe, that still isn't really fair for an article, which is why we've gone to the way it is now: 50% for each viewpoint. In any case, it seems this point is moot now, as Ohconfucius has added a mention of Kadeer denying the riots. (And there's not more to say other than that; of course she denied involvement, who wouldn't.)
  • As for the use of "some", I'm not sure I agree. WP:WEASEL is just a guideline, and I would be more comfortable stretching one guideline than making sweeping generalizations about an entire people; therefore, saying "Some Uyghurs feel..." or "Some Han believe..." is certainly better than just saying "Uyghurs feel..." or "Han believe...". The last thing we want to do here is paint a caricature of entire populations. With that kind of wording ruled out, the alternative that's left is "Many Uyghurs feel..." and "Many Han believe...", which is just as "weaselly" as the "some" wording so the issue becomes moot. Just because one source in the article happens to use "many" rather than "some" doesn't mean "many" is any more accurate than "some"; besides, there's hardly any difference between the two either (except that "many" steps a bit closer to caricature).
  • As for the rape issue, that is part of the Shaoguan incident and can be discussed more there. This is a long enough article as is, I think. There are lots of little details and unknowns about that incident, and it's impossible to discuss them all in depth here, nor are they really even relevant. For someone wanting to learn about these riots in particular, all they really need to know is that there was a fight in Shaoguan where some Uyghurs were killed and that's what ostensibly sparked the protests in Urumchi; the complete details about exactly what happened in Shaoguan (not like anyone will ever know exactly what happened) are more relevant in that article. rʨanaɢ (talk) 14:12, 21 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 14:32, 27 April 2010 [9].

Singin' and Swingin' and Gettin' Merry Like Christmas

[edit]
Nominator(s): Christine (talk) 15:44, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


I am nominating this for featured article because I believe that it fulfills all the criteria for an FA. It has gone through a successful GAC and has been peer reviewed by a competent editor, User:Finetooth. This nomination is part of my on-going attempt at improving all Maya Angelou-related articles. I would appreciate any and all feedback to improve this article. My only concern is with the images; I've struggled with finding appropriate ones to add and would like additional input. Thanks. --Christine (talk) 15:44, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comments: This is the first time I've seen so many literary-related articles listed simultaneously at FAC (five!); too cool. :) I'm not familiar with this particular work, although I've read I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings several times. Overall, the article appears to be in pretty good shape, although I'm concerned about the prose in places. The images do not bother me, and in fact I would advise to not push it too much; the images should be integrally related to the subject, and not simply filler. More importantly, I'm afraid a copy-edit or two may be in order. Here are some specific comments for improvement:
Thanks, Maria; that is cool. It certainly wasn't planned; I've been intending to nominate this article for several weeks, but wanted to wait until I got other things out of the way first and could devote time to another FAC. Thanks for bringing in User:Scartol for a much-needed ce of my weak prose. --Christine (talk) 22:27, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • The lead is somewhat wordy and repetitive. The word "autobiography" is used four times in the first paragraph, but this part in particular is troublesome: "...had expanded her life story into a third autobiography. The autobiography, which includes..."
  • ...covers most of Angelou's twenties... -- it is already stated in a previous sentence that the book "chronicles her early twenties (1949–1955)".
  • Scholar Dolly McPherson has called this book... -- is the present perfect tense correct here? I'm not a fan of its usage when it comes to critical thought, and an almost exact sentence follows it: "Critic Lyman B. Hagen has called the book..."
Would you mind explaining what you mean by this? Are you not a fan of the present perfect tense when it comes to critical thought, or saying that these critics "called" the book something? --Christine (talk) 04:22, 11 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • The book has roots... which take up 40 percent of the book -- repetition.
  • McPherson calls the book... -- McPherson's opinion here is stated in present tense, but the "Critical reception" uses almost all past tense; if this is meant to summarize the crit. recep. per WP:LEAD, I believe it should be consistent.
Looks like other than my question above, Scartol has dealt with Maria's issues regarding the lead. Thanks, pal! --Christine (talk) 04:24, 11 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • The publication of Singin' and Swingin' and Gettin' Merry Like Christmas in 1976 marked the first time a well-known African American woman writer had expanded her life story into a third autobiography. Aside from naming the book, this sentence appears in its entirely in the lead section. Could it be paraphrased a bit more to cut down on the repetition? "When published in 1976, Singin', etc., became the first time..." or something similar?
Done. --Christine (talk) 04:29, 11 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • stated that Angelou's autobiographies set a precedent not only for other black women writers, but for the genre of autobiography as a whole. Through the writing of her autobiographies... -- I know it's difficult to vary such an important, descriptive term, but something needs to be done here.
Between Scartol and I, the issues with the Background section seems to be addressed. --Christine (talk) 04:58, 11 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Hagen responds to this criticism by stating that... -- Not only is this in the present tense, while the rest of the paragraph is in past, but I had to scroll up to remind myself who Hagen is. Could be be reintroduced here, since the lead is truly separate from the rest of the article?
I always learn something new in FAC. Didn't know that the lead is supposed to be separate. Fixed, as is the tense problems in this section. --Christine (talk) 03:30, 13 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Critic Mary Jane Lupton insists that the title of this autobiography... -- This paragraph marks another change in tense, this time entirely to present tense. Consistency?
  • In the plot, is there a reason why Maya is referred to as such, and not "Marguerite", before it is noted that she changes her name? In Clyde/Guy's case, he is referred to as Clyde until it is said he changes his name, after which the summary refers to him as "Guy".
Referring to the main character as "Maya" was an editorial decision, to be honest. She's called all kinds of names in this book, and "Maya" is one of them. The difference between her name change and Guy's is that up until his announcement, he was called "Clyde", and some people were already calling her Maya. That was followed in this summary, I think. (It's kind of like with me: until I was a teenager, I was called "Chris" (by my family), and then others called me Christy, Chrissy (although if you do that today, you die), and Christine, which is finally what I went with.) --Christine (talk) 03:54, 13 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Although she has expressed some concern that she may overuse it, one of the literary techniques she uses is repetition. -- "it" is ambiguous until it is explained further in the sentence; perhaps reword as "Despite expressing some concern as to the story's repetition, it is one of the literary techniques..."?
My version: Despite expressing some concern that she overuses it, repetition is one of the literary techniques Angelou uses. See, it's not the story that repetitious; it's the themes that show up over and over again in this book and her previous ones, like the mother leaving her child with his/her grandmother. I'm not sure I like my "solution", though, so if someone has a better idea... --Christine (talk) 04:05, 13 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Travel and movement is a common theme in American autobiography, so important to Americans as a people that they have accorded it the status of a national myth. -- Speaking of repetition... "American" and "Americans" here is difficult to get around. :) How about, "Travel and movement are common themes in autobiographical works from the United States in that Americans have accorded it the status..." It can also be broken into two separate, but related, thoughts by replacing "in that" with a semi-colon and somewhat expanding on the slave narrative angle.
  • Lupton states that Angelou's travel narrative, which takes up approximately 40 percent of the book... -- This is the third or fourth time that I've read this fact. I think it's definitely pertinent here, but you may want to remove it from the plot summary so it doesn't become old hat by the time the reader gets this far in the article.
I agree, which is why I deleted it from the summary. --Christine (talk) 04:11, 13 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Music is throughout Angelou's third autobiography... -- "prevalent throughout"? "present throughout"?
  • The "Race" section begins a trend in which "white" and "black" become "White" and "Black". Earlier the phrase "a black American" is used, but it becomes "White world" and "fellow Black cast" here. Can we have consistency?
  • The book is full of conflicts: the conflict in Angelou's marriage, the conflict she feels between being a good mother and a successful performer, the conflict between... -- Sorry, what is this section devoted to? I can't remember. :)
Heh. This was me, hitting you over the head: THIS IS ABOUT CONFLICT! Please excuse me; I know full well that you're a lot smarter than that. ;) --Christine (talk) 04:18, 13 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • The "Critical reception" section seems skimpy, especially in comparison to the rest of the article. Is this all that is available? Was there really only one negative review? Can anything be said further about the book's legacy/impact, other than the fact that it was the first time an Af. Am. wrote a third autobiography?
Perhaps this will be addressed after dealing with some of Scartol's issues and after tackling his suggestions about changing some of the format of this article. It is pretty skimpy here, but I did include everything I was able to find. Perhaps we can go into more of Angelou's general legacy, which will come from her bio and the Caged Bird article. Let me work on this some. --Christine (talk) 04:25, 13 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

In short, this is a very interesting article, but I think a serious copy-edit is needed, especially in order to cull some of the repetitious phrasings and to ensure that the tenses are presented consistently (or something closer to it) throughout. I'm also a slightly concerned about the "Critical reception" section, as stated above, but if that's all that is available, so be it. I'll be happy to support or offer further review if these concerns are addressed. María (habla conmigo) 14:17, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks, Maria. I think that Scartol's ce has helped improve things greatly here. Notice that I didn't comment on the stuff he fixed. I think that the repetition has been significantly culled, as per your request. I'll tackle Scar's issues now. --Christine (talk) 04:29, 13 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Support. Comment I'm doing some copyedit cleanup. Will report back when I'm done. Scartol • Tok 19:11, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Okay, I've done a thorough copyedit, so hopefully the prose is in better shape. I think the research is solid, and although this article feels much more slender than I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, that makes sense (since it's a much less prominent text). This article is very close to being FA quality; I'm nearly ready to support, but I'd like to see the Repetition/Style matter (described below) sorted first.
Thanks, Scar. I think the prose is much improved now. I also think that your ce has gone far in addressing the repetition issue, and I think that your suggestions about changing the structure are spot-on. I agree that this article is MUCH slimmer than the Caged Bird article, but that' because yes, this book is less prominent and there is less written about it. If you look at Gather Together in My Name, Angelou's second autobiography, it's a Good Article, and like Blue's Clues, I don't think it has the potential to become any more than that, because it's even less prominent than Swingin' and Swingin' , and not as strong of a book as Angelou's first and third volumes. (How's that for weak prose with the run-on sentence!) --Christine (talk) 04:48, 13 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Here are some questions and comments. I hope they're not too burdensome!
Never! You always give good feedback.
  • I'd like a single sentence or phrase in the lead explaining why she changed her name.
Um, dude, it's already there, in the final sentence of the lead. Did you or Maria add it, or was that mine? This old lady can't remember! ;) --Christine (talk) 04:52, 13 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Um, dude.. It says that she changed her name, but it doesn't say why. Unless I'm misreading it? Scartol • Tok 18:58, 13 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Oh sweetie, I'm sorry! Duh, now I see what the heck you mean! I added the phrase, "for professional reasons". (Now I totally feel like my husband the first season of Lost: "Did Hurley just call her a dude? ;) --Christine (talk) 04:06, 15 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • I took "repetition" out of the list of themes in the lead, since it's more of a style matter from where I stand. Should there be a "Style" section? (I expect much of it would be repetitious (ha!) compared to Caged Bird, but essential nevertheless.) If you do create a style section, I would move the repetition section into it. Alternately, it seems like we could move much of the information in the "Repetition" subsection of "Themes" into the "Motherhood" subsection, which would also remedy the single-paragraph dilemma.
I was all ready to disagree with you about the "Repetition" section, but once I added the "Style and genre" section, I agree with you now. A lot of what I added I brought over from the Caged Bird article, with appropriate revisions. Then I realized that the repetition that Angelou uses (i.e., leaving Guy with her mother just as her mother left Angelou and her brother with their grandmother) really is a stylistic distinction. I still disagree about the "Motherhood" section, since that theme is important throughout all her books. There can be a case for too much repetition, but I think it has a different focus. I solved the single paragraph dilemma by separating it into two; my paragraphs tend to be on the long side, anyway. What do you think about how I've addressed your issues? --Christine (talk) 06:10, 13 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Yeah, looks good. The rest of my concerns are minor; I'm ready to Support. Scartol • Tok 19:00, 13 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • This bit feels like it belongs in "Reception": At least one reviewer expressed disappointment that Angelou did not use her status to effect any political change in Singin' and Swingin'. Hagen responds to this criticism by stating that Angelou's status during the events she describes in this autobiography did not lend itself to that kind of advocacy, and that as a person, Angelou had not evolved into the advocacy that would occur later in her life.
Done. Doing this takes care of your problem with the single paragraph in the "Reception" section as well. --Christine (talk) 05:46, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Singin' and Swingin' opens after Angelou's previous autobiography, Gather Together in My Name. Does it open several months after the events at the end of that earlier book? Or after its publication? I'd like to see this be a bit more precise.
The book doesn't really make this clear, but the assumption is that it's fairly soon after Gather Together ends, but it's never stated outright whether that's a week or a couple of years. So I added the word "shortly" to make the ambiguity less ambiguous. --Christine (talk) 04:12, 15 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • As scholar Dolly McPherson states, "When one encounters Maya Angelou in her story... This quote feels jammed into the paragraph. Might it be better positioned in the "Reception" section? Or, if you create a "Style" section, put it there?
With all due respect, I vote to keep the quote as is. It introduces the Maya-character, something that should be in a plot summary, doncha think? --Christine (talk) 04:16, 15 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
That's fine.. Maybe add a phrase about: "As in her previous works, Angelou writes about the full range of her own experiences"? That's off the top of my head, surely you can word it better.. Something to introduce the quote a bit? Scartol • Tok 12:30, 18 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Okay. Changed the wording a bit, to avoid two sentences in a row starting with the word "as": Angelou writes in this book, like her previous works, about the full range of her own experiences. --Christine (talk) 04:08, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • she is also bothered by her friends' reaction to her interracial marriage. (I adjusted the wording a bit.) I assume these are negative reactions? (If so, I'd like to add "negative".)
Done, and thanks. --Christine (talk) 04:18, 15 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • but Tosh tells her that Annie has died. Given the arguments, etc between the two of them, perhaps we should use "informs" instead of "tells", assuming that's accurate?
Good idea. Done. --Christine (talk) 04:23, 15 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • I wonder if we should wikilink the sad lovers in the section about Verona?
Another good idea, one that I never thought of. Thanks again. --Christine (talk) 04:26, 15 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Does Guy/Clyde give a reason for changing his name? Is it connected to Maya's name change?
That's never made clear in the book. It's as if he work one day, and announced, "I'm Guy now." I think it's another parallel/repetition, so no critic supports me in that. I don't think it's as connected as you'd think, though, since the two name changes occurred years apart. I think it was a young man identity thing, which, in another parallel, is one of the reasons she changes her name. Guy really was a remarkable young man, something that's made clear in her later books, especially The Heart of a Woman. (Improving that article is next on my agenda, btw.) --Christine (talk) 04:31, 15 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • she accepts an engagement in Hawaii Acting? Singing? Dancing? All of the above?
Again, not clear. So I changed it to "a job performing in Hawaii". Better? --Christine (talk) 04:43, 15 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Of his praise for her singing, she writes: "Although I was not a great singer I was his mother, and he was my wonderful, dependently independent son". This sentence feels a bit odd. The quote is good, but I feel that it needs a better intro.
Ok, I aim to please. Changed to "When he praises her singing..." --Christine (talk) 04:47, 15 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • I changed the wording of a sentence in the Repetition section to read: She includes in the third book some of the events that are described in her first two autobiographies. Please repair it if it's now factually inaccurate.
And I moved it to the new "Style and genre" section as was suggested. And it's not that the same events were repeated; there are just strong parallels between how she fulfilled her role as a single mother and how her own mother handled it. One of the strongest things I learned in my MFT training was that these kinds of parallels happen in families all the time. It can be quite eerie. but very common. That's why Angelou felt so guilty throughout the P&B tour; she was terrified that someone horrible would happen to Guy like something horrible happened to her, and why she cut short the tour and resolved to never be separated from him again, for any reason. Her next book demonstrated how she lived up to that resolve, and quite admirably. She began to repeat the sins of the previous generations, but stopped it. That's what so hopeful about her story as a parent. There's a big difference between familial parallels and actual events. I solved it by cutting the phrase you rewrote (sorry) and leaving the discussion about the parallel in actions and behavior. I think it should satisfy us both. --Christine (talk) 05:02, 17 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
No need to apologize for cutting my rewrites -- whatever makes the article better! Scartol • Tok 12:30, 18 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • The second paragraph of "Travel" feels a little extraneous. I'd like to see the connection between physical and emotional journey made more explicit, and maybe cut out some of the specific details that are recounted elsewhere.
I'm not sure I agree, Scar. The only real specific details are the list of the unhappy events, and I think it's necessary for clarification. As far as the physical and emotional journey aspect of this travel narrative, none of the sources go into that, unfortunately. Actually, if I were to ever write a scholarly paper on Angelou, it'd be about this very thing: The travel narrative aspect of her autobiographies and how it relates to the slave narrative. That really fascinates this white girl who's only lived in three states her entire life. --Christine (talk) 05:07, 18 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
That's fine. I'm not bonded to this idea. Scartol • Tok 12:30, 18 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • We should have a source listed right after the "setting breaks open" quote. (I'm a big fan of a citation immediately following every quote.)
Okay, done. --Christine (talk) 05:13, 18 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Since the "Travel" section ends with a mention of race, perhaps we should move the "Race" section to follow it? (Move "Race" up or move "Travel" down?)
I'm not sure I agree with doing it, but I bow to your expertise and logic. In other words, I can see why you'd want this, so I'm giving it to you. If we were to place the longest section first, as an indication of its importance, the "Race" section would go first. Personally, however, I think that "Travel" is the most important theme in this books, as per my comments above. I put "Music" second because of the book's title, but you can make a case for "Race" being part of the title as well. You're right, though; it flows better as per your suggestion. Maybe I'll change the end of "Travel" so that we can go back to the original placement. --Christine (talk) 05:24, 18 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I wouldn't have a problem with that. I also don't know if it's possible to rank themes in a book based on importance; usually they're fluid and interwoven. I do think it flows well now, but if you change wording, I don't have a problem with re-ordering. Scartol • Tok 12:30, 18 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Oh, I was always under the impression that themes should be ranked in order of importance. I might have even been told that by another editor, I dunno. But no matter--I think that if you can do both (place the more important content first, but make sure everything flows), that'd be the best situation. Transitions! That's always been a weakness in everything I do, even back as a sign language interpreter. I was always told my signs needed to flow more, and I'm still being told, as a writer/editor, that I need better transitions. The weird thing is my severely dd kids have the same trouble. But anyway, enough about me! ;) --Christine (talk) 04:15, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • I'm not sure the reference to (and picture of) James Weldon Johnson fits into the "Music" section. On the other hand, I'm not sure where else it could go..
Yah, I know, I kinda feel similarly. If this is were a perfect world, I'll remove the Johnson image, have a map with everywhere Angelou travels in this book go into the "Travel" section, move the P&G image to "Music," and put a free image of Guy Johnson {MA's son) into the "Motherhood" section. Do we know of any editor who can create a map? --Christine (talk) 05:31, 18 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I've made one before, but I can't create the preferred SVG format. And I'm not sure when I'd have the time. But perhaps at some point... Scartol • Tok 12:30, 18 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
That would be so cool. Or we can ask someone else, 'cause one of two things will happen. It'll never happen, 'cause you're always busy, or you're working on it right now because you're conscientious and so on-the-ball. You always ask the busiest person to do stuff, because one of the reasons they're so busy is that they excel so much and everyone around them knows that. Buit again, I digress. --Christine (talk) 04:20, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Angelou continues an examination of her experiences with discrimination, begun in her first two volumes and expands it to explore race and race relations. I feel like it is inaccurate to call that an expansion, since race and race relations are prominent themes in Caged Bird.
Actually, the offending phrase is misleading and a little redundant, so I cut it. It reads better now, and is much more clear. --Christine (talk) 04:28, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Later, she has a friendship among equals with Jorie, Don, and Barrie, who assist her job quest at The Purple Onion. (I adjusted the wording a bit already.) I assume these are white folks? If so, they should be identified as such.
So I identified them, as MA's "white co-workers". Hey, I just noticed something! Scartol, you're the only other person other than me I've ever met that uses the word "folks" ti describe a group of people. Although I used it most often to refer to Deaf people, a la "Deaf folks." How weird is that! --Christine (talk) 04:43, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I picked it up (like many other linguistic patterns, since he's just so cool) from Cornel West. It's a great word that defuses some of the tension that folks have when discussing race. (BTW the fixes you've done here are good -- I just don't have time to respond to each one. Nice work as always!) Scartol • Tok 11:33, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Could we get an example of how her experiences with Porgy and Bess help her broaden her view of race and race relations?
I added this phrase: as she meets people of different nationalities during her travels. Is that enough? --Christine (talk) 04:48, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • I'm not a fan of single-paragraph sections. I'm not sure how to remedy this, but it seems like there must be a way.
I know, I know. We could put the "Motherhood" and "Conflict" sections together, but that would be cheating. See, I don't have an issue with it (obviously). The only other solution I can see to helping you feel better about that section is to add more content, but I think that the current version summarizes the theme, which I think (obviously) is important enough to include. Sorry, can't help you more. --Christine (talk) 04:52, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Could we get the name of the publication in which Margaret McFadden-Gerber's negative review appeared?
Sure. I don't see why, since it's in the reference, but I aim to please.
Kudos to Christine for her hard work on another important article! I look forward to supporting soon. Scartol • Tok 19:03, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks, that means a lot. And thanks for your assistance, as always. --Christine (talk) 04:58, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

images File:Angelou3.jpg has no valid fu rationale Fasach Nua (talk) 22:53, 16 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Now, please correct me if I'm wrong, since I've gone on the record numerous times admitting my deficiency in understanding image policy, but I believe this image doesn't need a FUR, since it has a Non-free media use rationale. If I am wrong, please let me know, plus what we need to do to fix. --Christine (talk) 04:45, 17 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Yes the two are the same thing, however the purpose states:
  • The image serves as the primary means of visual identification of the subject (the book).
  • It illustrates educational articles about the book from which the cover illustration was taken.
Neither of these are purposes, You need to add why the subject needs a visual identification, and why the article needs illustrated, referencing WP:NFCC Fasach Nua (talk) 07:17, 17 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Understood. I made some changes, which are hopefully to your satisfaction. (BTW, it's pretty much stolen from the description of the infobox image in To Kill a Mockingbird. --Christine (talk) 04:47, 18 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comment I don't see the issues mentioned earlier in the review on a quick scan. It's a quick read, which I like. I'll revisit later today with a closer read-through in case I've missed something. Definitely leaning support. Truthkeeper88 (talk) 16:23, 26 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Found some rough patches, mostly in the lead.
  • Repetition in the first two sentences > try to tighten up a little
  • The book, which includes a wide geographical range, covers most of Angelou's twenties > the book doesn't literally cover wide geographical range or Angelou's twenties. Try something like: In the book, which spans the time period when Angelou was in her twenties, Angelou presents a wide area of geography (this is my no means perfect, just an example)
  • the rest of the sentence mentioned above is very long. Try to separate.
  • Swingin' and Singin' continues to examine > the book doesn't examine. Try something like: In Swingin' and Singin' Angelou examines....
  • especially in Angelou's depictions of her travels, which take up 40 percent of the book > needs to be reworded. How about: Approximately 40 percent of the book consists of Angelou's travels .... ?
  • She goes into the hospital for an appendectomy, and announces her desire to return to her grandmother in Stamps, but Tosh informs her that Annie has died. > do we know why he hadn't told her earlier? When did the grandmother die in relation to when she had the appendectomy?
  • her career begins to take off > too literal. Needs to be reworded.
  • Should Whites be capitalized? (I'd tend to say no, but could be convinced otherwise).
Nice informative article. I enjoyed reading it. Truthkeeper88 (talk) 20:39, 26 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Review by Charles Edward A few comments from me here. :) The article is interesting, but still has a few issues. I've outlined them below.

  • General
    • "It made her "without a doubt, ... America's most visible black woman autobiographer"." - this should probably be attributed inline
    • "Travel is a common theme in American autobiography as a whole; it is something of a national myth to Americans as a people." - The last half seems just a little POV to me. You should probably attribute that inline.
    • "...Angelou works out her relationships with the White world..." - I am not sure "White" should be capitalized here. If it is in the source though, its ok.
    • "...with fellow Black cast..." same here, black should probably be lower case, unless it is a last name (but I don't think that is what is meant there)
    • There are several other instances where "White" and "Black" are capitalized, please review each of these to make sure it is appropriate, they should only be capitalized when being used as a proper name.
  • Prose
    • "...it marked the first time a..." how about just "...it was the first time a..."
    • "Angelou's first two autobiographies, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings and Gather Together in My Name, recounted her early life, from the age of four when Caged Bird begins, to the end of her teenage years at the end of Gather Together." - this is a little tricky to understand. how about "Angelou's first two autobiographies were I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings and Gather Together in My Name. They recounted her early life, starting when she was age of four and progressing through her her teenage years."
    • "Through the writing of her life stories," - how about - "Through writing her life story," - I am not sure a person can have more than one life story, unless perhaps they were reincarnated. :)
    • "Angelou changed the verb endings in her title to parallel the black vernacular and, because music was one of the book's themes, to evoke the sound of a blues singer." - how about - " Because music was one of the book's themes, Angelou changed the verb endings in her title to better reflect black dialect and evoke the sound of a blues singer."
    • Reference 27 & 28 each have their page number linked, but others from the same source do not? Why? I'd suggest removing those links.
    • Ref # 9, 31, & 62 are the same and should be combined.
    • In "O'Neale, Sondra" and "Cudjoe, Selwyn R" references, there is a period in "N.Y", but no such periods in the other references states. This should be uniform.
  • Citations needed
    • "Angelou was one of the first African American female writers to publicly discuss her personal life, and one of the first to use herself as a central character in her books, something she continued in Singin' and Swingin'."
    • "Critic Mary Jane Lupton insisted that the title, one of the many similes Angelou uses, was tied to the book's themes. Lupton also considered the title "ironic"; Angelou used "old-fashioned" and "positive" words—singin' and swingin' —that reflected several meanings related to the text" - quotes without citations
    • "Not all is "merry like Christmas", however; the book is also marked by negative events: her painful marriage and divorce, the death of her grandmother, and her long separation from her son." uncited quote
    • "McPherson calls Singin' and Swingin' "Angelou's praisesong" to the opera" - uncited quote - I note there is a cite for this in the lead though.
    • "Motherhood was a "prevailing theme" throughout Angelou's autobiographies." - uncited quote
    • "...although she preferred the rhythm of Caged Bird, found Singin' and Swingin' "very professional, even-toned, and ... quite engaging"." uncited quote
  • References
    • I've always been somewhat neutral on using Primary sources for establishing plots. There are a few paragraphs in the plot sections though that have no citations at the end. You should probably put some there.
  • Alt text present
    • Except for the lead image
  • Images

Oppose Overall this article is pretty good. I pointed out the most obvious prose issues, but there are a number more. This article could still do with a fair copyedit. The number of uncited quotes, the prose, and the usage of the the purple onion image make me have to oppose for now. None of these issues are hard to address though, and if you can I'd be glad to change to support. Great job so far, I see you've put alot of work into the article. Keep up the good work and you will have a feature article on your hands soon enough! —Charles Edward (Talk | Contribs) 14:47, 27 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 13:33, 26 April 2010 [10].

Dubai

[edit]
Nominator(s): Winjay (talk) 10:47, 26 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I am nominating this for featured article because... the article has recently been improved and promoted to GA status, and I believe it meets FA criteria. Winjay (talk) 10:47, 26 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comments:
    • The article suffers from WP:RECENTISM in the History section. The WP:UNDUE details of the 20th century are given, while too less is given about ancient and medieval history
    • "Prior to Islam, the people in this region... " has no dates. Sometime like "Prior to Islam's rise in the 7th century" is needed to place the historical event on a timeline.
    • User:AreJay is the largest contributor. Has he been consulted?
    • Sort the 6 disambig links [11]

--Redtigerxyz Talk 12:56, 26 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

This article is not ready for FAC; I suggest a Peer review and a reassessment of its good article status. On a very quick glance, I found:

  • Missing puncutation, missing spaces, copyedit needed: According to Fedel Handhal, researcher in the history and culture of the UAE, the word Dubai may have come from the word Daba (a derivative of Yadub), which means to creep; the word may be a reference to the flow of Dubai Creek inland, while the poet and scholar Ahmad Mohammad Obaid traces it through the same word, but in its meaning of locust [17] ... and Dubai Chamber of Commerce and Industry(centre)
  • Mixed use of WP:DASHes-- faulty emdashes, endashes and even hyphens
  • WP:OVERLINKing.
  • Copyedit needs: " ... reported that prostitution in clubs are tolerated ... "
  • WP:MOSDATE issues: ... a major downturn in 2008/2009 ...
  • Short stubby sections and listiness in "Transportation"
  • WP:LAYOUT breaches (See also: Abra in "Waterways" for example)
  • WP:ACCESS issues (see "Culture" and "Sports", order of items)
  • Unformatted citations throughout, sample: AMEinfo - Burj Dubai strike continues
  • Many sources of dubious reliability
  • Inconsistent citation formatting
  • WP:MOSDATE#Precise language, "Today, Dubai has emerged as a global city (ranking number 27 ... "
  • WP:MOSNUM, sample: Dubai appoints 8 members in two-term periods to the Federal National Council (FNC) of the UAE, the supreme federal legislative body.[42]
  • Missing conversions, sample: ... will have 70 kilometers of track ...
  • What are ddlphins?
  • Curly quotes need to be audited throughout.
  • WP:FN fixes (notes after punctuation)
  • Center or centre, which version of English is the article using?

These are samples only; the issues are throughout.

SandyGeorgia (Talk) 13:31, 26 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 18:03, 25 April 2010 [12].

Bert T. Combs

[edit]
Nominator(s): Acdixon (talk • contribs • count) 16:37, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


The article's first FA nom got snagged on an image issue and a lack of comments for or against promotion. The image in question survived a deletion attempt, which I hope puts that issue to rest. Also, the article was recently promoted to GA with minimal issues raised. I hope to see it passed to FA on its second time around. Acdixon (talk • contribs • count) 16:37, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


oppose The image was kept as it was "probably free", clarification is needed on the licensing used for this image, if it is not free I fail to see how this image would meet wp:nfcc Fasach Nua (talk) 23:22, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

C'mon. We've been over this. The image was kept because it is a valid fair use image, not because it was "probably free". All I said about its free-ness was that there is no author attribution, so it is possibly free, not probably free. No one has yet shown that there is a free alternative available, and I've indicated my willingness to replace the image should one come to light. I cannot prove that a free alternative doesn't exist, and you have yet to prove that one does. Until you do, I consider this oppose invalid. Acdixon (talk • contribs • count) 16:24, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The closing summary by the closing admin was "The result of the discussion was: Keep, general consensus is that this is probably in the public domain, and it appears that further attempts are being made to verify this situation.", I am content for other editors to interpret if you are correct it asserting "The image was kept because it is a valid fair use image, not because it was "probably free"" Fasach Nua (talk) 18:15, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Well, my contention from the start has been that it is valid fair use, not that it is free, since I have no data to prove or disprove that. I uploaded the image with a fair-use rationale from the get-go. The only reason I can think of that it wouldn't be fair use is if a free alternative existed, and none has been proven to exist yet. No idea where User:FloNight is on searching the collection at the University of Kentucky, but in the interim, I think the fair use claim should stand. What will it take for you to strike your oppose? Acdixon (talk • contribs • count) 18:41, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I don't think I could ever support an article in an interim state, perhaps when the article is finished ... Fasach Nua (talk) 20:38, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Articles are never finished. And if your criteria for "finishing" an article includes somehow proving that no free image of an individual exists anywhere in the world, then only omniscient editors would ever be able to meet your criteria. I've made more than cursory attempts to find a free image, and I'll continue to be on the lookout for one, but it seems you won't be satisfied until or unless I actually find one, which may or may not be possible. I know that if it came down to it, I'd remove the image from the article before I'd make a special trip to Lexington to look for an image that may or may not exist. I don't really think that's in the interest of building a better encyclopedia, but I really don't want this to stand in the way of promoting the article again. I'm sure if I didn't find one in Lexington, you'd probably want me to go to DC and search the Library of Congress before you'd support this nomination. No thanks. Acdixon (talk • contribs • count) 14:30, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Perhaps this has been raised before, but there is a statue of Combs in Stanton KY (http://www.appalachianheritagealliance.org/bertcombs.html). If someone took a picture of that statue it could serve as an appropriate likeness.
This would constitute a derived work of a copyrighted piece of art and would hence also be considered non-free Fasach Nua (talk) 18:15, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

File:Seal_of_Kentucky.svg tagged as free, however the description seems to prohibit derived commercial works, and thus not free as far as wikipedia is concerned, can this be clarified? Fasach Nua (talk) 18:12, 22 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

You'd have to talk to the image author about that. I don't know much about it. I do know that file is used a pot load of places, though, so I would think that if it is to be deleted, it should be discussed somewhere other than here. Besides, that's part of the Kentucky governors template, so it's not like I can just remove it. Acdixon (talk • contribs • count) 18:24, 22 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
An editorial decision was taken to include this template, and this image in this article, therefore it is a matter of consideration for the FAC, it may be worth dropping a line at Wikipedia:WikiProject_Kentucky or WP:PUI to clarify this if you are unsure Fasach Nua (talk)
The template is a navigation aid, which is encouraged by Wikipedia. If the image, which doesn't materially contribute to the aid itself, isn't free use, then the discussion to remove it should be there, or via AfD, not here. I happen to know the image author a little, and I know he is around in spurts. he hasn't done anything here since early March, so I don't expect a timely response from him, especially not before this FAC closes. I will drop a note somewhere and see what I can discover, but I maintain that this is not the appropriate place for this discussion. As I said before, if consensus goes against the Combs image, I can drop that because this article is the only place it is used. The seal appears in many articles and should be discussed in a wider forum. Acdixon (talk • contribs • count) 18:58, 22 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
This is not a discussion to add or remove anything, those are editorial decisions. This is primarily a FA assessment, although we do generally try and give some direction to improving the article Fasach Nua (talk) 09:59, 25 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

File:Kentucky_quarter,_reverse_side,_2001.jpg - The linked license on this image states "Designs of the new quarter-dollar coins issued under the 50 State Quarters Program may be derivative works of designs covered by third-party copyrights licensed to or assigned to the U.S. Mint, or in some cases may be covered by third-party copyrights assigned to the Mint. You should not assume anything on this site is necessarily in the public domain.", therefore on what basis is this considered to be devoid of copyright? Fasach Nua (talk) 09:59, 25 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


Not sure I understand this comment. Acdixon (talk • contribs • count) 18:41, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I don't understand it, either. Stonemason89 (talk) 20:39, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Johnbod is saying that the nomination statement didn't introduce the subject, so he won't be bothered to review. The comment was not at all germane to this candidacy, however, so feel free to ignore it. Mm40 (talk) 21:02, 11 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Review by Charles Edward

  • General
    • "This damaged Chandler's credibility and left Combs looking courageous and honest in the minds of the electorate." - thats a little POV, as the electorate is not uniform. This is also not fully supported by the info in the body. I'd cut off "in the minds of the electorate" from that sentence.
      • Done.
    • "The Combs family was one of the oldest in the United States.[2] John Combs, the family patriarch, arrived in Jamestown, Virginia aboard the Marigold a year before the Mayflower landed at Plymouth Rock.", this is not particularly relevant. You may consider shortening it.
      • A couple of different sources mentioned the Combs family being one of the oldest in the U.S., and I thought it would be nice to show just how old, but if you think it needs to go, I could chop it out and combine the first and second paragraphs in this section.
        • I wouldn't remove it completely. Just pare it back to one sentence, and get the year in there instead of talking about the Mayflower, most people won't know how exactly long ago the Mayflower landed. (I am guessing 400 years ago) —Charles Edward (Talk | Contribs) 12:52, 16 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
          • OK, I've trimmed it a bit. See how it reads now.
    • "In 1955, former governor and Democratic factional leader A.B. "Happy" Chandler announced", its not quite clear what is meant by "factional leader" here. If he was a leader of any faction of the party, he would be a party leader. If there was a defined faction in which he led, that faction should be named here. I'd suggest changing "factional" to "Party".
      • Most of the sources refer to the "Chandler faction" and the "Clements [later Combs] faction". I don't think it's really accurate to call them party leaders, because the two factions of the Democratic Party were the major political forces during that time. The Republicans weren't really much of a force at this time.
        • It would be useful to explain this within the article. Just a sentence or two to explain that the state government was dominated by two factions of the Democratic Party. Nothing is necessarily wrong with using faction, so long as you introduce what the factions are, it won't be obvious to outsiders. —Charles Edward (Talk | Contribs) 12:52, 16 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
          • I've added this information. I don't want to get into a lot of the details regarding how the factions came to be, since it really dates back at least to an early 1930s fight between Governors Laffoon and Chandler. Explaining it fully would require the introduction of several new sources and take the article considerably off topic.
    • "...his ties to boss-dominated Logan County gave the faction pause", faction again. Its not clear what this faction is.
      • See above. Not sure what else to call it.
    • "Barred by the state constitution from seeking consecutive terms, Governor Chandler endorsed..." I believe Kentucky governors permitted to serve consecutive terms (at least nowadays). Perhaps you mean "...a third consecutive term..."?
    • "Combs now turned the tables on Chandler by attacking his administration in the campaign against Waterfield." Its not obvious how the tables were turned? (This is also WP:JARGON.) It seems like his tactics were different from Chandler's. I suggest rephrasing this
      • Although I think the source used this same phrasing, your point is well-taken. I've reworded.
    • "The subject of the session was the revision of Kentucky's antiquated constitution.", you should probably point out who was calling the constitution antiquated. Since the measure was not approved, it couldn't have been the majority view.
      • Good point. Most of the state's leading legal minds were in agreement that the constitution was badly out of date, but the populace, obviously, was not convinced. I've deleted "antiquated" here, since the article later mentions the opinion of the legal scholars. (As a side note, fifty years later, we still haven't gone back and re-done the stupid thing, although we have made amendments to modernize it somewhat!)
    • "As a result of the sales tax increase, Combs presided over the state's first billion-dollar budget.", in the preceding sentence the article explains that there was no prior sales tax. So, they could not have increased something that didn't exist prior. I'd suggest rephrasing.
      • Let me go back and look at this. The state's first sales tax was enacted by Ruby Laffoon, Chandler's predecessor for his first term. Then Chandler abolished it during his first term, and I can't remember when it was re-instated. More on this later.
      • Looking back, you're right. I think when I wrote this, I was thinking about the difference in the one percent tax that was actually needed and the three percent tax Combs got enacted. I've removed "increase".
    • "Combs also increased funding for free textbooks by more than $3 million and allocated another $2 million to vocational education.[31] He gave over $5 million to the state universities for new buildings and, ironically, another $10.5 million to fund completion of the Albert B. Chandler Hospital, a facility at the University of Kentucky named in honor of Combs' political foe." - Did combs himself grant these funds? I suspect he advocated for them, but it was the General Assembly which granted them, and he approved. Also, "ironically", should removed, see MOS:OPED
      • You are correct, but the practice in Combs' day was for the governor to propose a budget and submit it so late in the legislative session that the General Assembly would have to accept it with few changes or adjourn without passing a budget, necessitating a special session. That's why many who write about Kentucky's governors say the governor himself allocated the funds. This practice didn't change until the administration of John Y. Brown, Jr. in the late 1970s.
        • This would be a useful explanation within the article. Maybe a sentence to explain that Combs (or his advisers) wrote the budget, but approval came from the assembly. —Charles Edward (Talk | Contribs) 12:52, 16 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
          • I did change the wording to make it clear that Combs proposed the budget. If I need to explicitly say the General Assembly approved it, I can probably find a source for that. I don't really want to go into much detail about the budget process, because this isn't really given much detailed treatment in the sources about Combs. It really didn't come to light until I started looking at sources about Governor Brown, and I don't want to drag those sources into this article.
    • "It was the only time in the 20th century that a Kentucky governor selected his successor and was able to get him elected." - Did Combs get his elected, or did the electorate get him elected? I suggest a rephrase here to something like "It was the only time in the 20th century that a Kentucky governor's selected successor won election."
      • Good suggestion. Done.
    • A link to the Kentucky portal would probably be useful
      • Where? This is not something I've done before, but I'm not opposed to it if it is wiki-convention.
      • Usually it would go in a see also section, but since there isn't one here, you could probably drop it in the death and legacy section. {{portal:Kentucky}} (It is a featured portal by the way)
        • I tried to add this, but it didn't seem to work. I was aware that it is a featured portal thanks to the work of our resident "portal penguin", Bedford.
          • Bedford made the Indiana and Indianapolis portal too! He's been a little inactive lately. I am missing him. I put a portal in there myself. Take it out or move it if you don't think it works. 13:12, 19 April 2010 (UTC)
  • Prose
    • "Combs returned to Kentucky and engaged in the practice of law." - maybe just "practiced law" instead of "engaged in"? According to the body, he was already a practicing lawyer before the war.
      • Corrected.
    • "His body was found in the Red River near Rosslyn, in Powell County, the following morning. His cause of death was listed as hypothermia." No need to say he died twice, how about "Having died of hypothermia, his body was found in the Red River near Rosslyn the following morning."
      • Reworded. See what you think.
    • "Also in 1937, he married Mabel Hall.", instead maybe, .."and the same year married..."
      • Done.
    • "He later explained the move from his hometown thusly..." "thusly" is not a word.
      • Hmm. I thought I'd heard it used before. Maybe it's one of those like "irregardless" that people think is a word but really isn't.
    • "...and that a sales tax might be considered", better as "should be considered"
      • Done.
    • "In addition, Bert T. Combs Lake, an artificial lake constructed in 1963 in Clay County, is also named after him.", "in addition" and "also" are redundant.
      • Done.
    • "Combs' widow, Sara Walter Combs, became the first woman to serve on the Kentucky Supreme Court in 1993 and currently sits as chief judge on the Kentucky Court of Appeals, also a first for a woman", according to the article, his wife while governor was Mabelle Hall. So his widow was not first lady, Mabelle Hall was first lady. Maybe I missed something there though. - My mistake, I read first woman and thought I had read first lady.
  • Citations needed
    • "Some of Combs' crackdowns on corruption were politically damaging, and perhaps none more so than the so-called "truck deal". - You may also consider rewording this to remove the "perhaps none more so", which is what makes in need to be attributed
      • I've re-worded to hopefully eliminate the POV issue.
  • References
    • Does "Combs Rose to Pinnacle From Plain Beginnings" have an author?
      • There is no by-line to the article. When I pulled it from Newsbank, it just said "Author: Knight-Ridder News Service"
    • Its not clear what Ref #37 is pointing at as a source "Robinson in Kentucky's Governors, p. 199"
      • It is from the book Kentucky's Governors. The book was edited by Lowell H. Harrison, but each chapter is separately signed by its author. In this case, the author of the Combs chapter is George William Robinson. I've added "in Kentucky's Governors" to distinguish it from the oral history by Robinson in the Further Reading Section. Kentucky's Governors is the penultimate source in the source list.
  • Images
    • File:Bert Combs.jpg - note: this non-free. Fair use rationale is acceptable
      • Thanks for weighing in on that. As you can see above, I'm seeking community input on that.
    • The image of the flower clock has a forced size. This is discouraged by WP:IMAGE
      • I just don't feel like you can tell much about the image at its default size. Maybe its just my monitor. If it needs to be removed, I'll do so.
    • The article could do with another image or two. Perhaps the Kentucky Statehouse or an image of Chandler?
      • I agree it needs more images, but finding free images from this time period is difficult. There is already an image of Chandler, although it is when he was much younger than he would have been during the events described in this article. There are free images of the Kentucky State Capitol and the Kentucky Governor's Mansion, but I'm not sure how to word the caption to make them relevant to the text.
        • I think any PD image of the statehouse would be fine. Caption could be something like "Kentucky State House", Its not much a leap to see its connection to the text, pretty well everything noteworthy he did occurred there. —Charles Edward (Talk | Contribs) 13:09, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Prose is pretty good
  • References check out
  • Alt text present

Very interesting article! I enjoy reading about politicians. My issues are mostly nitpicks, but the prose is a little troublesome in spots and there a few inconsistencies in the information, all of which I have noted. If you can address them, I'd be glad to support this article. Great job so far! —Charles Edward (Talk | Contribs) 18:04, 15 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I've addressed some of your points, but I'm out of time right now. I'll be back with more later. If you check this between now and then, please strike the ones where you are satisfied so I can keep track of what remains to be done. Thanks! Acdixon (talk • contribs • count) 12:28, 16 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Got some more, but I'm out of time again. I'll try to clear up the remaining issues in the next day or two. Thanks for your patience. Acdixon (talk • contribs • count) 12:30, 19 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
OK, I think I've addressed everything now. Let me know if more work is needed. Thanks again for your patience, and I look forward to your eventual support. Acdixon (talk • contribs • count) 12:13, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Support I find the article a great read. The oppose above in regards to the image is not really relevant; its is clearly non-free based on its current licensing, but has an acceptable fair use rationale. I am neutral regarding the citations; there is not really a guideline that limits the use of citations, so I don't feel an oppose is warranted along that line. I do agree there are many unneeded citations though. —Charles Edward (Talk | Contribs) 13:09, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comment. It's clear you've done a lot of research, but I believe this article is an example of overcitation. I know you've worked hard on this article, but every single sentence is followed by a citation. with this many citations, the article becomes very hard to read. Firsfron of Ronchester 05:02, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

It's looking better. Firsfron of Ronchester 01:04, 23 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I always try to cite every sentence. It helps me know where facts came from if I end up moving them around. I've also never liked the "material that is likely to be challenged" criterion; it's too subjective. How am I to know what someone is likely to challenge? Sometimes I get this comment about overcitation, though. I've combined references to the paragraph level where it is possible to do so. If you have further suggestions for reducing the number of citations, please feel free to leave them here. Acdixon (talk • contribs • count) 12:29, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
In the first paragraph in the body of the text, you have three sentences: "The Combs family was one of the oldest in the United States.[2] John Combs, the family patriarch, arrived in Jamestown, Virginia in 1619, and in 1775, Benjamin John Combs came westward from Virginia into Clark County, Kentucky.[2] He was followed into Kentucky in 1790 by two of his brothers, including Jack Combs, Bert Combs' great-grandfather.[2]" These sentences are all supported by the same source; I've often been told to cite at the end of the material. The paragraph would become: "The Combs family was one of the oldest in the United States. John Combs, the family patriarch, arrived in Jamestown, Virginia in 1619, and in 1775, Benjamin John Combs came westward from Virginia into Clark County, Kentucky. He was followed into Kentucky in 1790 by two of his brothers, including Jack Combs, Bert Combs' great-grandfather.[2]" Firsfron of Ronchester 13:49, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The paragraph you mention above contains two other sentences that are cited to a different source. I never group citations unless the entire paragraph can be cited to the same source. Even at that, I have people then challenge something in the paragraph as uncited because they don't recognize that the citation is at the end of the paragraph. If it is all right with you, I'd prefer to leave the citations as they are for now. Many of my other articles have passed GA and FA reviews with every-sentence citations. Some reviewers have even told me they prefer that. Acdixon (talk • contribs • count) 11:54, 21 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • I support ACdixon's approach to referencing. Occasional citations / at end of para is not suitable to a wiki, where anyone can move text around. I usually oppose noms that don't cite more regularly, esp. if there is a wide range of facts in the para. hamiltonstone (talk) 02:57, 22 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I've been doing FACs since 2006 and have never seen this citation "style" used. Further, an article you nominated for FAC, Bronwyn Bancroft, either has uncited material or cites material at the end of the paragraph. For example, from that article: "In 2004 Bancroft was commissioned to design a large mural covering the exterior of a sports centre housing two basketball courts at Tempe Reserve in Marrickville, New South Wales. The mural depicts a snake, a man, and a woman, representing both biblical and Indigenous Australian creation stories. It also includes the goanna, ancestral totem of the Marrickville area's original inhabitants, the Wangal people.[11]" (One paragraph, one citation). Adding a citation for every single sentence will not prevent material from being moved around by other editors. It just makes the text unreadable. Firsfron of Ronchester 04:52, 22 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
<scratches head> what is it about this style you've never seen before? There are a few variations around (using - or not - the year in the footnote cite for instance), but the basic pattern seems to me common enough: The Open Boat, Catholic Church, Funerary art, to give a few examples i've been watching / commenting on in recent times. I don't mind one ref after a few sentences, provided (a) all those sentences are about the same matter and (b) there are no intervening other references. Hence my one cite at the end of the sentences about Bancroft's Marrickville commission. To take another example, from the same article, you find "Bancroft was a founding member of the Boomalli Aboriginal Artists Co-operative,[2] one of Australia's oldest Indigenous-run artists' organisations,[7] established in 1987.[8] She served in the roles of chairperson, director, and treasurer during its first two decades.[5][1] In 1985 she opened a shop in Sydney called Designer Aboriginals, selling the work of Indigenous designers including her own fabrics,[2] and staffed by her Indigenous female students.[6]" Ref 2 is used twice, but other refs are relied upon in between, and the subject matter is more heterogenous, thus the closer citation, and repetition of [2]. I thought Bert Combs was OK - if it were me, i would have just one cite for "On December 22, 1943, Combs enlisted as a private in the U.S. Army for service in World War II.[8] He received his basic training at Fort Knox.[8] Early in his military career, he was assigned to teach cartography at the Aberdeen Proving Ground in Aberdeen, Maryland.[8]", but i certainly wouldn't see it as a FAC issue. But then again, in terms of readability, I guess it's a personal thing, as i don't find the footnote numbers trouble me anyway. hamiltonstone (talk) 05:50, 22 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I see AC has combined a few citations.

  • More comments:
  • "Bert Combs was born in the Town Branch section of Manchester, Kentucky on August 13, 1911."
Is this a section or a neighborhood? Kentucky doesn't have sections as I'm used to thinking of them. (This comment may be pedantry; feel free to ignore it)
Honestly, I don't know, having never been to Manchester. I lifted this straight from the source on the chance that it would be significant to someone who knew more about the town that I did.
  • "Some of Combs' crackdowns on corruption were politically damaging, and including the so-called "truck deal"
Either "Some of Combs' crackdowns on corruption were politically damaging, including the so-called "truck deal"" or "Some of Combs' crackdowns on corruption were politically damaging, and included the so-called "truck deal" is correct.
Well, I botched that one good and proper, huh? As you can see above, I needed to remove some POV from that sentence, and I was apparently a little careless about doing so. Fixed now.
  • "The deal was seen by some as a political payoff orchestrated by Highway Commissioner Clements.[25]"
Does the source give an example of who thought this? If so, you might want to explain. If not, there's not much you can do here. :)
Well, a newspaper first reported the facts of the event, but public reaction was mixed. From Harrison's A New History of Kentucky: "Some argued that 'the truck deal' problem would have been caught and corrected through the review process; others said that it was a political payoff and that Clements had been trying to0 carry it out for others; some indicated it was a Clements deal, pure and simple." Given this, I'd say it would be tought to pin down a prevailing opinion among any particular group. What seems to be important is that Combs eventually acted as though he believed there was something untoward going on, causing the split between him and Clements.
  • Why does the Kentucky portal template appear in the main body of the text? The proper place is in a 'see also' section, or failing that, in some other appropriate section near the bottom.
As you can see above, this addition was suggested by Charles Edward. I'm not expert on what is and is not convention with regard to that; you may move it, remove it, or do something else with it and incur no objection from me.
Thanks for the review. I hope I can eventually gain your support despite our differences over citation style. Acdixon (talk • contribs • count) 11:54, 22 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comment. I am working through the article, copyediting, and I think the prose does need improvement. As a result I am not ready to support yet. I don't want to oppose just yet either; most of what I'm seeing is fixable, and I'm leaving some queries on the article's talk page. I will try to finish the copyedit tomorrow. I will also note that the image oppose above doesn't seem valid to me, though I'm not an image expert; I think the image has a reasonable fair use justification.

  • I found this source: Bert Combs the politician: an oral history by George William Robinson. A lot of what's in here may be primary source material and not very usable, but I'd think some opinions could be used. In addition the Google Books view shows an introduction with some history that could be useful; e.g. it says where Combs met Mabel Hall, and describes the steps by which Combs decided to go into politics after the war. Can you comment on whether you've used this source?
  • Another source: The public papers of Governor Bert T. Combs, 1959-1963, Volume 1959. Google Books gives this snippet, for example: "The same year he married Mabel Hall, a pretty former cheerleader whose family..." and this: "left no possibility of doubt that Bert Combs was from deep in the hills." Sounds like this might be usable. Google Books shows some other biographical material too; I won't list any more but of course the concern is that the article might not meet the comprehensiveness criterion if some of these sources have been omitted without review.

Update: I've now finished going through the article and have posted notes to the talk page. My main concerns at the moment would be comprehensiveness and some prose choppiness. The latter can probably be dealt with after the talk page notes are responded to, but I'd like to hear from the nominator about the issue of sources. -- Mike Christie (talk) 14:48, 25 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 17:59, 25 April 2010 [13].

Pepper v Hart

[edit]
Nominator(s): Ironholds (talk) 22:00, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


I am nominating this for featured article because I feel it fulfils the relevant standards set. Ironholds (talk) 22:00, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments I'm not sure that this is quite ready yet. Just looking at para 2

  • shouldn't it be "nine" and "one-fifth" instead of the numbers "9", "1/5th"?
  • 1/5th of the fees of a normal pupil. presumably means one-fifth of the normal fees for a pupil.
Jimfbleak - talk to me? 10:45, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed; there are a couple (5-judge and 7-judge) that I feel work better as numbers. Ironholds (talk) 14:24, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • more comments
  • one-fifth of the fees of a normal pupil. presumably means one-fifth of the normal fees for a pupil.
  • The Court established the principle... the court Caps or lc?
  • Lowercased
  • not referencing Sheldon's statement meaningless in the lead
  • expense in cases. Expenses?
  • Vinelott J. why this format for only one judge?
  • golden and mischief rules. the meaning of these isn't self-evident and wouldn't known by a layman, so a gloss for each would be appropriate to avoid most readers having to follow the link (for "mischief" I wasn't much wiser having done so
sorry about delay in completing comments. Jimfbleak - talk to me? 14:50, 19 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed all; Vinelott J is a High Court Judge, hence J. Court of Appeal justices are LJ (or LJJ for multiple justices), and Lords judges are (were?) "Lord Bloggs". Ironholds (talk) 21:48, 19 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment Good work. A question: "In McDonnell, they further limited the use of Hansard, saying..." Who was limiting? Were Lords Bingham, Hope and Hutton, who undertook the Spath Holme judicial review case, all incidentally working on McDonnell? In other words, who is "they" Mootros (talk) 16:44, 25 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    Amended to "the Lords", which makes more sense; sorry. Ironholds (talk) 21:30, 25 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments: comprehensiveness concerns: Points that need to be covered
  • Comment (Still good work) A question with regard to naming of cases, which I noticed on several instances here: E.g. "Wilson, the first case involving Hansard after the Human Rights Act 1998..." Do you mean Wilson and others v Secretary of State for Trade and Industry (Appellant) [2003]? I think it is perfectly fine to use some common short form like Pepper, where this is clear in the text. Or was Wilson mentioned somewhere else in the text? Mootros (talk) 17:01, 25 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    It was more "the source doesn't give a full name, I must remember to find one before it goes to FAC- oops. Forgot". Added now. Ironholds (talk) 21:30, 25 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 17:55, 25 April 2010 [14].

The Political Cesspool

[edit]
Nominator(s): Stonemason89 (talk) 02:16, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


I am nominating this for featured article because I feel it now satisfies all the featured article criteria. You may want to look at the archived peer reviews (1, 2, and 3) and the previous FA nominations (1 and 2). For a more detailed explanation of why I feel this should be a featured article, read here.

Stonemason89 (talk) 15:42, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Quick comment for now: some newspaper titles (Los Angeles Times, The Commercial Appeal, etc.) are not italicized in refs. There's just enough non-italics that I can't tell if that's intended. --an odd name 22:29, 13 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I'll fix them. Stonemason89 (talk) 02:07, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
They have been fixed. In the case of the LA Times, Commercial Appeal, and Memphis Flyer, the newspaper names were inside double apostrophes in the article's source code, yet they were still not being displayed as italics when the page loaded! I wasn't quite sure what to do, so as a shot in the dark I tried removing the double apostrophes. Oddly enough, this caused the paper names to start displaying as italics! I guess that particular template (the "cite news" template) has a very "backward" way of operating, so to speak. There were also two others which were the result of a simple oversight on my part; I've since fixed them. Everything should be fine now. Stonemason89 (talk) 02:13, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Nothing backwards about that: they were placed in the "work" attribute, which assumes they are titles of works and italicizes them in {{cite ___}} templates. If you add double apostrophes to them, MediaWiki thinks you want to end the template's italics, so you don't see them. Confused yet? --an odd name 11:04, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Kind of, but at least I know what happened now. Thanks for clarifying! Stonemason89 (talk) 13:45, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments
    • Well done on the article. Found it interesting to read.
    • I don't think it's meeting the FA criteria of exemplary language, tone and style (which I always feel is the toughest criterion to meet, given that articles are created by disparate individuals). At the moment it very much feels like many Wikipedia articles feel; a list of facts (albeit strung together as sentences) rather than an article with a shape that delights the reader. Because this is such a hard criticism to deal with I will try and return to the article to be more specific but I'm tired and unwell today and my mind isn't up to it. Of course if any other reviewers agree and can be specific, that would be excellent.
      • The problem is that while it would ideally be desirable to be creative and write with a "shape that delights the reader", it's often hard to do this without violating rules like NOR, NPOV, and NOSYNTH. This is especially true for an article about a charged topic like this one; the writing can't stray too far from what is expressed in the sources without compromising the factual integrity of the article. Sometimes there is a balancing act between being factual, neutral, and noncontroversial (as this article tries very hard to be) and being entertaining to read, and it's often tough to write an article that satisfies both. It's sort of like the difference between a news article (factual and neutral, sticks very closely to the sources, but often boring as a result) versus an editorial (which grabs the reader's attention and is more interesting, but is also less factually reliable and often pushes a POV). Sometimes it's difficult to get the best of both worlds. Stonemason89 (talk) 18:45, 18 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • People take various stances on this but the use of quotations sometimes feels unnecessary.
      • Section Foundation and History
        • 'the Memphis Flyer has described the show as "popular among white nationalists".'.... as a reader I thought "well, d'uh!" It might be best just to say that audience figures are unknown.
      • Section City Park demo...
        • '"There's a bunch of folk who don't agree with The CA...' - there's a lot of quotation going on here and the story doesn't seem to warrant it. It might be best to lose all the quotes and simply note that the guy appeared on the show, initially resisted criticism for doing so but once informed in more detail of the show's agenda said he would probably decline another appearance.
          • I removed the E. C. Jones quotes per your suggestion, since they didn't really add anything to the story. I left in the Chumney quote, however, since it's more informative and sheds quite a bit of light on the reason she chose not to appear on the show. Stonemason89 (talk) 15:16, 17 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • Ordering of sections
  • Apologies; this isn't one of my best reviews, but I'm not on top form right now. Hope you find it helpful. --bodnotbod (talk) 14:37, 17 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


Images - File:Politicalcesspoollogo.jpg has no valid FU rationale Fasach Nua (talk) 20:56, 18 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Logos are generally considered appropriate regardless of whether they are free or not. See Wikipedia:Logos. Stonemason89 (talk) 21:03, 18 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
All non-free content must comply with policy, logo or not Fasach Nua (talk) 21:07, 18 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
What exactly are you saying? Please be more specific about which aspects of the current FU rationale are not "valid", and why. Stonemason89 (talk) 21:11, 18 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Based on WP:NFCI and WP:LOGO I believe Fasach Nua is in error. The image is a logo unique enough that it cannot be sufficiently conveyed in text alone. The image is appropriately tagged with {{Non-free logo}} and {{logo fur}} is being used for the FUR (as suggested in WP:LOGO). It is used for identification of the political group being discussed. I believe this is an example of acceptable use of a non-free image based on the policies I linked to. --SkotyWATC 00:34, 25 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Oppose inappropriate use of non-free content. I also object to the linking of guidelines and claiming them to be policy within the FAC process Fasach Nua (talk) 07:33, 25 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


  • Comment I'm concerned about some of the sourcing here for a featured article. Is Media Matters for America considered a reliable source? Clearly they have a political position, as they state they are progressive and out to expose "conservative misinformation". They are definitely accurate in this situation, but that doesn't necessarily make them a good source to rely on for featured content. AniMate 05:57, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • The only reason I used Media Matters as a source is because there are currently no "better" (more reliable) sources that say the same thing. If I removed the material that was sourced to Media Matters, then the article would be less comprehensive (criterion 1b). Two of the things Media Matters is currently used as a source for is the fact that TPC is syndicated by Stormfront Radio, and that James Edwards joined Stormfront in the past. The only other source I know of that could be used to verify these facts is Stormfront itself, and I'm really not too keen on linking directly to Stormfront unless there is a good reason to. Media Matters also reprinted a lot of stuff that had originally appeared on the TPC official website (James Edwards' blog). Edwards himself might be usable as a source per WP: SELFPUB. However, given the choice between linking to Media Matters and linking directly to Edwards, I think it's probably better to link to Media Matters; however, I could also post both links (i. e. a link directly to Edwards and a link to a Media Matters page that reprinted what Edwards wrote) if you prefer. What do you think would be the best option? Stonemason89 (talk) 15:06, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • UPDATE: I've added a few more WP: SELFPUB sources that corroborate what Media Matters and the Anti-Defamation League wrote. I like to think that two sources are better than one, particularly when we're dealing with such a charged topic as this one (or when the sources themselves are potentially controversial, as AniMate pointed out). Stonemason89 (talk) 23:50, 23 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Sources appear to be misrepresented Here's what our article says:
Sharpton settled for a protest at Forrest Park, which attracted a few dozen, mostly black demonstrators, whom Edwards referred to as "rabble". At the demonstration, Sharpton argued that "We need to show the rest of the world that the day for honoring people like this is over"; Sharpton also said in an interview that his objections were not related to race but to the actions of Lieutenant General Forrest, who led an army against the United States.[47] James Edwards attracted about 200 white counter-demonstrators to the Confederate Park vigil.
Citation 47 is to this newspaper article, though our own article doesn't actually link to it. We currently claim "a few dozen, mostly black demonstrators" showed up to Al Sharpton's demonstration. The Memphis Flyer says "about two-dozen white people" attended the demonstration and that 250 people were present. Conversely, the counter demonstration is described as "a small group of counter-protesters [who] honored Confederate history". The Political Cesspool isn't mentioned at all. AniMate 06:19, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Apparently, the description of the rally given by the Memphis Flyer article contradicts the description of the rally given by the Southern Poverty Law Center's Memphis Sewage article: [[15]]. Both are used as sources, and the description of the rallies currently given in the Political Cesspool article (a few dozen Sharpton supporters versus 200 Edwards supporters) matches the description of the events in Memphis Sewage. Thanks for pointing this out, though. Since the two sources contradict each other in their description of the Forrest Park rally, it's probably best to list both descriptions in the article (as in "The Southern Poverty Law Center said that there were X demonstrators supporting Sharpton and Y supporting Edwards, while the Memphis Flyer said Sharpton had Z supporters). That way, we don't "endorse" either account of the rally (which would violate WP: NPOV), but rather let the reader make up their own mind.
This whole issue reminds me of the controversies from late last year when people were giving different estimates of the number of people who showed up at the Tea Party protests. In any event, thanks for pointing out the Forrest Park discrepancy; I'm going to update the article to reflect that. Stonemason89 (talk) 15:08, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I have updated the section to reflect the fact that different sources have different estimates of how many people attended the Sharpton rally (SPLC says a few dozen, MF says about 250). The "small group" of pro-Forrest counter-demonstrators mentioned in the Memphis Flyer article is not the same group that Edwards organized; Edwards' group demonstrated in Confederate Park (a short distance away from Forrest Park) and is not mentioned in the Memphis Flyer "Monumental Battle" article, which focuses on Forrest Park only, and does not directly mention Edwards or his group--it's only being used as a source because it provides valuable background information on Sharpton's visit to Memphis, which is what provided the impetus for Edwards to organize his own rally. Stonemason89 (talk) 15:36, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
So there's no disagreement on the size of Edwards' rally; only one source exists for its size (the SPLC, which says Edwards attracted 200 supporters). However, there is disagreement between the sources on the size of Sharpton's rally, so I've updated the article to reflect that. Stonemason89 (talk) 15:20, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Also, you mentioned that the article did not link directly to the Memphis Flyer article's URL. This has been fixed as well. Stonemason89 (talk) 15:29, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment A few minutes ago, I added a subsection ("political positions") detailing the fact that the show's staff chose to remain neutral in the 2008 United States presidential election, since I think it's informative and sheds more light on the show's ideology. This new addition is something of a trial balloon; I think it's worth having, but if anyone else thinks I should remove or change it, please let me know and I'll take your advice. Stonemason89 (talk) 20:06, 23 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • The sourcing is still problematic. You're relying on primary sources and sources from advocacy groups that aren't neutral. Without more neutral, third-party sources I don't think this can be a FA. AniMate 00:55, 24 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
      • As I have pointed out before, there simply aren't very many neutral, third-party sources that have written about this topic; the sources that do exist have been cited in the article already. The FA rules state that you can only oppose a FA nomination if something can be done in principle to resolve your objection(s), and that is not the case here. Stonemason89 (talk) 01:42, 24 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
      • Also, regarding "neutral" sources: very few sources are universally regarded as "neutral". A while back I had this article reviewed by a user who had no problem with using Media Matters as a source but did object to the use of the Anti-Defamation League. There are, no doubt, editors who regard the New York Times, Fox News, CNN, etc., as having biases as well. So it does seem to depend on people's personal attitudes toward each of the sources in question. Personally, I don't see what the problem is; as long as the article iself is neutral, I don't see why the sources have to always be neutral as well. As long as whatever bias the sources may have is not carried over into the text of the article, I don't believe there's a legitimate reason to object. Objecting to a passage in the article simply because the source has a bias (rather than objecting because the passage itself is biased or inaccurate) seems to me to be a type of genetic fallacy, and it often leads to the removal of useful information from articles, thus making them less comprehensive (which is FA criterion 1b). That's my opinion on such matters. Stonemason89 (talk) 01:42, 24 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
        • We're talking about a featured article. Our best. If the best we can do for sources are clearly and obviously biased, it's probably not FA material. The subjects simply limited by the fact they're not really notable enough to be discussed in wider arenas. Sorry, but until this radio show gets some comprehensive, in-depth coverage from neutral sources, I say fail. AniMate 02:32, 24 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 14:25, 24 April 2010 [16].

Paramount Television Network

[edit]
Nominator(s): Firsfron of Ronchester 20:25, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


I am nominating this for featured article because it has been through GA review and peer review and meets the featured article criteria. This article has caught on with bloggers who have never heard of the topic, and who write their own summaries based on this article (for example here, here, and here), and one reader left a kind message on my talk page here concerning this article.

Particular attention has been made to include contemporary sources, since most (actually, nearly all) modern-day reference works do not mention the subject of this article. When I began this article in 2007, the subject had only three valid Google hits. Luckily, that has changed.

I'm aware that the subject is on an obscure, unpopular topic; finding a GA reviewer took several months, and the article also ended up on the Peer Review backlog. So if the article fails FAC due to lack of support, but the content is improved, that's ok. Firsfron of Ronchester 20:25, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for checking. I'm not new to FAC, so I checked them myself, too. :) You've changed some of the dashes in citations, but I rather painstakingly copied and pasted those dashes in from the original sources. For example, in reference #12, Para's KTLA Bows Jan. 22; Hope Emcee – Star-Studded Cast Inked". Billboard: 10. 1947-01-18, the punctuation in the citation's title was a hyphen (-), not an endash (–). It looks as though that is correct according to Wikipedia:MOSQUOTE ("[the] practice of conforming typographical styling to a publication's own "house style" is universal. Allowable typographical alterations include [...] styling of dashes"), but I worry that a reader who types the endash in his or her browser's "find text" box to locate the title of an article will not find the citation. Firsfron of Ronchester 02:33, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I know, but issues may come up after you check, or you may have forgotten—it happens, and another check can't do harm. Yes, the edits I made conform to MOS, but may cause problems for the reason you mentioned. I don't care particularly much about this specific issue, but FAs should conform to all aspects of the MOS. Ucucha 02:51, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


Review by Charles Edward

  • General
    • "The network signed affiliation agreements with more than 50 television stations in 1950" - how about the exact number here, rather than "more than fifty". I also read lower in the article where they peaked with over 100 affiliates. Perhaps the peak number should also be mentioned in the lead?
White's 1992 book says there were more than 50 affiliates during the peak years. White's 1992 paper states there were more than 40 at the peak. No other author mentions the peak number of affiliates, and in fact the PTN is relegated to a single paragraph in even the most thorough books (Lev's, for example). Although the table lists more than 100 affiliates, many stations only aired one program, and no PTN series lasted eight years.
    • "Filming of programs took place at the Paramount station KTLA in Los Angeles" - missing "the", unless Paramount Station was the name of the building. In which case both should be capitalized.
Fixed, thanks.
    • "Other television stations across the United States received Paramount programs via kinescope for airing", maybe "kinescope film" or "kinescope recording". It won't be obvious to most readers what a kinescope is, best to describe it.
Adjusted, thanks.
    • "Station managers at WBKB-TV in Chicago also had plans to distribute kinescoped programs", I am a little confused about that statement. Did the Chicago station intend to produce its own programs and sell them independently of the LA station, or were they intending to resell the programs recorded by the LA station?
They intended to film and distribute their own PTN programs. I've adjusted.
    • "the sale ended Paramount's first, early ventures into network television." - "first, early" seems redundant in this setting.
Thanks. I've reduced the redundancy by removing "early".
    • The article lists the executives and key people of the company in the infobox at the lead, but doesn't give them any mention in the article, except in passing and by title rather than name. It could be useful to add a paragraph talking about them and their role in the company. I understand sources may not give expansive information on them, but anything about them would really be useful.
This is a good suggestion, and I'm able to write a bit on KTLA president Paul Raibourn and vice president Klaus Landsberg, but it might be horribly negative. Bergmann's book, Kisselof's book, Goldenson's book, and White's book and papers discuss them, but no book source appears to paint them in any sort of a positive light. "Bully", "dickhead", "coldest man I ever met", "sabotage", "Nazi", "stole my network", "gave me cancer", etc. I'd like to keep this as NPOV as possible, so I avoided any mention of Raibourn's or Landsberg's professional doings or personalities. They appear to have been much hated by staff at DuMont, ABC, and KTLA. I can write something, if needed.
I've written a couple of paragraphs, sourced to ABC's Goldenson and Billboard.
  • Citations needed
    • "The following year, Paramount purchased a 40% interest in DuMont Laboratories, a pioneer in early television technology founded by Dr. Allen B. DuMont."
With a slight adjustment, the sentence is cited to Hess. (It could have been cited to White, Bergmann, Auter, Kisselof, or several others, but a cite to Hess was already in place there anyway).
    • "The popularity of KTLA's local programs opened up the possibility that they would become national hits if released to other stations across the country."
This is never explicitly stated anywhere; it was my attempt to smooth the prose by bridging the gap between KTLA's early local programming and its national aspirations which resulted in the 1948 launch. I can remove it, but then there will be a slight disjoint between the local section and the attempted national distribution. Advice appreciated.
    • "Meanwhile, CBS, ABC and NBC had each acquired the maximum of five stations by the mid-1950s."
Cited.
    • "Author Timothy White has called Paramount's efforts to launch its own television service, which directly competed with the DuMont Television Network, an unwise decision;", this quote needs a citation following it.
The citation at the end of the paragraph covers the entire paragraph. I can add the same citation again, but have been through FAC before and have been told before not to duplicate citations in the same paragraph.
    • "The Spade Cooley Show, a variety program hosted by Spade Cooley and featuring Dick Lane, Anita Aros, Phil Gray, and Kay Cee Jones"
Cited. This was actually one of the five series that White specifically mentioned in his 1992 paper (all the rest were more difficult to find), so I don't know why it wasn't cited before...
    • "Additionally, various press releases indicated that other KTLA series would be offered on the network."
I had actually cited each press release immediately following the title of the series which was planned for national distribution, but have added them after this sentence as well.
    • "There is no indication, however, that the following series aired outside of Los Angeles"
I can't provide a citation for a lack of indication. I can strike the sentence, but then readers will be falsely informed that those four programs aired on the network. The only sources for these programs are press releases which indicate that they would be seen on the network "soon".
    • "Leo Resnick, hearing examiner for the Commission, concluded that Paramount did not control DuMont; this ruling would have allowed both Paramount and DuMont to expand to five stations each, but the FCC rejected this portion of Resnick's findings."
Again, the citation is at the end of the paragraph, as the source supports all the material in the paragraph.
    • "...the sale ended Paramount's first, early ventures into network television."
Cited.
    • "This plan was aborted when Paramount made the decision to transform Phase II into Star Trek: The Motion Picture."
Cited.
I am the author, and I've added the author, date created, and the software used to create the image.
  • References
    • Reference 24 needs a "pp." before the page number
    • Same for ref 121, 142, 124, 151, 153, 179, 201 189
The citation template used for these references suppresses the "pp." from showing.
I think on those you can manually insert a "p" or "pp" into the parameter so it would look like "pages=pp 2". —Charles Edward (Talk | Contribs) 12:16, 12 April 2010 (UTC) [reply]
Done, and thanks for the tip. Firsfron of Ronchester 17:16, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • Reference 18 needs an access date
    • Same for ref 67
    • In the further reading section, the page number of the book should be "pp" rather than "p"
Fixed.
    • Query: The article uses "pp" throughout, but generally isn't that reserved for when you site multiple pages, and "p" when siting an individual page? Either way, so long as it is consistent I think its ok.
I'm just using citation templates.
  • Sources check out.
  • Alt text present
  • Prose is excellent

This is a very nice article and an interesting topic. It is lacking in details in some areas, but I understand that the availability of published information equally lacking. Most of my comments are nitpicks, and once addressed I'd be glad to support this article. —Charles Edward (Talk | Contribs) 13:36, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you, Charles, for reading the article and for your thorough review. I've struck out some items and am working on your other observations. If I've struck something out which you feel has not been addressed, please feel free to unstrike it. Firsfron of Ronchester 22:41, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
You've addressed them all to my own satisfaction. One new one though from your additions:
  • "According to Leonard Goldenson, president of ABC during this era, Raibourn "constantly nitpicked and needled [Allen DuMont] over the smallest expenditures. DuMont came to the point where, psychologically, he thought he couldn't do anything without Raibourn's approval."" - is an uncited quote, I suspect though its from the ref at the end of the paragraph, but don't have the book to check myself.
It's cited at the end of the paragraph, but as it is a direct quote, I've gone ahead and dupe cited it. Someone else will have to ding me for the duplicated citation... if another reviewer happens along. Firsfron of Ronchester 17:16, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Support. This article meets all the FA criteria. Another quality article for the encyclopedia, Good work! —Charles Edward (Talk | Contribs) 12:16, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for the thorough review and the support, Charles. Firsfron of Ronchester 17:16, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks. I wasn't aware of that. I actually got the idea and code for the reference scrollbar from a Featured Article; it was an attempt to reduce the size of the large reference section. I've removed it. Firsfron of Ronchester 02:56, 13 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

images File:Paramounttelevisionnetwork.jpg non-existent FU rationale! Fasach Nua (talk) 22:51, 16 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The image has always been correctly licensed, with a section beginning with "Non-free media use rationale for Paramount Television Network". Firsfron of Ronchester 06:19, 17 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I think I know what you mean, and I've reworded the FUR slightly. Firsfron of Ronchester 06:40, 17 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Three weeks, no consensus to promote, unfortunately FAC is stalled and backlogged. Please bring this back in a week, perhaps placing a neutral message on WikiProject pages to encourage review. Sorry, but with FAC lacking reviewers, my hands are tied. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 14:23, 24 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 14:16, 24 April 2010 [17].

Hal Block

[edit]
Nominator(s): BashBrannigan (talk) 01:14, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


I am nominating this for featured article because... This was a significant figure in early television history. However, while there was much material in newspapers and books about him, little had ever been collected together. This article presents a balanced view of this controversial figure. I was careful to verify everything with citations and to leave my own opinions out of it. BashBrannigan (talk) 01:14, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Fixed the Daly dab. The gildersleeve link was working a couple weeks ago so it could be temporary. However, I've added a second live link as a backup.BashBrannigan (talk) 01:33, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks. Ucucha 01:40, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Gildersleeve link still not active after week. Removed and left backup link which is still live. BashBrannigan (talk) 04:30, 17 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

images three non-free images....no FU rationales Fasach Nua (talk) 22:56, 16 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

To be sure, I assume the three are the Follow the Girls poster, the USO logo and the Take it or Leave It poster? If necessary, they could be removed as it would still leave the article with 3 other images. BashBrannigan (talk) 01:51, 17 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Added FU rationale to Take It or Leave It poster.BashBrannigan (talk) 03:38, 17 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Added FU rationale to Follow the Girls poster.BashBrannigan (talk) 04:26, 17 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Removed USO logo. Non-essential to article and already an image for that section. BashBrannigan (talk) 00:18, 18 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment: The article, presently classed as C, has been brought to FAC without undergoing any previous review, and in some respects appears to be unready. Here are some specific issues:-
    • The brief lead section is not in accordance with WP:LEAD in that it does not summarise the whole article;
    • The layout is odd for a biography, with (very brief) personal information squeezed into a short section at the end;
I found little about his personal life, either his childhood or adult relationships. He seemed to have a thing for the ladies, but was a lifelong bachelor. I found a couple items about relationships with women. They were too brief and in gossip columns, so I didn't include them. Besides, speaking for myself, I'm usually interested in a person's work life and not personal life. BashBrannigan (talk) 23:03, 19 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • Direct speech is shown in italics, which is not WP style.
Removed the italics.BashBrannigan (talk) 23:03, 19 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • After a quick glance, the prose looks reasonably good, but needs detailed checking. I saw several minor points, e.g. The New York Times written, unitalicised and unlinked, as "the New York Times"; wikilinks within quotations; a section title "Legacy of Hal Block" which breaches MOS by including the article name in a section title (in any event, the section hardly describes a "legacy"). These are examples. It probably needs a fresh pair of eyes to go through the whole prose.
Removed Block's name from section title. Leaving as Legacy and uncertain at the moment what else to call it.BashBrannigan (talk) 23:03, 19 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Work needed on alll of these points. Brianboulton (talk) 18:00, 19 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 13:58, 24 April 2010 [18].

Garden City High School (Kansas)

[edit]
Nominator(s): JHawk88 (talk) 13:04, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I am nominating this for featured article because I have spent numerous months expanding and editing this article to the point that it is at. I believe it is well-written, comprehensive, well-referenced and otherwise meets the FA criteria. It has been promoted to GA for a fairly long time and the reviewer said that he or she believes it is a good candidate for FA. JHawk88 (talk) 13:04, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comment. Five links to disambiguation pages and three dead external links—see the toolbox to the right. Ucucha 17:29, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Images the self-made pictures are OK, and the logo meets Fair Use. However Image:GCHS rendering.png says Copyright © 2006. GMCN Architects. All rights reserved, so I can't see where the CC-3 licence comes from. Image:GCHS Band 1925.png is not fair use, since it is not essential for the article but may well satisfy PD-old. The author is not Gavin Holman unless he took the photograph, which seems unlikely. Replace with correct photographer so date of death can be checked, or replace with "unknown photographer". Jimfbleak - talk to me? 17:13, 23 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Oppose. Unfortunately, almost all the issues raised in the previous FAC remain. These include reference issues, comprehensiveness and coherence issues, citation quality problems, and the lyrics (which are a possible copyright violation). This should really be withdrawn and given benefit of a good peer review before it comes back to FAC. It needs quite a bit of work yet. --Nasty Housecat (talk) 21:44, 23 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose. Not sufficiently well-written. Linking and MoS issues.

  • Overlinking: "high school" and "USA" (common terms); doesn't the MoS say to use "US" or "U.S.", not the triple? Why are the colours linked? Please see WP:OVERLINK.
  • MoS: "fully accredited" (no hyphen after ly).
  • "serving students in grades 9–12, located in Garden City, Kansas"—couldn't it be: "serving students in grades 9–12 in Garden City, Kansas"?
  • "The current principal is [long list of senior staff]."—This will need upkeep, so I suggest not right up there in the lead, and "as of 2010"?
  • "The enrollment for the 2009–2010 school year is approximately 2,000 students." Neater as: "About 2,000 students are enrolled for the 2009–2010 school year."?
  • Please read what MOSNUM says about '60s and the like. Tony (talk) 08:50, 24 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 19:47, 22 April 2010 [19].

Halo 3: ODST

[edit]
Nominator(s): Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs(talk) 22:34, 2 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


Halo 3: ODST is the expansion to what was then, the biggest entertainment launch of all time, the release of Halo 3. In this article: marketing blunders, film noir influences, and Peter Jackson. I believe it meets the FA criteria. 'Nuff said. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs(talk) 22:34, 2 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Support pending remaining fixes.
    Oppose—I started working my way through the article, but I found too many issues that need resolving. In multiple cases the writing assumes prior knowledge of the game by the reader. I don't this article yet satisfies the FA criteria. Here is a partial list:
    • The statement "If the player receives damage past their stamina threshold before it can recover..." almost makes sense. Please clarify it.
    • "After finding a piece of evidence left behind (a sniper rifle hanging on a lamp post, for example), a flashback is triggered and the player assumes the role of the missing soldier in a daytime setting." Could you clarify the purpose of this flashback? How long does it last? Is the sentence that begins "After the player finds the first piece of evidence..." part of the flashback?
      • "...missing soldier in a daytime setting for the duration of the mission..." Okay so does "mission" here refer the flashback? Or is this a permanent change?
    • "ODST ships with Halo 3's multiplayer contained on a separate disc." Multiplayer what? Version? Interface?
    • The paragraph that begins "ODST takes place in the 26th century..." needs some clarification.
      • "...single ship lands above the city..." How does it "land" above the city? What does it do once it "lands" (besides leave)?
        • The flow jumps from "a single ship hovers above the city" to "while the Covenant still occupy the city". When and how does this occupation occur?
      • "...storyline follows the carrier to an..." What is the "carrier"?
      • "During the game the player can unlock audio files..." Why does this part matter? Is it just there to add color?
    • What is a "Pelican transport"?
    &c. Sorry—RJH (talk) 21:39, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • Addressed the above. The bit about audio files is important in that it's an optional narrative that is discussed throughout the article. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs(talk) 18:57, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
      • I still think the purpose of these files could use some clarification. Nowhere else in the article does it appear to clarify the role of Sadie's story.—RJH (talk)
    • "...toward the ship; at the last minute, Dare changes their trajectory to miss the carrier." Apparently "carrier" == "ship"? Please clarify.
    • "...fights through Covenant to find Dare" This needs to be clarified to say "the Covenent forces".
    • What is an "ONI base"?
    • "The squad hijacks a Covenant transport ship..." Wait, only one Covenant ship reached the city. What is this? I think you need to clarify the role of the covenant ship, which I am guessing carried smaller transport ships that landed a force of Covenant inside the city.
    • "...destroying the artificial intelligence..." What AI is this? All that was mentioned was a "Superintendent's data core".
    —RJH (talk) 17:47, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • I finished going through the article. There are a few more issues, but most of the remaining material looks good. Please could you address the following?
    • I think the term "health mechanic" needs a little clarification. It also occurs to me that the mechanism by which a player can die isn't explained. I assume that happens when health drops to zero, but since the "health mechanic" is apparently a new addition, this is unclear. I think that should be clarified in the Gameplay section.
    • "released September 22" needs a year.
    • In the sentence that begins "Though Bungie did not consider Recon a full game..." there is a comma-parentheses pair. That seems a little redundant. Perhaps you could rewrite it a little?
    • "...merited its full price as a full-sized game." This doesn't quite make sense. Please clarify.
    • The sentence that begins "Parish said that due to the..." is also not quite right. Please clarify the meaning.
    Thanks.—RJH (talk) 22:39, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments:
    • "underneath the city the Covenant is looking for" Looking for a city, or for something under the city? Ambiguous; if the latter then pls move the last several words.
    • I didn't like the "live action" paragraph for several reasons. Se article talk for suggestions.
    • I'm a huge fan of semicolons, but some of the ways they were employed in this article bothered me. • Ling.Nut 16:14, 11 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Three weeks, and this FAC hasn't gained consensus for promotion. Since it has no outstanding objections, David, bring it back in a week, or you can nom another article-- do some reviews! SandyGeorgia (Talk) 19:44, 22 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 22:54, 20 April 2010 [20].

Harrisburg, Illinois

[edit]
Nominator(s): Ruhe1986 (talk) 23:52, 16 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


I have been working on this article for more than a year, It has reached Good Article Status, and now I think it's ready to be nominated for featured article. Harrisburg, Illinois was one of the leading bituminous coal mining distribution hubs of the American Midwest between 1900 and 1937.

At its peak, Harrisburg had a population that reached 16,000 by the early 1930s, and had one of the largest downtown districts in Southern Illinois.Ruhe1986 (talk) 23:52, 16 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Citation cleanup is needed throughout. Newspapers, journals and periodicals are in WP:ITALICS, other websites are not. Also, there are raw citations, example:

images File:Hburgil_logo.jpg does not have a valid FU rationale, File:Hbgnatbank1.jpg has no rationale Fasach Nua (talk) 16:07, 17 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments:

Oppose on criterion 1a

  • Is there no prehistory for the area?
  • If the Piankashaw were driven out before European settlers arrived, how do we know the Shawnee were the more aggressive?
  • " English settlement began in earnest in 1790 but these settlements had important differences in the way they began": Repetition of "settlement"; would changing the first occurrence to "colonization"?
  • "The French looked upon their efforts as merchants and Missionaries with farming supplementing the need for trade, mostly along a river, not inland": This sentence is poorly constructed and awkwardly phrased. That the French viewed the English settlers as merchants and Missionaries (shouldn't that be lower case?) is their opinion; were they or not? Also, there is ambiguity: was it the settlements that were along the river or the trade?
  • "…resulted in large parcels being distributed": large parcels of land?
  • The first paragraph of the pioneer and native coexistence section is confusing. As well as the above example, it's stated that the English (no Irish, Scottish, or Welsh?) and French settled the area, but then the reader is told the Indians sought British help to resist this.
  • "Harrisburg was platted…": What does this mean? I'm unfamiliar with the phrase, although that may be because I'm not from America. It may require a wikilink.
  • "The settlers had outnumbered most of the Native Americans by 1840": You can't outnumber most of a thing. Either you mean "the settlers outnumbered the Native Americans in the area by 1840" or "the settlers outnumbered most of the Native American tribes in the area by 1840".
  • "Harrisburg was platted just a few miles south from the junction of the Goshen and Shawneetown-Kaskaskia roads, two of the earliest pioneer trade routes in the state.": This sentence would seem to fit better at the start of the controversial founding section, otherwise it feels disjointed.
  • The controversial founding section is confusingly structured. It starts off with the foundation of the town, without a specific date, and then we jump back in time to the details of where the county seat was. As choosing a central place for a new county seat appears to be the primary reason for the creation of Harrisburg, this should be explained before the reader is told that Harris et al donated land.
  • I've heard of wind mills, water mills, cotton mills, iron mills, and flour mills, but what is a planning mill?
  • "Harrisburg also saw the opening of several saw mills": Repetition of saw.

At a glance the article appears good, but after reading the first three sub-sections, it's clear the article needs a thorough copy edit to and attention paid to the way information is structured. Nev1 (talk) 22:32, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 21:37, 20 April 2010 [21].

Vanilla Ice

[edit]
Nominator(s): Sugar Bear (talk) 21:21, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


This biography passed as a GA in May 2009. Article is stable, with no edit wars. Biography is well researched and meets WP:NPOV guidelines. Sources are excellent, and plentiful. Seems to be FA quality to me. Sugar Bear (talk) 21:21, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Removed deadlinked news articles. (Sugar Bear (talk) 23:48, 7 April 2010 (UTC))[reply]
OK. Ucucha 23:51, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Robert Matthew Van Winkle was born on October 31, 1967 in Dallas, Texas. Because of his parents' divorce, he grew up moving between Dallas - huh? We go from birth to pts divorce - need some biographical notes in the middle here. When parents divorced and their names would be a start...
SBK paid him to adopt a more commercial, conventional appearance. This led Van Winkle to later regret his business agreements with SBK - this begs the question - how did his appearance and music (?) change and why did he regret it...
Following the success of "Ice Ice Baby",.... - this paragraph, where Suge Knight threatens Vanilla Ice just seems to end midstory. What happened? nothing?

Charles makes some good points below - I'll revisit after they are addressed. Casliber (talk · contribs) 02:50, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Review by Charles Edward

  • General
    • Query: "The lyrics describe a drive-by shooting and praise Van Winkle's rhyming skills" - Do I understand this right: in the lyrics he praises his own rhyming skills? Its a bit confusing as this is referring to him in the third person, it think it should probably be first person in this instance.
    • "After Earthquake beat up D-Shay, it was determined that D-Shay would not be able to work with Van Winkle, and Earthquake became Van Winkle's DJ" - Did Earthquake get into a physical fight with D-Shay? I'd suggest replacing "beat up" with "assaulted". And "determined" by who?
    • "In 1987, Van Winkle met Tommy Quon at the Dallas night club City Lights, which Quon owned.[8] Because Van Winkle had parked in front of the club's marquee, Quon asked him to move the car, but Van Winkle refused, stating that he intended to enter a talent contest, and did not want his car to be stolen." - this does not seem to have any particular relevance. Did it lead to something noteworthy? I'd suggest removing it if not, or adding the punch line if it did.
    • "Ice Ice Baby" has been credited for helping diversify hip hop by introducing it to a mainstream, white audience." - credited by who? I'd suggest attributing it in the sentence
    • "In 1999, the music video for "Ice Ice Baby" was "retired" on the MTV special 25 Lame, in which Van Winkle himself appeared to destroy the video's master tape. When Van Winkle was given a baseball bat, he ended up destroying the show's set." - I am a little confused about this. He "appeared to destroy the video" - did he actually destroy it, or only appear to? Secondly, when they gave him the bat, did he go around beating down their set on purpose? Was this part of the show, or did he loose it because they hated his video? Its not really clear if this was for comic effect, or just what was going on.
    • "In May 2000, Van Winkle made an appearance at a wrestling match promoted by Juggalo Championship Wrestling, then known as Juggalo Championshit Wrestling, filling in for Insane Clown Posse member Joseph Utsler, who had been injured during a match." - a little confused again, did he show up there to wrestle or rap\sing? Its not perfectly clear.
    • "In October 2000, it was announced that Van Winkle's next album would be titled Skabz, and that Chuck D was confirmed to appear on the album.", announced by who?
    • "In November 2004, Van Winkle's pet wallaroo, Bucky, and pet goat, Pancho, escaped from his Port St. Lucie, Florida home. After wandering around local streets for over a week, the animals were caught and returned to Van Winkle. He had to pay a $220 fine for expired pet tags and an undisclosed fine for the escape of the animals." - This does not seem particularly noteworthy. Did it have some profound emotional effect on him or receive local media coverage, or something of that nature? Its not obvious why this is important to know, I suggest adding why it is noteworthy or removing it.
    • Perhaps in the lead it should mention his history of domestic violence and a brief explanation of his fall from fame, such as it was.
  • MOS
    • "It was reported that Insane Clown Posse would make an appearance on Van Winkle's next album, tentatively titled Bomb Tha System.", avoid using "It was reported", maybe say exactly to made the report like . "X magazine said..". See MOS:Reportedly
    • "In 1997, Van Winkle married Laura, whom he had met at a party", what is her last (maiden) name, and what day were they married?
    • The External link needs access dates.
  • Prose
    • "Further albums by Van Winkle, including Hard to Swallow, Bi-Polar and Platinum Underground, featured a less mainstream rock-oriented sound, and did not chart." - maybe better as - "Later albums by Van Winkle, including Hard to Swallow, Bi-Polar and Platinum Underground, had a less mainstream rock-oriented sound, and did not chart."
    • "According to Van Winkle, SBK paid him to adopt a more commercial, conventional appearance. Van Winkle later regretted his business agreements with SBK." - Better as - "According to Van Winkle, SBK paid him to adopt a more commercial, conventional appearance. This led Van Winkle to later regretted his business agreements with SBK."
    • "In 1991, 3rd Bass released a single called "Pop Goes the Weasel", comparing Van Winkle unfavorably to Elvis Presley." - maybe better as "In 1991, 3rd Bass released a single called "Pop Goes the Weasel", and in the lyrics comparing Van Winkle unfavorably to Elvis Presley."
    • "By 1994, Van Winkle became isolated from the public spotlight, and had grown dreadlocks and began smoking cannabis." - this reads a little funny to me. I'd suggest rephrasing it. "isolated from the public spotlight" doesn't really make clear sense. Maybe "removed from the public spotlight", or "received less publicity".
    • "During periods of heavy drug use, Van Winkle received many tattoos from artist acquaintances. According to Van Winkle, "That was in my binge days. I didn't even realize how many I was getting"" - this doesn't flow very well. Perhaps "During periods of heavy drug use, Van Winkle received many tattoos from artist acquaintances. According to Van Winkle, he "was in [his] binge days. [He] didn't even realize how many [he] was getting". Or "During periods of heavy drug use, Van Winkle received many tattoos from artist acquaintances. Van Winkle, "[I] was in my binge days. I didn't even realize how many I was getting"
    • "Van Winkle expressed an interest in performing hip hop-influenced rock music, but found that the band was unable to produce the sound which he was looking for" - don't need the "which"
    • "According to Robinson, others had attempted to persuade him not to work with Van Winkle, feeling that it might hurt his reputation. Encouraged by this fear, Robinson agreed to work with Van Winkle." - not flowing well here. Maybe "According to Robinson, others had attempted to discourage from working with Van Winkle,saying it might hurt his reputation. Rather than being dissuaded, their fear encouraged Robinson who agreed to work with Van Winkle."
    • "Van Winkle began following a vegetarian diet." this seems really out of place, and also perhaps not noteworthy. Why did he do this? When did he start and how long did he continue? Did lead to something noteworthy?
  • Citations needed
    • "On April 10, 2008, Van Winkle was arrested in Palm Beach County on a battery charge for allegedly kicking and hitting Laura."
    • "In court, the couple's neighbor, Frank Morales, stated that it was merely a verbal argument."
    • "Current" in section "Band Members" needs a citation
    • "Filmography" section needs a citation
  • References
  • I added some new sources and removed the above sources. (Sugar Bear (talk) 21:57, 20 April 2010 (UTC))[reply]
  • Images check out
  • ALT text NOT present
  • References look good

Oppose for now. The prose is my primary concern, its pretty rough in places, has spots where it suddenly shifts topics, then bounces back, which makes it a bit hard to follow a narrative. I pointed out the instances I noticed in my first read through. Something you may consider is separating out some of his personal life information and combining it into its own section, running parallel to his professional career, or adding enough personal life information to make full paragraphs out of them; either option would take most of the choppiness out of the text.

Another item that feels like it is missing is the limited information on his personal life - I am not intimately familiar with the topic, but did he have siblings, if so mention a number? The only mention of his children is where he is was banned from seeing them; how many are there? are they by Laura? Ages and names may be appropriate if they are adults. Did he become estranged from his father, if so mention it? What is his financial situation, did he earn a substantial income from his music? There is little or no mention of his legacy (he is largely considered a joke nowadays, right?) Who were his musical influences? There seems to be a significant body of missing information expected in a biography of this nature, nothing extensive, just many little things.

I understand given his low profile, there is probably no biography of his life written which can be used as good source for a full complete article, but the article could really benefit from such a source if one exists. As it is now, the article is sourced almost exclusively from news stories (which tend to be less than comprehensive) and short online bios.

Overall the article is well researched and well referenced. Good job on it so far! Keep up the good work, and if you can resolve the prose issues I've raised, I'd be glad to change to support. —Charles Edward (Talk | Contribs) 17:53, 19 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Actually, Van Winkle's influences are discussed. It refers to Van Winkle being influenced by underground music, hip hop, Funkadelic, Rick James and Parliament. I moved the comments on Van Winkle's legacy to the final section. (Sugar Bear (talk) 00:28, 20 April 2010 (UTC))[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 21:37, 20 April 2010 [22].

Dancing the Dream

[edit]
Nominator(s): Pyrrhus16 19:31, 30 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]


I am nominating Dancing the Dream for FA because I have worked on this book article for several months and feel that it meets the FA citeria. Billed as "an inspirational and passionate volume of unparalleled humanity", Dancing the Dream was written by Michael Jackson and received somewhat negative reviews upon its release in 1992. Little has been published about this book in relation to the more "juicier" aspects of Jackson and his life, but I feel that this article is comprehensive in documenting Dancing the Dream. Thanks, Pyrrhus16 19:31, 30 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comments My first reaction is that there is very little pictures. I understand that might be hard to get but isn't there any image at all? Perhaps one of his mother or one of Elizabeth Taylor?
  • As the article is quite a short one, I don't really feel there is a need to stick another picture in for the sake of decoration. There is no free use image of his mother, and if I were to add an image of Elizabeth Taylor, it would either squish the "Poems and reflections" header or be squished by the infobox. Pyrrhus16 (talk) 22:24, 31 March 2010 (UTC)@[reply]
  • No, there is not one that would be appropriate for this article or that would enhance readers' understanding of the book. The book cover should be enough illustration for such a short article, in my opinion. Regards, Pyrrhus16 (talk) 15:27, 1 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Also: The Many Faces of Michael Jackson has a google book link. [23] and so has Michael Jackson: The King of Pop [24] and Michael Jackson: unauthorized [25]. I would prefer it if they could be added even if it isn't a must.
  • Great.
  • I suppose they could but I've always put newspapers and magazines into the notes section, and books into the references section. I find it easier and neater that way. Thank you for your comments. :) Regards, Pyrrhus16 (talk) 22:24, 31 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Ok, striking.

Support Very good article. A bit on the short side I'd say, but with over 3 million articles on the English Wikipedia, the shorter the better. I'm so proud that the wikiproject I founded is producing such great work, and I should commend you personally Pyrrhus for being an amazing editor on all things related to MJ in Wikipedia. Keep up the good work. I hope to see you at FAC many more times.UBER (talk) 01:49, 1 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your support and praise. It is very much appreciated. Pyrrhus16 (talk) 09:16, 1 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Support. While I'm not very familiar with GA and FA books, from what I can see the article meets the FA criteria because it is well sourced, well written, has a neutral point of view and is informative. Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 17:51, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you very much. Pyrrhus16 (talk) 19:34, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments
    • How can there be "approximately" 46 written pieces? Are some things only approximately written? Or do you mean there are 45, or perhaps 47? A number as specific as 46 cannot be approximate... how many poems, how many essays and how many instances of song lyrics are tere?
    • Thank you for having a look at the article. There are 46 written pieces by Jackson in the book. I've changed "approximately" to "exactly", to reflect this. I wouldn't want to say exactly how many specific instances of poems, reflections and lyrics I feel are in the book, as not all poems rhyme and one may argue that such-and-such a reflection is actually a non-rhyming poem. Pyrrhus16 (talk) 13:37, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • "were said to have been previously unreleased"? Who said it?
  • Oppose 1a. I worked on a couple paragraphs for a while (see this diff). I think similar improvements could be made to the entire article, plus some minor reorganization, etc. [Note that I don't even consider my own contributions to be completely polished and ready for the spotlight, though I do believe the text is significantly improved.] • Ling.Nut 00:24, 11 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments I'm going through tidying up bits of prose, but a few things stick out.
  • "A poem expressing Jackson's feelings of loss following the death in 1990 of HIV/AIDS sufferer Ryan White" - shouldn't it just be AIDS? I'm not particularly fond of forward slashes in prose, but it isn't a sticking point.
  • Done.
  • "The piece had previously been published by his mother in My Family" - more information needed here. Perhaps just a footnote, but we could do with knowing a little more about My Family.
  • I've noted in the prose that the book was her 1990 autobiography.
  • "The 100 photographs in Dancing the Dream were said to have been previously unreleased by the publishers" - the lead says "about" 100 pics. Which is it?
  • Changed to "The photographs in Dancing the Dream (approximately 100 in total) were said by the publishers to have been previously unreleased..."
  • "as some had been featured previously in a 1985 Jackson calendar, and also the magazines Ebony and People. Others were stills from the music videos of "Remember the Time" and "Black or White", as well as images taken from a performance by Jackson at MTV's tenth anniversary celebration" - more dates would be good here. Just the years will be fine.
  • Added dates.
  • "Dancing the Dream featured artwork from the professional artist Nate Giorgio, who as an amateur artist had developed a professional relationship with the entertainer in the 1980s. While living in Broome County, New York, Giorgio had sent Jackson some of his portraits, and the two later became friends" - you may not recognise that as I've copyedited it a fair bit, but was it Giorgio or Jackson who lived in Broome County?
  • It was Giorgio who was living in Broome County. I've changed to "While Giorgio was living in Broome County, New York, the artist had sent Jackson some of his portraits, and the two later became friends."
  • "Giorgio was later commissioned by Jackson to create further works for his estate, including artwork for the 2009 tribute book The Official Michael Jackson Opus" - as above, but to check I haven't changed the meaning was Giorgio commissioned by Jackson's estate, or was he commissioned to produce works for Jackson's estate (ie his house)?
  • It was Jackson's estate that commissioned him to do the artwork. I've changed to "Giorgio was later commissioned by Jackson's estate to create further works, including artwork depicting the singer for the 2009 tribute book The Official Michael Jackson Opus."

More to come. Parrot of Doom 18:18, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks. Pyrrhus16 (talk) 20:28, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Oppose for the following reasons: prose needs work throughout, not just isolated sentences. Some examples:
  • Dancing the Dream is fore-worded - fore-warded?
  • I'm only part-way through a copyedit on this article. I've been side-tracked by a few things, but as you know copyedits usually take a few run-throughs to get right. Hopefully when I'm finished the prose will be adequate for FA, the facts I'll have to leave to the nominator(s). Parrot of Doom 16:53, 19 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Poetry and essays[1][2] dealing with children - dealing with children? Also, if citations exist for the poetry and essays, then perhaps consider naming the specific pieces from the book.
  • I still don't understand why there are two citations after "poetry and essays". Is it a controversial point? If this is the section that describes the contents of the book, then use the primary source without citations. Also, the wording is still vague - what is a creative text?
  • Jackson muses on the environment - muses on the environment?
  • one poem that envisions seals pondering - seals pondering?
  • Sorry, still have trouble with seals pondering.
  • The photographs in Dancing the Dream (approximately 100 in total) were said by the publishers to have been previously unreleased - were said by the publishers?
  • and the two later became friends.[5] Giorgio was later commissioned by Jackson's - repetition here
  • It was stated that despite the book being a bestseller, - stated by whom?
  • Other issues:
  • The piece had previously been published by his mother in her 1990 autobiography My Family, and was not the only material in Dancing the Dream to have appeared elsewhere. -- which other pieces and where and when were they published?
  • Do sales figures exist? The lead mentions the book was best-seller, but that doesn't seem to be developed.
  • Giorgio was later commissioned by Jackson's estate to create further works, including artwork depicting the singer for the 2009 tribute book The Official Michael Jackson Opus.[5] - this isn't really germane to the scope of the article.
  • Moonwalk was edited by the former First Lady of the United States Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis and became a bestseller upon its release.[7][8][9][10] - again, although an interesting piece of information, not relevant to an article about this book.
  • The reference entry for the book itself is incomplete: needs publisher, publication date, place, and ISBN.
  • Finally, I see this was nominated as a GAN and I'm curious what happened. It seems not to have passed. Were there still issues to be resolved? If so, I'd suggest it go back to GAN and then on to a peer review. Truthkeeper88 (talk) 16:21, 19 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • The article was quickly failed at GAN because the reviewer admittedly noticed that it had been waiting for over two months to be reviewed, and did not know whether I was around to address any issues. I was able to fix the few actionable objections raised in the failed review within the space of an hour, but decided not to bring it back there if there was a chance of it receiving a similar quick-fail review with no time allocated for discussion of minor issues. Pyrrhus16 (talk) 20:37, 19 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Final comment - Thanks for your hard work today, but the article needs the following to be comprehensive: a full description of the contents (poetry, essays, photographs); a section on the thematic (themes) content of the pieces; and a complete rewrite of the close paraphrasing. Once that's done, I suggest another run at GAN and then to PR. Sorry, but in my view, there's still more to be done to make this a really dynamite article, and honestly anything about Michael Jackson deserves the best effort. I took the opportunity to read the sources, and I think you can eke quite a bit more material out of the little that exists. If you want help, let me know. Truthkeeper88 (talk) 21:17, 19 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by Steve 08:33, 20 April 2010 [27].

Themes in Avatar

[edit]
Nominator(s): Cinosaur (talk) 17:37, 18 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


I am nominating this for featured article because it satisfies WP:FACR, has passed a peer review, has been promoted to GA-status, and its GA reviewers suggested that it be nominated for FA. Cinosaur (talk) 17:37, 18 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


Oppose - Inappropriate use of multiple non-free images, not plausible as a FAC Fasach Nua (talk) 20:44, 18 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I strongly disagree with your rationale. It is an inevitable truth that most film-related articles will have non-free images to depict the content within the film as it relates to the article. This is because the film itself and any screen-shots will always be under copyright. It is technically impossible not to use copyrighted images, unless someone hand-drew the scene themselves for example, which would be ridiculous. Many featured film articles throughout Wikipedia have multiple non-free images within them and some more so than this one. DrNegative (talk) 21:24, 18 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
On top of what DrNegative has rightly said above about non-free images in featured film articles, the article in question is precisely about visual and conceptual similarities between the film Avatar and various social/political/historical/cultural/religious phenomena, and as such must use screenshots by definition. Arguing to the contrary and suggesting to strip the article of the bare minimum of screenshots it currently uses would mean limiting its encyclopedic value only to those who have actually watched the movie and remembered every frame from it. Regards, Cinosaur (talk) 03:00, 19 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
File:Firstplane.jpg: The fair use rationale of the image is invalid. Any free 9/11 pic will do the job equally well. There are 3 screen shots of the movie, that are used in appropriate sections. IMO, that is fine. --Redtigerxyz Talk 04:59, 19 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Comment: Redtigerxyz, thanks for your remark. As you well know, did go back and forth on this image until we concurred that this image best captured the thematic parallels between the film and 9/11. However, I am on the active lookout for its free replacement. Regards, Cinosaur (talk) 06:53, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment: You mention two peer reviews above, but only link one. Am I missing something, or do you mean two peer reviewers?
    • You are correct, they are actually two separate peer reviewers under the same peer review heading. I was not sure if they counted as two separate PRs or just one and the same. Sorry for the ambiguity. Regards, Cinosaur (talk) 03:29, 19 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment. This is an interesting article, nicely put together; the primary editors are to be commended for wringing so much from from the available sources. But that last point is why I wonder if the nomination isn't a little premature. Most of the sources are news and magazine articles; I'm sure many are very good and explore the film's themes in decent detail, but the lack of material from scholarship might mean major changes to the article in the months to come—and make no mistake, this is a film that will attract serious comment; the very existence of this sub-topic should prove that. Compare the references in this article to those in a few film articles that passed FA recently: Star Trek III: The Search for Spock#References, American Beauty (film)#References (scroll down for the bibliography), Not One Less#Bibliography. Even the C-class Interpretations of Fight Club#References. Something like Tropic Thunder might lack in-depth academic comment, but given the nature of the film, I'm content with that article's coverage. If this article were instead a subsection of the main article, I wouldn't be as concerned, but it's a thing apart, and that makes it more of an issue. For now, I'm not opposing, because I'm willing to accept that the article is a comprehensive treatment of the subject as it stands; I'm not even sure the mere potential for new material from higher-quality sources would be a legitimate, actionable oppose in any event. However, I would like to hear the nominator's thoughts on this issue, and it's something that subsequent reviewers should perhaps consider. All the best, Steve T • C 09:01, 19 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment: I concur with Steve. While the article work is commendable, I am not sure if it meets the FA criteria of "a thorough and representative survey of the relevant literature on the topic". I do not find newspaper and magazine articles to be relevant literature to sustain an entire article about a film's themes. The film is not even a half year old, and I think we can see from the extensive coverage here that a lot has been said about the film. I find it extremely likely that more shall be said. Themes are scholastic, not journalistic. It is strange territory here, though, so I'd also like to hear from the nominator about this. Erik (talk | contribs) 14:46, 19 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Can I just point out that when I said this article is well on its way to becoming a featured article "well on its way" means something very different to "this is a featured quality article now". I think this nomination is way too premature. And yes, scholarly studies are important in an article like this. Given time I think they could probably be added when they are published but right now.... I do think though that with a bit of study and wider reading and some polishing this could reach FA. Its an excellent article considering how it has been compiled using the sources but FA right now? Too early in my view. Dr. Blofeld White cat 15:49, 19 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment: I would like to thank Steve, Erik, and Dr.Blofeld for their positive feedback on the article's contents and for remarks on its perceived lack of comprehensiveness. I did look hard around for notable scholarly reviews of Avatar in the process, but it seems that such reviews have had too little time to emerge. As it appears from the literary references in film FAs posted by Steve above, most of the films' scholarly reviews appeared only some 2-5 years after their respective release dates, and Avatar is unlikely to become an exception. My rationale for this FAC was that the article is at present arguably as comprehensive as you can get (we did scrutinize the sources) and as such, its promotion as a featured Wiki resource might even facilitate and foster the emergence of more scholarly reviews of the film. However, if the consensus and FA guidelines demand that such an article include more permanent, in-depth, and scholarly reviews, which are yet to come, I will comply and withdraw the nominations for now till the time when more preferable sources are available en masse. Regards, Cinosaur (talk) 06:53, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Oppose, c.3.
    • Non-free images are not low-resolution (getting a much cleaner screenshot would do wonders for clarity, even at smaller resolutions.) I echo Fasach Nua's comments. Let's take a look at File:Avatarwar.JPG, for example. Its caption reads "The humans’ military operations on Pandora reminded critics of wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Vietnam." This does not need an image, as the battle scene is only being compared to real-world campaigns. The paragraph next to it mentions nothing that requires a screenshot—there's no critical commentary about what the soldiers are wearing, their equipment, or even the environment. The image description page has a weak one-line justification, so on and so forth for the other screenshots. These are being used in a purely decorative way, bookending comments about the subject without actually informing the reader about what is written next to it in the way required by WP:NFCC. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs(talk) 19:21, 19 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment:, David Fuchs, thanks for your feedback. I disagree with your characterization of the screenshots as mere decorations. As DrNegative and I wrote above, the very nature of this article is such that its contents heavily relies on visual similarities reported by reliable sources. Therefore, to keep the article truly encyclopedic even for those who did not watch the film, screenshots are indispensable and thus justifiable by fair use. As for your complaint that "there's no critical commentary about what the soldiers are wearing, their equipment, or even the environment"—what would you suggest other than adding such explanations to the quoted sources and thus running into WP:OR? Reliable sources watched the film, drew unanimous comparisons, and the article just faithfully restates their observations illustrated by relevant screenshots of the film for those readers who did not see the film. Contrary to what you seem to be suggesting, I fail to see how the absence of these images will improve or not deteriorate the article. Regards, Cinosaur (talk) 06:53, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment: Complying with the opinions of a number of editors here, I withdraw this nomination. Many thanks for the valuable feedback which I will give a serious consideration. Regards, Cinosaur (talk) 06:53, 20 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 12:47, 16 April 2010 [28].

FC Barcelona

[edit]
Nominator(s): Sandman888 (talk) 08:52, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


I am nominating this for featured article: it has recently been through a peer-review (13 March) and successfully promoted to GA (14 April), so I feel it is ready to meet the nit-picking of a FAC. Sandman888 (talk) 08:52, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Why is File:FCB.svg used in this article? Fasach Nua (talk) 19:09, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comment: alt text is needed for the images; ref #17 [Fritz, Barend (et al) (1999). Ajax, Barcelona, Cruyff. Bloomsbury Publishing PLC. ISBN 0747543054], needs a page number(s); foreign language sources should state (in Spanis) or (in Catalan) as appropriate (refs #7, 31) ;
    • AFAIK alt text is no longer a criteria.
      • Ah, I didn't know that! It has disappered from the FAC, I wondfer why?
    • Ref #7 is in english
      • OK, I should have checked.
    • no #31 chg.
    • finding pagenumber.
    • Sandman888 (talk) 08:57, 15 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Oppose. A number of fundamental concers, sorry:
    • Limited sourcing. At times, entire paragraphs, and multiple paragraphs at a time, go without inline citations.
    • Not a comprehensive review of the literature. A Gbooks search shows many sources, both in English and Spanish, that do not appear to have been consulted. This is an important criterion: without a comprehensive review of the sources we don't have a comprehensive article. For example, this 320 page book seems like an obvious source. This is perhaps reflective of a number of matters: the article does not tell us any detail about the club's membership or structure or its finances.
    • Unreliable sourcing, including significant use of the club's own website. Some degree of self-published sourcing may be acceptable for uncontroversial facts, but this article does it too much for a FA.--Mkativerata (talk) 03:05, 16 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


I get 9 hours to respond to critique? Is this really normal FAC policy? Sandman888 (talk) 13:19, 16 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 02:49, 16 April 2010 [29].

Rio de Janeiro bid for the 2016 Summer Olympics

[edit]
Nominator(s): Felipe Menegaz 01:26, 29 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]


Rio de Janeiro bid for the 2016 Summer Olympics is a well-researched article, a survey of the best sources, which gives the reader a detailed representation of Rio's Olympic campaign. Felipe Menegaz 01:26, 29 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Well, those "credentials in the neck" are the identification (See Credential) that appear in three of them. Felipe Menegaz 01:47, 29 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I know, but most people have only skins and bones and the like in their necks, and I don't see anything else in these people's necks. In any case, the detail should perhaps not even be included in the alt text. Ucucha 02:04, 29 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
✓ Done. Removed detail. Felipe Menegaz 02:20, 29 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments –

  • Do we need all of those cities and countries linked in the first paragraph? The one sentence listing them has a whole lot of blue. I can see linking more exotic places like Azerbaijan, but Spain and the U.S.?
  • "This bid is the first that has proceeded to the Candidature phase". Shouldn't "has" be removed now, since the process has been over for a while now? This doesn't seem like past tense to me.
  • What makes Inside the Games (references 148 and 155) a reliable source?
  • One of the Manual of Style's provisions discourages collapsable tables in article text. This would include the large venue table in the middle of this article.
  • More than half the sources (126 of 230, according to my count) are to either the IOC, Brazilian Olympic Committee, or the bid committee. This is a lot of primary sources for an FA to be carrying, especially for a topic that gained widespread attention. Was none of this covered in any media outlets. Giants2008 (27 and counting) 21:27, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • Do not quite understand what you mean. Could you explain? Regards; Felipe Menegaz 23:16, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
      • Simply put, I'm asking why this many sources from the three main organizations involved in this bid process are being used, instead of articles from newspapers, magazines and such. Did no one in the media write about any of these topics? We should be using the best sources possible; what they are depends on what is avaliable, of course. If media articles exist, it is preferable to use them over stories from the organizations connected to the process. Giants2008 (27 and counting) 23:14, 11 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Bad case of Overcite. Please learn (and tell all your friends): One cite per statement – find the most relevant and most reliable one – , unless the statement is so controversial that it needs extra support. • Ling.Nut 23:39, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Strong Oppose per copyvio. It took me two minutes to find copy/paste. I'll give you the example, but please do not fix that example and ask me to reconsider. If it takes me two minutes to find blatant copyvio, I lose my AGF with respect to the remainder of the text. Please withdraw the nom and go over every single statement. In other words, please be responsible for every cite. "A television tower will be built at the IBC/MPC complex to complement broadcasting operations and provide panoramic studios." If that's public domain, then I'll reconsider. But at this moment I'm looking at a copyright at the bottom of the page... • Ling.Nut 23:52, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • What? Copyvio? "A television tower will be built at the IBC/MPC complex to complement broadcasting operations and provide panoramic studios." is a copyright violation? How? You gave me a fright. Felipe Menegaz 23:57, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
      • Hello Felipe. I'm sorry to tell you the bad news, but yes it does appear that this text is a copyright violation. It appears to be a direct copy/pasted quote from this page. Please read WP:COPYVIO carefully. I'm also afraid that merely fixing that particular quote is unacceptable. You'll have to go back through every single line of the article, one by one, and check each one for WP:COPYVIO. The reason for all the trouble is that if one copyvio problem exists, the odds are extremely high that there are many... The text was apparently added by you at 09:46, 7 May 2009. • Ling.Nut 01:05, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

This article was widely used in the internet, been copy-pasted by several reliable and unreliable sources. Even large media organizations, like the British Broadcasting Coorporation (BBC), used the text from this article. Take a look:



The original text was added by me on June 29, 2008. [30] After months, I made sure that BBC used my text because of an error. Actually, the Brazilian Olympic Committee did not choose Rio de Janeiro over São Paulo, as I wrote in 2008; because São Paulo was not disputing (I made a mistake, it was during the 2012 bid process). However, BBC stated on its article: "The Brazilian Olympic Commitee chose Rio de Janeiro ahead of Sao Paulo three years ago to bid for the 2016 Olympic Games."

Well, there is no copyvio. Actually, the text displayed on www.brazil2016olympics.co.uk is a copy from Wikipedia. As you can see is not only that sentence but the entire paragraph was copy-pasted. I wrote those sentences about one year ago, and this website must have added the text much later. Is there any way to find out what date the website has been created? Cheers; Felipe Menegaz 12:25, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

See other websites: [31] [32] [33] [34] [35]. Check out the dates to note that these websites are copies of Wikipedia. One has even the references ([10][11]). Felipe Menegaz 13:30, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Copyvio comments
    • Current copyrighted Rio 2016 text, copyrighted in 2008: "Through its mirroring effect, the symbol also forms a stylized clover"
    • Current Wiki text (identical): "Through its mirroring effect, the symbol also forms a stylized clover". Mmm, the words "through its mirroring effect", which now exist at the Rio site and Wikipedia, were altered on Wikipedia at 08:36, 20 February 2009. The original wiki text added much earlier (July 2008) uses the words "through its repetition" instead of "mirroring effect". Oops, the wayback machine for April 2008 has the text precisely identical to Wikipedia's original version: "Through its repetition, the symbol forms a stylized clover". To me it appears to be serial copyright violations... even copying updates to copyrighted sites.
    • I'm sorry. It should only take 2 or 3 weeks at the very, very most (and probably much less, if you can find a couple good copy editors) to find and correct any and all remaining issues. • Ling.Nut 00:41, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments: I will make some general comments and afterwards, will try to make a deeper scrutiny. Parutakupiu (talk) 19:56, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 02:45, 16 April 2010 [36].

Cavalier King Charles Spaniel

[edit]
Nominator(s): Miyagawa (talk) 14:38, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


I am nominating this for featured article because it is currently a good article, and has been through a peer review since that time. I've just gone through and applied some formatting changes to the references and corrected the points raised in the review. I've raised a few articles to GA now, but this is my first attempt at an FA. There is only one dog breed article currently at FA, which is Beagle. Miyagawa (talk) 14:38, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the quick fix. Ucucha 15:01, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment in the lede, it says "There are a few health issues...", but at least 7 (maybe more if you split knee and hips, as well as others) are listed in the bulk of the article. Saying "a few" in this case seems somewhat inaccurate. Perhaps "A number of...", or other wording? -- Bfigura (talk) 17:58, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • I can't profess to know exactly what the original commenter intended, but IMHO "several" typically denotes less than "a few", whereas Bfigura seems to think (and I would have to agree) that >7 listed health problems are more than what both wordings might suggest. Maybe it can be tempered with something along the lines of "The breed is affected by various health issues"? María (habla conmigo) 20:19, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Review by Charles Edward

  • General
    • "It was believed that these dogs could keep fleas away, and some even believed that they could prevent forms of stomach illnesses" - believed by who? (The 16th Centurions I suspect, best to be clear though)
    • Internal link for "Pug"?
    • "During the early part of the 18th century, John Churchill, 1st Duke of Marlborough, kept red and white spaniels of the King Charles type used for hunting." - this sentence is a bit confusing to me. Perhaps it should be "During the early part of the 18th century, John Churchill, 1st Duke of Marlborough, kept red and white King Charles type spaniels for hunting."
    • "In 1926, an American named Roswell Eldridge offered..." better as "In 1926, American Roswell Eldridge offered..."
    • "Eldridge would die before seeing..." better as "Eldridge died before seeing..."
    • "in the Ttiweh Cavalier Kennel, numbers went from around 60 to only 3 during the 1940s", perhaps instead "in the Ttiweh Cavalier Kennel, the population of sixty dropped to three during the 1940s".
    • In the "Temperament" section, "Cavaliers" is used frequently. converting some of the instances of "Cavaliers" to pronoun would help it to read better.
  • MOS
    • "The Cavalier King Charles Spaniel is a small breed of dog of Spaniel type, considered one of the toy dog breeds." - "considered" is a WP:WEASEL word. That should be rephrased or attributed.
  • Citations needed
    • "...and it was said of him that "His Majesty was seldom seen without his little dogs"." uncited quote, see WP:MOSQUOTE
    • "of "Blenheim Spaniels of the old type, as shown in pictures of Charles II of England's time, long face, no stop, flat skull, not inclined to be domed, with spot in centre of skull." " uncited quote
    • "The first recorded Cavalier living in America was brought from Britain in 1956 by W. Lyon Brown, together with Elizabeth Spalding and other enthusiasts, she founded the Cavalier King Charles Club USA which continues to the present day."
    • "The Cavalier King Charles Spaniel is one of the largest toy breeds."
    • "The two breeds share similar history and only diverged from each other about 100 years ago."
    • "While the Cavalier weighs on average between 10–18 pounds (4.5–8.2 kg), the King Charles is smaller at 9–12 pounds (4.1–5.4 kg)."
    • "According to statistics released by The Kennel Club, Cavaliers were the 6th most popular dog in the United Kingdom in 2007 with 11,422 registrations in a single year."
    • "They rank 44th in Stanley Coren's The Intelligence of Dogs, being of average working/obedience intelligence. " - should proably try to rephrase so the slash can be removed too.
    • "It is rare for a 10-year-old Cavalier not to have a heart murmur."
    • "While heart disease is common in dogs generally – one in 10 of all dogs will eventually have heart problems – mitral valve disease is generally (as in humans) a disease of old age."
    • "...with international research samples in the past few years consistently showing over 90% of cavaliers have the malformation, and that between 30–70% have syrinxes."
    • "...Between six months and four years of age in 85% of symptomatic dogs, according to Clare Rusbridge, a research scientist."
    • "An MRI scan is normally done to confirm diagnosis of SM (and also will reveal PSOM)"
    • "As many as half of all Cavalier King Charles Spaniels may have a congenital blood disorder called idiopathic asymptomatic thrombocytopenia, an abnormally low number of platelets in the blood, according to recent studies in Denmark and the United States."
    • "PSOM has been reported almost exclusively in Cavaliers, and it may affect up to 40% of them."
    • "Cavalier King Charles Spaniels may be predisposed to a form of congenital deafness, which is present at birth, due to a lack of formation or early degeneration of receptors in the inner ear, although this is relatively rare."
  • References
  • Images
  • Prose looks good

Oppose for now, the number of referencing issues is my primary concern. Everything else is pretty well in order, and I find the article well wrote. Its an interesting topic, and I see you've put alot of research into it. Great job so far, keep up the good work and if you can address these issues I'd be happy to change to support. :) —Charles Edward (Talk | Contribs) 15:32, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments. I would lean toward oppose, based on referencing issues to which Charles referred. I did take the liberty to tweak the lead a bit, reducing the numbers of which, what and wherefore. My issues with the references is that they are not all listed. A basic listing of the references in alpha order would make it more obvious that the fundamental sources have been covered. I have other prose issues that I'll bring up if the reference issues can be addressed. Auntieruth55 (talk) 21:35, 15 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Two questions about sources: why are barkbytes and terrificpets.com and puppytrainingathome.com reliable sources?


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 02:37, 16 April 2010 [37].

Goodison Park

[edit]
Nominator(s): TheBigJagielka (talk) 18:27, 11 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


I am nominating this for featured article because I believe it meets the FA requirements and I am willing to improve the article further to meet those requirements if needed TheBigJagielka (talk) 18:27, 11 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

All above issues resolved. TheBigJagielka (talk) 18:52, 11 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks. Ucucha 18:53, 11 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Questions I've been reading the article and have a few questions or things that need to be clarified. I'm only part way through so maybe I'll have some more later...

  • In the Birth of Goodison Park section, the first paragraph, I looked at ref 8 and could not figure out what it was referencing in that paragraph
  • Did Houlding propose buying both his land and Orrel's for 9237 or just Orrel's for 9237 and his for an unknown amount?
  • What does the d mean in 4 1/2d?
  • This doesn't make sense to me: Upon its completion the stadium was the first purpose-built football stadium in England, and was only preceded in the United Kingdom by the Scottish club Rangers' Ibrox Stadium, inaugurated in 1887. Goodison was first but Ibrox was first?
  • Was the first match on 2 Sept an exhibition match? Maybe a cup? — Strafpeloton2 (talk) 23:10, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I've just had a look at this and page on the official site has changed! I'll try and find an alternative source.
Combined fee of £9,237
Symbol for a penny
Yeah, Goodison was England's first stadium, Ibrox was the UK's first
Exhibition game TheBigJagielka (talk) 00:28, 13 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
You addressed all these. — Strafpeloton2 (talk) 01:25, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Question Is ToffeWeb a reliable source? It is "run by an international group of fans for the benefit of Blues across the world". I have no doubt that it is a high quality unofficial site, but does it have a reputation for fact-checking and accuracy? Can we properly rely on that information published by ToffeeWeb is accurate? I'm also not sure about a page like this: [38] (footnote 26) --Mkativerata (talk) 02:36, 13 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Toffeeweb can be considered a reliable source, it is in my opinion the most informative Everton website out there. What facts are you questioning/disputing?
The NSNO page is linked because of a photograph of a scoreboard showing the players' numbers. TheBigJagielka (talk) 10:50, 13 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Lets assume the source is reliable - what part of it verifies the statement that "A scoreboard was first introduced on 20 November 1971"? --Mkativerata (talk) 10:54, 13 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Oppose. Sorry to have to do this for a FA nomination in respect of my favourite football club, but I think this article falls short of FA standards particularly in respect of verifiability. The following are my central concerns:
    • Unreliability of sources. Much of the article is sourced to ToffeeWeb. I accept that ToffeeWeb is one of the best unofficial fansites on the web. But it is still essentially a fansite, not a reputable source of information that can be relied on by an encyclopaedia. A site such as Toffeeweb will inherently promote a particular view, generally favourable to the club but perhaps unfavourable of particular club policies (eg the move to Kirkby). It can't be relied upon to present comprehensive and neutral coverage of the club. But Toffeeweb is far from the biggest issue:
      • Using a self-published source of a baseball club (fn 125).
      • The sourcing problem discussed in my comment above: the source is not reliable and the material in the article isn't even supported by it. While the inaccuracy element of it has now been fixed, it was a glaring inaccuracy that makes me wonder what else is out there, and is still sourced unreliably.
      • Substantial reliance on publications of Everton FC (ie self-published sources) to support the article's material (footnote 23).
    • Entire paragraphs going unsourced, eg the one that commences "Goodison Park featured in the filming of", "Following this, plans were made to move to Kirkby" and "In more recent years, a large 'jumbrotron' screen"
    • The article does cover the full range of available literature: I'm seeing a number of publications that cover Goodison Park in detail but that are not used in the article: [39]. FA standards require a comprehensive review of all literature on the subject; only then can we be reasonably certain that the article itself is comprehensive. --Mkativerata (talk) 01:45, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

undue weight seems given to quirky matches, can these be taken out of tables and put in narrative form, the results aren't really that important Fasach Nua (talk) 19:19, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 02:33, 16 April 2010 [40].

Manila

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Nominator(s): DragosteaDinTei 13:13, 14 April 2010 (UTC)


I am nominating this for featured article because the article has the qualities to be a featured article with good citations and correct grammar usage along with images. DragosteaDinTei 13:13, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

IMO, the article is quite far away from FA standards and I would urge the nominator to withdraw the FA nomination and instead, start a peer review, where further suggestions for improvements can be requested. --Redtigerxyz Talk 18:18, 15 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by Karanacs 00:58, 14 April 2010 [41].

Aafia Siddiqui

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Nominator(s): Epeefleche (talk) 08:22, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


I am nominating this for featured article because:

  1. IMHO it meets FA criteria;
  2. When the subject of the article was convicted, the article received over 12K hits;
  3. Her sentencing (which will be 30 years to life) is set for May 6, and I think it would be great for the project to have it featured that day if possible, as it is likely to be of great public interest.--Epeefleche (talk) 08:22, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks. The second link I mentioned is still in the page. Ucucha 21:05, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Good. Another one: http://www.chicagotribune.com/topic/sns-ap-us-al-qaida-suspect-shooting,0,3232452.story appears to link to a page of search results, not the news story. Ucucha 23:14, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Hi -- before I address, just want to make certain I understand. Are you suggesting that the inline of "wanted for questioning" be changed into a ref? Happy to do it, but just want to make sure I understand the comment.--Epeefleche (talk) 22:05, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose because this BLP article contravenes policy in several ways. In particular, primary sources (court records, indictments, psychiatric/psychology/forensic evaluations, affidavits) are liberally used, often without secondary sources to support them, in direct contravention of BLP's Misuse of Primary Sources section. Also very worryingly, allegations sourced from legal documents of accusation are inappropriately presented as facts rather than attributed: the first 5 sentences of the third paragraph of the Lead are a particularly obvious example of this, but there are multiple other instances. I pointed these major problems out at length on the talkpage several weeks ago,[42] and others have given similar advice at WP:RSN [43]. No changes have been made, and unfortunately I haven't yet had the time to fix the problems myself.

There are also other reasons why the article does not meet FA standards, including problems with prose, manual of style and citation, and some very close paraphrasing of sources (cf: the WP article "She also helped establish the Dawa Resource Center, a program that distributed Qurans and offered Islam-based advice to prison inmates" with the source "She helped establish the Dawa Resource Center, a program that operates out of Faaruuq's mosque, distributing Korans and offering Islam-based advice to prison inmates."[44]), but the sourcing and verifiability difficulties are significant enough in themselves. --Slp1 (talk) 22:11, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Eppefleche asked me to comment on the sourcing. The article seems to depend upon good secondary newspaper sources. That the primary sources are given also is a plus, not a minus. I'm just commenting on this, not the article in general. DGG ( talk ) 23:11, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
But they aren't given as a plus. As you say and as I have made clear on the talkpage of the article, if they supported secondary sources there would be no problem. But on no less than 28 occasions primary sources (court documents) are used as the only citations for information on a BLP. Check the occasions where references (currently) numbered 4, 6, 10, 11, 28, 72, 76 are the only source(s) used either alone or in combination. Likely the primary sources could be replaced or supported by secondary sources for some/most of the information. But this needs to happen for this to be a FA, or frankly BLP compliant. --Slp1 (talk) 23:42, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Slp is misreading the guidance. Of course, it would be nonsensical if the rule were "You can't use the indictment as a reference to reflect what the indictment says -- instead you have to rely on what Al Jazeerah (for example) said the indictment says". Or: "You can't use a NY Times editorial (the primary source) as a ref to reflect what the NY Times editorial says -- you need an Electronic Intifida article (for example; the secondary source) summarizing the NY Times editorial as your reference". That's because the guidance doesn't say that. The guideline in question, though no doubt it could have been drafted more carefully, is clearly aimed at: "personal details—such as date of birth, home value, traffic citations, vehicle registrations, and home or business addresses". We don't have any of those concerns here.--Epeefleche (talk) 00:07, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
How unusual is Slp's reading in its application here? The article has the sentence "In April 2009, Manhattan federal judge Richard Berman held that she was competent to stand trial." The ref? The actual Court Order. Of course that should be sufficient to support that statement; any other result is non-sensical.--Epeefleche (talk) 03:45, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Please carefully reread what I wrote at the talkpage. There is a big difference between saying "X shot Y" and "According to the indictment, X shot Y". I have never suggested that "According to Al Jazeerah, the indictment said that X shot Y" was necessary.[45][46][47]. Just that any allegation be attributed to who made it.--Slp1 (talk) 00:54, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • As I've said before, as a general matter I've no problem with attribution. Attribute away. And as I've also said before, one must consider the difference between: a) an accusation/indictment, and b) a conviction upon the charges in the indictment. Feel free to attribute away where appropriate; that's not a reason for this not to be an FA, or to delete the ref and accompanying text, for all the reasons stated here and in the pages linked to above.--Epeefleche (talk) 01:07, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Great. That's positive. But if you want this article to be promoted then you may actually have to do the leg work yourself to make sure it meets FA and BLP criteria, compliance and expectations You cannot just devolve responsibility to others. It needs to be compliant when it is promoted.--Slp1 (talk) 02:10, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment Fine, you don’t find the article to be FA quality, Slp1. I have zero problem with that. It would however, be exceedingly nice if you properly understood what primary sources (PSTS) is about so you aren’t misconstruing things and potentially confusing others.

    PSTS is part of Wikipedia:No original research (WP:OR). In this context—and, as spelled out right in the PSTS, Primary sources are very close to an event, often accounts written by people who are directly involved, offering an insider's view of an event. In many cases it clearly preferable that we not rely upon a primary source; for instance, some guy in Chevy Chase, Maryland, who purportedly received and read the contents of a letter written by Elvis in 2006. In this context, secondary sources are preferred, such as a Newsweek article that endorses the witness’ first-hand account as being credible and doesn’t mention that the witness is currently being treated by a mental health expert.

    Clearly, one would rightly call “court records, federal indictments,” etc. to be a “primary source” and that has you all sideways on the logic. Why? Because just as clearly, they are WP:Reliable sources and are not—by any stretch of the imagination—what is considered to be “original research.” In fact, court records will often take precedence over secondary sources. For instance, if Newsweek reported that a federal prosecutor had indicted a terrorist for possessing hollow-point bullets when in fact, the federal indictment papers themselves state right there in black & white that the bullets were armor-piercing, then one goes with what the indictment papers say. That doesn’t mean that the terrorist was guilty of possessing armor-piercing bullets or even possessed them; only that the federal indictment was for possessing armor-piercing bullets.

    Seeking the most authoritative sources is what I typically do; I often contact the Ph.D. authors of scientific papers and have them send me PDFs of the actual paper so I can quote straight out of the papers. Besides, corresponding with the Ph.D. saves me money because I don’t have to subscribe to the journals. Exchanging dozens of e-mails with the author of the scientific paper in question until I thoroughly understand the issue sure beats simply ralphing out some gibberish gleaned from Popular Mechanics.

    I suggest you get over the primary/secondary-source issue since it seems to have gotten you all confused and just focus on the objective: cite reliable sources, which courts and federal prosecutors are considered to be. And such sources aren’t considered to be “original research”. This all falls under the heading of WP:Common sense, or, in the rest of the world is known as a Well, DUH thing.

    It is obvious that if the article in question possesses, as you say, “liberal” citations referencing the actual court records and indictment papers, then this is a strength of the article and reflects well upon the editor, who obviously devoted great effort to cite accurate and unassailable facts. Greg L (talk) 23:54, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

P.S. I fully endorse what DGG wrote, which summarizes what I was trying to say, only with far fewer words. Good job, DGG, next time I might run my posts by you for some copy editing. Greg L (talk) 00:03, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Actually I don't think I am confused. I think if you look at WP's policies you'll find that per policy secondary sources are preferred over primary sources all the time. You'll also note that I never said that they were original research, just not appropriate sources per BLP, especially as they have not been correctly attributed as allegations not facts. You'll also note, looking at BLP policy that for BLPs, that we "Do not use .... court records or public documents" as sole sources.
Your foresight and energy in obtaining published scientific papers as sources is fantastic and a completely different matter. These are published secondary sources... the fact that you have got them from the authors' themselves does not diminish that at all. And if you get better understanding of the topic from correspondence with the authors, so much the better. But I am confused about one thing. DGG mentions being asked to comment, but no on-wiki sign of this. Since you have been agreement with Epeefleche on other matters, I am now curious to know whether there is some off-wiki email canvassing going on? --Slp1 (talk) 00:28, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Clarification -- I never asked DGG to comment here. Nor did he say that. I asked him his opinion, entre nous. He chose to leave a comment here, without any encouragement to do so (and without me knowing what his view would be).--Epeefleche (talk) 00:35, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you. I really and truly appreciate your clarification and honesty. But it would be useful to know if you contacted anybody else "entre vous" about this nomination and my objection to FA status. --Slp1 (talk) 01:05, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Quoting you, Slp1: You'll also note, looking at BLP policy that for BLPs, that we "Do not use .... court records or public documents" as sole sources. Gee, I see only one instance of “court records or public documents” in WP:BLP. And it says, right here, as follows:

Exercise caution in using primary sources. Do not use public records that include personal details—such as date of birth, home value, traffic citations, vehicle registrations, and home or business addresses—or trial transcripts and other court records or public documents, unless a reliable secondary source has published the material. Where primary-source material was first published by a reliable secondary source, it may be acceptable to turn to open records to augment the secondary source, subject to the no original research policy.


I also see that your insertion of the … ellipsis in "Do not use .... court records or public documents" and your cute as sole sources appended outside the quotes profoundly changed the meaning of the above-quoted text. Though the paragraph is mangled, it is clear the concern is over revealing date of birth, home value, traffic citations, vehicle registrations, and home or business addresses. I see this is hopeless and I don’t appreciate the techniques you’ve chosen to employ here. You have managed to take a strength (citing highly reliable sources), and make fallacious arguments and misquote guidelines to serve your own ends. Goodbye to you, sir, and happy editing. Greg L (talk) 01:09, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I'm a Mme, for what it is worth. I am not making any kind of fallacious argument. Secondary sources are preferred, and BLP policy (deleting any material between dashes) states that we must not use public records that include personal details... or trial transcripts and other court records or public documents, unless a reliable secondary source has published the material. As I have said several times, I suspect much of this material could probably be sourced to secondary sources. But this needs to be done as a start towards better article sourcing, before any FA status is given. --Slp1 (talk) 01:53, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The material you deleted in your quote is the most important material, and informs us what the concern of the guideline is. That's not a concern in this article.--Epeefleche (talk) 01:59, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Oh, no you don’t, Slp1. I’m not going to let you off the hook so easily. The guidelines are perfectly clear to everyone else. Your misquoting might strike a reasonable person as having been intentional because of the extreme care required to surgically excise the words in your 00:28, 10 April *quote* to masquerade its true meaning. I note a curious absence in your posts of providing full, quoted wording of what guidelines and policies really say, which can be fully well explained by the fact that they don’t say what you would like us to think they say. That’s why I can do as I did above: post “the guideline, the whole guideline, and nothing but the guideline” without resorting to the misdirection and hocus-pocus. The wording there isn’t hard for the rest of us to understand. The guideline right here on BLP is saying, in effect be careful when citing public records. You wouldn’t want to use them if they contain personal information like home phone numbers or someone’s business addresses unless that information has already been released into the public domain by newspapers and magazines. You keep on repeating the same, tired old mantra of how super-reliable and authoritative primary sources like court records and indictment papers are to be eschewed in favor of secondary sources like Parade magazine (which is inane and defies logic). And, conveniently, you somehow never seem to be able to produce any evidence to buttress your allegations without mauling it beyond all comprehension to say something that is entirely different from what it really says. If you want to fire back with a “Well… I am just soooo right,” it would be exceedingly nice if you can (really really) point us to something that backs up your wild notions. Greg L (talk) 03:24, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
More strawman arguments. Sigh. Take a look at how dashes used at the sentence level - ie parenthetically -, and this BLPN discussion - by others - on this section of policy. That's it for me. --Slp1 (talk) 12:08, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Wow! Instead of providing a link to a guideline or policy that supports your allegations, you provide a link to a discussion thread where others misdirected the galactically clueless (although some of them, like NeilN had it figured out). Because right there was yet another editor quoting guideline fragments out of context as a fine display of one’s inability to comprehend simple, 12th-grade English (or to purposely misdirect other wikipedians). This phenomenon seems to be pandemic on Wikipedia; apparently because so many wikipedians are too lazy to actually go and—you know—read our guidelines. Why?

Because, User:Collect employed the ol’ shotgun-of-alphabet-soup trick (here, 23:31, 15 November 2009) where he/she wrote …contrary to WP:OR and WP:SYN as well as WP:V, WP:RS and lovely WP:BLP… without providing links or quoting the governing text. Apparently, everyone is supposed to think “Gee, he quoted so many acronyms and that looks like a lot to read and I don’t even know where to go find them because they are unlinked. He must be smart and is one of those types that makes Wikipedia go.”

And when User:Collect finally does quote text (∆ here), he/she did one of those Professor Marvel-style “Pay no attention to that guideline behind the curtain!” stunts and quoted only a fragment 180° out of context: To make it quite clear -- WP:BLP says not to use "trial transcripts and other court records or public documents, unless a reliable secondary source has already cited them."

For yucks & giggles to anyone new to this thread, compare the meaning of that last, green-colored quote to the entire guideline in the above quote box in my 01:09, 10 April 2010 post. Then ponder over how sad the state of things are here when some editors perceive they can get away with these stunts. (*sigh*)

Could it be that we are beating around the bush here because editors are coming to these terrorist-related articles with an agenda? I don’t have a jones one way or another about terrorist articles; my contributions tend to be stuff like fixing that profoundly lousy looking photograph in Anwar al-Awlaki that no one seemed to give a dump about as editors battle away. It seems there is one camp there trying to introduce unflattering but well-cited facts that make the dude (who has presidential and National Security Council approval to bomb him clean out of his sandals) come across as a thoroughly mean & nasty person who kicks puppies. The other camp cleverly manages to delete such information and *balance* the article with stuff like how he volunteers and swings a hammer for Habitat for Humanity on weekends.

Similarly over here, both camps, rather than having the backbone to speak up and admit to what they are really trying to do, just busy themselves with slapping up a facade of smokescreens, such as citing imaginary “guidelines” like how <Cognitive dissonance>you can’t quote a CIA transcript because quoting Readers Digest is preferred!</Cognitive dissonance> Caught in the middle is a whole bunch of regular editors really don’t give a darn, simply want germane, topical, authoritatively cited, encyclopedic facts, and long for a way to simply vote editors with agendas off this island.

(Oops, I did it again: using plain-speak, which was going out of fashion on Wikipedia there for a while, to talk about the 800-pound gorilla in the bedroom.) Greg L (talk) 16:48, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Support - Obviously a well-done article. Greg L (talk) 01:12, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by Karanacs 00:58, 14 April 2010 [48].

Typhoon Kirogi (2000)

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Nominator(s): Cyclonebiskit (talk) 18:15, 24 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]


Typhoon Kirogi, the first typhoon to threaten Tokyo since a storm in 1989, caused severe damage in parts of eastern Honshu and Hokkaido. Peaking as a Category 4 equivalent storm, Kirogi had weakened to minimal typhoon status before impacting Japan. Throughout Japan, rainfall in excess of one foot led to 15 billion yen ($140 million dollars) in damage as well as five fatalities. All thoughts and comments are welcome. Cyclonebiskit (talk) 18:15, 24 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Note: This is a WikiCup nomination. To the nominator: if you do not intend to submit this article at the WikiCup, feel free to remove this notice. Ucucha 21:05, 24 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I suggest that you double check the MH as the ATCR produced by the HKO reports that Kirogi under went a Fuwijara with Kai-tak.Jason Rees (talk) 18:47, 24 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I just read the report on Kirogi in the HKO report and it does not mention any interaction between the two storms. You may be getting it mixed up with the Philippine mishap of Kai-tak being unnoticed while Kirogi was blamed for the damage. Cyclonebiskit (talk) 23:09, 24 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed the dead link Cyclonebiskit (talk) 21:43, 24 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks. Ucucha 21:46, 24 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks Ealdgyth. Cyclonebiskit (talk) 16:25, 25 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments – No one seems to be reviewing this one, so I'll bite.

  • "On July 3, the storm underwent rapid intensification and attained Category 4 status on the Saffir–Simpson Hurricane Scale according to the JTWC the next day." For some reason, this struck me as an odd order to put the last bits in. How about "and attained Category 4 status on the Saffir–Simpson Hurricane Scale the next day, according to the JTWC."?
  • Is there a reason the full names of the abbreviations in the lead are only given in the body? It seems like they should first be introduced in the lead.
  • Comma after "The remnants of the storm persisted until July 10"?
  • "The Japan Meteorological Agency uses 10-minute winds, while the Joint Typhoon Warning Center uses one-minute sustained winds." What are they used for? This is a confusing sentence until you realize two sentences later that it's apparently for measuring the peak of a storm. Consider adding a brief explanation (only a few words should be sufficient) in the above sentence.
  • "Forecasters warned that upwards of 250 mm rain could fall...". Seems to be missing "of" after the templated number.
  • A few times during the article, there are cases where cites occur in the middle of a sentence. For a few of them, a comma could be added so the cite occurs after punctuation, and the prose will be unaffected. Giants2008 (27 and counting) 22:27, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I believe I've attented to all of your comments. Thanks for the review. Cyclonebiskit (talk) 16:39, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by Ucucha 02:02, 13 April 2010 [49].

Saint Anselm College

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Nominator(s): Ericci8996 (talk) 20:50, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


I am nominating this for featured article because I feel that I this article has come such a long way from 6 months ago (as it used to average 30-40 views, now over 200 a day). Because of the college's roll in the New Hampshire Primary election cycle, I feel it would serve as a good featured article!Ericci8996 (talk) 20:50, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


Thanks for the advice As nominatior, I WITHDRAW this article for consideration! To quote General MacArthur - "I Shall Return!"

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 14:05, 12 April 2010 [50].

Sentence spacing

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Nominator(s): Airborne84 (talk) 03:40, 11 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


I am nominating this for featured article because it apparently meets the criteria for FA status. Airborne84 (talk) 03:40, 11 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comment -

Found some dab links: APA, En, Linotype, Period. English Spacing and French spacing redirects to the article itself. One dead link [51] Esuzu (talk • contribs) 10:40, 11 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Fixed - thanks!. Airborne84 (talk) 22:51, 11 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments—minor stuff. I'll be neutral for now.

  • "Sentence spacing refers to the horizontal space between sentences in text."—refers to, or is? Is the article about the phenomenon, or just the dictionary term? (I may be wrong about this; see "Use of 'refers to'" in Wikipedia:Writing better articles for guidance.)
Good catch. Updated. Airborne84 (talk) 05:35, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Why is "Websites" upper cased? I understand "Web" (there's only one World Wide Web), but the word's article uses lower case.
Fixed. Airborne84 (talk) 05:35, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • I added a missing quote mark; make sure that no others are missing.
  • "Most reliable sources state simply that writers should follow their particular style guide[122] and check their publisher's submission requirements, which is the most important consideration."—can the prose be tightened to "Most reliable sources state simply that writers should follow their particular style guide[122] and, most importantly, check their publisher's submission requirements."? There's a lot of text in the article, and I'd bet some more can be tightened.
Tightened some - left both thoughts since thought both were relevant - especially for authors coming to the page. Airborne84 (talk) 05:35, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The following examples demonstrate the effect of these variations on your browser"—is there a brief way to say this without addressing the reader?
  • "The GNU Coding Standards still recommend using two spaces,[141] when coding comments."—the ref should be placed at the end here, because in the middle it would make the user believe they are recommending this for other (unspecified) scenarios as well. It's a bit misleading.
Above two done. Thanks! Airborne84 (talk) 05:35, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Given the (few) punctuation and language articles I've seen, this does look (from a glance) way better than I expected. (For what my opinion's worth, I prefer two spaces.) --an odd name 12:36, 11 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • "As increased spacing within text is itself punctuation,[27] there is room for reference grammars to offer guidance on this topic." There is no hard-and-fast boundary between punctuation and grammar. For example, a comma before "which" annuls the subset meaning of the word. This is not defensible logic.
This one confused me a bit. I think I probably just wrote it badly. I wasn't sure that everyone would be clear on why a "Grammar guide" section might be appropriate since the arrangement of text matter on a page falls under typography. However, since increased spacing (and spaces themselves) are punctuation (but most people probably don't know that) I thought I'd give the reason for the section up front. That way no one would claim that this section is irrelevant and should be removed. I think this was misinterpreted. Let me think on how to rephrase so it's clearer. Airborne84 (talk) 05:05, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • I see lots of repeat links, some even within two seconds of each other.
Fixed Airborne84 (talk) 05:35, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Very US-centric.
I'll work on this. That can be fixed in various ways. E.g., some of the books on typography were published in Europe, and others were written by non-Americans and published inside and outside of the U.S. Some of the typographic references cover other types of alphabets (Cyrillic, etc.). They are not intended solely for a U.S. audience. Again, that's not explained well in the article. Airborne84 (talk) 05:05, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed. Airborne84 (talk) 05:35, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for the critical read. Great comments. Airborne84 (talk) 22:51, 11 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose As above, very US-centric, one section on "international" (ie non-US), one on "US" (of course), and then sections purportedly about practice in various areas, like science and law, but all about US practice. This needs to be completely rewritten or resubmitted as "Sentence spacing in the United States" Jimfbleak - talk to me? 18:22, 11 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

This is a useful comment, but I'd welcome some more feedback. I'm at a bit of a loss on how best to continue. First, I understand the comment. Yet, the issue comes when describing the difference between French spacing and English spacing. Now, there's another language. I tried to get a representative sampling of languages from other countries, and the "Duden" covers quite a few. I also asked various people in other European countries and they stated that "two spaces has never been used." However, since that's WP:OR on my part, I just listed some references. Finally, I tried to be very careful with caveats when the English language was used. For example, there seem to have only been studies on this in English. However, I'd hate to limit it only to English when there are a few other languages that address this. Some ideas that might help (with appropriate sourcing, of course):
1. Stating that U.S. and U.K. style guides are used worldwide where English is spoken.
2. A statement regarding the "Commonwealth" style guide (moving it from the footnotes to the text) to describe countries covered).
3. A statement noting the French style guide (I might need to add the main French dictionary) and it's coverage of French-speaking Africa.
4. Changing "Latin-derived alphabet" to "Modern Latin Alphabet. This considerably narrows the scope.
5. A statment covering most of the other countries that have never used a "double space" convention. This might be harder to find, although I certainly could try.Airborne84 (talk) 22:19, 11 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I wasn't actually suggesting other languages, although that's a good point. The point I was making was that it's very lop-sided in its coverage of English-language practice, mainly being about the US with little on UK and virtually nothing on practice elsewhere, including the country with the most speakers, India. It may be that it's more difficult o find sources outside the US/UK, but there's nothing to suggest that the research has been done Jimfbleak - talk to me? 05:27, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I see. The point you make is valid, but easier than I thought to address. I'll check through some of my U.K. references and verify a few more things, but I believe that most of the (now sovereign) former colonies of the British Empire still use U.K. style guides for their English usage—including India. Since English is one of the official languages of India, and none of this is mentioned in the article—it's a great point. I can still address the other comments as well, since a paralell could be drawn between this topic and that of French/French-speaking Africa, among others. The article can show more of a WP:WORLDVIEW without providing a list of every single country that uses xxxx. Airborne84 (talk) 05:45, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose. Sorry, but it needs a lot of work before it is anything like good enough. It is seriously over-written, far too long, and obscure in its style. It does not read like an encyclopaedia article, but more like a high-school essay written by a smart kid desperate to show off his "learning" at every step, and this showing-off, and the tedious length, gets in the way of the reader's understanding. In the opening sentence, "refers to" is meaningless and confusing, and "horizontal" is too restrictive. Then why on earth does Gutenberg need to be mentioned in the third sentence? And it goes on (and on) like this. Prune it to at most a quarter of its length, restrict it to the facts and get rid of the flourishes. Almost entirely written by one editor at present, and needs input from others. SNALWIBMA ( talk - contribs ) 21:00, 11 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I appreciate the comments. It might be overwritten, but when I reviewed the WP:FA criteria, I found "well-written, comprehensive, and well-researched." "Overwritten" wasn't listed as a detractor. I just tried to address the criteria as it was listed. As an encyclopedia, I thought "comprehensive" was important. The readable prose is at 6,149 words and 41 kb, which seems to be OK IAW Wikipedia. It's true that the total size might be tough for some wireless devices. However, I visited a number of other FA articles to use as examples. I can't remember them all now, but Catholic doctrine regarding the Ten Commandments was one; it has 51 kb of readable prose and 8,166 words. In that light, Sentence spacing doesn't seem to be radically overdone. Also, I tried to make the lede a section that covers the "macro" topic (IAW WP:LEDE). Those that don't want to read further could use that as a stand-alone. I'll assume good faith and ignore the "desperate high school kid" comment. I'll change "refers to" that's a good comment. I looked through the literature and "horizontal" seems appropriate. You could have bullets or a "sentence list" stacked one above the other and vary the vertical spacing in between them, for example (this would be similar to people confusing "double spacing" sentences with "double spacing" in regard to leading). I mentioned Gutenberg since that helps set the scope of the article. The article doesn't describe handwritten work (although Miles Tinker and others covered that as well in the 1800s and 1900s). I thought it appropriate to mention the beginning of moveable type. Also, as per Wikipedia, there's nothing restricting the use of good prose, "even brilliant." There's undoubtedly no brilliant prose in the article, but I tried to keep it from being a boring academic piece. Finally, you're right, it does need input. I wasn't getting that on the talk page and at Peer Review, so I'm glad to get it here. Airborne84 (talk) 22:50, 11 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The clearest place for summary (in my opinion) is the "Style guides" section. The biggest question in my mind is: is that topic notable enough for a separate article? After reviewing WP:N I wasn't sure. If so, what would be the best name for that new article? Airborne84 (talk) 02:46, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
It might be able to go back further. I just don't have sources going back much further than Gutenberg in detail. I could get them, but I thought it better to split off the "History" and let others dig into that one. Airborne84 (talk) 23:00, 11 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Oppose: Prose needs a lot of attention to get rid of the verbosity; the overlinking needs sorting out; the nomination here is premature. I actually found that if I ignored the longwindedness, the article was quite interesting and not badly written. Its main problem is that it has come here without any formal review. You say, above: "It does need input. I wasn't getting that on the talk page and at Peer Review, so I'm glad to get it here." Well, you opened the peer review on 10 April and closed it less than 24 hours later, so you didn't give the process a serious chance. Your best bet now would be to withdraw this and send it back to peer review where, perhaps after a short wait, it will get attention. Brianboulton (talk) 00:22, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Fair enough. I've no problem taking it back to peer review and working on the issues noted above. I appreciate the feedback to date. Last question. Is it reasonable to at least move it from B-class to A-class? I'd prefer not to judge that myself as the primary contributor to the article. Airborne84 (talk) 03:00, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • A-class generally requires featured article quality with only the most minor of style flaws. Brianboulton says there's some verbosity and overlinking, and the lack of peer review (whether your fault or ours) doesn't lend confidence ("The article may need minor copyedits, but it should be comprehensive, accurate, well-sourced, and reasonably well-written. A peer review should make the article a viable candidate for FA."). Probably at or very near GA, but even there criteria 3 and 4 may get you given others' comments above. --an odd name 07:14, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by Dabomb87 14:01, 12 April 2010 [52].

Christ myth theory

[edit]
Nominator(s): Eugene (talk) 15:09, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


I am nominating this for featured article status because, since its last FAC, it has completed a Peer Review and a compromise has been reached regarding some of the more controversial elements through formal mediation. I realize that this is a provocative topic that engenders strong opinions. Special effort has been made, however, to reference every possibly contestable statement and an FAQ has been included to address some of the more common prima facie concerns like bias and content-forking. A number of controversial articles (e.g. global warming, intelligent design, Xenu, etc) have achieved FA status and I'd like very much if the Christ myth theory could join their ranks. If as a reviewer you see a problem with the article, please, rather than immediately object to the FAC, indicate what the problem is and give the involved editors time to reply and possibly alter the article. Eugene (talk) 15:09, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The Infidel Guy Show episode in view here can be found on YouTube but the article's editors felt it was better to link to the official source. If the reviewers here disagree it would be effortless for us to re-link to the YouTube file. Eugene (talk) 15:26, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
This link does not work, since people normally will not be able to log in on that site and the page does not provide an opportunity to do so, but linking to the YouTube version would presumably be linking to a copyright violation, which is prohibited. Ucucha 15:28, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I've removed the link in question from the bibliographic entry. Eugene (talk) 16:20, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
OK. Ucucha 16:38, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose Comments – for now. This is a well-written and engaging contribution. I have made a few notes during my two readings. They are not in any particular order so forgive me.

  • Here, "Whatever modest fame Robertson and Smith had achieved, they were soon overshadowed by Arthur Drews" - sounds a little biased; the subject of the sentence is "fame" so should "they were" be "it was"?
Drews is generally better known than Robertson and Smith. He was the one who coined the phrase "Christ myth". If this is a deal-breaker, though, I'll change it. I'm not entirely sure about the grammar, but I think it's correct. Eugene (talk) 15:08, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • I think "a historical" should be "an historical".
Both are correct, it's a matter of regional/generational differences. "A historical" is more in line with modern American English, which is the variant in which the article is written. Eugene (talk) 15:08, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • I don't like how the references and footnotes are mixed, and are all those lengthy quotations therein necessary?
Since the article has proven uber-contentious, the editors have included tons of quotes in the footnotes to limit objections to the sources based on ignorance of the subject or secondary literature. Once the article achieves FA (thus establishing its reliability) I'd be happy to go back and convert most the quotations to bare references. Eugene (talk) 15:08, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • In this sentence form the Lead, "The proponents of the theory trace the evolution of Christianity through a conjectural understanding of the evolution of the New Testament literature, giving primacy to the epistles over the gospels in determining the views of the earliest Christians" sounds very biased. How about "The proponents of the theory give primacy to the epistles over the gospels in determining the views of the earliest Christians"?
"conjectural understanding of the evolution of the New Testament literature" is included because CMT advocates believe, in contrast to mainstream scholarship, that the narrative of Jesus (which is recorded in the gospels) grew out of the epistles, and not vice versa. I think this information is helpful, but if you're adamant, I'll change it. Eugene (talk) 15:08, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I am adamant. I'm concerned with maintaining WP:NPOV and explaining another person's point of view as clearly and fairly as you can. Much of mainstream biblical scholarship is conjecture in my view. Graham Colm (talk) 19:35, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed. Eugene (talk) 22:02, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Why is "great forerunners" inside quotation marks?
Fixed. Eugene (talk) 15:08, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Here, "Bauer's views proved to be foundational for much of the Christ myth community of later generations" - is foundational a word? How about, "proved to be the foundation"?
Yes, "foundational" is a word. Eugene (talk) 15:08, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • I don't think the universities of Amsterdam and Berlin need to be linked.
I'm sort of surprised this is an issue. The article wikilinks to the universities of Bonn, Amsterdam, Zurich, Tulane, Berlin, Baylor, just recently London, and the Technische Hochschule Karlsruhe. Why is wikilinking to specifically the universities of Berlin and Amsterdam problematic? Also, I note that the FA Huldrych Zwingli article wikilinks to the universities of Basel and Vienna. Eugene (talk) 22:02, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • This sounds odd, "who were known in German scholarship" - does it mean "called by German scholars"?
  • Here, "As Joseph Klausner wrote at the time, Biblical scholars "tried their hardest ..." why is biblical spelt with an upper case B ?
Fixed. Eugene (talk) 15:08, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Similarly "G" here "Robertson concluded that those elements of the Gospel narrative which."
I've standardized the capitalization of "gospel" in the article in accordance with M-W.com. References to the specific books called "the Gospels" are capitalized, references to the more general "gospel message" are not capitalized. Eugene (talk) 15:08, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Here, "A variety of other less well known authors advocated versions of the Christ myth theory during this period as well" A variety of and as well are redundant.
I'm not sure that that's true. "As well" is just another way of saying "too"; is "A variety of other less well known authors advocated versions of the Christ myth theory during this period too." redundant? Eugene (talk) 15:08, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
What about "A variety of"? Graham Colm (talk) 19:35, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I don't understand. Eugene (talk) 22:02, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
It's redundant and dismissive, try, "Other authors advocated versions of the Christ myth theory during this period." Graham Colm (talk) 18:34, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed. Eugene (talk) 19:27, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Not realy, "A variety of other authors also advocated versions of the Christ myth theory during this period". I think my suggestion is better. Graham Colm (talk) 20:03, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I think it's less artful, but fine, if you must have it, fixed. Eugene (talk) 20:18, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Here the "etc" is not at all helpful, "Osiris was resurrected from the dead, etc."
Fixed.Eugene (talk) 15:08, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • There seems to be an extra period here, "their particular socio-religious tastes.."
Fixed. Eugene (talk) 15:08, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • I think "mainstream" is over used and "the scholarly mainstream" is an ugly expression.
"Mainstream" does get used a lot. What do you suggest instead? As for "the scholarly mainstream", the expression appears rather often in published literature. Eugene (talk) 15:08, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I think this is an important issue re WP:NPOV. I get the impression that the views of those who are not recognised, mainstream biblical scholars are deemed to be less valid or not valid at all. I sense a bias every time I read the word. Graham Colm (talk) 19:35, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Well, shouldn't the views of recognized mainstream scholars in the field be seen as more valid than amateurs? I mean, think about another topic that you're very familiar with, like microbiology. Would you object to an article on virons which implies that recognized, mainstream virologists should be taken more seriously than dilettantes who contradict the academic consensus regarding some detail or other? Eugene (talk) 22:21, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
This is a red herring, just as are comparisons to intelligent design, and an appeal to my vanity. But I would welcome any contribution on any virus that is written from a neutral point of view and does not cherry-pick its sources. Graham Colm (talk) 18:45, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
How could a man as dashing and seductive as yourself think that the virology comparison is a red herring? (See, now that's an appeal to vanity!) Seriously though, it seems like a perfect comparison: would you really object to a page on AIDS denialism giving greater weight to sources published by recognized mainstream virologist than countervailing sources published by, say, philosophers, German language professors, and mathematicians? I can't believe that you would have a problem with that; it's merely in keeping with Wikipedia's policies on sources. Eugene (talk) 19:41, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Another red herring. This discussion is about this candidate only— period. I will not be drawn into this unhelpful argument. Graham Colm (talk) 20:03, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • The citation after "for this has not been done in a corner" is an external link.
It's actually some sort of fancy Wikipedia link designed for Bible passages. If the reviewers here would prefer it changed to a more standard reference, I'll change it. Eugene (talk) 15:08, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I would prefer it to be changed to the standard.Graham Colm (talk) 19:35, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed. Eugene (talk) 22:02, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • The vague "a number of" is used four times.
Fixed. 4 --> 2. Eugene (talk) 15:08, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I can live with the two occurrences, but "several" would be better. Graham Colm (talk) 19:35, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

That's all for the time being.Graham Colm (talk) 10:41, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Following my third reading, I have decided to oppose the promotion of this candidate. I think it contravenes WP:NPOV. In the Lead for example, there is "the proponents of the theory" rather than the theory, and the last sentence of the Lead—"The Christ myth theory is essentially without supporters in modern academic circles, biblical scholars and classical historians being highly dismissive of it, viewing it as pseudo-scholarship"—establishes the biased theme of this contribution. This article is essentially an a attempt to debunk the "myth" and is not written from a neutral point of view. Graham Colm (talk) 21:50, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I have nothing further to add to this FAC. The nominator seems to be more interested in argument than consensus building. Graham Colm (talk) 20:17, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I'm a little disappointed by the oppose vote. I've changed the wording of the lead to focus more on the theory itself and not the proponents. As regards the final sentence of the lead though, WP:FRINGE clearly states that "[a]rticles which cover controversial, disputed, or discounted ideas in detail should document (with reliable sources) the current level of their acceptance among the relevant academic community." The guideline goes on to state that "[i]deas that have been rejected, are widely considered to be absurd or pseudoscientific, only of historical interest, or primarily the realm of science fiction, should be documented as such, using reliable sources." I fail to see how the current lead for the CMT article oversteps these bounds. By way of comparison, look at the FA intelligent design article: the lead of that article states that ID is "not science" three times, "psuedoscience" once, and "junk science" once. The CMT article is being gentle with its subject by comparison! Please, please reconsider the oppose vote--at least for a few days. If you have specific NPOV concerns make them known and the article's editors will address them as I have your more prosaic concerns. Eugene (talk) 22:21, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The intelligent design article clearly attributes the pseudoscience description to well known bodies, not individuals, which does make a big difference. Also pseudoscience is easier to prove as there is a clear scientific method that they contravene, whereas the historical method is a lot less clear cut. The only reason to overstate the case in historical research would be on ideological grounds. Sophia ♫ 11:42, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Let's not rehash this all over again here, Sophia. Sufficied to say that you yourself agreed [53] to categorize this article as pseudoscholarship. Also, as regards the intelligent design page, you're simply mistaken. In addition to the institutional denunciations, that article's lead states "Others in the scientific community have concurred, and some have called it junk science." That statement is supported by a couple refs with five sources, none of which are official statements from scientific bodies. What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. Eugene (talk) 14:14, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I missed the word "just" as in "not just individuals". If you can find as good from some official historical body then that would make an important addition to the article. Sophia ♫ 17:11, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The chariman of the SBL's Historical Jesus Section (quote at the end of the section) isn't official enough? Come on, Sophia, let's not repeat the endless talk page wrangling here. Eugene (talk) 17:39, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Leaning towards oppose. With no prior knowledge of the subject, this article seems wildly unbalanced to me; it reads to me like it's been written (or rewritten) by someone who's a strong advocate of a particular point of view on the matter and is willing to throw core principles of NPOV out the window to belittle anyone expressing another view. Wild throw-mud-and-hope-it-sticks accusations, such as "These issues have led a number of scholars to class the Christ myth theory as a form of denialism" are slipped into the article as cited facts, but the "number of scholars" cited in the footnote transpire to be books published by Christian publishers Eerdmans and Thomas Nelson, a book called The Case for the Real Jesus, and an interview with Bart D. Ehrman, none of which can be considered remotely impartial on the matter. Obvious POV material such as "As Mark Allan Powell, the chairman of the Historical Jesus Section of the Society of Biblical Literature, has stated, "A hundred and fifty years ago a fairly well respected scholar named Bruno Bauer maintained that the historical person Jesus never existed. Anyone who says that today—in the academic world at least—gets grouped with the skinheads who say there was no Holocaust and the scientific holdouts who want to believe the world is flat." is included without comment as "commentary from a scholar", when "chairman of the Historical Jesus Section of the Society of Biblical Literature" should set off warning bells right away. These are just two examples; it seems riddled top-to-bottom with an inherent POV of "anyone who believes this is a crank, anyone who doesn't believe it is a scholar", and to me this seems so pervasive that it needs a top-to-bottom cleanup and a strong look at the sourcing, before it's going to come close to meeting 1(d). – iridescent 17:40, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I notice that in your litany against the sources in the relevant footnote you fail to mention that a book published by Oxford University Press is cited and that Bart Ehrman is an agnostic. Also, while Eerdmans is certainly a Christian publisher, it's not hopelessly biased as you claim: Eerdmans has published work [54] by the militant atheist Hector Avalos and a sympathetic memoir [55] of John Allegro (a Christ myth theorist, by the way) by Allegro's own daughter. As for the Society of Biblical Literature, why should this "set off warning bells"? The SBL is the premiere body studying the Old and New Testaments; well known skeptics (e.g. Robert Price) and atheists (e.g. Hector Avalos) are members and some well known critics of Christian orthodoxy have held serious leadership positions (e.g. Elaine Pagels & Bart Ehrman). As for looking at the sourcing, one of the page's most tenacious critics, Sophia who commented above, conceeded in the recent mediation that the sources in question meet the standards of WP:IRS. Again, I'm pleading with the reviews here who are concerned with tone and POV issues, compare this article's lead against that at intelligent design which has not only achieved FA but survived two FAR's. If that article is acceptably NPOV but this article isn't, I don't know how to interpret that as anything else than a double-standard. Eugene (talk) 18:00, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The quote from the OUP book (a) doesn't mention holocaust denial (or any other form of denial), and (b) is not "commentary by a neutral scholar" but a quote from the Bishop of Durham. Even in the Church of England, I'd imagine "refuse to admit the possibility that the Bible isn't true" is part of the job description.
I'm not going to take up your suggestion of "compare it to Intelligent design; I've not read that article nor does its FA status have anything to do with this one. That was promoted more than three years ago (in a rather dubious FAC) and scraped through an FAR in 2008, and the article as promoted has only the vaguest resemblance to the current article. This is the FAC of Christ myth theory, not the FAR for Intelligent design. – iridescent 18:21, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Fair point about the intelligent design FAC; this isn't that and that isn't this. I think you're dismissing high-quality sources rather glibbly though. Yes, Wright is a clergyman in the Anglican Communion, but so was James Pike, so is John Shelby Spong, and so is even Tom Harpur--a Christ myth theorist! Those Anglicans are a broad minded bunch. So I think it's entirely unfair to just dismiss the man Newsweek described as "perhaps the world's leading New Testament scholar" on the grounds that he's probably biased. Are you suggesting that this article, because it's about Jesus, shouldn't quote scholars who happen to be Christians? Doesn't that seem a bit... odd? And while, yes, Wright don't class the CMT with a speficially denialist theory, he does compare it to the belief that the moon is made of cheese. Eugene (talk) 19:27, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I did not dispute that they were reliable sources as defined by Wikipedia, however as Eugene knows I do not support this FAC as I do not think quotes have been used in a balanced way. Any attempt to work on the article is met by disparaging abuse making it a very unpleasant place to edit. Sophia ♫ 18:46, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Yes – I'm starting to see why mediation was necessary. I've not read either the mediation nor the PR, nor do I intend to; this is FAC and I'm judging it by my interpretation of FAC standards, not what was agreed at a mediation. As it stands, my interpretation is that this is wildly POV, cherry-picking sources, and written as a debunking job rather than a neutral commentary (almost 50% of the article at present consists of attacks on the theory, dismissive commentary on its supporters like "less well known authors" and attempts of varying crudeness to link its proponents to Hitler and Stalin); consequently, I don't think it's going to be in a position to meet 1(d) without significant rewriting. – iridescent 19:03, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I never intended to give the impression that Sophia supports this FAC; I specifically said that she is one of the "page's most tenacious critics". I only hoped to show an editor "[w]ith no prior knowledge of the subject" that, even among the page's detractors, those more familiar with the topic grant that the sources in question meet Wikipedia' reliability guidelines. I've also cut the phrase "less well known" from the "Other advocates" section, though I don't understand why this was controversial; some authors are better known than others, aren't they? As for cherry-picking, what are you referring to? All of the contentious material is referenced, most of those references include substantial quotations you can check, there is a massive bibliography, and most of the authors have their own wiki pages. Are you claiming that the editors have systematically excluded some notable body of countervailing academic literature in a relevant field? If so, how could you possibly know this if, as you admit, you have "no prior knowledge of the subject"? Is it just a knee-jerk assumption? Eugene (talk) 19:27, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I freely admit it's an argument from absence; however, as the article itself mentions other works on the topic, but you're only citing your most controversial claims to works by people with a clear and obvious POV (it bears repeating that the views of a serving bishop on the historical truth of the gospels have no validity in a Wikipedia context other than as a source for what the church believes), I'm inferring that you're choosing to work only with those sources with which you agree, while dismissing everyone else with "While largely uncredentialed, a few of these authors have achieved a degree of notability in their own right". (The final paragraph is also extremely dubious in using only figures from English-speaking Christian countries to define "the general population".) – iridescent 19:44, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
You've got to be kidding me. So the the man Newsweek described as "perhaps the world's leading New Testament scholar" now has "no validity in a Wikipedia context other than as a source for what the church believes"? Come on. I'm starting to think that it's not the article that has the POV issues here. As for your comcerns about the emphasis on the Anglosphere at the end of the article, those were the only RS surveys I could find; it's not like I've tried to prevent other editors from including data on Japan or India or somthing. And honestly, do you really think that the agnostic Bart Ehrman, (cited a few times in the article, mind you) has "a clear and obvious POV"? That just seems a little silly. Eugene (talk) 19:52, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
←I did say I wouldn't reply again, but just to sum up for S/K/R's benefit: I don't think this article in its current form is near ready. Regardless of whether this is a fringe theory or not—I personally couldn't really care less if someone really existed 2000 years ago, given that barring major new discoveries it will never be provable either way—this is not Christ myth theory, it's List of reasons why the Christ myth theory is wrong. – iridescent 20:11, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Just going to toss out a few comments here. I tried to guide the article through mediation the last few weeks (Wikipedia:Requests for mediation/Christ myth theory). As I was new to the mediation process, I undoubtedly did not handle it particularly well, but one thing that I tried to stress during the mediation was that anyone who felt that the article did not meet NPOV should bring up reliable sources to support their claim. A number of sources were indeed brought up that supposedly noted that the CMT might have validity. A number of these were dismissed; in retrospect I should have tried to focus more on them and ensure that the dismissal of those sources was proper. They were: Martin, Thompson, Pearson, Jonas, Campbell, Graves, DeConnick, Avalos, Feder, and Davies (what books those authors wrote are located on the mediation page). Perhaps someone independent could check over those authors again and make sure that their views are not being improperly excluded from the article? I am thinking in particular of Martin and Avalos, as well as Thompson. NW (Talk) 23:46, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Support - The problem some are having in evaluating this article is that they are unaware of historical methodology. For example, when dealing with ancient history, there is nothing which is provable (in a mathematical sense). There are only probabilities. And the probability that Jesus didn't exist is so low that historians of all types of backgrounds have labeled the CMT, in one way or another, as "crazy".
Therefore, it only appears as a "List of reasons why the Christ myth theory is wrong" to you (Iridescent), and possibly others, because a bizarre and crazy theory means that there will be a whole host of evidence against it. Thus, this article adheres quite nicely to Fringe (levels of acceptance) policies. That's my $0.02.
Full disclosure - I have not been a significant editor of the main text of this article, but I have made significant contributions to the Talk page and was involved in the mediation with both Eugene and Sophia. Bill the Cat 7 (talk) 21:17, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Oppose per the NPOV concerns above, per Slim Virgin's comments on the previous FAC and WP:SOAPBOX. Christ_myth_theory#Other_writers_2 should be the bulk of the article, these are the authors even I've heard of in connection with this topic. As the quotes in the footnotes (particularly Christ_myth_theory#Scholarly_reception) demonstrate there has not been a scholarly review of the Christ Myth material, so why spend 80% of the article informing readers about something that hasn't happened in inflammatory language? This would be like focusing on the scholarly reception of pop music lyrics. CD-Host (talk) 00:14, 11 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I'll just avoid the mess above. I've never used the Reference List formatting used here. I assume the "authormask" field creates the em dashes for a repeat of the same author. I haven't checked the WP:MoS on this, but I never did that here on Wikipedia simply because if someone else adds another reference in between... If the "authormask" formatting takes care of that, disregard. Also, for some reason, some of the em dashes are longer than others. Maybe there's a reason for that? I'm not aware of that might be. Finally, some of the em dashes for "ibid" author are followed by a semicolon and most aren't. Easy cleanup. If these were the biggest problems with the article, there wouldn't be any problem at all... Airborne84 (talk) 05:37, 11 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Oppose As long as some editors feel the need for this article to preach that the myth theory is "pseudo-scholarship" and "fringe", it shouldn't pass the FAC process. I don't see anything obviously fraudulent about Christ-myth theory; it's not as if its proponents, particularly its earliest ones, planted or fabricated evidence, and they seem to have done the little the historical method requires: formulate a thesis, gather evidence and cites in support of thesis, and engage critics' challenges. In fact, this theory is not analogous to the intelligent design movement, as they claim -- most commentators agree that intelligent design contravenes a core tenet of the scientific method, in not making testable predictions or being falsifiable, as well as obviously having antecedents in creationism, which has rarely aspired to the methodology of science. The correct analogy is to Lamarck's theory of inherited traits; patently, almost laughably wrong in retrospect, but quite plausible in the scientific context of his time. We do not label the theories of even the tragically wrong Aristotle and Anaximenes as "fringe" or "psuedo-science" and belabor to prove them wrong in their articles; it should be the same for at least Bruno Bauer's careful formulation. FWIW, I came to edit the article as a relatively strident atheist and came away feeling that Christ Myth Theory was lacking, as many editors seem to want to impart. But you can do that with just the facts -- please let them speak for themselves.71.203.159.37 (talk) 03:09, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 12:58, 10 April 2010 [56].

USS Triton (SSRN-586)

[edit]
Nominator(s): Marcd30319 (talk) 16:00, 20 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]


I am nominating this for featured article because... the USS Triton completed its shakedown cruise on 11 May 1960, which included the first submerged circumnavigation of the world, fifty years ago. Triton was commanded by Captain Edward L. Beach, a highly-decorated U.S. naval officer and best-selling author. This article has just undergone a MILHIST A-class review. Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to our collaboration. Marcd30319 (talk) 16:00, 20 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comment. This still needs quite a bit of work IMO. A few examples:
    • The Contruction history section says that the sub was launched by Louise Will, but the info box says Louise Willis.
    • "In 1993, she was towed to Puget Sound Naval Shipyard to go through the Nuclear Powered Ship and Submarine Recycling Program, with this process initiated effective 1 October 2007." Very awkward
    • Both reactors shared the same ship compartment." How could that be, if one was at the front and the other at the back?
    • "Triton's dual-reactor plant served a number of operational and engineering objectives ..." It may have met some objectives, but it didn't serve them.
    • "... specifically the high speed requirement to meet its radar-picket mission, which continue to be sources of speculation and controversy to this day." What is "continue" relating to here? The mission, in which case it ought to be "continues"?
    • "Design work on a nuclear-powered radar picket submarine began in 1954–1955.[20] It would have a three-level hull ...". There's a lot of this kind of use of the subjunctive. Why "would have", rather than "had"?
      • Corrected to read: Design work on a nuclear-powered radar picket submarine (SSRN) began in 1954–1955. As initally designed, it would have a three-level hull, with its Combat Intelligence Center (CIC) located on the middle level.
      • Subjunctive abatement: Done. Marcd30319 (talk) 13:57, 24 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • "Triton's made her first dive ..."
      • 'Corrected.
    • "Work on the Triton at Electric Boat was delayed ...". Why the Triton?
    • "During this period, the rising threat posed by Soviet submarine forces increased the Navy's demands for nuclear-powered attack submarines ...". What period? As the opening sentence of the Overhaul and Conversion section it looks like the period being discussed in the period of Triton's overhaul and conversion.
    • "Triton was the only non-Soviet submarine designed with a two-reactor propulsion plant, with her S4G reactors being identical seagoing versions of the land-based S3G reactor prototype, both of which comprised the Submarine Advanced Reactor (SAR) program, a joint venture between the U.S. Navy, Atomc Energy Commission(AEC), and General Electric." Bit of a word salad there.
      • Revised to read: Triton was the only non-Soviet submarine designed with a two-reactor propulsion plant. Her S4G reactors was an identical seagoing versions of the land-based S3G reactor prototype. Both reactors comprised the Submarine Advanced Reactor (SAR) program, a joint venture between the U.S. Navy, Atomc Energy Commission(AEC), and General Electric. Marcd30319 (talk) 13:10, 22 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • "Since the Navy no longer had any plans to use Triton radar picket capability ...". Should this be "Triton's radar picket capability?
    • "Finally, Triton was the name of one of the submersibles used in the Submarine Voyage attraction at Disneyland which operated from 1959 to 1998." And this is relevant how?

--Malleus Fatuorum 00:47, 22 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Query: What is the current status of this FAC review? I have responded to all issues raised thus far, corrected any subjunctive, typographical, or grammatical errors, and replied to the question regarding the Cultural references section. What issues remain to be addressed? Thank you for your assistance. Marcd30319 (talk) 14:07, 24 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Speaking only for myself, I'm still not entirely happy with this article, but I'm not quite unhappy enough to oppose its promotion. I gave a few examples above, here are a few more:
  • "After operating for only two years in her designed role, the Grumman WF-2 Tracer airborne early warning aircraft made her obsolete as a radar picket submarine." The expectation raised in this sentence is that the Grumann WF-2 is the subject of the opening "her", but it becomes clear at the end of the sentence that "her" refers to the sub. It's tiring to read stuff like that.
Fixed. Marcd30319 (talk) 23:29, 24 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "A unique submarine, she also had the distinction of being the only non-Soviet submarine to be powered by two nuclear reactors." Not quite sure about this. What was it that made her unique?
Triton is unique because she went around the world submerged on her maiden voyage, a significant historical operational achievement, and she was the only non-Soviet submarine to be powered by two nuclear reactors, a significant engineering attribute. Marcd30319 (talk) 23:29, 24 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Also, unique in our naval articles denotes that the vessel or boat in this case was not the member of a ship class and was the single ship built to the design. For some FAs that use this terminology, look in the infoboxes of SMS Von der Tann and SMS Seydlitz. -MBK004 04:40, 25 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "To meet its radar picket roles, Triton's main air search radar initially used the AN/SPS-26 ...". Wasn't that just the one role?
Noted and corrected. Marcd30319 (talk) 23:29, 24 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "As built, Triton featured a knife-like bow, with a bulbous forefoot, to enhance her surfaced sea-keeping, as well as possessing a high reserve buoyancy ...". The tenses seem to flop about here. "Featured ... as well as possessing"? What's "as built" trying to tell me? Were the features being described here modified later?
Corrected. Marcd30319 (talk) 23:29, 24 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Triton's first commanding officer, Captain Edwrad L. Beach ...". Was that really his name?
Corrected. Marcd30319 (talk) 23:42, 24 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
In short, I think this article still needs a good deal of tidying up, not just fixing up the specific issues raised here; they're just examples of the kind of things that need to be looked at. --Malleus Fatuorum 20:10, 24 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I think that NavSource is a good on-line place to start researching U.S. naval vessels, but I can substitute verifiable sources for both NavSource references cited below. Marcd30319 (talk) 17:58, 25 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Michael Mohl (2006). USS Tambor (SS-198). Submarine Photo Archive. NavSource.org: This source was added by another contributor who was acting in good faith. This NavSource link showed a photograph of a Torpedo Data Computer (TDC) from World War Two. The source of this photograph and accompanying text was from U.S. Submarines Through 1945, An Illustrated Design History by Norman Friedman (Naval Institute Press, 1995) and partial text courtesy of chinfo.navy.mil. I will swap this source out for Friedman book. Marcd30319 (talk) 17:58, 25 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
USS Triton (SSRN-586). Submarine Photo Archive. NavSource.org: This source was added by another contributor who was acting in good faith. It duplicates what is available in the on-line USS Triton entry of the Dictionary of American Naval Fighting Ships at the U.S. Naval History and Heritage Command in Washington, DC, and I have substituted this with the DANFS. Marcd30319 (talk) 17:58, 25 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
See below. Marcd30319 (talk) 17:58, 25 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Gone. Marcd30319 (talk) 19:19, 25 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
These two sources were used only because the Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea TV episode "Mutiny", broadcast on January 11, 1965, cited in this article is available for viewing there. If the original teleplay from this episode was available, I would have cited that as the source. Since is now readily available, I used these two online services. Also, I used both online services to avoid any suggestion of favoritism.
Gone. Marcd30319 (talk) 19:19, 25 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
So you've replaced the last two? Ealdgyth - Talk 18:25, 25 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
See above. Marcd30319 (talk) 19:19, 25 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Ah. Well, I have two problems here, one is that the sites aren't actually the reference you're wanting, you're wanting to cite the episode itself, which is relatively easy to do. Secondly, are these sites authorized to host the episode? We're not allowed to link to copyright violations, so the sites need permission to host the episode. Ealdgyth - Talk 19:27, 25 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I can use this reference to cite the episode in question (Anchors, Jr., William E. (March–April 1992). "Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea". Epi-Log 1 (1): 23) and delete Fancast and DailyMotion although Fancast does list Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea in a press release so licensing with 20th Century Fox is very likely. Marcd30319 (talk) 21:02, 25 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Otherwise, sources look okay, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 16:07, 25 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you for your suggestions and support. Marcd30319 (talk) 17:58, 25 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments:

  • Sorry I'm late to the party. I understand Malleus's comments to mean he's looking for more copyediting before he can support; I'll give it a shot, but please feel free to tell me if you'd prefer I not make edits, I know it can be stressful for people to fiddle with something you've put this much work into when it's sitting at FAC. Please check my work. - Dank (push to talk) 02:35, 2 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • Welcome to the party. I am the principal contributor to the article under FAC review. I am not going to going to split semantic hairs with any editor-reviewer, but I will look at the alterations. My objective is to have this article ready for consideration as the Featured Article of the Day for May 11, the 50th anniversary of end of the first submarged circumanvigation. Good luck and thank you.Marcd30319 (talk) 15:59, 2 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
      • I'm not here to hold it up, I'm here to speed it up; if reviewers have a positive reaction, then I'm heading in the right direction. I don't see anything in the reviews so far that suggests this is going to take a while. A quick response to "split hairs": there are a lot of us who scratch our heads in puzzlement that the human race seems to be so attached to its tribal instincts; most wives will confirm that their husbands act like cave-men, and social scientists started doing a great job of describing the related phenomena in the 1990s; see for instance Pinker's How the Mind Works. We all have tribal instincts when it comes to judging what kind of work is important: spearing an animal or busting someone's head open seem at least "interesting" to everyone; arguing about how best to tell the story of these things strikes a lot of people as not a real job, more like being fussy or self-important or worse. But my position and the position of a lot of FAC reviewers (and you can disagree) is that there's a way to write so that a wide readership will easily and precisely understand what we're saying. There are useful guides to follow, such as AP Stylebook, Chicago, and the combined wisdom (if you like) of everyone who's commented on language questions on Wikipedia. I'm not going to be perfect, and you can revert any of my edits, but I can increase the odds that people will support at FAC. - Dank (push to talk) 15:50, 2 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • I don't know if SHIPS has any official position on calling a ship "ex-Triton". In my Google search, pages such as this one (probably talking about a different Triton) suggest that "ex-Triton" means the ship used to be called Triton but now has a new name; "ex-triton" doesn't pull up many hits with the intended meaning. I've looked through all the FA USS ships and all the nuclear sub articles beginning with "A", and none of them use the "ex-" terminology to refer to a decommissioned ship or hulk. How many sources use that term as opposed to "Triton", "the former Triton" or "the hulk"? - Dank (push to talk) 03:17, 2 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • The term ex-Triton was used in official correspondence about the ship from the public affiars office at the Puget Sound Naval Shipyard and the Naval Sea Systems Command. Also, the ships going through Ship-Submarine Recycling Program are referred to as ex-ships (e.g., ex-Long Beach, ex-Triton) in the "U.S. Naval Battle Forec Change" section in the annual Naval Review edition for the U.S. Naval Institute. Therefore, this seems to be a comman practice by the U.S. Navy. Please note that Triton was striken from the Naval Vessel Registry (NVR) in 1986 and following that entry in the article, I started referring to the ship as ex-Triton. Think of the removal of a warship's name from the NVR as being the same as removing the name of a deceased person from a community's tax rolls and local telephone directory. I hope this clarifies. Marcd30319 (talk) 14:10, 2 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
      • Okay, that's plenty of support for the term. I'd still like to keep my edit in the lead removing the "ex" terminology (because ideally, the lead shouldn't present any terminology that requires much thought on the part of the reader), but keep the "ex" terminology everywhere after the lead. I'll try to be consistent with my edits; it should the "the ex-Triton". - Dank (push to talk) 15:29, 2 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • I get that "intelligence information, electronic surveillance, and fighter aircraft interception control" might in fact mean distinct things ... but do they really? Wasn't this just radar looking for ships and aircraft (and missiles, if the radar was sensitive enough)? - Dank (push to talk) 03:50, 2 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • Not necessarily. For example, during its submerged circumnavigation of the world, Triton carried out photographic reconnaissance of the various locations encountered during the voyage. This is intelligence gathering. The same can be said of her deployment to the Arctic to monitor the aftermath of the Soviet super H-bomb detonation, which probably included collecting air samples to provide data from the fallout. Both Norman Friedman's U.S. Submarines since 1945: An Illustrated Design History and the article on Triton by Largess and Horwitz made particular note of the electronic gathering capabilities of Triton given its large Combat Intelligence Center (CIC). And according to Largess and Horwitz , Triton did carry out air traffic control missions using its replacement BPS-2 air search radar. I hope this clarifies. Marcd30319 (talk) 14:10, 2 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Replying to Trekphiler's reversions: "purpose-built" is "chiefly British", although of course these days British English and American English are converging faster than ever before. This article is American English. The question of whether to say "X-class ships" or "Xs" comes up a lot, and we at WP:SHIPS generally take the position that the former is better; that's what the sclass template is for. Since so many naval sources say Xs, I'm not dead-set against it, but to anyone other than a naval buff, it doesn't sound right; you don't say for instance "the Endeavors" to mean all the space shuttles that were designed at the same time as the Endeavor, only one of which is called Endeavor. Regarding SSR as an "introduced" term, just saying it doesn't introduce it, we would also need to define it, if it means something different than the designation for radar picket ships. - Dank (push to talk) 16:14, 2 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Okay, stopping for now, although I didn't get very far. I'm not opposing, but I can't support at this stage, per my comment immediately above. - Dank (push to talk) 17:52, 2 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Three weeks, without consensus to promote, closing. Also, will the nominator please refrain from overuse of bolding, which makes the FAC hard to read. Please address concerns, and come back to FAC in a few weeks. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 12:57, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 12:55, 10 April 2010 [57].

Fay Ripley

[edit]
Nominator(s): Bradley0110 (talk) 09:46, 21 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]


I'm nominating this article for featured status because I believe it meets all of the criteria. It was promoted to GA status last October, was peer reviewed and copyedited by Brianboulton in January, and has received a copyedit from HJ Mitchell of WP:GOCE. There is currently one dead link in the article, which is used once as attribution for a direct quote. The convenience link may not resurface online but can be verified in the hard copy issue of City Life. Bradley0110 (talk) 09:46, 21 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments
  • Comments. I would consider removing where she was born and educated out of the lead, that her parents separated, that she took time off to have a second child etc. These are not why she's notable. The lead should mostly confine itself to what she's known for. SlimVirgin TALK contribs 21:38, 21 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I don't know whether you've left her dob out deliberately, but in case not it's here. SlimVirgin TALK contribs 21:45, 21 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
DOB added, thanks. I don't mind being reverted if it was a deliberate omission. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 22:22, 21 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
SV, I've removed the info about her parents and her education from the lead, but have left the other info in. The lead is not just to establish the notability of the subject, but to provide a broad overview of the whole article; I don't know of any featured articles that omit a person's birth place from the lead, so I've retained that. The birth of her second child is an important thing to have in the lead, as it directly affected her career. As for the birth date, Hello magazine cannot be considered a reliable source in this case, since her birth was registered with the General Register Office between January and March 1966. This is why I added the explanatory note in the refs section and the "See GRO source" note to the wikitext. Bradley0110 (talk) 09:54, 22 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment "After her scenes as a prostitute were cut from Frankenstein (1994), Ripley won her first major film role playing Karen Hughes in Mute Witness (1995)." I get confused by this sentence. How are they connected and how can you win a role? --Esuzu (talk • contribs) 16:29, 30 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
It's just a little flair in the language (and auditions are competitions for actors after all!). Would you prefer "got" or "had" instead of "won"? Bradley0110 (talk) 16:56, 31 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
"Gained" could be a sensible compromise. I'm afraid nobody on Flickr has got back to me about a photo yet. :( HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 19:32, 31 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
"Gained" sounds good! Bradley0110 (talk) 20:41, 31 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Much better! --Esuzu (talk • contribs) 15:00, 1 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Three weeks with no Support; perhaps bring this back in about ten days? SandyGeorgia (Talk) 12:53, 10 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 00:26, 9 April 2010 [58].

Michelle Obama

[edit]
Nominator(s): TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 21:41, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


I am nominating this for featured article because it was previously nominated two and a half months after she assumed the role of First Lady of the United States. There were issues with recentism and what her long term role is. Now that she has established her legacy objective and undertaken a role in running an administrationwide initiative, I think it is time to reconsider whether this article is among the finest at summarizing the bio of this living person.TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 21:41, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Note: This is a WikiCup nomination. To the nominator: if you do not intend to submit this article at the WikiCup, feel free to remove this notice. Ucucha 00:47, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The eligibility of this article is not clear for the cup. If it passes, we will request clarification.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 06:12, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments: The books under "Further reading" are not formatted properly; an author's surname is always first, and I'm not aware of any standard style (MLA, APA, Chicago, etc.) that lists the month of publication as well as the year -- correct me if I'm wrong on the last point, however. Publication cities are also missing in all three instances. In addition, is there a reason why the books listed are not used as references for the article? From what I can tell after a quick skimming, most of the references are news reports and articles, which is great if that's all there is, but my belief is that if there are reputable, published works available, why not use them? María (habla conmigo) 12:44, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • I can reformat the citations. However, if you are telling me that I have to read a couple of novels to advance this FAC, it is not going to happen. On many subjects there are far more references than are used in creating the article. Does this article appear to be lacking breadth, depth or WP:RS for the material that exists?--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 14:21, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
      • I'm not telling you to do anything, Tony. But now that you mention it, what's so wrong about reading books for the sake of a gold star? ;) The question is, does this article -- which relies solely on online news sources when there are seemingly reliable, published works available -- truly present a "representative survey of the relevant literature on the topic"? I obviously haven't read the books, or even the article in its entirety, but past FACs have been hit with such queries in the past. Because this is such an important article, and one that will continue to be scrutinized by many readers, the references should obviously be of the highest quality currently available. If the books in question are not worth the paper they're printed on, okay; but they should at least be assessed to find whether or not they can be of use. María (habla conmigo) 14:36, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
        • I have several times done research such as that to get a gold star. My WP is much less than it use to be. In most cases, for architecture articles I have read books that had 4 or 5 pages on a building or structure that I was researching. I was able to add a few books in a few hours. In this case, we are talking about entire books devoted to the subject. Compared to some of my recent FAs such as Jay Pritzker Pavilion, Cloud Gate, Crown Fountain, or Trump International Hotel and Tower (Chicago) where I was able to improve the perceived quality of the WP article by looking at a few passages in architecture books, this would take an industrious effort that I am not up to. I could not imagine it would take me less than 50 hours to read the references that you mention. I do not have that much time for WP anymore.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 15:51, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Question: Has a delegate approved this nom, bearing in mind the 15-day rule and that this nominator's 2008–09 Michigan Wolverines men's basketball team was archived only on 6 April? Brianboulton (talk) 21:18, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • I confess to not really reading the constantly revised rules with each nomination. If this nomination is suppose to be closed that is fine.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 21:36, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
      • With no opinion on the merits of the article (which I haven't read in any detail), I'd say this is a clear candidate for WP:IAR. That rule is intended to prevent FAC from being clogged by mass nominations of poor quality articles into FAC by people who don't really understand what's required; Tony clearly doesn't fall into that category. – iridescent 00:17, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
        • Actually, that rule was put into place to stop editors from using FAC as a source of serial peer reviews, putting up a second nomination as soon as their previous nom was archived, clogging FAC and treating it as peer review, and regularly bringing back articles with little change as soon as the last nomination was archived. In fact, yes, this review needs to be closed, as the rule was put into place precisely for this purpose. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 00:23, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 19:46, 8 April 2010 [59].

Royal National College for the Blind

[edit]
Nominator(s): Paul Largo (talk) 22:17, 18 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]


I believe this article meets the criteria for FA Status. It was promoted to GA in December 2008 and received a peer review in January 2010. All issues raised in the PR have been addressed. The article is well referenced, of reasonable length, covers the subject comprehensively, has been stable for a number of years, and reads well. Paul Largo (talk) 22:17, 18 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Otherwise, sources look okay, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 15:57, 25 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • Reply to Comments -
    • Firstly, thanks for reviewing the article. This is the first artcle I've submitted to FAC so I'm on a bit of a learning curve. Therefore I have one or two questions.
    • Are you saying the listed sources are unreliable? If so, please say that. If this is the case then I should be able to replace most of them with other references.
    • With regard to the work paremeter, for example, should the Hereford Times refs appear as "work= Hereford Times|publisher= Newsquest Media Ltd"?
    • The Rose reference was taken from an online copy of the book which is no longer available and which didn't have page numbers inluded (it was basically one large document). I will be able to replace this with a reference from the Illingworth book (including page numbers), but there's another reference slightly further on (Bell) which I probably won't be able to do this (though I have made inquiries about it).
    • THanks Paul Largo (talk) 20:19, 25 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
      • It's not that I'm saying they are unreliable, but that I'm not sure they are reliable. If you have a case for the fact that they shoudl be relialbe, you can make it, otherwise, replacing them is probalby best. Ealdgyth - Talk 20:25, 25 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
        • I can replace most of them so am happy to do so. If I wanted to argue they were reliable how would I go about doing that? Paul Largo (talk) 20:29, 25 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
        • I've replaced the MyHerefordshire link as that is questionable as a source. I think Patient UK is probably ok since it appears to me to be well researched and was compiled by medical experts. The Learning and Skills Improvement Service is a UK government body so that's probably reliable. I notice the Response Source article was posted by the college, I've left that in for now but added a reference from the TES - there are surprisingly few reliable online references for the beacon status and the RS article contains som interesting information. MusicWeb references one of the students who attended the college, but that can be removed if necessary. The only other reference outstanding is the LeisureOpportunities article, which references information about the leisure complex, but again that can be removed if necessary along with the information it supports (though this would be a piry as it makes an important statement about the facility). Finally I've swapped the Rose book for the Illingworth book which contained much the same information and can be properly referenced so should be all right. Let me know if there are any more problems with it and I'll take another look. Cheers Paul Largo (talk) 22:44, 25 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
          • To determine the reliability of the site, we need to know what sort of fact checking they do. You can establish this by showing news articles that say the site is reliable/noteworthy/etc. or you can show a page on the site that gives their rules for submissions/etc. or you can show they are backed by a media company/university/institute, or you can show that the website gives its sources and methods, or there are some other ways that would work too. The best method is a mix of all of the above. It's their reputation for reliability that needs to be demonstrated. Please see Wikipedia:Wikipedia Signpost/2008-06-26/Dispatches for further detailed information. Ealdgyth - Talk 22:54, 25 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Music Web International has an onsite blurb which describes the main players http://www.musicweb-international.com/historyMotW2000.html - but if you find it hard to tie down indications of reliability, Hollins has an article in the Grove Dictionary of Music and Musicians which also mentions that he was a pupil at the Royal Normal College - there's an online version at http://www.oxfordmusiconline.com/subscriber/article/grove/music/42802 (access is normally subscriber only, but most UK libraries offer access via institutional arrangements, normally you just need to enter your library ticket barcode, check your local libary website for details). David Underdown (talk) 14:15, 26 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for finding that. I've checked it out and it seems ok so I've used it to replace the Music Web link. I'll take a look at the other sites as soon as I can, definitely some time today. Paul Largo (talk) 12:48, 28 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Websites

Here are links to the "About Us" pages of the websites in question together with some brief information;

  • Patient UK appears to be a comprehensive health information website authored by a number of doctors and other qualified professionals. Information is updated every two years or as required. Could be reliable due to the calibre of those operating/editing the site.
  • Response Source appears to be an information gathering service for journalists, and connected with SourceWire. Not sure how reliable it is, however, although it's been going for a number of years. The College actually posted the press release concerning their Beacon Status. I think the same information is probably available on RNC's website and certainly the Response Source link could be removed as the same information is available from the TES article I added earlier in the week.
  • Excellence Gateway seems to be a government run website connected with the Learning and Skills Improvement Service (itself a government body). Government sites tend to be fairly reliable so is probably ok.
  • Leisure Opportunities is part of The Leisure Media Company Ltd, which was established in 1981 and which several business magazines and online services for professionals working in the leisure industry. The company says it is in partnership with over 20 trade bodies and has over 100,000 contacts in the industry (these are not listed though). Is probably reliable if used extensively in the leisure industry. Perhaps someone who works in leisure can help here.

Not sure how helpful this information is. I was talking to a friend off-wiki yesterday about this and he suggested I could ask for help at WP:RSN in determining whether or not these are reliable sources. I have to be away from my computer for a while shortly so will post a question there later this evening. Cheers Paul Largo (talk) 13:34, 28 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Just to keep everyone up to date on this, I've opened a discussion on this at Wikipedia:Reliable sources/Noticeboard#Validating Sources (Permanent link). Cheers Paul Largo (talk) 19:59, 28 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments (very minor)
    • Needs consistency throughout in use of quotation marks: there are some single quotes that need replacing with doubles.
    • In "Principals" section, "tendered her resignation" is needlessly wordy: how about "resigned"?
    • Paralympic – sometimes capitalised, sometimes not.
    • RNC – the contracted title is sometimes given as "the RNC" and sometimes just as "RNC". Need for consistency.
    • Braille – with or without capital? Again, usage varies within the article.

Hope these, though pernickety, are helpful. – Tim riley (talk) 07:31, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

No probs. Thanks for the comments. I think I've sorted everything out. I've capitalised Paralympics and Braille, tweaked the "Principals" section and changed the contracted title so it refers to "RNC". I've think I've also sorted out the quotes - everything in the main body of the text should now be in double quotes (let me know if I've missed anything). I should just add that I haven't changed any quotes in references though as I've left the text how it appeared in the original articles. Again, let me know if I need to change these too and I'll be happy to di it. Cheers Paul Largo (talk) 20:56, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Support. Full (but not too full) of relevant and evidently comprehensive information, well referenced and well written. - Tim riley (talk) 08:02, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I suggest upgrading the sourcing concerns before bringing this back to FAC; reviewers are unlikely to support with so many sourcing concerns raised. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 19:44, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 19:38, 8 April 2010 [60].

Quicksilver (novel)

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Nominator(s): Sadads (talk) 23:03, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


I am nominating this for featured article because I feel that this article, which I have been working on for a long time and got it up to GA status without any objection, and feel that it is one of the best examples of contemporary historical fiction and this article covers the scope of literary criticism on it. I wish to pursue the expansion of other parts of the Baroque Cycle and want to get the whole series up for a featured category nomination. It is my first nomination of this sort, but it is about time, I have been on WP:Novels for quite some time.Sadads (talk) 23:03, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I don't really understand the need for File:NealStephenson_Quicksilver.jpg, could this be clarified Fasach Nua (talk) 23:23, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Its the first edition cover (most historically significant), per Wikipedia:WikiProject_Novels/Style_guidelines#Image, Sadads (talk) 23:47, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks, that is a truly bazaar guideline, however I was thinking in terms of wp:nfcc criteria 8 Fasach Nua (talk) 04:05, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Its like a portrait picture of a person, it is the best way to identify the individual subject visually. It is also relevant to the publication, like movie posters. Sadads (talk) 04:20, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Oppose - invalid use of non-free content Fasach Nua (talk) 04:35, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Wait a minute See #1 at Wikipedia:Non-free_content#Images. It clearly is a valid use, per rational in last comment as well (use for identification of object being critically discussed). Sadads (talk) 04:44, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Does the article discuss the cover itself in detail, as opposed to the contents of the book? If not, I can't see much justification to have the image. Ucucha 12:41, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Again, per the recommendations of both policy at Wikipedia:Non-free_content#Images and Wikipedia:WikiProject_Novels/Style_guidelines#Image, discussion of the cover itself need not be the focus, but instead discussion of what it represents (thus discussion of the Novel itself warrants it's most historically relevant cover). This has not been a problem for other FAs, all the modern literature under Wikipedia:Featured_articles#Literature_and_theatre has cover images and all the movies under Wikipedia:Featured_articles#Media have movie production posters. This is a non-issue. If you have problems with this policy, address it at a more community level discussion, not here. Sadads (talk) 15:05, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments: This should have gone through a Peer Review and copy-edit before coming directly to FAC, especially since this is a first nomination on your part, Sadads. The writing is poor and confusing in places; I'm not familiar with the novel, but I almost gave up halfway through the lead. A few examples from the top:
  • It is the first volume of his The Baroque Cycle, a historical fiction series, succeeded by The Confusion and The System of the World (both 2004) -- "both 2004" what?
  • Quicksilver is a volume split into three books in 2006 in order to make the 900 pages more approachable by readers -- "in 2006" what? It was split? Because the paragraph before says it was (initially?) published in 2003.
  • Quicksilver is written in various narrative styles including drama and letter series and follows a large group of characters. -- "drama and letter series" sounds inexact and nonliterary. A novel written in letters is epistolary, is that what is meant?
  • Throughout the novel many historical events such as the Great Plague of London, the Great Fire of London, the Edict of Fontainebleau, the Monmouth Rebellion, the Bloody Assizes, the Battle of Vienna and the Glorious Revolution, though many details, such as each member of what he calls the CABAL, have been changed. -- "[M]any historical events... though many details... have been changed." Huh? See what's missing here?
  • "The plot of the first and third books focus on Daniel Waterhouse and his exploits as a young Natural Philosopher and friend to Isaac Newton and his observations of English politics and religion." -- and and and and.

I haven't gone beyond the lead at this point, but I obviously have doubts about the state of the rest of the article. I won't oppose at this point, but until a thorough copy-edit is done (preferably by more than one editor), this article does not fulfill the FA criteria. María (habla conmigo) 12:38, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I will fix those, previous reviewers and the reviewers for GA did not find any issues (I asked for additional input from multiple editors, and all give me a thumbs up) and I have been going back and cleaning up, so I thought it was relatively clear. But thank you for the direct input, working on a fix. Sadads (talk) 14:55, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Done. Any other points of clarification you notice please point out. I love advice and help. Sadads (talk) 15:23, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I'm afraid you're not done. I suggested you find someone else to copy-edit, and it's still necessary, as several of my points were not adequately addressed. Sometimes editors become too close to their writing and cannot see the glaring mistakes that exist in plain sight; that's where a non-involved editor comes in handy.
  • Quicksilver is a volume split into three books in 2006 in order to make the 900 pages more approachable by readers. -- The "in 2006" is still thrown in there, confusing the prior fact that the book was initially published three years earlier. "In 2006, Quicksilver was split into three books in order to make the initial 900-page volume..." etc. Much clearer, yes?
  • Quicksilver is written in various narrative styles, such as theatrical staging and epistolary, and follows a large group of characters. -- "theatrical staging" is not a narrative style, and such wording directly conflicts with "epistolary". Rather, the novel uses theatrical staging and is (at times?) epistolary. However this may be reworded (which is must be), depends on the rest of the sentence, which probably needs reworked no matter what.
  • This sentence: "Throughout the novel many historical events such as the Great Plague of London, the Great Fire of London, the Edict of Fontainebleau, the Monmouth Rebellion, the Bloody Assizes, the Battle of Vienna and the Glorious Revolution, details, such as the members of the CABAL, have been changed" continues to make no sense. If I was not clear above, I apologize. "Throughout the novel many historical events" what? The thought is not finished. Many historical events such as blah blah blah... are detailed? Are represented? What?
I shouldn't be seeing these issues in the lead section, as these concerns should have been addressed at an earlier stage; FAC is not a Peer Review, nor should it be treated as one. I don't have the time to go sentence-by-sentence, but there are issues throughout. A couple sentences down I see "He had also had heard considerable discussion" and this headache: "Because he was both doing extensively historical researching historical events and the development of developing a myriad of characters, he gained a considerable number of notebooks along with and several piles of stationary upon which he composed the novels upon." Or something. I'm not a master wordsmith, which is why I find that I need numerous expert eyes looking over my shoulder before I find the confidence to nominate at FAC, but you get my drift. This article needs help. FAC is serious business. Until things improve, I will have to Oppose. María (habla conmigo) 15:52, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Addressing copy edit concerns: I have contacted several editors (new and old to the article page), asking for some support. Hope it will be timely, will address above issues of María's and continue my own reviewing of it. Sadads (talk) 19:35, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose: On the issue of the lead image I agree with you. However, on the prose question I agree absolutely with Maria; this article needs some thorough attention, and here at FAC is not the appropriate place for this. Just a few examples of prose problems in the lead, apart from those raised by Maria:-

  • Second sentence: "It is the first volume of his The Baroque Cycle, a historical fiction series, succeeded by The Confusion and The System of the World (both published in 2004)." This reads confusingly; "succeeded" is not the best word either. The sentence would be clearer as "It is the first volume of his historical fiction series The Baroque Cycle, and is followed by The Confusion and The System of the World (both published in 2004)."
  • Second paragraph, first sentence: apart from the confusion mentioned by Maria, we have "in order", a form much deprecated in featured prose. "Approachable by" might be better as "accessible to" (but that's a personal preference).
  • Next sentence: "These books were originally sections of the greater cycle during composition." It took me a while to work this out; is this significant information? Why does the reader need to know this?
  • Why is "books" in quotes, and isn't something missing from "...set in the late 17th mostly in England..."?
  • "a vagabond and former member of the Turkish harem" - should be "...and a former member..." Also, the Turkish harem" - was there only one?
  • "landing in the Netherlands"? Not the best phrasing; perhaps "reaching the Netherlands"?

With so many errors or questionable phrases so early, it is clear that the article does not meet featured criterion 1(a). There is no doubt much good stuff in it, but time needs to be spent by one or more uninvolved editors with FA experience, to bring the prose to standard. I don't believe this can be done in the structure and timescale of FAC and would recommend a peer review. Brianboulton (talk) 20:49, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 19:36, 8 April 2010 [61].

Spiritual Machines

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Nominator(s): Publichall (talk) 00:52, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


I am nominating this for featured article because it has been greatly improved since it's last attempt at featured article. It now has pictures and the citation formatting has been unified among many other things. Several dedicated wikipedians and I have scoured the article numerous times and have deemed it worthy. Thanks Publichall (talk) 00:52, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

"Although not initially intended, the project evolved into a conceptual interpretation of futurist and inventor Raymond Kurzweil's 1999 book The Age of Spiritual Machines and featured spoken dialog from Kurzweil himself."

(not intended as what?) and

"Unlike their previous releases, this one features a more natural sound, and less obvious layering and electronic texturing."

(why so complex a sentence structure?). Then we get:

"While touring rigorously"

with mathematical rigor? Further redundancies further down ("becoming", "proceeded to"), then inappropriate use of a first name only, overlinking to email. Full of quotes, more than would be appropriate (cf. the essay WP:QUOTE). I see more similar problems in the rest of the article, but won't list them all; a good copyeditor will catch those. Ucucha 01:18, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Oppose. I'm going to agree with Ucucha and do a Tony1 on you. Can you spot the redundant words in "In total, he made around 200 paintings relating to the project ..."? More seriously, some parts don't seem to be consistent. In the lead, for instance, we're told that "the album was written and recorded in two months while the band was still on tour", but two sentences later we're told that "the band only took a break from recording to organize and perform at Summersault in 2000". This isn't ready for FAC yet. Malleus Fatuorum 21:45, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Oppose— I agree with the other reviewers. Despite the extensive work on the article at it's previous FAC, problems remain. Redundancy is a common problem. For example this, "Spiritual Machines has been noted as being the end of an era for Our Lady Peace, as it was the last album produced by the band's longtime producer Arnold Lanni, the last to feature original guitarist Mike Turner in full, the last studio album to feature art model Saul Fox on its cover, and the last album to feature Maida's high-falsetto singing voice prominently." Try "marked the end of an era" and we have "the last" repeatedly. Later on there is this, "recorded during a year in which the band was doing extensive touring of Canada, the United States, and Europe", I don't think the "was doing" works. Returning to the Lead, spot the redundant word here, "Short tracks of spoken dialog from Kurzweil himself are interspersed among the actual songs on the album." Graham Colm (talk) 16:59, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 19:34, 8 April 2010 [62].

Objections to evolution

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Nominator(s): RoyBoy and Orangemarlin and Hrafn and Filll 03:26, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


The articles seems to be quite complete, detailed, referenced and extensively discussed and challenged. The headers might be tweaked, but I'm hopeful that will likely be the least of the issues brought up during the FA process. I've added the co-nominators to acknowledge their content creation, their participation is optional. - RoyBoy 03:26, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Question about this article's role - I see this question has already been discussed extensively on the article's talk page, apparently without resolution:

  • The title is strange: the objections discussed are objections not to evolution but to theories of evolution.
  • What is the relationship between this article and Creation–evolution controversy, whose topic appears very similar?
  • Every section in the current article is concerned with both creationism and evolution. Does one of the two articles make the other redundant? If not, then from a criterion 2b/2c perspective, is the current article complete? PL290 (talk) 13:10, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • With respect to the first comment "evolution" refers to both 'fact' and 'theory' (or, some would prefer, fact, theory and path). In addition, if you look through the article you'll see that it discusses objections not only to the mechanism of evolution, but also to the fact of evolution. Guettarda (talk) 13:37, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • With regards to the second, the "controversy" is primarily about the political controversy; where it deals with objections to the science, it links to this article. Both articles are over 100k, so merging them is not an option. Guettarda (talk) 13:42, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • I don't understand the third question. Guettarda (talk) 13:43, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comment - Have the co-nominators agreed to this FAC? Orangemarlin has not edited the article since December 2007 and has not edited Wikipedia for over one year. Graham Colm (talk) 15:28, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I think RoyBoy listed them as a courtesy, given their contributions to the article. Guettarda (talk) 15:38, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
This is not the procedure; it implies they support the nomination. They might not. Graham Colm (talk) 15:50, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Oppose – sorry. Articles on evolutionary biology attract a huge amount of attention. This one, while giving an excellent synopsis of the arguments that support the theory, has too many faults to be considered for promotion. Most importantly, it lacks sources for controversial statements, often the ones that begin with "Creationists". The title is also wrong. It should be "Objections to the theory of evolution by natural selection", and should probably add "in the US", since the article is almost totally about the debate in America. Many of these "objections" are not an issue in other English-speaking countries. I saw WP:MoS issues, but on the whole the contribution is well-written and engaging, albeit too long. I don't think Wikipedia is the place to debate with creationist theories—there is an important distinction between describing a debate and taking part in one. Actually, I think this nomination should be withdrawn. It has not been properly nominated, it has not been fully prepared and is in danger of languishing at FAC for months while all its problems are fixed. Graham Colm (talk) 16:09, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Oppose. I agree with Graham. One can't object to evolution, simply to the various theories of evolution. This creationism vs Darwinism debate is a peculiarly American phenomenon in any event, particularly as it's portrayed in this article. There was, of course, some initial resistance to Darwin's ideas in England when they were first made public, but that was obviously a long time ago. If this was a general overview of objections to all theories of evolution, then I'd be expecting to see much wider coverage of pre-Darwinian theories. Malleus Fatuorum 18:57, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 19:32, 8 April 2010 [65].

Scooter (band)

[edit]
Nominator(s): AlmanacManiac (talk) 19:54, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


I am nominating this for featured article because I feel that Scooter are large players in the Electronic Dance Scene. They have been around for a very long time, have had an album go number 1 in the U.K., and many top 10 singles AlmanacManiac (talk) 19:54, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 10:09, 8 April 2010 [66].

Alien Nation (film)

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Nominator(s): Theatrickal (talk) 02:13, 21 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]


A few months back, this film article was nominated by a user for the FA Queue. At the time, the article was essentially a skeleton. It had a foundation, and certain elements necessary for FA approval, but nothing in terms of comprehensive researched content. Although not a huge success at the box office, the film still retained a popularity for its original concept. I've taken a passing interest in the film, and spent my own time sprucing it up in trying to meet the criterea necessary for FA Status. It is thoroughly filled with referenced content this time around, and I believe in its current incarnation, it merits FA inclusion. Theatrickal (talk) 02:13, 21 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]


Response I fixed the dab link and resourced those Barnes & Noble, Amazon etc. citations. Theatrickal (talk) 02:24, 21 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Oppose for now per evaluation below:
  • Should the film really be called a buddy cop film? I can understand the element existing, but it seems first and foremost a science fiction film.
  • The "Cast" section is missing links to actors. I assume this was an attempt to avoid overlinking, but I'd like to say two things: 1) The lead section is an overview of the article body, so you shouldn't avoid linking in the body just because it's in the overview, and 2) the "Cast" section really is the most navigable for readers, where names are lost in the "Plot" section. Links to actors in "Cast" section is better accessibility.
  • "Production" has no sense of how the film came to be. It goes right into "Makeup", which is a little confusing.
  • "Critical response" has weasel wording: "Between critics, reaction to the film was generally mixed." Only individual reviews are cited; it is better to find a source that reports the critical reception in retrospect for this overview. Also, these two reviews lack reliability: 1 and 2.
  • The "Post development" section should be outside the "Production" section, probably best placed in the same area as "Sequels".
  • "Box office" does not mention the release date, and theater does not need linking. It's a recognized enough word in the English language.
  • The article seems to be missing a section that involves academic analysis of the film, especially its themes. Was no such coverage found? See an article like American Beauty (film) for what I mean.
  • Here, here, here and here are examples of what I mean. Google Books and Google Scholar may reveal more like this. I asked another editor to search about the film in JSTOR and Academic Search Premier.
  • There are very large paragraphs that amount to "walls" of text through most of the article, especially "Production". Any way to alleviate that with quote boxes or even images? I think that "Makeup" in particular would help support the inclusion of a non-free image of the alien appearance.

I do particularly like how much content is available about the production, and it's nice to see Cinefex used. Hard periodical for me to find! Anyway, these are the broad strokes, for a start. I'll have to read the content more closely for additional suggestions. [edit: I would like to say about this article, though, it is a vast improvement from when it was previously nominated. Nice job! It's now a matter of meeting the FA criteria, obviously.] Erik (talk) 11:37, 1 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Response Hello, Erik. I've read what you've wrote and I believe I can address all of your concerns.
  • First issue is the buddy cop genre point. This film is indeed a buddy cop film. Every film critic organization or authority labels the film as a buddy cop genre. It is a buddy cop film although with a science fiction twist. There are other buddy cop films that have attempted a twist to differentiate from the standard theme too. Films like Turner and Hooch - pairing a cop with a dog. Red Heat - pairing an American cop with a Russian cop. In this film, its pairing a human with an Alien. But it is indeed a buddy cop film. You won't find a film authority that disputes that.
  • Second issue, the Cast Section. I indeed did not link those names for that exact reason which you pointed out. To avoid the over-linking. I will change that, if you feel thats the way it should be.
  • Next concern is the makeup sub-section. Basically, the entire film element that made this film different from others is the aliens. So I began the production with the background and application of the makeup. I don't really see an issue there. I thinks its an appropriate way to start the paragraph because of the central idea of the movie. If you want, I can switch around the Set Design and filming section to appear first. Let me know on that one. But I don't personally think its necessary.
  • Next problem, critical response. I understand where your coming from as far as criticizing the reliability of some of those critics. But here is the situation. The film does not have an abundant amount of reliable critics you see in the media today that reviewed the film. Those were the critics that were available. As an example, noted critic James Berardinelli didn't even review this film because it came out it 1988. He started reviewing in the early 90s. I worked with what I had. The abundance of famed film critics were simply not available for this film. It came out 22 years ago. The critical reviews from Rotten Tomatoes are not really built up with many dead links. Additionally, there's not even a listing for the film on Metacritic. Now as far as the weasel wording, I'll make an attempt to correct that issue.
  • Next issue, Post Development. I will make that change as you wish. I thought it would stand in better as a section alone, but I'll merge the two.
  • The Box Office section, I will make those corrections. No problem there.
  • Next issue involving Academic Theme and Google Books. Truthfully speaking, a theme analysis section is not always required if the article in general explains the themes throughout the page. This is according to WP:MOSFILM. Theme elements are run-through for instance in the production section with the alien language as being a foreign language from another country. Or the subtle makeup job is explained as making the aliens appear as just a discriminated minority group dealing with racism. So that section is not really needed. As far as the Google search is concerned, I'm trying to keep the article in accordance with standard prose sizes. The article should be within 50kb to 70kb of readable prose. I think it stands as 53kb which is fairly acceptable. Also if I might add, some of those google searches only produce a trickling of minor mention of the film. Not necessarily enough to formulate a few major sentences or a complete paragraph. And some of the books contains info which is already in the article, making it redundant. If you'd like to make a contribution from there, go ahead.
  • Last issue, is the walls of text. Ok, I guess you got me there. It does appear like a mountain of text. I didn't obtain any images to supplement it. I don't believe there is a rule that says you must have images with the text. But if your able to help out and make additions, please do so. I'm just not that fluent with the images part. Later tonight, I will make an effort to perhaps add some quote boxes to help as you say, "alleviate" those walled sections. (oh, and by the way, I purchased the Cinefex article. It was hard to obtain. But I made the additional effort to get it so that it would help the article get to FA.) Theatrickal (talk) 14:36, 1 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • I do not have any problem with how it can fall in the buddy cop genre. Could you not say that it is a science fiction film with a buddy cop twist? It seems better organization to identify it out of the gate as a science fiction film and mention later in the same paragraph how it is also a buddy cop film. Unless you want to mash up genres in the lead sentence? Just a thought.
  • RESPONSE - Made the changes. Science Fiction theme put in with a side project as a buddy-cop film.
  • Regarding "Production", I was more looking for a better lead-in to the whole section. Outside of the lead section, this is the first real exploration of the topic, and it warrants some kind of opening. A lot of film articles start out with how the film took off in the first place -- whose idea it was, who wrote it, who backed it, etc. Maybe one summary-style paragraph to start "Production"? Hope you know what I mean about a lead-in.
  • RESPONSE In a few short hours, I'll be home and I'll insert an introductory paragraph entitled "origins".
  • For critics, I don't think the lack of reviews is an excuse to have to use these two. They should be removed, and some of Andy's listed references look like reviews.
  • RESPONSE - Deleted those reviews. Will try to add Andy's additions later.
  • "Post development" could be its own section, too. I just mean that it is outside of this particular film's production, so a section covering the TV series should go outside that film's "Production" section.
  • RESPONSE Changes made.
  • Regarding themes, I think this film warrants a section discussing them because they are potent in this case. Weaving themes is one approach but works better for when they are simpler, like the director explaining what theme he intended with his script or with a given character. With the links I shared, I think that it would be worth a stand-alone section to explore the themes, since they are neither production- nor reception-related.
  • RESPONSE Changes made. I combined the origins section with themes. Although, it may appear slim on the outside, please keep in mind, the subject matter in that paragraph is repeated numerous times throughout the article. It almost seems redundant. But I included it there as per your instructions.
  • As for the wall of text, there's no rule, but I think there is precedent to at least break it up with something. I only suggested an image as a two-birds-with-one-stone approach -- it would break up the wall of text in "Makeup" and also be a contextually significant visual aid.
  • RESPONSE - Added Quote Boxes to help with text wall.
I won't be able to respond to any followup statements until tomorrow. And I suppose I will have to fork out money for the Cinefex issue for Dark City, my own project. :) Erik (talk) 19:04, 1 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment - Erik asked me to search through some academic databases to see if any papers have been written about this film. I came up blank in the academic department. But, I did find several newspaper and magazine sources that you haven't used. They might be useful in rounding out information about production, reception, and so on:
  • Barlow, Mike (May 5, 1989). "Alien Nation a satirical sci-fi". The Windsor Star: p. C5.
  • Beck, Marilyn (October 8, 1988). "'Alien Nation' may give Caan the boost he needs". St. Petersburg Times: p. 2D.
  • Blowen, Michael (August 6, 1989). "'Alien Nation' Sophisticated sci-fi". Boston Globe: p. 76.
  • Boyar, Jay (October 10, 1988). "'Alien Nation' just cops and robbers with intergalactic angle". Orlando Sentinal: p. C1.
  • Elliott, David (October 13, 1988). "Caan fine, but movie just another cop-out". The San Diego Union: p. C8.
  • Groen, Rick (October 12, 1988). "Dirty Harry buckles up with E.T. in latest buddy-cop variation". The Globe and Mail: p. C8.
  • Kehr, David (October 7, 1988). "'Alien Nation' has too little wit, too many cliches". Chicago Tribune: p. K.
  • Miller, Richard (October 7, 1988). "Two Elite events: Baker's film is out, Mitch Kanner joins. (Elite Films, Graham Baker)". Back Stage 29 (41): 1–2.
--Andy Walsh (talk) 17:10, 1 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
New Comment Ok, thanks. In a few short hours when I get home, I will look through those and try to incorporate those additional references. Theatrickal (talk) 17:27, 1 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I found a few articles earlier that seem promising. I was going to post them after I'd read them all (discarding the useless ones and those you've already got), but I'm out for most of the evening and won't have time today. As you might want them sooner rather than later, take a look here. Steve T • C 17:41, 1 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Theatrickal, if you need copies of any of these articles I listed, e-mail me and I can reply with them. --Andy Walsh (talk) 20:19, 1 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Additional Comment Hi Steve. I will look through that scrapboard as well. But just after a quick run-through, some of the information from that list is already in the article. Posts from Ebert, Maslin and Kempley. The racism card and references towards Outer Heat/In the Heat of the Night are also present. Plus, other references with immigration officials and the alien mix are mentioned numerous times. But I will do a thorough check tonight. Thanks. Theatrickal (talk) 18:10, 1 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Weak object Comment While there are many things that are good about the article, there are a few things that are bothering me:

  • The "Cast" section needs expanding, as there is nothing there except the character and the actor who portrays them. You need to write about what kind of role the character plays in the film, and (if possible) how that character originated. For and example, look at this.
  • You need to expand the "Music and soundtrack" section. It is very bland and short, barely telling you anything about the soundtrack. For more information, look at this.

Cheers.--Guy546(Talk) 22:50, 1 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


Hi, well I'm not sure thats exactly the right course of action. Much of the information added to the cast section would simply be redundant info. Information about the cast members are given in the plot section. There's no need to list it twice. Also, many of the cast members in the list are just minor characters. They have a few lines in the film, and are shown for only a few minutes. 90% of the film has 3-4 characters that are shown fairly often. So I don't think that expansion is necessary. If anything, perhaps the article doesn't really need a casting section to begin with. According to WP:MOSFILM, the casting section is not necessarily needed if the characters are described completely in the plot. As far as the music is concerned, there isn't really much expansion that can be done. There was no soundtrack release of the original score by Sobel, and I've put all the information I could find so far. If you can come up with referenced content to supplement it, feel free to make an addition. But I wasn't able to. Theatrickal (talk) 00:03, 2 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 10:09, 8 April 2010 [67].

2009 World Series

[edit]
Nominator(s): Staxringold talkcontribs 19:45, 16 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]


I feel this article is up to the FA snuff. It's been through a PR, a failed FAC, got listed as a GA, and here I am again. The previous FAC really just went stale, I was happy to respond to any comments people brought up. As per Yellow Monkey's request at the time a Series Preview section was added, and a section noting the scandal involving NY governor David Paterson and his attending this World Series has now been added to the aftermath section. I have used 1926 World Series and 2004 World Series (the current FA World Series articles) as general style guides. The only major current issue of contention is the inclusion of a "Quotes" section. I have reverted the addition of uncited quotes (and will continue to as uncited material). I personally do not feel a quotes section follows Wikipedia's style guidelines (whether cited or not), but would welcome input on this subject. Staxringold talkcontribs 19:45, 16 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comments. No dab links; external links working. Alt text is acceptable. You have one picture, that of Cliff Lee, with distracting dark and light bands; do you think that is acceptable in a featured article? Ucucha 20:40, 16 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • It's a question of accuracy of image versus quality of image. We also have this picture, much crisper and cleaner, but of Lee with the Indians. The image currently used unfortunately has the crowd's protective netting disrupting the image, but is of Lee actually with the Phillies. I'd be happy with either one. Staxringold talkcontribs 20:53, 16 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Another possibility is not to give a picture of the man at all. Not knowing much about baseball, I wouldn't know how to weigh the issues of accuracy and quality. But I am not sure whether the current image is of acceptable quality for a featured article, especially when better images shouldn't be that hard to get, as for a recent event like this. Ucucha 21:04, 16 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • The issue is this. Cliff Lee was traded to the Phillies midway through last season and has left the team in this offseason. This leaves a brief window of 3-4 months worth of baseball where a potentially better image of Cliff Lee in a Phillies uniform could have been taken and released into a free license. Cliff Lee was far and away the central figure of Game 1 with a complete game nearly-shutout performance, if any player should have an image there it's him. If you don't think this image is of suitable quality for a featured work, do you think the alternative would be (assuming the caption included a note, as many of the images do, explaining when the photo was taken and thus why he's in a non-Phillies uniform)? Staxringold talkcontribs 21:16, 16 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • I really don't know, since I am unsure how the different issues should be weighed in a sports context; I'll leave it for you and other reviewers to decide. Ucucha 01:01, 17 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comment I'll try to give a full review at some point, but some of the captions might be improved. Some of them are a bit too detailed.

  • "U.S. flag during Opening Ceremony" – as I can't really see flag at the size the image is currently at, this might be better as "The opening ceremony for Game 3"
  • "Phillies second baseman Chase Utley, pictured during the 2007 spring training, hit another two home runs this game for a total of five in the Series, tying a record held by Reggie Jackson." is much too long. How about "Phillies second baseman Chase Utley, pictured during spring training in 2007, tied a record with five home runs in the series." or something similar. Also (very minor), Matsui's caption says "pictured here" while Utley's just says "pictured"
  • "The Yankees celebrate their 7–3 win against the Phillies and the franchise's 27th World Series championship." One would assume the reader knows the teams playing.
  • "New York Yankees ticker-tape parade at New York City Hall" you don't need to repeat the franchise's full name, and I'm not sure you even need "Yankees" at all.

This is just from a spot check, so please go over the captions, particularly in the ones in the Series section, and see if anything can be shortened. Also, reference 15's publisher is AOL Sports, and you have both "MLB.com. Major League Baseball." and "MLB.com (Major League Baseball)." Cheers, Mm40 (talk) 22:26, 16 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments - as I go through this article in the next few days, I will leave comments.

  • The lead seems to be composed of various trivia (e.g. 2nd Phillies/Yanks World Series, nicknames for series, latest start), rather than a summary of the article's contents. Most of the article's body gives context to each team's season, previews the series, and then gives a synopsis of each game. I think the lead needs to be rewritten to incorporate this information (see 2004 World Series for a good example). Remember, according to WP:LEAD, "The lead should be able to stand alone as a concise overview of the article."
  • Grammar issue in the lead ("The Series was the only the third to end in a month other than October.")
  • Some prose concerns - see my edits
  • Wikilinking - some work needs to be done, as positions/baseball terms seem to be randomly linked within the first few sections (e.g. the Phillies' season summary doesn't link free agent, whereas the Yankees' summary does; some baseball positions are linked while others aren't). Remember, the first time a term is introduced in the body, it should be Wikilinked, and subsequent usages should not be linked (unless there is a good rationale for doing so).
  • The series preview section should probably discuss the bullpens briefly. There was some concern with the Yankees middle relievers' reliability, but Rivera was still thought to be a large advantage over Lidge.
  • Player names should be consistently written throughout the article. For example, Raúl Ibáñez is spelled with and without the accent marks/tildes throughout the article. Make sure that any names that use these marks are consistently used.
  • Use a non-breaking space for numbers that have labels or numbers that are made up of a numeral and prose (e.g. 25 million - place the non-breaking space between 25 and million).
  • Inconsistent reference formatting - the ESPN.com references were cited using a mix of "cite web" and "cite news", and the Associated Press was given as the work (should be the author). In some cases, ESPN was given and in some cases it was ESPN.com, and in some cases they were the work while others they were the publisher. I've fixed all of the ESPN references to be consistent. Make sure that other sources are modified accordingly for consistency.
  • I think a little more context is needed about why the Yankees employed a 3-man rotation (e.g. no confidence in other starters, Joba's role was undefined). This was a major point of discussion during the series, and many sports writers criticized the Yankees for trying to win the World Series with a limited pitching staff. Maybe for each game, also mention how many days rest each Yankee starter was pitching on.
  • I think the days rest count would be a bit of a stretch, and I can't think of a source that would directly provide it. Beyond that, the discussion of the 3 man rotation requires sources I don't know of, and selecting which ones to use. Do we name the reason as a lack of confidence in other starters, Joba's undecided role, an attempt to get maximum innings out of the Yankees best arms, what? The strategy choice of using 3 men is something you can directly point to, the why is far more ethereal and will only ever really be known in Joe Girardi's head. If he ever releases a biography and discusses why he made the choice, that's one thing, but which journalists opinions should be included in trying to decipher why? Staxringold talkcontribs 04:30, 23 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Sourcing the pitchers' rest is easy, and vital to understanding the predicament the Yankees faced in pitching their best starters on short rest - would they come back and pitch well or would they be tired and risk putting their team at a disadvantage? Each ESPN game summary says it - Game 4, Sabathia pitched on 3 days rest[68], Game 5, Burnett pitched on 3 days[69], and Game 6, Pettitte pitched on 3 days rest[70]. Here's good sources[71][72] about the criticism the Yankees received for pitching 3 starters, as well as a source for saying their 3 man rotation was a product of other unreliable starters that hadn't pitched often enough in the postseason. This source also goes into the 3-man rotation (and how Sabathia and Burnett thrived on 3-days rest), but it also goes into a few other reasons why the Phillies lost that aren't discussed (e.g. slumping hitters). There may not be definitive answers for any of these questions I'm raising, but many writers seemed to think they had the answers.
  • Ok, so only the rest for within the Series itself (Games 4-6), not rest from ALCS-WS (Games 1-3)? I guess that's doable with the sources you mention. I'll try to include this stuff later today (in class right now). Staxringold talkcontribs 16:27, 23 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • I saw your adds. For the most part, it looks good. I think in the series preview section where you mention Gene W's criticism of Girardi and his support for Gaudin in Game 6, you should mention why he felt that way - did he believe Gaudin was a better pitcher, or did he think the rest of the starters needed to be well-rested? (this) Right now, it sounds a little oversimplified. Also, I would still mention what Gene W or a few other writers thought the reason for Girardi's 3-man rotation was. It isn't a very common strategy in a 7-game series, so the speculated reason behind it is important to understand. Y2kcrazyjoker4 (talk) 13:19, 26 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Do you think it's worth mentioning a Philly paper printed an ad that prematurely congratulated the Phillies?
  • Looks good to me. I wish FAC let you use caps for resolved stuff like FLC. This review is already complex enough I am going to go ahead and guarantee this nom will fail due to lack of reviewers for a 2nd time even though I'm continually happy to respond immediately to comments. Staxringold talkcontribs 15:14, 31 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I'll continue to add to this section as I have more to say. Y2kcrazyjoker4 (talk) 16:09, 23 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

That makes sense for the game summaries. It probably doesn't apply to the other areas of the article, though.Y2kcrazyjoker4 (talk) 16:38, 17 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I understand the rationale for linking players name in each of the game summaries, but why the aftermath section, too? Y2kcrazyjoker4 (talk) 16:09, 23 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • It's been a while since I've worked with a proper article and not a list, do links in the lead "count" so to speak? For example, should I not link Mariano Rivera in the Yankees season summary because he's linked in the lead? Staxringold talkcontribs 16:42, 17 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
From my experience, links in the lead/infoboxes/templates do not count towards whether they should be linked in the body. As far as I know, everything should be linked in the body, even if linked elsewhere. Y2kcrazyjoker4 (talk) 17:51, 17 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Quick comment – I don't want to look into this one in too much detail because of my Yankee-fan bias. However, I did find this sentence to be troublesome: "Later, the play would be called Johnny Damon's Mad Dash by various news outlets, a reference to Enos Slaughter's famous play in the 1946 World Series." There is only one reference for this statement, which says nothing about multiple outlets or the name being derived from the other play. For all we know, this could have only been used in this article; I have no way of knowing, but I don't recall any widespread use as a nickname at the time. The author doesn't sound like he's trying to create a nickname, either. Giants2008 (27 and counting) 00:21, 30 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 02:48, 8 April 2010 [74].

School Rumble

[edit]
Nominator(s): 陣内Jinnai 22:12, 15 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]


I am nominating this for featured article because it has been some time and I have done my best after a PR to clean up what little remained about the article. No major info on the subject has appeared since the last FAC either.陣内Jinnai 22:12, 15 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comment. Alt text is not sufficient. The alt text for File:School Rumble- Episode 2 Clip.ogv, for instance says: "A male cyclist chases a female cyclist who chases another male cyclist as they speed past other fast-moving vehicles". I defy anyone to tell what sex those two dots in the middle and far distance are supposed to be, and I see no fast-moving vehicles in that image. The prose even in the caption needs work: "A bike chase where Harima is chasing Tenma who is chasing Karasuma at an impossible speeds eventually passing Initial D's Trueno". --Malleus Fatuorum 00:58, 16 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

  • Yes, we really do need an easy how-to-do-it guide to writing alt texts. Eubulides? Are you there?
  • "enigmatic"—normal English word; do we really need a dictionary link? If so, I see lots of others that would need light-blue links: damsel, amnesia, protagonists. Let's not, unless it really is rather technical or unlikely to be known by educated English-speakers.
    • Eh, I'm not so sure it is as common as you think, but maybe I'm wrong. At least several people I've mentioned the word to either didn't know or confused the meaning.
  • No hyphen after -ly adverbs. Please see MoS.
  • "thereafter" is a bit old-fashioned nowadays. Just "after"?
    • After doesn't really work as it doesn't have the same meaning. I can use "after that" or "afterward", but this was one of those item i describe as being changed in by an independent copyedit before.陣内Jinnai 08:27, 16 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Who is writing "in order to"? Spot the two redundant words.
  • An awkward noun plus -ing: "Kobayashi never envisaged the series being adapted into an anime". Why not: "Kobayashi never envisaged that the series would be adapted into an anime."

These are just a few points I picked out of the opening. I think it needs an independent copy-edit; but it's really not bad at all. Tony (talk) 07:00, 16 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • I'll fix the issues you raise, but please, please find the perfect copy-editor. This article has been through 3 exhaustive independent FA-quality copy-editors and numerous lesser ones, each independent of the other. Every time I bring this here, someone finds something else they don't care for or other minor issues and suggests a full copy-edit is in order, which usually makes someone else the next time not like something that the copy-edit from last time changed. I feel for the most part that the copy-edits, unless they are specific are beginning to go into circles for this article.
  • I'll address the specific points raised though, especially those that are MoS problems.陣内Jinnai 08:12, 16 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment Yes it does seem a little too long, just improve it and eventually I will see one of my favorite anime grace the Main Page. Currently Neutral. Narutolovehinata5 tccsdnew 08:11, 17 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
What do you mean by it? The article? If so, then some clearer ideas for how to condense it while keeping the information intact would be appreciated.陣内Jinnai 08:18, 17 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The plot section may or may not be too detailed. Anyway, at this rate, I don't feel like this article will pass (again) but should it, I will award my reward (see the reward board for more info) to those who helped. Narutolovehinata5 tccsdnew 08:28, 17 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
It's 23 volumes involving a large cast of characters each with their own relationship. You can't really compress it much more without losing some key bits of understanding. Believe me, it used to be shorter and I had problems with the first FAC understanding what the series was about.陣内Jinnai 20:47, 17 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 02:41, 8 April 2010 [75].

Parity of zero

[edit]
Nominator(s): Melchoir (talk) 10:56, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


I started this article in September 2007. Since the peer review in August 2009, I've moved it from "Evenness of zero" to "Parity of zero" and made improvements to the prose. Very recently, I've also rearranged some of the material in the "History" introduction (per the PR) and in "Group discussions".

I haven't done a FAC in years! Hopefully this article is like 0.999... — except, you know, better. ;-) Melchoir (talk) 10:56, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Oppose—sorry. I know it is expected to include the title of the article in the first sentence but it is not working here at all. The introductory sentence from Parity is much better. There are other expressions that are difficult to understand. The second sentence, for example is tantamount to gobbledegook: "Such proofs follow immediately from the definition of the term "even number", whose applicability to zero is not arbitrary in the least; it can be further motivated by the familiar rules for sums and products of even numbers." What on earth does "further motivated" and "not arbitary (sic) in the least" mean? And, what are these "familiar rules"? What is meant by "On the human level"? Does this mean it is better understood by chimps? And who are we writing for? I get the impression that the article is written for teachers of mathematics, "Discussing the parity of zero in class can spark vigorous debates as students encounter basic principles of mathematical reasoning". The term "students" is used relentlessly throughout this article. I feel the article is not about the parity of zero at all—it is about how to teach it.Graham Colm (talk) 19:48, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • I often omit the title of an article from the first sentence myself, when it feels unnatural or artificial. Back when this article was named "Evenness of zero", that phrase certainly wasn't in the first sentence. Since it's been moved to "Parity of zero", which works better, I thought I'd include it. Why do you think it's not working / worse than Parity (mathematics)? Melchoir (talk) 21:33, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • Second sentence: Does this edit help? I've replaced those phrases. Melchoir (talk) 21:33, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • "On the human level" is a transition phrase between paragraphs. The preceding paragraph is all about how zero is definitely even; the following paragraph is all about how it's not so simple in people's minds. I'll admit that these four words have a low information content, but if they make the prose easier to read, they're worth it. Melchoir (talk) 21:33, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • The word "student" or "students" appears around 25 times in the first top-level section: "In education". It appears just once in the other four sections, which make up the bulk of the article: "Numerical cognition", "History", "Mathematical contexts", and "Everyday contexts". Isn't that what you'd expect? Melchoir (talk) 21:33, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I have toned down my comments, they were a little over the top, sorry. Let's see what other reviewers have to say. Graham Colm (talk) 13:20, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
No prob! Please feel free to follow up on individual points as well. I'm willing to make big changes, but I'll want to have a conversation about them first. Melchoir (talk) 16:21, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Oppose. The structure of the article, and the length of the text under "in education", make this read like a classroom guide or education essay. The education section should not appear so early in the article - history at the very least should precede it; possibly so should the mathematical contexts. There appears to be too much detail on educational / developmental studies. The lead is not a summary of the whole article, but emphasises education and cognition at the expense of history and mathematical context (all should be there). BTW i didn't really understand the use of the expression "on the human level", so i would re-think that transition. hamiltonstone (talk) 23:18, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • I have the "In education" section first because it has the "Explanations" subsection. This subsection is the most accessible part of the article, and it explains why zero is even. Wouldn't you agree that it's a high priority to get that in as early as possible? If "In education" were split up into two top-level sections, I could see "History" going in between them -- not "Mathematical contexts" though (it's too long). Melchoir (talk) 00:02, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • "History" and "Mathematical contexts" are represented in the first paragraph of the lead. Is there some additional sub-topic from those sections that you would like to include? Melchoir (talk) 00:02, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • For "on the human level": are you commenting on the transition itself, or the wording used to execute it? Melchoir (talk) 00:02, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Review by Charles Edward

  • General
    • The opening sentence in the lead is somewhat confusing, and as a single sentence, it should be integrated into the following paragraph. Maybe something like "Zero is an even number. The evenness and oddness of a number is its parity." You need to define and link parity somehow in the lead. Many readers won't know what it is.
    • Maybe I misunderstand this subject, but it seems like the primary topic of the article should be the fact that zero is an even number. But throughout all the explanations, the article keeps coming back and explains how the concept effects education. It would be much better, in my opinion, if you made a couple straight up sections only talking about the parity of zero, and leave out all mention of students, teachers, etc. Focus on defining the topic. Then put all the education related stuff into separate sections.
      You say that "the article keeps coming back" to education. I'm not sure what you mean by that, since most of the article has nothing to do with education and doesn't mention the issue. Could you please clarify? Melchoir (talk) 03:06, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • The section concerning education should come later in the article, while the section laying out what the parity of zero is should come first. Right now the article jumps into the education aspect at first without fully defining the topic. Correct me if I am wrong, but the primary application of partiy of zero would be in mathematical contexts, so those sections should come first.
      • The "In education" section is the section that explains the parity of zero. It begins with a simple proof that zero is even, and its first subsection is all about elementary explanations of that fact. I agree that this material should come first. In fact, "In education" is the first section precisely because I wanted to present that material as early as possible. Did you have another section in mind? Melchoir (talk) 03:06, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
        • The above comment and this one go together. The mathematical sections also make a good explanation of what the parity of zero is, and how it is mathematically determined. It also gives a bit of history of it all. However in the education section, the article defines the parity of zero in a basic way in the first sentence, but throughout the section it ties it back to education, students and teachers. You could take that opening sentence out of the education section, move it to the head of the mathematical section, and use the mathematics sections as your opening section. That would give a very thorough overview of the parity of zero and its mathematical application before delving into its educational usefulness. —Charles Edward (Talk | Contribs) 12:39, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
          • Hmm. I'll give it a try. My practical concerns are: (1) Presenting the explanations without commentary means that an Education section later on will have to refer to those explanations when it says "explanation X is suitable for audience Y". This seems like duplication of material, and the reader might be forced to scroll between the distant sections to understand what the latter is saying. (2) Much of the material currently in "Mathematical contexts" is very advanced. Most readers won't appreciate it, and in the worst case it will cause them to stop reading, so they'll miss the more accessible discussion of education and cognition.

            I also have a theoretical concern, namely, all the material about explanations is taken from books and journal articles written by educators, for educators. The cited sources are discussing explanations with the assumption that the reader doesn't need them. If we just state the explanations, implying that the reader does need them... it's not exactly sticking to the sources, and it's a little condescending. Of course you could argue that my version is patronizing in its own way. We'll see how the execution works. Melchoir (talk) 01:59, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

    • I agree with the above comments that the article reads much like and essay. It is very editorial-like in places, especially the education sections. Check out WP:TONE. Here are a few examples.
      • "There are several ways to determine whether an integer is even or odd, all of which indicate that 0 is even:" How about "Each method used to determine whether an number is even or odd proves zero is even:"
      • "First of all, the concise definition of "even" is often not intuitive to children.", who says this is the first most important thing? Drop the "first of all"
        • The "first of all ... moreover" construction helps to demarcate the two related problems, the first straightforward and the second more subtle. Anyway, I can see how it could be read as indicating importance. Changed. Melchoir (talk) 03:59, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
      • "Often curious students will directly ask if zero is even"
      • "It is important for teachers of mathematics to understand such basic facts as the even parity of zero." - says who? Needs attribution and citation
        • Removed. The journal article distinguishes between "specialized context knowledge" and "common content knowledge", giving the parity of zero as an example of the latter, which justifies the "basic facts" label. But it's not worth it to try to introduce that distinction; it would just distract. Melchoir (talk) 04:33, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
      • "Unfortunately, many teachers harbor misconceptions about zero, although it is hard to quantify how many." - Unfortunate? Needs attribution and citation.
      • "There is some subtlety here: subjects are known to compute and name the result of multiplication by zero faster than multiplication of nonzero numbers, but they are slower to verify proposed results like 2 × 0 = 0." - I am not sure just what "subtly" is referring to here, perhaps it could be spelled out more clearly
        • Removed. Naively you'd think that the speed of computing a result and the speed of certifying a result would be well-correlated, so it's a surprise that one is faster and the other is slower when 0 gets involved, and it's not completely obvious which result is more important to mentally deciding if 0 is even. But it's perhaps not necessary to warn the reader that something tricky is going on. Melchoir (talk) 04:41, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
      • "This strong dependence on familiarity again undermines the mental calculation hypothesis." - Attribution and citation needed.
      • "It is difficult to say when in the history of mathematics the first person examined the parity of zero;" - but the article goes on to explain the first known clearly known instances of the discussion of the topic in the 7th century. I would put more emphasis on the first known instance, rather than the unknown.
        • They discussed zero in the 7th century, but not necessarily its parity. I can find no evidence of any discussion of the parity of zero earlier than a primary-source example from 1849. That leaves a gulf of over a thousand years when the first discussion might conceivably have happened -- we really don't know! Melchoir (talk) 04:57, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
      • "Some other mathematical contexts, where the presence of 0 in the even numbers can be felt, follow.", you could drop that whole sentence
      • There is quite a few other examples, but hope this helps to identify them
  • Citations needed
  • MOS
    • The notes section should precede the reference section. See WP:CITEX
    • The references each contain a short paragraph following them explaining them. Those descriptions should be removed and put into the body of the article if they matter, otherwise removed completely.
    • The article mixes shortened refs with full refs. That is a little confusing, although not required by the MOS, I'd suggesting fully using the shortened citation method.
      • I'll give it a try. The reason for the current references style is that there are really two distinct kinds of references being used. First, there's a handful of authors who provide "significant coverage" of the parity of zero in the sense of Wikipedia:Notability. These are the backbone of the article. Then, there's the rest: sources that mention the parity of zero only in passing. Calling out the significant sources in References, while leaving the rest to Notes, helps make this distinction for the reader who wants to do further research.

        One drawback of the current scheme is that Ball has many entries, but only one is called out. Mostly for that reason, I'm willing to move to a more standard-looking format. But I would still want some text at the top of References that points to the most valuable sources. Melchoir (talk) 02:22, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

    • Why is the TOC moved to the right? It should probably be left to default.
      • Agreed, and removed. Another editor introduced the template with the edit summary "whitespace". I didn't care enough to challenge it at the time, but now that someone else has complained, I'll use the opportunity. :-) Melchoir (talk) 01:26, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Images
  • Other images check out
  • Prose looks great
  • References are acceptable

Oppose, this article still needs a fair bit of work. The referencing issues are my biggest concern, followed by the tone of the education section. I have not listed all the issues with the references or tone, but this should be enough to demonstrate where the issues are. Good job on the article so far, its really is a very interesting read and I can see alot of research has went into it. Keep up the good work and you will soon have it up to FA standards. :) —Charles Edward (Talk | Contribs) 12:56, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the detailed comments! I'll get to work on the individual items, and I'll also want to follow up on the larger points. I'll make all notes inline above, and I'll add another comment down here when I'm done (for now). Melchoir (talk) 00:39, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I struck what you've resolved and replied to a few. After this review closes, I'd suggest taking the article to WP:PR where you could get some more useful feedback on improving it. It is an interesting topic and would make a worthy featured article. —Charles Edward (Talk | Contribs) 12:39, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Confused by the statement above; this review is already closed (see below). SandyGeorgia (Talk) 12:40, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Right, but the bot hasn't came by and archived the discussion and fixed the talk page. The editor would want to wait until after that to do the peer review, otherwise the PR template will give him errors because it will think the FAC review is still open. Sorry, I should have been clear. :) —Charles Edward (Talk | Contribs) 12:53, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The previous PR was disappointing in that it didn't attract significant feedback. I can certainly try another, but I don't have high hopes that it'll be useful... Melchoir (talk) 01:37, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Okay, I think I'm done for today. Some of the line items remain unaddressed; I might work on them and/or do some of the heavy lifting (layout) over the weekend. If this page gets locked down by a bot, so be it -- there are always talk pages! Melchoir (talk) 02:54, 9 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by Dabomb87 21:32, 8 April 2010 [76].

Horses in World War I

[edit]
Nominator(s): mynameinc (t|c) 19:43, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


I am nominating this for featured article because I feel that it addresses the subject completely and fully and meets the quality standards of a Featured Article. mynameinc (t|c) 19:43, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • There was a previous Peer Review, and all the points have been met, the best I can tell. I will withdraw, if that's better. Also, I thought the community would perceive 'drive-by noms' better, since it was by a third party who thinks it's ready, rather than a contributor. mynameinc (t|c) 20:51, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Read the large instruction box at the top of WP:FAC. – iridescent 20:54, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • (ec) Nope, see the top of the page: "Nominators must be sufficiently familiar with the subject matter and sources to deal with objections during the FAC process. Nominators who are not significant contributors to the article should consult regular editors of the article prior to a nomination." A withdrawal would be advisable, unless Dana feels the article is up to snuff. María (habla conmigo) 20:56, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Withdrawn Dana doesn't think the article is ready. I apologize for the inconvenience. mynameinc (t|c) 21:03, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by Karanacs 13:24, 6 April 2010 [77].

2008–09 Michigan Wolverines men's basketball team

[edit]
Nominator(s): TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 19:53, 23 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]


I am nominating this for featured article because the prior FAC was closed although I had addressed most of the concerns. I believe this is one of the finest articles on WP. TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 19:53, 23 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Note: This is a WikiCup nomination. To the nominator: if you do not intend to submit this article at the WikiCup, feel free to remove this notice. Ucucha 17:40, 24 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose: The prose is way below featured standard. I have only looked at the lead, where I found a whole parcel of problems. It would have been wise, after the last FAC, to have had a thorough prose review and major copyedit, because that's what looks like is required now. Here are the more egregious issues from the lead:-

Someone needs to go through the remainder with the proverbial fine toothcomb and check out the prose. Can't be fixed quickly, I fear. Brianboulton (talk) 20:04, 25 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

These responses are all good and may be considered resolved. I'd like to wait a few days and come back in the hopes that the rest of the prose will have been checked out, so I can reverse the oppose. Brianboulton (talk) 16:10, 30 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by Karanacs 13:24, 6 April 2010 [78].

Northwest Airlines Flight 253

[edit]
Nominator(s):  fetchcomms☛ 16:40, 18 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]


This article just finished a peer review and I think it satisfies the criteria for becoming an FA. It's well referenced, covers the subject comprehensively, has been stable, and reads well.  fetchcomms☛ 16:40, 18 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Note: This is a WikiCup nomination. To the nominator: if you do not intend to submit this article at the WikiCup, feel free to remove this notice. Ucucha 16:43, 18 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Personally, it doesn't take too long to load, but I agree that it is long. However, I don't know if it's possible to split the article up even more. I could probably cut down on the "Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab" and "Ties to Anwar al-Awlaki" sections, but I don't think it would be appropriate to have a stand-alone article called "Reactions and investigations to the attempted attack on Northwest Airlines Flight 253" or something like that. Many of the dead links are from Yahoo! News, who unfortunately does not keep articles very long. As many of these were added long ago, Google no longer has a cached version and I have no idea what to search for to see if there are duplicates elsewhere--which I suspect there may be. I have never used the {{vcite news}} templates, but after a quick look at the doc, it seems like it has the same paramters--is this correct, can I do a simple find/replace of {{cite news}} to {{vcite news}}, or are there any larger differences?  fetchcomms☛ 19:44, 18 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
There are some differences, see Template:Vcite news#Compatibility, but they may not even be applicable to this article.
I do think there is some potential for daughter articles there. There are many for 9/11, and here you can perhaps have articles on reactions, investigations, and the general aftermath of the attempt. Ucucha 21:01, 18 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
OK, I'll try to get these two bits sorted out.  fetchcomms☛ 21:32, 18 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The template switch was a big improvement. The size of the HTML from the references was reduced from 238 kB to 122 kB, and the page loads much faster. Ucucha 21:47, 18 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
And for the dead links, have you tried http://www.archive.org? Ucucha 22:19, 18 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

← I have created Reactions to the Northwest Airlines Flight 253 attack, but I think a bit more can still be cut out of the main article. I tried the web archive, but none were found, unfortunately.  fetchcomms☛ 03:56, 19 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • first read thru, its heavy going theres a lot of duplicated and unnecessary information in the lead try cutting it back to 3 paragraphs,
  • first paragraph of lead a Delta Air Lines liveried Airbus A330-323E operated by Northwest Airlines, was on its final descent, 20 minutes before landing, with 289 other people on board. The plane made an emergency landing in Detroit without any fatalities. try maybe a Delta Air Lines liveried Airbus A330-323E operated by Northwest Airlines, was on its final descent, 20 minutes before landing, with 289 other people on board while on final descet. The plane made an emergency landing in Detroit without any fatalities.
  • second para of lead The suspected bomber in the incident was Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, a 23-year-old Muslim Nigerian passenger who had studied engineering in England and came from a wealthy family. The plastic explosives Abdulmutallab concealed in his underwear failed to detonate properly, resulting only in flames and popping sounds. try The suspected bomber in the incident was Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, a 23-year-old Muslim Nigerian passenger who had studied engineering in England and came from a wealthy family. The plastic explosives Abdulmutallab concealed in his underwear failed to detonate properly, resulting onlyin flames and popping sounds. then throw away the Dec 26 info, that information is covered in the article proper. Keep from On Dec 28... until the last sentence starting If convicted... and delete that agains its not critical information to the article and is addressed in the article proper.
  • third para of lead -- throw the whole thing its background information thats covered in the article and isnt directly relevent to establishing the articles context.
  • fourth para of lead -- drop the first sentence then remove also from the start of the second keep the rest.

Voila one condensed lead, now for the rest of the article I'll await your response to these suggestions. Overall its got a lot information and is well written its just there is redundancy within the prose. Gnangarra 11:31, 19 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I think you're right about the redundancy, I've removed the suggested bits from the lede, are there any other glaring spots? If not, I'll try to go through each section and remove unneeded material as well.  fetchcomms☛ 16:38, 19 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Image Check: Passed - 9 images; 8 free, 1 fair use. Free images are all PD-self or PD-USGOV, and are at commons. Fair-use image is the one of the plane, and is not reproducible. --PresN 22:29, 22 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Tagged a couple and replaced one.  fetchcomms☛ 20:59, 23 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Leaning Oppose Just based on headache I got from the frenzied glare of the little blue bracketed numbers behind every other sentence. There is sometimes a legitimate reason to add more than one or at most two references to a sentence – when the sentence is particularly controversial, and you want to have the word of more than one acknowledged expert to back it up. But that is not the case here. Please go through and find the clearest and most reputable for every cite, and use only one (unless it is controversial). • Ling.Nut 15:53, 23 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
OK, I'll remove some unneeded references, which should also help reduce the page size and loading time.  fetchcomms☛ 20:59, 23 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments -
  • What makes the following reliable sources?
  • Your citations need to be consistent with placement of the publisher/newspaper etc. Most are: Author, title of article, Newspaper, retrieval date, but some have the publisher/newspaper AFTER the date, and not italicised in the cases of newspapers. I noted current refs 13 and 14 at first, but there are lots of others.
  • 11 deadlinks in the refs (current ref 19, 71, 77, 83, 93, 108, 120, 144, 157, 183, 184)
  • Current ref 22 (Roberts, Soryay) lacks a publisher
  • Current ref 40 (Heldenrol...) needs a last acess date
  • Current ref 73 (Devlin..) lacks a publisher
  • Current ref 137 lacks a publisher (it's currently run into the link title)
  • Same with current ref 138
  • Current ref 142 ("Christmas bombing Try...) lacks a publisher
  • Current ref 144 (Bin Laden...) lacks a publisher
  • Current ref 153 (Aftonbladet) needs a last access date... also more information on this would be helpful to satisfy WP:V
  • Current ref 161 (Wilders...) lacks a publisher
  • Current ref 173 (Hughes..) lacks a publisher
  • Current ref 174 (Mack) lacks a publisher
  • Agree with Ling Nut about over referencing, it is very severely overreferenced.
Otherwise, sources look okay, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 15:52, 25 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The first source is quoting Kurt Haskell. I'll probably get rid of it as you said. The second is a flight tracking website and could be removed as well as a duplicate. The last is a news website, I believe. I'm dreading getting all the citations consistent and together, but I'll get it done as soon as I can, as well as adding all the ref info.  fetchcomms☛ 02:13, 26 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support, pending the resolution of the issues identified above. I've looked at this article from the perspectives of sourcing, reliability and comprehensiveness (aren't these the most important issues?), and think it easily passes those standards as they are reflected in the FA criteria. I agree the multiple references can be shedded, but the existence of multiple references is indicative of how well sourced the article is. Every statement I checked was very well supported by the sources cited. --Mkativerata (talk) 20:09, 29 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Oppose. This article has entire sections completely without summarisation in the lede, a blatant violation. Not to mention the the article title is still totally deficient, and is now not even clarified in the lede either. See the talk archives for the past attempts to fix both those issues, which appear to have been stealthily rolled back when I left the article. In addition, it has a no-free image in the lede which offers nothing over and above the free images already in it. I cannot imagine how that got past the free content supporters. MickMacNee (talk) 17:34, 1 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I was told above to shorten the lede because it was too long... now it's too short? How exactly is the title deficient? I thought the standardized title of airplane incidents was just the flight name? The image is in the article because there is no free image taken of the incident. Apparently, whoever checked the images above thought it was OK.  fetchcomms☛ 21:02, 1 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
If I am not mistaken, a requested move you filed, as well as another requested move filed by someone else shortly after, both did not succeed. Large incidents like United Airlines Flight 93 would not be moved to 9/11 attack in Pennsylvania or something, I don't see the need for this to be retitled either.  fetchcomms☛ 21:11, 1 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The airline naming convention is a nonsense and goes against all other policies, but what is worse is that it is doubly wrong for this specific article. See the talk archives for the reasons, I'm not going over this for the billionth time. And in my experience, use of that non-free image will be challenged at some point, so if someone above has said they think it would pass, they should take it to PUI right now. MickMacNee (talk) 22:07, 1 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
And by the by, Flight 93 is the proper name for that article by all policies, not just the not fit for purpose aircraft incident naming convention. MickMacNee (talk) 22:08, 1 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I'm not going argue over the naming convention, as that's something for consensus to determine what's "nonsense" and such. I don't quite understand: how is it doubly wrong if two requested moves have both failed? Obviously, there is not a lot of support of the page to be moved--if you want, go ahead an request another one, but I'm not sure why this affects the article's status. About the image, there's no way to take a free version of the plane now, this says its registration has expired.  fetchcomms☛ 23:04, 1 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

oppose - File:NWA_Flight_253_landed.jpg conveys no information beyond what is already contained in the caption, therefore failing wp:nfcc Fasach Nua (talk) 23:26, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

As I mentioned above, this shows that the plane's registration has expired and it would therefore not be possible to take a free photo of it now. That said, do you intend to keep an oppose over such a seemingly small item? If you wish, take the image to PUF or FFD, but I'm not sure why that affects the article as a whole, as I feel that it does fall under the non-free criteria. This is also one of the only images taken of the event, and the only free one--should we delete the video of the 9/11 attacks too, as it is there was no free equivalent of that?  fetchcomms☛ 03:12, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I do not find the m:mission trivial, and while the article continues to fails FAC, I will continue to oppose. Fasach Nua (talk) 04:08, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by Karanacs 13:24, 6 April 2010 [79].

Exploration of Io

[edit]
Nominator(s): Volcanopele (talk) 14:50, 16 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]


This article covers the history of astronomical and spacecraft studies of Jupiter's moon Io. It recently completed its peer review (though it only incited one reviewer to comment), which was helpful in assessing new official and unofficial FA criteria. I now believe the article is of sufficient comprehensiveness for an FAC run. Thank you all in advance for your comments, suggestions, and constructive criticism. Volcanopele (talk) 14:50, 16 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your comment. I have fixed the sublimation dab link and adjusted the wikilink for "Electromagnetic induction sounding" to avoid the dab page. I have edited some of the alt text. I think this fixes the verifiability issues, avoiding making specific references to which planet/moon is displayed (Jupiter becomes "banded planetary body" for example). --Volcanopele (talk) 16:31, 16 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
That was not my main concern; I think Jupiter may be well-known enough that we can assume people know what it looks like (cf. WP:ALT#Proper names). But you can leave it as it is now. However, there are some other things: that the handwriting is Italian is not verifiable from the image alone at the resolution you see it in the article, and in the Pioneer 11 image, it is not verifiable that the right image has been darkened (rather than the left one brightened). There are a few other issues: In the I32 Pele image, rather than saying that there is a scale, you should say how large the multi-colored region is, which is the important information. Someone who can't see the image wouldn't be helped much by just learning that there is a scale. Ucucha 21:21, 16 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Okay, thank you for being more specific on the issues you found. I changed the Pioneer 10 image alt text to just say that the image on the right is darker (rather than it having been darkened), and that dark features are more easily visible. I mentioned that the I32 Pele image was approximately 60 kilometers across as suggested by the scale bar in the image. Finally I fixed your other issue with the mention that the notes were in Italian and changed the mentions of Jupiter in the alt text for the relevant images. --Volcanopele (talk) 22:07, 16 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
It's my fault for not being specific the first time around. I think it is good now; I made some further edits to remove non-essential details. Ucucha 22:46, 16 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support. I think this article is well sourced, well written and satisfies all FA criteria. (I copy-edited it slightly). Ruslik_Zero 16:02, 17 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • SUpport. Actually it needed a bit more of a copyedit, and i'm not the world's best at this, so i hope i caught everything. Otherwise clear, well structured and very interesting. hamiltonstone (talk) 02:36, 18 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment There is a problem with the sentence that begins: "Despite this, it is one of Marius' naming scheme for the moons of Jupiter that is regularly used today" This shoud either say "it is Marius's naming scheme for the moons" or "it is one of Marius's nameing schemes for the moons". I suspect after reading one of the sources cited by the article it should be the former, but I am not sure enough to make the edit myself. One of the reasons I am not sure is that the source [80] cited for this sentence and for the next one doesn't seem to discuss the assertion about Marius coming up with the the names based on Kepler's suggestion. Rather those assertions are supported by another source [81] cited earlier in the paragraph. I suggest you explicitly make clear what the source for the assertion is and then follow that source and make it clear whether or not this was one of mulitple naming schemes suggested by Marius or it was the only naming scheme suggested by Marius. I will keep looking for more nits to pick, but it is a great article. Rusty Cashman (talk) 07:15, 21 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
It should be "Despite this, it is one of Marius' naming schemes for the moons...". I have made this edit. I have also fixed the references used for the two sentences that cover this. The first is the JPL article. The second is Simon Marius' own book (used as a reference earlier in the paragraph). I've added that reference. In that book (toward the end of the section used at that link), he describes the naming schemes he came up with along with the circumstances of how the Io, Europa, Ganymede, and Callisto scheme came about. This should back up the statements in the article. --Volcanopele (talk) 20:54, 21 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment In the passage: "but he sent along his measurements to Dutch mathematician Christiaan Huygens, who calculated that light traveled 16+2⁄3 Earth diameters per second, misinterpreting Rømer's value of 22 minutes as the time in which light traverses the diameter of the Earth's orbit" could you please make it clear what the value was that Huygens misinterpreted? Rusty Cashman (talk) 19:46, 21 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I will have to take another look later today at the references used. I think I...borrowed some of this section from the speed of light article. --Volcanopele (talk) 20:54, 21 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
After looking at the current text of the speed of light article, the relevent source, and other interpretations of it. I think the text was simply in error. I have replaced it with text that is consistent with what the speed of light article now says and what I think is a more reasonable interpretation of the source. Rusty Cashman (talk) 23:31, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment The following text in the lead is misleading: "such as helping mariners determine their longitude". In fact as the text of the article makes clear Io and the other moons of Jupiter were never very useful for finding longitude at sea. I would suggest instead "such as helping map makers and surveyors measure longitude", which is a more accurate summary of the body of the article. Rusty Cashman (talk) 20:07, 21 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
You are right. Thanks for the catch. The lead was actually one of the first things written, before I had written the "Io as a Tool" section. After a re-reading the available sources and looking at a few others, it was clear that Io wasn't used for maritime navigation, but ground-based surveying. I have made your suggested edit. --Volcanopele (talk) 20:54, 21 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment—Overall it's good work. However some parts seem wordy and perhaps overly dramatic. The article could possibly benefit from a word-smith to tighten things up and make sure the tone remains encyclopedic. (E.g. "Stunned by...", "...was not completely surprising...", "...result was quite tenuous...", &c.)
      • I'm not the nominator, but will respond to these specific points - as a reader with an interest in these topics, the story of Io's exploration is one of the most dramatic in studies of our solar system, particularly in regard to the discovery of active volcanism, so i think some of the language appropriately reflects that - specifically i would retain "stunned by..." The "not completely surprising" and "quite tenuous" bits i thought were not great, and in one case i didn't think the reference substantiated the qualifier, so i have changed these two instances. hamiltonstone (talk) 22:49, 24 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
        • I'm just going by WP:TONE, which recommends using a formal tone in a clear, businesslike manner.—RJH (talk)
    • The following jargon terms are not linked: perturbation, occultation, equatorial, spectroscopic, spectrometer, absorption band, electrodynamic coupling, mid-infrared, thermal emission, pixel, high-gain antenna, low-gain antenna, data compression algorithms, and solar panel. I might have missed some others.
    • Many of the names used throughout the article don't identify the profession or nationality of the individual. Who are "Witteborn" and "Fanale et al."?
      • Witteborn and Fanale references have been edited out in favour of other ways of expressing the material. I think most other names in the article are historical researchers / figures whose names are wikilinked, and in some places (eg first para of "Io as a world: 1805–1973") it would be cumbersome, and probably unnecessary for the interest of the typical reader, to include further detail. In the case of this: "A few days before the Voyager 1 encounter, Stan Peale, Patrick Cassen, and R. T. Reynolds published a paper in the journal Science..." I don't think anything else can be usefully added, but the use of the names is intended to set up a cross-reference later in the article. Are there are other instances that concern you? hamiltonstone (talk) 00:15, 31 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
        • Unfortunately then, I'll have to say that the information about individuals is presented in an inconsistent manner. The lead paragraph list the widely known Galileo Galilei as an "Italian astronomer", but says nothing about Simon Marius. (Later Galileo is listed as a "Tuscan astronomer".) In the same paragraph, Giovanni Cassini is listed as an astronomer, but Pierre-Simon Laplace is not listed as a mathematician. I'm not sure what the best approach is, but the variation struck me while reading through the article.
    • "...elliptical outline aligned with the direction of its orbital motion." Please clarify this by including a mention of the major axis.
    • "abundant water ice", "greatly restricted" and "...substantial greater imaging coverage..." are vague.
    • There is some parenthetical text that could be modified to remove the parentheses. E.g.: "(no images were available to...", "(though IRIS was not sensitive...", "(though a software algorithm...", "(forcing Galileo to transmit data..."
    • What does "...unique science..." mean?
    • In the list of references, "T. C. Van Flandern", "R. W. Carlson" and "R. T. Reynolds" are not formatted as per the other cited names. I.e. not "last, first MI".
    Thanks.—RJH (talk) 19:15, 24 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • What I have reviewed so far definitely prevents me from supporting this nomination, and very little has been done to address the concerns I've brought up. As such, I am opposing for now. I also think the nominator may have been eaten by bears about a week ago. --Cryptic C62 · Talk 16:45, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments just on the lead:

Well done: this is an admirable nomination, and it deserves to succeed. I do think these issues in the lead indicate the whole article needs a run-through by an independent copy-editor, though. Tony (talk) 14:00, 30 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

What about the rest of it? Tony (talk) 00:51, 31 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Currently Leaning Oppose If this nom were new, I wouldn't be typing this. But the writing just isn't there yet — see forex "In the late 1960s, an opportunity known as the Planetary Grand Tour was identified by the United States' NASA and Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) that would allow a single spacecraft to travel past..". I did a little ce, and can do some more, but am afraid the nom will be promoted and the text will plateau. Will strike my Oppose if the prose gets help. • Ling.Nut 11:45, 2 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I did some CE and fixed some clumsy wording including the passage you mention. I will do some more presently. Rusty Cashman (talk) 23:59, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by Karanacs 13:24, 6 April 2010 [82].

2008 Hungarian Grand Prix

[edit]
Nominator(s): --Midgrid(talk) 21:53, 15 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]


I am nominating this for featured article because I believe it satisfies the criteria. It is also part of Apterygial (talk · contribs)'s Insane Idea to make 2008 Formula One season a featured topic; 2008 Monaco Grand Prix, 2008 Japanese Grand Prix and 2008 Brazilian Grand Prix are the articles which have already reached FA status in this series, and may be useful for comparison. --Midgrid(talk) 21:53, 15 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments – Haven't gotten to the race recap itself yet, but am somewhat concerned with what I've seen so far. There is quite a bit of wordiness lurking in the article, along with some punctuation issues and a referencing concern. A copy-edit from someone new to the article may be worthwhile.

  • "It marked Kovalainen's first Formula One victory, which made him the sport's 100th driver to win a World Championship race, and it was also Glock's first podium finish." Some wordiness exists here with "it was also". These three words can easily be removed to make the prose tighter without changing the meaning at all.
  • Report: "Sebastian Vettel set the fastest time of the first day and second days". The first use of "day" should probably be removed to avoid a glaring redundancy in the prose, which causes a grammar error.
  • Reference 4 is to a Wikipedia article, which should not be considered a reliable source in general, let alone for an FA. If it's covered in a later reference, you could consider making this a seperate note.
  • "Amongst the other teams...". Usually, it's better to use simpler words when possible, such as "Among" in place of "Amongst".
  • The same goes for "whilst" a bit later; "while" would do just fine. This is something to be searched for throughout, as I see it on at least two occasions.
  • More wordiness exists in the form of "also", which should be used sparingly. In Background, I spotted at least four of them in a two-paragraph space. Please check whether these are all needed; the "and also"s usually aren't, from my experience.
  • Overlinking: there's no need to link something more than once in a section; anyone interested will have already clicked on the first link. In this section, I see repeated links to Force India and Bridgestone.
  • "That left him behind Kubica and Glock on the grid; the BMW Sauber driver achieving his competitive time despite handling problems that led him to describe his lap as his best so far of the season." The semi-colon should probably be a comma. Picky, but it's important to have punctuation spot-on in an FA. If you want to keep it, switch "achieving" to "achieved".
  • "his eleventh-best time of 1:20.131 just over a second of Massa's pace in the second session." "of" → "off".
  • Again, the semi-colon after "for impeding Heidfeld during the first part of qualifying" should probably be a comma. Giants2008 (27 and counting) 17:32, 27 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments
  • "The two championship protagonists commenced a battle for the lead that was resolved when Hamilton suffered" very writerly. Please ce. • Ling.Nut 17:27, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by Karanacs 13:24, 6 April 2010 [83].

Smedley Butler

[edit]
Nominator(s): Kumioko (talk) 03:57, 2 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]


I am nominating this for featured article because I believe it meets all the criteria for a featured article. It recently passed an A class review under the milhist project and since then I have added a lot of content so that it would meet the criteria. Kumioko (talk) 03:57, 2 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comments. One dab link, to Charles Francis Adams. No dead external links. Alt text good.
  • And a question: what have you done to address the issues raised in the previous FAC? Ucucha 04:08, 2 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • Thanks for the fast review. I see that link keeps coming up but I can't figure that one out. There is only one place in the article for that link and it is correctly linked directly to the article. Please let me know if you see whats causing it. In regards to the previous submission I have greatly expanded several sections including his time in Philly, the business plot and his death among others. I have cleared up the references I think, I have reviewed the article and reworded many of the wandering butlers that were mentioned and fixed many places were grammer and prose were an issue. Aside from that if you see anythhing that needs attention, please let me know. --Kumioko (talk) 04:34, 2 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment I believe there is a problem with the portion of the lead that discusses the Business Plot which says: "Those he said were involved denied it, and the media ridiculed the allegations.", but does not balance that statement by mentioning the fact that the house committee found the accusations credible or that most historians believe that while a coup was not imminent, there was a "wild scheme" under discussion. This makes the impression left by the summary in the lead significantly different from the impression given by the body of the article or the article on the plot itself. This is important because many people who do a quick look-up on a topic, especially if they do it from a mobile device such as a Kindle or an iPhone, are more likely to read the lead than the body of the article. Right now the way the lead is worded it would give me the impression that it was likely that Butler had fabricated the plot accusation, which I don't think is the view of most historians. It is a very good article on a fascinating topic and I will probably have more comments as I work through it, but this one jumped out at me as soon as I read the lead. Rusty Cashman (talk) 19:28, 2 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks. Ill fix that tonight once I get home. --Kumioko (talk) 21:11, 2 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Done I completely reworded the last paragraph. I also didn't like how the lead transitioned from the business plot to his death so I streamlined that a bit. Please let me know if you see anything else. --Kumioko (talk) 01:48, 3 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Ok but remember you asked for it :)
  • Comment I think the lead should also mention how many countries he served in during his 34 year career. Something like "During his 34 year career as a marine that included combat in the Phillippenes, China, and the banana wars in Central America and the Carribean as well as service in France during the first world war, Butler was awarded 16 medals, five of which were for heroism."
Done another one down, Ill start working on the Vera Cruz section next. --Kumioko (talk) 23:49, 4 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment In the "Central America" subsection of banana wars you should mention that Coyotepec is in Mexico. If it refers to another Coyotepec then the link is wrong.
Done --Kumioko (talk) 12:11, 3 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment In the "Veracruz, Mexico, and his first Medal of Honor" subsection there is a jarring jump from Veracruz to Haiti with no explanation. I assume that what happened was that a detachment from the garrison at Veracruz was dispatched to deal with the crisis in Haiti but I think you need a few words to make that clear. Rusty Cashman (talk) 09:28, 3 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Done Took a while but I think I have expanded this section enough know. If not please let me know. --Kumioko (talk) 05:12, 5 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks I'l work on that. --Kumioko (talk) 12:07, 3 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you I will certainly expand on that. It may take me a day or too to scrounge up the refs but I should be able to get this done in the next day or two. --Kumioko (talk) 20:17, 3 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
NP, Semper Fi!--Mike - Μολὼν λαβέ 21:56, 3 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Great Job, Marine!--Mike - Μολὼν λαβέ 05:08, 10 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Done --Kumioko (talk) 04:07, 8 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support - the material you added on the Bonus Army is very good. I believe all the significant problems have been fixed, and I think the article is now quite comprehensive. It is also fascinating (touching as it does on some far too little known aspects of American history), informative, and quite readable. Therefore I am happy to support it for FA and to congratulate you and the other editors involved for the good work. Rusty Cashman (talk) 21:58, 10 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments: I've had a look at this article and have a number of comments. Apologies for the long list.
    • in the Early life section, paragraph two seems a little ambiguous about whether it is referring to Smedley Butler or his father;
    • in the Military career section, the first paragraph does uses a lot of the word "he", could this be substituted;
    • in the Military career section, "first lieutenant" could be wikilinked;
    • in the Philippine-American war section there is some inconsistency in how you deal with numbers. You have "1 dead and 60 wounded", then "ten from combat and fifty from...". I believe that the WP:MOS usually prefers numbers greater than 10 to use numbers and those less than 10 to be depicted with words "e.g. one killed and 14 wounded";
    • the Philippine-American war section heading should probably be capitalised as "Philippine-American War" as that is a proper noun (war being part of the name of the conflict);
    • in the Boxer Rebellion section, "Commanding Officer" should not be capitalised as it is not a proper noun in this case;
    • in the Veracruz section, there is inconsistency in treating numbers greater than 10 (e.g. "seventeen dead and sixty-three wounded);
    • the final paragraph of the Veracruz section needs to be reworked as it is a bit akward and repeats the clause about it being his first Medal of Honor;
    • in the Haiti section, USS Connecticut should be linked on first mention (i.e. in the second sentence);
    • in the Haiti section "3 companies of Marines" should be "three companies...";
    • in the Haiti section there is inconsistency in capitalisation of Marines (as in John is a Marine, rather than John served in the Marines). You have mostly used Marines in this instance, but there is also "marines". I am not sure which is correct, though, but I'd have thought that it should be lower case as soldiers or troopers etc are not capitalised (if so, you would need to change this throughout the article);
Comment - Marine is a title, it is always capitalized.--Mike - Μολὼν λαβέ 23:50, 12 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • when refering to the Medal of Honor, sometimes you use the "Medal", again I'm not sure about this capitalisation as I believe that in that case it is being used as an improper noun and therefore shouldn't be capitalised. For instance one wouldn't say the "Cross" to refer to the "Victoria Cross", one would say "medal";
    • in the World War I section, relating to Rinehart, you have "She later described how he tackled..." This is a little ambiguous, did she describe how Butler tackled the sanitation issue or Baker? This can be fixed by substituting "he" with "Butler";
    • in the China and stateside service section the link to "Civil War" should be changed to "American Civil War" as it is currently linked to the generic term rather than the specific;
Fixed. Rusty Cashman (talk) 05:18, 13 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • in the Director of Public Safety section, this sentence needs to be reworked: "Philadelphia's municipal government was notoriously corrupt and Butler refused at first, but when Kendrick asked President Calvin Coolidge to intervene, and Coolidge contacted him authorizing him to take the necessary leave from the Corps." The issue is that it is not complete due to the word "when", which implies something else will be said (i.e. that he accepted), but that is not said until the next sentence;
Fixed. Rusty Cashman (talk) 05:18, 13 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • This sentence is not grammatically correct "...don't believe there is a single bandit notch on a policeman's guns" (the issue being the word "guns"). This is a quote, however, so if it is an error that Butler made with his syntax it can be fixed by changing it to this "guns [sic]";
    • in the Military retirement section, "Major General" as in "senior Major General in the corps" is incorrectly capitalised, as is "corps". In this case it should be "senior major general in the Corps";
    • in the Military retirement section you have used the contraction "didn't", this should be changed to "did not";
Fixed. Rusty Cashman (talk) 05:18, 13 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • I think that "senate" should be capitalised in the Military retirement section;
Fixed. Rusty Cashman (talk) 04:34, 13 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • in Speaking and writing career section, I believe that "corps" should be capitalised;
Somebody fixed it. Rusty Cashman (talk) 04:34, 13 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • in Speaking and writing career section, remove the wikilink to World War I as it has already previously been linked and would as such be overlinking the term;
Fixed. Rusty Cashman (talk) 04:34, 13 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • in the same section "twenty years" should be "20 years" and the emdash before "17,000 should be unspaced;
Fixed. Rusty Cashman (talk) 04:34, 13 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • in the same section you have "World War 1" (1 being the issue) [in the sentence about the Bonus Army], but elsewhere have "World War I";
Fixed. Rusty Cashman (talk) 04:34, 13 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • in the Speaking and writing career section, you have used the word "rite", I think however that this should be "right";
Fixed. Rusty Cashman (talk) 04:34, 13 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • in the same section should congress be capitalised and "bonus army" also (you have capitalised it sometimes, but not others, e.g in the sentence "...Douglas MacArthur dispersed the bonus army";
I have capitalized every occurance to match the usage in the Bonus Army article. Rusty Cashman (talk) 03:40, 13 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • the first sentence of the Death section could be reworded to be a bit stronger. Perhaps the date should come first?
    • a query: with the ribbons, you have depicted two MOH ribbons. Is this correct, or would it be a single ribbon with a star? I don't know myself, just thinking out loud (the MOH article states "indicate multiple presentations of the Medal of Honor, the U.S. Army and Air Force bestow oak leaf clusters, while the Navy Medal of Honor is worn with gold award stars);
      • Well, there are 2 reasons for this really. The first is that regardless of what the Medal of Honor article may state, there are no devices authorized for the Medal of Honor and based on that when he wore his ribbons he wore them seperately. If you look at the image in the infobox you can kinda see it. --Kumioko (talk) 18:51, 13 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • in the Published works section, the titles should be capitalised per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (capital_letters)#Composition titles;
    • the page ranges in the citations should have endashes;
    • the Further reading section is a different size to the References section, I suggest adding the refbegin, refend tags to it also. Also I suggest removing the spacing between the works listed in the References section, as it has an unnecessarily different spacing format to the Further reading section;
    • could the Marine Corps navbox be collapsed as its quite large?
    • the Burk work is cited (Citation # 53), however, it is listed in Further reading, I suggest moving it to the References section;
    • Littleton Waller is linked in both the Phillipine-American war section and the Boxer Rebellion section. This is overlink, so I suggest removing the link from the Boxer Rebellion section.

Once again, sorry for the large number of comments. Overall the article looks quite good. Cheers. — AustralianRupert (talk) 23:40, 12 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comments -
  • Find a Grave is not a reliable source, it's user submitted information, just like a wiki.
    • In this case I don't agree its not reliable. Yes its user submitted but its use is well established in WB and is on literally thousands of articles. If this has been determined to be an unsuitable reference then it shouldn't be allowed to be used. Additionally, I have edited on WP for several years and have worked on many articles in FA, GA, A, Peer review etc and this is the first time I have ever heard it suggested that this is not relieble so for know I am going to leave this one. --Kumioko (talk) 16:39, 13 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
      • It doesn't matter about what other articles do, you aren't contesting that it's user submitted, and thus not reliable. It should not be used, period, but at the moment, we can only address THIS article. Ealdgyth - Talk 16:42, 13 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
        • Done I replaced it with a source from the cemetery, itself. Maybe Find-a-grave could go to the external links section? That's what I did on John C. Cremony.--Mike - Μολὼν λαβέ 17:35, 13 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
          • Thanks, good find. I still think this is a bigger issue that needs to be addressed but I'll present that argument at the appropriate forum and return to the task at hand. I marked it as done, hope you don't mind. --Kumioko (talk) 18:51, 13 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
            • You have to understand that sources are scrutinized closely at FAC even more than they are in GA reviews, and as for most articles, their sources aren't usually scrutinized at all unless somebody challenges the content. I wouldn't consider find a grave a reliable source (certainly not for an FA class article) but I think that it is fine as an external link. Rusty Cashman (talk) 02:38, 14 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Newspapers titles in the references should be in italics. If you're using {{cite news}}, use the work field for the title of the paper, and the publisher field for the name of the actual company that publishes the paper
  • Current ref 66 (Smedley D. Butler Brigade...) lacks a publisher.
Otherwise, sources look okay, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 15:06, 13 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Not entirely satisfied with the prose. Here are issues just at the top.

  • "During his 34 year career as a Marine he participated in military actions all over the world including the Philippines, China, and the Banana Wars in Central America and the Caribbean." Longish sentence, so perhaps a comma after "Marine" or "world"? Hyphen for 34-year ...
  • Should there be a "both" before "Marine Corp Brevet Medal"? I think so ... and you could avoid repeating both Honor names ... "awarded the Medal and the Honor for ...". Still not entirely sure what you mean, actually. The other two were awarded both for a single action?
  • I think "veterans" and "pacifists" are on the boundary of not being desirable as links. Ration them and the readers are more likely to click on the really important ones such as "Business Plot", which comes up next. Readers rarely click on links as it is. I think we also know what a "military coup" is ... does that article add anything sufficiently focused on this article?
    • I would agree with you, and I have delinked these (and several other rather common terms as well) several times in the past but within a couple days someone will relink them so I stopped doing it. --Kumioko (talk) 15:21, 14 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • The "probably" is odd to me, when it's couched in such determined wording. I think just remove the word: "they determined that there was sufficient evidence to prove that such a plot probably existed".
    • I don't agree on this one, the report states they they believed that it was probable, by removing this it makes it appear as though they were positive and prove conclusively of the plots existence. --Kumioko (talk) 15:21, 14 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Butler continued his speeches"—what, he ignored the time's-up bell? Better a wording that clarifies you're referring to his speaking engagements or tours. Unclear relationship to the rest of that sentence.
  • Remove "in a family"?
  • Commas: "His father was a lawyer, judge, and for 31 years a Congressman, who chaired the House Naval Affairs Committee during the Harding and Coolidge administrations."
  • "Against his father Thomas's wishes"—> "... the wishes of ...".
  • Please note the en dashes I've put in. WP:MOSDASH also says not to write "From 1927–1929".
  • Some of the images are tiny for the amount of detail: "Capture", for example. Can you boost the size of some of them? I'd go for 250px for that one, to start with. Tony (talk) 08:18, 14 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Image Check: Passed - 7 images, all free-use from commons (PD-GOV or PD-OLD) plus some ribbons that don't need to be checked. --PresN 22:35, 22 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Oppose. It's informative, but the prose is currently far below FA standard. I found problems everywhere I looked. It needs a lot of work. Examples, mostly just from three paragraphs:
  • "and was an outspoken critic of U.S. military adventurism" Where is this written about in the body? I see criticisms of war profiteering, but that's not the same thing.
  • This particular comment doesn't seem valid to me. There is a reference to military adventurism in the text (perhaps it was added after the comment ws made) and in anycase the extended quote from War is a Racket clearly made the point. Rusty Cashman (talk) 19:14, 25 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "At the urging of his father, the newly elected mayor of Philadelphia, W. Freeland Kendrick, asked him to leave the Marines to become the official in charge of running the police and fire departments, the Director of Public Safety." This sentence begins a heading, but is indicative of an article-wide problem of nebulous "his" and "him" statements. Whose father? If someone started reading here, they'd be stymied. Also, consider "his father, the newly elected mayor"; but we have to read on to discover it's someone else. "Director of Public Safety" is awkwardly tacked on at the end.
  • "but Kendrick asked President Calvin Coolidge to intervene, and Coolidge contacted him" The problem appears again in the next sentence. "Him" in this context would be Kendrick... but it's not Kendrick.
  • "tell them how things would be" Too colloquial for our voice.
  • "in some cases switched entire units from one area to another" Nebulous. Physical area? Organizational area? Be more precise in your writing. Police don't serve "areas", they serve precincts, etc.
  • It could be physical area or organizational and a precinct by definition is an area. Since the references don't mention precincts, I cannot assume that the city was broken up into precincts, they may have done things differently there back then and its also very possible that he did away with the precincts as part of his restructuring, just a guess on that one I really don't know. Either way I don't agree with this change. --Kumioko (talk) 20:03, 24 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Butler ordered raids ... ordering them padlocked"
  • "In addition to the speakeasies he ordered the raids on brothels, bootleggers, prostitutes, gamblers and corrupt police officers." What is "the" doing? How do you raid a person?
  • "Being more zealous than political he ordered crack downs" What does this mean? The two certainly aren't mutually exclusive or even opposites. Also, "crackdown" is a noun and "crack down" is a verb. The rest of this sentence is confusing... what are drinking "dives"? Much too colloquial. Then, you mention that the Ritz-Carlton and the Union League weren't spared, but they're certainly not dives?
  • MoS: The "[sic]" is supposed to be spaced, I believe.
  • "Although many of the local citizens and police felt that the raids were just a show, they continued" As written, it's the citizens who continued, not the raids.
  • "In his next move Butler started new programs, changed policies and changed the police uniforms." More imprecise writing. What do you mean by "his next move"? All of this is one "move"?
  • "These changes included military style checkpoints into the city, bandit chasing squads armed with sawed off shotguns and armored cars and changing the uniforms so they were similar in appearance to the Marine Corps." A complete wreck. Grammar... too much to list.
--Andy Walsh (talk) 19:50, 24 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comment - structure of history section seems to get off to a strange start with the hybrid Early life and family section. Why combine "family" here, in what is ostensibly a "background" section? It causes the history to jump from 1905 back to 1898 as we enter the next section—and, meanwhile, we have been confronted with the idea of "his former commanding officer in China". PL290 (talk) 21:15, 26 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Not sure I agree with you here. There is no "history" section. There are separate sections on his family life and on his military career, which are on the same level, as are the sections on his time as Public Safety Director, and his post military career. I understand your desire to keep everything chronological but sticking the discussion of his marriage in the middle of the section on the banana wars, which if I understand you correctly is what you would be advocating, would strike me as strange. Rusty Cashman (talk) 22:51, 26 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
This raises concerns regarding criterion 2b (appropriate structure). A biography is a life history, and biographical articles are therefore typically structured chronologically, with any topical sections separated from the history section. I suggest the first four sections of this article do in fact constitute an implicit History section, being distinct in character from the remaining sections, which are topical: 
(History)
   Early life and family
   Military career
   Director of Public Safety
   Military retirement and later years
Honors and awards
Published works
See also
Notes
Footnotes
References
Further reading

I am unconvinced that deviating from this general pattern produces an intelligible biographical article. PL290 (talk) 14:18, 27 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I just want to add that Smedley has been dead for a number of years now so the entire article is "History" If this article were shorter and the individual did less I would probably agree with you that the family short be in chronological order. However, this individual did a multitude of things throughout his life making the "story" of telling his life complicated. With this complication in mind I believe it is more beneficial to the reader to leave it were it is. If I move it into chornological order his marriage info would essentially be buried in his military career making it difficult to locate. The whole chronology thing is really a "recommended guideline" anyway and not a hard and fast rule inflexible to change. Or one could invoke WP:IAR or state Wikipedia is not a bureaucracy. In any rate I believe in the end it is more benficial to the reader to leave it as it is, in this case at least.--Kumioko (talk) 16:59, 27 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I have been thinking about this and I decided that contrary to my first comment PL290 has a point. Having the marriage and children stuff out of order in the midst of so much material that is in chronological order is a little jarring. Therefore I have been bold and taken a shot at a minor reorganization. I think the result works a little better than the previous organization and makes better sense of what was happening in his life between his adventures in Honduras in 1903 and the interventions in Nicaragua, and Panama in 1909. If you don't like what I did feel free to revert or modify it. Rusty Cashman (talk) 22:11, 27 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I don't mind at all and I still don't agree with it. In fact it now looks as though his marriage and time as a coal member are somehow a "part" of his military career instead of things that occurred "during" his military career. In the spirit of getting this article approved finally I recommend if we are going to structure it this way then we change the military career section above the marriage to something like Military career from 1898 - 1905 and then after the marriage do something similar. This way the marriage won't be embedded int he military career. --Kumioko (talk) 22:22, 27 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
After looking again I do think the new order is better. If you had a whole bunch of material on his life outside the Corps it would make sense to have a separate "biography" or "personal life" section separate from the military career section (as you did with the Director of Public Safety material), but since you have only a few sentences on his mariage and brief stint as a miner, it makes more sense to insert them inline in the chronological narrative. Changing the heading name was fine. You could also consider a title such as "Life as a Marine" or "Time in the Corps" that would make it clear that you were talking about his life while he was in the Marines not just his military career without being quite as cluttered as the section heading you have now. Rusty Cashman (talk) 02:31, 28 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Leaning to support (prose) - Further to my comment on structure above, I've now been right through the article, and copyedited a few things that jumped out along the way. The relocation of the marriage passage is, I think, effective, and I see no other structural problems (and agree with Rusty Cashman that the resulting section titles can perhaps be simplified without fear of implying a section is exclusively concerned with military service). I found several minor loose ends (missing words and the like) which I tidied up as I went. There are one or two passages where the prose seems a little casual or informal, such as "Not all of the city felt he was doing a bad job though and when the news started to break that he would be leaving ...". A few specific points (some of which are very minor ones that I couldn't fix as I went):

  • The Fighting Quaker - a telling nickname, given that Quaker beliefs and practices have long identified peace as a fundamental principle. Is nothing known about Butler's own religious beliefs? He is termed a Quaker by this nickname, but the word only appears once in the article, where we learn only that his parents were both members of local Quaker families. Was he even a Quaker himself?
  • For his actions on April 22, Butler was awarded his first Medal of Honor. - paragraph then ends. Yet April 22 is never mentioned before or since, nor are Butler's actions that day identified. I realize the subsequent paragraph implicitly has a bearing, but surely something specific must have taken place on April 22; is there nothing more that can be said about that in this paragraph?
  • The FBI, then known as the United States Bureau of Investigation, checked its fingerprint records to obtain the police records of individuals who had been arrested during the riots or who had participated in the bonus march. (my bold) - 43,000 people participated in the bonus march; were they really all fingerprinted?
  • He implemented sweeping programs to clean up city safety and security. - "clean up" seems odd here.
  • sawed off shotguns (as, I learn to my amazement, they are called in the US!) should be hyphenated (and probably wikified too).
  • His second year as Director of Public Safety started less dramatically than the first. - hardly surprising, since it was a continuation and not a new start: perhaps better left unsaid.
  • A link audit may be in order: "captain" is linked, but not the less common "prohibition" (of alcohol).
    • As I answer this I keep finding myself rewording it because I sound irritated but Im not so here goes. I have linked unlinked and relinked and unrelinked a number of things in this article over the last few months. One editer will link and another will unlink it and this is one of those examples. I will relink it though but I expect it will be unlinked within a few days as being a "common term". --Kumioko (talk) 15:56, 28 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • During his Senate campaign, one of the issues that Butler spoke about strongly was the veterans bonus. - should this perhaps be either "veteran's bonus" or "veterans' bonus"? I could not ascertain this from the linked Bonus Army article so perhaps you could check. (The WWI "soldier's bonus" is mentioned lower down.)
  • on the corner of 8th and I Streets - we don't have these streetnames in the UK, so I'm unfamiliar, but just to check, is that really meant to be just the letter I?
  • In December 1909, he commanded the 3d Battalion - is 3d correct, or should it be "3rd"?
  • To pass the time, Butler had a very large Eagle, Globe, and Anchor tattoo that started at his throat and extended to his waist. He also met another Marine with whom he subsequently maintained a life long friendship, Littleton Waller. - it's unclear how simply having a tattoo would pass the time; is something missing? Also, "He also met another Marine" seems a choppy follow-on from the tattoo (and is anyway slightly oddly worded: he had been with the Marines for some time).

PL290 (talk) 15:24, 28 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Leaning towards supporting What is the current status? Has Andy been asked to comment on the changes. Have Tony's comments been fully addressed, including those regarding the images? I don't think the structure of the article is a problem, but there are still one or two long sentences that lack flow. Graham Colm (talk) 19:27, 27 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I think that all of Tony's comments have been addressed but I have left several messages on his talk page and he hasn't replied so silence I consent I guess. I also believe that Andy's comments have been addressed but if he feels they have not I would be glad to address them. You mention a couple long sentences! Could you point me at those please and I will try and reword them. --Kumioko (talk) 21:20, 27 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments What is the status here. I had promised Kumioko that I would give the article a ce, and I've done that. The longest sentences are more manageable, and the verb on verb on verbs are fixed. There are still some areas that I just didn't know what to do with, particularly in the last part of the Dickson committee section. Kumioko, if you look at it in edit mode, you can see where someone has left you some notes. I think it reads better now, although it's still choppy. In terms of content, I think this is a very good article. I'd have appreciated some more context at places, but I'm not as familiar with early 20th century American history as I might be. Auntieruth55 (talk) 01:19, 28 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

    • Oh, and I fixed the link on Charles Francis Adams III (that is why the dab kept showing up). Anyway, it's fixed now. Auntieruth55 (talk) 01:21, 28 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
      • Thats great thanks for the help. To answer your other question I think all of the comments have been addressed. I have requested Tony come back and review his comments several times but he hasn't responded so I am assuming all is ok. You said there were a couple areas that needed expansion? Could I ask what they were? --Kumioko (talk) 02:10, 28 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
        • Kumioko, the prose is still weak, but it is better. The area that needed explanation was under the Business plot, open it in the edit mode and you'll see a comment that someone inserted. Auntieruth55 (talk) 16:01, 28 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment What I consider a severe problem with the lead has re-appeared. It is a conflict between what the lead currently says about the business plot and what the body of the text does, and I consider it very misleading. The lead says:"The committee determined that there was insufficient evidence to prove such a plot existed". The body of the article says "confirmed some of Butler's accusations in its final report" and includes a quote from the committe "...There is no question that these attempts were discussed, were planned, and might have been placed in execution when and if the financial backers deemed it expedient." There is a clear contradiction here. There is also no mention in the lead that while most historians believet that there was no coup imminent there were almost certainly wild schemes under discussion. The way the lead reads now it sounds like Butler likely fabricated the incident where as I pointed this problem out earlier in this review it was fixed (although not as strongly as I would have liked) but at some point that fix disappeared. When I tried to fix it again just now, my changes were reverted. If this contradiction is not resolved I will have to switch my earlier support to an oppose. The lead of an article should summerize the body of the article not contradict it! Rusty Cashman (talk) 22:26, 28 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • I agree with your comment that it makes it appear like he made it up adn should be changed. I wil try and fix that. I also apologize for the revert, I think we were both in the process of making changes and I made my changes after your, or at the same moment perhaps, but it was unintentional and the point you make was there before my edit. I have noticed a disturbing trend with this article though and that is the longer it is open, one editor changes something so it meets their approval and that overrides anothers. To be honest I am beginning to see why so few editors participate in FA's.--Kumioko (talk) 22:43, 28 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
      • Ok, this seems to be just the sort of edit conflict that happens when someone makes a copy of text, edits it offline and then replaces the original text without checking first to make sure no one else has made changes. I have done it myself in the past. I have restored my changes. Feel free to edit them as seems appropriate. Sorry for the strongly worded comment, but I was a little frustrated because I couldn't tell whether you had wiped my changes out accidentally or reverted them because you didn't like them. I didn't want to just restore them and risk an edit war. I do like the rest of the changes you made to the lead. I think it reads well now. Rusty Cashman (talk) 08:41, 29 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments
    • Do you have a hard copy of "above and beyond"? Amazon lists the authors as "Congressional Medal of Honor Society". Even in Google scholar, everyone else punts on the question...
      Not sure what you mean here? Can you clarify. --Kumioko (talk) 04:41, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
      Please verify the author(s) of "Editors of the Boston Publishing Company (1985). Above and Beyond, A History of the Medal of Honor from the Civil War to Vietnam". • Ling.Nut 04:48, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • hey, Lelle appears only once in the notes, and is fully specified both in the notes and the refs. Klehr also appears only once, and is in the notes but not the refs. Which approach are you employing? I've seen folks do it both ways in different articles, but you can't do it both ways in the same one.
    • Is the FBI website public domain? You copy/pasted overly-long passages from it.
      Yes but tell me where this is. I don't like using cut and paste even from Public domain sites and I would like toi clean that up. --Kumioko (talk) 04:41, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
      It's in note 44, but here it is again.• Ling.Nut 04:48, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • Please help me find where Schmidt (1995) mentions Roosevelt on p. 85 (note 24b). I do not see it on that page or any page, although it does record other comments by Roosevelt. • Ling.Nut 04:49, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • In a quick search, I was unable to locate a reliable sourcing noting Butler as a winner of the Sampson Medal (West Indies campaign). Apparently, neither were you...
      I had it somewhere and thought it was in there, good catch. Let me see if I can find that again and if not I will remove it. --Kumioko (talk) 04:41, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • I have the NYT article, "Gen. Butler Bares a 'Fascist Plot'". It specifically mentions the House Committee on Un-American Activities in the first para. How then can the McCormack Dickstein cmte. be a precursor to the former (see note 51)? • Ling.Nut 04:00, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Oppose, Certainly per WP:LEDE and potentially per... there isn't anything in WIAFA about "not well organized for clarity; not underlining points strongly or clearly enough." I suppose it's a hybrid of 1a and 1b. So here's my point: his father had more than a little political pull, he was passed over for Commandant of the Marine Corps; he ran unsuccessfully for Senate (and felt he was abandoned by Pinchot), he leaned leftist in his later years (despite being a Republican), he played a prominent role in the Bonus march, he gave his money from his speeches to unemployement relief, etc etc etc. All or at least most of these things are actually in the article, but the article isn't well-organized or well-structured enough to give the reader skimming/scanning a heads-up about all this political stuff. The WP:LEDE certainly needs work along these lines. The entire article itself... could use a bit of reorganization. I'm partially thinking of painfully clear topic sentences, which (in the case of an encyclopedia article) should be the first sentence in the para, and should summarize the... you know.. main point. I'm also thinking.. forex, his father's influence is not mentioned until far down in the article. It does list his various political offices in a far earlier section, but no mention of how he used his pull in his son's favor (mmm, the book "Maverick marine" at least seems to suggest that at least some of Butler's initial rise was due to his father working in the background to support him) Etc. I don't believe these brief remarks fully cover what I feel is missing from the article; you'll have to think for yourself about the best approach. However, although almost all of the facts are here, the reader has to read the whole darn article very carefully and read between the lines to connect the dots before he/she can put together the political aspects of Butler's career. I don't think these things can be straightened out in time for the nom to succeed. • Ling.Nut 05:53, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Well in some of this all I can say is your right but the fact is entire books have been written about him and it would be impossible to capture all of these details without making the article hitting critical mass. The same goes for the lede, its very long now (longer than I would like it to be in fact) and it will be hard to cover all of these details without adding extra length or chopping something else. He simply did too much in his life, but Ill try. --Kumioko (talk) 13:27, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
After I reviewed this a little closer I wanted to add a little follow up. I think the article flows quite nicely so I don't understand what you mean by this article isn't well organized and is unclear. But if you have some suggestions for clarity please let me know what they are. In regards to the political ramifications of how his father helped his career, Im sure he did honestly but when I read back through the references its mostly speculation and probibilities. Except in one specific case when he asked the president to ask him to be director of public safety, which is mentioned in the article. --Kumioko (talk) 21:35, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Thanks for your patience. When I was talking about organization, I wasn't talking about how the article flows per se. I was talking about whether the info is presented in highly accessible fashion. I think many readers of Wikipedia skim for information. Therefore, I think all articles should be as skim-friendly as possible. Think "summarize key points". In the beginning he was a soldier; in the end he was a political ranter with a decidedly leftist lean. OK, you kinda got that covered in information scattered throughout the article. You did a good job in that respect. But the points are never really driven home; you didn't say (or I didn't see) generalizations along the lines of "he supported many leftist causes despite being a Republican" etc. You need these not only in the WP:LEDE but in the topic sentences of various paragraphs, especially at the beginning of each new section. The problem is, you can't just throw some quickie summary in there. You have to think carefully about what you write, staying within the bounds permitted by the text of your reliable sources. You also have to make it read well... so it takes a little time or skill or both... I'm especially talking about hist leftward leanings here, but perhaps other points as well. I think it's quite possible to read the lede and the article and not come away knowing just how left-of-center some of his ideas were...• Ling.Nut 13:42, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by Dabomb87 01:54, 5 April 2010 [84].

Manchester United F.C.

[edit]
Nominator(s): Tomlock01 (talk) 20:14, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


I am nominating this for featured article because it has recently been dramatically improved and has been promoted to GA status. I feel that the article meets all the FA criteria, and is comparable in quality to Manchester City F.C. and Arsenal F.C., both of which are FA. Tomlock01 (talk) 20:14, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Fixed both.Tomlock01 (talk) 21:05, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment - I do not believe that this Featured Article nomination is a good idea right now. I think we should see what results the current Peer Review yields and then bring it to FAC, but not just yet. – PeeJay 20:32, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
PeeJay, I think it meets all the criteria, and surely this process is a form of peer review? Tomlock01 (talk) 20:41, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
As you wish. – PeeJay 20:57, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Oppose, sorry. The article does not get anywhere near using the range of sources that would be appropriate for an FA. Only three books are cited, but on this topic, there are obviously going to be many more out there: [85]. I'm therefore not confident that this article represents comprehensive coverage of the subject. Under FA criterion 1(c), the article must be "a thorough and representative survey of the relevant literature on the topic". --Mkativerata (talk) 21:59, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for comments, but I disagree. Arsenal F.C. is probably the most comparable FA, and has only 4 books listed, but in uses just 2 of these in actually providing references, the other 2 being listed simply as 'further reading'. Furthermore, the 3 books listed in the Manchester United article are complete histories, and as such represents comprehensive coverage.Tomlock01 (talk) 22:11, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Arsenal is probably at risk of de-listing as it was listed a long time ago when criteria were laxer. I understand that the books cited in this article might provide comprehensive histories, but the FA criterion is "a thorough and representative survey of the relevant literature on the topic". That's for good reason: even books that cover a topic comprehensively will take different angles and have different focuses. This is a good article, no doubt, but to be the best work of an encylopaedia, I would expect all relevant literature to be consulted. --Mkativerata (talk) 22:15, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Oppose, with sadness. I've been thinking about this nomination for the last couple of hours; my initial thoughts were that the prose is terrible, and marginal even for GA, but that can be addressed in fairly short order. My real concern having considered it though is in the article's coverage, somewhat mirroring Mkativerata's point above. This club is a global phenomenon, it can't be compared to Arsenal or Manchester City, and that needs to be explored in the article. Also, FAC is not a peer review, and should not be treated as one. I'd recommend that this FAC was withdrawn. Malleus Fatuorum 00:14, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Malleus, I appreciate your comments. But this article has nothing to lose, and plenty to gain from going through the FAC process.
Wikipedia has a chronic shortage of reviewers across the board, and FAC is not the place for a peer review. FAC is about assessing whether an article meets the FA criteria, and this one clearly doesn't. Malleus Fatuorum 00:55, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment – Considering that there are two opposes already, and the main editor of the article (PeeJay) believes the article isn't ready for FAC, I see no reason why this should continue. I also agree with the previous reviewers about the need for less reliance on online sources, and the need for more on their worldwide popularity—the whole section on their supporters could use some expansion, for that matter. There should at least be something on how they became so popular. Giants2008 (27 and counting) 01:13, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I'm not going to flog a dead horse. Withdraw with my blessing.Tomlock01 (talk) 01:24, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 23:40, 3 April 2010 [86].

Gillian Welch

[edit]
Nominator(s): Omarcheeseboro (talk) 23:25, 13 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]


I present an article on singer-songwriter Gillian Welch as a FAC. After an extensive revamp, improvement during GA nom and promotion, and a PR, I feel it is ready. Thank you in advance. Omarcheeseboro (talk) 23:25, 13 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

It appears from his uploads that "Filberthockey" is indeed "Forrest L. Smith, III" (he at least claims it). He makes it clear in other file descriptions, which all exclusively credit him. I would suggest contacting Filberthockey via email or talk page to find out if he is indeed Mr. Smith. - I.M.S. (talk) 23:19, 16 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Take a look at this photo of a waterfall, uploaded by him and credited to Forrest Smith. It looks like everything checks out, unless we have a strange case of impersonation on our hands. - I.M.S. (talk) 23:27, 16 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Ah, I see now. Thanks for clearing that up. --Andy Walsh (talk) 23:44, 16 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]


  • Comment On the note on her name: Maybe it would be good to include an example of another word that is pronounced with a hard G? --Esuzu (talk • contribs) 15:18, 30 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Weak Oppose Per 1a. The writing just isn't quite there yet. The paragraphs are all too often a string of straightforward simple declarative sentences, creating a too-repetitive feel. The sections are all to often similar in structure: a short, simple-declarative opening then a cluster of quotes that are all preceded by a general observation... It all got a bit repetitive, again. And that one-sentence section at the end was a puzzler. I'm not knocking the article too hard; it's better than many I've seen. But not there yet. And finally I must make myself vulnerable by saying something vague and unactionable: I kept getting the feeling that "something was missing" from the content, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. So I'm not including this last bit as part of my Oppose, but I think I have to mention it even though it isn't really actionable. I'll think about this more.• Ling.Nut 15:28, 30 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Oppose: Agreed, the prose isn't quite there yet. In the lede alone:
  • The third sentence of the first paragraph does not parse. One of various possible ways to make it work is this: "Their sparse and dark musical style, which combines elements of Appalachian music, bluegrass, and Americana, is described by The New Yorker as 'at once innovative and obliquely reminiscent of past rural forms'".
  • Revival, which is in apposition to "1996 debut", requires a comma after as well as before.
  • By the end of the second paragraph, it is clear that the article fails to consistently apply or reject the serial comma.
  • The first sentence of the third paragraph uses a nonidiomatic preposition. The possible choices are on and of; the current for is incorrect.
  • "Bestselling platinum album" is effectively redundant. Just bestselling or platinum will do.
  • "Throughout her career" is entirely unnecessary.
  • In the same sentence, "several" is not idiomatic, given the context. Try "many". Or simply cut the adjective and replace "including" with "such as".
  • "In addition" is entirely unnecessary.
  • "Notable" is unnecessary and thus smacks of peacockery.
  • A glance at the rest of the article reveals similar problems throughout. It does look strong on substance and sourcing. Please retain a good copyeditor to work on it and then bring it back.—DCGeist (talk) 07:27, 1 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 23:40, 3 April 2010 [87].

Tropical Storm Leslie (2000)

[edit]
Nominator(s): 12george1 & Hurricanehink


I am nominating this because it is well written, images are good, and it is well referenced. None of the references are dead links (I checked). The article is also made of a variety of sources, not solely from one source; like FEMA, NHC, or NOAA. It is a good size of information for a storm that barely affected land as a tropical cyclone. It is clearly not a skin and bones article like it was about 4 years ago. 12george1 (talk) 03:29, 11 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

As im one of the "secondry authors" im gonna have to stay Netural on its promotion.
  • Comments -
  • Per the MOS, link titles in the references shouldn't be in all capitals, even when they are in the original
Otherwise, sources look okay, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 16:04, 13 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments: Generally well done, prose is still a bit weak.

  • I don't think that almost a billion dollars in damage is "little impact" -- I suggest cutting out "Leslie had little impact as a tropical cyclone." completely, and changing "Because of the lack of impact as a tropical cyclone" to something like "Because of the limited impact as a tropical cyclone".
  • It's a bit wordy -- I did a few quick fixes in the Meteorological History section; perhaps you can get someone who isn't as a familiar with the general subject to go through prose?
  • To that effect, "Flood waters ... caus[ed] severe problems for farmers.", that sentence was weird, isn't it obvious that heavy flooding = bad news?... I removed the last part of it, and further, the idea was expanded upon in the next sentence too (start of planting season).
  • "The floodwaters, which were 4 feet (1.2 m) deep in places, also flooded thousands of cars. Many were stranded in their houses, forcing them to use canoes or inflatable rafts to move to higher grounds." -- Isn't the cars part kind of obvious, especially if you have people stranded in their homes? Perhaps you can change it to something like "The floodwaters, which were 4 feet (1.2 m) deep in places, stranded many in their houses, forcing them to use canoes ..."?
  • Impact section, "nonessential" or "non-essential"? The first looks weird to me, I think the one with the hyphen is the preferred Canadian spelling (or at least by far the most common), so the "nonessential" could be the preferred American one. That's perhaps why it jumped out at me.
  • Perhaps you could nix at least Tropical cyclone and List of Atlantic hurricanes from the see-alsos? They don't seem very useful. Also considering the sheer amount of Florida hurricanes, perhaps it would make sense to remove that section altogether?

Maxim(talk) 15:44, 2 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

    • About the "little impact as a tropical cyclone", I guess I wanted to emphasize that the damage was from the precursor disturbance, and not from the actual storm. However, that's confusing, I'll agree, so I removed it. After all, it's explained later. I cleaned up the MH on my own, but I found someone else as well. I'm cool with the farmers flooding thing, since you're right, it's obvious there were problems. The agricultural damage has its own paragraph, after all. I hated the thousands of cars sentence! Seriously! So your version was much better. I'm cool with the non-essential, since it's essentially the same thing. Question though: should that be non-essential or non–essential? Lastly, I removed those two links, but I kept the Florida hurricanes one, since I like having a see also section in general, and Leslie was one of the bigger Florida storms of the past decade. Also, I added a link to the 2000 AHS timeline, as per Tropical Storm Henri (2003), another FA. Hope things are better now. --♬♩ Hurricanehink (talk) 02:10, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 23:40, 3 April 2010 [88].

Paul E. Patton

[edit]
Nominator(s): Acdixon (talk • contribs • count) 21:25, 10 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]


An extensive article about Kentucky's only modern governor to succeed himself in office. Unfortunately missing a picture of the man, but hopefully an editor in or near Pikeville can remedy that in the future. I look forward to addressing everyone's concerns. Acdixon (talk • contribs • count) 21:25, 10 March 2010 (UTC) Note: This is a WikiCup nomination. Acdixon (talk • contribs • count) 21:28, 10 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

CJ articles have a habit of disappearing. We might have to go archive.org on this one or something. Acdixon (talk • contribs • count) 15:33, 12 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I've linked to the abstract of the article. CJ is getting really tight with their content. Acdixon (talk • contribs • count) 18:30, 1 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments. "His proudest acheivement, however,"—it doesn't contradict the previous statement. Please remove "however". See MOS: no hyphens after -ly. Some people would regard the use of the word "mistress" as sexist. Why are "indoor plumbing", "electricity" and "telephone" linked? Please do an audit on overlinking. Tony (talk) 01:13, 11 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
What word do you suggest instead of "mistress"? I wasn't aware it was considered sexist, but then again, I've never been accused of being closely attuned to PC language. Acdixon (talk • contribs • count) 15:33, 12 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments -
  • "Patton to be reappointed" link deadlinks
Otherwise, sources look okay, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 16:03, 13 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Linked to abstract now. See above. Acdixon (talk • contribs • count) 18:30, 1 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Believe me; I'd love to have one, but Pikeville is six hours from me. It just isn't feasible for me to get it. Acdixon (talk • contribs • count) 16:30, 15 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I've dropped a note to User:Bedford regarding the Pike County courthouse image; I'm confident that one will be cleared up in short order. The user who uploaded the image of Memorial Hall appears inactive, so I guess you can FfD it, at which point, I'll remove it from the article. I'll also drop a note at WP:KY in the next few days to see if someone in or around Lexington can take and upload a free replacement. Either way, I should hope the promotion of the article wouldn't hinge on the presence or absence of that image. I was just trying to break up the text. Acdixon (talk • contribs • count) 16:30, 15 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Former Wikipedia W.Marsh, now known as "Retired Username", gave me the pic to use as the photos of KY courthouses was a pet project of his. The image was his, taken for the purpose of it being on Wikipedia. So it is usable, but may need to have its copyright check changed. There are probably other courthouse pics of his that need to be fixed; anything I personally took I either PDed, or kept copyright status but allow WP to use it.--King Bedford I Seek his grace 06:02, 17 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Linked to abstract. See above. Acdixon (talk • contribs • count) 18:30, 1 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments: I've only had a chance to look at the lead and the "Early life" section so far. Some comments follow:
  • Is the presidency of Pikeville College such a big deal that it justifies relegating Patton's Governorship to the second sentence of the lead?
  • "Jones appointed Patton secretary of economic development..." Not a proper noun?
  • "...and improvements to the criminal justice system." Is this NPOV?
  • "When he was hired by a railroad..." as a teacher?
  • "He was later awarded an honorary Doctor of Public Service degree from the University of Louisville." I assume this was quite a bit later. Might it fit better in "Later life" than "Early life"? Steve Smith (talk) 21:02, 31 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Do we know why Brown decided not to appoint Sights party chair after all?
  • "Just days before the primary it was reported that Cowan's campaign had sent a fundraising letter to a firm that his office was investigating for criminal conduct regarding state contracts." Was the letter or the conduct regarding state contracts?
  • I don't understand this sentence: "Particularly onerous to Rose was Patton's stated support of collective bargaining for public employees but his declaration that he would not fight for it in the upcoming 1996 legislative session." Steve Smith (talk) 09:04, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 17:03, 3 April 2010 [89].

Nobel Prize

[edit]
Nominator(s): Esuzu (talk • contribs) 11:17, 30 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]


Nobel Prize is a important part in Wikipedia. Many articles link to it and if a person has received the Nobel Prize it is bound to be mentioned in the lead (even in Winston Churchill who undoubtedly did greater things than win a Nobel Prize). That is why I am nominating this article a second time, the last time the major problems were sources and images and I believe those have been addressed. Esuzu (talk • contribs) 11:17, 30 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comments. A dab link to Berling; no dead external links. Ucucha 11:22, 30 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment Surely the most notoriously "overlooked people" controversies of recent decades are Rosalind Franklin, who missed out when Watson and Crick got theirs for dna and Graham Greene who one of the judges had supposedly taken against. Neither is mentioned. (ec)One would also expect the controversies over Barak Obama and Henry Kissinger to be mentioned. Prose needs a bit of polishing - eg "oriiginating" in the first sentence. Johnbod (talk) 12:00, 31 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • Rosalind Franklin is mentioned: "Rosalind Franklin, who was a key contributor in the discovery of the structure of DNA in 1953, died of ovarian cancer in 1958, four years before the achievement was recognised by awarding Francis Crick, James D. Watson, and Maurice Wilkins the Prize for Medicine or Physiology in 1962." It doesn't mention Greene but I'll look into it. But he's probably not the most notorious "overlooked people" but he might deserve a mention. --Esuzu (talk • contribs) 12:13, 31 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
      • As to what you added: First of all, I can't see any problem with "originating in" seems completely grammatical to me.
Yes, the article has had no section about "Controversial Recipients". It is located on Nobel Prize controversies#Controversial recipients but it might be good to have some of them present on the main page as well. Anybody who has any opinions? --Esuzu (talk • contribs) 14:03, 31 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Rambo's Revenge (talk · contribs)

Images
  1. I was reviewing the Nobel images as fine then began questioning things for File:NobelPrize.JPG and File:Nobel Prize.png. I'm know a bit about images but would like someone (a lawyer?) to clarify the position with these as it is complicated.
    • The (Nov 2008) photograph is of a "3d" work but is released into the public domain so that is fine.
    • The design was decided in 1902, and published pre-1923 so that bit is okay.
    • The design was changed in 1980 but this image of a design prior to that so is okay.
    • This is a 1950 medal (presumably cast after 1923) and I know there is no originality in making images. My question is whether there sufficient originality in creating a replica (i.e. casting a medal) to make this medal copyright when it was made? This suggests not but is not really backed up by anything. Is there a court case or license to cover this? Basically, even if the image is okay the licensing needs tightening. I'm prepared to do it if someone asserts I am correct but this is a legal thing and I don't want to put myself in the wrong position.
    Turns out this has got plenty of attention in the past it just isn't linked to from the current images.
    That would be very helpful. I'm not a lawyer neither am I very good at image licensing. So before I nominated the article I asked User:Elcobbola on the talk page of Nobel Prize: Talk:Nobel Prize#Images Copyright (from FA page). From his response there I understood it was OK to use but perhaps not. How do we find somebody, like a lawyer or similar who could help us with this? Esuzu (talk • contribs) 11:47, 2 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    Wikipedia:Media copyright questions, or perhaps try User:MGodwin, someone who represents the Wikipedia Foundation and I think may have past involvement with these discussions. Rambo's Revenge (talk) 12:03, 2 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    I've contacted Mike Godwin so hopefully we can get some help from him :) Esuzu (talk • contribs) 13:33, 2 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    This is the answer I got: "In general, merely casting a replica of an out-of-copyright image is not regarded as original enough to create new copyrightability. Assuming the facts are as you report them, I think you are fine.

--Mike" Esuzu (talk • contribs) 22:28, 2 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  1. File:Paul Krugman-press conference Dec 07th, 2008-8.jpg and File:Giovanni Jona-Lasinio-Nobel Lecture-2.jpg state that "This file is published under the following Creative Commons license: Attribution NonCommercial ShareAlike 2.0". Wikipedia requires commercial use, but the images have also been attempted as licensed under GFDL-1.2. User seems active so might be worth contacting to clarify.
Contacted the user so hopefully we'll get an answer soon. --Esuzu (talk • contribs) 12:00, 2 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Well, there is nothing to clarify, the file has simply two licenses to choose from. Since the file is published under GFDL-1.2 only commercial use is possible. --Prolineserver (talk) 15:34, 2 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Okay thanks for clarifying. It isn't something I've seen before. As for File:Alfred Nobels will-November 25th, 1895.jpg I am I right in thinking it isn't actually a PD work and that this change reflects the actual status of a (potentially copyrightable) photographic reproduction released by you. Rambo's Revenge (talk) 16:28, 2 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Other images seem fine. Rambo's Revenge (talk) 02:10, 2 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Well, if you want I just release my part of the will as PD, I want to put it on a stable license basis rather than support a stupid Swedish copyright regulation. --Prolineserver (talk) 20:55, 2 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
References
  • References that link to Bibliography e.g. 8. Elizabeth T Crawford ..., 69. Irwin Abrams ..., and many others. These should be listed Surname, Forname consistently like ref 11.
  • Ref 10 needs accessdates
  • Ref 23 Alfred Nobel. "Alfred Nobel's Will (English version)" needs tidying up
  • Ref 38 (news.bbc.co.uk, Nobel prize for viral discoveries) needs citation template to format correctly
  • Same goes for ref 41 (The Nobel Prize in Chemistry 2008)
  • And 94 (Nobel Prize Foundation Website)
  • Use links in references. For example link to The Local in ref 96 (Nobel Banquet: the feast of feasts – The Local) instead of writing "Thelocal.se"
  • Ref 128 (Remarks by the President on Winning the Nobel Peace Prize). Format to say where it is from. Don't say "the same day".
  • Ref 132: Not dead, but does need citation template etc. so it is correctly formatted.
  • Ref 133: "5:34 p.m. ET" is not the author
  • Ref 145 (Akademien väljer helst en europé) needs formatting as proper reference. Also add the |language= field.

This isn't comprehensive and issues like odd/inconsistent linking, not putting Surname first seem to recur regularly. Rambo's Revenge (talk) 11:38, 2 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Prose

Just some examples of prose which isn't of a professional standard:

  • "After the award ceremonies banquets are held at the Stockholm City Hall and the Grand Hotel in Oslo." full stop?
  • "Al Gore and the IPCC, 2007 winners of the Nobel Peace Prize, have had the validity of their winning of the prize disputed as well as being politically motivated." What is politically motivated
  • "Before 1930, the banquet was held in the ballroom of Stockholm’s Grand Hotel." Which banquet, all of them or the Peace prize one as the preceding sentence indicates there are many.
  • "10th of December" don't use th and of
  • Fixed. Couldn't find any more similar problems either.
  • "The recipients' lectures are held in the days prior to the award ceremony." - you later say this isn't always the case
  • "Since 1902, the King of Sweden has presented all the prizes in Stockholm" how can he if the Peace Prize is in Norway.

These were found without really reading the article and came from just one section. This only passed GA the other day and is a long way off FA standard. Suggest withdrawing and getting this peer reviewed.

Perhaps. How do I withdraw it? Esuzu (talk • contribs) 13:19, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Just tell one of the FAC delegates, here for example, User Talk:SandyGeorgia. Graham Colm (talk) 14:13, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I oppose the promotion of this article because currently it fails 1a and 2c (at least). Rambo's Revenge (talk) 11:38, 2 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Oppose -sorry. The article is far from FA standard, the prose is clunky and not at all engaging. The long quotation from Nobel's will spoils the look of the article and adds very little. It might make a useful footnote. There are odd expressions like "happens to die", which presumably just means "dies" and more worrying, inaccuracies. Frederick Sanger did not receive his second prize for "in 1980 for virus nucleotide sequencing", he was awarded it for inventing a method of determining the nucleotide base sequences of all DNA. And, to say he got his first for "the structure of the insulin molecule" is lazy prose; he determined what the structure was. These errors made me lose confidence in the article's overall accuracy. The gallery of the 2009 winners seems most out of place and although not quite contravening WP:NPOV, it goes against the spirit of it. Only time will tell who were worthy recipients. The Lead is also very poor, with all those blue links, and this "The Nobel Prizes in the specific disciplines (physics, chemistry, physiology or medicine, and literature) and the Prize in Economics are widely regarded as the most prestigious award one can receive in those fields", while repeating the categories already given a couple of lines above, just means the prizes for peace and economics are not regarded as prestigious, which I don't think is true. Because of the subject, I was looking forward to reading this contribution, but I was disappointed; it's a very dull read. Graham Colm (talk) 17:13, 2 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Please clarify what isn't WP:NPOV with the gallery?
  • About the "The Nobel Prizes in the specific disciplines (physics, chemistry, physiology or medicine, and literature) and the Prize in Economics are widely regarded as the most prestigious award one can receive in those fields" sentence. I believe all of them is prestigious too. I'll change the sentence. Would "The Nobel Prizes in the specific disciplines are widely regarded as the most prestigious award one can receive in those fields." be better? That way it includes all the prizes. Also fixed the "happen to die".
  • Fixed Sanger part. OK now?
No, it wasn't "nucleic acids" it was just DNA.
Changed it. Esuzu (talk • contribs) 12:55, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • About the citation from his last will. I'd wouldn't be against removing that one either. That together with the "Lack of a Nobel Prize in Mathematics" section is probably the weakest. However when I tried to remove the latter I was met with people who wanted to keep it extremely badly. I'd say it is enough to have it on the Controversies page. Anybody have opinions? --Esuzu (talk • contribs) 23:15, 2 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment You have one link to "Discover magazine", no other info. Yesterday I couldn't access it. If it's accessible, it needs to be fully specified; if not, it needs to be rmv'd.. It seems as though you've been working on the references. That's good; they were looking a little rough a few days ago. You give the full title of every book in every reference. You are free to do so, but is it necessary? Forex, I count 16 instances of "The Nobel prize: a history of genius, controversy, and prestige"... wouldn't that clutter the page a bit, and conceivably slow load times? • Ling.Nut 03:08, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • I've fixed the Discover Magazine reference. It is accessible for me at least. Might have been temporary down-time perhaps. About the book refs: I've been planning on doing that too. Since they link to the book directly it should be enough to have the name perhaps. ThanksEsuzu (talk • contribs) 09:19, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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