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== August 2008 ==
== August 2008 ==


{{Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Voyage of the James Caird}}
{{Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Edward VIII abdication crisis}}
{{Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Nashville Sounds}}
{{Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Nashville Sounds}}
{{Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/My Happiness (song)}}
{{Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/My Happiness (song)}}

Revision as of 00:16, 30 August 2008

August 2008

The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 00:16, 30 August 2008 [1].

Voyage of the James Caird

Nominator(s): Brianboulton (talk)


I'm nominating this article for featured article. It deals with what was reportedly the greatest open-boat journey ever accomplished, a fantastic story of survival, worthy to be told, and worth a quality article to do the telling. It's an article that's hung about for years, but I've recently given it a couple of makeovers, and worked hard to bring it to FA standard. I believe it meets the criteria. Brianboulton (talk) 21:07, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Support. Comment. A thorough and clearly constructed article; my congratulations to Brian Boulton. What holds me back from support for the moment is the lack of geographical clarity about South Georgia and in particular of a good map of the island. The article talks of a west and east coast, but the small-scale map orients the island so that the overland journey looks south to north (west to east would be impssible from that map). I suspect the most accurate orientation of the coasts would be south west and north east, though it is confusing on such a sausage-shaped island. The matter is not helped by the relief map of Stromness Bay on which the far coast appears to point due south. Ideally, the position of the beached boat and the route of the cross-mountain walk should be marked on a simple map.

  • The actual orientation of South Georgia is difficult to envisage without a large map that shows its relationship to South America, but is probably best described as from SE to NW. Alexander refers to the "west" and "east" coasts, Huntford to north and south, Shackleton is evasive. I have altered my "west" reference to "south-west", but more importantly have replaced the indifferent Stromness satellite photo with a decent South Georgia map. I am unable to add markings to maps, but have explained the location of King Haakon Bay in the caption, and Stromness is already marked. As to the route they took over the island, that isn't really part of the James Caird story, but it can be inferred from the map.Brianboulton (talk) 11:31, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
the whaling stations on the eastern coast of South Georgia still remains, and I don't think it is helpful. Other than that, your changes have made a great difference, Now that I can see the map up close, I see why "west-east" was used for the journey, but it doesn't apply to the coasts. I like your use of the word "southerly"; on that basis, what about changing "eastern coast" to "northerly coast", because it looks NNE at least. I live in Cornwall where we talk of the north and south coasts even though the coasts are mostly angled. qp10qp (talk) 16:18, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I've adopted your suggested change. Thank you for your helpful suggestions, which have improved the article. Brianboulton (talk) 21:29, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

A few smaller points:

  • and his 27-man crew set up camp on the slowly-moving ice. They had already done so, though. I removed "abandoned" because it was unclear that this meant "abandoned ship" and was also a repetition. I think the sequence of events needs to be made clearer: ship beset, camp on the ice when ship threatened, ship crushed, move off.
    • Thank you for removing the repetition. As to the sequence of events, they didn't camp on the ice when the ship was threatened. They remained on board until the day it was crushed (they had made a camp of "dogloos" on the ice, for the animals), so I think the sequence as I have it is right.Brianboulton (talk) 11:31, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Fair enough. I imagined I'd seen photos of a camp next to the boat; but, yes, I remember now that they stayed on the boat till the last minute. qp10qp (talk) 16:18, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • I missed that bit in Huntford where he describes them arriving in Stromness out of the blue with faces black from seal oil. That would be a good detail to have, I think.
Cheers. Readers enjoy that sort of thing, and I'd say that the aftermath of the boat journey is as integral to the story as the events that led up to it. qp10qp (talk) 16:18, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

--qp10qp (talk) 00:21, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments on images

I look forward to reviewing the article later! Awadewit (talk) 01:01, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comments on this version Support as of this version, Jappalang
    The open-boat journey
    South Georgia
    Images
    • Image:James Caird stern.jpg lacks a caption in the article and is essentially of the boat from another angle (the start of the article shows the bow image). As such, it seems to be a purely decorative image despite it being "free". Could there be a stronger rationale (caption) for its inclusion?
      • Yes, I agree this was a little unimaginative. See what you think about what I have done now - transferred the lead image to the Aftermath, and introduced a new lead image showing the boat landing in S Georgia. I think it's better but I'd like another viewpoint (and it has to pass the image scrutiny). Brianboulton (talk) 15:28, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
An excellent read with a few niggles on my mind. I am quite optimistic about the article and looking forward to the clarifications to my thoughts above. Jappalang (talk) 03:29, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Image:James Caird stern.jpg seems to have been lost in a transition to Commons. Maybe someone should check on it, or maybe it will reappear (technical issues). Anyway, the changes are good; the new lead image is much more appropriate to the subject. I whole-heartedly support this article to be featured. Jappalang (talk) 21:50, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
In view of the image changes, I dropped the stern view from the article. Thank you for your comments and suggestions. Brianboulton (talk) 22:26, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments - sources look good, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 13:57, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments Support This is a well-researched, well-written, and interesting article. I was riveted! I only have the tiniest of nitpicks:

  • The 22 feet (6.7 m) long James Caird had originally been built as a whaleboat - This should read "22-foot long, that is, it should have a hyphen since it is a compound adjective and it should use "foot" instead of "feet", but I don't know how to fix this with the conversion.
  • The James Caird was shipping heavy seas and in danger of sinking - I haven't seen this use of "shipping" before.
    • The verb "to ship" is defined in Collins English Dictionary as "to take water over the side" (of a ship or boat), so I reckon the usage is correct. If you think it's a bit jargonistic, I'll find an alternative phrasing. Brianboulton (talk) 15:54, 26 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
It was "shipping water in heavy seas" would be the usual way to say this, but the usage is rather obscure anyway. Johnbod (talk) 02:09, 27 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
How about changing it to layman terms like "The James Caird was taking on water in heavy seas and in danger of sinking"? Jappalang (talk) 03:09, 27 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks, I'll do that - especially as I now see that I have used the word "shipping" earlier in the article in its more usual sense of sea transport. Brianboulton (talk) 09:13, 27 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I will support once the image issues are all worked out. :) Awadewit (talk) 14:20, 26 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Support - I made two edits just now so that the images which are not maps or the lead image are set to "thumb" width per WP:MOS#Images. I have read about Shackleton and the voyage of the James Caird before and find this to be an acurrate and excellent article. I have also come across this use of "shipping" before, for what it's worth. Well done, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 15:50, 26 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

conditional oppose - There are some images on commons used in the article, which are PD in the US, but may not be PD in the country of origin, and are up for deletion, any such images should be hosted on en.wikipedia.org, or have their copyright in the country of origin clarified Fasach Nua (talk) 09:07, 27 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Later note: the image which is the subject of the following debate is no longer within the article. Brianboulton (talk) 14:38, 29 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Kindly state which images you are objecting to. Or is this just a general spoiler? Brianboulton (talk) 09:21, 27 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
At a minimum it would apply to Image:Endurance_sink.jpg Fasach Nua (talk) 09:34, 27 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I do not think you have a case here, but I will follow it up. Brianboulton (talk) 10:17, 27 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
(later) My understanding is that since the Wikipedia servers are Florida-based, the US copyright laws apply, and that anything published in the US prior to 1923 is PD. Shackleton's book South was published in the UK in 1919 and in the US in 1920. If you have a problem with this, can you be explicit as to the nature of the problem as you see it? Brianboulton (talk) 10:29, 27 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The issue is stability, commons has stricter rules than en WP, WP requires material to be PD only in the US, commons requires PD in both US and country of origin. If an image in article is likely to be deleted then it fails FA stability criteria, the problem can be remedied by either confirming it as PD-UK (if possible) or by moving the image from commons to WP Fasach Nua (talk) 10:46, 27 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
In my opinion, the only question is whether the images are OK on Wikipedia: there's not much point making an alternative Wikipedia version unless an image is actually deleted from Commons. Other editors will only change it back to a Commons version because duplication is deprecated and Commons versions are preferred to Wikipedia versions.qp10qp (talk) 10:55, 27 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I would oppose any promotion of an article while components are the subject of deletion debates, I would hope the discussion reaches a speedy conclusion, and the issue is resolved Fasach Nua (talk) 11:00, 27 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
You are opposing an image used on Wikipedia because it is up for deletion on a separate site with different rules. Wikipedia rules allow this photograph because the photograph was published before the cut-off date, per US law.
In case of potential deletions on Commons, I started uploading special Wikipedia versions of images but found that people come along and delete them on grounds of duplication. So I have stopped wasting my time. qp10qp (talk) 13:02, 27 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
According to the Commons PD help page, works published outside the US between 1909 and and 1922 which are also in compliance with US law in regards to copyright are in the PD. There is no template for this, which is probably why this template was used. I would suggest removing the current template and explaining in detail the precise rationale. I see no reason for the image to be deleted, however. (I will not be on wiki for the next two days - so sorry!) Awadewit (talk) 13:06, 27 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Paragraph 1.2.4 of the Commons Help:PD page seems to show conclusively that this image is PD under Commons rules. Would the opposer care to say why this rule doesn't apply to this image (or others similar)? Brianboulton (talk) 16:12, 27 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I don't know if the above is a valid oppose or not. The situation now seems to be this: The image in question was uploaded in accordance with PD as defined in the Commons PD help page. In the current discussion concerning deletion it is being asserted that the Help page definitions of PD are incomplete and that Commons PD requires works to be PD in the US and in the source country. I do not know what authority this assertion carries. A separate line of argument relates to what actually is the "source country". Hurley, the photographer, was Australian and the image is definitely PD under Australian copyright law. But Shackleton's book was first published in the UK, and if this is deemed the source country, the "death + 70 years" rule may be applied (Hurley lived until 1962).
It may take some time to sort this problem out. In the meantime, I have removed the Commons image of the sinking Endurance from the article, and replaced it with the same photograph uploaded to Wikipedia under a different name, inviting Commons to delete the problematic image. If this is deemed unsatisfactory, I can replace the picture with a completely different "sinking" image which I have, ready to upload to Wikipedia. Or, thirdly, I can simply delete the image in question. I would appreciate advice here, as I would like to get this article's candidature moving again. Brianboulton (talk) 15:59, 28 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Support - As usual, I couldn't resist making a couple of minor edits. Feel free to revert. This is another fascinating, beautifully written article from Brian, well done. Graham Colm Talk 14:41, 28 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comment I find the use of units inappropriate.

  • From the introduction: "would be to sail one of the lifeboats to South Georgia, 920 statute miles (1,500 km.) away."
  • Further down, "The nearest port where help could be obtained with certainty was Port Stanley in the Falkland Islands, 620 miles 1,000 km) away"
  • Many more statements in the article using "miles" and kilometres
  • "winds of up to 80 miles per hour,"
As this is an article about navigation, distances (at least distances on sea) deserve to be described in nautical miles. One may add kilometres (and miles, if desired) as an additional clarification, but not as the only description. Furthermore, wind speeds should be consistently described. Knots or beaufort units are fine, meters per second or any other common unit would also do, but please make it consistent throughout the article. Please don't use statute miles, miles per hour or other such things as first-line description for anything. Wikipedia is much read outside the US and other places (if any) where such units are widely understood.
Otherwise, a very fine article and deserves promotion. Kosebamse (talk) 14:58, 28 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Thank you for your comments; these are sound points. The sources use nautical miles for sea distances, and I had patiently converted these to statute miles - bad move. I have now restored every distance to nautical miles, with a footnote at first mention, explaining that these are nautical miles and giving the converter to "ordinary" miles. I think this is better than having three figures (nautical miles, statute miles and kms) every time a distance is mentioned. As to the 80 mph wind speed, this is direct from the source, but for consistency I have changed this to "hurricane force winds" with a link to Beaufort Scale. Incidentally, the Beaufort Scale article has a graphic, though more modern, PD image of seas in hurricane force winds. What would you say to our using this in this article for illustration purposes? Brianboulton (talk) 16:41, 28 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    These images are very illustrative, but I feel that they don't fit so well stylistically. It's a historical article after all. I have seen others that don't show modern ships in the foreground, but unfortunately can't remember where. In any case I think they are not really necessary and the article is already very fine without them. As for the units, thanks for updating, I'll take the liberty of adding an additional conversion to an obscure unit of length named "kilometre" that is rumoured to be in use in some far away barbaric regions, just for the sake of completeness ;-) . Oh and not to forget, support FA. Thanks, Kosebamse (talk) 13:19, 29 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments regarding images:
    • Image:Elephant Island.jpg is credited to "the SeaWiFS Project, NASA/Goddard Space Flight Center, and ORBIMAGE". The source's terms of use says "All SeaWiFS, OrbView and IKONOS imagery are controlled by the GeoEye group (http://www.geoeye.com), and permission for use must be requested of them directly." This does not appear to be a (purely) NASA image. The copyright tag and authorship information are, therefore, contradicted by the source.
      • I'm sorry I missed that. My past experiences of seeking permission from webmasters is that such requests are generally ignored. Rather than prolonging the process, I have deleted the satellite image and replaced it with a photograph (Gutenberg) showing the party at their Elephant Island base. Since this article is about a sea voyage rather about the island, a map or satellite viesw of the island isn't essential; the photo is in my view equally illustrative and informative. Brianboulton (talk) 14:38, 29 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Image:Endurance sink.jpg - Project Gutenberg, a site generally considered reliable for copyright information/assertions, explicitly says that South, the work in which this image was published, is "Not copyrighted in the United States". It is indeed perfectly acceptable to host this image on Wikipedia; if it resolves the above concerns, just upload a local version to Wiki and be done with it. (Really though, this is a non-issue to me - especially with the recent change in Commons policy regarding the hosting of 2D reproductions of PD works). ЭLСОВВОLД talk 01:15, 29 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
NB to be clear, that change referred to reproductions of 2D PD works, not 2D reproductions. Johnbod (talk) 13:29, 29 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Indeed, I mixed up my word order. ЭLСОВВОLД talk 14:52, 29 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 00:16, 30 August 2008 [2].

Edward VIII abdication crisis

Nominator(s): DrKiernan (talk)


I'm nominating this article for featured article because it forms part of a set: Edward VIII of the United Kingdom, Wallis, Duchess of Windsor, George VI of the United Kingdom, George V of the United Kingdom. DrKiernan (talk) 12:29, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

Issues resolved, Ealdgyth - Talk 14:27, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • You've mixed using the Template:Citation with the templates that start with Cite such as Template:Cite journal or Template:Cite news. They shouldn't be mixed per WP:CITE#Citation templates.
  • Current ref 21 needs a last access date (Philip Ziegler quote)
  • You need to note that the History Today article requires a subscription
  • Current ref 89 (Monarchy site) needs a publisher. If I was you, I'd change the title to a title fitting the page, and move the "Official website" to the publisher, but that's just a suggestion.
Otherwise sources look good, the links all worked with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 13:13, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks. I've used "citation" templates now throughout, and have addressed the last three comments [3]. DrKiernan (talk) 13:42, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comment: A fascinating article, with which I have just a few gripes.

  • The section called Background is effectively a summary of the whole crisis but for the actual act itself. Important "deep background" factors are Edward's pre-history of affairs, usually with older married women, stretching back through the 1920s, and his antipathetic relations with his father, King George V, leading to his tendency to cock a snook at the norms and mores of court life. These factors, together with some of your material, might combine into a proper Background section, but most of what you have should properly be headed "General summary of crisis".
  • Arguments against: What you have entered under the "Societal" subheading are factors which caused unpopularity for Edward in certain quarters, but these are not "arguments against the marriage", which isn't even alluded to in the subsection.
  • Religious objections: Far too much detail relating to Henry VIII, four centuries earlier and in an entirely different set of circumstances. A much briefer reference to Henry, as England's only divorced and remarried king, would be in order.
  • Political objections: Again, some of the objections you list, mainly in the first para, are objections against the king per se, not arguments against his marriage.

There may be odd glitches in the prose, which I'm sure others will pick up, but the general flow is excellent, and I'll be happy to support when the above are addressed. Brianboulton (talk) 10:41, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • Thanks. I've tried to address your comments by cutting out 300 bytes from the religious section[4] and renaming the sections[5]. DrKiernan (talk) 12:08, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support: The changes of section titles make good sense, and largely satisfy the concerns expressed above. This is a lucid and engaging account of an odd episode in British history and, by way of a bonus, contains convincing arguments against the principle of hereditary heads of state. Well worthy of featured status, and my nominee for the front page next 10 December. Brianboulton (talk) 15:24, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support: Although I have had some (largely janitorial) involvement in this article over the last few years, the majority of work has been undertaken by others and it really is in great shape now. I have some subjective issues with the excessive weight attributed to precedent and comparison within the history of the British monarchy - my understanding being that the abdication had its impact as much for the fact that it was unprecedented as anything else but I do not consider this a bar to FA. Nevertheless the prose is accessible and flows well despite the technical references to religious and constitutional devices. I am not a MOS expert however and would encourage the editor to ensure the piece is style-audited by some of our resident, er, pedants :) As a stand-alone reference point it is undeniably comprehensive. The article has also experienced some content debate but now appears to be stabilised following sme sensible changes. The principal editor (and nominator) has done a fine job and I would second the proposal that it feature 10 December. Dick G (talk) 02:31, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments by karanacs.
    • Why does the article consistently use "Mrs. Simpson" instead of "Simpson"?
    • The body of the article should really assume that people haven't read the lead. The first section should probably give Simpson's full name and a bit of a description.
    • "By October, it was becoming apparent that Edward intended to marry Mrs. Simpson as soon as she was free to marry" - how was it apparent?
    • Per WP:MOSQUOTE, quotes of less than 4 lines shouldn't be offset in blockquotes.
    • What does this mean? "he lamented the King's need of grace"
    • Why is Monarchy capitalized? And should King be capitalized when it is not in conjunction with a king's name?
    • Why are common words like rumors, innuendo, and illegitimate wikilinked?

Karanacs (talk) 17:34, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the comments. To answer each point in turn:
  • To disambiguate from Mr. Simpson.
  • Added "...Mrs. Wallis Simpson, the American wife of British shipping executive, Ernest Aldrich Simpson. Mr. Simpson was Wallis's second husband; her first marriage to U.S. navy pilot Win Spencer had ended in divorce in 1927."
  • Because the moves towards it were made earlier in the year, for example Monckton asked Churchill for advice over Mrs. Simpson's divorce in July, and they were spending more and more time together as if they were a courting couple, for example holidaying together over the summer.
  • Changed.
  • It means that the Bishop felt the King needed the grace of God, i.e. the strength imparted to believers that gives them the power to resist temptation, repent their sins, endure hardship and inspire virtue. I've added a link but I don't like it much. Is there another, easier way to say this? If so, I would be happy to change to it.
  • This is per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (capital letters)#Titles: capitalised when referring to a specific monarchy or king, lower case when referring to monarchies and kings in general. For example, "Edward modernised the Monarchy" (speaking of the British/Commonwealth Monarchy in particular) but "Edward was the first British monarch to propose marrying a divorced woman" (speaking generally of all British monarchs throughout history).
  • They shouldn't be. Removed. DrKiernan (talk) 07:45, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • I think that it should be fairly obvious in the article that when referring to "Simpson" we mean Wallis. When there could be confusion with her husband, she can be referred to as "Wallis Simpson" and he by his full name. It is highly unusual to see "Mrs." or "Mr." rather than firstname lastname.
  • To me, the first section does a good job of explaining that Edward and Wallis are seeing each other a lot, but really doesn't make that leap into "well, they must be considering marriage". The part about Churchill and July is all the way down the article. For someone who knows very little about the topic, this is a confusing leap of logic. Karanacs (talk) 13:55, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Oppose. Image issues.
    • Image:Wallis Simpson -1936.JPG The licensing tag says: This tag can be used only when the author cannot be ascertained by reasonable enquiry. If you wish to rely on it, please specify in the image description the research you have carried out to find who the author was. There is no description of such research in the image description.
    • Image:Edward_abdication.png - The source listed is "UK". This is inadequate.
    • Image:Stanley_baldwin.jpg - This is a peculiar use of the PD-because tag. Why is this image in the public domain? Has it never before been published? Was it first published or displayed before 1938? Which is it? How did you find out?
  • I hope this can be sorted out. Haukur (talk) 14:01, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Thanks for going through the images so carefully.
  • Right, those are improvements. I still think the Simpson image could do with more research - someone should check whether the photograph is indeed in a December 9, 1936 issue of The Sketch and whether a photographer is listed there. Nevertheless I'll strike the oppose. Haukur (talk) 08:50, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support. Very informative and well written. I have only a few suggestions:
  • What do you think of combining the Legal and Societal sections in Opposition to form a larger section?
  • Can you turn this sentence from passive to active? It was felt that Edward could not retain the office of Supreme Governor (i.e. King) and marry a divorced woman with two living ex-husbands.
  • In Options considered, would this be more accurate? that the people would be opposed to his marrying Mrs. Simpson. --Moni3 (talk) 17:10, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

'Oppose'—1a. Needs a careful sift through, particularly to clean up instances where the language is not quite logical. Here are samples from the top that indicate the types of issue in the whole text. Surely it's not hard to find a copy-editor for this topic.

  • The dots after "Mr." and "Mrs." are distracting. In BrEng it's very unusual; in AmEng it's now unusual too.
  • "The marriage was opposed by the King's governments in the United Kingdom and the Dominions on religious, legal, political, and moral grounds." To be fussy, that means that the government of Newfoundland opposed on all of those grounds, did it? And soon after, it's not "Dominions" but "Commonwealth governments". Are these technically the same set?
  • "The unwillingness of the Commonwealth governments to accept Mrs. Simpson as the King's consort, and the unwillingness of the King to give up Mrs. Simpson, eventually led to the abdication of the King, and the succession of his brother Albert as King-Emperor George VI." And was the British parliament considered a "Commonwealth government"? Please check. Presumably it was also unwilling. Remove the last two commas: they go bump bump.
  • "Edward VIII succeeded his father, George V as King-Emperor of the British Empire on 20 January 1936. He was a bachelor, but for the last few years had often been accompanied at private social events by Mrs. Wallis Simpson"—it would be "past", not "last", if in the present. But in the past, we need "previous".
  • "her name appeared regularly in the Court Circular, but pointedly without being accompanied by her husband."—this needs fixing.
  • "The cruise was widely covered in the American and continental European press, but the British press maintained a self-imposed reticence on the King's trip. Nevertheless, expatriate Britons and Canadians, who had access to the American reports, were largely scandalised by the coverage."—"Covered" is contrasted with maintaining "reticence"; I'd have thought "covered" vs "... silence". If not, please think of some other way. "American and continental European press" covered it, but then its expatriates with access to just "the American press" (we're left to assume that you're referring to expatriates living in the US, not Europe). Fuzzy. Tony (talk) 02:52, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • PS I just noticed the "Modern parallel". This is dangerously close to POV and involves a theory about living people. I suggest it be removed. Any biography people here to comment? Tony (talk) 02:55, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments Following the copyedit I just completed, I am almost ready to support. The only remaining issue for me is the Religious opposition section: it seems to wander from the point. The play-by-play of Henry's annulments and marital history is interesting, but unnecessary; George IV's attempt to obtain a divorce seems largely irrelevant, as does George I's divorce, since neither case is about marrying after a divorce. Something like this seems to cover the most salient points:

Edward was the first British monarch to propose marrying a divorced woman or marrying after divorce. The Church of England did not allow divorced persons to remarry in church while a former spouse was still living. Henry VIII famously separated the Church of England from Rome in order to acquire an annulment, rather than a divorce, when he wished to remarry while his former spouse was living. Although Henry remarried several times after annulments, he never divorced. The consensus view was that Edward could not retain the office of Supreme Governor of the Church of England (i.e. King) and marry Wallis Simpson, a divorcée who would soon have two living ex-husbands.

I'm a little concerned that this condensed version might be seen as glossing over the history of divorce and the Church of England, but it seems tangential at best to mention George I's divorce-before-succession and George VI's inability to obtain a divorce while king. I'll wait to see what the nominator and others think of my suggestion. Maralia (talk) 19:13, 27 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I like the proposed paragraph, Maralia. I think it does a good job of covering the relevant facts without going into unnecessary detail. Karanacs (talk) 20:16, 27 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I like that condensed version too. --Malleus Fatuorum (talk) 00:06, 28 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Support DrKiernan hasn't edited since the 22nd, so I've taken the liberty of implementing the paragraph I suggested above, since others seem to support it. Maralia (talk) 16:36, 29 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

  • "King-Emperor Edward VIII" vs "King-Emperor George VI" (inconsistent linking of title)
  • It says his brother Albert, but then he's called George?
  • MOS:IMAGES says 300px for lead image
  • Section header "Edward and Mrs Simpson" -- Why "Mrs Simpson", and not "Wallis"?
  • is there a link for "King-Emperor"?
  • "U.S. navy" --> U.S. Navy
  • "traditional prolonged stay at Balmoral, and instead he" --> "traditional prolonged stay at Balmoral; instead he"
  • "The cruise was widely covered in the American and continental European press, but the British press maintained a self-imposed silence on the King's trip." Is this covered by ref [2] at the end of the paragraph?
  • "it was rumoured abroad and in high society" I'm assuming this means British high society - perhaps this part should be first and "abroad" second?
  • The quote, "We hope that he is aware of his need. Some of us wish that he gave more positive signs of his awareness." -- I don't know what this refers to, at all. Matthewedwards (talk • contribs • email) 23:11, 29 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Why was her first divorce not recognised by the Church of England?
  • Is the full stop necessary here: "[...]She has already ruined him in money and jewels ...".[26]"
  • "Statute of Westminster" and "External Relations Act" are in itallics, but "His Majesty's Declaration of Abdication Act 1936" is not. Is this purposeful or an oversight?
  • I know it's not directly related to the article, but the navbox is using the wrong flag in one instance. The Canadian flag next to William Lyon Mackenzie King, Image:Canadian_Red_Ensign.svg, is the one used from 1957 to 1965. It should be Image:Flag of Canada 1921.svg, used between 1921 and 1957 as this event occurred in 1936.

Aside from those, it's a very good article that helped me understand a subject which I've previously only known bits and pieces of. Matthewedwards (talk • contribs • email) 23:11, 29 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • Responses
  • "King-Emperor Edward VIII" vs "King-Emperor George VI" (inconsistent linking of title)". Links are now consistent.
  • Strange as it may seem, British monarchs can choose whatever name they like when they become king. It doesn't have to be their own name, and it often isn't.
  • MoS says that images can be resized to 300px, not that they should be.
  • Wallis Simpson was and is still commonly referred to as Mrs Simpson here in the UK.
  • U.S Navy fixed.
  • Traditional prolonged stay altered as per your suggestion.
  • "it was rumoured abroad and in high society" altered as per your suggestion.
  • Simpson's first divorce was not acceptable to the Church of England because at that time the only grounds for divorce were adultery, not "emotional incompatibility". I'll add a bit to explain that.
  • The statute names should not be in italics, fixed now.
  • I will raise the issue of the Canadian flag with the person who today created that template.
  • Now fixed.

--Malleus Fatuorum (talk) 23:28, 29 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 16:01, 29 August 2008 [6].

Nashville Sounds

Nominator(s): NatureBoyMD (talk)


I'm nominating this article for featured article status because I beleive it meets all the featured article criteria. It is well written, sourced, un-biased, meets style guidelines, etc. The article is currently listed as a good article and was the selected article for the Baseball Portal from May 6 to May 31, 2008. NatureBoyMD (talk) 02:18, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Restart, old nom. Sources checked. SandyGeorgia (Talk)

Image comment - This article has come a long way since the original nomination, I am still unhappy uneasy with the WP:NFCC issues relating to Image:OriginalNashvilleSoundsLogo.png, but I will not oppose on that basis. Fasach Nua (talk) 10:17, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments on images

  • Image:NashvilleSounds.png - This fair use rationale gives "illustration" as the purpose, but we need a stronger reason. How does this image "significantly increase readers' understanding of the topic" (WP:NFCC #8)? Also, the copyright holder needs to be explicitly listed.
  • Image:NashvilleSoundsCap.png - This fair use rationale gives "illustration" as the purpose, but we need a stronger reason. How does this image "significantly increase readers' understanding of the topic" (WP:NFCC #8)? Also, the copyright holder needs to be explicitly listed. However, I am not convinced we need two fair use images in the infobox. I think this one should be deleted.
  • Image:OriginalNashvilleSoundsLogo.png - This fair use rationale gives "illustration" as the purpose, but we need a stronger reason. How does this image "significantly increase readers' understanding of the topic" (WP:NFCC #8)? Also, the copyright holder needs to be explicitly listed.
  • Image:GreerStadium1stBaseLine.jpg - This image has a tag on it that is specifically deprecated. Could we contact the author and fix that?
  • Image:Nashville Sounds Mascot Ozzie.jpg - This image does not have a source link nor has it undergone Flickr review, so its license cannot be verified. Can we get a source link? Also, could we list the Flickr photographer as the author of the image?
  • Image:NashvilleSoundsFaithNight.jpg - This image does not have a source link nor has it undergone Flickr review, so its license cannot be verified. Can we get a source link? Also, could we list the Flickr photographer as the author of the image?

I hope these suggestions help! Awadewit (talk) 20:09, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments - Looking much better than when it originally came here. I'll give you some more to work on.

  • Reds era, part II: "The Sounds advanced to their first American Association championship series, in which they lost to the Omaha Royals three games to two." I'd change "in which" to "where".
  • Pirates era: "Pitcher Jimmy Anderson also led the PCL in winning percentage." This use of also implies that someone else led the league in that category.
  • "to serve as its twenty-fifth manager.." Number issue again.
  • "Outfielder Tike Redman tied another player with a league leading 10 triples." Which player? Also, league leading could use a hyphen.
  • "They also clinched the Eastern Division title, giving them their first post-birth as a member of the Pacific Coast League." Post-birth? Also can be taken out as well.
  • Brewers era: "On May 5 - May 6" Is this correct? Because I have no clue. Paging Sandy...
  • Speaking of a certain FAC delegate, she complained about the Roster and Retired numbers section in the first version of this FAC. I would like to see these, along with the yearly results table, moved to the bottom, below all the prose sections. They would not stick out as much there. What are your thoughts on this proposal?
  • Herschel Greer Stadium: Why is guitar linked? I'm pretty sure we all know what a guitar is.
  • First Tennessee Field: "just 2 miles (3.2 km) north of the current stadium." Two is another number issue.
  • "whichever occurs first." I understand this in legal terms, but is the tense a problem? After all, the bill never passed. Giants2008 (17-14) 21:56, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Please let me bug you with a few more things so I can throw my full support behind this. Don't worry that I haven't struck anything above; it hasn't been checked by me yet. By the way, that is exactly where I wanted the two sections moved.
  • Uniforms: "This jersey made of red mesh with a single line of black piping going down the sleeves and across the shoulders to the neck." Should be "This jersey is made of".
  • Radio and television: "former Huntsville Stars and Iowa Cubs broadcaster Steve Carroll. Carroll left..." Don't like two Carrolls in a row. Maybe "After 1995, Carroll left"?
  • Mike Capps' last name is misspelled when he gets replaced.
  • Mascots: I'm confident that cougar and dinosaur don't need links.

That's all from my vantage point. Giants2008 (17-14) 23:15, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Support I supported it last time and I am supporting it again. Dincher (talk) 01:27, 26 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Support - Even better than last time. Kaldari (talk) 16:54, 26 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Support; much improved over the course of this FAC, well done. —Giggy 07:44, 28 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 16:01, 29 August 2008 [7].

My Happiness (song)

Nominator(s): Giggy


I've done a fair bit of work on this, the most popular and most successful Powderfinger song, and I think it meets all the criteria. It's been a GA for a while and had an extensive peer review a few months back. You can listen to the song and watch the video here. Cheers. —Giggy 01:58, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

There's some prose issues:
  • "...touring to promote their work, the loneliness that came as a result." - replace the comma with an "and"
  • "...many to be a love song; a suggestion..." - replace the semicolon with a comma.
  • Capitalise the B in B-Side
  • "...the one you love", while Fanning called it..." - separate the sentences and remove "while".
  • "He expressed confusion at its been..." - move the sentence to the end of the paragraph, and remove the obvious typo.
  • "boring Top 40 bullshit" - who said that? If Wooldridge said that, say so. If Wooldrighe said he was citing fans, say he was citing fans.
  • "made music, while Fanning was more aggresive" s/while/and
  • The music video section is really confusing to read.

Thanks! Sceptre (talk) 06:59, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks very much for your comments! Other than the inline reply, they're all addressed. —Giggy 10:29, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
By the way, that quotebox should be on the left... at 1440*900 there's an ugly white space right of the the quotebox and below the infobox. Sceptre (talk) 10:57, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Uggh, really? OK, moved to left. —Giggy 11:19, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
There's still the think about the music video section; I still can't get my head around it because it's awkwardly worded. Sceptre (talk) 17:47, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I've done the best I can to improve the prose on that section. Specific examples would be awesome. —Giggy 05:27, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Looks good. Could be a bit better, but I think the prose is of okay enough. Sceptre (talk) 14:08, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Which really should be seen as a support. Sceptre (talk) 10:57, 26 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

The second sound files seem excessive, can "My Kind of Scene" be dropped? Fasach Nua (talk) 11:10, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Reluctantly done. I thought it would be OK considering the critical commentary it received, but removed if you disagree with this. —Giggy 11:19, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments - sources look okay, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 13:38, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for checking. —Giggy 05:27, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Image and sound files have sufficient fair use rationales, sources, and descriptions. Awadewit (talk) 20:20, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for taking a look. —Giggy 05:27, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Support - I read this article before it was put up for featured article candidacy; it is well written and well referenced, and in my opinion is up to FA standards. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Catalan (talk • contribs)

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 16:01, 29 August 2008 [8].

Maryland Route 36

Nominator(s): Algorerhythms (talk)


This is an A-class article at the U.S. Roads Wikiproject, and comments on how to improve it and hopefully make it a featured article would be useful. - Algorerhythms (talk) 23:09, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comments
  • It is marked north–south, and runs from the WV 46 bridge at Westernport to U.S. Route 40 Alternate near Cumberland. What? First you say it's marked from north to south, then you go on to say it starts in the south and ends in the north.
    I'm not completely sure what to change here. The road is marked as a north/south route, and its termini are in Westernport and Cumberland. Could you clarify what is confusing about it?
    The beginning of that sentence indicates the route travels north–south. But in the later part of that sentence, you describe the route from it's southern terminus to its western terminus, which contradicts that previous statement. –Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 13:16, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Is it better now? - Algorerhythms (talk) 16:29, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Yes, although we encounter that same problem later in the article: After leaving Frostburg, MD 36 is known as Mount Savage Road, as it travels eastward, though the route remains marked north–south, toward Mount Savage. –Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 16:32, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Ok, I've reworded that to: "as it travels eastward, perpendicular to its signed direction, toward Mount Savage." - Algorerhythms (talk) 16:38, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Looks good. –Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 16:46, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Near this interchange is God's Ark of Safety, a church famous for its attempt to build a replica of Noah's Ark. Needs a references, as I doubt the highway source covers that sentence.
    Added a reference for this.
  • MD 36 is among the earliest of the Maryland state highways to be assigned a route number, having been assigned a route number at least as early as 1927. The last half of that sentence is worded poorly
    I've reworded this sentence. - Algorerhythms (talk) 05:57, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

–Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 02:15, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments - sources look okay, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 13:35, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments on images

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 16:01, 29 August 2008 [9].

Proserpine (play)

Nominator(s): Awadewit (talk)


I'm slowly working towards a Mary Shelley featured topic! Here is the next installment of the works of Mary Shelley. I am still trying to get a scan of the title page from a rare books library, but it is a time-consuming and altogether uncertain affair, so I have decided to nominate the article without it, hoping to add it later. I believe that this article meets featured article criteria. Awadewit (talk) 02:17, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments - sources look good, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 13:11, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comments - Some of the paragraphs seem a little short, as do some of the topics. Perhaps merge the first two categories (Background and Composition) and merge some of the paragraphs? Also, could you perhaps reword "However, the play has received scant scholarly attention.", which is a subjective statement and could be tightened. The Genre section seems to be a little misplaced, as some of the information would be more vital to a reader (as I found through reading) closer to the top than after the introduction on the play, such as what it was "meant to be" genre wise. On p. 504 of Madwoman in the Attic (I'm sure you have it), they list the various uses of Persephone stories, perhaps that could be added? You would also need a section on her interpretation of Proserpine, as she gains a lot of her understanding from Milton's version (more background can be found in Maud Bodkin's Archetypal Patterns in Poetry p. 97, 162,165). There are some other books, but I don't want to inundate you. Ottava Rima (talk) 20:30, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The term "scant" was the subjective part of the sentence. It can mean a lot of things, as it is a comparative term. Ottava Rima (talk) 15:44, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
When I get home, I can get you the source. I assure you the source backs up this claim, even if it doesn't use the precise word. Let's assume some good faith here, please? Awadewit (talk) 16:46, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The essay is partially available on Google Books here. Awadewit (talk) 21:14, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I saw the line "Mary Shelley's plays have held a marginal reputation among critics..." which is interesting and a strong way to emphasize the point. However, I didn't see scant. Any particular page number? Ottava Rima (talk) 21:24, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Phrases explaining that studies of Mary Shelley "often neglect to mention them [her plays]" (124) reveal this. Awadewit (talk) 21:29, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Its not the concept that I am bothered with. It was the word "scant", which is ambiguous and is a term based on comparing to things to each other. It just seems that it could be altered to be more accurate. Ottava Rima (talk) 21:32, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Could you please suggest a better word? Awadewit (talk) 21:36, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I thought I did above. The plays holding a "marginal reputation" combined with the line you cited "neglect to mention" could be worked into "However, the play has been either marginalized or neglected by critics" with a cite to the page would be more than enough. This was only a comment concern, so it wasn't a big deal. Ottava Rima (talk) 21:49, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Done. Awadewit (talk) 21:53, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The background on "closet drama" comes in the Genre section, but seems to be pertinent earlier on. Ottava Rima (talk) 15:44, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I'm not sure what you mean by "earlier on" - where would this be better placed? Awadewit (talk) 16:46, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Background section. Something to show her earlier understanding of the form. Why choose a myth, where did the myth come from, and why this genre, would be important background topics. Did she have experience with the genre (yes), who else wrote in the genre (friends, people she read), why pick this instead of a poem or the rest (if possible to find). Ottava Rima (talk) 17:52, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The problem is that this would all be synthesis research, in my opinion (if I could even uncover these facts). Like you, I am very reticent to combine research done on one topic (even if Shelley-related) with research done on this play. I am surprised you would be suggesting it. I have tried my best to explain the main points scholars make about this play. These are not topics that they have been interested in yet, however. The fact that the play is children's literature, for example, has not been examined, either. There is much that is missing from this article, but it is not for lack of research on my part. Awadewit (talk) 21:48, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
By that standard, this line would be OR "For example, she read Jean-Jacques Rousseau’s philosophical treatise, Emile (1762), and his sentimental novel, La Nouvelle HéloÏse (1761) as well as Thomas Day’s children’s book The History of Sandford and Merton (1783–89).[11]". Your page is lacking major aspects that are necessary for an FA. I suggest you fill them in. And if you can't, then it doesn't match comprehensiveness. Ottava Rima (talk) 21:55, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
You obviously haven't looked at the source: that is copied directly from a list in the source that includes all of those books, so it isn't OR. Please do your own research before accusing someone of original research. The article isn't lacking information that has been published. I fully agree that the article is not comprehensive in an absolute sense, but what you are asking for has not been published.—Preceding unsigned comment added by Awadewit (talk • contribs) 22:02, 23 August 2008
You have mistaken my point. Your claims about Original Research would follow to the same usage in practice. If you feel that it is improper and "OR" to include what she knew about mythology and what books she read on the topic involved with it, then it would be exactly as improper to discuss her readings on education. Ottava Rima (talk) 23:32, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
But the source I quoted this from says that these works were relevant for MS's writing of this play specifically. Awadewit (talk) 02:54, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I don't see education mentioned again in the article. Am I missing something?Ottava Rima (talk) 04:14, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
There is this: "Her efforts to publish the play in these periodicals and journal entries written during the play's composition suggest that Proserpine was meant to be children's literature." - The scholar that I took this list of works from uses the list to make several points. I used the list to support the points that recur in the scholarly literature. Awadewit (talk) 21:16, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Is children's literature educational? Or did she read the works on education in order to further understand how to write for children? Emile would seem to suggest either or. What is her background in children's literature? What is her style with children's literature? Does she write for fun? To inspire? For profit? It would be nice to include something to establish what she thought on the works overall. 21:24, 24 August 2008 (UTC)

(out indent) Since no one has written on this topic (as I mentioned above), we are left to wonder. Happily we won't have to wonder much longer since I am writing a conference paper-cum-article on it. Hopefully in a few years it will be published. :) Answering all of these questions would be wonderful, but I assure you it is original research. Awadewit (talk) 21:31, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Nothing in the biographies? I know I've seen quite a few things on Mary and Emile. This is a background section, so you can quote passages which provide general understanding and thought without having to mention Persephone at the same time. I almost know that people wrote about her work in children's lit, especially for her dad, which was started with an economic purpose. Tomorrow I will start diving into some biographies and get you some quotes if you want to incorporate any of the information in. Ottava Rima (talk) 21:55, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Nothing on how her readings was related to the composition of this play, which is what is relevant to this article. I included what scholars have said is important for background information. Mary Shelley didn't write any children's lit for her father - see the latest Pickering and Chatto edition of Mary Shelley's works which no longer attributes Mounseer Nongtongpaw to her (presumably what you were thinking of). She probably wrote a draft of something like that, but we no longer have it. You may not believe it, but I have done extensive research on this play and a fair bit on Mary Shelley on her works since I just worked on the Mary Shelley biography. Awadewit (talk) 02:58, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • I thought a lot about including a "Persephone in literature" section based on Gubar and the many critics who have written on this topic, but I think that topic is more relevant for the Persephone article, not an article about Mary Shelley's play. This article should focus on MS's adaptation. Awadewit (talk) 04:36, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
But you'd have to do both, especially if you mention it in the Genre section to this effect. Her context, especially when lumped into lists with others, hints at this direction. Also, Shelley is using one version of Proserpine, which conveniently traces back to Milton, who Shelley was quite intellectually attached to. Ottava Rima (talk) 15:44, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I'm not sure how this traces back to Milton at all. Gubar, in her article about the Persephone myth, never makes that claim. Awadewit (talk) 16:46, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
But Gubar isn't the end all to be all. There are many biographies, and I know for one that she read Paradise Lost (which includes Milton's interpretation of Proserpine). Ottava Rima (talk) 17:52, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Indeed, Milton was very important to Mary Shelley (Frankenstein comes to mind), but the influence of Milton on Proserpine is not a theme that comes up in the scholarship on the play. I've read every scrap on the play. We are very limited in what we can say, I'm afraid. Awadewit (talk) 21:48, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Then you haven't read enough scholarship, as you have failed to produce the bulk of information necessary for her background that would show where she would have been exposed to the idea of "Proserpine". Ottava Rima (talk) 21:55, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
But no scholar has said "this is where Mary Shelley was exposed to Proserpine and this is why she wrote the play". I cannot produce information that is not available. Awadewit (talk) 22:02, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Questions 1) Citation "Pascoe, 187; Caretti, 200.", what information does Pascoe say and what does Caretti say? 2) "Richardson, 125; see also Carlson, 362." Is this a note, is the "see also" important", and if so why isn't the extra information included? 3) "Pascoe, 186; Caretti, 202." same as 1. 4) "Richardson, 128, 136; see also Purinton, 395-96." same as 2. 5) "Gubar, 306; Richardson, 129." same as 1. 6) "See, for example, Purinton, 395." Right now, the line is vague, could this note be incorporated into the main body of the text? 7) "Feminist poet Adrienne Rich wrote that "the loss of the daughter to the mother, the mother to the daughter, is the essential female tragedy",[53] and it is this tragedy that Mary Shelley discusses in her play.[54]" The line as written (by having the quote first, explanation second) to suggest that the poem is a response or consciously connected to Mary Shelley - is this correct? 8) "However, in the last fifteen years or so, beginning with the publication of the The Other Mary Shelley in 1993, more attention has been paid to Mary Shelley's "other" works, such as her dramas." Do we have a source for this? 9) What was her source for Ovid? Many relied on the primary Latin, but even those skilled at Latin, like Keats, relied on translations by those like George Sandys, that not only translated the work but contained commentary on the work that would provide a context that would be important to consider. Sorry if it seems that I am being tough. The use of mythology by Romantics was my primary specialty. I would look through any biographies of Shelley that you have for the following works - George Sandys Ovid's Metamorphosis Englished, Mythologized and Represented in Figures, Tooke's Pantheon of the Heathen Gods, Joseph Spence's Polymetis, and John Lempriere's Classical Dictionary. Hunt, Keats, Byron and Percy owned these four works, and these four served as an important foundation for their understanding of Ovid. It would seem to be necessary to mention if they show up in her biographies, as it would show that she isn't drawing exactly from Ovid, but an Enlightenment filtered interpretation of Ovid. Ottava Rima (talk) 22:06, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Notes that include two citations mean that the critics make the same point - these are bolstering citations. Awadewit (talk) 04:36, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Notes that include "see also" mean that the critic makes a similar point, but I did not feel it was worth making the distinction in an article for the general reader. I thought anyone going through the footnotes, however, might appreciate the reference. Awadewit (talk) 04:36, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • The line as written (by having the quote first, explanation second) to suggest that the poem is a response or consciously connected to Mary Shelley - is this correct? - The quote explains the general kind of tragedy that MS is writing. I think this is clear. Awadewit (talk) 04:36, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Other Mary Shelley - The book itself is the evidence. I could probably find a statement to this effect in the Cambridge Companion or some such book, but I'm not at home right now. Awadewit (talk) 04:36, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • I have scoured the sources on Mary Shelley - this is the information available. The kinds of details you are asking for in relation to Ovid are not available. Awadewit (talk) 04:36, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Hmm, I'll have to look it up on Monday. I think she was influenced by Sandys, but I'll have to get a credible source for you. The only other important consideration in that list would be Spence, because his work is a detailed iconography. Ottava Rima (talk) 17:52, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
It would be fabulous if you could uncover anything else related directly to the play. I would greatly appreciate it. Awadewit (talk) 21:53, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support Awadewit is looking up more information, any problems will be fixed, etc. No reason to oppose this, as it clearly meets all the formatting and grammatical concerns, which are the most important thing. These rest is all subject area specifics. Oppose - I'm sorry but I will have to oppose at this time. At my fourth reading, I discovered that there is very little information present on her knowledge of Ovid, which I have read in her biographies before. As of right now, there is only a loose connection between her source material and the play. Also, there is nothing about the structure of the play or a defined system of characters for the play. I would recommend incorporating some of the more standard play setups. The piece also leaves out the influence of Milton and has vague likes such as: "For example, she read Jean-Jacques Rousseau’s philosophical treatise, Emile (1762), and his sentimental novel, La Nouvelle HéloÏse (1761) as well as Thomas Day’s children’s book The History of Sandford and Merton (1783–89)". The problems right now is comprehensiveness. Ottava Rima (talk) 15:44, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • I checked half of the biographies written on Mary Shelley for this article. Most of the biographies don't cover this play at all. The reason there is only a loose connection between Ovid and the play is because that is all that the sources can support. I'm not sure a list of characters would enhance the article at all, especially considering it is a closet drama. As far as I am aware, Milton did not influence this play in particular. Milton influenced Mary Shelley's works in general (see Mary Shelley#Novels - another article I worked on). The background reading is provided to help explain what she was doing at the time she was writing the play. I can no more than the scholarship has done, I'm afraid, and there is just not much published on this play. Awadewit (talk) 16:46, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • I used Gubar's article on the Persephone myth rather than Madwoman, as it has a lot of detail about Mary Shelley's play. If you would like, I can have Susan Gubar look over this article herself. She works in the same department I am in and I would be happy to ask her to look over it. That might cut the Gordian knot - she is clearly more of an expert in this field than either you or I, since she has published the most important work on this play. However, that would take a lot of time. Let me know if you want me to ask her. Awadewit (talk) 16:46, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Don't look for the play. Look for Ovid, Sandys, Milton, and then check those sections to find out where she got her understanding of mythology. I'm sure at least one biography mentions Ovid. I've seen it myself. When I was writing my book on Keats and Endymion, I came up with quite a bit of information on her use of the Endymion myth (in response to Keats's and Shelley's use). There should be information on Ovid in general, and what were here sources/books she read. Look up the four key names that I provided above and find out what you find. If you give me until Monday, I can go ahead and track down the information myself. Ottava Rima (talk) 17:52, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
As I said above, I am reticent to do much synthesis, as I know you are. Scholars who discuss the plays in detail have not felt it was relevant to explain how and when Mary Shelley learned Ovid (for whatever reason). They have felt that it was important to explain the differences between the two versions of the myth. If you can find anything connecting her study of particular versions of Ovid to the play, however, that would be wonderful. Awadewit (talk) 21:53, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Issues resolved, ЭLСОВВОLД talk 13:59, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Support. Nicely done. I have a few minor suggestions.

  • A sentence in the lead says, "The genres of the text reflect a concern with gender issues as well." It's not clear to me from the rest of the text that the Shelleys themselves thought of the genres as gender-specific. Might it be better to say something like "The genres of the text reflect a division of labour along gender lines as well"? This is how you put it in the "Genre" section, and I like that better.
I agree that it's not a good idea to repeat the lines exactly, which is why I left some wiggle room with "something like". My concern is with the word "concern". The genres, being inanimate, have no concern. Perhaps "The genres of the text reflect gender differences as well."? Finetooth (talk) 17:55, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Ah, I see the problem. My lit crit jargon is creeping in! Changed to "The genres of the text reflect gender debates of the time as well". Awadewit (talk) 21:42, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • The next sentence of the lead is a bit awkward. It says, "Percy's contribution is in the traditionally male-dominated lyric verse form..." Maybe something like "Percy contributed in the lyric verse form traditionally dominated by men; Mary created drama with elements... " would work.
  • The sentence was originally written closer to this, but the GA reviewer suggested I change it. If you would like to change it to this version, please do so. I don't want to look churlish and change it back. I'm sure you understand. Awadewit (talk) 05:11, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I can't speak for the GA reviewer, but I thought his concern was that the original phrasing was perhaps too strongly combative. My concern is with the prose flow of the revised sentence. I'm not so much like Pluto that I'd insist on my wording. Perhaps User:Brianboulton, the reviewer, will come to the rescue here. Finetooth (talk) 17:55, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I've asked him to come have a look - maybe together we can come up with something spectacular. :) Awadewit (talk) 21:42, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Well, here I am. The original form was: "Percy's contribution is in the traditionally male-dominated form of the lyric". I suggested that the last four words should be changed to "lyric form" or, better still, "lyric verse form". At this distance, and having got to understand the article rather better as a result of the review and the dialogue with Awadewit, I can't really see why I thought the original version "combative". There's little to choose between the various versions of the line on offer, but Finetooth's is probably the most elegant, and on those grounds I'd go with that. Brianboulton (talk) 22:12, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Changed. Awadewit (talk) 03:01, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
(additional comment): I see from note [1] that Proserpine may rhyme either with ween or wine. Has the four-syllable pronunciation which I learned at school (Pro-ser-pin-ee, accentuating second syllable) been utterly rejected? Brianboulton (talk) 22:18, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Oops - forgot the two different syllable versions - added. Awadewit (talk) 03:01, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • The first sentence of the "Background" section says, "In March 1818 the Shelleys moved to Italy, where within a year their two young children, Clara and William, had both died." It might be better to delete "had both" since I think you mean that the children died after March 1818 and not on an earlier trip to Italy. Since you give the 1819 date in the next sentence, you might shorten the March 1818 sentence to say, "In March 1818 the Shelleys moved to Italy, where their two young children, Clara and William, soon died."
  • In the "Plot summary" section, it's unclear who Jove is speaking to until the "you" in the third line of the quote. Perhaps "Iris relates Jove's decision" would work better as "Iris relates Jove's decision about the fate of Proserpine".
I keep doing them by hand, which may be a little goofy. The dash bot sounds wonderful. Finetooth (talk) 17:58, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support. Took a look at a section by random, and the prose is really good (one minor change made). Just one issue; the last sentence ("However, in the last fifteen years or so, beginning with the publication of the The Other Mary Shelley in 1993, more attention has been paid to Mary Shelley's "other" works, such as her dramas.") could probably do with a source. Otherwise, looks good. —Giggy 11:37, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support, with questions:
  • Can you include, for the literarily inept, brief descriptions of how Emile, La Nouvelle HéloÏse, and The History of Sandford and Merton are different to fit her characterization of widely read?
  • They are all different genres - that is one important fact which is included in the article. I'm beginning to think that this list is more trouble than it is worth. Would simply saying "educational works by Rousseau and Thomas Day's children's book The History of Sandford and Merton" be a better way of phrasing this? Awadewit (talk) 14:14, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • I understand. It's not clear to the proverbial 12-year-old, just how different these works are, however. A few adjectives such as "...she read Jean-Jacques Rousseau’s philosophical treatise, Emile (1762) about people sustaining their innate goodness throughout a corrupt society, and his sentimental novel, La Nouvelle HéloÏse (1761), about the virtue of one's behaving authentically, as well as Thomas Day’s children’s book The History of Sandford and Merton (1783–89) that prioritizes honesty and hard work over decadence." But, you know...better... (In this context, it actually seems as if the themes of these works are similar, and that they lead in to the feminist spin on the story of Persephone.) --Moni3 (talk) 14:36, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • There seem to be sufficient criticisms available in the article. It's mentioned in the lead that it has been neglected by critics, and again toward the end, yet there are quite a few comments by critics. How is that resolved?
  • Actually, this is very little criticism and the fact that I can include every critic who has written on the play in the article reveals just how little there is. There are hundreds of articles and books written on Frankenstein, for example, and much more has been written on each one of Mary Shelley's novels than on this play. There is only one Mary Shelley work that has less criticism - Maurice (not coincidentally another work of children's literature). Awadewit (talk) 14:14, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • This is not a suggestion, merely a rambling: I watched a special the other day on how the Star Wars epic is so similar to Homer's Greek epics (debate on that later). Shelley apparently put a different spin on Proserpine, but the article got me wondering what a contemporary or futuristic retelling of Shelley's play might look like... When I take the information in the article and start making stuff up with it, that means I enjoyed it. Thanks for writing it. --Moni3 (talk) 12:33, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Notes - Major works not included in the research of this topic:

1. Clemit, Pamela (editor). The Novels and selected Works of Mary Shelley volume 2 (Matilda, Dramas, Reviews & Essays, Prefaces & Notes). London: William Pickering, 1996. This contains a 20 page entry (72-91) with a 7 page appendix section (412-418) of notes and variants. Throughout are notes detailing the background of images and symbols.

Some samples - p. 73 she identifies a reference to Ovid and to Purgatorio. p. 412 discusses variant editions
I used Shelley, Mary. Mary Shelley's Literary Lives and Other Writings. Vol. 4. Eds. Pamela Clemit and A. A. Markley. London: Pickering and Chatto. 2002. ISBN 1851967162, which had a good introduction to the play as well, since my library is missing volume two of NSWMS. I can request this volume from ILL if you think there is additional information that can be added to the article. Since you can see it, I would appreciate knowing if there are symbols discussed in it that are not discussed in the article. Awadewit (talk) 16:45, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

2. Morrison, Lucy and Stone, Staci. A Mary Shelley Encyclopedia. Westport, Connecticut: Greenwood Press, 2003.

Some samples - p. 299 on Myrrha by Alfieri - "Shelley records reading Alfieri September 1818 and that she 'translated Alfieri's Mirra,' which may have helped her write Proserpine and Midas (Journals 226; Sunstein 155), p. 316 "Shelley adapted Midas and Proserpine from Ovid", p. 352-3 Proserpine: Shelley records finishing this two-act verse drama, adapted from Ovid, 3 April 1820 (Journals 316). Shelley was initially unsuccessful in publishing her version of the myth of Proserpine's abduction. Influential editor Alaric Watts rejected the drama 1826, but Shelley placed an altered version in The Winter's Wreath (1832), attributed to "the Author of Frankenstein" (Sunstein 275). PBS contributed two lyrics to his wife's drama and Medwin records the couple's delight in the word (252). The drama's plot maintains most of the widely accepted aspects of Proserpine's myth. ... In view of the recent loss of two of her own children, Shelley's portrayal of the mother-daughter relationship may be autobiographical.".
With the exception of the Alfieri statement and autobiographical information, all of this information is in the article. The Alfieri statement, if you notice is a "may" statement, so including that is optional and certainly up to editorial judgment. What do you think about including it? The autobiographical strand of criticism is largely psychoanalytic and nearly impossible to explain to a general reader. If you would like me to try, I can try, but it would be better to base that on Purinton. Awadewit (talk) 16:45, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

3. Sources used in the above are Sunstein, Emily W. Mary Shelley: romance and Reality. Baltimore: Johns Hopkins University Press, 1989. and Medwin, Thomas. The Life of Percy Bysshe Shelley. New ed. Editor H Buxton Forman. London: Oxford University Press, 1913.

There are others, but I'd have to spend another day in the Library of Congress and dig deeper. I hope this shows that there is a lot more than you realize out there. Ottava Rima (talk) 15:39, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Notes part 2.

1. Mellor, Anne K. Mellor. "Review" Nineteenth-Century Literature, Vol. 43, No. 4 (Mar., 1989), pp. 535-537

Some sample - p. 536 "Betty Bennettt suggested in her edition of Mary Shelley's letters (, 142), moving up Mary Shelley's own dating of the first entry of the fifth journal notebook from 7 September 1826 to 1825, and persuasively identifing Mary's "Pxxxxxxxxxe" which she finished on 3 April 1820, as her own play, Proserpine, a Mythological Drama in two acts, published in 1832."
This is a review essay of the Letters and Journals of Mary Shelley. This three-page essay is not particularly relevant to a discussion of Proserpine and this particular detail would not help the general reader. The article gives the composition and publication history in a manner that the general reader will find helpful. Awadewit (talk) 16:58, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

2. Michelle Levy at Muse.

Some sample - "Shelley likewise, in her [End Page 702] verse dramas for children, Proserpine and Midas, written in 1820, eschews realistic narratives for classical mythology.32 And in their writing for older audiences, both Coleridge and Shelley return again and again to the unknown. "
I will have to access this article in printed form when I get home as my MUSE access seems to stop at 2002 for this journal. However, I note that the abstract focuses on Coleridge and Shelley. I'm not really sure what this quotation would add to the article. The major topics in this quotation relevant to Proserpine are already covered in the article. Awadewit (talk) 17:02, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I finally got access to this article. It is about Frankenstein and "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner". The only sentence which we could use in the article is this one, which is footnoted to another source, the Clemit. Awadewit (talk) 18:19, 29 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

3. Vance, Norman. "Heroic Myth and Women in Victorian Literature" The Yearbook of English Studies, Vol. 12, Heroes and the Heroic Special Number (1982), pp. 169-185

Discusses Proserpine in the context of Victorian lit from p. 175 onwards.
This would be excellent for the Persephone article, but we don't need to discuss Keats, Swinburne, and other Victorian versions of Proserpine/Persephone in this article. Where relevant, I have contrasted Mary Shelley's adaptation with others, detailing the differences, such as the feminism section. I feel that this is sufficient. Awadewit (talk) 17:09, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

4. Raben, Joseph. "Milton's Influence on Shelley's Translation of Dante's 'Matilda Gathering Flowers'" The Review of English Studies, New Series, Vol. 14, No. 54 (May, 1963), pp. 142-156

Gives background on Percy Shelley and Proserpine/Midas. p. 153
Whether more information should be provided on Shelley's poem is a much larger question and I would like to hear from other editors on that point. Awadewit (talk) 17:13, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Four more, with others that I haven't had time, nor time today, to look through. Ottava Rima (talk) 16:07, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • The point to ask about these sources is whether they would add significant information to an article about the play for the general reader. Details about Mary Shelley's journals do not interest the general reader, for example. The question of how much Percy Shelley's poems should be covered in this article is a good one. I chose not to cover it much because scholars have divorced the discussion of the play from the poetry in most instances. Awadewit (talk) 16:45, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
A few things - I think some background (in background or later) on PBS's poem would be interesting, since one can play off the other. Not much. I also think some more focused discussion on where in Ovid, instead of just generalizing, as the sources above seem to be more definitive about her pulling this from Ovid while her and PBS were looking into Ovid and other materials. (She also translated portions of the Cupid-Psyche myth from Apulieus, which might be nice to add to reinforce her understanding of Latin and her use of Latin mythological text). If you add even just a few more lines towards this direction and committ to looking further and willing to work for more information, then I will definitely be willing to support this article. I just don't want you to stop now that it would be an FA. This is an important subject area of mine, and this is your page, so I need to be sure that you will make it as good as possible. Ottava Rima (talk) 02:49, 26 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Support. An excellent, well-researched, and, considering this is a little studied work, remarkably full article. Well-written and structured. A pleasure to read.

A few points:

  • I found the bracketing of Greek names for certain characters disrupted reading ease—particularly In a largely feminist retelling from Ceres's (Greek: Demeter) point of view, Shelley emphasises .... And it's not consistent, because there isn't an alternative for Jove. This is better handled, I think, at the beginning of the "Themes" section, so perhaps it could be managed without parentheses early on too. Many readers will not know that a name like "Arethusa" is Greek anyway, so the logic of the parentheses will not necessarily be transparent.

One or two places where I sensed that the language was not entirely precise:

  • Shelley emphasises the separation of mother and daughter. Is "emphasises" the best word here?
Since other versions emphasize the rape and MS emphasizes the loss and grief experienced by the mother and daughter, I think it is, but if you have a better suggestion, I am all eyes. Awadewit (talk) 18:55, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Mary created a drama with elements common to early nineteenth-century women's writing: details of everyday life and empathetic dialogue. A little clumsy? Especially "common to".
  • This sentence has caused so many problems! I have rewritten it so many times I can't think anymore. Please take a whack at it because I just can't come up with another version right now. Perhaps in a week? I need some distance. :) Awadewit (talk) 18:55, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • The genres of the text also reflect gender debates of the time. Percy contributed in the lyric verse form traditionally dominated by men; Mary created a drama with elements common to early nineteenth-century women's writing ... If they reflect this debate, surely they should challenge tradition not conform to it?
  • Mary's drama consists of details, such as carefully-described flowers. A drama can't consist of details.
  • Mary entered into a deep depression and became alienated from Percy, who was not as deeply affected by this loss. I don't think this is fair, Seymour (who may not grasp male psychology) notwithstanding. The reason I chose a certain verse of Percy's for Mary Shelley (including "But thou art fled, gone down a dreary road/That leads to Sorrow’s most obscure abode. For thine own sake I cannot follow thee") was because I felt it summed up his position in a complex way that allows for all readings. To put it simply, you can't both go to pieces.
  • A fragment of the manuscript survives, housed in the Pforzheimer Collection at the New York Public Library, and demonstrates the couple working side-by-side on the project. How does it demonstrate this?
  • They are writing side-by-side on the same manuscript. They may be responding to each other (this was hinted at in the source). However, I haven't seen the manuscript, so I can't say for sure. Awadewit (talk) 18:55, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Daughters of friends of the Shelleys in Italy, their mother was also a former pupil of Mary Wollstonecraft, Mary Shelley's mother. I think an opportunity is missed here. It seems to me significant that Mary Wollstonecraft wrote stories for Mrs Mason when she was a girl, and perhaps that could be added.
  • shade of the underworld. A little obscure?
  • among with Ascalaphus. This seems like a typo, but it's in a quotation, so I kept my hands off.
  • The myth depicts the victory of male violence over female procreation. But does it? It seems like a draw to me. We still have spring and summer, after all.
  • The theories about the rape are well covered, but should the obvious, that the rape might have been left out because it was a children's play, be overlooked? Bennett makes the point (An Introduction, p.61).
  • I hate to include something so obviously wrong. This is the only place where that claim is made (that I have found) and I have read other children's literature published around the same time with rapes in it. If Bennett thought MS specifically made this choice, that would be something different, but there is no evidence of that. Awadewit (talk) 18:55, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • However, Proserpine’s abduction is prefigured in the story of Arethusa and, as literary scholar Julie Carlson points out, the women can only join together after Proserpine has been abducted. I miss the connection and point there.
  • Feminist critics argue that the play is about feminine bonding, but Carlson points out that the bonding only really takes place after masculine violence interrupts their gambols. How best to explain this? Awadewit (talk) 18:55, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the paragraph beginning "In Shelley’s version of the myth", it seems to me that there are too many quotations, leading to a swamping of the encyclopedic tone.
  • Perhaps we should have a date for Nitchie and give her credit for discovering the 1832 publication. She is referred to in the present tense and Rich in the past. I don't know when Norman was writing, but perhaps these three could be co-ordinated tense-wise, since they are all cited by other authors.

I don't know if you are interested in the following that I noticed while looking things up: Sunstein (p. 193) talks of Medwin observing Percy Shelley reading the piece and adding a word here and there (is this what the manuscript fragment shows?). The notes in The Journals of Mary Shelley (pp. 316–17) mention that Mary published Arethusa in Percy's Posthumous Poems, which may, they suggest, be why she left it out of the version published in The Winter's Wreath. Sunstein (p. 275) also says "Alaric Watts (apparently low on her list) solicited pieces for his Annual from her and "David Lyndsay" but declined her 1820 dramas 'Proserpine' and 'Midas'".

---qp10qp (talk) 15:43, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I think we can dispel the "little studied" part now. I found four more books that discuss the matter on just a cursory search. There also appear to be a dozen or so others that look promising. Ottava Rima (talk) 15:49, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Your researches are very helpful. But they show that the work has been often mentioned, not that it has been often studied. qp10qp (talk) 16:39, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I'm merely pointing out that there might be some hidden gems out there that may be ignored because we think it is complete. :) Ottava Rima (talk) 02:49, 26 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Note: I will be away for one or two days, but when I return I hope to have finished checking the sources Ottava Rima has provided and finished responding to all of the helpful suggestions here. Thanks all! Awadewit (talk) 12:59, 27 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Good luck. If you need any more, I have a list. Ottava Rima (talk) 16:31, 28 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 16:01, 29 August 2008 [10].

New York State Route 22

Nominator(s): Mitch32(UP)
previous FAC (00:39, 29 July 2008)


This is the article's 2nd FAC. It has been greatly improved since the last FAC, for which I was on vacation for. This article in my mind, now deserves a 2nd chance. Mitch32(UP) 20:41, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments - sources look good, links checked out with the link checkerd tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 12:25, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments on images —This is part of a comment by Awadewit (of 19:49, 18 August 2008 (UTC)), which was interrupted by the following: [reply]

The source of the image here does say it is public domain. I do realize that may be insufficient for Wikipedia purposes but since I am not very familiar with image licensing, what do we need to do about this? Thanks. --Polaron | Talk 16:09, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Oh, yes, I see that. Sorry. Awadewit (talk) 16:37, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Mitch, if you don't have an account on Commons, you should link to your English Wikipedia userpage. Awadewit (talk) 16:00, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Replied to most. I have a commons account, but I had never made a userpage.Mitch32(UP) 16:51, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Image concerns are all cleared up. Awadewit (talk) 14:25, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Neutral. Leaning towards support, but it's disappointing to spot-check and find things to complain of so easily:
    • "The highway gradually expands to three and sometimes four lanes as it passes some built-up areas with of strip development."
    • "Past the village, the railroad tracks come closer to the highway as NY 22 enters the scenic Harlem Valley, which lends its name to the line.[5] The road starts to curve more gently and take longer straightaways, with less development." Which line—the railroad (oh, perhaps I'm missing a common US name for roads)? There's a lot of the word "come" around; try "edges close" here? Remove "starts to"? "with less development" is vague, and could even refer to the development of the road itself. Do you mean "with a lower density of commercial and residential development along its sides", or some such?
    • "Located" is usually redundant: it is here.
    • "Finally ends"—both words necessary?
    • "Massachusetts takes Connecticut's place as the state behind Alander Mountain and the other peaks visible to the east." This notion of replacement is a bit laboured here. Unsure how to reword it.
    • "on its way to state line-straddling Catamount Ski Center"—eeuuuw. Should be two hyphens, but it's an ugly duckling; rephrase to avoid the triple adjective. the CSC, which straddles ...

Hmmmm ... Tony (talk) 09:03, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

The last two bullet points have indeed been somewhat difficult to phrase over the various versions. I'll try and see if I can come up with better phrasing tonight and post here again when changes have been made. The rest of your suggestions do indeed read better and we'll implement them as well. Thanks. --Polaron | Talk 12:27, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
UPDATE: Improvements per above have been made. Regarding the 4th bullet point, I've changed the text to "North of the county line, Massachusetts becomes the state behind Alander Mountain and the other peaks visible to the east." Admittedly not the clearest way to say it but I think it is slightly better than the previous version. As for the 5th bullet point, I have reworded it to say "on its way to Catamount Ski Center, which straddles the New York–Massachusetts state line.", which is probably the best way to say it. Please let us know if these changes work. Thanks. --Polaron | Talk 18:25, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support, well done. A few glitches:
    • "Two miles from Pawling, the Appalachian Trail crosses the road next to its own flag stop on the line." Not crazy about the "its own" easter-egg link.
    • "... an area once the subject of a boundary dispute between New York and Connecticut." When?
    • "Within the park, NY 22 mainly follows the lakeshore, closer to some of its more populated areas." People live in the national park? --Laser brain (talk) 06:10, 27 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for the comments. I'll fix the first point to say "...next to the Applachian Trail flag stop..." and I'll also add the time period of the border dispute. As for the third point, yes, there are villages and hamlets located within the Adirondack Park lands.
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 15:47, 28 August 2008 [11].

Operation Ke

Nominator(s): Cla68 (talk)


Respectfully nominate this article about the Japanese withdrawal from Guadalcanal during the Guadalcanal Campaign of World War II for featured consideration. The article has passed an A-class review with WP:MILHIST. Self-nomination. Cla68 (talk) 22:48, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

Otherwise sources look good. Links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 13:34, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I asked about that website at the Reliable Sources Noticeboard and the answer I received was that it appeared to be ok [12]. Cla68 (talk) 07:03, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Struck, and I made a note too! Ealdgyth - Talk 22:30, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Support I read this article for its A-class review and I still believe it's fully FA quality. JonCatalán (talk) 20:10, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments on images

These issues should be easy to fix. Awadewit (talk) 20:38, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • 1. Done [13].
  • 2. Changed date to "unknown" [14]. The website doesn't give a date for the photo.
  • 2.a. Added more explanation as requested (I forgot to log into Commons when making the edit) [15].
  • 3. Done [16].
  • 4. Done [17].
  • 5. I Googled that document name and couldn't discover additional publishing info on it. I believe the document title is sufficient for verification purposes, but can replace the image if necessary. Cla68 (talk) 07:34, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 19:33, 27 August 2008 [18].

Amateur radio in India

Nominator(s): =Nichalp «Talk»=


Self nomination – Returning to FAC after two years. Am into amateur radio, so naturally I decided to write on the subject. This is one of my faster production articles, where I wrote this by myself in four days flat, a bulk of the content written in the first two. I could have finished it in less, but for a fork where I thought it was featured list material and is now on FLC. Well cited, covers all the topics, has free images, and decent prose. I've also requested several Indian amateur radio operators (non wiki) to peer review it. Let me know if I have missed anything. =Nichalp «Talk»= 12:07, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Restart, old nom. Sources and images checked. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 04:01, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 19:33, 27 August 2008 [19].

Anti-tobacco movement in Nazi Germany

Nominator(s): Otolemur crassicaudatus (talk)


I'm nominating this article for featured article because I feel it covers the matter wholesomely. The article is listed as a History good article. Otolemur crassicaudatus (talk) 02:32, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Restart, old nom. Sources checked. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 04:03, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
1) I do not believe that this a "unique historic image", as there are other anti-smoking ads, so that tag should be replaced with something more generic.
2) The image description says "possibly PD because of age. Needs to be checked" - This checking needs to be done.
3) The image description says the image may be replaceable, if a PD image can be found. However, fair use images are only allowed when no free image is available - we need to be sure no free images are available (WP:NFCC #1).
4) The purpose is not strong enough - illustration is not enough of a reason for an image to be included. An image must "significantly increase readers' understanding of the topic" and the fair use rationale must explain how this is accomplished (WP:NFCC #8).
Hold some time, I am coming back with the issue with images. Otolemur crassicaudatus (talk) 06:48, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Image:German anti-smoking ad.jpeg

1) The "unique historic image" tag is removed and it is replaced by {{Non-free 2D art}}.
2) There is no free image available and it is copyrighted. The field is properly reworded.
3) No PD image is available and so mentioned.
4) The image significantly increases readers understanding by depicting how Nazis published anti-tobacco ads and it is now properly mentioned in the fair use rationale.

Image:AntiSmokingNaziGermany.jpg I have replaced the "unique historic image" tag with {{Non-free magazine cover}} since it is the cover page of a magazine. Regarding the second issue with the name of the copyright holder, it is not necessary, I discussed this with administrator Future Perfect at Sunrise. Otolemur crassicaudatus (talk) 10:18, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comment:

  • Comments on this version Support as of this version, Jappalang
    Lead
    • "The Nazi anti-tobacco campaign included restrictions ..." is a very long sentence filled with many "restrictions". Might it be possible to rephrase it into separate sentences with different verbs?
    • "The world's first public anti-smoking campaign was more powerful and serious than the anti-tobacco movement in Germany at the beginning of the 21st century." The source does not tally with the sentence. The study was published in 1997. Policies can change in the three years leading to the start of the 21st century. Should the correct term be "at the end of the 20th century" or is it an original synthesis?
    Hitler's attitude towards smoking
    • Probably a matter of semantics regarding the clause "but gave up after concluding it was a waste of money." Is "but gave up the habit, concluding it was a waste of money." accurate? With my suggestion, I had an image of Hitler actually looking at his cigerette and going "Bah, what a waste of money." The original clause made me picture Hitler seemingly coming up with a conclusion during a non-smoking phase and sticking with it.
    • I am particularly interested by "was concerned over Hermann Göring's continued smoking in public places." I felt this was a great hook in the article at this point (a high-ranking close associate who smoked and Hitler pushed for an anti-smoking campaign). Hence, I am a bit disappointed that the article does not address Göring's actions during the campaign. Did he defy the bans and smoked on office premises? The actions of such high profile officers are not discussed in the "Effectiveness" section, though their wives are...
    Effectiveness
    • Might it be better to set the table to float on the right of the third paragraph? Its width introduces a large whitespace on the right.
    After World War II
    • "The present day anti-tobacco campaign in Germany ..." might not be applicable ten to fifteen years later. Since the sentence states "at the end of the 20th century" near the end, why not move the time frame to the start of the sentence?
    Images
    • I think Image:AntiSmokingNaziGermany.jpg is not as valuable as Image:German anti-smoking ad.jpeg, hence its fair-use can be doubtful. Can the former's caption further expand on its importance to the article? While the latter tells of the advert's intention, the former is simply just a "cover page". A translation or explanation of its vitriolic materials (on the cover page) in the caption would help.
All in all, the article is in very good shape, but I would like a clarification of my thoughts above before setting an opinion. Jappalang (talk) 02:25, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Reply

  • Lead
    • "The Nazi anti-tobacco campaign included restrictions ..." I have split the large sentence into two smaller sentences. Done
    • "The world's first public anti-smoking campaign was more powerful and serious than the anti-tobacco movement in Germany at the beginning of the 21st century." Good point. I have reworded the sentence and changed it to "at the end of the 20th century". Done
  • Hitler's attitude towards smoking
    • You are right that the wording "but gave up the habit, concluding it was a waste of money" will be more appropriate. I have reworded the sentence. Done
    • Proctor did not mention anything about Göring's role in the campaign; it is very likely he was inactive or uninvolved in the anti-tobacco movement.
  • Effectiveness
    • I have moved the table to float on the right of the third paragraph. Done
  • After World War II
    • Good point, I have reworded the sentence. Done
  • Big blue blob, pipe linked to "aging": "below the age of 25 and over the age of 55". Just one of the "age"s would have been better as the pipe, but can you explain why such a general wide-ranging article should be useful to understanding this phrase and the context? Tony (talk) 12:08, 26 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 23:13, 26 August 2008 [20].

William de St-Calais

Nominator(s): Ealdgyth - Talk


Monk, bishop, administrator, traitor and king's advisor, William de St-Calais had a hand in Domesday Book, advised both William the Conqueror and the Conqueror's two sons, and is the subject of the first account of a state trial in English history. As to the nuts and bolts, I've done the research, it's been through GA, PR and a thorough copyedit by User:Brianboulton and User:Malleus Fatuorum to remove my redundancies. Please rip it to pieces so it can improve! (I know that Confraternity leads to a disambiguation page, but it also gives the definition at the top. There is no plain confraternity page at the moment). Ealdgyth - Talk 12:57, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments on images —This is part of a comment by Awadewit (of 15:15, 20 August 2008 (UTC)), which was interrupted by the following: [reply]

this would appear to be the work. The description line says 11th century, by the way. I hesitate to play around with things on Commons, that I didnt' upload. Ealdgyth - Talk 15:48, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Well, it is a wiki! I have added the necessary details from the link. Awadewit (talk) 06:53, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Author of the page would be unknown, yes. Domesday book is very definitely past the copyright stage, but I'm unclear on where the photograph of this came from. That aspect of copyright is beyond me. Ealdgyth - Talk 15:48, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I have added the "unknown" to the author field. You could ask the uploader where the image came from or you could search out a source yourself on the internet. We have to have a source for the image, though. (Images are like quotations that way.) Awadewit (talk) 06:53, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I cheated. I just deleted the picture. It was superflous anyway. Ealdgyth - Talk 16:05, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I left a note in halting German for the uploader. We should have a source for that image, whether we decide to use it in this article or not. Let's see what happens. Awadewit (talk) 16:39, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I've added a source myself (it is clearly not the original - file is too small), but it is something in the meantime. Hopefully the uploader will come by. Anyway, you can restore the image to the article now, if you want. Awadewit (talk) 22:36, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I'd guess the author was the original uploader, Jungpionier? Ealdgyth - Talk 15:48, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I think so, too. I have added the name to the image description. Awadewit (talk) 06:53, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Image:Durham Cathedral plan.jpg - This image needs a description and an author (did Greenwell draw the plan and write the book?) Also, including Greenwell's birth and death dates would make it easy to verify the PD license.
This would appear to be the first edition of the work, published in 1879. William Greenwell would appear to be our author, so 1918 as a death date. This appears to be about the man. I'm guessing it's probably PD, but UK rules on that are funky, so I'll leave it to the experts. Ealdgyth - Talk 15:48, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I have added a description to the image. Please check it for accuracy. The google books link is for the fifth edition, so I did not include that information. Awadewit (talk) 06:53, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Looks good to me Ealdgyth - Talk 16:05, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review the rest of the article later! Looking forward to it! Awadewit (talk) 15:15, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I uploaded none of those to Commons, so no clue on any of them, quite honestly. If I need to remove them, I will, but not having done the uploading I'm kinda hampered. I just take my pics from Commons, when possible, so that I can avoid as much as possible image headaches. Ealdgyth - Talk 15:34, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Commons is not all that reliable, I'm afraid. One has to check everything and generally improve on what is there - is just like the 'pedia. Awadewit (talk) 06:53, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Thankee for going where I feared to tread. Promise to bring my next FAC to someone else for an image check and fix before it comes here. Ealdgyth - Talk 14:50, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments Support-Great job! Dabomb87 (talk) 16:56, 21 August 2008 (UTC) —This is part of a comment by Dabomb87 (of August 2008 (UTC)), which was interrupted by the following: [reply]

  • Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't page ranges in inline citations need en dashes? Same with the year ranges in the book titles.
You know, I bet I forgot to have the dash bot run over this... going to do it now. Ealdgyth - Talk 15:48, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
And it's been run. Should be all correct en dashes now. Ealdgyth - Talk 00:24, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Links checked out with the link checker tool.
  • "Although St-Calais is generally referred with the epithet of Saint Calais or St-Calais, the main source for his life, the monastic chronicler Symeon of Durham, does not call him such." referred with the epithet-->referred to as. How is the monastic chronicler Symeon of Durham the "main source for his life"?
Changed to "the monastic chronicle of Symeon of Durham" .. which is what I assumed you were getting at? Ealdgyth - Talk 15:50, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Dabomb87 (talk) 15:37, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Support Comments This is a very clear, well-researched article. I didn't know anything about St Clair before I read the article, but I could easily follow it. A few small nitpicks:

  • We no longer have to link dates - might you think about delinking the dates in this article?
    • Because I'm not Tony and I hate having to fight to keep them out. It took me forever to get them IN when that was the case, I can only handle so much MOS minutiae before I go insane. Since we're not required to remove them yet, I'm saving my energy for the things I gotta do and will leave the tilting at windmills to Tony (grins). Ealdgyth - Talk 14:50, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Following William Rufus' accession to the throne in 1087, St-Calais was considered to be the new king's chief advisor. - Why "was considered to be" rather than just "was" or "became"?
  • After the imprisonment of Odo of Bayeux, Pope Gregory VII complained to the king about this imprisonment, and about the fact the king was not allowing papal letters to be delivered to bishops without royal permission. - wordy
  • Describing the Domesday Book a bit more for readers who don't know what it is would help round out the article.
  • Some historians, including W. M. Aird, have suggested that St-Calais felt that the division of the Conqueror's realm between two sons was unwise, and that reuniting the Normans and English under one king was the reason St Calais joined the rebellion - wordy
  • Once the castle was back under the king's control, St-Calais was released, and left for Normandy,[1] but no more was heard of his appeal to Rome - Is this a "but" or an "and" moment?
  • Durham had security issues, as Malcolm Canmore, King of Scots, raided and invaded the north of England on a number of occasions. - "security issues" sounds a bit colloquial
  • Later, an English noble, Robert de Mowbray, who was earl of Northumbria challenged the bishop's authority in the north. - When?
  • The dream then informed Boso that this was a warning that St-Calais would soon die. - A bit awkward - didn't something in the dream warn Boso?
  • The construction technique of combining a pointed arch with another rib allowed a six-pointed vault, which enabled the building to attain a greater height - greater height than what? Comparatives must have a comparison.
  • The "Further reading" section is cited in a different style than the "References". It would be nice if they were all in the same style.

I look forward to supporting this article soon! Awadewit (talk) 06:55, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Support: I see from the edit count that I am the second greatest contributor in terms of number of edits. I must stress that I have done none of the hard work in preparing the article, my efforts being those of a humble copyeditor and occasional phrasemaker. I also did the peer review. As with other Ealdgyth articles, this one has been impeccably researched, and is a credible account of a largely forgotten but once influential figure in English history. I am sure that there are minor fixes that could improve the article further, but I'm not going to withhold on those grounds. Impressive work. Brianboulton (talk) 21:54, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Support—hmmm, this is very good; great story, well cited, it seems! Could do with just a little scrutiny of the text—spot checks here suggest a little room for polishing:

  • Possibly unnecessary uses of commas in a few places, particularly towards the top; no big deal, though.
  • "recently-released" (no hyphen after "-ly", says MoS).
  • "have suggested that St-Calais felt that the division of the Conqueror's realm between two sons was unwise"—the second "that" could go. "Suggested" × 2.
  • "the only bishop that did not actively aid the king"—people take "who", not "that".
  • "From his actions, it appears likely that St-Calais did rebel, whatever his statements to the contrary, although northern chronicles maintained his innocence." I don't like "although", wedged between two statements in harmony with each other that both contradict "his actions"—I think you felt that problem when writing it, and yes, it's hard to solve. Here's one way, although you may not like it. --> "St-Calais's actions suggest that he did rebel, whatever his claims to the contrary and affirmations of his innocence in northern chronicles." If "affirmations" is not right, see a thesaurus (that's what I did). Just one more quibble: a few sentences before, it refers to his "at first claiming he had never actually rebelled". This is getting fuzzy now. And if "actually" is necessary to the meaning, it needs fleshing out.
  • "St-Calais was brought before the king and royal court for trial on 2 November 1088, at Salisbury.[36][38] Before the trial, the king seized his lands. At the trial, St-Calais held that"—"Before the trial ... At the trial". Try: "... Salisbury, before which the king ...". Tony (talk) 04:12, 24 August 2008 (UTC) PS "claiming" is back-referred to as "statements"—I'd repeat it as "claims". I've taken the liberty of creating a tutorial exercise out of this (see 1e). Hope you don't mind. Tony (talk) 04:52, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks Tony. I will fix those in the morning, when I trust myself to edit safely. Too tired tonight to not make a hash of it. Ealdgyth - Talk 04:21, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 23:13, 26 August 2008 [21].

Pride and Prejudice (1995 TV serial)

Nominator(s): sgeureka t•c
previous FAC (03:05, 13 July 2008)

Second nom. The first FAC failed when (some legitimate) concerns came up late in the game whose fixing took some time; unfortunately, that FAC was archived as not promoted before reviewers had the time to (possibly) change their opinion. Now I've taken five weeks off to get some editorial distance. I have copyedited the article with semi-fresh eyes again, have read the comments again of the first FAC again to see if I've missed something the first time around (nope, just a tiny MOS issue...), and now I hope the article is really as good as I believe it is. Thank you for your time. – sgeureka t•c 17:03, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments on images

  • Image:Lyme Park 2.jpg - I see this image has been deleted from Flickr, so there is no working source and no way to verify the license, etc. I'm not really sure what we do in these situations. I'm worried that we can no longer use this image. You might contact the user at Flickr and see if he will release it at Wikimedia Commons. I will see what else I can find out. (It is such a lovely picture!)
    The purpose of FlickreviewerR and the accompanying box is to verify that the image was indeed uploaded under an appropriate license, even if it's later removed. The box is present, meaning the license was verified and the image is thus okay. --JayHenry (talk) 14:08, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I checked and found out this wonderful nugget of info, too. Yeah! Awadewit (talk) 16:21, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Done. I am pretty sure this is the right version (through browsing and the year). – sgeureka t•c 15:39, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

(I'll review the rest of the article later. Looking forward to it.) Awadewit (talk) 10:33, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comment

  • I don't think the Apted Book of Country Dances was published in the eighteenth century. See Worldcat results. Also, I checked a database of all books published in the eighteenth century and I couldn't find it. Awadewit (talk) 11:50, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I checked the Making-of book again, which did indeed imply that the book was from the 18th century (on p. 70 "Simon [Langton] recalls how [the fifteen separate dances] were put together: 'Jane Gibson had this wonderful book from the period called The Apted Book of Country Dances, which has all these Country Dances with instructions on how to use them...'", and on p. 69 gives one used song of that book as written in 1776). However, a good fansite says the book was published by W.S. Porter in 1966 as a collection of songs by Thompson from the late 18th century. I'll fix it in a minute. – sgeureka t•c 15:39, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Support Nearly there - everything looks really good, except I am a little concerned about the prose in the Plot section but not sure if anything can be done flow-wise which then impacts on brevity. I did what I thought was needed as I went along, nothing struck me that wasn't a straightforward fix (which I did). Cheers, Casliber (talk · contribs) 12:18, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments - sources look okay, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 12:49, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Support—Can you remove the optional (s) from "Language(s)" and "Composer(s)" in the infobox? It's an example of why infoboxes can be ham-fisted. Tony (talk) 02:23, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I have no attachment to that infobox information one way or another; I have removed that information, but will not do anything if I get reverted. Interestingly, it was you who asked for the Composer to be included in the infobox. ;-) – sgeureka t•c 06:06, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
What, you mean the infobox won't let you use the singular? I don't believe it. Tony (talk) 06:37, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Sorry, I completely misunderstood you. (I thought you wanted the whole entries removed for trivialness.) But yes, per {{Infobox Television}} there is no way to remove the "(s)". – sgeureka t•c 09:29, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Support Comments - This article is much better than the last time I read it. I just have some nit picks, as overall it is comprehensive, well-researched, and well-written: —This is part of a comment by Awadewit (of 02:38, 21 August 2008 (UTC)), which was interrupted by the following: [reply]

  • I know there was some discussion over whether or not we could link to YouTube - unfortunately, I do not know what was decided. Does anyone know a firm decision on that?
AFAIK, youtube links are generally discouraged because copyright violations are rampant there and vids shouldn't be used as sources. But this is the official BBC youtube channel, and it's not used for sourcing, so the link should be fine. – sgeureka t•c 08:04, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • While Mr and Mrs Bennet disagree about Elizabeth's decision, her best friend Charlotte Lucas invites Mr Collins to stay at Lucas Lodge. - Do you think Jane or Charlotte is Elizabeth's best friend?
Where I come from, family members is never referred to as friends (no matter how close you are) because blood is thicker than water. I guess I could write "good friend" for Charlotte instead to avoid interpretative claims. – sgeureka t•c 08:04, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
How about "close friend"? Awadewit (talk) 15:41, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Either would work, I guess, so I used your version. – sgeureka t•c 12:40, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Elizabeth is stunned when she learns that Charlotte Lucas has accepted a proposal from Mr Collins, but the friends soon make up. - Do you think we can say "stunned and appalled"? Such a phrase would add meaning to the second half of the sentence.
I agree. – sgeureka t•c 12:40, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Firth and Ehle began a romantic relationship during the filming of the series, which only received media attention after the couple's separation. - Can we get a date for the separation?
I never came across an exact date. The media attention was around the time the serial aired in the UK (Bridget Jones mentions the relationship on 23 October 1995), and the actors said it was over by that time, that's all I know. – sgeureka t•c 08:04, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Some things are a mystery. Awadewit (talk) 15:41, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Birtwistle in particular felt that a new adaptation on film would serve the drama better than the last BBC adaptation, which had been shot on videotape. - Could we explain why?
Birtwistle in the making-of book, p. v: "Although videotape is the dominant medium for television and works for current affairs and documentaries, I don't feel it serves drama well. It always looks undernourished; it's too present, too literal. Unpoetic, if you like. We wanted scenes to have a freedom that is just impossible to achieve recording on video in the studio." (I'll try work this into the article.) – sgeureka t•c 08:04, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I know exactly what Birtwistle means but this is somewhat hard to put into words without sounding too technical or feelings-POVish; I added "..., the dominant medium for television and works of current affairs that may give too literal impressions. Maybe you can come up with something better than I did in the article. – sgeureka t•c 12:40, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
How about just quoting her - the undernourished, present, unpoetic section is particularly evocative. Awadewit (talk) 14:33, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Susannah Harker's (Jane) hair was slightly lightened as a contrast with Elizabeth's, and was arranged in a classic Greek style to highlight the character's beauty - Is there a good link for "classic Greek style"?
Doesn't look this way. There is Classical Greece, Art in ancient Greece and Severe style, but they usually refer to sculptures. (Although Jane definately has this classical Greek hairdo as claimed in the source). – sgeureka t•c 12:40, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Three days were allotted for the filming of the ball at Netherfield, which designedly had a different pace and style than the dance at Meryton - Perhaps we could say what the difference was?
Rewrote (per source) to "Three days were allotted for the filming of the ball at Netherfield, whose pace and style designedly focused on elegance rather than the community enjoying themselves as at the dance at Meryton." – sgeureka t•c 12:40, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • The article uses both "eighteenth century" and "18th century" - pick one style and stick with it.
Done. – sgeureka t•c 12:40, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • The novel's wit, which stems from Austen's lively and animated family background - This is confusing.
Removed subsentence. It's not that important after all. – sgeureka t•c 12:40, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • The BBC drama makes nature an integral part of the story in the form of Old England - Is there a good link for "Old England"?
I looked for it when I wrote the article, but didn't find a wiki article and still don't (the term was mentioned in several P&P sources though). I guess it just expresses nostalgia for 18th century England. – sgeureka t•c 12:40, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • I fixed a few AEisms, but you might have another look to make sure that the article is entirely in BE.
I am not an expert when it comes to AE and BE, but I asked two British editors before the last FAC to check where I screwed up, and their concerns were addressed. – sgeureka t•c 08:04, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I see you fixed two AEisms that I should really have noticed before. I ran a BE spell-check program over the text again just to be sure and found one more AEism. – sgeureka t•c
  • Dates are not linked in the article, so they should not be linked in the notes.
The templates auto-link the dates, and the templates are still under discussion for restructuring. I'll try to find out whether they have introduced a date-on-off-switch now. – sgeureka t•c 08:04, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
How annoying. Templates should be able to be easily changed! (This is why I dislike templates.) Awadewit (talk) 15:41, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
...Nope, no on-off-switch for datelinks yet. – sgeureka t•c 12:40, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Do you have page numbers for footnote 8, the A&E Monthly Magazine?
(Reply to this and related refs) Unfortunately, no, and the next English-language library that may still carry these magazines for checking is 1000 kilometers away from where I live. (Nearly) all articles seem to be hosted on fansites and are googeable though (I know, unreliable, but that's all I can offer from my end other than removing these refs altogether, which I find too extreme to seriously consider). – sgeureka t•c 12:40, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Way too extreme! Awadewit (talk) 14:37, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Do you have page numbers for footnote 15, the TV Times?
  • Do you have a page number for footnote 23? Referring a reader to an entire book is hardly helpful.
I copied it from the main Pride and Prejudice article. I have contacted Karenjc who added that ref to wikipedia in June, and I hope she can help. – sgeureka t•c 12:40, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • This doesn't look like a reliable website. I'm not sure we should include it in the notes.
(That page must have been changed recently; the web archive has the original content.) It's not being used as a source but as a convenience link for all the music pieces and dances so that they don't have to be listed in the article. The website cites its book sources. If you nevertheless favor removal, please say or do so (my ownership issues are not big enough to battle this), but I am not sure that this would make the article better. – sgeureka t•c 08:04, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I'm not convinced that it meets the requirements for WP:SPS - "Self-published material may, in some circumstances, be acceptable when produced by an established expert on the topic of the article whose work in the relevant field has previously been published by reliable third-party publications." - I think all sources we provide readers, even if they are just convenience links, should meet the requirements of WP:RS. Awadewit (talk) 15:41, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I thought long and hard about how to reply this, but I think I better save my breath for the WP:RS page since I am getting increasingly unsure what "self-published" means (i.e. is an external re-publishing of material from reliable sources defined as self-published when no analysis happens?). I'll therefore rm the link until I am wiser. – sgeureka t•c 12:40, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • This looks like a random film review. Does the reviewer have any credentials?
ReelViews redirects to James Berardinelli (who did this review). According to his article, Pulitzer Prize-winning American film critic Roger Ebert called Berardinelli "the best of the Web-based critics"[5], which is quite something. – sgeureka t•c 08:04, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
That sounds good. Awadewit (talk) 15:41, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Footnote 25 should be cited as published in Persuasions Online (see details on website).
(This and all related refs) Done. – sgeureka t•c 12:40, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
It is Persuasions, not Persuasion. Awadewit (talk) 14:37, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Footnote 26 should be linked directly to the The Times, if possible, and the correct title of the article should be found.
This looks like a print source, and it says "Reproduced with permission of the copyright owner. Further reproduction or distribution is prohibited without permission." Googling didn't help. How shall I proceed? – sgeureka t•c 12:40, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I'm in a rush right now, but leave a note on my talk page to remind me and I'll look it up. Awadewit (talk) 14:37, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I can get this at my library on microfilm, but I am away right now. It will have to wait until next weekend. Awadewit (talk) 14:37, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Footnote 27 should be cited as published in Persuasions (see details on website). Please check all links to the Jane Austen Society and make sure that anything published in one of their journals is properly attributed - I stopped clicking on these as I began to see a pattern.
  • Do you have page numbers for footnote 45? Basically anything without a link needs a page number (I will stop listing all of the footnotes that need page numbers at this point.)
  • This link indicates that the article is from Telegraph Magazine - that should be included in the footnote.
Changed to "Telegraph Magazine and re-published by The Age" – sgeureka t•c 12:40, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the "Bibliography", University Press of Kentucky is overlinked.
Done. – sgeureka t•c 12:40, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I look forward to supporting this article soon! Awadewit (talk) 02:38, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I replied to some points above and will work on the article today and tomorrow. – sgeureka t•c 08:04, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
All points addressed here or in the article, although some issues may require more discussion. Also, thank your for your copyedit, but there were some subtle changes that the sources no longer support, so I need to check that in more depth again. – sgeureka t•c 12:40, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support. Quite a nice read; the only things I noticed have already been cleared up. Good work. NSR77 TC 23:03, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support. An excellent read! Re footnote 26: I tried looking this up on Lexis Nexis last time this came to FAC, but they don't have archives for the Times Educational Supplement for that far back. Perhaps Sgeureka can try contacting the FoF webmaster for original publication info? Bradley0110 (talk) 12:57, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment to show I am still here. Some more minor things have been addressed since my last replies, and the only unresolved yet with-some-help-fixable issues from above are footnote 23 (which I'll probably replace with a totally different statement and source if User:Karenjc doesn't have the time) and footnote 26 (where I have contacted the FOF website owner if s/he's got easy access to the full publication data, but I guess it will be more likely that Awadewit gets that data faster and easier). – sgeureka t•c 15:50, 26 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Please check the Persuasions journal titles again - some of them should be Persuasions and some of them should be Persuasions On-line. These are actually two different journals. Awadewit (talk) 17:51, 26 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 21:55, 25 August 2008 [22].

Alzheimer's disease

Nominator(s): OrangeMarlin, garrondo
previous FAC (03:57, 12 June 2008)

Renominating article. The issues described in the previous previous FAC have been addressed, the article has been copy edited several times, and the references updated. OrangeMarlin Talk• Contributions 17:32, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I have to add that several sections have been fully re-written from previous FAC.--Garrondo (talk) 17:54, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I would add that nearly all the sections, including the Lead, have been either rewritten, or copyedited so thoroughly, that we should consider it rewritten! OrangeMarlin Talk• Contributions 18:20, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support Comments by karanacs. Overall, I found this a pretty comprehensive and accessible article. The first section, on Characteristics of the disease, is brilliant.
    • The Causes section is giving me fits. It is written a bit too technically for me. This may be because a lot of the background information that I think is necessary to understand that is located in the next section, Pathophysiology. Perhaps the sections could be switched?

Karanacs (talk) 17:59, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Done: I have changed the order of both sections. It is true that it may be easier to understand --Garrondo (talk) 12:31, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support for a comprehensive, engaging, well-referenced, well-written and researched article. The Reagan letter will probably have to go because it has an invalid rational, (the letter is illegible in any case, and does not add much, if anything, to the article). All the links checked out okay appart from the Charlton Heston CNN one, which firewalled the toolserver. I deleted one broken DOI link from the article. Graham Colm Talk 18:16, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments - I've made a few minor changes
  • Section: Characteristics, sub section: Predementia: but there is still a debate on whether this term.... Simply took out the "a".
  • Sub section: Moderate dementia: Delinked (if that can be said) activities of daily living and abbreviated it earlier in Predementia.

That's all for today, and I'm sorry if such changes were so minor but I'll be back to edit the whole article and make more major edits.

So far so good,

--Sunsetsunrise (talk) 23:46, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • I just want to state that I removed the ADL abbreviations. I did so for a couple of reasons (my humorous edit summary nevertheless): 1) ADL is not a commonly used abbreviation. I tried to see if it were used in medicine, and it's just not used. 2) It might be confused with the abbreviation for Alzheimer's disease, AD. I don't think this is important, but I think using abbreviations should be limited in an article of this quality and type. OrangeMarlin Talk• Contributions 00:24, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support Comments aaaaaawwwww, we call it ADLs (Activities of Daily Living) here in Oz (chuckle)..do you seriously call it 'daily living activities'? Listen, I am sitting here next to a psychogeriatrician who has pondered whether there should be a legal/capacity section (power of attornel/consent/wills etc.)? Or how we should link? More later as I have to run...Cheers, Casliber (talk · contribs) 03:09, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
From my point of view it could clearly fit inside the article. However the question is if it is absolutely necessary for the comprenhensiveness of the article. I mean, this kind of very long articles could have hundreds of sections which could fit (there are thousands of books and articles on AD), but should all of them appear in wikipedia before it can become a FA?. A FA does not mean the article can not grow and have new sections, it simply means that at the moment is a very good article (one of the best articles of wikipedia :-). Is the the AD article right now one of the best articles of wikipedia?: probably it is. Is it perfect or does it cover every issue of AD? Of course not. Cheers --Garrondo (talk) 08:21, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
On musing about it (and given the length of the article), material on capacity could easily og in a parent article on dementia is the issues in dementing processes (vascular etc.) are similar. So..good work. Cheers, Casliber (talk · contribs) 11:39, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments on images —This is part of a comment by Awadewit (of 10:59, 19 August 2008 (UTC)), which was interrupted by the following: [reply]

If you read the comments on the discussion for the image or go to the original source it clearly says that the Ronald Reagans library gives permission for the use of any of its materials. It can clearly be used and the debate on wether it should be deleted has to be ended.--Garrondo (talk) 11:46, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I was just pointing out that the image is up for deletion - sometimes editors are unaware that images are up for deletion. I'm not entering into the debate at this point. Awadewit (talk) 11:26, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I just looked (and voted). I think it will be a speedy keep. Besides, it looks like it's been there for over 2 months. OrangeMarlin Talk• Contributions 17:37, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
As several reviewers have doubted the usefulness of the image I have finally eliminated it. I believe in the lancet article about Auguste D there are some examples of her writting. They might fit as image. I will take a look. --Garrondo (talk) 07:07, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Striking as this image is no longer in the article. Awadewit (talk) 14:27, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Image:InterlockingPentagons.svg - Anyway to fix the red links here? Can we link to an article or offer a better description of the test? Can we link the user's talk page if s/he has no userpage?
I could add the original article of the mini-mental as a reference. No more info can be added on the test or we could inccur in copyright issues.--Garrondo (talk) 11:46, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The original article would be excellent. Awadewit (talk) 11:26, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I have linked the mini mental article of the english wikipedia where the original citation can be found and the english wikipedia user page of the author of the image.--Garrondo (talk) 11:46, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The structure was probably just sketched in a molecular modeling program, such as Accelrys DS Visualizer, and rendered. The author hasn't edited in over a month, so I'm not sure we'll find out anytime soon. Perhaps we can use the skeletal structure I've just uploaded? Fvasconcellos (t·c) 16:59, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Done by OrangeMarlin.--Garrondo (talk) 10:44, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Is it really necessary to know it?
The license is claiming PD because the author has been dead for over 70 years. We can't claim that unless we know who took the photo. Awadewit (talk) 11:26, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I'll look for it.--Garrondo (talk) 11:46, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I have found several indirect evidences that the picture is PD and the author was Alois Alzheimer: 1: [23] is a cover of the Brain journal with 4 different pictures, it gives credits for two of them, but not for the other 2, so we could assume it is becouse they are PD. 2:[24] Is the website of Alzheimer's house. The image of Augeuste is inside his house, most probably becouse he was the author. I can try to send a mail to the house museum to see if they can tell me if Alzheimer was the author.--Garrondo (talk) 12:07, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
In this Lancet article says the picture appeared in the hospital file of Auguste when it was found in 1980 and kept right now in the house museum of Alois Alzheimer. There is no way to know the author, but it does not seem to have an owner since in the article no credit is given for the image.( http://alzheimer.neurology.ucla.edu/pubs/alzheimerLancet.pdf. {{cite web}}: Missing or empty |title= (help))
This appears to be an anonymous work, then. Was it first published in Germany in 1906? That would require a different license. Awadewit (talk) 20:22, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Yes: the article says the attibutted date is 1902 and it was taken in Germany. What would be the license? I don't really know much about copyright issues.--Garrondo (talk) 07:26, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I have typed in the license as there is no template. Awadewit (talk) 20:51, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

These should be relatively easy to fix. Awadewit (talk) 10:59, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Image concerns have been met. Awadewit (talk) 14:27, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments - Sources were fixed at the previous FAC. I spot checked again, and they look good. Links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 12:51, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments:

  • In the "Advanced dementia" section, you might add that not only are Alzheimer's patients unable to feed themselves, they often cannot chew. Thus, they require their food to cut into small pieces and eventually it needs to be pureed.
  • "behavior problems such as wandering" is mentioned later in the article, in the "Psychosocial intervention" section. I suggest wandering behavior also be described in the Characteristics section. Alzheimer's patients that do this might be searching for something, think they need to do something but forget what or where it is. Or they may be trying to retrace their old routines, from when they were younger. There are other reasons as well. When they wander (especially with more advanced patients), if the doors are not locked, they may wander away and get lost.
  • The "Caregiving" could be a little more informative. The one and two sentence paragraphs don't seem adequate when I know there is more to say about this aspect of the disease. One basic thing is that the demands of caregiving are overwhelming on relatives, and oftentimes Alzheimer's patients end up in a nursing home. I know that nursing home care is mentioned in the social costs section, but it really has more to do with caregiving.
    • As I keep reading, I found the "Caregiving burden" section within the "Society and culture" section. It seems awkward to split caregiving up between two sections. Just a suggestion, but the first paragraph of the "caregiver" section is good. ("The role of the main caregiver is often taken by the spouse or a close relative...") I think this paragraph would fit in the "Caregiving" section. Also, briefly mention about "Dementia caregivers are subject to high rates of physical and mental disorders" and perhaps put the rest of the details in the subarticle. This way, (or some other way you think of) this material is not split between two sections.
  • There are no references for the first paragraph in the "Prognosis" section.
  • The article could use some copyedits. For example, in the "Epidemiology" section, the sentence "United States specific Alzheimer prevalence was estimated to be 1'6 % in the year 2000" is not worded very well.
  • Same section, "Epidemiology", the sentence ending with "increasing almost to 20% in the 75–84 group and to 50% afterwards[176]" lacks a period at the end of the sentence.

Overall, the number and quality of the references looks very good, and think this article is worthy of passing FA status. But, there are some issues to address first. --Aude (talk) 15:48, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Reply to Aude:

Responses - I'm not a medical expert, but approach this with several years experience working with Alzheimer's patients. So, that would be original research, but also confident that sources can be found for behaviors and characteristics that I'm describing.

Eating - In my personal experience, we had to puree food for many patients in the advanced stages of the disease. Some previously were able to chew and eat normal food, so it wasn't because of dental health. It was because they forgot how or lost the ability to chew. Before going to the puree food stage, their food would be chopped up and fed to them. And, in the more moderate stage, they can eat normally. Again, this is all personal experience and original research, but I'm quite sure sources can be located.

I think this ties in with where you say "Complex motor sequences become less coordinated as time passes, reducing the ability to perform most normal daily living activities." People lose the ability or forget how do do functions such as chewing and swallowing. I think apraxia relates to this somehow. Here are some sources I found, but I don't have access to much scientific scholarly medical articles to find even better refs.

  • "choking may occur if the client [patient] forgets to chew food sufficiently before swallowing" pg 360, Nutrition Essentials for Nursing Practice: Fifth Edition Revised [25]
  • "The patient with dementia may forget to chew or swallow. ..." pg 126, Alzheimer's Disease: A Guide to Diagnosis, Treatment, and Management [26]
  • "Clients in the later stages of Alzheimer's disease may be unable to swallow or may not know what to do when food is placed in their mouths", p. 167, Introductory Medical-surgical Nursing [27]
  • Nutritional Needs of the Person with Alzheimer"s DiseasePractical Approaches to Quality Care . Journal of the American Dietetic Association http://linkinghub.elsevier.com/retrieve/pii/S000282239700758X
  • Management of severe Alzheimer's disease and end-of-life issues . Clinics in Geriatric Medicine http://linkinghub.elsevier.com/retrieve/pii/S0749069005700744

Wandering is a significant aspect and common characteristic of Alzheimer's. If difficult to use in diagnosis, you should say that.

  • Several thousand scholarly articles talk about wandering in Alzheimer's patients. [28]
  • Also with regards to wandering, other similar and common characteristics include hyperactivity. [29]

Many people in moderate-advanced stage don't sit still. They are often wandering around, will go outside and wander (if not restrained), or often moving about.

Regarding caregiving, how does home care and professional care (e.g. nursing home) not relate to caregiving (or Treatment or Management)? It seems odd to me not to mention it in that section.

Another behavior characteristic possibly worth mentioning is that in moderate/advanced stages, Alzheimer's patients often can't tell the difference between hot and cold. That also means they may scold themselves with hot water. --Aude (talk) 18:04, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Reply

Resolved comments from Maralia (talk) 22:06, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Maralia - I hesitate to copyedit a medical article without an invitation, so I have made only very basic changes to the article today, mostly to fix punctuation errors. Following is a list of other issues:

  • "The most commonly recognised early symptom is memory loss, such as the difficulty to remember recently learned facts" - 'the difficulty to remember' is improper; 'difficulty remembering' would do.
  • "All these symptoms create stress for relatives and caretakers, increasing the likelihood of moving the patient from home care to other long-term care facilities." - Do these sources actually say that the symptoms/the resultant stress increase the likelihood of moving the patient? This seems poorly worded.
  • "At least one disruptive behavior is present in most patients, some can be indicative of cognitive and functional decline." - These two phrases are only loosely related; a comma doesn't work here.
  • The images in #Causes and #Prevention should be right aligned (no left-aligned images directly under level-2 section headers, as it dissociates the text from the section header).
  • "The SPECT and PET neuroimaging are being used to diagnose Alzheimer's as they have similar ability to diagnose Alzheimer's disease as methods involving mental status examination." - Redundant phrasing, and strange tense.
  • "Contradictory results in global studies, incapacity to prove causal relationships between risk factors and the disease, and possible secondary effects indicate a lack of specific measures to prevent or delay the onset of AD." - What? This doesn't parse.
  • "The aim of cognition-oriented treatments, which include reality orientation and cognitive retraining, is the restoration of cognitive deficits." - 'restoration of cognitive deficits' is...not what is intended here, methinks.
  • "Nevertheless, as important as these effects are, the main support for the use of stimulation therapies is the improvement in the patient daily life routine they suppose." - 'they suppose' is hard to understand in this context.
  • "At this time, the patient will progress from mild cognitive problems, such as memory loss, but still able to live independently, through increasing stages of cognitive and non-cognitive disturbances, eliminating any possibility of independent living." - 'but still able to live independently' doesn't work in this sentence.
  • "In the age group between 65–74," - Awkward to use both the word between and a range hyphen.
  • "In 2005, the World Health Organization estimated that approximately 24.5 million people worldwide have a form of dementia, and that this would increase to 30 million in 2015 and reach 45 million by 2030, giving other studies similar numbers." - What is 'giving other studies similar numbers'?
  • "However it still seems lower to institutionalization." - Meaning is entirely unclear; does this mean it seems lower than institutionalization, or it seems lower to institutionalize?
  • "Caregiving can also have some positive effects in main carers." - What kind of effects? and wouldn't it be effects on main carers?
  • "It is unknown as to whether any of these trials will ultimately prove successful in treating the disease." - What does this statement of 'we can't see the future' add to the article?
  • "In 2008, researchers announced positive results in modifying the course of disease in mild to moderate AD with methylthioninium chloride (MTC), (trade name rember) a drug that inhibits Tau aggregation, and dimebon, an antihistamine." - Several issues. Why introduce the abbrev MTC? The two parentheticals are awkward. The comma should come just before 'a drug'. Tau is not capitalized elsewhere in the article.
    • I tweaked the comma placement on this. Could we clarify that these are two separate studies? On first reading, I interpreted this as a single study involving two drugs in combination. Maralia (talk) 01:26, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • I modified the sentence by simply adding a both. Is it better understood?: In 2008, researchers announced positive results in modifying the course of disease in mild to moderate AD both with methylthioninium chloride (trade name rember), a drug that inhibits tau aggregation,[11][12] and dimebon, an antihistamine.[13]--Garrondo (talk) 07:39, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        • Finally the sentence is: In 2008, two separate clinical trials showed positive results in modifying the course of disease in mild to moderate AD with methylthioninium chloride (trade name rember), a drug that inhibits tau aggregation, and dimebon, an antihistamine.--Garrondo (talk) 10:42, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • My understanding from WP:Manual of Style (abbreviations) is that we abbreviate et alii to et al. (with the full stop).
  • In the Pathophysiology section, why is one subsection name an adjective (Genetic) when the rest are all nouns (Neuropathology, Biochemical characteristics, Disease mechanism)?

Thanks for a really fascinating article. Maralia (talk) 22:19, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • I'm going to answer your questions in reverse order as needed. Genetic is also a noun. Maybe "Genetics" might be better. I'll change. OrangeMarlin Talk• Contributions 22:56, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Fixed all of the comments. I think it cleaned up well. As for et al, the Diberri tool for generating citations doesn't give me the period. I'm not sure I'd want to spend time fixing every citation, especially since the tool continues the error. OrangeMarlin Talk• Contributions 23:59, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • Every time MoS has a whim to change, Diberri has to adapt <sigh> ... probably MoS will change back before he adjusts (I remember the last time we had the discussion at MoS about that period), so I wouldn't worry about it. Adjusting every bio/med featured article that has citations generated by Diberri would be quite a bot chore. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 00:38, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        • Most everything looks good. I left one further note above. Understood about et al./Diberri; let's just make them consistent, then (the 2nd to last ref has the only et al.). One issue I forgot to mention last time: 'specially'. This word has a much narrower usage in American English; we would say 'specially made' or 'specially designed', but "women having a higher risk of developing AD specially in the population older than 85" is laughably informal to an American. Would you consider 'particularly' instead? Maralia (talk) 01:26, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support My concerns have been addressed - well done! Maralia (talk) 22:06, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support, having gone trough the article a few times, I could really understand this terrible disease, something i couldn't ever before, not even with my college's books. Cheers for a well writen, really claryfing and complete article! --MakE shout! 23:57, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support. Well done to those who have worked hard on fixing the sourcing issues and polishing the prose. I think this meets the criteria and is the sort of medical article on WP I'd be happy to direct someone towards. I have one criticism: the Pathophysiology and Pharmaceutical sections are on the borderline of being too technically detailed (and the former has a daughter article to satisfy those who want such detail). This is a long article, so expanding it with more explanations for the general reader may tip things too far. It may be worth looking at lay-friendly literature that NINDS and charitable organisations produce to get ideas of how to explain the concepts in a simple way, and (more importantly) identify which points are the vital ones to get across. Colin°Talk 17:35, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    From delldot talk: a few comments for now, more to follow:
    Lead and general

    Done: Simply converted to two separate sentences.--Garrondo (talk) 08:10, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    From my point of view in such a long and complicated article it is better to overlink than infralink. It is better to link the same word in different sections since doubtly anbybody will read it from beginning to end. Regarding physician or diagnosis: they are common words, but may have a slightly different meaning in daily speech than in a medical article so it may be useful to link them. At the same time many non-english people might read this article and might find helpful those links (to an spanish speaking person the word phisician would lead him to think about physics and not medicine as we always use the word doctor).--Garrondo (talk) 08:07, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    See above.--Garrondo (talk) 08:07, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • >50 uses of the word patient. Even if you're not concerned about the MEDMOS thing about writing for professionals, that's a little repetitive. There are some cases where it's used three times in two sentences. delldot talk 05:48, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I have tried to reduce the number of times it appears.--Garrondo (talk) 07:41, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Early dementia

    • It's not clear why we need an image of the Reagan letter. Is there something about the writing there that indicates or is characteristic of AD? If so, could it be pointed out better? delldot talk 05:48, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Finally eliminated: I'm sure there are signs of AD (for example the fact that every line goes bit more to the right, but I have not been able to find any references for it, so it would be OR).--Garrondo (talk) 07:41, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • may need assistance or supervision with the most complicated activities - the most seems a little over the top. Are these things measured objectively, or could you just say more? delldot talk 05:48, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I have changed it for "cognitive demanding activities" which is the non technical way of saying activities with a high memory and executive functions demands. --Garrondo (talk) 07:41, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I changed it to "cognitively demanding activities". delldot talk 21:11, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Moderate dementia

    • I think the sentence about violence and the one about disruptive behavior should be moved next to each other for flow. Alternately you might be able to remove the parts of the list in the disruptive behavior sentence and cover them in the other one. delldot talk 05:48, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Done:Rewritten to combine both sentences.--Garrondo (talk) 07:58, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Advanced dementia

    • There's a switch to and from the future tense here. I'd remove all the future tense to reduce wordiness and keep it consistent. delldot talk 05:48, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Macroscopically, Alzheimer's disease is characterised by loss of neurons and synapses in the cerebral cortex and certain subcortical regions. - This sentence is a little weird because neurons and synapses are microscopic. Maybe tissue? delldot talk 05:48, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Simply eliminated. Did not add anything.--Garrondo (talk) 07:41, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Great work so far, more to follow from me no doubt. delldot talk 05:48, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    More comments from delldot talk:
    Biochemistry

    • As I mentioned in an edit summary, 'or' is not great for synonyms because it's ambiguous. One example of a sentence in which this creates confusion is One of these fragments is beta-amyloid, or amyloid fibrils, which form clumps that deposit outside neurons in dense formations known as senile plaques. Is this a synonym? 'Fibrils' is linked further down, not at first mention. delldot talk 22:29, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Eliminated every "or" for synonyms. --Garrondo (talk) 07:19, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Disease mechanism

    Simplified the paragraph eliminated redundancies.--Garrondo (talk) 07:32, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Done.--Garrondo (talk) 07:32, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Genetics

    • It would be better if you could find a review (or reviews) to cover this whole sentence: These mutations have been discovered in three different genes: amyloid precursor protein or APP,[64] and presenilins 1[65] and 2.[66] I believe there's a general consensus among WP:MED participants that secondary sources are better than primary. And if you're citing primary sources, how do you know it's just three? As an added bonus, you get rid of the distracting mid-sentence ref clutter. delldot talk 22:29, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Done.--Garrondo (talk) 07:37, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Done. --Garrondo (talk) 07:37, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Done. --Garrondo (talk) 07:37, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Causes

    Done.--Garrondo (talk) 07:43, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • I think you could transition better into the third paragraph about the tao hypothesis. It currently reads, Research has focused on tau protein abnormalities that initiate the disease cascade.[74] The tau hypothesis is supported by the longstanding observation that deposition of amyloid plaques does not correlate well with neuron loss. The last sentence of the second paragraph discusses amyloid plaques not correlating, so you could start out the third, deposition of amyloid plaques does not correlate well with neuron loss; this long-standing observation supports the tau hypothesis, the idea that tau protein abnormalities initiate the disease cascade. As an added benefit, you get rid of the awkward passive voice and introduce the name of the hypothesis in the lead sentence, in keeping with the earlier para. But is it accurate to cast this as the definition of the tao hypothesis? If not, can you provide the definition? delldot talk 22:29, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Sounds perfect. Done. --Garrondo (talk) 07:50, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Eliminated. Feel free to eliminate any other you find or comment here.--Garrondo (talk) 07:43, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • It seems to me that the fourth para would be better broken up and integrated into earlier sections that have already covered the material--namely, the amyloid hypothesis and APOE para under Genetics. delldot talk 22:29, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I have simplified the par and combined it with the second par of causes, since they are reasons why the amyloid hipothesis is interesting.--Garrondo (talk) 08:03, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Frankly, neither do I.--Garrondo (talk) 07:43, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    More to follow. delldot talk 22:29, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 21:55, 25 August 2008 [30].

    White-breasted Nuthatch

    Nominator(s): jimfbleak (talk)


    I'm nominating this article for featured article because I believe it now meets FAC standards. A fairly short one this time, and written in American, so feel free to correct any BE that may have crept in jimfbleak (talk) 05:53, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments - sources look good, all links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 14:15, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thank you jimfbleak (talk) 15:26, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    :: in mature woodland.. - I was wondering if this was the most familiar adjective worldwide 'old-growth'? Note that I am not objecting but more ruminating.

    ::This is a stocky bird.. - I think 'It' goes better here than 'This'. but I see the problem in the next sentence too. In that case, try "The upperparts are pale blue-gray, and the face and underparts white." then, "It has a balck cap" and add some other attribute like eye colour or something.

    ::I suspect 'clinal' can be easily explained as 'gradual' without losing meaning. I was just reading about trynig to expalin terms without using bluelinks on some MOS somewhere.

    ::Did you link the Great Basin somewhere, if not then it should

    It usually roosts singly.. - 'alone' or 'by itself'?

    These are all just nitpicky really, so easy support once either addressed or explained why not a good idea. Cheers, Casliber (talk · contribs) 00:05, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    All done as per your suggestions. I'm not sure about "mature", but "old-growth" should be completely unambiguous. Great Basin was already linked on its first occurrence - you're reading up on MoS - that's worrying! (: thanks jimfbleak (talk) 05:31, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks, jimfbleak (talk) 06:32, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comments from someone who knows nothing about birds at all. :) —This is part of a comment by Juliancolton (of 19:58, 15 August 2008 (UTC)), which was interrupted by the following: [reply]
    • The male's mating song is a rapid nasal qui-qui-qui-qui-qui-qui-qui. What does "nasal" mean in this context?
    It sounds like the bird is singing through its nose, if it had one! I really don't know how to deal with this, a gloss would be clumsy, and a link would refer to human sounds. I could take nasal out? Jim
    What about something like this? –Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 12:22, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Fine with me. Jim
    • These groups cover: eastern North America; the Great Basin and central Mexico; and the Pacific coastal regions. Reads poorly. Change to "These groups cover eastern North America, the Great Basin and central Mexico, and the Pacific coastal regions."
    Done - ironically, my original wording for this sentence. Jim
    • Are there any sources for the subspecies chart thingy?
    Done, added link to top of first column Jim
    • In the east of its range, it is primarily a bird of mature open deciduous or mixed forest, including orchards, parks, suburban gardens and cemeteries, and is found mainly in the lowlands, although it reaches 1,675 m (5,500 ft) in Tennessee. I read this several times, and I still don't fully understand. Are you sure "a bird of mature..." is the correct wording?
    done, replaced mature with old-growth, rephrased as ...cemeteries; in this region it is found mainly in the lowlands, although breeding occurs at 1,675 m (5,500 ft) altitude in Tennessee. Jim
    Slightly better, but I still think "bird" is meant to be "habitat", or something similar? –Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 12:22, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Ah, I hadn't registered what the problem was, now reads In the east of its range, its preferred habitat is old-growth open deciduous or mixed forest, including orchards, parks, suburban gardens and cemeteries; it is found mainly in the lowlands, although it breeds at 1,675 m (5,500 ft) altitude in Tennessee. Jim
    • The White-breasted Nuthatch is the only North American nuthatch usually found in deciduous trees; Red-breasted, Pygmy and Brown-headed Nuthatches all prefer pines. "All" is redundant.
    Done. Jim
    • One bird landed on the RMS Queen Mary six hours sailing east of New York in October 1963. Is it really that noteworthy for a bird to land upon a ship?
    Not in general, but this species is not migratory, and the other vagrancy listed is not that much outside its normal range, so it is very unusual so far from home. I'll take it out if you think it is trivial. Jim
    As long as it's of note, I'm fine with having it stay. –Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 12:22, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • The removal of dead trees from forests may cause some problems locally for this species because it requires cavity sites for nesting; declines have been noted in Washington, Florida, and more widely in the southeastern US west to Texas. "Some" is redundant. Also, "US" → "U.S." (I think).
    Done - I knew trying to write in American would trip me up somewhere!
    Good. There's one more farther up the article, as well. –Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 12:22, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Fixed that, checked no more, Jim

    Otherwise another great article from you bird folks. –Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 19:58, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thanks for reviewing and kind words, and let me know if you have any further thoughts on nasal or the ship. jimfbleak (talk) 05:42, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    nasal note is fine with me, redone the habitat bit as above, fixed the other US and checked there are no more. jimfbleak (talk) 14:46, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Looks good. –Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 14:49, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks, Julian jimfbleak (talk) 18:48, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Support Comments for now:

    • In the Intro a powerful bill and feet - sounds awkward; I prefer the phrase in the body of the article.
    • done - Jim
    • I have gotten used to specific epithet meaning the name of the species but will lay readers understand this?
    • , removed as unnecessary anyway - Jim
    • I'm no prude but I don't like the expression sexed, could we have distinguished from the males or something similar?
    • done - Jim
    • This:- Nasal refers to the fact that the mating song sounds as if the male sings through its nose, suffers from a little redundancy and I see there is an orphaned Note that says the same thing.
    • removed - Jim
    • Non-migratory is linked at its second occurrence, (but I question whether linking is needed at all).
    • link changed - i prefer to keep the link to the major article on bird migration - Jim
    • I noticed an archaic whilst.
    • fixed - Jim
    • This is a snake that needs chopping up: A study compared the White-breasted Nuthatch with the Red-breasted Nuthatch in terms of the willingness of males of the two species to feed incubating females on the nest when presented with models of a Sharp-shinned Hawk, which hunts adult nuthatches, or a House Wren, which destroys eggs. - It also needs a citation.
    • split into two sentences and trimmed a bit for easier reading - Jim

    I enjoyed this article, which is engaging and, on the whole, beautifully written. Graham Colm Talk 16:12, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thanks Graham, I'll deal with comments tomorrow. jimfbleak (talk) 18:48, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Actually pretty straightforward, all done jimfbleak (talk) 19:06, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Support

    • Should you explain what upperparts and underparts are? I bird so I know what they are, but I'm not sure everyone would...
    It's not been queried in more than a dozen bird FAs, so I'm inclined to leave as is - jim
    • Lead, second paragraph "Seeds form a substantial part of its winter diet, as do acorns and hickory nuts that were stored in the fall." I'm assuming that the bird stores the nuts? Might make this clear, the way its worded leaves it a bit unclear.
    done -jim
    • Do we really need to wikilink hawks, owls, snakes, English, North America, Canada, New York, squirrels, insects, ants, Mexico?
    delinked - Jim
    • Contact call is what?
    clarified - jim
    • Okay, for a North American species that mainly in the US, is there a reason that the dimension are given in international units first? (If it's an MOS thing, that's fine. My occasions to use measurements with my bishops are pretty slim!)
    It's a scientific article, so international units come first (chem and physics don't give imperial at all) - Jim
    • For the non birders, explain what a cap is?
    glossed - Jim
    • I think you need a "the" in front of Red-breasted Nuthatch in the Description section, fifth paragraph. You have one in front of the other species.
    done - Jim
    • explain geographically gradual (in Geographical variation subsection, first paragraph)
    done - Jim
    • I think "In the eastern part of its range..." would be a better phrasing for the second sentence of the first paragraph of the Distribution and habitat section. Personal preference though, won't oppose if you don't change it.
    done - Jim
    • Suggest moving some of the pictures to the left hand side to stagger them a bit.
    Not feasible without breaching MOS for images or moving images to wrong sections - Jim
    • Suggest "The eggs are incubated by the female for 13 to 14 days prior to hatching..." for prose flow concerns. Again, though, this is a stylistic preference and won't oppose if you don't change. (Breeding subsection)
    done - Jim
    • Last sentence of second paragraph of Breeding, "This nuthatch.." is a jarring start, perhaps "This species of nuthatch ... " or "The White-breasted nuthatch..." for better flow.
    done - Jim
    • Give a couple of diurnal birds of prey examples so folks have some idea without having to click through to another article.
    done Sharp-shinned and Cooper's - Jim
    Real nice article. I'm comfortable supporting even with the nitpicky details listed above. Ealdgyth - Talk 16:13, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Many thanks, I'll explain the mos image issues that make moving images problematic in more detail if needed. jimfbleak (talk) 17:08, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 21:55, 25 August 2008 [31].

    Congregation Baith Israel Anshei Emes

    Nominator(s): Jayjg (talk)


    The article is a copiously referenced and complete description of a 152 year old Brooklyn congregation. I'm not aware of any FAs for similar kinds of organizations. Jayjg (talk) 03:05, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • opposed. The prose isn't what one would call engaging or brilliant, as the FA states. While it is fairly well written, I dont feel that its up to FA standard. Some sentences are difficult to understand and can easily be reworded. A quick example of such was found in the lead:

    "The famous composer Aaron Copland celebrated his Bar mitzvah there in 1913,[13] and long-time Goldman Sachs head Sidney Weinberg was married there in 1920.[14][15]"

    I think it is more engaging to say that the Synagogue was host (or simply just hosted) the bar mitzvah of famous composer Aaron Copland, as well as bearing use for the wedding of Sidney Weinberg in 1920.

    Of course thats just for a quick start, I'm sure much better can be done to improve this article's prose. As said, some sentences are difficult to read and completely understand. I would recommend you request a copy edit or peer review (if you havent already).

    And something about that lead...doesnt tickle my fancy. The image squashes a lot of the lead text together while the lead is difficult to completely understand once again.

    And if this doesnt apply to you, ignore the following statement but looking at the lead and the rest of the article, it seems unlikely that you followed the criteria in regards to a lead section. Ensure that the lead summarizes everything in the article and prepares the reader for further reading. Judging by what I read, the lead and some other sections are not engaging. Domiy (talk) 03:57, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • Thank you for your comments. I'm not sure I could agree that "as well as bearing use for the wedding of Sidney Weinberg in 1920" is better and more clear prose than "and long-time Goldman Sachs head Sidney Weinberg was married there in 1920"; the former seems less informative, and grammatically unclear and awkward - it's not even idiomatic English, as far as I can tell. I'd be interested in what others think. Regarding the lede itself, is there anything specific in the article that you think it doesn't summarize but should? I'm open to suggestions. Jayjg (talk) 07:06, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comments - "Promotion of women" seems inappropriate title, as the section is broader in scope than just women being given offices in the synagogue hierarchy. Also, inconsistencies in transliterated terms: I noticed hazzan, chazan and hazan. And sometimes with and sometimes without italicisation. --Dweller (talk) 13:44, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • Thank you for your helpful input. You're quite right about the title, it didn't describe the section contents well. I've changed it to "Increasing involvement of women"; what do you think? Regarding hazzan/chazan/hazan/, you're right, but I'm not sure how to get around it. The Wikipedia article is called hazzan, so that's what I've used in this article too. Because it's an unfamiliar non-English word, I've also italicized it. However, in two places the article quotes sources, and each of those sources spells the word differently (one "chazan", one "hazan"), and neither italicizes it. I didn't feel I could change text in a direct quote. Do you see a way to deal with this issue? Jayjg (talk) 00:04, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Title is better, yes. I'm no expert, but I believe that hazan/hazzan is more normally used in Sephardi texts, with Ashkenazi preferring chazan. As this is an Ashkenazi synagogue, I think, chazan would seem more appropriate, but I have two suggestions: 1) Go with whatever the synagogue itself uses, with "sic" comments if RS use another spelling 2) If the synagogue's website etc doesn't resolve the matter, drop a line at WP:RD/L. --Dweller (talk) 09:50, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I've replaced the term hazzan with the English word "cantor", which should solve most of the problems and make for a more uniform terminology and italicization. I haven't actually modified the terms in direct quotes, but they're a minority, and it's clear from the context that they're direct quotes. Jayjg (talk) 01:16, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I've also included the word "cantor" in square brackets beside the two quoted uses of the term "Hazan/Chazan", which should make it very clear now. Jayjg (talk) 03:49, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments

    • Per the MOS, all capitals shouldn't be used, even when the titles of web pages are in all capitals.
    • Link checker tool is showing a LOT of dead links, all from kanestreet.com. Probably would be good to double check them. (I didn't because I'm on the road on a less than ideal connection).
    Otherwise sources look okay, links checked with the link checker tool. Note I'm on the road the rest of this week, so replies may be delayed somewhat. Ealdgyth - Talk 00:17, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks for your comments. Regarding your first point, I hadn't realized that: these were newspaper article titles, so I just copied them exactly. I've now modified them to be in mixed case. Regarding your second point, the synagogue's website appears to be down today. I'm sure the links will work again once the website comes back up. Jayjg (talk) 01:16, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Just my luck! I've been working on this article for over two years, and the week I decide to finally put it up for FA status is the week Baith Israel decides to re-vamp its website. As of today, the website still has a bunch of broken links, which is why some of the links in the article don't work. I'll fix the ones I can fix, and keep a close eye on the website; as soon as the site is fixed, I'll update the article. Jayjg (talk) 01:53, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Gone ahead and struck both, the caps thing is just one of those picky little pesky details that sometimes trips you up. I went ahead and struck on the website, since it sounds like you'll keep an eye on things. Ealdgyth - Talk 13:18, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments

    Well-written and impeccably sourced. Some really excellent free photos too. I really don't understand the concerns about the prose expressed above; I can't find any major problems in the prose.

    The article is organized as if it were History of Congregation Baith Israel, but the article is about the synagogue itself. Should material on the architecture or layout be organized together? Should the women's issues material be its own section? Or material on the current relationship between Baith Israel and other congregations? Compare Cathedral of Magdeburg and IG Farben Building, FAs on other buildings. They have long history sections, but the have non-history sections as well. – Quadell (talk) 20:40, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thank you for your kind words. Regarding the article organization, that's a good point, and I'm glad you raised it. This is actually an article about the congregation, not the specific synagogue building they are in now - that's why it's called Congregation Baith Israel Anshei Emes, not Kane Street Synagogue, and why it lists the whole history of the organization back to 1855, rather than starting in 1905, when it purchased its current buildings. That's also why it doesn't discuss the previous tenants of its current buildings. Of course, buildings are an important part of synagogue history, which is why the article does discuss Baith Israel's various buildings, but a congregation is much more than just a building. Compare, for example, recent Good Articles I've written on similar topics (e.g. Beth Hamedrash Hagadol, Temple Sinai (Oakland)) which were classified under "Religious organizations" rather than "Architecture". Jayjg (talk) 01:53, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support I said on another page recently that I think Jayjg's synagogue articles are very good, and how impressed I am with them. I think this one meets the FA criteria and that some of the others are very close. What a long way from AfD to FAC which this article has gone, but I think it is ready to be a featured article. dvdrw 00:42, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support: Well-sourced, well-structured and well-written article with exquisite illustrations. (Makes me (and probably others too) tempted to translate it into other languages to improve the quality of other language versions of Wikipedia...!) -- Olve Utne (talk) 23:30, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • Those pictures are amazing, aren't they? I can't really take any credit though; I really wanted Hank to take them, because I'd seen the quality of his work, and he exceeded my expectations. Jayjg (talk) 01:44, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comment. I've just read it through once now; there are various ways in which I'd tweak the prose but then I write differently. For the moment I limit myself to the section "Building renovations, attempts at amalgamation, traditionalism." The second paragraph states that "In April 1883, Baith Israel, Beth Elohim, and Temple Israel, Brooklyn's three leading synagogues, attempted an amalgamation." Unless this is a term of art I think it's clunky, and my impression from the preceding sections is that both Beth Elohim and Temple Israel split from Baith Israel. I think it would be worth re-iterating the shared institutional heritage (if I have it right). Mackensen (talk) 01:00, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Note; I'm getting almost 40 dead sources with the external links checker; no sources check or image check, can someone check the source links pls ? SandyGeorgia (Talk) 02:20, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Source check above. The links are all to the same website, the site of the congregation itself. It seems to be the site is being reorganized, and should be back up shortly. Ealdgyth - Talk 03:04, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Ack, sorry, Ealdgyth; I scanned for your cap and didn't see it. So the links have been dead for five days? SandyGeorgia (Talk) 05:39, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The way I understand, it's more that the website's being rearranged, and the authors are waiting for things to calm down before reworking all those links. Would suck to redo them then have everything change again and have to redo them again. They sound like they are on top of things, and now that you know, you can keep an eye on things. If they don't come back in the next week, then something else will have to be done, I'd think, but I'm willling to give it a bit of time. Ealdgyth - Talk 09:43, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I've gotten in touch with the synagogue staff, hoping to hear back soon. In the meanwhile I've also re-done the citations and references in a way that should cut the dead link problem in half for now, and make it easier to clean up once the website is fully functional again. Jayjg (talk) 01:44, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Jayjg, any news on the website as the weekend approaches? I'm still getting 13 deadlinks. Were any of those published in hardprint or do they represent web-exclusive content? If they were published off the 'net and others can access them by other means, and if you have access to those sources off the net, the weblinks could be considered as courtesy links only, meaning WP:V could be satisfied without them. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 21:57, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I've e-mailed four people associated with the synagogue now, and am hoping to hear back from at least one of them soon, but it might have to wait until after the weekend. Jayjg (talk) 01:37, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    O.K., I've been in touch with the synagogue president, and he has said that the web-master will fix this ASAP. In the interim, I've fixed all the links, sourcing them to the Internet Archive or Google or Yahoo caches. It should be possible to check them all for accuracy now, until the website is fixed. Jayjg (talk) 23:47, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The only thing I'd caution other reviewers about is to watch that the synagogue site is only used for non-controversial claims. Also, the link checker tool is showing a couple of "media type htm/html is wrong for .xml files" errors. Not sure if .xml needs to be specified in the format of the refs or not. I'll leave that to the MOS mavens. Ealdgyth - Talk 14:10, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Good point regarding controversial claims. Of the 60 sources I used for the article, 5 are from the historical journal produced by the synagogue, and another 2 are from the website. I've tried to ensure that they're not used to back any controversial claims, but I welcome the views of others. Regarding the checker tool complaint, I noticed that too, but I'm not sure what has to be done to fix it, so I'm hopeful someone else does. Jayjg (talk) 03:51, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I worked on the trivial MoS fixes, but spacing and non-breaking spacess on the ellipses and punctuation on logical quotation need attention, and I'm not good at either of those. I recommend asking User:Epbr123 to run through and catch those two issues. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 06:12, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks for your improvements and suggestions, Sandy; I've asked User:Epbr123 for help. Jayjg (talk) 01:44, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support per Olve Utne, dvdrw and Quadell (with Jay's clarification.) Well-written, well-sourced (but let's hope that web site comes back up soon!) and meets the FA criteria. 6SJ7 (talk) 04:03, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support per above. Briangotts (Talk) (Contrib) 13:44, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Excellent, excellent work. I haven't seen it for a while, the last time was when I was thinking of starting an article on Israel Goldfarb and discovered that most of the most useful information was already in this. But the pictures are excellent, the coverage comprehensive, and the style absorbing. Two small quibbles: the last sentence bothers me, somewhat, in that it repeats the crucial peg of the lead; and I really don't like the double negative "not uncontroversial" for the decision that led to the 1980s split. Naturally, other than that, I enthusiastically support. May I particularly compliment the excellent wikilinking, an underrated art. --Relata refero (disp.) 21:46, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support, with suggestions:
    • I enjoyed reading the article, and made a few minor changes. I have a few suggestions:
    • Try upright tags on the images. I'm not a fan of infoboxes, and the large image in the infobox at the top overwhelms the lead. I wouldn't oppose based on that, but the article aesthetics could be better.
    • I'm woefully unaware of the details of the runnings of a synagogue. Therefore, some terms need clarification for the ignorant such as me to avoid WP:Jargon: what does tradition require of a cantor (because I'm thinking, if the guy can read the Torah how does that disqualify him to read the Torah?), you explained what good Talmud Torahs performed, but what are they?, gelila?, minyan?, blow the shofar, and whether daughters of kohanim could give the priestly blessing. (please don't make the gentiles cry because we have no idea what that means).
    • Can the last sentence be adjoined to the paragraph above it? --Moni3 (talk) 18:08, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks for your comments, and your improvements to the article. Regarding the unfamiliar jargon, I had provided links to the relevant Wikipedia articles or sections on them, but I've now also provided brief explanations in the article for the terms you have mentioned. Regarding the last sentence, it is really a different thought than the previous paragraph, so I'm reluctant to join them, though I'd appreciate the views of others. Regarding the images, I've tried adding upright tags, I wasn't aware of their existence before, thank you. Regarding the infobox, I actually like the way it now balances the lede and TOC, but maybe that's just on my screen - I'd also appreciate the comments of others on that. Jayjg (talk) 03:51, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 21:55, 25 August 2008 [32].

    History of Bradford City A.F.C.

    Nominator(s): Peanut4 (talk)


    I'm nominating this article for featured article because I've written this article up from scratch, had it pass GAN and taken it through two peer reviews. Now, I think it's ready to list at FAC, and ready to address any of your comments and questions. Peanut4 (talk) 23:03, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments - Another FAC that would give me even more to keep track of? Why not? Here goes...

    • Why do all of the season pages use hyphens instead of en dashes? The formatting is correct on all of these, but I just found that odd. Doesn't really affect the article, though.
    • Early successes (1903–1919): "and first home game six days later" Was should be placed before six.
    • "with his last game as player coming the following month" Last game as a player.
    • "but he missed the final four games of the run because of club suspension." Could be "a club suspension", but I'm not sure.
    • Burnley linked twice in section. Also, I'd like a link for clean sheet because this could be considered jargon.
    • "City players who died" I'd rather this say Bradford City, because the last City mentioned is Leeds City.
    • Inter-war years (1919–1946): Some awkward wording here: "It was a position replicated the following year, before in 1921–22 City lost their place in Division One after ten campaigns,." Perhaps try "It was a position replicated the following year, before the 1921–22 season, when City lost their place in Division One after 10 campaigns." If this is used, break up the part after this.
    • "and the average attendance of 18,551 is still the highest official average recorded by the club." It says earlier that their highest average attendance was over 22,000 in 1920–21. What's going on?
    • Lower divisions (1946–1981): Manchester United was linked a couple sections ago.
    • "City had had three managers" Don't like the redundancy. Is "went through" formal enough?
    • Watch for phrases like "who had fired City into Division Three."
    • "before they were knocked out in the quarter-finals to eventual winners Southampton 1–0." I think it would be better as "by eventual winners..."

    I'll come back at some point, but forgive me if it takes some time, as I'm swamped right now. For the most part it looks pretty good, but some improvements are still possible. Giants2008 (17-14) 02:17, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

      • I think I've done everything above. I thought I had added a note about the average attendance, then realised I had on the Valley Parade page. Anyway, I've added it in here too-basically the 1921 figure is unofficial figures, and 1929 the highest average once official records were kept. Peanut4 (talk) 20:40, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Only a handful more comments from me after looking at the rest.
    • Bantam progressivism (1981-1990): "In May 1981, City appointed former England international defender Roy McFarland as new manager." Should probably add its or their before new.
    • "But the success was overshadowed..." Usually however starts such a sentence instead of but.
    • Richmond era and administration (1990 onwards): "to be replaced by former player and his assistant Chris Kamara." A bit jumbled. I suggest "to be replaced to his assistant, former player Chris Kamara."
    • Excess links: Leeds United and Middlesbrough were linked in the previous section, and country links such as Italian are falling out of favor here.
    • How about moving the part on Marsh's shave to after City avoids relegation? It would fit better there. Note that I don't mean the prediction, just the shave. Giants2008 (17-14) 00:14, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • I'd just added the last bit about Marsh following the peer review, and was unsure where to put it at the time. I've moved it upon your very good suggestion. Hopefully done everything else too. Peanut4 (talk) 00:40, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support - Nice team history article. One more thing before I go: Check the photo captions. Full-sentence captions need periods, while short captions like in the lead picture don't. At least that's how I understand the guideline. Giants2008 (17-14) 21:37, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Thanks for the support and particularly all the constructive comments. I've added full stops to two captions. I think it's to do with full sentences / sentence fragments rather than length of captions. Peanut4 (talk) 21:42, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comment - good job. A minor comment on the "Dewhirst, John" references - one use gives "chapter one" while another gives "Ch. 2" these need to be consistent. Also the formatting of the ISBN number should be the same for all uses. Keith D (talk) 10:30, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I've addressed the former point. I've just copied the ISBN numbers from the books themselves. Is there a preferred format for the numbers? Peanut4 (talk) 20:44, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Not sure if there is a specific preferred format, just that the same ISBN had dashes in one occurrence and spaces in another. Keith D (talk) 21:35, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments - sources look good, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 22:35, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Support. Excellent work. I can see no issues other than very minor things it would be quicker to fix myself. Oldelpaso (talk) 21:54, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments
    • "But following his ..." - not keen on sentences starting with But...
    • Still a few wikilinked dates whihc may not be entirely necessary (e.g. "January 30, 1903")
    • "with his last game as a player coming " 2x player in that sentence reads a little clunkily to me.
    • "another six victories with five goals or more" this is unclear - did Bradford score 5 or more goals or were a total of five or more goals scored by both teams but Bradford still winning?
    • "fourth round second replay " possibly unclear to non-experts.
    • "new look " probably needs a hyphen.
    • struggled to cope with the death of his son two years earlier,[26] Bradford continued to struggle " - struggle x 2 reads poorly.
    • "of a world war" just "of war" would read better in my opnion.
    • "day[17][36]—" not sure of the placement of these references.

    That's halfway, I'll return soon. The Rambling Man (talk) 17:02, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • Thanks very much for your input. I've addressed all the above points. However, I've kept the position of that ref as per WP:REFPUNC, although I'm still unsure if I'm right. Hopefully I've caught all the dates - do I need to unlink the dates in references too? Peanut4 (talk) 20:37, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    No image check. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 20:50, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • Image issues:
      • Image:Grenville Hair.jpg - taken from a website with no mention of claimed licensed (GFDL); the image description page needs to indicate who owns the rights to this image, and provide proof that they released under the GFDL.
      • Image:Bradford City League Record.PNG - No source given for the data for this graph (and preferably, source data should be included in tabular form in the image description, although that's not strictly necessary). Although the record is presumably widely available, the image description page should still point to a reliable source for it.
      • Image:Pre-fire attendances.PNG - same thing: no indication where this data comes from.
    All the other images seem fine, copyright-wise.--ragesoss (talk) 21:33, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I've re-read the previous advice on the Image:Grenville Hair.jpg image and it doesn't appear to have the required licence so I've deleted it from the article. I've added the source of the info to the other two images, both at Commons and on the History of Bradford City A.F.C. page. Peanut4 (talk) 21:59, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Looks good.--ragesoss (talk) 03:19, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • Also on image checking, just noting that all non-free images are in accordance with NFCC's significance issues and used appropriately, no other problems. --MASEM 22:41, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments cont.

    • "but they went back to the top of the Division Four " - I missed the bit where they were at the top to start with? I guess it's implied from the winning run but it's not explicitly stated.
    • "City finished the season second and were promoted back to Division Three, five points behind Sheffield United" the five points behind is more relevant to finishing second than the promotion, slight rejig?
    • I think centre-back is usually hyphenated in English football. Maybe...
    • "own fortunes at Derby were unsuccessful " not sure whether fortunes have degrees of success. Just reads a little odd to me (but I have just woken up so forgive me).
    • " club's leading goalscorer" presumably this is all-time leading goalscorer?
    • "during its most turbulent time" this is a little POV in my opinion.
    • "The club finished his first season " odd wording. I know what you mean but it reads odd. Maybe, "In his first season as chairman...?"
    • "before he left for Luton Town in November 1995 to be replaced by " I think "1995 and was replaced by..." would scan a little better.
    • " became the club's third £1 million signing of the season because of a clause in the transfer deal" this is unclear. Presumably the promotion activated a promotion clause? Can you be a little bit more explicit?
    • Was the Intertoto cup the first European outing for the club? Worth emphasising.
    • "Marsh kept his earlier promise to shave his hair," interesting but should this really form part of the History of Bradford City AFC?
    • "bust-up " - not particularly encyclopedic?

    The Rambling Man (talk) 07:33, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • Thanks again for more comments. I think I've addressed them all now. I had put in the Marsh info following the peer review to finalise his previous mention. I've now removed it - do you think it's worth keeping the first bit? I'd put it in to show the pundits' view of the club's chances in the Premier League, and it was quite high-profile at the time. Peanut4 (talk) 13:30, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments a few picky bits, only got about halfway through the article so far, will be back if necessary.

    • Early successes section. The club faced having to apply for re-election perhaps a footnote to explain what that means.
    • 3rd para, specifically cite the FA Cup remaining their only major honour.
    • 4th para, would the opening sentence work better as Bradford's defence of the FA Cup was ended in the fourth round by Barnsley, ...
    • Inter-war years section. should "15th-place finish" and "fourth-round FA Cup exit" be hyphenated?
    • Lower divisions section. would "partially closed" be better than "half-closed", or turn it round to "eight years after part of the Midland Rd stand had been closed"?
    • Layne's goal total "remains a club record for a season to this day" maybe lose "to this day".
    • Would it be helpful to add a footnote to explain why moving the pitch enabled all four stands to be opened? or include a brief relevant quote from the book, if there is one, in the reference.
    • 2nd para, two "spell(s) in Division Three" a bit close together.
    • I know what you mean, but "partly because of more than 40 goals from the trio..." reads awkwardly.

    cheers, Struway2 (talk) 14:26, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Oppose—1a, 2a. I've copy-edited the lead to demonstrate the amount of work that is required throughout the article. As well as on the clause level, it's a pity that the lead is so dominated by relegation, promotion, relegation, promotion. I feel dizzy, and it's not very engaging. Perhaps just indicate that there have been a number of relegations, promotions and financial crises, but the Club has succeeded in blah blah. Too much boring detail that would be better in the body of the article (it surely is already there). Try to capture the readers more in the lead, so they won't give up early on. Tony (talk) 12:40, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I've made a brief edit to the lead, and will have a full think about it. While I understand there is a few mentions of promotion and relegation, it is the key to the English football leagues. However, I will try and re-phrase some of the lead. Peanut4 (talk) 17:19, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I've made a couple more amendments to the lead, to try and remove the repetition of promotion/relegation, etc. However it does focus on such events since that is how the success and failure of English league clubs is generally measured. I've also asked a couple of editors who are listed as copy-editors at WP:PRV to have a look. Is there anything specific you think needs changing, or is it a general makeover? Peanut4 (talk) 23:29, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I did mean a "general makeover". Spot-checks here:
    • "Less than two months after City stayed up, Jewell left to join Sheffield Wednesday, with his assistant Chris Hutchings replacing him as manager." The old noun plus -ing issue. See your very own answer here.
    • "first and third round victories" --> "first- and third-round victories". See MoS.

    But it's not too bad at all, overall. Tony (talk) 03:46, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • I'll take a full look later, but I've made those two changes above you suggest. I did think about the second of the two when I made some amendments per comments above. Otherwise I hope the lead needed more changes than the rest of the text - I did put in one of the peer reviews a request to address the lead. But above all, thanks for your comments and assistance. Peanut4 (talk) 08:21, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Support and comments just a few nitpicks

    • the club broke several club records club repeated, what records?
    • some paras very long, can any be sensibly split?
    • Having lost their manager O'Rourke in 1921, I'd put commas either side of the manager's name
    • A Save Bradford City Fund was... A "Save Bradford City Fund" was... perhaps? looks odd with no formatting
    A nice article, jimfbleak (talk) 06:25, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks for your support and suggestions. Much appreciated. Peanut4 (talk) 15:38, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 21:55, 25 August 2008 [33].

    Made in the Dark

    Nominator(s): Seraphim♥Whipp


    I'm nominating this article because, looking at a selection of other album FAs for structure and content, I believe this article is of good enough quality to become a featured article. Seraphim♥Whipp 21:14, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]


    Comments- A thorough copyedit is needed; here are examples of problem sentences that may need fixing:

    • "As Taylor and Goddard worked on some of the songs as a duo" as a duo --> together
    • "Al Doyle has stated that Hot Chip try not to be beholden to the original recordings when playing their music live." This seems clunky to me.
    • "Goddard considered varying styles and influences a key factor in the band's music is that it has always originated from different styles and various influences,[9] but also explained that creating music can be difficult because a member could introduce a different influence." I don't understand what the first phrase of the sentence is trying to say. Also, pick a tense and stick to it ("creating music can be difficult", "a member could introduce a different influence")
    • "The concept of the song "Wrestlers" originates from a text message sent from James Murphy of LCD Soundsystem." Take out sent, we know that the text message came from James Murphy.
    • In an interview with Pitchfork in October 2007, Taylor addressed the proportion of electronic elements by saying there would be just as much electronic stuff as live material; he said the band don't "do things by adding one thing and taking something else away", but rather "throw everything into the mix":-I don't think just in "just as much" is necessary; don't-->doesn't.
    • Also, per Wikiproject Album's external links guidelines, include links relating to the album only; sites that concern the artist belong on the artist's article.
    I'm still not satisfied with the external links; someone who more familiar with music websites should decide whether the remaining links belong on the article and find links that have to do with the album. Dabomb87 (talk) 14:09, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I've removed the MySpace one, and added a Last.fm one instead, which was used in Giggy's By the Way example. I've tweaked the Musicbrainz one so it points directly to its album page as used in another FA, Pinkerton (album). Seraphim♥Whipp 01:56, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I'll review more thoroughly tomorrow. Dabomb87 (talk) 00:39, 4 August 2008 (UTC) Never mind, Giggy said most everything I wanted to say. Meanwhile, I copyedited the Musical style section, which as far as prose is concerned, was the section that needed the most attention. Dabomb87 (talk) 14:09, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thank-you for your comments. I have fixed points 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6. With point 1, the band members, Taylor and Goddard, generally work as a duo, with the rest of the band participating in later stages. With point 3, the language got a bit confused in a copyedit so I've given it the tweak it needed. Seraphim♥Whipp 01:39, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    re. point 1: your explanation makes sense, but I think the proposed wording would say it better. —Giggy 10:45, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Changed :). Thanks for making some fixes Dabomb87. Seraphim♥Whipp 17:14, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • The lead definitely needs work; it focuses almost solely on sales/charts/single releases. Plenty of good stuff to copy off at WP:FA#Music; I like By the Way and Vol. 3: (The Subliminal Verses) as some (random) good examples.
    • "The band took a different approach in recording Made in the Dark to make it sound "not quite so homemade";[8] Hot Chip often uses bedrooms to record their music." - switch this around so you mention bedrooms before the quote.
    • That's... um... all the info there is on recording and production?
    • "saying there would be as much electronic stuff as live material" - try not to use words like stuff unless you're direct quoting...
    • The first sentence of Musical style goes for waaaaaay too long.
    • Not liking the short paragraphs in the Lyrics section... could you put them all together into a few that flow better....?
    • Be consistent with quotation marks/italics in Album title section.
    • Might also want to talk about cover art (if there's anything worth saying) in that section.

    And yeah, that's about it. —Giggy 10:45, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thanks for taking the time to review this. I've worked on points 2, 4, 5, 6 and 7. Point 3: Now that you've pointed it out, it does look very short in contrast! I'll see what more I can find on production, recording and I'll look for some stuff about the artwork. Finally, thanks for the fixes and for fixing those mis-spells! Spelling names weirdly is a terrible quirk of mine. Seraphim♥Whipp 17:14, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Just a little note, I am actively writing a new lead section off-wiki. I try so hard not to introduce OR, POV or weasel wording, that it really ends up stifling any flair or creativeness. But I'm working on it and hopefully you can expect to see a lead that is less clinical and stiff. Seraphim♥Whipp 01:13, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I've fixed point 1, worked on point 3 by adding more to production and recording (though I will still be adding more) and started a promotion section, (again, I'll give that a little more work). Seraphim♥Whipp 15:29, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Artwork section added. Seraphim♥Whipp 11:24, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Some more comments;

    • "During the week of its release it reached..." - does the week in which it charted really matter?
    • "which reached number 53 in the UK Singles Top 75" - I'd have that as "on" (not "in") as that's how I refer to charts... is it just me? (same for all other charts)
    • "One of the defining features of the album is the strong presence of romantic ballads; the album included more than any previous release." - the part after the semi colon can be scrapped; it's implied (to an extent at least) and doesn't really do much.
    • Pitchfork Media shouldn't have italics (check refs and article text... Ctrl+F is your friend).
    • "Rolling Stone described the title track ballad" - "title track ballad".... not a fan of the phrasing.
    • "feelings of love and happiness had contributed to the album's romantic feel" - can you use a word other than feel one of the times?
    • Rather than quote someone specific in the lead, could you go into critic opinions in more detail (eg. critics generally approved of the honing of skills on this album.... they disliked the ballads...). Don't worry, it's not OR as you're just backing up stuff you say in the critical reception section anyway.
    • My comment above was a suggestion that you merge the Album title and Artwork sections.
    • The infobox should note the singles released (I forget the syntax, but check the infobox's page and it should say).

    —Giggy 00:18, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    All good stuff, which I shall get done tomorrow (I'm practically falling asleep at the keyboard tonight). Only thing, with Pitchfork, I had used italic because I thought it fell into the category of magazine/publication. But obviously you've got numerous album FA's experience on your side, so I concede defeat and will change it tomorrow :). Seraphim♥Whipp 00:28, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Per Pitchfork Media it's an internet publication; those don't get italics (as opposed to print publications). —Giggy 00:44, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    1 to 6 done. With point 8, rather than merge the text of the two sections together, I gave them subheadings under a retitled production section. 7 and 9 to do, plus checking the date formats for consistency and I'll find reliable sources for chart positions. Seraphim♥Whipp 19:38, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    All done now. Seraphim♥Whipp 17:28, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments

    Issues resolved, Ealdgyth - Talk 14:14, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • What was the consensus on http://acharts.us/? Did it get decided as reliable or not? I think we leaned not just recently...
    Otherwise sources look good, couldn't check the links, the link checker tool timed out on me. Ealdgyth - Talk 21:09, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    It was discussed on one of Efe's FACs, though I can't remember which one... I shall try and find it. —Giggy 05:04, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    This is the FAC you are looking for. Dabomb87 (talk) 01:05, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Looks like we decided it was non-reliable, so it should be replaced. Ealdgyth - Talk 13:42, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I've been able to replace acharts in some cases, though in others I'm unable to find anything. I'll leave it up to Seraphim Whipp to decide what to do in these cases. —Giggy 02:48, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    What is the status on this now, anyway? Ealdgyth - Talk 03:22, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Now only reliable sources are used in the article, with achart sourced ones commented out. I have tried to find reliable chart positions for those, but haven't yet found anything usable. Seraphim♥Whipp 17:28, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    More Comments

    • "There were mixed comments about certain elements in the album such as the ballads; two reviewers noted a disparity between the energy of different songs." This sentence needs to be either split up or rewritten.
    • He discussed "Wrestlers" in the band's interview with The Sun, believing that the song is "musically and lyrically quite direct" because "it doesn’t have thousands of layers", in contrast to the song "Bendable Poseable." Change "believing" to explaining, you can't "believe" something in a discussion.
    • The article never clarifies who "Taylor" is (besides the navbox at the article). Write the first names of the band members and their role in the band in the first mention of them in the article. Dabomb87 (talk) 01:23, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • "Darren Simpson - engineer (assistant)": For some reason, the dash/hyphen looks different from all the others.
    • "Some of these concepts included, dual colour illustrations, circles and the coating on copper, verdigris, after oxygenation has occurred." Comma use, please. Dabomb87 (talk) 23:45, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Date autoformatting: To use it or not? (see User:Tony1/Survey of attitudes to DA removal#Proposal to remove date-autoformatting) Dabomb87 (talk) 03:31, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Points 1, 2 and 3 (hopefully) fixed. Seraphim♥Whipp 01:44, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I must have accidentally used a hyphen - fixed. As to the second point, I can't really see what's wrong with the comma usage. Is it the verdgris commas? Those are parenthetical. The others are used as part of the three part list. Perhaps the first comma should be replaced with a semi-colon though. Seraphim♥Whipp 23:54, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Sentence was reworded by Sceptre - sounds less awkward now. Seraphim♥Whipp 00:28, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Conditional Support-The lead looks a lot better now. I may have a few things later, but This is a well referenced, well written article. The only issue I have is comprehensiveness; more info on production and recording would be nice. Dabomb87 (talk) 18:19, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I've added more to those sections, though I am still working on them. Seraphim♥Whipp 15:29, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • I helped with the prose before Seraphim Whipp nominated the article, and I am her friend, so I have a very slight conflict of interest, but probably not to the level which would prevent my support. However, there are a few tiny prose hiccups, such as one or two commas being where they shouldn't and not being where they should, but I can't really criticise my own writing that much. In short, as long as the prose is upto standard, I'll support. Sceptre (talk) 00:28, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I've copy-edited the lead to show that a polish is required throughout. It's not in too bad shape, but 45–60 minutes by someone good (and distant from the text) would make a difference. Overlinking: please note that MOSLINK says not to link the names of commonly known countries (i.e., nationalities, too), especially anglophone ones. Tony (talk) 02:38, 24 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thank-you for your comments and edits. Seraphim♥Whipp 14:12, 25 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 04:05, 23 August 2008 [34].

    Tropical Storm Barry (2001)

    Nominator(s): Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone


    Well, here it goes. My first storm article FAC. I've spent a lot of time doing research, and it's as comprehensive as it's going to get. More importantly, I worked on the article, so it has to be good! I appreciate any and all comments. Thanks, Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 20:24, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comment: All images appear to check out, as with most the nitty-gritty MoS stuff. Calor (talk) 22:49, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thanks Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 00:18, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comment Nice work. Could do with a third party copy-edit. There are some unwikilinked jargon and silly typos that you're not seeing because you're too close to it. Examples would be "sparked some convection" and "In all, Barry is estimated to have caused $30 million (2001 USD, $36.5 million 2008 USD)." respectively. NB The photos look a little small and possibly could do with further thought regarding placement. --Dweller (talk) 12:41, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    There's a word missing. "Damage" perhaps? --Dweller (talk) 12:58, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Whoops, got it. I guess your right that I don't see these things because I'm so close to the article. :) Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 14:11, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Regarding "[t]he photos look a little small and possibly could do with further thought regarding placement", they look fine on my resolution. The thumbnail sizes aren't fixed, so they conform to your preferences. my preferences → Files → Thumbnail size. Plasticup T/C 16:30, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Drop me a line when the copy-edit's done and I'm fairly sure I'll be able to come back here and make that a Support. --Dweller (talk) 10:12, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I did a bit of copyediting myself. Any better? –Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 14:59, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Maybe better, but not good enough. As we saw beautifully with the missing word "damage", you're too close to it. Get a 3rd party, preferably one that knows little about storms. I noticed, for example, that it's not till the third mention of convection/convective that the word gets wikilinked. I have this exact same problem when I write cricket articles. They're jargon-heavy and need to be clear. I usually get two c-es from people who know little or nothing about cricket. This article's shorter and you probably only need one, but you certainly need at least one. --Dweller (talk) 12:58, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Maclean25 preformed a copyedit. Should be starting to improve by now. –Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 20:16, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments Support —This is part of a comment by Plasticup (of 16:49, 12 August 2008 (UTC)), which was interrupted by the following: [reply]

    On the whole the article looks great and I will have no trouble giving this my support. Plasticup T/C 16:49, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    All comments addressed, article looks good. Support. Plasticup T/C 18:15, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments - sources look good, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 00:19, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • Comment. Looks good. I'm going through it with a copyedit. I have a few questions though:
      • I cannot see the pattern in wikilinking of dates, some seem to be and others not.
      • "Outflow in the eastern semi-circle was good,..." - what does 'good' mean here? Is unhindered outflow good, or is it something we don't want to see?
      • "Prior to landfall, banding features developed..." - is 'banding' referring to the storm or to the images of the storm? Could you be more clear on what it means? --maclean 19:51, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        • Thanks for the copyedit and comments. I think I removed all of the date wikilinks. As for the second point, I tried to rewrite the sentence to make it more clear. About the third point, I'm not sure how I could explain it better. The banding features developed as part of the storm. –Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 20:13, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Support and comment Nice article, very comprehensive. One minor thing, Panhandle in the lead to a non-American means either nothing or Texas. Can it be linked as Panhandle, and kill the later link? jimfbleak (talk) 19:07, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Done. Thanks, –Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 20:32, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Rereading again this morning, when less tired, picked up a couple of infelicities which I fixed, please check history to make sure you are happy with changes. I can't make up my mind about some convection as opposed to convection so I've left as is. jimfbleak (talk) 08:11, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Your changes looked good. I agree that "some" is redundant, so I removed it. (I read Tony1's guide on that, and I don't know how I forgot to not use "some".) –Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 12:24, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Note, mishmash on dates here. There is some faulty spacing around endashes (when the date elements that are connected with a dash have spaces, the endash is spaced), and there is partial date linking. Is the article linking dates or is it not? SandyGeorgia (Talk) 22:14, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Support with only some very minor niggles in the lead:

    • "As the storm's remnants tracked inland; parts of the Mississippi Valley received light precipitation" - fix the punctation
    • "In all, Barry is estimated" - is the "in all" needed?

    Nicely done. —Giggy 02:17, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 04:05, 23 August 2008 [35].

    Panzer I

    Nominator(s): JonCatalán (talk)


    I've been working on this article since last year, and I think it's time it goes through an A-class review. Besides, at least its a break from Spanish tanks! It just passed an A-class review here, and about a year ago went through a peer review. Thanks! JonCatalán (talk) 04:24, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • I don't suppose there's a better lead image? In the current one, the tank doesn't really stand out against the background, while the other two color pictures don't show the shape of the tank, and the two black-and-white images aren't very attractive. --Carnildo (talk) 05:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I have no other images available other than those. You can check on Commons and tell me which one you prefer, or just make the change yourself - Commons:Panzerkampfwagen I.
    I have a new possibility: Image:SdKfz101_2.jpg. This edit is a rush job and contains many errors. If the community considers this an improvement, I will invest the time to do the same well. Thoughts? Dhatfield (talk) 22:19, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    It looks pretty good. But it's possible to tell that it was enhanced, and part of a helmet is visible on the extreme left edge of its right headlight. Also, you left some of the background visible through the rear section of the treads. Bart133 t c @ How's my driving? 19:39, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    That's certainly better. Now, if you could just get one of those magic CSI image enhancers and move the viewpoint about two feet further up :-) --Carnildo (talk) 22:49, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I have a lot of pictures of a Panzer I at the museum of El Goloso, but I don't know how to show them since I don't want to upload them all. And, they might not be of the right view. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Catalan (talk • contribs)
    I think the ideal view is from the front 3/4 (45% off the length axis of the tank in the horizontal) - the camera slightly more towards the front of the tank than the current image, and the camera should be above the top of the tank. A 20 degree to 40 degree down-angle is ideal. Schematics like this and this give ideal views. Of course, getting a shot of a tank from above is difficult but the down-angle should help to eliminate much of the clutter in the background of the current image. Another small detail - when taking the shot, try to avoid the very bright (known as 'blown') highlights on the turret - this is a sign of over-exposure and cannot be fixed in software after the picture is taken. In my opinion we need a strong lead image to compensate for the other low quality images in this article. Dhatfield (talk) 14:15, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    This is as good as I can do, from the images I took at El Goloso. Unfortunately, I moved back to San Diego, and so I'm no longer close to the museum, so taking another photograph is out of the question (and, I am a pretty horrible photographer - my camera does automatic exposure measurement; it's supposedly really good at that, but apparently not!). JonCatalán (talk) 21:59, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    This one is already in the article.
    This is a Panzer I Ausf. B at the museum.
    I changed the lead image to the first one. JonCatalán (talk) 18:32, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments Support. This is an excellent article and my numerous issues have been addressed promptly. Great job JonCatalán!. Dabomb87 (talk) 19:52, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    That's a major problem, since I don't have a book source on that tank. And I was meaning to replace that link, since it would probably come up as non-reliable regardless. I don't want to delete that information, but I might have to. JonCatalán (talk) 23:39, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Nevermind, I got one! JonCatalán (talk) 23:47, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • "The Panzer I remained in use in Spain until the arrival of aid from the United States of America in 1954, when they were replaced by the relatively modern M47 Patton main battle tank." arrival of aid-->aid arrived
    • "The modifications included up-gunning to a 20mm gun and fitting a Krupp M 311 V-8 gasoline engine." "The" is unnecessary.
    • "It should be noted that during the campaign no less than a quarter of Germany's tanks were unavailable due to maintenance issues or enemy action..." "It should be noted" is unnecessary.
    • "...and of all tanks the Panzer I had proved the most vulnerable to Polish anti-tank weapons." "had" is not needed.
    • "The two main advantage German armor enjoyed were radios which allowed them to coordinate faster than their British or French counterparts and superior tactical doctrine." Other than the typo (advantages, does this statement need a source (just wondering)? Also, which allowed-->allowing.
    • "A final order was supplied to Hungary in 1942, totalling eight Ausf. B’s and six command versions, which was incorporated into the 1st Armored Division and saw combat in late 1942." This sentence is awkward and needs to be rewritten.
    • "With little combat value, these found themselves towing trains through thick mud in order to alleviate logistics problems at the front." Instead of "found themselves", say something along the lines of "tasked with" (just a suggestion).
    • Just checking, is the entire 4th paragraph under the Spanish Civil War section sourced from that one ref? (ref 53)
    • "Machine guns were known to be largely useless against even the lightest tank armor of the time, restricting the Panzer I to a training and anti-infantry role by design." Is there a source for this, or is this statement a common-knowledge fact that doesn't need referencing (I'm not familiar with WP:Military History's standards)?

    More to come. Dabomb87 (talk) 00:48, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thanks for the review! All the language issues you suggested are resolved, while references were added where you asked them. To answer your question, yes all of that paragraph belongs to the same source. Thanks! JonCatalán (talk) 16:20, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • "Inevitably, the small, vulnerable light tank would be overshadowed in importance by better-known German tanks such as the Panzer IV, Panther, and Tiger, but its contribution to the early victories of Nazi Germany during the Second World War was significant." This smells of original research to me. Who says that the Panzer's role in WWII was significant? Dabomb87 (talk) 23:49, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Since it's in the lead, I would have thought it would be supported by the text under it (i.e. the combat history of the Panzer I). JonCatalán (talk) 02:07, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • "There were attempts to upgrade the Panzer I throughout its service history and it continued to serve in the armed forces of Spain until 1954." This sentence contains two different and (seemingly) unrelated ideas.
    • "Two more combat versions of the Panzer I were designed and produced between 1939 and 1942, but by this stage the design concept had been superseded by medium and heavy tanks and neither was produced in sufficient numbers to have a real impact on the progress of the war." "Neither" what?
    • "The Ausf. F was armed with two 7.92 millimeter MG-34s." This sentence doesn't belong at the end of the paragraph (paragraph 2, Sister Tanks section).
    • "On 18 July 1936, war broke out on the Iberian peninsula as Spain dissolved into a state of civil war." Contains redundant ideas, perhaps a clearer sentence would be:"On 18 July 1936, civil war broke out in Spain."
    • "The shipment was under the surveillance of the German Navy and Germany immediately responded by sending forty-one Panzer I’s to Spain a few days after." The word "immediately" is unnecessary and perhaps you could change "after" to "later".
    • Ritter von Thoma's Panzer I’s found use fighting for the Nationalists only days later on 30 October, and immediately experienced problems." found use fighting-->fought

    Dabomb87 (talk) 14:59, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thanks. Most of those should be done, although I have questions on three of them. In regards to changing that sentence which introduces the Spanish Civil War, I don't see a problem with the current one, except that it's longer than the one you provide. Is it really the policy of Wikipedia to make sentences as short as possible? The current sentence is not grammatically incorrect, and its somewhat more attractive than 'civil war broke out in Spain', to be completely honest. I'm not sure - in a way you have a point that it does contain redundant ideas, but changing this is closer to changing the style of the prose. In any case, I don't see any reason for removing the word 'immediately' either, as it shows the urgency in which the Germans responded - otherwise, they could have responded in any given amount of time. And finally, switching fighting for fought doesn't make sense within the tense of the sentence IMO. Otherwise, it should all be fixed. JonCatalán (talk) 20:46, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks for your explanations. I agree with you on all counts. I will cross out those proposed changes, as well as the fixed problems. Dabomb87 (talk) 21:07, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Bah, thanks for catching that! JonCatalán (talk) 22:41, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    They already should be. If the day, month and year are available they go in that order, if the day isn't available then it goes month and year, and if only the year is available then you only the year is written. JonCatalán (talk) 18:21, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Oops, didn't see that a few dates were still wikilinked. Should be fixed now! JonCatalán (talk) 18:30, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Maybe change the title of the 2nd table to something that describes the information in the table better-perhaps from "Panzer Is delivered to Spain (1936-1939)" to "Panzer I deliveries to Spain (1936-1939)". Dabomb87 (talk) 18:53, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Seems the first one describes it better, as it specifies which Panzer tank was delivered. I'll change it to "Panzer I deliveries to Spain (1936-1939). JonCatalán (talk) 18:58, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Yeah, that is what I meant to say. The problem with the first title was that some readers might confuse Is with the word is with a capital "I". Dabomb87 (talk) 19:13, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    That seems fine. Actually, I like it more. JonCatalán (talk) 22:22, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    You mean my version? Dabomb87 (talk) 22:47, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Yes. JonCatalán (talk) 22:57, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I put in the rewritten paragraph. Dabomb87 (talk) 23:01, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Done! JonCatalán (talk) 05:21, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Same with image in the lead. Dabomb87 (talk) 12:11, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • "The tank's weight increased by 0.4 tons, although protection was not increased. Production of the Ausf. B began in August 1935 and finished in early 1937 - Franco writes 840 were constructed, but adds only 675 of these were combat models, while Perrett suggests a total number of 1,500 (offsetting the low number of Ausf. A he proposes) and Gander a total of 675." Two issues: The phrase "although protection was not increased" isn't necessary unless tanks are normally better protected when adding weight. The second thing is the dash use; I'm not an expert, but I think that the hyphen should be an em dash. See WP:DASH.
    • More dash issues:hyphens to en-dashes in the infobox; also hyphen to endash in the table title: "Panzer I deliveries to Spain (1936-1939)"; hyphen to em-dash in the sentence: "Furthermore, 350 were of Czech design - the rest were either Panzer I’s or Panzer II’s."; Then on ref 63: p.50-51-->p.50–51. Dabomb87 (talk) 23:37, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks. Everything should be fixed! JonCatalán (talk) 02:12, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I don't see how that would clean up the sources. It would just allow the notes to link to the bibliography. JonCatalán (talk) 16:50, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments

    • Current ref 29 has a plain numbered link in it. Should be formatted with a title, etc. If this is being used as a source itself, needs to have bibliographic information.
    Otherwise sources look okay, links checked with the link checker tool. Note I'm on the road the rest of this week, so replies may be delayed somewhat. Ealdgyth - Talk 22:47, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I took out that link, as it isn't a good source (well, the information isn't to Wikipedia's reliability standards). JonCatalán (talk) 02:06, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support, with comments:
      • The "Development history" section mentions "First World War" and "World War I" - perhaps use only one variation of the name
      • "Lucas Molina Franco suggests that 833 Panzerkampfwagen I Ausf. A tanks were built in total, while Bryan Perrett offers the number of 300 and Terry Gander 818 units." - could you provide an adjective to tell us who these people are? They are military historians, I assume, however in the next section, one of them leads an army in Spain. Perhaps wikilink the first instance of Francisco Franco (I know these things get switch around a lot on Wikipedia) in that section.
      • In "North Africa and campaigns in the East", "The Panzer 1's were instead tasked..." - Should that number one be a roman numeral? I'm not sure that is a proper use of an apostrophe, shouldn't it just be "Panzer Is"? --maclean 05:01, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks! Everything should be taken care of now. JonCatalán (talk) 23:53, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The images should adhere to WP:Accessibility now, I believe (reduced caption and image size, and moved image away from just under tertiary heading). The lead image is mine (taken at El Goloso, Spain - 29 October 2007), and the two other images of tanks from museums were taken from commons and are under the GNU Free Documentation license. The two historic images are from the U.S. National Archives. JonCatalán (talk) 20:57, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    WP:ACCESSIBILITY: "Note also that the image should be inside the section it belongs to (after the header and after any link to other article), and not just before the header for similar reasons." I fixed them. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 21:09, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Images: Double checked to validate that all are free, and licensed appropriately (here or at commons). The only concern I had prior to checking the images was the issue of "freedom of panorama" for countries where the tanks are located/pictures taken (like France which has limited ones), but as tanks themselves cannot be (as best I can tell, validation would help) copyrighted, this concern is null and void. --MASEM 22:38, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Images checked; seem to be fine. The tanks are not copyrighted or derivative works so their use here and at the Commons is fine. Best, PeterSymonds (talk) 22:51, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comments by karanacs
      • "Like his contemporary Hobart, " - this links to Hobart, Australia. Perhaps the full name of the person referenced would help?
      • There should not be a comma in full dates when using international format (1 Jan 2008 not 1 Jan, 2008). I see extra commas in dates in several places in the article.

    I'm only halfway through the article; the info about the Spanish Civil War started to make my head throb so I figured I needed a break. Karanacs (talk) 16:24, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thanks, both should be fixed now! JonCatalán (talk) 16:34, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Is there any particular reason that the Variants section needs to be split off into a separate page? It's not horrendously long, only 6k or so, and reincorporating it would mean that we get a few interesting images as well as being able to source and footnote that content in line with the main section. Otherwise, I like it - I've given it a quick cosmetic tidy but can't spot anything glaring just now. 11:03, 21 August 2008 (UTC) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Shimgray (talk • contribs) August 21, 2008
    Well, it has the potential to be a rather long page. I actually do have plans of working on it and taking it through the process as well (at least A-class), it just requires me to get a few more sources than I currently have (one of my existing sources doesn't go over variants). JonCatalán (talk) 16:01, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Oh, that makes sense. It might be worth being a little more verbose in our summary of it here, though - we mention vaguely that TDs etc were built, but a link out to specific articles (there seems to be one for the PzJg I) and a rough figure for total number of variants built (~500?) might be quite interesting. Shimgray | talk | 22:09, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I added a little more. Unfortunately, I don't have a number for total vehicles produced. JonCatalán (talk) 15:23, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support - this article's prose is of a very high quality, and there are no issues with any other criteria. As well as looking at the lead, I chose a section at random and only had to make one minor change. Very well done. —Giggy 02:06, 23 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 04:05, 23 August 2008 [36].

    Janet Jackson

    Nominator. The Bookkeeper (of the Occult)
    previous FAC (22:25, 9 April 2008)

    Comments

    Issues resolved, Ealdgyth - Talk 21:45, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Otherwise sources look good, links checked out with the link checker tool. Note I'm still on the road, so replies may be slightly delayed. Ealdgyth - Talk 12:54, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support - I have contributed to the article recently, as part of its peer review. Before that my edits to this article were infrequent and minor.
    I feel that it meets all criteria to a high standard. It is well written, interesting and engaging, and is fully sourced with reliable sources cited. There is variety in the sources so that it represents information drawn from a wide circle which helps reduce the likelihood of any viewpoints being given undue weight. It is neutral and offers a range of critical commentary. In addition to discussing her life and career evenly throughout as a chronology, the article also discusses her place in musical and cultural history and her overall influence and impact. This, I believe, gives it a greater depth than many articles relating to performers. I think it also compares favorably to other featured articles about entertainers, and surpasses many of them, in its depth and coverage. Rossrs (talk) 07:43, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comments:
    Please check such examples. Thank you. --Efe (talk) 08:38, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    No. I still see a lot from the section Nutty Professor II down. Please do not use double quotation marks inside a quotation; use the single quotation marks instead. Thank you. --Efe (talk) 06:37, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I double checked and fixed any misquotes I saw. The Bookkeeper (of the Occult) 06:57, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    *Where is the closing quotation mark here: ...that "Janet was only eight years old when [her father] told her not to call him "Dad" anymore. As her manager, he would henceforth be addressed as "Joseph". Wesley already fixed it. --Efe (talk) 09:28, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support The article was already in pretty good shape when I finally got around to answering Bookkeeper's requests for assistance (sorry about that). It has since improved even further and should now adhere to all FA criteria. It's very well-done--well-referenced and well-written, comprehensive without getting bogged down by unnecessary detail, is hopefully all the general reader needs to become familiar with the subject--and I'm certain Bookkeeper will do all that is possible to address any remaining concerns that may arise. WesleyDodds (talk) 09:26, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comments on images and music clips - The fair use rationales look sufficient to me. There are four fair use music clips but I do not know enough about Janet Jackson's music to judge whether they are all necessary; they look fine to me, but others with more knowledge should really weigh in on this point.
    • Image:Janet Jackson & Justin Timberlake's wardrobe malfunction.jpg - The picture we have is not the same as the picture at the source. Awadewit (talk) 16:57, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • It took me a while to figure out what soundclips to use. All 4 demonstrate a unique aspect of her music: Nasty, Rhythm Nation and All for You demonstrate the evolution of her sound, from new jack swing to a more mainstream R&B/Pop style with varying elements of other genres; Nasty is also an example of how she uses her music as an autobiography. Black Cat is a requirement as it is the only song she has sole writing credit and its also the only unadulterated rock music production of her career. I've also updated the image with the source that is listed.
        • This sounds reasonable to me, but, again, I think people with more knowledge should weigh in on this issue. It should be considered by someone who listens to something other than classical! :) Awadewit (talk) 20:19, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments by Realist2

    • I think the superbowl thing suffers with slight undue weight. Most people outside the US shake their head in confusion at all the fuss, it panders to US viewpoint as a major incident, instead of an international, no big deal, viewpoint. Almost as much time is dedicated to it as the child sexual abuse accusation of 1993 against MJ over at Michael Jackson. Those allegations were significantly a much bigger deal than some tit falling out of a bra. Just saying it how it is. It needs a trim. — Realist2 22:30, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • Considering how large the section was originally, I think its fine. I would oppose trimming. It as concise as possible. Its two paragraphs, which is less than half the size of the amount of text covering each of her albums. The Bookkeeper (of the Occult) 23:09, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        • It has two paragraphs your right, but its also mentioned in all the three paragraphs after that. Every paragraph of that section mentions the incident, it's just a little over barring to us readers outside the US. — Realist2 23:17, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
          • That was the nature of the time period. Considering half of every review of Damita Jo discussed the superbowl, ignoring that fact is not responsible editing. The Bookkeeper (of the Occult) 23:28, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
            • I know that feeling too, regarding MJ, I really wish they would review the album instead of jabbering on about the artist. At least she isn't called a "fucking freak" in reviews (direct quote from NME review of Invincible). — Realist2 23:32, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
              • I think the incident is covered in appropriate depth. I don't know how extensively it was covered throughout the whole world, but I'm in Australia, and the incident was given an undue amount of publicity here. It's discussed concisely and specifically in the first 2 paragraphs of the section. It is also mentioned in the 3 paragraphs after that in the context of reviews that came out shortly after. It's the fault of the reviewers that they didn't have the imagination or the professionalism to review the album solely on its own merits, so it was those reviewers that placed undue weight on the incident, and the article merely reflects that. If it was trimmed from the 3 later paragraphs, it might create an incorrect impression that the albums were reviewed only on their own merits, and that the controversy immediately died. Rossrs (talk) 21:04, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Support:Read through article, corrected some errors, looks good on my end. Overall a very neutral article too. Just as good as Michael Jackson. — Realist2 00:42, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Reply You misunderstood my comment, I didn't ask to include unencyclopedic prose. What I meant was that I thought the caption would be better off as an introductory sentence, as opposed to "Jackson covers her breast after Timberlake removed the right breastplate of her bustier.", which doesn't set a context to the unfamiliar reader. I think just adding "at the Super Bowl XXXVIII halftime show in February 2004" should do the trick. indopug (talk) 15:36, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • Notes: WP:DASH, emdashes are unspaced, and the article uses a mix of unspaced hyphens, endashes and unspaced emdashes (according to Tony1, incorrect hyphens in direct quotes should be changed to whichever dash you're using, unspaced emdash or spaced endash). Inconsistency in numbers, some samples: certified five times platinum, certified 2 times platinum, and later certified the album three-times platinum. Hyphen or not? Spelled out or digits? More samples of incorrect use of WP:DASHes and WP:HYPHENs: were married - a fact they managed to hide not only from the international press but from Jackson's own father."[43] Elizondo filed a multi-million dollar lawsuit against Jackson, estimated between $10-25 ... date and number ranges are separated by endashes, and the hyphen after were married should be a dash (there are several other similar examples). Please review the citations; page number (p. or not?) is not used consistently and there are many instances of date linking and formatting inconsistency, sample: ^ Janet: Janet Jackson: Review: Rolling Stone, Rolling Stone, 1993-06-24, Retrieved on July 2, 2008 and Browne, David (1993-05-21), janet. Music Review, Entertainment Weekly, Retrieved on July 2, 2008 and janet., Recording Industry Association of America, 1994-04-12, Retrieved on June 7, 2008. What is this source ? It would need a date, for example, and a publisher. Interview with Janet Jackson, Larry King Live. Citation template cleanup needed, sample: Murray, Sonia (2008-02-06), classic_janet_with_a_modern_tw.html Atlanta Music Scene: "Classic Janet --- With A Modern Twist", The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, <http://www.accessatlanta.com/blogs/content/shared-blogs/accessatlanta/MusicScene/entries/2008/02/06/ classic_janet_with_a_modern_tw.html>. Retrieved on April 23, 2008. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 02:04, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I've restored the incorrect changes.

    See WP:MOSDATE; solo years are not linked. See WP:DASH and WP:HYPHEN

    hyphen: - used to join words
    endash: – used to join date, number and page ranges
    emdash: — used for punctuation, always unspaced on Wiki.

    You changed all of the correct hyphens in words to endashes, and linked solo years: [37] I restored them to the correct version before your changes. [38]

    Emdashes are not spaced on Wiki; I've corrected those now.[39] That is:

    Jackson's second world tour — the janet. Tour — garnered critical acclaim as Michael Snyder

    becomes:

    Jackson's second world tour—the janet. Tour—garnered critical acclaim as Michael Snyder

    The choices for punctuation on Wiki are spaced endashes ( – ) or unspaced emdashes (—); the article had spaced emdashes ( — ). I haven't yet had a chance to look at the page numbers; this has taken me more than an hour. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 06:48, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • Yes, the p. thing is inconsistent with citation. Buggy, but you don't have to fix it if you don't want to. You do have to fix the endashes on page ranges, and when there is more than one page, you have to use "pages" instead of "page". I left some samples. When you're working on citations, you can go by section and put a temporary <references /> at the bottom of the section to check you work by section in preview as you go. I don't think I got everything, so you might go back now and check the citations by section, using that method. (Sorry it took me so long; my cable company went down tonight and I had to go to dialup. Ugh! Way past my bedtime now :-))) SandyGeorgia (Talk) 07:06, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 04:05, 23 August 2008 [40].

    Pat Nixon

    Nominator(s): Happyme22 (talk)


    I'm nominating this article as an FA because I feel that the substantial additons, mulitple copyedits, and content make it FA worthy. It is very well cited, a Good article, and recently underwent a peer review. I feel it is ready and fulfills the FA criteria. Happyme22 (talk) 21:08, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • Comment Until somebody else replies who has thoroughly looked over the article, I will start off by pointing out that the prose doesn't tickle me as FA's really should. Some statements are just...well boring. No offense. But more specifically, I dont think this statement is right:
    "Former President Nixon survived her by ten months". Doesn't really make sense, survived isnt the right word at all. I would personally prefer 'outlived' or something similar, survived isn't correct. Domiy (talk) 05:25, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    As far as I know that's pretty common English... gren グレン 06:09, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks for the comment, Domiy. I have to agree with Grenavitar here, in that saying one person survived another person is pretty common English. The insertion of that statement was recommended during the peer review. If you have a problem with other parts of the prose, could you please point out specific examples? Thanks, Happyme22 (talk) 06:53, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I agree: I use "survived" in this sense every day (then again, I'm an estates lawyer). --Coemgenus 15:44, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comment, FirstLadies.org strikes me as not the best reference. The National First Ladies Library may be reliable but I think we'd be better off having stronger/scholarly sources even if it is only for trivial data. Although, someone more familiar with FA's will know if it's necessary. It also seems that someone of this prominence could use more sources for corroboration. gren グレン 06:09, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks for your comment. Right off the bat, let me say that Nancy Reagan, the first article on an American first lady to become featured, uses her biography from the National First Ladies Library to cite many statements. And that article passed FAC back in November 2007 without this being an issue. The source seems reliable, just as biographies from presidential libraries are generally reliable. Here is the bibliography used to write the source in question, which includes seven pages of reliable books, newspaper and magazine articles. Happyme22 (talk) 07:10, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    For what it's worth, the Hillary Rodham Clinton article also cites her National First Ladies Library biography a number of times. I've found it to be a good source, and one of the better capsule biographies of her out there. In two Hillary FACs, the quality of it hasn't been challenged either. Wasted Time R (talk) 11:46, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comments There don't seem to be any biographies of Pat Nixon that are third-party. There is the biography by her daughter, but that's not going to give the needed distance, so in the absence of another biography, the first ladies' project is probably as good a balance as possible. If a better biography is written, of course, it should be used. Sources otherwise look good, links checked out with the link checker tool. (I fixed a couple of typos!) Ealdgyth - Talk 14:37, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The biography by her daughter is extremely comprehensive. Despite that, I have attempted to use it as sparingly as possible. I will check around to see if any others are out there. Happyme22 (talk) 16:24, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Done Happyme22 (talk) 18:44, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Where does it say that this is a WH photo? (I may have missed it.) Awadewit (talk) 19:39, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Hmm, it appears that the image source page does not explicitly state that the image was a work of the White House, though it does say that at the Nixon Library. I have emailed the library and am expecting a response shortly. In the mean time, I will replace the image with another. Happyme22 (talk) 21:59, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Replacement checks out (although the first image is better). Awadewit (talk) 11:23, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Done Happyme22 (talk) 18:44, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Done Happyme22 (talk) 18:44, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Done Happyme22 (talk) 18:44, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Done Happyme22 (talk) 18:44, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Done Happyme22 (talk) 18:44, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Done Happyme22 (talk) 18:44, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Image:Pat nixon.jpg - Is there a more specific link for the source for this image? Also, do we know the portrait painter's name and the date of the portrait?
    Done Happyme22 (talk) 18:44, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Image:Funeral Service for Pat Nixon.jpg - I am unconvinced as of yet that we need this fair use image. The rationale does not indicate why we need an image - wouldn't words suffice to describe her funeral? This is not a particularly good photo and I cannot see how the reader's understanding is being significantly enhanced by it (WP:NFCC #8).
    Done I have deleted the image as well. Happyme22 (talk) 18:44, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    These issues should be relatively easy to clear up. Awadewit (talk) 15:15, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I will fix these problems and remove the fair use image. Done Happyme22 (talk) 16:24, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    (undent)Why doesn't the toolbox at the top right of this page include spell check? Right now, the Pat Nixon article says that she "gratuated."Ferrylodge (talk) 18:16, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Forgive me, but where is that? I checked the "Education and career" section and I don't see 'graduated' spelled incorrectly. Happyme22 (talk) 18:52, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    No problem. In the lead, it says: "She gratuated from high school." Since the tool at the top right does not include spell check, I'd suggest copying and pasting the article into an MS Word document, and doing spell check that way.Ferrylodge (talk) 18:58, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Ah, nice catch! I will do the Word document suggestion right now. Happyme22 (talk) 19:00, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I have gone through the article and fixed the spelling errors. There shouldn't be anymore. Thanks for the heads up! --Happyme22 (talk) 19:11, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    You're welcome, my pleasure.Ferrylodge (talk) 20:50, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comment I don't know a whole lot about Pat Nixon, and I've only skimmed through this article (I'll read it more thoroughly soon). But I am concerned that maybe there should be a more complete list of sources. If you search for "Pat Nixon" in Google Books, there are a lot of interesting-looking results.[41] For example, The Lonely Lady of San Clemente: The Story of Pat Nixon by Lester David (1978). Is this a reputable biography? If so, it ought to be mentioned in this Wikipedia article. Another example is Secret Lives of the First Ladies by Cormac O'Brien and Monika Suteski. O'Brien and Suteski have lots of interesting info; how much of it is already in this Wikipedia article? —This is part of a comment by Ferrylodge (of 20:36, 18 August 2008 (UTC)), which was interrupted by the following: [reply]
    • Pat Nixon urged a recount in 1960.
    • Here's a terrific quote from her: "Oh but you just don’t realize how much fun he is! He’s just so much fun!"
    • They say she left the table in tears when she heard he wanted to run for governor of California.
    • I think this article covers her dislike of politics and original opposition to the 1962 gubernatorial run pretty well. I'm also a little doubtful of the source in this instance, as it says she threatened suicide, something that I have never come across anywhere before. Her dislike of politics is clear, but suicide? I've never seen this anywhere else. Happyme22 (talk) 22:51, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • And, according to O'Brien and Suteski, in her first year as first lady alone, she shook hands with about a quarter million people.

    Which of these things are now covered in this Wikipedia article? I'm too lazy to carefully check myself.  :-)

    Plus I notice something else. Can you please confirm attribution for the quote "But this is not appropriate now. I avoid the spectacular"? I think it's now cited to a NY Times article, but actually is from the book Pat Nixon: The Untold Story.Ferrylodge (talk) 20:36, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I have fixed the quote, which is now cited to Pat Nixon: The Untold Story, page 187. I will be sure to check out the O'Brien/Susteski book as well, because those are interesting points. Happyme22 (talk) 21:59, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    (undent) I suspect most people won't know what a "truck farm" is. Maybe linking here would help? Mention is made of her mother's first husband, so maybe it's worth mentioning that he had died in a flood in South Dakota? Regarding her degree, what exactly was it (e.g. a BS, PhD, Master's, et cetera)? And was it really a graduate degree, or an undergraduate degree? I would write: "Known as Dick, Nixon he asked Pat Ryan to marry him the first night they went out." I would also write: "During state dinners, he ordered the protocol changed so that Pat may could be served first." More later.Ferrylodge (talk) 00:06, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Per the NFLL cite, "University of Southern California, 1934 -1937, education and student training classes, B.S. Merchandising, with a certificate to teach at the high school level which USC gave the equivalence of a Master's degree." This raises an interesting question, because our Hillary Rodham Clinton article says she was the first First Lady to hold a post-graduate degree (law degree from Yale Law School). How strong was this USC 'equivalence'? Wasted Time R (talk) 00:20, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Hmm, well I'll start with Ferrylodge: I've given a link to the Market gardening article, mentioned her mother's first husband's death, included her BS in merchandising. I've also changed the sentences you recommended accordingly.
    WTR: That raises an interesting point. From what I know, the rankings are: graduate (BA or BS), post-graduate, master's, and doctorate. It seems that this graduate degree was awarded to Pat Nixon with the equivalance of a master's degree, making her the first to attain a master's. Both Hillary Rodham Clinton and Laura Bush attained post-graduate degrees, Clinton first. However, like you inquired, would Mrs. Nixon then be the first first lady to attain a post-graduate degree, because she would have had to to attain a master's. Or is there a way around that, in other words did USC skip the post-graduate and go straight to master's? Happyme22 (talk) 00:54, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks for the changes. What did the Domestic Services Volunteer Act of 1970 do? Seems like it ought to briefly described, or omitted.Ferrylodge (talk) 01:41, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    No problem. I've corrected the name of the bill and added its purpose. Happyme22 (talk) 02:25, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comment. Shouldn't the lead read 'Thelma Catherine "Pat" Ryan Nixon' not 'Thelma Catherine Ryan "Pat" Nixon'? She was using "Pat" well before she met Nixon. That she became most famous as Pat Nixon is covered later in that first paragraph. Wasted Time R (talk) 00:36, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Yes it should, and I will change it to reflect such. Happyme22 (talk) 00:54, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks Ferrylodge! You've helped out in more ways than I can count, and I am grateful. Best, Happyme22 (talk) 02:30, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    No problem, my pleasure. Good luck.Ferrylodge (talk) 02:39, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support with comments. Generally well-written and informative. A few quibbles, though:
    1. About the 1962 run -- "She eventually agreed to another run, citing that it meant a great deal to her husband," Maybe "stating" would read better than "citing"?
      Sure, that would work. Happyme22 (talk) 17:38, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    2. Possibly link the Domestic Volunteer Service Act of 1973. I know it's a redlink now, but it may encourage someone to write it -- or would this make the article less FA-worthy? If so, never mind.
      It doesn't make the article less FA-worthy, but I don't think it does a great deal to promote the creation of the article. I had another red link, Victoria Brezhnev, and that was removed in a copyedit. Happyme22 (talk) 17:38, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      Generally speaking, articles shouldn't have redlinks for topics that are unlikely ever to get articles, such as a celebrity's romantic interest (who is not a celebrity in his or her own right).[42] Viktoria Brezhnev (note spelling) was rarely seen in public, so I don't think there's enough material about her to justify a full article. Also, redlinks get on my nerves, because many Wikipedia readers will not understand what they signify, but that's just my personal opinion.Ferrylodge (talk) 17:53, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Other than that, I think it looks great -- nice work! --Coemgenus 15:59, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thank you! Happyme22 (talk) 17:38, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments

    • Right at the opening to refer to her as "Pat" can't escape the suspicion that she's being treated differently because she's a woman. Can you imagine the article on her husband with "Richard" in the third sentence? I'd use "Pat Nixon" there. I think I'd noever use her first name by itself. Lots of alternatives, such as "Pat had long been irritated with the perception that the White House was exclusively for the wealthy and famous.[37] As First Lady, she would routinely come down from the family quarters to ..." --> "The First Lady had long been irritated with the perception that the White House was exclusively for the wealthy and famous:[37] she would routinely come down from the family quarters to ..." (then semicolong boundaries, since it's a long list, isn't it.) Keep it more formal. —This is part of a comment by Tony1 (of 02:44, 20 August 2008 (UTC)), which was interrupted by the following: [reply]
      Reffering to first ladies by their first names has been discussed before both at the peer review and the Nancy Reagan FAC. By always reffering to her as 'Nixon' could lead to confusion with her husband, so as a result of the discussion at the Nancy Reagan FAC, the MOS was amended to add this section. The Nancy Reagan article is featured, and it generally refers to her as Nancy in the text, occasionally Reagan and first lady, but only rarely as Mrs. Reagan. This should hold true for Pat Nixon as well. Happyme22 (talk) 05:26, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Please see WP:MOSLINK on the linking of common words, such as "charity". "Volunteerism" is probably the one worth linking, since it's an unusual term; you'd like the readers to hit that more, so avoid diluting it by presenting too much linking choice. Do we really need a link to "lung cancer" and "strokes"? The article needs an audit for such overlinking.
      I think the links to lung cancer and strokes are warrented, as those two conditions greatly effected Pat Nixon's life. If a relatively uneducated reader came across those nouns, he/she may not know what they are without a wikilink. And I will request a copyedit for overlinking. Happyme22 (talk) 05:26, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Just a small thing, but you could lose the comma after "1993".
      Done Happyme22 (talk) 05:26, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Ouch: "the first First Lady"; some way of rewording?
      Perhaps "She was the first of the American First Ladies to..." Better? Happyme22 (talk) 05:26, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • "She began life, she suspects, in a tent", a profile observed, "and seems to have spent the years of her youth getting out of it."—hmmm, this will confuse a lot of readers who aren't familiar with the culturally centric meaning of "she was born in a tent"—especially non-natives. Maybe retain, but I worry. Why not insert an explanatory note in the ref at the bottom?
      True, this could cause confusion. I'll remove it. Done Happyme22 (talk) 05:26, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • MOSLINK says don't link to the words for commonly known nations, nationalities etc. Where I'm looking, removal of such links would highlight your more useful piped link to "truck farmer". Get the idea behind the notion of disciplined linking? About HALF the links in the article could go. And I see "volunteerism" for a second time linked.
      As I said above, I'll ask for a overlinking copyedit. Happyme22 (talk) 05:26, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • "One of her major initiatives as First Lady was volunteerism, encouraging Americans to address social problems at the local level through volunteering at hospitals, civic organizations, rehabilitation centers, and the like."—Better "One of her major initiatives as First Lady was the promotion of volunteerism, in which she encouraged Americans to address social problems at the local level through volunteering at hospitals, civic organizations, and rehabilitation centers." I've removed the informal "and the like"; if you really need a subset term (see MoS), use ", such as through volunteering at ...".
      Done Happyme22 (talk) 05:26, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Our citation gurus know better than I, but my eye caught this: "Though her impact on public discourse was modest and of debatable importance, she did speak out in favor of women running for political office and encouraged her husband to nominate a woman to the Supreme Court, saying "woman power is unbeatable; I've seen it all across this country."[40] Now, does ref 40 cover the apparently subjective comments "modest" and "debatable"?
      That was added by User:Kitchawan, and I am not able to confirm that the New York Times article uses "modest" and "debatable". Happyme22 (talk) 05:26, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Use "logical" punctuation (see MoS): Author Carl Sferrazza Anthony wrote that, "the common man responded to Pat." How did women respond to her?
      By 'man', Carl Sferazza Anthony was not simply reffering to men, but to people as a whole, for he goes on to describe men's and women's issues to which Pat responded. Nonetheless, in doing a bit more research, I have found that she was the first of the first ladies to publicly support the Equal Rights Amendment, belonged to several women's groups, and was pro-choice. However, according to Carl Sferazza Anthony, she wasn't a "strident feminist". Happyme22 (talk) 05:26, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Tone: I'm a little concerned that the overall stance is just a little too much like what her paid biographer might have come up with. It's sort of complimentary in a bland way. Hard to know how to fix, but there are people more knowledgeable than I am at advising on that. Is it to do with your sourcing? Tony (talk) 02:44, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      Those are good comments from Tony1, and I assume that Happyme22 will be addressing them all. I just thought I'd comment briefly about two of Tony's points: the question of how women reacted to Pat Nixon, and also the tone of a paid biographer. Both of these comments might be addressed by expanding a bit on the material that the article already contains regarding Gloria Steinem, who of course has been a very well-known feminist and liberal Democrat. Steinem once interviewed Pat Nixon, and had some fascinating comments about it: "For the first time, I could see Mrs. Nixon’s connection with her husband: two people with great drive, and a deep suspicion that 'other people had it easy,' in her phrase, 'glamour boys' or 'buddy-buddy boys' in his, would somehow pull gracefully ahead of them in spite of all their work. Like gate-crashers at a party, they supported each other in a critical world. It must have been a very special hell for them, running against the Kennedys; as if all their deepest suspicions had been proved true."Ferrylodge (talk) 02:59, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      As Ferrylodge said, thanks for comments Tony. I will respond to them in the very near future, but I'm a little busy right now. Thanks, Happyme22 (talk) 04:26, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      Tony, thanks for the wonderful comments because you have helped out a lot. But I respectfully disagree with your issue about the overall tone of the article. As you will see, most of the sources are from New York Times articles, and the book First Ladies: The Saga of the Presidents' Wives and Their Power, 1961-1990 (Volume II) by author and historian Carl Sferazza Anthony. The New York Times has many articles on her, and I think we can deem those reliable, plus the first ladies book covers every first lady from Jacqueline Kennedy to Barbara Bush, and I don't think Mr. Anthony would take a special exception to heap praise on Pat Nixon. The major criticisms are in there, especially Plastic Pat (which I've just slightly amended). Happyme22 (talk) 05:26, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    CommentSupport, with a slight reservation: I know this article quite well, having spent a lot of time with it at peer review. I raised the issue of the tone of the article after my initial read-through, as a result of which changes were made which lessened, without quite eliminating, my concerns. At the end of the review I suggested that someone previously uninvolved with the article be asked to read it, with a view to identifying remaining areas where a slightly more detached tone might be advisable. I wonder, was this done, and if so to what effect?

    I never officially requested that anyone go through the article for any possible tone problems, though during the course of this four day FAC, User:Ferrylodge, User:Epbr123, and User:Efe have all copyedited it. Happyme22 (talk) 22:22, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I have one or two minor quibbles as well:-

    • Later life section: the single-sentence first paragraph could be combined with the next.
    • Same section, last para: Saying that her health problems "led to" bouts of oral cancer doesn't seem quite right. Suggest "developed into bouts of..." etc would be better.
    • Death and funeral section: First line - the link on Park Ridge, New Jersey is unnecessary as the term is linked in the immediate preceding paragraph. You could avoid repetition by saying: "Pat Nixon died at her New Jersey Home, at 5.45. am..." etc

    I am close to supporting, but just want to ponder a bit longer on the question of neutral tone. I intend to read the article again, and if I think that there are still significant problems with the tone I will (a) tell you what I think they are and (b) offer suggestions as to how they may be resolved. Brianboulton (talk) 21:26, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Sounds good and thanks for the comments! --Happyme22 (talk) 22:22, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Further comment: I think that part of the "tone" problem arise from the repeated emphases on her being the "first First Lady" to do this that and the other, giving the impression of a perpetual bold innovator. In fact, some of these firsts arose more from the changing perceptions of womens' roles during her lifetime, and might have fallen to any First Lady occupying that role in the late sixties and early seventies. She was to an extent the beneficiary of change, rather than the instigator. Take the matter of her graduate degree. Of her predecessors, only Jacqueline Kennedy and possibly Lady Bird Johnson were born in an age where women could normally expect to be educated; the others didn't get the chance.

    So, my recommendation is to cut out some of the "firsts" - the graduate degree, the address to the Republican convention, the Thanksgiving proclamation. Keep in those which redound to her individual credit, e.g. her support for ERA, and her visit to a combat zone. I think you will find that these simple changes will do a lot to deflect the criticism that the article is a little too friendly. Please consider. Brianboulton (talk) 17:05, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    The thing is, she was an innnovator to the role of the first lady. That's the plain truth, nothing POV about it. As People magazine says, "Pat was more like Hillary Clinton than Nancy Reagan, although the perception is the opposite."[43] Perhaps some of the "firsts" could be checked out, but the two you mentioned -- graduate degree and the Thanksgiving proclomation -- are completely notable in themselves. The graduate degree issue was previously brought up on this page; while true that the perception of women changed during her lifetime, this is a fact which is prominently highlighted on her first ladiy biography.[44] She issued the Thanksgiving proclamation due to the role that she undertook as first lady. She was not required to do it due to the time period, but chose to because of her self-definition of the ladyship. Other "firsts" on the page include: first Republican first lady to address a national convention, first first lady to visit a combat zone, and first first lady to visit Africa. The first Rebublican first lady contention is notable as well, IMO, simply because it highlights the action of a first lady (and from what it sounds like, a Democratic first lady must have previously appeared at the Democratic national convention) and many have followed suit. The first first lady to visit a combat zone is one of the most highly publicized events of her entire career.[45][46][47][48] I feel that the Africa contention is notable as well, as it adds to the role of Mrs. Nixon as the most traveled first lady (later matched by Hillary Clinton). I don't really see a problem there.
    Due to your comments, I have searched the Time Magazine archives to see more about her public image. There is a lot of information contained here, which describes more of the Plastic Pat, perfect wife and perception of that. I will add that in the Public perception section, and please see what you think. --Happyme22 (talk) 18:20, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Okay, I've added some more about her perception into the "Public perception" section. Please see what you think. Happyme22 (talk) 18:49, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • I'm not sure that my comments have been interpreted as I intended. I wasn't advocating any significant rewrite or introduction of new material, merely the removal of a few "firsts" which, to me, seemed to arise primarily from the timing and circumstances of her First Ladyship. I suggested you consider this - I wasn't demanding action. You clearly have considered, and have attempted to meet my concerns, albeit in a different way. I think your most recent changes are OK, but they don't greatly alter things, and I am certainly not asking you to do more. Subject to this one reservation, I am happy with the article as it stands, and this concern is insufficient to prevent me registering a Support. Brianboulton (talk) 20:51, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • I thank you for your comments, Brian, believe me. You have been such a help to this article, both in the peer review and here. And I'm not upset in the slightest; you gave constructive suggestions, and I gave responses. I happen to feel that the "firsts" were an important part of her ladyship, influenced by the times or not, and that they should stay. But as a result of your comments, I searched the Time magazine archives and found a few articles about her public perception, which I hope has added something beneficial. By saying, "I am happy with the article as it stands, and this concern is insufficient to prevent me registering a Support" does that mean you are supporting? Best, Happyme22 (talk) 21:11, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 04:05, 23 August 2008 [49].

    SummerSlam (2003)

    Nominator(s): SRX


    I'm nominating this article for featured article because I feel this is one professional wrestling article that meets the FA criteria and addresses many concerns brought up in previous FAC's of professional wresting articles, such as jargon and reliable sources. This article fully explains terms and avoids jargon, it also contains only reliable sources. This articles has been peer reviewed for over 2 weeks, and has been reviewed by FAC reviewers who have made suggestions and comments, which have been fixed. Any concerns raised here, however, will be addressed. --SRX 00:38, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Restart, old nom. Images and sources checked. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 17:38, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Support: This article set out to reach a wider readership than that of previous wrestling articles, first by explaining the raison d'etre of pro wrestling in terms which the general reader could understand, secondly by describing a major wrestling event with as little jargon as possible, so that the same general reader could follow each stage of this spectacular tournament. To do this, yet still produce a credible wrestling article, requires a balancing act which I believe the editors have achieved. There may well be issues around the edges that need smoothing, if a co-operative spirit can be found, rather than attacking the article because it cannot be "all things to all men". Brianboulton (talk) 18:38, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Can someone check the two dead links returned by the External link checker? SandyGeorgia (Talk) 21:21, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    That seems to be a problem with WWE.com, they might be changing the links. If they are still like that tomorrow morning, they may have to get changed. D.M.N. (talk) 21:24, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Like DMN said, Unforgiven is the next PPV (in 2008) and they could be updating links. I expect them to be back tomorrow, if not I will replace them with a link from the archive.--SRX 21:26, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Links appears to be working again now. D.M.N. (talk) 14:30, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Support - as before. I still think this meets the criteria, but never like to do reviews without some suggestions, meaning I'll leave several random notes. Looks good overall, though. —This is part of a comment by Giants2008 (of 22:42, 17 August 2008 (UTC)), which was interrupted by the following: [reply]

    • In the lead, $6.2 million needs a non-breaking space.
    • This was changed from before after FAC comments: "and performed a dove with his elbow cocked onto Bischoff's chest." Ahem.
    • Wasn't Vince known as Mr. McMahon at some point? Not sure if he was at the time, but if so perhaps it's worth noting as his stage name.
    • Not in love with this sentence: "who executed a Stone Cold stunner on Coachman and Bischoff, executed by..." Changing one of the executeds would fix this.

    Giants2008 (17-14) 22:42, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Support as with the previous nomination. Only one sentence stands out "Including its scripted buildup, SummerSlam (2003) grossed over" in the lead, I don't know why the phrase "Including its scripted buildup" is there, maybe a leftover from a previous amendment? Darrenhusted (talk) 15:47, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    That means other than the production of the event, the buildup which was scripted helped the PPV gross that much.--SRX 16:07, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    OK. It just read as odd to me. Otherwise I can't see anything else that jumps out. Darrenhusted (talk) 14:33, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments —This is part of a comment by Tony1 (of 02:59, 20 August 2008 (UTC)), which was interrupted by the following: [reply]

    • This is not a good sentence: "The third match was Shane McMahon versus Eric Bischoff in a standard wrestling match."
    • "This began with McMahon and Bischoff brawling on the arena ramp"—the noun plus -ing urchin. More elegant would be "McMahon and Bischoff began by brawling on the arena ramp". See: easy-peasy; the hard thing is to recognise this ungainly construction. Can you audit throughout for it?
    • "would be contested under No Disqualification regulations"—add "the"?
    • "Coachman and Bischoff then followed up on the announcement by performing"—spot the redundant word. In a narrative register, such as is necessary in many parts of this article, avoid "then" where the flow of events is obviously sequential. Weed out, please.

    I'd be happy for a once-over by a copy-editor: 45 mins should do it; it's not in bad shape. A few of the paras are big, grey and daunting. In summary, do be aware that some readers might accuse the article of being a little ... boring. I'm unsure how to counter this. Is it all in what WP calls "summary style"? And at the top, you do sort of apprise us of the fact that this "sport" is a largely ?scripted, pre-arranged entertainment, rather than a standard contest, but some readers might be confused by the reference to "fictional personalities". What might help is to position this as explicitly a branch of professional wrestling that is designed as pure entertainment. It would be interesting to know how and when it evolved (is that at one of the linked articles?). Tony (talk) 02:59, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    How does the fictional personalities make it confusing? Also, who should I go for a copyedit? Well with the explanation in the lead, it basically is saying that it is for the entertainment. In response to you last comment, yes the evol. of pro wrestling is linked in professional wrestling.SRX 03:27, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    "A branch of professional wrestling that is designed as pure entertainment." All professional wrestling is, period. There's no branch. It's all scripted. Gavyn Sykes (talk) 04:08, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    If we were to put in how and when professional wrestling evolved, we'd be going sharply off topic IMO as that has nothing to do with the pay-per-view. D.M.N. (talk) 07:11, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I agree with DMN, but that information is already linked in the pro wrestling article, so need for it in this article.--SRX 03:14, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comment. I recently posted my thoughts on the professional wrestling WikiProject talk page about the "disclaimer" text that seems to pervade these professional wrestling articles and this article has one such passage:

    Nine professional wrestling matches, performances with predetermined outcomes between wrestlers with fictional personalities that are portrayed as real, were featured on the event's card. The buildup to the matches and the scenarios that took place before, during, and after the event were planned by WWE's script writers. The event starred wrestlers from the Raw and SmackDown! brands: storyline expansions of the promotion where employees are assigned to wrestling brands under the WWE banner.

    I understand that these blurbs were added in response to peer reviewers who found professional wrestling articles inaccessible to those who don't know about the nature professional wrestling. However, a canned passage like this in the lead is an utter waste of space. It's bloated, poorly worded and sounds like a disclaimer. The passage is more of a statement of professional wrestling in general and certainly does not advance the reader's at-a-glance knowledge of the event itself. In many ways, these sentences are akin to the spoiler warnings that were once posted to almost every single article about a work of fiction. They detract from the rest of the article and are essentially there to placate the naivete of readers. I think that passage should be deleted outright, or at least re-worded and trimmed to sound less like a disclaimer from an informercial. --Jtalledo (talk) 00:03, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    On the contrary I find this as a need in the article, but I agree that It should be elsewhere. The sentence about the script writers should be their because it should denote that these feuds didn't just come out of nowhere. I also think the explanation about brands is necessary because a non wrestling reader wouldn't know what in the hell a brand is. I do agree that maybe the sentence about the explanation of pro wrestling should be altered. How about, "Nine professional wrestling matches involving wrestlers playing characters for the entertainment of the audience."?--SRX 00:20, 22 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 01:29, 22 August 2008 [50].

    Conan (2007 video game)

    Nominator(s): User:Jappalang
    previous FAC (01:14, 6 August 2008)

    For this nominated article, Conan, did you know that ...

    • Conan was designed to be as faithful to Robert E. Howard's literature as possible?
    • the visual style of Conan was based on that of Frank Frazetta's portrayals of the barbarian and the Hyborian world?
    • Arnold Schwarzenegger, who played Conan in the 1982 film, is backing a law to regulate the sales of Conan and other M-rated video games?

    With your attention captured, please take a look through this comprehensive article (reliably sourced to boot) on the video game and judge its suitability to be a Featured Article. Thank you. Jappalang (talk) 07:52, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments - sources look good, all links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 14:17, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Pending support - I only have some very, very nitpicky issues with the prose, some of which are highly debatable. I haven't looked at the Development and Reception sections yet, though. —This is part of a comment by Nousernamesleft (of 00:39, 15 August 2008 (UTC)), which was interrupted by the following: [reply]

    Nousernamesleft (talk) 00:39, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    One last comment: "Although architectures of the two consoles were very different," - should that be "the architectures"...? Nousernamesleft (talk) 21:20, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I am not certain either. Would it be redundant if we insert a definite article before "architectures"? Can anyone offer help on this? Jappalang (talk) 23:55, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Good catch, Nousernamesleft. I'll make it so. --AnnaFrance (talk — blunders) 12:56, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support—There might be a couple of minor issues with some of the text, but overall this article has addressed the issues raised during the first FAC. I think it covers the subject nicely and satisfies the FA criteria.—RJH (talk) 19:48, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 00:03, 20 August 2008 [51].

    Insane Clown Posse

    Nominator(s): Ibaranoff24
    previous FAC (08:03, 9 August 2008)


    Much work had been done during the previous nomination, and it was just beginning to gain support, but it was not promoted. A few minor changes have been made since, and I don't think there's much more that needs to be done. (Ibaranoff24 (talk) 03:31, 14 August 2008 (UTC))[reply]

    Support - Looking much better now. I'll just give a couple brief notes. Great job overall.

    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 00:03, 20 August 2008 [52].

    Alexandre Banza

    Nominator(s): Nishkid64 (Make articles, not wikidrama)


    This is an article about a Central African military officer and politician who participated in the Saint-Sylvestre coup (now FA). Nishkid64 (Make articles, not wikidrama) 21:34, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comment: The article is overall well-written. But is it possible to include an image of the person? Otolemur crassicaudatus (talk) 12:56, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comment: The writing needs polishing before it can be considered of FA standard. In the lead alone I found:

    • "In April 1968 Bokassa removed Banza from minister of finance position"
    • "Recognising the Bokassa's attempt...."
    • "To execute a coup d'etat..." is a rather clumsy phrase, which occurs twice in the lead. After the second time, the words "to topple the regime" are redundant - the purpose of a coup is implicit in the word.

    For the sake of NPOV, words like "megalomania" should not be used in the general narrative, unless you are specifically reporting the use of this term. In the same way, "Bokassa found the courage..." should be: "Reportedly, Bokassa found the courage...", with the appropriate citation. Also, I don't think "Plotting a coup of his own" is a suitably encyclopedic section heading.

    I have carried out one or two prose fixes in the text, but it really needs going over carefully. Brianboulton (talk) 14:27, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments

    This was quite a good read and well-written article. However, there were some issues that stood out to me that I felt should be addressed. I'm no biography expert, so I don't think they warrant opposition, but I don't feel comfortable supporting while they are present.

    That's all. Like I said, this is well written, looks to be well sourced, and is close to FA quality. I'll check back in later. Keep up the good work. (Guyinblack25 talk 23:05, 11 August 2008 (UTC))[reply]

    The words may not be on the list of peacock word examples, but I felt they portrayed the content in a pro-Banza light. Not that this isn't a tragic story, but it felt like it embellished things a bit. The other reason I consider them peacock words is because you could remove the words/reword the phrase and the sentence would not lose any meaning. (Guyinblack25 talk 04:30, 12 August 2008 (UTC))[reply]
    Looks good. The only thing left that I noticed was the family members not mentioned in the early life section. (Guyinblack25 talk 18:51, 13 August 2008 (UTC))[reply]
    Hmmm... Yeah, you're right. It does seem out of place. Unless a date of marriage is available, which I doubt. I guess leave the wife and kids where they were. The number of brothers is good though. This may be a stupid question, but are his parent's names known? (Guyinblack25 talk 20:02, 13 August 2008 (UTC))[reply]
    Okay, removed. I could not find any source mentioning his parents' names. Nishkid64 (Make articles, not wikidrama) 20:05, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments

    • The links for for the JSTOR articles needs to note that an JSTOR sub is required.
    Otherwise sources look okay, links checked with the link checker tool. Note I'm on the road the rest of this week, so replies may be delayed somewhat. I also was unable to check the non-English sources. Ealdgyth - Talk 23:45, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments

    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 00:03, 20 August 2008 [53].

    4X

    Nominator(s): Randomran (talk)


    I'm nominating this article for featured article status because there has been no other video game genre article that has reached featured article status. I am occasionally disappointed that most of the featured video games-related topics are about specific games. I think it's about time that we started focusing on topics that define video gaming in general, and that can help readers understand broad game concepts. This article is well-sourced, thorough, accurate, and neutral. I have attempted to get some advice to improve the writing style, and recently took a lot of great advice from a peer review. I believe this article may still need some work, but with your patience and guidance I hope to address every last criticism. Thanks in advance! Randomran (talk) 04:51, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    For the reference of other reviewers:

    If I had to summarize, the issues have been (1) improving verifiability by maintaining statements with reliable sources, (2) merging paragraphs and sections to improve organization, (3) reducing the use of individual game examples to make broader generalizations, and (4) copy-editing for consistent formatting, clearer grammatical structure, and less redundancy. I hope this can explain some of the history of this article. Randomran (talk) 18:29, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments

    Gary King (talk) 05:08, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments

    Issues resolved, Ealdgyth - Talk 12:44, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Ideally I'd like to see some print/web third-party source that relies on them for information, something like a big media company or something. Given that this isn't exactly highly contentious information, it might slide by without showing that, but it'd be better if we could demonstrate that. Ealdgyth - Talk 16:51, 27 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I'm not sure how I would go about finding this kind of thing. You mean this? You're not going to find many reliable gaming review sites relying on information from their competitors. Just as it's really rare to find the Washington Post talk about a New York Times article, unless the article itself became controversial. This guideline offers the standard that I've been using to assess reliability. PALGN has editorial review. Do you have any suggestions as to how else I might be able to show reliability? Randomran (talk) 18:55, 27 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Is the author one that is published in other magazines or sites? The main problem is that (correct me if I'm wrong, I've slept since I last read the article!) you're using a review of a game for information on the whole genre. If you were using the review as a review for the specific game, there would be no problem. It's taking the genre information that makes the author and/or site need to be more reliable than just a plain jane review. We need to know that their views on the genre are relaible. Ealdgyth - Talk 19:45, 27 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    For the two statements in the article, I've reinforced them with alternative references where the reliability is not disputed. On graphics: "strategy games for the most part kind of treat visuals as 'painting the house'. In other words, it's something that *has* to be done, but not something that's really considered from more than a utilitarian approach. With wanting to really add that eXperience aspect to MOO3, it was vitally important to bring the visuals up to a level that would not only get attention by the strategy players, but also attract gamers who tend to not look at the strat genre, and hopefully even attract some of the 'tourist' gamers." And the whole final paragraph of this article discusses the differences between 4X and RTS and states that "The research trees are much larger than those of most RTS games". So with that, I think those two statements are doubly referenced. Does that resolve our problem? Randomran (talk) 05:54, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Got it! Yay! Ealdgyth - Talk 12:44, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Otherwise sources look okay, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 12:41, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments

    • In ref one the magazine title needs italics. Check all.
      I fixed this, please check the rest. I think Giggy was misunderstood. He meant the title of the magazine, not the title of the article. It was backwards. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 03:05, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      Fortunately, that's the only reference that relies upon a magazine. So I think the rest of the references are okay. Randomran (talk) 06:20, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • First image caption really could have a lot more said in it. I mean, the scene being... um... screenshotted is a perfect example of most of the aspects of 4X.
    • http://www.1up.com/do/previewPage?cId=3157333 doesn't mention StarCraft or AoE at all ("Many strategy games arguably contain a similar "explore, expand, exploit, exterminate" cycle, including non-4X real-time strategy games such as Age of Empires or StarCraft.")
    • Ref 7 is one of few with a wlinked publisher. Be consistent. —Giggy 23:44, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • "The 4X genre saw an increase in published games in the mid-1990s, but were outsold by the real-time strategy genre in the late 1990s." - I think the "were" should be a "was". —Giggy 23:44, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • For ref 10, can you just say "All retrived on <DATE>"? —Giggy 01:55, 27 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • All above/below fixed, with this exception: Unfortunately, reference templates can be kind of a crude tool. I've been told repeatedly to use reference templates, so I'm stuck with that format. Randomran (talk) 09:51, 27 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        • Citation templates are certainly not a requirement. If I'm feeling energetic I'll try and fix this up at some stage. It's not a requirement. —Giggy 23:44, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Earth should be capitalised (noticed at "setting such as earth..." - check throughout).

    Got about halfway through, I'll look at the rest later. —Giggy 01:55, 27 July 2008 (UTC) More comments —Giggy 23:44, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Now up to the History header. More later. —Giggy 23:44, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Even more comments (everything above is fine)

    • Board game titles shouldn't be in italics (Risk, Civilization)
    • "was released on the Apple Macintosh" - does anyone still call it that? :-) Just use Mac or Macintosh (which is what the article is called, too).
    • "Spaceward Ho emphasized relatively simple gameplay that was still challenging. But 4X space games were ultimately more influenced by VGA Planets and its more complex gameplay" - merge these to one sentence?
    • Check overlinking in the Peak section; Meier and the Mac link (check its naming throughout) at a glance, there might be more.
    • real-time strategy must be linked at least 10 times in the article. Please check throughout (Ctrl+F is your friend).
      • Civilization (series/game articles) is/are also linked a lot.
    • "Game publishers eventually became risk-averse to releasing 4X games." - you've been talking about game publishers all article; does it need a wlink here?

    That's to the end. Please check throughout for overlinking; it's a rather big deal in this case. —Giggy 10:10, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    "Board game titles shouldn't be in italics (Risk, Civilization)"
    Say what? I'd say they certainly should (the WP MoS is silent on the exact subject), as another example of an 'extended creative work'. Only traditional games (specifically) don't get italicized or capitalized. Otherwise, they're titles the same as for novels, movies, or... video games. --Rindis (talk) 20:15, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I've just gone in and re-italicized them. Industry magazines such as Moves, Fire & Movement, and The Avalon Hill General have been italicizing board game titles for over 40 years, I see little reason to argue with them. --Rindis (talk) 03:56, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Good move. I think this makes it more readable. Thanks! Randomran (talk) 04:22, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Section break

    I'd like to think that I've addressed all the comments above. Some of them, such as the fair use of images or the reliability of sources, may be things that reasonable people can disagree upon. I think that I've explained why they are the way they are, and so these issues have been addressed. But if anyone would like to press these issues further, let me know. Otherwise, continue to identify issues in this article and I will do my best to address them. Randomran (talk) 19:25, 27 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • Object. The article has ample room for expansion; it should discuss more titles - like Lost Empire or Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri. Space Empires series and its III installment are mentioned, but what about relatively successful IV and V? Why aren't they mentioned? Master of Magic is mentioned, but not its more modern reincarnations (Age of Wonders, Dominions III). What about the open source projects like Free Orion? I'd like to see a graph with "4X games releases per year"; something about popularity of this genre (and sales) when compared to others (and trends, too). Why was MOO3 a spectacular failure - I believe it was a very widely talked about event in the 4X community, with lasting repercussions. Why do people still play old games like Stars!? Which games have the largest communities (for example, from what I read, Space Empire series friendliness to modders is an important factor).--Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| talk 18:17, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Disagree I appreciate your suggestions, but discussing multiple individual titles would drag the article off topic. Isn't that what the articles on Lost Empire, Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri, Space Empires IV, Space Empires V are for? There's also List of strategy video games. This isn't supposed to be comprehensive information about every game in the genre, but information about the genre as a whole. In fact, several peer reviews pushed the article away from a specific examples (e.g.: this game has this, that game has that) and more towards generalization (most games have this, most games have that). I'd love to see a graph about 4X games released by year, but that strikes me as original research. Otherwise, the genre is contrasted with RTSs in terms of popularity in the history section, and MOO3's reception is mentioned twice in the article to the degree that it's relevant to the genre's evolution. (Otherwise, its reception is better dealt with in its own article). I'm not going to act on these criticisms unless others can support the view that this is a legitimate problem. Randomran (talk) 18:37, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • We'll have to agree to disagree then. If there's a reliable secondary source that covers what a 4X game is and the significant milestones, I'd venture to say that it's in this article. If there were an article that talked about the sales cycles of 4X games in more detail, I would have found it. Short of covering every single game and engaging in original or unreliable research, it's comprehensive. Randomran (talk) 18:22, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • I think the article is enough for a general overview of the history of the genre, going through its origin, peak, and recent history (though perhaps the title of the last sub-section could be changed). Going into the specifics of each 4X game's impact on the gaming industry might be too detailed, and we have to consider how important all those details are (compared to the genre as a whole) when moving 5, 10, or many more years into the future. In the game's individual articles, perhaps, but the general focus of the current 4X article is sufficient in my view. Jappalang (talk) 02:10, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Image issues resolved, --MASEM 01:24, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Images (I know you've cut down the number, looking at specifics)
      • Image:Civ2.jpg:
        • I note you say reducing the size will reduce the quality of the image (you'll encure blurring), but I think the general gist of the image can still be told if it was reduced by 3/4th (600 by whatever that is).
        • The rationale should explain why this particular image, over any of the existing or possible free images, is unique (eg. why not use a free software screenshot that shows the map and info sidebars that are common to 4X games?) I understand how important the Civilization series is to the 4X genre, but if FreeCiv can provide the same type of image, why not use that?
          • Fixed? I've replaced it with a lower quality image and a better example of the points we need to communicate in the lead, with a more comprehensive fair use rationale. Does this fix the problem? Randomran (talk) 22:50, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • Image:Moo2GalaxyAndSystem400.png - actually , no problems, however, just wanted to point out that the other non-free images should the same type of explanation of what is unique on this screen to need it as non-free.
      • Image:GalCiv diplomacy 01.png
        • I think is a case where going too small hurts the image - being diplomacy, it is text based but at the present size it is too small to read it, thus making its usefulness per non-free hard to rationalize. I don't know if it helps taking a similar diplomacy shot from a smaller resolution game screen (less text, but will be legible when in lower resolution) or the like.
        • As with the Civ2.jpg image, make sure to explain what is going on and why needed for non-free use (sorta there in the rationale, just a bit more expansion)
      • Image:C-Evo UI A thumb.png
        • This appears to be a free image, but based on the licensing, is missing the free content license the game is licensed under. This needs to be corrected.
        • Assuming it is a free image, then there is no need to have it that small, and a full-screen version can be used to catch all the details of the game.
    • --MASEM 19:48, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • I believe the images to all be in NFCC and appropriate for the article. --MASEM 01:24, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment Given the number of images pulled from free software above, is there some way to mention the popularity of 4X games both in the free software market as well as massively multiplayer online web-based games? --MASEM 19:54, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Done I'm not sure if there's ever been a 4X MMO, but I added a mention of FreeCiv and C-Evo (since those were the two games I could find reliable third-party sources for). Randomran (talk) 22:50, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Other than those last two images that I will replace, ... let me know if I've addressed your concerns or if I need to take another shot. Randomran (talk) 22:50, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • Comments

    • "4X is a genre of strategy video game" - this is confusing. It sounds like it should be plural upon first read, but you realise it does make sense a few seconds later. Even though it's grammatically correct, could you consider rephrasing it for the benefit of readers?
    • "describe any game with similar game design" - second "game" is redundant to the first. Pipe the link.
    • "The earliest 4X games borrowed ideas from board games and from 1970s text-based computer games." - second "from" is redundant.
    • "In the new millennium, several 4X releases have been critically and commercially successful. One well-known 4X game is Sid Meier's Civilization, which popularized the level of detail that has become a staple of the genre." - here, it sounds like Civilization is a "new millenium" game, when it clearly isn't.
    • "in Computer Gaming World by Alan Emrich, where he rated the" - "where" he rated? How about "in which he rated"?
    • "Sometimes these four elements of gameplay are described as phases, which often overlap." - awkward. I see two plausible options: 1) remove the comma, and 2) "which" -> "and".

    Good work, the prose just needs some brushup. These are only examples, please copyedit the rest of the article as well. Nousernamesleft (talk) 01:13, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Support: Most of my initial issues were addressed in the last peer review, and reading through the above comments and the article again, it appears to have progressed even further. The article looks to be well-written, well sourced with reliable sources, and fairly comprehensive. It may be a bit weak in detailing the reception of the genre, but I feel it still conveys the major points of that by detailing the overall history. This is fine example of what an article about a genre should be. (Guyinblack25 talk 22:56, 30 July 2008 (UTC))[reply]

    Comments: What makes MobyGames a reliable authority on what constitutes a genre? MobyGames is not particularly a reliable source, and most books have only considered it as a good site to go to for the credits (i.e. ludography). Hence, there is no issue with its use to prove Sid Meier's involvement with Civilization. However, the current article ([54]) seems to imply it is a game reviewer, as in "Game reviewers have confirmed [...] Even though MobyGames uses this requirement", and a reliable source for classifying the 4X genre (per the 18 references to "Moby Games' 4x games Group Description"—ref [3] and [10]). Could there be less (or no) reliance on this source for the genre specification? Jappalang (talk) 01:55, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • I've taken efforts to reduce the reliance on Mobygames. I don't think it's completely unreliable, but I've gone to efforts to reinforce the most central points of the article with other reliable references. I think this was something that should have been fixed a long time ago: the article relied on MobyGames and then turned around and said it was wrong anyway. The other sources do a better job defining the genre, and are more reliable. Let me know if that helps. Randomran (talk) 05:56, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      Yes, your changes have done a lot to ease my mind on reading the article. I strike my comments on reading this version. This is one video game genre article that fully deserves the chance to be judged at FAC. It is comprehensive, fairly accessible to the general readers, and reliably sourced. Jappalang (talk) 06:17, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    question - A number of free screetshots have been used in this article, however there remains Image:Sins of a Solar Empire - Diplomacy.jpg which is there to show diplomacy, do no free games have this option, and if not is it really indicitive of this genre? (The Image:Moo2GalaxyAndSystem400.png has a nonsence rationale) Fasach Nua (talk) 13:29, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    On the Moo picture, it's rationale is fine - it may not be in the preferred FUR template, but it hits all key points for NFC including why its being used here in 4x. --MASEM 13:35, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I looked pretty aggressively for images that summarized the diplomacy. None of the open source games seemed to have any. Perhaps they only have a rudimentary diplomacy model. Either way, if someone were able to find an alternative picture, I would welcome them to replace it. The fair use rationale on this is pretty tight, though. Randomran (talk) 04:01, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Leaning support - some questions however:
    • "Many 4X games were published in the mid-1990s, but they were outsold by real-time strategy games by the late 1990s" Perhaps it should be explained how RTS and 4X differ then, if 4X can be real-time as well?
    • Why are there citations in the lead?
    • "Gaming authorities have stated that 4X games are distinguished by their greater complexity and scale,[17] and their intricate use of diplomacy beyond the standard "friend or foe" seen in other strategy games.[18] Game reviewers" - why not state who these authorities/reviewers are?
    • "...was considered the PC game of the year according to several major game news websites and reviewers" - again, name them, or a few of them.

    --Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs (talk) 16:14, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Done, with the exception of removing the citations in the lead. There have been past discussions where editors have criticized certain statements for their point of view, and as such they have been attributed. If anyone feels strongly enough about removing these references, I encourage them to be WP:BOLD and remove them. All these statements are re-stated and referenced in the main body of the article. Randomran (talk) 05:49, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments - Sorry I came late. I'll try to do a brief review.

    • Is it possible to find page numbers for the two printed references (Nos. 1 and 35)? Don't worry if you can't, but it's always better to provide the most details possible.
    • Does economic need to be linked in the lead?
    • Definition: Okay, I'm officially worried about overlinking. Scouts is questionable, but do we really need map or resources linked? Are there any gaming articles that expand upon these concepts?
    • Combat: Galactic Civilizations was linked in a previous section.
    • Complexities: "On the other hand, Master of Orion III' reduced..." Excess apostrophe.
    • History, Origin: This sentence needs work: "Spaceward Ho! is notable for its similarity to Master of Orion released in 1993..." I think another comma will fix this.
    • Recent history, by Civilization IV: Hyphen for second best?
    • "over 8 million copies" Numbers below 10 are usually spelled out. Don't change any game titles, though. Another example later: 6th best.

    Since I promised a fast review, that's it from me. Giants2008 (17-14) 01:00, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

      • Done except for adding the page number for the second print reference. I'm not sure which reference you were talking about, so I couldn't fix it. But I did add page numbers to the first one. Randomran (talk) 03:34, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        If the second print reference was for Master of Orion - Game manual by Steve Barcia (ref 45), I believe Randomran has fixed it by now. Jappalang (talk) 00:56, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        • Support prose - First, I must apologize because I gave you a wrong number. The reference is number 25 (Sid Meier's Civilization II manual). I will only comment on the writing since I'm not sure what is considered comprehensive for this kind of article. From a general size vantage point, some further expansion is possible, but as a non-expert on strategy games I don't know what specifically could be added. Oh, and the hyphen in the instruction manual (ref 1) should be replaced by an en dash. Giants2008 (17-14) 03:30, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Spot check: History, origin

    • "Also drawing on earlier 4X games such as Reach for the Stars,[1][58] Master of Orion set a new standard for 4X games and is considered a classic"—Clause-initial "also" raises alarm bells. Why not "Master of Orion, which also draws [drew?] on earlier 4X games such as Reach for the Stars,[1][58] set a new standard for 4X games and is considered a classic." Easier order of info for the reader, yes?
    • Hmmm ... it's rather heavily imbued with ref citations: just about every sentence. I wonder whether you could remove a few without disadvantage to the verification? Usually, once readers know where the info comes from, you can get away with a little assertion that is not precisely, locally, cited. The more contentious and specific-paraphrase kind of info, yes, but see what you can do. This comes under the requirement of a "professional standard" of formatting. Like overlinking, overciting can make the reading harder.

    I think the prose is generally quite good. Tony (talk) 06:05, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    PS " Game publishers eventually became risk-averse to releasing 4X games."—surely the development, not the release, is the expensive bit. "sixth-best". Tony (talk) 06:07, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • Done with the exception of removing citations. This article has been the subject of a lot of peer reviews challenging the veracity of certain statement. It was even subject of a threat of non-notability and AFD at one point. I know it's not pretty, but I'd rather err on the side of caution. Randomran (talk) 06:25, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • There's probably a few that can be removed without harm - basically if you are citing the same source within one to three sentences of its previous use, and its a continuation of the same thought, it's probably only needed once (as long as either doesn't contain direct quoting that needs that source). For example, the early definition of each "X" is one case that you may only need it once (though I can see this being a contentious area) while the paras about certain games have this too. --MASEM 19:24, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comment - All references check out with the Doi bot. --Meldshal42? 19:33, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • As I said, when the density of references starts to clutter the reading process, you know there's something wrong. Antagonists in previous review processes should probably have been challenged, because now there's an unnecessary problem. No, don't err on the side of caution: try to get a better balance. I strongly recommend some pruning. Tony (talk) 13:52, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • Can you point to a particular paragraph? It might help our discussion if we could focus on a specific example of unreadability, and discuss how to remove citations without harming verifiability or provoking original research. Randomran (talk) 18:24, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Yeah, let's have a quick look at the short section, "Definition".
    • Two in a row (Ref 1, Ref 1): just leave the second one, unless the first is for a particularly contentious statement; but it's not, here, is it? The two sentences are closely related, and could indeed be glued together with a semicolon.

    The term "4X" originates from a 1993 preview of Master of Orion in Computer Gaming World by Alan Emrich, in which he rated the game "XXXX" as a pun on the XXX rating for pornography.[1] The four X's were an abbreviation for explore, expand, exploit, exterminate.[1]

    • You could remove all citations from the lead that appear in the body of the text in support of the same or similar statements.
    • Doubled up: "Sometimes these four elements of gameplay are described as phases which often overlap.[11][12]". Ref 12 ("Pyro") is already one of the two sources in the just-cited ref 10. If you'd needed to slip it in somewhere as a unique source, well, maybe, but just Ref 11 alone will do, since readers are apt to assume that your refs are "for example" refs. In addition, this is bloatng your reference section. While it needs to be a certain size, beyond that, it's not convincing anyone. Quality, not quantity! You could lose a third of the citation numbers and no one would complain, I suspect. Look at a few other FAs for guidance.

    An hour or two spent weeding 'em out would instantly improve the attractiveness of the text, visually and in the reading experience. BTW, the "Sometimes" sentence would be better as "These four elements of gameplay have been described as phases that often overlap." Tony (talk) 02:40, 17 August 2008 (UTC) PS And MoS breach in "four X's"—no apostrophe, please.[reply]

    • Despite a few objections, I've swept the lead clean of references. Everything in the article is already referenced, and referencing the lead isn't necessary. I've started to deal with redundant referencing. To be clear, you are concerned about double referencing such as [a][b]? Randomran (talk) 05:14, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • As above, certainly consecutive a, a. And when there's a reference for consecutive sentences, see if they're close enough to share the second ref alone (sometimes not, I guess, but check). Particularly where a statement is not contentious, consider citing only one ref for a statement that now has two; the reader expects them to be "for example" refs. Only cite two if they provide different angles that you think are important, or if it's a contentious statement that you think might need to be bolstered by more than one ref. Tony (talk) 13:29, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        • Done? I've gone to a lot of effort to reduce consecutive references, and double-referencing. I think going any further would begin to compromise verifiability. If you compare the current version to this old version, I think you'll be pleased, even if it's not as minimal as other articles. This just happens to be a difficult topic to research, with a few contentious facts. Still, if you think there are any paragraphs that are particularly unreadable, we can try to handle them on a case by case basis. Randomran (talk) 00:43, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Support—Seems pretty good now. There were only a couple of issues I wasn't able to clarify:

    • "These four elements of gameplay have been described as phases which often overlap." The article fails to explain the use of the word "phases" here. Does this mean a phase (as a subcomponent) of each game turn, or a phase (as an interval) of the full game?
    • "...can demand several minutes to play a single turn." Is a maximum of several minutes typical? This seems pretty short to me. I take it a game can consist of hundreds of turns? (Example given: (12 hours/game)/(2-3 minutes/turn) => 240-360 turns.)

    Thanks.—RJH (talk) 19:45, 19 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 04:26, 18 August 2008 [55].

    Leonard Harrison State Park

    Nominator(s): Ruhrfisch and Dincher (talk)


    We are nominating this article for featured article because we believe that is represents some of the best work that wikipedia has to offer regarding state parks. It follows two FAs as models (Black Moshannon State Park and Worlds End State Park) and has undergone an extensive peer review (thanks to Dtbohrer and Jackyd101), which is archived on the talk page. Ruhrfisch and Dincher (talk) 22:17, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    comment - It would be nice if the Image:Leonard Harrison2.jpg could have it's copyright status confirmed Fasach Nua (talk) 09:14, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thanks, I will email the park and see if they can clarify it Ruhrfisch ><>°° 10:10, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    What is the status on this image? SandyGeorgia (Talk) 17:02, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I am pretty sure that Ruhrfisch has yet to hear back from PADCNR. Dincher (talk) 17:05, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I emailed the park on August 13th, right after my comment above. I have yet to hear anything back from them. Usually Pennsylvania state park personnel are quick to reply if they know the answer, so my guess is they are still looking for a date. I do note the use of the image in the article is covered by a valid fair use claim - it just appears that Mr. Harrison is younger than age 73 in the image, which would make it a free (pre-1923 publication) image if this could be confirmed. Ruhrfisch ><>°° 17:15, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments - sources look good, links all checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 13:12, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thanks very much for checking the links Ruhrfisch ><>°° 16:25, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comment Pennsylvania Desert image divorced from relevant content. Should be relocated. --Dweller (talk) 13:35, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • Thanks for pointing this out - the idea was to include it here to show the cause of all the lost species. I have changed the caption to read Clearcutting led to the "Pennsylvania Desert", caused local extinction of many species, and changed the seasonal flow of streams. to try and make it clearer why this image is here. If that still does not work for you, I think we could move it into the Lumber section of History. Please let us know what you think of it with the new caption. Ruhrfisch ><>°° 16:25, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Support Comments by Ben MacDui

    Lead

    • Opening sentence seems overly long and clumsy. It includes “Pennsylvania” twice, “state park” twice and “in” thrice. Do we need to know the precise address in the lead? “Leonard Harrison State Park is a 585-acre (237 ha) nature reserve in Tioga County, Pennsylvania in the United States.” or similar?
    • The refs in the infobox are italicised. This seems to be a standard park infobox procedure, although I am not sure why.
    • ”named one of "10 great places to take a bike tour" in the world” Doubtless verifiable, although there is a suggestion of hyperbole here. What were the criteria – what were the others? I don’t need to know the answers, but UK newspapers do a “50 best beaches/restaurants/castles/river walks etc. etc.” on a regular basis and the lists are hardly ever the same. If you are sure the trail is a truly world class candidate I’m not in a position to contest that.
      • It is a national newspaper in the US (a rare beast) and the list was from Patricia Vance, author of bicycle touring guides. It was one of only five places in the continental United States on the list. I have hiked chunks of the trail, but not ridden it. Since the focus of the article is the park and only about one mile of the trail is in the park, I have left the USA Today quote in the Trails section, but changed the lead to Since 1996, the 63.4-mile (102.0 km) long Pine Creek Rail Trail has followed the creek through the park. Hopefully this is better? Ruhrfisch ><>°° 17:59, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Native Americans

    • The first two sentences do not seem quite right to me. I had to read it twice to understand that the second clause of the first sentence and the second sentence were referring to different peoples (I think) and “stone tools” is repeated. Suggest “Humans have lived in what is now Pennsylvania since at least 10,000 BC. The first settlers were Paleo-Indian nomadic hunters known from their stone tools.[15][16] The hunter-gatherers of the Archaic period, which lasted locally from 7000 to 1000 BC, used a greater variety of more sophisticated stone artefacts.” You could also link “stone tool”
    • ”whose earliest recorded inhabitants “ you tell us when they left but it would be interesting to know either the date of the records or when they arrived.
      • The earliest recorded contact with the Susquehannocks I am aware of is when Captain John Smith of Jamestown met some near the mouth of the Susquehanna River in 1608, while sailing around Chesepeake Bay. He did not even make it to their main towns in what is now Lancaster County, Pennsylvania. let alone all the way upstream to Pine Creek. By the time colonists got to the Pine Creek area, the Susquehannocks were pretty much wiped out (and they left no written records I am aware of). As for dates of their arrival, that is only guesswork - the problem is most of what we know of the Susquehannocks is either from limited early contacts (they were big players in the beaver pelt trade in southeast Pennsylvania, perhaps part of why the Iroquois attacked them) or vague accounts from the Iroquois or archeological evidence that is thought to be from them. I am not sure how to succinctly include this in the article, but will mull it over. Suggestions welcome. Thanks, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 19:39, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        • I suggest a footnote alluding to the early 17th century. Ben MacDui 09:06, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
          • There is now a footnote that reads The earliest written record of contact with the Susquehannocks comes from Captain John Smith of Jamestown, who met members of the tribe near the mouth of the Susquehanna River on Chesepeake Bay in 1608. The tribe controlled the Susquehanna drainage basin and are believed to have lived there for at least a few centuries prior to this contact. Hopefully this is clearer. Thanks, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 18:49, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • ”however some isolated bands” might be better as “although some isolated bands”

    Lumber era

    • “The demand for lumber slowly increased and by the time of the American Revolution the lumber industry” “Lumber” appears twice and starts the next sentence too: “The demand for wood products slowly increased”?
    • ”Each 1 acre”. Surely “Each acre”?
    • ”while the last log drive on Little Pine Creek and Pine Creek was in 1905. The west rim, which became Colton Point State Park, had a logging railroad by 1903, which was able to harvest lumber on Fourmile Run that had been inaccessible before.” Do you mean “drives” and if not there is an implication of a later drive on some other tributary and Pine Creek. “had been inaccessible before that” or "had been previously inaccessible.” might be better.
      • Changed it to while the last log drive in the Pine Creek watershed started on Little Pine Creek in 1905. There is a great photo of this last drive here. Just as a note, there were other log drives elsewhere on the West Branch Susquehanna River and its tributaries until 1909, when the Susquehanna Boom closed. Changed the inaccessible phrase to your version, thanks, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 19:39, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Ecology

    Recreation

    • ”persons using the rustic camping facilities in 2003.[2] Rustic campsites had no modern amenities” I’m confused – did they stop being rustic after 2003? "have no modern"?
      • Thanks, I tried to make it clearer - now reads Camping is a popular pastime at Leonard Harrison State Park, with 3,511 persons using the rustic camping facilities in 2003.[2] The DCNR classifies camping facilities as "rustic" if they do not have flush toilets or showers. The DCNR has since renovated the park camping area, building modern bathrooms with flush toilets and hot showers, and no longer considers it "rustic". Is this better? Ruhrfisch ><>°° 20:27, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • “may be fished during trout season” missing “the”?
    Agree with Ruhr again, I am a local and I don't think I have ever heard 'the' used before any sort of hunting or fishing season. Dincher (talk) 21:54, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Do Scottish tourists tell the locals how cute this sounds?
    They try, but the locals are too busy admiring their accents, kilts, and sporrans. Ruhrfisch ><>°° 18:49, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Refs

    • If You Go: Two State Parks, Divided by a Canyon.. What was retrieved? Ditto refs 37-9. Square brackets look wrong in #53, (pdf) missing in 57.
      • I have online access to the New York Times, but it is a fee-based service, so I removed the URLs but not the accessdate. They are gone now. The square brackets were from using "origdate" instead of "date" in the cite template, good catch. PDF is in too, thanks Ruhrfisch ><>°° 20:27, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Finally, good work. Ben MacDui 14:12, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thanks so much for you careful reading and thoughtful comments. I am working on replying to them. Ruhrfisch ><>°° 17:49, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • PS You are lucky to have porcupines, but “layers of ancient rock” – I’ll show you "ancient".
    Although sadly further away. Ben MacDui 09:06, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks for the support! Dincher (talk) 19:11, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    CommentsSupport by Choess (talk)

    • Lead: In the first sentence of the first paragraph, I might change "the gorge" to "its gorge", but I don't insist on it. Just feels a little better somehow. The second sentence of the second paragraph feels like a run-on: "Native Americans once used...later this was used by lumbermen..." I'd break the sentence before "Later" and restate it as "The path was later used by lumbermen...". In the third paragraph, I think there should be a comma after "second-growth forest".
      • I prefer "the gorge" (and I think it is the second sentence) - "its gorge" seems too possessive, especially since the Pine Creek Gorge is 47 miles long and this park is about 1 mile of one side of that. Sentence split and comma inserted, thanks Ruhrfisch ><>°° 21:13, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Pine Creek Gorge: "Natural Area" should probably be consistently capitalized.
    • Native Americans: "Artefacts" should be "artifacts" (American vs British spelling?). Wikify date for formatting.
    • Lumber era: Wikify dates. "rafts of spars floated" should perhaps read "rafts of spars were floated". It might be helpful to add a parenthetical note after "...to allow loose logs to float better" to explain why dam construction helped the logs float better—and I see we need a stub for splash dam. Hmmm, I'll have to see if I have a relevant Taber volume to source it. Replace "log drives had up to" with "log drives floated up to" for clarity. Use an unspaced mdash in the photo caption.
    • Nessmuk and Leonard Harrison: Move the sentence beginning "Nessmuk's words..." to the end of the first paragraph. Use an unspaced ndash between birth and death dates in the photo captions. Maybe change "substantial amount of acreage" to "substantial amount of land"? The former sounds a little odd to me. Change "the era" to "that era". End the sentence with "descent of the logs"; it's already been explained where the sawmills are. "invited to public to enjoy of beauty of Pine Creek Gorge." should read "invited the public to enjoy the beauty of Pine Creek Gorge." The sentence about Tioga State Forest is confusing, because we've been talking about the land in the gorge that's part of the park. I had to go back and look at the map. Try to explain that the land that went to the State Forest surrounds the park and gorge. (Or was the park part of the forest at the time?)
    Fixed these except for the last bit which I will leave alone for now. Not sure how to handle it. Dincher (talk) 21:48, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The park was doanted in 1922 and the state forest in 1925, so Leonard Harrison was not part of the forest. (Not in this article, but since Colton Point was not established until 1936, I believe it was taken from state forest lands, of course it was a "State Forest Park" then too.) Anyway, I think I got a better explanation of the Tioga State Forest now. Thanks, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 03:20, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Modern era: Use unspaced ndash between 1933 and 1936. Is it accurate to replace "lumber paths" with "logging roads," IMO a more familiar term?
    n dash added switched from lumber paths to logging roads, good suggestion. Dincher (talk) 21:27, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Ecology: the names of animals should not be capitalized, with the exception of the proper noun "American" in "American bison". Add a comma after "Further upstream".
    Comma added. Dincher (talk) 21:19, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • State Natural Area and wildlife: Omit the comma after "second growth forest" here. More decapitalization for the trees. Add comma after "Prior to the lumber era".
    commas moved. Dincher (talk) 21:16, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Trails: link "red pines".
    Linked and removed two peacock words. Dincher (talk) 21:16, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Hunting, fishing, and whitewater: decapitalization.

    A fine job, as usual. This is my first detailed FAC comment, so I hope this is useful. Choess (talk) 19:45, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • Thanks very much for your careful reading of the article and very useful suggestions - we will work through these. Two notes before that: first, date linking is no longer required by the MOS and User:Tony1 actually delinked all the dates in the last FAC I nominated; second, the article follows the convention that the names of species are capitalized, while the names of genera etc. are not. This is currently being discussed at WIkipedia Talk:Manual of Style and follows the convention used in the two model state park FAs. Ruhrfisch ><>°° 20:52, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Thanks for the comments and careful reading. The conversation about caps will probably just cause confusion and frustration. Not recommended reading. =) Dincher (talk) 21:16, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • Too late. Sweet suffering Sasquatch! And people are wondering why I don't engage in more policy discussions. I'm tired just from reading that section. Well, I stand wholly corrected in regards to two important formatting issues. Choess (talk) 02:40, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • I believe we've covered most the the suggestions. Thanks again. I left the part about Tioga State Forest in the Nessmuk section for Ruhr. Let us know of any other suggestions. Dincher (talk) 21:50, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        • Looks good. Switching to support. I do have some more style issues to raise, although they're not dealbreakers:
          1. Another sentence or two about the JSPC&B Ry. might be worthwhile, to emphasize the fact that it was part of a through coal line rather than a logging railroad. I think that's my department, so I'll try to add something. Sentence added; keep it if you like it.
          2. The last two paragraphs of "Modern era" are a little jarring; lots of facts in chronological order, but not necessarily a clear flow between them. (I know I do this in my own stuff too.) Maybe this could be rearranged into one paragraph about publicity and one about improvements, or something like that?
          3. It's a little jarring to see the end of passenger train service mentioned without having really discussed what that meant for the gorge. I've searched around to see if I could find documentation of NYC specials for sightseeing in the gorge or at the park, but no luck so far. I'll let you know if I find anything. (Also, it should probably say "regular passenger service"; Lancaster Chapter NRHS had an excursion to the gorge as late as 1987!) Choess (talk) 02:40, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
            • 1) The RR sentence looks good. 2) I worried a bit about organization of the Modern era section - see this here - second paragraph - and can try to reorganize the section based on that idea. 3) Will add "regular". Owlett and Dillon do not mention these excursions in their books on the gorge, though Owlett does metnion some wanted a steam excursion train instead of a rail trail. Ruhrfisch ><>°° 03:44, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thanks for the support. I'll be busy IRL this weekend, a tree fell in my yard and I finally have the chainsaw to clean it up. Here's to hoping I have all my limbs at the end of the weekend.Dincher (talk) 03:01, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thanks from me too - I made a few more comments above and have a few more yet to add, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 03:20, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Support and comments and license check: Having not looked at this article until this evening, I did three sets of things. First, I added a few missing no-break codes, changed a bit of punctuation, and fixed two or three typos. Second, I compiled comments on the following few small things:

    • Lead: Should the last sentence of the first paragraph specify "western" terminus of Route 660 since the highway has two?
    • Native Americans, second paragraph, first sentence: A drainage basin isn't a "who". How about "... drainage basin, the earliest recorded inhabitants of which... "?
    • Native Americans, last paragraph: "as it was unclear if the border" might be better as "as it was unclear whether the border".
    • Lumber era, second paragraph: Should Owlett be rendered as Steven E. Owlett on first mention in the text and identified in some way by area of expertise?
    • Modern era, first sentence: Delete the extra word "some" from "some time"? Ditto for "just" in the phrase "just one" in the second paragraph? Ditto "now" in "achievements of the CCC now stands"?
    • Ecology, last paragraph. Maybe "canoes" would be better. I hope they had more than one.
      • On rereading the source, I changed the sentence to In 1794, two of the earliest white explorers to travel up Pine Creek found so many rattlesnakes on its banks that they had to sleep in their canoe. They also saw a herd of nearly 200 elk on Pine Creek and put a roof of tree bark and clay (with a smoldering smokey fire on top) over their canoe to keep the bugs out, while they slept inside (but I tried to limit the detail) Ruhrfisch ><>°° 15:31, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Important Bird Area, second paragraph. "Used" rather than "utilized"? Last paragraph: "are more often heard rather than seen" might be better as "are more often heard than seen".

    Third, I checked the licenses on all of the images in the article, and they look fine. In the interest of full disclosure, I should say that I've never checked the licenses on anything at FAC before, but I thought this would be a good article to start with after reading User:Elcobbola's most helpful tutorial. Finetooth (talk) 03:58, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thanks very much for your copyedits, helpful comments, image check and support. I am calling it a night, but will attend to your suggestions tomorrow. They all look quite reasonable, except I think there really were just two guys in one canoe - I will double check tomorrow against Owlett. Ruhrfisch ><>°° 04:17, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks for the support, comments and suggestions. Dincher (talk) 14:28, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    User:Tony1's response, copied from User:SandyGeorgia's talk page:

    Sandy, the triple hyphenated expression is always going to be a problem when inserting a conversion. The simple solution is to remove the redundant word:
    Thanks to both of you, I have made the needed changes, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 01:40, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Of course once I made the changes, Tony had another idea on his talk page:

    I will leave it as changed for now, but welcome any comments and am OK with either formulation. Ruhrfisch ><>°° 02:14, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 04:26, 18 August 2008 [56].

    2005 Azores subtropical storm

    Nominator(s): Plasticup T/C


    After a thorough re-writing, I'm nominating this article for featured article because it is as near to "completion" as anyone could ask for. There isn't a lot of information out there on this unnamed storm, but everything available has been assimilated into this short but comprehensive article. Plasticup T/C 16:01, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • Comment The fact that we're continuously flooding FAC with tropical cyclone articles aside, ;) sources and MoS compliance looks good. Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 16:10, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comment: Short, but very well-written and detailed. Another good piece of work from the tropical cyclone/meteorology/you know what I'm talking about department. Although a few things did catch my eye.
      • Both images check out copyright-wise. Good!
      • "the system had a well-defined center convecting about a warm core—the hallmark of a subtropical storm." - Is that the proper dash/hyphen for the ocassion? And no spaces between core and the dash, and the dash and hallmark is correct? It could be, but I'm short on time and can't read through the MoS right now. Please fix if necessary.
      • In the lead (first para., last sentence), you say "No damage nor fatalities were reported." But in the "Impact, naming, and records" section, you say "No damage or fatalities were reported." - Which is correct: "Or" or "nor"? I think or is grammatically correct, but I may be wrong. Even if both are acceptable, they should be the same for consistency throughout the article.
    All in all, very well done. This should get up to FA status in no time. Calor (talk) 16:29, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Juliancolton is the resident WP:DASH expert, so if he didn't have a problem with that dash I think it's okay. And I remember looking it up when I was writing that sentence, so I believe that it is the right dash.
    With regards to or/nor, I think that nor is correct or is correct. Again, I'm not 110% sure and a grammarian is welcome to confirm. Plasticup T/C 16:58, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Alright, I trust Juliancolton's judgment with MoS and MoS-related things. As for nor/or, well, further input from people knowledgeable in grammar would be nice, as you said. Calor (talk) 19:35, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Yep, just confirming that those dashes are used appropriately. –Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 19:40, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The language desk says it is "or", so that's what I am going with. Plasticup T/C 21:54, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Ok. All my issues are resolved. Support. Calor (talk) 02:04, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Strongly opposed. Sorry, but as others have said, there are already numerous Featured Articles about storms etc. Not saying that this is a direct reason why this shouldnt be included, but it must be considered that in comparison to the other featured articles on storms, this one is extremely short and therefore obviously doesn't provide as much information as the other standard articles of the same subject. Putting this as a Featured Article would be really generous considering such. Sorry, but if its not a storm that arouses as much information, then it cant be notable enough to be exemplified as Wikipedia's best and most useful work. Domiy (talk) 07:16, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      That is not really actionable. There is probably more information about the storm here than anywhere else, but how is that the article's fault? Titoxd(?!? - cool stuff) 07:31, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    1. I don't follow the logic that there being lots of tropical cyclone FAs diminishes the quality of this article. There are lots of Movie, History, and Warfare articles too. But more importantly this complaint is not actionable.
    2. As for length, there are two arguments that you could be trying to make. You could be saying that this storm does not deserve an article (in which case, if you really think that you have a case under WP:N or the like, you can boldly nominate it for deletion) or you could be saying that this article is not comprehensive (in which case I would argue that this page is the most authoritative compilation of information on this record-breaking storm). Plasticup T/C 10:48, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    1. Also, keep in mind that an actionable oppose must "relate to WP:WIAFA and 2) specifically identify something that is possible to fix." I'm not seeing how your oppose, Domiy, applies to that at all. –Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 13:12, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Keep it on topic please. It shouldn't how many FAs there are in a given topic. If the FAs are unbalanced, it's unfortunate, but that doesn't degrade the quality of this particular article. Not an actionable oppose. PeterSymonds (talk) 13:19, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments - sources look good, links all checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 13:00, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]


    I just think that this article is too short. I would be absolutely fine with it (because it is well written etc) if there werent already numerous other FA's on the exact same subject. Furthermore, if this one could compare in content with those others. It may be possible to expand this article, see if there are any details you have left out or could possibly add in. Really, lets all think about it. If we star allowing such short articles to be added as 'Wikipedia's best content', then we would be diminishing the entire rareness and specialness of Featured Articles. There are very few of them for a reason you know! If we allow this, then it wont be fair unless we allow all the other short candidates that come up. If that continues, the Featured Article purpose won't be needed anymore because the majority of articles will already be an acceptable candidate. Look at most of the other FA's, they are all large in length and have many details to expand upon, which they do. This one is too short. It's definately worth an article, but a Featured Article? I really object. Really, we dont want to give out the idea that articles are that easy to get as an FA. This would mean everybody would think its acceptable to focus completely on one article, build it up slightly and ensure it is worded nicely and then its an FA. That is way too easy! As I said before, try to expand on it! If not, then I'm sorry, but short articles diminish the whole purpose of Featured Article content exemplifying WP's best work! It just doesnt offer as much content as you would expect or desire. Domiy (talk) 22:55, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Plasticup, also please take a look at this:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia_talk:Featured_article_candidates#Something_very_wrong_with_FAC

    If that article was rejected unfairly because of some ridiculously minor issues (even though it is an extremely good article) then it would be completely unfair to allow this one again. This Zappa article at hand in the link is really good, as I responded, I have no interest in the music or the composer, but his article really got me. It just has that spark we are looking for. A few well written paragraphs with a couple of images and a max of 10 references really doesn't meet the common FA standards according to other articles. We also have to consider how likely the article is to be read. Again, this may not be a strict FA criteria but just think about it. It happened 3 years ago and as it states, there were no fatalities or major damage. It's just another one of those small things that managed to find their way on WP. Domiy (talk) 23:11, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I don't think an article has to be big in order to be good. In my mind the FA-star indicates that the article is as close to perfect as possible. It does not indicate that the topic of that article is particularly interesting, exceptionally notable, or capable of filling a 40kb page. You are criticizing the topic of this article, not the article itself. Your argument precludes this article from ever reaching FA status, no matter how perfectly it describes its subject. Furthermore, your argument that Frank Zappa failed and therefore others should fail is bordering on the absurd. You are upset that the FAC process prevented recognition of a great article, and your solution is to oppose short FACs? I don't see the connection nor do I see how your reaction solves the problems that plagued Frank Zappa's nomination. Plasticup T/C 01:08, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Oh, and could you point me to the "numerous other FA's on the exact same subject"? I wish I had seem them before—they could have saved me a lot of trouble. Plasticup T/C 01:08, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    This is way off topic for this page, but let's take it a point at a time:
    I just think that this article is too short. I would be absolutely fine with it (because it is well written etc) if there werent already numerous other FA's on the exact same subject.
    That is something that the editors of this article have no control over.
    It may be possible to expand this article, see if there are any details you have left out or could possibly add in.
    That's part of the point of doing this—to try to identify any possible deficiencies in the article. However, arguing for hypothetical deficiencies does nothing to help address them.
    If we star allowing such short articles to be added as 'Wikipedia's best content', then we would be diminishing the entire rareness and specialness of Featured Articles.
    This is not even the shortest featured article, and this has been discussed several times before: what matters is that an article is comprehensive, not long.
    There are very few of them for a reason you know!
    Yes, because making featured articles is hard. There's never been an FA cap.
    If we allow this, then it wont be fair unless we allow all the other short candidates that come up.
    Which is already the case.
    If that continues, the Featured Article purpose won't be needed anymore because the majority of articles will already be an acceptable candidate.
    FA status is not a rotating trophy, as much as it is a certification.
    Look at most of the other FA's, they are all large in length and have many details to expand upon, which they do.
    Not really. See Hurricane Irene (2005) for another example.
    This one is too short. It's definately worth an article, but a Featured Article? I really object.
    Again, length has been pretty much defined to be a non-issue. What can be added to this article? Be specific.
    Really, we dont want to give out the idea that articles are that easy to get as an FA. This would mean everybody would think its acceptable to focus completely on one article, build it up slightly and ensure it is worded nicely and then its an FA. That is way too easy!
    Only that when articles are not fleshed out completely, and people indicate what should be added, the FACs fail. Just saying "it needs more" doesn't help focus efforts.
    As I said before, try to expand on it!
    As I said before, point out what can be expanded.
    If not, then I'm sorry, but short articles diminish the whole purpose of Featured Article content exemplifying WP's best work! It just doesnt offer as much content as you would expect or desire.
    Again, you can point out what kind of content you would expect for this article.
    If that article was rejected unfairly because of some ridiculously minor issues (even though it is an extremely good article) then it would be completely unfair to allow this one again.
    What happened to that article (which happen to be actionable objections over prose and flaws with the article) has nothing to do with this article.
    A few well written paragraphs with a couple of images and a max of 10 references really doesn't meet the common FA standards according to other articles.
    All FAs have to meet WP:WIAFA. That's the common standard. You have failed to point out where the article fails that standard.
    We also have to consider how likely the article is to be read. Again, this may not be a strict FA criteria but just think about it. It happened 3 years ago and as it states, there were no fatalities or major damage. It's just another one of those small things that managed to find their way on WP.
    Since when has that been part of the FA criteria? Also, you didn't consider that this article could be used as part of a specialized encyclopedia release, such as a WikiReader. In either case, that has nothing to do with this article.
    Overall, your objection doesn't help improve the article, so it is inactionable. Titoxd(?!? - cool stuff) 01:17, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support - short, yes, but comprehensive. I doubt that, as it never got to hurricane status, there is much more source material. Sceptre (talk) 00:56, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comment—I'll run through the article and see if I find anything that could be improved. — Deckiller 04:36, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support—looks pretty good. I can understand why some people would object to featuring small articles (i.e. the effort involved is significantly less), but we always have to go by the standards. In this case, if it passes 1.) the inclusion policies and 2.) the FA criteria, then it can be featured. — Deckiller 07:01, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • CommentSupport I made a few tweaks, but I noticed one incorrect sentence, The newly absorbed system would separate from the dissolving frontal system and become Hurricane Vince on October 8. On October 8, Vince was a subtropical storm, not a hurricane. Other than that, the article looks good. –Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 15:14, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Very true. I have changed the piped link. Subtropical Storm Vince didn't become a hurricane for several more days Plasticup T/C 15:21, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    One is from NASA (i.e. public domain) and the other was made by Nilfanion. I'll get someone to independently confirm. Plasticup T/C 18:56, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    MODIS pic: {{PD-USGov-NASA}}; custom track map: {{hurricane auto track map}} ({{PD-self}}). Titoxd(?!? - cool stuff) 19:01, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Support small but well-formed jimfbleak (talk) 19:00, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • Quick comments
      • as it was operationally classified as a non-tropical low. The storm developed in the eastern Atlantic Ocean out of a non-tropical low
        • Could you rephrase, so non-tropical low isn't used twice in such a short amount of space?
      • become Hurricane Vince, which reached the Iberian Peninsula.
        • I think a better word could be used than reached
      • Quick minor note about the storm history. It says it formed near the Canary Islands, then moved northwest, but it doesn't say it turned to the northeast until after it became a subtropical depression. However, the best track has it moving northeastward throughout its lifetime. It would be nice if that was cleared up a tad. Also, perhaps explain how the front caused it to turn northeastward.
      • I think warm sector should be linked.
      • Hurricane Wilma would have been given the name Alpha: a name that, upon being retired, could not be replaced by an "alternate" Greek letter, as is the convention with names on the standard A–W list.
        • This is interesting, and maybe could be explained a tad better (I find it a bit unclear). Or, is it not appropriate for this particular article?
    • All in all looks good. ♬♩ Hurricanehink (talk) 18:27, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Hopefully you will be satisfied with my fix on the "non-tropical low" duplication. I have also said that Hurricane Vince "affected" the Iberian Peninsula. The turn to the northeast should be a little more clear too, but the primary source itself is not entirely clear: "[...] it is estimated that the system became a subtropical depression around 0600 UTC. The depression turned northeastward [...]".
    I don't know what to link for "warm front". Do you have any suggestions for that? And I'll work on the Wilma naming bit. My full reply on the naming issue will come below, where it was raised by Titoxd. Plasticup T/C 22:58, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Surface weather analysis#Warm front, or simply Warm front. Titoxd(?!? - cool stuff) 23:54, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I have added the wikilink. I feel quite silly having asked that. Plasticup T/C 00:33, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Don't worry, I didn't know that there was a warm front article until I looked at the {{main}} in the Surface weather analysis section. Titoxd(?!? - cool stuff) 01:28, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I have edited it to the following: "Hurricane Wilma would have been given the name Alpha: a name that, had it been retired, could not be replaced by an "alternate" Greek letter, as is the convention with names on the standard A–W list." I don't think that conflicts with NHC page you linked, which says: "At present there are no plans to retire letters of the Greek alphabet from the list, but if a very bad hurricane occurs with a Greek letter name, this may have to be revised". Wilma, being the most intense Atlantic hurricane ever, certainly counts as a very bad hurricane. That said, I am still open to suggestion if you have a concern about this sentence. Plasticup T/C 00:30, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I guess the "alternate letter" and "alternate name" is enough to fix it, although a reference to the AOML FAQ after ref 7 might help clear the confusion. I would also link "retired" to either Tropical cyclone naming#Retirement or Lists of tropical cyclone names, by the way. Titoxd(?!? - cool stuff) 01:28, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Sure, there's certainly no harm in adding that extra reference. As for the wikilink on "retired", I added one to List of retired Atlantic hurricane names. The lead there is quite informative. Plasticup T/C 02:39, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    All right. Support. Titoxd(?!? - cool stuff) 03:19, 18 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 04:26, 18 August 2008 [57].

    Tulip mania

    Nominator(s): JayHenry (talk), Smallbones


    Tulip mania, the first chapter in the book of bubbles, newly relevant in the wake of the current subprime mortgage crisis. This should be registered as a co-nomination with User:Smallbones who was the article's capable custodian for a few years before I arrived, and who has helped with all the reworking of the last few weeks. Thanks also to our very capable GA reviewers Dr. Khoo and Protonk. Final thank you to User:Casliber who helped fill in the gaps with the Dash book. I should also note a few vandelisms from User:Coiel occurred but were swiftly reverted. This is a surprisingly controversial topic that we've worked hard to get into neutral form. I look forward to working with everyone in the next week or so to get this fully across the line. JayHenry (talk) 01:55, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comment: All the images have the proper copyrights, tagging, etc. Calor (talk) 02:42, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Erm, in the very first paragraph we have 'Mania' in small letters, then in caps. Not sure which you wanna go with, Uppercase then lowercase?

    Mackay's account of inexplicable mania was long accepted. - "unchallenged"?

    Tulip mania again became a popular referent - 'reference'?
    I actually meant referent, but I guess that's possibly a bit pedantic and reference means more or less the same thing in that sentence, so I'm okay with the change. --JayHenry (talk) 01:43, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Otherwise looks pretty good. Getting the name consistent is easy but important. Have at it. I think we'll be over the line once there. Cheers, Casliber (talk · contribs) 14:24, 12 August 2008 (UTC) [reply]

    Done, thanks - unchallenged reference mania Smallbones (talk) 16:03, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments

    Issues resolved, Ealdgyth - Talk 12:42, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • per the MOS, curly quotes shouldn't be used.
    Just to be clear - by "curly quotes" do you mean the cquote formatting for the blockquotes? It's difficult to have a regular blockquote show up correctly near the picture and table, but I'm working on it. Smallbones (talk) 15:26, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Yep, that's what I mean. Ealdgyth - Talk 13:13, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Otherwise sources look good, links checked out with the link checker tool. Note that I'm traveling, so responses may be delayed a bit. Ealdgyth - Talk 12:58, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    made changes on all the above. Taking out the "curlies" required a some other changes as well. I could only find the one JSTOR than requires a subscription Smallbones (talk) 03:07, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments

    • Fascinating article. I love this topic. Good prose.
    • It looks to me like the lead spends an inordinate amount of space on the controversy. 1 paragraph is about tulip mania, 1 is about Mackay's book, and 2 on refutations. It seems to me that Mackay and especially his critics deserve fewer lead inches.
    • The article is similar. You don't want this to be an article about criticism of Mackay, with tulip mania only included as background. I'm not sure it's proportionate.
    • There's very little on the aftermath of the burst bubble. The "history" section spends exactly one sentence on the collapse. I remember reading in "The Botany of Desire" that angry Dutch people would destroy tulips on sight after the collapse, leading to many varieties' extinction. If I'm remembering that correctly, and it can be sourced, then it certainly belongs in the article.
    • Some of the factual material in the Mackay section (e.g. Dutch government response) belongs in History, it seems to me. "Available price data" might go in history as well, since it's about what happened, not about criticism of Mackay's analysis.
    • "The Botany of Desire" is a NYT best-seller, and a quarter of the book is about tulip mania. Is it worth a mention in the article?

    Great work, – Quadell (talk) 20:10, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • That's an interesting (but for me dispiriting) way of phrasing it, Quadell. Had you asked me I'd have said 1 is about the mania, 1 is about Mackay and 2 is about the economics. Tulip mania is not important, nor particularly interesting, geopolitically, or botanically, or nationally, or what have you. It is, however, a seminal chapter of economic history. How to interpret this economically is the entire point. Same goes for the article. This article is a prism to important (and I hoped, though I see perhaps naively, interesting) economic concepts. If you say the Tulip Mania is background then I fear I have irreparably failed. Tulip Mania, you see, is not really about flowers--in fact, not a single tulip changed hands during the whole mania!--although I did give them a great deal of attention. This article is about futures. --JayHenry (talk) 00:18, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Actually, what I like about the topic is that there are so many ways of viewing it. For the record, what I find most interesting is not the geography, botany, history, or even about the economics or finance (including futures). It's the psychology, the delusions; that is the delusions of people who have taken Mackay too seriously - Extra Pop Delu is a great read, but doubtful scholarship. As an encyclopdia article, of course, it can be about all the above. I'll quibble with Quadell on the aftermath - I haven't seen any reliable material on the aftermath, and your description sounds a bit iffy to me. But if you have reliable info please add it. Smallbones (talk) 00:57, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I've not read the Pollan book. I knew a quarter was about tulips, but didn't know he focused on the tulip mania for the entire section (I assumed it was mentioned more or less in passing). Pollan is a talented 21st century food journalist. The idea that people would wantonly destroy all tulips is the sort of thing that doesn't really pass the sniff test. I'm sure in 2408 a talented journalist of some sort will talk about how the city of New York took their copy machines and computers into a field and beat them with baseball bats, outraged that the dotcom bubble] was bursting, and computers had led to their ruin.<ref>Office Space, 1999 documentary of a typical American technology start-up.</ref> --JayHenry (talk) 01:04, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    (undent) I moved the "Available data" up to the history section. I'd think some trimming of the last 1 or 2 paragraphs in the lede might work - but I'd better check with my conominator - we shouldn't go back and forth on it. BTW, another thing I like about this topic is that it seems to arouse some passion. Thanks to everybody for the feedback. Smallbones (talk) 03:07, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I went and bought a copy of Pollan this evening. Am reading tonight to see if anything is worth adding. Quadell, apologies if I seemed combative initially. (Unrelatedly, I was surprised to see that the Goldgar book in paperback is going to be in stock at Barnes and Noble in September--maybe it'd be worth mentioning the manias foray into popular non-fiction?) --JayHenry (talk) 01:33, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I just read the tulip chapter in Pollan. It's really an essay about beauty that uses tulipomania as a jumping point for Pollan's musings. (It's a very well done essay, $13 well spent.) But as with the other sources it doesn't detail economic ruin following tulipomania other than to baldly state Tulipomania "nearly brought its economy to ruin" (p. 63), that several anti-speculative pamphlets were published (p. 104) and that a single professor supposedly beat tulips (p. 105). He does not attribute extinction to angry hordes. --JayHenry (talk) 02:59, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support I don't know if it's appropriate for me to comment here, as I also commented on the GA and have been actively editing the page since. But my two-cents anyway, it's a fine article, well-researched, gets all the economics concepts correct, and presents opposing viewpoints in an NPV language. As for the weight given to Mackay and modern critiques, I feel it is appropriate, since Tulip mania has become synonymous with speculative bubbles, the economic interpretations of the event are as important as the event itself. lk (talk) 03:29, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comments on images
    • Image:Semper Augustus Tulip 17th century.jpg - The source link does not work for this image. Also, the description of this image is not entirely clear. It says Great Tulip Book - was that published in the 17th century? If so, could we please have complete publication information?
    • Image:Tulipomania.jpg - Is there any other publication information known about this tulip book that could be included as part of the "Source" to help users find it?
    • Image:Bollenveld Hillegom.JPG - We need to verify that Joris van Rooden, who made the picture, is User:Joris1919, who uploaded it and released the rights.

    These issues should be relatively easy to fix! Thanks! Awadewit (talk) 03:58, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    You're probably looking on Wikipedia and not on Commons. Not all information is transcluded, such as the file history where this was linked. At any rate, I added an additional link. --JayHenry (talk) 15:57, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support Comments This was an enjoyable article and I am so happy that the editors have worked on it. Tulip mania is definitely a subject people are going to look up! I just have some small prose issues along with the image issues I've already posted: — Awadewit 04:41, 15 August 2008 (UTC) — continues after insertion below[reply]
    • There is a paragraph in the middle of the "History" section that interrupts the flow of the description of the tulips. It describes some of the financial background and begins The Dutch, who developed many of the techniques of modern finance, created a market for durable tulip bulbs..' - Perhaps some reorganization is in order?
    I moved and reworked this paragraph to after the biology of the tulips, transitioning into the economics. Hopefully this works better. --JayHenry (talk) 19:34, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • The stubby paragraph which begins As the flowers grew in popularity needs to be integrated into one of the surrounding paragraphs.
    Integrated. --JayHenry (talk) 05:17, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • This trade was centered in Haarlem during the height of a bubonic plague epidemic. - This sentence seems a bit random.
    Implicit here was the idea that societal uncertainty so often contributes to market uncertainty. I clarified the specific claim from Garber. --JayHenry (talk) 19:34, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • The layout of the "Mackay's Extraordinary Popular Delusions" section looks strange on my screen. To the right of the chart is a large white space under the tulip image.
    I'm not sure what you mean exactly. The chart is right aligned so I don't understand how anything could be to the right of it. It looks normal on both my monitors. --JayHenry (talk) 05:17, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    There was a problem with the table margins. I've fixed it. lk (talk) 05:28, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    It still looks wrong on my screen. I've uploaded a screenshot here. Awadewit (talk) 15:01, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    That's odd, I can't recreate that error. But I think moving the image down the page will fix this. See if it's better now. --JayHenry (talk) 15:57, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    It looks much worse now. The tulip and chart are piled on top of each other on the left hand side of the screen. Want a new screenshot? Awadewit (talk) 16:04, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Oops, sorry! We were still tinkering with it. I tried adjusting one of the table parameters, that I think will fix this for any browser. Any good? --JayHenry (talk) 16:13, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Yes. Much better. Awadewit (talk) 16:36, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • The fifth and sixth paragraphs of the "Mackay" section do not indicate that "Mackay argued". This should probably be added, since his argument is disputed later on.
    Fixed. --JayHenry (talk) 19:34, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Mackay's account of inexplicable mania was long unchallenged. However, recent research - How long? How recent?
    Clarified. --JayHenry (talk) 05:17, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Depends if we mean Leary or Leary :) I dunno, Cas, Smallbones, Lawrence, what do you think? The quote no longer applies since the Goldgar book has been published since. --JayHenry (talk) 05:20, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Okay, I removed it. More leery of 1999 than of Dash. --JayHenry (talk) 19:34, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Garber compared this data to hyacinth prices at the beginning of the 19th century - "this data" does not have a clear referent
    Fixed. lk (talk) 05:12, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • The last paragraph of "Legal changes" should be integrated into the section - it is a bit stubby.
    Reorganized. --JayHenry (talk) 05:17, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Much of the backlash against tulip mania, such as the anti-speculative pamphlets which were later reported by Beckmann and Mackay, were not written by victims of a bubble, but were primarily religiously motivated - awkward wording
    Reworded. --JayHenry (talk) 05:17, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Caption: A modern-day field of tulips in Hillegom, Netherlands—tulips have remained popular despite their colorful history. - despite or because of?
    Despite is correct, I believe. lk (talk) 05:12, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • The "References" section uses two different styles of web retrieval dates. Choose one.
    Fixed. --JayHenry (talk) 05:17, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Not fixed. Awadewit (talk) 15:07, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Had missed a couple that were in the notes section. I looked at this closely. If I'm still missing any can you please point me to where. Or if it's faster to fix, please feel welcome. --JayHenry (talk) 15:57, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Someone has fixed the last one. Awadewit (talk) 16:04, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • The Hooper reference is missing page numbers.
    Fixed. --JayHenry (talk) 05:17, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • The Mackay reference is missing publication information.
    Fixed. --JayHenry (talk) 05:17, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • The Malkiel reference is missing a publication location.
    Fixed. --JayHenry (talk) 05:17, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • The Shiller reference is missing a publication location.
    Fixed. --JayHenry (talk) 05:17, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I look forward to supporting this article soon. Awadewit (talk) 04:41, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 04:26, 18 August 2008 [59].

    John McCain

    Nominator(s): Ferrylodge (talk)
    previous FAC (00:36, 5 March 2008)


    This article was nominated once before, in February, and that was a so-called "drive-by" nomination. Since then, we've worked to make the article FA-quality, including making it much more concise. This article then became a "Good Article", went through "Peer Review", and then went through "Good Article Review". Generally speaking, this article has been very stable in recent weeks. Inevitably, the Barack Obama article will be compared to this one, and I think this article merits the shiny little gold star too. I hope that Wasted Time R (who has helped tremendously with this article) will pitch in here to address any outstanding questions or concerns.Ferrylodge (talk) 06:53, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    WTR is too modest. I merely edited his edits. The only reason I have a higher edit count is because I have a nasty habit of dividing what should be a single edit into a bunch of itty bitty ones (not sure why I do that).Ferrylodge (talk) 01:09, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    comment - Im not convinced about the licence for Image:McCainPork.JPG, it appears to be the property of the subject, not the US federal government Fasach Nua (talk) 10:53, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    There's really no question that that image is public domain. Detailed info about that image is here. It's clearly an image of McCain's official Senate web site. According to the Senate,[60] "Information presented on this site is considered public information and may be distributed or copied unless otherwise specified. Use of appropriate byline/photo/image credits is requested." So, the image is definitely okay. Were it not, then zillions of images from the Senate web site would have to be deleted from Wikipedia, including other images from this article.Ferrylodge (talk) 18:13, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks for that Fasach Nua (talk) 10:50, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comment: - This appears to be a good article, after skimming over, but one of the criterion for FA is stability. With him being one of the most well-known people in America (and making news worldwide), I'm not entirely sure the article would be incredibly stable, especially with the election looming. Calor (talk) 17:15, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    It should be taken into consideration that Barack Obama is a featured article. JonCatalán (talk) 18:32, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks for the comment, Calor, and I'm glad you think the article looks good. There's no question but that the article has been very stable in the past and in the present. Your legitimate concern is about future stability. Here is the stability criterion: "it is not subject to ongoing edit wars and its content does not change significantly from day to day, except in response to the featured article process." Clearly, there are not any ongoing edit wars, and the content is not changing significantly from day to day. Even if we consider the future (and it's not clear from the criterion that we should), this article probably won't change very much in the next year or so, because this article is written in chronological format. Stuff about his early life won't change. In fact, one of this article's seldom-visited sub-articles (which dealt with a period in McCain's past) was recently promoted to featured article.[61] Finally, as JonCatalán mentioned, it's probably worth noting that the article on Barack Obama has been very turbulent, and yet was recently kept as a featured article because it was deemed to satisfy the stability criterion.[62]Ferrylodge (talk) 18:42, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Another consideration regarding future stability is that this main article is already in full WP:Summary style form, meaning each section here is already backed by a longer, more detailed daughter article. Thus if it becomes necessary to trim the current contents more after events in November/January (to make way for a growing amount of new content), all that needs to be done is to edit out a level of detail in the current main article sections; none of that material needs to be moved anywhere else, since it's already covered in fuller detail in those daughter articles. That editing out will not necessarily be trivial, of course, but it's easier given that the summary form structure already exists and that, as Ferrylodge indicates on the FAC talk page, this editing down process has already been done once in the past. Wasted Time R (talk) 00:19, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support User:Ferrylodge and User:Wasted Time R have dedicated so much time and effort to building this article, which I strongly and honestly feel is among Wikipedia's best. Ferrylodge asked me to take a look at the article back in March of this year and give comments, so I copyedited the article and prepared a list of recommendations—call it a mini-peer review. Many of my suggestions were implemented, only boosting my high opinion of this article and those who have worked to make it great. Of course amidst this election, the stability criterion will always be brought up. As someone who keeps this article on his watchlist and has been able to monitor it daily, I know for a fact that this article has been very stable, in the past and in this present time (especially considering that he is a presidential candidate). Therefore, per the FA criteria, I give my full support to this article. Best as always, Happyme22 (talk) 20:41, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support: The article is very detailed and in-depth, but not dull. Also well-written. Ferrylodge and JonCatalan have convinced me that the article's stability is a no-factor, especially in relation to McCain's democratic counterpart, Barack Obama (whose article is an FA). The star definitely belongs in the corner for this one. Calor (talk) 23:26, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comment. The current formatting of publications in the cites is kind of rough. Some have the wrong or informal name, such as Money Magazine should be Money, while some newspapers don't the have the 'The' that goes in front of their formal names (The New York Times) while others are handled inconsistently (both Arizona Republic and The Arizona Republic; the latter is correct). Some book titles are clumsily abbreviated (Worth the Fighting for Worth the Fighting For), others abbreviated for no apparent reason (American Odyssey for An American Odyssey, note this is different from using the short title of the book, which is a good idea). This article is not in a space crunch, so I don't see the need to scrimp on full titles. Linking of publications in the cites is inconsistent: we can either do it every time, never, or on first use, but I don't think any of these schemes is being followed consistently. Some cites use wire services such as Associated Press (like current fn 192 and 193); this should never be done unless the reference is to the wire service website, which is not the case in most of these, as each publication uses pieces of the wire service story and may further edit them. I'm willing to do some of the fixup work on these, if there is agreement to use full newspaper names, full (short) book titles, and some defined scheme for publication links. (I like every use, because it's easier to maintain that first use; I don't like never, because publication links are valuable when evaluating or further examining sources.) Wasted Time R (talk) 00:07, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    That generally sounds okay (especially the part about "I'm willing to do some of the fixup work on these"). My thought was to wikilink publications on first use, just like wikilinks in a section of the article text, but I have no objection to wikilinking publications every time. If you'd like the short title of Worth the Fighting For: A Memoir to be changed to Worth the Fighting For then that's fine with me. I have no objections to putting "The" at the beginning of a newspaper name if that's the official name of the newspaper. If a story is published in a newspaper, but is credited to a wire service, then I think the wire service ought to be mentioned along with the newspaper. WTR, do you have the tool for editing the footnotes separately from the text of the article? It seems like that would be the easiest way. (I don't have it.)Ferrylodge (talk) 00:33, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    OK, I'll see what I can do on this, later tonight or early tomorrow. No, I don't have that tool, but global replace will get me fairly far. Wasted Time R (talk) 01:00, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I'll pitch in on this - I just went through and changed all of the NYT refs to The New York Times. Will do some others next. Tvoz/talk 07:26, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Did The Washington Post throughout. Tvoz/talk 07:38, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    And The Arizona Republic and CNN Tvoz/talk 07:49, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks for pitching in! That covered a lot of the job. I've done a bunch now, although not as systematically as you. Will continue. Wasted Time R (talk) 11:44, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks Tvoz & WTR.Ferrylodge (talk) 15:05, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    You're welcome - I think we've got them all now (famous last words...). Tvoz/talk 20:45, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comment. Per article talk, I've begun restoring some of the exact dates that are milestones in McCain's life (marriages, shootdown and release, that sort). Part of the reason they were taken out was to reduce blue links. But this was unnecessary; as I understand it, autoformatting of dates is on the way out anyway, especially in FAC. So we need to decide if we'll junk autoformatting in this article. I was initially skeptical, but the Early life and military career of John McCain FAC convinced me that autoformatted dates are ugly, poorly designed, and don't work anyway for a large majority of users. Thus I recommend we junk them. Nobody has cried foul on the Elmc article with their disappearance; practice is to put a big comment at the top of the article, to warn other editors off reintroducing them. (Autoformatting in cites is a different issue, which can be dealt with separately; I'm just talking about the main text for now.) Wasted Time R (talk) 01:07, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I have no objection to removing the wikilinking of exact dates in the main text. However, please go easy on inserting exact dates in this summary article. Providing an exact date is often distracting to a reader, because the reader will be trying to figure out why the exact date is important, and/or will be trying to memorize the exact date (presuming that we're giving the exact date because it will be important later in the article). Just month and year is often sufficient.Ferrylodge (talk) 01:16, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Very Weak Support: Nothing against the article or those that have worked on it, but given that he is a presidential candidate stability will be an issue, as well as any appearance of bias in his favor (yes Obama was, but that was some time ago). If it does become a FA the sooner the better preferably before September, much longer and I will drop my support. Arzel (talk) 02:07, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support. This is a fine article that clearly deserves the FA star. Between the previous FA nom and the constant attention of editors from the left and the right, this article has been refined to NPOV perfection. There is nothing unstable about it that is not unstable about any living person's article -- there are no ongoing edit wars, and the possiblility that McCain will have a new job in 2009 does not constitute a lack of stability. Coemgenus 14:04, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks, I have inserted the rationale there, and subsequently expanded the rationale. I'm also not sure that it needs a rationale since it may not be eligible for copyright protection at all.[63] Anyway, assuming it is protected by copyright, I think the expanded rationale is okay. I also reduced the resolution of the image.[64] Note that the Obama article was kept as a featured article on April 15, 2008[65] at which time an image of a book cover was included.[66] It's very typical for book cover images to be included in Wikipedia articles. For example, see Rachel Carson, Robert_A._Heinlein, Bruno Maddox, et cetera. However, I deleted another book cover image (Worth the Fighting For) from this McCain article because it was not discussed in the text and was not of great value to the article.[67] Note that this book cover image (for Faith of my Fathers) was previously discussed during the peer review for this article,[68] and more recently there was an objection to this image at the article talk page.[69]Ferrylodge (talk) 18:26, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments

    Otherwise sources look okay, links checked with the link checker tool. Note I'm on the road the rest of this week, so replies may be delayed somewhat. Ealdgyth - Talk 00:01, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks for checking as always Ealdgyth. Regarding the Skyhawks cite, I think it is reliable, but it's moot because I realized it wasn't needed here. McCain's combat assignment worked in two phases, one for Skyhawk training and then the Forrestal assignment, and the Elmc article uses this cite to help bound when McCain joined Forrestal, but here in the main article this level of granularity is not needed, so I've simplified the text and removed this cite. Wasted Time R (talk) 00:23, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Good point. There were actually two links, but both were under "Carol Shepp", her unmarried name. I've changed the infobox one to "Carol McCain", since that was her name as a spouse, and I've added a link when Carol appears again later on in the "Commanding officer, liaison to Senate, and second marriage" section. So now there's three links total, two under "Carol McCain". Wasted Time R (talk) 04:37, 17 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 17:39, 17 August 2008 [70].

    Makemake (dwarf planet)

    Nominator(s): Serendipodous


    I'm nominating this article for featured article because it has reached GA and undergone a subsequent peer review. I'd like to make this a co-nom between myself, User:Nergaal and User:Ruslik0. Thank you. Serendipodous 18:30, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Would this have copyright issues? Nergaal (talk) 21:03, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I've added a downsampled version of it to the article, along with fair use rationale. We'll see what the fair-use nazis detractors have to say about it. Kaldari (talk) 21:24, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments sources look good, link checker is still being wonky, so didn't check links. Ealdgyth - Talk 21:16, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    question - The image Image:Makemake precovery.jpg is tagged as not replaceable, this seems unlikely, what efforts have been made to find a free alternative? Fasach Nua (talk) 10:32, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • Apart from the usual Google searches, I also searched nasaimages.org (which would be the best bet for a free version). As far as anyone can tell, Image:Makemake precovery.jpg is the only photograph of makemake on the internet at all. Regardless, any images not taken by NASA would be copyrighted by the observatory from which they were taken, and it doesn't appear that NASA has imaged this planetdwarf planet yet (as strange as that seems). If you can find anything from NASA, please replace this image with it. Kaldari (talk) 15:03, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I cant really see this being justified under WP:NFCC #8, it is just a speck of light surrounded by other specks of lights. It doesnt convey location, size or any other real information, and as such it useage means the article fails the FA criteria #3, otherwise the images are fine Fasach Nua (talk) 09:05, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    In my opinion the article meets criteria 3 in full Fasach Nua (talk) 10:24, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Understanding what the planet actually looks like from Earth is an important part of understanding the topic, wouldn't you say? Kaldari (talk) 15:34, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    possibly, but if just looks like a white speck of light then you dont need a non-free image to convey that information Fasach Nua (talk) 08:53, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comment—I didn't find any major show stoppers, but I do see a few (mostly minor) issues.

    Support—At least in the areas of knowledge with which I have some familiarity, this article satisfies the FA criteria and will be a worthy addition to the ranks. Thanks go to the editors for resolving my concerns.—RJH (talk) 17:10, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • In the Physical characteristics infobox, please consider using "Unknown" rather than '?' or the speculative 'pole-on ?'. Also, please use &nbsp; between all values and units.
    • "Its discovery was announced on July 29, 2005, which was the same day as Eris and two days after 2003 EL61." I tripped over this sentence a little, possibly because it seems incomplete. Perhaps something like this would work: "A team led by Michael Brown discovered Makemake on March 31, 2005, and it was announced to the public on July 29, 2005. The discovery of Eris was made public the same day, following the announcement of 2003 EL61 two days earlier."
    • Second sentence, first paragraph: 'ecliptic' should be explained and linked at first use, rather than second use.
    • There seem to be a few too many unnecessary uses of parenthetical text. For example, "...at the time of its discovery (in the northern constellation of Coma Berenices)," works just as well without the parentheses, at least to me.
    • The paragraph about Clyde Tombaugh is missing some introductory text. It should mention who he was, what he was doing and during what time frame.
    How about now? Nergaal (talk) 22:41, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • I'm not sure that all readers will be familiar with tilde notation (e~0.15). Please consider using a word instead. Probably also applies to the infobox.
    What about replacing it with ≈ instead? Nergaal (talk) 22:52, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I removed ~. Ruslik (talk) 08:16, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • "Both Makemake and EL61 are currently far above the ecliptic." Perhaps you could state how far, at least for Makemake? (I'm guessing > 52 AU x sin(29°) = 25 AU, which is pretty darn far. =)
    I think the angle would be more useful. Nergaal (talk) 22:44, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I clarified this. Ruslik (talk) 08:16, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • "... it lies in the region of the belt gravitationally unaffected by the orbit of Neptune..." Sorry but orbits don't cause gravity. Probably should also use some relative term, rather than saying it is unaffected.
    what about now? Nergaal (talk) 22:10, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    "...lies in the region of the belt far enough from the orbit of Neptune to be gravitationally affected by it." Sorry but that makes even less sense. Perhaps something like: "...lies in the region of the belt where the gravitational influence of Neptune does not have a significant perturbing effect."
    I rewrote this part. Ruslik (talk) 09:16, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    That works; thank you.—RJH (talk) 17:10, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • "...relatively low eccentricities..." How low?
    • In the sentence, "To be considered a plutoid", I was unclear what "H= +1" means. Perhaps the sentence could clarify by stating that this is the magnitude at a distance of 1 AU? Also, could the difference between this value and the V-band absolute magnitude value be explained? it is unclear from the linked article.
    +1 might mean something more complicated than the 1AU. Somebody understanding the concelt well should add a note stating what does the +1 translate into and how. Nergaal (talk) 22:49, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I rewrote this sentence. Ruslik (talk) 08:16, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks. My last sentence was a misunderstanding on my part. Sorry.—RJH (talk)
    • "...large enough to achieve hydrostatic equilibrium." could clarify that this means the object's shape will be an oblate spheroid.
    Now? Nergaal (talk) 22:57, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • "...red color in visible." Isn't "in visible" redundant? Or is this spectrum stretching into the infrared?
    I rephrased it. Nergaal (talk) 22:10, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • "it will be the dominant component of it" Double 'it'? Perhaps: "Nitrogen, if present, will be its dominant component." or some such.
    • "existence of atmosphere" possibly missing "an".
    • "has probably been lost" or "was probably lost"?
    • "radius of 0.4 arcseconds" Is this orbital radius or satellite size? What does this translate to in terms of distance or size?
    I assume is pixel size-> satellite radius. Nergaal (talk) 22:17, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • For Temperature note "c", could you include a source for the formula? (I.e. a "See such and such".)

    Otherwise it looks good. Thank you.—RJH (talk) 16:05, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I clarified where it was taken from. Ruslik (talk) 07:25, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    }}

    • Comment - I'm not sure I like the image map. There is no indication clicking will take you to the planets page rather than a larger copy of the image. Further review later. -Ravedave (talk) 20:02, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Issues concerning the image map are not relevant to the FAC. If you want to discuss that, go to Wikipedia:Images and media for deletion. Serendipodous 09:01, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The formula for temperature can be found (in various forms) in all papers dealing with thermophysical properties of celestrial objects. In the case of Makemake the calculated temperatures agree with temperatures given in cited papers. I used the calculations because in different publications the temperatures can be slightly different (29 or 30 K for instance), and authers often don't explain how they calculated them and what parameters were used. I intended merely to unify estimates. The gravitational acceleration and escape velocity are calculated because they are difficult to find. The volume or surface area—this is too simple. Ruslik (talk) 08:10, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Those issues are common to many similar articles, including many featured articles. They are not unique to this one. Serendipodous 23:06, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Just because they are in other FA articles doesn't make it right. The image map is useless, there is a description right below where the planets can be linked. All it does it give the image nonstandard behavior compared to the rest of wikipedia. As for the values - a quick Google search brings up plenty of pages with the values. Please find a good source and reference them, there is no reason to calculate them.-Ravedave (talk) 01:08, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The calculations may be regarded as Subject-specific common knowledge see Wikipedia:When_to_cite. The values in various pages found by google are often from Wikipedia. Ruslik (talk) 08:34, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Is this article featured or not? Gimmebot updated the article history to say it was promoted, but it hasn't been. Serendipodous 12:11, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    GimmeBot did not update the article history to say it was promoted; articlehistory still shows it as a GA, and if you check WP:FA, you can see it's not featured. GimmeBot added a featured topic to the articlehistory, which is unrelated to this article's FAC. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 14:27, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 22:56, 16 August 2008 [71].

    U.S. Route 491

    Nominator(s): Dave (talk)


    I have recommended this article for consideration as the Featured Article for April Fools Day, 2009. This is a serious article and we should be sensitive to the people who have lost loved ones on this road. However, this is also an article we could have some fun with on a main page blurb. I am aware of one weaknesses and ask for help. The WP:USRD project has been aware of my goal and helped by raking this article over the coals. However, despite my requests, only a couple of non-USRD project members have reviewed the article. This article could use feedback from a more general audience. I hope you can provide that feedback and agree this article would make a good Featured Article for April Fools Day or any other day. Dave (talk) 05:25, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • Yes, I am aware of that, and I have made all my comments on the A-Class, and the changes made in the A class review are what I think needed to be changed on the original article. --Admrb♉ltz (t • c • log) 14:22, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Issues resolved. — Wackymacs (talk ~ edits) 08:30, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • Comments - Looking good, a few things:
      • "With the 666 designation, this road was given the nicknamed "Devil's Highway""
    Done
      • "fatality rates have gone down" - "fallen" or "decreased" sound better than "gone down".
    Done
      • It starts getting a little choppy and confusing at the start of the 'New Mexico' section: "U.S. Route 491 begins at Gallup, New Mexico at a junction with Interstate 40 and is currently routed north along Muñoz Drive.[7] This is a re-route bypassing the downtown area." - What is "this" exactly?
    Re-worded, advise if the wording is still confusing
      • "the route was in Cortez at an intersection with then U.S. Route 450 (modern U.S. Route 160). [20]" - There should not be a space between the punctuation and the citation.
    Done
      • Major intersections table has an empty Notes column?
    Good catch, this table is part the WP:USRD project standards. Somehow that got missed.
      • "Over time route became known as the "Devil's Highway", a reference to the Number of the Beast.[21]" - Missing word, "the" ?
    Fixed
      • "This nickname and association made some people uncomfortable" - uncomfortable in/doing what way exactly, driving on it?
    Check the wording now. I had to walk a fine line with many such statements, as most of the interesting information about this road is in sources that would not pass the Ealdgyth test,=-) and most of the official government sources intentionally avoided these subjects.

    — Wackymacs (talk ~ edits) 07:22, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I believe I have either addressed or commented on all of your concerns. Thank you for finding the typo errors, and please advise if you have additional concerns. Dave (talk) 00:21, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    }}

    • Support Fixed a few formatting stuff to the article. It looks ready to me. Great job! :) --Splat5572 (talk) 16:02, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support - I tried really, really hard to find something mistaken in this article in order to make my !vote look half-legit, but all I could find was a silly browse bar issue :) Anyway, why is there the multi-state browse thing in the infobox? Isn't it usually down at the bottom of the article like all interstate highways (notice I didn't capitalize interstate)? This is too minor to reduce my support however, and I don't even know what the regulations are regarding this. Good job with the article Dave - CL — 18:48, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support - like CL I can't find and glaring issues on this article. I fixed the browse back to the bottom of the article where it belongs under USRD standards. Imzadi1979 (talk) 19:35, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • All I'm doing is implementing new ideas, especially for an FAC article. I added the SR browse to the infobox, Davemeistermoab (talk · contribs) agreed with it. I don't see any reason why it is reverted; plus I noticed you revert practically all my changes. (Do you even enjoy reverting everything me and this editor Freewayguy (talk · contribs) does?) --Splat5572 (talk) 23:00, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        • Forgive me for making a change to comply with the pre-existing consensus. The vast majority of browse templates outside of USRD are at the bottom of the articles. It's actually been discussed at the taskforce for infoboxes to move the single-state browse out of the infobox. I find no satisfaction in reverting anything any more than any other edits. Imzadi1979 (talk) 17:35, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks for the votes of support. Yes, WP:USH says the browse box should be placed at the bottom. However, as this is the first U.S. Highway article to go through FAC, this is blazing some new territory. Both this FAC and the recently finished A class review of US-491 are causing project standards to be questioned. See WT:USH where the discussion is taking place and take the discussion there.Dave (talk) 19:50, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Note, MoS breach in the first sentence, pls consider asking User:Epbr123 to run through the entire article. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 02:11, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Yes, that is a rather embarrassing find. Thanks. I have and will continue to recruit copyeditors. Dave (talk) 04:43, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Oppose—1a. Here are examples from the top; the whole text needs the attention of someone unfamiliar with it.

    • "These factors led to two efforts to renumber the highway, first by Arizona, later by New Mexico." You mean "by the authorities in Arizona, and later by those in New Mexico"? Or something like that? First I thought you meant "by" as in "by the river".
    reworded
    • Since renumbering, done in conjunction with safety improvement projects,"—"done" is ungainly and redundant. Add "the" before "renumbering".
    word removed
    • "The highway is routed through Colorado, New Mexico and Utah as well as the sovereign Indian tribal nations of the Navajo Nation and Ute Mountain Ute Tribe. " "is routed" is pretty awful; why not "runs through"? Comma after "Utah".
    wording changed
    • Comma after "Park"; hyphen after "self" (read MOS).
    done
    • "Prior to 1992, the highway also entered Arizona." Any reason for the war against "Before"? And did it enter and leave Arizona? Sounds odd. Recast.
    Changed wording
    • Comma before "even" would be good; can you audit the whole text for these optional commas? Don't splatter them around, but read it a loud and add if they make the reading easier. Optional commas are more likely in longer sentences. For example, in the very next sentence, I didn't get it first time: "At several points along US 491 mountain ranges in all of the Four Corners states are visible from a single location." Comma required after "491", to separate two nominal groups ("several points along US 491" and "mountain ranges in all of the Four Corners states"). Tony (talk) 23:35, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks for finding those, I have fixed these issues and inserted some commas. Dave (talk) 18:54, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    User:Epbr123 has once again stepped up to the plate and provided a copyedit, thanks. Dave (talk) 18:14, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Status? What is the status on Tony's oppose, has he been asked to revisit, and what is happening with the remaining (unstruck) image issue? SandyGeorgia (Talk) 15:51, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I just pinged Tony. The last image issue has been resolved.Dave (talk) 18:54, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments on images

    Description added
    I have uploaded image to commons, with a description box. I'm not an admin, so I will have to wait for the image deletion process to run its course.
    • Image:Shiprock NM.jpg - According to the webpage for this image, "Information presented on this website, unless otherwise indicated, is considered in the public domain. It may may be distributed or copied as is permitted by the law. Not all information on this website has been created or is owned by the NPS" - However, I can't find any text about this image to verify that it is in the public domain and to check to see if it was indeed created by the US government as the tag indicated.
    The page where that image is used is [72], nothing in the page says otherwise (as in "unless otherwise indicated all content is in the PD") As such, I feel confident it is NPS generated content.
    I am more concerned about which PD tag to use. Since not all content on the site was created by the NPS, how do we know this image was? Awadewit (talk) 23:06, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The image is tagged as a work of the federal government, not the National Park Service, if that helps. Would you prefer a blank PD tag, with a link back to the source? I'm not sure I understand your concern. Again, the page on the landmark where that photo is used is listed above, the page does not carry a photo credit or disclaimer to state the photo is not under the federal government's PD policy.
    Found a different image that shouldn't have these concerns. Dave (talk) 16:26, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    This is a better image anyway! Excellent! Awadewit (talk) 14:47, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Image:Utemountain.JPG - This says "taken by me" - Could we verify that the "me" and the uploader are the same person?
    I have uploaded this image to commons. Also, I left a message on the authors talk page requesting confirmation he/she took the photo. I have noticed that other photos uploaded by this users have been moved to commons, I did not see one that had been or was being challenged. I say this as User:Nationalparks does not seem to be a frequent contributor, so it may take a while before he/she sees the message.

    These should be relatively easy fixes. Awadewit (talk) 13:47, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Responded to one, I'll get the rest later, I have to run.Dave (talk) 19:39, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    OK. Think I've covered them all. Dave (talk) 04:43, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Well Scott (User:Nationalparks) has not responded. I can do one of two things.
    1-The history for the image, shows that Scott was the original uploader and included "taken by me" in the edit summary. Is that enough to just clarify the text in the image?
    2- if not, I can comment out the image until Scott chimes in.
    Please advise, and thanks for the review. Dave (talk) 03:36, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I think we can rely on the edit summary and change the description based on that. That will resolve the last image issue. Awadewit (talk) 17:32, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The copy uploaded to commons specifies Nationalparks as the author. Just need an admin to delete the wikipedia copies once the clock runs out.Dave (talk) 18:54, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments - sources look good, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 22:37, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • Notes and some questions: Pinto Bean Capital of the World is capitalized in one instance, not in another.
    Changed to lower case in both instances. Thanks, that one escaped a LOT of reviewers.
    • WP:OVERLINKing, why do we need New Mexico, Arizona, Colorado and Utah linked more than once (in the lead, and then again in the first section)?
    What I usually do is link first instance in each level 2 section. However, your point is duly noted, as links are in close proximity. I have de-linked.
    • Why is John Pinto Highway in italics?
    Changed to quotes
    • Please review WP:PUNC, "Triple 6 is evil. Everyone dies on that highway".
    I don't understand your concern. My take on the MOS is that it is correctly punctuated as is. Please clarify.
    Never mind, I didn't see it. I had it right but one of the copyeditors recently reversed the period and quotes. Fixed now.Dave (talk)
    Sandy, I'm rushed for time now, I'll fix the punctuation issues later, but wanted to comment on one real quick. Per the project standards page at WP:USH U.S. Route articles are to have a "See also" section with links to the parent highway and any siblings. Most U.S. Highways don't have near this many siblings, this road is an unusual case (I think this might be the record holder). So I don't think this standard is excessive. With that said, if you are adamantly opposed to having this many links, I can propose to other members of the project to change the standard to link just to the parent(s) (2 in this case) and the parent route(s) would have link to all the siblings, or an exemption for this article. Please advise on your thoughts.Dave (talk) 17:32, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Not adamantly opposed, just queries. But how does the casual reader know about this parent and sibling connection? The problem is that, as a non-road person, I'm given no idea why those articles are listed. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 17:39, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Now that I think about it the WP:USH project has not adequately addressed this. Hey, we're roadgeeks, its obvious to us. =-) In this specific case, how the system works with parent and child routes is explained in prose, to answer why was it numbered 666 in the first place. In the more general sense, this has not been addressed. I have played with a couple of ideas. Browse the history and advise on which you feel is the best. I will raise this issue with the project.Dave (talk) 03:36, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Gosh, I seem to bump up against Road guidelines in every road FAC :-) I could be wrong, but it seems to me that if parent and child routes are important enough to be included in every article See also, they should be worked into every article's prose instead. I'm not a WP:PUNC expert; perhaps review that logical quotation (above) with User:Epbr123. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 03:44, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Would creating a template for child routes like the one used on US 1 be a possible solution? --Polaron | Talk 04:11, 14 August 2008 (UTC
    The U.S. Roads wikiproject is just now getting articles up to FA status, the project and sub-project standards are still maturing. Hey somebody's got to give Wikiproject Videogames some competition =-) Assuming you still have your sanity, 3 more FA's and we should have all ironed out =-). Yes, listing the parent(s) is redundant, most would be mentioned in prose and the infobox. However, the siblings may not, in some cases they are related only by government paperwork. In this case, none of the x66 siblings are mentioned in prose, the x91 siblings are. As this is the first FAC for a multi-state U.S. Highway article, this is the first time these standards have been scrutinized by the at large WP community. Outside opinions are welcome. I'll start a thread on WT:USH. I like Polaron's idea.Dave (talk) 04:16, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    The consensus seems to be that project standards at WP:USH are dated. It will take some time to code-up the navigation box that will replace this "See also" section, but once done this should be resolved. Thanks. Dave (talk) 18:54, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]


    I've withdrawn my oppose with discomfort. Another spot-check reveals glitches.

    • You know I'm always harping on about "also". Here, at the start of a new subsection, I can't see where you've been directly talking about the stateline (one word? check?) in the previous para: "The New Mexico–Colorado state line is also where the highway passes from ...". Isn't is stronger and smoother without?
    • "the road gradually increases elevation on an ascent that continues into Utah." Gradually increases in elevation? But I don't suppose this would do, would it? "the road gradually rises in elevation as it crosses into Utah." It avoids the redundancy of ascent and increases elevation.
    • This is clumsy, to thematise "the ascent" here: "The ascent features large pinto bean farming regions, including Dove Creek which bills itself as the "pinto bean capital of the world". What about this: "Here, the route features large pinto bean farming regions including Dove Creek, which bills itself as the "pinto bean capital of the world". I've moved the comma to where it's mandatory.
    • "and has a brief concurrency with U.S. Route 64"—euuwww. Don't nominalise it; try "and is briefly concurrent with". The nominal group (the thing, "a brief concurrency with U.S. Route 64") was very awkward, yes?
    • "US 491 enters Utah continuing a gradual ascent that leads to the Abajo Mountains. Still visible are large farming regions. Upon reaching"—You've referred to this ascent already. "Once in Utah, US 491 gradually ascends to the Ab ....". Should the name have a non-breaking space? When I first read "Still visible ...", I thought of large farming regions having disappeared everywhere, but here they remain. "On" is better than "Upon", unless you're writing the Constitution.
    • "The reputation of US 666 caused it to be mentioned in various forms of media. The book Copper Crucible by Jonathan D. Rosenblum discusses the curse briefly. The book is about the Arizona Copper Mine Strike of 1983, which occurred at a copper mine along the highway near Morenci, Arizona.[26] The highway was used as a plot element in the fictional movies Route 666 and Natural Born Killers,[2] as well as a two-part episode of the series Married With Children, titled "Route 666".[27] These fictional pieces have errors in their portrayal of the route, including depicting the route in Nevada." Hmmm. I hate "caused it to be mentioned"; "is briefly discussed in Jonathan D. Rosenblum's book, Copper Crucible, which describes the A C MS at a c m ....". Just continue then, without the ungainly intro "various forms of media".

    This is disappointing. I won't stand in the way of a promotion, I suppose, but I'm keen for it to be worked on further in the next few weeks, and for any subsequent nominations to be much better written beforehand. Tony (talk) 04:52, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thanks Tony, one of the reasons why I'm here is to work on my writing skills. I appreciate feedback like this, tough but informative. I will address these issues soon.Dave (talk) 16:40, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 20:16, 16 August 2008 [73].

    The Stolen Earth

    Nominator(s): Sceptre
    previous FAC (22:01, 8 July 2008)


    In the article's previous FAC, a major objection was to the article being too new to pass FAC. I believe that the article has stabilised enough to pass the stability requirement of the featured article criteria, which I think is the only part it failed in its previous nomination (the objection about the image is subjective which not much can be done to fix). Sceptre (talk) 18:33, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    The other issue you neglected to mention was the status of fair use images in the article (regarding whether or not they meet the NFCC criteria). Has this been resolved? Nishkid64 (Make articles, not wikidrama) 20:50, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I did mention it, actually. I believe that not much can be done to fix that objection - the criteria point (#8) is very subjective. What may pass for one user may not for another: opinions range from no fair use to liberal fair use just among admins. Sceptre (talk) 21:16, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    My bad, I missed that. Nishkid64 (Make articles, not wikidrama) 21:39, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    question Why is the BBC trademark, Image:TARDIS-trans.png, being used to advertise a competing commercial site and is this usage consistant with requirement three of the featured article criteria? Fasach Nua (talk) 08:56, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Consider it's a free image I don't see what part of WIAFA#3 it doesn't meet. —Giggy 10:51, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Yes, it is. The NFCC (and by extension, the featured article criteria) only deals with copyright, which is global. It doesn't deal with any other restrictions because those are normally national and not applicable to the state of Flordia, where Wikimedia's servers are held. Therefore, barring any extension to the NFCC to deal with trademarks, the image will remain free for any use. Sceptre (talk) 11:39, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The FA criteria goes beyond NFCC, and the question is, is the use of a BBC trademark to advertise a competing commercial service appropriate? Fasach Nua (talk) 13:10, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Don't argue about the image's use in the template here when discussion after discussion has ended in a consensus decision that that image on that template is appropriate and free. Sceptre (talk) 13:20, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    is the use of a BBC trademark to advertise a competing commercial service appropriate? Fasach Nua (talk) 13:21, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Again, don't argue about the image's use in the template here when discussion after discussion has ended in a consensus decision that that image on that template is appropriate and free. Sceptre (talk) 13:23, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    is the use of a BBC trademark to advertise a competing commercial service appropriate? Fasach Nua (talk) 13:24, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Again, don't argue about the image's use in the template here when discussion after discussion has ended in a consensus decision that that image on that template is appropriate and free. Sceptre (talk) 13:24, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    oppose inappropriate use of images Fasach Nua (talk) 13:26, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Inactionable oppose per WP:IDHT. Sceptre (talk) 13:28, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    As a registered user of Tardis wiki, I can assure Fasach Nua that it is not competing with the BBC. This seems to be an extemly bad guesture by someone who is so upset that he cannot get his way on one thing, that he stops an another editor getting his way on a completely different issue. Rather childish behaviour really.81.157.235.65 (talk) 10:05, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    * Oppose — For the most part this is a good article. I am, however, concerned that the non-free image is not used to its full potential. By sticking it at the top of the article -- away from the content it's providing critical commentary on -- I believe it's not "significantly increas[ing the] readers' understanding of the topic". Matthew (talk) 12:02, 5 August 2008 (UTC) (concerns met)[reply]

    • But moving the screenshot out of the infobox would violate the TV MOS (and every other featured television article has their screenshots in the infobox, and FAs are supposed to lead by example) and cause the article to become near-unreadable at 1024*768. I believe that it is suitable in the infobox - remember, the infobox is in the lede, the summary part of the article. Sceptre (talk) 12:41, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • Forgive me for believing that policy trumps a... guideline (if that). Obviously I was wrong. My resolution is 1024*768 and I found the Doctor Who articles easily readable before the images were moved to the infobox. In my opinion it'd be a good idea to a set an example. Matthew (talk) 13:04, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        • A key part of the FAC is that an article must conform to the manuals of style and the NFCC. There is a possible violation of the NFCC if it remains in the infobox, there is a definite violation of the MOS if it's moved. FAC should not be used to set examples. Oh, and the only difference between policy and guideline is the the color of the check marks in the template. Sceptre (talk) 17:52, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support - well written article, avoids overly long in-universe commentary in favour of summarising media coverage. PhilKnight (talk) 20:48, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Renewed oppose as per both Matthew and Fasach Nua. About F.N.'s objection to the Tardis image: Just because NFCC doesn't mention this case doesn't mean we can ignore it. Yes, non-copyrighted-but-trademarked images are not automatically banned, but they can be legally problematic in some cases; we need to determine if this is one of them. I (and, if I remember right, many others) find F.N. has a reasonable case here, and his objection has not been met. It is also not "non-actionable" as Sceptre claims, because it is perfectly possible to act upon it and remove the image. As for the screenshot, I'm still not convinced it does anything NFCC-worthy at all (unlike Matthew, I can't even identify a passage of "content it's providing critical commentary on"), and it certainly doesn't do anything crucial in that position. Having non-free images in infoboxes is generally not a good idea, and if project standards call for that, so much the worse for them. By the way, I find that more or less the only scene in the episode on which there's an attempt at non-trivial analysis is the final climax scene ("written by Davies as a pastiche of romance fiction" et cetera). If anything, I'd say this scene would have a much better chance of supporting a non-free image than most others. Fut.Perf. ☼ 08:14, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • The trademark issue been discussed to death, concluding time and time again that trademark is not an issue. It is not a matter of wehter FN's 'objection has been met', consensus is that his objection is moot. Further more, FA candidacy is about the article's content; Each oppose presented here today has nothing to say about it's content. And as such, those opposes are inactionable. The fact is that most recent FA nominations are being hijacked by the few that crusade against the use of any fair-use image. This abuse of FAC has to stop: Comment on the article or hold your peace. — Edokter • Talk • 11:22, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    For what's it worth, I agree with the editors who are suggesting that fair use images shouldn't be placed in infoboxes. However, I would prefer a global solution, as opposed to arguing on a case-by-case basis. PhilKnight (talk) 12:04, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The issue of NFCC images in infoboxes is one that probably can be discussed further at the TV project and/or WP:NFCC but primarily for WP:NOR/WP:NPOV reasons - I do agree that there is a difference between using an official title card/poster to identify the work in the infobox, and the use of a user-selected screenshot in the infobox, suggesting that that image is "officially" the representation of the work. This also points to Matthew's comment that such images are generally better served when peppered in the text that they are discussed. However, as these guidelines and policies stand now, there is nothing wrong with this article's use - as it is consistent with nearly all other episode FA/GAs as well. If these policies change, I expect that the current batch of FA/GAs will also change (its effectively trivial). --MASEM 13:17, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Last time I looked at a discussion of the trademark issue, the outcome was most certainly not a "consensus that the issue is moot". The outcome was inconclusive, with a significant number of people still agreeing with F.N. -- As for the other images, objections against their use are actionable comments about the article, very much so, so stop obfuscating. I'm not "crusading" (you are); I'm not "highjacking" anything; and I won't be "holding my peace". Fut.Perf. ☼ 12:24, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    As I said to Matthew: there is a possible violation of the NFCC if the screenshot remains in the infobox, there is a definite violation of the MOS if it's moved out. Both are needed to pass FAC, not just the NFCC, and it is foolish to make what may be a violation into what is a violation. The TV MOS states that screenshots should be placed in the respective infoboxes, and I'm sure that one of the reasons of the (early) Doctor Who good article candidacies failed because the screenshot placement failed the MOS. The question about that image really hinges on whether it violates the NFCC - just because someone says it does, doesn't mean it does. NFCC8 is a really subjective criterion, and simply stating that the NFCC is broken (especially on points 1 and/or 8) hasn't stopped candidacies before. I am willing to assume good faith that the image was indeed uploaded in compliance with the consensus interpretation of the NFCC. I also wish that you don't take the issue here; FAC should not be used for breaching experiments. As far as the trademark issue goes - I don't like the big purple box as it is, and I'd much rather prefer a smaller, less attention grabbing box. Sceptre (talk) 12:59, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I don't see anything in MOSTV mandating that an article must have an image in the infobox, much less that an article can't have images anywhere else if the infobox hasn't one. If there was anything as foolish as that in the guideline, the guideline would have to be changed, and quickly. And I'd reserve a special Dalek-engineered timeshifted troutslap for anyone who would oppose a FA nomination for not having an image in the box. As for the rest, "assuming good faith" about what the uploader thought about the image is irrelevant here. Also, NFCC isn't broken, it just has to be taken seriously. And it has to be interpreted according to the spirit and intentions behind it, which is, very explicitly, that non-free image use must be minimal. And who's doing a breaching experiment? Fut.Perf. ☼ 13:16, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Well, the breaching experiment remark is rather towards Matthew than to you, but I still do not feel the image should be moved against precedent and the MOS. Removal, however, is something you can do yourself, but you will get a lot of flak and possibly reverted for it. And yes, the NFCC does state usage of non-free media is supposed to be minimal, but the question is how minimal? Some admins wouldn't even allow Raising the Flag on Iwo Jima, while some are perfectly fine with screenshots in infoboxes. Sceptre (talk) 13:22, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comment I have a few concerns, and I was wondering if they could be addressed prior to my casting my vote:
    1. The caption for the lead photo seems awfully long. How about: "Described by lead actor David Tennant as a "bitter scene of high emotion".[1], and Rose cradles a dying Doctor." The rest of the information is contained within the article.
    On a side note, I think the considerations of free images versus non-free in the infobox are fairly moot. Recently, Palpatine, a TFA had to run without an image, as the images in the article were all non-free. Someone goofed and added an image to the article from the actor who portrayed him (which was reverted out eventually). The point is, FA and even TFA do not require free images for promotion. I think that opposing articles for which there is a dearth of free images constitutes a de facto exclusion of those types of articles, but that's just my opinion.
    1. I talked about FutPerf with this; he felt it was the best way to make sure that the image unequivocally passed NFCC. Sceptre (talk) 17:41, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I honestly don't think that the caption needs to be as long. The example above offers a link proving the worthiness of the image, and not even FN could mess with it in good conscience. - Arcayne (cast a spell) 23:23, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Though, at the same time, there isn't anything wrong with the caption. If length were a limiting factor in writing, articles would be much, much, shorter. Sceptre (talk) 14:00, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    1. The cast list - is there a specific reason we have to list every single person in the infobox? Does the article suffer if we remove the Drunk Man from the list? I think not.
      It does lend itself to a slippery slope - if you remove Drunk Man (which I think should go), why not Scared Man, or Suzanne? For my part, I think any unremarkable one-shot characters shouldn't be included: in this case Drunk Man, Suzanne, the newsreader, and possibly the Albino Servant also should go. The rest are fine (including Scared Man) because we discuss them in some way in the article (even the Scared Man), or the portrayers are regulars to the show (i.e. Kasey and Briggs).
      On second thoughts, maybe they should be credited; there's a massive list of uncredited actors in the DWM special, which includes the milkman at the start, several redshirts, several UNIT workers, and the couple of looters Rose says "d'ya like my gun?" to. I don't know for what reason they were credited, but it seems to me that the BBC thinks they're important enough. Sceptre (talk) 18:11, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I think that, because of the mention of the Scared Man in the production info, it deserves to remain. Normally, though, we don't need these bit roles. Most television programs don't name Thug #1 or Whackjob Albino #5 in the credits; its extraneous information, and unnecessary. - Arcayne (cast a spell) 23:23, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Still, I can't fathom why those parts got credits and others didn't; I don't think it's having a speaking part, because the Milkman had one, and going backwards in the S4 Companion, several people with one line weren't credited, whereas some with no lines (notably Paul Kasey and Jimmy Vee, who get dubbed over in post-production) were credited. It's a conundrum, but I think, as long as the BBC credit them, and set them apart from extras, we should too. Sceptre (talk) 14:00, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I think this is a shade of an earlier issue regarding the listing of credits. I am not suggesting that we remove all of them, but rather to exercise a bit more restraint. This is an FAC; it can afford to be more selective than the typical article because others are going to look to it as a reference point for other articles. I believe it needs to be trimmed down a bit. - Arcayne (cast a spell) 15:28, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    1. I am unclear why Davies' comment about crossovers requires a text box. Is there a reason it cannot be incorporated into the existing text? While I understand that it discusses the crossover, the greater importance would seem to be the story arc carrying over elements from series 1 to a grand conclusion in series 4 - that seems to stick out as the most important feature or production and writing, not the idea that kids want daleks to fight Star Wars droids.
      The use of quote boxes were based on their use in already successful candidacies for Doomsday (Doctor Who) and Partners in Crime (Doctor Who) (and the successful GACs The Fires of Pompeii and Planet of the Ood), and the use of images was based on Through the Looking Glass (Lost) and Trapped in the Closet (South Park). To be honest, quote boxes are my fallback if I can't find free media. I use both (and blockquotes) because the featured article criteria require an article to be engaging. The best way to do this, I feel, is to include short informative "snippets" and breaks in the article. This allows the reader to rest for a minute, then continue, and engages the reader more than if there was paragraph after paragraph of text. It doesn't look that bad ether. About the placement about the Davies quotebox in general: that was put there as representative of the production in general - the episode was as much about a grand finale as it was about the strands closing in. That's why I put it at the top of the production section. Though looking at it now; yes, it does look a bit off, and effectively squashes the text between it and the infobox. I've changed it to a blockquote; tell me what you think. Sceptre (talk) 17:41, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I see it, and I kinda like it better than the text box. - Arcayne (cast a spell) 23:23, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    1. Additionally, is there a reason we aren't including in parentheses that "series" are known as "seasons" here in the States? I am not suggesting we go Americentric, but a notation of the different usage might avoid confusion.
      I think it's evident in the text - contextually, the term is easily changeable with "season".
    I think mentioning it in parentheses at the first mention improves the article. Towards that end, I edited it in. - Arcayne (cast a spell) 23:23, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    And Sceptre removed it, with an odd edit summary. This is not the English Wikipedia, it is the English language Wikipedia; we have to note in our FA candidates the possibility that terms might have to be explained. - Arcayne (cast a spell) 20:06, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I meant to type in the summary something to the effect of "When episode articles for American shows have '(referred to "series" in the UK)', then we should reciprocate". More people speak Commonwealth English (around a billion at a conservative estimate) than American English (around 300 million). Sceptre (talk) 20:14, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    1. Why is there reference to the final episode in the second to last episode (The last sentence of the Writing subsection of Production)? It isn't necessary, and strays a bit beyond the scope of this article.
      At that point we're talking about the cliffhanger, which was (obviously) split over the two episodes. I felt that we had a lot less content than what was available in the source material, and I felt it wouldn't stray too off-topic to still be relevant. Sceptre (talk) 17:41, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    While it isn't really part of the specific subject of the article, i guess I am okay with it remaining. - Arcayne (cast a spell) 23:23, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    1. We don't need a picture of Russell Davies in the Critical Reception area; he has his own article, and his image is located there. Part of the resistance to these articles is that they tend to get stuffed with images in the mistaken belief that images lend credibility to an article. They do not.
      See my point about the images and quotebox above. Sceptre (talk) 17:41, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Again, Davies' picture isn't necessary. - Arcayne (cast a spell) 23:23, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Yes, it may not be explicitly necessary, but I think there is a net positive to having the image; as I said above, it offers a nice break in the article text in a section where the reader may switch off their brain. Sceptre (talk) 14:00, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I never really considered an encyclopedia the sort of place where one switches off their brain; it would be rather like going to a library to play video games. Remember that the article, if approved, becomes something of a template for others. We are allowed - encouraged, even - to hold to a higher standard. If it isn't vital to the article, it doesn't need to be there. - Arcayne (cast a spell) 15:28, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    It's more human nature to switch off your brain when you've got a screen full of text. It's like reading a textbook; you need something to rest your brain on for a second, which is what the picture does. It stops the reader from becoming bored when reading the article. Sceptre (talk) 15:41, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    While that uncited statement might be true (and if it is, hope you never end up in one of my classes, boyo ;) ), there are already two images in the article, and this image is extraneous. Tell me how the image is absolutely vital to the article. - Arcayne (cast a spell) 20:06, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Images don't need to be absolutely vital to a featured article, they just have to be appropriate. I think it is. Sceptre (talk) 20:14, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    - Arcayne (cast a spell) 17:04, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I've replied to your points by indentation, becuase it's easier. Sceptre (talk) 17:41, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    It's a good plan; I've responded in the same way
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 20:16, 16 August 2008 [75].

    New York State Route 343

    Nominator(s): Mitch32(UP)


    I'm nominating this article for featured article because its been worked on by numerous editors and has been reviewed by numerous editors. It is of the strength now, that I least believe, for a chance at becoming a Featured Article. Mitch32(UP) 00:22, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments

    Issues resolved, Ealdgyth - Talk 13:00, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • more details on the reference added --Polaron
    • Comments –
    • Done. Mitch32(UP) 10:20, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • Prose needs cleaning up. A couple of examples...
        • What is now Route 343 became a major transportation route... "What is now" is unnecessary
        • Favor not using past perfect tense (The highway had helped.. -> "The highway helped"; "The turnpike corporation...had finished grading -> "The turnpike corporation...finished grading, etc) AreJay (talk) 22:28, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • What kind of traffic (nature, volume) does NY 343 typically handle? It says when it crosses into CT, there's a large factory. Does the road typically handle commercial traffic then? Or is it mostly non-commercial traffic? AreJay (talk) 22:28, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • The entire route has minimal truck traffic. NYSDOT data indicates 5% west of NY 22, 7% on the NY 22 overlap, and 6% east of NY 22. I'll add that information in. I will also add traffic volumes. --Polaron | Talk 14:18, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    AreJay (talk) 22:28, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Red links aren't bad though. If they lead to logical future articles, they should be retained as they help spur Wikipedia's expansion. Imzadi1979 (talk) 01:50, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Support Comments Short, informative road article. I have a few prose concerns that can easily be fixed and one question about comprehensiveness:

    • Route 343 used the alignment of the Dover branch of the 19th-century Dutchess Turnpike for its entire length. The turnpike was a major transportation route at the time, connecting several local communities to Litchfield County, Connecticut and the city of Poughkeepsie. - When was this? Awadewit (talk) 17:32, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The early and mid-19th centuries when the turnpike was in operation.
    I think the first sentence should indicate this - it is confusing otherwise. Awadewit (talk) 14:50, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I think it would be too redundant to say the "19th-century Dutchess Turnpike" in the first sentence then say "major transportation route in the 19th century" in the second sentence. I have reworded the two sentences which hopefully is sufficient. --Polaron | Talk 15:48, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    To be accurate, we use "by 1947" rather than "in 1947" since we have a map gap of between 1944 and 1947. The extension could have been done anytime between those two years.
    That should be indicated then. Awadewit (talk) 14:50, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Reworded to say "sometime between 1944 and 1947". --Polaron | Talk 15:48, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    This was a clarification done during A-class review since there are hamlets, towns, villages in the area that have the same name. If we simply say the name, it is not always clear which entity is being referred to.
    I see. Ok. Awadewit (talk) 14:50, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Soon afterward, at the intersection with County Route 99, it turns to the southeast for a distance. - I'm not sure what "turns to the southeast for a distance" means Awadewit (talk) 17:32, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Sentence reworded for clarity. --Polaron | Talk 14:11, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • The roads parallel the Tenmile River and soon intersects with County Route 81 (a former routing of NY 22) south of the hamlet of Wassaic. The roads parallel as they head north - Awkward to have sentences begin the same way Awadewit (talk) 17:32, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Sentences reworded to avoid repetition. --Polaron | Talk 14:11, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Presumably with the topic of the paragraph, which is Route 22. We can add "Route 22" specifically to that sentence if it would help clarify things.
    Update: "with Route 22 and 343" added to the sentence for clarification. --Polaron | Talk 18:11, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Not sure why it's awkward. What do you suggest this be changed to? I suppose we can simply repeat the phrasing of the previous sentence for this and the next sentence. However, that would seem a bit too wordy.
    Update: Parenthetical note about truck traffic about the sentence in question and the next one has been expanded to be similar to the previous sentence for clarity. --Polaron | Talk 18:11, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    It is the opening part of the sentence that seems awkward to me "The portion overlapping" perhaps? I'm not sure why "overlapped" is in the past tense when the rest of the sentence is in the present. It is confusing. Awadewit (talk) 14:50, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    "Overlapped" here is being used as a status (adjective) so it's not really incorrect usage here. However, I have changed it to read "portion concurrent with" to avoid confusion. --Polaron | Talk 15:48, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Oh, I see. It was, however, confusing. I think the new version is an improvement. Awadewit (talk) 14:57, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • When the road was completed a few years later, it established a continuous improved road between Poughkeepsie and Hartford. - I'm not sure what "continuous improved" means. Awadewit (talk) 17:32, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    It means there is an unbroken series of roads that are improved, i.e. graded and cleared.
    This should be explained. Awadewit (talk) 14:50, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    A comma has been inserted so that it reads "a continuous, improved road" which hopefully should avoid the confusion. --Polaron | Talk 15:48, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I still think it is a little vague, but ok. Awadewit (talk) 14:57, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    No, there have been no major construction projects on this route, aside from the usual periodic milling and repaving that is true for all roads.

    I hope these suggestions are helpful. Awadewit (talk) 17:32, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Replies to some of the points raised are under each item. --Polaron | Talk 17:58, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support Comments
    • State Route 343 (also known as NY 343) is a state highway located entirely within central Dutchess County, which is in the Hudson Valley region of the U.S. state of New York. Link State highway and remove the words "which is".
    • Modern Route 343 was first designated in 1930, connecting the hamlet of Amenia to the state line, but was relocated a few years later to run from the village of Milbrook to the hamlet of Dover Plains instead. Remove "first".
    • Several landmarks along the way include the Wassaic State Multiple Use Area in the hamlet of Wassaic, Beekman Park in the hamlet of Amenia, and the Troutbeck Conference Center in the hamlet of Leedsvile. The Wassaic State Multiple Use Area isn't really a landmark.
    • The road heads eastward, intersecting an old routing of Route 82 and passing to the south of Millbrook Golf and Tennis Club. "Routing of route"...
    • Route 343 continues past fields, residential homes, and farms. The highway passes south of Mill Brook, entering the hamlet of Littlerest, then turns to the southeast at the intersection with County Route 99. Clarify that Mill Brook is a small stream, not the village of Millbrook.
    • After passing through Wassaic, the roads cross Wassaic Creek and enter a small valley, soon passing by the Wassaic Train Station and continuing northward towards the hamlet of Amenia. "By" is redundant.
    • A few miles later, Route 343 crosses the state line and enters Connecticut. A specific mileage would be good.
    • After passing north of Sharon Country Club, the highway turns east as it enters the town center, where various homes and businesses are located. Not sure the various homes bit adds much to the article.
    • Prior to the building of the turnpike, the section of Route 343 east of Amenia to the state line was a swamp and did not connect Amenia to the state line. "Route 343" → "the route", as NY 343 was non-existent at the time of the turnpike.

    –Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 16:40, 16 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 01:39, 16 August 2008 [76].

    1995 Japanese Grand Prix

    Nominator(s): D.M.N. (talk)
    previous FAC (00:07, 17 May 2008)


    I nominated this article once in March, and again in May, with both FAC's failing due to a number of issues, mostly concerning reliable sources. I have removed the un-reliable sources from the article, and added more reliable sources such as books. I've also tried to tighten up the prose in places so that the text flows better. Thanks, D.M.N. (talk) 08:28, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    More to come later. —Giggy 10:32, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Date linking is no longer encouraged by MoS, which is different than saying it is discouraged. The exact wording at Wikipedia:MOSDATE#Date autoformatting is: "Careful consideration of the disadvantages and advantages of the autoformatting mechanism should be made before applying it." SandyGeorgia (Talk) 15:08, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Date linking was only used in one place in this article. It doesn't add anything whatsoever to the article, so I've got rid of it. D.M.N. (talk) 15:14, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Sorry Sandy, my mistake - I'll be more careful with my wording in future. —Giggy 08:16, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    And yeah, that's all I got. —Giggy 09:57, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thanks. D.M.N. (talk) 10:12, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Support as all issues are addressed. —Giggy 07:55, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    oppose Image:Podium1995JapanGP.jpg fails WP:NFCC#8 Fasach Nua (talk) 10:25, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    How? —Giggy 10:32, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Not unsuprisingly, it's presence does not significantly increase my understanding of the topic, and its omission would not be detrimental to that understanding, feel free to use the link above Fasach Nua (talk) 13:48, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    OK, so reading that, it sounds like no photo whatsoever would increase someone's knowledge of the topic. Would a picture of the start of the race be better? D.M.N. (talk) 15:23, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Is there a problem with the readers' understanding of how the race began, that would require such an image? Fasach Nua (talk) 16:16, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I don't know. It sounds like that any image of the race that I put into this article would get struck down by this claim as such. D.M.N. (talk) 16:24, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    If the article doesnt need a copyrighted image than it doesnt need a copyrighted image! Fasach Nua (talk)
    Note: Much as comments here should be about content rather than the contributor, I don't think this user really understands the criteria he is citing, and has made a number of misguided recent edits under this belief. Bob talk 17:31, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    My take on the criteria is the image has to be one of a defining event. You could justify something like the start crash at Spa '98 because it's hard to convey the extent of the incident without an image. Here, the main purpose appears to be to identify drivers, whom are living people. In addition the copyright tag used is "This is a copyrighted image that has been released by a company or organization to promote their work or product in the media, such as advertising material or a promotional photo in a press kit." - the image actually appears to come from Getty. AlexJ (talk) 18:12, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I see what you mean. It guess it could be argued that the circumstances of this image are unrepeatable, even if they aren't as unreplacable as images such as the example you gave. Difficult to say, isn't it? I still don't think it's justifiable to oppose a whole candidacy on the basis of one image, though, especially as it does have all the correct fairuse information, etc. Bob talk 19:34, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks for the clarification, Fasach Nua. I'm familiar with NFCC and was questioning your justification in this case since clearly, differing people see that policy differently. D.M.N., I would suggest you add a few free images (Michael Schumacher, Mika Häkkinen, and Johnny Herbert all have them, as well as Commons categories to choose from other images) instead of the nonfree one, since I do agree with the statement "If the article doesnt need a copyrighted image than it doesnt need a copyrighted image!" (opposition over this is valid, even if some consider it silly). —Giggy 08:16, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    OK. I've removed the podium image, and added two free use images, one of Schumacher, and another of Damon Hill. D.M.N. (talk) 08:28, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I think it's worth noting in the caption of the Schumacher image that it was taken several years after the event.--Diniz(talk) 22:48, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Another point concerning images - if images of 1995 season cars in action are required beyond what we have already, then I could ask the Flickr user I got these two images from to change the licensing on the rest of his photo set from the 1995 British Grand Prix.--Diniz(talk) 23:08, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    In my opinion the article meets criteria 3 in full Fasach Nua (talk) 10:26, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comment - One thing that stands out a bit for me in this article is the picture of Michael Schumacher. Now there is probably nobody on the planet who knows MS but doesn't know he drove for Ferrari. But the point is this article is about the 1995 Japanese Grand Prix - when he drove for Benetton, therefore it strikes me as strange to have him pictured in his 2005 Ferrari shirt. Someone's going to say 'but we don't have a picture of him in Benetton colours' – I know that, but the picture isn't central to the article in any way so I think it would be better to remove it. Mark83 (talk) 12:09, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • As he's the winner of the race, and a key figure surrounding the event, I think it's best to keep it until a free one of him in the Benetton comes up. I will (however), follow Diniz's suggestion and note in the caption that the image was taken in 2005. D.M.N. (talk) 12:12, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments

    Otherwise sources look good, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 14:13, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks. D.M.N. (talk) 14:03, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    CommentsSupport - I was a supporter last time, but I have become better at spotting writing errors since the last FAC. Let's see what I can find.

    I'll look at the rest after these are done, but there isn't much more to review, which is good. Spend some time checking the commas, since I found the most issues in that department. As for the picture, you could always insert a free photo of Schumacher if the podium shot remains an issue. Giants2008 (17-14) 23:19, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Time for the final comments from me. I'll perform strikes after these are looked at, so don't worry that I haven't done it yet. Giants2008 (17-14) 23:44, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • "set the fastest lap on lap 33" A tad redundant with the laps.
    • If I removed that, it would be: "Schumacher, who came out in second after his pit stop, set the fastest lap." - for me, saying that in my head, it sounds like the sentence stops abruptly without any kind of flow - it's like it would be missing a bit of information - the reader wouldn't know when he set it (of course they could look in the infobox). D.M.N. (talk) 07:49, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • In the References, you could move the full Autocourse reference with author, dates, ISBN etc. to a new Reference section, renaming the existing section to Notes. The individual citations would then be just the author and page number. This is only a suggestion and not something I would withhold support over. Giants2008 (17-14) 23:44, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    That's all from me. I told you there wasn't that much more. Assuming these are handled quickly, I will return tomorrow to perform strikes and give my support. Giants2008 (17-14) 23:44, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 01:39, 16 August 2008 [77].

    Meteorological history of Hurricane Jeanne

    Nominator(s): ♬♩ Hurricanehink (talk)


    I'm nominating this article for featured article because it's become fashionable to flood FAC with hurricane articles again (sorry SANDY!). The real reason is because I was waiting for the other tropical cyclone FAC's to end, so as to not cause a flood. I wrote this article a few weeks ago, to the same standards as Meteorological history of Hurricane Ivan and Meteorological history of Hurricane Wilma, and I believe it's up to scraps. Any comments? ♬♩ Hurricanehink (talk) 00:28, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Crossed out a potentially bad taste opening line. Any comments? I'd love some feedback, really! ♬♩ Hurricanehink (talk) 12:06, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    *Comments

    • On September 11, convection became slightly better organized,[5] and the next day broad cyclonic turning became evident,[6] though overall development was hindered by upper-level wind shear from Hurricane Ivan in the Caribbean Sea,[7] as well as from an upper-level low to the north of the wave.[6] Longish sentence. Might be better split into two.
    • The temporary weakening was due to an increase in shear and dry air increased. Awkwardly worded. Change "dry air increased" to "increased dry air".
    • I would personally like to see the information about forecasts trimmed slightly. At least two paragraphs focus on that.
    • In the see also section, add a link to Meteorological history of Hurricane Ivan.

    Otherwise, it looks good. Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 12:18, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 01:39, 16 August 2008 [78].

    Candide

    Nominator(s): Rmrfstar (talk)


    I've been working on this article for a long time, and I'm quite sure that it is ready. It has gone through some very extensive GACs. In any case, I will do my best to respond to objections and criticisms as honestly and quickly as is possible. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 12:15, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I should note that though a recent WP:NOVELS peer review technically occurred, and is mentioned on Talk:Candide, no comments were made. I couldn't wait any longer. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 17:44, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments

    • Double check that all the sources listed in the bibliography are actually used in the article. I noticed that "Cates, David Allan "Comparing Candide and X Out of Wonderland" isn't used as a footnote. Same for the Adorno ref, Asbury ref, Betts ref, etc. I didnt' check them all, you can use your search function in your browser for that. Refs that aren't used as sources can go in a "Further reading" section.
    Otherwise sources look okay, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 13:00, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    A number of the sources that were listed under the heading "Bibliography" were not mentioned by the in-line references. This was intentional. I don't see why they should be separated from those that are; but I expect I'm in the minority. In any case, I've created the "Further reading" section with all of the extra citations transferred there. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 13:44, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The relevant guideline is WP:LAYOUT, if you want to double check. But I'm done here! Thanks! Ealdgyth - Talk 13:51, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments

    • "Through the allegory of Candide" - why not just "Through allegory"?
    Done.
    • "...; most conspicuously, he rails against Leibniz and his Optimism." - reads awkwardly. How about "..., and, most conspicuously, he rails against Leibniz and his Optimism."
    Then there would be way too many "and"s. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 22:13, 26 July 2008
    Too many "and"s? Erm... I don't really have much to say to that, but that doesn't seem much of a reason not to change it to me. Nousernamesleft (talk) 23:29, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Here's the phrase with that "and" added, "... Voltaire ridicules religion and theologians, governments and armies, philosophies and philosophers, and, most conspicuously, Leibniz and his Optimism." Even with the serial comma, the reader will likely confound which words are part of the list. Also, using the word "and" changes the meaning of the sentence unacceptably: "most conspicuously..." is a logical continuation of the first clause; but it is not an addendum to it, because "Leibniz and his Optimism" falls under the categories of "philosophies and philosophers". -- Rmrfstar (talk) 07:49, 27 July 2008
    • "Candide, Voltaire's magnum opus," - why is it phrased like that? It would seem that such a phrasing would be more fit for the first sentence of an article, introducing the subject. Something like "Candide is Voltaire's magnum opus" would be more appropriate. Two independent clauses would be too much, I expect.
    Why are appositives only to be used in the first sentence? I use it here because I want to connect the ideas that Candide is Voltaire's magnum opus, and it has been often mimicked and adapted. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 22:13, 26 July 2008
    Hm, I'm not sure why it just reads... wrong. Maybe it's just me. This is minor, anyways, so feel free to ignore it. Nousernamesleft (talk) 23:29, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Sometimes you use the serial comma, sometimes not.
    Sometimes it is necessary to remove ambiguities, and sometimes it is not, such as in my above response. To quote the MOS, "Both styles are acceptable in Wikipedia, but in a case where including or omitting the comma clarifies the meaning of the sentence, that solution should be adopted." I don't think it says that one style should be maintained for the whole of an article (as should be done with regard to issues of British vs. American spelling). -- Rmrfstar (talk) 22:13, 26 July 2008
    Really? Huh, that's funny, but I can't see why the serial comma would clarify one sentence better than another or vice versa. I'd still really prefer consistency. Plus, there's also the small chance that the difference would confuse a reader. Nousernamesleft (talk) 23:29, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The MOS exemplifies:
    Sometimes omitting the comma can lead to an ambiguous sentence, as in this example: The author would like to thank her parents, Sinéad O'Connor and President Bush, which may be a list of either four or two people.
    Including the comma can also cause ambiguity, as in: The author would like to thank her mother, Sinéad O'Connor, and President Bush, which may be a list of either two or three people. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 07:49, 27 July 2008
    • Redundancy: "Candide underwent one major revision after its initial publication, in addition to some minor ones."
    Some is not necessary here; but it does make more precise how many minor changes were made (i.e. not a lot, but a few). This precision is nice because the article doesn't mention any more about the minor changes; the reader should not think that many, many minor changes were made. Also, the word balances the sentence, IMHO. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 22:13, 26 July 2008
    To be honest, I've never felt that some implied *any* kind of impression of size or value, but it's your call if you want to keep it in. Nousernamesleft (talk) 23:29, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Having checked the dictionary, I think you're right that "some" is completely indefinite. Still, I'd like to leave it, for balance: there should be a parallel construction between "one major revision" and "some minor ones". -- Rmrfstar (talk) 07:49, 27 July 2008

    Possibly more to come. Nousernamesleft (talk) 21:20, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Cheers. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 22:13, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support - the article is far superior now than it was before. Major formatting problems appear to be non-existent. The important sections appear to be comprehensive. Other things can be fixed later, as it would seem to be minor things that would not prohibit from being an FA. If things happen between this and closing that suggest other problems, I may reconsider. However, I feel comfortable enough at this time to support. Ottava Rima (talk) 01:39, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Oppose the info box seems to stick out. Perhaps remove and incorporate information in? The lead also seems to be a tad short for the massive amount of content. Under creation, there is an image that is making the header move to the right, this image should be moved down or somewhere else to remove this problem. The subheadings under creation should be merged into one area, as these are linked and shouldn't be split apart. What makes the "philosophy" not part of the themes? Ottava Rima (talk) 21:32, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    This oppose had changed to comment: [79] SandyGeorgia (Talk) 15:51, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    More problems - "Further reading" should be dropped or included. Leonard Bernstein's picture should be in the section for him, not at the end of the previous one to overlap with the edit function. "1787 illustration of Candide" needs to be moved, it is violating MoS by being against a heading section. Ottava Rima (talk) 01:37, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Even more - "Among the literary works written before Candide, one finds many satirical and parodic precursors, but Jonathan Swift's Gulliver's Travels (1726) is Candide's closest literary relative." Please source that. I know of many scholars that would say otherwise. You have one source. Either tone down the claims to base it on that one source, or find more. Also, "one finds many satirica" seems inappropriately put. Try to remove the rhetorical "one". Also, paragraph beginning "A number of other textual sources for Candide have been identified. Ira Wade" should be moved to the section concerning the earthquake. Sentences like "Candide is mature and well-developed, not impromptu, a" are opinion and should be treated as such. Ottava Rima (talk) 01:45, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    "The info box seems to stick out." is not an actionable concern, because that's the whole point. Infoboxes make key information easily accessible. Or should we reformat all of the articles on novels, biographies, elements, compounds, continents, countries, states, cities, towns, rivers, albums, singles, species, and battles simply because they have infoboxes which extend past the lead? --Cryptic C62 · Talk 22:06, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Actually, its quite actionable, because infoboxes can be removed. Most of that information isn't really vital, and the trend has been to shift away from infoboxes in such situations. Also, when I say "stick out" I don't mean overlapping into other areas. I mean that it looks unpresentable. The combination of the titlepage formatting in the box causes it to formatting in a rather unappealing way. Also, it is misnamed as a "frontispiece", as the frontispiece is the picture at the beginning and not the title page.Ottava Rima (talk) 01:37, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    "Actually, its quite actionable, because infoboxes can be removed." Just because something can be done doesn't mean it should. If your problem is with a misnomer, fine, that's a valid concern and a separate issue. In regards to the infobox itself, however, this is an FAC for Candide, not for Template:Cite book. Let's stick to the issues that matter, not WP:IDONTLIKEIT calls about what is, in my opinion, a helpful and presentable infobox. --Cryptic C62 · Talk 02:46, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • The infobox includes no information that is not present in the rest of the article (except for the photograph). Note that the inclusion of the infobox is a matter of standardization within WP:NOVELS. In including it, I'm satisfying their guidelines. FAs must meet Wikiproject standards.
    • Saying the lede seems "a tad short" doesn't help: I'm not adding words to beef up its edit count... What information do you think should be added?
    • I have right-justified the image in ==Creation==.
    • "The subheadings under creation should be merged into one area, as these are linked and shouldn't be split apart." I'm sorry... why?
    • I have renamed "Style and themes" to just "style" to make it clear that "Philosophy" is a separate subject.
    • "Further reading" should be dropped or included." I just created this section (see above). Please provide a reason for dropping it or re-including it.
    • I have moved Bernstein's image and the 1787 one.
    • "Among the literary works written before Candide, one finds many satirical and parodic precursors, but Jonathan Swift's Gulliver's Travels (1726) is Candide's closest literary relative." The source for that statement is number 11, at the end of the paragraph; it seems silly to repeat it.
    • I have reworded the Gulliver statement, I believe in accordance with your desires.
    • I have discussed this on the talk page: "Candide is mature and well-developed, not impromptu, a" is not an opinion; it is fact. The article does not say that it is "good"; it says it is well-developed, meaning that Voltaire carefully developed his story. This is a fact. There is nothing POV about the statement in question.
    • You say "the paragraph beginning with 'a number of other textual'" should be moved. I think you mean sentence: the paragraph after the first sentence would not make any sense in the section you suggested. In any case, I have moved it.
    • I'm pretty sure that the image in the infobox is not mislabeled, but is indeed the frontispiece of (this edition of) Candide. Who said it was the title page? -- Rmrfstar (talk)
    1) "I'm sorry... why?" - because the sections are two small and separating them is unnecessary. They can form one solid section. 2) "Please provide a reason for dropping it or re-including it." I can show you where one of the directors have said the same thing previously if that helps. :) 3) "it says it is well-developed, meaning that Voltaire carefully developed his story. " Then say carefully developed. As a literary critic in the field of 18th century lit (British), I haven't seen "well-developed" used in such a way. Its a throw away term at best. 4) the lead needs a lot of work. I would remove the term "biting" to characterize wit, and I would add at least one more section to cover the style and philosophy. This can't be supported until the lead covers the whole page. Ottava Rima (talk) 13:32, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    5) I don't believe that the infobox is as standard as suggested, otherwise, there wouldn't be this category with the massive amount of infoboxes used that are "incomplete", which Candide is labeled as one. If you believe the infobox should stay, please complete it (or remove the template that suggests it is incomplete). Ottava Rima (talk) 13:39, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Here is another version of the picture. Wider, with less slant and a little clearer. Ottava Rima (talk) 14:43, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Incase anyone disagrees with my suggestion to remove the problematic infobox: "Many novels do not necessitate layouts such as this, or have special requirements that do not fit the template exactly. Feel free to adapt this WikiProject to specific situations and to discuss changing it." Taken directly from here at the top. Ottava Rima (talk) 13:40, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Infoboxes are not mandatory, but neither are they discouraged. If the main contributor wishes to retain it because of standardization, that is perfectly acceptable. Funny, I recently rewrote the sentence you quoted above at WP:NOVELS. In case its implication is not clear, there is always an exception to every rule (ie: WP:IAR). Not every article needs an infobox, true, but not every article does not need one. Because this is entirely a subjective issue, AND infoboxes are in no way included in the FA criteria, I think the box vs. no box objection does not apply here. Also, the infobox is in fact complete in that it contains all compulsory details per Template:Infobox Book, so I've removed the tag from the talk page banner. María (habla conmigo) 13:57, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    That was why the infobox was under comment. I since changed it to opposed based on the missing lead. :) Ottava Rima (talk) 14:35, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    1)Which sections of "Creation" do you think should be merged? I did them all.
    3)I have changed "well-developed" to "carefully developed": good suggestion.
    4)Other editors made some minor changes to the lede. Then I completely reworked it. It's not 3 paragraphs, but it should summarise the rest of the article much better.
    5)I've completely reworked it again: it's now 3 paragraphs.
    6)I greatly appreciate the effort, but I think your version of that picture of the frontispiece is more crooked! Sure the top line is straighter, but the rest is worse... -- Rmrfstar (talk) 20:14, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments on images

    This should be an easy fix. Awadewit (talk) 14:49, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I replaced it with a sourced version. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 20:14, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • I've replaced this image again... this time with a version whose exact provenance is known. This image is also better, because it depicts Voltaire when he wrote Candide better -- Rmrfstar (talk) 14:59, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comments Oppose. I've never actually read Candide, so this article was my introduction to the topic. I think the article is in good shape, but it still needs more work to get to FA status. I've listed below some issues I saw.
      • Looking at the Historical and literary background section:
        • The first two sentences mention events that might have influenced Voltaire. Then it discusses various other works, then it goes back to talking about events in a small section (which is really too small to need to be its own section). Karanacs (talk) 15:12, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Fixed.
        • I am confused in reading this section as to whether Voltaire ever mentioned these other texts as being influential, or if later analysts decided they must have been. If so, it would help to know who said this. Karanacs (talk) 15:12, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The language of the paragraph should make it clear that this is analysts talking, for instance, "As evidenced by similarities...". -- Rmrfstar (talk) 21:28, 29 July 2008
    It used to be, with the following, "Optimism is founded on the theodicy of Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz (1646–1716) that says humanity must live in the best of all possible worlds because God is a benevolent deity. This concept is often put into the form, "Tout est pour le mieux dans le meilleur des mondes possibles" (All is for the best in the best of all possible worlds). This locution expresses the fundamental tenet of Leibnizian Optimism to which Candide adheres for the majority of the story." I commented out this passage at the recommendation of Cryptic_C62, see Talk:Candide#Part_1. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 21:28, 29 July 2008
    I have re-included this information, because Awadewit agrees with you. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 09:11, 30 July 2008
    Done. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 21:28, 29 July 2008
    That whole (short) paragraph is served by the citation at its end. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 21:28, 29 July 2008
    I tried to smooth it out. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 21:28, 29 July 2008
        • I'm not sure why we are told that German personality stereotypes are an inspiration for a 1669 work - nothing in the section shows that Voltaire might have read or been influenced by that novel. Karanacs (talk) 15:12, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Voltaire was influenced by the stereotype, as described in the 1669 work. The mentioning of the 1669 work illustrates, especially with its title, the reality of the stereotype. I have greatly expanded the explanation, per Awadewit's agreement. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 21:28, 29 July 2008
      • "Candide is mature and well-developed, not impromptu, as the choppy plot and the aforementioned myth suggest" - how can it be considered mature and well-developed if the plot is considered choppy? Karanacs (talk) 15:12, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    It is intentionally choppy. I added this word to the article too. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 21:28, 29 July 2008
    Voltaire sent them the work chapter by chapter. The depth of their personal relationship is not relevant here. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 21:28, 29 July 2008
      • The organization of the Creation section is a little odd. First we hear about the various editions of the work, then we go back in time to read about a 1759 publication, then we hear about versions of the work before the 1759 publication. I think the section would do better if it were in chronological order. Karanacs (talk) 15:12, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Good catch. Fixed. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 21:28, 29 July 2008
      • "The La Vallière Manuscript, the most original and authentic of all surviving copies of Candide, " - what makes this more original and authentic than a copy of the 1759 publications? Karanacs (talk) 15:12, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    It has Voltaire's handwriting on it: "...then edited directly". -- Rmrfstar (talk) 21:28, 29 July 2008
    Removed. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 21:28, 29 July 2008
      • Need a citation immediately after a quotation "Frances K. Barasch, literary analyst, described Voltaire's matter-of-fact narrative as treating topics such as mass death "as coolly as a weather report". (even if that means that the cite will be duplicated in consecutive sentences) Karanacs (talk) 15:12, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Done. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 21:28, 29 July 2008
      • Probably need a citation for "The dry, pithy explanation "to encourage the others" thus satirises a serious historical event in characteristically Voltarian fashion." Karanacs (talk) 15:12, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Done. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 21:28, 29 July 2008
    It is now. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 21:28, 29 July 2008
      • The article would likely benefit from a read-through to weed out unnecessary phrasing. For example, there is a lot of use of "Indeed," or "in fact," or similar phrasing which offers no real value to the sentences. Karanacs (talk) 15:12, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Of the four uses of the words "indeed" or "in fact", I have removed three. I do not remove the remaining instance because without it, the passage would make no sense. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 21:28, 29 July 2008
      • There is a lot of mention in the article that Candide upset people for its portrayal of government and religion, and I expected to see a section in this article describing what would have made them upset. A little of this info is spread throughout the article, but it would be nice to see a more focused look at this. Karanacs (talk) 15:12, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I wrote a couple of sentences giving some examples of criticism of religion and government: I put it in Reception and Legacy, where there is the focused discussion on its being banned. The other possibility is to write a longer section, maybe to go under "Satire", but I don't think that is necessary: I don't know what it could say: Voltaire makes fun of everything.
    I think your changes are definitely an improvement. I wonder if there are specific examples of denouncements or bannings of the book, or other details that could flesh this out a bit more. Karanacs (talk) 19:56, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Aha! The reason for the recent referencing error (mentioned below) was that I just accidentally deleted just such an example... it might not be enough, however, so I'll look for more. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 20:29, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I found a good one. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 20:29, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • Need a cite immediately after this quote "According to Bottiglia, "The physical size of Candide, as well as Voltaire's attitude toward his fiction, precludes the achievement of artistic dimension through plenitude, autonomous '3D' vitality, emotional resonance, or poetic exaltation. Candide, then, cannot in quantity of quality, measure up to the supreme classics."' even if it means duplicated citations in successive sentences. Karanacs (talk) 15:12, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Done. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 21:28, 29 July 2008
      • This sentence needs to be fleshed out "Candide also inspired artists and musicians over the centuries." - how did it inspire artists and musicians? Were any of their works notable enough to be mentioned here? ...I see now that Bernstein's operetta is listed later. There needs to be a better connection between the sentence in the Legacy section and the section here. Karanacs (talk) 15:12, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I deleted that silly sentence. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 21:28, 29 July 2008
    Done. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 21:28, 29 July 2008
    Fixed. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 21:28, 29 July 2008

    Karanacs (talk) 15:12, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thanks for all of the suggestions. I'll continue addressing them as I am able. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 21:28, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I am done, for now, addressing your objections. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 20:24, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thank you for your patience with me. I think the article is much improved thanks to your efforts. I'm going to strike my oppose for now. I see that you are getting a copyeditor and that Awadewit still has some open issues; I'll try to check back in soon to see if they've been addressed and rethink my position. Karanacs (talk) 19:56, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thank you for the review! -- Rmrfstar (talk) 20:29, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Support Oppose (I reviewed this article for twice for GA, I think.) I realize that this article's editors are going to tire of my endless lists of fixes, but I think the article doesn't quite hang together yet. I hope we can provide you some help here at FAC, because you know I think this article is really important! Here are my suggestions for improvement:

    Done... I think. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 09:11, 30 July 2008
    • Voltaire ridicules religion and theologians, governments and armies, philosophies and philosophers - This is from the lead. I feel like the philosophy bit was covered in the article, but not the religion or the government bits. Perhaps more could be added about how Voltaire ridicules religion and government? I don't think that the reader will understand, for example, why the book was banned or viewed as scandalous. Awadewit (talk) 15:57, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    See my response above. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 09:11, 30 July 2008
    I do not think that this is sufficient. It is my understanding that the book was banned partially because of its religious commentary, however, this is not explained very well to the reader. The religious criticism contained in the book is not well-explained, nor is the historical context. I think a whole section is needed on this topic. Awadewit (talk) 11:11, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I have further expanded the discussion of Voltaire's irreverence in the section "Reception" by including a more detailed example of what bits of Candide obviously infuriated the church. TODO: Search for literary criticism of Voltaire's methods The more I look at this problem, the less I know where to put and how to write this section... I'm having a really hard time justifying its creation: his criticism of religion is important, but no more important than his criticism of governments, the Germans, the French, the British, armies, colonisation, or anything else. Does each of these deserve its own section? That question asked rhetorically, I have, in my recent additions, tried to better explain why Candide was banned by religious authorities. This was your original criticism and I do think it has been addressed fully. Just as his criticism of Germans is embedded in "Creation", Voltaire's criticism of religion is embedded in "Reception".
    This is still insufficient. To someone who has not studied religious history, much of this section will be meaningless. Furthermore, the prose is much too compressed - all of the references have to be explained to the reader. I would remove this information and create an entire section on "Religious criticism" (or some such thing). I see some Voltaire biographies cited in the Candide "Bibliography". I assume this means you have read them? I would think it would be clear why including a section on religion would be so important, then. Voltaire was known as a critic of religion and Candide continued that prominent theme in his oeuvre. It must be thoroughly explained here. Awadewit (talk) 22:18, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I have not read any Voltaire biographies from start to finish. But I think I grasp that religion was a very important matter for him. I never denied this; I simply recognised that other matters are also important. I know for instance that Voltaire's relationship with France, his exile thence, etc. meant a lot to him. There are many prominent themes in his oeuvre; they can't all have their own sections. I'm saying that I can't write too much on religion, to keep it balanced. I will try to explain better though.
    I have done a bit. Karanacs wants more examples. I'll search them out now.
    I've found a juicy example and included it.
    Hm. I still think that this part of the article is a bit weak. I don't think it is a good idea to relegate a major theme to the "Reception" section. However, I would like to hear other views on this from other reviewers. Awadewit (talk) 14:27, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • This novella tells the tale of a young man, Candide (from the Latin candidus[5]), who has been indoctrinated with Leibnizian Optimism - I would put the detail about the etymological derivation of Candide's name in the article itself. Awadewit (talk) 15:57, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I lengthened the summary by moving it there. ;) -- Rmrfstar (talk) 09:11, 30 July 2008
    • Apart from events, contemporaneous stereotypes of the German personality may have been a source of inspiration for the text; they were for Simplicius Simplicissimus, the 1669 novel by Hans Jakob Christoffel von Grimmelshausen. - The connection to this seventeenth-century German novel is unclear to the reader. Awadewit (talk) 15:57, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I explained it better. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 09:11, 30 July 2008
    This is better, but it is still not clear why this novel from 100 years earlier is being mentioned. Did it influence Candide? Awadewit (talk) 11:15, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Done.
    Um, it is still not explained why this particular work is important to the writing of Candide. Yes, their protagonists were similar, but is that all? Candide was part of a genre - its protagonist is similar to many works. There must be something more to make a book written a century earlier worth mentioning. Awadewit (talk) 22:21, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The two connexions listed are: 1) the protagonists are (quite) similar; 2) Voltaire probably read it.
    If we need to beat the reader over the head with this relatively unimportant and rather speculative analysis, we could state, "Voltaire used a 'bold and buffoonish manner' also." One might say in addition that the criticism of Germans in Candide is not confined to its protagonist; but that isn't too relevant. Shall I strike (or comment out) the paragraph? Again, I'd rather say less and not confuse anyone.
    Since Voltaire admitted familiarity with fifteenth-century German authors who used a 'bold and buffoonish style, it is quite possible that he knew Simplicissimus as well - I am pretty familiar with the literary critical style, and the phrase "quite possible that he knew" is not a strong claim for the influence of the Simplicius on Candide. Are there other scholars that make this claim? If just this one person makes this claim, I worry that we are not representing the mainstream view of Candide scholarship. If the view of many scholars is that it is quite difficult to ascertain just how this book may have influenced -- Rmrfstar (talk) 15:31, 9 August 2008

    Candide, that uncertainty must be made much clearer to the reader. Awadewit (talk) 14:27, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    The mainstream opinion is that they are very similar, and that's all. There's no solid evidence that Voltaire actively used Simplicissimus as a source (that I've found).
    • Candide's parody of the bildungsroman is also likely based on François Fénelon's The Adventures of Telemachus. - This needs to be explained to the reader (who probably hasn't read Fenelon and might not make the "Telemachus" connection). Awadewit (talk) 15:57, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Done.
    • The first part of "Historical and literary background" starts out by talking about the historical events, such as the Lisbon earthquake, but these are quickly dispensed with. The earthquake then returns in the "Voltaire and the Lisbon Earthquake" section. I would divide this section into "Literary" and "Historical" and group all of the historical information together. Awadewit (talk) 15:57, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Fixed. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 09:11, 30 July 2008
    I rewrote this section. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 09:11, 30 July 2008
    • The earthquake had an especially large effect on the contemporary doctrine of Optimism, a philosophical system which implies that such events should not occur - The "because" part of this sentence is missing - Why did Optimism imply such an event should not occur? Awadewit (talk) 15:57, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I re-included this section. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 09:11, 30 July 2008
    This helps, but I feel like perhaps there should be a whole subsection explaining Optimism or perhaps some of this information should go elsewhere, such as the fact that Candide adheres to this system. Remember, this section is supposed to be about Voltaire and what influenced his writing of the book, not the characters of the book. There needs to be same careful thought into how to explain Optimism to readers who are unfamiliar with it. Awadewit (talk) 11:44, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I have moved some of the information elsewhere: specifically to the end of the introduction to the synopsis. Now the "Background" section doesn't discuss Candide (the character). I do not think a whole section should be devoted to explaining optimism; for that, we have wikilinks.
    But readers cannot understand Candide without understanding Optimism - that is why we have to offer them a summary of what it is. I do not believe that relying on wikilinks is sufficient here. (This is why writing about parodies and satires is so very difficult. We first have to explain what the works are criticizing and then explain how they are performing that criticism!) Awadewit (talk) 11:02, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I understand. I am just quite sure that enough explanation exists (with this section re-added) for a totally ignorant reader to understand the satire. Really, the "optimism" in Candide is extraordinarily simple.
    It is not the satire that needs more explaining, it is what Voltaire is making fun of. Yes, Candide's optimism is simple, but Leibniz's is not. It is Leibniz's optimism that needs more explanation, so that the satire is totally clear to the reader. (This is why writing articles about parodies and satires is so hard - so much background information has to be given.) Awadewit (talk) 22:25, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Readers need to be able to understand Candide. They do not need to be able to argue against it. That is, they only need to know the parts of optimism that Voltaire criticises here (and, where especially notable, what Voltaire avoids mentioning, such as with Pope). I don't understand what more needs to be said. Voltaire makes fun of the Seven Years' War... must the article include a summary history of European politics, warfare as adequate "background information"?
    I think I would have included more information, but this may be a difference in style. I tend to give more historical background. Awadewit (talk) 14:27, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Not suddenly. The lede introduces "Leibnizian Optimism" which is shortens to "Optimism". After that, the two are used interchangeably: this is unambiguous because of the capital "o". I've added a parenthetical phrase in the introduction to make clear that sometimes simply "optimism" refers always to "Leibnizian optimism". -- Rmrfstar (talk) 09:11, 30 July 2008
    • More publications occurred in other languages: Candide was translated once into Italian and thrice into English that same year - Does this mean that all of the initial publications - in all of those five countries - were in French? Perhaps that should be made explicit? Awadewit (talk) 15:57, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Yes: that's why the word "other" is used. I have made this more explicit by saying that all 17 versions from the first year are in French. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 09:11, 30 July 2008
    • In addition to this manuscript, there is believed to have been another, one copied by Wagnière for the Elector Charles-Théodore, who hosted Voltaire during the summer of 1758. The existence of this copy was first postulated by Norman L. Torrey in 1929 - I assume it has never been discovered? Do we need to state this explicitly? Awadewit (talk) 15:57, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Fixed. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 09:11, 30 July 2008
    Alas, Klee died in 1940, so his work won't be in the PD until 2010. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 09:11, 30 July 2008
    Not too far away. :) Awadewit (talk) 11:28, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • This is the scheme used below because it is easier to reference and it has more divisions. - What does "easier to reference" mean? Also, I don't think "has more divisions" is a good reason to use one scheme over another. Awadewit (talk) 15:57, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    We have to use one method, and Cryptic C62 thinks I need to explain my choice. Do you disagree? I don't have a better reason than: "easier to reference" is important for someone searching through the Wikipedia article to find out what happens in a certain chunk of the book. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 09:11, 30 July 2008
    I don't understand what "easier to reference" means. I think we should use whichever scheme is more prominent in the scholarly literature. Awadewit (talk) 11:28, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I would guess that the 3-way division is more popular in scholarly literature (based on my survey of it). But I can't say that in the article because I do not expect I could source that statement.
    That is good to know. I understand why Cryptic C62 thinks we need to explain why we are using the three-way split, but it would be best if we could say something like "the leading Candide scholars use this schema" rather than "it looks nice on the page". Awadewit (talk) 11:02, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    That statement, "... leading Candide scholars ..." would be inappropriate. Personally, I don't think any reason need be expressed. Let us just say, "This article splits it into 3 sections." I've written this for now (better no information than confusing information).
    • I still think the plot summary is much too long. I know I have asked the editors to reduce it every time I have reviewed this article. Perhaps I should just reread the book and reduce it myself. Give me two weeks and perhaps I can do that. Awadewit (talk) 15:57, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I've said this before: you think it's too long; others think it's too short. Every time I shorten it, someone else lengthens it (or desperately wants to). I've just cut it down to 7 medium-to-long paragraphs of plot. Because others will want to re-include what I have removed, I have commented-out, not deleted. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 09:11, 30 July 2008
    I've found that there is a desperate desire to have long, detailed plot summaries on Wikipedia, but we are not CliffsNotes. You don't what the reader to get bogged down in the plot summary and never get to the rest of the article. Currently, the plot summary is about 20% of the article - I still think that is too much, but let's see what other people have to say. Awadewit (talk) 11:28, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Let me say that "we are not CliffNotes" is not an argument against long summaries because our job is to be the best encyclopedia not "something other than CliffNotes". I also don't worry about the length too much because I expect some readers to come to Wikipedia for a good plot summary, and the other readers to just skip it.
    The best encyclopedia entries do not contain long, detailed plot summaries. Now we can debate that proposition! Awadewit (talk) 22:28, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • As the initially naïve protagonist eventually comes to a mature conclusion — however noncommittal — the novella is bildungsroman, that is, a parody of one. - This is confusing - is it a parody or not? Awadewit (talk) 15:57, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I have already explained this to you: in order to be a parody, a work must be that which it parodies. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 09:11, 30 July 2008
    The problem is that the "that is" construction is unnecessarily confusing. How about just saying "the novella is a parody of the bildungsroman" or something like that? Awadewit (talk) 11:28, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Your suggestion fundamentally changes the meaning of the sentence and (no exaggeration) would ruin the whole paragraph. In any case, I think I have found a less interesting way of wording what I want to say, so that the link between the bildungsroman style and the humour persists.
    Actually, from what I can tell, scholars do consider Candide a parody of the bildungsroman genre, so I don't think my version is a misrepresentation. Having a section on "parody" in the "Style" section would allow you to discuss the difference between "satire" and "parody" in the novella. However, if you want to focus on the debates regarding the genre of the novella, having a subsection on "genre" where the bildungsroman, the conte philosophique, etc. is discussed is another option. Awadewit (talk) 11:02, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Your version was a true statement... it just wasn't what I wrote, which is significantly more nuanced. There is no real "debate" on which genre Candide fits in. I will add paragraph or so on the "conte philosophique" matter. Really though, I've changed it to a version I believe you'll find non-offensive.
    Perhaps, there was a misunderstanding? I was suggesting something like "As the initially naive protagonist eventually comes to a mature, however noncommittal, conclusion, the novella is considered a parody of a bildungsman". I see you have removed the "parody" bit. The new formulation is clearer and I see the parody bit is earlier in the paragraph. Awadewit (talk) 22:32, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I believe there was.
    Done.
    • Voltaire depicts the worst of the world and his pathetic hero's desperate effort to fit it into his Optimistic outlook. Much of the work is a discussion of various forms of worldly evil. Rarely does Voltaire diverge from this technique, - "this technique" does not refer back to the proper referent, I don't think Awadewit (talk) 15:57, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Rephrased.
    Yup. Done. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 09:11, 30 July 2008
    I meant part of the "Satire" section. Awadewit (talk) 11:44, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I had done that... Do you mean get rid of the "Picaresque" subheading altogether? I have done this now.
    • These gardens are likely references to the Garden of Eden, but it has also been proposed, by Bottiglia, for example, that the gardens refer to the Encyclopédie, and that Candide's conclusion to cultivate his garden symbolizes Voltaire's great support for this endeavour - The connection to the Encyclopedie needs to be explained more explicitly. Awadewit (talk) 15:57, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I believe I have done so sufficiently.
    Much better. Awadewit (talk) 11:44, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    My French is not great, but I attempted a translation. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 09:11, 30 July 2008
    You made the same criticism in your last GAR. My response was, "I have looked, and I, (quite surprisingly), cannot find such information. I don't know where else to look." -- Rmrfstar (talk) 09:11, 30 July 2008
    I quite easily found material in the MLA database. I found articles comparing Candide with the works of Samuel Johnson, Samuel Beckett, Ralph Ellison, Rousseau, and Nietzsche. I can send you these citations. This is by no means an exhaustive list, as I only looked for about ten minutes. Awadewit (talk) 11:44, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Excellent! Would you please send me these citations? You may e-mail them to me using the link on my talk page.
    Done. Awadewit (talk) 11:02, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Got them. Thanks.
    I've done the research (with your kind help) and written a bit to expand this section.
    I don't see anything on Rousseau! Rousseau would be the most important figure to include, in my opinion. Awadewit (talk) 14:27, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I just remembered... Rousseau claimed (quite loudly) never to have read Candide. Obviously many people doubt this, but I don't think it should be included if he denied it.
    The problem is Rousseau was a notorious liar or at least a notorious "misrepresenter". Anything Rousseau said about himself is basically up for grabs. Have you read his Confessions, for example, where he claims to be writing the unvarnished truth about his life? The number of "misrepresentations" in that autobiography are staggering. It is really important not to take someone like Rousseau too seriously. Awadewit (talk) 16:15, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Wow, you really are a literature student... I have not read his Confessions. I'll look around. If you can find something, e-mail it to me. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 17:42, 9 August 2008
    All I can find comparing the works of Rousseau's to Candide (4–5 articles in total) is about Julie, or the New Heloise and this article demonstrates no such connexion is possible. I checked his Confessions, and Rousseau says there pretty explicitly that he never read Candide. I don't claim to make a definitive statement that there was no influence, but I am disinterested in the matter by the absence of visible evidence. If you can find something off of which to work, I'll run with it, but searching for "Rousseau AND candide" (and various other queries) in all of the obvious on-line journal databases (MLA Bibliography included) yields very little. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 15:05, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Ok, but I am troubled by how little the article discusses Candide's effect on eighteenth-century literature. It seems to mostly focus on the work's influence hundreds of years of later, but surely it had an influence much earlier than that. As we have at least one example of eighteenth-century literature with Brown, I'm not going to push this, but this section still seems a bit haphazard to me. Awadewit (talk) 13:16, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • A copyediting pass by an uninvolved editor would be a good idea - it would smooth out rough edges, remove redundancy, and catch things like the BE/AE inconsistency in the article. Awadewit (talk) 15:57, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    You requested this in your last GAC: Cryptic C62 did a very thorough one quite recently.
    That may be, but the article still needs more work. Here are some examples from the "Optimism" section:
    • Primary among these is Leibnizian optimism (sometimes called "Panglossianism" after its fictional proponent), which Voltaire ridicules with description of seemingly endless calamity. - "descriptions"
    • In this process, Voltaire demonstrates a variety of irredeemable evils in the world, leading many critics to contend that Voltaire's treatment of evil - specifically the theological problem of its existence - is the main focus of the work. - "in this process" is unnecessary"; WP:DASH; "main" is unnecessary
    I fixed this.
    • Also, war, thievery, and murder - evils of human design - are explored as extensively in Candide as environmental ills. - awkward syntax
    I fixed this.
    • Ridicule of Pangloss's theories thus ridicules Leibniz himself, and Pangloss's reasoning is silly at best. - wordy and convoluted
    The entire article needs to be gone over with finetooth comb. Awadewit (talk) 12:00, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I asked Tony1, whom I know to have a comb with very fine teeth. (The comb has the fine teeth, not he).
    Tony is skiing til August 8 (see his talk page notice), and may be swamped when he returns. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 22:40, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I see that. I have asked User:Buster7 in addition.
    Wikipedia editors all seem very busy these days. I've asked a real life friend.
    My friend did a read through, but didn't find much. However, User:Samuel_Tan just did a very thorough job with the first half. I've asked him to copyedit the rest too, but he's very busy.
    Done. See below.
    • The infobox (which I personally think is not a helpful addition to the article) has some problems. The French flag is not appearing correctly on my screen and the genre "conte philosophique" is not mentioned in the article. It should either be discussed in the article or removed from the box. Considering there is a discussion in my little Oxford "introduction" to Candide over whether or not Voltaire invented this genre, I have a feeling there should be more discussion of this genre in the article. Awadewit (talk) 15:57, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Actually I think the French flag is appearing correctly: it's the 18th century version French flag, which doesn't look too good shrunk down. Some other editor thought using that version would be a good idea. What do you think?
    Conte philosophique: I've added some basic discussion of the genre and Candide's place in it.
    Oh, yes, I see what you mean by the flag. Perhaps removing it would be a better idea? Awadewit (talk) 11:02, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Done.
    I'll delete the infobox... it's pretty redundant...
    • Ira Wade, a noted expert on Voltaire and Candide, speculates that Voltaire's primary source for information on the Lisbon earthquake was the 1755 work Relation historique du Tremblement de Terre survenu à Lisbonne by Ange Goudar.[12] - This sentence does not fit into the flow of the section on the historical and literary background. Awadewit (talk) 15:57, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I've written a transition. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 15:31, 9 August 2008
    • Another interpretive possibility is that Candide cultivating "his garden" suggests his engaging only in necessary occupations, such as feeding oneself and fighting boredom. This is analogous to Voltaire's own view on gardening: he was himself a gardener at his estates in Les Délices and Ferney, and he often wrote in his correspondence that gardening was simply, for him, an effective way to keep busy. - This does not make sense - these are not analogous readings. Awadewit (talk) 15:57, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Would you prefer "similar" to "analogous"? -- Rmrfstar (talk) 15:31, 9 August 2008
    I don't really think they are similar, either. One says gardening is "necessary occupations" only and the other says gardening is a "way to keep busy". These seem quite different to me. Awadewit (talk) 16:25, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    For Voltaire, keeping busy was very important (from my readings of his correspondence). I've reworded the sentence to make this clear. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 17:42, 9 August 2008
    • Some critics conjecture that Voltaire meant to spare Pope this ridicule out of respect, although Voltaire's Poème may have been written for Pope. - Slightly confusing - should the "for" be an "about"? Awadewit (talk) 15:57, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I've re-written this bit. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 15:31, 9 August 2008
    I've attempted to do this. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 15:31, 9 August 2008
    I don't think I would have written that if the list in the back of the referenced book has not said it. If you can find a counter-example, I will remove the "20th century". -- Rmrfstar (talk) 15:31, 9 August 2008
    Some of them are sources for commented out material. Others I included because I thought they would be good spring boards for further research into Candide. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 15:31, 9 August 2008
    I did not. But I could, if you want, put those references into ==Further reading==. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 15:31, 9 August 2008
    Let's just leave the link, then. Awadewit (talk) 16:25, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    What problems have you found? If you tell me, I will fix them. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 15:31, 9 August 2008
    For example, the article needs to have a consistent dash style - non-spaced em-dashes or spaced en-dashes. Ellipses need to have non-breaking spaces around them, if they have spaces. These small kinds of things. I haven't checked the whole article for MOS problems. These were just two that jumped out at me. Awadewit (talk) 16:41, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    See WP:DASH, WP:PUNC and WP:MOS#Ellipses. User:Epbr123 is very thorough at that sort of work. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 16:43, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I've asked him. -- Rmrfstar (talk)
    ... and it looks like he's done it! -- Rmrfstar (talk) 10:35, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    This article improves every time I read it. Thanks for your hard work on this! Awadewit (talk) 15:57, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    A lot of these objections seem to be repeats of above. I'll try to address them as quickly and thoroughly as possible. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 21:57, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I continue. Thanks for responding to my responses. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 19:43, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    No problem. I really want this article to succeed! I mean, it's Candide! Awadewit (talk) 22:35, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Note to nominator I will need to reread this article in toto to reassess my "oppose" since it has been significantly altered. Please let me know when to do so, that is, after all additions, deletions, copyediting, etc. has been completed. Awadewit (talk) 15:59, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    All that is left to be done, I think, is the copyediting of the second half. I will tell you when that has been completed. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 08:04, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    It is done. CharlotteWebb has done it. I believe I have addressed all of your active objections. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 21:30, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I will reread the article today and tomorrow. Awadewit (talk) 16:14, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I've reread the article and updated my list. Awadewit (talk) 14:27, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I've updated my responses. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 15:31, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Oh I seriously doubt I caught everything. — CharlotteWebb 18:31, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    You're not the only user to have copyedited since the FA nom. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 19:00, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    (out indent) I will change to "support" once the Voltaire image issue is resolved. Awadewit (talk) 13:16, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    It's hard to explain... but I've fixed it! -- Rmrfstar (talk) 19:30, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Actually, in "fixing" the problem, I introduced another one. The latter (and final) error was kindly repaired by Scartol. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 20:53, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Questions for reviewers
    1) What do we think about the religion theme appearing in the "Reception" section? I myself think it is a bit too short and oddly placed here, but I would like to hear other thoughts on this. Awadewit (talk) 16:48, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    2) What do we think about the length of the plot summary? I myself think it is too detailed, but again I would like to hear more opinions on this matter. Awadewit (talk) 16:48, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    To 1 - the reception should be a response to the religious views, otherwise, it seems to belong in satire. To 2 - I actually thought Chapters X–XX could have a little more. :) Ottava Rima (talk) 16:56, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Ottava, I'm sorry I don't understand what you mean in your response to (1). Could you please explain? -- Rmrfstar (talk) 17:42, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Your section is called reception. So, when you begin the paragraph "Organised religion, too, is harshly treated in Candide.", it focuses on what Voltaire said and not on what people said in response to Voltaire. The paragraph is correct if moved up to his themes. Its just a small change of perspective from Voltaire centered to outsiders looking in. Ottava Rima (talk) 18:17, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Done: I have moved the material on religion up to ==Style==, but not ===Satire=== (because it doesn't discuss satire). Actually, I'm really happy with how the paragraph fits there, now that I've added some transitional material to connect it to the rest of that section. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 10:35, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    plot

    FWIW, I think the length of the synopsis is appropriate. There are in the work -- quite deliberately--as many events and reversals as the author could mange to incorporate--and he was the cleverest person in Europe at things like that. The details are often referred to, and given that unfortunately most people who come to this article will not--no matter how enticing the article--actually read the work--it is well to provide as much information as can be reasonably comprehended by those with no special interest. This is a major work as literature, but even more significant as history of ideas, and the more familiarity with it the better. DGG (talk) 02:10, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I agree with this entirely, and was a bit miffed by the number of paragraphs which had been <!-- commented out --> apparently by someone who decided they were "too much plot detail". I can only speak for myself, but I will say this article really does make me want to read the book. With luck I will find time for that. — CharlotteWebb 18:31, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    N.B. I commented out the sections per Awadewit's request to shorten the summary. I expressly commented them out so that if other editors should disagree with her, we could re-include them, by consensus agreement. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 19:00, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I see consensus is against me here and have struck my request for a shorter plot summary. Awadewit (talk) 13:16, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Note

    Numerous unsigned comments throughout make it hard to follow the discussion. Please sign your posts. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 02:49, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    ::The novella begins with a young man, Candide, who has been indoctrinated with Leibnizian optimism (hereafter sometimes simply optimism) and lived a sheltered life in an Edenic paradise. - this is odd, there is a perfect tense and a simple past tense - the second should be "is living" or "has been living" I think.

    As expected by Voltaire, Candide has enjoyed both great success and great scandal. - is 'forseen' a better verb? As the use of the perfect tense in the second clause leads me to think it is referring to contemporary/posthumous success (?)
    I don't like "foreseen"; it almost implies clairvoyance to me... as if he knew everything that would happen to Candide, including becoming one of the most popular books of all time. I intentionally use "has enjoyed" because I want to say the success and scandal were not just directly post-publication but indeed have endured to the present day. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 14:59, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    OK, point taken. Happy with the response. Cheers, Casliber (talk · contribs) 12:41, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The prose is repetitive - I know it is hard to avoid but the 1755 Lisbon earthquake is repeated alot in the beginning of Historical and literary background - it would be nice to streamline these.
    I read through the section and could only bring myself to delete one instance of "earthquake" in "Historical and literary background". -- Rmrfstar (talk) 14:59, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Every little bit does help. I'll have another look too. Cheers, Casliber (talk · contribs) 12:41, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support. Excellent article, thorough, and structured nicely, although something does seem a little off about the prose. An example in the 'Legacy' section is the sentence, "Charles Brockden Brown, an early American novelist, may have been directly affected by Voltaire, with whose work he was well acquainted.", it just seems a bit awkward to me. And the frequently used adverbs scattered around make this article read more as a school paper than for Wikipedia. Still, I support because it is up to featured quality criteria. Excellent work. -- Wikipedical (talk) 03:04, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    For what it's worth, I've reworded that one sentence. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 09:12, 15 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 02:11, 14 August 2008 [80].

    Hurricane Vince (2005)

    Nominator(s): Plasticup T/C


    This article is short but comprehensive. It passed GA ages ago and with a little work I think I have brought it up to FA standard. It hasn't been peer reviewed, but as it is short I should be able to work out any issues that may arise. Plasticup T/C 23:12, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I believe that the information on US government web pages is in the public domain unless specifically annotated otherwise. The NOAA document credits the Portuguese group but does not specify a special copyright situation. Plasticup T/C 10:41, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Here is the link I was looking for: The information on government servers are in the public domain, unless specifically annotated otherwise, and may be used freely by the public. Plasticup T/C 12:59, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    It means one of the most unusual ever. It developed over water too cold for hurricanes, strengthened in conditions that usually forbid strengthening, and made landfall in an area that one other hurricane maybe ever reached. Are you worried that the sentence is unclear, or that the claim is not supported later in the article? Plasticup T/C 23:54, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    To me the sentence is unclear. It is the lead sentence, so I think it should be very clear. If it is one of the most "unusual" ever, then that is a big claim in the first sentence so perhaps it would help if you clarified the time frame (do you mean since 1842?) and also defined "unusual" (because it landed on the Iberian Peninsula?) How long does the data base of hurricanes go back? Are there not many "unusual" hurricanes, depending on how you define "unusual"? (I am a fan of your hurricane articles, in general, as you must be aware.) —Mattisse (Talk) 00:17, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The explanation comes in the second sentence. I have expanded it a little to clarify what made the hurricane so unusual: it developed further to the northeast than any hurricane in recorded history and the waters over which it formed were considered too cold for tropical development. "Recorded history" goes back a while, maybe 100–150 years. The data gets worse the further back you go, but as far back as 150 years there are decent records that would probably have captured similar storms had they existed. Its exceptional landfall is also mentioned later in the lead, if one needs more evidence of the hurricane's unusualness. Plasticup T/C 00:47, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I agree with the current wording. Adding "ever" would be both redundant and potentially inaccurate. — Deckiller 04:15, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    A hurricane is a type of tropical cyclone, as are tropical storms, typhoons, and super-typhoons. Plasticup T/C 15:30, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support, with one minor comment. In the sentence, At the time there was still uncertainty as to whether Vince was tropical or subtropical, but the forecasters of the NHC later conceded that Vince had formed as a subtropical storm and evolved into a tropical storm before it was named., it might be best to specify that it was Richard Knabb who made that assumption. Other than that, good work! Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 02:13, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Knabb hints at it in the first advisory but it is Franklin who pins it down in the TCR. Given that several forecasters worked on the storm I am a little hesitant to attribute it to any one of them, but if I were to pick one it would be the author of the final Tropical Cyclone Report. Plasticup T/C 13:14, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Hmm, I hadn't noticed that. In that case, it's better to leave it as it is. Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 13:58, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comments Support
      • The biggest thing (which almost makes me want to oppose) is the first paragraph in Records and naming not being sourced. What does most northeastern forming mean? I know there is a hidden comment which points to the talk page, but I don't quite buy that logic. It would be nice if there was a source and explanation for that part a little more.
      • Also, in the records section, it says a storm in 1842 may have struck the Iberian Peninsula, even though the lede says Vince was the first tropical system to do so since 1842. It'd be nice to just pick a consistant method throughout the article.
      • One more thing about the lede. I greatly disagree with the usage of most unusual in the opening sentence, as that is very subjective. It's the same reason we don't use notable, as others may think it was not so unusual. Is there a better sentence you could use?
      • All in all, though, the article looks great. ♬♩ Hurricanehink (talk) 15:32, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • I am citing HURDAT for the information on northerly forming and easterly forming storms, and I am removing the "most northeasterly" claim. I was always a bit skeptical about the way that tidbit had been generated and I think the article is better off without it. This site appears to verify the claim that is the the most northeasterly forming storm, but I don't know about their reliability. It also doesn't define how northeasterly-ness is measured.
    • The 1852 ambiguity is cleared up, in the sense that the conflict in the literature is fairly represented. Two authoritative sources are saying two different things, so the best we can do is acknowledge the discrepancy.
    • Regarding "most unusual" in the lead, the NHC refers to its unusual location, and the fact that it is the only tropical storm to hit the Iberian Penisula (for several generations, at least) warrants a mention. I don't have a problem with using a superlative there, but as two reviewers have mentioned that sentence I'll soften it a little. Plasticup T/C 16:56, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments - sources look good, links checked out with the link checker tool. I wasn't able to check the non-English sources. Ealdgyth - Talk 22:40, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    This might have been ready for promotion except for the sentence fragment just left in the first paragraph; please consider having Deckiller revisit to check all prose changes made since his support. Also, why are quotes in italics (see WP:ITALICS). SandyGeorgia (Talk) 14:54, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I have fixed those two thing and will read through it one more time before asking Deckiller to take another look. Plasticup T/C 15:23, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I made a couple more (mostly cosmetic) edits, and I see that you have already asked Deckiller to help us with a copyedit. Hopefully he can give some more of his usual top-notch feedback. Plasticup T/C 15:45, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 02:11, 14 August 2008 [81].

    Puerto Rican Amazon

    Nominator(s): Joelr31

    This is the second article I created after joining Wikipedia and after some time without any improvements the article finally received some needed attention by User:Caribbean H.Q. and some copyediting by User:Casliber. I believe that all FA criteria are met and that any concerns will be promptly addressed. Joelito (talk) 00:47, 11 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Restart, old nom. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 05:02, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support. One thing though, "Natural predators of the Puerto Rican Amazon include the Red-tailed Hawk (Buteo jamaicensis), the Broad-winged Hawk (Buteo platypterus), the Peregrine Falcon (Falco peregrinus) and the Pearly-eyed Thrasher (Margarops fuscatus).[2]" - that reference only names the Red-tailed Hawk. An alternate reference that lists them all might be better. maclean 01:18, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 02:11, 14 August 2008 [82].

    Wipeout 3

    Nominator(s): David Fuchs


    Continuing the fine tradition of nominating video games I played in my formative years, I now present Wipeout 3. It's gone through a peer review and I copyedited it once myself, so hopefully spelling and grammar aren't going to be a huge issue. --Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs (talk) 18:03, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments

    • Seems now's the season for racing games, eh...
    • Shouldn't the series article be at Wipeout (series)?
    • "in an effort to create what a Psygnosis staff member called "a believable future"" - quote = ref needed.
    • "Wipeout's soundtrack is composed..." - Wipeout or Wipeout 3? (throughout) (also "Wip3out track listing"..., same in reception table)
    • No including aggregate scores in the review box?
    • The last paragraph doesn't really fit in a "reception" section....

    Yeah, that's all I found. Did some copyediting too, prose is generally good. —Giggy 03:52, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • The Wipeout series article is neither here nor there for the FAC... :P I've gone through all instances of Wipeout and appended -3 to them to avoid confusion, and added the quote ref to the lead. As to aggregate scores, I didn't put them in because at my last FAC, a reviewer complained about using the scores in the body prose and then repeating them on the side (I have no opinion either way.) As to the last paragraph... it kinda serves to sum up and finish the article, but I really can't think of anywhere better than the reception; it talks about the next video game in the series, and so is more of a bookend then anything else. (I guess it's sort of my writer's signature element, I guess.) But it seems kinda pointless to put it in its own section; I guess if you have any suggestions?. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs (talk) 11:47, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      Techincally true, but something to take note of (re. series article)...
      I'd rather see the aggregate scores in the table than the prose if we're going to have one but not the other. The table seems more "aggregate-ive"...
      I tried renaming the reception section ([83]) so hopefully that solves the last para issue - any objections to that? —Giggy 12:25, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    None at all. I'll go ahead and add back in the scores if it bothers you :) Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs (talk) 12:53, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I'm feeling much less bothered now :) Support. —Giggy 14:01, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments - Sources are still good from the PR, the links all worked according to the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 12:32, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Provisional support - Looks quite good to me, but keep in mind this is my first video game review. Here is my series of quibbles.

    • "was released in Europe and North America in September of 1999." Unneeded word.
    • Gameplay: "Other weapons are used offensively; craft can use rockets, missiles and mines to attempt to disable their competitors." Some oddities here. How about "Offensive weapons are also avaliable; each craft can use rockets, missiles and mines to attempt to disable its competitors." I also don't like "to attempt to", but hopefully you can come up with something better. If you use this wording, remove also from the next sentence.
    • "top three finishing craft; each craft..." Craft is redundant here. I notice a lot of crafts in Gameplay; is it possible to change a few of these.
    • Sound: "focused on bringing together music early on in the game's development cycle." Again, removing an excess word would make the writing tighter.
    • Special Edition: I'm worried that tracks could be confusion because we just finished talking about the music soundtrack. I would reverse the use of tracks and courses here.
    • Reception and legacy: "and the title was named the 92nd best game by the publication in 2007's "IGN's Top 100 Games"." I thought IGN was a website. Usually the term publication is reserved for printed sources. I'm also not thrilled with having back-to-back apostrophes; see if the 2007 part can be placed earlier in the sentence.
    • "The Designer Republic's style was consistently praised as helping making the racing locales seem real..." Grammar issue here. I think you mean "helping to make the racing locales seem real..."
    • References out of order: [14][4][24]. What puzzles me is that the newspaper article mentioned is the one out of order. Why wouldn't this come first?
    • Link The Times.
    • "been expecting much more from the sequel;" Is the semi-colon correct? I was thinking this could be a colon.
    • "Alistair Wallace of Gamasutra, in a retrospective on the Wipeout 3 games..." I looked at the link, and this is incorrect. The retrospective is mostly about Wipeout 2097, although other games in the series, including this one, are mentioned.
    • While I'm here, the New York Times article (ref 2) is avaliable online. Just search for Wipeout 3 on the NYT site.

    Most of it looks fine, but I'd like to see these fixed before I fully support. Giants2008 (17-14) 20:05, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Note that David Fuchs said he resolved the issues here. I left one issue unstruck, but that's not enough to prevent my full support. Giants2008 (17-14) 00:58, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Fixed that one too (forgot about it :P) Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs (talk) 01:22, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    NitpickComment: You may also want to fix the randomly placed closing quotation marks throughout the article. Those that end by a period, place all of them either before or after it. « ₣M₣ » 23:34, 2 August 2008 (UTC)

    There is a reason for that: unless it's the full quotation, punctuation goes outside the marks. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs (talk) 02:44, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments on images

    • Image:Wipeout3.png - I'm confused by this sentence in the fair use rationale: The image is not of lower resolution than the original cover. Copies made from it will be of superior quality, and could be used as artwork on illegal copies of this video game. - Isn't the image supposed to be of lower resolution and prevent illegal copying? Awadewit (talk) 14:08, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Huh. I think the license I copied and modified was vandalized or something... I fixed the rationale. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs (talk) 22:09, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Please check the rest of the parts of the rationale. Looking closely at them, I think they all have been vandalized. Awadewit (talk) 22:48, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Yeah, they were (and that's why i say we semi image pages, because I've never seen a constructive edit from anons on them...) I fixed it up; the other image used has proper tags. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs (talk) 02:22, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Looks good now. Awadewit (talk) 22:54, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Not thrilled with the prose

    • "and design for in-game menus and race courses, in an effort to create what a Psygnosis staff member called"—Can "in an effort" be removed?
    • "upon release"—on?
    • "would be released"—can't it be just plain and simple: "was released"?
    • There's an awful lot of "which". Some are easy to replace, like "Scattered across each raceway are weapon grids, which bestow random power-ups or items." Just make it "grids that". Audit throughout.
    • "for a short period of time"—think of a way of removing two words?
    • "Offensive weapons are also available; craft can use rockets, missiles and mines to disable competitors. Players can also use an auto-pilot power-up to safely coast through difficult turns." Which "also" do you want to get rid of?
    • "The default game mode awards medals to"—hyphen somewhere to help the poor readers? The ensuing para is excellent, except that one word needs to be removed.

    I think it needs a good massage. Tony (talk) 11:41, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Done all the above, including the removal of the 'which' instances. To clarify, why exactly is 'which' bad, so I don't make the same mistakes in the future (English musta' glossed over that bit, all I know is MS Word yips at me about it.) Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs (talk) 13:59, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Comments

    As expected, this was a good read David. I noticed a few minor issues that I was hoping you could look at before supporting though.

    • I noticed Giggy's comments above and have some related comments:
      • Minor issue, not a deal breaker: I too am not a fan of aggregate scores—or any scores really—used in prose. With them in the table, I see no real reason to include them in the prose. I don't see it a problem to use the ref to support the reception being positive though.
      • The last paragraph of the "Reception and legacy" section does seem a bit out of place. On a similar note, the "Special Edition" section seems awfully small for it to have its own section. Perhaps combine the two small parts into a "Re-release and sequel" section to serve as a bookend for the article.
    • In the lead, it mentions the release in 1999, then describes the gameplay, then switches to the re-release. This seems disjointed to me and I think it would flow better if the gameplay and re-release sentences were switched.
    • Is there any other info about the commercial performance of the game? The current information is kind of bare minimum.
    • Question: Why are Wipeout 2097 and Wipeout XL both wikilinked when they go to the same article. Should the Wipeout XL be renamed to Wipeout 2097 to avoid confusion?
    • The prose looks good after the copy editing. Nothing really stood out as bad to me. The flow of the "Reception and legacy" section seemed a bit off to me. Not sure what it is, maybe the order of some content. I don't really have any solution in mind though.

    This is a good article that is very close to FA quality. I'll check back later. Keep up the good work. (Guyinblack25 talk 16:53, 12 August 2008 (UTC))[reply]

    I swapped around some of the content, and merged in the Special edition with sequels at the end, and referred to 2097 exclusively. As for critical performance, that it was a "disappointment" was all that I could find; all the other sales information I was able to find was for more recent entries in the series. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs (talk) 20:05, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support: The recent changes tipped the scale for me. Though I think the article still has some minor room for improvement here and there. But I still believe it meets criteria in its current form. Good work David. (Guyinblack25 talk 20:35, 12 August 2008 (UTC))[reply]
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 02:11, 14 August 2008 [84].

    M-28 (Michigan highway)

    Nominator: Imzadi1979
    previous FAC (04:04, 17 July 2008)


    The last nomination was ill-timed because I was in the middle of moving into a new apartment. The article needed some copy-editing before I was going to nominate it. Copyediting is the only issue left over from the previous editor's nomination. User:Finetooth just completed a copyedit after some minor edits from User:Davemeistermoab and User:Scott5114. In my opinion, the article is ready for FAC. Imzadi1979 (talk) 02:40, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments In copyediting the Seney Stretch section, I found three references that did not back up the claims being made...and I assume this is just because the links are out of date (some of the pages were last accessed in 2006). I replaced two of them and found an archive URL for the third. References now need to be checked for the rest of the article. I'll see if I can do that in the next couple of days. —Zeagler (talk) 11:41, 22 July 2008 (UTC) [reply]

    • Current ref [2] ("MSHD19") is being used to support the date the route was established, though the reference only has the date that particular map was published.
    • Current ref [12] ("fowler") doesn't mention scenic views along M-28 (which is too bad, because that article is a great advertisement for the U.P.). You could probably reword to "...closely parallels the Lake Superior shoreline" and let the reader infer that the views are scenic (and reference with a map).
    • Unless I don't know how to read them, the right of way maps (current ref [47] and [48]) don't give the historical information in the prose.

    —Zeagler (talk) 18:10, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

      • Updated the date information. I've inserted a reference from Hunt's Guide that calls it "scenic M-28" referring a reader to the Marquette area an hour west of Munising. I've commented out the Fowler ref for the moment. Ref 47 (Alger County/Munising ROW map) shows the ROW for that section of roadway was transferred to the City of Munising on 11-07-63. Ref 48 (Chippewa County ROW map sheet) shows the date M-28 was extended from I-75 eastward to M-129. This notation is next to the number 67 and north of the label for Bruce Township. It uses the label text "M-28 established 3-03-89".
    See if you can find a use for Fowler somewhere else in the article though, because it's too good to leave out. Makes me want to take a road trip to the U.P. right now! —Zeagler (talk) 22:34, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • MOSNUM accepts two standard date formattings. Are you sure it's acceptable to use ISO format? Tony (talk) 15:10, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • I've relinked the dates using the American-style formatting (e.g. July 22, 2008). However, as all the dates are autoformatted, the actual appearance will depend on the user preferences. There are also no non-breaking spaces in the dates as they are already autoformatted. --Polaron | Talk 15:55, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comments
      • Image:Hiawatha National Forest.jpg displays a copyright notice but it has a GFDL license—those are incompatible.
      • All other images check out fine. --Laser brain (talk) 18:33, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        • In what way is having a copyright incompatible with GFDL? GFDL does not mean that the owner abandons their copyright -- it merely means that they agree to release the work under the GFDL. older ≠ wiser 21:24, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
          • My understanding is that if someone just puts "Copyright So-and-so", they implicitly reserve all rights unless otherwise specified. That would mean no unauthorized reproduction, non-commercial, etc. I believe the author has to explicitly release something under the GFDL for it to be so. --Laser brain (talk) 21:32, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
            • Yes, and that is precisely what happened here -- Decumanus (who's no longer an active editor) uploaded a self-made photo and explicitly released it under GFDL. He retains the copyright, but it is GFDL. older ≠ wiser 21:42, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
              • I think the confusion is coming from the fact that he apparently originally uploaded it to en.wiki and the original is no longer available. Someone named "CarolSpears" moved it to commons and put "© 2004 Matthew Trump" in the description. That copyright symbol normally indicates the person did not release anything. GFDL is called a "copyleft" for that reason—the two are at odds with each other. --Laser brain (talk) 21:57, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
                • The confusion is understandable, as GFDL is truly horrible for reading and comprehension. But GFDL does not preclude persons from retaining copyright on their work -- it only ensures that any work licensed under GFDL may be freely reused under the terms of the GFDL. Each contributor to Wikipedia implicitly retains copyright to their work while agreeing to release it under GFDL. older ≠ wiser 22:05, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        • I've contacted the uploader of that photo for clarification on the licensing tags and pointed him here to this discussion. Imzadi1979 (talk) 21:45, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    There is a larger than usual gap between the Seney Stretch section and the text draws a concern - it looks like the Hiawatha NF pic is causing this. (DISCLAIMER: I'm using Internet Exploder 6 ;) )  — master sonT - C 22:57, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Can someone take a look at this? Everything looks find to me in Safari, Firefox, Opera, and Internet Explorer for MacOS X. Imzadi1979 (talk) 23:36, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments - sources still look good, links still worked with the link checker. Ealdgyth - Talk 22:51, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • Comment The Services section looks like an advertisement for points of intrest the route. Maybe just merge it into the Route description? I think that would be better. Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 02:11, 25 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • I appreciate the suggestion, but my opinion is that the section is fine where it is. I'd appreciate any other feedback though. Imzadi1979 (talk) 01:24, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        • Actually, it probably violates WP:TRAVEL. Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 01:29, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
          • Going to disagree with you here, as the roadside parks and rest areas only exist because of M-28. They're veritable features of the route. I will put forth, however, that the Lakenenland mention violates WP:TRAVEL. I spent four years of my life in the U.P. and drove M-28 countless times but have never heard of it. —Zeagler (talk) 01:40, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
            • Oppose The fact that the parks and such only exist because of M-28 is irrelevant. The article is about the road, not the surrounding tourist attractions and rest areas. We might as well include information about gas stations along the road. Most of the information could be incorporated into the route description in a less travel guide-like manner. Until this issue is addressed, I'm afraid I'm going to have to oppose. The rest of the article is great, but the services section detracts from the article substantially. Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 02:00, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
              • Whoa, did my comment drive you to oppose? If the gas stations were part of something like an Illinois Tollway oasis, then yes, I'd say include those, too...but MDOT doesn't do anything like that. —Zeagler (talk) 02:30, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
              • These appear to be officially designated picnic/rest areas and scenic overlooks. USRD standards do allow for such things to be listed in its own section in freeways. While not really a freeway, the route is primarily rural in the locations with rest areas so effectively functions as one. It's not as if we're listing private stores/shops/gas stations here. The existence of these rest areas is a fundamental component of long rural arterial roads. --Polaron | Talk 02:49, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
                • True, but USRD standards do have their flaws. The purpose of Wikipedia articles is to inform the reader about a subject, not list attractions for them to visit on their trip down the highway. I'm sure there are plenty of roadgeek sites that include such information, and could be listed as an external link. Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 15:11, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
              • The roadside parks are as much a part of the highway as the centerline and shoulders. They are established for the same reason as the highway itself, the convenience of the motoring public. At most the section could be moved into the RD as a subsection, but otherwise the services provided by the state as a part of the highway are as much a part of the story of the highway as the rest of the pavement. I respect your opinion, but I don't agree that it should be removed. As for Lakenland, it is a recent development that has attracted attention in the local media (The Mining Journal no longer archives old stories online for very long and I no longer live in Marquette County so I can't easily find the article anymore). Unlike the guideline in WP:TRAVEL, I did not include every attraction along the routing. Da Yoopers Tourist Trap in Ishpeming Township was not include even though it has many more billboard advertisements pointing drivers to it. Lakenenland was included partially because it's in the middle of nowhere and the sign for it along the entrance just jumps out at drivers because the area is so undeveloped. I will leave its inclusion in the article up to the community at large though. I would appreciate any suggestions you have concerning the tone of the paragraph/section, but this editor's opinion is that the content was carefully written to highlight the roadside services offered and not be a litany of parks and attractions. Imzadi1979 (talk) 03:22, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    (undent) It seems to me then that to satisfy JC's objection and remove his opposition I could simply move the entire current paragraph up to the other section. The content of that single paragraph doesn't fail WP:TRAVEL though. If this is the case, why is the current location such a problem? Imzadi1979 (talk) 07:41, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    The section doesn't technically fail WP:TRAVEL, but it would seem somewhat like an advertisement for MDOT's rest areas/parks. Additionally, it is information that could be less obtrusively incorporated into the article by listing each attraction in it's appropriate segment of the RD. Keeping it a section separate from the RD would be equal to creating a designated section for all curves and turns on the highway. Don't let me discourage you; this is an excellent article for the most part. It's just this one issue that prevents the article from being perfect, or nearly so. Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 13:45, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Looking over the article again, I could go with moving the section. The 'historic bridges' seem much more important, and they're a subsection of the 'Route description'... —Zeagler (talk) 17:15, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Well, no article is ever perfect, even a feature article. No one here is advocating a literal turn-by-turn summary of the highway's routing. At issue is the inclusion of one single paragraph that highlights a feature of the roadway, namely the services offered by the state agency that built and maintains the roadway. Scattering mentions of the rest areas and roadside parks throughout the route description, I think, would actually call attention to them more. You'd end up with a dozen or so sentences or more added just to mention that there's another park avaiable where this paragraph condensed them into a few sentences, highlighting two. The Tioga Creek roadside park was added because of the waterfall as a natural feature, and the second was added to tie in Zeagler's photo that he uploaded and contributed to the article. To add them throughout the route description would interrupt the flow of the existing text just to mention a park when beyond the two highlighted, they are all roughly the same. Plus it collects them into a single location so a reader looking for information using this article can find all of the parks available without needing to read the entire route description. Imzadi1979 (talk) 22:12, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Just a follow-up, I have three editors who have expressed an opinion to leave the section as is. I have one who's expressed an opinion to remove/rework it. There seems to be no applicable section of the MOS that says it is in violation. Even the objector has said it doesn't fail WP:TRAVEL. Project standards make it an optional section on its own, but there's some preference to merge it as a subsection elsewhere. It is my preference to leave it as is if there is no disagreement over the wording of the section and how to apply the MOS to it. There are three more editors who having read the article voted to support it, taking no mention of the section at all. There are two other editors who have commented on the article without commenting on this section as well. While consensus isn't a raw vote game, it seems that there isn't any consensus here to make any major changes concerning the Services section. Imzadi1979 (talk) 02:19, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Services section moved up into the Route description as a subsection and the Historical bridges moved into the History section according to our discussion on IRC and the User:Imzadi1979/Sandbox4 example variation. Imzadi1979 (talk) 04:09, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Oppose—1a. Buzz me when the whole text is scrutnised, preferably by someone new to it. Sorry to be so late; the director may choose to hold off for a few days.

    • Why link "U.S. state"? There's a sea of blue already up there, and this helps no one. You want your readers to click on "Michigan", don't you?
    • What does "Ste." mean?
    • Why not "half" rather than "one-half"? No, better "is one of a pair of".
    • "Traveling" is redundant.
    • "M-28 is the longest state trunkline in Michigan numbered with the "M-" prefix at 290.43 miles (467.40 km)." Comma after "prefix", please. Better audit the use of commas throughout. Reading bits of it aloud can help. Also, "is Michigan's longest ...". Why on earth do links to miles and km persist, I wonder? Strategic linking throughout, please, not scattergun.
    • "M-28 also carries two memorial highway designations along its route." Awkward leakage into trucks carrying things along the route. Recast the whole sentence. Indeed, try to address the succession of stub-sentences at the end of para 1.
    • Suddenly the roadway is in "sections", having just emphasised its wholeness.
    • "Some of the other landmarks accessible from M-28 include"—Spot the three redundant words. Yes, this is a formulaic lead, I can see from having just read another highway nomination. Think of varying the formula sometime? Tony (talk) 23:47, 9 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I will atempt to edit, but I am out of town on vacation with only my iPhone for Internet access. This article has already had a thorough copy edit by Finetooth. For the record, Ste. is the abbreviated spelling of Sainte used by the City of Sault Ste. Marie, from the French sault de Sainte-Marie or rapids of Saint Mary's. Imzadi1979 (talk) 16:33, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I printed a copy of the article and reviewed through it for comma usage, and some other copy edits as I haven't read the article completely since renominating it 3 weeks ago. Let me know if there are other examples to fix. Imzadi1979 (talk) 21:36, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Spot sample: "Seney Stretch"

    • Conversions: small to small, large to large. Sq miles to sq km, acres to ha. Nearly a hundred thousand acres: do Americans visualise that easily? Surely they'd prefer sq miles.
    • "A portion of the Seney Stretch forms the northern border of the Seney National Wildlife Refuge.[22] Established in 1935, this refuge is a managed wetland in Schoolcraft County.[23] It has an area of 95,212 acres (385 km²),[24] and contains the Strangmoor Bog National Natural Landmark within its boundaries." Not good writing. As I pointed out before, "A portion" would be better, plainer, as "Part"; it's overused as either. "Within its 95,212 acres (....) lies the SBNNL.". But what the heck is this landmark? We shouldn't have to hit the link to know the basics.
    • Is it the straightness and flatness of just this part of the highway that gives it a boring reputation, or is it the whole highway? Unclear.
    • "though others claim it's 50 miles (80 km), only because it seems longer."[18]—This is a rather feeble quote, don't you think? Who are "others"? If they don't say so, we're adopting the source's fuzz. And does that US publication really give the km conversion, or have you inserted it? If you have, it must be in square brackets, yes?
    • "The largest changes made to the stretch since the original construction were the addition of passing relief lanes and a full-scale, year-round rest area in 1999." "its" rather than "the" original constr.? "most significant" rather than "largest", since you don't necessarily mean big size.

    Sorry to say, I really think it needs fresh eyes throughout. It's hard to do yourself; I'd find it so if I'd written it. FACs are often the crunch that leads nominators to form valuable collaborative relationships: can this be the case here, too? Tony (talk) 11:23, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I'll try to give it a good copyedit. Can the closing director keep this open for another day or two? Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 12:39, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Done. Tony1, can you take another look if you get a chance? –Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 01:30, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Support. I made a couple of tiny tweaks, but following Julian's ce, it looks pretty good to me - almost interesting, considering it's another US road. jimfbleak (talk) 10:03, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Support: I'm a little skeptical of the growing number of articles about roads. But this shows how an article about a road should be written. Well-researched, comprehensive, and strong prose (even if the topic is a little dry). Randomran (talk) 20:55, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I've withdrawn the oppose, but do keep sifting and polishing if it's promoted. Here's another spot-check.

    • "The 290.4-mile-long (467.34 km) highway comprises mostly two lanes"—The triple bunger is unnecessary, since one of the three words is redundant. "Comprises" is a little ungainly here, and perhaps clarify the lane structure on this first occasion: "The 290.4-mile (467.34 km) highway is mostly two lanes in each direction". Sections, segments, portions, part—you're trying to add variety in that paragraph. Do be careful that it's not laboured; sometimes it's better to repeat the word, or to recast to avoid the need in the first place. Clarify: "three consecutive segments of the trunkline form part of the Lake Superior Circle Tour".
    • "until approximately 1936"—"about" would be so much nicer. So we don't know exactly? I presume the doubt is transmitted from Ref 30.
    • "state line"—just check it's not a single word.
    • " The last significant change to the M-28 routing occurred on March 3, 1989"—please use plain words: "was on". Tony (talk) 01:50, 14 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 20:04, 12 August 2008 [85].

    Proxima Centauri

    Nominator(s): RJH (talk)


    This is a science article about the nearest star to the Sun. My hope is that it is reasonably accessible to a general audience, although some science background may help. It has undergone a PR; a check by BrighterOrange's script; reached GA status, and now I believe this page may satisfy the criteria for a Featured Article. Please take a look and let me know what you think. I'll try to address any specific concerns. Thank you.—RJH (talk) 17:50, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • Proxima Centauri was discovered to share the same proper motion as Alpha Centauri in 1915 by Robert Innes while he was Director of the Union Observatory in Johannesburg, South Africa. This is the sort of thing that gives the scientific passive a bad name. Please make it: Robert Innes, Director of the Union Observatory in Johannesburg, South Africa in 1915, discovered that Proxima Centauri had the same proper motion as Alpha Centauri. and so on in other cases. Septentrionalis PMAnderson 18:36, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • I updated the above text. Thanks.—RJH (talk)
    • 'a main-sequence star for another four trillion years' (from lead and repeated in text) Are you certain this is 4 trillion, not 4 billion? This seems an exceptionally long time. I don't have full access to the source so cannot check myself. GameKeeper (talk) 00:04, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Checked a few more sources, very low mass stars do have such a potentially amazingly long life time. GameKeeper (talk) 00:11, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    There's a graph here: Red_dwarf#Description and characteristics.—RJH (talk) 16:57, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Amongst the known stars, Proxima Centauri has been the closest star to the Sun for about 32,000 years and will be so for about another 9,000 years, after which the closest star to the Sun will be Barnard's Star. Surely Alpha Centauri.--Grahame (talk) 06:39, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • As the orbital period of Proxima (if any) is 500,000 years, I'd expect them to stay in roughly the same configuration during the above time frame. So that probably means Proxima will be closer than Alpha Centauri. But I changed the text. Thanks.—RJH (talk) 16:32, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support Comments - looked pretty good on first read-through - some copyedit issues will follow but first I have a couple of comprehensiveness questions. all potential deal-brekares dealt with, anything else is a bonus and we're over the line in my book. Cheers, Casliber (talk · contribs) 07:47, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Casliber's issues and responses
    Given we mention the Sun's appearance, but how bright would Toliman A & B be from Proxima? Casliber (talk · contribs) 07:47, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Well, back-of-the-envelope-wise, I think the magnitude adjustment is about -10, so I think they'd be roughly -5/-4. Are you suggesting that this is needed for comprehensiveness? —RJH (talk) 16:54, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    If a reliable source could be found, I believe it should be in. If one can't, well then it can't. So, the answer would be if at all possible yes. Cheers, Casliber (talk · contribs) 20:27, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    This page lists the visual magnitudes as -6.6 and -5.2 respectively, so I was off a little on my guestimate. The question is, since the SolStation source might be considered suspect (per below), do we consider the Andrew James source sufficiently authoritative? It'd be nice to know his academic qualifications.—RJH (talk) 18:08, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    (sigh) agree. I find it hard to believe there are no RS's for this but had a look and can't find out who he is on the website. He is a member of the Astronomical Society of NEw South Wales and gets positive feedback from Douglas Snyder here...Cheers, Casliber (talk · contribs) 19:23, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I'll include it as an external link.—RJH (talk) 14:18, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Also, what would flares do to a hypothetical planet. Is there any info available? Casliber (talk · contribs) 07:47, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    This is discussed under "Possible companions", paragraph 4.—RJH (talk) 16:40, 3 August 2008 (UTC) [reply]
    Hmmm..I guess for the reader, does it just mean the surface is bombarded by radiation? heat? Not hugely clear. Cheers, Casliber (talk · contribs) 19:23, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    As we're talking about a purely hypothetical planet here with unknown physical parameters, I think that would be excessive and bordering on OR. The effect upon the planet depends on whether it has a magnetic field, the strength thereof, and the existence of an atmosphere, including whether it is a gas gient. The topic really should be covered on the Flare star page. Sorry, I'm going to weasel out of this one.—RJH (talk) 19:30, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    No no, that's ok. I like reading alot about stars but am a real neophyte. Many of my questions here are not authoritative and i am feeling my way a bit. That expalins the situation well. Cheers, Casliber (talk · contribs) 19:34, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The star's magnetic field is created by convection throughout the star,.. - 2 'star's flows funny. Just 'inner convection'? or is it self-exlanatory that convection is inside - would 'internal convection' suffice? Casliber (talk · contribs) 19:23, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I'm attempting to say that 100% of the star is undergoing convection. Is that not the meaning of throughout?—RJH (talk) 19:31, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    OK, I get it now; still I was trying to figure out a way of not using the noun 'star' twice in the one sentence.Cheers, Casliber (talk · contribs) 19:47, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I changed the second use of star to 'stellar body'.—RJH (talk)
    Even during quiescent periods with few or no flares - why not just 'quiet'? Does the unusual 'quiescent' add anything that a plainer word doesn't?
    Well, quiet is normally an acoustical term, whereas quiescent can apply to any activity. So I think it avoids a potential point of confusion.—RJH (talk)
    Fair enough. Cheers, Casliber (talk · contribs) 14:24, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    ::The activity level also appears to vary with a period of roughly 442 days, analogous to the Sun's solar cycle, which has a period of 11 years - 'The activity level also appears to vary with a period of roughly 442 days, shorter than the solar cycle of the Sun, which has a period of 11 years' --> too simple? Casliber (talk · contribs) 07:47, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Modifed. Thanks.—RJH (talk)
    Among the known stars, Proxima Centauri and Alpha Centauri have been the closest stars to the Sun for about 32,000 years .. - is there any likelihood there are unknown stars that are closer? If not I think we can remove the first 4 words. Casliber (talk · contribs) 07:47, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Possibly; I can't say for sure. There are some red dwarfs that have high velocities, so perhaps one whipped by during that time period. Astronomers are still finding previously undiscovered red dwarfs. Just covering the bases.—RJH (talk) 14:18, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    OK, I am happy with that explanation. Cheers, Casliber (talk · contribs) 14:24, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Is it worthwhile explaining any of its alternative names/designations in the body of the text?Cheers, Casliber (talk · contribs) 19:58, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I wouldn't think so. The history of the catalogs is covered elsewhere and I haven't run into anything particularly interesting concerning Proxima Centauri.—RJH (talk)

    More questions later. Cheers, Casliber (talk · contribs) 07:47, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thank you for the feedback.—RJH (talk) 14:35, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • A very fine article on an interesting subject. However, questions and comments on a few details. Kosebamse (talk) 12:42, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        • Unfortunately I'll have to disagree with most of your conclusions. So, please pardon.—RJH (talk)
          • No prob, I see your points and don't oppose this nomination; nevertheless picking a few nits, see below. Kosebamse (talk) 17:31, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
            • Thanks for your comments and amendations. One problem is the excessive number of references and links which represent an amount of work that could have been invested far better into improving the article even further. Howeve, that seems to be counted as a bonus nowadays. Support FA. Ceterum censeo that this puerile referencing lunacy must be stopped. Kosebamse (talk) 20:56, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
              • Thanks for the support. As far as I know, articles are not written under a deadline. Hence your statement about the time allotment doesn't seem quite accurate. The article has as many references as it needs, and the addition of the citations did not detract from the time spent developing the article.—RJH (talk) 17:42, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Kosebamse's issues and responses
      • "has been proposed as a destination for interstellar travel" While appealing to nerds and kids, the possibility of traveling there is currently so extremely remote that it should not be mentioned in the introduction.Kosebamse (talk)
        • The lead should be a summary of the article. This topic is discussed in the article. Whether it is a remote possibility or not is speculative; it's just an interesting fact, so I'd like to leave it in. Besides, just who is going to be reading this article?—RJH (talk)
          • Matter of taste. I think every article, and most of all every FA, should be as much as possible oriented towards a general readership.Kosebamse (talk)
            • True, but I'm inclined to keep it in the lead because it is discussed in an article section. Sorry, but I'm going to decline to agree with you on this one.—RJH (talk) 19:30, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • "Because of its proximity, the diameter of the star can be measured directly, and is one-seventh that of the Sun" in the intro should be at the beginning of the second paragraph. Important information first, please, readers want to form a mental image and the size is one of the most relevant pieces of information.Kosebamse (talk)
        • Well, personally, I find the fact that this is a flare star is quite important. It is a major distinguishing element of this star, and is a reason for a lot of astronomical investigation. Hence I think it is reasonable to put it first. Mass determines size, so that goes before dimension.—RJH (talk)
          • See my answer above re general readership. I'd guess a reader without much prior knowledge would have to look up what a flar star is, while size is readily understood.Kosebamse (talk)
      • "mass is about an eighth of the Sun's" and "the diameter of the star can be measured directly, and is one-seventh that of the Sun" deserves further explanation. Are those two pieces of information bullet-proof and iron-clad? As the volume changes with the cube of diameter, that implies an enormous difference in density between the Sun and Proxima centauri. I see it's explained further below, but a half-to-three-quarter-informed reader will stumble over that. Perhaps the actual density should be mentioned in this context.Kosebamse (talk)
        • The size is well determined and the mass comes from stellar models, so yes they are pretty solid. I think that the average density, while perhaps of interest to some, isn't important enough to include in the lead. It's a fairly useless parameter as most of the star will not be at that density. I just include it for completeness and to give some perspective. Is that reasonable?—RJH (talk)
          • The question of average or not average density is rather specialistic, but someone with a basic understanding of math or physics might stumble here and wonder whether such differences between densities of stars are real, even if they had read about white dwarfs, neutron stars and such.Kosebamse (talk)
            • Okay, I included a sentence, although I'll note this conflicts with your earlier statement about targeting a general audience. =) —RJH (talk)
      • Furthermore, in that same sentence, please use angular diameter which is the technically correct description (the actual diameter is not measured but calculated from distance and angular diameter)Kosebamse (talk)
        • Both the angular diameter and distance have relatively small margins of error. A reasonably accurate value can be derived thereof. I'm not sure I understand why a computed value is unsatisfactory here. A discussion of the derivation of the size would need to include information about limb darkening and fitting of computer models, which I'm not sure would be relevant.—RJH (talk)
          • Sorry to pick these nits, I don't object to the use of that value here, but it should not be described as "measured", because what's been measured are two other values from which the diameter can be derived.Kosebamse (talk)
            • I see your point. It has been corrected.—RJH (talk)
      • "Red dwarfs such as Proxima Centauri are, in general, far too faint to be observable with the naked eye" seems a little vague. Are there any at all that are observable? If so, which ones? If not, please strike "in general".Kosebamse (talk)
      • "If the Sun were to become as dim as Proxima, all of the planets except Venus" - the point becomes only clear to somebody who knows what makes planets shine. Given that most people believe that the moon's phases arise through an effect of Earth's shadow, or that the difference between stars and planets is generally not known etc. etc. (personal experience, I have asked many an otherwise well educated person), one should not assume that kind of knowledge of Wikipedia's readers. Please xplaijn some further, or perhaps leave it out.Kosebamse (talk)
      • "Because of Proxima Centauri's southern declination" - please link or explain "declination".Kosebamse (talk)
        • It is linked in the infobox.—RJH (talk)
      • "This illustration shows the relative sizes of (from left to right) the Sun, α Centauri A, α Centauri B and Proxima Centauri" is a little misleading. Relative to what? To each other, I presume? There are so many things in astronomy that are either named relative or absolute that this description might look slightly confusing to a reader with a degree of prior knowledge. Perhaps better "comparative sizes" or something along these lines?Kosebamse (talk)
        • Yes, their sizes relative to each other. Sorry, I thought it would be obvious. I used your suggested word instead.—RJH (talk)
      • "has been the closest star to the Sun for about 32,000 years and will be so for about another 9,000 years, after which the closest star to the Sun will be Barnard's Star." It's discussed some further below, but the question coming up at this point is whether this is due to the proper motion of Proxima centauri itself, its motion within the Alpha centauri system, the proper motion of the Alpha centauri system, or all or some of these. Perhaps that could be explained a little more clearly. Kosebamse (talk)
        • The statement has been modified, per the earlier issue.—RJH (talk)
      • Kosebamse (talk) 12:42, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments

    Otherwise sources look good, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 14:02, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I have no idea; the page seems well researched and the information has proven mostly reliable. But it is the only source that lists the nearest stars. The alternative would be to compute it myself, but then we would have to do it for every star within a given distance to be certain. That would probably be too close to OR. Anyway, I relocated it to the talk page and asked for a better reference.—RJH (talk) 16:35, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    This is all they give us, nothing to meet WP:V: http://www.solstation.com/about.htm SandyGeorgia (Talk) 01:13, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments on images

    Comment Ref #25 is missing ISBN or some easy way to find the book. Also, you might want to consider splitting Notes and Refs parts. Nergaal (talk) 16:26, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thanks. You probably mean Campbell (1899), which was published before ISBN was established. (But I added in a link to the Google scan.) I considered a split along notes/references, but it is ugly trying to maintain a separate notes section because of the clumsy mechanism of the alternative citing system. I prefer to just let the back-end database take care of the tags. Sorry.—RJH (talk) 19:50, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 19:31, 12 August 2008 [86].

    Greater Crested Tern

    Nominator(s): jimfbleak (talk)


    I'm nominating this article for featured article because it's passed GA, and been peer reviewed. Some nice images and relatively short jimfbleak (talk) 07:17, 27 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    User:Martybugs Gives these details: contact details, view my website, view my photo gallery, or visit my blog. The blog has the name Martin Pot, email address is mpot@martybugs.net Image:IMG 2535 1000 crop.jpg has the summary "self-made by Martin Pot (martybugs)" so appear to be one and the same. I've asked him to clarify the summary page. The gallery link works from his userpage and from the image page for me - the gallery has all rights reserved, but doesn't include this image, presumably because it's GFDLed. Should I remove the image? jimfbleak (talk) 10:01, 27 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Nah, don't take it off yet. If you've contacted him then we'll wait a bit for a reply from him. I'm willing to assume it was him unless he says otherwise. —Giggy 03:37, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    OK, thanks jimfbleak (talk) 05:31, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I can confirm that it's definitely one of my images, and that I provided a 600 x 388 pixel version to wikipedia under a GFDL / cc-by-3.0 license. My wikipedia username is User:Martybugs, real name is "Martin Pot". Apologies for any confusion, but I've updated the image page to reference both my real name and wikipedia username. Martybugs (talk) 13:03, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comments Some things I noticed at first glance:
    • Add non-breaking spaces.
    • Do not place left-aligned images directly below second-level (===) headings.
    Moved image to comply with MoS. Rreagan007 (talk) 01:23, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 15:30, 27 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Not sure what I've missed here. All the measurements have nbsp, I've done it for the percentages to be on the safe side now, I've read the MoS page and still can't see where any other nbsp should go? jimfbleak (talk) 05:31, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    which nests in dense colonies on coasts and islands in the tropical and subtropical Old World. - for me, 'coasts' flows funnily here. Maybe 'coastlines' or 'coastal areas' would be better.

    ..becomes less extensive in winter - 'recedes'?

    ::, and the offering of fish to the female is part of the male's courtship display. - I'd maybe make the comma a semicolon and rewrite as ', the male offers fish to the female as part of a (the?) courtship display.' - as this is a bit ungainly

    I've fixed these. What's happened to the taxobox template, not showing correctly on any bird page or in history at present jimfbleak (talk) 06:27, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    sometimes among stunted vegetation - I'd say either 'among shrubs', or 'in vegetation', but not this combination.
    Great Crested Terns has grown by an order of magnitude - I presume this means ten-fold? May be easier to say that instead.
    Done these, should have thought of ten-fold myself jimfbleak (talk) 15:00, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Tables: The information in the two tables could be combined into one table, if the species and describer columns were combined in the first table and an extra column was added for the population numbers. Snowman (talk) 08:48, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    done jimfbleak (talk) 09:30, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments Not as fascinating as Nuthatch, but I still enjoyed reading it! :) Here are my teensy-weensy suggestions for improvement:

    Support This is a comprehensive, well-written, and well-researched article. Awadewit (talk) 15:00, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • In both the "Footnotes" and the "References" sections, the publication location and publisher of books is cited inconsistently and the ISBNs are formatted differently. Please standardize.
    • "cm" and "in" should be linked the first time they are mentioned, not later.
    • The paragraph about the bird calls seems to interrupt a description of how the birds look. Could this section be rearranged to bit so that it seamlessly flows from plumage to bird call?
    • Some overlinking perhaps? Lots of the geographical locations seemed to be linked multiple times.
    • The region also supports major colonies of other seabirds, and since nesting follows the summer monsoonal flooding, it is presumably a response to fish stocks rising due to nutrient enrichment of the Gulf by river run-off. - awkward sentence
    • I saw a bit of inconsistency in the AE/BE. It is supposed to be in BE, right? Someone needs to take a quick run through and check on that.
    • Image:SternaBergiMap2.svg - It would be good to have all the publication information for the book on which this map was based.
    • For some reason, the description and source books don't match.

    Nice to be down to the nitpicks, isn't it? Awadewit (talk) 15:48, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • Many apologies for long delay, all fixed I think, except that I couldn't find any non-BE. My in-line spell check and an external spell check in Word found non-BE only in the refs, which of course I can't change. Can you point me to what I've overlooked? jimfbleak (talk) 06:17, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    -ize/-ise is optional for quite a few BE words, I'll check again though. jimfbleak (talk) 15:17, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    there are two "recognizes", but both in refs jimfbleak (talk) 15:28, 10 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Parents do not recognize their own eggs or newly hatched chicks, but are able to distinguish their chicks by the time they are two days-old, shortly before they begin to wander from the nest - This doesn't look like a quotation to me, but perhaps I am missing something. `Awadewit (talk)
    Thanks, jimfbleak (talk) 16:48, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks, I'll have another read through see if there's anything I can tweak jimfbleak (talk) 16:48, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks for the Emu bits in particular. I've made a couple of minor changes. At this stage, it's difficult to keep track of the early fac edits and why they were made. jimfbleak (talk) 17:36, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks, minor format fix helpful since I can't see that sort of thing myself jimfbleak (talk) 05:27, 12 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 19:31, 12 August 2008 [87].

    Robert F. Kennedy assassination

    Nominator(s): Fritzpoll (talk)


    I'm nominating this article for featured article because it has been extensively rewritten since it was listed as being in urgent need of cleanup. Since then, I've taken it through to GA, and the article has been peer-reviewed and copyedited by several other editors. I believe that this article represents the fullest possible account of the topic without going into irrelevant information, and that it is well-written, per the copyediting performed by independent editors. I look forward to any constructive feedback that arises out of this process. Fritzpoll (talk) 23:26, 25 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments

    • "The assassination of Robert F. Kennedy," – remove the link or the bold; linked text can't also be bold, per WP:BOLDTITLE
    • Some of the web references are missing access dates, such as ""Sirhan Sirhan Kept Behind Bars". CBS (March 6, 2003)." and "Warren Kozak (March 17, 2006). "One Common Link". NY Sun."

    Gary King (talk) 00:26, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thanks for pointing it out - corrected these and one or two other citation formatting errors Fritzpoll (talk) 00:37, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments

    Issues resolved, Ealdgyth - Talk 20:35, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • http://www.citizinemag.com/politics/politics_0506_rfk_twhite.htm while probably okay, it looks like this is a freely distributed magazine newspaper in Austin? Some might feel that this isn't the best source for information on something like this subject. I do note that it's covered by another book, so I'm not sure why it's needed.
    • What makes http://crimemagazine.com/index.html a reliable source?
    • Current ref 50 is lacking a publisher. (James Randerson "New Evidence challenges...")
    • Same for current ref 52 (FBI Robert F. Kennedy ...)
    • Same for current ref 53 (Democracy Now Special ...)
    • Same for current ref 54 (Robert F Kennedy Assassination...
    • Same for current ref 57, 58 and 59.
    Otherwise sources look okay, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 12:33, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Just got in - this an acknowledgement that I'm looking into these, and will post back here once I've sorted them out. Fritzpoll (talk) 15:38, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    All fixed' except for the crimemagazine.com reference, which I'm still working on. I believe I'm able to replace it, since, although I believe it to be a reliable source, I cannot provide the necessary proof that it is. Fritzpoll (talk) 19:03, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Update - removed the crime magazine source, as the book covers it. Also refactored the following two sentences into one, and added a new source for balance. You may wish to check the formatting of the new source, number 38 at the time of writing. Otherwise, I believe I have addressed all your comments. Fritzpoll (talk) 19:28, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comment: Very good work here. I would take out both the conspiracy theory para in the lead, and the "see also" section (you already have categories). I've only read about half yet, so a more substantial review to follow... ( Ceoil sláinte 00:48, 27 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • Going off what Ceoil said, I think you should mention Bobby (2006 film) somewhere in the article (there's a legacy section...). I think you could remove the see also section after that. I also think some stuff from the legacy/aftermath section should be mentioned in the last paragraph of the lead, as opposed to removing it. —Giggy 00:59, 27 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • I'll look into it in the morning (later today, actually) - would a one-liner acknowledging the existence and content of the film be sufficient? I'm wary about removing the last paragraph of the lead because I believed the lead was to summarise each major section of the article. Some of the legacy/aftermath section is already covered by the penultimate paragraph of the lead. Fritzpoll (talk) 01:10, 27 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support very nice work. However (this might be just me) the lead looks a bit short. --I'm an Editorofthewiki[citation needed] 17:38, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comment. The lead says that "the shooting was recorded on audio", however this is not confirmed in the article body which says only that the immediate aftermath of the shooting was recorded. Which is correct? Kaldari (talk) 19:15, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • It is mentioned in the "Second gunman section" that there was a recording of the shootings. Is this not enough? (genuine question that I can't word any other way to sound less snarky - just assume it's not! :) )Fritzpoll (talk) 19:18, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        • Ah, sorry. I actually skipped the Alternative theories section (being a wikipedia editor tends to make one weary of conspiracy theories). I expected the information on the recordings would have been in the Media coverage section, but I see I was wrong. Sorry about that. Carry on :) Kaldari (talk) 20:38, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Comment Alternate images per MoS. When alternating, try not to have any images on the left situated right below a heading, which would violate MoS. Ottava Rima (talk) 21:19, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I see that they added "can" in there. Thats odd. I was wondering - why have media coverage after the shooting. It just seems like it would be part of the "assassination". I also think that the assassin could have more info on him drawn from the other page. Also, the aftermath section could have a little more. It is a draw of interest for me and it seemed to end to quickly. Over all, it seems fine. I will wait to see what others say. Ottava Rima (talk) 21:29, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Good questions: the media coverage section follows the assassination itself, because it is not solely descriptive of the event. It actually covers events after Kennedy's assassination as well, so it was generally felt to warrant a separate section. The info on Sirhan is, I believe, an acceptable summary of the main article for the purposes of this article, and the section here is adequately sourced, unlike the main article (which will be one of my next projects). I'm not sure what else could be added to the aftermath section, but I am open to suggestions. Fritzpoll (talk) 21:36, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Hmm, tough tough tough. I almost think that the whole information from the Sirhan Sirhan page on the assassination should be moved to RFK and the summary moved there. Why? Because of the flow - assassination and trial should be linked, unless the trial is placed on its own page. If that is possible? And I don't know what can be added to the aftermath section either, it just feels like there might be something more (as this was a big assassination). :) Ottava Rima (talk) 22:09, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    What material from the main article is missing from the summary? I see some material from his parole hearing is gone, but I'm not sure this particular article should duplicate the contents of another one. Unless you're suggesting that Sirhan shouldn't have his own article? :) I'll let other editors weigh i on this one. Fritzpoll (talk) 22:23, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Sorry, I meant to swap them - put the "person" article trial information in the "assassination" page, and the trial summary in the "person" page. Why? Because the individual is notable as an assassin, but the assassination is notable for who was killed. To put it quickly - When I look for info on RFK's assassination and the trial afterwards, I'd look on RFK's page, and then the assassination page. Going to a third page on a guy that didn't have any other notable information seems to be three steps removed. I think Sirhan should have his own article, but the assassination/trial section should be only a summary. Its just a priority thing. Either way. Ottava Rima (talk) 22:33, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I've fixed it myself. Blnguyen (bananabucket) 08:59, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    This is a nice little article. One thing I'd like to see though is a closer examination of the background. I believe a lot more could be written in that section. ♦Blofeld of SPECTRE♦ $1,000,000? 21:39, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Any thoughts as to what's missing? I wanted to keep it relevant to the assassination, and everything else I could come up with wasn't relevant to the assassination, but more to Kennedy himself. Open to suggestions though :) Fritzpoll (talk) 21:49, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    When I meant background I meant the Alternative theories section. I'm sure I've have seen numerous reports on the web and journals discussing possible motives and theories for the assassination, probably enough for an article of its own. I just wondered if there was anything missing that might add to the evaluation of his death. As it stands the paragraph and article is very concise which is a good thing but just thinking about the possibility that something has been left out. I'll check it out later and give the article a reread and then make my decision. OK? ♦Blofeld of SPECTRE♦ $1,000,000? 10:52, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Ah, I see what you mean. Actually, I got started on this article because its conspiracy section was about 30K long and it was posted at the Fringe theories noticeboard. What's in the article is thus delibrately small per WP:FRINGE and WP:WEIGHT and also because this is as sourced as this section could be from reliable sources! Anyway, I'll let you do your thing, because I may well have missed something. Cheers Fritzpoll (talk) 11:14, 1 August 2008 (UTC)

    Commments by Blofeld

    • You need to mention place of death in the intro. ♦Blofeld of SPECTRE♦ $1,000,000? 19:19, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      Fixed. Keeper ǀ 76 21:55, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Hubert Humphrey is overlinked
      Fixed. Keeper ǀ 76 21:53, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • "Sirhan was convicted on April 17, 1969 and six days later was sentenced to death.[37] The sentence was commuted to life in prison in 1972 after the California Supreme Court". What happened in those three years?? He was sentenced to death in 1969. What happened in those three years? Could you explain briefly?
      • I can perhaps take a stab (no pun intended) on the third question. Probably nothing happened. When someone is "sentenced" to death in the US it generally takes several years (I think I read that the average duration is 7 or 8 years, I'll be damned if I could find a source for that though, please don't ask for one:). He likely was sitting in prison, waiting for doomsday, probably riding out the appeals process (that's a question perhaps that needs clarifying. Did SS ever attempt to appeal his conviction?) Keeper ǀ 76 21:07, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    7-8 years is ridiculous. During that time the offendant costs how much to feed and house from tax money??. Want happneed to the good old days when crminals were hung in the public the following day after conviction? ♦Blofeld of SPECTRE♦ $1,000,000? 11:16, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Not that this is anywhere near relevant to the discussion about a FAC, but I'd much rather have due process and a jury if someone decides "I've committed a crime" than the "good old days" of a lynch mob with a rope. Reminds me of this, which was unfortunately, not that long ago. 7 or 8 years isn't that long to "wait" before killin' someone off for a crime. It has been proven to be too hard to unkill them in light of new evidence </digression> Keeper ǀ 76 15:40, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comment. It would be helpful if the fair use image, Image:Rfk assasination.jpg, had a more informative description. In particular, it should credit the photographer, whoever that is, and link to a more relevant source than rrstar.com, which appears to be rather sloppy with image credits and is undoubtedly not original source (and the image is not CC-nc licensed, as the fair use rational previously stated). The other images are all fine copyright-wise.--ragesoss (talk) 00:51, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Support Now those small issues have been cleared up. A prime example of how to write a concise article that is to the point and highlights all the main points in a good summary. ♦Blofeld of SPECTRE♦ $1,000,000? 11:12, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • Comments regaridng images:
      • Image:Robert F. Kennedy.jpg is using a bogus copyright tag (see Wikipedia:Templates for deletion/Log/2008 June 30) whose deletion is imminent pending re-tagging of so licensed images. Please re-license as appropriate.
      • Image:Sirhan3.jpg has a misleading copyright tag (being released to and being the authorship of are entirely different notions). The federal government can hold copyrights if they are transfered. Does the source confirm the image is PD, or just that it was "transfered" (if the latter, it needs to be established that IP rights were indeed forfeited). Please re-license as appropriate.
      • Image:RFK Cross.jpg does not have a verifiable source or summary, as required per WP:IUP
      • Image:Rfk assasination.jpg: concerns above are valid. WP:NFCC#10A requires attribution of the copyright holder if different from the source (which certainly appears to be the case here). ЭLСОВВОLД talk 12:46, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        Progress on the images ?? SandyGeorgia (Talk) 01:49, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        • I'll be checking on those at lunchtime today (UK time) - sorry for the delay, I've been dragged around other parts of the wiki these past few days and missed elcobbola's comments. I'll seek to resolve them shortly Fritzpoll (talk) 08:57, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
          • Right, I'm not good on these image problems (will probably go ask someone for help). My solutions will probably be a) switch to a fair use rationale since I can't establish a PD release b) I'm not sure on this one - will seek clarification about what this means c) I can't find the part of WP:IUP that you mean - the image was released by the person taking the photograph. I don't doubt that there needs to be an additional tag, but I don't know which one d) I'll track down the copyright holder. Fritzpoll (talk) 16:53, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    1) The first image, Robert F Kennedy, is from Wikicommons, so falls under fair use per them. If this image is to be challenged, it must be taken up there, and the pages here are not affected unless that challenge results in the deletion of the picture. 2) The Sirhan3.jpg falls under this same regard. 3) The RFK Cross.jpg image is now on Wikicommons and cannot be challenged here. These three images should not be used as a justification against promotion unless Wikicommons moves to delete the images. Ottava Rima (talk) 17:56, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    "WP:NFCC#10A requires attribution of the copyright holder if different from the source (which certainly appears to be the case here)" On looking at the photo, you see the link to this, which is the source for the image, plus marks the copy right at the bottom: "Copyright © 2008 GateHouse Media, Inc. Some Rights Reserved." Thus, copyright holder and source are the same. There is no image concern here. Ottava Rima (talk) 18:00, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The Commons is an archival site. Usage of images hosted therein subjects them to the aforementioned Wikipedia policies. The Commons does not allow or host fair use (i.e. nothing can "[fall] under fair use per them". This image was not taken in 2008; "Copyright © 2008 GateHouse Media, Inc. Some Rights Reserved." is not germane and/or correct. ЭLСОВВОLД talk 18:02, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    3lcobbola, as I stated before, if you have a complaint with the rationale tags, you have to take them up to commons. This is not the appropriate place (i.e. Wikipedia). As long as commons hosts it, it falls under GFDL and cannot be argued here. Please go there and report back with the progress. Secondly, the copyright of the final image (2008) shows the most current copyright, as many books are copyrighted in the original publication and later publications, so too can images hosted on websites. Ottava Rima (talk) 18:49, 8 August 2008 (UTC) Struck because its now being reviewed at Commons. :) Ottava Rima (talk) 19:12, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I was the one who wrote the initial fair use rationale for Image:Rfk assasination.jpg, and my apologies mis-sourcing it to Gatehouse Media. My initial reading of the Gathouse site was that they owned the photo, but further examination seems to show that I was incorrect. I did a bit of sleuthing, and according to a profile of Boris Yaro in the University of Southern California's alumni magazine, he's the photographer of that image and it was taken for the LA Times. I've updated the image page accordingly. I think this should now meet the sourcing requirements of WP:NFCC#10A. Does it look good to others? Vickser (talk) 19:37, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Perfect! ЭLСОВВОLД talk 19:43, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Excellent. Ottava Rima (talk) 20:34, 8 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The image issues have now been resolved with my final edit removing the page of Sirhan's diary and replacing it with a link to Wikisource. Fritzpoll (talk) 21:27, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Yes indeed, no remaining image issues. ЭLСОВВОLД talk 21:29, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 08:03, 9 August 2008 [89].

    Robert Sterling Yard

    Nominator(s): María (habla conmigo)


    This is a small article dedicated to a largely forgotten figure in the modern wilderness movement. Yard is second in a series I hope to complete on the eight founding members of The Wilderness Society; unlike the Bob and others, however, there are no mountains or parks named after him, nor are there any biographies dedicated to his life. What you see as far as research is (sadly) what you get. :) I created the article back in March and it was promoted to GA on July 14. It then went through a week long PR during which I received very helpful comments from Sillyfolkboy, Ealdgyth and Ruhrfisch. I believe the article is as comprehensive as it can be and fulfills the FAC criteria. All comments/suggestions will be addressed as quickly as possible. Thanks for your time! María (habla conmigo) 13:21, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • Comment (not oppose, but not a support) - The lead is a little short, but seems comprehensive. Not many pictures, but the topic is small, so it could get away with that. Perhaps make the second picture 200px, moved down a paragraph, and placed on the left. His body is facing right (at least it appears to me), which would conform to MoS. Put all of the biographical information as subheadings under "biography" so it groups these areas together for convenience. Turn references into Harvb style. Is the selected bibliography his works or works on him? If they are works on him, turn them into references and expand accordingly. If they are works by him, you will need some background on what they say. Ottava Rima (talk) 17:21, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • I'll reply to your points as you have stated them: 1) The lead is comprehensive in regards to the article itself, which as you can see is not very long. If there's anything I've left out or not explained properly, please do give examples. 2) Images are not a requirement for FA, as you may be aware. 3) I prefer the one image I could find of Yard to be in the lead section, despite which way his body is facing. :) He is looking straight ahead, which does not interfere with image MOS, I believe. 4) With a biographical article this short, I think that a main header called "Biography" is somewhat redundant. It's obvious that this is a biography, is it not? Again, I don't think this is a problem. 5) I hate, loathe and despise Harvard referencing. It is also in no way mandatory. 6) The selected works are indeed his own, but I don't think they require explanation as they're somewhat diverse in nature. Several of them are mentioned in the body of the article, I believe. Perhaps I should just delete the section? María (habla conmigo) 17:36, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Just a note - your points are exactly why I commented and didn't oppose. :) Also, on five, agreed. Now, on 6, this was for my benefit (I was interested). I couldn't find the first one mentioned, which is why I commented. Perhaps these books should be given their own page, or at least, a "list" page with short summaries (if you feel they aren't notable enough on their own). I would appreciate that based on my own budding interest in the topic. Now, you should keep that section, but perhaps rename it? "Major works" or some similar title would be appropriate. However, I think someone already changed this. :) Ottava Rima (talk) 18:12, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Yes, Awadewit saved the day. :) Unfortunately, I don't believe the books are important enough to warrant individual articles or even a summary article; The Publisher (Yard's take on the publishing world) is an interesting read, but it isn't notable. The other works are basically descriptions of various parks, and although quoted here and there by other conservationists, I couldn't write anything about them more than is already stated in this article. Alas, poor RSY. María (habla conmigo) 18:28, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    If you can find one outside source on each of them and put them in a List of Works, then that is enough to prove them notable, especially with a notable author (their combination would make them worth having a page). That is not to say that they could exist on their own, but combined, they should have enough for form a short list, which would supplement the page nicely. Ottava Rima (talk) 19:51, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The thing is that there's nothing else of note to be said about these works. A detailed publication history/description would serve no interest for the casual reader. Plus, I'm not terribly interested in writing a list article. :) Any other concerns? María (habla conmigo) 19:58, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    You say that now, but once this pretty article gets posted on the main page, there will be an increase in demand. :) Perhaps someone can do this in the future. By the way, here is an online link for the current edition of Glimpses of our national parks. I think some of the others are online also. Ottava Rima (talk) 20:33, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comments: Nice work as always, Maria. (As a "treader of dusty city streets" who does not enjoy camping, I particularly liked finding that quote.) Although some of the info feels thin (esp. early life), I'll assume this is because the info is simply not available. A few odds 'n' ends before I can support (I've made some copyedits on my own, but I wanted to run these by you for approval or discussion):
    • These high standards, based upon an aesthetic ideal, led him to become involved in the protection of wilderness areas in later life. Not sure I see the cause/effect elements at work. Clarify?
    • The cause and effect is difficult to explain... mainly, his ideas about conservation turned to militant preservation once he developed his high standards. Because that takes too much explaining, however, I've changed it to "He opposed commercialism and industrialization of what he called "America's masterpieces", and his high standards (based upon aesthetic ideals) for proposed national parks caused discord with his peers. Yard later became involved in the protection of wilderness areas."
    • I'd favor de-linking Switzerland in the quote. Looks like a random blue blotch. =)
    • Heh, removed.
    • Do we need the attribution after the quote, since it's explained before the quote?
    • Also removed.
    • Yard's most successful publicity initiative during this time... This is a really long sentence. I think adding some em dashes (after "which" and before "connected") would make it easier to read.
    • I agree, added.
    • Internal conflicts within the NPS led to Yard being passed up for interim director... Two problems here: "internal conflicts" sounds a little vague, and it sounds like Yard was a shoo-in for the position (which, if true, should be made explicit).
    • He was, really, but much like John Adams in 1776, Yard was obnoxious and disliked but he got the job done. Sutter wrote that Albright's wife insisted that Mather had said the position should fall to her husband which, since Mather was less than capable at the time, couldn't be refuted. TMI? "Internal conflicts" has been changed to "disagreements" for now, but I'm not sure if that's an improvement. In short, Yard was very, very opinionated and ticked everyone off.
    • Sure, makes sense – but how about a bit of reworking to make it clearer? I propose indicating earlier in the ¶ that Mather took the position at first (this isn't made clear until the sentence in question). Then proceed with: "When Mather suffered a breakdown and had to take an extended leave, Yard believed himself next in line for interim director at the NPS. Disagreements within the organization, however, kept him from the position." Fair? – Scartol • Tok 21:30, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • As a rift between the NPS and Yard began to grow ... Consisting only of himself and a secretary... Again, this feels like a slight POV through implication – as if his appointment to this tiny office was a result of the rift. If true, let's explicitize. (I know, that's not a word.) If not, let's reword.
    • Decided to reword, how about: "A rift between the NPS and Yard began to grow, and in June 1918 he was put in charge of the National Parks Educational Committee."
    • Mmm, I still feel like there's a cause/effect thing going on here which should be either made explicit or removed. It would help if we mentioned who put him in charge of the NPEC (to get rid of the passive voice). – Scartol • Tok 21:30, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • I did some more careful reading of my sources and as a result decided to do some major rewriting and rearranging of the two last paragraphs in the section. The troublesome "rift" sentence is now gone, but something more concrete has taken its place. Better? María (habla conmigo) 12:16, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Not only was Robert Sterling Yard instrumental in the creation and maintenance of national parks, but he was an important figure in the modern wilderness movement. This feels unnecessary, as it is covered in more depth earlier in the article. A remnant from earlier drafts perhaps?
    • Actually, that's a newer addition! I wanted to have something about his legacy in regards to the NPS/NPCA in the last section, so as not to imply that he's only important as far as the Wilderness Society goes. Should I lose it?
    • No, it's a worthy transition, but I'd prefer wording along the lines of: "His work to preserve wilderness in the United States has also endured." – Scartol • Tok 21:30, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I look forward to supporting this soon! – Scartol • Tok 19:23, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks so much for your help, Scartol, especially in fixing my sloppy prose. :) María (habla conmigo) 19:52, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Now that all of my concerns have been addressed, I'm pleased to Support. – Scartol • Tok 12:31, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments - sources look good, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 22:26, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments on images

    • Image:RobertSterlingYard.jpg - The description for this image says "Portrait of American writer and wilderness conservationist Robert Sterling Yard in Yosemite National Park, 1920" but the date says "unknown" - might we resolve this contradiction?
    • Hee, I love this picture, but I didn't upload it. Bear dinners (dumping food on the ground and letting the bear's chow down for the public's entertainment) and other similar shows were a big concern for Yard and other similarly minded conservationists. There's quite a good article about the early years of the NPS and its effect on bears in Yellowstone here (it uses the Albright w/ bears pic, in fact). Oh, and I requested that the image be moved to the Commons. :) Thanks! María (habla conmigo) 13:55, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Image:Stephen Tyng Mather.jpg - Since this is a cropped image, it would be a good idea to upload the uncropped image as well and link it to the cropped image - that way we have both and the user can see the changes made to the image. This is done when images are restored, for example, so that the differences are always visible and a history of the image is retained. It is so easy to do and so helpful to future users! Awadewit (talk) 15:43, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Support Too bad more information is not available on this person, eh? He seems like an interesting guy. Perhaps there should be a way to flag articles for academics - OR can be done here in a major way! Please help us! :) Anyway, from the nomination statement, I take it that this article is as comprehensive as it can be, and I find it to be well-written and well-researched. It is too bad that the images aren't of a higher quality, but again, I'm guessing next to nothing is available on that front. Here are my nitpicks: — Awadewit 14:34, July 24, 2008 — continues after insertion below

    • Their numerous articles and publications became part of a movement that resulted in legislative support for a National Park Service (NPS) in 1916. - This is a bit awkward - "articles and publications"? "became part of a movement that resulted in"?
    • Changed to: "Their numerous publications were part of a movement that resulted in legislative support for a National Park Service (NPS) in 1916."
    • Yard, who believed that the primary purposes of national parks were spiritual and cultural rather than recreational, worked to promote the national parks and educate Americans about their use. - I find this a bit vague. What is the difference between spiritual, cultural, and recreational? These words are so amorphmous that I don't think anyone knows what they mean!
    • He opposed commercialism and industrialization of what he called "America's masterpieces", and his high standards (based upon aesthetic ideals) for proposed national parks caused discord with his peers - This is not very clear - what did he want? Perhaps a longer quote?
    • I reworked the first part of the paragraph, improving the flow (I hope): "Yard worked to promote the national parks as well as educate Americans about their use. Creating high standards based on aesthetic ideals for park selection, he also opposed commercialism and industrialization of what he called "America's masterpieces". These standards caused discord with his peers. After helping to establish a relationship between the NPA and the United States Forest Service, Yard later became involved in the protection of wilderness areas."
    • The United States had authorized three dozen parks and monuments over the past forty years, but there was no single agency to provide unified management. - Perhaps give the timespan - would this have been from 1870 to 1910ish?
    • Done.
    • The unprecedented press coverage persuaded influential Americans about the national parks - Persuaded them about what exactly? Something is missing here.
    • Added "about the importance of national parks".
    • We no longer have to link dates, so you might think about unlinking all of the dates. They are so unsightly.
    • I kind of like them... Done.
    No need to speak softly. :) Awadewit (talk) 15:45, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Are you going to do a featured topic on The Wilderness Society? That would be awesome. :) Awadewit (talk) 14:34, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    That's the plan! It should take, oh, about four years or so. :) Thanks for your help! María (habla conmigo) 15:20, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comment There are more sources available, including his diary: over 80 items on Worldcat[90]. --Una Smith (talk) 05:23, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    A lot of these "sources" are works written by Yard himself. Some are also archival materials, which means they are typically not available via interlibary loan. The diary in particular is in the archives of the New York Public Library. I can't say I plan on visiting NY anytime soon, so there's nothing I can do, I'm afraid. :) María (habla conmigo) 14:28, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Many of those sources are not written by the subject of this article; they are about the subject. Re his diary, you might contact NYPL to request a photocopy. In my experience, libraries often do grant such requests. --Una Smith (talk) 21:41, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I do not think it is worth writing to the library. Wikipedia articles are supposed to quote sparingly from primary sources, anyway (see WP:PRIMARY). This seems like a lot of extra work for very slim rewards. Awadewit (talk) 21:46, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    39 of your 80 results are by Yard. 14 of the 80 are archival materials. An advanced search shows that there are 46 books that contain the exact phrase "Robert Sterling Yard". Of those, half of them were written by him and although the rest may mention him or even include a quote of his, they are not biographical in nature and therefore would be little help. Paul Sutter's book is one that I have used extensively for this article and it's very, very good. However, "Robert Sterling Yard: a living influence" by Benton MacKaye may be the only useful work listed, but it's available only from Harvard and no information other than the title and author are seemingly accessible from WorldCat. So trust me, all available sources have been tapped in order to write this article. María (habla conmigo) 22:46, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 02:36, 8 August 2008 [91].

    La Peau de chagrin

    Nominator(s): – Scartol • Tok


    Another of the ~100 novels in Balzac's magnum opus La Comédie humaine. Peer reviewed by Awadewit. Thanks in advance for your consideration. – Scartol • Tok 17:29, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • Comments Some things I noticed at first glance.
    Thanks for your comments, Julian. – Scartol • Tok 21:15, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Right-align images under section headers.
    Assuming this is in reference to the Wikipedia:MOS#Images guideline, that refers to second level (===) headings. In Peau, I've right-aligned all such images, or placed them just above the heading itself. Please let me know if I've missed any. – Scartol • Tok 21:15, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Yep, I should have specified. Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 22:28, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • 750 copies of an octavo edition were agreed upon, with a fee of 1,125 francs paid to the author upon receipt of the manuscript – no later than mid-February. Avoid starting sentences with numbers.
    Oops! Fixed. (That also remedies the icky passive voice, which somehow was used.) – Scartol • Tok 21:15, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    "somehow was used" made me smile. Plasticup T/C 20:06, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Hmm. I see it linked once in the lead and once in the body – which I've always considered standard practice. I've also linked the Revue de Paris and the Paris Observatory; perhaps one of these was at the start of a line and looked like just Paris? – Scartol • Tok 21:15, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Well, I've always tried to link things once in an article, but that's fine too. Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 22:28, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • At the start of the book, the shopkeeper discusses with Valentin "the great secret of human life"[39] – three words, which Balzac renders in capital letters: VOULOIR ("to will"), POUVOIR ("to have power"), and SAVOIR ("to know"). Not a huge deal, but try not put dashes directly after footnotes.
    Agreed. Reworded to remove dash. Thanks again! – Scartol • Tok 21:15, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 20:36, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments - sources look good, links all checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 22:25, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Object - Images were apparently never reviewed. :)

    Wow, I was really sloppy. Thanks for checking up on these, A. – Scartol • Tok 17:31, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Image:Hdb 01.jpg - The source information for this image is incomplete (full citation, please!) and I'm not sure it is in the PD. The illustrator who copied the image did not die over 70 years ago.
    Excellent. Still needs full source info, though. Awadewit (talk) 18:56, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Added. – Scartol • Tok 20:32, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Image:1830 ad 200.jpg - This is licensed under GFDL 1.2, but the site claims copyright over the prints. I do not think they can do this, however we need to figure this out. If anything, this is the wrong license for these images because the site does not license them under the GFDL license.
    • Many websites put a general copyright notice up for whatever original content they have in the design. My guess is that's in play here. I think you're right that they can't copyright the images; my understanding of this section is that the image in question (pub. 1830) is unambiguously in the PD. Since Grandville died in 1847, we can use {{PD-old}} – to which I've switched it. – Scartol • Tok 17:31, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Image:George sand.jpg - This image is up for deletion. You might want to enter into that debate or at least look into it. Note that the reason for the deletion request is "this painting does not depict George Sand".
    • But does it need one? It is a photographic reproduction of the original painting at The Vatican, and as such can't be copyrighted. My understanding is that the source is only necessary for copyright purposes. – Scartol • Tok 17:31, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Image:Théophile Gautier by Bertall.jpg - Ideally, the uncropped version of this image should be uploaded and linked to this image so that users can follow the image's transformation. Also, describing the cropped version as "cropped" is a good idea, so that other users know the photo has been altered.

    These issues can easily be resolved with a little attention. Awadewit (talk) 16:26, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Support 99 bottles of beer on the wall, take one down, pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on the wall. :) That's what I always think when I see another Balzac article. :) This article is well-written, well-researched, and well-illustrated (love the squiggle!). Here are my nitpicks:

    Aw, you just like the squiggle 'cuz of Sterne. =) JK. Thanks for your comments. – Scartol • Tok 16:23, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Realistic detail also appears in the geographical descriptions of Paris: the novel is filled with actual locations, including the Palais Royal and the Notre Dame Cathedral. The narration and characters allude repeatedly to art and culture, from Gioachino Rossini's opera Tancredi to the statue of Venus de Milo. - This paragraph is just kind of hanging there. Could these two sentences be integrated into the opening paragraph on realism?
    • This is demonstrated in the book through the gambling house, the orgiastic feast, the displays in the antique shop, and the discussions with men of science. - Weak construction
    • I eat small potatoes for breakfast. =) (I actually did have tater tots this morning.) I changed it to: "In the gambling house, the orgiastic feast, the antique shop, and the discussions with men of science, Balzac examines this dilemma in a variety of contexts." Better? – Scartol • Tok 15:07, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • The novel established Balzac as a genuine figure in the world of French literature. - Is "genuine" the best word? Perhaps something like "prominent"?
    • The publication information seems to be split between the "Writing and publication" section and the "Reception and legacy" section. I still feel like information is being repeated. Perhaps the last paragraph of "Writing and publication" should be cut and integrated into "Reception and legacy"? I hate to suggest this because "Writing and publication" is a complete section as it is - it flows so nicely! I feel like the deficiency is more in the first part of the "Reception and legacy" section which doesn't flow as well. If I had any brilliant ideas, I would offer them, but unfortunately I don't. Does anyone else?
    • I struck the paragraph about the Romans et contes philosophiques and how it was followed by the Nouveaux Contes philosophiques. It seemed important when I was first composing the article, but I think you're right in that it mostly repeated what was said earlier. (The Nouveaux info will be good to put into the LCH article when I finally get around to that.)
    • Not that anyone asked, but I think this problem is somewhat related to Balzac's obsessive work patterns – constant revisions and re-editions lead to a confused history for each book that doesn't fit neatly into the section headings we're trying to use. – Scartol • Tok 16:23, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    My to-read list just gets longer. Awadewit (talk) 14:16, 25 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Yeah, I'd say this one is – with Le Père Goriot – one of his must-reads. Thanks again, A. – Scartol • Tok 16:23, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comment - I added a missing non-breaking space. Most of them were in there, so I assume you know how to use them (which saves me looking up that WP:MOS link), but you might want to run through it again and check them. Plasticup T/C 20:06, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support Fantastic article. The writing is compelling. Couple of nitpicks/questions:
      • Is there bibliographic info for the book, like an ISBN #?
      • "Reviews from others, however, were also very positive." - I'm not sure "however" is used correctly here if the reviewers agree.
    • The "however" here contrasts with the fact that the earlier sentence refers to a review by Balzac himself. (ie: Even though the most glowing review was written by Balzac, others also agreed.)
      • "He probably wrote the following note in his scrapbook at the same time:..." - what is the "probably" referring to? that he wrote it, or that it was written in his scrapbook, or that it was written at that time? maclean 22:53, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support. Another Balzac novel brought to vibrant life by one of our best writers, Scartol. Although I know I need to find something to criticize (lest I seem totally useless!), it's honestly rather difficult with such a nice article. :) How about the following?
      • The occasional references to the painter Raphael, the protagonist's namesake, are tantalizing to one who loves his paintings. Is there more than a coincidental connection?
    • I've not found any explicit connection made, by Balzac or reviewers or critics or elsewhere. I agree that the connection seems obvious, but I didn't want to stray into possible WP:OR terrain. – Scartol • Tok 20:51, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I'm not terribly surprised. Thank you for looking, I was just curious and imagined that other readers would be as well, Willow (talk) 21:26, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • Did Goethe really conclude that La Peau de chagrin demonstrated the incurable degeneracy of the French nation? Quel citoyen du monde! A little preparation for, or clarification of, that sentence would be helpful to readers, methinks.
    • Yes, apparently he did. I included the footnote: "Critics continue to argue about whether Goethe's comments were praise for the novel or not." Maybe I should move that into the article itself? – Scartol • Tok 20:51, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    It's a rather shocking quote; can we add any more context? I guess I would add the "Critics continue..." sentence to the article itself; it's a relatively short paragraph and tempers its predecessor more immediately than a footnote would. Willow (talk) 21:26, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Done. I also added a phrase of lead-in. – Scartol • Tok 22:58, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • Can we get a transliteration or, even better, a translation of the Arabic? Does it come from the Arabian Nights, or some antique poem perhaps?
    I agree that we shouldn't distract the reader; perhaps you could present the translation in an explanatory footnote? It's pretty cool. It's a pity that nothing is known of the source. I suppose the most plausible explanation is that Balzac wrote the quote in French and then had it translated and written out in Arabic calligraphy - oops, that's more WP:OR! ;) Willow (talk) 21:26, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    That's what I suspected, but I like your idea about him seizing it from somewhere else. If I ever find out, I'll let you know. – Scartol • Tok 22:58, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • Does Balzac really espouse the philosophy that someone powerless and poor but gifted with knowledge can be happy? Or is it rather a Platonic ideal of harmony, that all three are needed in proper proportion? Does Balzac suggest that knowledge, like wealth and power, demands its own price?
    • It's often difficult to figure out what he believed, especially since he often kept his true beliefs behind a wall of ego and "I'm a genius and you probably wouldn't understand me" obscurity. He apparently did feel that knowledge by itself can provide happiness – Balzac wasn't really about harmonic ideals. (He ate huge portions, worked for days without sleep, guzzled gallons of coffee, etc etc.) Though he didn't seem to feel that knowledge itself demanded a price, the story suggests that desire and power (the vouloir and pouvoir mentioned by the shopkeeper) did demand a heavy price indeed. – Scartol • Tok 20:51, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I think your last point is made very well in the article, and it seems as though my other questions would carry us into WP:OR. I'll confess to being surprised, though, that Balzac didn't think so; it seems almost an archetype of literature that knowledge too comes with a price. Perhaps someday you can let me know whether his opinion changed in his later novels; I'm curious to know. ;) Willow (talk) 21:26, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Well, given the fact that for much of his life he had no real power other than his considerable intellect and creativity (and will), perhaps it's not surprising that he saw knowledge as a complete good. I'm definitely planning to move into some of his later novels next, so I'll let you know what I can glean about all of this. (Although he really didn't return to these issues much in other novels; the Études philosophiques is a pretty slender section of LCH.) Thanks again for your generous consideration. – Scartol • Tok 22:58, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thank you for another beautifully written article! :) Willow (talk) 19:20, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thank you for your thoughtful feedback. – Scartol • Tok 20:51, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 02:36, 8 August 2008 [92].

    Midtown Madness

    Nominator(s): —Giggy

    I'm nominating this article for featured article because I've worked on it for the last few months and believe it meets criteria. It's a rather short article on a racing video game, which despite positive reviews wasn't the most popular thing in the world, hence there's only limited information available on it. Anyway, I'm happy to make changes based on any comments here, so thanks for reading!

    GA review: Talk:Midtown Madness/GA1
    WikiProject Video games peer review: Wikipedia:WikiProject Video games/Peer review/Midtown Madness

    Cheers —Giggy 09:04, 14 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments:

    • "The game puts the player in a vehicle on the streets" I'm pretty sure that the player doesn't actually go in the car. Strange choice of wording anyway.
      • Reworded to "The game is set in vehicles on the streets..."
    • "internet" should be capitalised.
      • I always thought it was a common noun but it seems I'm wrong. Thanks, done.
    • Not sure how to interpret this one—criterion 2b specifies a system of heirarchical headings, yet this doesn't have one.
      • Hmm... that's a problem. I can't think of any other sections/subsections to add, do you have any ideas?
        • It's a strange one, so it will probably need someone more experienced than myself. I just remeber Bibliomaniac mentioning it at the first Melee FAC. Ashnard Talk Contribs 08:04, 15 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
          • If I may butt in completely uninvited: I don't interpret this to mean that there must be subheaders. If you don't have something to create a subsection on, there's no reason to create one, that would be an arbitrary requirement that doesn't add anything. The content is more important. I interpret the criteria to mean that content should be organized in a logical way, with any subtopics presented as such. Just my thoughts on that. delldot talk 21:20, 20 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • "the player races against the clock". If there's a time limit, then state that. "Racing against the clock" is a little too informal for me.
      • Reworded to "the player must complete the course within a time limit".
    • "alter the in game weather" Hyphenate?
      • Done.
    • "Besides the change of environment, these alterations can affect the vehicle's performance." A technical one, but wouldn't the addition of rainfall make things more slippery, thus affecting performance?
      • Yes, that's what happens in-game - my reading of the sentence says this, are you reading it differently?
    • "Pedestrians are frequent throughout the city.[7]" Seems to appear randomly from nowhere. If you feel it's worth keeping, consider joining with the sentence referring to how traffic and police can be modified.
      • Removed; it's somewhat duplicated by something in the previous paragraph.
    • Not sure about my knowledge of vocabulary, but what makes "bins, parking meters, mailboxes, and street lights" novelty items?
      • Novelty isn't the best word; my point was that they are done as "eye candy" to make the game look good... knocking them over doesn't help you win races. Can you think nof a better word?
    • "which Clint Keith of Angel Studios said was the design team's favorite mode."" I'd question this statement's relevance; I don't see why such comments should be in "Gameplay" anyway.
      • I couldn't think of anywhere else to put it but it seemed like some OK trivia. Removed.
    • "Angel Studios, who at the time was attempting to sell Microsoft its 3D vehicle simulator. Keith notes Angel Studios were initially". Which one?
      • "Were".
    • If by "take up Microsoft on its offer" you mean "accept it", then write that.
      • Yes, I do mean that, so done.
    • "to reach the finish line before a faster car". "before a faster car" can be saved by writing "first".
      • Good idea, done.
    • "players can choose their car from half of the list of available vehicles" I don't understand—if all the cars are available, then why can the player only choose half of them? It might be just me, but I don't understand this sentence in general.
      • The other half must be unlocked; I've reworded to make this more clear.
    • "Furthermore, Angel Studios announced they were considering releasing a custom map designer, but this eventuated." Giggy, looking at these definitions, this isn't meaning anything to me.
      • Oops, should be "...never eventuated".
    • "IGN rated game's appearance highly" the?
      • Yep, done. Darn touch typing. :-)
    • "though generic looking portions of the city were noted." I'm not sure if "generic looking" should be hyphenated or not. This is a bit repetitive consider "noting"'s already used in the sentence. Finally, saying that something is noted means nothing, although I assume it is negative.
      • I'm not aware of that needing a hyphen. I've fixed up the other issues.
    • "third-person" is hyphenated in the WP article, so it probably should be here. Same for "first person".
      • Both are fixed, thanks.
    • "IGN described in-game narration by Marty Lennartz as a nice touch". "the" before "in-game". But mainly, I'm not sure about introducing such a concept in the Reception, as I thought that would have been mentioned first in "Gameplay". Apologies if I've made a mistake on this.
      • Fixed the "the". Not sure where I can put a mention of him in gameplay; ideas?
    • "pedastrians" Typo
      • Fixed.
    • What does the MobyGames link contribute?
      • Not much, removed.
    • For ref 15, I think a date is found if you click on the following page, in small red text.
      • Thanks for picking that up, added to the ref.

    Okay; I'll have another look once these issues have been resolved. Thanks. Ashnard Talk Contribs 14:52, 14 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thanks heaps for your detailed review; I have replied inline. —Giggy 01:50, 15 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Some further discussion with Ashnard (as well as a reason for his not being able to support) at User talk:Giggy#Midtown Madness (permalink). —Giggy 10:00, 15 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments -

    Issues resolved, Ealdgyth - Talk 14:02, 18 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Otherwise sources look good. Links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 13:07, 15 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks for checking. FiringSquad (about page) is cited frequently on IGN; examples [93], [94], more and GameSpot, eg [95]. Does that suffice for FiringSquad?
    Still working on Sports Gaming Network. —Giggy 23:56, 15 July 2008 (UTC) (note: SGN done, see below Jappalang's massive post (thanks! :))[reply]
    FiringSquad's (FS) various articles are used as references for the following books:
    FS is also referenced in more than 30 scholarly articles,[96] including a European patent for a computer case.
    Besides frequent mentions on Gamespot and IGN (as pointed out by Giggy), FS is also:
    • recommended for their AMD K7 550Mhz test report by Impress Watch's Akiba PC Hotline.[97]
    • quoted by Gamasutra for its comment on developers griping about the ballooning development cost of games.[98]
    • noted for its SimCity 4's review in Reason magazine's print edition article on games.[99]
    FS is also partnering with market analysis firm Evolution Research to increase the reliability of online sampling of gamers.[100]
    I believe the wide and many references to the site in printed and online material could be considered as vouching for FS staff's reliability on matters relating to the video games industry. Jappalang (talk) 01:07, 16 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support The article is clear, thorough, well written, and covers the subject fully with the information available. I can't suggest anything different for the article, so I give my vote thusly.--Kung Fu Man (talk) 15:41, 21 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]


    • My comments based on this revision of the article:
    At a glance:

    • The article intro really shouldn't be three small paragraphs, two (or better one) should be enough since the article really isn't that long.
      • Hmm... would you suggest combining the first two paragraphs or something like that? I'm not really sure as to other things to do with it.
    • Overall if the paragraphs throughout the article were the size of the paragraphs in Reception the article would look a bit cleaner.
      • I've combined paragraphs in a few situations and will look to do more where possible.
    • Is that really all the reviews there are for this game?
      • That's all I've been able to find in reliable sources; as always if you can find others I'll try to use them where I can.
    • The image's caption could be shortened, and the image could be enlarged a bit.
      • Enlarged in terms of the uploaded file, or the display size of the the thumbnail? I trimmed the caption a bit.
        • As in the thumbnail on the article itself, just to offset the rather large amount of text.
          • OK, done.

    Upon closer examination:
    Intro:

    • "personal computer" doesn't really need to be spelled out, PC should be fine. Either way, personal computers embody a number of operating systems. Does this game run on Windows, Linux, etc...?
      • I clarified it to "Windows".
    • "As well as" → "Along with"
      • Fixed.
    • Is "Internet" really suppose to be capitalized? I personally treat it like a noun.
      • The Internet article has it capitalised even when not starting a sentence (ie. it's treated as a proper noun). I went by that.
        • Gotcha.

    Gameplay:

    Development:

    • "At the start of the game, players can choose their car from half of the vehicles available in the game—the others must be unlocked." seems redundant after the Gameplay section. Perhaps work this into the following sentence as a passing remark. The following sentence is hard to read and might need to be re-written.
      • Thanks, I made some changes as suggested.
    • "eventuated" → "happened"
      • That's a better word, thanks.

    The undercarriage:

    • The code looks solid, there are a lot of unneeded spaces that could be coded out without changing the way the page looks though. Seperating the different teplates at the top of the page would make it easier for other editors to see what they're doing.
      • Certainly not my strongest point, so you're welcome to make any changes you think would make editors' lives easier.

    All in all, the articles structure is solid, you did a lot with small amounts of information. There's only going to be nitpicking between here and FA status. Cheers. --AeronPrometheus (talk) 07:25, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thank you very much, I have replied inline in italics. Cheers —Giggy 08:55, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Oppose. I've done some copy-editing, but it needs more. Some phrases remains obscure, for instance: "the game's non-player graphics were poor"; "other 3D entertainment areas, such as the Nintendo 64 console"; "considering releasing a custom map designer"; "unlock half of the cars available in the game". The prose is not yet FA quality. --jbmurray (talk • contribs) 06:05, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • I reworded the first three; couldn't think of a better wording for the fourth one at the moment. I'll give the article another fully copyedit (hopefully within 24h), hopefully that will alieve your concerns. —Giggy 05:00, 25 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        • The phrase about the "custom map designer" is still unclear, though now I feel I have an inkling: you mean they were considering including an option for the player to design their own map? --jbmurray (talk • contribs) 08:45, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • I've done another full copyedit of the article, I hope this helps. —Giggy 14:01, 25 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        • A simple question: when was the game released? There's nothing mentioned in the body of the article itself, and the lead has the following (to me) nonsensical and ungrammatical sentence: "The game was released on April 30, 1999, and a downloadable demo on January 21, 2001." How was the game released two years before the demo?! — Preceding unsigned comment added by jbmurray (talk • contribs)
          • I was thinking exactly the same thing as you when I wrote the article; why was something labelled a demo released after the game? The only conclusion I could draw was that it was some sort of special edition release... in some cases a beta version of a video game will be released after the real thing as a collector's item of sorts. I haven't found any sources that deal with this indiscrepancy. I also reworded the sentence slightly. —Giggy 08:47, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
            • Rather odd. In any case, there should be some discussion of the release in the body of the article; at present, there's none. --jbmurray (talk • contribs) 09:13, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
              • It was already mentioned in the "Development" section (I didn't want to make a "Release" section with just that, and I've never seen a VG article with such sections (they mostly just keep the info in the lead)), I've added a bit more there. —Giggy 09:38, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
                • The problem is that the following paragraph is all off: "Midtown Madness was released on April 30, 1999. A demo of the game was released for download on January 27, 2001, featuring three vehicles (Mustang, Panoz Roadster, and City Bus), as well as all of the driving modes available in the full version.[12] The demo also included content not available in the final version, such as the ability to send billboards flying.[13] Numerous additional tracks and miscellaneous features were released for the full veresion on the day of the demo's release.[14] Angel Studios announced they were considering making a custom map designer, but this never happened.[15]" I think I introduced some of these problems a few days ago when I was copy-editing, as I presumed that the demo was an early version, and that there was then a subsequent final version. Can we get this straight? For instance, the original version (1999) had ten vehicles; the demo version had only three? Both version had the same number of modes? The (subsequent) demo added stuff with the billboards? What's with these "additional tracks and miscellaneous features"? (NB we have a tyop on that sentence, too.) And what's with the famous map designer, would it have been an add-on subsequent to the demo, that never happened? I don't understand... --jbmurray (talk • contribs) 10:10, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
                  • OK, wait, scrap all this. The dates are all wrong. I'm an idiot for not noticing this any earlier. I just realised that all the publication dates for the Computer and Video Games things were the same date; January 27, 2001. Why on Earth would they announce an upcoming demo at exactly the same time? [101]/[102]. With this in mind I checked some more old articles on that site, and found that in several cases, the publication date for stuff that should have been published pre-2000 was way off. I thus don't think those dates are reliable. I'm really sorry for the confusion and can't believe I never picked up on this before.
                    Anyway, I did some more searching, and found the demo was released on May 1, 1999 ([103]/[104]), followed by the real thing on May 27, 1999 ([105]/[106]/review published on that day). Modifying article accordingly. My apologies, again. —Giggy 00:27, 27 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
                  • Now (hopefully!) sorted: [107]. —Giggy 00:35, 27 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Needs work on the prose.

    • "Before a race, the player can alter the race duration or the in-game weather (which can affect their vehicle's performance). Additionally, Checkpoint mode allows players to"—Isn't it stronger without the hedgehog "Additionally"? And there's an "additional" further down that may not be necessary.
    • "The city in which the races are set is modeled after Chicago, and players pass notable landmarks such as the "El-Train", Sears Tower, Wrigley Field, and Soldier Field."—I had to hit one of those links to see that those landmarks are indeed in Chicago. I think you need to phrase it so the "and" connection is explicitly logical.
    • Do we need a link for "traffic lights"?
    • "LAN" is linked twice, not distant from each other, either.
    • Order of ideas: "The original idea behind Midtown Madness, according to project director Clint Keith, came to two Microsoft employees while they were "trying to cross a busy Paris street"." Try 2,1,3, rather than 1,2,3, and lose a comma.
    • "Keith notes that"—Unnecessary and laboured. Just remove it.
    • "Ultimately, however, they agreed, and"—Put "however" first and lose a comma ... or two.
    • "Gary Whitta of PC Gamer reported that the representation of the city was mostly accurate, though some landmarks were changed to improve the gaming experience." Ambiguous: you mean the change was on the basis of their feedback, or the real-life landmarks had been changed already?
    • "some" raises alarm bells with me. "though some landmarks". What happens if you just get rid of it?

    Who's the vid game edit guru? It's not a huge job, but attention to detail is required. Tony (talk) 12:58, 27 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thanks so much for these comments Tony, I've addressed them. I think Deckiller is the guru; I'll contact him and see how busy he is. —Giggy 03:48, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Deckiller has gone through and done a fair bit of copyediting. —Giggy 23:55, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Well, I ran through only the lead and the first half of the gameplay section; there's still work to be done, but at least it's a start. — Deckiller 18:12, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Yep, we want to be proud of this, so the rest needs to be massaged. Please locate word-nerds from vid g. FA edit summaries on hitory pages. They're around, these people. Tony (talk) 03:12, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comment by Sillyfolkboy: Maybe i'm being stupid but aren't full dates always supposed to be linked to let the software to the magic changy thing?
    • "To unlock the other cars, the player must win several races in a specific mode" Does this mean just one specific mode or various times in each mode?
    • Why does "World's Deadliest Police Chases" return so few google results? Is that the right name for the show? Sillyfolkboy (talk) 19:01, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • Nah, per recent WP:DATE changes date linking is optional and not recommended. The software only made those changes for people who set a preference, so for all non-logged in folk it would do nothing and get confusing.
      • I've reworded the statement you quoted.
      • I took the World's Deadliest Police Chases thingy direct from the source cited. The name also comes up here (IGN asks if the game will be like the show). I've never heard of the show but going by those two sources I assume it's real... —Giggy 05:55, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comments (by BuddingJournalist)
      • "reviewers praised the gameplay, but publications such as Allgame and Total Video Games criticized the graphics." If these truly are notable "publications", shouldn't they be italicized. And if so, why aren't they linked. If not, why are they mentioned in the lead?
      • " Microsoft received permission from Volkswagen for the Beetle, and told IGN it was planning on using the Ford Mustang and F350,[11][12] both of which ultimately appeared in the game." Why is Microsoft telling IGN this information notable?
      • Is there a consensus/guideline on refering to reviewers by their publication name rather than their actual name? ("Gamspot approved of...") I assume these aren't all editorials.
        • It varies with different article; I usually go with publication name (authors are cited in the footnote, though), others go by author. I don't know of a strong consensus either way and am impartial to changing it if you have a strong argument one way or the other. —Giggy 08:04, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • "city bus legitimately pulling out at a four-way junction can end your attempt instantly and tragically." How does this fit in with the sound descriptions of the rest of the sentence/paragraph? And what does "attempt" mean?
        • It doesn't - I've moved it up to somewhere where it fits in better. "Attempt" referred to the current race; I've noted that (does it work OK?). —Giggy 08:04, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • "arguing that it felt as if cars "are often driving" Tense tension. BuddingJournalist 07:48, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments - A racing video game. How did I miss this? Let me add some thoughts, keeping in mind that this is the oldest active FAC, meaning this will be shorter than most of my reviews.

    • Gameplay: "Players have a choice of up to ten vehicles" Ten can be given as a numeral, although editors differ on this. This number happens to be the typical cutoff point.
      • Yep, I generally spell out numbers up to and including ten.
    • "This is a capture the flag style game" Hyphen after flag?
      • Done.
    • Development: Corrections needed. The Beetle in the game was the New Beetle. Yes, I did look that up. :-) Also, the F350 should be F-350, with hyphen.
      • Both fixed; shows how little I know about cars!
    • IGN could use a link here. Other reviewers could also use links, including GameSpot.
      • Linked IGN; the others are linked in the reviews box and thus don't really need links in the reception prose.
    • Reception: "generic looking" needs a hyphen.
      • Fixed.
    • "PC Zone praised Angel Studios for avoiding gimmicks, but instead..." But isn't needed with instead.
      • Fixed.
    • I noticed a complaint above about "non-player cars". How about this: "However, it complained that cars not controlled by the player were lacking in details."?
      • I like it :-) Done.
    • "Total Video Games was critical of the setting; the review declared that cars "are often driving without noticing you at all."" Sounds more like an AI issue to this Gran Turismo 3 and 4 veteran. I can certainly relate.
      • The context, I believe, is that traffic (and sometimes opponents, but mostly traffic) will continue driving despite the obstacles that end up in front of them (such as power poles, police cars, or you). I suppose it is more an AI thingk, reworded accordingly.
    • Comma after and "fast and loose" would help break things up a bit.
      • Done.
    • "Reviews of Midtown Madness attributed most praise to its..." Attributed the most praise.
      • Done.

    Now a couple comments on prior issues: Back in 2001, people who play video games, like myself, were amazed that a city could be recreated in detail. To my knowledge, we weren't nit-picking every street corner like we do today. I do believe World's Deadliest Police Chases was a real show; it sounds like something Fox would have aired. That's it from me. 66.238.217.93 (talk) 21:24, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    That was me forgetting to log in.logged in on the wrong window (I need multiple windows for FAC work). Just wanted to clarify. :-( Oh, and the police chase show is real.[108] I knew it was a Fox show. Giants2008 (17-14) 21:34, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thanks very much for your comments! I've replied inline in italics. And yeah, I was pretty impressed with this game's recreation back when I first played it, though I can't remember when that was... —Giggy 07:52, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    After these changes, and one of my own (logical punctuation in a photo caption), I'm ready to support. Giants2008 (17-14) 23:32, 6 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks for your comments and support! —Giggy 09:18, 7 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 01:14, 6 August 2008 [109].

    HMS Ark Royal (91)

    Nominator(s): Benea (talk)


    I'm nominating this article for featured article because after passing good and A class article reviews, and having been substantially worked on by a number of editors, I now believe this meets the required standards for a Featured Article. Benea (talk) 17:04, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • Support as major contributor. I believe that the article is a good candidate for Featured Article status. The article comprehensively covers the ship's history from concept to sinking and re-locating, with all content reliably sourced and all major facts attributed with a citation. The article is stable, with the only forseeable changes being minor content, formatting, and grammar fixes arising from the FAC process and general editing. It follows the style guides for layout and formatting, with appropriate structure, illustrations, and size. I feel that the quality is at least on-par with other naval history FAs.
    However, I am most likely biased, as I have been involved in copyediting the article in order to reach this point (Benea is wholly responsible for the excellent content and research, and deserves all the praise. I just made the words pretty :P ), and this will likely influence my judgement. I am open to the idea of improvements to the article, and will happily help implement them. To that end, I will be replying to some of the comments during this discussion. -- saberwyn 07:17, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Sabrewyn is far too modest! I had the easy (for me at least!) job of working the information in, and doing the sourcing. But without Sabrewyn's work this article would have rusted at GA class, as the final finishing touches are all his. Benea (talk) 18:24, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments Sources look good, links all checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 18:07, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 01:14, 6 August 2008 [110].

    Scottish National Antarctic Expedition

    Nominator(s): Brianboulton (talk)


    I'm nominating this article for featured article. It is a sister article to William Speirs Bruce (FA 2 July 2008), and tells the story of his hugely successful but generally forgotten Antarctic expedition of 1902-04. This was carried out in the shadow of Captain Scott's Discovery Expedition, which got all the glory although arguably achieving much less. The article has been a GA sine May, since when it has been peer reviewed meticulously and further revised by the nominator. In my view it is ready for its FA baptism. Brianboulton (talk) 15:10, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments - sources still look good, double checked them again after the peer review. Links all checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 15:38, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Not quite yetSupport. I am pleased to see that Brianboulton has largely kept his opinions out of the article. Nevertheless, this half-paragraph is not neutral; it's a effort to correct the sources that offend him:

    It is typically confined to a passing mention or footnote, often with little regard for accuracy—Elspeth Huxley, in her 1977 biography of Captain Scott, dismisses the Scottish National Antarctic Expedition thus: "There was Bruce’s venture shortly to sail in the Scotia to the Weddell Sea; this, too, got trapped in sea-ice and returned without ever reaching land". Fiennes also stresses that Bruce "failed to make a landing on the continent", while mentioning none of his successes.

    Without this, it would be an excellent article. Septentrionalis PMAnderson 18:06, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I would welcome other views on this. Personally I don't think it is POV to point out inaccuracies in the remarks of writers commenting on this expedition. These inaccuracies arise from their lack of knowledge, which in turn derives from the low profile given to the expedition by historians, compared with the much-chronicled adventures of Scott and Shackleton. There is no question of my trying to "correct sources that offend" me; they merely illustrate the point I was making in the article. But, as I say, I am prepared to be guided by consensus. Brianboulton (talk) 00:05, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    When an otherwise reliable source contradicts more reliable sources, and the choice between them is clear, that's (at most) cause for a footnote, lest the misinformation reappear. This is inappropriate. Septentrionalis PMAnderson 14:31, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    You folks clearly have some previous, and it would be helpful to me if you could re-phrase the above. Which is the "otherwise reliable source"? Which are the "more reliable sources"? What is the choice that is "clear". Sorry if I am being dim. Ben MacDui 17:36, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    No, you're not being dim, I don't understand the comment either. Nor do I have any "previous" with PMAnderson. What I think it means is that the judgements of writers about the Scottish Expedition such as Huxley, which "contradict" other reliable sources, should be mentioned, if at all, in a footnote rather than in the text. Perhaps he will confirm or correct my understanding? Brianboulton (talk) 18:19, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Quite right. Now please consider doing it. Septentrionalis PMAnderson 20:58, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thank you. In the interests of consensus, and hopefully to move on from this specific concern, I have amended the article's penultimate paragraph. I have reworded to avoid any impression of partiality , and have transferred Huxley's comment entirely to a footnote. I've decided to leave Fiennes out of it, rather than labouring the point and extending the footnote. I hope this meets your concerns, also those of Ben MacDui. Brianboulton (talk) 22:44, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    More than. I'd have kept Fiennes myself, but you can't please everybody. Ben MacDui 08:37, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks. Septentrionalis PMAnderson 17:11, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]


    Comments by Ben MacDui 08:36, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Excellent work. My quibbles are as follows:

    1. On her way southward she called at Kingstown,[1] Funchal (Madeira) and the Cape Verde Isles,

    This might be better as: On her way southward she called at Dún Laoghaire, (then known as Kingstown), Funchal in Madeira and the Cape Verde Isles,
    On first reading I assumed that the route took her first to Jamaica, and I can't think of a good reason to have Madeira in brackets.
    The Dun Laoghaire connection was in the footnote, but I had overlooked possible confusion with Jamaica. So I've reversed the position: Dun Laoghaire in the text, Kingstown in the footnote. I've removd the Madeira brackets. Brianboulton (talk) 09:50, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    2. On 17 February the position was 64°18′S, and five days later they passed 70°S,

    Odd use of spaces before 'S' and in next sentence too.
    I'm sorry, I don't understand what you are querying here. Can you enlighten?
    In fact, its my browser (Firefox) showing what appears to be a space after the minute sign. Not your problem at all.

    3. "which the Union Flag and the saltire were displayed" looks like inconsistent use of capitals.

    Saltire should have been capitalised, and now is.Brianboulton (talk) 09:50, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    But you may want to link to Flag of Scotland, thus: [[Flag of Scotland|Saltire]], which will not change the visible text; it will convey the perplexed to where they need to go. Septentrionalis PMAnderson 17:35, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thank you. This has been done. Brianboulton (talk) 23:06, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    4. Its a very odd image of Gough Island, which I don't understand. The description says "View from the top of Gough Island." But the land in the background looks higher than the camera "View to the top of Gough Island"? Anyway it's a bonus to have a snap at all, and I don't expect you to visit and find out, but I don't believe you need to credit the photographer as that already exists on Commons.

    The image title "Gough Island top view" isn't mine, and isn't used in the article's text or caption. I have credited the photographer in accordance with his request on Commons, which seems polite. Brianboulton (talk) 09:50, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    My understanding of the procedure is that isn't necessary to do so here. I'm on a very slow connection at present and will look at this again later.
    Having looked into it I can see nothing obvious in MOS, and the best I can do is a description of the process by a knowledgeable Commons editor who says it should be attributed. Fuhgedaboutit. Ben MacDui 19:05, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    5. "It is typically confined to a passing mention or footnote, often with little regard for accuracy—"

    If you are alleging inaccuracy you should provide a specific example. Did the expedition reach land?
    The statement by Huxley contains two inaccuracies: that the expedition was "trapped in the ice", and that it "never reached land". Scotia was never trapped. During its Weddell Sea voyages it was briefly held on occasions, but avoided altogether being trapped, as the text makes clear. It did reach land, and wintered in a safe harbour at Lawrie Island. It performed a great deal of work on land, including the establishment of Orcadas weather station. It also discovered a new coastline in the Weddell Sea. All this is covered in the text. In view of these facts, I don't think it unreasonable to describe Huxley's remarks as "inaccurate". Brianboulton (talk) 10:18, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Is this dash correct?
    The dash has gone, as part of a slight rewording of the para. Brianboulton (talk) 10:18, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    There is clearly some history alluded to above, of which I am ignorant, but I don't find the paragraph otherwise lacking (assuming the statements expressed are accurate).
    I think all the history you need is in the article as cited information. The lack of official recognition accorded to the expedition, Bruce's poor PR skills, the overwhelming impact of Scott and Shackleton, all contributed to a lasting general ignorance of the facts of the expedition. I have altered my text slightly, replacing the "often" in the above quote with "sometimes". Brianboulton (talk) 10:18, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I don't doubt that Huxley's tone is somewhat dismissive, but you could interpret her stated remarks to mean that the expedition did not make landfall on the mainland of the Antarctic continent and that her reference to being trapped is glib shorthand rather than wholly inaccurate. It is hard to form a clear opinion without reading the texts.
    OK, this point is also being contended by the first reviewer. See the discussion up there - I am trying at the moment to establish exactly where he/she stands. When this is clear, I will make a proposal which I hope will be satisfactory to all. Brianboulton (talk) 19:46, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Understood. I'd be quite happy to support if we can resolve this issue. Ben MacDui 19:51, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Please see revised penultimate paragraph, also my response to above reviewer. I trust all is well now Brianboulton (talk) 22:44, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I have not yet looked at the references and will revert asap.

    I fixed a typo and wonder if there should not be periods at the end of nos 18 & 38. The first date in no. 55 is not consistent with the others, which are linked. Ben MacDui 17:31, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    You are right about the two missing full stops, now added. As to the wrongly formatted first date in [55], this was my faulty use of the cite web template; the first date should be year of publication, not linked. Access dates are automatically linked. Thanks for spotting these small errors. Brianboulton (talk) 18:50, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I am now pleased to Support. Ben MacDui 08:37, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • Comment: this isn't (really) supported by guidelines/policy, but if I may make a suggestion/observation: the penguin picture seems a bit out of place. 1) It's atypical to have two images as such in the lead section, 2) at higher resolutions (e.g. 1680 x 1050 and 1920 x 1200), the images stack causing Bruce and the saltire to be pushed downwards and (partially) out of their respective sections and 3) the image is nowhere near the prose discussing the "serenade". Can it be relocated? ЭLСОВВОLД talk 13:12, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • The positioning of the piper image was raised at peer review. I defended its positioning in the lead then, because of the picture's totemic nature in regard to this expedition, but this is not my adamantine view. The image stacking problem you mention is not apparent on my screen (which is a bit wider than most), but I accept it must be an irritation to others. The logical place for the piper is the Second voyage section, where the event occurs. If I place it there, I will have to discard, or move, the Coats Land image already in that section, which is not long enough for two images. I don't want to lose Coats Land, which was an important discovery on the expedition. I could move it to the final section in place of Gough Island, which is less important and was visited after the Antarctic phase of the expedition was over. I will mull over these options for a short while. Brianboulton (talk) 18:37, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        • You could have both: all you need do is put the piper on the left side of the page opposite the sentence in which he's mentioned; that should not sandwich even on a wide screen. Alternatively, you could move the ship, now in the lead. Septentrionalis PMAnderson 18:32, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
          • My preferred choice, at the moment, is to leave things where they are. I certainly don't want to move the ship. I can't get a decent location for the piper in the Second voyage section unless I remove the existing image. If the problem identified by Elcobbola is a general one, I will do this, but I've yet to find that it is (see Ruhrfisch comment, below). Brianboulton (talk) 23:18, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support I peer reviewed this article, felt it was essentially at FA level then, and find it has improved since. I must admit I did not have a problem with the former paragraph pointing out errors in other sources, but there is no chance of perceived POV as the article is now written. I also am in favor of the piper and penguin staying where they are - it is not a problem on the three different monitors I have looked at this article on. Would the use of {{clear}} help here? Well done article, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 03:45, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Support I also peer reviewed this article. It was great then and worthy of a star now. Just a couple of very minor quibbles...

    • "The major task completed during this time was the building of a stone building..." in the first voyage section. Maybe "...construction of a stone building...", or "...building of a stone shelter...", or anything that eliminates two "building"s in quick succession;
    • "Several of the original crew left during the Buenos Aires interlude, some through illness and one through a misconduct discharge.[16] Replacements were recruited locally,[16]..." Using two sentences to convey a single theme seems odd, especially when they share the same reference. I think "Several of the original crew left during the Buenos Aires interlude, some through illness and one through a misconduct discharge, and replacements were recruited locally.[16] Scotia left for Laurie Island..." would read better. --FactotEm (talk) 18:23, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 01:14, 6 August 2008 [111].

    General aviation in the United Kingdom

    Nominator(s): FactotEm (talk)


    This article has received two detailed peer reviews: first, and second. All points raised during these have been addressed, and positive comments were made about its quality and suitability for FAC. FactotEm (talk) 08:55, 27 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Support: I was involved in both of the peer reviews. This article has been most thoroughly researched, is comprehensive and very well presented. My only criticsm - and the editors will sigh, because I've raised this before - is still with the fatalities table in mid-article. My understanding is that in cells where no figure is given, this is because the requisite figures are not available from the source, and "n/a" presumably means "not available". But n/a can equally mean "not applicable". To avoid confusion, therefore, I'd add a footnote explaining what n/a in this table actually means. It's a small point, but worth doing to avoid confusuion. All in all, however, this is an excellent article, well worthy of promotion. Brianboulton (talk) 16:09, 27 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Made a sighless amendment to the reference, and the abbreviation is now footnoted. Thanks. --FactotEm (talk) 16:48, 27 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Support: I thoroughly enjoyed reading the article. I know very little regarding aviation, but I found this article very clear and detailed, but not crammed with confusing facts. Good job. Calor (talk) 16:14, 27 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments

    Issues resolved, Ealdgyth - Talk 12:49, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Otherwise sources look okay, links checked out with the link checker tool.— Preceding unsigned comment added by Ealdgyth (talk • contribs) 16:46, July 27, 2008
    Deadlinks resurrected. Cite web is now cite journal (does it matter that the actual issue is not referenced? There is no indication online which issue the article originally appeared in). Ref 77 publisher information added to the ref.
    Rainair is the sole flying club operating out of Beccles airfield, and the page referenced provides references of its own. Does that answer the question? --FactotEm (talk) 17:17, 27 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Further to the above, Rainair is listed in the UK Aeronautical Information Publication (official source of info for licensed aerodrome facilities) as the aerodrome administrator. See item 6 here. --FactotEm (talk) 12:28, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    If you have the date of the original publication, that's fine. Some journals don't do issue numbers per se. Ealdgyth - Talk 19:15, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The web site lists recent issues and their contents, and the article I've referenced comes from the July 2008 issue. I've added this info to the ref. Thanks. --FactotEm (talk) 19:37, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Support Excellent article: informative & well written. A couple of suggestions:

    • The lead section is a bit wordy. See the suggested reworking in my sandbox. As it stands, the first sentence reads more like a scholarly essay than a WP article: I suggest moving the CAA review reference to a footnote. I've changed one or two links, too, to make them more relevant (eg there was no point in linking the word pilot in glider pilot).
    • Speaking of gliding—how did you guess I was a glider pilot?—there's no reason to limit the discussion in para 2 of the sports section to international gliding comps: there are plenty of national & regional UK comps as well (& this is supposed to be about GA in the UK, after all).

    Please feel free to lift anything you want from my draft. Good luck! --NigelG (or Ndsg) | Talk 11:36, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    PS Some of the 19,000 pilots who hold professional licences are also engaged in GA activities. Any idea how many? 1,000? 10,000? Or do you mention this somewhere else? --NigelG (or Ndsg) | Talk 11:46, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks for your comments. I've incorporated some of your suggestions into the article, but others I am not so sure about...
    • The definition is a tricky issue. There is no formal, agreed definition, and even the CAA varies (the regulatory review uses a slightly different one from the strategic review). To simply state that it "...is defined as..." is inaccurate, hence my qualification in the first sentence. You do have a valid point here, I just don't know how to get around it and still be accurate, and my preference is for accuracy at the expense of conciseness. Does that seem fair to you?
    • I want to keep "corporate aviation" as an additional descriptor for business aviation. This is because business aviation by itself might be confused for business travel on airlines, whereas corporate aviation has a better connotation of travel by business jet etc.
    • I have rejected your sandbox link to commercial pilots because it links to an article on the Commercial Pilot Licence. This is a specific licence, rather than a collective term, and excludes the other professional licence (ATPL).
    • I have edited the info on planning down a little, in a meet-you-half-way kind of action. I think that "...far from favouring..." can be construed as POV. It tends to imply that the planning system should favour GA. I also cannot exclude mention of the national significance of GA public transport operations, as you have done in your sandbox version, because this is a key issue in the sources and needs to be in the lead.
    You make a very good point about the focus of gliding sports in the article. My difficulty here is that the source only describes international competition. If you can point me to a reliable web source that describes nationally based glider sports (perhaps a glider club web site), I will happily change this section.
    Not to worry, found Lasham's web site, lots of useful info. Updating now. --FactotEm (talk) 15:13, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    And all done now. Thanks for prodding me on this one. That paragraph was my least favourite, and now I think it looks good. --FactotEm (talk) 15:53, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Finally, no, there is no indication of whether a professionally licensed pilot is operating a GA or CAT flight. The data are simply not collected. --FactotEm (talk) 13:38, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]


    Yes, I agree: the gliding section is much better & meatier now. If you want any extra details you could look at the BGA website; but you seem to have got most of the essentials already from Lasham. Thanks for going the extra mile.
    Re my sandbox suggestions:
    • First sentence. I'm sorry, but it just won't do as it stands. OK, by all means say has been defined rather than is defined; but For the purposes of a strategic review, the Civil Aviation Authority (CAA) really ought to be relegated to a footnote. My reason for saying this is that the casual reader coming to this topic for the first time just doesn't need to know all this: it's information overload! And there is, I think, a general principle on WP that the boldened topic of the article should come at the beginning of the first sentence. If you stand back for a moment from your close involvement in this article, I hope you'll agree that the introduction will be much crisper & read better if you follow my suggestion. Having said my piece, I in turn will now stand back & leave it to your judgment ...
    • If you follow the link to Lighter than air you'll see that, apart from a cursory mention of aircraft, it's mainly about gases. Fascinating, of course—but not all that relevant in this context. That's why I suggested the link to the (admittedly unfamiliar) term aerostat, which turns out to cover all lighter-than-air craft.
    • Re planning & POV. Don't you think that The planning process has become a mechanism for restricting aerodrome use sounds just a tad POV?
    Another sentence from the lead section which could be trimmed a bit: Although GA operates from more than 1,800 aerodromes and landing sites, ranging in size from large regional airports, through predominantly GA airfields, to informal farm strips, over 80 per cent of GA activity is conducted at 134 of the larger aerodromes. My suggestion: Although GA operates from more than 1,800 sites ranging in size from airports to farm strips, over 80 per cent of GA activity takes place at 134 of the larger aerodromes. Readers wanting more detail will find it in the Aerodromes section.
    All the best. My Support remains undiminished. --NigelG (or Ndsg) | Talk 10:24, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Good points all...
    • I think "...has been defined..." strikes the right balance between accuracy and crispness, and the issue is after all fully explained in the definitions section. Well argued.
    • Aerostat is of course a better link. I missed that change when I reviewed your sandbox.
    • Removed the POV from the planning statement. Good catch.
    • Agree with the aerodrome info, though I've retained the text "...large regional airports...". "Airports" alone is I think too vague in the sense of scale it conveys (I don't think I need point out to you the comparison between East Midlands Airport and Wolverhampton Airport).
    You have picked up on a number of points that I was already vaguely uneasy about, and pointed the way to a better solution. I appreciate your input. Thanks. --FactotEm (talk) 11:04, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    You're welcome. Looking very good now. --NigelG (or Ndsg) | Talk 11:59, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    PS The quote from the CAA strategic review in the opening sentence does need a footnote giving the reference—especially in light of the quotation marks. --NigelG (or Ndsg) | Talk 18:10, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Fair point, but I really do not like cites in the lead. Because the WP:LEAD is fairly unequivocal about citing quotes, I've actually chosen to remove the quote marks instead. The text is still quoted and properly cited in the main body. Fair enough? --FactotEm (talk) 08:04, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comment. All the images seem to be in order copyright-wise, except for Image:Grid AstonDown.jpg. It is not clear whether the creator, Stephen Cook of the Cotswold Gliding Club, is the same person as the uploader, User:Ndsg. At least one other upload by Ndsg says it is by Stephen Cook and from the Cotswold Gliding Club website, although I was unable to verify the source. I've left a note for Ndsg, so hopefully this can be sorted out quickly.
    Also, the article seems undercategorized; it has only a single category, "Aviation".--ragesoss (talk) 00:36, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I found it difficult to identify any other relevant categories for what is a wide ranging subject. Would you consider, for example, the categories Aviation history, Air sports, and Airports in the United Kingdom as suitable for this article, i.e. the main sections within the article? If so, I can add the article to suitable categories for all main sections. --FactotEm (talk) 08:20, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Added to Categories:Civil aviation :Aviation statistics and :Aviation terminology, and changed the original category to :Aviation in the United Kingdom. These seem to represent the best selction in terms of the general nature of the article. Dropped a note on the reviewers talk page asking him to revisit his comments here in the light of this. --FactotEm (talk) 18:47, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I've dealt with the query about the gliding image. --NigelG (or Ndsg) | Talk 08:51, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Very happy to hear that. It's an excellent image. --FactotEm (talk) 19:06, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    It seems to me to be in the wrong place, however. Shouldn't it be attached to the Sports section rather than to Private flying (which makes no reference to gliding)? --NigelG (or Ndsg) | Talk 22:00, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Fixed. As a side note, it was not attached to Private Flying either. The selection and placement of images for this article proved awkward. As my starting point I wanted to illustrate as much as possible all the main types of aircraft and activities covered in the article, but the sections that deal with this info can sometimes barely hold a single picture, let alone the many that are required. The other difficulty is that images should not be placed directly under level 3 sub-headings. My solution is to place images at the beginning of the larger sections so that they stack right aligned throughout that section (this is the case for the Activities and Regulation sections). Where these images appear in relation to the sub-sections is purely a function of the viewer's screen resolution. Having said that, the Sports sub-section is (just about) big enough to accommodate two images, so the gliding comp and aerobatic aircraft images are now attached to that section. --FactotEm (talk) 08:37, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The position of the images now looks fine on my screen. --NigelG (or Ndsg) | Talk 10:28, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    BTW I too, like one of the contributors to the peer review, feel a little unhappy with the section title Scale: it's not obvious from the ToC what it refers to (though that becomes clear enough when you get to the section itself). Would Scale of operations be better? Be that as it may, there still seems to be some overlap between Scale and Aerodromes (eg the number of aerodromes/airfields). Anyway, just how many aerodromes did GASAR identify?! You do point out, however, that "[t]he number of aerodromes that support GA in the UK is difficult to establish with certainty," which is fair enough.
    You might like to mention that there are some 85 gliding sites in the UK. The majority of these operate from gliding-only airfields, though some do share facilities with other GA activities. There's a useful clickable map of these sites on the BGA website. --NigelG (or Ndsg) | Talk 11:04, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • OK. "Scale" seemed a perfectly adequate title, but I'm outnumbered now, and the ToC comment is a fair point. Changed to "Scale of the sector".
    • Subtle distinctions. The number of aerodromes analysed by the GASAR study is given in the Aerodromes section, and the purpose of this section is to characterise the nature of aerodromes used by GA. The number of aerodromes identified by the GASAR study is given in the Scale section, the purpose of which is to describe the size of the sector. I can't see any overlap.
    • I'm not sure about mentioning the number of gliding sites. Notwithstanding the suitability of a clickable map as a source for this figure, the article is a general overview of GA. With the exception of an additional footnote in ref#52 (intended more to explain the GASAR study than to identify the number of aerodromes in any particular segment) the usage of aerodromes is characterised rather than specified. --FactotEm (talk) 13:13, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Fine: it's your call. Ref 52 does however say Of the 687 aerodromes, 113 were used for glider, microlight, balloon and parascending operations which were nowhere described in detail, and could not therefore be included in the classification analysis ...—& my point is simply that roughly 85 of them are described (in detail) as gliding sites on the BGA website. But I certainly take your point that this article is about GA rather than gliding! --NigelG (or Ndsg) | Talk 14:10, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Am I right in thinking that this is not an issue that affects your support for this FAC? If so, I would like to take this to the article talk page rather than clutter the FAC discussion with what is, for the purposes of the FAC, irrelevant detail. If this issue does affect your support, we can continue the discussion here. --FactotEm (talk) 21:21, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    [outdent]Sorry, I must have got carried away. You're right, this isn't really an issue for the FAC. --NigelG (or Ndsg) | Talk 22:46, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Responded over at article talk --FactotEm (talk) 12:18, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    [Just to be clear, since FactotEm asked,] the concerns mentioned in the above comment seem to have been addressed, although I've asked NigelG to make the source and permissions of the Stephen Cook photo more clear on the image description page.--ragesoss (talk) 18:54, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 01:14, 6 August 2008 [112].

    Prince Albert Victor, Duke of Clarence and Avondale

    Nominator(s): DrKiernan (talk)


    As I said before, thank you to everyone who reviewed Jack the Ripper royal conspiracy theories. The article wasn't promoted but all the comments were useful and the article certainly improved as a result of the reviews. Hopefully, this article will meet with greater favour! DrKiernan (talk) 07:40, 21 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments -

    Otherwise sources look okay, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 11:46, 21 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Francois Velde is an amateur herald who lists his references: he indicates that the information on Albert Victor can be found in Neubecker, Otto: Heraldry: Sources, Symbols and Meaning. New York: McGraw-Hill, 1976. While Velde's academic work is in other areas (e.g. http://press.princeton.edu/titles/7306.html), he is a professionally-trained scholar, so I have always assumed him to be reliable. DrKiernan (talk) 12:45, 21 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Probably borderline under WP:SPS. I don't have that work on heraldry, unfortunately. Does the College of Heralds or whoever it is that currently regulates that in the UK not have a site? And Albert Victor's not on the monarchy site? Ealdgyth - Talk 12:59, 21 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    My library has a copy of Neubecker's book. I've checked it and confirmed that the heraldic label given for Albert Victor is as shown on the Heraldica site (which is what the site was cited for). Consequently I've updated the article to use the book for this reference, rather than the website. Dr pda (talk) 02:26, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks. DrKiernan (talk) 07:18, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks from me too! All done! Ealdgyth - Talk 22:58, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments

    • "born two months prematurely" → "born two months premature" as the premature is describing the "two months" and not the "born" if it's placed after it
    • remove the bold in "Prince Albert Victor of Wales from birth." as bold formatting should be used sparingly (usually only in the lead), and I don't think it's necessary in this case
    • "on 10 March 1864 by " – link the date; there are a few more unlinked dates. if you choose to link dates in the article then link them all
    • link the dates in the references per the above point
    • is there a ref for "A pair of alternative history novels, written by Peter Dickinson," paragraph?

    Gary King (talk) 04:53, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Support. I cleaned up a few unlinked dates, but otherwise found the article excellent in all particulars. Very well done! Coemgenus 13:25, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Per comment above (Dates unlinked) and this diff, Dr Kiernan has chosen not to link dates, following the recent change to the Manual of Style which made it optional. I've reverted your changes. Dr pda (talk) 00:01, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments

    • Current refs 77 (David Duff) and 95 (Alison Weir) appear to be to books, and give the full bibliographical information. For consistency with other book sources shouldn't these appear as author, page no. in the inline citation, with the full info in the references section?
    • The bibliographical information for the Alison Weir reference needs checking—it is lacking an ISBN; a worldcat search gives the title as Britain's royal families : the complete genealogy, i.e. the not a, and shows editions of 1989 and 1996, not 1999 as referenced (though of course there may be a 1999 edition).
    • Concerning ref 75 Official statement released to the press and quoted in many newspapers, it would be nice to have a reference to one of the newspapers.
    • Ref 80 (Mark Roskill) is the only place in the article where a citation template is used. I'm not sure if the 'consistency in citation style' requirement means this should be replaced by a manually-formatted citation or not.
    • The honorary doctorates and honorary colonelcies appear to be unreferenced. Dr pda (talk) 00:01, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support. Very well-done article. Two small issues:
      • "he was excused examinations" - I'm not sure what this means
      • "Much of Albert Victor's time was spent in drilling at Aldershot, which he disliked, though he did like to play polo." - I'm unsure if this says that he disliked drilling or Aldershot
      • "was a cover-up at the highest levels " - are there any details about the cover-up? This makes it sound as if there might have been evidence against Albert Victor if not for the cover-up, also, and I'm unsure if that is what is meant.

    Karanacs (talk) 16:25, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thanks!
    • It means he didn't have to take any examinations.
    • The drilling! Now reads: "Much of Albert Victor's time at his post in Aldershot was spent drilling, which he disliked, though he did like to play polo."
    • Changed to "none of the clients were ever prosecuted", also added "At the time, all homosexual acts between men were illegal, and the clients faced social ostracism, prosecution, and at worst, two years imprisonment with hard labour." DrKiernan (talk) 13:10, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support I peer reviewed this and thought it was close to FA quality then and has since improved. My only quibble is that the last chapter of Fictional portrayals needs references (presumably full bibliographic info for the novels and story mentioned). Ruhrfisch ><>°° 12:01, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks! DrKiernan (talk) 12:26, 5 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 05:27, 4 August 2008 [113].

    Anekantavada

    Nominator(s): Alastair Haines (talk)

    I'm nominating this article for featured article because Anish, has repeatedly expressed his desire to work this article up to FA standard. He has energetically sought several peer reviews and copy edits, welcoming direct improvements to the article and providing improvements as recommended in other cases. Additionally, Anish is keen to work other Jainism articles up to FA. The sooner we can assist him with top notch refinements, the sooner he can move on to providing the same quality co-ordination of sourcing and editing he has contributed to the current article.

    As for the article itself, first and foremost it is based on impeccable sources and refined to a readable, reliable, informative text, that is clear of POV or other issues. It has a very clear presentation of its sources, a fine bibliography in itself. Philosophy, history, criticism and even human interest are presented logically, appropriately illustrated and come in a text that has some rather long, but essential foreign terms. Altogether, it is an excellent example of an introduction to a topic for which quality English language text for the popular educated market is rare.

    Of course, no article is ever perfect. However, several editors have worked hard to support Anish' initiative. Our own limitations prevent us from providing further constructive criticism. So I am proud to present Anish' work, but request we honour him as he would like by offering our most searching constructive criticism. Alastair Haines (talk) 12:17, 4 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Article stats:
    467 (465/2) Anishshah19
    66 (63/3) Alastair Haines
    34 (5/29) Qmwne235
    SandyGeorgia (Talk) 14:34, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Any particular reason for not listing User:Anishshah19 as a co-nominator? SandyGeorgia (Talk) 22:25, 18 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Three reasons:
    1. Anish and his role is clearly stated in the nomination—he is the main contributor;
    2. to my understanding, he is consenting to nomination, rather than promoting his own work; and
    3. this is my first nomination of an article for FA, so I could be overlooking proceedural things.
    If there's anything inappropriate in this, surely it must be my incompetance, and not relevant to either Anish or the article. I tried to follow everything the FAC pages and tags told me to do, feel free to point out anything I overlooked at my talk page. Alastair Haines (talk) 01:24, 19 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Nothing wrong at all; just curious, because it's common for a main contributor to nominate their own work. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 01:35, 19 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments

    Reply: Out of all the sites of Jainism, Jainworld.com is authentic, informative, comprehensive and popular web-site since 1997. It has faithfully rendered translations of many ancient Jain texts, literature, mythology, legends and stories. While there are hundreds of Jainism related sites, I have chosen to reference one item from Jainworld.com as it contains literature and writings of modern scholars also like Pt. Sukhlal Sanghavi, Pt. Hukumchand Bharil, Kanji Svami and like.--Anish (talk) 06:04, 5 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I'm not sure if I'm also allowed to reply here, but I will anyway. Jainworld.com is recognized as a reliable source on Jainism within the Jain community. As Anish said above, it has accurate translations and commentaries on Jain texts. It is widely used by Jain temples in India, the U.S., and all over the world. --Qmwne235 19:34, 8 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Reply: Sacred-texts.com is a site that strives to produce the transcriptions of public domain texts on the subject of religion, mythology, folklore and the esoteric. The texts are posted for free access on the Internet like a public library. It has faithfully posted and reproduced the translations of Acaranga Sutra and other Jain canons by the noted German Indologist Hermann Jacobi. One of the reviews of this site is posted here that you may like to go through - http://www.mouthshut.com/review/Sacred-Texts.com-89518-1.html --Anish (talk) 06:04, 5 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Otherwise sources look good and links checked out with the link checking tool. I wasn't able to evaluate the reliablitiy of the non-english sources Ealdgyth - Talk 12:44, 4 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I hope this satisfies your query. If so you may support this nomination.--Anish (talk) 06:12, 5 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Reliability of these sources still unclear; see Wikipedia:Wikipedia Signpost/2008-06-26/Dispatches for how to go about addressing these queries. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 22:23, 18 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]


    Reply: I have corrected the dating format as suggested. The website contains the following information: Ron Huntington, former professor of religion at Chapman University and co-director of the Chapman University Albert Schweitzer Institute, was preparing a textbook on world religions at the time of his death. A chapter of the textbook was to introduce Jainism, the religion from the Indian subcontinent that stresses ahimsa, radical non-injury or nonviolence, as a way of life. On account of the probable influence of Jainism and the ethical principle of ahimsa upon Schweitzer and his ethic of Reverence for Life, the chapter prepared by Ron Huntington is reproduced here. So I guess, the publisher would be Chapman University. --Anish (talk) 06:12, 5 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]


    • Comments not a field I am an expert in but I will note some places for improvement:
    According to anekāntavāda, truth and reality are perceived differently from different points of view, and no single point of view is the complete truth - to avoid repetition --> 'according to its doctrine' ()
    Proponents (of anekantavāda) apply this principle to.. - can lose brcketed bit without losing meaning
    Philosophical overview section I'd rename Philosophy or Tenets - that it is an overview goes without saying
    I will do some straightforward fixes but am clueless over comprehensiveness. Cheers, Casliber (talk · contribs) 21:00, 4 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Strong Support – After going through the article, I am of the opinion that this article should be a featured article. It has good prose, impeccable scholarly references and explains the concept of Anekantavada in a very clear and lucid manner. It has already been rated as a Good Article. Overall, it is an excellent article and if it passes the vote, it will be the first article on Jainism in this category to do so. --Manish Modi 13:14, 5 July 2008 (UTC) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Manish Modi (talk • contribs)
    • I strongly support the nomination. The article is thoroughly researched and very well written. I hope to add something to it but after a while. I think this should be a very interesting article not only for those who are interested in Jainism, but also those interested in exploring pluralism. Anish has done great work on it.--Malaiya (talk) 04:30, 8 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support - It meets all the criteria, so there is no reason not to move it up. The article has come a long way, and now has enough information for even an expert on the subject to learn something. All of this information is supported by specific citations. To borrow and summarize from WP:WikiProject Jainism/Assessment:
    A featured article should be:
    • (a) well-written (although there may some minor grammatical or stylistic errors, one would have to actively search for these to find them)
    • (b) comprehensive (this article includes information not only about anekantavada itself, but also about related principles, criticism, history, and those influenced by it)
    • (c) factually accurate: claims are verifiable against reliable sources, accurately represent the relevant body of published knowledge, and are supported with specific evidence and external citations; (the citations provided are mostly of important Jain scholars or those who are otherwise familiar with the principles of Jainism)
    • (d) neutral: it presents views fairly and without bias; (although one may perceive a bias if one overanalyzes the article, the criticism section nicely balances the article out)
    • (e) stable (no major edit wars have taken place)
    • (f) a lead—a concise lead section that summarizes the topic and prepares the reader for the detail in the subsequent sections (the lead is very well structured; it is concise and comprehensive)
    • (g) appropriate structure—a system of hierarchical headings and a substantial but not overwhelming table of contents (see section help); (yep)
    • (h) consistent citations (always footnotes here, with references below)
    • Images. It has images and other media where appropriate, with succinct captions and acceptable copyright status. (yep)
    • Length. It stays focused on the main topic without going into unnecessary detail. (about as long as most FAs, maybe even shorter, but is still comprehensive without unnecessarily meandering; every section pertains directly to the doctrine)

    However, the article could use a little help from a proofreader who can make sure the article adheres strictly to the technical aspects of WP:MoS. I'll go through it again to try to smooth out any stylistic flaws that may still exist. --Qmwne235 19:34, 8 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • SupportComment by Ruhrfisch I peer reviewed this and am delighted at how much it has improved. I still have some concerns about the article that need to be resolved before I can support it here. I also note that I made some minor copyedits just now ("stand point" and "stand-point" are now all just "standpoint", same for "viewpoint"), and many more refs now follow puntuation without a space, but I am not sure all such nitpicks have been caught. Here are some of my concerns:
    • According to Wikipedia:See_also#See_also "Links already included in the body of the text are generally not repeated in "See also"; however, whether a link belongs in the "See also" section is ultimately a matter of editorial judgment and common sense." All three "See also" links are already linked in the article and may not be needed here.
    The see also section has been changed, trust it is more relevant now. --Anish (talk) 09:55, 16 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • According to Wikipedia:MOS#Quotations, "Block quotations A long quote (more than four lines, or consisting of more than one paragraph, regardless of number of lines) is formatted as a block quotation, ..." There are many short block quotes used that seem to violate this (the dialogues are fine as block quotes as they are more than on paragraph)
    Standardised the block quotations. --Anish (talk) 09:55, 16 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • The formatting and referencing of block quotes is not consistent. For example this identifies author and source in the text, has a ref, and then repeats this in small text after the quote:

    "Ācārya Divākara further states in Sanmatitarka:[31]

    All doctrines are right in their own respective spheres – but if they encroach upon the province of other doctrines and try to refute their view, they are wrong. A man who holds the view of the cumulative character of truth never says that a particular view is right or that a particular view is wrong.
    —Ācārya Siddhasena Divākara, Sanmatitarka 1:28"

    While another block quote is just followed by a large type "5.113" (I assume this is chapter and verse?).

    "Māhavīra encouraged his followers to study and understand rival traditions as demonstrated by Acaranga Sutra:[43]

    "Comprehend one philosophical view through the comprehensive study of another one." - 5.113 "

    Other quotations from Jain writings do not include any X:Y numbers. These need to be consistent throughout.

    Standardised the quotations, author, text, verse format. Certain texts like Acaranga etc do not have authors as they are canons and not attributed to a single person. --Anish (talk) 09:55, 16 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Formatting of references is not consistent. For example Ref 1 just uses the author's last name (Dundas), while others like ref 2 use last name, first name (Koller, John M - later he is just Koller, John in ref 48). This is followed for Indian names in ref 4 (Jaini, Padmanabh), but ref 9 gives the name in regular order (Duli Chandra Jain - this is an editor).
    • I have no idea what ref 5 means, it is just "so Monier-Williams"
    • Ref 26 is to an unpublished manuscript, but WP:RS stipulates reliable sources must be published.
    • I have no idea what ref 32 means "E. B. (2001) p.2093" If E.B. is Encylcopedia Brittanica, I do not think that is the best source to use in any FA.

    In short, the refs need some work, mostly polish, but a few more serious problems. Hope this helps, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 21:54, 11 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Someone has fixed all the references, so after a little bit of polishing, those will be fine. I agree with you regarding the See also section; all of the topics in it were linked prominently and discussed earlier in the article. As for the block quotes, many of those involve rather strange circumstances, so I'll leave those for someone more skilled with MoS quotation guidelines. --Qmwne235 02:00, 14 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks for the update. I am also not an expert on MOS quotation guidelines, but it seems odd at least that different quotes have such different styles, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 02:04, 14 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I struck resolved refs. There is still an unpublished work cited, although it is a duplicate ref in each case and contravenes WP:RS. I also note that this "Acarya Siddhasena Divakara. in (ed.) Bhadrankar Vijaya Gani: Vardhamana Dvatrimsika. Jaipur: Prakrit Bharti Academy." is missing a date. Ruhrfisch ><>°° 16:30, 14 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Done both of them--Anish (talk) 09:55, 16 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I think most of the Ruhrfisch’s concerns have been resolved. --Anish (talk) 09:55, 16 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Except for some very short block quotes, which I will assume are OK, all of my concerns have been met. Well done, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 13:57, 16 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The image should not be a problem as the licensing seems to be okay. This image is also used in the article Adi Shankara which is also a “featured article” --Anish (talk) 09:55, 16 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The question is whether the website owner actually created the image or just scanned it from somewhere. --NE2 16:06, 16 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Whether it is used in another featured article is not relevant; we need to get this cleared here. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 22:23, 18 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I am not an expert in Images and licencing. Prima facie the licencing seems to be ok. Evidence has been emailed and lodged with the Wikimedia PR department. I dont know what more I can do about this. Can anyone help?--Anish (talk) 05:18, 19 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • Comments. I haven't had time to read the article in depth. The concepts and terminology used are completely foreign to me, which made digging into the article pretty difficult. I read the philosophical overview section and skimmed the rest for now.
      • The philosophical overview section offers very useful information, but I think it's focus might need to switch a bit. After the intro to that section, the information is presented in terms of Jainism rather than in relation to anekantavada. For example, the section Jain doctrines of relativity could be reworded to be "Anekantavada is one of three Jain doctrines of relativity used for logic and reasoning. The other two are...". It's the same information, just worded a bit differently so that the focus remains on the subject of this article.
      • This did not make sense to me until I thought about it a bit. "Syādvāda is the theory of conditioned predication which provides an expression to anekānta by recommending that the epithet Syād be attached to every expression" - can we simplify the sentence or begin with a simpler explanation?
      • There are a great many quotations, and I wonder if the article would be better if, in some cases, the meaning behind the quotation were explained and the quote left out. (In some cases the meaning is explained and the quote is added in...just because?). I have not read the article extremely closely, but on a skim this has a vaguely proselytizing tone.
      • WP:MOSQUOTE says that quotations of less than 4 lines should be inline and not offest with blockquotes

    Karanacs (talk) 17:34, 16 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comment: I really appreciate Karanacs' comment, because he addresses complexity respectfully, by pinpointing what needs more (or better) explanation, and even by offering suggestions. I'm intrigued by the "vaguely proselytizing tone" comment and can see how quotations in articles may be understood in this way. My own impression is quite different though. I'm from a different religious tradition, but personally felt the quotes gave substance to the criticism Jainism would direct at other traditions (including my own), rather than feeling editor(s) were seeking to make such comments via the quotes. As such, I found the quotes increased my sense of NPOV rather than suggesting a Jain POV for the article.
    The more abstract the content of quotes, the more I prefer quotes to editorial paraphrase. The doctrines covered in this article are sometimes quite abstract, and although I'd like explanation, I'd like such interpretation from experts. Just where Wiki needs to draw the line on such things in featured articles is probably pretty inexact. So long as existing quotes are at least retained in footnotes, I'd not oppose changes along the lines Karanacs suggests. Alastair Haines (talk) 08:16, 17 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Reply: I welcome Karanacs’ valuable comments and suggestions for improvement of the article. I have made certain changes as suggested by her and I also agree with Alastair’s reply to her. Jainism is not a proselytizing religion and the quotations from the scriptures were felt to be necessary to provide a better understanding to this concept of anekantavada. Maybe she found it a bit proselytizing as she has just not found time to read the entire article. To balance out, there is a section on criticism and in “intellectual Ahimsa” section, opinion of John Cort and Paul Dundas (both are indologists and Sanskrit/ Prakrit Scholars) have been taken to balance out that view. I hope that she is satisfied by the changes and reply.--Anish (talk) 12:47, 18 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Anish and Q need to disclose that they're major contributors. Tony (talk) 05:37, 17 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Oppose until properly copy-edited throughout; can you find someone fresh to it? Here are random examples from the top.
    • "differently from different"
    • "claimed to explain"—see Fowler on "Jingles"
    • Move "only" to as late as possible in a clause: "others are only capable of partial knowledge". Where should it go?
    • "that clings too dogmatically to its own tenets"—So it can cling dogmatically, but not too dogmatically? I'd remove "too". After all, what is "too", here. Fuzzy boundary.
    • "The word anekānta itself is a compound of"—spot the redundant word.
    • Full-stop to semicolon before "Hence", in the first section.
    • Consider adding a comma: "According to Jains, the ultimate principle should always be logical and no principle can be devoid of logic or reason."
    • "Thus one finds in the Jain texts deliberative exhortations on every subject, may they be constructive or obstructive, inferential or analytical, enlightening or destructive." MOS breach in the use of "one" (who is this "one"?); just make the statement. I'd insert a comma after "Thus", but that's up to you. "may they be" is ungrammatical; you mean ", be they ..."
    • MOS breach: please read about captions, which should not have the final period if they're not a complete, formal sentence.
    • Rather long blockquotes. Check to see whether they can be trimmed down with the use of [square-bracketed bridging text to save lots of words], and ... ellipsis dots to indicate omissions of text that we don't, strictly speaking, need. It's not a deal-breaker, but they do seem lumpy. I sort of want to know who the translator was, if possible. For example, was Sharma's book written in English? If so, did he translate the original Sanskrit?
    • "in some ways it is and it is indescribable"—easier to digest if you put a comma after the first "is". It's translated, so you have the right to do this. Same for the analogous phrases there.
    • Third- and fourth-level titles really are almost indistinguishable (yet ANOTHER issue WikiMedia needs to address). How about making the Syadvada et al titles fifth-level; see if the hierarchy is clearer. Tony (talk) 05:37, 17 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Comment: I really like Tony's comments, they clearly express insights into the text that eluded me.
    However, I also disagree with several of them: I prefer only in its current position over the alternative; degree of dogmatism simply is fuzzy in Jain descriptions of the doctrine; I prefer stops to semicolons as a general rule.
    Mind you, I think "claimed to explain" is a nice catch, and agree with the suggestion to supply a comma (see above).
    The point here is that I'd encourage Tony to make some of these changes directly. Even where I disagreed, I'd probably not bother reverting them. Some questions are simply matters of taste, there's no objective way of settling them.
    On the other hand, several copyedits have already eliminated some distinctly convoluted, unclear, redundant and even POV text.
    But the way forward here is clear. So long as anyone claims the text isn't stylistically up to par as they see it, we can action this by recruiting yet another copyeditor, and hence yet another opinion. That's all to the good. Alastair Haines (talk) 08:00, 17 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I found Tony's comments very helpful and have followed some of his suggestions. As I have been a major contributor of this article, I have not "voted" on this pages. Q, I believe is not a major contributor, but his comments were very valuable to improve and remove misunderstanding on the article. I did some of my own copy editing also to enable greater understandability of this article. I have requested user ukexpat to do more copy editing and hope that Tony's oppose will be turned in "support". Thanks.--Anish (talk) 12:55, 18 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comment. Some sections (notably "Intellectual ahimsā and religious tolerance") need to be put into prose. NB that quotations of less than (roughly) three or four lines long should not be indented. Also, the bibliographic practice of putting component works under the text in which they're collected (e.g. Ahimsā, Anekānta, and Jaininsm) is at best idiosyncratic. All works should be listed alphabetically by author. --jbmurray (talk • contribs) 10:22, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comment Three different editors (myself, Karanacs, and jbmurray) have now pointed out that block quotes are used incorrectly here. Please put quotes shorter than three or four lines back into the text of the article. Thanks, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 16:59, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Have done it for those quotes that were of two lines i.e. less than 3 lines. Actually I was waiting for someone more expert to make changes as I did not want to commit a blunder again. I was also checking other featured article as to how they have given a treatment for quotations. For eg. William Tecumseh Sherman and still am confused as to its treatment. But, I hope now its Ok.--Anish (talk) 18:13, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Reply: I can't see any outstanding issues regarding reliability of sources, they were always a strength, the two E.B. refs and the unpublished manuscript have gone. Image licensing applies to one image, and I have seen discussion on talk pages regarding this. It appears permission was granted by the image owner at one point, but then not considered sufficient by a Wiki review at a later point. Still, that review did not choose to "speedy delete" the image. It would be nice if someone who knows more about this could inform the rest of us who watching this page. Alastair Haines (talk) 00:25, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    PS: I have found another copy of the image. Looks higher resolution to me. To be honest, it also looks like it could well have been scanned from a book. Which book? Who is the artist? My recommendation is that we replace this image with another. I suspect Anish could locate another image and seek permission from its publisher faster than we can discover the "copyright chain" for the current image. Alastair Haines (talk) 00:34, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I agree with Alastair, the concerns on references and formatting seem to have been sorted out. Also the concerns of tony have been addressed on copy editing. I also am a bit taken aback by the concerns on image of Adi Sankara. I relied on the fact that it has been on wikipedia for last two years and is a part of a featured article, which, I assume would have also undergone a detailed scrutiny. And also, I assumed, if the concerns would be raised or else this image would have been deleted long back. Nevertheless, all the concerns ought to be addressed and there is another image, [114] which can also be used, if the licensing is clear on it. The editors can provide some suggestion on the above. --Anish (talk) 10:34, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Oppose per image concerns:
      • Image:Mahavira mahabirji.jpg: The BBC seems to think this image is copyright of JainWorld. The image claims (implicitly) to be self-made, but is of web resolution, lacks metadata and is from a drive-by uploader - meaning limited (>50 edits) contributions. Can the discrepancies be resolved? (Quack?)
      • Image:Gandhi studio 1931.jpg is claiming p.m.a. 70+ years. It was taken in 1931, which means the author would have to have died within 7 years of taking it; claiming p.m.a. 70+ in this case requires quite a leap of faith especially when the author is claimed to be unknown! I would buy this if the image was taken in 1831, but this PD claim has absolutely no reasonable support.
      • Image:Adi Shankara recoloured.jpg: The source does not confirm the PD claim. Even if it did, it seems quite unlikely that the webmaster would be the original author/copyright holder (especially in the light of Alastair Haines' comment above). ЭLСОВВОLД talk 15:25, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I'm beginning to feel sympathy for poor Anish here. This would be funny if it weren't for the delays in accepting his hard work with the text content of the article for the great contribution that it is.

    What tickles me is the "unreliable source" Jainworld turns out to be a substantial enough entity for the BBC to acknowledge to hold the legal right to grant them permission to copy an image. ... Man, did that come out of left field! I can just see someone knocking on my door next week and offering me a magazine with that picture of Adi Shankara on the front!

    And then, I really take Sandy's point, not only can images on other FAs not be trusted, even featured images cannot be trusted either! Gandhi is a featured image at Turkish Wiki ... tesekkur ederim!

    From the FAQ Sandy mentioned, "Q: Did you write all this stuff? A: No. Most of it was written by dead people, a long time ago." Yup, that's not reliable. Dead people don't write, not now, not even a long time ago. Depending on what you believe, they have better things to do than writing ... hmmm, does a wiki editor believe there is anything better than writing?

    But to be more constructive. UK copyright is different to the US, doesn't Mahavira come under 2D image of PD art? Let's do it that way? Problems? And/or let's kill two ducks with one stone and check with Jainworld: ask permission for GFDL, and for some other credentials while we're at it. It's 2am here, I'd better sleep. Hopefully someone will rescue some of this while I'm away. Alastair Haines (talk) 15:59, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Hrumph!

    • Citing a copyright holder is not indicative of reliability; anyone can hold a copyright on a self-created image. Giving proper credit is, if anything, only germane to the reliability of BBC.
    • I hate to quote Reagan, but "trust, but verify" is good advice. Wikipedia is not a reliable source and, consequently, should not be trusted in the absence of verification (e.g. reliable sourcing). Other FAs and/or images therein were not necessarily properly vetted.
    • Mahavira is not a 2D object (U.S. Bridgeman v. Corel would not apply). Even if it were, U.K. has decisions and opinions (e.g. Interlego v Tyco; Hyperion Records v Sawkin; Laddie, Precott and Vitoria, 2nd edn; Copinger & Skone James 15th Edition; Michalos, The Law of Photography and Digital Images, 2004) which set the threshold of orginiality rather low (e.g. choice of filters, angles, lighting, etc. may be enough to warrant a new copyright). You're correct that contacting JainWorld would be a good route to take. ЭLСОВВОLД talk 16:28, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    The way I see it, some objections have been raised on two references – Jainworld and Sacred-texts.com. These objections were raised before by diligent editors and then resolved to their satisfaction. Now more mavens have chipped in and repeated these resolved queries as apparently these two references still don’t “inspire confidence” and hence again we have been called upon to give more additional testimony that will “inspire confidence”. I was looking for contstructive comments and contributions, but then……… so be it. I know every one cannot be satisfied and I dont intend to, but here is one more attempt.

    • Let us tackle sacred-texts first by taking help of google scholar and google books. Many scholars and authors have thought it fit to quote and refer Sacred-texts.com. A search on Google Scholar here [115] gives a number of “284” and Google Books [116] gives a number of “251”.
    • Jain world.com – Prof. Yashwant K. Malaiya of Colorado University has compiled a list of authoritative websites and Jain world is listed under two categories – supersites (extensive articles and books) and Advanced sites (excellent source for scholarly books and article). Check here. [117] This sort of objection can go on and on and I have my limitations on replying to the same query repeatedly.
    • As far as images are concerned, we can correspond with jainworld, but I think it will be of no use. Because, even after contacting Jainworld, some hotshot may have additional barrage of objections which will go to infinite regression of questioning the source of the source of the source. If one were to question the validity of images in “featured articles” or featured images itself, then there would be no dearth of objections from hotshots who consider it their moral duty to raise all sorts of objections. If that be the case, then more than the half of the featured articles need to be down graded simply because of the “image issue”--Anish (talk) 07:28, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • These objections were raised before by diligent editors and then resolved to their satisfaction. If you can point me to where those discussions occurred, I will review them; on this FAC, reliability of sources hasn't been addressed or resolved. Ealdgyth raised the concerns and has not stuck them. Also, a link to google scholar doesn't directly answer WP:SPS concerns; please see the Dispatch for examples of how to answer the query. The sources may very well be reliable; we just need for you to give us the info to verify that they are. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 16:22, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I have addressed these issues before and now once again I have done it. The straightforward question was - "what makes" Jainworld and Sacred-text a reliable source? Anyway I thought it was a straight forward question. So I gave a straight forward answer on what makes it a reliable source. I can take the horse to water, but I can't make it drink. If one group has pre-decided that they are not going to be satisfied by whatever explanation is given, I simply cannot help it. Just look up the explanation that I have given to Ealdgyth and then once again to you. And try to understand it - what makes it a reliable source. I was hoping for something constructive and not road blocks. But so be it. I have given it my best shot. If some who has supported this nomination can reply to this query is a different manner and language that Sandygeorge and group can understand, please give the reply in that manner maybe this nomination will not fail due to so called outstanding unresolved queries. Or else we can just forget it. --Anish (talk) 18:19, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Ok...let me once again go through the Dispatch to see what seems to have been still missed out that has not yet inspired confidence.--Anish (talk) 07:25, 25 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I don’t know whether those objecting on “sacred texts” have taken adequate efforts to check and verify the references quoted. What I have basically quoted is not sacred-text.com but Hermann Jacobi’s book, edited by Max Muller i.e. Sacred Books of the East published by Oxford Clarendon press. Now, since the copy right for the book has expired and it has been scanned and put up on “sacred-texts”, I thought “why not give a link for sacred-texts.com for easier verification.” Check this page [118]. I could have easily avoided the linking. If the link of the sacred-text is causing agitation, I can simply remove the link for sacred-texts. The reference for Jacobi will still remain the same (as the book is the reference) and there will be no changes in the article, only the link for the bibliography can be removed. --Anish (talk) 11:48, 25 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    As for Jainworld.com, I have checked the dispatch and in my opinion - although the dispatch does not seem to be part of the Wikipedia mandatory rules – Jainworld does not seem to be contrary to these guidelines. It is neither a blog or a forumpost nor a self-published articles nor usenet postings, nor having a “highly commercial feel” nor a fan contributor site. Secondly I have already posted the view of Prof. Yashwant of Colorado University who says that it is an excellent source for scholarly books and articles as per the link above.--Anish (talk) 11:48, 25 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Comment: I like the points of the last poster (Anish?). I can see an argument for not linking to Sacred Texts, since its text uploads are not professionally edited. However, nor are the uploads at Project Gutenberg, the Internet Archive or Google Books. On balance I'd go for keeping the link, but if it's the only outstanding objection other than images, I can see light at the end of the tunnel here.
    I'm glad to hear someone (Anish, I think) continue to stand up for Jainworld. I think there's a cultural issue here. As a westerner, I do think Jainworld has a "highly commercial feel", but that's with my cultural blinkers on. My experience of South-East Asia, and India, while not extensive, certainly suggests "commercialism" is more pervasive in these cultures. I think, once again, it is not the reliability of content that is really at question, but a western scruple (and a wise one) regarding linking to sites with a "commercial feel". Clicking on links at such sites can download adware (I think). This is one reason quality western sites avoid any actual advertising, and often even the appearance of advertising.
    I think this is an important issue for us to resolve, and plead for "cultural sensitivity". Jainworld is probably a very responsible site operating in the Indian economy. Indian sources are obviously ideal for Indology, and Jainworld for Jainism in particular. I'd like for Wiki to listen to Professor Yashwant on this matter. Perhaps a short article on Jainworld could help give readers a collection of sources that help verify its reliability. Alastair Haines (talk) 11:39, 25 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I use some old local histories that are available in libraries or as expensive reprints or online on genealogy websites (which by themselves are perhaps not reliable). When I cite them, I give the full book information (the current Jacobi refs are missing this), the ISBN for the reprint, and the web link to it. See for example ref 6 in Larrys Creek. Perhaps the Jainworld and Sacred Texts books could be cited in a similar fashion? Just an idea that hoepfully helps, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 14:06, 25 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Sounds good to me. Three issues: reliable source identified clearly, accessible copies located if possible, integrity rating of copy indicated if questionable.
    Here's Ruhres example:
    Alastair Haines (talk) 01:14, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I like Rhur's advise. It can be done. But only for sacred-text, not for Jainworld.com. I suggest that we delete all references of Jainworld and the corresponding paragraphs from article. Hopefully this will address all the concerns on reliability.--Anish (talk) 10:10, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I have removed the problematic Jainworld and applied Ruhr's idea and changed the references. I now trust that the problems of references have been resolved.--Anish (talk) 11:45, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Okay, now that the issue of images is hopefully at least mostly resolved, it's time to move on to other things. I still see some rather short block quotes that should be taken care of (see "Early history" and "The parable of the blind men and the elephant", specifically). I'm hesitant to mess with them myself, as I'm not an expert on MoS, but they need to be fixed. I think the citation issues have mostly been fixed. Some copyediting work still needs to be done; I just fixed a few rough sentences, and there are bound to be more. I think that unless something else arises, MoS issues like sentence flow and block quotes should take top priority. --Qmwne235 22:55, 27 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    A quick look at the article now indicates that the problem of block quotes and MOS seem to have been resolved by Qmwne and Alastair. The number of quotes seem to have been reduced by more than a half. I dont think there are any copy edit or grammatical issues. And with removal of Jainworld and correcting of Jaconi references, Sandygeorgia's concerns too seem to have been hopefully resolved. I hope then we can move forward from here. If so, this will be the first article on Jainism to be featured. --Anish (talk) 05:20, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Change—I withdrew my oppose above; it's considerably better. But the fact that I can still pick out little glitches should prompt the nominators to get someone new in to polish it up. I think the prose shouldn't hold up a promotion now, but please do make us proud of it in the coming days/weeks. These are samples from a small portion.

    • "According to German Indologist Hermann Jacobi, Māhavīra in his time, effectively employed the ...". Bump bump; suggest you remove the second comma.
    • "a 17th century Jain monk"—what's missing?
    • "was desirous of"—make it one word. In fact, see the whole sentence: "Emperor Siddharaja was desirous of enlightenment and liberation and he questioned teachers from all the various traditions". This should be "Emperor Siddharaja desired enlightenment and liberation, and questioned teachers from all of the traditions." I hope "various traditions" was clear; if so, this should also be clear, but better. Try to avoid the V word.
    • Do watch "or" in English. This one is an equative or, and isn't clear: "so in the kaliyuga or "the age of vice"" --> "so in the kaliyuga ("the age of vice")". Tony (talk) 09:31, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    More excellent observations regarding English expression from Tony. We do keep throwing copyeditors at the article. I only wish Tony had time for more of this himself, he's outstanding. Anyway, I'll work on your points myself right now. Alastair Haines (talk) 13:22, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I wish I knew about that script before I corrected the dashes in the references by hand. Could you indicate an example of one that remains? They look fine to me. Alastair Haines (talk) 21:37, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Found two at the end that must have been added recently. Fixed now. Any I've missed? Alastair Haines (talk) 21:40, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Ok.I think I have found one free image of Gandhi in wikipedia commons and my friend will be uploading a self taken image of Mahavira idol. I dont know what to do about Adi Sankara yet.

    I have changed these three images. Hope the issue is resolved. Also, WP:MSH issues and --WP:DASHes concerns have been addressed. Anish (talk) 04:27, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    We're short on image-knowledgeable reviewers: can you ask User:Elcobbola to revisit? If he's not available, then User:Kelly or User:NE2. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 04:34, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Image:Gandhi writing Aug1942.jpg needs a verifiable source per WP:IUP. (The source would need to confirm 1) the image was first published in India and 2) that such publication was 60+ years ago to support the PD-India copyright tag). ЭLСОВВОLД talk 12:42, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi died on the 30 January 1948 (aged 78) in New Delhi. 1948+60=2008! We're getting pretty close here. ;)
    Here be more information — GandhiServe Foundation.
    It would appear our image is a copy of PEMG1942085005 according to the GandhiServe catalogue numbering system.
    According to the same source, the photographer appears to be Kanu Gandhi (1917–1986), the great-nephew of the man himself.
    The Indian Copyright Act (1957) Section 13(2)(i) states its provisions are applicable when:
    "in the case of a published work, the work is first published in India, or where the work is first published outside India, the author is at the date of such publication, or in a case where the author was dead at that date, was at the time of his death, a citizen of India;"
    Section 25 of the same act specifies that copyright extends for 60 years from 1st January of the year following publication.
    If the photograph was published before Gandhi's assassination, it would now be public domain in India.
    However, since India declared independence only on the 15 August 1947 and became a republic on 26 January 1950, it is just possible that copyright for this image actually falls under the (UK) Copyright Act 1911. I'm unclear which law would apply between 1947 and 1950.
    I'll keep looking for publication date. I suspect this will be prior to 1947. Alastair Haines (talk) 16:06, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Great Work. I have also found one image and put up a message for user:elcobbola as to whether this image here [119] copyright free? It says Gandhi at his spinning wheel in 1929. Public domain image. If yes, under what licencing can it be uploaded? Maybe this will resolve the last hurdle.--Anish (talk) 16:24, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I've done some more reading of the Indian and UK copyright acts and it appears that what these laws actually are is a promise from the government to protect the rights of those who produce original works. So, with India taking responsibility for governing its citizens, it took responsibility to protect copyright retrospectively. A breach of the copyright of a photograph in 1970, published in what is now India in 1920, would have fallen under the jurisdiction of the Indian judicial system not the UK judicial system. Wikipedia, in 2008, therefore answers to the Indian government regarding copyright of all images published in what is now India since January 1st 1948. Anything published in what is now India prior to that time is released by the Indian Copyright Act (1957) into the public domain. The law provides for waiving copyright in various cases, but not for enforcing more than this. In fact, 2008 was a historic year for Indian copyright, since it is now more than 60 years since Indian independance was declared. From now onwards, everything protected by this law was first published in sovereign India. But was PEMG1942085005 first published before independance? Where was it published? Alastair Haines (talk) 17:07, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    It looks like this is going to take some time to resolve; can that image be commented out in the meantime? SandyGeorgia (Talk) 18:06, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The legal stuff is easy. The problem will be finding the publication date. The photograph was taken about a week before Gandhi went to prison for two years, while the British were fighting the Japanese on the eastern borders of India. Gandhi was a journalist and publisher, but wartime censorship and emprisonment would not have been conducive to publication until after the war.
    The photograph has been released by GandhiServe to several professional websites, who have displayed it with acknowledgement to both author (Kanu) and to GandhiServe. It is likely this included a royalty, it is almost certain that it would not have granted permission for modification. The licensing at GandhiServe is specific about both matters.
    Kanu Gandhi, being deceased cannot give us permission to use his work. I'm not sure GandhiServe will want to admit that the photo is in the public domain, since they sell high quality copies. But that's the most obvious way forwards, to ask GandhiServe for the date of first publication. They could be very nice and especially so to Wikipedia. So long as it is clear that we'll be displaying a low quality version, that doesn't compete with their image.
    If we can find a date of publication prior to Indian independence we can go ahead, otherwise we can't. Kanu may simply have turned over his personal collection of unpublished photos to GandhiServe, in which case they won't be out of copyright until 60 years after first being published by GandhiServe.
    I recommend someone contact GandhiServe. I expect they'll reply promptly, they look very professional and friendly. Alastair Haines (talk) 19:00, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    You didn't answer my question; do you want to comment out or remove this image while you wait for resolution? SandyGeorgia (Talk) 19:10, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Alastair...Good research...but we may be back to square one and this will drag on. why dont we use this one here [120] copyright free? It says Gandhi at his spinning wheel in 1929. Public domain image. this might solve our problem.--Anish (talk) 19:08, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    See WP:FCDW/August 11, 2008; it won't solve the problem unless someone reviews and clears it. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 19:11, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Be careful in your research to remember that date created and date first published are not the same thing. Gandhi's lifespan is not relevant or helpful in determining PD status. (Merely taking a picture does not start the clock running; we indeed need to know an author or a publication date.) The proposed image is fine if http://www.sacred-destinations.com can be established as a reliable source (ask Ealdgyth?) ЭLСОВВОLД talk 19:22, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I am at my wits end over Gandhi image. One would have thought that Image of India's father of nation would not be a problem, and considering that there is a featued article of Gandhi.--Anish (talk) 20:12, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Anyways, I have uploaded a new image which I believe will not be a problem. Now over to sandy and elcobbola.--Anish (talk) 20:15, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Link to the new image, please? (Elcobbola is traveling and his limited access, so the easier you can make it on him, the better.) SandyGeorgia (Talk) 21:30, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Image:Gandhi face.gif. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 22:21, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I like Sandy's image. I did note that the Bern Convention specifically provides that photographs are to have a copyright term of no less than 25 years after creation of the image (hence dates have some circumstantial relevance). It is up to various jurisdictions what additional protection they wish to offer. From the Indian and UK laws, it is clear that they provide a term analogous to that of other works, though they both isolate photographs as a special case.
    GandiServe has to watermark its images because many (if not all) are actually public domain. They also have to advertise them as being created from negatives using a high quality reproduction process. This also is because they cannot assert they hold the copyright (in all cases). The basis of sale is quality, not merely copyright.
    I think Anish is also making an important point. There are public domain images of all recent national leaders. It would be odd if there were no PD images of Gandhi. The most likely explanation is precisely that offered by the site that offers Sandy's image—all photographs from that period are public domain. It sounds too blanket to me, it should say, all images published in that period are public domain, and that is true.
    If someone just looked at newspapers and other works published prior to 1948 with pictures of Gandhi, some will match pictures on the internet. But why even bother. Simply scan those images, they are now PD. We can make our own. All that is required is to note the source—a book or newspaper published prior to 1948.
    Our problem is only the laziness of web-sites, and our own! ;) Alastair Haines (talk) 05:23, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Sandy's image? I linked that image from the article, so Elcobbola could check it. It was added by Anish, and still needs to be checked. Did you notice the question I asked above? SandyGeorgia (Talk) 05:30, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Sorry Sandy, I saw it, but I didn't understand it. Not sure I do even now. Bear of little brain, that's me. :( Alastair Haines (talk) 05:41, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I'll try to be more clear :-) This article's promotion is being held up by one image, whose resolution isn't likely going to be easy or fast, based on the complexity of the image issues, as explained by Elcobbola. If you remove or comment out the disputed images, I can promote the article. You can sort that out over time. Otherwise, this FAC continues to rattle around at the bottom of the page, waiting for this to get sorted. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 20:01, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Ok I get it. Let us go for one last chance here. If it does not succeed then we will go without gandhi's image.--Anish (talk) 05:16, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    PS here's a start at Google Books.
    Gandhi, "Quit India" The New York Times 5 August, 1942. Is probably worth checking in a library. I'd imagine the NYT illustrated the text. Alastair Haines (talk) 05:39, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    You are right Sandy, to make Elcobbola's job easier:

    • Here is the link to image [121]
    • And here is the copy right statement that image is in public domain [122]

    Hope this will speed up the things.--Anish (talk) 07:00, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Different image, same issue. It's indeed acceptable if that source can be established as reliable. Is a team of Junior college students a reliable source for assertions of copyright status? (e.g. Do they mean PD in the U.S. or in India? There's quite a difference and one would expect someone attune to copyright law to make the distinction. What cited source here is the image from/provided that information? Shouldn't we be using that source directly, not third party?) I don't do source reliability, but the lack of specificity seems a red flag. But, again, all is well if the reliabilitly can be supported. ЭLСОВВОLД talk 19:40, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    How about this? (Postcard - i.e. published - and dated 1942). Crop as needed. ЭLСОВВОLД talk 20:11, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Or this (1939) ЭLСОВВОLД talk 20:14, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thanks Elcobbola, you are a life saver. I have uploaded this image [123] here. --Anish (talk) 05:16, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Three cheers for Elcobbola! Good call (imho) on copyright of the other image. Also, tremendous generosity to do our work for us! I added that website to my browser bookmarks. I've learned a lot regarding image copyright in this process, and I thoroughly approve the tough-but-fair insistance on "doing the right thing". I only hope Anish will recover from the stress regarding images and, after a breather, plow on with adding more work towards featuring Jain articles. How are we going with the overall process Sandy? Alastair Haines (talk) 06:19, 4 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 05:02, 4 August 2008 [124].

    Willie Wagtail

    Nominator(s): Cheers, Casliber (talk · contribs)

    I'm nominating this article for featured article because it is comprehensive, the prose is good (having been reviewed and/or copyedited by t least 3 others) and it is amply illustrated with free images from commons. Please let me know how I can improve the article. Cheers, Casliber (talk · contribs) 23:43, 14 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments - sources look good, links all checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 13:29, 15 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • Support - with a few points. Nitpicking really.
    You seem to tippietoe around whether the fantails as a group are a family or not. No mention of the family in the intro and noncommittal as to subfamily or family in the taxonomy section. Yet if I recall the discussions as to breaking up the Dicruridae the problem was not so much the fantails as the break up of the monarchs - I don't think it would hurt the article to described the fantails as a family, while mentioning other points of view.
    Guilty as charged - I did focus on genus classification, though I did mention the 3 families in para 4 of the taxo section. I will place a sentence in the lead. OK, I added 'Within this group, fantails are placed in the family Dicruridae or their own small family Rhipiduridae.' to the lead. Question is, should I add note on Corvidae as I have seen some taxonomic arrangements lump all the corvines into a large broadly defined Corvidae family or is that view uncommon enough to leave out?
    The superlumping approach has not been widely adopted, I'd leave it out of the lead. Sabine's Sunbird talk 01:10, 17 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The Wagtail is very "chatty" with a number of distinct vocalisations and can be quite noisy - should be the Willie Wagtail, and what do you mean by noisy? Loud? Intrusive? Obnoxious?
    Aaawww, never heard of them being classified as obnoxious, they are noisy in a quiet sorta way really...
    Noisy is seldom complementary; if they are loud or insistent those would be better words to use. Noise is loud sounds that annoy (to my mind). Sabine's Sunbird talk 00:41, 16 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I just removed that segment. It added nothing as "chatty" already mentioned. Cheers, Casliber (talk · contribs) 03:06, 16 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    but avoids densely forested areas such as rainforest even in New Guinea? Some birds that avoid rainforest in Oz are less picky up there.
    The PNG books indicate it prefers cleared areas there, but is not clear on how absoloute this is. I will clarify I put in an extra line due to it being quite a different environment and thus notable to specify
    Fair enough, I wasn't sure. Sabine's Sunbird talk 00:41, 16 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Although the Willie Wagtail is a successful species, predators do account for many eggs and young. , any student of biology will tell you that common and successful species ar common prey items. The whole sentence seems slightly redundant.
    What about European settlers - I seem to recall them cropping up in children's books, but I could be wrong.
    Yep, forgot about them. There is a Willie Wagtail in Blinky Bill and Dot and the Kangaroo. I could have sworn it'd be in the May Gibbs stories too but I can't find my old copies of them and there is nothing online


    done Cheers, Casliber (talk · contribs) 21:25, 16 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    It is unrelated to the true wagtails of the genus Motacilla; instead it is a member of... not convinced "instead" is the right word here
    ...Isle of Man, as well as Northern Ireland. why not just "and" (those pesky conjunctions..)
    Reference 54 Bill Blinky Bill Grows Up'. I'm not sure why this is bold in ref? (it is the volume within the book, which is a compilation of 3 books.not sure what to do meslf here..)
    jimfbleak (talk) 05:36, 20 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    There are rich opportunities for improving the prose in the lead. This doesn't augur well for the whole article. 1a is at issue. Please bring in one or more of your wordish collaborators, Cas.

    • Measuring 19.0 to 21.5 cm (7½–8½ in) in length"—Either use "From" at the start or "19.0–21.5". (fixed)
    • Semicolon after the second "underparts" to avoid sentence-stub. (fixed)
    • "islands north of Australia"—vague: Papua? Borneo? Timor? I'd say "Papua and numerous small islands in its vicinity", or something like that. (fixed)
    • Comma before "including", or better "group that includes". (fixed)
    • "Within this group, fantails are placed in the family Dicruridae or their own small family Rhipiduridae." Remove "placed". I don't get the "or". Is it "either ... or"? Is this a family within a family? If so, please clarify succinctly. (see below)
    • "It is insectivorous"—What is "it", especially at the start of a para? (fixed)
    • Remove "areas such as". Tony (talk) 13:19, 27 July 2008 (UTC) (fixed)[reply]
    OK, I dealt with the points but need to explain classification. The genus of fantails (Rhipidura) lies in a large group of corvine birds, but with in it, some authorities rank them in their own family Rhipiduridae, while others reduce them to a subfamily of a larger family called Dicruridae. It is not acrimonious or particularly controversial, only an issue of where one places the Linnaean yardsticks into a newer understanding of relationships. I need to sleep now but am happy to receive input on it plus look over text more tomorrow. I'll ask Reworded to Within this group, fantails are placed in the family Dicruridae, although some authorities consider them distinct enough to warrant their own small family Rhipiduridae.

    Cheers, Casliber (talk · contribs) 14:18, 27 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 05:02, 4 August 2008 [125].

    Alleyway

    Nominator(s): Kung Fu Man (talk)
    previous FAC 19:39 June 19, 2008

    Addressed the issues brought up with the previous version of this article, including fair use rationales for the images that were more appropriate and requested (and subsequently received) a copyedit to improve the article.--Kung Fu Man (talk) 16:02, 6 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments

    Comments

    Otherwise sources look good, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 13:09, 7 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Interview with one of Tengen's employees with the relevant statements echoed in the Game Over book.--Kung Fu Man (talk) 14:19, 7 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    To append that, Mobygames does link to two interviews conducted on the site (Ed Logg, Gregg Tavares). Tavares himself cited an article by him in his blog and links to tsr's site (notably in his links and to that interview). ClassicGaming cites them as a resource as well, as do many other websites. As far as the site owner I have no information on him: he apparently remained solely by that username online. Will this suffice?--Kung Fu Man (talk) 16:16, 7 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Given that the main owner of the site has chosen to remain anon, I'm uncomfortable with using it as a source, but as you have the information backed up by another source, I'd suggest moving the interview to an external link. Ealdgyth - Talk 16:22, 7 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Removed the ref then, it would be out of place as an external link due to most of the discussion revolving around Nintendo v. Tengen. The Game Over book covers the Tetris delay well enough on its own.--Kung Fu Man (talk) 16:35, 7 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Oppose: Neutral:

    • "for the original Game Boy." No need to sepcify which—if it was a different version then it would have been introduced by that name.
    That's nitpicking. To a casual reader Game Boy by itself could just as easily mean Game Boy Color or Game Boy Advance, such as you yourself are suggesting could be implied by the bit below.
    Yeah, but that's why the word is linked. The encyclopaedia can't cater to common misconceptions. As for nitpicking, that's pretty much what FAC is, although some problems are really obvious.
    • "It is a Breakout clone and was one of the first four games developed and released for the system by Nintendo. It was a launch title for every release of the Game Boy.[1]" A couple of things here: firstly, the second sentence is confusing. Do you mean "for every release" as a regional thing, because this could imply the variations of the Game Boy. Secondly, both these sentences seem to say the same thing. If it was one of the first four released, then it must be a launch title.
    Fixed.
    • "The game was first released in Japan in 1989,[2] and was later released in North America. It was eventually released Europe in early 1990." Don't know why these very similar sentences are separate; when was it released in NA?
    Fixed
    • "Alleyway was released with limited advertising, and receivedreceiving moderate to low scores from reviewers who compared it heavily to games like Arkanoid.[5]" You know, review things like this to improve flow.
    Fixed.
    • "The object of Alleyway is to clear all breakable bricks". Use more accurate English; "clear" could mean anything.
    Fixed.
    • "The gameplay is similar to that of Breakout." Strange to have a standalone sentence like this that seems to appear randomly without explanation. Consider merging into first sentence.
    Fixed.
    • Again with the prose: "Paddle speed can be changed by holding either the B or A button on the controller while moving the paddle,[9] and the paddle 'which can only move horizontally at a fixed height." Needs someone to copyedit prose to fix the other examples.
    Fixed...
    • Just want to clarify what may be a personal misconception here: "a downward 45° angle". Maybe I'm getting my Mathematics mixed, but I don't understand this phrase. I know what a 45 degree angle is, but thinking this through, I don't know what this "downward" thing means in relation. I can only think of two variables: whether this angle is aimed left or right, but this article doesn't explain that. I'd appreciate it if you could clarify this.
    Reworded.
    • "one thousand points scored, until the player has over 10,000 points". Inconsistency with number usage. Probably should be displayed in digits, per WP:MoS
    That's in line with the large numbers policy on the page you just linked to.
    No it isn't. I used probably as two words are allowed, although I wouldn't go there in the case of thousands. Regardless, the usage isn't consistent. "one thousand" and "ten thousand" or "1000 and 10,000", preferably the latter.
    • "Because there is no battery-backed SaveRAM or a password feature, Alleyway must be completed in one sitting." Replace "must" with "can only". Suggests that everybody who buys the game must complete it.

    Fixed.

    • "The player's ball will only travel in fixed angles of 15°, 30° or 45°." No need to say that the ball belongs to the player. If you've given the three possible outcomes, then "fixed" is redundant.
    Feels more grammatically correct with the "fixed" there. Otherwise, fixed.
    One would have though that the "only" would have established the concept of constant, but nevermind.
    • "The velocity is dependent on what brick type the ball comes into contact with." I'm not sure about this one. Technically there is a difference between speed and velocity, although I think that you're talking about the ball in regards to speed. I don't know if the two can be used interchangeably in an encyclopaedia.
    Fixed.
    • "at a steep angle." Unsure about the English here; tehnically, the angle istelf is neither steep nor flat, only the line of movement.
    Not really another way to word that and get the point across.
    Well, it says the ball either travles at 15, 30, or 45 angles, so which is it? What's there is technically incorrect.
    • "the player manages to get the ball with the bulk of the paddle before it falls into the pit below, it will bounce back into the playing field." Not sure about the word "bulk"; plus, it is dependent on interpretation.
    Replaced bulk with better descriptive term "body".
    • Sometimes when reading I have the feeling that the article's going into unnecessary detail. It raises the question whether such detail would be used if the game had more substantial content.
    The detail is necessary to fully understand the subject in question, and is cited appropriately without original research. It's no different than the detail one could say on a game like Tetris.
    At an extreme example: "If the player can hit all bricks for every stage through one playthrough, the player will get 9276 points plus an additional 9700 from clearing each bonus stage, making the maximum possible/"perfect" score on a single playthrough 18,976 points."
    • "twenty four" Should be hyphenated. Again, inconsistency with number usage as "32" is present in the aricle.
    Fixed.
    • "Every three regular stages, the" Put "After" before "every".
    Fixed.
    • "where the same pattern of bricks appears but behaves differently." Up until now, the concpet of bricks "behaving" in any way hasn't been explained. What does this mean?
    Seems kinda silly to point out they're normally stationary, no? There's not a really convenient way to reword that.
    • "where the bricks move downward the height of one regular brick in short bursts, increasing in speed the more the current ball bounces off the paddle." Just generally an awkward sentence that needs rewording.
    Worded better.
    • "As the player progresses through patterns" Why word it this way?
    Why not? Levels is inappropriate as the added gameplay elements only appear with the start of a new pattern set.
    • "From the fourth stage on when the ball comes into contact with the top of the area, the paddle's size is halved until the stage is cleared or a life is lost" Needs a comma after "on", rearrange sentence so that it isn't begun with "when", if you know what I mean.
    Should be fixed.
    • "Unlike regular levels, the ball will cut through the blocks in these stages without ricocheting, and contact with the ceiling will not affect the paddle." Don't understand. From what I read, the ball would just cut through everything, never returning. What's the point of this game then?
    I've clarified that a little.
    • On scoring, the article really shouldn't go into specific number of points or the methods to achieve them. To be honest, I find the "Scoring" section to be totally useless.
    It's a principle part of the game, and the only real goal of the game is to get a high score. It's vital to understand what the game is about.
    Yeah, but giving the specific numbers and specific methods is needless.
    • The part about Mario on the box is not cited, and is poorly written in parts: "at the controls, but despite this the"
    I have to cite the box even though it's clearly up there at the top of the article?
    My mistake. Apologies
    • "well after the North American release." Watch out for informal phrasing. Try to be more specific too.
    Fixed
    • Looking at "Development", I'm seeing very little of how the game was actually made.
    There isn't anything available. You can't fault an article when information simply doesn't exist: it was a Breakout clone. There isn't even a credits sequence to cite who the programmers were.
    • The "Reception" coverage seems insufficient for an FA.
    There isn't anymore said though. People compared it to Arkanoid or enjoyed it as a portable Breakout clone. You can't cite what doesn't exist and won't exist; even EGM didn't give the game half a page when they reviewed it, only a single column on a page.
    • I'm not sure about sources, but the instruction manual is given as a source published by Nintendo, even though it's given by way of another, assumedly unreliable site.
    It's a transcription of the manual. Transcriptions are, last I checked, perfectly allowed to give the article reader a sense of the context being cited, no?
    I was questioning the point that the information of the site wasn't included in the ref. I'm not an expert on refs, though.

    It's a decent article, especially considering the game's age, but I just don't think it's ready yet. Ashnard Talk Contribs 15:47, 9 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Addressed the issues the best I could.--Kung Fu Man (talk) 17:15, 9 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Responded to some points, will take another look later. Ashnard Talk Contribs 18:53, 9 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Alright, addressed the other issues mentioned to this point.--Kung Fu Man (talk) 20:29, 9 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Okay, all immediate issues seem to have been addressed, so I've declared nyself neutral. Regarding Reception and Development, that revolves around how the availability of information affects the comprehensiveness of the article in regards to 1b, but this seems to be a grey area. I personally feel that it's insufficient, but I suppose it would be unfair of me to oppose based on this. I still feel that there's too much unnecessary detail in the article. On a final note, the lead references the origin of the game's name, although this isn't mentioned in the main body of text. The lead is supposed to be a summary of everything in the body of text, so there shouldn't be anything in the lead that isn't present further down. Good luck. Ashnard Talk Contribs 11:11, 10 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Well actually was created pretty much from scratch, but the diagram is still based in look upon Nintendo's, so I credited them under the free license tag to make everything smoother given it was an issue brought up in the previous FAC.--Kung Fu Man (talk) 14:10, 13 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Reviewing only image licensing: I agree with the above comment on the balls image; the shadows definitely match the images on the Nintendo site. I'm not sure that the Japanese box art is necessary. --NE2 12:44, 14 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Improved the caption to make the box art more relevant to the article section it relates to.--Kung Fu Man (talk) 12:12, 16 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Please ping one of the two image reviewers (above) to find out if they're satisfied now. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 22:19, 18 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support - This has changed masses since the previous FAC. The prose has improved tremendously, and this is a very good article on what is a difficult subject (a very old game, hard to find reliable sources for). Well done. — Wackymacs (talk ~ edits) 17:31, 18 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comments regarding images:
      • Image:Alleyway boxart.png needs a verifiable source (WP:IUP and WP:NFCC#10A) and a complete rationale (WP:RAT and NFCC#10C).
      • Image:Alleyway-balls.PNG contains contradictory information (permission asserts "Free to use for informative purposes. No copyright exercised on images", yet fair use is claimed). Image is not low resolution (NFCC#3B), but this may be moot as image appears to be replaceable with a free alternative (NFCC#1). A free alternative illustrating ball behavior could be easily created.
      • Image:Orig-alleyway-art.PNG appears purely decorative (NFCC#3A and NFCC#8); how does seeing the Japanese cover contribute significantly to our understanding of the game or its development? Article discussion (i.e. prerequisite critical commentary) of the covers is minimal. Prose and the "international box" depicted in the infobox appear adequate. ЭLСОВВОLД talk 00:39, 19 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        • Removed the image...but I still feel it should be there as well to fully convey the game as a whole, as well as the one real difference between the Japanese and worldwide view of the game, as to the Japanese this was not presented on the packaging as a Mario title. Your call though. Either way, everything should be fixed and addressed.--Kung Fu Man (talk) 02:29, 19 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Comment. Better than the average video-game article, but the prose could still use some improvement. I've done some copy-editing, but more could be done. --jbmurray (talk • contribs) 10:06, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      A follow-up... I still can't bring myself to support. There are some paragraphs that are still rather iffy, such as the second paragraph in the "Reception" section. On the other hand, I can't quite bring myself to oppose, either. It's basically not a bad article. --jbmurray (talk • contribs) 10:43, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Oppose, 1a. Concur with Jbmurray that it's better than average, but that's not good enough for FAC. Rough prose needs additional copy-editing and de-mystifying for our general audience.
      • Will a general audience know what a "global launch title" is?
    Changed to worldwide...which is kinda funny because while that term is easier to understand, it redirects to global.
    I'm actually more concerned with "launch title", which I noted you have wikilinked somewhere else but it needs linking or explanation in the lead. --Laser brain (talk) 03:13, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Kicked the wikilink up there so launch title is now linked in the lead.--Kung Fu Man (talk) 03:30, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • "It is a Breakout clone and was one of the first four games developed and released for the system by Nintendo." The addition of "by Nintendo" qualifies the statement and implies there were other manufacturers releasing games initially. Is that correct?
    Fixed, reworded a little to keep the fact that it is a Nintendo product intact without the noted implication.
      • Please find a better term than "used up" to describe the paddle stock.
    Changed to depleted.
      • "The player may have up to nine paddles at any one time." Why not "at once"?
    Fixed.
      • "The game lacks a continue feature ..." Video game jargon.
    Linked to Continue. Alternative would probably be much wordier and unnecesary.
      • "The ball will only travel in 15°, 30° or 45° angles." Surely "at" angles, not "in".
    Fixed.
      • The "type of brick type"?
    Fixed.
      • "... gray and black bricks increase its speed, while white and indestructible bricks have no effect." How does one discern an indestructible brick? You've described the first three types visually and the last type by behavior.
    Fixed, at least should be. The comma after square is to emphasize that it isn't implying there are more than one type of indestructible brick.
      • You've mixed the terms velocity and speed in the article, but they don't mean the same thing. Such statements as "The ball's direction and velocity ..." are inaccurate because direction is calculated in velocity. However, the term is used correctly in this statement: "Whenever the ball starts to loop between objects such as the ceiling, indestructible blocks and/or the paddle itself, its velocity will alter at a random point after the second cycle on its next collision."
    Fixed.
      • Regarding the second sentence above, recommend "change" instead of "alter".
    Fixed.
      • The whole explanation of high a score you can get is baffling. Non-video game people will not be able to parse "sprites" from Super Mario Bros.—please at least link the game title to ease their pain. Beginning with "Since the icon stops changing at that point ..." I'm completely lost. The term "rollover" also needs explanation and it is linked to a disambiguation page.
    Super Mario Bros. is wikilinked in the previous section. Reworded the bit after the icon point to be more direct and hopefully easier to understand. The definition of "rollover" is covered on the disambiguation page however, 9th definition there.
    Getting better, but I still don't understand "As a result the highest displayable score is 39,999, while the maximum score will only be displayed as 35,565." You've said 39,999 is "displayable", meaning it can be displayed, but then you say that it won't display. Unclear why? --Laser brain (talk) 03:13, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Reworded it a little to state only four digits of the score are displayed, that should work with the subsequent icon description. Changed "display" the later parts stating what the highest visible score is to word it a little clearer.
      • "Promotion of the title in Nintendo published material consisted of a segment taking up a third of the page they were on." Who or what is "they"? You don't refer to anything plural in this sentence. --Laser brain (talk) 20:14, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Fixed.
    Addressed everything tossed out here.--Kung Fu Man (talk) 21:06, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments—The prose is OK.

    • Position "only" as late as possible in a clause: "which can only move horizontally at a fixed height" (it can't sit horizontally, though). —>so should "only" come before "horizontally" or "at"? It changes the meaning. Only if either of those positions would give the wrong meaning would you retain the current position.
    • "Alleyway was also re-released for download onto"—remove "also"? The "re-" does it, surely.
    • "Reception of the game has been mostly negative."—Unlike the title above, a "The" is required; but probably better would be "Reviews of ...". Tony (talk) 03:10, 25 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    All three should be fixed and dealt with.--Kung Fu Man (talk) 16:33, 27 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 01:22, 3 August 2008 [126].

    Learned Hand

    Nominator(s): qp10qp (talk); Slp1 (talk)


    When Newyorkbrad left the project, he said in his leaving message, "I am sorry for the pages that never got written and the FA that never got done". He was referring to Learned Hand, a famous U.S. judge and legal philosopher. We feel the article now meets the criteria, and we bring it here as a tribute to Brad. qp10qp (talk) 19:58, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I was endlessly impressed by Newyorkbrad's participation here, and was deeply shocked by his departure. Making this encyclopedia better, in content amongst other things, was for me the only proper way to respond. Learned Hand would have made a great WP editor: he was a clever, fair, hard-working person and a great writer. And a human being too. Remind you of anyone, perhaps? We look forward to hearing your comments, suggestions and edits to the article itself to make this article the best tribute it can be. --Slp1 (talk) 20:41, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Peer Review here. qp10qp (talk) 21:34, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Strong support. I have done a fair amount of minor copy-editing on this article, both recently and earlier on. But the people who have really put in the work have been qp10qp and slp1. This is a hugely impressive effort. --jbmurray (talk • contribs) 20:49, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support, but I have a few nit-picks.
    1. The sections are rather lenghty -- perhaps some sub-headings might make it easier to read.
      I would not really like to insert subheadings now, because each section has an organic form. A big effort was made to keep prose clear and provide a smooth read. The reading-ease figures, which you can click on from the box above right, are quite reasonable, I think. qp10qp (talk) 21:24, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    2. "The next Second Circuit vacancy arose in 1921, but with the reactionary Warren G. Harding administration in power, Hand did not put himself forward." This sentence lacks a citation, and some readers might take issue with the characterisation of Harding as "reactionary." I'm not sure the man had any ideology, myself.
      A ref lower down the paragraph covered this, but I've now reffed the sentence to Gunther, where he says: "By then the Republican party had swung sharply to the right: while Hand had hoped that the relatively liberal Herbert Hoover would be the Republican nominee in 1920, Warren G. Harding had been chosen in the smoke-filled room, representing all the conservative business-oriented forces that TR had sought to overcome eight years earlier". This isn't necessarily personal to Harding, more a characterisation of his administration, which represented the anti-progressive side of the party. qp10qp (talk) 21:24, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Since someone else objected to this further down, I have changed it to "conservative". qp10qp (talk) 15:09, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    "Conservative" makes sense. Otherwise you'll get complaints every few months from Harding fans -- yes, they exist. Coemgenus 20:45, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Otherwise, I think it's an excellent read. Coemgenus 20:58, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Issues resolvedWeak opposeSeveral MOS issues.
    In the lead:

    Supreme Court should be "Supreme Court of the United States"
    Done. qp10qp (talk) 21:41, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    "A gift for language." - Seems like an opinion
    It's a view that all the sources agree on. It's a significant aspect of Hand, because it is unusual for judges to write opinions with such high literary style. It is often argued that without it, he would not have been so famous or so influential. qp10qp (talk) 21:44, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I think it would be best to cite that fact. miranda 22:22, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    It is cited in the last section, where the relationship between his literary style and his influence is covered. But, anyway, I have now cited it to Schick in the lead as well. (Wyzanski said that a Hand opinion was like a sonnet, but we've left that degree of drooling out of the article.) qp10qp (talk) 23:06, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I agree, if it's cited elsewhere...it is no use to cite the fact in the lead, since you are basically summarizing the article in the lead. miranda 02:53, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Constitution needs to be hyperlinked because there are many different constitutions
    Last sentence seems like a quote dump.
    Could you explain further? qp10qp (talk) 21:49, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Instead, he advocated the "combination of toleration and imagination that to me is the epitome of all good government."
    I think there is a better way to sum this information up without using exact quotes. miranda 22:30, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Ah, but might you not then think it was an opinion? qp10qp (talk) 22:42, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    No, but you can sum up an author's intention without using direct quotes. "He advocated strict tolerance of federal/government" or whatever. miranda 23:06, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I think the selective use of quotes can be elegant and telling. There's is a lot more to this quote than I could summarise in my own words. It brings together his attitude to judging and his attitude to government, both of which were combined in his views on the constitution. Hand words it beautifully, and I am not enough of a writer to reword it for him without loss. qp10qp (talk) 00:10, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    How about "he described himself as a person who advocated "[quote]"."? That would be much better... miranda 02:53, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Article:

    hyperlink "Jan. 27, 1872"
    comma after 1872
    Done. qp10qp (talk) 21:52, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    "," not ", - I see several instances of this occurring throughout the article.
    We are trying to use logical punctuation, as recommended by the M0S, rather than American style. We place the commas outside the quote marks where they would not logically be part of the quote. qp10qp (talk) 22:23, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I don't know I am and many others are used to the "," rather than the "", unless you are grouping two different quotes. miranda 02:53, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    history, science, and languages need to be decapitalized b/c they are general classes not specific classes like Applied Science, Ancient History, etc.
    There are two schools of thought on this, and I don't think it matters either way. qp10qp (talk) 22:37, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I'm sorry, I just decapitalized them again before reading this. I must be of the other school of thought. :) Awadewit (talk) 22:43, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Harvard Law Review needs to be ital.
    Done. --jbmurray (talk • contribs) 21:09, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    uncle - what was his name since he had so many?
    Matthew Hale—I've added it. qp10qp (talk) 22:39, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    "Spanish-American" hyphen, not a dash
    Because this is a war, the disjunctive en dash is used rather than a hyphen ("Spanish-American people" would have a hyphen). qp10qp (talk) 21:57, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    But the article is Spanish American for the references to people. And, when I research facts on the Spanish-American War, it's always a hyphen and not a dash. miranda 22:22, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Yes, it's Spanish American as a noun but Spanish-American as an adjectival compound. In Spanish–American war, the meaning is Spanish v. American. qp10qp (talk) 22:47, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Show me where you got this information, because in books, they use hyphens. miranda 02:53, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    It's covered here a bit: Wikipedia:Manual of Style#Dashes. To be honest, though, I don't rely so much on the MOS as on more established manuals. Brian Garner, in A Dictionary of Modern American Usage, says: "The en dash is used to join pairs or groups of words wherever movement or tension, rather than cooperation or unity, is felt. It is often equivalent to to or versus. E.g.: 'current–voltage characteristic'; 'the Fischer–Spassky match'; 'the Marxist–Trotskyist split' ." qp10qp (talk) 03:22, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I understand now. Thanks. miranda 08:52, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    "December 6, 1902" - hyperlink
    U.S. v. Kinnerly" - future article? if not, delink
    Certain to be article. It's an important case, and there's a lot of material on it. qp10qp (talk) 21:59, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    "Hand had voted for Hoover in 1928 and 1932" simplify the cruft
    Could you explain further? qp10qp (talk) 22:02, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Hand had voted for Hoover in 1928, and he did so again in 1932; but in 1936, he voted for the Democrats and Franklin D. Roosevelt, as a reaction to the economic and social turmoil that followed the Wall Street Crash of 1929. - See what I mean? miranda 22:22, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    This comes in the context of Hand's rejection by Hoover in 1930 for the Supreme Court; so we need a pluperfect for the first vote before continuing with the perfect for the next two. qp10qp (talk) 23:21, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    "August 18, 1961" - hyperlink

    That's all I can see for now. miranda 20:59, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I think the decision has been not to hyperlink dates in this article. --jbmurray (talk • contribs) 21:09, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Yes, but this goes against MOS. miranda 21:17, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    (ec) ...which says "Careful consideration of the disadvantages and advantages of the autoformatting mechanism should be made before applying it." --jbmurray (talk • contribs) 21:22, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Okay, striked those. miranda 21:30, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Another "21 May, 1944" needs to be May 21, 1944 for consistency. miranda 21:21, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Fixed. --jbmurray (talk • contribs) 21:23, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The date delinking drive is so recent that it's left one or two ragged edges, by the looks of it. qp10qp (talk) 22:05, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Another point. Does Bill of Rights need to be italicized in Alexander Hamilton's caption if it's not italicized anywhere else in the article? miranda 21:30, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The reason is that in the rest of the article the Bill of Rights itself is talked about, whereas The Bill of Rights was the title of a book of lectures given by Hand, and this is what the caption referred to. However, I agree this may not be clear and so have changed the wording in the caption, eliminating The Bill of Rights. qp10qp (talk) 22:12, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Oh, okay. I see that, now. Then the caption should read: "Alexander Hamilton, whose constitutional philosophy was analyzed by Hand in his book Bill of Rights, published in 1958." miranda 22:23, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Well, I think my new wording has solved it by leaving out mention of the book altogether. qp10qp (talk) 23:46, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I did ask the FA team to keep an eye on the article, but this isn't an FA team mission. We have not rushed the article, I assure you.qp10qp (talk) 21:39, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Actually, it looks like it was part of Mission 3. Nishkid64 (Make articles, not wikidrama) 14:49, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Goodness me, I never noticed that; I do apologise. At any rate, neither Slp1 nor myself are members of the FA Team, though I have helped out with their projects. qp10qp (talk) 18:39, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Yes, but it's alright. I'm more concerned by the fact that everytime I make a comment at FAC Sandy somewhat attacks me. I was simply notifying the noms, not really making a negative presence here. I just felt that we were unfinished, but after a thorough read, I disagree with my earlier !vote. --Meldshal (§peak to me) 13:39, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    It's not personal. Sandy points out unactionable opposes. It's just a matter of giving some actionable reasons. In other words, an opposer has to give the nominators something they can work on. qp10qp (talk) 15:38, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments - sources look good, links all checked out with the link checker tool. I checked this article at PR, but I double checked here. Ealdgyth - Talk 23:12, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Much appreciated, as always. qp10qp (talk) 00:01, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments on images

    Been having trouble with that. Believe it or not, I relinked it just before putting the article up for FAC, but it's died already. So I have delinked the source: it is easy enough to find (Harvard University Library). qp10qp (talk) 23:42, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I've added publisher and ISBN for the ones I have the book for. Let me know if it suffices.--Slp1 (talk) 00:24, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Image:Joseph McCarthy.jpg - The license seems to be incorrect here. I doubt this was published before 1923, being that the photograph is dated 1954.
    The licence covers pictures whose copyright has expired because they were published before 1923 and also some later pictures whose copyright may have lapsed for other reasons. The source shows that this one comes under other reasons. (I'll leave the two above to Slp1.) qp10qp (talk) 23:42, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Actually, there is an entirely separate tag for the 1923-77, published without a copyright notice, permission. I'll try to find it. Awadewit (talk) 23:55, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I think I've got it. Awadewit (talk) 00:01, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    These should be easy to fix. Awadewit (talk) 23:18, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Support Comments (I haven't edited this article until the FAC.) A wonderful article. I've read about Hand here and there, particularly in books about free speech, but never a whole biography. Thanks! Here are my prose nitpicks:

    • Friends and admirers often lobbied for Hand's promotion to the Supreme Court, but circumstances and his political reputation conspired against his appointment. - What reputation?
    That he had supported the Progressive Party and, in particular, run for a position under their colours. Taft brought this precise point up when he opposed Hand for the Supreme Court, where he said that Hand "had turned out to be a wild Roosevelt man and a Progressive, and though on the Bench, he went into the [Bull Moose] campaign ... If promoted to our Bench, he would most certainly herd with Brandeis and be a dissenter. I think it would be risking too much to appoint him". qp10qp (talk) 00:52, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Could we add a phrase or sentence explaining this? My question was meant to imply that the sentence was too vague. Sorry it was too vague in and of itself. :) Awadewit (talk) 12:44, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I've changed "political reputation" to "political past", and the reader can surely now see that this refers back to his running for office on the Progressive Party ticket, which was already mentioned. qp10qp (talk) 16:22, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Good solution. Awadewit (talk) 17:30, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • His decisions in specialist fields, such as patents, torts, admiralty law, and antitrust law, set lasting standards in craftsmanship and clarity. - "craftsmanship" is a bit vague
    That word struck me as a bit odd at first, but I found that it comes up again and again in the sources and in legal appreciation of Hand. It refers to the extreme care he took in seeking precedents and historical data and constructing opinions that logically satisfied all angles. His reinterpretation of the "clear and present danger" test is an example; another is the formula he devised for the Carroll Towing liability case. I think it is hard for us non-legal types to grasp this aspect of judicial decision-making. qp10qp (talk) 01:05, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I wonder if it would be better to say "extreme care in seeking precedents and historical data", then? I wasn't really sure what "craftsmanship" meant in this context, but this is explanation is very clear. Awadewit (talk) 12:44, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I think we have to use the word craftsmanship. There is even a book of Hand's writings, published in the sixties, called The Art and Craft of Judging. qp10qp (talk) 16:53, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • who had risen rapidly through the ranks of an Albany-based law firm in the 1860s and by age 32 was the firm's top lawyer - Is "top" perhaps a bit collloquial?
    Changed to "leading. qp10qp (talk) 01:05, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • At the end of "Early life", the article says Hand was accepted to Harvard University, then the "Harvard" section says he attended "Harvard College". - Technically correct, I suppose?
    Good spot: changed to Harvard College for consistency. qp10qp (talk) 01:40, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • initially focusing on classical studies and mathematics as advised by his late father - "suggested" instead of "advised", maybe?
    I like advised because Samuel Hand doesn't sound like the suggesting type to me. qp10qp (talk) 01:40, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I agree. He was "un peu special", as they say in French! --Slp1 (talk) 01:45, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • A frequently-cited 1913 decision was United States v. Kinnerley, an obscenity case concerning Daniel Carson Goodman's Hagar Revelly - "was" or "is"?
    I doubt it is still cited: certain decisions get cited again and again until they are superseded. Obscenity cases later moved on, thanks to Hand. qp10qp (talk) 01:40, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • which stemmed back to a seminal English decision of 1868, Regina v. Hicklin - "English" or "British"?
    English it seems, based on this Hicklin test and other reliable sources [127], [128] Slp1 (talk) 01:11, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    And don't forget that Scotland has its own legal system. qp10qp (talk) 01:40, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • As Hand expected, Roosevelt lost to the Democratic Party's progressive Woodrow Wilson, though he polled more votes than Taft - It is confusing to describe Wilson as "progressive" when the previous sentences discuss Roosevelt's "Progressive Party".
    OK. I have cut the word "progressive" there. qp10qp (talk) 02:35, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Several possible war-related positions presented themselves, but nothing came of them, apart from the chair of a committee reporting on the effect of the war on intellectual property rights. - A little hard to follow
    Clearer, now I hope.--Slp1 (talk) 01:33, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Changed to: "After the United States entered the war in 1917, Hand considered leaving the bench to assist the war effort. This proved unnecessary, and he was able to spare time from work to chair a committee that reported on the effect of the war on intellectual property rights." If you mean that the job itself seems unclear, I suppose it is. Certainly obscure. qp10qp (talk) 01:40, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Actually I changed it a bit more, having figured something different out during an edit conflict. Now reads "Several possible war-related positions presented themselves. However, nothing came of them, aside from the position of chair of a committee on intellectual property law that suggested treaty amendments for the Paris Peace Conference." --Slp1 (talk) 01:43, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I never really like mentioning things that didn't happen, though; it just gets in the way, I feel. qp10qp (talk) 01:46, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Mmm. True, except that I think the point is that he really did want to join in the war effort, and was very disappointed when the opportunities promised didn't work out. And even embarrassed: it was part of the the reason he couldn't speak out in WWII because he hadn't done anything in WWI. It was more than sparing time, and things that weren't necessary.--Slp1 (talk) 01:54, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I feel like the statements are slightly different. Leaving the bench was unnecessary vs. nothing came of his efforts to leave - slightly different meaning. Do we know which it was? Awadewit (talk) 12:57, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I just meant that since none of the jobs materialised, it wasn't necessary for him to leave the bench. I'm happy to let Slp1 take charge of this one. qp10qp (talk) 16:53, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Hand sought to refresh a senior judiciary that was seen as corrupt and inefficient "reform", maybe?
    Actually, the nasty mistake there is that "Hand" somehow must have crept in instead of Coolidge. It was Coolidge who was seeking to refresh the judiciary with new blood. I have changed this to "add new blood". His only influence lay in appointments because he couldn't sack federal judges. qp10qp (talk) 01:53, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • He rarely spoke out publicly, not only because of his position but because he thought fighting talk unseemly in an old man - "fighting talk"? Sounds a bit colloquial.
    Changed to "bellicosity". --Slp1 (talk) 01:43, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I love that word! Awadewit (talk) 12:57, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • He concentrated on relations with his judges and on cleansing the court of the odor of corruption - just the odor of or actual corruption?
    Worked on this to explain about the patronage appointments.--Slp1 (talk) 01:11, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Augustus Noble Hand died in October 1954, but Learned Hand himself remained in good physical and mental condition. - Why "but"?
    One died but the other kept going. I think "but" is correct here. qp10qp (talk) 02:00, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Yes, but why are they being contrasted? Just because they are related, we can compare their lives? Why not compare them to other people? It all seemed a bit arbitrary. Awadewit (talk) 12:57, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I see what you mean. The books make a good deal of their long life together, coming from the same family and working on the same bench for decades. But we haven't emphasised that in the article, so I have dropped mention of Augustus here, leaving "Learned Hand remained in good physical and mental condition for most of the last decade of his life". qp10qp (talk) 16:53, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • He lost his faith in God as a student, and from that point his gospel was skepticism - "his gospel was skepticism" - This phrase rankles this skeptic. :)
    I anticipated that this might raise eyebrows, so had taken the precaution, in a footnote, of quoting Hand saying this. The more I read about Hand, the more I realised that this was not just a throwaway line. Look how he talks about his "faith" in that famous Spirit of Liberty speech.qp10qp (talk) 02:09, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I would quote Hand saying it in the text, then. Awadewit (talk) 12:57, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    It's very awkward to fit in grammatically and we are just about to go into another quote there. Instead, I've changed it to "He lost his faith in God as a student, and from that point, he became a sceptic". The gospel bit is still in the note. I think it is an important point that Hand replaced one kind of zeal with another. It did take faith to hold on to what he believed when that differed from what the government or what the people believed. In the Masses case, he knew full well when he went against the new Espionage Act that he was throwing his changes of preferment out of the window. Scepticism was a faith to him; he wasn't a cynic. qp10qp (talk) 16:53, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • He held it desirable that the members of a democratic society should seek to influence legislative decision-making. - Important part of sentence is buried.
    Have tried to make it clearer.--Slp1 (talk) 01:33, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Any judicial ruling that had the effect of legislating from the bench troubled Hand, particularly the decisions of Supreme Court judicial review - Seems a bit wordy
    OK, I've cut the second half of that, since we go on to talk about his views on the Supreme Court. qp10qp (talk) 02:25, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I've repunctuated this article's quote style three times now, back and forth, after requests at PR and here, and no one is ever happy. That MOS section needs rewriting so that it is clear. It positively guarantees objections if it is followed. qp10qp (talk) 02:25, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I was specifically referring to the quotation punctuation, which does not follow logical punctuation. This part of the MOS, I feel, is fairly clear. Awadewit (talk) 12:57, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Can you explain? I've repunctuated the quoting three times, so clearly I am missing something. qp10qp (talk) 16:53, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The quotations that are sentence fragments and come at the ends of sentences in the article should have periods outside of the quotation marks. Ex: Learned Hand was "blah blah blah". Awadewit (talk) 17:30, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    OK, done. Brings us back where we were twice before. qp10qp (talk) 19:01, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    A very interesting and engaging article! Awadewit (talk) 23:55, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Many thanks for taking the time and trouble. I didn't think you would want to review this, but your comments have helped us improve the article. qp10qp (talk) 02:25, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    My moonlighting interest in US constitutional law is little known. :) Awadewit (talk) 12:57, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I just went to link the birth and death dates, and I saw a note saying that the decision has been made not to link these. Can someone please explain why that is? We do it so that date preferences work, and I can't think of a single reason why we shouldn't. Raul654 (talk) 00:02, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Search me, Raul. Keeps us on our toes, I suppose. One fallout is that in an article like this which has to use American style (September 12), the delinking has exposed the "12 September" form that we had used as wrong. So we've been playing catch up. qp10qp (talk) 00:32, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I think Tony1 is the man for these questions, Raul. I have been just trying to keep my head low, and going with what seems to be the FAC flow.--Slp1 (talk) 00:55, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Recent changes to WP:DATE (with which Tony was involved) have basically made this not recommended. Readers don't see autoformatting if not logged in, so it just confuses them for no noticeable benefit. Reading User talk:Tony1 should have some answers to your questions, there's been a lot of related discussion there. —Giggy 04:36, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support but with a nitpick. (not blocking but a nice to fix?) The first picture of Hand in the article proper is this one Image:LearnedHand.jpg which is not until considerably into the article. It has no context in the caption whatever. I suggest it might be improved with a date... presumably this was when he was first appointed a federal judge? Are there any pictures of him when he was younger that might be usable earlier on? Other than that, a very nice article about one of the most important jurists of the 20th century. ++Lar: t/c 00:40, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks, but <sigh>. We have spent a lot of time and energy on the pictures for this article. Looking at the talkpage you will see our struggles with Harvard, the Library of Congress and pictures from his biography. The first picture in the article is dated 1924 at the Lib of Congress. This is almost certainly wrong (he doesn't look 52, the clothes are wrong for the period, and he is wearing the same outfit and pince-nez as another picture by the same agency also in the LOC which is dated 1910 to 1915). So rather than giving information that seems clearly erroneous, we have omitted the date. And finding copyright free images, as not proved at all easy, despite our best efforts. It would be great if others could succeed in tracking something down.--Slp1 (talk) 00:51, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I've lengthened the caption–though, as Slp1 says, we have to be vague because we really have no idea about the real date or context of this picture. For the earlier part of the article, there is the possibility of that Dostoyevskian one in Gunther, from 1893. What has stopped me adding that so far is that we are well-imaged for that period, what with the two pictures of him in group photos, etc. Slp1, what do you think of my adding that one? qp10qp (talk) 16:08, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I think it would be great. I think one of the group shots is plenty.--Slp1 (talk) 22:54, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Done. I think it looks good. qp10qp (talk) 15:09, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Some comments from someone presumably someone with some knowledge of the subject have been made here and here. The article's authors might want to make some changes based on these. —Giggy 04:30, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks, for the link to very useful suggestions. I will start by fixing the easy ones; and here is a start on the Posner thing. Not the height of legal literature perhaps, but a beginning. [129] Slp1 (talk) 11:06, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    It's interesting to see an article getting a review from outside Wikipedia. Some useful stuff there, though the assumption of ignorance on the Kennerley typo is a bit galling. We don't pretend to be legal experts, and we've been asking for help from legal experts all along, without really much response. We haven't done any social networking (we are backwater article writers); I never spoke to NYB in my life.
    Some people there would like an article about Hand's cases, and certainly there should be one, but this article is more about the popular Hand. The structure of the article uses Hand's life to look at a series of important stages in American history over a very long period, from Lochner to Brown. The chance to do this in a single article is quite rare. The article doesn't dumb down Hand's ideas, but it is aimed at a popular readership who would like to get a handle on Hand, so to speak. The more popular books about Hand don't use legal citations: I raised the possibility on the talk page, but there was not much input from legal people on that score. We could add them, if reviewers would like, but the cases are famous enough to find easily. qp10qp (talk) 15:08, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Tonight I reread Ronald Dworkin's 1994 review of Gunther's book (republished in his book "Freedom's Law"). Dworkin was one of Hand's clerks, and I laughed again at the eye-witness account of the young lawyer who, unexpectedly confronted with Hand as judge in a trial, requested an hour's adjournment so that he could call his office, saying "My senior partner will fire me if I don't give him a chance to argue this case." Sure enough, an hour later, not one but two unprepared senior partners were on their feet in front of Hand!
    More to the point, Dworkin divides the issues of Hand's life into four "stories". The first is Hand as part of the story of America 1872-1961, a few years after the Civil War, till just before the radical 60s. The second is the psychological portrait of a shy man, lacking in confidence, who was also charming, and whose marriage was less than he wanted. The third is the professional story: what law students learn about how he changed and influenced law in the 20th century. The fourth story is about Hand, the Bill of Rights and the issue of judicial restraint.
    While it's true that I lack a legal background (despite encouragement from my school to enter the field!), nevertheless I think Dworkin is right to see the broad picture; his life is not just his judicial decisions. People who are interested in the legal details can click through to the specific articles, though One is right that these could do with some intensive work (from editors who made different professional decisions than I did, I suspect). I'm still looking at and thinking about some of One's suggestions, especially the Patent law and Posner aspects, but honestly, I do not think it is necessary or appropriate for this article to be a detailed overview of his legal opinions. Slp1 (talk) 03:36, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I've been thinking about and reading around the Patent and Posner issues. Gunther doesn't highlight any particularly important cases in patent law. I realize that Blaustein wrote a book in 1983 on the subject, and there is also a 1940s article referring to his work in this field, but view of the more recent sources on Hand give anything more than cursory attention to his work in Patent Law, including Vile's "Great American Judges: An Encyclopedia". I am not sure why the article would need to emphasize an area that more receent scholars/books haven't.
    I feel the same about Posner: it seems that there is a link there, but I suspect a reference to this belongs more in the Posner article than here. Posner's opinions involving Hand's formula are not widely accepted, so I am not sure why this article should include what seems to be fairly tangential subject. It's not like Posner is taking Hand's work to new heights of influence. --Slp1 (talk) 16:59, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support For disclosure: I had a minor role in expanding this article (a few KB of text, I suppose). I applaud Slp1 and Qp10qp for the phenomenal work they've done on the article. It meets all the FA criteria and I believe it truly exemplifies the best of the best. I'll see later on if I can find ways to improve the article even further. Nishkid64 (Make articles, not wikidrama) 15:11, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • OpposeSupport While the article is strong factually, and the writing is very good, I don't like a couple of judgmental statements in it, and a few picky style things. I point at:

    Between the wars:

    "reactionary Warren G. Harding administration". I think a better phrasing could be found that doesn't include "reactionary". Having read the above comments, perhaps: The next Second Circuit vacancy arose in 1921, but with given that the Harding Administration was far more conservative than Hand himself, he did not put himself forward.

    OK, I have changed it to conservative. But we lose a distinction between Harding and Coolidge: they were both conservative, yet Hand was willing to put himself forward under Coolidge, and Coolidge was willing to appoint him. qp10qp (talk) 18:05, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    "Calvin Coolidge, gladly appointed" . . . unsourced, who says he was glad? Are there Coolidge letters quoted in Hand's bios? Another adverb, properly sourced, might be good there. Maybe "readily"?

    I have removed "gladly", which is not important. I chose the word based on the following in Gunther (275): "Calvin Coolidge was receptive to merit considerations, for he was eager to put the sordid politics of the Harding era behind him". From this I deduced that he was glad to appoint Hand. qp10qp (talk) 18:05, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    "a passionate supporter of freedom of speech, and any sign of the "merry sport of Red-baiting" alarmed him." I dislike attributions of emotions to people, and think that it could be better phrased (of course, if the bios quote a letter saying "I am alarmed", then never mind).

    OK, I have toned it down to the following: "He remained, however, a strong supporter of freedom of speech, and any sign of the "merry sport of Red-baiting" troubled him." He was actually highly emotional in his letters, but we have largely kept this out of the article in favour of cooler wordings. qp10qp (talk) 18:10, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Postwar years:

    "Once again, his attack on traitor-hunting" Certainly an odd phrasing. What it traitor-hunting? It turns up 196 google hits. Might want to rephrase.

    I've changed it to "attack on McCarthyism". He used the term "witch-hunting", but I am reluctant to use that expression without directly quoting him. qp10qp (talk) 18:29, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Influence:

    "Marvin Schick has pointed out that this mythical status is paradoxical." Surely that should be "mythic"? Hand did exist, I studied his cases in law school.

    Changed to "mythic". qp10qp (talk) 18:29, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Aside from that, it looks quite good. Over the long term, I'd suggest expanding the parts about Hand's less popular views, such as his (actually very reasoned, though I disagree, I've read it)" opposition to Brown. Perhaps a quote or two. Be interesting to wonder if he had been on the court, or appointed CJ so Warren didn't make it, what would have become of the case . . . but I digress.--Wehwalt (talk) 17:26, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Many thanks for the review. qp10qp (talk) 18:29, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Cheers. This is what comes of our not being from the United States. qp10qp (talk) 18:32, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Questions:
      • Do we need Albany in the lead, when we are about to repeat it?
    We say that he was born in Albany and then that he started out as a lawyer in Albany; if we don't say that he started out as a lawyer in Albany, readers might assume that he started out as a lawyer in New York City. qp10qp (talk) 18:24, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • The wording on his name is mushy; it suggests, but does not state, he was named after relatives named Learned and Billings. Is this so? Who were they?
        • Learned was his mother's maiden name; we should say so.
    Changed to: "His mother's family traditionally used surnames as given names, and the name "Learned" was her own maiden name." qp10qp (talk) 18:24, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • Holmes recommended him for the Supreme Court in 1923. When? On what occasion? Before Harding's death? (If it is for the vacancy filled by Pierce Butler, 1922 would be better.)
    Changed to "by 1923, Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes wanted him on the Supreme Court". I think he was just recommending him in general rather than for a specific appointment. qp10qp (talk) 18:24, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Because Hand starts the lectures with an analysis of the Hamiltonian and Jeffersonian positions on the Constitution. This wasn't an original research decision, though: it is based on the emphasis in the sources. I think it appropriate to place a picture of Hamilton in the philosophical section, since Hand's constitutional philosophy specifically derives from Hamilton's. Two other considerations were involved: we were short of good images for this section; and Hamilton is an interesting figure, whose importance to the U.S. Constitution may not be known to everyone—perhaps this will nudge them to look him up. qp10qp (talk) 18:24, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Well, considering that Hamilton has been on the United States ten-dollar bill since the 1920s (and various other denominations before that), I think the curious would have probably already looked him up. ;) —Scott5114↗ [EXACT CHANGE ONLY] 19:30, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Except that not everyone who reads Wikipedia is American. qp10qp (talk) 20:26, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    All of which is an argument to link to Hamilton (and to Jefferson). The picture is off-topic. Septentrionalis PMAnderson 20:41, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Could you clarify this for me, please? Is the book you are talking about the "Spirit of Liberty"? Slp1 (talk) 23:54, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The Bill of Rights, I should think. In it, Hand argues that judicial restraint would forbid the striking down of segregation laws; of course, it would also have forbidden the striking down of worker-protective laws, as in the Lochner case. PMAnderson, in what way do you think the wording should be clarified? qp10qp (talk) 00:43, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • I would leave out, or recast, These lectures proved to be the last major critique of judicial activism from a progressive. If a progressive = Hand, this is trivial; if it = "from any progressive", I don't think it's true.
    I think the word "major" makes it true. Anyway, changed to: "These lectures proved to be Hand's last major critique of judicial activism, a position he had first taken up in 1908 with his attack on the Lochner ruling."
    • Mentioning Frankfurter is likely a good idea, since Gunther does make much of it. However, I think some caution is required too: Boudin, in his Standford Law Review of the book says "... Gunther unexpectedly blames Justice Frankfurter for Hand's sour view of the Warren Court and thus indirectly for Hand's damning doubts in the Holmes Lectures about the basis for judicial review. ... With great respect, this explanation rings of special pleading, seeking to mitigate Hand's unsatisfactory positions."--Slp1 (talk) 02:31, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I agree. Gunther mentions Frankfurter a lot in this context, but no one else seems to. qp10qp (talk) 11:26, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • ANB says that "Hand had failed two years earlier to attain a federal judgeship", which sounds like the 1907 judgeship was created and went elsewhere. Please check.
    What happened was that Congress was going to create this new judgeship in 1907 (at least, the New York legal community assumed so), but it didn't happen; the new judgeship was actually created in 1909, when Hand put himself forward for it again. qp10qp (talk) 18:24, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Septentrionalis PMAnderson 17:57, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Question: Should this line from the article (He later described himself as a "serious boy", a hard worker who did not smoke, drink, or consort with prostitutes.) be changed to add quotes like this (He later described himself as a "serious boy", a hard worker who did not "smoke, drink, or consort with prostitutes".)? It just seems like language is lifted from the source material. Remember (talk) 21:20, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    It's not lifted. "Serious boy" comes from page 30 in Gunther, where Hand says: "I was a serious boy, oh boy, wasn't I a serious boy!". The rest is paraphrased from page 29, where he says he was one of "the very obedient, docile little boys. We went to our classes. We didn't drink. We didn't consort with the hetaerae. We worked every night. And we were nice boys". I think that word "hetaerae" discouraged us from quoting this full on. qp10qp (talk) 21:44, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    It's a nice quotation, though, and a sample of Hand's sense of humor; with a link, hetaerae would not be a problem. Some will object that this is not excruciating accuracy in quotations, so this may be better after FAC. Septentrionalis PMAnderson 21:49, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Not sure about the hetaerae myself. In another FAC I was involved with the term "cause célèbre" was taken out because it was a "foreign" non-English word that was too difficult to understand (or link to apparently).--Slp1 (talk) 21:55, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Based on what you cited, I would remove the prostitute info. I can't tell from his quote whether he was actually referring to real prostitutes (and the quote seems to imply that prostitutes were a common vice) or whether he was just referring to refraining from loose women in general in a joking fashion. In the alternative, I would put the actual quote in the footnote so people know where you got that information from without having to get the book. Remember (talk) 22:50, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I don't see quite what distinction you are drawing; but prostitution was certainly a common vice in 1890's Boston. (The same page has a calmer quote saying that he "didn't smoke or drink at all in college. Mother wouldn't want me to." Prostitutes would have been right out.) Septentrionalis PMAnderson 23:32, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    (edit conflict) Thanks, Remember, but there is, as you might guess, more than that mentioned above: Gunther talks further about Hand's sexuality on page 76. "Learned had not yet met a "respectable" woman whom he could imagine spending his life with, and he avoided prostitutes. As Charlie Barlow [a Harvard friend] wrote after an evening taunting Learned about his abstinence from worldly temptation: "Chastity, sir, is certainly the greatest aim of mankind on earth and I trust you will cling to yours"." --Slp1 (talk) 23:35, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Nevermind. It appears you have a lot of support for the statement that he avoided prostitutes (which I guess was a notable thing at the time). I would, however, put the citation from Guther on page 76 as support for the quote. Remember (talk) 11:16, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Done. I'm afraid to say that all-male universities and prostitutes tended to go together in those days, rather inevitably. qp10qp (talk) 11:37, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Support - Not that my opinion matters much, but this article is impressive. Remember (talk) 17:13, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Everyone's opinion matters! Thanks for your comments and suggestions, and of course for support.Slp1 (talk) 01:36, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Support Supreme example of positive collaborative editing by wikipedians. — Rlevse • Talk • 10:07, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Provisional support: I think that this is a very good piece of writing, and a comprehensive account of the man. Here are the things I would change as well:

    • birth and death date format
    Can you explain further? If you are thinking about date-linking that we have decided not to use this in this article --Slp1 (talk) 13:25, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • which Progressive party - link in intro goes to disambiguation
    Thanks, fixed. It was linked correctly at the first mention but not the second. The second link may not be even desirable --Slp1 (talk) 13:25, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • a sentence on where the weird surname combo comes from
    There is something about this in the first section of the bio, but I will add a bit more there.--Slp1 (talk) 13:25, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • just for structure, I'd make subsections: a lot of people (like me today!) will just want to look at the article for his legal work: e.g. you could just put the first lot under biography, and then the rest under academic work.
    I'm not in favour of this, since the sections are organic and will not yield to subsectioning without an entire rewriting. There is a section about jurisprudence at the bottom, but some of the legal material is necessarily bound in with the biography. qp10qp (talk) 13:39, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • I would link every case, even if the article isn't there yet and there's that nasty red colour on your beautiful article. This is just because legal readers are good at coming along and going "oh I know that case" and putting it up. This encourages people and it saves people going back later to link it.
    I hate redlinks, but probably a good idea.Slp1 (talk) 13:44, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Will do. There aren't many without an article. qp10qp (talk) 14:00, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Red links for all cases now in place. qp10qp (talk) 19:47, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • All cases, also, must have proper citations in the footnotes. Don't know if you two are lawyers, but I think this is essential. For Americans, you're really lucky because the majority of judgments are also online. If you can find them, put in the external links too.
    No, we aren't lawyers. As Qp10qp noted, there is a tension about whether the article is a general biography or a source for legal beagles. I think it is quite likely that another article about his cases is required that can satisfy the needs of lawyerly types. But still yes we can add the citations. Will do it as I have time.Slp1 (talk) 13:44, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I think the fact that we aren't lawyers, plus the fact that the general sources for Hand don't bother with the legal citations, was a reason why we didn't think legal citations would add much. We asked about this on the talk page and didn't get much response. Since you ask, we will of course add them to the notes; but I think the cases the article talks about are easy enough to find anyway. qp10qp (talk) 13:55, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Legal citations have now been added for each case. qp10qp (talk) 19:47, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • List of judgments: that's what I came looking for. There isn't one! I think you need this. Just put something in there above the see also section: start with the famous ones he's done and that already have articles. There's an article calculus of negligence which you should link to the sentence US v. Carroll Towing.
    I would like to see fewer lists at the bottom of articles. They are temptingly easy to add to and soon get out of control. I don't think it would add anything to the article to list the cases we already mention, and to list cases we don't mention would raise the question of why we didn't mention them. On what basis would we choose which to list from Hand's four thousand judgements? I also don't believe that Hand's fame is really about the mass of his judgements: he is known for a small few, but his fame rests more on his public profile. qp10qp (talk) 13:49, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Link to Calculus of negligence added. qp10qp (talk) 19:47, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • I think that for an FA (this is just me) a few blue quote boxes go well. This guy was a man of letters, renowned for his clear, incisive and witty judgments. I think that you should putting in a few of his most famous lines here and there.
    There are already lots of his more famous quotes included, just not in blue box format. I personally like the fact that they are integrated into the text. Slp1 (talk) 13:44, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Aside from that, I think it's great article. Certainly perfect for a biography: but if you do these few more things to make it a little more helpful for picky lawyers like me, it'll be even better. Wikidea 13:08, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Congratulations on the FA (and thanks to Qp and Slp for robbing me of an opportunity to nag on command :-)) SandyGeorgia (Talk) 01:29, 3 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 01:22, 3 August 2008 [130].

    Balch Creek

    Nominator(s): Finetooth (talk)


    I'm nominating this good article for featured article because, improved during peer review, it meets the criteria. It describes and tells the story of a short, schizophrenic creek that begins in a forest and ends in a storm sewer in Portland, Oregon. My thanks to User:Epicadam, User:Doncram, User:Ruhrfisch, and User:Ealdgyth, who took part in the peer review, and to User:Juliancolton, who did the GA review. Finetooth (talk) 05:20, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments

    • The first sentence is exceedingly awkward: something of the something in the something of the something in the whatever (or something like that). Consider rephrasing.
    • Second sentence seems to suddenly digress - how about "...is named after (person), who is famous for..."?
    • You use "unincorporated Multnomah County". First of all, the second "unincorporated is unnecessary (though it's fine to describe it as "unincorporated" again later in the text). Second of all, what does "unincorporated" mean in this context, anyways?

    More later - I'm busy right now. Nousernamesleft (talk) 22:55, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Support (and more comments) - prose is excellent over all, some little things:

    • "This bottom land"?
    • Why exactly is "Guild's Lake" bolded?
    • "in the early part of the 20th century" -> "in the early 20th century"
    • "The creek drops from 1,116 feet (340 m) at its source..." - add "above sea level", if that's what you mean.
    • You use "a minimum of 0" then just "minimum of 0". Be consistent.
    • Redundancy: "including mixtures of red alder and cottonwood trees in some areas" - this is debatable, but I like to strive to be as concise as possible.

    Excellent work. Nousernamesleft (talk) 23:21, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Reply: Thank you, User:Nousernamesleft, for the helpful suggestions and for your support. I took your advice and made all of the changes you recommended. I have unbolded Guild's Lake, replaced "bottom land", removed the repetition of "unincorporated" and wikilinked "unincorporated" in the main text. In this context "unincorporated" means not part of Portland or any other city or town with a municipal government. I have added "above sea level" and wikilinked it, fixed the red alder sentence, and inserted the missing "a" before the second "0". I fixed the "20th century" phrase. Most helpful were your suggestions about the lead, which I re-wrote for clarity and concision. The lead included a nest of passive-voice verbs that User:Epicadam had warned me about but which escaped fixing until today. I have replaced them with active verbs. Thanks again. Finetooth (talk) 03:34, 25 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments - I reviewed the sources at PR, and the one concern I had was addressed. I double checked them again just now, still look fine. Links all checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 12:33, 25 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thanks again, Ealdgyth. I always appreciate your help. Finetooth (talk) 17:07, 25 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments

    • there are a few refs that should be combines ("Streams & Water Bodies" is cited in two different footnotes)
    • Are there any named tributaries? The map clearly shows at least one tributary, but none are mentioned anywhere in the article.

    Circeus (talk) 21:42, 28 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Reply: You are right about the redundant citations. In response, I found ways to combine or compress several. I think I caught them all. Your question about tributary names is good. I can find no "official" names. The Friends map shows three tributaries, one joining the main stem at Cornell Road and two crossing the Audubon property. I originally thought the bigger of the two Audubon streams was called "Woodpecker Creek", but only one source called it that. It may well have been a "working" name rather than an official one since an official Woodpecker Trail is nearby. In response to your question, I have added the three unnamed tributaries to the course description. Thank you for your helpful suggestions. Finetooth (talk) 01:11, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thank you for your kind words and your support. Finetooth (talk) 04:21, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Support (and comments) A very well-written, interesting and informative article -- just what an encyclopedia should be. I fixed a couple of very small grammatical issues and I have one question about a street name:

      • Industry section: "longterm economic viability as an industrial district." - corrected 'longterm' to 'long-term' per the cited material
        • Did you mean to say "Northwest Northwest" as in: "what later became Northwest Northwest Saint Helens Road and Northwest Yeon Street"?
      • Fish and wildlife section: substituted 'simpler' for 'more simple'

    Good show! Geoff (talk) 16:59, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Reply: Both of your changes improved the article. Also, you are quite right about the accidental doubling of "Northwest", which I fixed after seeing your note. Thank you for your kind words and support. Finetooth (talk) 19:28, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Thank you, ragesoss, for checking the images. I appreciate it. Finetooth (talk) 03:49, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Note, it looks like you strugged with delinking accessdates. What you did works, but another way to do it (for future reference) is to use the accessmonthday and accessyear parameters, instead of accessdate; that results in delinked retrieval dates. Please consider cleaning out those empty parameters on cite templates in the future, as they just unnecessarily chunk up the article. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 18:33, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks User:SandyGeorgia. I removed the rest of the empty parameters in this article, and I will remove them from other articles in the future. I moved the access dates back inside the templates using the two parameters you suggested. This is more elegant than leaving them orphaned. Finetooth (talk) 21:51, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 01:22, 3 August 2008 [131].

    Domitian

    Nominator(s): Steerpike (talk)


    This article has taken a lot of time and effort. As I believe it currently fits all the criteria for a Featured Article Candidate, I'm proud to put this up for nomination. Style should be good, structure is clear, images are free, treatment is comprehensive without going into unnecessary detail, etc... I would like to pre-emptively address three possible criticisms though:

    • Size: the current article size is 92kb, however readable prose only constitutes about 65kb. So I see no problems with the current size of the text. There is little that could be shortened in the current format anyway, since several terms relating to Roman history, especially in the opening sections, need at least some clarification for uninitiated readers.
    • Ancient sources: the use of ancient sources is generally discouraged as a primary source for a Wikipedia article. In some sections, I *do* cite ancient authors, but I have tried to use these sparingly, and only when a) the statements are uncontested, b) are used as a direct quote, or c) are used to highlight a controversy.
    • Modern source: some may criticize my "overreliance" on Brian Jones' The Emperor Domitian as the main source of reference for this article. However, as noted even within the article: book length studies of Domitian are few and far between, with the only other notable books either written over a hundred years ago (Gsell, 1894) or largely based on the work of Jones itself (Southern, 1997). At present, the work of Brian Jones is simply thé most authoritative source on the Domitianic era.

    Any other objections I'd be very happy to discuss! Regards. Steerpike (talk) 01:42, 20 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments from epicAdam (talk) 04:05, 20 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Just for starters, here are some WP:MoS problems that can be dealt with fairly quickly:

    • The article jumps between British and American word spellings... choose a variation and then make sure all the following words match up: armor/armour; neighbor/neighbour; meter/metre; defense/defence; offense/offence; pretense/pretence; organize/organise; criticize/criticise; ization/isation; equaling/equalling; traveled/travelled; fulfillment/fulfilment; program/programme
    • There are areas that need non-breaking spaces (i.e. &nbsp;) between numbers and their units of measurement.
    • Units of measurement should be spelled out in the main article text and converted both between US standard and metric units. (i.e. "My house is 15 miles (24 km) from the store." Not, "My house is 15 mi (24 km) from the store.")
    • When providing dates, don't write "the 13th of January" write instead "13 January" or "January 13" (depends, again, on British v. American grammar)
    • You have a number of wikilinks that lead to disambiguation pages... you probably want to take care of those as well: Arx; Bath; Corruption; Dacian Wars; Domitian; Expedition; Flavia Domitilla; Forth; Illyricum; Lucius Aelius Lamia; Nominal; Odeum; Parthenius; Play

    I'll check over other parts of the article in a bit, just wanted to give you a head start.

    Ok, I went with British spelling and fixed consistency and measurement units accordingly. Non-breaking spaces added and disambiguation pages removed, except "Odeum", which can't lead anywhere else. Should I put a non-breaking space between "80,000 soldiers"? The dates still have to be addressed. --Steerpike (talk) 00:19, 21 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    All dates have been checked and fixed now. --Steerpike (talk) 18:25, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments

    • For authors like Eusebius of Caesarea. you usually alphabetize and/or list in references as Eusebius, not "of Caesarea".
    • Current ref 113 is missing a page number (Thompson, Leonard L.)
    • Current ref 94 is missing a page number (Di Martino, Vittorio)
    • http://www.livius.org/cao-caz/casperius/aelianus.html what makes this a reliable self-published work?
    • Also, I know you discussed this above, but there is a LOT that is sourced to primary sources. I don't have a problem with reliance on one secondary source, sometimes folks just don't write about what we want them to, but it's pretty much a given that Suetonius and Tacitus has axes to grind and too much reliance on them leaves you open to OR.
    Otherwise links checked out with the link checker, sources look okay. Ealdgyth - Talk 12:41, 20 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I've fixed Eusebius and replaced refs without a page with better alternatives. The pageless citations were basically a remnant from a past version of the article. As for "Livius.org", the author, Jona Lendering, has adequate credentials to be considered reliable, I believe. But just to make sure, I've replaced the citation with one from Grainger. As for the ancient authors, I agree that relying on primary sources is dangerous with regards to OR. But I've expressly tried to avoid piecing together the article based only on classical authors. Whenever I do cite these primary sources, it's always for the reasons I mentioned above. But I could cut back on them if you like. I do like to include some references to ancient authors, as their texts are not only very interesting, but still widely read and hugely influential. --Steerpike (talk) 00:19, 21 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    On livius.org, to determine the reliablity of the site, we need to know what sort of fact checking they do. You can establish this by showing news articles that say the site is reliable/noteworthy/etc. or you can show a page on the site that gives their rules for submissions/etc. or you can show they are backed by a media company/university/institute, or you can show that the website gives its sources and methods, or there are some other ways that would work too. It's their reputation for reliabilty that needs to be demonstrated. Please see Wikipedia:Wikipedia Signpost/2008-06-26/Dispatches for further detailed information.
    On the ancient sources, I totally understand the desire to add some ancient sources, it's just that if you rely on them too much (which is a fine line and something that varies from article to article) you're treding into OR territory. I tend towards the "use them as sources the absolute least you can" school, but that's something that's a personal preference. My rule of thumb is I use ancient/medieval sources for quotes and color, and try to rely on modern historians for facts and all other information. That doesn't always work out, (I had to use Bede a LOT with Augustine of Canterbury, and I certainly can't see forcing you to change out the sources just because of my whims. I'm hoping to find time to actually review the whole article in the next couple of days, we'll see how it goes. Ealdgyth - Talk 11:56, 21 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments

    • "between 69 and 96, encompassing the reigns of Domitian's father Vespasian (69–79), his elder brother Titus (79–81), and finally Domitian's own."
    • "...whose brief reign came to an unexpected end on 13 September 81." - tantalizing, but could you be a little bit less vague, even in the lead?
    • "The following day, Domitian was declared emperor by the Praetorian Guard, and began a reign which lasted more than fifteen years" - I'm not quite sure what's wrong with this sentence... maybe nothing is. However, I think that "and began a reign" seems not to use Domitian as a subject. Maybe "...Guard, beginning a reign..."?
    • I wonder why there's a citation for exactly one sentence in the lead? Is it a highly contentious statement?
    • "Domitian was born in Rome on 24 October 51, as the youngest son" - how about "...on 24 October 51; the youngest son..."
    • "Modern history has refuted these claims however, suggesting these stories..."
    • You seem to use commas very liberally throughout the article. While I don't think this is grammatically incorrect, it does make the reading a bit difficult sometimes. Would you clean this up a bit?
    • "A number of ancient authors have implicated Domitian in the death of his brother..."
    • "...suggesting the latter had played some part in uncovering the conspiracy..." - "some part" sounds strange - how about "a part"?
    • "A highly detailed account of the plot and the assassination is provided to us by Suetonius," - is provided to "us"? How about simply "is provided"?

    Excellent article overall. Nousernamesleft (talk) 20:03, 21 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Most points have been addressed in my last edit. With regards to the citation, I think someone once made a fuss about the statement in the lead not being sourced. But I've removed the citation now. As for the commas, I used these with the intention to improve readability, especially when the sentences are long, and contain a lot of information. But I'll see what I can do. --Steerpike (talk) 01:03, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support all of my image concerns have been addresses/addressed as fully as possible, so there are no image formating problems when reading the page. Ottava Rima (talk) 18:22, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Oppose MoS problems - sandwiching. Images shouldn't "sandwich" text between them. This happens six times. Also, comments in the image descriptions are lengthy, unnecessary, and sometimes include speculation/"weasel words", for example: "According to some authors, Nerva took part or had advance knowledge of the plot against Domitian. Immediately following the assassination, he was proclaimed emperor by the Senate." The phrase "according to some authors" jumps out, especially without citations to show that there are authors who believe such. Ottava Rima (talk) 03:29, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Sandwiching probably depends on screen resolution. I have a 1024 x 768 monitor, and it looks fine to me. So I'm not sure if this can be fixed. I like to include a little more elaborate commentary in images than merely state "what it is". I think this is a bit more informative. And I don't usually cite sources in image descriptions because it's already mentioned in the text. But I could source it if you like (or change the wording). --Steerpike (talk) 10:26, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    That wouldn't make sense. I have a tight resolution and it sandwiches. There is one image that is only a few lines apart, which would mean even with an extremely tight resolution, it should probably sandwich. I just moved the size to half of my screen width and it sandwiches at ceremonial heir. By the way, MoS does not allow images on the "left" to be directly under a heading, so thats a problem there. All you have to do about the wording is to drop the "some scholars" type of beginning. Ottava Rima (talk) 13:37, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Your text size then? Anyway, here's a proposal for a different alignment of images: User talk:Steerpike/Sandbox. Would that be better? MOS prefers that multiple images be staggered alternatively left and right. BUT, it also discourages left-aligned images under second level headings. I'm not sure if my proposed solution actually solves this, but otherwise I think aligning all images to the right will look awkward. I've also edited some of the captions, and cut the images of Vitellius and Titus altogether (in my alternative version). What do you think? --Steerpike (talk) 18:25, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Better. Now, to finish - 1) Under family, first paragraph, add a sentence or two extra. That will open the formatting up and the first paragraph is rather tiny. 2) Year of the four emperors - Move the picture down to the next paragraph, or split the top paragraph in half and move the picture infront of that new second paragraph. Add four lines or so to the second paragraph marriage section, split the top paragraph, move the picture down to the new second paragraph. I say this because the section is a little short and you can go into more detail about the state of the marriage. 3) In the administration section, move the picture down to the second paragraph, split the second paragraph, and add about two more lines. That section is a little brief, even though there is a lot you can say. 4) Military activity picture is 250 px, but other left pictures are 200px. Perhaps shrink it? Also, don't let pictures push the headings to the right, which it appears to do on my screen (Military activity and Dacian war, for example). Add a few lines about the state of military forces, what kind of patterns, leaders, etc. This will give you a new paragraph and you can move the fort picture down accordingly. 5) Standardize the image sizes, they tend to range a lot. If needed, crop the "excess" off the pictures. Domitians statue has a lot of extra hanging around that just takes up space. So does the stone face. Try that for now. It will fix a lot of the problems and fill out the article nicely. Ottava Rima (talk) 19:52, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Ok, the new version is currently in progress, but not yet completely finished. A few notes:
    • I've moved the dynasty box to the Emperor section. This will clear up some image space in the introduction, and fits better contentwise.
    • I've expanded the marriage section in accordance to your wishes, and cut back on the caption text in the image.
    • Most other images have been moved to fit better with the text-structure. There should be next to no sandwiching left now.
    • You asked to expand the administration and military section, especially with regards to the image placement in the text, BUT there really isn't that much left to say. At least nothing that isn't already mentioned either a) in the section or b) somewhere else.
    • I haven't yet standardized the image sizes. I picked a different size for each image depending on how much detail should/can/needs to be shown. Busts are obviously going to be smaller than full length statues or maps. Images of coinage are naturally wide.
    • I have cropped the statue from Vaison-la-Romaine.
    • EDIT: the rock sculpture has been removed because apparently, it was subject to a special Romanian copyright. I've replaced it with a map, although I will see if I can find a better one yet.
    Tell me what you think. --Steerpike (talk) 22:47, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Support I leave matters to technical accuracy and referencing to those more well versed in the topic than myself. Otherwise, excellent work: generally very well written and well illustrated. Please address the following issues in the lead:

    • "While Titus shared almost equal powers in the government of his father, Domitian was left with honours but no responsibilities." Titus' powers were equal to whose?
    • "encompassing the reigns of Domitian's father Vespasian (69–79), his elder brother Titus (79–81), and finally that of Domitian himself."

    I have made a few other copyedits but the text is well structured, flows well and is involving. Fully supporting the article for featured status is pending completion of the minor copyedits that remain. Dhatfield (talk) 23:37, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    The sentences you mentioned have been fixed. --Steerpike (talk) 22:47, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Changed to support. Great work. Dhatfield (talk) 21:33, 25 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I did go back and alter one or two of your copyedits. I think "foreshadowing what was to be his role for at least ten years" is less ambiguous than "foreshadowing his role for at least ten years", which could be read as if the foreshadowing lasted ten years. Also "was carrying on an affair", instead of "had carried on", in the Marriage section. The rumours of the affair were concurrent with the exile and return of Domitia. --Steerpike (talk) 00:43, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comment: One thing that has been bothering me for a while is this: when do you capitalize the word "Emperor", and when not? I'm afraid capitalization is slightly inconsistent at the moment. --Steerpike (talk) 22:47, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Support changed from Slight oppose I think it's got the basics, just needs some work. Still some concerns over overlinking and jargon, but able to support now.

    • It probably could do with a good copyedit by someone better at it than i am. The prose is servicable, but might be a bit wordy at times.
    • Need to explain what Domitian being hailed as Caesar meant.
    UPDATE: I don't think I'll ever be able to fix this. Much as I tried, it would probably take a long and awkward paragraph to adequately explain what the significance of Domitian being hailed as Caesar was. I'm just going to have to assume that it is clear from the context that it is a title connected to the imperial power. The word caesar is not thát obscure anyway. --Steerpike (talk) 22:33, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Same as above about linking revolted and Batavian revolt.
    UDATE: Fixed. --Steerpike (talk) 22:33, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Jargon alert - the whole article is full of it. Folks aren't going to know what a suffect consul is, or what the various titles of magistracies are or anything like that. I strongly suggest having someone unfamiliar with Roman history read through the article. I'm too familiar to catch all the jargon.
    Ok, general comment about the "jargon" complaints. I'll try to cut back on jargon wherever I can BUT, I can't and won't stop to explain every Latin/Roman term in the article. Not only would that make the text hopelessly convoluted (you should try to work in a definition for client in that paragraph), it would go against FA-criteria which ask that articles don't delve into unnecessary detail, and perhaps most importantly, would kind of beat the whole point of wikilinking, and Wikipedia in general. I don't think there's an elegant way to write an involving narrative on Domitian's life, AND at the same time digress to explain terms like quaestor, suffect consul, client,... I've checked the Encyclopedia Britannica entry on Domitian (otherwise far inferior to this article, if I may be so bold), and they also use terms like Praetor without explanation. Most of the times, it's clear from the context what the terms refer to (titles, offices), and if not, the explanation is only a click away.
    While I sympathize, I only do so to some extent. I write FAs on almost as obscure topics (medieval English bishops, anyone? Quarter Horses?) and get constant requests to explain in the text things that I'd rather just wikilink. In all fairness, Domitian is probably a bigger topic (and more important topic) than Easy Jet, so it needs to be understandable to folks without having to leave your article to figure things out. Suffect consul should be explained, I would think, otherwise people aren't going to realise that while its an honor, it's not as big an honor as being named the main nominative consul for the year. I can see that maybe not so much need for praetor, etc., but when Domitian is acclaimed as Caesar, while it is clear from the context that this is a title, it's not clear why this acclamation is important. If it was clear that Caesar was the title right below Augustus, it would be more clear what the entire context of the event is. As far as client, if you can't explain what the it means in that sentence, you might just go for "spent the night hiding with a supporter of his father" which expresses what a client is without bogging the article down with uneccessary detail. As a last note, the idea is your article is so engaging and interesting that they don't WANT to click away to figure out what a term is, right? Ealdgyth - Talk 01:06, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    As with caesar, I'm having a hard time fitting in a good explanation of "suffect consul". I don't think it's quite as difficult to do as caesar, but I haven't yet worked out a good new paragraph. --Steerpike (talk) 22:33, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Here's the definition from the Oxford Classical Dictionary: "suffectio was the procedure by which a substitute or suffect (suffectis) was appointed whenever a Roman magistrate resigned or died in office." then later "Under the empire consuls ceased to hold office for the full year; those appointed after the original ('ordinary') pair were suffecti. They did not give their name to the year, unlike 'ordinary' ones, although they had the appropriate rank and title of consularis." (I can supply the exact page number and stuff if you like) It might work well as "...suffect consul, or replacement consul..." in the text with a longer explanation in a footnote. Ealdgyth - Talk 23:45, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Issues resolved, Ealdgyth - Talk 15:36, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • In the lead, I THINK the MOS still says that date ranges have unspaced ndashes, but I'm not sure, so double check that with someone. I went through and changed them all that I saw to unspaced dates, since that was what was being used elsewhere in the article. If I'm wrong, feel free to revert.
    Endash is spaced when either of the two parts contain a space (e.g. New York – San Francisco)
    • Might be a bit too much detail in the lead about Vespasian and Titus. It tends to overpower the rest of the lead which should be about Domitian. You discuss nothing of what Domitian DID, like the rebellions he faced, etc. It's all him overshadowed by his brother/father and what people thought of him.
    Well the fact is, he was overshadowed by his brother and father during the 70s. His role in the civil war was limited, he had no active part in crushing the Batavian rebellion, and after that time his function was largely ceremonial. That's pretty much the point of the entire section. The only event of significance in Domitian's life during the 70s was his marriage to Domitia. But I've reworked the lead to include a bit more on Domitian's policies as emperor.
    I just found it odd to have so much in the body of the article on what he did, but very little in the lead. I've gone ahead and marked this resolved, but you could add another paragraph if you really felt the need for more. The article is big enough that four paragraphs in the lead wouldn't be amiss. Ealdgyth - Talk 13:00, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I will probably rework the lead sometime soon anyway. It doesn't quite flow well enough yet. --Steerpike (talk) 01:40, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Third paragraph of the lead "Traditional views hold that Domitian.." seems a bit awkward to me, perhaps change it to "Traditionallly, historians hold that ..."?
    Fixed.
    • Need to explain what a gens is. (Family section)
    I've added a sentence here, but I think it's clear from the context that a "gens" is a family line.
    Never assume on the reading abilty of 12 year olds. (I always wonder how many 12 year olds are assigned papers and run immediately to Wikipedia...)
    • Need a citation for the older siblings. Are they twins? they are given the same birth year. Do we know their birth dates exactly? If so might list those...
    Somewhat surprisingly, I cannot immediately find a proper citation to back this up, so I'll have to put it on hold for a while.
    EDIT: The statement is now sourced. Turns out she wasn't born in 39, but around 45. --Steerpike (talk) 01:40, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • For Helvetia (and all the Roman provinces) it would be nice if you gave modern locations also, so folks don't have to click through to the province articles. Not everyone has a grasp of Roman geography.
    Fixed.
    • Probably a bit of overlinking going on. I noticed links for poverty, propoganda, adolescence, poetry, law, bow and arrow, baldness, wig, suicide, anarchy, bodyguard, seige/beseiged, literature, exile, heir, horse, divorce, adultery, democracy, culture, taxes, political corruption, debt, surplus, banquet, dwarf, swamp/marsh, gold, silver mining, chapel, morals/morality, satire, dagger,
    Not yet addressed, but I'll see what I can do. I do like to wikilink less obvious terms in the article too, and certainly broad concepts like "democracy", "culture", "taxes", etc.
    I'd have less problems with democracy, or propoganda if things like horse and wig and baldness weren't linked (grins). Ealdgyth - Talk 01:06, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Explain who Britannicus is folks don't have to click through to the article.
    It says in the paragraph that Britannicus was the son of Claudius.
    Missed it! Ealdgyth - Talk 13:00, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Family section, you've linked "revolted" to the First Jewish War article. You'd be better off saying "The same year the Jews of the Judaea province revolted in the First Jewish War... " or whatever the title of the article is. The current link is titled revolt, and doesn't give any inkling that it links to something besides the definition of revolt. I'm afraid most folks won't click through to the hidden title.
    Fixed.
    • Per the MOS, curly quotes are not used for block quotations.
    Switched to "Quotation" template.
    • Need a citation for the last two sentences of Youth and character.
    Fixed. --Steerpike (talk) 01:40, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Year of the Four emperors section - need to briefly explain princeps.
    Switched princeps to emperor.
    • Same section, you use Egypt at first, then switch to Ægyptus. Pick one and stick with it, I lean towards Egypt, myself.
    Fixed.
    • Same section "Vespasian accepted, and through negotiations by Titus joined forces..." is awkward, consider rewording.
    Fixed
    • Same for "... leaving Titus in charge to end the Jewish rebellion." Perhaps "...leaving Titus in charge of ending the Jewish rebellion."?
    Fixed.
    • Same for "Support for the old emperor was quickly wavering however.." Perhaps "Support for Vitellius was waning, however, ..."?
    Fixed.
    • Year of the Four emperors - explain what the Arx is?
    I've edited this out. Only a minor detail after all.
    • You need to explain that a client in Roman usage wasn't the modern usage, otherwise folks are going to think that after Domitian's escape from the Capitol, he spent the night with a business client of his father's.
    EDIT: changed to supporter. --Steerpike (talk) 01:40, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Aftermath section... first paragraph, are you referring to only Rome or to the whole Empire? It implies Rome, although you don't specify where Vespasian returned to, which should be done.
    Fixed.
    • Need to explain who Tacitus is.
    Fixed.
    • If Domitian's son died between 77 and 81, he was 4 to 8 years old and no longer in infancy. Childhood would be better description.
    Fixed.
    • Need a citation on the last sentence of the first paragraph of Ceremonial heir.
    • Need a citation on the last sentence of the second paragraph of Ceremonial heir section.
    • Need a citation on the last section of the fourth paragraph of Ceremonial heir.
    • Need a citation for the last sentence of the third paragraph of Economy section
    • Need citation for the last sentence of the fourth paragraph of the Religious policy section
    • Need a citation for the last two sentences of the first paragraph of the Revolt of Saturninus section.
    All citations fixed.
    • I have some qualms about the reliance on the ancient sources for the basic biographical details of the life. It might be best to rely on modern scholars for this, especially as the subject is Domitian and the ancient authors are biased.
    Well the problem is that there are no modern sources to provide basic biographical details of Domitian. A historian like Jones has to use the same information from Suetonius as presented here. But I repeat, whenever there is a controversy regarding statements from ancient authors (as in the alleged Flavian poverty under Nero), or bias comes into question, I do NOT quote these writers as presenting factual information.
    The major problem is that Wikipedia guidelines want folks to use secondary sources for this sort of information. I'm not going to necessarily oppose based only on this, but it's going to be an issue if it makes it to the main page. There will be some folks that scream because the article uses primary sources and thus could be OR. Using secondary sources protects you from charges of OR. Ealdgyth - Talk 01:06, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I've cut back on ancient sources. The Year of the Four Emperors is still a sore point (I really need Kenneth Wellesley's The Long Year 69 for this section), but otherwise citations to ancient authors were either replaced by modern sources, or are now accompanied by a second, modern citation. But this work is still in progress. --Steerpike (talk) 01:40, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Thanks for the links, but note that I did use some of these sources in the article, such as Agricola and Domitian, Imperial Finances under Domitian...,... In any case, The Emperor Domitian is already an excellent synthesis of all pre-1992 material.
    Overall, I'm not ready to support. It's a slight oppose until the issues of jargon have been addressed at the very least. Other concerns are the reliance on ancient sources for basic facts and the need for a good copyedit by someone not connected with Roman history. I'd also like to see some of the above sources used, if possible, if they are worth using. Ealdgyth - Talk 14:19, 29 July 2008 (UTC)]][reply]
    Comments between your text. Regards. --Steerpike (talk) 00:43, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    UPDATE: I've cut back further on ancient sources. Out of 153 references (not counting duplicates), "only" 32 are still sourced to ancient authors, as opposed to 56 in the original version. But only a few of these are actually used a direct source of "fact" (I'd have to order a new book to fix these). The others are usually sources to direct quotes, and accompanied by references to modern authors. --Steerpike (talk) 22:33, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The reign of Domitian has some importance in the history of Scotland, so it would make sense to link it in this article. Maybe not so much Greece or Spain, but certainly Rome. Aside from the fact that Domitian's reign significantly changed the face of the ancient city of Rome, it seems beyond absurd not to link Rome in an article on a Roman Emperor. But I was already fixing the overlinking while you posted this. By the way, you linked "18 September 96" in the third paragraph of the lead, but this date already has a link at the top of the lead. --Steerpike (talk) 21:23, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Dates are not linked or not because they were previously linked: they are linked or not so they will display consistently per user preferences. By linking one, and not the other, one of them displays for me as September 18, while the other displays as 18 September. See WP:MOS; either link all month-day combos or delink all. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 21:28, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Fixed + overlinking in general. If there's anything else that should be (de)linked, feel free to change it. --Steerpike (talk) 22:33, 2 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

    The article was promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 01:22, 3 August 2008 [132].

    Vol. 3: (The Subliminal Verses)

    Nominator(s): Blackngold29, Gary King (talk), Rezter


    I'm nominating this article for featured article because I believe it meets the FA criteria. Gary King (talk) 22:48, 15 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    • Comments regarding MoS:
    • Vol. 3: (The Subliminal Verses) is the third studio album by American metal band Slipknot. It was released on May 25, 2004 by Roadrunner Records, and a Special Edition version of the album containing a bonus disc was released on April 12, 2005. Why is "Special Edition" capitalized?
      • Done
    • Add non-breaking spaces throughout.
    • After the album was complete, the band expressed that these side projects "saved the band" and "helped [them] break out of the box [they] were in". The period goes outside of the quotation when only a segment of the sentence is a quote. I see this quite a bit in the article, so instead of me listing every one, just make sure to read up on WP:PUNC.
    • Otherwise, it seems to comply with the MoS. Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 19:15, 16 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    Comments

    Issues resolved, Ealdgyth - Talk 22:28, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Otherwise sources look okay, links checked out with the link checker tool. I wasn't able to evaluate the reliablity of the non-English sources. Ealdgyth - Talk 13:25, 18 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    A lot of FLs use the same sources as we have (we also used them on Slipknot's discography) see Sepultura discography, Metallica discography, Nine Inch Nails discography. REZTER TALK ø 16:44, 18 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Just because a lot of FL's use them, doesn't mean that the source itself is reliable. To determine the reliablity of the site, we need to know what sort of fact checking they do. You can establish this by showing news articles that say the site is reliable/noteworthy/etc. or you can show a page on the site that gives their rules for submissions/etc. or you can show they are backed by a media company/university/institute, or you can show that the website gives its sources and methods, or there are some other ways that would work too. It's their reputation for reliabilty that needs to be demonstrated. Please see Wikipedia:Wikipedia Signpost/2008-06-26/Dispatches for further detailed information. Ealdgyth - Talk 23:51, 18 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Personally I can't determine how reliable they are, but my point is that if there is so much featured content using the same sources they must have been challenged before and found reliable. If the case is that this article isn't considered FA quality based upon these sources then all articles sourcing these sites should be challenged too. REZTER TALK ø 00:22, 19 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    According to everyhit.com's FAQ page To anyone who submits info: "Please quote your source as we're keen only to print factually accurate information and may need to check it." Seems reliable to me. Blackngold29 03:23, 19 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Yes, but they don't give their sources on the pages themselves. And I'm not seeing that anyone else uses them as reliable, such as Rolling Stone or one of the UK magazines. Ealdgyth - Talk 13:04, 20 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The following FAs all use the site: Californication, Dookie, Blood Sugar Sex Magik, Year Zero, and that with hardly looking. If there is even another site that offers the same info, I cannot find it. I would find it difficult to believe if the topic of UK album sales has never come into play before...and from what I can see everyhit is the only consistant source used. Blackngold29 16:06, 20 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    On the reliability of the source http://www.everyhit.com , whether it is used in other articles is not relevant here, and please see this:

    It all began with Janet Jackson. No; not that one! My mum! She had a wind-up gramophone and a wad of 78 singles; 12 inch discs, the 'modern' ones made of thick pure vinyl, the older ones manufactured from brittle shellac. Quite why I was drawn to these as a very young child is unclear. But the combination of the technology, the fusty smell and silky texture of the vinyl and, above all, the magical way in which the music was made was an irresistible draw.

    My parents were (and still are) great music lovers. Having been teenagers through the rock 'n' roll era, they had amassed vast record collections. These were carefully stored and catalogued. They were keen that I - and my brothers - developed an appreciation for music and soon we were off to buy our favourites with every last bit of pocket money. Our complimentary tastes worked well and the record collection swelled. We realised that, with our combined tastes and pooled resources, we were building the definitive (post) rock 'n' roll record collection; every track ever to have hit the Top 40.
    As a student, I took a job in a record shop. I never saw money in my wage packet. The management cut out the middle man and paid me in vinyl! The staff discount came in handy for family and friends too. The collection swelled. Now, in the 80s, I was purchasing every track to hit the Top 40.
    This habit has continued through to this day. Happily, I find myself in the lucky position of getting each new release through the promotions mechanism of the great British record industry.
    The website itself gives no reason to believe it meets our WP:V policy; please establish that it meets the expectations for WP:SPS (see the examples at Wikipedia:Wikipedia Signpost/2008-06-26). SandyGeorgia (Talk) 21:07, 20 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I have no opposition to just removing the three charts cited to the source, that would be easier (until a better one can be found of course). But I still find it difficult to believe that there is no site comprable to Billboard in the UK. Especially with the large number of albums that are included throughout WP that list UK charts; thusly we are essentially saying that there is no UK singles chart. Blackngold29 22:50, 20 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I'm not exactly sure how much of a difference this makes but on the Discographies project page they list all the sources you have provided as "reliable". See Wikipedia:WikiProject Discographies/style#Useful_resources:. REZTER TALK ø 09:22, 21 July 2008 (UTC)\[reply]
    See Wikipedia:Wikipedia Signpost/2008-06-26/Dispatches for a discussion of why various wikiprojects useful sources lists don't always translate into reliable sources. Ealdgyth - Talk 12:22, 21 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Everyhit.com has been removed until further investigation can be done as to its reliability. Blackngold29 22:23, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • "It is the first and only album" - if it's the only of course it's the first
    • "Nevertheless, they eventually managed to write more than enough material for the new album, releasing five singles" - the two parts of this sentence are pretty unrelated
    • Pleased don't use the metacritic score in the lead; instead summarise reviewer opinions
    • Is "exercised other musical projects" correct phrasing? Don't think excercised is a good word here.
    • "The musical style of Slipknot is often difficult to pinpoint because of the genres their music covers; however, Vol. 3 is regarded as their most diverse album." – why however; the statements agree?
    • Why is the audio sample in the reception section?
    • Sometimes it’s referred to as Vol. 3, sometimes as the full name. Be consistent.
    • Some of the reviewers in the reception section are wlinked, some aren’t. Be consistent (I don’t think any are linked earlier in the article)

    —Giggy 02:18, 21 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    All done Gary King (talk) 02:31, 21 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Support. —Giggy 02:34, 21 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Oppose per 1c, as certain statements aren't "factually accurate", but are opinions. More specifically;
    "The musical style of Slipknot is often difficult to pinpoint because of the genres their music covers, and Vol. 3: (The Subliminal Verses) is regarded as their most diverse album." - According to whom?
    Removed
    "The lyrics of Vol. 3: (The Subliminal Verses) include strong use of metaphors and touches upon themes including anger, disaffection, and psychosis.[16]" - According to whom?
    Allmusic... hence the citation. It sounds weird to say, "According to Allmusic, the lyrics...". I'll remove the "strong use", but I don't think this is a case that needs accredited. Blackngold29 01:57, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    "However, songs such as "Pulse of the Maggots" and "Before I Forget" use the band's usual "pounding metal" style.[15]" - According to whom is this "usual"?
    "Other tracks such as "Blister Exists", "Three Nil", and "Opium of the People" combine the two extremes of their recognizable metal edge with melody, with the most apparent shifts being in Taylor's vocal style.[16]" - According to whom?
    Me, ;) Removed
    "Despite the initial problems, the writing process eventually became extremely productive." - According to whom was the writing process "extremely" productive? What can be regarded as "extremely" productive? The composition of 10 songs? A 100 songs? The use of the word "extremely" isn't warranted.
    Reworded

    LuciferMorgan (talk) 18:16, 21 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I'd like to state that I don't feel my objection has been fully addressed, and deem it valid still. At the end of the day, comments as regards lyrics are opinions, and not factual. Therefore, they need to be accredited. I am vehemently against quotes being misused, and am frankly fed up of seeing them in FACs. Take this from the lead as an example; ".. some critics also added that the album was "a triumph"". That's absolute rubbish, as any minor investigating can tell. Only Q uses the words "a triumph", and as far as I am aware, one magazine does not constitute "some critics". LuciferMorgan (talk) 20:34, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    I have accredited the reviews in the intro, as well as the lyrical themes to Allmusic. Blackngold29 20:46, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    My concerns still remain unaddressed: "However, songs such as "Pulse of the Maggots" and "Before I Forget" use a more "pounding metal" style.[17] Other tracks such as "Blister Exists", "Three Nil", and "Opium of the People" combine the two extremes of their recognizable metal edge with melody, with the most apparent shifts being in Taylor's vocal style.[2]" These are opinions, and not facts, so need to be attributed to the journalist's opinion. LuciferMorgan (talk) 17:34, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I have attributed the remaining statements. I only took into consideration the specific examples you mentioned, I should've realized that you wanted everything attributed. Blackngold29 19:41, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Comment, leaning to Oppose
    Some comments resolved. --Efe (talk) 00:45, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Some complete dates dont have links (WP:DATES).
    • Some quotations are not using the logical quotation style (WP:PUNC).
      • Example: The magazine also concluded that "the riffs have lost none of their impact, but it seems like finally the group also wants you to appreciate their vocal and lyrical impact." --Efe (talk) 13:08, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I have unlinked all dates. That punctuation used in that quote is correct because it stands as a full sentence on its own, so the period belongs in the quote. Gary King (talk) 17:46, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    The precedent "that" means that the quotation is quoted not in full. Also, what is the rationale behind unlinking full dates? --Efe (talk) 23:57, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I'm certainly no expert on punctuation marks but that's how I interpret "When quoting a sentence fragment which ends in a period, some judgement is required: if the fragment communicates a complete sentence, the period can be placed inside. The period should be omitted if the quotation is in the middle of a sentence." Full dates are unlinked in this article because they are optional. Gary King (talk) 00:01, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • There are parts in the first section called "Recording and Production" that are obviously off-topic. "To promote the album, the band toured on Ozzfest and the Jägermeister Music Tour, and made an appearance at the Download Festival. The album's record label, Roadrunner Records, posted an MP3 of "Pulse of the Maggots" in its entirety (excluding the fadeout transition from "Vermilion") on the now defunct SK Radio website for free download for only one day on March 30, 2004. Vol. 3: (The Subliminal Verses) was finally released on May 25, 2004,[14] and a special edition version of the album containing a bonus disc was released on April 12, 2005." --Efe (talk) 09:40, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Why is it that there is a chart for the singles? This is about the album and not its singles. --Efe (talk) 10:09, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • The section Artwork only explains the main cover and not the alternate cover. Therefore, the latter fails to comply WP:NFCC#8. --Efe (talk) 03:57, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • I'm not exactly sure how much we could add for a simple picture of the band, let alone any sources. Would simply stating that it is a picture of the band be enough? Blackngold29 04:08, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        • Not necessarily. Even main covers of albums and songs are deemed NFCC non-compliant. How much more if its just an alternate cover. Also, this is not about the band. The image must increase reader's understanding why the cover is presented like that (especially that its an alternate cover). --Efe (talk) 04:10, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
          • The artwork section saves more the main cover but the alternate, its not. --Efe (talk) 04:12, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
            • I have looked for an article about the SE, but cannot find one. As far as I can tell it's their picture in front of the Houdini Mansion, but I obviously don't have a source. So I assume it's better to leave it out then add un-sourced material. Blackngold29 16:47, 1 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • The audio sample Image:Slipknot - Vermilion.ogg's fair use is just a copy and paste. The inclusion of this sample is not well-explained in the purpose parameter and in the article itself, it is not mentioned. Therefore, it fails WP:NFCC#8. --Efe (talk) 04:04, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • No Efe, that's not a correct statement. The song is mentioned several times in the article itself. There's no problem with the rationale here. --JayHenry (talk) 06:04, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        • Mentioning the song throughout doesn't warrant a fair use. The sample is used to present the kind of music the album is featuring, or part of the album. And I see no discussion in the section "Musical and lyrical themes" that corresponds to the caption of the sample as well as its fair use purpose. Also, the audio samples lacks copyright information. --Efe (talk) 08:05, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
          • In my opinion that just doesn't have anything to do with WP:NFCC#8. The caption of the sample doesn't need to be repeated in the musical and lyrical themes section (what would be the sense of requiring information to be repetitive?) nor does it need to repeat the image page. NFCC#8 says "Non-free content is used only if its presence would significantly increase readers' understanding of the topic, and its omission would be detrimental to that understanding." This easily, easily clears that hurdle, and is thus a valid rationale and valid use. It's actually a bit silly to suggest that someone could understand a band without hearing any of their music. The source of the audio is clearly identified as Vol. 3: (The Subliminal Verses) and the record label (which by definition administers the copyrights) is also clearly identified. There is nothing to suggest this sound clip is inappropriate. --JayHenry (talk) 00:19, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
            • using the sample, what do you want to convey to the readers? or enhance their understanding in connection with what is being discussed in the article? --Efe (talk) 00:55, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
              • Do you seriously not know? 1) I've never edited this article and don't like Slipknot. I'm a neutral reviewer. I personally don't want to convey anything. 2) It's obvious that the authors of the article included the music sample so that someone can hear the song being discussed and the band that performs it and specifically the song's use of guitar solos and some more melodic song structures which were previously absent. This is all explicit. You cannot argue that a musical sample of an album does not enhance one's understanding of an album. -JayHenry (talk) 01:06, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
                • Sir, I am only 18 years old and I may not fully learned the nitty-gritty of WikiPedia yet. But somehow, with my constant editing/contribution, I have learned little by little.
                  1. "The caption of the sample doesn't need to be repeated in the musical and lyrical themes section" I didn't say you have to repeat it. The gist only.
                  2. I read the first and section and I see no better warranty of the sample's inclusion.
                  3. This is about the album so the audio sample have nothing to do with presenting who's band is singing. So what about Slipknot? Hmmm. Maybe the vocals. But I can see nothing in the text that explains their, for example, their blah blah blah vocals.
                  4. "Non-free content is used only if its presence would significantly increase readers' understanding of the topic, and its omission would be detrimental to that understanding." This statement does not mean that because you mention the guitars and whatsover of the song, the sample will help readers increase their standing. Besides, its not deterimental to our understanding if the editor will take out the sample (not to mention the sample is "Vermillion" and the text always mention "Vermillion Pt. 2"). --Efe (talk) 09:33, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
                  • I didn't inquire about your age. But I am concerned because you're making distinctions that appear to me to have no meaning. This album is a collection of songs by a band. So a sample of a song is a sample of the album. Hearing the band play a song on the album is hearing the album. Presenting a band's album is the same as presenting the sound of a band as heard on the album. Do you see what I'm saying? The things you're talking about don't have anything to do with image criteria. Slipknot's "blah blah blah vocals" has nothing to do with anything. Look, an album is primarily an auditory thing. You listen to it. Therefore listening to it significantly increases ones understanding. Could someone who has never listened to Mozart truly understand his music? Of course not. That's actually ludicrous for me to suggest, is it not? Despite the vastly lower standard of artistry, the same thing holds for Slipknot. This is very simple, very basic, completely valid fair use. --JayHenry (talk) 22:51, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
                    • Oh my. Pity myself. I still have to "educate" myself what truly fair use is. Since I will be out for two days, I'll consult, probably, two users on this matter. Good day. --Efe (talk) 08:25, 25 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Image review: everything resolved. --JayHenry (talk) 02:42, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Image review
      • Image:Slipknot - Vol. 3- (The Subliminal Verses).jpg -- This is a visually arresting image. Both the article and the fair use rational would benefit from some discussion of this piece of cover art.
      • Image:Slipknot - Vol. 3- (The Subliminal Verses) Special Edition.jpg -- I'm less enthusiastic about this image. It's just a picture of the band. Many albums have alternate cover art, but without discussion of the cover art or any evidence of its significance I'm not sure it's really following the letter or spirit of the guidelines to include this. This looks like just a picture of the band to me, and they more-or-less always look like this in their pictures, so I'm not sure it's even very distinctive. I dunno... thoughts?
        • My opinion on this is the cover art is very different from the original and it should be used to help visually identify the product. The content of the cover (for example you saying it's just a photograph of the band) is beside the point. It isn't a limited product, it's a deluxe edition of the album which was released about a year after the original and includes an additional disc. REZTER TALK ø 01:12, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • Image:Slipknot - Vermilion.ogg -- The official style guideline is: "Copyrighted, unlicensed music samples should generally not be longer than 30 seconds or 10% of the length of the original song, whichever is shorter." In this case, 10 % would be about 25 seconds.
    • Thoughts welcome. --JayHenry (talk) 00:57, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • The "Special edition" is discussed in the second sentence of the article; in addition to the track listing. The FUR of the regular cover art, seems pretty on par with other album covers to me. Blackngold29 01:07, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        • So there are two schools of thought on Wikipedia. One is that an album cover is fair use for an article about the album as identification. The other, more conservative school of thought, is that you really ought to have discussion of the cover art itself to justify the rationale. With the first image it's actually more of a content issue. That's a really interesting image on the cover--what's the story behind it?--inquiring minds want to know! With the second image it's trickier, because another goal is that Fair Use should be limited. Very many albums have alternate covers, or different covers in foreign countries, etc. Most people will grant you the first image without any discussion. Is it acceptable Fair Use, however, that every single alternate cover is automatically allowed, even if the image is unremarkable? I think most Wikipedians would agree that's going too far. In my opinion the second image is really borderline: just a non-significant image of the band on a fairly typical alternate issue... --JayHenry (talk) 01:22, 23 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Whoaaa, I see non-breaking spaces added to double items such as "12 reviews"; please see the MOS and MOSNUM guidelines on this. Only add hard-spaces where it's likely to be ungainly or confusing for a number to appear on the next line. This is hardly the case in 21 chairs or 12 reviews. The disadvantages of adding willy-nilly all over the place are possible text-stretching (especially adjacent to images), more work for editors, and clunky edit-windows. Tony (talk)

    Comments—<frowns and grimaces>

    • FU justification of audio file. There's only one in the article, which is good. Caption: ""Vermilion", the album's second single, makes use of guitar solos and some more melodic song structures which were previously absent from the band's discography." This is not well-written. "Makes use of" --> a single word? Song structures absent from discography? No, songs might be absent or present, but style and structures are something within songs. By "structure", do you mean the formal structure of repeating segments of the music/lyrics? What was different or unusual? Guitar solos: so their first album didn't have these; does the second album stand as unique in this respect, or did it establish this use as a hallmark of their style thereafter? Trying to get a grip on why this FU satisfies NFCC#8 (inclusion leads to a significant understanding).

    Prose: Gary, where are your word-nerd collaborators?

    • "Taylor made a point of avoiding the use of profanity in response to people claiming that he relied upon it". The old noun plus -ing, and here, rewording is the best option—"in response to claims that". See: easy! Can we make "upon" just "on", in 2008?
    • "the lyrics of Vol. 3: (The Subliminal Verses) include metaphors and touches upon themes including"—the lyrics touches? "Upon" again.
    • Stylus magazine—would italics make it clearer for the readers?
    • This—> Stylus Magazine called it the most "depressing and emotional" track on the album. The magazine also concluded that "the riffs have lost none of their impact, but it seems like finally the group also wants you to appreciate their vocal and lyrical impact."—Dot after the closing quote would be less clunky, and MOS-compliant. But more importantly, you've lost me on the logical flow. Why "but"? The quote is pretty crappy, so what about paraphrasing the gist of it and making both quotes flow into a cohesive run of statements (with the same ref. number).
    • The "Artwork" mini-section. I've had a go at trying to fix it. Please check my "whenever".

    I believe User:Deckiller might be copy-editing at the moment. He's very good and knows the field. Tony (talk) 09:03, 25 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

    GrahamColm has given the article a c/e. I've believe I've fixed the remaining concerns that you have raised. However, about the non-breaking spaces: Earilier in this review Juliancolton stated that they should be added, so they were, now you're saying to take them out. Which is correct? Blackngold29 03:18, 26 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support No problems with the criteria. Prose and aesthetical details can always be more or less improved of course, but the current version is definitely well written enough for FA status. Weirdo with a Beardo (talk) 13:54, 29 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support — I had previously ignored the article, but looking over it, I'd say that it is very good in terms of writing, formatting and sources. (Ibaranoff24 (talk) 22:14, 30 July 2008 (UTC))[reply]
    • Comments: I'm not familiar with too many music related FAs, but there are some issues which stood out to me.
      • Organization: The flow of the information in the article seems off to me and I think the structure of the article can be rearranged to improve this.
        • The "Artwork" section seems too small to stand on its own. I would try to integrate the content into the rest of the "Production and promotion".
        • The "Personnel" section seems out of place at the end of the article. I would consider moving it to be a subsection of "Production and promotion". Also, what do the numbers beside each band member's name mean? If those numbers remain in the article, I think some kind of brief description should be included.
        • "Chart positions" looks like it should be a subsection of "Reception". I know in video game articles, a table of review scores is included to the right in the reception sections. maybe something similar could be done here as well.
        • As ended an article with a "Reception" section is general practice on Wikipedia, I would suggest moving the "Track listing further up in the article. Either before or after "Musical and lyrical themes".
      • Excessive use of quotes: I would summarize some of the quotes in the "Reception" section. Some are hard to follow. I'm not sure what "Slipknot still bring the noise" exactly means; I'm assuming something positive.
    Overall the article is good and informative, but not quite Featured quality. I'll check back later to see if they are addressed and to check refs/other loose ends. (Guyinblack25 talk 16:28, 31 July 2008 (UTC))[reply]
    Reply to Guyinblack25
    Most album articles put the prose before the "listy stuff" (track listing, band members, chart info). I guess it could be changed if you still want it to be, but it would be the first time I've seen it like that. The numbers are explained in their article, I don't think too much info should be repeated. Blackngold29 16:35, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    I don't really agree with that style of organization; all prose then all lists. But I'm no music article expert, and if it works for others, then it can't be all that bad.
    I still think some explanation should be provided for the numbers, either that or exclude them as it was very puzzling seeing them there. That and the long quotes are the only style issues I think should be addressed. (Guyinblack25 talk 16:55, 31 July 2008 (UTC))[reply]
    Things are looking better, but I still think there are too many long quotes in the reception section. I believe such content should be summarized as often as possible. For example:
    • Instead of John Robb of PlayLouder proclaimed "Slipknot defied all kind of logic by becoming one of the biggest groups in the world", try John Robb of PlayLouder complimented Slipknot's unexpected rise to become "one of the biggest groups in the world"
    • Instead of Robb went on to add, "Its differing textures make it far better than Iowa.", try Robb added that this album is better than their previous album, Iowa, citing its "differing textures".
    It looks like the reliability of everythit.com has not been completely addressed above. I would also like to know what makes artistdirect.com a reliable source? I didn't look too deep, but I didn't find much info about them on their website.
    These are minor issues:
    • Some of the magazine references, like Q and Kerrang!, include the "accessdate" parameter. I've come to understand that accessdate refers to the date a webpage is accessed. I believe this is normally reserved for when the "url" parameter is used.
    • Some of the magazine references, like Kerrang! and Revolver use the {{cite news}} template instead of {{cite journal}}. This is certainly nothing to oppose over, just my slight OCD desire for uniform formatting.
    Those are the remainder of my concerns. I'll check back in later. (Guyinblack25 talk 18:51, 31 July 2008 (UTC))[reply]
    While the {{cite journal}} template does include a space for accessdate, I think I'm gonna agree with you that there's really no point for a non-internet source. I removed them, and cleaned up the news/journal cites. I understand better what your saying about the quotes/prose, I made a few adjustments, including your suggestions. I hope it's enough, let me know if it isn't. Thanks. Blackngold29 19:59, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    Those are some good steps forward. I wouldn't be opposed to the negative comments in the "Reception" section getting the same treatment and summarized more. My only major concern left is the reliability of everythit.com and artistdirect.com. (Guyinblack25 talk 21:34, 31 July 2008 (UTC))[reply]
    Both questionable sources have been eliminated. I'll see what I can do with the negative comments. Blackngold29 22:11, 31 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Support: All of my major concerns have been addressed. My only remaining issue with the article's structure is more of a personal preference. The article looks to be well-written, well-sourced and comprehensive. Nice job. (Guyinblack25 talk 22:47, 31 July 2008 (UTC))[reply]
    The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
    1. ^ Kingstown, a port just south of Dublin, is now called Dún Laoghaire
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